Holly MidLife - Life Tips For Women
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 7 minutes
Words per Minute
176.1048
Summary
In this episode, I chat with Holly Midlife from Canada about her life tips for women in their 40s and 50s. Holly is a life coach and life coach, and she has been in the business for a long time. In this episode we talk about her journey to where she is now, what she's learned, and how she's grown as a woman as she approaches her 50th birthday.
Transcript
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welcome holly midlife from canada thanks for being here hello thank you so much for having
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me i really appreciate it it's funny because someone recommended your channel to me and you
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definitely have some excellent life tips for women but you're also curious about about a lot
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of various topics and i could also read between the lines and some of your videos and i was like
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yeah this is a good one there was something new though on your channel that i had never heard
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about uh rando nodding now it sounds like uh sounds a little woo woo but i think there's something
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to it have you had any rando nodding adventures recently uh so rando nodding it is if you go
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deeply into it there is a lot of woo woo about it um if you're into like the the paranormal and all
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that stuff and um the you know the the basis behind the secret and everything like that essentially
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uh it was just something fun that my daughter had seen on tiktok and she um she said let's give it a
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try and so essentially what it is is it's a random point generator so it gives you a location
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to go visit that's within a certain distance so you can set it as a driving distance a walking
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distance and we chose walking because we were trying to get out of the house during the whole
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lockdown situation and uh we we had a lot of great rando not adventures and it took us to places that we
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had never seen before and essentially the the theory behind it is it gets you out of your reality
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tunnel and i mean i see it as it gets it gets you out of your daily routines because when you go for
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a walk you tend to always go the same places what this did was just get us to discover different
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places in our city in our neighborhood and i mean we did have some coincidental things happen that i
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thought was really interesting and that's what kept me doing it but uh just it's one of those those
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tiktok trends that uh my kid my youngest uh i like it though it's kind of fun and sometimes yeah
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exactly it's good to switch up your usual routine you know drive a different way go to a different
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park you know it gets other neural pathways firing in your brain so you're just not on like robot mode
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all the time right so that sounds like a lot of fun so you're you're almost 50 so what we're going
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to talk about uh is you know women's issues i think this is a great show for women just things that
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you've learned you know i'm in my 40s as well there's a lot that i've learned and i wish that
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i knew some of these things when i was 25 right there isn't always those women in your life telling
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you these things and uh so let us be those women who are telling some of these younger women things
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and we're going to get into that but also i think some tips for women who are midlife because we can't
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forget about the older gals too your life is not over at 50 or your life is not your life is just
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beginning again in a different way in your 40s but would you say that you're very different
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uh from say 25 has the core of you changed uh you know to who you are has it stayed stayed strong
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you're approaching 50 now it's a it's a two-level answer because the the core of me has not changed
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i'm still the same uh personality still the same person that i was however i just feel closer to my
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my 50s i am a lot more confident in who that person is so it's a yes and no it's i'm a very stubborn
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person but i've learned to use that stubbornness to my advantage and not to my detriment i think that
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would be the major lesson that i've learned from 25 yeah i think for me is yeah i knew who my core
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was but having i didn't quite understand or harness it yet you kind of have to refine your strengths
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and kind of work on your weaknesses and that takes it takes a lifetime there's people still working on
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their weaknesses when they're 80 years old now would you say there were defining moments in your life
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that changed you for the better or made you embrace who you are um i would say yes like it's certainly
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the the birth of my my children 100 that changes you as as as a woman you you are now no longer just an
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individual you are now a person that is eternally tied to another human being and responsible for
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them and i did have my kids fairly young and it did make me grow up very very fast so that was a
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base fundamental change for me um but then also a lot of the the tragedies that i've gone through in
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my life uh they've shaped my resolve in uh who i am and what i need to focus on um but then of course
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there's always you know the death of a thousand cuts there's the the little mistakes that you make
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day to day that lead you down a path that instead of learning the lessons from them i didn't and just
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continue to make the same mistakes over and over again and uh learning from that has been
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a foundation of who i am today but i wouldn't say that that was a definitive moment in my life
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so yeah exactly i would say the definitive moment you're right marriage and kids that definitely did a
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big one for me and they they say that nothing makes a woman uh conservative like having children
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right and i found that that i found that to be true as well you start prioritizing different things
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right away it just changes your world it just kind of something else kicks in maybe that's why the
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system doesn't want women having kids when they're younger so they could just be liberal and just
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you know miss those fertile years and then just become a wine aunt a liberal wine aunt in their old age
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i think too when it comes to finding who you are you have to separate what other people have
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projected onto you you know we listen too much to what we think other people think of us right
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telling us who we are but no one knows you like you or why you behave the way that you do but one
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thing's for sure it's a process and you have to work it's uh developing yourself if you really want to
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because i find that there's some people that they just don't care but for me i find the older i get
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the more i want to be refined and be all that i can be did you did you have that experience as well
