Tips on Raising a Large Family
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 4 minutes
Words per Minute
197.31056
Summary
Jennifer Loken and Ayla share some tips on how to have a large family and how to keep it small and manageable. Listen to find out what they recommend to new or expecting mothers and what to look out for when trying to start a family.
Transcript
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Greetings new and regular listeners, I'm Lana joining you for the next hour.
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This was a filmed interview, but this show is also available in audio format on redice.tv
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This show will provide some tips on raising a large family.
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My guests are Jennifer Loken and Ayla, both are mothers of six.
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They'll share some advice based on what they've discovered,
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things that can be helpful to new and expecting mothers.
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Jennifer Loken, I'll start with you since you're new to the program.
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And as I was saying off air, Loken kind of reminds me of Loki, the Norse god.
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I'm sure you guys talk about that at home a little bit, right?
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Well, I wanted to do the show because, you know, I did a video with Ayla.
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She issued a white baby challenge and a lot of people got excited about that.
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And then I met Jennifer here and she has six kids as well.
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So I wanted to maybe get some tips because I know there's a lot of young girls that are listening
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So if a young woman is listening, wants to start a big family, what is some advice you
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Well, first of all, start young because you never know what's going to happen.
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I have lots of friends who tried to start having the first baby at like 20 or 21, found
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out they had fertility issues, needed like a little bit of medical help or needed to get
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on a better diet and kind of or do some cleansing or something to help that process along.
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We kind of live in a pretty toxic environment these days and a lot of people have trouble
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Like start, the sooner the better, start trying to have your family.
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My second tip as far as if you're wanting to have a large family, the biggest expense I've
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found surrounding a large family is the medical costs and medical insurance.
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So you want to kind of be pre-planning for that.
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If your husband's in college or something like this, you want to be sure that he's aiming
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for a job that typically comes with fairly good health insurance to help mitigate that
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So I think that those are two things that you can do as a young woman that can really kind
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of give you the right projectile into having a stable, large family.
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Yeah, it's good that you mentioned the toxic environment.
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I hear from a lot of women that have fertility issues, and I'm always saying, get your hormones
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What endocrine disrupting chemicals are you using?
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All of those things will impact your fertility.
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And that's one thing when you go to a fertility clinic, they don't ask you any of those things.
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They're not asking about the things that you're putting on your body and ingesting.
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Certain herbs you can take, supplements you can take to help your egg health.
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Well, I was an accidental mother of a larger family.
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And we just decided to quickly throw together a wedding.
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And I actually was on various different birth controls.
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But I think the big thing is learn to be mellow.
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Because your kids reflect your personality a lot of ways in a negative way.
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Like my husband and I, we both have a kind of a let it go kind of attitude.
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And they're easier to kind of negotiate with and to work with.
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So if you're going to be high-strung, expect high-strung children.
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And if you push too hard in one direction, they might actually rebel against that.
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And, you know, I learned right away that, you know, you try, like, disciplining your kids
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And I learned right away that my children did not respond well to, like, the spanking that
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And so I thought, actually, you know, it takes time and effort, but it works better to actually
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And I, you know, talk them through all the processes of why they did something.
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And my husband kind of looks at it like, you're kind of nagging.
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But at the same time, you have to also apply discipline because kids, they are always testing
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So you do have to let them know where those are, right?
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And so we do a lot of, you know, you're grounded from the computer.
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That's probably the worst thing you could do to kids in this day and age.
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I mean, when we were, when we were growing up, like, we didn't, we didn't have that.
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Now little kids can go online and they can go look up, like, you know, pornography and
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I'm like, we didn't have that kind of stuff when, when we were growing up, you know?
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So it was so much better when we didn't have that kind of stuff.
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So now one thing I always hear from people, especially white people, is it's too expensive
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Well, basically, learn to live with less and learn to work with what you have.
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So first of all, I say, look at what your advantages are.
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Do you have the talent that you could put into a home business?
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You could have some extra income there while mom stays home.
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Do you have maybe a family member who owns their own business and you can work for them
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or work with them, or your husband can have maybe a second job?
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Or maybe you have an elderly grandmother who's, who has passed away and she's given you $10,000
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How can you best invest that instead of just going to Disneyland?
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So always be looking at your resources and what you have.
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We all have some sort of privilege somewhere in our lives and that we can take advantage
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of and kind of try to maximize that, invest it, save it.
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And that, that's the second part would be investing your money.
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So for me and my husband, we, when we get our tax return, it's not like, yay, we're going
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to go, you know, take an expensive trip or go out to an expensive meal or buy lots of presents.
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We're like, okay, what around the house can we invest in?
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Cause then we're not going to have a power bill anymore, a very small power bill.
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Um, you know, or can we upgrade something that adds value to our home?
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So we put in recently, uh, I think it was like, I think it was last year's tax return.
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We used part of that to put in a really nice wooden playground.
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And that not only was something that my kids could enjoy, but it, it increased the value
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So that was, that was an easy thing to do, a easy place to put the money where we could
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use it, but we're going to have access to it later when we resell our home.
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Um, also just realizing that back in the old day, um, kids didn't have much and they were
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So I always think of my dad, my dad was, uh, he grew up in the South and his father was
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an alcoholic and kind of took off on the family when my dad was five.
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My dad was raised primarily by his grandparents cause his mom had to go to the city to work
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And it was kind of like, we don't have shoe money this year.
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So my dad would go a year without shoes, you know, or we don't have haircut money.
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So my dad's hair would get down to his shoulders before they'd be able to cut it.
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And certainly we don't want to live, you know, that destitute anymore.
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And there's no sense we have to do that, but just realizing that those kids turned out
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happy and healthy and functional and our kids aren't going to die if they don't get a trip
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to Disneyland every year, or they don't get to go out to eat every week.
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And so cut back on those things, cut back, you know, take modest and small vacations.
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So my family took a vacation just last weekend.
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We just went an hour away up to where there was still some snow on the mountains, stayed
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in a cabin, only cost a couple hundred bucks, but the kids had a wonderful time.
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And so, you know, it totally beats going to some like grand ski resort or something really
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And cut back on those frivolous things like, you know, don't go out to eat for every meal.
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You know, we go out to eat for special occasions.
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So the kids do still get to go out to eat often, you know, with a family of eight.
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I mean, that's, you know, we're kind of averaging a little more than once a month, if you especially,
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And then, so vacations, out to eat, and then just those everyday expenses that people kind
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of hemorrhage their money into like, you know, Starbucks coffees.
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Like you don't eat a Starbucks coffee every day.
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You don't have to buy the newest issue of, you know, InStyle magazine just because you
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And realizing that those things aren't going to fulfill you the way that children are anyways.
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But yeah, you read it in an hour and then you're done.
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If you invest that money in your family or into having more children, you're going to
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get so much more reward out of that than you are those like little tiny emotional, like
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I think like my family, I've learned how to cut all of our hair.
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I haven't gone to a hairstylist in over six years.
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So and then I cook most of the meals and, you know, we eat out very rarely.
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And when we do, it's usually how can we do this cheaply?
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So we do a lot of McDonald's, which is terrible.
