Pearl - June 01, 2025


This Is What Checked Hypergamy Was Before No-Fault Divorce w⧸ @thisisshah


Episode Stats

Length

19 minutes

Words per Minute

192.98216

Word Count

3,804

Sentence Count

6

Misogynist Sentences

30

Hate Speech Sentences

12


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about the dowry system and how it has changed over the centuries. We discuss the history of dowries, the difference between bride wealth and bride wealth today, and the impact it has had on women in the past.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.240 like i kept hearing from trad cons that women shouldn't work right but i kept thinking well
00:00:06.800 maybe if you have like my grandma had 13 children so that's a pretty strong case yeah work that's a
00:00:13.760 lot of but i'm like we're having one and a half in public school what are you doing with your time
00:00:18.800 yeah you're not even matching maybe like the first couple years but once the kid's in school
00:00:24.160 you could be a teacher and have the same schedule as the child yeah you know i think three months off
00:00:31.360 in the summer it's a decent salary i think a lot of that also doesn't exactly match with history
00:00:38.560 so you remember earlier i told you about how before the dowry what you had was was bride wealth
00:00:44.960 formerly called bride price okay most people know it as bride price this is where the man pays the
00:00:49.600 woman's family something not to her to her family um then they as scholars studied it more they they
00:00:56.720 changed the name from bride price to bride wealth because bride wealth describes it better but back
00:01:01.280 then the reason that the man paid the bride wealth was because the woman worked we're not just talking
00:01:07.120 about kids she was actually out there on the field so back then agriculture was less sophisticated
00:01:12.320 and that's why you see polygyny and bride wealth in places like sub-saharan africa
00:01:17.840 you saw that with ancient israelites uh even even old testament and stuff like that
00:01:23.680 um and you saw this in a in a lot of different civilizations and then what they noticed is that
00:01:28.240 as they changed from tools women can actually handle like the digging stick or the the hoe um
00:01:36.080 and they move to the plow the plow is this heavy instrument that takes a lot of strength and you got
00:01:40.880 to have these you know cattle in the front pulling it and you're trying to keep it in a straight line
00:01:44.720 so men ended up doing this but back then when women were using these other tools they would be
00:01:50.240 out on the fields working all day and when you married her her family lost that labor value so
00:01:55.920 you paid them a set price and then they used that money to marry maybe another son in their family and
00:02:01.600 then it became a circulating fund so bride wealth are all uniform prices it's not like this highest bidder
00:02:07.200 thing it actually is a set price so how many hours a day were the women were i'm just trying because i
00:02:12.320 always hear that like women are very exhausted yeah they're working in human resources and they're
00:02:17.520 just so tired and so i i've always wondered like what would be the comparison of what women did in
00:02:23.760 different time periods yeah today i just can't imagine it's easier or it's harder now yeah but hey i
00:02:30.720 could be wrong that i'm not exactly sure like in terms of what those specific women were doing i hear
00:02:36.720 it may be less depending i think they probably work just as much but i'd have to look at it yeah what i will
00:02:42.160 say is i just wonder what their day-to-day was like yeah yeah i mean you know they're out there
00:02:46.400 on the fields they're doing all this stuff but what happens is is the plow comes in and when the plow
00:02:51.120 comes in one person can plow a field that's way more than humans can do with the digging stick or with
00:02:59.440 the hoe so you end up with a lot more essentially wealth because you're able to till a lot more land
00:03:05.040 plant a lot more food so when the plow comes in women start to become housebound because they're not
00:03:11.360 needed to work on the field anymore so they and the men started doing it all because it was a
00:03:17.200 harder job to do and it was just creating a lot more wealth that you started seeing income
00:03:22.240 stratification so polygynous societies you know bride wealth paying societies tend to be very
00:03:27.840 uniform there isn't this very rich guy and this very poor guy they're all about the same okay yeah
00:03:34.320 and then there's more polygamy when there's less yeah come disparity is what you're saying yeah
00:03:39.200 polygyny polygyny meaning that a man marries multiple okay and the thing is is like you might
00:03:45.120 have a guy with more than one wife but he had to pay that same uniform price so it circulates around so
00:03:51.120 it it brings him back into into a kind of a match with everybody else's wealth by doing that when the
00:03:58.160 when the plow comes on you start to see income stratification okay now the women when a woman's
00:04:04.320 working on the field she's bringing in real income to the house i'm we're not talking about labor at
