Radio 3Fourteen - The Surrendered Wife_ Stop Nagging _ Controlling_ Be Feminine

00:00:00.000 Hi, this is Lana. Thanks for tuning in. If you want to see the video version of the show,

00:00:18.680 you can find it at redice.tv or our members website, redicemembers.com. Or if you prefer

00:00:24.060 our YouTube channel. While you're there, don't forget to subscribe. If you're a man,

00:00:27.880 turn this interview off right now. This is a show for women on the topic of harnessing femininity 1.00

00:00:33.980 and channeling it into everyday life to have a better relationship with your man. I've done

00:00:38.960 several shows on femininity lately. Not feminism, but trying to get to the feminine attributes that 1.00

00:00:44.780 make a woman a woman. When a woman embraces her feminine side, a man automatically snaps into a 0.99

00:00:50.860 masculine role. It brings peace and order to your relationship. When a woman can let go and let the 1.00

00:00:56.060 man lead, it changes everything. Many discuss how women are behaving manly and men are behaving

00:01:01.480 feminized. Getting married and having a family is a huge aspect to change that dynamic. But a woman 1.00

00:01:07.900 can be married, have kids, but still be controlling, naggy, and pushy. These are not feminine traits. 1.00

00:01:14.880 These are relationship killers. And other women go to work and take on masculine traits. Then they come 1.00

00:01:20.720 home to their family and don't know how to switch it off, which creates other problems at home.

00:01:24.540 This show provides some insight into practical, everyday things a woman can be conscious of

00:01:30.140 to reignite true femininity, which will bring her ease and fulfillment. 0.98

00:01:35.160 Just like men need their guy talk, women need that too. It's always been that way and it's

00:01:39.720 perfectly healthy. My guest is well known in the mainstream, Laura Doyle. She's the author of

00:01:45.460 The Surrendered Wife, The Surrendered Single, and The Empowered Wife. Her books have been translated

00:01:50.780 into 16 languages. This is not a show talking about politics, although talking about relationship

00:01:57.580 dynamics can be pretty political these days. A man told me he thought her work could be interpreted

00:02:03.120 as a way to exploit men as a resource. Being feminine only is a manipulative tool to get what 1.00

00:02:09.240 she wants. There are some women who try that and some men fall for it, but manipulation is not the

00:02:14.900 true essence or attribute of femininity. A feminine woman is vulnerable, honest, and inspirational.

00:02:21.880 It's not an act, it's something inherent in her makeup. A feminine woman wants harmony and peace 1.00

00:02:27.700 in her relationships, not battle. And it does take some work to refine it. It takes work for all of us

00:02:33.800 to refine who we are. Laura Doyle, welcome to the program. Thanks for being here.

00:02:38.420 Thanks for having me. It's great to be here.

00:02:40.180 Well, you know, marriage today versus ancient times, I mean, it's quite different. Then comes

00:02:44.860 feminism and women took on more of a masculine role to work and keep up with the boys. And I find 0.67

00:02:50.760 that many women have become unfulfilled and unhappy because they've really forgotten their natural 1.00

00:02:55.560 feminine state. And in fact, I think that they've forgotten what it is. And you, like many others,

00:03:01.540 used to think that men and women are just the same, right? You unknowingly operated in your masculine

00:03:06.240 side. You basically obscured your feminine self. So did you find it exhausting? And how did you come

00:03:12.460 back to your feminine side? 1.00

00:03:14.500 I did find it exhausting. I felt like a round peg trying to fit into a square hole. And even though I

00:03:20.500 imagined I was just a smaller, less hairy man that I knew how to be a man, it didn't turn out to be true.

00:03:28.400 I did find it very tiring. And it wasn't until I discovered what my feminine gifts are and how to 0.99

00:03:35.680 click into them, how to be in alignment with them, that things started to feel easy. I developed a sense

00:03:42.660 of ease and actually became much more accomplished than I had been when I'd been trying to operate from

00:03:49.280 the masculine. So it was a big eye opener for me. And one of my first reactions was, why didn't my mom

00:03:55.580 and my grandmothers tell me about this? Exactly. But I don't think they knew either. I think that

00:04:02.240 was also mysterious for them. So now I'm just grateful that I know what they are and I know

00:04:09.020 how to click into them. Well, I agree with what you say when women really are the key to improving 0.99

00:04:14.320 marriages. So let's discuss that a little bit. Why do you say that? Yeah. Women are the keepers of 1.00

00:04:19.060 the relationship. And that's partly, there's a lot of reasons, but one is that we are the sexier sex.

00:04:24.060 So we're the ones with the tail feathers and the more, so we're the more attractive gender. And 0.74

00:04:30.340 this, I mean, you see demonstrations of this everywhere in the world, right? There'll be

00:04:34.440 ladies night at the club or the bar because the, the proprietor knows if he fills that room with women, 1.00

00:04:42.080 the men will happily pay to come in. And not so if he did it the other way, right? You don't usually

00:04:46.900 see gentlemen's night at the club. So, um, there's lots of, uh, evidence for the fact that we are

00:04:53.340 the sexier sex and men therefore pursue us. We have this natural magnetism that is one of our feminine 0.93

00:04:59.300 gifts actually, uh, for men and they are wonderful, reliable, 24 seven noticing service of us. So unless

00:05:08.860 we're obscuring our magnetism, which we can do by, um, being controlling or disrespectful,

00:05:15.020 or I'm just kind of taking, um, taking our attention and really keeping it to ourselves

00:05:21.540 is another way. Like you can walk down the street with kind of an openness, maybe smiling and, um,

00:05:28.200 being willing to make eye contact and things like that. Or you can walk down the street with kind of

00:05:32.860 this no vacancy sign and your head down and no one will, um, notice you or connect with you, um,

00:05:39.340 because you've kind of got your magnetism turned off, but the rest of the time it's always operating.

00:05:43.880 That's right. And you made a massive transformation in your marriage of nearly 30 years. You basically

00:05:49.480 decided to one day stop telling him what to do and how to do it. And then what happened?

00:05:55.280 Yeah. Well, that wasn't working for me at all. I mean, you know, it came out of my desperation

00:06:01.760 because, um, well, I've been super happy when we first got married. I thought he was so handsome

00:06:06.940 and smart and talented and funny. A few years in, I thought I'd made a gigantic mistake and married

00:06:12.800 the wrong man because he wasn't interested in spending any time with me. I mean, he was more

00:06:18.680 interested in watching reruns on TV than he wasn't even making love to me. So I thought, well,

00:06:23.460 something's definitely wrong with him. And I dragged him to a counselor so she could fix him.

