Pearl - This Is Why MOTHERHOOD Can't Change 304's Behaviour

00:00:00.000 so let's talk today modern women have many flaws they are 304s and they do get pregnant out of 1.00

00:00:05.200 wedlock and become single mothers um student loan debt feminism it's just really it's not a great 0.81

00:00:11.520 thing but the worst thing about modern women is they just you know can't keep their mouth mouth 1.00

00:00:16.480 shut you know there are things in the olden days that you know modern women you know need to share 1.00

00:00:24.160 everything on social media and before we had like community outlets where you could like express

00:00:29.760 yourself and it wouldn't be plastered to the whole town like yeah people would talk but it's not like

00:00:36.160 everybody would know your business but you know things in the past women would take to their 1.00

00:00:42.080 grapes you know modern but now modern women will record and upload onto social media for the whole 1.00

00:00:48.240 world to to see you know they'll talk about stds bad financial decisions being a sex worker it's really

00:00:54.560 all on tick tock and instagram somewhere along the way it became okay for modern women that have 1.00

00:01:00.560 kids to say they wish they never had kids let that sink in for a second these are women that have 1.00

00:01:08.560 children some of them are married and they're okay with putting it out into the world that they wish

00:01:13.840 they never had children once something's on the internet it's forever and you know there's a high

00:01:18.480 likelihood that their kids will literally find these videos when they get older and they have no idea

00:01:24.560 how the kids will feel about it you know women in the past used to pride themselves and being a wife 1.00

00:01:30.160 and mother raising children to be successful responsible adults with the measure of a woman 1.00

00:01:37.120 these day those days are gone you see stories of women talking about how they had to give up to become a 0.93

00:01:42.480 mother the fear of missing out and sacrifices of becoming a mother are too much on many modern women so this is

00:01:48.640 again remember being a young woman today is being a celebrity when you go into the cities and you're

00:01:54.400 an attractive or even average woman you get to invite it on the yacht parties you get to see your 0.97

00:01:59.920 friends living high-flying lifestyle careers so yeah they feel like they missed out that's why the divorce

00:02:06.960 rate is lowest when women get married between 25 and 30 and my guess is it's gonna rise because you know 0.99

00:02:14.000 and it kind of correlates with the abortion rate like the number one most aborted kids are between

00:02:19.280 20 and 25 and then 25 to 30 a second i think you're gonna keep seeing it go up as technology gets better

00:02:25.440 and women keep pushing off motherhood women would push it off till the very last minute if they could because 1.00

00:02:31.120 being a young woman is fun it's really that simple it's not you know they they basically you know we're in a

00:02:37.040 mansion and by the like by the end of partying all night they're in a bunch of debt bunch stds all this

00:02:43.760 stuff and they expect the guy to bail them out so you know that's what we're going to talk about on

00:02:49.360 today's show the audacity of women that write articles or go on social media and say they don't

00:02:55.200 want kids today's modern women are some of the most selfish women ever and this selfishness shows 1.00

00:03:01.200 itself in many ways it's never okay to do something like this it's selfish inconsiderate and damaging to

00:03:07.280 the children like guys go talk to your girlfriend this is i you know i think this is the challenge

00:03:13.200 everything's becoming more parasocial so it's not that mothers didn't regret their kids before but

00:03:20.720 there's two things that were changed one the alternative wasn't as fun so i i mean i would guess a lot

00:03:28.800 of this started in the 20s with the roaring 20s that's like when you saw the birth rates start to

00:03:33.280 go down so are there writings of women regretting this stuff yes there are women it's like the same

00:03:40.080 hardware but the environment was different so before the alternative was death you know if you didn't get

00:03:47.520 with a guy death was the alternative then the alternative became well if you don't get with a guy

00:03:54.240 you know you can't really work there's not a bunch of opportunities for you

00:03:58.960 then they gave us opportunities and they're like well if you don't get with a guy now you're missing

00:04:04.560 out you're missing out on this fun stuff so again women have felt this way in the past but you know

