00:05:29.580You have to tell your side to the friend group.
00:05:32.200the former has been through with her through all the roller coaster rides of life while the other
00:05:39.920has brought has brought bought has bought an all new meaning to her life to choose between these
00:05:47.940two gems has never been easy but it seems girls value friendship more than their own
00:05:52.400real life relationships but so before you get into a relationship with your dream girl
00:05:57.040make sure she doesn't have a best friend i mean definitely not the one in i mean definitely not
00:06:04.660the one in payar kapunchamana have a look at the reasons which convey why girls are inclined to
00:06:13.160move more towards their friends as you never know these might act as best relationship tips for you
00:06:20.520number one friendship is forever once a girl that's not true at all once a girl has chosen
00:06:27.660her soul sister dare you replace her they might fight like cats but in hard times you would watch
00:06:33.260them being each other's back being each other's back oh just to be clear a girl never finds a
00:06:39.760soul brother in her male friend fights with best friends are free from any knots whereas single
00:06:45.280friends with the boyfriend can ruin the fairy tale dream. Number two, deeply entrenched in
00:06:51.300each other's lives. Friends have stuck for her for obviously a longer period of time
00:06:56.620and anybody would place their old relations above their new one. From her grunge and gross
00:07:03.860dress up as a team to perfectly dressed adult, they have seen it all. Although there's no
00:07:09.520denial that boyfriends can do romantic things to melt their woman's heart but friends steal the
00:07:16.300show often three the lightness of mind and soul when compared to long hours spent with their
00:07:22.120boyfriends even a few minutes with friends feel more honest and relaxed yeah because do you know
00:07:27.020the same way you guys have to lie to us to make us happy we have to lie to you too there's this
00:07:31.540idea that being honest gets, has a good relationship. Okay. Let's, let's pretend we,
00:07:39.440both sexes were honest. Okay. Let's pretend that the men would say, the men would say,
00:07:44.620I want to fuck your friend. Your friend's hotter than you. Yeah. I want, I want to bang the friend,
00:07:49.860but do you say that? No, no. Because, or the sister or the mother, whoever the hell it is.
00:07:55.540you guys don't say that because you love us. The same way women, we don't say,
00:07:59.700my ex was better than you. Or we don't say, you know, we don't, we don't say uncomfortable truths
00:08:08.500like our body can. There's a reason that we lie. We have to. Do you guys really want to know?
00:08:14.360Do you, no, you don't. You'd rather we lie. Both sexes, we want to be lied to.
00:08:20.300So anyways, yeah, so of course she can be more honest and relaxed with the girlfriend. She can
00:08:24.640be herself anyway she's an open book in front of her friends moreover she can share anything
00:08:30.100and everything with them therefore being loyal is not a big task for her until women use that
00:08:35.540honesty against against each other and destroy their reputation and ruin their life ask me how
00:08:42.820I know the rescuers after all the pebbles that life has thrown at her she's got her friends to
00:08:49.060bring her back together boyfriends might be the ex but friends are never getting older so it's the
00:08:53.400scolding of her parents or a fight with a boyfriend she finds home in her friend's hug
00:08:58.120five a bucket full of weirdness all crazy and quirky things find their place at a friend's lap
00:09:04.100she can be drenched in foolishness and still no one would judge her i mean that this is um
00:09:09.300yeah women can be more annoying with each other where you might tell her to shut the fuck up right
00:09:15.940yeah it's yeah it's they have their own humorous dancing on the world's weirdest yet funniest
00:09:22.620songs her a-rated talks find a higher level when she is with the gang six no need of space most of
00:09:29.720the fights in a relationship revolve around the space each partner need the quarrel over minimal
00:09:34.720things result in a tensed atmosphere but with friends you need no space as you already have
00:09:40.440the freedom of speech and action seven friends are family friends spend long hours in her house
00:09:46.100doing nothing as if it is their own house and her parents and their parents also with passing days
00:09:52.160they become a large part of the family on the other hand she needs to think a hundred times
00:09:57.100about bringing her boyfriends to meet her parents yeah so um women are even making articles um about
00:10:05.760choosing their friends over a man but don't just believe the articles
00:10:12.480believe women themselves as we make tiktok saying the same exact thing guys don't ditch your friends
00:10:18.800for a boyfriend. You only have so much free time. Do you know what I mean? You got to
00:10:25.020ditch somebody for your boyfriend. So it's either the job, you know, we're not going
00:10:32.260to do that. The friends. And now they're saying, don't do that. Don't do that. Especially
00:10:38.360now that I'm 27 and I'm still seeing a lot of women do that. I'm like, girl, stand up.
