Pearl - January 08, 2025This Is Why Modern Women Are GIVING UP On Their Type ｜ Pearl Daily
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
166.20842
Summary
In this episode, I talk about why women are not attracted to the same type of men as their male counterparts, and why this is a problem. I also talk about how women are more likely to share men than ever before.
Transcript
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I want to talk about a woman that I knew when I was in school. So this woman was somebody that I,
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I was a transfer. So I went to one school and then I transferred to another school to play
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volleyball. And this woman had a particular type and everyone knew on the team what her type was
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because anytime she would go on a date with a guy, talk to a guy, have a boyfriend, he would always
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look a certain way. Now around my senior year, she dated a guy that looked nothing like the men
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that she dated in the past, had a completely different look. So they were dating. He was
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nice enough. I met him a couple of times. And one of the most red pilling moments was I was at a,
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it's like a day party, Darties. I don't know if you guys have been to school, you already know
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where everyone during the day, they go out, have drinks. And I think it was homecoming or something
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like that. Now this woman ends up cheating on her boyfriend with one of her ex boyfriends at that
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party. And this to me signaled that she was dating a man that she wasn't really attracted to.
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However, many women have the issue that their type doesn't stay for long-term commitment. So
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I wanted to go through a couple TikToks where women kind of talk about this dilemma,
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where I wanted to show a TikTok because a lot of times you guys say, Pearl,
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you're just making this stuff up. So she says, having to say goodbye to my type because I'm trying
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to get married. So what does this mean? As you know, women, we are hypergamous. So,
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and dating app data shows this. There's two data points that you can find that we date a small
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percentage of men and that we on some level are designed to share men. One is that we have more
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than twice as many female ancestors as we have male ancestors. I want to say 3000 years ago, it was
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eight men or eight women to one man. The second data point is dating apps. It shows we only swipe
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right between five to 20% of the time. If you want to be super generous, we can give 30%. But in general,
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that's the number one way people are meeting in 2024. A lot of people will say that dating apps
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aren't real life. And I do agree with that. But if we're going to look at marriage results today,
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according to jewelers and people that are selling engagement rings, apparently Hinge is the number
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one app that people are getting married on. And even on Hinge, we're sharing that. Essentially what
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you get, the men that get all the women. So these are like eights, nines, and tens. These are the rest.
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So these are the men that are invisible to women. These are the men that tend to get relationships,
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but they don't get hookups or they're not selected for hookups. And then the top men are the ones that
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are hooking up with everybody, right? This makes a lot of people uncomfortable, but you can go on
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TikTok and find women confirming this. And like a lot of women, they just use TikTok as their diary.
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So you can go on TikTok and literally find women confirming this, or you can take dating app data.
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Or the third data point is that there are twice as many women in relationships as men. So either option A,
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women are dating significantly older, or sorry, under 30, a third of men are virgins or haven't had sex
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in the past year. And there are twice as many women in relationships as men. So that tells us either women
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are dating significantly older. That's a possibility. But to me, what would be more likely is that women
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are sharing men because we've always done that throughout all of history. And it would be rational
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to me to think that we would do that today. Now, a lot of times conservatives, we look at the 1950s
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as this golden era or the 1920s. And I think this is, and I've done this before, but I think this is a
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common trope where we romanticize the past. And we think that there was some golden era or golden age
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where it was just so amazing to be alive. The way that I view it is that each generation has a different
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set of problems. So instead of going into World War I or World War II, our generation just has a hard
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time with relationships. And what we found out is the last hundred years, women have fought very,
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very hard to not have to be with men they are not attracted to. To me, this is what feminism is at its
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core. Because when you look at feminist writings, generally what they're fighting for is reproductive
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freedom on some level. Margaret Sanger, most of her writings are about getting on the pill, access to
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abortion. So what is abortion on a root level? It's women saying, I do not want to reproduce with men
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that I do not deem fit. Then we got no fault divorce. And what is that saying? What are women saying in
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that? I do not want to stay with a man that I am not attracted to or that I do not like.
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And unfortunately, what we found out in the last hundred years is that when we are given the
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freedom to do anything we want, most women do not like most men that much. And people kind of get on
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me for saying this, but every data point is going to tell you that that is true. You gave women the
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freedom to do anything and they are more likely to pick sex work in their youth than they are marriage.
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What does that tell you? Okay. So this isn't a happy truth. This isn't a, because a lot of times when I
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talk, people think I'm applying morality onto it, that it's good or bad. I am simply analyzing what's
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going on. So when yesterday we had a debate on the channel and we had a content creator and a woman
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come on. And one of the things they spoke about was that many pickup artists and PUAs have a three
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date rule where if a woman does not sleep with a man on a three date rule, the men are instructed to
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move on. I've heard Myron say this. Now, why is that? Before we judge it and we say that is a terrible
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thing, degeneracy, men are problem solvers. And what men don't want to be is in a position where their
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wife is not attracted to them. So some men see the easiest solution to be, she has this amount of
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time to sleep with me, or I am going to assume that she's not attracted to me. I'm not saying
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that's right. I'm not saying that's wrong, but I'm saying that is a solution that many men have come
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up with. So I wanted to read an article by Rollo Tomasi talking about genuine desire. And I want to
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talk about what that is. So this is called the desire dynamic. It's on the rationalmail.com.
