Playing to Win - 083 - Dan Martell - Buy Back Your Time

00:00:00.000 all right what's up guys live for the 83rd installment of the plain wood podcast series

00:00:07.040 dan dan martell is my guest today what's up my man dude i'm uh pumped to be here i'm excited this

00:00:13.460 is uh from what i've seen of your audience online i'm excited to chat with them i think

00:00:20.380 we're gonna have a lot of fun i have a very interesting audience i think you're gonna like

00:00:24.320 this one um a lot of people want to hear from you too because um for years people ask me about time

00:00:30.660 management entrepreneurship and it's something that i lean into and i deal with a bit on my

00:00:35.860 channel but uh i think uh this is something these these guys are really going to enjoy i just finished

00:00:41.240 reading your book um buy back your time it was dude it was all over my social media for months

00:00:47.420 i was traveling i was like fuck it i'm just going to download his book and listen to it it's got to 0.80

00:00:51.620 be good it's dan so great book i sent you a dm on facebook and you said let's do a podcast so here 0.90

00:00:57.740 we are today why did you write this book let's let's just start with that simple man it's uh it

00:01:04.600 was the number one thing that i could create to serve the most people that i love in my life

00:01:10.720 that would buy me the most time back i mean like literally the one thing that i get asked all the

00:01:18.380 time from all of my friends it doesn't matter if it's like somebody that's got a you know solopreneur

00:01:22.760 creator podcaster to my nine figure friends um is how do you do what you do like they see the life i

00:01:30.520 live with you know just the multiple like because i i run two eight figure companies 100 million dollar

00:01:35.700 fund i invest in sas companies i run the largest sas software as a service uh coaching group for ceos

00:01:42.040 so i work with all the top guys and i also train for ironmans and travel the world two and two and

00:01:48.200 a half months a year with my family and don't do anything in my house that doesn't require my unique

00:01:53.520 ability which is pretty much nothing so it's it's i don't know man i just i kept like piecemealing it

00:01:59.260 out to people and they would like get parts of it and miss other parts and you know i had a friend

00:02:04.400 ron reach out to me three years ago and just say like you need a book and i'm like i don't need a book

00:02:08.480 like i'm good my life's great i don't you know he's like you know i was doing a lot of stuff on

00:02:12.820 on youtube and social so i didn't i didn't have a feel for a need but he convinced me that it would

00:02:19.780 serve people in a completely different way and since it's been released holy moly did i underestimate 0.73

00:02:26.100 the value of a book by like 10x easily wouldn't i i was an idiot like that i will just say that 0.86

00:02:33.360 i want to get into your like batman origin story the whole running from the cops pulling the gun

00:02:42.200 it getting stuck because that because that kind of sets the tone for a lot of guys can you can you

00:02:47.660 kick off with that story yeah man i mean i grew up in eastern canada in a small town called moncton

00:02:54.120 new brunswick and the way i explain it to friends because people see me today and they don't get it

00:02:59.600 they're like i don't like i hear these stories you know i've seen you share that story but it's

00:03:04.880 like meeting you it doesn't make sense like i've met your family i've met your brothers and sisters

00:03:08.500 and it was it was kind of like this i mean i grew up second of four in the family so i'm the second

00:03:14.200 oldest my sister's older and i didn't know it at the time and we lived in this neighborhood you know

00:03:20.120 20 minutes outside of town you know but it was a normal neighborhood like very white collar my dad

00:03:24.640 was an electrical engineer eventually got into sales but what happened was i got i diagnosed with

00:03:30.420 adhd at 11 which was really a moment in my life because like all of a sudden i started feeling like

00:03:38.560 i was broken because they put me on ritalin and i'd have to see a therapist and all this crazy stuff and

00:03:43.480 i had anger issues and like my home life was you know and i didn't know this at the time was only 11

00:03:49.560 but you know my mom was was an alcoholic you know but not like um she's just distance and i mean she

00:03:56.280 struggled with it her whole life that's why my parents actually got divorced when i was 13 and

00:03:59.400 and what happened for me when i ended up in high school is i discovered drugs and i just went full

00:04:05.580 on like you know sons of anarchy style like started spending time with guys in the hell's angels um

00:04:13.880 people twice my age you know getting myself into situations where i was transporting stuff i shouldn't

00:04:19.940 have been growing weed i mean break it and then just crime i mean everything from you know shoplifting i

00:04:27.420 got put on probation i ended up in jail the first time for selling drugs to the daughter of a cop at

00:04:33.080 15 14 15 i mean just just stupid stuff that i think a lot of people i talked to friends and they're

00:04:38.900 like oh i went through that but i just didn't get caught and i'm like yeah i always got caught that was

00:04:43.380 like just the certain thing and what happened is uh i ended up in juvenile detention the first time

00:04:48.980 when i was 15 for the summer i went for seven weeks i get out i tell myself you know this is done i'm

00:04:55.540 changing my life you know i'm not gonna hang out with those people and i last like 16 hours like i

00:05:01.080 got out in the morning and by that night i was i was drunk partying at a place i shouldn't have been

00:05:05.080 at and and that's that's kind of like when things because like once you have some space to look at life

00:05:10.520 if you ever have an addiction and you get sober for a bit if you relapse it's actually like worse

00:05:15.700 because now you feel super guilty right and um and that's what happened to me the year after that

00:05:22.440 i just spiraled like crazy out of control and got to a place where my brother called me one day and

00:05:28.760 said you can't come home because the police are waiting for you and you know drives he would have been

00:05:34.000 15 i think he had like his uh his like 50 cc motorbike license and like drove to meet me at this

00:05:39.900 abandoned uh concrete building and he gave me like 63 bucks and said you got to get out of here and

00:05:46.900 i decided to steal a car i had a a handgun that i had gotten from a break and enter i did

00:05:52.860 and a backpack and i took this car and i decided to head to montreal my uncle lived there and he was he

00:05:58.080 was actually in the the mafia and you know he he always said like if you ever need to get away just

00:06:05.080 come see me and i it was the only person i thought that maybe i could you know go get some some you

00:06:11.300 know support from and um on my way from new brunswick to montreal i take this exit um high and

00:06:18.860 drunk driving this car and to get some gas and there's a routine roadblock and i pull up and i'm like

00:06:24.660 okay it's going down because before i took the car i told myself if the cops stop me i'm just gonna

00:06:29.200 pull the gun and let them do their job and take my life and you know i lied to them said it was my

00:06:34.760 mom's car and i didn't have my driver's license on me they asked me to pull over and i just took off

00:06:39.540 and um it felt like it lasted like 10 minutes probably lasted like freaking three minutes but

00:06:44.580 i ended up getting ahead of them in this like neighborhood and i saw an open garage door and i thought

00:06:50.940 you know maybe i could like hide in this garage and then sneak out the back and run into the woods and

00:06:55.760 i came into the driveway carrying way too much speed and just smashed right in front of the car just 0.72

00:07:00.480 smashed into the corner of the garage door and i wasn't wearing a seat belt just hit friggin you know

00:07:06.180 everything goes off the the airbags go off and you know as soon as i kind of realized what happened

00:07:11.800 i grabbed i went for the gun and whatever reason as i was pulling on it got stuck between the seat and

00:07:18.060 the bag and i kept pulling on it and pulling i could hear the cops get close and they literally

00:07:22.820 charged the car opened the door didn't even like i don't because like i watch car movies now they

00:07:29.120 wouldn't do that i don't know why maybe they knew that i was a kid and they just like opened the door