00:10:45.300stand up look you're first off if your boyfriend is isolating you from your
00:10:50.540friends red flag leave of course it's the fat girl saying this of course I see
00:10:56.580those I see the blubber I see the cat that's disgusting and you should be
00:11:02.840able to have girl nights that's normal in fact that's very healthy you don't
00:11:07.340need to do everything with your partner for God's sake also stop calling him
00:11:11.740your other half. You, you yourself, you are whole as a person. You are whole as a person. He is not
00:11:18.640your other half. He is just an addition to your life. I always tell my boyfriend, I want you. I
00:11:24.600don't need you. Can you imagine her telling you this all the time? It's like we behave badly and
00:11:36.540then just brag about it and we think it's like a good thing you gotta you gotta think it like that
00:11:43.060girls stand up because i see sometimes here's some things that concern me and i need y'all to
00:11:49.040stand up it's okay to be in love but stand up yeah of course of course so that's that's woman
00:11:55.920ease for i don't like my boyfriend that much when they say i need i you know it's like when a woman
00:12:01.820really likes a guy she begs she pleads she cries please don't leave me please please you know you
00:12:07.820know how it goes uh but when she says i want you i don't need you that's i don't like you yeah
00:12:14.700after here we go now she's going to talk about a bunch of friends she's going to talk about how
00:12:19.580after 30 friendships have a harder time being maintained after 30 if you have a whole bunch of
00:12:25.580friends i'm looking at you sideways point blank period female friendships is one of the most
00:12:31.260hardest things to maintain besides your bills. It's like literally up there. You can maintain
00:12:37.220a relationship with a man more than you can maintain with a female. I used to think back
00:12:44.460in the day, like if you didn't have friends or if you didn't have a lot of friends, you were the
00:12:47.820problem. You can have acquaintances, but I'm talking about like actual friends. After 30,
00:12:53.860I can stand hard on like two good friends. Like if I needed to, you get what I'm saying?
00:12:58.140and all you need is like one good best friend and like you're good like you're fine but I can't be
00:13:04.840friends with a girl who has all these friends like to me that's like yeah the problem is the
00:13:11.720more like friends a woman has the more she can manipulate them against you she can like turn
00:13:17.180the group against you you know okay so why you should never choose a man over your female friends
00:13:28.040we got another article a couple of years ago my best friend was arguing with her boyfriend about
00:13:34.480me this guy oh no this guy was a great a of course emotionally abusive tool bag without going too
00:13:41.200far into the details of their relationship i'll say he had made it his mission to drive a wedge
00:13:45.380between my friend and me despite the fact i lived thousands of miles away he saw me as a threat to
00:13:51.460his hold on her anyways uh one night my friend i'll call her tara and i had an especially
00:13:57.920hilarious conversation on the phone i laughed until i cried and so did she the tool bag bag
00:14:03.880who i'll call teabag did not like this in the midst of our laps laughter tara whispered oh
00:14:09.580shit i gotta go i'll call you back late my stomach sank shit shit shit what was happening
00:14:15.320i tried to get in touch with a mutual friend to check her out check on her but since it was late
00:14:20.320in the u.s i couldn't find anyone about 30 minutes later she called me back her voice hushed and
00:14:24.660thick sounding i don't know he gets so mad when i'm talking to you so what really happened guys
00:14:30.140put the put what you think really happened in the chat um the laughing especially he's convinced
00:14:36.120we're laughing at him it just infuriates him he said luis will never choose you over her husband
00:14:41.640i'm all you have in that moment several things became obvious to me one teabag had to go
00:14:48.900immediately friends and I had tried to eject him from her life before okay there's the real story
00:14:54.480but things were escalating and she had to get out now a shirt while later Tara's relocation was
00:15:00.620was orchestrated by friends and family while I could not be there we were almost we were in
00:15:07.060almost constant contact as she extricated teabag from her life so yeah again usually when a guy
00:15:13.280has boundaries standards or really asks anything of a woman that's when everyone in her life will
00:15:18.740try to get her to leave him yeah and on the chat says I would choose my husband over female friends
00:15:27.220if I had to luckily I don't have to choose thanks and if you guys do have a question comment or
00:15:33.040concern you do get unlimited comments on the website he was wrong there is no choosing there
00:15:39.280is no either or there is no there is room in my heart for both my husband and the woman I love
00:15:44.180the love is not the exact same thing but take one away and I would be incomplete
00:15:49.100So often I think it's an expectation that once a woman is married, her friends, especially other female friends, become secondary, a childish remnant from a former life.
