00:00:00.000what up guys welcome to my reaction series so again in life a lot of times women take l's and
00:00:05.820instead of taking that l and moving on um we have a tendency to broadcast it and rationalize it on0.99
00:00:11.000social media so the l we're talking about today is getting cheated on although women do tend to
00:00:16.120pick cheaters nobody you know is excited or got cheated on so today we're going to talk about
00:00:23.780women who stayed with their husbands after they cheated and decided to broadcast it to the world
00:00:29.980old now remember this isn't like a proud moment if you cheat imagine if the men were broadcasting
00:00:35.100they stayed with their cheating wives you'd be like why you know zero shame zero when i tell you
00:00:41.660zero shame because if i had any ounce of shame do you think i would come and put myself on such a
00:00:47.340public platform i never have shame ever but the other day i made a video about me and my experience
00:00:53.740staying with my ex-partner for 10 years while he cheated on me basically throughout the whole
00:00:58.300relationship and it got over a million views guys on instagram and tiktok like it's gone
00:01:04.540international at this point which is insane anyways with that people have their opinions
00:01:09.740right people have their judgments people try and shame and i just wanted to come on this app and
00:01:14.460just let you guys know just in case as women would rather share a real than be with a simp
00:01:19.660who never corrects them and lets them lead the relationship women constantly are testing for1.00
00:01:24.940control and power you thought differently you can't come and shame me at all you cannot come1.00
00:01:31.300and shame me for the decisions i made when i was going to keep going through what i was going through
00:01:35.480point i get i get it you're not embarrassed and the more you tell me you're not embarrassed the
00:01:39.860more i think you might be a little embarrassed because anyone that has been married being in a
00:01:45.540long-term relationship you know had a shared bank account children whatever with someone you will
00:01:51.440know it's not as easy as waking up one day and saying yeah because i get it you have mutual
00:01:56.460friends i mean you built a life together at that point once you've been together for a while
00:02:00.720so it's very difficult to leave it's not an easy choice right yeah i'ma leave i'ma just leave i'm
00:02:06.800just go yeah you cheated on me i'ma just go that in principle that is what we should do and we know
00:02:11.900it we know in our heart of hearts we shouldn't be there but all these different factors that
00:02:16.840come into play it doesn't make it easy to walk away everyone ladies men whoever stay humble
00:02:23.440okay stay humble a lot of you get cheated on and you don't even know so well because life will come
00:02:30.180at you real fast i'm not wishing bad upon anyone i genuinely hope everyone's life turns out exactly
00:02:36.800how they planned but the reality is and as you get older you will understand this things happen
00:02:42.700you can't control people some people are master manipulators some people are big deceivers let
00:02:49.320people live their lives let people make the decisions that they want to make and don't
00:02:53.720shame people for it and don't try and shame me for it because listen i have zero shame okay all
00:03:01.420right she's just gonna keep going why did i stay with my husband after he cheated why would i stay
00:03:06.280with somebody who cheated you're fat um case closed case closed i mean uh the other side wasn't0.62
00:03:11.760to be great and he might have cheated because you were fat all right let's see who's next
00:03:27.600if i should stay with my husband or leave their relationship once i have discovered
00:03:31.760that he has betrayed me hi my name is kyleen i am a betrayal trauma recovery coach functional
00:03:36.640why do women always become coaches out of their l's it's just incredible classic nutrition
00:03:41.280practitioner and neuro linguistic programming life coach so basically i work on the physical
00:03:45.680mental and emotional recovery of women who have experienced betrayal from their partner i have
00:03:49.920the unique history of actually being with someone who cheated on me and i got the worst and i have
00:03:54.960married someone who betrayed me and then i have recovered with him so i know so you got cheated
00:04:00.960it on twice and you're doing coaching what it takes for both sides the ability to leave and
00:04:06.040also the courage to stay so any coach therapist or practitioner you're driving these men away
00:04:11.740is always going to tell you that oh you just like playas you know what i mean i get it i get it we
00:04:16.080like the sauce tell you what to do in your situation because it's your situation it's
00:04:20.740unique to you and it's your choice however from a bird's eye perspective of what is healthy and
00:04:26.420the probability of likelihood that you can achieve a healthy relationship here's what i can tell you
00:04:30.940If your partner who has betrayed you is somebody who takes 100% responsibility for his behavior, is willing to do all the work, empathizes with the pain that he has caused you, wants to make amends, and actually proves by his actions that he is being proactive in recovery and taking it really seriously, you have a really strong potential of recovering the relationship and seeing success in the recovery journey.
