Pearl - This Is How Modern Women RUIN Their Children

00:00:00.000 The one thing that I get annoyed with is that, you know, women still control the narrative in

00:00:06.200 mainstream media when it comes to many things in society. And the idea is that everything is the

00:00:11.840 man's fault and it comes from this trend. It's the men's fault for the divorce because the women

00:00:16.460 aren't happy. You men are solely responsible for making a woman happy. It's men's fault for single

00:00:22.420 mothers because men don't stay. And when it comes to parenting, the narrative has created the myth

00:00:28.340 that fathers are not needed and that mothers are superior to parents, superior parents to fathers

00:00:34.680 because they're a woman. This has put all of the accountability for childhood trauma on fathers

00:00:39.640 while letting mothers get away with everything. Everything. Professionals and influencers always

00:00:46.040 talk about daddy issues and the shortcomings of their fathers, but they never talk about the

00:00:50.820 traumas that mothers inflict on their own children. That is what we are going to talk about on today's

00:00:56.080 show. Mother trauma. Mother trauma refers to the psychological and emotional harm experienced

00:01:02.740 by a child due to the mother's neglect or actions. This can include a wide range of expressions such

00:01:10.280 as physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, neglect, abandonment, and witnessing domestic violence.

00:01:17.000 Mother trauma can have the longest lasting effects on a child that can include anxiety and depression,

00:01:22.520 low self-esteem and insecurity, difficulty with attachment and relationships, trust issues,

00:01:28.500 problems with intimacy, substance abuse, and eating disorders. These effects are only made worse by the

00:01:34.240 mother's inability to take accountability for the harm that they've done to their child.

00:01:38.380 If the child asks any questions about how their mother treated them when they got older,

00:01:42.680 they will usually get gaslit and lied to. Mothers that have inflicted mother wounds on their children

00:01:49.060 will, number one, they'll deny it happened. You know, we have Casey Anthony on TikTok now.

00:01:55.820 That woman murdered her child and is denying that it happened. And this isn't unique to Casey Anthony.

00:02:02.800 Women do terrible things to their children. And when they get older and do, it's like they get offended

00:02:08.700 when you remember. It's like, mom, do you remember when you did that? And then they get mad at you like

00:02:14.500 you did it. They'll be unwilling to have a conversation about the trauma. They'll rewrite history

00:02:20.200 and use sigh language, shame, insult, guilt, and the need to be right. And what they'll do is they'll

00:02:26.020 lie to save their reputation to themselves, their children, and other members of the family.

00:02:31.500 And any child that wakes up to the mother's manipulation, the mother will make that kid's life

00:02:38.640 a living hell. Mothers that inflict trauma on their child reverse the nurturing contract between

00:02:44.600 themselves and their children. In most circumstances, the mother is supposed to be doing what is necessary

00:02:50.420 to cultivate and reinforce the emotional development of a kid. In cases of mother trauma, the child has

00:02:57.560 to cultivate and reinforce the emotions of their mother. The child must have endless praise on the

00:03:05.580 mother from when they are young and far into adulthood. This leaves the child emotionally

00:03:10.160 and mentally stunted and unprepared for the world as an adult. I hope that one day in the U.S.,

00:03:16.260 society judges mothers as harshly as they judge fathers. The mothers can do no wrong. Culture in

00:03:22.080 America really has got to stop. Giving mothers the benefit of the doubt in all circumstances really

00:03:27.620 needs to stop. She did the best she could, needs to stop. Mothers need to be held accountable for the

00:03:33.700 damage that they are doing to their children. So I'm going to read an article and it's 10 signs of

00:03:39.600 a narcissistic mother. Moms are supporting. Oh, no, it's a video. One second, guys. I'm going to play

00:03:45.620 my mixtape again, whether you like it or not, while I get up. Unless this, my iPad isn't working

00:03:52.380 recently, so I haven't been able to flip the camera. It is what it is. Give me a second. We're going to.

00:03:59.080 And I'm crying on the bathroom floor, wishing I didn't leave. This love is expired, but I still

00:04:09.540 desire a refill, a refill. Cause you're addictive. Side effects include missing you. Loss of appetite,

00:04:21.560 sleepless nights and trust issues. You're high risk. I'm a love addict. This feeling is fatal.

00:04:35.020 Okay. Now we're going to. Here we go. Friday, guys. My producer is back. I'm so excited. Dear God,

00:04:41.680 I have done the best I can, but I am not meant for this tech stuff. I'm really not.