00:15:58.640I often encounter this idea among friends, acquaintances, or family, that when a woman who marries a man, the marriage consumes her.
00:16:07.140Yeah, because if you have a kid, it's like, are you going to go to the club with your friends or read your kid a bedtime story?
00:16:11.860You really got to pick. You can't be there for both, right? There's a pregame.
00:16:16.300being a grown-up married woman somehow means that a woman's husband should be her best friend her
00:16:22.000lover her soulmate or everything but how could one person be another person's everything frankly
00:16:26.880that's a lot of pressure and i can't imagine being another person's everything i'm happy that i'm not
00:16:31.260my husband's everything nor is he mine this is a conversation that is changing but even when i was
00:16:36.300in the process of managing my life with my husband's three years ago there was a bit of worry in
00:16:41.260the back of my head that somehow i'd lose myself my friendships or that i was expected to but the
00:16:46.280truth is without my female friendships I wouldn't know a thing about love. The first person I ever
00:16:50.840got a love letter from arguably the only person was my friend Liz. We'd been best friends since
00:16:55.860high school went to colleges very far apart and were very lonely one spring break. Neither of us
00:17:00.780could afford to go home and as we sat in our dorm rooms in different parts of the country
00:17:04.760we longed for each other's comfort. Then I got an email from her. In her letter she talked about
00:17:09.440relationships and crushes friends and intimacy. At one point she wrote but our friendship has
00:17:14.080taught me about love I doubt other people but I don't doubt you I love you through your weirdness
00:17:18.540you love me through my weirdness sometimes I'm somebody else with other people just like you are
00:17:23.180but I'm me when I'm with you I want to be madly in love one day but our friendship is a guide
00:17:27.480this is how love is supposed to be you're the only person I've ever wanted to write a love
00:17:31.140letter to thank you so again this is us we try to make our husbands into women right we like tell
00:17:36.840them about our problems they become our best friend big L for the men I felt the same and I
00:17:42.780still do. In that precarious time when we were trying to figure out adulthood and how to be in
00:17:47.720adult relationships, Liz and the depth of my acquaintance and appreciation for each other's
00:17:52.340greatness and shortcomings gave me something to strive for. Through boyfriends and girlfriends,
00:17:57.200Liz and my relationship was always the benchmark of how I deserved to be loved for and cared for
00:18:01.440by anybody. I remember being in a relationship where I was tactically or not so tactically asked
00:18:06.340to be someone else. To alter fundamental things about myself, these relationships always began
00:18:10.980sour as soon as I'd remember Liz and think, is this not how I want to be loved? Is this how I
00:18:17.000want to love someone? As someone, I'm not. Decades later, I still think of Liz's words when I'm
00:18:22.360confronted with questions of honesty or authenticity in relationships. The first time I said I love you
00:18:27.680and I meant it was to my friend Beth. Those three words had always terrified me. I'd said to people
00:18:32.740before, but I always felt a nagging guilt about it. I wasn't sure if I'm being honest. Beth was
00:18:38.060and is one of those friends who would never lie to you, no matter how painful it is to both of you.
00:18:43.140We worked in the same office when I was in my early 20s, and we became fast friends over the
00:18:47.580hatred of scanning photos and having to take notes at production meetings. What struck me
00:18:53.580and scared me about Beth is that she was immediately able to see through my BS.