00:07:32.220 and grabbed me and like this is in sussex new brunswick this small town of like 8 000 people you

00:07:38.240 know they've probably never seen that kind of thing happen in a while and they just essentially carried

00:07:42.280 me across the lawn and threw me in the back of the car and um i woke up sober the next morning

00:07:48.260 wondering what my life was going to look like and i didn't believe in god at the time i didn't believe

00:07:53.360 in a higher power but i just kind of said you know if anybody's looking out i would you know if you help

00:07:58.820 me get through this i'll i'll commit to just being good there was no big plan there was no like i'll be

00:08:04.460 the best no there was zero it was just like and i ended up um getting released to or getting uh put

00:08:11.860 away for about a year and a half almost two years so i i got because of the severity of my crime ended

00:08:15.980 up in a place called st john regional correctional center and it was an adult prison and with uh these

00:08:21.740 two juvenile blocks so there was cell block style prison and um i was there for a few months and i tried

00:08:29.800 to stay out of the kind of the politics when you're when you're in that kind of environment there's a

00:08:33.540 lot of things that'll pull you down and i remember one day we're having breakfast we'd always they'd

00:08:39.240 let us out of ourselves and eat as a group and um there was this kid kurt who uh i don't know like

00:08:45.760 growing up there was always these like handful of people that were like built like a muscle uh kurt

00:08:49.720 had like an eight pack you know like he was 14 but you know he had like a little mustache right

00:08:54.680 and um he was one of the aggressors and he just went for the coffee and it was empty because i'd just

00:09:01.320 finish it and he just looks around the table he goes who's the goof that drank the last of the

00:09:05.280 coffee and put my hand up fight goes off i get i get grabbed out of the the cell block thrown in the

00:09:12.340 hole and it's probably the most degrading thing you can do to another human is put them in a

00:09:17.680 you know i don't know six by eight room in your underwear you know on a steel literally it's a steel 0.76

00:09:24.520 or a cement block and i'm staring at the friggin for three days they don't give you anything they

00:09:30.580 feed you and that's it they let you out for 30 minutes in this like caged in area with like

00:09:36.400 essentially four walls with a with a a roof that's just a cage like that like a fence and

00:09:43.540 you're staring at like for me this steel toilet and sink it's like this combo unit and i just

00:09:49.820 sat there until on the third day you know i didn't know how i was gonna be there the door opens in this

00:09:55.500 guard named brian and um he asked me to follow him and brian was one of those like cool guards

00:10:02.740 like the people that if you listen to him he would look the other way if you wanted like a second

00:10:07.320 dessert or you know if you knew you were like you know collecting other people's peanut butter i mean

00:10:11.180 simple stuff in prison man it's just you know that kind of stuff and um he asked me to follow him

00:10:17.740 and as we're going down the hallway we passed the cell block door which i'd never been passed

00:10:22.500 essentially when you leave your cell block it's orderly fashion you go to the gym you can come

00:10:26.560 back there's no messing around and he walks me past there into the door after which is the the guard

00:10:31.860 unit and um the one thing is nobody's allowed in the guard unit no matter what and he asked me to 0.73

00:10:37.040 follow him in there and i was like oh shit you know what did i do and he sits me in the corner 0.86

00:10:41.760 and sits me down grabs the chair sits in front of me and just looks at me and he goes what are you 0.95

00:10:46.680 doing here and i was like well what do you mean he's i was like i got in a fight with kurt

00:10:51.580 he's like no no he was not that he was what are you doing in this place what do you do in jail and

00:10:56.700 i go you know high speed chase had a gun other crimes history he's like he was not that man he

00:11:04.880 goes dan i've been following you and and like watching the way you act like you don't belong here

00:11:12.160 and um i don't know if that was the first time anybody ever told me that but it was the first time

00:11:19.740 i ever heard it and he just said like if you haven't realized like it doesn't make sense to

00:11:28.060 me that you're in this place and that was like this moment where i was like well if brian sees this

00:11:35.140 and he's been working here for like a decade maybe there's truth in this maybe he sees something

00:11:40.600 in me that i never saw myself and it was just like something something flipped inside this this

00:11:46.280 belief in me that i never had and at that point after i just like worked really hard to just stay

00:11:51.860 out of it right like i knew where i shouldn't be and all this stuff and a few months later i got

00:11:56.240 released to this rehab center that literally saved my life i mean it uh i spent 11 months in this place

00:12:01.520 where i finished out the rest of my sentence and i learned about my feelings and my anger and i rebuilt

00:12:07.380 the relationship with my family and um really got to know what made me tick which as a 16 17 year old

00:12:16.340 it was the biggest gift in the world i mean today i wouldn't be who i am if it wasn't for that place

00:12:20.740 and um towards the end of my program i was helping rick the maintenance guy clear out one of the old

00:12:26.040 cabins because it's built on a church camp and in one of the rooms there was this old computer with

00:12:30.840 a yellow book on java programming sitting next to it and for whatever reason it spoke to me and i never

00:12:36.100 touched a computer my whole life we didn't have a computer and uh this is 1997 and i boot this thing

00:12:42.760 up and i followed the first you know chapter of this book and i get the computer to spit out hello

00:12:47.320 world which is i thought i was a genius i was like holy shit you know and it turned out i i wasn't but

00:12:54.160 it didn't matter it literally there was something in that moment where i just thought okay maybe my

00:12:58.940 brain's wired differently and i went down this obsessive path of literally becoming addicted

00:13:05.920 to writing code and creating software products and then eventually i discovered this little thing

00:13:11.580 called the internet right it's 97 and what happened was is like that became the that filled the hole

00:13:18.340 that was left through my addiction when i got out and i would stay up till three four in the morning

00:13:22.960 just writing code and then eventually starting businesses and products and and then entrepreneurship

00:13:27.780 is just has been the ultimate personal development program for me and it's it's why i'm here man like rich

00:13:33.260 i'm i you know some people are like what did you figure out you went to rehab and you didn't relapse

00:13:39.940 and you created this life what did you figure out and i don't know if i have an answer to that

00:13:45.080 i don't know and i wish i did because man i've had so many people i've seen along the way they're not

00:13:51.860 alive anymore man they didn't make it you know or they ended up in prison for the rest of their lives and

00:13:56.220 i'm just grateful that i had these people and moments that showed up when i needed the most and

00:14:01.600 whatever reason the the story i told myself allowed me to connect to it and latch on to it and use it as a

00:14:07.300 an opportunity to be better and not use as an excuse to be shitty and that's that's why i think i wake up

00:14:14.540 every day not looking to waste a second that's why i wrote this this book is just who i am i mean i've

00:14:19.240 just from 17 i didn't take a day for granted i like just because of what i went through i i appreciate

00:14:27.020 the fact that i'm breathing today that i'm not locked up in prison that i'm not being

00:14:30.760 freaking body circuit you know cavity search i mean it's just the shit i went through is just not

00:14:36.300 not not something i wish on anybody and that just led to this crazy amount of gratitude i have for living 0.82

00:14:43.400 life have you ever had a a job like a salaried employee or have you always worked for yourself

00:14:49.760 i've never had like an official job with any okay so i've worked i worked with my dad part-time doing

00:14:55.300 construction stuff so like building decks ripping roofs off of you know his rental properties or his

00:15:02.440 cottages he'd buy or like my neighbor my neighbor would hire us but we'd get dude we get in trouble

00:15:08.220 every time like if you met we had this neighbor sheriff he was a guy that lived next to my dad's