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like once you hit i don't know your late 30s you're like oh my god i'm approaching 40 but you're you're
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happy and who you are you're a confident woman you like i wish i had that brain when i was 25 but you
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can't force that you know you can't force life experience some things just do happen with age right
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yeah you it's funny because the the less the lessons that my parents tried to teach me when i
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was was a young woman was learn from other people's mistakes and you you try to do that but there is no
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greater lesson than than life making the mistakes burning your hand on the hot stove that teaches you
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real quick not to touch it and it was interesting what you said about the as women we tend to want to
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take on what what we project out to the world as a part of our personality and i find that as you
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get older as a woman as women get older we we start to develop that um mindset of i don't give an f
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what people think of me and sometimes that power can be used for good and sometimes that power uh tends
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to make them turn into crazy wine moms um but but harnessing harnessing that that letting go of what
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other people think of you because remember when you were in high school and you wore the wrong color
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jeans or you you did your hair with the wrong part or something stupid teenage girl like that
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it was absolutely devastating to you and your identity as a young girl and then as you move into your
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20s your focus turns to what are the boys finding attractive about me and you start to orient yourself
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in that way and then as you get older you start to lose that power of the young woman and now it's
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like okay well who the hell am i and then that's when that break happens well it happened for me
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was you know i really i should really stop caring about what people think of me and how am i going to do
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this constructively and i don't know if it was divine intervention or something but that was when
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uh my love of philosophy started to develop and that's when i discovered you know the teachings of
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all the different great philosophers the socratic method of questioning things um renee descartes uh the
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apple the apple basket experiment taking apart your entire belief structure and then putting back into the
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the basket the things that are serving you and then discarding the things that actually aren't serving
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you and not they're hindering you from becoming the person that you're you truly are meant to be
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um it's it's really interesting when you start to kind of dive into your your beliefs the ones that
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you're carrying over through different parts of your life uh some of the things just just don't work anymore
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but i notice women tend to hold on to a lot of them and it makes them very miserable and very unhappy
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as we age oh yeah definitely no it's true you have to find your way and you also you know as you pull
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away from your parents maybe you have some of their belief system or uh religion like i grew up in
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religion i'm not a christian anymore but i grew up in a christian household you know i went through my
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journey my process and uh also looking into philosophy i was definitely into carl jung learning about him
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and the whole shadow self side of you which i thought was really powerful because there's a saying
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that your greatest strength can become your greatest weakness right and your weaknesses can become your
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greatest strength i think that you'll probably say that that's been true for you i found that that's
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true because the thing about weakness is really it's just unrealized potential that you haven't learned
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about yet whereas the things you think are your strength can like you're saying maybe being too mouthy
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or something can limit you without realizing it you know there's i think that there's more to tap
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into that creates a a wiser balanced you but you have to be conscious of what those are and it takes
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time to learn who you are and it's true in your 20s you kind of don't think about those things more
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because you're thinking about got to get that guy you want to get that guy maybe you want to start a
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family you have this and that i think once you're kind of uh over 30 you start thinking about those
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things and uh you know you're more introspective what do you think oh yeah well 100 like thinking about
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my what i consider one of my greatest strengths is absolutely definitely one of my greatest weaknesses
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i am stubborn and patient to a fault and i'm very very slow to anger and i i always perceive that
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is a very very good thing now i still believe that it is however throughout my life it's it's put me in
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situations where i have stubbornly tried to prove people um wrong of what they think of me and
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that stubbornness has kept me in situations that i should have exited a long time ago or i shouldn't
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have wasted that time on that relationship or i shouldn't have wasted that time in that job because
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it just wasn't the right place for me and um if i would have been a little quicker to react and a
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little less stubborn in trying to prove myself i think that things would have gone a lot easier for
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me but then questioning that you have to think well was that a life lesson that i needed to learn so i
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can get to the place where i am now where i'm still stubborn i'm still strong-headed but i can now
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recognize okay this is actually starting to damage me or damage my family or damage something and it's
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like okay now it's time to walk away now it's time to to get angry yeah not be so uh agreeable and try
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to get along with everyone sometimes there's a lot of women fall into that i used to be like that too
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almost too nice and a lot of women can become doormats like that or get pushed around or maybe you know
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they need to learn to say no more often to certain people that they shouldn't waste their time with
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you know i see a lot of young girls do that because there are a lot of young girls that
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they're nice but they're just kind of blowing around in the wind they're not really sure you know where
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the grounding is and they get they get taken advantage of you know but then when you're older
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you're like looking at some of those women like just say no walk away he's a slime bag or you know
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like we can see we can see it coming across the street you know yeah whereas something happens in
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your youth it's like you just don't see some of those things i don't know what it is you know
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well with that i think that we should share you had some great tips um in one of your videos for