00:04:08.960 home we're not talking about making sourdough bread we're talking about actual agricultural
00:04:13.600 income so stuff that needs to be produced basically when the men start doing that and the women are
00:04:19.360 more homebound you end up with this huge income stratification there's rich there's middle class
00:04:25.360 there's poor and then what you start to see is it goes from bride wealth so now the man is not paying
00:04:32.640 her family anymore uh polygyny starts to go away divorce becomes rare and then it starts to
00:04:38.640 become monogamous because now private property is a lot more important paternity of the child's going
00:04:43.920 to be a lot more important too because now you're thinking about inheritance is a lot more how this
00:04:49.120 passes down uh the whole other side of the equation of marriage is is actually inheritance also and when
00:04:55.440 you talk about marriage inheritance and how wealth threads down through generations is really a part of
00:05:01.200 that discussion so as you start getting these these class differentiations families want to either
00:05:08.560 maintain class or they want to go up a class that would be hypergamy technically right so to attract a
00:05:14.320 high status mate or at least a mate of equal status to you and to be monogamous they would attach a dowry to
00:05:22.720 the daughter which is part of her inheritance at the time of marriage they'll call it a pre-mortem inheritance
00:05:27.360 okay so that happens and then so what you end up seeing when you look historically the people who
00:05:33.360 marry each other tend to be from the same class so they're making a financial contribution that's
00:05:38.960 about the same they're looking at what his income trajectory is going to be and they're looking at
00:05:42.960 what she's bringing in from technically what is her inheritance you know so it's it's interesting
00:05:47.920 because then when you look at trad cons today if we bring this all the way back to today it's like
00:05:51.760 the man needs to make all the money the woman's not responsible for bringing anything uh and it's
00:05:57.600 just your job to figure out as a young guy oh and we want you to marry young even though a dowry would
00:06:01.760 help people marry young because how is she supposed to get this house i mean we're all waiting until
00:06:05.680 we're 30 31 32 now anyways so um there are all these things that the dowry actually helped with
00:06:14.560 and back then there was no like welfare system or this kind of thing you know you might have had some
00:06:19.200 church charity or these kinds of things but typically what you can expect in those societies
00:06:24.240 and i'm not talking about ancient time it started to come in ancient times but i'm talking even a few
00:06:29.440 hundred years ago is women without a dowry could not be expected to marry because they just that's how
00:06:36.960 ingrained it was in the culture you know so so what would happen to them they would just be spinsters or
00:06:43.120 what yeah they would they would probably just be at that their house there some of them would end
00:06:48.160 up joining a convent there was still a fee to pay for that it was just a lot less than the dowry um
00:06:53.760 it's or what would happen is they would end up working outside of the home to earn a dowry to then
00:06:59.280 get married with um so you might find them being a you know a servant in the house of a higher status
00:07:05.680 family and then part of that contract would be that that family would then pay her dowry so then she
00:07:10.320 can then get married later so you start to see um you know in in bride wealth bride price bride wealth
00:07:18.240 societies people get married earlier and a lot younger over there as dowry comes and it pushes
00:07:23.120 it back a little bit still relatively early for the way we do things nowadays um so yeah you start to
00:07:29.360 see the sophistication in and complexity and how society exists so i've spent a lot of time looking at
00:07:36.880 this just because it's really intrigued me and now when i hear guys like matt walsh michael knowles
00:07:42.480 whoever it's going to be i think lila rose is another one they'll sit here and they'll make a
00:07:47.280 big deal about monogamy and about all this stuff but what they're trying to trade for is something that
00:07:52.080 is really untenable i mean she can just leave with no-fault divorce i think a lot of these women
00:07:58.080 that say they're submissive aren't actually submissive i mean we're all growing up in the same culture it
00:08:02.000 seems like yeah um and then you know the family law is waiting there on the other end to just
00:08:08.160 really make it tough it's it's really hard so a lot of guys at this point are basically
00:08:14.320 abstaining from it or they're saying all right the long-term deal sucks here what do i get out of this
00:08:18.640 i may as well just engage in short-term stuff or you know the woman gets disappointed because the
00:08:24.080 guy's playing her and then she's like oh i thought he wanted to get me he didn't want to get married
00:08:27.360 there's all this upset stuff going on because we live in this very weird gray zone where people