00:06:27.880 So I could finally be happy. And instead she pointed out that I was controlling. And, um,

00:06:36.580 that was news to me. It's like being a fish in the ocean. I was the last to notice that I was

00:06:41.520 all wet. And, um, but when I realized that I said, Oh, you're right. I am controlling.

00:06:47.480 What do I do about this? And she said, well, just stop being so controlling. And, um, that was no

00:06:54.320 help for me at all. So, uh, in fact, that's the point where I felt the most hopeless about our

00:06:59.700 relationship. And I really thought that divorce was going to be my best option, either that or

00:07:04.360 spending the rest of my life in a loveless relationship. But instead, I started asking

00:07:09.780 women who had had, um, happy relationships for what seemed like an eternity, which was 15 years

00:07:15.880 for their secrets. And what they said didn't even make sense to me, but I decided to start

00:07:22.460 experimenting with everything that they said. And that's when I got my miracle. That's when the man

00:07:29.020 who wooed me came back. I remember I came through the door one night and his face lit up to see me

00:07:37.040 and that had been gone for a long time. So I thought, wow, this is working.

00:07:42.520 Yeah, exactly. That's one of your points. I think you have, uh, one of your skills that you

00:07:46.560 try and teach women relinquish control, right? It's based in fear. Stop obsessing about what 1.00

00:07:51.760 he's thinking and what he's doing and feeling and really just focus on your own actions. And you

00:07:56.820 listed 10 ways where women, you know, tend to control their husbands. I think it's kind of funny how 0.99

00:08:01.400 making constant helpful suggestions or speaking on his behalf, making decisions for him,

00:08:07.040 making demands and criticizing that. That's another one that, uh, men, they're going to be

00:08:12.420 turned off by that. And you also bring up the concept of, uh, emasculating men in our lives

00:08:17.280 through, through doing this, right? You brought up, uh, there was an analogy in Breaking Bad,

00:08:21.200 which I thought was funny when she was getting on him because he spent $37 on the credit card.

00:08:25.100 They don't use that credit card anymore, right? Yeah. I'm not proud to say that I've tried every one

00:08:31.540 of those 10 ways to control your husband and none of them work, but they all did

00:08:37.020 cause wall to wall hostility or else cold wars in my relationship. So I don't recommend them.

00:08:43.480 And now that I have a world famous system for how to relinquish inappropriate control,

00:08:46.820 it's just amazing, um, how much initiative my husband takes. Um, now how he seems so masculine

00:08:53.580 to me and so much more attractive than he did when I was trying to tell him what to do and how to do

00:08:59.320 everything. Like, you know, are you going to wear that to the party or don't you think we should take

00:09:03.300 the freeway? So it was a long journey though, of trying on, like, I remember at first thinking,

00:09:09.440 well, maybe if I just ask questions, how can I possibly be, be controlling if I'm just asking

00:09:15.420 him a question? It's so innocent. And of course, um, they weren't innocent at all. They were,

00:09:20.160 they were questions that only had one right answer to do things the way I wanted him to do.

00:09:25.900 That's funny. Yeah. As a woman, I think that, you know, if you're in touch with your feminine side,

00:09:29.620 yeah, exactly. You have to let go and just kind of let a guy be a guy and kind of just flow with it,

00:09:34.820 flow with what he does. And if he makes a wrong decision, well, then he can deal with the fallout,

00:09:38.980 as you say, right? Yeah. I let my husband exercise his right to be wrong now as much as he, as much as

00:09:45.520 he wants pretty much because, um, he's just a mere mortal man and I'm not perfect either. And it's

00:09:51.680 actually such a relief. I do see him as just so much more, um, yeah, he's so much more attractive

00:09:58.700 now that I'm not telling him what to do. Um, and of course he does make mistakes sometimes,

00:10:03.840 but actually he's been much more successful. And this is something that we see a lot with husbands

00:10:10.000 where the wife gets the six intimacy skills and starts using them. So my husband, um, had jobs that

00:10:16.640 he hated and, um, he didn't do all that well in them either, if I'm totally honest. And then, um,

00:10:22.440 when I first started, um, using these skills and relinquishing control, one of the things I would

00:10:28.760 say to him was he'd always been a good provider. And just for fun, I also started calling him Mr.

00:10:33.140 Moneybag. And around that time he started his own business and it's been enormously successful.

00:10:40.040 He's had it for, um, gosh, probably about 16 years now. And he does very well. In fact,

00:10:44.940 he does all the video for me too. So, um, and we use a lot of video in my business.

00:10:49.700 So it's been remarkable to see all that he could accomplish once I stopped making his resume for

00:10:54.400 him and telling him which jobs he should apply for. Yeah, exactly. Now you always talk about the

00:10:58.860 concept of the surrendered wife, which to some, you know, they think, Oh, you're talking about,

00:11:03.580 you know, being a doormat or not having desires of your own or just staying in the kitchen. So

00:11:07.980 how about you clarify that? I don't think that, but I know. Right. I think a lot of people hear

00:11:12.600 surrendered wife and they think, Oh, obedient wife or subservient wife. And it's not like that

00:11:17.440 at all. Surrendering is just something we all have to do. If you're stuck in traffic, you might wish

00:11:23.560 that the traffic would move, but you can't make it move, but you could use the time to talk on the

00:11:28.300 phone or listen to music that you love or an audio book. And that's surrendering. It's like being

00:11:32.820 grateful that you have the opportunity as they come things that you can, that you can't control

00:11:37.600 anyway. So a surrendered wife just knows that she can't control anyone besides herself. So she 1.00

00:11:43.300 doesn't try. She doesn't tell her husband what to eat for lunch or what to do at work or anything 0.74

00:11:49.500 like that. Instead, she focuses on her own happiness and that in turn really improves the intimacy.