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younger women later we're going to get into some tips for midlife gals too so in your old wise age
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please i don't think you're old what are the things that you have learned that you would like to
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share with with younger women what would you like them to know well i think the number one thing
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um that that i've learned in in my life because of course i was an avid feminist and i was all about
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freedom of uh expression and uh the the whole free love movement and how you're you know sex is power
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and and all of that and that that mindset is very very damaging to young women and i have been
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pleasantly surprised seeing the there is a bit of a shift in young women's mentalities with
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moving away from that whole hookup culture thing and starting to realize exactly how damaging it is
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and i've seen it come more to the mainstream where women are starting to throw out that idea of maybe
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this isn't something that a woman should be doing just throwing her her sexuality to the wind and
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letting anybody hop on for a ride essentially putting it nicely and one of my my quotes in my
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videos is garbage in garbage out so if you're if you're offering yourself up to a garbage person
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to use you and treat you like a piece of garbage maybe that's not the right path to take and maybe
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our grandmothers were correct with the the saying why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free
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you know become that that young woman that a young man wants to take home to meet his mother to meet
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his grandmother uh be that become that young woman that a young man would be proud of to have in his
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life uh not just that young woman that he calls up at three in the morning when he's got an itch
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that he needs to scratch right he doesn't care about you he only cares about one very small part
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of you and if you allow him he's going to use that you know the the easy accessibility with the
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complete unyoking of accountability when it comes to free and unfettered availability of sex yeah that's
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right and and you had said too in your video that this is a new norm right in modern culture i mean
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historically this wasn't a thing we evolved based on sure biological needs the impulse to sustain life
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before things got really comfortable but yes your body is your temple it's not a toilet or a dumpster
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for whoever you think is kind of okay at the at the time and i love one of the comments you made about
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these women who think they're smashing the patriarchy by being uh sluts they even write slut
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across their chest it's like okay you're just providing this free and constant flow of uh sex without
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a commitment i don't know how that's empowering but it's it's great for the guys you know you're just
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you're exactly you're giving away for free but you you said something important there giving away
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your power maybe talk more about that your um sensuality uh sexuality how that leads to women not
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being happy well it's it's the common trope the the common thread that i see in all of these young
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women or older women coming out and talking about how they they were instructed and told by the
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feminist movement that they can be just like men and they can have sex just like men and they can have
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uh casual sex just like men well i believe that women are built differently when it comes to intimate
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relationships and it comes down to just the mechanics of having intercourse it's you are essentially
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allowing allowing someone to enter your being for lack of a better term and you are allowing that person
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to leave a piece of them inside you and based on this this whole concept um if you're allowing someone
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to to do that to you it takes away the intimacy it takes away the love and caring it takes away
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everything that a young woman um should hold and cherish and keep um keep close to your your chest
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right uh it's it's really upsetting when you you you read these stories of these young women that have
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body counts in the hundreds and how crazy pleased and happy they are about it but then later you can
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see in their their timelines how absolutely miserable they are and they keep banging on the same drum
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that's making them miserable and they figure okay if we just bang harder it's something it's going to
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get better we're going to get to that place where women are fully empowered and like i'm going back to my
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ancestors and going back to to the roots and i learned the phrase like women control the access to sex
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men control the access to a relationship and what we've done as a society is we've completely
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taken away the power that women have when it comes to the access to sex like there there is nothing more
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powerful in the world that can stop a room or stop a man's thought or a man's thought in its his tracks
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is is than a beautiful young woman and that power if it's if it's just given away to whoever desires her
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then she no longer has that power um the i do believe also that this whole sexual revolution that's
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come to fruition to the point where it is now is not only damaging to young women it's now becoming
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very damaging to young men and you can see that in the rates of of marriage and young men that are
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just deciding to walk away and live their own lives and focus on themselves and focus on their careers and
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focus on their you know their family their parents um and now we have young women that are asking well
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where are all the good guys where did all the good guys go and it's like wow those good guys have
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uh either gotten married to a lovely young lady or those guys just don't want to have anything to
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do with somebody that has given it all away for free exactly it's they viewed as dirty and gross
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because it is i hate to put that label on people that dirty gross used but when it comes down to the
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the base the base level of it like i think back to when i was a kid and i was in high school
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there there was always the that one girl that all the guys knew that would put out yeah and
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all a lot of the girls were jealous because that girl got all of the boys attention but that girl
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was never never taken out on dates that girl never went to prom that girl never got taken to or taken
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bad language that that young lady was never invited home to to meet the young man's uh parents the she
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never got a boyfriend and if she did it was just until she you know put out and then she was quickly
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cast aside i think we're in a situation right now where pretty much every young lady is that girl