00:08:32.160 want to have one foot in and one foot out yeah because you know there's a difference between a
00:08:37.120 guy looking for like a hookup or a girlfriend and he being on like the marriage market yeah you know
00:08:42.400 so what incentive are they really giving that they're not like they're not um the dowry at least would
00:08:49.280 lower the risk yeah well it's interesting too you know it's funny because when you watch some of these uh
00:08:54.960 panel shows or whatever it's like women will say oh well you know i'm a queen and this and that or
00:09:00.240 i don't you know i should deserve a king or something like that it's funny when you look at actual kings
00:09:06.080 to be to sit in the queen's seat you have to come with some serious cash like you weren't just going
00:09:11.440 there for no reason and if he's gonna marry someone that brings nothing just because she's so beautiful
00:09:17.280 everybody would look at him like he's the stupidest person on the planet king henry the eighth is one
00:09:22.720 that's kind of a famous you know royal dowry story uh the queen that he was married he's the one that
00:09:29.520 ended up you know breaking away from the catholic church and uh his first wife that he was married
00:09:34.960 to for like 20 years she brought what was pretty much the annual income of all of england uh at the
00:09:42.960 time which is something that they needed you know they have all the same problems up there yes so if
00:09:48.480 you're a woman and you say you know you want to be the queen and you're bringing nothing you have
00:09:53.360 no contribution uh it really is you know the height of delusion they need to look in the mirror and say
00:09:59.520 and understand what class they're actually it's kind of crazy that we're in a time where like
00:10:05.680 basically a peasant woman can get a kid yeah off of a king unfettered hypergamy is what that is the dowry
00:10:12.720 used to be a check against that because let's say these two found each other okay and they're
00:10:18.640 going to somebody brings up marriage instantly it would be a rejection because when they say okay
00:10:24.400 let's talk about marriage the marriage discussion is a very different discussion from dating or
00:10:28.800 whatever and i want men to remember this i really do i want men to remember how it was negotiated in
00:10:33.360 the past so as we go into the future they can they can have something to say back to them that
00:10:39.360 they can't be accused of not being masculine so many masculine men in history did this but
00:10:44.080 they would say okay what's your what's your dowry you know what does your father do uh
00:10:49.360 you know what's your family background and if the answer is nothing i don't have a i don't have a dowry
00:10:53.920 to match this person up here uh they'd be like yeah this marriage isn't isn't gonna work you might
00:11:00.080 want to look at someone closely to your class so it's a check against that so you can't just hide that
00:11:05.760 um nowadays what you'll get is you'll get you know an actor or you'll get an nfl player and they'll
00:11:11.520 they'll marry somebody with with nothing um and then they get dragged through the family law courts
00:11:16.400 afterwards and they're wondering what happened so that's that's what we see nowadays and a lot of
00:11:21.520 this was encouraged from what i would say was very good economic times probably through the wealth
00:11:26.960 brought in from colonialism brought in through industrialization brought in through modernization
00:11:32.000 um you know especially post world war ii it was a different kind of economy um you also saw this
00:11:40.080 in uh cyprus and places like that so you know cyprus the dowry was typically a house for the middle
00:11:45.360 class as it started to get modernized and that was after england england was like the first place
00:11:50.400 you can say um you know they start sending their kids over to england and places like that to get
00:11:55.440 educated uh they start to get urbanized you start to get these mega cities you start to get cheap
00:12:00.320 apartments for rent they're living away from their families um you're there's different jobs you can
00:12:06.160 take now because of modernization people who might have been at a lesser class can go jump up a class
00:12:12.160 easier so they're more focused than that and i think what you hit you ended up with was a kind
00:12:17.280 of market bust because a lot of guys here are saying okay well i'm now worth more because i went to
00:12:22.400 college and i have this job where typically they would have married her this family's probably having
00:12:27.280 trouble getting her married and you end up with this complete it's like a perfect storm and feminism
00:12:32.400 all these things changes in law so it's a market bust because now the kings are like having kids
00:12:37.360 with basically like like peasant women in a way yeah vice versa it was it's harder to chart someone's
00:12:43.920 income trajectory than it was back then so that romantic love the love match takes over you start to see
00:12:51.600 that uh in literature you know you think about it like the printing press i think came in the mid 1400s
00:12:57.600 literacy rate was really low um then they start making polygot bibles and then they start making
