Playing to Win - 063 - Brutal Divorce - Duane Heil Returns!

00:00:00.000 why okay hey everybody what's going on um welcome back duane you're one of the most requested um

00:00:06.720 second time guests i've ever had actually um if you guys didn't watch the um grateful divorce

00:00:12.660 story um we did it i think in december so it's about three months old right now but um we didn't

00:00:18.940 have quite enough time to really dive into a whole ton of stuff just because of the restrictions and

00:00:23.700 we had to kind of move off to some other stuff hang on i got some uh feedback here coming from

00:00:30.300 my other screen and um everybody wanted to kind of hear like the tail end of the story was what

00:00:35.060 sort of happened next and you know where are you right now are you still in greece yeah i'm on the

00:00:40.480 island of corfu you can see it behind me here there's a big castle wall you can see all that back

00:00:48.700 there okay there's that the two it's actually the name of the island is kikira but they say

00:00:55.340 corfu because that means the two castles there's two castles here got it and um they're about i don't

00:01:01.560 know quarter mile from each other and i live in one of them uh because there's a little marina here

00:01:07.700 and um it's uh just available in the winter time so i read the spot for like

00:01:14.980 six up to six months in the winter time and it's uh because nobody not not many people here in the

00:01:21.120 winter and then when you say spot do you mean like a boat slip or do you mean like a yeah i'm in a

00:01:25.540 marina i can i can walk the camera around and show you but you can see it behind me all the boats lined

00:01:29.220 up yeah yeah so it's a very cool little marina it's kind of a it's not one of the big fancy ones um

00:01:35.000 and i mean it's just gorgeous all around me and then starting next week i start my chartering

00:01:42.760 and uh because because uh season is starting so everybody's watching i just want to put a plug in

00:01:49.120 who hit me up either one of my my channels and um i'm also doing um retreats for groups of people

00:01:58.900 so you can come individually or with a group of four people yeah let's definitely talk about that

00:02:03.660 in the show talk about that later but towards the end um yeah let me just recap the last show so

00:02:08.300 duane is a dude that was a home builder in the bay area of california correct me if i get any

00:02:15.000 any of this wrong i'm just kind of going off memory so a builder in the bay area of california doing

00:02:20.140 custom homes uh went through basically a nightmare of a divorce where his wife took the kids control of

00:02:27.500 the business all the money essentially left you with nothing all you wanted to do you know when

00:02:33.300 you know building a family i think you got three kids was it yep and all that you want to do you

00:02:39.280 know building the family was to get a sailboat and spend some time on the water you know from time to

00:02:43.540 time i think your ask was like you know let's just do one year and that was too much for and um that

00:02:48.540 kind of like left you with nothing and you basically after all that sort of dust settled you built a

00:02:53.380 couple more houses made enough money to buy the boat that you're on right now yep and you kind of

00:02:58.000 just sail the world doing doing your own thing yep um what did people want to hear about from the

00:03:04.100 last video that we missed um i think i think people were asking about your kids like what's your

00:03:09.700 relationships like with your kids after all that so what i'll do for people watching the replay is a

00:03:15.040 card up on the top right will pop up and it will uh let you click the original video so i would say

00:03:21.620 watch that first for those of you that have already watched it and just want to hear the follow-up

00:03:24.700 this is where we're at today kind of like the continuation of this this is part

00:03:29.040 yeah okay so this is like the most press i've ever gotten from something you know after all of this

00:03:37.340 and so thanks a lot for that uh rich and and so i i read through all the comments or i think all of

00:03:44.180 them and a lot of them i answered uh um but the the recurring theme was yeah what happened to kids

00:03:53.900 and what happened to my ex and um well it's interesting that i and i've noticed this in

00:04:02.360 relationships post-divorce is that they will tell you at some point what they're going to do before

00:04:11.040 they do it and in my case my ex did exactly that it was probably several years before the divorce

00:04:17.280 and she kept on egging me on to go down to this next town santa barbara where it's just gorgeous 0.98

00:04:24.580 and it costs you know buy-in is 10 million bucks or something for these beautiful houses overlooking

00:04:29.160 the ocean what do you mean going down you mean like selling the place you guys ran to move down

00:04:32.640 there just go start looking yeah you know she's hitting that wanting to go down there well that was

00:04:36.580 beyond my pay grade and i knew i grew up in california i know exactly what that place was and she was all 0.82

00:04:43.000 excited about it i was like hey man we already live in a multi-million dollar house and we did

00:04:48.380 just fine nah she was very excited about this and was this like going from like a seven-figure home to

00:04:54.060 an eight-figure home well okay if you look like a 13 million dollar home sort of thing yeah yeah going

00:05:01.540 from a three million dollar house to a 13 yeah yeah okay something like that again you could you could

00:05:07.160 go all over the the uh but that's kind of the area and so um i knew what it was like down there and i

00:05:18.080 kind of just blew it off and then i didn't think about it much anymore well today she shacked up with 0.77

00:05:23.280 some dude he's got a lot of money and um she buried him and they have their she has her beautiful

00:05:31.300 house over looking to see and i don't want to kiss and tell too much but i heard it through the grapevine

00:05:39.380 that um she had to compromise a lot of stuff in order to get that and i haven't spoken to her but

00:05:46.900 the bottom line is i was really happy when i heard this because i was like well that's exactly what she

00:05:54.500 wanted it wasn't like i did anything horrible or wrong or you know it's just it's the ultimate in

00:06:01.260 hypergamy right you know it's it's just that to the nth degree and all right so but you start

00:06:10.820 questioning yourself a lot when that happens when because when i was going through it because that

00:06:14.860 didn't happen for five or six years after it wasn't like she had this relationship waiting and i didn't

00:06:20.280 have one waiting either so but then when i look back at it i said yeah that's right she said that

00:06:26.840 she said that's what she was going to do she actually told me and then i look at other

00:06:31.420 relationships i've had since and when i really you know i've been single now for 10 years or maybe nine

00:06:39.340 and i've had a handful of relationships some for six months some for a couple years and when you know

00:06:47.400 you always get into something and you go oh well i you think this and you you hear what they say but

00:06:53.280 you just ignore the parts that you don't want to hear and but but then when it ends and you go oh

00:06:58.840 yeah they said that in the beginning they really meant it so that's what happened with her so she

00:07:05.660 always she already knew so i would warn people in they're in the same situation to be very aware

00:07:12.160 because maybe you can deal with it somehow i don't know yeah most people don't don't pay attention to

00:07:18.260 red flags like you could literally grab a red flag and wave it like this it's like yo here's a red

00:07:24.640 flag and they'll be like she's got great boobs and you know she's you know it's pretty and smells nice 0.95

00:07:29.720 and they don't they don't do anything else right or in my case you just you know you're rolling along

00:07:34.180 and you're comfortable and there's really not much i could have done about it honestly without

00:07:38.220 leveraging like hell which i kind of did that anyway and and you leverage you leverage and then

00:07:45.300 if it works out great then maybe you could buy the next thing they want you know maybe it's a better

00:07:49.920 car or maybe it's a better house or maybe it's better whatever it is that they want they want

00:07:53.520 something right how old were the kids when you guys split up okay so when we split my youngest he was

00:07:59.080 14 and then my middle one was 16 and my oldest was 18 and the 18 and the funny thing was i had the

00:08:06.240 best relationship ever with my middle daughter up until that point i mean she was just daddy's girl

00:08:13.560 and we'd do everything together i'd fly her around to her uh um she was uh she was an aspiring actress

00:08:21.740 and she could sing and so she'd go for commercial auditions in la and so i'd fly her down there would 0.94

00:08:29.380 spend the day together and she would confide in me things that little girls would you know i was

00:08:35.920 like oh my friends are weird and how come my boys never kissed me and what should i say to a guy who

00:08:40.400 says this and things that a kid a girl would ask her dad and i i was flattered you know i'd laugh with

00:08:45.320 her and get a hamburger and shake and and um and we had that and and it was nice the day the divorce

00:08:55.280 was announced she never talked to me again ever again well it took uh about five years so so why

00:09:06.120 did she stop talking to you the day of the divorce she wouldn't say she's still to this day having said

00:09:11.500 but i but i i i i uh my my actually um i don't want to say too much because there's some privacy but

00:09:22.060 but uh there was some help elsewhere to kind of close that gap and um she's what's happened is now

00:09:31.940 we talk regularly and she's well into her career she's got a big job in washington dc of all things and

00:09:40.460 and um uh she's doing some really great things and she's proud of herself and i'm proud of her

00:09:47.940 and we did get together for for dinner and so slowly it's mending but to broach that subject

00:09:55.040 you know hardcore it's like i you have to you know it's like any relationship you know you don't want

00:10:01.960 to just blast it open say why did you do this did you ever ask her siblings to see what they thought

00:10:06.460 of it yeah and her her brother and and he doesn't he doesn't want to get in the middle of it and you

00:10:12.520 know my son he never stopped talking to me from the very beginning but my ex was very very clever

00:10:19.940 in keeping us separated so i think i said this last time they play little games like oh he has a

00:10:27.580 baseball game on thursday so i would show up on thursday well turned out the game was on wednesday

00:10:32.460 and okay so giving you the complete wrong date so you show up like a pleb yeah you know so those 0.99

00:10:40.200 kinds of things constantly of just being harassed by misinformation and then you look like an ass 0.95

00:10:46.180 you know and and so i picked up on that he's playing the game like looking in the stands going 0.98

00:10:50.900 where's dad right and you're not there you know and then she knows i'm coming down and now i've got

00:10:55.900 that one down where okay i'm not going to be there the wrong day well you know of course it's why

00:11:00.800 wouldn't i go i've driven the long way why wouldn't i want to have dinner with him well of course she

00:11:05.280 has dates set up for him oh no no he only has 10 minutes and even if i ask it's and there's some

00:11:10.880 massive thing she is the master of of control and he you know didn't want to get he's got two sisters 1.00