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i know i said i was gonna say i noticed that in high school just watching man just going out to to
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events or whatever and you see what you know the the young kids dress like now the teenage girls i was
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just telling some of my friends i was like that's how the the slut when i was going to school in high
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school used to dress now they're all dressing like the slut like with this ghetto trash culture now
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they're all doing that so now what's down stands out is the woman that's more beautiful and wholesome
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and actually dressed in a classy way it's outrageous yeah you gotta you gotta leave some mystery that's why
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like back in the day there there was burlesque and burlesque was very sexy it was very
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provocative because you never actually got to see anything yeah exactly it was always that hint of
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what might be behind the the covers right it was very titillating but now there's there's the
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gentleman's clubs where you get to see everything you can basically do a gynecological exam on this young
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lady and there's nothing sexy about that there's nothing titillating about that no there isn't
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yeah and you know that these women are secretly they just they want prince charming to come they
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just want to marry a guy who's going to take care of them so they're screeching loud about you know
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female empowerment and you know i'm i'm free to be a slut and it's my choice and i'm happier but you
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know they're not because on a biological level it's like it's impossible to be happy like that where no
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guy wants to marry you and protect you and you know provide a nice safe cozy house for you and
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like no you're miserable we know it so what do you think the solution is because you know yes sex is
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ultimately to make life but it's also for enjoyment right but the first purpose is making babies right
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and a lot of these women are taking value away from that by constantly giving it up to strangers and
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now they don't even have babies and you know the sex that they're having is probably not that great
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either so what do you think this counter response is to hookup culture what's the healthier alternative
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that people should be telling their girls about because you know they're going to want to try it at
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some point like teenagers right so what is the the healthy approach someone's raising a teenage girl like
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what do you say well then see that's that's the delicate balance that you have to you have to
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do right like our my parents the the boomers right the boomers were raised in the 60s the summer you
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know the actual summer of love where it was this great amazing thing that women were being unyoked
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from from the stodgy old ideas of sex and it was free love and all that stuff and they did all the crazy
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drugs and they lived in the 60s and then when they started raising young girls they took a look and went
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oh i saw i see how damaging that is i'm gonna make this all illegal i'm gonna ban it all we're not
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gonna talk about it we're gonna push hard on the no and all that did was make it even more enticing and
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more interesting and oh let's you know let's see what they're talking about because i see pictures of mom
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and her her hip huggers going to these these crazy parties and my my mom used to roller skate at studio 54
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whatever the story is um i'm gonna do that but i'm gonna do it better i'm gonna do it harder
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and i'm gonna do it faster um i think now we we are sitting here looking at okay well that didn't work
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twice so how do we talk to young women about this well we need to talk to young women about the the
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value that they they truly do hold and the power that they truly do possess and how to um to put it into
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their terms how to use that power to for it for its good right to drive them further in life to get
00:25:07.740
them to where they need to go and to understand that when someone desires you that does not mean that
00:25:14.620
they hold you to a high esteem uh a man can desire any woman but does that mean that he holds her to a
00:25:22.460
high esteem and if you act in a way where you demand that respect and you demand that um elevation of
00:25:31.260
your your character then you'll be treated as such now what do we do from here uh all we can do is just
00:25:39.020
take care of our daughters and teach our daughters the the lessons of the past and be very open and frank
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that you know when you have those the sex talks right the the value of what it means to be a little more
00:25:55.100
conservative with your your sexuality but sex is to be enjoyed and sex is fun and women enjoy it just as
00:26:04.380
much as men do when it's in the confounds of a loving relationship and has that intimate tie to it
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right so it's it's you get to that that point where there's that healthy balance of
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let's not try to lock all the women up and you know put them in chastity belts because yeah they
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don't know what to do but explain to them why sex can be enjoyed enjoyed and how it can be enjoyed and
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the appropriate power the use of power i guess we can say that's right you have to you have to
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motivate the reason not just don't do it because i said so right uh or don't do it because our belief
00:26:48.060
says you can't yeah i i feel that that approach doesn't work you have to really really educate
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them really empower them with the truth and and the education and i feel like a lot of parents
00:27:00.220
they aren't doing that because maybe they they themselves don't even really fully understand
00:27:06.140
maybe it's just something that they kind of unconsciously pick up on like oh yeah it's it's
00:27:09.660
wrong you don't want your teen daughter sleeping around or whatever but they can't even really put
00:27:13.580
the words together of why and present that for their children but they need to because it's one of the
00:27:18.460
most important things is how we raise our children right that's going to determine the future and
00:27:22.460
especially for especially for women i think women have been a number has been done on women
00:27:27.820
specifically and the more liberal we get just the worse that it's getting for women so something
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isn't working and what do you think about as far as like female liberation and all that stuff do you
00:27:40.140
think that that was a subversive agenda or was there some truth there yeah it's like i've been thinking
00:27:50.220
about this for for about 24 hours now straight like and of course i i have this uh conspiracy theory mind
00:27:58.860
right like so how how would you control a society what's what is what's the thing that what's the thing
00:28:11.100
that holds a society together that makes a society essentially ungovernable and that's the family unit
00:28:17.900
and so how would you break up the family unit to make people more dependent on the the powers that
00:28:28.380
be well you can't go after the men because the men are strong and the men will fight back it's in
00:28:35.180
it's in their nature to protect things um you would go after the women now as a woman i know this 100
00:28:42.700
uh we are more susceptible to messaging and we are more susceptible to in-group acceptance and that's
00:28:51.420
just just a part of our our biology it's a part of who we are um so to slowly trickle in those ideas
00:28:59.180
that fundamentally would break apart that the family values i guess you can say or the the the structure
00:29:06.220
of the strong family you would go after the women and once you go after the women of course they're