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But I figure if we do it twice a year, it's not the worst thing.
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I swear they've been like taunting me for the past two days that they're like, we're
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The other thing I noticed, too, is people buy their kids a lot of clothes and kids outgrow
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You buy a baby and like two weeks later, they can outgrow something that she bought them,
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you know, and lots of toys and things that they just don't need.
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We thrift shop everything that we can and we do hand-me-downs with everything that we
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And one of the benefits in being in like a church community, the way that we are, is
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that people in our church kind of they know the ages of our kids.
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And so when they have maybe their son leaves to go on a mission, they're like, oh, we have
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now all these, you know, nice dress shirts and nice slacks that he's not going to need
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He'll probably buy new stuff when he gets home.
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So they'll bring it over for me for my oldest son or somebody down the street.
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Their daughters grow out of their nice dresses.
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And so they'll say, oh, let me go give that to Aila and her family.
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So that's something really great, too, is accepting lots of hand-me-downs and thrift
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Pots and pans, dishes, clothing, you know, toys.
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Most, you know, even for Christmas, I will go to the thrift shop because like if you're
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going to get a stuffed bear, for example, it doesn't have to be a brand new stuffed bear.
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You can find like a really nice one, usually with even the store tags still attached, at
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the thrift shop for literally like a quarter when you might spend $25 on that at like FAO
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And my kids don't even, they can't tell the difference.
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And we do a lot of that like penny-pinching stuff.
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You know, we kind of spend a little bit more on birthdays now that the kids are getting
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There's like a large chunk for like three years.
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And it's because my husband thought it would be a good idea to own a business.
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Well, I had six kids and I had, the oldest one was eight.
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And my, I was pregnant and I have like three years where I'm like, I'm not really sure what
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And I want to ask you guys about that because, you know, having large families, you have a
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And on top of it, you two are unique in the fact that you do videos, you know, you're,
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you're active kind of fighting against this anti-whiteness that we have socially and politically.
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So how are you both managing to juggle all those things?
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Jennifer, I guess we'll start with you because you're making videos too.
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And then a lot, well, number one, like I, on my Facebook, I'm really selective who I
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let on that one because I post pictures of my kids there.
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Twitter, I don't post any pictures of my kids just because you don't want to give anybody
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And so, and then on my Instagram, I have it private too.
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So, you know, I can post pictures of my kids there, but I have a lot of videos of my kids
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actually on my YouTube channel and I have, uh, actually made them all unlisted and stuff
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like that because it just, even though a lot of them were just cute, you know, home video
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type things, but it was like, there's too many weirdos out there.
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So, um, yeah, my big thing is my husband's always worried.
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He's like, you're going to end up on a list and I'm like, well, I kind of already was
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on a list because I contribute to a free Patriot press blog and that one ended up on an S
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So yeah, well, that's where all the good people are on that list.
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Well, I just go through phases of what I can do.
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So when I first started making YouTube videos, um, my youngest was about one years old.
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So she was kind of in that stage where she was just toddling off on her own.
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She was already walking and she just wanted to kind of hang out with her brothers and
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And so I was able to kind of just sneak into the room and, and, you know, shut the door
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Um, and my oldest was, you know, he's old enough to watch the younger ones now.
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So that, that helps out, you know, five years ago, I couldn't have done as many videos as
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So just kind of recognizing the timing and the seasons in my life.
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And so, um, 2015, I was able to put out quite a few videos and then like 2016, I wasn't,
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I was pregnant and I was also quite sick during a few periods of my pregnancy.
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And, um, and I even took a break from Twitter last summer.
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So I just kind of recognize those seasons and, and just go with the flow.
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So I knew I wasn't going to be, you know, up making videos the next day or anything like
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But he's just gotten to the age now where he hangs out really well with dad or with
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I can do interviews, um, and that sort of thing.
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And, and so it just kind of just recognizing that cycle and taking advantage of the time
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that I do have and not sweating it when I don't have the extra time realizing that my
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And I know you both watch the Doger family and the Bates and I know YouTube, I was just,
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There's a lot, they're mostly Mormons, but they have large families and they're basically
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filming their life and putting it out there on YouTube and they're getting tons of views,
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I mean, some of them have millions of views and it's just big families.
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Is it because it's, it's become like a zoo exhibit to them or on some level, are they
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Why do you think that some of these shows have become so popular and people are fascinated
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I think people honestly are just desperate to see a normal functioning family in this
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I mean, but it's just kind of, you know, with the divorce rate and, you know, single
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There are just people out there who would just like to see a family that, you know, likes
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And I think that's a lot of it, you know, they even, there's been speculation even with
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the snowflake culture, if a lot of it is just children who weren't properly bonded to
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And I think that that's probably a great possibility.
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You know, they're immediately, you know, whisked off to daycare so that the mom can go to work
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and, you know, they just don't have that proper bonding.
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So, but I think a lot of it has to do with just say really like to watch families be family.
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There's a natural instinct within us that wants to be part of a large, healthy, functioning
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And even in the, back in, you know, two, three generations ago, even if your mother, for
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some reason, couldn't have a lot of children, had a health issue or something, and you didn't
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come from a big family, you often had cousins and aunts and uncles who were, you know, closer
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to your age than they were your mom's because your mom came from a big family.
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You had neighbors and you had this really amazing sense of community where you had all this
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multi-generational interaction going on and multi-age level interaction.
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And there's something instinctual inside of us that knows that to put a child in a system
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where they're sitting in a room with 30 other kids plus or minus their age by six months and
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And we kind of are, you know, we recoil at that a bit internally.
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And so then when we see a family just getting together on a Saturday morning making pancakes
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or whatever they're doing on their blog and there's a lot, you know, there's the older
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ones are helping out and they're helping with the little ones and the little ones are being
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cute and toddling around and getting into the syrup and all of these wonderful things
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There is just a natural instinct that is drawn to that and people love it.
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And I kind of think about it like the way moths are drawn to light.
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And I think that big families, Christian families, wholesome families, healthy families, heterosexual
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And these SJWs and these poor millennials that grew up in households that were completely dysfunctional,
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they, they haven't ever seen it and they see it and this like warm, attractive glow and
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Like there was, I believe it was like a Slate or BuzzFeed columnist a few years ago wrote about
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how she was obsessed with Mormon mom blogs and she didn't know why, but she loved them.
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Or they can do it a negative way, which is what I get a lot on my Twitter and in the press
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is like, oh my gosh, we have to like, you know, it's a normal functioning, healthy family
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and they don't hate themselves for being white, you know, like let's throw rotten tomatoes at them.
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They're going to react with love or they're going to react with hate, but they're drawn to it.
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And so when people react with hate to me or my, my, my Twitter, my videos, whatever,
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They want to be close to that light and warmth.
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If even it is, even if the only way they know how to be close is to be negative about it.
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And it's interesting how, you know, people will complain on you all for having large families,
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but then there's Muslims coming in into Europe and here that have 10 kids and no one ever complains
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It seems like it's just European women that are really judged for having large families
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when this is something that we always used to have, right?