00:04:46.700 Supposed to be supportive and nurturing, but what happens when the very woman that should be your

00:04:51.920 number one fan is actually your number one adversary? And if you're like most people, you slip into this

00:04:58.440 confusing, guilt-ridden mess. And that's why in today's episode, you're going to learn the 10 signs

00:05:03.660 that your mother is a narcissist. And these are the signs that every single one of my students has

00:05:09.780 experienced, but just couldn't make sense of. But I want you to please note that Christianity isn't

00:05:15.160 about just slapping a love label on someone and ignoring all the damage that they caused.

00:05:20.800 And nor is our time together meant to be a mom bashing episode, but rather I want you to allow

00:05:26.560 God to bring to light what the enemy is trying to keep in darkness. So in doing so, you can now have

00:05:31.880 an accurate assessment of your situation and honor God in your interactions. So let's dive into the 10

00:05:38.560 signs. And I'm really curious to hear what you think about number 10. Number one, she sees you

00:05:45.060 as an extension of her. Imagine how someone would feel if they weren't allowed to have their own

00:05:51.200 identity, weren't able to make their own choices without upsetting someone. In my world, that leads

00:05:56.680 to a codependent performance-driven mess. Narcissistic mothers often live their life through their

00:06:04.380 children. Maybe mom always wanted to be the popular one, so she pushed you to always look pretty. Or she

00:06:11.320 didn't finish college. So now you had to go on to some prestigious school so she can have bragging

00:06:17.700 rights. And most of us moms like to be proud of our children's choices. But narcissistic moms take this

00:06:24.720 to a toxic level. You're a reflection of her. So therefore, you must make choices based on

00:06:31.340 narcissistic mothers care more about their reputation than the welfare of their kids. That's generally what

00:06:38.280 it comes down to on her preferences. Number two, she's critical. Look, not all critical people

00:06:44.520 are narcissists, but all narcissists are critical. And she likely has something to say about everyone

00:06:50.260 and everything. And in doing so, positions herself as superior. And this can be through overtly

00:06:56.380 criticizing someone or you for their choices or passive-aggressively making comments about someone

00:07:02.420 else in an attempt to make sure to get the message to you. But ironically, if you have any criticism

00:07:08.660 or complaint about her, you will get met with a toxic reaction as you are now creating a crack in her

00:07:16.140 fragile facade. And number three, she has toxic reactions. Look, we can all overreact or react poorly

00:07:23.580 from time to time. But narcissistic mothers will maintain this radioactivity as her MO. And you can

00:07:30.180 likely predict that she will have a defensive stonewalling victim-like reaction if you attempt

00:07:35.240 to bring anything to her attention that she doesn't want to hear. And narcissistic mothers cannot and will

00:07:42.040 not look at themselves. So if you challenge her delusion, the response will be radioactive.

00:07:48.100 Nothing is ever her fault. And if you ever try to argue otherwise, you will get met with the victim

00:07:55.040 and martyr. Number four, she lacks empathy. Narcissistic mothers will fake empathy with their sweet,

00:08:03.180 high-pitched voices and their feigned sincerity. But it's all an act. When push comes to shove,

00:08:10.140 she can't fake it anymore. She doesn't care about what you're going through, especially if it

00:08:16.180 inconveniences her or worse pertains to her. And some of these moms have realized just how selfish

00:08:22.500 they appear. So they will make excuses like, oh, I have something so much more devastating to deal

00:08:28.640 with and thereby making you the problem because you don't now have empathy for what she's going

00:08:34.780 through. If you've struggled under the weight of a toxic mother and want to break free to all that

00:08:40.160 God has for you, I want to encourage you to check out my online course called the Toxic Mother Survival

00:08:46.240 Course. Or we also have another course called How to Heal from a Toxic Mother, Restoring Your Life

00:08:52.580 Through Faith. I will go ahead and include links in the description section below. And number five,

00:08:58.320 she doesn't respect your boundaries. Narcissistic mothers do not take no for an answer.

00:09:04.040 Your boundaries are perceived as a personal slight towards her. Because after all, I'm your mother.

00:09:10.960 Whether she's sharing your personal information to others or overriding your preferences,

00:09:15.280 she believes that you should cower to her commands. And since narcissistic mothers still view their adult

00:09:22.060 children as young children, they believe wholeheartedly that they have free reign over your life and you.