00:04:55.620and that specifically is seeing success in the relationship and the recovery in a very healthy
00:05:01.660way attain okay um women stay with men that are awesome so if a man a man has got the sauce he's0.64
00:05:10.360just a really cool guy then the women will stay if it's enough money um otherwise they won't so
00:05:16.880and you at the time he was having an affair how did you find out he told me what came oh okay
00:05:23.600clean and he told me you guys be more likely to stay if they tell or no and i remember the shame
00:05:30.800and i felt like it was my fault probably was that i'd not been a good wife probably not
00:05:39.200when i look back at it what i realized was that he was just trying to cope he loved me
00:05:45.440And he loved our family. And he just wanted to feel pleasure and connection. And he wasn't
00:05:53.320getting that from me. And for some reason, it is just easier for women to give up their sexuality0.86
00:05:59.680than for men generally. When he was having that affair, all he was trying to do was stay in the
00:06:05.120marriage and not be miserable. And once I got right with that, and I realized he didn't do
00:06:09.480anything to me, I don't even look at it as cheating. I literally look at it as that man
00:06:12.960was still trying to stay married to me he loved me and so it was it was our mutual problem which
00:06:18.920was a lack of knowledge he didn't understand how my body worked I didn't understand how my body
00:06:23.240worked once we learned that we learned technique and I was able to stay present and okay so he was
00:06:30.380a she was probably cheating too that's what I'm gathering from connected with that's what I'm
00:06:35.080gathering is she let it go because she was also cheating so if you choose to stay with your spouse
00:06:41.240or partner after an affair you're kind of a fool right you're just kind of weak you're kind of an
00:06:47.320idiot you're not very smart you probably have no self-esteem and basically you're just staying0.81
00:06:53.800because you don't want to do anything else and you have no options i hate this narrative so much and0.86
00:06:59.960i don't know where this idea came from because in that world there's no potential for forgiveness
00:07:07.160or growth or change. I wholeheartedly believe people can heal from affairs. I've seen it happen
00:07:13.220a bunch of times. And I keep telling you guys this, because obviously I'm passionate about it,
00:07:17.560but because I want to give you hope. You don't have to stay in a relationship if you don't want
00:07:22.440to. But if you choose to stay, that doesn't mean that you are dumb or unintelligent or have low
00:07:29.280self. Because we all flaws, right? And I don't know why we look at cheating as so much worse
00:07:36.160of a flaw than other flaws as people like being a bitch is a flaw eating gluttony that's a flaw0.99
00:07:41.160everybody's flawed so it just kind of depends what flaw you want to deal with esteem or low0.99
00:07:46.740self-confidence or anything it may just mean that there's enough good there that you want to try to
00:07:52.500work on it and you don't have to stay on the same path you begin on right you might say like okay i
00:07:58.960want to try to heal it and let's see how that goes and you could change your mind at any point so
00:08:04.320So please reject whenever anyone is telling you, oh, you are just a total chump and a total fool
00:08:09.960if you stay in this relationship. Because, you know, according to science, people are 300% more
00:08:15.400likely to have a second affair after their first affair. Well, that is technically true. However,
00:08:20.840people do. Yeah, but we don't deal, like, you're not living in statistics. And if you're in love
00:08:25.640with a guy or in love with a woman and you have kids together, a whole family, there are situations
00:08:31.680where people want to figure it out you change right you've done things in your life that really
00:08:37.520shook you right and you change from that point on that happens with people who cheat too so please
00:08:43.920believe in the power of change look for changed behavior and if you want to stay know that that
00:08:50.560means that you're strong and loving all right let's i actually agree with that woman okay
00:08:56.480i have had since day one starting this account how did you stay with your husband why did you
00:09:01.280you stay with your husband? Because it is unfathomable after you go through such deep
00:09:05.840betrayal and pain and trauma. Why would you even stay? Just pack your things and leave,
00:09:14.080like automatically done, right? Like divorce, breakup, I never want to see you again, right?
00:09:20.040And I've answered this before. There's obviously a lot of reasons, but something that I never really
00:09:24.280talk about is how when I first married my husband, this was, you know, 10 years ago when I first,
00:09:30.000when I first started dating him, when I first married him, I was very deep in my relationship
00:09:35.060with God. And I, and this is just me personally, you know, and this is not going to make this
00:09:40.640make sense to everyone. But for me personally, I will tell you how I felt and what I believe.