00:20:58.780
Well, I posted a picture once and it was Ivanka Trump and she was holding her son on her lap
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and she was doing some work and stuff like that.
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And I was like, this is what the left and feminists hate more than anything.
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You know, this beautiful, attractive, feminine woman sitting there nurturing her child.
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And it's because that's the quickest and easiest way to destroy the family union.
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And that's what they have to do, because that's the only way that their policies have any
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credibility is when you don't have children and generations who are properly bonded.
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And then they're totally indoctrinated into the school system, too.
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I know A-Lo's homeschooling, but Jennifer, are you homeschooling the kids or not?
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I'm like, okay, we could do school, because I like the routine that it provides.
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Or we need to seriously do some de-junking of our house.
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We did last break, we did our spring cleaning during spring break, and I tried to make it
00:22:14.980
fun, and I had treats, and I had music, a playlist all set up, and we did one room a
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And I thought that they got okay with it at the time, but then this spring break rolled
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around, they were like, we don't have to clean again, do we?
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I guess I'm a, I have a fascist household here, you know, but, yeah, so you put them
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Yeah, I told my husband once, I'm like, you're so lucky I have so many kids, because I don't
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have time to be as tyrannical as I would about things around the house, if I didn't have
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My dad was in the military, and, before I was born, but he was in the military, and my
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mother was a nurse, and so they were both, like, very ship-shaped, everything had to
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be, like, completely sanitized and in its place and on time, and so I really got that
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from my parents, and I go a little nutty if things aren't totally clean.
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I'm pretty much a neat freak, but I've really worked a nice schedule for our family, so we
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We're usually done around 1 or 2 o'clock if the day is going well, and then my kids do
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about a half hour of what we call deep cleaning, so we just rotate rooms every day, so Monday's
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the kitchen, Tuesday's the living room, Wednesday is outside chores, Thursday's the bathrooms,
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et cetera, and so they have their deep cleaning chores and their assignments, and they get
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those done, and then they can go off and run around the neighborhood and play with friends
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or, you know, watch a show or do something like that.
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That's fun in the afternoon, but we definitely have to, I have to have that routine going to
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keep my house clean, because kids are very messy, that's very true.
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Yeah, it falls apart fast, and yeah, the routine has saved me, you know, and also sitting down,
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the beginning of the school year, I did a mission statement of what I actually wanted my goals
00:24:09.500
to be with homeschooling, and that actually did a huge thing, because it's given me a goal
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and a vision to go for, and so, you know, when I buy books and the things that we go through,
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it's all, you know, directed towards that goal, and that's been really, really helpful for me,
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is just sitting down, writing it out, down, what do I want out of this, and, you know,
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I just don't want them to, you know, just not go to public school, it's like, no, I want them to be
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able to challenge every ideology out there, so, because it's important that they be able to contend
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for what is right, so. Absolutely. Now, I also wanted to talk about home birthing versus hospital
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births, this is a topic that comes up a lot, nowadays, it's quite scary what they do in the
00:24:57.940
hospitals, if you kind of let them just do whatever they want to your baby, they'll put antibiotics
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in their eye, they give them artificial K vitamin shots, instead of the natural stuff, they cut the cord
00:25:08.360
too soon, they cut the penis, you know, they take the baby off, and they have to measure them, and then
00:25:13.220
they put them behind glass, in some cases, just very unnatural things, so tell us a little bit
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about your births, were they in hospitals, or at home, what are some thoughts on how to do it correctly?
00:25:24.640
Mine were in the hospital, which I kind of sort of regret, because I actually have, like, the ideal
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births for, you know, home births, because my births were so incredibly easy, in fact, they were so easy
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that the doctor wanted to film one of them for their Lamaze class, and I kind of said no, because that's
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just too weird, a little too personal, yeah, yeah, and then all my, all my brother's friends, and they're
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all started having kids, and having Lamaze class, I'm like, oh, thank god, I didn't do that, but I had
00:25:54.980
one, my fourth, you know, I got to the hospital, I was already dilated to a seven, and my husband looked
00:26:01.500
at the nurse, and he goes, you have about an hour to get everything together, and the nurse looked at
00:26:06.420
him, like, oh, you stupid idiot, what would you know, and exactly 55 minutes later, she shot into the scene,
00:26:13.760
my doctor didn't even have time to get both gloves on, she was out, so, yeah, I wish I would have did a
00:26:21.240
home birth, though, because I, I watched, like, the business of being born, I feel like, I'm like, gosh, if only
00:26:27.700
I, like, could have my kids with the brain that I have now, yeah, I know, no one teaches you these
00:26:34.180
things, most of our moms were in that generation where they didn't know a lot of the boomers, they
00:26:39.060
just kind of surrendered to doctor authorities, and nowadays, I think women are better about it, I crack
00:26:44.680
up, because there's the skin-to-skin movement, it's like, this is ancient, taking the baby and putting it
00:26:50.020
on your chest, skin-to-skin, like, this is what women always did, but now it's, it's a movement.
00:26:55.200
Yeah, I really wish I would have did a home birth, so, but, yeah, yeah, I did, I made all the mistakes
00:27:03.560
with my first three, I did, I just did everything that I was told to do, so we did the vaccines, and we had
00:27:09.000
lots of repercussions from that, my opus had a petite seizure, and then we had, like, nine serious, a week-long
00:27:19.140
reactions with the older three with each round of their shots, and it was like, this is dumb, delayed
00:27:24.160
development, we had, we suspected autism with my second one, because he just zoned out, and he just
00:27:32.340
