REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 1020. Q&AF： Pushing Through Hard Times, Being ＂Too Nice＂ & Leadership Struggles

00:00:00.000 What is up guys, it's Andy Fursella and this is the show for the realists, say goodbye

00:00:20.700 to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking

00:00:24.280 reality.

00:00:24.620 Guys, today we have Q and AF, that's where you submit the questions and we give you the

00:00:29.400 answers now you can submit your questions and they can be about anything typically about personal

00:00:33.740 development how to win how to make money how to kick ass how to be a bad motherfucker all right

00:00:37.860 you could submit them many different ways dj's going to tell you how yeah guys email your

00:00:41.760 questions and to ask andy at andy for seller.com you can also click the link in the description

00:00:46.720 below and submit them there or just drop them in the comment section of the q and a f videos

00:00:51.360 on the tube now this first time listening we have shows within the show tomorrow you're going to

00:00:56.260 hear cti that has cruised the internet that's where we put topics on the screen of the goings

00:01:01.100 ons of the day uh we speculate on what the truth is and we talk about how we the people have to

00:01:06.360 solve these problems going on in the world we also make fun of everybody so there's that then we have

00:01:13.700 real af real af is just 5 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk whoops real talk not real af

00:01:18.620 this is real af anyway and then we have 75 hard verses that's where somebody who's completed the

00:01:24.560 75 Hard program comes on the show. They talk about how they were before, how they are now,

00:01:28.740 and how they use 75 Hard to become the person that they are now. If you're unfamiliar with

00:01:34.360 75 Hard, it is the initial phase of the Live Hard program. We like to call it the Boot Camp,

00:01:39.420 which is the world's most popular mental transformation program ever. And you can get

00:01:44.860 that at episode 208 on the audio feed for free. There's also a book at andyfrusella.com called

00:01:52.500 the book on mental toughness which includes the entire live hard program plus a whole bunch of

00:01:57.240 other information in depth uh a bunch of chapters on mental toughness how to use it how to cultivate

00:02:03.040 why it's important some case studies and uh basically if you're like me and you're somebody

00:02:09.740 who has to know all the details uh that's the resource for you so you can go on andypriscilla.com

00:02:15.280 and grab that now one thing we do different here is we are the biggest show in the world that does

00:02:19.420 not run advertisements. All right. I don't get paid to do this show. We pay to do this show.

00:02:25.560 All right. We're here to bring value to you. We're here to help you be better. We're here

00:02:28.480 to help you see what's going on in the world and navigate everything effectively. So we have a

00:02:32.720 simple ask and ask is this share the show. Okay. When you find it valuable, if it gives you some

00:02:42.000 knowledge, if it makes you better, if it makes you think, if it makes you laugh,

00:02:46.760 it's entertaining do us a favor and share that out man it helps us a lot we'd like to say it

00:02:51.300 uh like don't be a hoe share the show all right what's up man buenos dias

00:02:56.280 senor all right what's that what you making fun of me or something no my tan you are getting tan

00:03:03.980 yeah you are getting tan dog yeah about time for me to pass you about this time of year where i

00:03:08.100 pass you up in tanness usually it's like june yeah june has been a really sad scene yeah start

00:03:12.960 it's kind of fun because like half the year you're the black guy and then the other half i am

00:03:17.420 so it works yeah you start hiding your wallet and i start having mine yeah it just goes back

00:03:22.560 and forth you stole my bike i steal it back oh man it must be july and he got me what's going on

00:03:32.260 i'm just glad i get the bikes in the summertime that's right that's right yeah what's going on

00:03:35.980 man just doing a thing man things are doing being done that's right that's right man hell yeah dude

00:03:41.320 um yeah everything what's up with you yeah things are good on this end bro you're looking good man

00:03:45.820 269 this morning really yeah really like you're like a real 269 or you're 269 no no like on the

00:03:51.480 scale 269 is there any witnesses uh god no that doesn't count yeah i'll take a picture in the

00:03:58.000 morning all right i'll show you yeah i'm there dog i'm listen i'm right there bro well i'm right