00:04:12.080 before they could confide in real life friends but everything's could be coming more online and people

00:04:18.080 are finding online communities such as this one go to the audacity network.com we got fazelle in the chat

00:04:25.040 saying pearl is a beast i don't feel like a beast this week you know this has been a rough couple

00:04:30.240 shows but you know i appreciate you guys for sticking by me okay now i'm gonna try a camera

00:04:36.960 switcher on my on my ipad so we're gonna see if this works but anyways when i did my interviewing a

00:04:45.280 thousand women what i what i i couldn't believe it because i really thought that it was the biggest

00:04:50.720 travesty if a woman never had a child but some women are so selfish they're so selfish that i 1.00

00:04:57.440 would beg them not to have a child if i'm being honest well let me do it at the same time for some

00:05:02.240 reason okay well we're just gonna stay on this page okay this is from a woman that wishes she

00:05:09.200 never had children i wish i never had kids now they're grown and don't talk to me i wasted my

00:05:14.560 life raising three ungrateful selfish people after being totally cut off by her three adult children

00:05:21.280 one mother says she wished she never had them in the first place if she were getting a second chance

00:05:26.960 she admitted she'd choose to travel over starting a family i'm in my 60s and if i had to do it over i

00:05:33.280 would not have had children she said she explained that she found herself forced to raise children on

00:05:38.560 her own after her marriage ended my husband was no help we divorced when my children were 7 11 and 15.

00:05:46.400 i was a single mother who didn't get child support and had no family nearby to help me

00:05:51.680 to keep food on the table she juggled working multiple jobs while caring for her kids 1.00

00:05:56.800 it was a constant struggle to keep a roof over our head and i often worked two jobs she said i did

00:06:04.000 a lot of this i did this i did it without a lot of the things i wanted and couldn't pursue my own

00:06:09.600 interests cc added that her relationship with her children soured as they aged after they were grown we

00:06:15.520 had a good relationship for a while but one child is a narcissist and made up a bunch of lies about me

00:06:20.000 because i wouldn't allow him to manipulate me what do we think really happened put it in the chat

00:06:25.520 it was a power play on his part and he eventually turned my other two children against me this

00:06:30.400 started in 2016 and i have no contact with any of them i wasted the best year of my life on three

00:06:36.240 ungrateful selfish people and i wish i'd stayed single and free and traveled the world she warned

00:06:41.280 parents considering kids to weigh the pros and cons self-destraught described estranged parents have

00:06:48.160 taken to tick tock to bemoan their relationships or lack thereof with their adult children some have described

00:06:53.760 the problem as an epidemic saying their adult children in their 20s 30s and 40s are cutting

00:06:58.320 them off off their moms and dads for unfair reason one tick tock user who goes by fired mom has racked 1.00

00:07:04.960 up millions of views on her videos in which she describes not having a relationship with any of

00:07:09.600 her children other videos under estranged parent hashtag feature baby boomer and gen x parents venting

00:07:16.240 about their kids going no contact with them the idea however has been met with the backlash from

00:07:21.360 gen z and millennial adults who insisted that some of these estranged parents don't respect their

00:07:26.560 boundaries and refuse to acknowledge the things they've done wrong people think babies and toddlers

00:07:31.440 are so cute and that's the end of the story it's not no matter how good of a parent you are there is

00:07:36.320 no guarantee that people you create won't turn on you she said parental estrangement is an epidemic i

00:07:44.080 have found we are vilified for the stupidest things and no matter how many times you apologize there's

00:07:49.520 no forgiveness there's no upside now i do what i want and i go and i spend money where i want i'm done

00:07:57.360 with the crying although it took a long time to get here my advice to women don't get married don't have 0.99

00:08:02.320 kids and live free and be happy what do we think i want to put in the chat on the website what you think 0.99

00:08:09.920 happened doug on the website says too many modern mothers are scumbags we trash fathers all the time 1.00

00:08:17.680 but give mothers a pass that needs to stop mothers destroy their children and are not held accountable 0.98