00:11:21.600 and a mom to deal with at home and he doesn't want to make his life uncomfortable so the other

00:11:27.760 um girl did she the oldest one you guys when you split up he was told okay so it's this is all the

00:11:35.660 disinformation stuff that's going on you know it's like my ex this by the way guys is called parental

00:11:41.240 alienation and family law it's where one parent tries to put distance between the other parent by 0.83

00:11:47.700 making up a false narrative that would encourage the child not to want to have a relationship with

00:11:53.640 that parent sorry go ahead right so it's and i knew this during the court battle that this was going on

00:12:03.580 and i knew my remedies were to okay to to fight this parental alienation you're gonna have to do

00:12:09.900 psychological you know psychological analysis on that her then she would require one of me and then 1.00

00:12:15.500 we'd have to do it to the kids and then you know back and forth and you're gonna spend 0.84

00:12:19.200 probably fifty sixty thousand dollars going through this crap and the the 18 year old was 0.93

00:12:25.800 out of the picture because she's 18 and the judge said okay well mom can take care of the kids but dad

00:12:31.040 you can have i'm going to leave it up to the kids they want to see you so there were i wasn't i wasn't

00:12:36.760 told i couldn't see them but and they weren't told they couldn't see me but the judge has said

00:12:41.920 they're 14 and 16 i'm going to let them make their own decision and um so but but the things

00:12:50.940 that were going on which i knew i assumed a lot of times by her because the kids didn't even want to 0.98

00:12:56.420 say because i knew she was masterful at this i would have to go back and prove it and and they

00:13:02.000 would just cause such a a a uh discourse in the um in their lives i didn't want to rattle their lives

00:13:10.700 that much and i knew sooner or later they'd come back i my son's turned out great my daughter's

00:13:14.600 turned out great too and i will give one you know she got all of my money but to her benefit she spent 1.00

00:13:22.880 it on the kids the way i would have have wanted them to wanted her to so she made sure they got 0.92

00:13:30.080 through schools she made sure they you know got opportunities in their lives to to get to the

00:13:36.240 next step etc my son started a business and and so on so but i i was thinking about this today in

00:13:46.500 fact is like how do you stop that from happening the next generation again you know an extreme amount 0.54

00:13:51.800 of education is what it's going to take and i don't i don't think they're aware of it yet until

00:13:56.620 they get older but this is exactly what my ex-wife did at that time is she blew apart our 1.00

00:14:03.000 relationship uh relationship at exactly the time her parents split when she was that age and her

00:14:11.040 siblings were the same age as all three of my kids she had she was one of three and so but you

00:14:16.280 recreate this nightmare in your head and you think it's going to happen again and then you end up

00:14:20.000 creating it and and she was expert at at uh making a scene however she wanted to play out and so

00:14:29.400 uh you know i'm two out of three now at least i have relationships my son came out and sailed with

00:14:37.180 me a few times which has been great how does he like i he loves it yeah he was in italy this summer

00:14:43.680 and and we were sailing across from rome to sardinia and he was like after about halfway through

00:14:50.200 which takes like 20 hours and he was like wow i could see how you could get used to this

00:14:56.580 so that was cool and you know just me and him and the dog and and and to his credit i i um

00:15:05.240 i i knew he was coming i said oh there's some other people i can make it a party he goes no no dad

00:15:10.300 i want to do it alone with you and i was like oh awesome and he goes yeah i'm just trying to use

00:15:15.660 this time for reflection etc and so i was really happy he did and it turned out i heard sailing's good

00:15:22.680 for that like you know like you're on a passage you've got nothing around you you're on a boat it's not

00:15:26.060 like anybody can leave yeah i've got a captive audience so so that's absolutely true and i've

00:15:34.920 had probably since i've gotten on this thing three and a half years ago probably a thousand people on

00:15:40.280 and off the boat really yeah and over the last three years uh-huh some per day some for four days

00:15:47.400 some for a week some you know because people this this boat is very attractive and and it's got this

00:15:53.100 very big depth it's a beautiful see back here it's kind of a mess right now i'm doing some work on the

00:15:57.960 on the on the wood but um it's very attractive it makes people feel comfortable and i like to i like

00:16:06.200 to entertain i like to have people over and i and i open it up all the time so but one thing i've

00:16:12.180 noticed about every almost everybody who comes on unless they happen to be a professional sailor

00:16:18.060 is they get they get introspective and pensive about things and and that you you it changes your

00:16:27.300 perspective of life of you know for however long you're on you're separated by you know there's

00:16:36.180 maybe it is it's in your mind you know there's nowhere to go and so you have to start dealing

00:16:39.900 with it i used to fly airplanes a lot and i found the same reaction when i was up in the air when i was

00:16:46.040 piloting and and so i ended up talking to a lot of people about a lot of stuff which is great i'm i'm

00:16:53.800 happy to and i'm good at it and study psychology a lot now to understand where people's heads are

00:16:58.540 coming why do you think that like okay sorry sorry to hop in here but i'd be like why do you think

00:17:01.940 there's such a connection between people that fly and people that sail i've noticed that now i think

00:17:07.540 we love the the shit well for me and i know most sailors is they we have two big things to come

00:17:13.620 we love to travel we love the change of place and we love the shape of a foil you know what i mean 0.98

00:17:19.800 by foil airfoil as in a wing it's the same thing yeah it's really your you know you take that wing

00:17:25.280 this way on a plane you put it that way and it's a it's a sail right it's the same shape and to

00:17:31.100 optimize those things and how you plow it through water and to deal with the weather and the weather

00:17:36.460 is identical and it's just it's like you know um the the an airplane is an earth shrinker we used to

00:17:49.360 call it it would shrink the earth because you go up i i flew a beachcraft baron which was a twin

00:17:54.020 engine 200 mile an hour six seat airplane you get up in the air and the world gets small right you

00:18:00.460 can see it it's just you're just smaller and when you're in control of it you realize oh i can go

00:18:05.520 anywhere now just a fraction of the time and so am i going faster is the world getting smaller well

00:18:10.880 you play this game in your head that the world got smaller and you're like a giant taking big steps

00:18:14.600 and so it gives you a different perspective and on boat it's the opposite the world becomes big

00:18:21.360 because you go so slow you used to go in 60 miles an hour in a car maybe in your case 150 but um

00:18:28.640 it's uh still this perspective change and no matter what you know by this time of being on this boat now

00:18:37.480 for um god it's like 1300 days i i you live on the boat full time right like you don't fly back and

00:18:46.900 forth anywhere like the boat well once in a while i go back to see my mom and my kids right friends and

00:18:51.880 i and i've closed up all my businesses now i had two or three points of business that i had before i've

00:18:57.960 kept a couple of pieces of real estate which supports my lifestyle but um i um um

00:19:06.100 being out here for so long i have totally submitted to the seasons you do you think you're going to go

00:19:16.640 for example this winter i was gonna sail from spain down to the canary islands and surf again for the

00:19:24.640 winter well what happened is first of all i had some breakage on the boat like one of my sales

00:19:32.120 tours and you don't just go down to the sales store and buy one you got to have it made and that takes

00:19:37.220 six weeks so well so there goes that idea so then i went home during that time and then when i came back

00:19:43.940 uh it was in october november uh six week sets of storms came through and just tore apart where i was

00:19:52.320 you know i i survived it just fine but you know i mean i was even in a marina in in mallorca and it

00:20:00.140 was such a powerful storm it tore apart there's a very famous rcnp uh it's called it's a yacht club

00:20:08.120 there in palma mallorca which is like the biggest yachting center of the world and they have their

00:20:13.020 building that's right on the water and they have this beautiful balcony well the balcony tore off

00:20:17.240 it was like whoosh and it barely missed my boat i was like well that could have been really bad

00:20:23.320 sure insurance but you know um you you don't uh you never know what's going to happen so i got stuck

00:20:30.400 there for another chunk of time and then a bunch of other things broke in the boat and then i got

00:20:34.960 covid and i just sat there for two weeks and so i got sick i got the flu for two weeks and i'm like okay

00:20:40.640 and so through all of that i didn't go anywhere i just kind of stayed and then finally it got to be

00:20:48.460 december middle of december and or january no no it was january because christmas was over i thought i

00:20:54.520 had new year's there and i said screw it it's too late in season to actually spend two weeks to sail

00:21:00.520 down to the canaries and try to because the the the surfing season's over so i just turned and i went to

00:21:05.900 um uh greece instead and so you can't fight these things you just sort of submit to you know what

00:21:17.800 what the weather is going to give you you think you're going to do all kinds of things so you have

00:21:21.820 to become okay with that and um people say all the time where are you going to be in this time and

00:21:29.720 i said well somewhere it would be where i'm at yeah for sure and and i think almost any voter

00:21:36.840 full-time would agree with that you know there's only i think 10 000 really cruisers like me in the

00:21:46.360 world at any one time now there's a lot of people who sail but that's mostly because they have rental

00:21:51.880 boats there's a huge rental fleet or they take their boats out every year and they put them back in

00:21:56.060 and and you know they they sail around it's nice they want to be there when the weather's nice but

00:22:00.960 it's full time not a lot there's fewer people have done this than have climbed mount everest

00:22:07.580 and so it's wait wait wait say that again so so there's fewer people that live as cruisers like

00:22:14.720 no circumnavigating okay so circumnavigating who've actually done the whole so i haven't done it yet

00:22:20.880 i'm working on it then where did you sail the boat from like did you just pick it up in

00:22:27.140 the mediterranean or did you sail it from north america to the mediterranean like where did you

00:22:30.940 start from i was very specific in what did i what i wanted it was a beneteau sense and there is uh my

00:22:38.800 own set of criteria i wanted this big platform to hang out doing exactly what i'm doing now

00:22:43.800 i didn't want that many bedrooms i only got three cabins and most boats of this size would have like