00:29:14.940
going to start changing the tides and they're going to start moving things and in a certain direction
00:29:19.740
that essentially is is going to end up being very destructive towards the family unit right so i i do i do
00:29:28.460
believe that the the early feminists that the first wave feminists they they were about equality and they
00:29:40.220
were about making things better for women i think they came from a good place because we were coming
00:29:46.540
out of a phase where women were uh held back and women were controlled and women were treated as property
00:29:57.180
essentially and all that all they did in in that first wave was to say hey we're humans too and treat
00:30:05.260
us like humans we're not property and that's it and but then from that if you've looked into the history
00:30:13.420
of um feminism oh yeah single wave that's come from that it starts to morph into this evil ugly creature
00:30:21.420
of instead of let's elevate everybody so everyone can benefit from all of the great things that
00:30:27.740
everyone can offer it now has become we need to crush and destroy everything that is not us
00:30:36.140
so that's where the man hate started and that's where the women going on their own started and that's where
00:30:43.340
i don't have children started they're just a burden and taking away everything that fundamentally
00:30:50.460
makes a woman fulfilled yeah and it also would i would say during the the even the first wave uh
00:30:58.540
where it originally started was a lot of upper class women who were just bored like they were bored you
00:31:05.820
know because most other women were too busy just trying to survive just getting done whatever the household
00:31:11.740
needed to get done i don't think those husbands viewed them as property and treated them like crap and all that stuff
00:31:17.580
i feel like it was a lot a lot of these things have been fantasized you know and it's just become
00:31:23.260
mythologized in this way that these men were these great beasts back then and this is how they treated all women and stuff
00:31:30.300
whereas i mean i i always look at it like i want to get into this whole discussion about trad wife versus modern woman
00:31:37.180
but what era of woman are you talking about right because we've been through all kinds of things like
00:31:42.460
are you going to judge a viking woman versus a 1950s or upper middle class 1920s woman like they've been
00:31:50.220
dealing with different things in different decades and i feel like around this time there was a lot
00:31:55.660
of subversive forces in america and in europe and i feel like they were getting their fingers in there
00:32:01.980
because they knew like you said the family units and the the woman is so important in the family like she
00:32:08.380
can create chaos and instability you know and she's the one who has the babies right um so i do feel
00:32:16.300
i have studied and i've looked into it in in the different foundations who have founded these things
00:32:21.020
and some of the the females who were leading some of these movements and i look at their communist
00:32:26.780
background or their hatred already towards european uh even like nationalism and things so to me i i
00:32:35.980
definitely feel is more subversive i think there were some women that probably were treated like crap by
00:32:40.460
their by their husbands for sure uh but i think that generally men uh they meant well they were trying
00:32:47.420
to to protect protect their women you know yeah no 100 like i looking into the the anti-suffragette movement
00:32:57.740
the women who uh were not interested in getting the vote it's very it's very interesting when you you
00:33:07.660
look into that history because as as a young woman going through school learning all about the the brave
00:33:13.420
women that got us the vote and got those evil awful men to give us a voice etc etc well looking in
00:33:21.660
looking into the suffragette movement um you have to kind of dig a little bit deeper and see that
00:33:28.860
the majority the overwhelming majority of women were not interested in the um in the dealings that's
00:33:36.940
right yeah the the direct quote is they they didn't have time to care about what what men were doing
00:33:46.060
because they were dealing with more important things like raising the future generation and to
00:33:52.780
them that was the the single most important thing to be doing yeah absolutely yeah i agree 100 and it's
00:34:01.420
just look look at it today it's the same thing is happening like these movements that are supposedly
00:34:05.340
these big movements and stuff the majority of people don't actually support these things and don't
00:34:09.980
even really give a shit about a lot of these things but they just push it in the media so they make it
00:34:14.220
seem like it's much bigger and more important than it is and that's how i feel like with the the
00:34:19.020
suffragette movement because to me looking back to like as far as the right to vote and stuff they
00:34:23.740
had one vote per household i think that that's a brilliant idea you vote as a family unit i mean i
00:34:29.820
wouldn't want to vote different from my husband and i wouldn't be married to him if we were going to
00:34:33.180
vote differently you know what i mean i think some of those things were structured to protect the
00:34:37.980
family unit in a way and now that has been uh that has been sabotaged oh yeah now i think like
00:34:43.740
people shouldn't even be able to vote under 25 honestly and there should be other requirements
00:34:48.220
too like owning a business do you have a family like you know it's out of control you look at it this
00:34:53.420
way uh if if with looking back at the the suffragette movement and the vote being one family one household
00:35:01.580
um you can't tell me that women back then weren't exactly the same as we are now when it comes to
00:35:09.340
how our households are run like you can't tell me that they didn't uh see the the school board or
00:35:17.180
something happened with the sewage or the water collection and they didn't go talk to their
00:35:21.580
husband and say hey i noticed that uh this isn't happening in our neighborhood uh which candidate do you
00:35:29.020
think is going to help us with that and then they have that open discussion in their household
00:35:33.580
and then say okay well i think that we should vote for joe instead of fred because joe is saying he's
00:35:39.500
going to help us with this and then the husband goes yeah that's a great idea they come to a consensus
00:35:43.900
and then the man went and voted yeah exactly right exactly you also said another good thing there
00:35:51.100
when it comes to things that are traditional there are certain things i think women just always
00:35:56.060
have cared about all throughout time and we'll get into this with trad wise versus the modern woman and one
00:36:00.860
of those things is running the household and overseeing the children it doesn't matter if it
00:36:05.100
was uh some old mud hut versus a palace like women are going to be caring about the kids they're going
00:36:12.540
to look at how things are run in the household like there are certain timeless principles and i think
00:36:17.820
women have mostly been concerned about those things that's their priority all the women i know
00:36:22.460
i mean generally being a political minded is more like masculine brain and a lot of women just don't
00:36:28.540
care about politics i mean nowadays the only reason why i do is because i'm forced to because
00:36:33.020
i feel like i need to get involved to protect the future of my children because i see what's coming
00:36:39.420
you know what i mean that's the only reason why i'm here and i'm out here doing these things
00:36:43.020
i think otherwise i would be just doing girly things in the house with the kids you know but
00:36:47.980
let's discuss this whole thoughts on the trad wife versus the the modern woman sometimes we get
00:36:53.420
the extremes out there i made a video called the truth about trad wives and you touched on a lot
00:36:58.940
of the same things i think we really come from the same place on this a trad wife isn't a new concept
00:37:05.740
it's an old concept i think is being reworked into this new liberal kind of soft era that we're in
00:37:12.220
and i also had mentioned in this video like what era are we talking about like i brought up before
00:37:17.260
trad wife in the viking era of like the women that had to do things that weren't always traditionally
00:37:24.220
feminine they just did what needed to be done right as a family unit uh versus the 1950s the golden age
00:37:30.700
when the woman can stay home and the guy goes to work and she can wear these sexy high heels when he
00:37:35.340
comes back and everything is good they have martinis together you know i mean we're not in that period
00:37:39.900
now like a lot of women they have to work unfortunately because it's hard and each era has their different
00:37:46.060
struggles i come from a view that a couple they just need to do what needs to get done and you
00:37:52.220
you are going to know who's better suited to do what it's not always going to fit into maybe the
00:37:56.700
traditional category but the obvious big ones they always do so what do you think about this this this
00:38:02.300
whole trad trad wife thing versus the modern woman and is the trad wife thing really the answer answer for
00:38:09.180
to everything for miserable women well that's i i i actually did the same the same sort of video like
00:38:16.220