00:08:23.440 an australian woman wishes she never had children let me go back to four mom admits i wish i'd never had

00:08:31.360 my kids i'll always regret them a mom has admitted that her life was better before she had children in a

00:08:37.600 blog post to kids kids spot kidspot.com.au the unnamed mom of two confessed something many parents would

00:08:46.720 usually shy away from ever confessing she admitted that her life was better before having children

00:08:52.160 i'm a mother of two but i wish i was a mother of none she started yes i preferred my life without

00:08:57.280 kids i preferred it so much much that i'd wish that i'd never had them before continuing she added a

00:09:05.440 disclaimer stating that before people judge her for her admission she wants to emphasize that

00:09:10.160 she loves her kids i want to declare that i do love my boys with all my heart don't confuse my

00:09:15.440 perspective with not loving my kids she said i'm not depressed nor do i have any sort of mental health

00:09:20.720 condition that makes me in any sort of danger or risk to my children or impacting how i feel in some way

00:09:27.440 the mom then doubled down on her views in all honesty it's quite simple and straightforward

00:09:32.800 yet i suppose i suppose it's not ever said out loud by many people i wish i didn't have my two

00:09:38.320 children because i think my life would be better without them she said because it was better without

00:09:42.880 them she then went on to reminisce about the past before i had my two boys my life was amazing i

00:09:48.880 absolutely adored my career and my husband and i were extremely happy together we traveled and had an

00:09:53.520 incredible social life we were like some sort of rom-com montage of two people falling in love and living

00:09:59.840 their best lives but real it wasn't just a phase we were like this for 10 years and we decided to

00:10:05.200 start having children and once our first child arrived things changed and not for the better

00:10:10.880 this despite this though the pair always said they wanted to have children together at some point

00:10:16.320 and then she became pregnant with her first child we were excited about our first son's arrival

00:10:22.160 and when it didn't happen the reality just didn't meet the expectations she writes i love him of

00:10:27.200 course but he was an easy baby in terms of sleeping and feeding and everything that makes a baby easy

00:10:32.720 but i just didn't love being a mom i didn't love anything about it she went on to say that she felt

00:10:37.680 restricted by her own child and she ended up becoming a person she never wanted to be and things only

00:10:44.480 seemed to get worse when the pair had a second child another boy we never wanted to have an only child

00:10:50.640 for a variety of reasons and although i shared my feelings about motherhood with my husband

00:10:55.440 after discussing it we thought maybe a second child would change she wrote in her blog post

00:11:01.280 needless to say it didn't so what were the main reasons for these overwhelming feelings my career

00:11:08.640 is now more of a job she said while i still hold the same position i'm part-time and i can't invest in

00:11:14.160 it the way i had once had which is part of the reason i loved it so much it gave me purpose ambition and

00:11:19.520 the drive that fueled everything else now it's like a little rev engine and a stall until the

00:11:27.440 following week when i can rev it up again but it never goes anywhere my social life is also lacking

00:11:32.880 she confessed now it usually based around my children and my friends who have children doing

00:11:38.240 things together with our children while i understand that some people love this sort of thing i don't

00:11:43.520 even if it was just the odd occasion it would be great to do some social activities with my friends

00:11:48.400 without my kids without their kids without talking about kids like what it used to be like after

00:11:54.400 discussing a few more of her experiences she concluded that if she knew what life would be

00:12:00.160 like after having children she never would have had them yet despite the belief that children are

00:12:06.400 often glorified as the greatest thing a person can do this mom has started a conversation that i'm

00:12:12.800 sure many parents wanted to have okay women who regret having kids we have a video here tell me if 0.62

00:12:20.480 the audio is okay i consider myself someone that stands 10 does down on the fact that i regret motherhood

00:12:25.600 it's like i don't like regret my daughter i regret the role i think people are rubbed the wrong way about

00:12:31.200 it because most moms feel that way and you're not allowed to say it there is an anxiety that i have

00:12:36.640 developed having a child that never lived in me before at all the fear of even when she's not with