00:22:50.880 five or six cabins so just more privacy for more people to sleep but i didn't i wanted to be just

00:22:56.180 less people and a nicer experience um and there's not a lot of these made there's only 70 of them

00:23:03.240 made in the world and um they stopped making them because it's like a sports car you know mercedes

00:23:09.740 making them they don't really make money off making the the the unique one they make it off making the

00:23:15.060 production ones so they stopped making it and um so they were hard to find and when i was looking

00:23:24.620 three years ago there was only two for sale one was in um uh one was in california actually but the

00:23:32.180 price was way high obstructively high and the other one was in um london or in uh southampton

00:23:40.660 england so i flew to southampton to buy it and when i got there there were some issues with it that

00:23:47.560 were unacceptable to me and i said well i'm just going to keep looking and some uh the guy said

00:23:53.180 hey you should go to turkey and i said why because it's because turkey's a cool place and there's boats

00:23:58.100 down there and i and i didn't even know where to go and and i was a single guy and i was like okay

00:24:03.700 i'll go to turkey because the salesman told me i should go check it out and i looked around

00:24:10.140 for a long time like a month and a half and i couldn't find the boat i wanted i looked a lot

00:24:16.340 of boats and i made spreadsheets of it and so on and then i i uh yeah i bet i'm willing to bet right

00:24:24.000 now that you that you've probably spent more time researching boats looking at boats evaluating boats

00:24:30.440 than what you did getting into your marriage am i right absolutely like you know for most guys

00:24:37.580 you know prerequisite is does she have nice boobs and have a pulse and does she like like me sort of 1.00

00:24:42.140 thing like does she touch me right but a boat like a material thing you know it's like you know well 0.99

00:24:49.000 they can both kind of kill you but i mean the chances of a boat sinking is almost nothing these

00:24:53.080 days right well the chances of you sinking in a marriage is like 50 basically exactly right 0.82

00:25:00.000 exactly sorry exactly okay no we're in here with all these analogies you want to go there we could

00:25:05.820 totally go there i i i uh since i have been studying this i started my exploration into the

00:25:14.460 psychology of relationships when i first started getting divorced i mean like within the first week

00:25:18.880 i ordered larry bellotta's manual on the what are you i don't know he has a name for it i can't remember

00:25:24.980 but but i i bought that immediately and i was like oh my god this is like there's psychology

00:25:31.060 behind this like this is you can you can is that is that how you came across my channel

00:25:36.020 no no that was a long time after that was 10 years ago oh okay so that was a long time before

00:25:41.140 yeah yeah yeah and how did you find my channel by the way i don't know um

00:25:46.800 i i really i can't remember i just stuff stuff comes over the feed and i was listening to something

00:25:54.980 it could have been cars it could have been it could have been business or it could have been this and

00:25:59.300 then i started hearing what you're talking about with all this i was like oh my god i want to talk 0.62

00:26:03.700 about fucked up divorce that's me i sent you that email and so i uh started then that psychology 0.89

00:26:13.760 analysis and when i get into relationships now i probably overthink it maybe but i'm a lot more 0.79

00:26:20.600 careful and i i'm a lot more happy in the end that's for damn sure and it is thinkable and i've

00:26:26.040 started coaching mostly women in fact uh you know talk to my friends and other girls i know say hey you

00:26:32.300 know if you're going to do this this is the odds of how it's going to end up and they're like

00:26:35.960 what how do you know all this and i said well i read about it and i and i listen to it and i do my

00:26:41.660 research and they're like oh my god i just younger women generally don't even want to hear it it's

00:26:46.620 it's really the older women that are open to like these sorts of conversation i've i've found like

00:26:51.800 they're exactly generally 30 35 plus that are like hey you know tell me tell me what you think about

00:26:57.080 this before that they don't care it's like i'm pretty i can do whatever i want well what i find is

00:27:02.100 girls around in their mid 40s because i'm 60 and so i i and how do you not have any gray hair at 60

00:27:08.740 duane like how did you go through a brutal divorce and not end up with gray hair dude okay let's talk

00:27:15.540 about that it's called uh it's called um what is it cortisol is the bad stuff right okay when i was

00:27:27.640 49 50 i guess i was 50 when she told me boom you know she kind of slapped this at me and

00:27:34.840 i went into that in the last interview so i won't waste the time but i had um my hair was dark but

00:27:41.980 i had a little bit of gray coming out and i had really short hair and i just cut it all the time

00:27:46.940 and i shave every day i only shave now once every couple weeks and it gets and then i cut it off but

00:27:51.820 sometimes i let it go but but um i uh i was weighed about 30 pounds more and i was stressed all the time

00:28:04.140 and um it took a couple of years to get through those court cases i was mired in courtrooms for two

00:28:14.960 full years maybe a little more than that and then i started getting out it wasn't but a couple years

00:28:22.680 later i finally saw some light at the end of the tunnel and then i my stress level went down

00:28:31.500 and i realized i could do whatever i wanted to do i really accepted it it takes a long time to

00:28:38.840 accept it after you when you're into 20 really it's 25 years of commitment to this thing

00:28:43.080 and i swear 15 years got knocked off my life i got given back 15 years most people who hang out with

00:28:53.660 me they would guess i'm in my mid 40s and they were from 45 to maybe 50 and um you know i'm i don't i

00:29:02.900 lost all that weight and i started exercising and i'm not a super big guy but i'm but i'm lean and i'm

00:29:09.680 strong and you know everything works and and um my hair got better it was amazing and i i think it's a

00:29:19.080 matter you look at all the presidents everyone even obama remember he went in with black hair

00:29:24.620 yeah yeah yeah and he came out he came out fully gray yeah stress is a huge i don't know about balding

00:29:32.480 i mean but that's that's a that's a stuff that's a genetic predisposition yeah yeah but and then i don't

00:29:39.300 have it in my family on either side so thanks mom thanks dad um but uh the color is is real i will

00:29:47.640 say i've had i i there is a funny story about the color i don't know how far you want to get into this

00:29:52.560 crap but um there was a guy in my um he got brought up in my divorce proceedings he was gonna when my ex

00:30:01.260 asked for full control of the company she stood up this is public record by the way i guess if you went 0.97

00:30:06.980 into the into the gunnels of the um san luis bispo county records and looked up our divorce

00:30:15.660 she stood up there in the stand in public and said she has the ability to run everything in the company

00:30:23.040 she doesn't need me and she has three guys who would put up their license in the case that i would

00:30:29.200 leave if she was just given full control and she's used one of the guys names it was nick osier

00:30:35.420 he was a contractor in my town and i knew nick he used to work my brother-in-law nice guy but

00:30:42.140 he brought up his name and i was like really i was sitting there in the stand gonna go or on the

00:30:47.600 seat i go nick's gonna take my place like wow he figured this out i can't even believe it and

00:30:55.380 and i hadn't talked to nick regularly in a long time but i was surprised and um and then she got control

00:31:04.900 the judge handed it to her and that's that was the beginning of the end within like 80 90 days i

00:31:10.120 resigned and and then she that's when she went back and asked for the judge to force me to work

00:31:16.860 for her and he said no that would have to force a man to work against his will has the ring of

00:31:21.840 slavery that clause got thrown in i'm serious i'd say that was written i got the letter i can

00:31:27.380 no no no i'm laughing because i mean it's often been said that um having having responsibility

00:31:33.340 without authority is slavery and that's essentially what you have in a north american marriage today is

00:31:39.660 you have responsibility to your family to your kids to the household to the roof over the house

00:31:44.340 all that stuff but you but you technically don't have authority as a head of the household anymore and

00:31:50.080 you know in the past like you know the way that they basically describe that is that that that's

00:31:54.700 slavery but that's essentially what marriage is today and and how most men live after a period of

00:32:00.340 time is they have responsibility without authority yeah yeah so she got all authority taken away 1.00

00:32:06.660 legally and even in the business and then wanted me to stick around and i was like well i i i saved the

00:32:15.780 80 or 90 days fair enough because i had a couple of jobs i wanted to see through i wanted to get them done 0.87

00:32:21.120 so i just pounded it out and i was like you know we were arguing about shit and i got mad a couple 0.94

00:32:25.900 times and yelled at some of the carpenters and they threw that at me too and whatever and so 0.98

00:32:32.380 there was there was no violence or anything it was just stupid and so when um so then a year or two 0.88

00:32:40.340 goes by and i'm now here i am starting my life over and a carpenter again like i'm 53 before i went from 0.93

00:32:47.580 having big beautiful life with kids and family to be a carpenter and i'm standing down at the

00:32:52.300 lumber yard and nick walks in and i hadn't seen nick in years probably three or four years and i was like

00:32:59.020 nick last time i heard your name was in a courtroom i go in fact did i go i can't believe why aren't you

00:33:09.060 down there running my company because my wife my ex-wife she collapsed the company the whole thing went 1.00

00:33:14.360 away three months after i left i can't believe you didn't step in what you didn't get along with

00:33:18.700 her what happened she pissed you off too and he said i never agreed to that and i said really oh boy

00:33:26.860 she used your name in vain because it's it's in the record dude and and you should know that and i said 0.94

00:33:32.700 frankly i said i think you're a liar and and and uh i think you're you're weak for not now not even 0.88

00:33:41.340 going and defending yourself because i wouldn't want my name used like that you should go sewer if 0.98

00:33:47.120 you didn't agree to it and and he got so mad he looked at me he goes well well you dye your hair

00:33:56.520 and he said this in front of all the guys in the lumber yard i was like 0.98

00:34:01.900 what i dyed my hair what the fuck are you talking about and it just blew my mind 0.93

00:34:09.260 this is what he so the hair yeah whatever i got dark hair and but it bugged him that much and he 0.98

00:34:17.240 must have felt so guilty he had nothing else to say so that was i don't know what else

00:34:23.780 um your your um your kids you said that you got a a pretty good relationship with them now especially