didn't do anything, and they didn't, like, my older three, they, they, none of them watched till they were
00:27:36.780
past the age of two, and the third one, he didn't watch till he was almost three, so, and we quit
00:27:45.060
vaccinating, yeah, and they were fine, so it was like, this is so dumb, because you just don't know
00:27:52.880
anything, yeah, they put all kinds of toxic fillers and junk in there, that's just really bad metals,
00:27:57.720
and just, yeah, especially when a baby's just born, they're so gentle, and right away, they want to poke
00:28:03.320
them, and snip them, and cut them, and, like, do all these things, I mean, it's, it's frightening, what do you
00:28:07.840
think, Ayla, tell us about some of your births? Yeah, so I had my first five at home, and I had studied,
00:28:14.680
actually studied midwifery for quite a few years before I had my first son, so I already had a
00:28:20.660
midwife that I had worked with a few times, and things like that, and so I had the first five at
00:28:27.560
home, and then my sixth one, I had a couple of medical issues, so I needed to have him, I might
00:28:34.900
could have had him at home, but it was just a little bit riskier, so we decided, and kind of, I was also
00:28:39.160
kind of curious about the hospital, and we actually have a really great hospital here where I live,
00:28:42.780
so I thought, well, let's try hospital, and so I had a midwife in a hospital for my, my most recent
00:28:49.860
one, and actually had a really great experience, they were really hip to not, you know, not doing
00:28:56.220
the things I didn't want them to do, so we didn't do vaccines, we didn't do the drops in the eyes,
00:28:59.420
we didn't do the K shot, you know, they waited to cut the umbilical cord, they, the midwife let my
00:29:03.500
husband catch our son, because my husband had caught our other babies at home, and it was kind of like a
00:29:09.680
tradition we had, that dad catches them when they come out, and so the midwife was like, yeah,
00:29:13.860
totally, you know, she was kind of, she actually barely made it there as well, Jennifer was saying
00:29:19.020
with her doctor barely making it there, but when I was in the hospital, I, I said, you know, I have
00:29:24.380
really fast labors, and they're like, sure, sure, yeah, yeah, you know, and when I was at about a
00:29:30.320
seven, I was like, you really need to call the midwife, because it was in the middle of the night,
00:29:33.840
they're like, oh, we'll wait, we'll wait, and I'm like, no, you really need to call her, and she kind of,
00:29:37.720
yeah, like barely slid in there in time, I was already pushing, they told me to stop pushing,
00:29:42.440
and I was like, that's not going to happen, I don't, and I told them, I said, told the nurses,
00:29:46.840
I've had the other five at home, I don't care if the midwife is here or not, I am pushing this baby
00:29:51.460
out, she can come or not, my husband can catch the baby, I don't care, so it was really funny, so she
00:29:56.040
got there, but then she stepped aside and said, you know, there you go, you do it, and you know, and so
00:30:01.360
that was really great, we got to keep that tradition up, and I actually had a really wonderful
00:30:04.880
hospital experience, but I know that 13, 14 years ago, when I first started having children,
00:30:10.120
hospitals were still not, you know, that kind of cultural shift hadn't happened in a lot of
00:30:15.900
hospitals, they were still very militaristic about all of the procedures, and the poking,
00:30:20.460
and the cutting, as you say, so yeah, we, home birth, we don't vaccinate, we don't circumcise,
00:30:26.180
you know, all that, all that good stuff, and we've not had any major medical issues,
00:30:33.040
thank goodness. That's great, too, I hear that after, you know, four, five, and six, it actually
00:30:36.920
is easier, a woman's body's more acclimated, and the births are easier, is that true, or
00:30:41.680
not necessarily? I have found, oh, go ahead, I had weird complications with my fourth pregnancy,
00:30:49.840
um, well, no, my fifth pregnancy, I, what, I walked up the stairs, and I, it was short stairs, too,
00:30:56.840
and I heard what sounded like a rubber band snap inside my body, and, um, I got, I guess my body
00:31:04.400
releases too much of the relaxant hormone, and so I got what's called pubic symphysis dysfunction,
00:31:10.140
which my pubic bone ripped apart, and that's what I heard, was the ligaments actually snapping apart
00:31:15.920
between my pubic bone, and so that's why I actually only have six, because I would still be having
00:31:21.380
kids if I, I didn't have this complication, and I, that happened in September, and she wasn't born
00:31:28.080
to almost December, and then the sixth one, it happened when I, six weeks along, like, I found out
00:31:34.140
I was pregnant, and then a week later, I heard it, and it was just incredibly painful, and I was an
00:31:39.980
incredibly horrible wife and mother for the nine months, because I was in so much pain, and I was
00:31:47.020
just, I remember, like, maybe with my sixth, sixth child, my kitchen floor got so dirty, and I couldn't
00:31:54.360
handle it anymore, I was like, nobody can see this, and it took me two hours to scrub it, and I couldn't
00:31:59.320
move for two days afterwards, because it hurt. So, yeah. So, no more babies for you then, right?
00:32:07.060
I would still be having them if I didn't have that complication, because the doctor pretty much
00:32:13.020
said you're risking your entire pelvic floor ripping apart with each pregnancy. Yeah, and, and as you
00:32:18.920
said, birth control pills don't work, and, you know, there's a lot of research out there, there's a lot
00:32:22.220
of nasty stuff, and that's in birth control pills that are actually cancer-causing and horrible for
00:32:26.780
you. It's better to just know your natural rhythms, know your fertile days and charts. I mean, that's
00:32:32.140
what they did in the old days. That's one thing I appreciated about a lot of the pre-Christian
00:32:35.560
traditions. It evolved around, you know, fertility cycles a lot of the time, and women were more in
00:32:41.040
touch with that, and I think they've kind of, they've kind of lost, some women don't even know
00:32:44.960
their fertile days. They're just, yeah, they don't even know when they're going to get their period,
00:32:49.320
let alone that there is a time where you're, you're going to be fertile. So, but, yeah, it was,
00:32:55.500
it was pretty nasty, so, but. Sorry to hear, well, Ayla, how about you? Are you just going to keep
00:32:59.820
having kids who can't anymore? I mean, women in my family have been very fertile. I mean,
00:33:03.040
they have kids till they're 45, no problem. So, I mean, when are you going to stop?
00:33:08.180
That was our plan, but we have to stop as well. I have kind of, I have hypertension that I deal with.
00:33:15.300
Normally, when I'm not pregnant or haven't just had a baby, my blood pressure is fine,
00:33:19.620
but with my past two pregnancies, right after I have the baby, about three days later, my blood
00:33:25.900
pressure just goes through the roof. Last time on my fifth baby, it was controlled by some simple
00:33:31.400
medications. I took medications for about six months, then I was able to switch to just herbs,
00:33:36.040
then I was able to go off of them completely, and my blood pressure was fine. But this time,
00:33:40.780
my blood pressure was fine during my pregnancy, but again, just like the last time, three days after
00:33:46.460
he was born, my blood pressure went through the roof. This time, it was even higher, and it's not,
00:33:52.040
it's still not controlled by medication. I'm on an incredibly high dose of medication,
00:33:56.260
medication, and taking tons of herbs, doing all the natural things, using essential oils,
00:34:00.740
relaxation techniques, all of this, and it's still very, very high. And so, my doctor basically
00:34:07.900
said, or my midwife, I should say, you know, said, you're risking stroke or seizure if you have
00:34:12.400
another one, because this seems to be a problem that is getting worse with each child. So, whereas I
00:34:19.200
would love to have another one, yeah, we're going to have to be done as well. But we're thinking of,
00:34:25.460
we're very seriously considering adoption, though, how, and like the logistics of that are very
00:34:32.820
complicated, but we definitely would love to do that in the future. So, we'll just have to see
00:34:40.040
what happens. But not from Africa or Asia, right? Let's just get that straight.