00:11:57.520 Yeah. The best marriages, and you agree with this in your book, are the ones that know how to balance

00:12:02.520 the masculine feminine dynamic in a relationship. And I think modernity has kind of made this out

00:12:08.820 of sync and a little confusing for some couples, you know, where does the woman fit? Where does the 1.00

00:12:12.940 man fit? And your book I think is excellent because it reminds women of their feminine gifts, which a

00:12:17.780 lot of women have forgotten about. And this does wonders for our marriage. I think that you've

00:12:21.580 captured the essence of femininity in a healthy male-female relationship and actually how it manifests in

00:12:27.060 everyday relationships with the masculine. Because when you say feminine, it's kind of an 0.73

00:12:31.780 ethereal concept, but you've been able to kind of put that into words and say, oh, this is how it

00:12:36.000 would manifest in a relationship. So let's get into what these feminine assets are and how we can 1.00

00:12:41.020 benefit from them. I know you've talked about the big advantages to being a woman that have been

00:12:45.080 downplayed over the last 50 years. That's right. Well, we already touched on one of them, which is

00:12:50.640 magnetism, our feminine magnetism. But another big one that I find that women are unfamiliar with

00:12:56.720 is our ability to express desires in a way that inspires, like the power of feminine desire and

00:13:04.540 just how formidable it is. Because I'll just give you some examples of them. Like if we can just

00:13:10.500 say what we want, just a final outcome without any control or criticism or manipulation, it really taps

00:13:18.340 into our husband's hero gene. It ignites his hero gene because all husbands just want to make their wives 0.99

00:13:24.460 happy. And whenever they see the opportunity, they jump at it. So I'll give you an example. Early on

00:13:30.400 in my relationship, I used to just complain because I didn't know about expressing my desires.

00:13:35.140 And my husband would just hear the complaining and he wouldn't know what to do for me.

00:13:39.300 So I would say, John, this kitchen is a disaster. And he would just hear, John, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:13:45.940 Right. Couldn't really even hear me. And so when finally I figured out that I could just say,

00:13:50.520 um, you know, I would love to have a clean kitchen. And he heard that and he's like, okay,

00:13:56.040 I'll clean it. And that was a long time ago. That was like over 16 years ago. And he's been doing the

00:14:01.040 dishes ever since. I don't even do the dishes at my house anymore. So it's been pretty remarkable to

00:14:06.460 see that. Um, I also have kind of an embarrassing, sad story about not understanding how to express my

00:14:13.200 desires. Even before we were married, my husband took me on a romantic getaway to Hawaii. And I was

00:14:20.920 so excited on the first day because I thought, oh, we are going to go to the beach and I love going to

00:14:25.440 the beach. It's going to be really fun. And instead of saying that I wanted to go to the beach, I asked

00:14:30.200 him what he wanted to do that day. And he said, I think it'd be fun to go see a volcano. I was like,

00:14:36.380 a volcano, huh? Okay. But we were newly boyfriend and girlfriend, and I didn't want to cause any

00:14:44.000 conflict. So I didn't want to say what I wanted because it was different than what he said. And

00:14:48.100 I just wanted to be close. So I just, we got in the car and we were starting to go see a volcano,

00:14:54.820 but you don't see a volcano for a long time. All you see are the rocks on the side of the road. And

00:14:58.420 I remember I just started fuming and just kind of getting upset that we weren't at the beach,

00:15:02.600 even though I hadn't said anything. And so he asked me what was wrong. And that's when I just

00:15:08.120 let him have it. I was like, did you think this would be fun? Because I don't think this is funny.

00:15:11.620 You didn't even ask me what I wanted to do. And I wanted to go to the beach, but you didn't even

00:15:14.420 do it. I think I was even more shrill than that, sadly. And I just feel so sad for that earlier

00:15:20.640 version of me that had no idea how to say what she wanted. And if you can't say what you want,

00:15:25.560 of course, you're never going to get what you want. But even after I behaved so badly,

00:15:30.060 you know what? He took me to the beach. He just wanted me to be happy.

00:15:34.000 Yeah. Or he probably just wanted to shut you up.

00:15:37.240 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't the kind of volcano he imagined, I don't think.

00:15:42.200 That's funny. Yeah, you mentioned magnetism. And then we had emotional brilliance,

00:15:46.780 receptivity, pleasure, as you were discussing, desire, expressing your desire, and being vulnerable

00:15:52.020 and tender. Why is that important for a woman in a relationship?

00:15:55.360 Yeah. Well, we are the ones with the emotional brilliance. In fact, I'm glad you're sitting

00:16:00.380 down for this. I'll tell you, there was a study done at the University of Toronto where they

00:16:05.420 discovered that women are more emotional than men. I know. It's like research money well spent, 0.99

00:16:13.200 right? And so the emotional brilliance we have is the ability to know how we're feeling and to

00:16:18.380 express it. And men rely on us for this. So our vulnerability in particular is completely necessary

00:16:26.600 for creating the fascination that leads to lasting commitment. So when we show up vulnerable,

00:16:33.520 that also triggers their hero gene. That's something where they see they can make

00:16:37.500 a contribution to our lives. It's just like in the car song, they need someone to please.

00:16:43.940 And so we are allowing them to please us when we show up vulnerably like that. So we have a whole

00:16:51.480 series of, I call them cheat praises to drop into your vulnerability, like to use the language of

00:16:57.900 vulnerability, I guess I would say. For instance, instead of like, I used to get mad at my husband

00:17:03.360 and just kind of stand there with my hands on my hips, like, how come you never spend any time with

00:17:06.960 me anymore? And that was never very effective. But now I would just say, hey, how are you?

00:17:13.940 I miss you. I miss you would be the vulnerable cheat phrase. Or sometimes when we're having a

00:17:21.000 conversation, even though my marriage is great now. It's not like it was. But even so, sometimes

00:17:28.360 he still hurts my feelings. It's just part of what happens when you live so close together.

00:17:33.720 Just like when kids play together, right? They bruise each other. They don't mean to.

00:17:36.480 But he'll hurt my feelings. And if I can just come back tenderly from that, instead of like,

00:17:43.220 maybe throw in something hurtful his way, which was kind of my old way, then I get a totally different

00:17:48.820 response. So my cheat phrase for that is just the one word, ouch. Just ouch and nothing else. It's

00:17:55.860 really very much about me. I'm not saying he did anything wrong. I'm just really, I call it staying,

00:18:01.960 staying on my own side of the street. And a lot of times it's amazing. I'll get an apology.

00:18:07.340 Whereas if I would have said, hey, you hurt my feelings, it could get into kind of a debate or

00:18:12.580 an argument or at least a discussion. And that was just never as fulfilling as having him respond

00:18:19.260 with so much tenderness in return. Now, a lot of times too, vulnerability is confused with weakness,

00:18:24.160 isn't it? It really is. And they're not the same at all. It actually takes tremendous courage

00:18:29.900 to be vulnerable. So I think of that as the opposite of weakness. Weakness is when you are

00:18:35.780 fearful and defensive. And that's exactly what my control was all about. I think a lot of people

00:18:41.740 don't realize, as I didn't, that all control is based in fear. If you're not afraid, you don't have

00:18:48.300 to try to control which way he drives or what he says to the plumber or anything else. And so it's

00:18:58.220 always interesting whenever I'm tempted to control to just ask myself, like, what am I afraid of

00:19:03.760 right in this moment? And is that fear realistic? I remember I had one woman who said, well,

00:19:09.360 I can't relinquish control of his driving because it's really terrible. It's so dangerous the way he

00:19:15.040 drives. And I said, oh, okay, that sounds pretty serious. And I said, um, how many accidents has he

00:19:20.640 been in? And she said, well, he hasn't been in any accidents. And so it turned out that fear wasn't

00:19:26.540 super realistic. And that's been true with me too. But it's just been great to know that, you know,

00:19:30.680 control is here and intimacy is here. And if I want to have the intimacy, I got to let go of the

00:19:36.120 control. And if I want to have the control, I can, but the intimacy is going to go.