00:34:32.140 your son too yeah um did they ever feed back anything to you like now that they're adults

00:34:37.700 you know because the whole thing that went down with you know the family and the breakup and the

00:34:41.640 untying of the knot like did you ever hear from them on that like you know dad you know well

00:34:47.220 i mean yeah there's some things been said i'm not sure i want to repeat it in

00:34:52.080 in broadcast form yeah i mean like keep in mind this is a public broadcast yeah and uh in to honor

00:34:59.000 my son um but i will say that

00:35:05.200 to anybody who's thinking about you know ending like what we okay we had a 20 we had a very special 0.83

00:35:16.900 situation and my i mean this is really personal shit i don't mind telling you this but it's uh 0.55

00:35:23.940 like okay this woman i married was the sister-in-law of a guy who was raised kind of my dad so he was 0.91

00:35:34.200 almost like my brother right it was he he worked for my dad's company my dad had a very big company

00:35:38.700 and he had restaurants and this guy worked in restaurants and he wanted to be a designer when

00:35:43.120 we were like 15 16 years old and i always worked with my dad that's how i learned this trade so

00:35:47.740 early and and i was a tradesman and and so we by the time we were 19 we were built our own house

00:35:54.500 together and uh under my dad's guidance he said oh i got this extra property you guys go build this

00:36:00.420 thing and threw one of his superintendents at us and we we figured it out and and he was more of a

00:36:06.280 designer guy and then we did projects all through our 20s here and there his name is mark and nice guy

00:36:13.240 well in college he he knocked up this girl they ended up getting married cammy and um so they had

00:36:21.280 their kids and they were sort of you know like they were friends sometimes i'd babysit their kids and

00:36:26.840 they were like friends the family and we still did projects together and then um one day five years

00:36:35.360 later there was the big event in oakland the oakland hills firestorm and it burned down 3 000 houses

00:36:42.500 in a day 1991 september of 1991 and i get a call from marcus hey man there's this huge disaster

00:36:50.580 happened there's all these empty lots you should go check it out and you know buy some of the stuff

00:36:55.240 which you set a business up there and i'll do it with you i was like okay cool so i went up there

00:37:00.400 and he had his sister-in-law pick me up from the airport now i knew her like a couple times i might

00:37:08.160 have seen her at a party we never got you know didn't hang out too much but then uh i uh that's 0.99

00:37:16.100 how i got to know her but so there was like this big intertwined family you know families

00:37:22.180 and that was the one that ended up becoming your wife uh you know the one that she became my wife 1.00

00:37:26.680 yeah exactly so when i look at what people give up what are they getting to go through i mean

00:37:36.120 i guess if you're married for a couple of years and it's horrible and you don't really have a lot

00:37:41.140 of legacy and stuff i don't know maybe it's worth it but when you're married for a long time like i am

00:37:48.620 and you have families all who are all you know intertwined and it's like is it really better

00:37:59.200 afterwards and so i look at what my ex has created and sure she got remarried but it's uh

00:38:11.020 it's like okay so she married this guy whose ex-wife married my ex-neighbor my ex-neighbor

00:38:23.220 had a son who he was like 20 he was kind of lost and wondering it was this guy then my neighbor i

00:38:30.160 said hey dwayne would you take my son for the summer and give him a job and take him see the world you

00:38:36.200 know kind of man him up and so i've i've done that process with probably at least 10 guys i mean other

00:38:41.820 parents have asked me to put their kids to work and sort of show them what the hell's going on

00:38:46.140 because they are whatever they're doing you mean on the boat or when you were a builder no no no no

00:38:49.620 this is when i was working this is when i was in my 40s you know and because i ran a construction

00:38:55.140 business and i also um you know i'm an engineer and i know a lot about a lot of things and they

00:39:00.580 trusted me to because their sons were just lost at some point i think he was doing drugs and

00:39:05.140 he was in his day he wouldn't listen to his dad so anyway i did this so now his dad his son actually 0.92

00:39:11.340 told my son hey you know what your dad did like one of the best things ever and he got my shit together 0.97

00:39:15.140 and he made me see things differently now my life's a lot better i was like cool but the the the fuckery 0.96

00:39:22.760 of now which house do you go for thanksgiving which do you you know where do you go christmas and 0.71

00:39:29.120 and your alliances and allegiances and and the complexity that you develop in breaking apart 0.52

00:39:35.960 families and then remarrying to somebody else is that this whole structure just gets fucking complex 0.94

00:39:41.500 and fucked up so it's i i can't uh say you know i just know this is what one thing like my son has to 0.95

00:39:55.220 look at and some of this i'm just injecting like from what i know he's going to have to see it's 0.98

00:39:59.860 not that something he's saying but it's got to be hard you know it's got to be hard all the way

00:40:05.420 around so before you go and just say okay i'm going to pull the trigger and pull the plug it's it can be

00:40:11.340 very complex that that was my personal case okay not everybody's lives are so intertwined like that but

00:40:16.960 they could be and on some level everybody has a little bit of that and what's the uh

00:40:24.880 i mean you got two daughters and a son so let me ask you this question so given the experiences that

00:40:31.540 you've had in life right now and like as you would dispense it to your own kids or any you know like

00:40:36.540 young man or woman right now watching this like what like what advice would you give a 20 22 year

00:40:41.860 old son versus a 20 22 year old daughter like is it different is the same advice when it comes to life

00:40:46.560 advice you know what the most stable women i've seen love their father yeah i would agree with

00:40:55.700 that 100 but flag number one is daddy issues 100 100 and if you get that out of the way i think almost

00:41:03.460 everything else can be dealt with uh unless you're just like a lot you know unless they're just but 0.82

00:41:09.380 come on people are just fucked up but but um i was listening to jordan peterson today and he was 0.98

00:41:14.640 talking about you know like this all the rampant people changing sex and stuff and how it's just 0.99

00:41:20.740 pop culture and and how screwing things up and the balances of men and women and i don't i mean

00:41:27.980 those are those are fringe i would hope um but but you know and i and i feel a little guilty about that

00:41:37.080 too because my oldest daughter hates me and so i feel sorry for her it's like you know and and she 0.98

00:41:43.340 was lied to and that's the other thing it's like i and i i i know she was and um so she's got to go

00:41:51.360 through life being raised for 18 years by this guy she trusted and then all of a sudden this bundle of

00:41:55.400 lies because my ex needs to look good so she can go forward in life and and get herself this house 0.99

00:42:03.180 some overlooking the ocean and and it's like to i um i think to know yourself you know one of the best

00:42:15.080 things that i did after i got divorced was i went to this uh uh it's a seven day seminar it's called

00:42:25.180 the hoffman process and it was really great because i think one of the most important things that you

00:42:33.160 can do in your life is get to know yourself know who you are it's it's uh to see yourself as others see

00:42:38.880 you is is the best thing that you can know and so you know how how you're treating people and

00:42:49.580 and then you can make a decision of a partner more intelligently um so so it's like a it looks

00:43:03.020 like it's a weekend retreat it says tuition's 5 300 bucks it's seven days yeah okay or seven

00:43:09.160 yeah okay but i mean but it sounds like you got something out of it oh it's huge yeah it's uh

00:43:15.120 um how did that change you it made me feel like i'm enough no matter what you know you didn't feel

00:43:24.980 like that before like i guess you felt like a failure because you lost everything yeah for sure

00:43:29.020 you know like i did everything that i thought was right and then all of a sudden you're 53 and you've 0.98

00:43:34.400 lost everything you go what wait a minute what's going on and sure i fucked up and some of your kids 0.99

00:43:40.220 won't even talk to you even yeah and and so so then i learned about what what you learn in the 0.86

00:43:48.760 hoffman process is first of all it starts off with a like a questionnaire it's a little sales pitch

00:43:58.180 for hoffman okay um i don't mind man you don't pitch it if you want i mean if you feel like you got

00:44:05.420 value out of it than just i got value it's great it was a great thing but but it helps me understand

00:44:10.420 what i'm about to other people because psychology you're often looking at other people how they

00:44:14.800 affect you yeah what how do you affect others and bob hoffman he figured that out in the 60s

00:44:21.540 now it's hard to get into there and they don't do a lot of them i mean i think they have two

00:44:27.960 locations they've won california they've won in europe i think and they only take 20 or 30 people at a

00:44:34.960 time so if you do the math on that they only do maybe not every every week this is not a lot of

00:44:41.740 people who can go through it and it's and you have to be there you can't do it online it would be

00:44:46.400 impossible but if you can it's awesome and i wouldn't do it until i'm 40 35 or 40 don't do it

00:44:54.620 when you're 20 you don't know enough about life yet not enough crap has happened 0.99

00:44:57.880 so yeah you need some shit on your face to take this course huh yeah yeah yeah yeah you have to 0.99

00:45:05.800 you have you have had to to make some mistakes so you can have some uh something to reflect on 1.00

00:45:11.460 you know getting and getting fucked over and getting lied to and and why did you believe that shit 0.98

00:45:16.900 you know there's and i used to believe that everybody was good that was that was something 0.99

00:45:22.540 i walked out of my house with and i realized it's not true no no it's not true no not human beings

00:45:28.620 like you know once you get older and i mean i'm still younger than you but i mean like as you get

00:45:33.900 older and you start getting in your 40s and stuff you realize that human beings are kind of vile

00:45:38.080 disgusting creatures yeah they can be i mean i mean there's some people with like good in them

00:45:43.620 obviously but i mean yeah um humans are interesting uh beings that's that's for certain um i want to go

00:45:53.160 back to that question about your um about that advice for like young men and women so your sons and

00:45:59.120 daughters so what advice would you give a son versus a daughter for life advice like especially when it

00:46:04.640 comes to like um the the general dynamics of relationships and marriages and having kids i mean

00:46:11.300 like as a father you've got kids i'm assuming you'd probably not be opposed to having grandkids