questioning okay when you say trad wife what are you talking about and and i didn't go back to the
00:38:21.900
vikings but i went back to say the first nations people and the indigenous people and we we had the same
00:38:30.300
you know family units we had the the mothers grandmothers staying back at the village the men going out to hunt and
00:38:37.180
fight uh women were sometimes uh had to step up and do some of the hunting and do some of the
00:38:45.820
the fire wood prep and you can't tell me that the women didn't just sit at home uh with a martini
00:38:52.780
and laid back and wait until the the men came home if the men ever came home or if their man ever came
00:38:59.500
home because hunting back then was very dangerous so you can't tell me that that she didn't go out and
00:39:05.020
harvest wood and she didn't go out and hunt small game and she didn't you know kill and strip and prep
00:39:11.660
dinner to keep her babies alive so you have to you have to look at okay well what what's traditional
00:39:19.020
what's trad and when you you hear the the modern modern people talking about the trad right wife they
00:39:27.260
always look at that age the 1950s yeah where life was extremely comfortable and extremely um easy and
00:39:39.180
what happened to those women like they were going to the doctor with the the housewife blues and the
00:39:48.140
melancholy of having to stay home but everything had been stripped from them they dishwashers were invented
00:39:56.300
so that didn't take time the food procurement became super easy and they would just you know
00:40:03.100
go to the grocery store and that would be their exciting thing that they did for the day um to me
00:40:08.860
that that kind of life just sounds completely horrendous and a nightmare like you look at what
00:40:16.380
happened during the lockdowns and how many people went crazy we we had we had income we had mining coming
00:40:22.540
in and we had all this time on our hands well did everyone just suddenly become super blissful and super
00:40:29.660
happy because they could do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted because they didn't have to go to
00:40:33.900
work no people were miserable people started drinking people started self-medicating and the same thing
00:40:39.900
happened to the the housewives in the 50s they started self-medicating they started taking
00:40:44.940
different mothers little helpers that are a lot stronger than just uh you know a box of wine every
00:40:51.980
afternoon and you know i look at that that period of time it's like no i don't want to have a man go
00:41:00.700
out and work and take care of me and then me just sit there and do absolutely nothing yeah you need a
00:41:05.980
purpose that's the thing i feel like us as as a people we started losing a purpose around this time
00:41:11.900
you know materialism really came in as well there was another good point i forgot but uh as far as
00:41:17.820
like the the feminist stuff a lot of women were going in the workforce i think that was a big part
00:41:22.220
of the agenda taxing them getting them to become a slave to another man like that's not a solution
00:41:27.900
either right dropping your kids off in school all day or daycare and the government raising them
00:41:32.940
so you had women doing that but then you also had women sitting home who were just yeah they were
00:41:38.700
bored they needed a purpose they needed something to do something to live for their kids were gone
00:41:43.660
they weren't even homeschooling them right they dropped them off at school and once all the vacuuming
00:41:50.060
was done then what you know it's like they didn't know they didn't know what else to do yeah they like
00:41:56.540
you said like the everything that gives a woman purpose in that time of time period of our history
00:42:05.260
every single thing that gives a woman purpose it was institutionalized it was streamlined it was
00:42:12.700
provided for them so like you said not a homeschooling got that bad rap of that's just what the the
00:42:20.140
the weirdo kids were like they weren't going to be socialized properly and they weren't going to be
00:42:25.420
taught properly because the government knows best for you so take your kids ship them off to the school
00:42:31.420
well okay that takes rearing children out of it it and that that's one of the greatest joys in a
00:42:38.380
woman's life is to take care of of her babies and like just something that you said there when
00:42:46.860
women in in my country they were starting to go back to work a lot of a lot of women had spent
00:42:55.980
that time home with their children taking care of their children kids weren't going to school so they
00:43:00.860
were essentially homeschooling and they saw the the joy and purpose that that brought back into their
00:43:08.460
lives just by being forced to stay at home and there are a lot of women that discovered new ways of
00:43:16.220
bringing in income that kept them at home and they weren't going back to work and there was this huge push
00:43:23.980
this huge advertising push and societal push to get the women back into the workplace and the push was
00:43:32.380
oh well we got we have to have subsidized daycare because these poor women can't afford it but a lot
00:43:37.500
of women discovered hey you know what i'm saving thousands of dollars a year by just staying home with
00:43:44.460
my kids orienting my lifestyle so i can stay home with my kid do something part-time that does bring
00:43:50.780
in a little bit of income to supplement and just be a mom and yeah and there's a lot of women that
00:43:57.820
can do that now and have a small little internet business i have lots of friends that do that
00:44:03.020
something that they love a little creative outlet or something because i mean i love
00:44:07.900
children i love being around my children but i also need some kind of creative outlet like there's
00:44:12.220
just going to be those women you know that that need a little something extra on the side but now with the
00:44:17.420
invention of technology and the internet like we can do some of those things and also i think it's
00:44:23.180
very important now like what i said where we are politically i think since the post world war ii era
00:44:28.860
has just gone downhill in america like crazy but um now we can actually have a voice and and you know
00:44:35.180
get involved and right from the right from our living room right women are recording selfie videos with
00:44:40.380
their kids playing in the background and i think that that can is still you can still be a trad wife and do
00:44:46.060
those things and in fact i think we need women to get involved in this era of just like crazy
00:44:51.260
feminism and stuff to be the the counterweight and also thinking in terms of a future for our
00:44:56.300
children your grandchildren where are things going like i feel that we need to get involved
00:45:01.820
as much as i wish we didn't have to that none of us had to worry about those things i wish all i
00:45:06.860
had to worry about was my hair and my nails and keeping the house clean but you know it's just
00:45:10.540
not the time that we live in unfortunately yeah it's a it's it's it's funny to see the the
00:45:16.300
government's um the the powers that be panic when they discovered that they were losing 50 percent of
00:45:23.900
the tax paying workforce and there were a lot of women that didn't want to go back to work because
00:45:28.860
they they found their purpose in staying home and so you see the big the big push through the
00:45:34.780
the the media and everything like that of oh we need to get women back to work women are being
00:45:40.300
oppressed again and but a lot of i do see a lot of women did see through that and say no you know
00:45:47.980
what i'm just gonna stay home i'm not gonna go back because we sold our second car we've reoriented
00:45:54.060
our lives and we've um we've seen how much money we were pouring into the daycare system
00:46:00.460
and we can actually stay home we can afford it because when we do the budget my job was only
00:46:09.420
barely paying for for the daycare and me being able to work whereas if i don't work we save thousands
00:46:16.540
dollars a month of me driving me having to buy clothes the extra you know coffee in the morning even
00:46:23.500
the um owning that second car to get to the office like all of that women kind of woke up and that
00:46:31.340
makes me really happy that people are like oh crap we've been lied to we can actually stay home we
00:46:37.340
actually can't afford it we don't need two incomes yeah it's happening i see i see that uh pendulum
00:46:43.580
swinging and i did want to get into a few more tips for young girls i think that we should continue
00:46:48.940
we'll take a little break and continue because i do want to there's some more things i want to
00:46:52.700
ask you because i think it's a great conversation but you had some more tips like limiting the sun
00:46:58.460
little things like that maybe do you remember any more of those tips in your videos i wrote some of
00:47:03.020
them down in case you didn't yeah so like the the thing thing that i was taught when i was in my 20s
00:47:09.740
was treat your skin as you're 10 years older than you actually are and that includes shade sunscreen
00:47:17.020
because shade sunscreen and your diet and water consumption ages you so if you treat yourself like
00:47:24.140
you're 10 years older than you are you're going to take a little bit better care of yourself
00:47:28.620
and sunscreen absolutely is your friend i mean you can go down that rabbit hole of the things that are
00:47:34.220