00:15:13.740 cottage and like he hired us for a day and by the afternoon the cops show up with me because i was

00:15:19.780 taking his truck to go empty out all the the rubbish that we were pulling out of this old cottage but i

00:15:25.160 was 15 i didn't have my license but i told sheriff i did so like i don't stop at a stop sign i get

00:15:31.060 pulled over i'm 15 like just the stuff we would do is hilarious i mean so yeah no i've never had like a

00:15:38.080 a normal job i would do enough to make money to probably go party with my friends but um yeah

00:15:45.200 no i've always just been a builder a creator is there is there a a common code a fabric of dna

00:15:51.740 some sort of commonality that you see with guys that do well as entrepreneurs

00:15:56.760 yeah they they understand how to deal with the large amount of chaos and uncertainty i mean that that

00:16:04.260 is it dude that's you that's everybody that's every entrepreneur when i go speak to entrepreneurs

00:16:08.440 early in my career i would i would do this right especially the software folks that i speak and like

00:16:13.720 nobody wanted to talk about it but i knew it was just such a part of who they were so i would ask

00:16:18.460 everybody to close their eyes and i'd say raise your hand if you've gone through some kind of adversity

00:16:24.380 or chaos between the ages of 7 and 12 and 90 of the room would raise their hands and i'd tell

00:16:31.700 everybody okay put your hands down open your eyes and i go you are my people like here's what i know is

00:16:37.420 because you went through that that essentially qualifies you to be somebody that can succeed in

00:16:43.640 this crazy world of entrepreneurship and the reason why is because there is zero certainty zero

00:16:49.960 zero structures zero anything you literally have to learn how to be the person who can create this

00:16:58.060 stuff and guess what if you don't figure it out you're gonna you're gonna stumble for the rest of

00:17:01.960 your life and if you figure out a little bit you'll make a little bit of money but if you don't do the

00:17:06.260 work you're gonna give it all back like i've just you know there's levels to this game but it's why

00:17:11.200 those people even i mean it's kind of a crazy proposition rich it's like to believe that you can go

00:17:18.620 create something from nothing and be a thousand percent accountable for your life most people

00:17:24.820 can't even be accountable for anything they don't want that level of responsibility they want to blame

00:17:30.800 their kids and their neighbor and their government and the and all these people around them for the way

00:17:35.960 they are and entrepreneurs say no i do not want to give those people my power i'm going to be 100

00:17:42.720 accountable for this and i'm going to mold and create this and i believe i don't know if it's

00:17:49.280 just my hallucination that they also know that they need to work on themselves to become the person

00:17:54.840 who can create and maintain it right like jim rohn said this a long time ago he said uh you know uh

00:18:01.400 if somebody ever gave you a millionaire you better hope that you become a million or if somebody ever

00:18:05.480 gives you a million dollars you better hope to become a millionaire really fast because if not

00:18:09.500 you're going to lose it all right because having a million dollars does not make you a millionaire

00:18:13.460 and you see this all the time with professional athletes and people win the lottery and it's just

00:18:17.640 funny like some people they say to me it's like my goal is to be worth 100 million i go dude if you

00:18:23.440 were worth 100 million in the next six months you would just lose it all because you have not become

00:18:27.660 the person who can like the the financial complexity of that right like people don't get it they think i

00:18:33.720 want this life it's like you couldn't handle that life you can't even handle a ten dollar

00:18:39.380 overage on your cell phone bill and you think you can handle that you you've got some work to do

00:18:44.060 and that's that's the part that i find fascinating is that i think entrepreneurship

00:18:47.500 is the best place to attract that kind of person and create the space for them if they're willing

00:18:53.980 to use that friction to grow to to be a feedback loop for that i get people that ask me often what

00:19:00.120 do you think you know important skills are to have to be successful as an entrepreneur and i've

00:19:03.760 always gone back to being a really really good problem solver you have to be able to solve

00:19:08.480 problems what is it for you resourcefulness creative i i just i have i have zero um zero

00:19:20.520 connection with people that say like i need money to make money or i need this to do this or i need

00:19:26.200 that it's like no you need to go figure out how to be resourceful right and you call them problems

00:19:30.860 i like the word puzzle i think puzzle is a cool word if you can get rid of your word problem and

00:19:36.240 replace it with a puzzle your life will be dramatically better if you just think about

00:19:39.740 like hey i'm dealing with this person and they created a real puzzle in my life then people

00:19:43.780 around you're like hey i like puzzles how do we solve this it's fascinating how words really

00:19:47.740 set frames for forward motion or activity or action so to me i think being resourceful is the

00:19:55.000 underlying um skill that allows people to solve puzzles right and resourceful is fun because

00:20:02.220 it's saying with the constraint of not having all of the resources in the world i need to be creative

00:20:09.540 right and this is why like sometimes you know so i buy companies and i have ceos report to me

00:20:15.240 and i always pull the extra cash out of the business and they and i remember one ceo i hired is like why

00:20:20.280 do you do that it makes it really hard for me to grow the business i go because if i left it there

00:20:24.180 you would spend it and no innovation is going to come from it if you have an abundance of cash

00:20:29.360 okay your innovation your creativity your resourcefulness is a muscle and it will only

00:20:35.040 be developed if i put you in a position where you have to create with less resources than you think

00:20:39.520 you have and that is true for you and it's true for your whole team so i'm actually doing you a

00:20:44.160 service by not giving you that capital to redeploy now if you can present me with an opportunity

00:20:50.000 that makes sense and argue for it you have unlimited funds you literally consider a line of credit

00:20:55.940 that's unlimited to do whatever you want but most people and this is true for personal or business

00:21:01.660 investment they don't have that rigor of resourcefulness of saying okay what what is the

00:21:07.540 constraint so so to me it's the question right it's like how do i get this outcome without this resource

00:21:12.640 right how do i go buy a building without any money how do i uh build how do i hire an employee without

00:21:20.100 any money so like people like i need somebody to help me buy back my time it's like great ask the

00:21:24.700 question how or what's the puzzle the puzzle is how do i get an employee without spending any money

00:21:29.000 okay well that's called an intern oh i didn't think of that i know you didn't think of that because you

00:21:33.140 had already set the constraint as i need money to bring somebody into my life to buy back my time

00:21:37.960 and it's just not true right so it's it's that kind of stuff i think i think people that just decide

00:21:44.660 to say like i'm not going to use things for as an excuse and i'm just going to try to and i i don't know

00:21:49.540 man for me personally i find it fun like being resourceful being creative saying i don't have all

00:21:54.700 the resources when i built clarity.fm i know you were on there and many other people like google

00:21:59.380 announced their competitor it's called help outs and all my investors sent me an email like hey dan

00:22:04.860 did you see this what are you gonna do with that etc and i was like i actually think google's like okay

00:22:11.240 yeah they have search they have billions of dollars they have the smartest people in the world but

00:22:15.000 they're at a disadvantage because they have all the stuff and because they have all the stuff

00:22:19.800 they don't have any clear direction they have no constraints that they have to observe and i know

00:22:25.160 exactly what's happening in this company is they've got about a ton of people working on a bunch of

00:22:29.540 different things and because there's a bunch of different stuff they're distracted they have no

00:22:32.980 they have no focus so i actually reached out to the product manager that was working on this

00:22:37.700 product i went down to the googleplex and had lunch with them dude as soon as i sat down i looked

00:22:41.720 them in the eyes i was like there's no there's zero issues for a few reasons one they were doing