00:12:43.520 me and i don't have to be selfless i'm still thinking about is somebody going to hurt her is an

00:12:49.680 earthquake gonna happen a mother is like who i am like at my core because of that it consumes a lot

00:12:54.960 of my thoughts and i hate that i need space from my child in order to be a good parent i can play as

00:13:01.040 much as a 34 year old woman could play yeah but like feeling guilty about that too like i chose to 0.96

00:13:06.160 be a mother you're supposed to love every part one day she's not gonna want to play she's not gonna

00:13:09.600 want to play you're gonna wish you played no i won't i'm going to say something that will make some

00:13:13.680 people upset i think we need to normalize regretting yeah so in all honesty what happens these mothers

00:13:22.080 resent their children now i do not think i think there's a lot of women that shouldn't have kids and i

00:13:27.920 used to think they wouldn't be fulfilled or whatever they weren't gonna be fulfilled anyway

00:13:32.880 do you know what i mean like they weren't yeah okay having your children i'm a therapist and i work

00:13:38.640 with kids teens young adults as well as parents and there are so many parents who have been vulnerable

00:13:46.960 enough with me in their therapy sessions to admit that they regret having their children now before

00:13:54.080 you shame those parents these are really really good parents now these aren't all parents that i

00:13:58.960 work with it's just a emotion that does come up in therapy that i don't think really gets talked about

00:14:05.760 because if they were to say some of these words out loud or to other people they would get shamed for it

00:14:13.200 and don't get me wrong these are amazing parents they're great parents they love their children they

00:14:17.760 would do anything for their children they would never give their children up but it's just talking

00:14:23.760 about the emotion of regretting having them i would much rather regret not having children than regret

00:14:31.360 having children later in life a book that seriously shifted my perspective on this is called regretting

00:14:37.440 motherhood i listened to it on audible and as a intentional non-parent i think it's really great

00:14:46.560 that this conversation is being had prior to having children everybody featured in that book had

00:14:52.400 already had children while the sample of the women in this book is very culturally limited in my opinion 0.72

00:15:00.880 for me it would still be a soft recommendation especially for anyone who is coming from a culture

00:15:07.040 where motherhood is just absolutely expected of you the women featured in this book definitely were 0.51

00:15:13.040 and reading this book you realize that the amount of women who feel this way but cannot outwardly admit

00:15:23.280 it to anyone except to do so anonymously is massive additionally kids understand exactly how you feel

00:15:33.360 and if you regret them children are by and large intuitive when it comes to what do you guys think

00:15:40.320 should women that don't have children have them anyway put it in the chat i'm gonna do a call-in 0.99

00:15:46.720 by god willing god help me i'm doing a call-in the feelings of their parents we by and large

00:15:53.040 underestimate kids and underestimate that specific hurt not everyone's gonna admit to this but i hate

00:16:01.040 being a mom okay so while i may not feel the same way that this mom does about motherhood i can empathize

00:16:07.440 with how she's feeling i feel like there are a lot of reasons why a lot of women hate motherhood and a 1.00

00:16:12.800 lot will not admit it because everyone's in a competition to have the most perfect ideal great

00:16:18.800 wonderful life and be the perfect mom i think it's partly the expectations that we as a society put on

00:16:25.120 women it's in general but then when women when women become mothers there are these expectations that are

00:16:30.880 put on us as mothers that fathers don't have almost every mom i know would rather be a dad no one

00:16:37.760 expects dads to be up all night doing the diaper changes or handling any tantrums or doing the

00:16:44.000 appointments for the doctors or the school stuff or any of it but dad simply just exists in the same 0.90

00:16:49.440 house as his kids he's given the award for the best dad of the fucking century it's the moms who have 0.96

00:16:54.160 to pick up all the slack who are expected to moms are never expected to take a break never expected to 1.00

00:16:59.440 take a sick day moms are not allowed to have a man cold and get taken care of they haven't all this 1.00

00:17:04.000 really moms aren't allowed to take a sick day we have a whole mother's day dedicated to mothers 0.94