00:34:45.580
No, we would probably want to foster adopt within the United States, you know, and get some of the
00:34:53.420
kids here in the U.S. some good homes first. But that's a ways off, because I would want my youngest
00:34:58.640
to at least, yeah, I would want my youngest to at least be old enough to have been well-established
00:35:05.480
in our family culture and have a really good sense of himself before we introduce somebody else into
00:35:11.180
our family who's going to have, you know, come from a different background, different environment,
00:35:16.340
different genetics, and all of this sort of thing. And then, like, we could just focus,
00:35:21.120
we could focus more on that child and getting that child what they need, because, you know,
00:35:25.400
they come from, obviously, they come from bad situations and shaky backgrounds. So, we would
00:35:30.800
want to be able to help that child as much as possible. So, anyways, this is a ways off. I'd
00:35:35.980
probably want my youngest to be at least around 10 years old before we do this, maybe 7 to 10 years
00:35:40.620
old, depending on his personality. But, yeah, not Africa or Asia. We want to take care of American
00:35:46.000
kids first. That's right. And, you know, generally, I think kids that grow up in large families,
00:35:51.920
they tend to have less kids. At least that's what I've seen. And then a lot of the kids that grow up
00:35:56.880
where they're the only child, then they tend to want to have a lot of kids. What do you guys think
00:36:00.860
about that? Do you think that that dynamic's going to play in your family that, you know, some of the
00:36:04.760
kids are tired of taking care of their brothers and sisters, so they're not going to want to have kids
00:36:08.920
in the future or not as many? I think it's all about how you frame it. I think it's about your
00:36:14.620
family culture. So, in my family culture, we love babies and we kind of pass that love down to our
00:36:21.160
kids. And we really try to model that for our older children in particular. And our older children do
00:36:26.340
have a lot of responsibility. Being the oldest, we ask for their help quite often. But, like, my oldest,
00:36:32.100
for example, like, he cannot wait to get married and have his own kids. Like, he's all about babies
00:36:36.980
and all about little kids. He just loves helping. He loves taking them out and pushing them on the
00:36:41.640
swing or helping out. And so, I think, and then our oldest daughter, who's four, is always telling
00:36:47.460
us she's going to have 10 babies. She's obsessed with baby dolls, loves babies. My husband came from
00:36:53.540
a really large family, including his step-siblings. He came from a family of 11. So, he wanted to have a
00:37:01.580
large family. So, I don't think it's always the case with large families that they want to have a
00:37:06.580
smaller family. I think it's all about how it's framed. If your family acts like the new baby is
00:37:11.580
a burden and that it's difficult to take care of it. So, if mom is kind of slumping around the house
00:37:16.100
and her pajamas like, oh, you know, the baby kept me up again all night or making it a negative
00:37:20.780
experience and not looking at the positives and the blessings of it, then the kids are going to kind
00:37:24.880
of internalize that as more of a negative experience. But if they're used to looking at the blessings
00:37:30.680
of having a new baby or a toddler or a young child in the house, then they're really going
00:37:35.680
to be enthusiastic about having a large family themselves. Yeah, I had, let's see, two older
00:37:43.160
sisters and three younger brothers. And so, I came from a larger family. I'm actually a second
00:37:48.680
generation homeschooler because my parents homeschooled us when, even back in the day
00:37:55.280
when it was in North Dakota, it was completely illegal to homeschool. It was? Wow. Yeah. When
00:38:01.060
they started, in fact, they were part of the movement that got it legalized in the state of
00:38:05.860
North Dakota. So, in the, let's see, it was mid-80s, it would have been, mid-80s, early-90s.
00:38:12.580
So, they actually helped get the law changed. I remember going to lots of, you know, congressional
00:38:18.500
hearings and court things and stuff, and there was just always this, kind of this, you can't
00:38:24.280
go outside until after three, kind of a thing, because nobody could see us outside because
00:38:29.980
they were paranoid that, you know, somebody would call in and say that we were- Children's
00:38:34.200
services or something, yeah. Yeah. So, but I know, like, one family in my area, they have
00:38:40.700
13 kids, and only seven of them are married, and I think that they are almost going to have
00:38:47.320
44 grandchildren, and the oldest one's 15. That's great. That's great. So, and, yeah,
00:38:54.120
I mean, she's younger than me, and she has, she just had baby number nine, one of their
00:39:00.260
kids. So, they are just popping them out, and I just, I'm like, yeah, I know. Especially
00:39:05.780
if they're cool people. You know, if they're, they're, they're great people, they're smart,
00:39:09.740
they're good-looking, like, we want those people having lots of kids, right? Of course.
00:39:13.880
Yeah, and they all homeschool too, which is even better, because then you're getting
00:39:17.340
away from that state. Exactly. They won't be programmed. Now, Ayla, earlier you brought
00:39:21.300
up sleep. Let's talk about some tips for, you know, you just bring your baby home. Some
00:39:26.540
people say never wake the baby. Some people say let him sleep. Some people say you need
00:39:30.320
to wake him up every few hours to constantly feed them. Some people put him in the bed.
00:39:34.580
Some people put him down the hall. Now, what are some, some tips? We'll start
00:39:37.860
with Ayla. Well, I've always co-slept, so I definitely recommend moms that are having
00:39:44.520
their first baby to pick up a couple books, or just kind of look around online and learn
00:39:49.100
about co-sleeping, learn about how to do it safely, and learn about the benefits of
00:39:54.120
it, and kind of get used to that idea, because it's a lifesaver. So, I basically sleep with
00:39:59.680
my babies. They sleep in the crook of my arm. They nurse. Then we change the other side,
00:40:04.880
then take the other side a couple hours later, and it works marvelously for us. And I'm typically
00:40:11.200
not sleep-deprived. I've had wonderful sleeping babies. As far as nap schedules, I've always been
00:40:18.200
a really big fan of letting the kids kind of choose their own schedule as far as napping
00:40:22.760
goes. And as a mom, you'll kind of be able to see the patterns. So, maybe if your baby is a couple
00:40:29.080
months old and they're starting to, like, sleep from, like, 6 to 8, and then that's keeping them
00:40:34.380
up until midnight, like, definitely you probably want to try to gently rework their schedule by
00:40:41.420
waking them up, or maybe letting them only sleep, like, 15 minutes around 6 o'clock, and then trying
00:40:46.080
to wake them up, or something like that, in order to get them on a better rhythm. And I've also noticed
00:40:51.660
I did a lot of visualization when I was pregnant. So, when I was pregnant and I was getting ready to go
00:40:56.100
to sleep, I would, like, just think, like, this is sleeping time, this is calm time, and try to, like,
00:41:02.680
get my baby in that rhythm of now is time to calm down, now is time to wake up, now is time to calm
00:41:08.780
down, now is time to wake up. And I don't have any empirical evidence as far as whether or not that
00:41:13.740
actually scientifically works, but I know that my kids have been great sleepers. So, I definitely
00:41:18.060
recommend at least trying that toward the end of your pregnancy for about seven months on.
00:41:23.580
Um, and then as far as waking them to eat, I've never found that to be needful, unless you're
00:41:31.180
battling, like, maybe a breast infection, like a mastitis, and you really need them to nurse really
00:41:37.240
regularly, or something like that. But I would, in that case, I would probably just buy a breast pump.
00:41:41.960
So, I always just let my babies eat when they're hungry, and that has been, that's worked the best
00:41:47.680
Yeah, I kind of, I guess I kind of do it the same way, where I just kind of am like, yeah,
00:41:52.860
you know, go with the baby. I think part of that helps is that we're stay-at-home moms,
00:41:57.300
and so we can just kind of be flexible like that, where, you know, if you're going to be sending your
00:42:03.220
kids off to daycare, I could see you needing to get them more on a schedule and a routine,
00:42:08.220
so that it works out better that way. But, um, yeah, we just always were kind of laid back about it.
00:42:14.520
You know, I think, like, my oldest, we tried the crib thing, and it just was, like, a complete
00:42:19.660
miserable thing, trying to get her to sleep in her crib. So, we just kind of gave up on that.