00:18:58.100While I usually could charm people into forgiving my forgetfulness or selfishness,
00:19:03.800she wouldn't stand for it you're not a shitty person but sometimes you really act like one
00:19:08.140she said to me one night after i had behaved especially lousy i don't remember all the
00:19:13.660details but it involved her waiting for me for hours while i flitted flirted around doing god
00:19:18.800knows what i could shrink off most others anger but when beth looked at me it wasn't anger it was
00:19:23.900hurt and disappointment i mean they should date she's a lesbian i that's what i'm getting from
00:19:29.080this article what we had it out that night amidst the tears and the frustration i realized that beth
00:19:35.500was angry because she cared enough to hold me accountable for my actions though i didn't like
00:19:39.580to see it in myself she saw me as somebody better than the idiot i was acting like after the dust
00:19:44.620settled i offered the most sincere apology i had ever given up given at that point while beth
00:19:50.520accepted and hugged me i told her i loved her and the first time i meant it 100 well i felt like i
00:19:57.060had my armor torn away i never lost my trust in beth and i'd never felt more love that night i
00:20:02.220added holding the person you love accountable even when it hurts to my mental definition of love
00:20:06.660over the years i've had many experiences that have shaped what love meant to me
00:20:11.720somewhere with men romantic or platonic but the majority has been with friends who are women
00:20:17.760and although i've learned a lot about love in the 10 years that i've been with my husband
00:20:22.060certainly that living with someone in a physical relationship reveals things that aren't always
00:20:27.040uncovered in friendship i find myself reaching for the lesson on love i've learned from the
00:20:32.080women in my life rather than past romantic relationships this is not to say that women's
00:20:36.480friendships are in service to the ultimate payoff of marriage blah blah blah far from it i'm not
00:20:42.320even really saying that this is entirely unique to women's friendships i've just found that it is
00:20:48.400women who i feel a distinct kinship with for me the ultimate payoff is that every time true love
00:20:54.640touches you, you learn a little bit more about how to love yourself and others. You learn about
00:20:59.620how you see yourself through the eyes of the person who loves you. You get to see what they
00:21:05.040see. But I've been lucky enough to glimpse myself through the eyes of some amazing women.
00:21:10.340Going back to teabag's accusation that I'd chosen my husband over Tara,
00:21:14.780the choice would be like choosing my arm or my leg. Both are important to me. And if I
00:21:19.620had one torn from me I'd spend so much time in pain from that loss that the other limb would
00:21:25.060be an afterthought there's an extreme example but that's the level of rage I fell over teabag
00:21:30.280even suggesting that thought to Tara I guess the point is we don't choose who we love but more than
00:21:35.760that we don't have to choose who we love most there doesn't have to be a winner yeah because
00:21:40.640it's going to be the friends it's not going to be you fellas sorry I hate I hate I hate to be the
00:21:45.200bearer of bad news but she's got a thought friend um you're cooked done that's it um
00:21:51.920I don't have one person in my life who's my everything but the people I've chosen to love
00:21:57.180me are everything without them I'd be nothing in the foods oh wait okay that this is talking
00:22:06.120about something else yeah so here we got women talking about how why you should never choose a
00:22:14.080man over your female friends. And I just wanted to show you guys how this in essence plays out.
00:22:20.840What is the long-term ramifications of this? Where does this go in 20 years? Well, what we're
00:22:28.180going to see is a lot of female community living together. So you're going to see women sharing
00:22:32.940apartments, sharing community homes, and single mothers choosing each other instead of a man.
00:22:38.200And then they're going to break up, blow up, and then women will go on to the next parasite.
00:22:44.080And after dealing with divorce, Tessa Geider and Christian Baitakeffer decided to raise
00:22:51.400their family in a, wait for it, wait for it.
00:22:54.980So it's like a play on like mother and community, like mom you, and like it's so a community
00:23:00.360of moms living together under one roof, helping each other raise children together.