00:13:02.880 these tales of chivalry and these knights who would do these amazing things for women that starts
00:13:07.120 to get very popular literacy rate goes up more people start to read modernization so there's a
00:13:13.440 cultural change and then you know people start looking for their love story a lot more
00:13:18.000 um but even as that goes still for a long time you know we were talking about germany earlier even
00:13:23.520 into the 1850s if you look at their records there people who are getting married are still bringing
00:13:29.920 you know some kind of dowry or equal contribution um then this this basically falls out of favor
00:13:36.320 i think we're hitting a point now where the economy and the culture and life you know they'll say oh
00:13:41.360 chivalry is dead whether you believe that or not women coach greg adams you know we'll talk about the
00:13:46.480 monetized dating marketplace uh millennials are having trouble buying houses you know what i mean
00:13:52.880 and what i'm seeing is a kind of similarity to the way economy used to be back then millennials might
00:13:58.480 have a better time starting families and getting houses if the parents are more involved in terms of
00:14:03.920 a wealth threading through the generations like they used to do for thousands of years you know so
00:14:09.520 we're in this very interesting time um and i i think we're we're kind of pushing on something new
00:14:15.520 in the culture where i would like to see men at least remember this so they don't have to feel
00:14:20.480 like they're not a man if they ask for what's owed to them if they're going to be the provider so
00:14:26.960 my real first i don't know axe to grind is what trad cons so to speak because they're the ones who
00:14:32.080 are selling this stay-at-home monogamy with the man as this provider the 100 provider so that's
00:14:39.920 that's where i've been at for a while now so what would happen if the you know the daughter says but
00:14:45.440 dad i love him or the the son says she's so hot yeah i got you know what would happen if they told
00:14:53.280 the parents no well in those time periods yeah i mean you what would if you really went against your
00:15:00.720 parents like that instead of receiving your endowment sorry was this arranged it was arranged right
00:15:06.720 yeah it's arranged i think when it comes to arranged marriage people have this sort of
00:15:10.960 understanding that it's like oh it all happens from when they're five and you'll never they'll never
00:15:15.840 have a say in it uh what you have is like matchmakers and stuff like that and you have you know if even
00:15:21.600 if you look at more recent history uh if you look at europe and stuff like that they would call it the
00:15:26.080 mean person so to speak so this mean person will probably understand in the community who's single
00:15:34.160 what dowries they're bringing uh you know what the men are going to be making and then in their
00:15:39.760 minds they're going to be like okay these might be good pairings they might suggest different pairings
00:15:44.240 and then however you guys do that negotiation then it would happen so then you then you can see in
00:15:49.760 marriage contracts back then you know how they do these kinds of things um if a daughter to answer
00:15:55.040 your question was like no i don't screw this i love this person you know romeo and juliette style or
00:16:00.800 whatever um you know what would probably happen i mean i you know and i know there's all stuff with
00:16:07.360 the church and how that would that would probably be something different but they would probably not
00:16:11.600 receive their dowry so to speak so it would say you you run off or you elope so to speak you're written
00:16:16.320 out of the your portion your marriage portion uh or if you're a son and you do the same thing whatever
00:16:22.240 your inheritance is going to be is going to go away um and that's the decision that that you make and
00:16:28.480 nowadays in our culture it's kind of the same thing you know parents aren't really expected to
00:16:32.160 contribute anything in that regard her the future father-in-law so to speak you know men don't look
00:16:37.840 at him and say okay what's the contribution from him so this there's been this change where uh the
00:16:44.880 way wealth is threaded isn't really the same and i mean a lot of people are in a bad situation anyways
00:16:49.360 they can barely figure out retirement they don't have something to give or the parents are already
00:16:53.680 divorced so the the juice egg that's one thing i knew from working at child support is like you'd have
00:16:59.280 if you especially when it was a family that they were married when the divorce happens whatever
00:17:03.840 nest egg they had for those kids just gets juiced so fast and whether it's to the attorneys um or if
00:17:10.000 it's just imagine being in one house now you have two houses with two mortgages and two electric bills
00:17:14.880 and two this two that um so there's kind of not much left for the kids when it's their very important
00:17:20.880 time of their lives to figure out what am i going to do as most of you know i have been fighting on the
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