00:46:15.960 and it's something that you know most people love to have grandkids yeah that's why we're here to

00:46:20.000 scatter seed right so i mean yeah why don't we hit it from that angle so what relationship advice

00:46:24.320 would you give your son versus what relationship advice would you give your daughter knowing what

00:46:28.580 you know now going through the divorce machine like one question i'd ask you is would you tell

00:46:32.960 your son to get married girlfriend now what i told you tell him to get married like would you say

00:46:36.380 that that's a good idea i tell him don't okay now he he wants to of course you know it's a fantasy of

00:46:42.740 everybody but i mean like you can have kids without getting married yeah but there's a thing about 0.79

00:46:47.340 marriage is that or inviting family law into your life yeah it's fucked up and you have okay let's look 0.87

00:46:52.960 at family law over here in europe i i i um um know a woman here who's uh just gone through the divorce 0.78

00:47:03.340 process she's around 40 and now in her case the guy didn't have any money at all so it was there was

00:47:14.200 nothing to give but she says that in greece you split what you have but not what you're going to make

00:47:22.940 and that's a big subtlety to big difference in california after 10 years you split what you

00:47:32.280 make in the future what you make in the future that's slavery right that's that's that you can 0.53

00:47:38.260 be looked at as nothing else and so it's a motivator for divorce and it's it helps the lawyers so it'll

00:47:48.740 never change so so my son lives in california i told him

00:47:52.940 don't don't get married i said don't do it in california right now if you go to north up in the

00:47:59.000 um uh like you go to norway sweden the the situation there is they uh not yeah you might split what you

00:48:12.100 have and in the future it's definitely not what you get but it's assumed that everybody's equal

00:48:18.500 so so your recommendation would be son don't get married in california if you're going to do it and

00:48:24.120 you want to raise a family go somewhere where it's not hostile towards fathers and by the way there are

00:48:29.440 states in the u.s that aren't hostile towards fathers like for example in i think it's um

00:48:34.680 nashville's in tennessee so it's tennessee texas and arizona i think tennessee is probably the

00:48:40.680 friendliest state if i remember i had a guy on as a guest early january um on my unplugged alpha

00:48:46.460 podcast and he broke down all the states the ones that were hostile the ones that were friendly like

00:48:51.040 in a state like tennessee for example if you get divorced it's basically default 50 50 custody

00:48:56.120 like you don't have to fight to see the kids there's no argument over it you just deal with

00:48:59.220 the matrimonial assets so as far as your son goes it's don't invite the state into your life

00:49:05.600 if you're going to do it now do you think he's going to follow that advice no i don't think most

00:49:11.300 kids would either i think they would just plow on forward and do what they're going to do anyway

00:49:14.880 what about your daughters like would you give them different advice what what what about your 0.99

00:49:19.660 daughters would you give them different advice like yes definitely get married marry a rich man 1.00

00:49:24.620 no i didn't tell them that i mean you know it's uh i wish i could tell you but my daughter kind

00:49:32.840 told me this in in in private so but i i uh let me just try to put it generally um

00:49:41.640 men are guilty of the hypergamy as much as mine how so explain well you if you're if your girlfriend

00:49:52.940 gets an amazing pay grade upgrade not even pay grade but uh okay girls go for money status and looks 1.00

00:50:02.220 looks money status yeah looks money status game captivation there's a few other spokes i mean 0.98

00:50:08.520 like you could have looks money and status but if you're boring as shit she's not going to stay 1.00

00:50:12.100 around okay right like you have to be captivating shit like she has to find you interesting too 0.99

00:50:16.200 right so but status is a big deal but it goes the other way too so what happens if a girl you know 1.00

00:50:21.440 your girlfriend and all of a sudden she gets a big bump okay so she's a marketing manager in the

00:50:28.200 company and you're a sales guy and all of a sudden she gets bumped up to head of marketing now she 0.95

00:50:34.760 suddenly has to go to europe twice a month constantly right and she's she and now she's 0.93

00:50:41.460 meeting stars so she still loves you but she's meeting this star and that star and this star and

00:50:47.680 you know all these people in business and she's putting together deals and you know new does that

00:50:52.920 tie into the hypergamy equation for men though well how are you going to feel you're going to feel

00:50:58.700 stable you're going to feel as uh confident with your girl if suddenly she has all this new access

00:51:05.060 how are you really going to feel and you know you might be like the definition of hypergamy is

00:51:11.820 getting into a relationship with somebody of a higher socioeconomic status than you

00:51:16.100 so yes you are right there are guys that do look for women that that make money but men aren't

00:51:25.140 inherently hypergamous from that perspective like it's it's it's very very common for very successful

00:51:31.060 guys to wife up broke women that like yeah make thirty thousand dollars a year just because they're 1.00

00:51:36.780 pretty but what i mean is are you going to think your girlfriend's going to start

00:51:41.060 uh getting swayed by all this this new fantasticness that's in her life unplugged

00:51:47.900 men will they would start thinking to themselves well hang on a second uh you know who's that guy in

00:51:52.280 the photograph in brussels at that conference uh he looks like he's standing a little too close to her

00:51:57.920 he's tall and handsome with a child chiseled jaw he's the ceo of a blubbity blah and i'm only making

00:52:03.720 seventy thousand dollars a year right exactly you start to doubt like the whole thing but that's actually

00:52:08.740 not hypergamy that's that's something totally different okay what what do we what do we call

00:52:13.080 that i would just call that insecurity and jealousy as far as the way that she's um you know

00:52:20.260 developing her lifestyle habits but um you know it's interesting to note that one of the biggest

00:52:26.880 precursors to breakups and divorces in long-term relationships let's say they're married for 10

00:52:32.860 years they both make roughly the same amount of money if if she makes a lot more money than he does

00:52:38.660 after a certain period of time like let's say you know the 10-year mark she's been promoted a few

00:52:42.760 times she's now the vp of something or another and she makes 300 400 000 a year and he's still making

00:52:48.240 about 100 grand a year that's usually one of the bigger precursors to it to a divorce is when she 1.00

00:52:52.880 gets a promotion and a raise now if he's a stay-at-home dad she probably won't leave him though but if he's

00:52:59.760 still working and you know her socioeconomic status rises she can't look at him anymore she doesn't 1.00

00:53:05.280 admire him like now she's looking down at him women want to look across and up at a guy they don't want 0.99

00:53:10.620 to look across and down at a guy so when she starts seeing that her life gets better that's when women 1.00

00:53:15.160 leave men too yeah exactly so i would think to have a solid relationship you got to find somebody you

00:53:22.220 can grow with right for a woman yeah well not not see that's the common new age trope where it's all

00:53:29.040 like men and women are equal and we're partners in life and all that sort of stuff and truthfully

00:53:33.520 women women are okay with that to some degree but they don't like it as much as looking up to 1.00

00:53:37.800 a uh a guy right like they'd rather be with a billionaire than a millionaire obviously you see

00:53:43.580 what i'm saying yeah yeah they they'd like to be but there's how many billionaires are there so they're

00:53:49.240 so if you're a guy and you're gonna be an artist and you you know you're you're you're interesting and

00:53:56.920 you're fun and you're i don't know if artists are fun but if you're you're interesting and you're

00:54:02.860 and you're significant and uh you know you're you're uh amazing but you don't make a lot of money

00:54:11.980 because they generally don't okay and but you're gonna be with somebody hopefully they're they're

00:54:19.580 involved somewhere in your life like you know there's a thread of commonality there that as you

00:54:26.380 grow that you can you can share these things right and so i i i have seen my i have two sisters that

00:54:37.360 have had very successful relationships and they work together with their but they both looked up to

00:54:43.500 their husbands and that and that was a that was a trait they got from my father actually because my

00:54:49.560 sisters loved my father a lot i mean they argued with him they'd fight with him they call him an 0.98

00:54:54.800 asshole sometimes when he was but but in the end they respected him and so they respected their husbands 0.86

00:55:01.980 and that's yeah women have to respect the man that they're with they have to respect their father they 0.97

00:55:06.280 have to respect their man that they're with otherwise there's nothing going on there that it was huge

00:55:10.440 and i saw that happen with my sister so i was like how come they kept that together for all the

00:55:13.760 because they're like 65 now and they're you know they're cutting towards the end of their

00:55:18.220 their productive life and and wrapping it up but um what the trials they went through they could

00:55:25.840 have easily there was times they argued they could have split and and and just screwed it up 0.94

00:55:31.080 and i mean like basically what you're saying with your daughters then is don't let them marry a bum 0.96

00:55:34.960 essentially right i mean you're saying yeah right not a bum and and and and

00:55:40.180 uh keep um you know you may have to if if uh um you might have to pull the guy up

00:55:52.660 you know it's like or or yeah maybe you know if you it not when you're dating but you know maybe 10

00:56:02.240 years into it and so think hard about but i mean what you really don't you find that women only have 0.99

00:56:08.340 like a certain amount of tolerance for that though like you know like pulling a guy up yeah pulling

00:56:13.000 a guy up like i've like i've also said that a woman in her 20s has a lot more patience and tolerance

00:56:18.700 for a hot guy with a plan yeah then a woman at 40 dealing with a hot guy and i saw i have a lot of

00:56:26.460 patience for a 40 year old in my 40s i saw a lot of i saw a lot of my friends in their 40s who

00:56:32.320 weren't pulling it and they got pinked off for that exactly they don't have patience for it it's

00:56:37.700 like you know i'm 40 you know i'm running out of time here i gotta deal with somebody that's got 1.00

00:56:41.700 a shit together you're 40 you better have your shit together otherwise i'm gonna bounce 1.00

00:56:44.820 no sadly and when i when i because i've been through this shit what i also saw the same women 1.00

00:56:51.220 who just like ah you know it's a bummer i'm gonna leave them or you know i and they're doing 0.93

00:56:56.800 something that that's their they have their business and it's going along and they they think