actually in sunscreen zinc oxide just pure zinc oxide there's good organic products out there i think you're
00:47:40.540
on the same page there's a lot there's a lot of things that you can make yourself with natural
00:47:47.020
products that does that do protect you from the sun however if you are going to be an extreme exposure
00:47:54.780
and you that's not going to offer you the protection from getting burned sometimes the
00:48:00.620
the chemical stuff might be necessary to prevent what the the damage that could be done and sparingly and
00:48:08.380
very very infrequently it can be used but shade big hat stay out of the sun girls because you'll end
00:48:16.700
up with a much nicer complexion absolutely i think i think it's important also eating an organic diet is
00:48:23.340
very important paleo diet for me big advocate of that replacing all those chemical laden products
00:48:28.940
and makeup i know there's a lot of girls that suffer from infertility problems i think all of these
00:48:33.100
things contribute the products that you're putting on um the the crap that you're eating i always
00:48:38.300
recommend people going to a naturopath also birth control pills like i i have a problem with birth
00:48:44.860
control pills what's in it there's a lot of yucky stuff i mean learning your fertility cycle and the
00:48:50.140
window of when you are fertile and just you don't have a kid don't have sex on those days i mean
00:48:56.780
i don't know why they don't teach women these things anymore there's all these women who are
00:48:59.660
screeching about you know wanting to kill their baby and stuff but no one's teaching them about
00:49:03.900
basic fertility and your cycles and when you're most fertile it's like we've totally become out
00:49:10.140
of touch with that it's like this knowledge is just not even being talked about anymore it's crazy
00:49:15.580
yeah it's it's it's interesting because i i remember talking with my mother when i was pregnant with my
00:49:20.940
first child and i made the decision that i was going to nurse my babies i was going to make a go
00:49:26.380
of it i was going to breastfeed and my mom was mortified because she had me in the 70s and in
00:49:32.060
the 70s the science like the the scientists they know the better nutrition and they know that it's
00:49:38.940
it's it's it's cleaner mom's got that too yep yeah you know what i mean like it and so she was mortified
00:49:46.140
so i i breastfed my children and it was the absolute best thing i could have ever done for my kids for
00:49:53.020
myself even selfishly um so thinking about that right and then you talked about the the birth control
00:50:00.140
pill i had um gone on it when i was very young because you know i didn't want to get pregnant and
00:50:07.180
i wanted to have unfettered sex without the responsibility of having a baby and it
00:50:13.820
it it affected me in such a way that it changed who i was as a person and i wasn't aware of it
00:50:25.660
but going looking back with you know you always have 20 20 vision looking back on how much it did
00:50:33.260
affect me and how much it changed my the way my even my brain worked and the way my hormones hormone
00:50:40.060
balance hormone balance everything like i i started dealing with severe depression and and all of that
00:50:49.020
horrible stuff uh the other thing was i started gaining weight so because you know you're back in
00:50:55.260
that time where i was very very vain about my my physicality well no one wants to be bloated and fat
00:51:01.500
either so i i realized it was the pill and i decided no i don't want to take this anymore it's making me
00:51:09.260
fat and then i started coming out of the brain fog and out of the um what i was going through and it was
00:51:17.180
oh crap i think that's what was making me ill and when i did talk to my doctor he at least was a really
00:51:23.500
good doctor and said yeah there are some women that do have you know mental issues with it with with
00:51:29.340
birth control and that was my wonder you're screwing with your your home hormonal balance your chemistry
00:51:35.020
like it's not it's not her fault for being acting crazy and erratic like that it's like you're basically
00:51:41.020
putting bad poisons in there you know yeah like the uh when you look at uh when women are getting
00:51:47.420
engaged to their their fiance's their the advice is for them to go off the birth control pill for a
00:51:54.140
year before they get married now why is that so that they can get pregnant well and also and also
00:52:01.420
so they can act like a normal woman well the studies that i've read into it it basically it changes
00:52:09.340
your hormones so much that you are as a woman are unable to pick up pheromones from your your
00:52:15.660
your partner oh that's right i do remember that research right yeah that's huge a lot of women they
00:52:21.180
they're on the pill on the pill on the pill they get married they decide okay we're going to start
00:52:24.940
having a baby now i'm going to go off of my birth control they go off of the birth control their their
00:52:30.460
body starts to reset become more natural and they cannot stand being around their husband oh my gosh
00:52:39.820
the just and it's it's some of it it's the way he smells just makes her physically sick
00:52:45.340
some cases there are some cases where she just isn't attracted to him anymore doesn't see him in
00:52:52.460
that same light that she did before and there there's that link to it so a lot of doctors are
00:52:59.980
saying hey before you get married maybe go off the pill for a year and use other forms of contraception
00:53:08.620
before you make that decision that this is going to be the man that you're going to be with for the
00:53:11.980
rest of your life that's huge fact how how compatible you actually are with this person
00:53:19.580
wow that's amazing i also remember there was a study just triggered in my brain here uh that women
00:53:24.940
were attracted to softer kind of more feminine men too on the pill i remember that i remember we talked
00:53:31.420
about this years ago so yeah there's something to that you know so that's another tip another pro tip
00:53:37.900
right there i would say another thing that i've learned is surround yourself by like-minded females
00:53:44.140
uh politically socially spiritually that's very important so that she can support each other
00:53:49.740
and have like a true sisterhood you know not not this fake bogus one but a true sisterhood
00:53:55.340
um also i think you had said this but find your talents your passion develop it like your youth is
00:54:02.140
is a time to do this right that is that your 20s are for that right yeah yeah absolutely your
00:54:09.820
your youth is a time and this is this bodes for for men and for women but especially women is to
00:54:17.340
enjoy your youth and your your beauty and to enjoy the power of what it is to be a pretty young woman
00:54:23.420
but also in that time don't revel in the fact that you are a beautiful young woman develop other parts
00:54:30.140
of your personality develop your skills develop your talents find what you're good at find what
00:54:37.980
what brings you joy and then start to work on that build that solid foundation so when
00:54:46.300
your you know your face starts to slide a little bit and your butt starts to sag you still have value and
00:54:53.660
in yourself and you still feel a sense of purpose and a sense of worth because the worst thing is
00:55:01.660
a a pretty young woman that grows up to be a beautiful older woman that then starts to panic
00:55:08.780
because she's losing her her her physical her physical prime right it's there are primes for women in
00:55:16.300
every phase of life there isn't just one single prime but when you lose your sexual prime it's
00:55:23.020
for some women it's it's very very devastating and they either desperately try to grasp onto it by
00:55:31.180
augmenting and fixing and doing everything they can and ending up looking like a
00:55:37.180
i have some pictures maria shriver have you seen her face we were my husband just sent this the other
00:55:42.780
did you see that article holy cow and i was going to bring that out for tips for like midlife women
00:55:49.740
but there's women in their 20s who are doing these fillers and botox and surgery just don't do that
00:55:56.060
those are poisons like botox is a poison okay these fillers are full of poison and they backfire
00:56:02.700
so you may think that it's going to look great now and i look so fresh but how does does maria
00:56:07.660
shriver look fresh to you oh she looks like stephen tyler stephen tyler or a klingon you know or like
00:56:16.060
beauty and the beast like the beast i hate i hate to horrible laugh at another woman's appearance but
00:56:26.780
when she's she's i'm more like just yeah yeah i know i know makes it hard but yeah like just
00:56:35.820
if you develop your insides just as much as you're taking care of your outsides then you you end up
00:56:41.500
with a strong self a strong holistic sense of self and you there's nothing wrong with being a beautiful
00:56:48.220
young woman there's nothing wrong with taking good care of yourself there's nothing wrong with anti-aging
00:56:55.020
and trying to stay as as youthful as you possibly can into your older ages there's nothing wrong with
00:57:01.100
that however there are certain aspects of aging that you do have to embrace because nature it's
00:57:09.900
gonna happen whether you want it or not happens to everybody yes it happens to everybody and if you're
00:57:18.860
lucky to get to that age like i i believe that aging is a privilege that is afforded to the very few