00:19:40.680 Control also seems more of a masculine trait. So we almost kind of embrace a masculine side of

00:19:45.720 ourselves while doing it. So it can feel tiring and unnatural to us. Whereas it feels really good

00:19:51.860 when you just actually let that go and just kind of let the man take care of it. Right?

00:19:56.180 Yeah, it really does. And I think one of the things that I didn't know about that was kind of,

00:20:01.480 um, the reason I felt like I had to control, first of all, I didn't know how to express my desires.

00:20:05.420 So you got to know something to get what you want. So controls control manipulation. That's one way,

00:20:10.900 if you don't know about your desires. Um, but the other big problem I had is that I felt uncomfortable

00:20:16.320 receiving so much of the time that I was really blocking my husband from giving me all the

00:20:21.640 wonderful things he wanted to give me. So for example, like he might say, Oh, your hair looks

00:20:27.060 beautiful. And I'd be like, no, don't look at it. And I haven't washed it. And so would not allow that

00:20:33.240 those kind words to land, or he would, um, I just remember this embarrassing story of, um, when we moved

00:20:40.780 to our first apartment, I carried this really heavy box of dishes up the stairs. Um, and I was

00:20:47.320 all proud of myself that I did it myself. And I mean, he just, he would have been so happy to do

00:20:51.160 that for me. And, um, but it was just like this, a feeling like I had to carry my own weight. I had

00:20:57.900 to be independent. I was raised to be independent. And now I don't value that as much. I I'd really much

00:21:04.140 rather be interdependent and have the nice connection and passion and playfulness that comes

00:21:10.740 with letting him, um, add, add to my life, letting him contribute to my life.

00:21:16.260 That's right. Receive. You read about that as an important skill, that receptivity is the

00:21:19.920 essence of femininity. You say the more you're willing to receive gifts, compliments, and help 0.87

00:21:24.300 from your husband, the more feminine and attractive you'll be to him and the more special treatment

00:21:28.620 you'll get. And I find that a lot of women, they feel guilty about receiving for some reason. 0.84

00:21:33.880 Where does that come from?

00:21:35.860 Yeah. I mean, I think it's, I mean, I do think it has a lot to do with my upbringing,

00:21:40.200 this whole, uh, you don't need a man and, um, you've got to get your education and your 0.74

00:21:45.520 career. And that was the priority. So, and, and I think that some of the things that we

00:21:50.660 do at work, it's a little different. You do have to manage your staff and your projects

00:21:55.280 at work. And of course, husbands and boyfriends don't like to be managed. So if you don't change

00:22:01.080 your hat, when you leave one environment and go to the next, um, you're going to run into

00:22:06.020 problems, it's a different skillset to be successful at work than it is to, um, be

00:22:11.500 successful at home at work. I just want to improve the bottom line or get my projects

00:22:15.600 done. And at home, I just want to hold hands and have them tell me I'm beautiful and make

00:22:20.540 better minds at me. So those are totally different goals. So of course they are going to require

00:22:25.580 different skills. One of my, um, receiving idols or role models, I guess is Kat Dealey. 0.52

00:22:31.220 She's the host of the show. So you think you can dance? And I just love, she comes

00:22:35.360 out looking so beautiful, of course, every week. And one week she came out and the judges

00:22:39.480 said to her, Oh Kat, you look so beautiful. And she just smiled and paused and said, thank

00:22:46.880 you. She's just glowing. You could tell she was taking it in. And then the judges said,

00:22:51.560 and by the way, Kat, congratulations on your Emmy nomination. And she did it again. She

00:22:57.040 just, thank you and smiled and took it in. And you know, those judges had also been nominated

00:23:04.740 for an Emmy. So she could have easily diverted the white hot spotlight from herself by saying,

00:23:10.260 Oh, and congratulations to you on your Emmy. But she didn't, she just took it. And I think

00:23:16.640 that confidence and her beautiful receptivity is a big part of her, why she's so successful

00:23:21.920 and so beautiful.

00:23:22.900 Also makes you appear more ladylike for sure. More classy, more dignified when you can just

00:23:28.100 smile and say, thank you. Right.

00:23:30.420 It's absolutely true. Right. It's not very attractive. If you, um, get a compliment on

00:23:36.400 your shoes and you say, Oh, these old things, right. Or I got them on sale.

00:23:40.460 Yeah. I got them on sale for so cheap.

00:23:45.400 Yeah. Not classy.

00:23:46.920 We learned that.

00:23:48.460 Well, you brought up an interesting thing. And this is a dilemma, I think, for a lot of

00:23:51.660 women in modern day, there's a lot of women that have to work. So they go to work, you 1.00

00:23:55.080 know, 40 hours a week, they put on a suit, you know, they're, they're asking, they're acting

00:23:59.380 essentially quite masculine. And then they come home and they have to take that off and they

00:24:03.360 have to behave feminine for maybe their, their children, their husband, the home. How do you 0.95

00:24:08.460 make that transition? Because it's so difficult for so many women. And I think it's causing 1.00

00:24:12.840 a lot of problems in marriages.