00:17:10.000 no one cares about father's day nobody put on you and people you're not expecting oh i'm actually

00:17:15.520 going to read the chat on the website fazelle says single moms treat their kids like trophies only

00:17:20.960 polished for display and support but never truly value them i'm doug anna who's where's this article from

00:17:27.520 doug could you tell her he can find it for you who is the first person to call doug says who is the 0.99

00:17:33.280 first person to call a young girl too fat too thin too dark too light dressed like a slut you look like 1.00

00:17:39.440 your deadbeat dad her mother mothers create all of the insecurities in their daughters to ask for help 1.00

00:17:44.960 and when you do ask for help you're like oh well you shouldn't have been a mother if you need help 0.96

00:17:48.320 whatever other snarky shitty comment people make about moms wanting to take a big but i go on a vacation by 1.00

00:17:54.400 myself every year and like clockwork she goes on a vacation by herself every year god these women are 1.00

00:18:01.600 so selfish you don't want to bring your husband or maybe she doesn't have one we'll see people if i 1.00

00:18:06.240 post it to my facebook people are like oh no oh no she where are your kids they have a father

00:18:11.920 he knows their allergies he ain't gonna call and bother me while i'm on my vacation most women don't 1.00

00:18:17.280 have she's for the streets a village it's like the village ups and runs away when you have a baby

00:18:22.880 i've seen this happen to almost every mom i know i think about all the people i know like close to

00:18:28.080 me that are mothers i'm one of the only ones that has a support system that i can depend on i'm one of

00:18:33.200 the only ones that gets to take breaks i feel extremely fortunate but that should be a norm that

00:18:37.600 shouldn't be the exception to the rule you've got a lot of burnt out mothers who are at the end of 1.00

00:18:42.160 their mental ropes no room to breathe no room to regroup and recharge we end up with resentful hurt

00:18:51.840 bitter moms who hate motherhood who don't think they should have been mothers and it's not just 1.00

00:18:56.400 because of a personal issue with them this is a much bigger issue in a much bigger picture i really

00:19:02.960 think we as a society need to address that how mothers have such little help mothers have to suffer 0.90

00:19:08.000 in silence because if they admit to feeling defeated you get this shitty pushback oh you're 0.79

00:19:12.560 a horrible mother what if your kids see this if we were supporting mothers like we should maybe they 0.98

00:19:17.040 wouldn't come online so upset maybe they wouldn't be so burnt out and touched out these are women 1.00

00:19:21.760 begging for help and we need to help them if any of you had a mother that regretted they had you you

00:19:26.960 should call in later are you actually curious why i don't like motherhood i'd love to tell you

00:19:32.800 because society thinks that maternity leave is a vacation because people think that stay-at-home moms 1.00

00:19:38.800 don't work because child care is astronomically high because we don't think that moms work 1.00

00:19:44.480 but we expect families to pay for the child care for their children as if it's actually work that men

00:19:50.320 actually make more when they become fathers and women make less if they even stay in the workforce 0.99

00:19:56.640 that moms like you have a different experience of motherhood so think that they can go judge other 1.00

00:20:01.440 moms for having a different experience of motherhood because i'm expected to disappear 1.00

00:20:06.880 because i'm a mom now and not have any dreams and i'm judged for having dreams when i finally realize

00:20:13.120 i'm a human and i'm still allowed to have them and i think that's it for now but please get the

00:20:18.320 fuck off my page okay so they're openly talking about how they regret having children the audacity of 0.94

00:20:25.360 these women okay women say it's crazy that women go on the internet and admit they regret having kids 1.00

00:20:32.160 i think it is so weird and kind of not cool to get on the internet and talk about how you regret

00:20:38.400 your decision to have kids in the name of like informing the masses or making sure people know

00:20:43.520 to really think about it before they have kids like you're not doing it for that reason you just want

00:20:48.480 to say that it's so bubbling up inside you that you regret having children that you just you have

00:20:53.680 to spit that out i guess but is the internet really the place to do that and before people flip out yes