00:57:34.620
it's it's a privilege that's that's offered to to the very few and not a lot of people do get to
00:57:39.980
live to get the the silver hair and the lines and to eventually you know turn into that little old
00:57:46.620
lady in the wheelchair with with a gallon of of experience and stories and incredible things
00:57:55.260
that she's done in her life there's you know why can't why can't we celebrate that anymore um like
00:58:01.420
that's that's the plan was i stopped dying my hair partially because the the horrible chemicals like i
00:58:10.380
learned all about the horrible chemicals that i was subjecting myself to constantly but also you know
00:58:17.660
no one was going to see me for a little bit so why dye my hair but then the the empowerment of
00:58:26.620
actually being 100 who i am without the artificial anything you get me this is me right yeah yeah
00:58:38.380
happier no absolutely and i think that's another important tip you had said learning for younger
00:58:44.780
women it's really important to learn from older women listen to their stories and me in my life i
00:58:50.140
like to surround myself by women of various ages and i like to bring together i i oftentimes host you
00:58:57.260
know women's get-togethers and stuff and i like to have a wide age range i think it's very important to
00:59:03.020
do that i think in our old villages you know we used to have that where the women would come together
00:59:07.500
and tell stories and you're at a different decade in your life and you can share those experiences and
00:59:12.540
all that but i think that that's really important sometimes a woman needs to learn from someone who
00:59:17.580
an older woman who isn't her mom because sometimes she'll hear it differently from a woman who's outside
00:59:23.020
the family right yeah well traditionally when we're talking about trad wife or anything like that
00:59:28.940
um traditionally in the village there was always the the old silver-haired very wise crone who
00:59:38.140
the new young couples who are getting married would go visit and go meet and she would talk to them
00:59:44.940
about what's to come next and talk to them about their sexuality talk to them about babies
00:59:51.740
in some societies it was to teach them how to do it i don't know if i agree with that but
00:59:57.260
yeah just just having that just having that older older woman in your life as a young woman to steer
01:00:07.020
you right and to show you that aging is not scary you're not done and things things can be awesome
01:00:15.100
as you get older as well don't put all your value into into your youth no it's a great time when you just
01:00:21.020
stop giving a damn the same way it's like it's fun you know turning 40 is actually fun
01:00:28.220
so don't worry about that some other things i want to jot down before we take a break uh listen to your
01:00:32.940
gut feelings i just did i just did a video about that we're going to release that that's one of the
01:00:37.740
big lessons i've learned in life always listen to your gut instinct because it knows so many times when
01:00:43.420
we we were like darn it i knew it i had that first inclination i didn't listen and then you went down
01:00:49.660
this pathway that you never should have gone and all the drama and all that right i also say today
01:00:54.460
especially ignore whatever the media tv netflix magazines tell you to do just do the complete
01:01:00.780
opposite of what they tell you to do and another one i would say is important is to be proud of your
01:01:07.020
your heritage your ancestors your culture don't let anyone crap all over it like they're trying to do
01:01:12.780
today and i think you alluded to this also but get married younger if possible not everyone
01:01:19.420
finds the true love you know early on uh but get married younger start a family you did when you
01:01:25.100
were younger uh everything else can still happen later you can still have other interests and do
01:01:29.660
other things later your life isn't like oh that's it it's all over because i got married and had kids
01:01:33.740
i hate when when people are told that um the other thing is i know you're gonna have input here but
01:01:38.620
the other thing is when it comes to the one you know who the the one is that man in your life like
01:01:43.900
you shouldn't second guess it so many women write me and say how do i know he's the one and i would
01:01:49.420
say well when i met my husband the second the second that i saw him i was like this is the guy that
01:01:53.420
i'm gonna marry like i didn't have any doubt about it whereas in the past there were guys who wanted
01:01:57.020
to get married or you know i don't know is this right no if you feel that any second guessing like
01:02:02.940
that's not the guy for you right yeah yeah yeah it's it's it's interesting the to if i could sit
01:02:13.020
back and sit down and talk with my younger self and tell her the you know this this way you followed
01:02:21.420
your your gut this this is going to be right and this way you follow your you didn't follow your gut
01:02:27.100
and you ended up in a really bad situation like that that's that's something that that women have
01:02:33.740
that men don't necessarily have is that incredible intuition and i don't know if it's because
01:02:42.780
we can see into the future if it's woo woo if i've heard all kinds of theories about it
01:02:48.380
but i just i think it's because women are so attuned to others behaviors and attuned to
01:02:53.980
uh the social language that we can see potential outcomes a lot easier than than uh our counterparts
01:03:04.620
can and if we really tune into that and we really listen and we really listen to our gut and take note
01:03:10.780
of our our intuition and don't ignore it take heed then i think women's lives would be a lot better and
01:03:18.220
like you said turn off your damn tv and put your phone down and start getting to know yourself as
01:03:25.820
yourself instead of getting to know yourself through a through a screen yep no you're right in in
01:03:31.180
historically and in mythology it's the seer the fortune teller the prophet test there's something
01:03:37.260
there is something about that that women are a creative force were tapped into the unconscious the
01:03:42.860
collective unconscious in a way we we birthed life through us you know we we i think you talked
01:03:49.100
about this in one of your videos about that theory that the feminine represents you know chaos right
01:03:54.300
and the masculine is most likely order right uh women are a creative force men are like the enabler
01:04:00.620
that help bring things into reality i think these are some of the dynamics of the masculine and the
01:04:05.660
feminine and there's a whole spiritual metaphysical uh aspect to that and i find i have always been
01:04:12.700
intuitive i know a lot of my lady friends are intuitive like they'll they'll text me and i'll
01:04:17.500
say i was just literally just thinking about you that happens all the time with the the women in
01:04:22.060
my circle that i'm really close with like we pick up on each other like this crazy telepathic thing
01:04:27.820
and i find the older i get because i've been working on that more that gut feeling and that
01:04:32.380
intuition it's becoming like razor sharp like i can pick up on things i can just sit there like
01:04:37.820
yoda and just feel things all day and be oh this is gonna happen this is gonna happen this is gonna
01:04:41.020
happen and that's that's one of the things i've loved about getting older actually i don't know if
01:04:45.340
you also have that ability like you've worked kind of fine-tuned some of that a little bit yeah it's
01:04:51.340
it's interesting when you walk into a new situation and you meet a person and they just make you prickle
01:04:56.300
like there's just something not right and then years later you discover that they were really not
01:05:04.700
a good person and you knew it and you told people and you let them know and they're just like oh you're
01:05:11.660
just being crazy but then it had whatever happens happens years later and they're like oh you were
01:05:18.460
right crap yeah like i knew it damn it i knew it you know yeah and it takes it takes uh working on
01:05:27.340
that practice it's like a muscle you know what i mean you have to actually use it to develop it and
01:05:31.580
to keep it otherwise it just kind of goes dormant that's what i find yeah yeah well if you don't use
01:05:37.420
it you lose it right yeah exactly well i think this is a good place to take a break i want to come
01:05:41.980
back and we can talk about some tips for middle-aged women and then maybe pick some of your favorite
01:05:46.060
because you did a series on this 12 tips for life based on jordan peterson's 12 tips for life but we
01:05:52.140
can put a little female spin on it so we'll take a break here and then we'll see everyone on the other
01:05:58.700
side wait don't go anywhere unless it's to the red ice members section we'll continue in part two with
01:06:06.140
holly discussing more important words of wisdom for women but it can apply to guys too and pro tips
01:06:11.740
for women at mid life but we'll also put a female spin on jordan peterson's 12 tips for life not yet
01:06:19.580
a member becoming one is super easy head over to red ice members.com and click sign up a special
01:06:25.180
thanks to our executive producers t lothrop stoddard v miller resin revolt good luck lap jake
01:06:32.780
red pill rundown and chalky milk we'll see you in part two
01:07:02.780
extraoddard v miller resin revolt good luck wayne coGrace