00:24:15.580 Yeah, I agree completely. In fact, um, before we met, my husband dated a woman who was a third

00:24:20.960 grade teacher. And one of the reasons he broke up with her is because she used to say to him,

00:24:25.820 go sit down, put that away. Like she's still talking to an eight year old, you know? So he

00:24:30.640 didn't find that very attractive. Um, but I think one of the keys here is the first intimacy

00:24:36.820 skill, which is really about making yourself ridiculously happy, which also restores that

00:24:41.820 magnetism by the way. So this is where, um, I like to practice doing at least three frivolous

00:24:49.340 things a day, just for my own pleasure, just for my own delight and happiness. So one of

00:24:55.180 mine, I love to play volleyball. So I play every chance I get. And, um, it's, so it's not really

00:25:00.920 about getting eight hours of sleep or five fruits and vegetables or reducing greenhouse gas emissions

00:25:05.420 or any of that. It's just like maybe lunch with a friend or a bubble bath or singing at the top of

00:25:11.280 your lungs in the car or, um, playing with your dog or playing the guitar. It's whatever brings

00:25:17.520 you joy. And it's interesting. A lot of times when I ask women to make a list of things that bring

00:25:23.960 them joy, they get really stuck, especially if they've been really focused on their work and the

00:25:30.420 housework and their kids and maybe their husband, they've kind of lost sight of the things that

00:25:35.860 just delight them. And since that's a big part of our feminine gift, right? We have the only organ 1.00

00:25:42.900 on the human body that's designed strictly for our pleasure. That's its only purpose. And I mean,

00:25:49.840 that's, it has to do with sex, but I think it's a bigger metaphor. I think it means more than just

00:25:55.120 physical pleasure. And so it means a physical, or I'm sorry, it means that feminine pleasure is 0.98

00:26:00.420 pretty important. And so it's a great thing to pay attention to if you want to improve your

00:26:05.080 relationship and of course your whole life. That's right. We do need some beauty. We do need

00:26:09.420 some pleasure in our life. I think the constant grind is one thing that can really make a woman unhappy 1.00

00:26:14.800 and boring and cranky. The other thing that you bring up, which is good too, is a woman has to find 1.00

00:26:20.600 some kind of pleasure outside of her husband. So she's not fully dependent on him all the time,

00:26:25.180 which can be kind of needy. And then if she doesn't get what she wants, she can get kind of

00:26:29.100 moody or desperate. And then it starts this bad cycle. I think guys find a woman more sexy when 0.99

00:26:34.700 she's, she's happy and she's fulfilled and she's enjoying herself, right? Absolutely. I was just

00:26:41.720 talking to a woman this morning who has been practicing the intimacy skills for several years now.

00:26:47.340 And the dynamic in her marriage was she felt very needy and couldn't understand why her husband

00:26:51.960 didn't want to pay more attention to her. And so she's been using these skills for years now.

00:26:57.080 And she's like, you know, he calls me from work all the time now and he wants to talk and I feel

00:27:01.420 like I'm kind of busy. And so she's like, just today I realized like, oh, I better make some time

00:27:05.480 for him too. He's important too. So that dynamic has completely shifted. And when you think about

00:27:11.360 neediness, what it is, is it's an underlying complaint, right? There's a kind of a criticism there.

00:27:16.360 Like you don't give me enough. You're not spending enough time with me. And whether it's a friend or

00:27:22.280 your spouse that's doing it, it's just never very attractive. But when you are doing your happy

00:27:28.120 dance, I remember one woman, um, was saying that she just was filled up. She had done so much self

00:27:33.780 care that day. And so she went into her husband's office just briefly and just did her happy dance.

00:27:39.580 And then she left and he followed her right out of the office and then brought her into the bedroom

00:27:44.940 and they made love. So it really makes, we're never hotter than when we're laughing, smiling,

00:27:50.180 singing, dancing, because we've just have made ourselves feel good.

00:27:54.000 That's right. And I think ultimately when you take care of yourself and take that time,

00:27:57.760 carve that time out for yourself, it makes you a better wife and a better mother. You have to be

00:28:02.080 able to fill up and, uh, fill yourself up with something. If you're just giving all the time,

00:28:06.700 you have to recharge in a way, right? That's right. And I know for me, a lot of times,

00:28:12.360 um, when I was trying to fix my marriage before I learned what I know now about the six intimacy

00:28:16.740 skills, you would see advice, right? Self care and love yourself or whatever. And I just never knew

00:28:22.840 how to do it. I was like, should I, should I hug myself? You know, that would that be self love?

00:28:27.040 I don't know. So for me, it was just really great to make it very practical and specific.

00:28:31.780 And so I just still love to this day that I just check off like my three things that I did just

00:28:37.400 for me every single day. And that's really helped me bring the focus to taking responsibility for my

00:28:43.380 own happiness, because I really kind of got off track thinking that it was my husband's job to

00:28:48.640 make me happy. It's embarrassing to say now, like, where did I get that idea? But, um, I did think that,

00:28:54.020 and I thought that he wasn't making me happy. And that meant that I'd met married the wrong guy.

00:28:59.240 And so it's been quite the eye opener and revelation to realize like, Oh, only happy

00:29:06.140 people have happy relationships. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds obvious when I say it.

00:29:13.480 I was confused. What can I say? Yeah, that's right. We all have to learn as we go. Right. As you said,

00:29:18.800 no one, no one teaches us these things when we get married. No one teaches us about these dynamics,

00:29:23.580 which are very important. So it's good that you're doing this. You also wrote a funny line about how

00:29:27.960 women have become nagging and belittling and cranky towards their men. Where do you think 1.00

00:29:33.080 this happened on a big scale? Because that's one of the biggest complaints guys have in their

00:29:36.640 marriages is the nag, right? So where did that woman come from? 1.00

00:29:42.380 It's interesting. There was an article in the Wall Street Journal about how

00:29:45.780 nagging and controlling cause more divorce than affairs do. It's like, Oh, I don't need somebody

00:29:51.400 outside the marriage to like try to seduce my husband or something. I was like wrecking it myself.

00:29:55.820 I was doing it all single handedly. And, um, as far as where it came from, I mean, I know for me,

00:30:02.900 I was following, um, kind of the, we only ever get the modeling that we see in our own homes

00:30:08.140 for the most part. So if your parents had a terrific relationship, if you're in that,

00:30:12.900 whatever it is, like 10% of the population, I would guess that had that wonderful modeling,

00:30:18.260 then more power to you. But in my case, my parents are divorced. I was following a failed recipe

00:30:23.860 and I did see my mom, um, unfortunately, you know, try to control my dad. I remember she

00:30:29.480 one time, um, invited people out to the house to talk to him about how he could, um, change into a

00:30:35.860 different career. Like she just decided he needed a better one and she was gonna like take the action

00:30:40.900 to make that happen. She was a stay-at-home mom. So I look back now and just kind of realized like no

00:30:46.680 one taught my mother the intimacy skills either. So we just live in such a wonderful,

00:30:52.000 um, opportune time to have the most intimate, connected, playful, passionate relationships

00:30:58.360 because, um, you know, we have, uh, at least in a lot of parts of the world, um, in my, in my country,

00:31:03.860 certainly a sustained period of peace and prosperity. And, um, so it's just a wonderful thing

00:31:09.620 that we have the opportunity and now the way to disperse this information through books and the

00:31:14.940 internet. So I'm just really grateful that the information is available and it's so simple.