00:22:47.460 a bunch of stuff that i'd already tested i know it's not going to work so let them go figure that

00:22:50.960 on their own and two when i looked this guy in the eye i could tell he was not going to die to solve 0.95

00:22:56.880 this problem and now that might sound intense for people i don't give a shit dude i was willing to 0.88

00:23:02.780 personally sacrifice everything i had in my life to solve the problem of connecting entrepreneurs with

00:23:07.500 other entrepreneurs to move their dreams forward period full stop i would fight for that result

00:23:12.140 and i knew for a fact that that pm at google who's one of thousand was not going to fight for google

00:23:19.360 he did not care about the problem to the level i cared about and to me when i because i've invested

00:23:24.380 in hundreds of companies the entrepreneur who cares about the problem that falls in love with the problem

00:23:31.080 will be resourceful enough to come up with the right solution to solve the problem and that's that to me is

00:23:36.200 why it was important for me to look at him in the eye and see does he have it inside of him no okay

00:23:42.040 team let's get back to work don't worry investors we're good team stay focused yeah um so i want to

00:23:49.800 get into some of the uh stuff in your book you got a few chapters here and i got some notes i want to

00:23:53.820 get to you i know i only have you for about an hour um before we get into that stuff can we just

00:23:58.360 answer jerry's question over here he says dan could you briefly discuss individuals who opposed

00:24:02.300 or hindered your efforts to reclaim your time and how you handle them yeah it happens every day man

00:24:08.220 like and and it's subtle at my level it's just um people that don't think it's their job to do

00:24:13.760 something right like um my whole my i think it's the frame for me what's what's uh important is the

00:24:21.660 mental models i create the belief systems i create to support buying back my time so the frame right off

00:24:27.600 the bat is i don't think any of the work that somebody else does for me is less than me i don't

00:24:32.840 think it's people call it shit work or work i don't want to do i don't call it that i go i need 0.90

00:24:37.760 people in my life to support me so because i believe that the language that i use with my team 0.71

00:24:43.560 or even my family because sometimes it's like stuff around our house or like whatever projects i'm

00:24:48.400 working on i always go like hey i need your support okay i've got this thing there's a puzzle

00:24:53.120 could you help me with it and sometimes they'll say well we don't have the resources to do that i

00:24:57.820 go oh that's fascinating the whole resourceful thing right so i teach them i said and there's

00:25:01.400 a bunch of different stories i can tell them to help them kind of like broaden their ability to to be

00:25:06.420 resourceful but um yeah i think most people when they're trying to buy back their time it's an it's

00:25:12.940 a personal area and the big one is and and and this is i want people i need to make sure it lands

00:25:19.180 is they don't understand that the next level for them requires them to deal with a new level of

00:25:24.560 complexity okay i call these problems of zero stacks right so when you start off it's a ten

00:25:30.040 dollar problem that's a complexity ceiling hopefully you get past that because if not you're going to

00:25:34.360 be broke for a long time then it's a hundred dollar problem right like rich you know this for

00:25:39.880 yourself like there's problems that if somebody brought to your attention you'd be like can you

00:25:44.040 please not do that like this is your why are you asking me to do your job these are little

00:25:48.860 problems i want to deal with massive problems and i think that at every stage of growth as an

00:25:54.880 entrepreneur has to learn to buy back their time a big part of that is for them to be comfortable with

00:26:00.700 the level of chaos around these factors of 10 problems you know yesterday i was talking to a ceo a

00:26:07.000 woman and she has like a team and an executive assistant all these things but one area of her life 1.00

00:26:13.940 that she cannot let go of is personal finances she has a finance team and all that stuff on the

00:26:19.800 business side but when it comes to paying personal bills she couldn't let it go and she has a house 0.76

00:26:26.000 manager like this is it's it's fascinating but i knew what her problem was her problem was that 1.00

00:26:31.160 her fear of not getting a bill paid on time and that person personally looking down on her as an

00:26:39.280 individual for not paying her bills that fear was bigger than the potential reward of not doing it

00:26:44.720 does that make sense because it was a personal like i don't want somebody to think i can't pay

00:26:51.300 my bills or i'm not somebody that pays them on time so for this area because it was so personal

00:26:56.300 and i explained to her i said this is cool and i totally appreciate it but that is your complexity

00:27:02.140 ceiling you have just demonstrated to me that in your life your ability to buy back your time will be

00:27:07.860 capped and which means your ability to produce and serve other people will be capped based on that

00:27:12.400 belief and as soon as i correlated her ability to serve and and create more to that belief she's like

00:27:19.500 all right we just got to solve it now the thing is she knew how to solve it like literally once she 0.65

00:27:24.240 allowed herself to release the belief then she went to attacking the problem which she knew how to

00:27:29.980 solve because she's done it in her business so it was just literally building the same playbook

00:27:33.220 inside of her personal life that she'd already done in her company and you know in three or

00:27:37.840 four months you're gonna look back and kind of smile that it was this thing that she held on

00:27:41.020 near and dear to her heart for so long that didn't have to be there i want to um ask you

00:27:47.740 because i mean one of the things that i came to realize after going through your book is that

00:27:51.640 i need an assistant um i'm i'm a company of one yes you do i was like i gotta do this company

00:27:58.920 of one thing i read the book you know a few years ago i was like oh yeah this is totally me i

00:28:02.980 don't want employees i don't want contractors i don't want any of these obligations any of these

00:28:06.860 headaches any of these meatballs you know causing me nightmares so i went the company one route now

00:28:11.980 i figured out what my um what did you call it the uh estimated hourly rate buyback yeah your buyback

00:28:19.280 rate yeah so my buyback rate's about four grand right yeah so i clearly need to get myself you know

00:28:26.220 an assistant so can you talk about the notion of a company of one i'm sure you're familiar with the

00:28:30.840 concept in the book totally yeah how does that um like well here's the thing and i guess i'll tell

00:28:39.140 you a story my buddy mike who you you may know he's from toronto he he's let he's given me permission

00:28:44.280 to tell the story because he sent me these two messages on facebook and um he read my book when

00:28:50.660 it came out because he's you know he's one of those guys kind of like us rich we don't see each other

00:28:54.240 often but we're friends on social media so like he'd watch me and he'd he'd had put me in this like

00:28:59.620 camp of hustler and aggressive and get shit done and just go go go and all this stuff and he sends 0.75

00:29:06.700 me this message after he reads my book and he pretty much states that he goes i read your book 0.74

00:29:11.040 and first off i want to apologize because i thought you were this way and now that i've read your book i

00:29:16.180 realize you believe in the same things i believe in work-life integration family health balance like 0.95

00:29:23.960 it's aggressive balance because like at the same time i wake up at four in the morning and i get shit 0.74

00:29:28.300 done like i'm not i'm not one that's going to sit on a beach and do nothing right and and and he so

00:29:33.760 that was like message number one 90 second or the 60 second cap on facebook and then it was fun because

00:29:39.100 on the second one he goes and the other thing i want you to know is my last company left me and i'm

00:29:47.100 paraphrasing okay but left me essentially emotionally scarred where i said i'd never want to do another

00:29:53.700 company like that so his new company has created this great life that he has and he's happy with it

00:30:00.760 it's the company of one style because it provides all the things he wants etc but then he says and

00:30:07.020 this was the comma but if i truly say i want to serve as many people as i say i do then i've realized

00:30:14.620 i'm full of crap because i could do way more if i implemented some of the stuff in your book 0.68