00:23:06.720So the backstory is I found out that my husband was cheating on me for a year and I left him
00:23:12.220obviously and then my friends were like hey you guys can come live with us while you're figuring
00:23:16.860out this next phase of your life and then my best friend also went through an equally terrible year
00:23:23.360like yeah when one friend did the divorce like when one girl in the friend group gets divorced
00:23:27.900i got bad news for you fellas i got bad news you're next yep especially if she's having like
00:23:35.260a good if she's having fun women hate being left out of fun right we love fun we hate like that's
00:23:41.600why like this is kind of how our brains work so you guys go to work and we don't realize that
00:23:46.220you're having a terrible time like we think you're having fun so that's why we had to join work so
00:23:50.440we're like what they get to have fun I want to have fun too and now we're crying at work we're
00:23:55.640doing like tiktoks crying in the car because we don't want to work well and it's the same thing
00:24:00.520with divorce right we'll see the women and even if it's not a fun divorce we'll see them and be
00:24:05.740like oh that's so fun they're going out to eat pray love I want to eat pray love and we don't
00:24:13.160what we don't see is the not getting called back the all this you know bs the the ex-husband moving
00:24:19.740on to someone younger hotter better in every way humbling you you know we don't see that we just
00:24:24.880see the oh a trip to Aruba I want to go on a trip to Aruba and then yeah we end up divorcing too so
00:24:31.500yeah i hate to say it fellas but yep then you're cooked then you're cooked also with her husband
00:24:37.100the same time as i was a couple months into living here she was called me up and she's like hey
00:24:42.780i'm this isn't working i think i'm gonna leave my husband and i was like okay we'll come live
00:24:48.040with us it's three moms who are amazing moms and i think that's what makes all of it when they say
00:24:55.880i'm an amazing mom that means they have to say it so their actions don't show it every amazing mom
00:25:01.480that I know never has to say I'm an amazing mom right it's always they just are it's kind of like
00:25:06.720the guy that's rich he's like telling everyone he's rich he's not actually rich he's telling
00:25:09.880everyone he's rich it's so beautiful and so easy like I mean I'm going through a divorce and yet
00:25:14.980I'm so happy and calm we all help each other with the kids we also all help each other with like
00:25:21.980just cleaning up the house or making dinner like we like kind of just oh I'll cook this tonight or
00:25:27.320I'll cook this tonight. And we make each other coffee in the morning. Like it's so crazy. Women
00:25:33.500never talk about emotional labor when living with other women. Right. So there's no counting the
00:25:38.760chores and saying, I did this, you did that, you know, yada, yada, yada. But when they do it for a
00:25:43.780man, it's like, that's when we start counting. Like, it's just like, we just like take care of
00:25:50.160each other. The con is like, I went from, and it's not even really a con, but it's just like,
00:25:54.760I had one kid and now there's three kids in the house and so that can be a little bit loud.
00:25:59.620House gets noisy. There's like two four-year-olds running around and then a one-year-old baby crying
00:26:06.000at the same time and like it just can be a lot. We're very lucky in that our daughters like our
00:26:12.480best friends like it's crazy. They get along so great. Until the moms have a falling out and then
00:26:17.860they're going to be ripped apart from their best friend. And like play together so great. My biggest
00:26:22.660piece of advice is that you have to make sure that these people line up with your values kind of who
00:26:31.060you are as a person I just think is so important I think this whole situation could have gone so
00:26:35.860differently if there was tension in the house bad energy or just somebody who didn't align with how
00:26:42.280I kind of feel and live my life you have to really make sure that you know like one that your parenting
00:26:49.700styles are similar that your views and your beliefs on things are similar and that you trust
00:26:56.480those people because like they're going to be around yeah we're cooked cooked that's the future
00:27:02.100i'm telling you that's that's the future we're already in it we're already watching this go on
00:27:07.780as i'm i'm the youngest millennial i'm two months away from gen z i kind of wish i was
00:27:12.780I'd feel younger you know um but that's that's what's gonna happen and people think I'm black
00:27:21.460pilled or a doomer but I'm like do you guys not have eyes you don't see everyone getting divorced
00:27:25.360you don't see people like it's like 10-year relationships that's what we're kind of in
00:27:30.300it's like a subscription model instead of a marriage model like I don't know and you know
00:27:35.240it's crazy the people that always call me black pill are always divorced that's that's that's
00:27:40.160the crazy thing. It's like, they don't, it's like two plus two equals four, right? Their parents
00:27:46.120will be divorced. They'll have gone through a divorce and then they'll say, Pearl, you're so
00:27:50.720blackpilled. I'm like, what did you do? You did a subscription model. Or the women, it's like,
00:27:56.300what happened to your ex-boyfriend? Where is he? They'll be like, oh, I believe in marriage. Where's
00:28:01.540your ex-boyfriend? Well, we weren't married. Well, were you throwing it back? Yeah. Oh, okay. So I
00:28:07.940guess it's not that special is it um john says except for you pearl 95 percent of women are
00:28:14.340bought and pay for it and can't be trusted well your kids a lot and you know basically helping
00:28:20.500raise your children and your children are going to be like watching them and learning from them
00:28:24.320and so someone said in the chat i hope pearl doesn't hit the wall well i gotta do it eventually
00:28:29.080i'm gonna age like i'm gonna be 70 and still got it