00:42:26.040
We even tried, like, the bassinet next to the bed, you know, because you want to be the
00:42:29.840
responsible parent. And we just, it just never worked for us. It was just, like, it just worked
00:42:36.740
better just to bring them in our bed. My husband, he wasn't crazy about it, because he's like,
00:42:41.280
I'm going to roll over and crush them or something. And it never happened. So, but he
00:42:50.300
Yeah, they have a, like, little dock-a-tots, even Snuggle Me Organic. There's all kinds of
00:42:54.980
really neat things you can buy that it almost, like, mimics the womb. It's like this mini kind
00:42:59.520
of baby mat, almost like a pad or, I don't know, a piece of fabric. I don't know, how do I explain it?
00:43:05.800
You just have to check it out. Snuggle Me Organic. And it hugs the baby. It kind of falls into it,
00:43:09.500
and then you can lay right between you in the bed, which is cool. So, no one has to worry about
00:43:13.720
squishing the baby. But yeah, like we were talking about before, in the old days, they didn't do this.
00:43:19.220
They lived in small little houses. They didn't have a whole room just dedicated to the baby down the
00:43:24.440
halls that they can put them in. And it was, it was so cold, too. They all needed to sleep together
00:43:33.080
Children, they all slept in the same bed, and they all had 10 kids. It was just how it was,
00:43:38.520
and it worked. So, granted, you know, the child mortality rate wasn't the greatest, which is why
00:43:45.680
they had so many kids. But at the same time, it was like, you know, it's how it was done.
00:43:52.580
You know, families bonded together. They actually hung out together. They did things together.
00:43:58.300
So, I think that that's like the funniest thing for me is people who are fascinated that I do,
00:44:03.320
we do like home meals. That's, that's fascinating to them. It's like, I make a point that we have at
00:44:10.120
least, you know, three good family meals a week together. Friday, it falls apart because we do
00:44:22.060
Yeah, let's talk about food tips. I mean, you know, cooking for a big family, it's a lot. So,
00:44:26.820
what kind of tips do you have for people cooking? Some ideas, maybe.
00:44:37.180
You can get it going, you can do school, and you're, by the end of the day, when you're like
00:44:41.440
burnt out, and you're just kind of like, I don't care anymore, it's already there,
00:44:47.960
Yeah, I have to agree with that, definitely. And then, I also think we garden a lot, so we grow a
00:44:56.320
lot of our own food, and that helps. And to have a schedule, to have a meal schedule, really saves
00:45:03.380
me, because I know that, you know, on this day, I need to get, you know, dinner in the crock pot
00:45:09.080
early, I need to get it in at, you know, 10 o'clock or whatever, to make sure it's on time. And you get
00:45:13.540
in that rhythm, and it almost feels like, you know, you don't have to remember, it almost feels
00:45:17.400
effortless when you're in a rhythm, because your body and your mind are used to, to doing these
00:45:21.500
things. And so, it's like, okay, Wednesday night is, you know, chicken soup, or
00:45:25.580
yeah, like you were saying, Friday night is pizza. Like, if you, if you're in a rhythm,
00:45:29.660
that works really well. And then, with our garden, what I love to do, because you
00:45:33.620
kind of can't plan, like, what's going to be ripe, or what's
00:45:37.620
coming out of your garden at, like, exactly the right time. So, what I like to do
00:45:41.540
is have a base food for each night of the week, like, Thursday night
00:45:45.600
is rice, or, you know, or, like, Wednesday night is pasta, or something like this.
00:45:50.020
And then, I add to it whatever vegetables and things were getting
00:45:53.720
out of the garden that day. And then, I just keep some, like,
00:45:57.540
frozen veggies, or canned veggies, in my cupboard and my
00:46:01.800
freezer, in case, for some reason, like, you know, we had some kind of
00:46:05.700
disaster happen in the garden that day, or the week before, and, you know,
00:46:09.540
now this zucchini harvest we were planning on didn't happen, or, you know, something like that.
00:46:13.240
I've got some backup that I can easily just, you know, throw in and work in with dinner. But
00:46:18.780
definitely, definitely, you've got to schedule those meals. And schedule the prep work, too.
00:46:23.760
The way I do it, you know, we have our breakfast, lunch, and dinner schedule.
00:46:27.020
And then, after the dinner section on my paper, I have prep work for the next day.
00:46:32.220
So, maybe we're having muesli for breakfast. My kids really love, like, Swiss muesli, like,
00:46:36.180
the kind you soak overnight. They're, like, authentic kind. So, you know, I have to put that,
00:46:40.680
get that prepared the night before for breakfast the next morning. But it saves me so much money,
00:46:46.700
because to make my own Swiss muesli is so much cheaper than boxed cereal. And it's so much
00:46:52.900
healthier for my kids. And if I just have that little schedule, and know to do it ahead of time,
00:46:58.120
it saves me time, and it saves me tons of money, and we're way healthier for it.
00:47:02.040
Yeah, having a garden is great. Also, if your husband's hunt, because you can catch a big animal,
00:47:07.360
and that lasts for a long time. That's one thing that always pains me when I see some of these big
00:47:11.080
families, when they go grocery shopping, they buy a lot of crap, a lot of carbs, a lot of
00:47:16.260
topper almond, a lot of cheap stuff, cheap soda. And that's poison for your kids, you know. But
00:47:22.600
it's expensive doing low carb, unless you can hunt, unless you can have a garden, right?
00:47:28.760
I have a garden. We do a garden, too. We haven't been able to do anything with it,
00:47:32.720
because the ground's pretty frozen right now, still. But yeah, my husband hunts. In fact, my
00:47:38.520
15-year-old daughter, she got a deer last year. So it was her second one.
00:47:48.140
Yeah, definitely. And I think with food, too, is, again, you have to recognize your rhythms and
00:47:54.100
your seasons of life. So what, like, right after I've had a baby, we're going to be eating some junk
00:47:59.840
food. You know, I'm just, I'm not going to be up cooking a meal from scratch right after having a
00:48:04.460
baby. So I realized that that first month or two after I have a baby, we're going to be eating some
00:48:09.520
boxed things. We're going to be eating from cans, especially if it's during the winter, so our garden
00:48:13.620
isn't producing much, you know, but maybe two cabbages a week or something. And so just recognizing
00:48:18.980
that it's okay, it's temporary. Or if you have a financial setback, you know, your husband loses his
00:48:24.280
job and you say, okay, look, we have a big family, and we can't afford organic, fresh food right now.