00:30:20.700 and i'm gonna go do that and i go that's why i wrote the book that's why the subtitle of the book 0.90

00:30:26.520 is create your empire because first and foremost i want to teach every entrepreneur how to create a

00:30:31.480 life of unlimited creation that they never have to retire from and that's an individualized area for

00:30:37.980 every person whatever their output creatively is i just want them to never feel constrained based on

00:30:44.480 their time what they can put out that's why specifically in the book i use andy warhol i use

00:30:50.340 oprah i use but i use a ton of people to say like these very creative people steve jobs etc that you

00:30:57.760 guys all know they implemented this stuff to actually live a high caliber life and create

00:31:03.080 massive amount of output that served a lot of people in very unique and creative ways right that

00:31:08.300 most people i until you learn this stuff you're like oh i didn't know that i didn't know the the

00:31:13.520 author wrote a bunch of books and he's been dead for 20 years because there's a whole structure on how

00:31:17.780 books are written like i mean it's just fascinating once you understand how some of these creative

00:31:20.840 projects work and um so that would be my thing to you is like i just want you to live a a higher

00:31:28.440 caliber of work rich where if you are doing something it is something that is green lights you up and i

00:31:35.320 talked about this in the book and b makes that buyback rate go from four to five to six to ten thousand

00:31:41.160 right and if those two things are true i just can't see a world where you wouldn't want to do

00:31:47.940 that and if that requires you to you know and it could be a change of the vehicle that you're in the

00:31:53.380 business vehicle so that you can get higher leverage it could be uh definitely the assistant i mean it's

00:31:59.320 just the lowest hanging fruit where you're like hey there's all these things i just don't want to do

00:32:02.620 anymore that have to be done and when i get that time back i'm going to go work on these projects that

00:32:07.620 are going to give me more leverage i mean that's that's the big thing so it's there's four master

00:32:11.980 skills okay naval ravikant talked about this a long time ago he's one of my mentors from the valley

00:32:16.860 and you know alex ramozzi renamed them to the four c's right and i really like it naval taught

00:32:22.340 called them something else but the four c's of the master skills is what i call it is first one is uh

00:32:27.300 capital we all know capital so it's like to the degree that you can master capital you have one of

00:32:33.640 the master skills of leverage the second master skill is content now content shows up in different

00:32:39.020 format playbooks is a forum so can you create great playbooks that other people can follow to get the

00:32:43.600 same results do you create content like this podcast the fractional cost of 10 million people

00:32:48.720 watching this versus 10 is zero i'm pretty sure right like there's no maybe like it's on youtube it's

00:32:54.680 whatever no cost huge leverage content third is uh code software automation and today ai like

00:33:02.940 fascinating right you know ai isn't going to take your job somebody that's using ai is going to

00:33:08.080 take your job right off the bat period full stop and then the fourth c is collaboration it's the

00:33:13.900 people side it's labor and that's what i i speak heavily about in my book is how do you create the

00:33:21.640 structure where as you grow you don't hire people to grow your business you hire people to buy back your

00:33:26.900 time so that if you do it that way it's impossible for you to actually build a life that you hate

00:33:32.520 it's impossible because you can't bring somebody onto your team unless they buy time out of your

00:33:38.700 calendar which makes your life better to go do the thing that only you can do and you do it in a way

00:33:43.880 fall on the buyback rate principle so that you don't also build what i see a lot of people do which is

00:33:48.260 build a top heavy company and then grow and make less profit um talk to the viewers right now about

00:33:57.260 chapters three in your book the five time assassins and why that's important so when i wrote the book

00:34:03.380 which i appreciate you asking that question i um wrote down 25 of the people that i loved the most

00:34:10.860 that were entrepreneurs that i knew struggled with this concept the most right and as i wrote the book

00:34:17.320 i would ask myself okay and look my brother was on there my wife's on there and my best friends are

00:34:21.660 on there and like and then a bunch of other people right near and dear and i go as it pertains to

00:34:27.160 these frameworks these concepts and the book is as you've seen it's not just a time management book

00:34:33.020 it's actually a bit of leadership book it's a strategy book it's a vision book it's it's got

00:34:37.140 the pieces to really do what i want people hopefully sell them on it and get them to implement and execute

00:34:42.720 and as i was going through these 25 people's names to figure out like what belief system that i need to

00:34:49.280 write about and their story and tool that i need to give them i realized that some of them didn't fit

00:34:54.640 in the core frameworks i was teaching so i created these five time assassins to kind of like bring all

00:35:00.220 the other ones in there right so the five because i even tweeted this out this morning i said the number

00:35:04.940 one thing the cheapest thing you could do to buy back your time is just turn off all your notifications

00:35:08.860 on your phone like all of them like i don't have notifications on my phone it's such a weird i like

00:35:13.940 yesterday i was getting uh uh a photo new headshot it's been a while um and the the photographer

00:35:21.000 says to me he goes how do you like the new ultra right i'm a garmin guy i do triathlons and iron

00:35:26.220 mans and stuff and i moved to the ultra because he's got a battery life and he asked me about it

00:35:30.020 and he says yeah i used to have it but all the notifications were were distracting me when i was

00:35:33.920 doing my work and when he said that i was just like turn them off dude like that was such a fact he

00:35:39.060 he switched watches because of notifications and like it's been a decade now i just don't

00:35:45.260 because i build software i know how great the phd doctorates are and the engineers that build this

00:35:49.500 stuff they literally are designed to get your attention oh dude the color shade of the red

00:35:54.580 notification jewel on an icon on your phone it is split tested to the nth degree like there's books

00:36:00.460 out there and studies and phd research etc yeah hooked by near el and many others i lived in that world

00:36:06.020 right um so the the time assassins and the five of them are the staller the speed demon the supervisor

00:36:15.940 the saver and the self-medicator right they were designed to tell people like hey even if you didn't

00:36:21.780 hire another person let's just address where you're you're losing time right the staller is somebody that

00:36:27.580 hesitates by just not making decisions one of the most productive things you could do in your life

00:36:35.680 is to be decisive like it sounds crazy but people waste more time by not making a decision than a

00:36:43.180 decision right so that was a big area i had this bucket of friends i was like you guys are stallers

00:36:47.560 and then the speed demon right rich i don't know about you but this is definitely it resonates with

00:36:51.980 me you can be multiple of these i used to be the guy that would make rapid decisions like hiring people

00:36:57.540 and partnerships and all this stuff only to find myself dealing with the downside of those

00:37:01.420 fast speed demon decisions because i was like i'm making decisions in business i'm moving forward

00:37:07.340 but i didn't even have any level of like criteria or you know it's the people that post on facebook

00:37:13.360 are like i need to hire a new designer or like they they have a friend that's like oh my friends

00:37:18.320 are designers like oh i'll hire them it's like are they the best person really the supervisor somebody

00:37:23.580 that that can't let go the micromanager i think we've all been there at different stages of growth

00:37:28.480 right but that if you don't do that you will always be required the saver is the penny pincher

00:37:35.120 right and this one this one bugs me a lot rich because you probably this is this is your crowd

00:37:39.620 dude i think it is anyways and you tell me but these are people that don't understand that if they want

00:37:44.560 to move faster they have to make investments right you you you don't get returns on life on your

00:37:52.060 business on an outcome you're trying to achieve if you don't make an investment of time or money

00:37:57.260 right so like i tell this story about one of my friends he's running a two million a year

00:38:01.340 masterminds 20k to be in it he calls me up because you know he hears what we're doing and he's like