00:20:58.880 there is sometimes a toxic positivity stance on pretty much anything but about having kids like

00:21:04.720 oh it's magical everything's amazing it's much more difficult than it seems and i don't think it's

00:21:09.360 wrong to talk about things that are more difficult than people expect but here's a scenario for you

00:21:14.160 right you're scrolling on tick tock boom your boyfriend's face pops up you think oh what does

00:21:19.040 he have to say and he says oh you know what i love my girlfriend right i love her she's the most

00:21:26.000 amazing i would only ever want to be with her being in a relationship with her it's just oh i would

00:21:30.720 do it a thousand times over again but you know what i miss being single i miss when i had all the

00:21:36.080 freedom in the world to do everything that i wanted i didn't have to pick up the phone and call

00:21:39.200 her i didn't have to pick up the phone and text her like being in a relationship is much harder

00:21:43.040 than people give it credit for all my dreams are kind of crushed because i wanted to do all

00:21:47.200 of these things are not really possible whenever you're in a long-term relationship and then i'm

00:21:50.640 gonna have to get married i'm gonna be tied down with this person forever i'm never gonna go on

00:21:55.840 another first date again and now that i have my girlfriend and i love her yeah i am probably gonna

00:22:00.960 marry her and i'll be happy in some ways but here's a hot take for you guys it's not worth it are you

00:22:06.800 gonna come across that video and think oh he's just venting some pretty normal concerns and he said

00:22:11.760 he loved me like a bunch of times so that's what i'm gonna take away from it my boyfriend loves me

00:22:16.160 and he just needed to vent that's okay i highly doubt that would be your response you would think

00:22:20.640 these are lots of really concerning issues you're bringing up you clearly don't want to be in a

00:22:24.960 relationship and why are you posting it on the internet for everybody to see so just because your

00:22:29.680 kid's a baby or they're like young and they don't have a tick tock you can get on the internet and

00:22:34.240 talk like that i don't know i i get that people need to vent but like that's a thing you talk to your

00:22:39.440 therapist about you have postpartum depression there are some things in your life that need

00:22:43.680 rearranging any number of things could help that feeling you're having and i'm not saying you

00:22:47.840 shouldn't talk to young people about like what's hard about being a parent but there's a big viral

00:22:52.240 video going around of a woman talking about how she's super disappointed with being a parent while

00:22:56.800 holding her baby by the way and i feel so deeply for that mom because i can tell like she's really

00:23:01.760 really struggling and she's not the only one i've seen this from this is like a common thing across

00:23:06.640 the internet which leads me to say i don't actually agree that the overall theme about parenting is now

00:23:12.640 toxically positive i actually think the opposite every time i ever tell people anything about

00:23:17.360 something my kid's doing like oh she's about to walk they're like oh just wait till she walks your

00:23:20.560 life's gonna be over they always have a just wait that's a negative thing or like wait till she's a 0.99

00:23:24.480 teenager and she never shuts up and blah blah mostly i get negativity but i digress but yes just like

00:23:30.320 every single thing in life that is worth doing being a parent takes work it's tough it has its

00:23:36.720 good moments and its bad moments and we should all feel open to sharing what those things are but to

00:23:40.800 say i regret having my children that's weird dude i got on lexapro whenever i had the baby

00:23:47.840 working wonders and for everyone who's on the fence about having kids not people who've said i don't

00:23:51.920 want kids i'm not trying to convince anybody who doesn't want children to have them but if you're on

00:23:56.240 the fence and all you see are these negative things i'm here to say that continue to critically

00:24:01.760 think about whether you want kids or not yes you should be sure that this is the right time this is

00:24:05.600 the right partner that you really do in fact want kids just know that everybody has different

00:24:09.680 experiences just because somebody has a good or a bad experience doesn't mean that you're gonna

00:24:13.440 have that exact same thing happen to you and it is worth it

Pearl - February 27, 2025

This Is Why MOTHERHOOD Can't Change 304's Behaviour

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