00:04:02.620 there i know you're doing good yeah we're cruising bro we're cruising it feels good you're probably

00:04:07.080 lifted now that's what it is gonna make a big difference big difference i do got an end quote

00:04:11.300 some more hit though because dude like that you just got more time bro it's just gonna take i

00:04:16.100 mean look it just takes time dude i was fucking gassed on tuesday bro we had to do this shit yeah

00:04:21.240 gassed yeah bro i gotta get some more hit cards that's hard stuff man it is wrestling and and

00:04:27.820 all that that's that's one of the hardest things you can do so yeah you gotta get in shape for

00:04:31.560 that got you bro it's a different thing but you can't just shoot everybody i mean you can't i let

00:04:37.200 well you can i can't three times in the face yeah no uh no that's good though man things are good

00:04:43.840 bro i'm happy to be here it's a beautiful monday um and we're here to make people better cool let's

00:04:48.440 dive into it i got three good ones for you guys andy question number one andy 32 years old i'm

00:04:55.780 managing real estate flips i'm coordinating investors and contractors i'm working 12 hour

00:05:00.140 days fixing mistakes but i'm still broke and struggling to pay bills how did you push through

00:05:06.900 this stage and keep going when your bank account and your goals were so far away from each other

00:05:12.740 what other option do you have what are you going to do you're going to go work at mcdonald's

00:05:19.080 okay i didn't have any other options that's what made me push through this is why we talk about

00:05:24.980 this concept of zero option mentality all right when you're in the beginning of your business

00:05:30.260 it's very easy to keep pushing through and to be honest where you're at right now is the easiest

00:05:37.600 it's going to be to stay focused and push through because you don't have anything else you can go to

00:05:43.500 maybe you do maybe you have a rich family maybe you have an inheritance coming i don't know what

00:05:48.300 it is i didn't have that the thing that kept me going was very simply that i had had experiences

00:05:57.140 doing manual labor growing up uh pretty much my whole life growing up i wasn't qualified to do

00:06:04.360 anything else i didn't have a college degree back then you had to have a degree to even get an

00:06:10.020 interview um and so i didn't have any other options and that made it very easy for me to

00:06:17.160 continue going down the path because every time i felt like how you're feeling right now i just

00:06:21.580 thought well this is better than digging ditches yeah all right and that's what kept me going and

00:06:27.400 i would love to say and oh you know it was this big vision for all these things and i wanted to

00:06:32.640 do all these great things and this and that but in the beginning man it was very simply i just

00:06:38.080 didn't have anything else to do now that changes as you start to make money and it changes a lot

00:06:45.140 when you start to make good money and it changes a lot more when you make great money and you have

00:06:50.380 to remember what you're feeling like right now because what's ultimately going to make you

00:06:55.260 successful over the course of your life is being able to manipulate your own mind into believing

00:07:02.540 that you have no other option but to continue down the path this path that you were on is very

00:07:10.580 difficult it would be much easier for you in the short term to just get a job get paid go home

00:07:18.680 live everybody else's life but that is going to hurt you in the long term all right so

00:07:25.620 the honest truth is this dude what else are you going to do what else are you going to do

00:07:32.920 okay and and by the way from a tactical standpoint when you're first getting going and you're trying

00:07:39.160 to do things you have to figure out ways to bring in the money that may not be in the avenue that

00:07:44.300 you're in now you're 32 years old you're working 12 hours a day you're doing all these things

00:07:49.280 i'm a little confused on why you would still be broke okay so you have to ask yourself are you

00:07:57.260 doing the right things that are going to pay off have you made a good decision in the path that

00:08:03.680 you're on what levers do you need to pull what knobs do you need to adjust to make this a

00:08:09.200 profitable endeavor for you. All right. Because there's so much entrepreneur information out here

00:08:14.660 and a lot of people just say, follow your passion, follow what you want to do. But sometimes those

00:08:21.060 things, they don't have the payoff that you're actually looking for. So you have to understand

00:08:26.880 what am I doing in five, 10 years? Does this have the potential to pay me and provide the

00:08:37.100 life that I'm going to want then if I continue down the path? If the answer is no, then you have

00:08:44.040 to do what you have to do right now and find a way to get there. But if the answer is yes, you have

00:08:48.340 to double down and get more effective. Time put in is not the same as effective time. All right.