00:38:06.600 how did you do that and i was like well i first off because he was like frustrated that every event

00:38:12.420 he would do it just felt like he was like always doing this like show like how good was the last

00:38:16.760 event i was like well it's because you don't have a framework for what you're teaching it's just kind

00:38:19.640 of a come and pay me to feel good about yourself but there's no like framework or process or ladder

00:38:25.340 right so i introduced him this guy simon bowen who is the expert at doing this this is like simon is

00:38:31.520 the mozart of models okay he's got a company called models that sells and his response to me was

00:38:37.920 um well how much is he and i go i don't know how much he's gonna charge you because i got a bro deal

00:38:44.680 because i actually helped him on something but you know it's it's tens of thousands like it's not

00:38:48.760 nothing but it's not crazy he's like oh does he have a book i'm like no he doesn't have a book

00:38:54.820 he's like all right well let let me go let me go search online first and see what i can put

00:39:00.040 together myself and in that again i didn't say anything like i'm i'm a i'm a weird cat because

00:39:05.200 here rich i will tell you how i feel but in person i don't because it's i like to be the lighthouse

00:39:11.660 right that's the way i resolve things so i didn't say anything to him but in my head i'm thinking

00:39:15.600 how do you have a two million a year mastermind that you're about to shut down because you hate it

00:39:20.780 that you charge people 20 grand that a guy that you that you reached out to me and you know we're

00:39:25.640 like multiple eight figures and i hired the guy to solve the problem and you're sitting there going

00:39:30.700 does he have a book yeah come on like holy moly i just i can't deal with that stuff sometimes and

00:39:38.280 then then the self-medicators the person that you know turns to anything like food alcohol drugs to

00:39:45.300 to celebrate and to deal with with stress and to check out and usually with that comes a lot of

00:39:51.740 downsides in their life that they have i call it emotional shrapnel and it sucks a lot of time

00:39:57.500 energy headspace etc and i seen that amongst these 25 friends were like there was about six or seven i

00:40:03.680 would say hey you're a heavy self-medicator you can't win without saying we got to go celebrate at

00:40:09.100 a meal or i got to go have a bunch of drinks and i mean dude that's that that will and then you got

00:40:15.040 to deal with the upset wife and then you know your kids upset and i mean geez the most expensive thing 0.58

00:40:20.420 is is going through a divorce i mean you want to talk about sucking your time and energy up i mean

00:40:24.980 that'll be a big one so so to me it's like i had to write this chapter to address the mindset side of

00:40:30.860 things before i teach the tactical because if i didn't address that i wouldn't have got people bought

00:40:36.140 in to then say okay enough's enough i want to solve these things you've got 14 chapters in this book

00:40:42.480 i know that if we sat down we could do this for three or four hours straight no problem and and we

00:40:48.440 completely lose track of time i want you guys to read the book um it's it's quick the chapters aren't

00:40:54.800 long it's it's very similar to the way that i wrote my book it's it's just dense it's like drinking

00:40:59.620 from a fire hose and you'll get exactly what you need from it i have a few other questions that i

00:41:03.240 wanted to ask you because i only got you for another 20 minutes um you talked about a house

00:41:08.520 manager in your book so so i'm gonna be a little bit selfish here because i'm working from my house

00:41:14.020 and i wanted to ask you personally how do you find a house manager you talked about the house manager

00:41:18.880 taking care of like a lot of simple tasks in your home um one of the things that uh you know front

00:41:26.980 and center four o'clock i'm working my house manager makes me a protein shake brings it to me hands

00:41:31.660 it over i'll be on yeah exactly yeah so how do you find a house manager and how do you design that

00:41:36.620 job for them ours is called betty and we call her betty because i think betty is going to become an

00:41:41.840 icon like you know that's uh she's just incredible but here's the thing test first hiring method i 0.99

00:41:47.440 actually chapter on how to hire because most people don't follow those processes okay so the way i found

00:41:54.200 her was following the process i taught in the book which is we put a job posting up we asked them to

00:41:59.240 submit a video they did a profile assessment we then did a test project and betty rose to the top 1.00

00:42:04.980 okay where was betty before she was working at an ihop but other people that applied were professional

00:42:10.600 um you know estate managers house managers executive assistants etc so like we had all over

00:42:16.200 but for us in our environment she resonated now here's the roi people don't understand this because 0.98

00:42:24.520 my wife was even like um we've had we have several uh people in our home over the years like

00:42:29.680 sarah house so like betty is the ceo of my life and some people are like how do you find and train

00:42:36.780 somebody like that i go did anybody train you on managing your life no is it possible that other

00:42:45.380 people in your city manage their own lives yeah okay well then they're already trained to do what you

00:42:50.880 need them to do you just need to give them the permission to do the work right so not only does

00:42:55.120 does betty make sure that all the stuff is and this is the thing i want people to understand

00:42:59.140 she is responsible for the outcome she doesn't necessarily do it like my meal prep is done by a

00:43:05.100 company she just coordinates with my nutritionist and the meal prep and make sure that the food's ready

00:43:09.280 right she makes sure that she cooks it and brings it to me if i'm on meetings at lunch or whatever 0.99

00:43:13.120 um you know she has a routine and a checklist she manages all of our financials our passports our credit 0.97

00:43:19.200 cards anything personal literally anything personal that either my wife or i would have to deal with

00:43:23.680 she deals with it now she doesn't have time because she's so busy with our stuff our real estate our 0.99

00:43:28.780 our vehicles and all this stuff uh that like even cleaning we have sarah that takes care of all the

00:43:33.440 cleaning stuff she has a whole crew that takes care of the all of it like she's built a team around 0.99

00:43:38.200 her she's 32 years old she's incredible she's um she she just but i mean we we found that person

00:43:46.560 because we know what we were looking for because we built the process around it so i i just tell

00:43:52.040 people though like just start simple like literally just house cleaning meal prep um you know uh find

00:44:00.820 somebody that's the jack of all trades person that can come in and hang pictures and deal with like

00:44:05.160 the repair side of stuff yard work like just set a budget aside i want to i want because i when people

00:44:11.760 hear that they're like a house manager that sounds expensive and crazy it's like look a increase your

00:44:17.780 buyback rate and if your buyback rates there then just do the time and energy audit which i teach in

00:44:22.400 the book and if a large part of your time is taken from this like a lot of uh women ceos that i i coach

00:44:28.940 they always say like i want more time to go to the gym and i'm like great then stop making your kids lunch

00:44:35.040 and they're like why could i but i want to know what they're eating write it down and ask the

00:44:41.880 person to make sure that that's what's in their lunch but i i need to know it's like no you have

00:44:48.060 a belief that you show your appreciation and love to your kids by the fact that you make their meals

00:44:53.260 but then you're telling me in the same breath that you don't have time to go to the gym

00:44:56.680 so you don't have to do that stuff you just don't understand what's more important to you and what

00:45:01.980 what do you think your kids are going to value more my mom being uh have the energy and confidence 0.65

00:45:08.120 and feelings and and stress relief by going to the gym or the fact that you made them their lunch that

00:45:14.300 they didn't even see you make that is in the fridge that they just grab out of their box like it's that

00:45:19.480 kind of stuff rich that i see all the time that's fascinating to me but that the house manager there's

00:45:25.220 two people right i would sell the cars and the houses before i'd ever let these people go and it's my

00:45:31.000 executive assistant and my house manager there's no more important trade like dude if you if tomorrow