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You cannot negotiate desire. This is a very simple principle that most men and the vast majority of
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women are willfully ignorant of. One of the most common personal problems I've been asked for advice
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on the last 10 years is some variation of how do I get her back? Usually this breaks down into men
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seeking some sort of methodology to return his relationship to an earlier state where a previously
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passionate woman couldn't keep her hands off of him. Six months in to a comfortable familiarity and
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the thrill is gone. But in truth, it's the genuine desire that is gone. It's often at this stage that a
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man will resort to negotiation. Sometimes this can be as subtle as him progressively doing things for her
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in hopes that she'll reciprocate with the same sexual fervor that they used to have. So this is
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where you see women like Katy Perry on that podcast saying that her husband has to do chores in order to
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get her to have sex with him. She is not actually attracted to him. And so he has to negotiate the
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attraction. Other times a married couple may go to counseling to resolve their issues and negotiate
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terms for her sexual compliance. He'll promise to do the dishes and a load of laundry more in exchange
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for her feigned sexual interest in him. Yet, no matter what terms are offered, no matter how great
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an external effort he makes so deserving of reward, the genuine desire is not there for her. In fact,
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she feels worse for not having the desire after such efforts were made for her compliance. Negotiated
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desire only ever leads to obligated compliance. This is why her post-negotiation sexual response is so
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often lackluster and the source of even further frustration on his part. She may be more sexually
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available to him, but the half-hearted experience is never the same when they first met and there was
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no negotiation, just spontaneous desire for each other. From a male perspective, and particularly that
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of an uninitiated beta male, negotiation of desire seems like a rational solution to the problem.
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Men tend to innately rely on deductive reasoning, otherwise known as an if-then logic stream.
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The code is something like this. I need sex, plus women have the sex I want, plus ask women about their
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conditions for sex, plus meet their prerequisites for sex, equals the sex I want. So this is also
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when men try to qualify to women for their lists. They're essentially, even though women will sleep
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with broke musicians, personal trainers, men that don't have anything together, right? Okay, so make
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it make sense. It's simple economics, but built on a foundation that relies on a woman's accurate
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self-evaluations. The genuine desire they used to experience at the onset of their relationship was
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predicted upon a completely unknown set of variables. Overtly communicating a desire for
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reciprocal desire creates obligation and sometimes even ultimatums. Genuine desire is something a person
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can come to or be led to on their own politician. You can force a woman by threat to comply with behaving
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in a desired manner, but you cannot make her want to behave that way. A prostitute will F you. For
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an exchange, it doesn't mean that she wants to. Whether a long-term relationship or one-night stands,
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strive for genuine desire in your relationships. Half of the battle is knowing you want to be with a
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woman who wants to please you, not one who feels obligated to. You will never draw this genuine desire
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from her by overt means, but you can covertly lead her to this genuine desire. The trick is provoking
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real desire and keeping her ignorant of your intent to provoke it. Real desire is created by her
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thinking it's something she wants, not something she has to do. So I think the most important sentence
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here is that genuine desire is when women want to listen to you or they want to please you,
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not that they feel like they have to. Now, why is this important? Because there is a debate going
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in on Twitter right now. And the question is, women feel genuine desire for a very small percentage of
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men. It's rare. What do we do as a society moving forward? Do women compromise on their type and marry
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men they're not attracted to? And as a man, do you want a woman to marry you if she's not attracted to
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you? The reason I ask this is because, and she's been on the show, there's a woman named Lori talking
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about how she did not initially have genuine desire for her husband, but they stuck it out, stuck it out.
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And now they've been happily married for years. So let me. When I first met him, I would, I won't
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tell you how you stress or anything because I don't want to embarrass him, but I was not attracted
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physically to him. But I just, there weren't those butterflies and the things that I thought should be
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there with a man that I was supposedly in love with. And he said to me, how would you like to be
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Mrs. Alexander? And I said, sure. You know, that was it. No ring, no going on his knee. No, nothing,
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you know. And so, and I wasn't that excited though. And we argued a lot about everything. We didn't get
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along that great. I felt like he stole my joy. I don't know what was wrong with me. And so I went on
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my wedding day and I, you know, none of those butterflies are exciting. I go to my bridal showers and
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none of that. It was just like this emptiness. It was like, why don't I have that in me? I don't
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like this. I want to be on butterflies and so excited. But I, you know, we, we discussed that
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we married, divorce would never be in our vocabulary. So we got married and
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the first 20 years were rough because I was still critical. So now that I've been married almost 44 years,
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I can tell you women that love is not an emotion. And that is a really shaky, unstable ground to build
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your marriage upon. So anyway, women, remember just because you maybe lost the butterflies and
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the emotions and the feelings for your husband, that's not love. Well, I'm going to be going to
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church soon and I will learn in silence with all submission. Okay. So I listened to this and I
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don't hear anything that's innately wrong, right? We don't want divorce. Divorce is bad for children.
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Most men or most women cannot marry men that they're attracted to. There are just not enough
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to go around. When we look at who women select for sex, there are simply not enough. So the question is
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to men, would you be happy with this kind of marriage? Some men may say yes. Some men may say no.