00:31:20.080 You know, any woman can follow it. It's just sort of like, um, learning a musical instrument,

00:31:24.480 right? I mean, you would never sit down to the piano and say, wow, I really hope I'm good at this,

00:31:28.800 you know, and just start playing. You would expect to have to study a little bit and, and, uh, become good

00:31:34.520 at it. And it's just the same with learning to love and be loved in return. It just takes a little

00:31:40.000 bit of training. That's right. You know, one of the other questions we always hear too, is women 0.99

00:31:46.280 will say, and I know they say this too, Oh, I'm starting to feel like his mom or a maid or just

00:31:51.160 a friend. What do you say to those women? And is it because they're not operating more, uh, on their 1.00

00:31:55.500 feminine side? So they're kind of getting stuck in these mama and maid roles. Yeah. And that, and 1.00

00:32:00.840 right. Like even a stay at home mom or like that third grade teacher I was mentioning, it can be

00:32:04.760 really tempting. And sometimes, uh, our feminine perspective, right? We, it's just so very different

00:32:11.220 than the masculine perspective. I remember one time, uh, I was at the beach playing volleyball,

00:32:17.400 a code volleyball. And so, and one of the guys had brought his son and he was only eight. And,

00:32:22.900 uh, he said to the son, Hey, you want to race down to the water? And the kid was like, yeah. And he goes,

00:32:28.240 okay, let's do it. And he goes on your marks, get set, go. And when he said go, he shoved little

00:32:34.620 boy into the sand and then took off running. And the other woman and I were so horrified. We were

00:32:40.760 like, Oh my gosh, who would do that to a sweet little eight year old boy. Right. But the, the

00:32:46.440 little boy was laughing. The other man was laughing and the father was laughing too. And they just all

00:32:50.840 thought it was just the greatest game. It was just such a great illustration of how men and women are

00:32:56.080 different, right? Only men can teach little boys how to be fathers. I mean, only fathers can teach

00:33:01.420 little boys how to be men. And, um, you know, a woman really can't do that. So a lot of times I 1.00

00:33:06.880 think that we are chiming in kind of offering a feminine perspective. Like we think it should be 0.98

00:33:13.620 this way or, you know, I, I thought that was too harsh. And, um, and that's such a common complaint.

00:33:19.100 Sometimes I get together with women and we feel like we've all married the same man because,

00:33:23.060 you know, he's too harsh on the kids and he doesn't finish projects soon enough or whatever.

00:33:27.340 Right. So there's a lot of, uh, universal, there's a lot of commonality. It's been kind

00:33:32.040 of get emails from women in Egypt. They say, we thought only Egyptian men were like this.

00:33:37.300 Right. But no, it turns out, you know, they have the same things in Japan and, and Egypt

00:33:41.640 and Sweden and the United States. And, um, men are, um, men see the world very differently.

00:33:47.180 And thank goodness. Cause I'm the only person around here that runs around like being upset

00:33:52.280 at my mother and, um, you know, crying at commercials and things like that. So, and I'm

00:33:57.460 kind of glad that it's, you know, he's, he's more of a steady Eddie and I appreciate that.

00:34:01.760 Steady Eddie. I like that. The other thing is being feminine is it's not just about housework 1.00

00:34:06.440 or changing diapers. It's all these other facets that you've been talking about just because you

00:34:11.000 clean the house that doesn't make you a feminine woman. Right. 1.00

00:34:14.700 Oh, not at all. In fact, that has nothing to do with it. In fact, I don't do very much housework

00:34:20.000 at all. So that was the requirement for being feminine. I guess I wouldn't be very feminine.

00:34:26.100 So for me, the essence of femininity is this receptivity. And so, um, and so one of my desires

00:34:32.780 early on, uh, in the, in the process of learning the intimacy skills was to have a house cleaner,

00:34:40.480 have house cleaners come in. And this seemed super impractical at the time because we weren't

00:34:45.880 making that much money and we had a lot of debt and I just didn't think it was reasonable at all,

00:34:51.060 but I expressed that desire. And I just felt like the richest woman in the world when we had someone

00:34:57.100 come in and dust the bookshelves and change the sheets. And it was just amazing how much romance

00:35:01.740 there was in that house too. So, uh, and, and to this day, I still have housekeepers come in and my

00:35:06.420 husband does the dishes. And so, um, I don't spend a lot of time doing housework. So that's,

00:35:11.100 that has nothing to do with it. I think that's kind of mixing up traditional, um, gender, uh, 0.99

00:35:17.780 chores with, um, what femininity really is, which is about, um, being willing to, uh, let your man 0.52

00:35:25.320 contribute, to take care of you, to cherish you. I had a conversation with a woman recently who was

00:35:31.320 saying, well, my marriage is a lot better now that I have the intimacy skills. We've really eliminated

00:35:35.600 the fighting, but she said, I really want to take it over the top. I want him to buy me flowers,

00:35:41.100 for no reason or a little presence. And as we talked about it some more, she mentioned that

00:35:47.160 she had kind of trained him not to spend too much money on things like that. So on the one hand,

00:35:52.160 she wanted him to cherish her, but on the other hand, she tied his hands and taught him not to

00:35:56.940 spend money, almost like saying, you know, I'm not really worth it. So, um, for me, what's been

00:36:03.740 wonderful is the self-confidence and the inner strength I've gained from using those receiving

00:36:08.980 muscles. Even if I feel uncomfortable, just letting, um, my husband or even a friend, like,

00:36:14.440 buy me a cup of coffee or pay for lunch or something like that. Uh, it's just a wonderful

00:36:18.720 gift to be able to receive the things that, uh, other people want to give me to delight me.

00:36:24.420 You wrote a line I'm going to read. It says, if your husband lets you call all the shots just to

00:36:28.660 keep the peace, he won't seem very masculine to you. Quite the opposite. So that means that women, 0.90

00:36:34.440 that's what they want, right? They actually want a very masculine man who calls the shots, right? 1.00

00:36:39.900 It's so much more attractive. I remember my husband, um, calling me recently and he was at a

00:36:46.800 job. He works a lot with lawyers. His video company serves lawyers. And so he was, um, on the way home,

00:36:52.700 he was telling me, he goes, yeah, they were really disorganized. So he goes, I went up to the

00:36:56.520 lead lawyer and I just said, let's get all these knuckleheads out of here. And he was referring to 0.91

00:37:01.340 other lawyers and then I'll do this shot. And then we can do these other shots later.