00:09:29.360 Yeah. You know, fathers will give kids the information and let the children make their own

00:09:36.420 mistakes. Mothers cannot let their kids fail. And if their kids fail, they are not concerned about their

00:09:44.160 kids failing. They're concerned about how it looks on them. Oh, them. And here's where you're going to

00:09:51.480 get met with a manipulative comment like you're supposed to honor and obey me or what kind of Christian

00:09:58.140 treats their mother. Oh, that that one triggered me. You're supposed to honor me. I hate Christian

00:10:05.440 women. They always do this this way. All of this is in an attempt to disregard your limits and shame

00:10:13.120 you into feeling like a bad person. Number six, she wears a mask. Narcissistic mothers have several

00:10:21.360 facades that they try to uphold. And this can be done easily for a short period in public. But get behind

00:10:27.760 closed doors in private. And you're going to see that mask slip or fall off completely. Their public

00:10:35.060 persona is in stark contrast to their private one. And this is why it makes your skin fall when you hear

00:10:45.020 people say, Oh, your mother's so great. Oh, she's so sweet. And you think, if you only knew. And number

00:10:52.920 seven, she believes that others are jealous of her. Mom having trouble keeping friends long term? No,

00:10:59.280 I'm not talking about those equally toxic girls that she's been friends with since college. I'm

00:11:03.780 talking about a constant revolving door of people in and out of her life. Narcissists can't have genuine

00:11:10.260 connection with others. So when those people end up leaving, which they always do, the narrative that

00:11:17.300 sounds best in her mind is, Oh, she was just jealous of me. That leads to number eight. She's entitled and

00:11:25.240 self important. And this trait can be overt or covert. The overt will be a bit more histrionic in her

00:11:32.320 behavior, making overt displays to get attention. Maybe that's dancing inappropriately at a party or bragging

00:11:38.480 to anyone with an ear or treating people that she deems inferior, like trash. The covert narcissist may not be as

00:11:45.860 obnoxious in her expressions, but make no mistake. She will exude superiority over others, especially

00:11:52.820 watch for number 10. But first into number nine, she distorts reality, otherwise known as gaslighting.

00:12:00.180 You can't have a healthy conversation with a narcissistic mother because she is always telling

00:12:04.800 you that you're remembering things wrong. Whether she denies saying or doing something or just calls you

00:12:10.640 too sensitive when you try to raise an issue. Narcissistic mothers don't desire genuine

00:12:15.620 connection. I know they say they do. They desire admiration. And if you're questioning her challenges

00:12:21.920 that she will flip the script on you faster than a fried cook flips hotcakes. And number 10,

00:12:27.960 she has weird facial expressions. Okay. So this one isn't so much proven, but in my experience,

00:12:35.460 I've seen most narcissistic mothers with these almost uncontrollable facial expressions that

00:12:42.800 reveal their contempt for others. From eye rolls to snarky smirks to eye flutters. Can't even do it if

00:12:53.140 I tried. These are all signs of disdain and disapproval towards others. They truly think that they're better

00:13:01.000 than others, including you. Okay. So dare I ask, how many signs have you seen so far? Let me know in the

00:13:08.480 comments below. And did you know that growing up with a narcissistic mother can actually lead to

00:13:14.440 people pleasing? Where you're always saying yes and I'm sorry. What is mama trauma? You may ask. I believe

00:13:21.580 it is really what happens to us when we have parents and oftentimes our primary caregivers who really do

00:13:29.380 struggle with disorders like borderline narcissism, their own wounding or mental health issues. Maybe,

00:13:36.180 you know, trauma issues. But whatever happens is that over time, it's not a one-time event. It's a chronic

00:13:43.340 classic CPTSD dynamic where there's chronic interpersonal trauma, often between you and your caregiver,

00:13:51.720 which it may be an auntie or grandmother, but it really is that mother role. And I'm going to make

00:13:57.860 other videos on what I call Papa trauma, which is about trauma with our fathers, but I'm going to

00:14:02.640 finish out this part with mama trauma. So before I get started though, I'm a clinical psychologist and

00:14:08.360 this channel really focuses on attachment, relationships, childhood trauma, and there seems to be a real

00:14:15.360 interest in terms of understanding our primary caregivers and the wounds they can create in us as

00:14:20.860 children, especially if they are people who struggle with their own disorders. So that is what this

00:14:27.160 whole series about mama trauma we'll be exploring. Please feel free to click the bell. And that way,

00:14:33.080 if you want to subscribe, you'll get notified when I post new videos. Okay. So this video is really

00:14:39.560 about the top seven signs. You know, if we're talking about, do I have mama trauma? What does that really

00:14:46.420 mean? There's a certain sort of description of the way we engage with a parent who has chronic,

00:14:53.160 you know, relationship issues, being parents who are consistent and stable and available.