00:48:30.060
And we're going to do some mac and cheese for a little while. And this is just a temporary measure
00:48:34.420
to get us over this hump. And then we can go back to being healthy. And I think the important thing is
00:48:39.960
to not overstress yourself about it. And when you have only one or two kids, you know, when I, when I,
00:48:45.540
my family was smaller, it was a lot easier to be more consistent with the healthy food. But once you have
00:48:50.320
a large family, you have to realize that, that there's, you know, there's eight people, there's
00:48:54.820
eight different needs, there's people who are sick and people who are well, and, you know, all of these
00:48:59.340
different things that have happened. And to just go ahead and relax a little about it, and realize
00:49:04.920
that a little bit of junk food isn't going to hurt, particularly if most of the time, you're putting
00:49:09.520
in the effort to cook good, wholesome food from scratch. Yeah. And if you can afford it, Whole Foods
00:49:13.740
actually has a lot of good things in their freezer section that that isn't toxic and bad, too. You know,
00:49:18.560
some people can afford that. Yeah, right. You know, I, for my thing, I started, I watch a lot
00:49:24.500
of Jordan Peterson, and I didn't really realize a lot of the stuff that he talks about with raising
00:49:28.760
kids that I kind of already do. Like, I kind of do this thing where I only cook one meal a day for
00:49:35.220
my kids are responsible for making sure that they eat the rest of the day, I make a nice meal at dinner,
00:49:40.820
and that's it. And if they are hungry, they need to learn to make themselves a sandwich. And so like,
00:49:45.820
my six year old, she already knows how to make a sandwich. And you know, she'll help make macaroni
00:49:51.120
and cheese. And she's learning out all these things that she can do, because you know, you want to do
00:49:56.680
as little for your kids as soon as possible, so they learn how to do it for themselves. So
00:50:01.760
that's a good point. Yeah, that's an excellent point. I really agree with that. I have my kids cook a lot of
00:50:08.480
the meals, too. Yeah, you got to teach them how to be self sufficient, even the boys, because let's face it,
00:50:13.440
when they grow up, you know, a girl doesn't want to meet a guy who like, can't even make mac and
00:50:18.140
cheese, right? I don't think moms do service when they're also serving their children and doing every
00:50:23.780
little thing for them, because it tends to make kind of mama's boys, too, doesn't it?
00:50:28.380
Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah, I always say that my kids are going to be a steal, particularly my two
00:50:34.120
oldest boys, because they know how to change a baby. I mean, heck, they've been at so many home births,
00:50:40.020
they know how to deliver a baby. They can deliver a baby, they can change a baby, they know,
00:50:44.700
you know, different nursing positions that are best when the baby's crying. They know how to do
00:50:48.880
their laundry, they know how to cook, you know, a three course meal, four course meal, they know how
00:50:53.940
to potty train a toddler, because they're helping me with all of these things. And so whoever the girls
00:50:59.860
that get to marry my two oldest boys in particular are going to be incredibly lucky, because they're
00:51:03.460
always going to know all of these things. See, that's awesome. Right.
00:51:06.720
So but yeah, I mean, I just kind of take like a hands off approach a lot of times with a lot of
00:51:12.460
stuff with, you know, chores and stuff like that. Although it does help that my fourth child is
00:51:17.720
very OCD. And like her favorite thing to do is cleaning organized things. And that's actually her
00:51:25.960
love language is acts of service like that. So like, if I really want to make her happy, I'll make a
00:51:31.640
grocery list before we go to the store. She gets to man the list. And that's just makes her happy as
00:51:48.240
Well, before we wrap up, is there any other last tips that you want to give people or anything
00:51:53.380
that you want to share about your way that you raise your families? Jennifer, I guess we'll start
00:51:58.320
with you. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid to have kids. Don't be afraid. Don't let society convince
00:52:03.860
you that, you know, kids are these terrible burdens. They're not. They are blessings. And
00:52:08.400
they are really, really fun. They make me laugh all the time. Don't be afraid to have kids. They
00:52:14.120
are awesome. They are way cooler than most adults. I hate to say this, but you know, they are. They're
00:52:19.200
better. So yeah, I just don't be afraid. Try it. You know, you'll never regret it, but you will regret
00:52:25.220
not doing it. Yes. And I would say, don't be afraid of getting to know your deep inner self
00:52:32.460
because my favorite, one of my favorite phrases is children don't change who they are. They reveal
00:52:37.640
who you are. And you have no idea how selfish or bad tempered you can be until you have a child
00:52:44.380
testing that. But it is amazing way to develop, to develop yourself. You will grow so much. You'll
00:52:52.400
look back on your pre-child self and say, I can't believe I ever thought that way. Or
00:52:56.160
I can't believe I ever acted that way. And it matures you so much. And so be comfortable.
00:53:02.080
Allow that process to happen. And I love what Jen said. Don't be afraid. Jump in and do it
00:53:07.320
because at the end of the day, that is what we're here for. There really is, I mean, is
00:53:12.560
to have children. I mean, do you, at the end of your life, what do you want to be surrounded
00:53:16.600
by? Do you want to be surrounded by children and grandchildren and your great grandchildren? Or do
00:53:20.660
you want to be surrounded by your old work colleagues? You know, my dad was a business
00:53:25.220
guy where he worked in an office. He had lots of women in that office who chose not to have
00:53:29.960
children. And now they're aging. They're in their sixties and seventies. They're going through
00:53:34.020
health issues. Um, and they don't have a family there to help them. They have like my dad, like
00:53:39.200
goodness, my dad is like a really standup guy who would help anybody with anything, but they have
00:53:44.120
their coworkers that that's the best that they have. And so really know that you're investing
00:53:51.360
in the future. And my last tip would be, don't be afraid of that third child. Because when you have
00:53:57.240
one child, your life can stay really similar to what you were used to before having children.
00:54:03.400
When you have two children, you are a fan, like a total, like a hundred percent mom. At that point,
00:54:09.440
you don't have times when like, just like when you have one child, they nap. And so then like your
00:54:14.620
life suddenly reverts back to normal for a minute. But when you have two kids, they're not napping at
00:54:19.720
the same time. They're not doing the same thing. So suddenly you are a hundred percent a mom and it
00:54:23.560
takes a hundred percent of your effort. And so people will have two kids and then they get scared
00:54:27.840
because going from zero to one wasn't very hard, but one to two, like feels like your world is falling
00:54:33.160
apart for a little while. Hang in there. Don't be afraid to have that third kid because the third kid
00:54:38.600
is easy peasy, no problem. And after that, you can almost always add more and it's no additional
00:54:45.660
stress. Just don't be afraid of that two kid mark. I think it's better too, because they have
00:54:51.400
siblings to play with. Some of these parents that just have the one kid, it turns kind of neurotic,
00:54:57.000
if you know what I mean. They're just like obsessed about this one kid all the time. And the kid
00:55:00.480
doesn't have anyone else to play with. Yeah, right. Very true. Yeah. And the third, the third child,
00:55:07.740
he was my third child was my biggest child that I had. And, you know, the big joke is that when I
00:55:13.780
was pushing him out, I screamed and my husband says, I'm like, I'm supposed to do this with
00:55:21.720
dignity and classier. So he has like a 14 centimeter head, you know, just huge. And he was like almost
00:55:30.360
24 inches long. And so he like literally, my water broke at home, like in that 15% chance,
00:55:36.520
it was the gush all over. And I was like, thank God, I still got kids in diapers because mommy needs
00:55:42.360
So I had to wait an hour for Mike to get home because he's worth an hour away. So it was a mess
00:55:50.120
all over. And I was like, well, that laundry is not getting done now.