00:57:02.280 they're gonna upgrade but they generally don't depend on what they look like too no generally they

00:57:08.480 don't unless they're just i mean really focused she's gotta be hot she's gotta be good looking 1.00

00:57:12.940 woman super hot yeah and and then they it's a lot of work to do at that point and they end up

00:57:19.540 kind of like getting cats and i and that's when i look at it and go was that really worth it

00:57:25.120 you know to get over the psychology of understanding why you're you know because the guy wasn't a bad

00:57:31.320 guy there's actually a lot of reddit threads and quora threads not quora quora threads now where

00:57:37.180 women are like i'm thinking of leaving my husband i think the grass is greener on the other side i'm 1.00

00:57:41.580 43 this is what's going on and then you see a lot of these women with cats chiming in going i thought 1.00

00:57:47.020 the same thing girl but i was wrong and i should have stayed with him and the grass wasn't greener on

00:57:51.880 the other side of the fence right but i mean like the mainstream narrative with hollywood and the

00:57:56.620 movies and everything you know uh eat pray love you know whatever all this like stuff is like you

00:58:01.240 go girl you know you can do better he's not good enough for you and it's like you know women eat 1.00

00:58:06.280 that shit up hook line and snicker give me all that right yeah so it's it's a very interesting you 0.99

00:58:12.700 know dynamic when it comes to dealing with the uh level of arousing and attractional and desire you 0.98

00:58:18.760 know between men and women and there's different phases of it too when they're younger and older

00:58:21.880 and there's a lot of circumstances you can pile into that but it's yeah i think i think generally

00:58:27.680 speaking the way that you've described it is like you know you try to give your son the best advice

00:58:31.520 that he you know that you can but i think for the most part they're not going to listen i think

00:58:34.980 daughters too probably will do whatever they want but the interesting thing about about women is that 1.00

00:58:40.040 their innate instinct hardwired into their uh programming is hypergamy which is

00:58:46.380 basically don't deal with bums right you know find finds because what a thousand ten thousand 0.99

00:58:53.200 years ago we're living in a hunter-gatherer tribe and you know you you know you get with a guy that's 0.76

00:58:58.600 a loser in the tribe and he can't bring home the bacon for you and protect you you're basically 0.73

00:59:02.900 screwed you and her offspring are screwed so that's why women develop that it's a feature not a 1.00

00:59:07.240 bug and some guys get pissed off with that oh my god she's never going to love you for who you are 0.99

00:59:12.120 guys right that's when they go doom and gloom you know i since living over here as well i've met a

00:59:18.720 lot of couples who have kids who aren't married yeah it's pretty common in europe it's very common

00:59:22.960 over here and and so there's no divorce and you know there's uh um they split up some assets and

00:59:34.140 things and they move on but there's not the legal fuckery that goes with it okay you know you're not

00:59:44.360 going to spend a couple hundred thousand dollars and half of your life and then the threat of the

00:59:48.500 rest of your life uh dealing with this and so it's it's sad i mean every breakup is sad you know there's

00:59:57.480 you get used to people and and maybe you're both tired of it you won't want to move on even that is

01:00:02.620 hard to move on but it's fun and interesting to see what you're going to meet in the future as well

01:00:06.260 and uh but there's not the level like when i i i tell people what i've been through in california

01:00:15.340 and they're just like flabbergasted they're people in europe like people in europe yeah yeah yeah in

01:00:21.380 europe and i bet they're all like oh america must be wonderful i've always wanted to move there it's

01:00:25.360 got to be the best place in the world you're like hang on a second let me pour you a glass of

01:00:28.700 something sit down because i got a divorce story to tell you sweetheart yeah yeah and then they they're 1.00

01:00:33.320 just kind of like they're they're just shocked you're like oh wow it's amazing you came out so

01:00:37.800 well right and so but i will say okay post-divorce i mean if anybody's you know because i i and actually

01:00:46.300 from this last interview there's quite a few guys um uh 50 or so maybe a little older it's like oh my god

01:00:55.540 i'm going through the same thing and you know and even you a little bit we were like oh well

01:01:00.460 can i go sailing and you know how does it work out and one of the hardest things for me

01:01:08.280 let's talk about sailing and life now for you well yeah it was how do i um change my whole perspective

01:01:17.340 of what life is day to day because i was you know raised a very productive american guy we have a

01:01:28.280 very different view on what production is in america and or the the hard west and even over here

01:01:34.580 and in anywhere in europe it's basically a rat race in north america and in europe it's a lot more

01:01:42.080 yeah chilled you know when it comes to production yes yes and okay so i gotta be uh aware of of not

01:01:53.840 being so anxious but then there's also myself of just being okay with uh living with less making less

01:02:04.520 and spending less now it's easy to spend a lot less when you live like i do because there's

01:02:10.860 buy food and you know like i got a pretty nice boat but you could spend one fourth what i do you

01:02:17.420 can spend a hundred grand and get fine but you know that's maybe a little cheap if you want like

01:02:23.360 a lot of comforts but 150 for sure and a lot of guys you look at youtube channels people spend

01:02:30.520 five thousand dollars and they fix them up but they're working on it like crazy and you can live

01:02:33.920 on it fine but your your expenses go way down which is great but then what do you do all day

01:02:40.900 and um and so i well let's go back to when i was first leaving i had just been going going going for

01:02:51.600 since i was 20 until i was 56 57 you know pretty much non-stop and i found it was really hard for me

01:03:02.660 to accept the fact that tomorrow i'm just going to be totally different life and um i it it's it's hard

01:03:14.000 to change your mind and to accept that like you're going to give up you know what you in my case as

01:03:20.180 being a developer i can't be a developer from takes a long time to set up a project to build something

01:03:25.680 so um do you still have rental income properties in north america okay so let's tell you like you

01:03:33.320 know when you're not uh basically chartering and taking guests on that's how you cover the

01:03:37.980 boat expenses and everything right okay yeah yeah and um so i um yeah so i didn't go naked you know

01:03:47.320 and say oh i'll just hope i have some investments and um but in hindsight i could have had a lot less

01:03:55.020 and i didn't realize how satisfied i'd be just my days of of you know i could take two hours to

01:04:04.840 have a cup of coffee but is it everything that you thought that it was going to be because i

01:04:08.400 remember the first time that we talked you're like you know i just wanted to sail like i just

01:04:11.440 wanted to take a year off and take the family in a boat and just kind of like you know see a

01:04:14.840 see a bit of the world like now you've been in the mediterranean all this time is it is it

01:04:19.540 everything that you thought it was going to be oh yeah it's great and and what's amazing me

01:04:24.300 amazing to me is this it is even though i live in the land of boats because you're in islands in

01:04:30.400 greece i mean it's where it all started kind of and you know people coming up from africa and all the

01:04:35.340 back and forth and and um i meet people on this island who've never sailed and when i tell them

01:04:45.960 oh i'm a liveaboard sailor they're like oh my god really i mean people who live in these shops and

01:04:51.020 they're so excited about it everybody who lives around the sea gets so excited they want to sit

01:04:55.940 down and have dinner with you and they want they want to see it they want to walk down and and i'm

01:05:00.080 like my god look at all these boats there's people every day is it really that unusual and they're like

01:05:04.140 yeah it is so it's so it's relatively easy to meet women then well i mean yeah i mean i mean that's

01:05:14.320 what the viewers are wondering now like you know it's a lot easier okay now i don't know if it's me

01:05:19.640 or if it's what i'm doing but when i lived for the five years after in in california making my money

01:05:29.000 again six years maybe i was dating a little bit but there was nothing very good but now on the other

01:05:37.820 hand every time i'd meet a girl i'd say they said what are you doing you know who are you and i said

01:05:41.700 well i'm going sailing but i was really working for another three or four years they said what do you

01:05:46.760 want to do and i'd say that and that they kind of lose interest because they want to stay there

01:05:50.060 you don't want to go sailing but now i'm doing what i love and so it attracts people who love the same

01:05:56.200 thing and it's um interesting enough and it's unique enough and i've gotten good at it to where

01:06:03.220 a lot of people want to come on and and share this and so it's uh for me it's been a great experience

01:06:13.800 and i i would say that anything you do that you really love you're gonna people are gonna be

01:06:21.680 fascinated by what you do whether it's being a broadcaster or a boater or a baseball player

01:06:28.700 or it's yeah that's really true you know i've i've often said that you know you want to chase

01:06:33.640 accents not women i was having a conversation with my uh girl last night we're just chilling in a hot

01:06:38.340 tub having a drink and she's like i love that you are doing what you're doing like i love that you

01:06:44.360 are so stoked about it and that it's so useful so you know the whole chase excellence thing and being

01:06:49.760 on a purpose in a grind like women are attracted to that i mean if you hate what you're doing it's

01:06:53.900 boring it's not interesting people don't admire you for it you're not going to go very far with it so

01:06:58.380 i mean that that's an excellent point yeah and and so and i would give kudos to you for doing this

01:07:05.360 because you're constantly coming up with new ideas and you you reach into everything and um

01:07:10.720 oh and by the way uh you were looking at the uh you did a piece on the uk and russia thing

01:07:17.440 my daughter actually got chosen for the uh the congressional envoy to go to um um she went

01:07:25.220 and and went to the border with the with the secretary of defense and the and the um uh

01:07:33.220 um about eight senator no eight congressmen like a couple weeks ago and i if you guys look in my

01:07:42.320 instagram it's finding grateful no it's grateful travel but i have in my links i i'm a writer i've

01:07:49.340 become a writer for a magazine called uh uh the national business post.com and i wrote a piece in

01:07:58.400 there about a refugee camp uh syrian refugee camp and it got pretty well received and um when my

01:08:07.240 daughter went to the uh see the you know hang out the refugee camp in that's happening right now

01:08:14.940 she pinged me and i wrote it back i said hey did you read that piece that i wrote she goes oh yeah