00:45:36.780 i woke up and poof it was gone i'm going to my brother's house he already knows this because

00:45:40.940 we're going to do it for each other i'm going to go borrow like i don't know 250 grand and i'm going

00:45:46.660 to live off that hire those two people i probably don't need a house manager if i'm living on my 1.00

00:45:50.280 brother's couch but as soon as i get my own place right and then i'm going to build because it's it's

00:45:55.060 there is no better roi on my time than those two places the problem is most people don't know what

00:46:00.760 to do with that free time yeah does the house manager live in the house in like a guest unit do

00:46:06.260 they live close by like how did you structure that yeah she probably is six seven minutes away she 1.00

00:46:10.720 shows up and we've changed it over the years like right now her schedule is 10 to 6 most days

00:46:16.320 so she's here uh but i mean again she manages stuff so she's like i don't know if she's in the

00:46:21.340 house or not in the house right she got she got her little office in our house um and yeah she just 0.88

00:46:27.840 manages stuff like i get i get a uh my wife cares more about what she does than i do but um i'll just

00:46:33.920 read it to you if you guys are curious we have we have like a voxer chat okay and this is like this is

00:46:38.720 we just got back from travel and literally this is all the stuff that betty did for us okay so let

00:46:44.020 me go there patio furniture sold uh new furniture installed windows and railings cleaned in and out

00:46:50.140 moss removal patio tiles bmw x6 tires swapped out booked out so winter tire exchanges uh our dog

00:46:56.860 blaze took to the groomer plane uh drain drain plug clean filled iphone repair i break phones all the

00:47:02.820 time so new iphone it's right there i got two iphone so it's just my life uh old knife set sharpened

00:47:08.960 outdoor lantern returns fixed master bedroom wall painted mass blazes bed blankets toys wash bird

00:47:14.760 protection community fridge mclaren taken out of storage like it's literally all the stuff that

00:47:20.980 people would do that i don't do i haven't been to like a dealership or grocery store bought myself in

00:47:27.480 a like i just don't do that i either spend time with people i love my family or i create cool shit 0.69

00:47:33.480 that's it that's all i'm gonna do and you know what's fun is i'll do both of those at the same

00:47:37.360 time on my boat wake surfing so it's like hey i like you and you're my business partner and i want

00:47:42.940 to go wake surfing so our board meeting is on the boat do you get to do that a lot with brad i noticed

00:47:48.100 you mentioned him in the book i do it all we do every morning yeah yeah brad we do every friday

00:47:53.400 we have friday that's one of the best dudes out there man dude he's the reason all of us came here

00:47:58.900 right like he came first with he came first yeah kuzmich literally six minutes we just got back from

00:48:05.200 cabo there was herman todd herman nick kuzmich my buddy jason and our family we all went to the

00:48:10.620 same resort and just did life together i mean this is why like the buyback principle to me is such an

00:48:15.580 important concept is because i think the quality of life that you can live like kuzmich just hired

00:48:20.980 and a house manager and it took a while little ocd little control freak had to get to the place but 1.00

00:48:28.200 he did it and he shared this publicly so i'm not talking out of school and he will say and his wife will

00:48:33.580 say the most incredible thing like one of my clients recently david in in our facebook group

00:48:38.700 he posted i need to share this win i've been watching dan heard dan read the book put it off

00:48:45.620 finally got a house manager and she started on monday and on friday i came home from work

00:48:50.700 and when i drew turn around the came around the corner i saw my wife in the front yard playing with 1.00

00:48:55.100 our kids there's a first time he's ever saw that when you're talking about what people want to hear

00:49:03.540 man it's it's powerful yeah yeah no i i'm trust me i i don't need to be sold on that freedom like

00:49:10.120 the amount of time that i spend like even on car stuff like you know if you have to get the car to

00:49:15.580 the dealership to swap out the tires um shit to do with the mclaren you know dude i let betty 0.85

00:49:20.720 drive my exotics like isn't that crazy like most people would not do that that might be the thing 0.93

00:49:25.680 that i'll struggle with to be like you know just take the car to you know take the mclaren to the

00:49:29.300 dealership and whatever it needs sort of thing um yeah but i get it i can i can certainly see the

00:49:35.500 appeal and the list that you're reading there solves a lot of problems that would that would end 0.96

00:49:39.920 up being tasks or errands in your spare time that you could really do with fun shit you know with 0.74

00:49:44.720 your kids or family or whatever um you were talking about a assistant and i saw you mentioned

00:49:52.300 somewhere on your so if you go to dan's um book site buy back your time then you can opt into his

00:49:59.300 email list and you'll get the webinar and the worksheet so i was looking at that before i hopped

00:50:04.100 on this call with you and you mentioned delegated.com um is that the place where you got your assistant

00:50:09.760 from no i'm just i own that company so okay i own a lot of companies a lot of people don't know

00:50:15.600 about but yeah delegated.com i bought uh five years ago just because again people would ask me where'd

00:50:20.940 you find your assistant where'd you find your assistant so essentially um that is an a tool but

00:50:26.620 here's how little i care about i just want people to find the person for them like rich you're at a

00:50:33.320 level dude you should have somebody if you need them and this is where it all depends because an

00:50:37.600 assistant can be called a runner can be all the executive assistant can be called the chief of

00:50:40.840 staff it all depends on your situation that's why the time and energy audit is so important because

00:50:45.280 it'll tell you what you're dealing with and then who the right hire is right so like for my buddy

00:50:50.720 matt bertulli who you know his executive assistant lives locally because she also acts as his pa his

00:50:57.480 personal assistant okay so she does work stuff and she does personal stuff because that's what he needed 0.99

00:51:02.480 right but because i have both and i have so much volume in just the executive corporate stuff

00:51:08.400 and on our my personal stuff with my wife because we're both entrepreneurs so she helps with my wife

00:51:13.200 stuff like and then she reports it's just it's what you need so i don't like if people want to go try

00:51:19.340 it out and start with delegated.com for sure because it's fractional it's by the hour they know my

00:51:23.460 playbooks they can implement it and then over time go like oh i need somebody more dedicated and

00:51:27.900 focus in full time then they can swap that out as well got it um what do we got about nine minutes

00:51:34.920 left so last question for you um i think that my audience would like to get some feedback from you

00:51:42.360 on personal stuff um one of the things that i spend a lot of time talking about on my channel

00:51:48.280 and even in my book is intersexual relationships uh you've been married for a long time um what would

00:51:55.960 you is there any one thing are there things that you would identify as success mechanisms that has

00:52:03.680 allowed that to work out for you um another actually let me ask you this question first when you hear 1.00

00:52:09.840 the soundbite happy wife happy life what comes to mind first of all oh it's stupid it's the dumbest 1.00

00:52:16.800 thing in the world it's the i'll tell you why it's the dumbest thing in the world other people's 0.99

00:52:21.260 happiness does not make you happy like everybody else's happiness is their responsibility and your

00:52:27.540 responsibility is to be happy like the world doesn't get easier oh just just through the the

00:52:33.860 auditing of the narrative of the stories in my head you know it's just like realizing that people

00:52:39.420 respond to different things that were completely different than mine that had nothing to do with

00:52:43.080 the actual facts or circumstances it had to do with their personal reality inside of their brain

00:52:48.200 their hallucinations about how the world's supposed to be so it's like the more you unpack that you

00:52:52.880 realize like oh other people's happiness include dude i tell my kids daily your emotional health is

00:52:59.860 not my responsibility i am here to support you i'm here to work with you but you are responsible for