00:08:55.420 We have two different ideas and most people believe that the more time they put in, that

00:09:02.100 that's going to equate to more money or the more effort they put in, that's going to equate to more

00:09:08.360 money. I know a lot of people that have worked very hard their whole lives, very long hours and

00:09:15.640 never really gotten paid. So effort and time put in doesn't necessarily equal pay. You have to be

00:09:23.300 on the right path. You have to be on the path that's going to provide you with the outcome

00:09:28.460 that you're looking for so there's a lot of things here that you need to evaluate because dude

00:09:33.680 unless you just started this like it didn't give how long he's been doing i don't think unless you

00:09:39.440 just started this then by this time you should be making some money now i'm going to assume that you

00:09:46.240 probably just started this all right so what i want you to do is i want you to sit down i want

00:09:51.480 you to look out five years look out 10 years i want you to look around at peers people that you

00:09:56.240 may know that are doing the same thing are they living the kind of life that you want to live

00:10:01.320 out there in the in the future or are they still struggling are they still broke all right because

00:10:09.660 if other people could do it you could do it and you could do it better all right but if if these

00:10:13.360 other people have put 10 years in and they're still struggling it's probably a time for you

00:10:18.100 to readjust your path but you have to understand this fundamental reality dude is that effort put

00:10:23.840 in and time put in is not what it is it's effectiveness it's the skill set that you have

00:10:29.040 it's how good you are at what you do and if you're great at what you do and it takes you half the time

00:10:33.480 you're gonna get paid more than the guy who's putting in double time that's not great at what

00:10:36.940 he does so what's your skill set like are you good at what you do do are you effective it sounds like

00:10:44.720 right now maybe you're not effective so you're gonna have to if you're putting in the time and

00:10:49.540 you're putting in the effort you say you are then it's a skill problem or it's a time problem okay

00:10:54.760 but you gotta be honest with yourself yeah that's right you got to assess it everybody thinks that

00:10:58.880 they can just work hard and everybody thinks that they can just put time in um and then there's this

00:11:04.880 other group of people who think oh it's not about working hard it's about working smart you're wrong

00:11:09.560 about that it's actually both okay you have to work hard you have to work enough time and you

00:11:15.800 have to work effectively it's not one or the other it's all of them and that's a fundamental problem

00:11:21.480 especially with you young bucks out there who are trying to build shit you guys say you guys hear

00:11:26.940 these people say these things these cliches like the average millionaire has seven sources of

00:11:32.720 income yeah maybe when they're 50 maybe when they're 40 not when they're 20 or 21 or 22 you

00:11:40.400 have to become great at that one thing that produces income then when you leverage that

00:11:44.400 income into other things that bring in more cash flow and more uh you know uh enterprise value to

00:11:49.840 your portfolio which is what you're building right now so the reality of that is this there's a lot

00:11:54.760 i'm saying here but at the end of the day um it's not work hard it's not work smart it's not be

00:12:01.160 great it's all of those things and that's how you win okay so don't listen to these people who say

00:12:06.820 this shit on the internet most of them are broke most of them are trying to make money just trying

00:12:11.160 to sell you how to make money and they've never really built anything but i'm going to tell you

00:12:15.700 as someone who's built many things of a sizable nature eight nine figures worth 10 figures

00:12:22.300 it's all of those things and it's for a long time how important to man like i mean let's go back

00:12:28.980 bro you were 22 23 years old or even you know not from the age standpoint but just simply early in

00:12:35.500 business young in business entrepreneur age how important is it during that time to be skinny

00:12:40.640 with your spending and oh it's you know what i'm saying huge huge deal yeah okay

00:12:45.240 you have to understand that there is going to be a time in your entrepreneur journey where you

00:12:53.660 are going to starve that is reality if you want to make it now if you don't want to make it long

00:13:00.280 term which is what a lot of these younger kids are doing because the examples that they look to