00:55:55.620
You brought up something I forgot to mention, though, before we wrap up diapers. There's a lot
00:56:00.000
of diapers that are like awfully toxic. So that's another area.
00:56:04.560
Love diapers. Their butts actually bleed because, you know, you just try different ones and they're
00:56:12.560
so fragrant that they were brutal. Yeah, there's these Danish ones called Bambo,
00:56:20.300
which is the best on the market. And they're not that much more money, but it's worth it to protect
00:56:24.920
your your kid because there's all these amazing toxic chemicals in there. And when the kid wets
00:56:30.580
itself, their pores open, it goes right in and then they have these diaper rashes and then they
00:56:35.120
put more chemicals on the diaper rashes and they're eating this bad formula. It's amazing
00:56:39.260
that some of our kids survive, you know, seriously.
00:56:41.800
Yeah. Yeah. I would recommend for people thinking about diapers to look into elimination communication.
00:56:47.840
I don't know if either of you have heard of that before, but I did it with my first three.
00:56:52.060
And that is basically where you, well, you read the techniques on how to do it, but you recognize
00:56:58.120
when a baby's about to pee or poo because they do give signals. They'll, and if you're tuned into
00:57:04.080
that, you can actually go and hold them over the toilet. And so like my oldest, because he was my
00:57:09.200
first and my only, and I was able to put a lot of energy into him. He didn't wear diapers.
00:57:13.500
We just did elimination communication. I think maybe we had two accidents his entire childhood
00:57:18.540
or babyhood. Um, and so that is a really great option. Um, if you have a big spacing between two
00:57:25.300
kids or you only have like the one, one or two kids or the first three kids or so, elimination
00:57:30.200
communication can be really great. It saves you money on diapers, saves you on doing laundry
00:57:38.780
Yeah. Yeah. That, that, uh, wow. I, I guess with my youngest two, they basically potty train
00:57:44.620
themselves because at that point I had learned like, this is a such a pointless struggle.
00:57:49.960
They don't go and they're not going to do this. Like I have a video of my second one. It's
00:57:55.540
on YouTube, but it's unlisted, but he's sitting on the toilet and we're making, we're doing
00:58:00.280
the potty negotiation and he's like, why not just change my diaper? It's like,
00:58:07.860
but he has the most pitiful face and he's just devastated. And he's just like, why not just
00:58:18.240
change my diaper? And it's just like, because you're too old for this. And we way too much
00:58:24.000
time just sitting in the bathroom, negotiating with them. You know, you brought up some signals.
00:58:30.300
So for people who want to try the method that you mentioned, what are some of the signals
00:58:33.380
that they give off? Yeah. Okay. Well, you have to kind of get in tune with what your baby in
00:58:37.760
particular does, but usually they just start, um, I call it fidgeting. I don't know if there's
00:58:41.920
another word, but it's when they kind of just start doing this, like you're holding them and
00:58:45.920
they're perfectly calm and still. And then all of a sudden they just start squirming like this.
00:58:49.960
And a lot of times they'll also try to make eye contact with you, even from a very young age,
00:58:53.660
they'll kind of try to, you know, they have a hard time focusing, but they'll look around and
00:58:57.580
they'll try to be looking, looking for your face and they'll be fidgeting like this.
00:59:01.280
And then, um, that's a really, really good signal. And then also, um, if you just offer
00:59:07.300
to take them to the bathroom, like every hour, hour and a half, they'll get in the rhythm of
00:59:12.980
being able to hold it. Like, and, and they'll just naturally want to hold it. Most babies now
00:59:17.980
this, I don't know if it works on all babies, but it worked really well. My, my first couple
00:59:21.280
of kids. So my oldest son, I would just take him to the potty, um, about every hour and a
00:59:27.340
half or so. And he just got used to going then. So that's when he went. And then you
00:59:31.160
make a, um, a sound when they do go to the bathroom. So at the very, the very beginning,
00:59:36.080
when you're first trying this out, you put them in cloth with no cover. So you can see
00:59:40.320
when they start peeing. And the second they start peeing or pooing, you make a noise. So
00:59:44.520
our noise was, I don't know if that's picking up on the mic, but it's like a pee sound. And
00:59:50.280
then they start associating that sound with, you know, urinating or pooing. And so then you
00:59:56.600
can hold them over the toilet and make that sound. And they have, you know, kind of like
01:00:00.940
Pavlov's dog, right? They'll, they'll pee when they hear that noise. Cause they know,
01:00:04.460
oh, that's the pee noise or that's the poo noise. And so if you just do that and you keep
01:00:08.320
their, their bladder and bowel relatively empty, um, you know, you don't even have to look for
01:00:13.100
the cue signals as much, but we're definitely when they first wake up and if they're sleeping
01:00:18.240
and they start fidgeting, if they're awake and they start fidgeting, those are the, and they're,
01:00:22.060
or they're trying to make eye contact with you. Those are some really important cue cues.
01:00:26.640
Awesome. I think you both have shared a lot of great tips. I'm glad that we can do this
01:00:30.680
for people, Jennifer, that want to see your YouTube and reach you on Twitter, give out that
01:00:35.080
information. Um, my Twitter handle is at intelligence with a J for the, uh, sound. And then, um, uh,
01:00:44.180
my YouTube is just Jennifer Loken. And, um, so, and then I have a Facebook group for my political
01:00:51.000
stuff called the Rational Redhead. I'm eventually going to get a website. My husband's working on
01:00:56.040
it. So I still have to finish the, uh, description of all of that so that he can get all that
01:01:01.500
implemented. Cause I mean, I imagine that rationalredhead.com wasn't taken. Wow. That's
01:01:08.260
amazing. I was, I was amused. I think someone was doing a handstand in the back, like walking on
01:01:14.980
their hands. That was impressive. She's my type A and she actually kind of gets like anxious if she
01:01:20.860
has to be standing on her feet for too long. And she actually kind of starts to panic. Like even
01:01:26.240
when we're shopping, she's like, I need to do something. She's showing off for sure.
01:01:31.300
She shouldn't be in gymnastics, but my husband with his job, he's not too crazy about gymnastics. He
01:01:36.900
designs medical equipment for quadriplegics and paraplegics. So he's like, gymnastics is the worst
01:01:43.520
sport ever. Now, Ayla, most people know you, but why don't you give out your information once again
01:01:50.680
for newcomers? Yeah, you can find me on Twitter at a purposeful wife. And if you check my pinned
01:01:56.940
tweet right now, um, I have all of my other contact information. I have a Facebook page and
01:02:02.040
Instagram, um, a Patreon, uh, and then my YouTube channel is also there, but my YouTube channel is,
01:02:07.620
um, youtube.com slash users slash adorable Ayla and Ayla spelled A Y L A.
01:02:13.520
That's great. I didn't know you had a Patreon. That's great. Everyone support her. She does some
01:02:16.920
good work and she has a big family. So definitely pitch into that. Well, thank you ladies so much.
01:02:21.240
We'll have to do this again sometime in the future.
01:02:27.320
If you enjoy my show, please support it. The best way is to sign up for a membership at
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