00:37:06.020 And the lawyer was like, okay. And he turns, he goes, Hey, Hey, all you knuckleheads get out of

00:37:09.800 here and we're going to do this other shot. Right? So he just totally copied what my husband said. 0.97

00:37:14.400 And then, um, I was like, wow, cool. You know, my husband's calling his, his lawyer clients knuckleheads

00:37:19.640 and they're, they're enjoying it. And then he goes, so I'm going to come home and you're going to pour

00:37:24.580 me a beer. And I was like, okay, I totally did pour him a beer. It was just kind of, it was sexy, right?

00:37:30.600 He's like, all right, the guy that's running these shows. And so it was appealing. I think we all want

00:37:37.300 that. Yeah. I think a man totally changes when he's not emasculated. When you encourage his

00:37:42.200 masculinity, he, you see him bloom and rise to the occasion in a different way. And you have to give

00:37:48.040 them permission to let them be that and let that unfold, if you will. That's so true, Lana. I remember

00:37:54.920 we had this whole joke where in the old days I would say, um, I'm not controlling, am I? And my

00:38:00.820 husband would go, ma'am, no ma'am, you know, cause I trained to act like everything's fine. But sadly,

00:38:09.080 you know, he wouldn't have had those, that kind of confidence in the world because the woman who knew 0.75

00:38:14.040 him best was constantly sending this message of undermining, like, um, you sure you know what

00:38:20.640 you're doing. Uh, I do really, you know, you really have this under control. Are you going to

00:38:25.120 be able to handle it? I don't think you are was my message. And so I know that that, um, hurt his

00:38:30.340 self-worth, which frankly hurt our net worth. We are a lot more prosperous. And this is something we

00:38:36.160 see the husbands get raises and promotions and bonuses and win the sales contest. And one guy took

00:38:42.740 his wife on the most romantic trip of their lives after he won the sales contest at work.

00:38:46.560 So, um, we see that the respect that he's getting at home really helps him be more capable in the

00:38:54.540 world. That is right. Absolutely. I agree with that. You said also that getting married was the

00:39:00.120 best self-improvement project you've ever undertaken. And I agree with that same with me,

00:39:05.220 but can you expand on that? I'm just so grateful that I gave myself a situation where I felt like I

00:39:11.140 didn't have any escape because I really did not know that I was the one causing all the damage in

00:39:17.520 my marriage. I really thought it was entirely him. I was working super hard on the relationship and he

00:39:23.140 was just watching TV from my standpoint. And of course I, it turns out I was completely wrong about

00:39:28.960 everything. And because I was too embarrassed to get divorced, I had to keep looking. I had to keep

00:39:34.960 searching for something. And that desperation made me open when I remember one woman said to me,

00:39:41.920 um, that her secret was that she tried never to criticize her husband, no matter how much it

00:39:48.020 seemed like he deserved it. And I remember I said to her, huh, have you got anything else? It just

00:39:54.300 didn't even make sense to me at the time. And my desperation is what made me willing to experiment

00:39:59.920 with it. I made my own marriage a laboratory. I just tried everything. And if it worked, I kept it.

00:40:04.820 And if it didn't, I threw it out. But I just know that if I hadn't been in so much pain, I don't,

00:40:09.840 I don't think I'd ever been willing to find the humility to really look at myself the way I have

00:40:16.620 now in the mirror, in my husband mirror and see, um, all the unfortunate nastiness that I was bringing

00:40:24.960 to the relationship. It feels so much better to be, to be dignified and to feel soft and to not hear

00:40:31.340 that shrill voice coming out of me. I didn't even like around it myself. So I'm incredibly

00:40:36.820 grateful for the confidence. And, uh, Oh, also, you know, the other big thing that was lurking

00:40:43.980 underneath that control, my urge to control him was actually a big distraction from my own life.

00:40:50.040 And you know, it emerged when I stopped controlling my own husband, I was called to write books and I

00:40:54.700 got a New York times bestseller and it was controversial and some people hated it. And

00:40:59.060 I got hate mail. That's amazing. Yeah. And I got to go on national TV and I'd never been,

00:41:04.420 and that was terrifying. And then people asked me to speak in front of live audiences and I'd never

00:41:09.980 done that either. And that was terrifying too. And just recently I got my own TV series on Amazon

00:41:15.820 and that was scary too. So really relinquishing control was the, in my marriage was just like

00:41:22.320 practice for doing it in the, in the rest of my life where my life emerged. My life was waiting for

00:41:28.380 me when I stopped wasting my energy, trying to control someone I couldn't control.

00:41:33.520 It's amazing that you're receiving hate mail for, for what? What were they saying?

00:41:38.100 Oh, well, my first book is called The Surrendered White.

00:41:40.800 A lot of people took it the wrong way. I thought that I was setting feminism back. I want women to 1.00

00:41:46.860 have all the opportunity and their voice in the world to express themselves and to be fully self

00:41:53.920 expressed. And that's what I feel like knowing about your feminine gifts really does. It's, I've

00:41:59.740 gotten, I've been so much more productive and accomplished since I learned about them and I rely on

00:42:05.340 them. And I just find that I can create things with a sense of ease where I used to feel

00:42:10.660 really hard in the past. So like, you know, like just you sharing this platform with me, right? This

00:42:16.860 came to me through no energy of my own. And I, I'm always grateful for the opportunity to get my

00:42:23.280 message across because now I'm on a mission to end world divorce by making sure that every woman who

00:42:29.240 wants to know about these skills can get her hands on them and learn them. 1.00

00:42:33.120 I think there's really a resurgence of women wanting to get back into their feminine side. What is 0.99

00:42:37.940 femininity? It's something that we've lost. It's something that we're missing. It's something 0.98

00:42:41.460 that we're trying to remember what it is and integrate it into our lives. It's been one of

00:42:46.180 those hot topics I've been covering a lot of, and it affects women of all ages. They could be late

00:42:52.100 teens, early twenties into their sixties. I mean, we have a real wide variety of women that listen to 1.00

00:42:57.440 this show and that is a subject that is resonating with a lot of women right now. So I think it's

00:43:03.060 interesting because, you know, aspects of feminism have made women become more masculine, right? So 1.00

00:43:08.720 they have lost touch with that. And I think a lot of women are missing that they're realizing they're 0.97

00:43:13.220 not as fulfilled as they could be. Yes. And so it's really interesting that in order to completely

00:43:20.480 embrace your femininity is actually also has been vital for me to embrace my husband's masculinity

00:43:28.740 and just to celebrate that difference and really learn to respect, which doesn't mean that I always

00:43:34.280 agree or that he's the authority over me, but just that I honor my husband's thinking and his

00:43:40.700 accomplishments and they might be completely different than mine. But, um, in the old days,

00:43:45.560 I used to spend a lot of time, uh, with my girlfriends, male bashing, you know, just making jokes about men 1.00

00:43:50.580 and how whatever immature or lazy or whatever stupid they are. And, um, that just never served me. 0.99

00:43:57.860 I think in some ways becoming more appreciative of his contributions. Um, well, it's the contrast,

00:44:05.320 right? Like the night sky is how you get to see the stars. You don't get to see them unless it's dark.