00:53:05.780 your mental health like that's how much i believe that my job you know my life isn't going to be 0.61

00:53:10.980 dependent on and like if my kids are entrepreneurs or complete failures it does not personally it's not

00:53:16.020 going to be a reflection on me as a father i knew i showed up and i did the work and my intentions were

00:53:20.560 there and the activities were there how somebody else responds to that that's on them and i think the

00:53:25.600 moment you can disconnect that you live a completely different life where my wife's happiness is not

00:53:32.120 gonna it doesn't make me happy now do i want to become the person who can support people around me in

00:53:41.440 their journey hell yeah man like this is this is the part where you know i shared this recently where

00:53:47.360 my dad you know we've always had like a really cool relationship i went through chaos and hell with him

00:53:53.460 as a teenager and then he actually moved parts of town for me to to get sober and stay sober and he

00:53:58.760 bought all these computer books for me and he's just he's my hero but there's always like this awkwardness

00:54:03.720 like he it's like he never and for all the boys you know two two other brothers he never did

00:54:08.300 any one-on-one stuff which sounds crazy to some people but we just thought it was normal

00:54:12.020 and about a year and a half ago he finally said yes to come and spend time one-on-one with just me

00:54:18.320 for two days and and then in that moment time together i would ask him you know do you want to

00:54:24.240 work out do you want to come do it oh no no i don't want to slow you down blah blah and then i got

00:54:27.800 in a major snow biking accident with brad i fell off a 25 foot cliff and took my handlebars and my

00:54:32.680 femur and so i was injured so i asked my dad you want to come to the gym we were in nashville at one of

00:54:38.220 my events he came to and he goes okay young buck since you're injured you know and my dad worked

00:54:45.760 out with me every day for four days in a row every morning and that was the first time i'm 43 dude he

00:54:51.500 said no to me for 20 years and i share this because i wanted to if i didn't become the person who could

00:55:00.420 show up and be consistent and create the space and be willing to ask and never turn that off i would

00:55:08.160 have never been at a place where now he said yes and i just think like other people's happiness is

00:55:13.940 their responsibility but in the same breath my responsibility is to become the best version of

00:55:18.880 myself so i am prepared to support them when they're ready for me like my my family my mom still

00:55:25.080 struggles with different things and i feel like my whole family has written my mom off she's 70 years

00:55:30.860 old and they've written her off she sleeps with a sleep apnea machine she's very unhealthy she can't

00:55:35.180 walk upstairs and i still hold the belief that she could absolutely transform her life 0.88

00:55:40.140 and until she takes her last breath there will never be a moment of belief where i don't believe

00:55:45.880 that because i just know i've seen it happen thousands of times for people doesn't matter what

00:55:51.040 stage at their life young or old in a moment things can absolutely change and you can see miracles

00:55:55.860 happen but if i'm not in a position when she's ready to make that decision to support her because i didn't do

00:56:02.020 the work then that i think would be the biggest fallacy so it's not my responsibility if my wife's 0.99

00:56:06.620 happy but it's my responsibility to become the person that does the work the trauma the the you

00:56:12.820 know all that stuff that have the financial resources do we have a family coach we fly her in from 0.99

00:56:16.880 california to come live with us and look at how we interact and give us feedback that's not

00:56:21.100 inexpensive i get it's a luxury but i also realize that's why i get up and do what i do is so that

00:56:25.900 whatever i need if if i get a call that my kid's sick and there's a two million dollar operation

00:56:30.640 that is done in guatemala and i can't pay for that i don't want to i don't want to i can't even

00:56:36.320 imagine what that would feel like what is the uh there's a family coach what does a family coach do

00:56:41.980 like what was a big aha moment for you with that oh there's so much i mean think about this rich

00:56:46.840 there's the story you tell people that happened and then there's what really happened so so having

00:56:51.940 her live wake up in the morning watch us interact see the moment see the this take us individually do

00:56:57.460 some one-on-one take the boys one-on-one ask them questions probe integrate those learnings come to

00:57:02.540 dinner with us like the whole shebang um was just really valuable the biggest one i'll share with

00:57:08.180 people that it sounds subtle but really changed the way like literally on a daily basis we change

00:57:13.140 our behavior was called takeoffs and landings meaning that when i leave i used to just go it's

00:57:18.880 like this morning i had a run with my buddy rich in the past i would just leave i would just go at

00:57:24.700 seven in the morning i'm meeting my buddy i'm gonna go for a run i'll come home now because of

00:57:28.200 learning this when i go to leave i go find my wife i give her a big hug i tell her i love you

00:57:32.480 babes i'm heading out for a run with rich i'll be back at eight that subtle thing means so much to her

00:57:38.160 and to me when i come home it feels great because there's a landing that everybody goes hey what did

00:57:45.080 you do how are you doing right versus just staying busy doing their thing i mean it sounds so subtle but

00:57:50.180 it's like these little tweaks that can have such a beautiful impact um and that's just the small

00:57:55.460 stuff she did so much other things as well but we've been working with her for like five years

00:57:59.320 i mean and i have an emotional coach for my kids i mean i'm just a big fan of investing in the world's

00:58:05.040 best to teach us the skills that i think are force multipliers for huge impact on our lives

00:58:09.880 sounds like it's working for you so last question you've got two minutes you're giving your son's

00:58:14.700 advice they're going off into the world they're men now what advice do you give them

00:58:20.020 that's a great question because i i mean i've thought about this so i've given them a lot of it

00:58:30.260 like i mean i always believe that all kids are homeschooled whether the parents know it or not

00:58:34.320 because most schools just government assisted daycare um i would say

00:58:40.860 it's it's i would i would encourage them to just be them a thousand percent because like that that's

00:58:49.280 the and and what i mean by that is that there is nothing more unique in this world than somebody

00:58:55.660 that owns their truth about what they like what they enjoy what they want to do with their time and

00:59:00.080 how they want to create value for others than people that just allow themselves to live that life

00:59:04.960 right it's it's when you meet these people it's why they're they're inspiring and i'm not surprised

00:59:09.460 that those people are also the ones that have the biggest following online the biggest businesses

00:59:12.580 etc because they attract people that admire that because most people do not walk away around the

00:59:18.040 world this way so i would just hope that if i would try to say it in a way that would really land but

00:59:23.880 the whole idea of just like do it for you don't do it for dad don't do it for mom don't do it for

00:59:29.920 your girlfriend or your boyfriend or whatever like do it for you and because from that place it's it's

00:59:36.740 is it authentically you and is it a place of service i think those are two things that have

00:59:40.500 to be true those two things are true you can't live an unfulfilled life and i don't i don't wish

00:59:46.500 they're happy i wish that they're fulfilled all right guys check out uh dan's book it's available

00:59:52.560 on amazon the audible's read by him so it's a great listen it's my favorite way to consume books uh

00:59:57.380 yeah there's bonus material yeah um dan martell.com is a website i think

01:00:03.400 yeah and buybackyourtime.com and i'm very active on instagram so if you guys want to message me let

01:00:08.680 me know what resonated the most i'd mean it'd mean the world to me and then if you read the book leave

01:00:13.120 a review on amazon that's how we create the movement and the flywheel moving and uh i'm uh i'm really

01:00:18.280 grateful for the opportunity rich a thousand percent so the links are pinned in the description below

01:00:23.280 guys have an awesome day dan thanks for joining me brother

Playing to Win - April 20, 2023

083 - Dan Martell - Buy Back Your Time

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