00:14:59.080 No parent is perfect. As I literally will keep saying, we all screw up sometimes, but these are

00:15:04.480 parents who you can say hurtful things, who can do hurtful things, who were unreliable. And I'm not

00:15:09.520 talking about, like I said, in a certain period of time where we all are struggling. But when you look

00:15:14.020 back over your childhood, there's like a certain way you would describe the relationship and the odds are

00:15:19.460 very good. Today, you're still in the trauma bond with a parent like this. So if you're wondering,

00:15:25.820 do I really have some mama trauma? These to me are the signs. The first sign is that you would describe

00:15:32.040 your parent, your mother, your mother role as challenging, as crazy, as difficult, as unreasonable,

00:15:39.520 as unpredictable. And that would be a label you will use to describe the majority of the time with

00:15:45.360 them. Now, not all of the time with them. As I've said in the videos about borderline moms,

00:15:50.580 with borderlines especially, there can be more of that good love, that good relationship. And so it

00:15:55.880 can feel confusing because it's not always bad. But when you step back and look at it and you start to

00:16:01.760 really understand what healthy parenting looks like, you would describe it as sort of these, you know,

00:16:07.340 labels of, you know, crazy, unusual, intense, challenging, difficult, and things like that. So

00:16:13.240 your mom in general is not the easiest person for probably anyone to deal with. But it especially

00:16:19.380 was not easy for that relationship between the two of you. The next one is that you have a deep

00:16:24.960 core sense of not being good enough. And that is often driven by your perfectionism, being overly

00:16:32.220 critical. I think we all struggle with some degree of worthiness. I mean, it's just part of life and the

00:16:37.360 culture we live in. But if you had a parent who actually told you repeatedly that you weren't good

00:16:42.980 enough, that something was wrong with you, that you were a bad child, and they're still telling you

00:16:47.720 things like this, right? There's never been any change that might be a sign that there's some

00:16:52.680 trauma in there, especially as related to the worthiness and attachment security that can really

00:16:59.580 help us not feel so much that way. The next one, number three, is that her love hurts. Her love hurts

00:17:06.940 mentally or physically or emotionally. There's something about the love with her that has a deep

00:17:12.720 wound inside of it. It's not simple. It's not pure. It's not easy to express and understand. And so

00:17:19.400 there's a wound that exists. And the love with her, even if it can be really good at times, it can also

00:17:25.160 be deeply, deeply wounding. Number four is that you have some, you know, likely symptoms of CPTSD,

00:17:32.560 especially as your chronic trauma. Therapists just make up words.

00:17:36.120 I, I, she's on to something, but damn, CPTSD. Relates to the parenting relationship with your

00:17:43.380 mother or mother caregiver. And that includes everything I discussed in this video from

00:17:48.500 autoimmune and chronic health issues to mental health issues. You know, it really does vary.

00:17:54.060 There's a lot of things that can go into and manifest in CPTSD. But if you think about the

00:17:58.720 relationship and it's chronically difficult nature with your mother, there's a chance you may have

00:18:03.580 some mama trauma. And that really goes into the next one, which is you may actually have

00:18:07.840 physical and mental health symptoms that are ongoing, that are chronic. Everything from

00:18:13.000 these sort of disorders that we can't seem to get a hold of, that they require ongoing treatment

00:18:18.240 and that you tend to and or repeatedly go back to and struggle with, as well as, as I was saying,

00:18:23.960 what we might find in sort of typical stress-induced chronic medical and physiological health issues.

00:18:30.580 Number five is that if you had a mom who, for the most part, you've been embarrassed to tell other

00:18:36.320 people about the things that she did to you, that she said to you, that she did or said to your dad

00:18:40.940 or your siblings, there's just this sort of cringy, uncomfortable nature that you don't really want

00:18:46.180 to share. Because for the most part, you don't hear people saying things like that out loud.

00:18:50.680 And or you were embarrassed of the way that she talked to you and treated you. There's a chance that

00:18:55.720 because of her own difficulties and maybe lack of boundaries and her own inability to manage

00:19:00.000 herself, that the way she treated you, that was also hurtful or embarrassing is something that

00:19:06.000 you don't want to share with people. And, and all of it, it just feels really uncomfortable to think

00:19:10.260 about telling someone else what your childhood with this parent was really, truly like.

00:19:16.160 And that's the thing. There's so, there's so many, like, when you talk about your father,

00:19:22.000 you can talk about his flaws and his strengths. And the dads, I mean, they'll usually agree with you.

00:19:26.800 The mothers though. It's like, if you say anything, even remotely, that may piss them off. It is like

00:19:34.800 World War Three.

Pearl - March 09, 2025

This Is How Modern Women RUIN Their Children

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