00:09:46.300I felt like God had a great purpose for our life, for our marriage. I always felt like that from
00:09:51.200day one, from day one, even when me and my husband were living, like living in an efficiency,
00:09:57.760not even an apartment in a tiny little, like basically a studio, right? $400 a month, no
00:10:03.520money, no nothing to barely afford food, barely afford rent. We had nothing. I told my husband
00:10:10.440all the time and almost every day, God has a great plan for our life. God has a great plan
00:10:16.000for our life. And from day one, you know what else I believe? And I said, and I said this to
00:10:19.560him, I didn't say it all the time, but I did say it to him because we talked about marriage. We
00:10:23.600read books about marriage. We did marriage retreats. We did marriage Bible studies. We
00:10:27.400did so much to like protect our marriage from yeah a lot of times we take our eye off the prize
00:10:32.860and start focusing on other things other people that are important that we lose sight of you know
00:10:38.560the the men we love so a lot of women lose their husbands because they were too busy doing other1.00
00:10:43.800things if there's any guys watching put in the comments what your wife was focused on instead
00:10:48.840of you if you ever cheated destruction to protect our marriage from you know just not making it
00:10:53.840Right. Um, I told him, God forbid one of us has an affair one day, God forbid. I said, you know,
00:11:01.340I do believe marriages can work, work out, work through that. I do believe that it is possible to
00:11:07.820have successful marriages after affairs. Okay. And that was really just because I would listen
00:11:14.980to these radio shows, these Christian radio shows. And I would always be hearing stories
00:11:19.620of husbands and wives who there was an affair either on the wife's part or the husband's part
00:11:24.540and they overcame that together and they conquered that betrayal and they came out stronger right
00:11:31.760I had no idea what that was like I had no idea like how like how do you go about doing that
00:11:36.520and I really really really truly in my life never thought that that never thought that
00:11:41.160would happen to me I never thought but I did believe it was possible okay and it's kind of
00:11:46.160weird i even would think about that considering i had this husband who was really in my eyes
00:11:52.700every minute of every day extremely faithful so it's weird that i would even have those thoughts
00:11:57.280in my head but i think it was just i kind of knew it was a reality and i knew what happened in
00:12:01.540marriages and no one gets married expecting betrayal no one gets married expecting i don't
00:12:07.120know some guys nobody gets married expecting i'm gonna cheat my husband's gonna cheat or my wife
00:12:13.660i don't know some people cheat like if they cheat before they'll probably cheat out here
00:12:18.380but yet it still happens right it still happens so i i tried to like just keep that in the back
00:12:23.260of my head like i felt like god was always just telling me things just about marriage in general
00:12:27.580like pray for your husband and do this and do that and like be faithful um like be faithful to god
00:12:34.060right and just like trust in him and lean on him and if you have a problem like take it to god first
00:12:39.420and then take it to your husband or do this or that whatever so i really lived my life like that
00:12:44.020i mean i tried to i failed a lot but then i over time got better at it and you know my faith got
00:12:48.940stronger like in the lord um but then we started to hit the rocks we started to hit the bumps in
00:12:53.620the road right and at this at that point when those things started happening i had no idea why
00:12:58.180i didn't know like i was like our marriage should be getting better but it's not it's getting worse
00:13:02.620you know what's happening we stopped going to church as much we started having kids finances
00:13:07.740got worse which as you guys know money is one of the number one like problems in a marriage
00:13:12.040but we agreed on so much so it didn't make sense that our marriage was going through problems like
00:13:17.700we agreed really on almost everything right or we could compromise on almost everything so it just
00:13:23.820didn't make sense and there was always something I knew was missing but I wasn't really sure what
00:13:27.220it was and so you know but I still knew and and I don't I don't know why I don't know why but I
00:13:33.720still knew. And I told my husband all the time, I said, God has a great purpose for our life. God
00:13:38.940has a great purpose, great plan for our life. Um, and I still said that even, even the nights
00:13:45.040that I was like on the bathroom floor crying, like just distraught, like confused. Like this
00:13:50.740would be again, before my discovery day, this was before that God told me repeatedly, literally all
00:13:57.460the time, I would ask for answers. And if you're a Christian, you know, I would ask for answers
00:14:02.340and I wouldn't get them I would ask God for answers what is going on in my marriage why is
00:14:09.500this happening why is that happening why do I feel this way you know whatever just show me just tell
00:14:15.120me I need to know I'm tired of living in the dark and he and he wouldn't tell me anyone and I and I
00:14:20.040got very frustrated but right but I just said okay I'm just going to keep praying for my husband
00:14:24.580I'm just going to keep praying for him right even if things really are really oh that's a really
00:14:31.380interesting point of view like how many women would not get spiteful that's that's difficult
00:14:37.400that's a really difficult thing to not do looking good like really really really not looking good
00:14:41.720i knew god had a great plan for our marriage i knew that he did because i i believed that and
00:14:46.600i heard that from day one and maybe that's just delusion maybe i was just delusional but
00:14:50.360because i do believe in god i don't think it was delusional i think it was really god telling me
00:14:55.220that i think it was god preparing me i think the things that he told me early on in our marriage
00:15:00.280that, again, I didn't even know why I felt or thought about those things. I think that it was
00:15:05.600him preparing me for what was to come in 10 years, right? And then when everything came out,
00:15:11.940you know, I, everything in me, my logic and my reaction was, I need to leave. I need to get out
00:15:22.080of this. I cannot, I thought, this is divorce. This is the, this is, we're getting a divorce,
00:15:27.920You know, that was my first reaction was like, there is no way there is no coming back from