00:13:05.100 are these internet hustlers all right what they do is they make a little cash they go out and

00:13:10.580 spend a bunch of money to look more successful and then they try to like use that to get more

00:13:15.520 more business right it doesn't work like that man it doesn't work like that you have to understand

00:13:21.580 you got to live way below your means and you it's okay to be embarrassed about it it's dude do you

00:13:29.040 think i wasn't embarrassed when i was living in the back of my store right you think i wasn't

00:13:33.040 embarrassed when i had to move back in with my dad at 27 years old that's embarrassing at 27

00:13:39.900 yeah at 27 years old seven years into my business i had to move eight years into my business i had

00:13:44.820 to move back in with my dad you know how embarrassing that was bro but if i hadn't done

00:13:51.580 that i wouldn't be here yeah so you have to be willing to eat a little shit along the way

00:13:56.800 knowing that the end result is going to pay off all right and all those people that were making

00:14:01.300 fun of me you know telling me things like man andy you know you've been at this for a long time and

00:14:07.120 now you're having to move back with your dad like you're right bro yeah like when are you going to

00:14:10.980 get serious about your life you know now all those same people are saying oh andy i'm so proud of you

00:14:16.100 i can't believe you know i remember back when and it's like dude you were the guy telling me to quit

00:14:21.220 you know so all those people that are laughing at you all those people that are making little

00:14:26.800 remarks and and those are that's fuel dude you should be grateful for that because i never forgot

00:14:31.660 it i still remember it i remember every single person all of them and for any of you listening

00:14:38.060 that ever says to me i remember you too okay i remember all of it i'm like an elephant i have

00:14:44.220 like this permanent memory especially when it comes to the negative energy that i receive for

00:14:49.820 people because i've become very good at taking that negative energy and then transforming it

00:14:54.620 into productive action and a lot of people talk about oh well that's not the right way to do it

00:14:59.180 it you know you should be doing it for the right reasons well what the fuck is the right reason if

00:15:03.020 the result happens okay does it matter does it matter what drives me does it matter what drives

00:15:08.740 you all right it doesn't matter because you're trying to get to this place and you have to use

00:15:14.100 the right kind of fuel to get to this place this is like saying hey i'm trying to drive to uh

00:15:18.720 california and you know i ran out of gas and i can get ethanol but i don't want to put ethanol

00:15:25.000 in there because that's not the right kind of fuel so you just sit there yeah all right you

00:15:28.660 got to use all the fuel and you got to you got to be grateful for it so when these people do these

00:15:32.620 things to you guys especially when you're younger just remember there's gonna come a time where they

00:15:38.340 have to eat their motherfucking words and you're gonna have the last laugh all right so don't be

00:15:43.740 afraid to downsize don't be afraid to to get your spending in order don't be afraid to you know

00:15:49.600 maybe get a little bit smaller place or drive a shittier car or or minimize your bills in a way

00:15:54.780 or eat ramen or whatever you got to do there was a long time man in the beginning days of business

00:15:59.420 where you know the way that we ate was because we were bartenders you know there's the bartender

00:16:04.980 code where you go to other bars and they give you the hookup we go we go eat right and we get free

00:16:10.080 food because we knew these guys and we took care of them we did what we had to do and you have to

00:16:14.620 too that's the name of the game the good thing i will say for all of you guys out there trying to

00:16:18.660 do it is that you live in an age where there's more opportunity for speed and velocity of what

00:16:23.680 you're trying to create than there ever was for people that are my age okay we didn't have social

00:16:28.420 media we didn't have digital ad spend we didn't have any of this shit we we had radio tv newspaper

00:16:33.760 and hopefully word of mouth if we did a good job which i'm thankful for because it gave us the

00:16:38.780 fundamentals to understand what business is really all about but that's a very slow process

00:16:44.180 so even though you might be feeling frustrated right now you have to understand

00:16:48.700 you're in a much better position than i was ever in and if i'm being completely honest and this is

00:16:54.200 real truth i swear this is real shit if i could trade places with any of you guys that were 20

00:17:00.340 right now i fucking would i give up everything i have and i'd start over at 20 because of