00:44:10.660 So really appreciating the contrast of the masculinity and the femininity together and just the beautiful

00:44:16.520 combination that they are, uh, has been an important piece of it. Now tell us about your book,

00:44:21.920 The Surrendered Single, because I think that this is another hot topic right now. Dating,

00:44:26.380 dating just seems like a mess when I hear from young kids out there, especially with social

00:44:30.820 media and everything. So what is a young girl to do who wants to find the best mate? 0.95

00:44:36.380 Well, the intimacy skills are the skills and femininity is the femininity, whether you're 0.98

00:44:41.520 married or divorced or single. So it's all going to be the same stuff. This is really about, um, so

00:44:48.800 for me, so the subtitle is about how to attract and marry the man who's right for you. So, um,

00:44:54.600 the feminine is not about pursuing. She's just using her magnetism and really, um, she's in such a

00:45:01.540 position of power. So for example, um, men will ask women out. You don't have to ever ask a man out.

00:45:08.860 I don't recommend it because it obscures your beautiful tail feathers that you have to pursue.

00:45:14.180 So you're really in such a position of strength where you're like the director who's auditioning

00:45:19.740 the dancers and saying, you know, yeah, you know, not you or, um, next. Right. So it's a, um,

00:45:26.460 it's a wonderful thing to step into your feminine gifts when you're single and dating and be able to

00:45:31.820 use that. And then, and then it's so delightful. My singles are always so surprised and happy to find

00:45:38.420 out that when they're actually just receptive and not trying to offer to pay their half of the

00:45:43.560 dinner bill and are more interested in them that they think that they need to do that as part of

00:45:50.780 pulling their own weight. And it actually is a signal that says, let's just be friends instead of

00:45:55.780 letting him treat you and make that contribution. That's where a receiving graciously will make you

00:46:01.720 10 times more attractive. You'll have your, your wide choice of the men that you want to date.

00:46:06.660 And of course, um, one special hero will emerge from that crowd. Uh, and it's just a wonderful

00:46:13.060 thing. So it really takes a lot of the risk of heartbreak out of dating. If you are using the

00:46:17.900 intimacy skills when you do it. It's funny, you bring up the tail feather. I watch a lot of nature

00:46:21.400 shows and generally it's the male bird who has to shake the feather and have all the bling. The woman,

00:46:26.780 the, the female bird is, she's kind of boring, kind of a brown, you know, he's, he's colorful and 1.00

00:46:32.680 interesting and she gets to have her pick, doesn't she? I mean, she doesn't even 1.00

00:46:36.540 have to do much at all, but I guess when you're married, then you kind of have to keep that going.

00:46:40.700 Then the woman has to keep it up to keep them interested. Right. 1.00

00:46:44.900 I mean, um, I, for me, it's about the, you know, if you want to look like a supermodel to your

00:46:51.140 husband, in fact, actually great story. Um, my husband, I was brushing crumbs off the counter

00:46:57.340 and I don't think I was especially dressed up this day. So I was just, you know, brushing the

00:47:01.860 crumbs off and he goes, Oh, don't move. And he got out his phone to take pictures of me.

00:47:06.240 Like I'm the supermodel that he's been married for 28 years. So, um, it's, I mean, I'm unspeakably

00:47:12.060 grateful to be loved that way every day, but I don't think it's really so much about my hair and

00:47:15.860 makeup and clothes as it is about, um, him, uh, looking in my eyes and seeing that I respect him

00:47:23.480 and admire him and appreciate him. And that I'm willing to receive graciously from him and be

00:47:29.240 vulnerable with him that has him see me as the supermodel that, um, I may not necessarily be

00:47:35.600 what I am to him. So, um, so for me, it's, um, I mean, I, I, you know, I love getting my hair done

00:47:43.520 and, you know, having a mani pedi and, and I'm getting a new lipstick, just as my strappy sandals

00:47:48.580 as much as the next person, next woman. But I know that that is, um, really just a superficial

00:47:54.880 piece of the attraction that my husband feels for me. That's a good point. Well, tell us about

00:48:00.240 your website, your workshops, everything that you have going on, let people know how they can find

00:48:04.680 your books. Yes. Thank you, Lana. Well, we have a really fun, um, get cherished challenge going on

00:48:10.420 right now. So that's it. Get cherished.com kind of like got milk, but it's get cherished. And if you

00:48:16.460 go there, you can also read a free chapter of the empowered wife. You can, um, sign up to get the,

00:48:21.820 there's five little experiments that I send you that you can just try on in your marriage and see

00:48:26.620 if your husband's head explodes, um, in a good way and, um, and to see if they work for you. So

00:48:33.240 those are kind of fun. Yeah, there it is. That's the get cherished site. And then you also, um, when

00:48:38.620 you buy the book, you also right now get a free membership into my skills for love, um, exclusive

00:48:44.540 portal. Um, so we have a bunch of goodies in there for you around the six, the six intimacy skills.

00:48:49.400 And then the other, um, exciting thing we have right now is this Amazon show, which is free for

00:48:55.500 prime members of Amazon. And, um, you can also get a free one month trial of prime and then the

00:49:02.380 show would be free as well. Um, you can search for that under Amazon videos. It's called the

00:49:06.900 empowered wives. So go watch. Yes. Thank you, Laura. I really appreciate it. I've heard good

00:49:12.960 things about you. Actually few listeners recommended you and so I'm glad they did. Thank you guys for

00:49:17.680 recommending Laura. And thank you so much for being my guest today. Appreciate it.

00:49:21.100 Thank you, Lana. It's been my pleasure. Thanks for having me.

00:49:24.320 The end goal here is peace, fulfillment, and prosperity in your marriage. That's what we want.

00:49:30.540 Marriage shouldn't be a battlefield. And I think the things we discussed here today make a lot of sense.

00:49:36.660 Nature created us with specific attributes. Let's not fight it, but learn to go with it.

00:49:41.280 Have something to add or dispute? Post your comments below. Thanks for watching.

00:49:47.680 We'll see you next time.

00:50:17.680 Thank you.

00:50:47.680 Thank you.

00:51:17.680 Thank you.

00:51:47.680 Thank you.

Radio 3Fourteen - May 19, 2017

The Surrendered Wife_ Stop Nagging _ Controlling_ Be Feminine

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