01:08:19.760 so that was really a connective thing and uh um so it's i think whatever you do if you embrace

01:08:31.940 it and you really uh think about when i started writing

01:08:41.060 this is this is it has has it has connected me to so many people just stories and i often in my

01:08:53.240 instagram i write a lot of stories ago with my pictures as well and i do a lot of lives just talking

01:08:58.920 about what i'm doing every day but it's it's it's connected me to so many people kind of like what

01:09:03.560 you're doing too i mean you're you're you're way better uh reach it but you work way harder at it

01:09:09.220 too and to me it's a side gig um it started as a side gig for me too right now it's full time

01:09:14.820 yeah and how's um how's the mediterranean in the winter time by the way it's it's it's march 26th

01:09:21.220 today and it's cold and i have snow melting i have snow banks melting here i'm i could be in my

01:09:26.780 shorts and i could have my shirt off it's that nice huh it's beautiful right now in corpus is it

01:09:32.120 like that in like january too or no only starts to warm up no again we had a cold front come last

01:09:37.500 week it was snowing yeah but only for a minute got some family in greece yeah yeah only for a minute

01:09:43.200 i was in athens and it was awesome but and i had some i had a kind of a charter come and i spent the

01:09:48.660 last three weeks actually sailing pretty hard i went down just up and down the ionian and you go

01:09:55.200 to these little villages in the winter time it's awesome there's nobody in the water and you pull

01:10:01.220 right up to the keyway and there's the town is literally right in front of you you walk across

01:10:06.380 the street and get your vegetables and restaurants and yeah and stuff and there's and people have time

01:10:12.660 to sit and talk to you and coffee shops and summer time's a lot busier in the islands too oh my god

01:10:17.300 it's so busy but it's fun that's when everybody wants to come because it's it gets almost too hot

01:10:21.340 yeah yeah so right now is amazing if anybody wants to come for a trip in april i'm kind of open may i've

01:10:29.560 got a couple bookings um but it's uh um winter time living here is amazing it's um and i don't mind

01:10:41.900 cold water like i swim i'm a cold water swimmer so it's it's uh that was one of the other things i did

01:10:48.140 to get my mind in a i've been a surfer all my life and i'm surfing california and if the water is less

01:10:56.360 than 65 i put on a wetsuit yeah okay so when i was in my mid 50s i got introduced to cold water swimming

01:11:06.100 this is five years ago six years ago and people swim without wetsuits in the san francisco bay

01:11:12.460 now it's really popular now you see it all over the place but it was just i was just introduced

01:11:16.940 to it and it's like there is no way i could swim in water 55 degrees at night you get used to it

01:11:23.540 you get used to it but i thought i was gonna die like the first time you did it i i really did i thought

01:11:29.420 my heart was gonna stop and but i i went out with this woman and she's oh come on let's do this and 0.99

01:11:35.560 we charged out in the water and we swam around the buoys and it came back in i was so freaking cold

01:11:40.180 and it was we got ran back to the car and put the heater on and i didn't die and i was like wow

01:11:49.500 if i can accept that i could accept almost anything did you see the story that i posted back in january

01:11:56.980 when i did that hero's trip retreat we had to cut a hole in the ice with a chainsaw the ice was like

01:12:01.900 two feet deep yeah we had like a wood burning sauna and then we went from the sauna to the lake

01:12:07.820 it was awesome that's perfect dude there was a blizzard there was a guy with a snowmobile ripping

01:12:14.340 across the lake when we were cutting the cutting the hole into it it was it was it's cold and you did

01:12:19.040 it yeah how many people oh there's about eight of us i'm doing another one next month uh i think we're

01:12:24.300 fully booked at like 11 on this one but um i'm starting to do them on a more frequent basis

01:12:28.560 that's awesome yeah so i i do the same thing on the boat get everybody to jump in the water just

01:12:34.680 jump right in when it's cold right even in the winter yeah it was like 55 and everybody on this

01:12:39.280 all these these boats behind me most of them have people living on there okay and i got i came in here

01:12:45.020 and i kind of got to know everybody a little bit that almost looks like a tall ship behind you

01:12:48.900 right oh no that's not a tall ship that is a uh that's a turkish goulet that's probably one of

01:12:53.540 the most beautiful boats oh yeah okay that is probably one of the most beautiful boats in this

01:12:57.980 marina for sure that's what is that like 60 70 feet yeah it's about 60 65 that's a beautiful though

01:13:04.080 isn't it um no maybe 20 30 years something like that okay so it's kind of like a retro design then

01:13:10.300 i see yeah it's a retro design for sure they just put a square pilot house on it and it makes the

01:13:15.620 the whole shape is modern okay and and it's fiberglass not wood but and the top of it's wood

01:13:22.580 but it's it's fiberglass hole and but the turks are really good at making these things they got it down

01:13:27.540 and um and for the mediterranean it's great um actually that would go anywhere in the world but

01:13:33.460 they make a different style of goulet the g-u-l-e-t these these big comfortable turkish boats

01:13:39.400 that are not really good for outside of the mediterranean big swell anyway um once i came in

01:13:46.880 here and like people got to know me they saw me jumping in the water they're like what are you

01:13:51.760 doing and i said i'm swimming yeah and they're like well before i knew it like a third of them

01:13:59.140 maybe half of them were doing it yeah so it's infectious yeah and so you really have a lot more

01:14:07.140 if you do what you believe in

01:14:09.080 people love it it's it's uh that's where i go you do what you love people who love what you do will

01:14:16.700 find you so what are your favorite parts of sailing in the mediterranean now like what do you love about

01:14:22.240 it the most well it's accessible you you in in the med um and and the history right so people

01:14:33.100 in the mediterranean love their identity and so it's like we're being in the united states

01:14:42.160 you're okay you can be californian you can be new york but you're still an american and it's so big

01:14:50.960 it's the cultural difference is not as severe as being greek versus italian versus you know or

01:14:58.500 uh tunisian or moroccan and and their history when they talk about that they are they're talking

01:15:06.940 about their history right and it's really deep and they have all these sayings they go well

01:15:12.380 in spanish we say this or that or whenever i'm talking about something now we have a saying for

01:15:18.160 that in greece and we have a saying for that in this and it's all done over a bottle of wine

01:15:21.600 or um and so and by being a sailor here they have a lot of respect for the history of of what it means

01:15:33.740 to travel this way because it's how they get around and it means a lot to them so that's the

01:15:39.640 thing about sailing yeah that's the thing about sailing in the mediterranean that's what i found i

01:15:43.200 didn't i didn't expect that i didn't expect that at all that in fact it was that was a uh a um

01:15:49.940 a really amazing and and so like okay they're spanish and right next door is france and then

01:15:58.820 the other way is portugal and so when i'm hanging out with spanish people they speak about the

01:16:05.180 portuguese like americans would speak about you know mexicans or or or any you know not derogatorily

01:16:14.580 but but their differences like it's really different and i and and from my perspective you know it's all

01:16:19.280 they're all eating olive oil and and and bread and and but no no not at all they're very different

01:16:27.580 they yes they are really into it so when you sail from one place to the next they're like oh you're

01:16:34.240 in portugal like even the spanish well what was your experience in portugal and and the same thing

01:16:40.720 with being here in greece and oh i'm dying to like i i know some french people who follow me online

01:16:46.360 and they're like oh i'm dying to go to greece like well that's like me going to like an hour flight

01:16:51.700 yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah but it means so much to them and so from a sailing perspective

01:17:01.180 it's uh it did it gives you a lot of um continuity with with the culture here

01:17:11.480 it means a lot and so um let me ask you this question too so um you know as a guy in a sailboat

01:17:20.000 you know doing what you're doing living the life that you're living um i know that um you don't have

01:17:25.760 a problem with women i'm not going to say how but what are the european women like around the

01:17:31.500 mediterranean versus the americans a lot less uptight

01:17:35.400 uptight how you mean like um european women are uh way more feminine they uh they accept 0.99

01:17:53.040 are they woke like they are in north america no not even close huh not even close i had this

01:18:00.260 one girl here tell me well i'm a feminist and i said really um as she came over and made me dinner 1.00

01:18:07.320 and i said you know honey you're not a feminist i go you're just angry because your ex-husband 1.00

01:18:15.400 doesn't pay support and stuff and he just left and and you're having to raise i go it really sucks 0.95

01:18:21.160 you're having to he had it does suck he's having to raise this kid and and and and and her mom's 1.00

01:18:26.960 there with her and i go yeah he's he's an asshole the guy just bolted and and he shouldn't do that 0.99

01:18:34.000 and and i said that doesn't make you a feminist and but you don't want to just you don't hate men 0.99

01:18:40.940 and she respects her dad even though her dad was kind of like because i've asked her he was not he

01:18:48.180 was just a normal guy he was just a regular guy kind of you know worked a bit and and and but he

01:18:54.280 wasn't a bad guy he wasn't an asshole and he wasn't a loser or he didn't he didn't do anything 0.56

01:19:00.220 bad to people do you find them more agreeable to you than what they are in north america

01:19:04.040 they're very comfortable with their sexuality it's not it's just you know the the roles of men and women

01:19:13.680 are um they there's like blue jobs and there's pink jobs sort of thing right

01:19:22.820 blow jobs and what no there's no i actually said there's like blue jobs and there's pink jobs

01:19:29.680 but sure i mean you know we know where your head's at right now

01:19:33.120 okay okay i i um blue pink jobs and blue jobs i i don't know i get they're they're not they're 0.92

01:19:43.900 not going to wear the pink pussy hats right yeah of course and they're not going to be all proud 0.97

01:19:47.660 about it maybe there's a few but in general you can see when you go out the way they dress

01:19:54.380 they are they they they want to look hot yeah and they're and they're and they're fine with that

01:19:59.820 they're happy about that and it doesn't mean they're loose but they're they're but they but

01:20:07.960 they like they appreciate the fact a lot of uh being women when i go back to california 1.00

01:20:17.840 women dress like shit they they they they they dress down they wear baggy clothes they they girls here 1.00

01:20:28.900 they're wearing beautiful coats uh they're every one of them looks like a a model of some level 1.00

01:20:36.540 they wear beautiful clothes just going out during the day one of my first experiences in europe i

01:20:41.640 went to france i think we went to niche for um christmas i was living in canada my folks were

01:20:49.260 living in england so i went over to visit and then we flew over to nice for like i don't know a week or

01:20:53.520 something like that and i remember i rented these rollerblades and i'm going down the boardwalk

01:20:57.100 it's the winter time so there's not a lot of people but there was this one chick that was like 0.88

01:21:00.120 running so you know i look over i'm like yeah she's hot keep going didn't really think anything

01:21:04.780 of it because she was in workout wear and then i saw the same girl about an hour later done to the 1.00

01:21:10.920 nines she was like she looked like a model she was perfect yeah makeup was done perfect clothes was

01:21:16.460 done for everything everything like they put so much effort into um looking good because that still

01:21:23.740 matters over there and i think what you pointed out about about the north american culture is it

01:21:29.020 doesn't matter so much it's like no had acceptance i'll wear what i want i'll dye my hair purple i'm

01:21:34.580 not going to do anything with it whatever it's not attractive it's not attractive it's just like

01:21:38.440 well i'm you know it's like forget about feminism forget about how about just looking hot so we can 1.00

01:21:46.460 all get horny you know i mean doesn't doesn't that mean something yeah it's like it's uh what's the

01:21:55.660 what's the culture like around the mediterranean because i think it was esther perel that made

01:21:59.900 reference to this she said like in north america they like to declare monogamy but act clandestine

01:22:05.320 and adultery but in europe especially around the mediterranean area italy greece turkey you know

01:22:11.100 uh spain france and all that it's kind of accepted that um high value successful guys will have

01:22:16.860 mistresses although or they'll do whatever they want and you know i don't even think it's high value 0.99

01:22:21.180 successful guys i i think it's just um they're um they separate um look nobody wants to get cheated on

01:22:33.980 right nobody wants to get lied to and and but the passion of an affair i think is more understandable

01:22:49.680 not that i would want to do it or i would want it done to me but it's it's this horrible offense

01:23:01.080 in america like just like shrill anger and here they're like well he's a man or you know she's a 0.75

01:23:09.780 woman get away with it sort of thing right he's a man she's a woman and you know this is what they 1.00

01:23:15.540 might do this is how people might act so they're not going to shame them into this existence because 0.90

01:23:21.400 of what they've done okay maybe they'll get a divorce though it's like well why are you screwing 0.75

01:23:25.260 that chick if you you know married to me okay i don't want to be married to you anymore that would 1.00

01:23:28.680 that might make sense and or maybe the guy gets away with it or maybe the woman looks the other 0.99

01:23:34.120 way but i i what i've heard is that yeah that that happens more here for sure and um they're just not

01:23:44.280 so hung up on on fidelity um and um in america for sure it's like this stumbling block you know it's

01:23:54.760 huge yeah it's this huge red flag i'm you know if we look back at how humans have existed i'm not

01:24:02.040 sure it's even healthy to not think that way it's uh you know the the puritan ethic of of being pure

01:24:12.680 i don't know it clearly doesn't work look at all the divorces right yeah exactly so um i got to start

01:24:20.920 wrapping up soon and i want to make sure you take a minute to kind of like um close up and tell

01:24:25.400 people where they can find you but where are you off to next like are you staying in the mediterranean

01:24:28.680 for the foreseeable future are you going to go anywhere else you're talking about circumventing

01:24:31.800 the globe is that is that still going to happen for you so september october till september october

01:24:37.080 i'm in greece essentially maybe turkey as well they're all pretty close and um i am

01:24:44.280 um i i take people on and if the guys uh i i would ask you to uh write me a personal email to uh

01:24:56.040 uh grateful direct at gmail and i will and this is your instagram here by the way that yeah go to

01:25:04.440 my instagram grateful underscore travel and so i'm trying to build a community that's not huge but of

01:25:09.800 guys who are interested in what i'm talking about what i'm um and doing um and if it's a tight enough

01:25:17.080 group i can share a hell of a lot more with you and because i a lot of got a lot of great stories that

01:25:21.000 i it's not really valid to put in public um and and so it's always a sign of a great man when they

01:25:28.280 have great stories they can't publicly tell yeah and without consequence and so i um i uh

01:25:37.880 uh then you know my grateful travel so please follow it it's um um i like to i love to share

01:25:47.400 everything and then come october hopefully i i have i have a decision to make it will go back to the surf

01:25:54.760 um in grand canary or the canary islands and spend another season um surfing and and or to

01:26:04.760 um just spend another winter tie the boat up and do some overland travel on again i need to go see

01:26:11.240 my mom for a while and i have an aging mom so so i mean like people can book uh time with you on the

01:26:18.360 boat you'll show them around yeah it comes cupped in and it's an awesome trip and we see islands we

01:26:25.320 go on shore every day there's bars there's restaurants there's water there's diving i got dive gear i've got

01:26:31.000 you know i'm guessing you know all the good places to be in yeah and my prices are commensurate with

01:26:35.800 everything that you could rent anywhere else you know in uh if you're gonna go rent a boat and um

01:26:42.920 yeah so hook up please don't be shy and um we'll have a good time cool uh before we bounce i'm just

01:26:52.040 going to run this uh quick three-minute ad reel just to pay some bills so just check this out guys

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01:29:07.400 products to my audience search on my youtube channel for an episode i did with dr anthony j titled

01:29:13.240 playing to win number 21 how estrogenics make you fat sick and infertile with dr anthony j let's get

01:29:19.240 on with the show all right thanks for uh tolerating that for a minute i'm going to drop in the live

01:29:25.800 chat um the first interview i did with dwayne i was just digging that up as we were uh let's call it

01:29:30.920 episode one i don't see the chat at all i haven't seen anything yeah because you're on your phone and

01:29:36.920 it's on like a second screen but if you're on a desktop and you'll see it um let me just check real

01:29:41.800 quick to see if we missed any questions so i just dropped episode one in the live chat i will put

01:29:46.520 it uh as a card up in the top right just a few people commenting on uh some of the stuff during

01:29:51.960 the show no real questions uh super chat here woman will never date down financially he's not wrong

01:29:58.280 probably generally not or they won't do it for a long period of time anyway yeah um ruthless viking

01:30:04.680 says love the first episode such a great live story learned a lot like the video uh oh chris is asking

01:30:11.560 if you've ever considered coming up through the great lakes i don't know why you'd want to go from

01:30:16.120 the mediterranean to the great lakes why would you want to do that that'd be interesting at some point

01:30:20.920 i guess i had a really a lot colder i i when i first started this how much more time i got but

01:30:27.480 i thought i was going to be just being a woman on this boat yeah i thought i was i had a girlfriend i

01:30:35.320 thought it's going to happen and then and then she came for a couple months and then she couldn't let go of the

01:30:40.040 other life you know it's really just a mental thing it wasn't even financial it was whatever

01:30:44.520 not everybody can do it you have to think about it a long time to go to actually circumnavigate

01:30:49.800 and then i had another girlfriend that um english one and she really wanted to do her meditation 0.61

01:30:55.560 business and and couldn't really go around um but if i was i think tight with if i had a girlfriend who

01:31:06.280 was into it i might go up there but you know there's different challenges it'd be interesting

01:31:12.760 to see maybe but it's awesome here and then there's there's other i'm a surfer are you going

01:31:18.760 to um are you going to see the rest of the world you're going to go through the suez canal and sort

01:31:22.120 of start heading east and go to asia and australia across the pacific yeah i'm waiting to get the right

01:31:27.160 partner actually you know why don't you just do it with like a crew like do passages you know

01:31:32.040 kind of like yeah um because and i do i i do i do go places without with just crew i do that often

01:31:41.560 but to really go uh the whole world i want a full-time partner it's just to make so much other things

01:31:50.920 easier you have to leave the boat people yeah you know and you want to have a nice experience with

01:31:55.400 somebody when you get there and um and then create memories with people i'm having a blast don't get

01:32:01.240 me wrong and and i make the best of every day but to go on that that journey is a different frame of

01:32:10.280 mind um and i uh um yeah like there's there's two different sets of it to do you can do it with crew

01:32:21.720 it's uh you have to get getting getting together with crew for a long period is it's really a

01:32:28.920 personality thing you got to be good because you're in a small space over right vast distance right

01:32:33.960 right right right right right and if they're paying me you know if i'm chartering that's a different

01:32:38.760 story i'm just going to make you comfortable i'm going to make your experience excellent like

01:32:42.200 here in the in the you know during uh vacation time and you're going to come for a week or two

01:32:49.640 uh but if we're kind of cohabitating that's a different it's a different thing you're actually

01:32:56.840 going somewhere together and it's not about i'm i'm not working for you now and you're we got to

01:33:05.640 create this thing as a team and that requires a personality alignment um and so that's you can do

01:33:13.400 it for short periods of time i'm trying to you know keep going through trying to find somebody who'll do

01:33:17.400 it for long periods of time and i have done a lot you know i've gone 22 000 miles so far and most of

01:33:22.920 it not alone that's cool all right guys um let's wrap up on that note you can find duane um you know

01:33:29.160 where where he had mentioned um keep an eye in the comments maybe like tomorrow see if there's any

01:33:33.560 questions that come after the fact that you might want to kind of chime in on i know that you were

01:33:36.760 good last time when people were asking for questions in the last video so thanks again for uh carving

01:33:41.800 out some time i hope you enjoy the rest of your day in greece my man okay thank you very much rich and

01:33:46.280 everybody else i love all the comments thanks

Playing to Win - March 31, 2022

063 - Brutal Divorce - Duane Heil Returns!

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