00:17:04.800 the technology that's available to go at velocity so yeah i love that dude i love it if we had

00:17:14.500 what y'all have i would have created this entire thing in like seven years i'd have been 27 years

00:17:20.920 old fuck you know yeah and it's proof there's other guys out there doing big business now that

00:17:26.020 are 30 years old okay because of the technology that's available it used to be the anomaly like

00:17:30.880 the zuckerberg correct correct no i mean even in cpg bro there's guys out here who are doing shit

00:17:35.600 at 25 30 you know 35 they're doing big things that wasn't possible for people that grew up in

00:17:42.520 my era because the technology didn't exist but the cool thing is is and i'm grateful for this is that

00:17:47.660 i built businesses before technology so i understand the fundamental psychology of people

00:17:52.240 much better than what they do you see what i'm saying so there's advantages to both

00:17:57.100 you know you're not going to get that experience because it doesn't exist anymore

00:18:01.100 but take it from me you guys are in a really good spot i love it dude i love it i love it

00:18:07.720 Man, guys, Andy, question number two.

00:18:11.880 Andy, I struggle with being too nice sometimes.

00:18:15.620 I always try to bring others in or share in things I've worked hard for.

00:18:20.480 Any tips on how to actually be more selfish or keeping my hard work and effort for myself?

00:18:28.820 I feel like I'm limiting my outcomes by being too nice in this way.

00:18:32.560 You are.

00:18:34.120 I struggle with that same problem, believe it or not.

00:18:37.020 what you guys see on the internet um i always want to give more than than than i probably should

00:18:44.540 i think it served me well in the long term i've gotten screwed over a lot i've had a lot of people

00:18:50.640 take advantage of me and my advice to you would be to try and keep that good heart of giving

00:18:56.400 try to keep that that good part of you uh that selfless part of you there but learn where the

00:19:03.080 boundaries are and learn what your responsibilities are and what they aren't you know if you are

00:19:08.060 there can be such a thing as like toxic responsibility all right the amount like

00:19:14.080 when you start to feel and this is this happened this happens to me this has happened to me a lot

00:19:19.820 you know i take it very serious when someone decides to bet on me all right like for example

00:19:30.360 like an employee or any of you guys or anybody that's relying on me to pay their bills i take

00:19:37.400 that very seriously very very very seriously and because i always want to help people win

00:19:46.000 sometimes i've been too generous to where it becomes a thing where they become entitled

00:19:53.620 and once they become entitled they're no longer an asset to your to your mission then they become

00:19:58.900 a drag so this is just a boundary question you have to you have to decide where your boundaries

00:20:04.880 are going to be and you have to make decisions about you know what you think they should be and

00:20:09.440 and stop a lot of this comes from a fundamental need to please people all right you can't make

00:20:17.840 everybody happy no and dude like when i grew up you know when i grew up i didn't get a lot of

00:20:23.900 praise i wasn't ever like i didn't ever feel like i was appreciated right and it created this thing

00:20:31.680 in me where i felt like i needed to make everybody happy and then take care of everybody and sometimes

00:20:40.620 dude when you try to take care of people they don't want to take care of themselves

00:20:43.220 right yeah and you can't want it more than them and that's something that took me a very long

00:20:48.320 time to understand and it burned me a lot and a few years ago i would say five six years ago i

00:20:55.720 learned okay well there's boundaries to this all right if they show me i can come towards them but

00:21:01.440 they got to meet me halfway right so i don't think there's anything wrong fundamentally with

00:21:05.940 wanting to be a good person wanting to help other people be successful but remember this man

00:21:13.440 you're going to be able to help a lot more people when you are in a financial place to give and by

00:21:21.480 you doing what you're doing you're trying to give before you even have you're preventing yourself

00:21:26.880 from actually getting which prevents you from actually giving at scale so you got to be selfish

00:21:34.560 to be selfless and that's that's something that we talk about a lot yeah you've got to take care

00:21:39.600 of yourself first and then when you take care of yourself you're able to take care of people much

00:21:43.820 better so my advice to you would be very simply to understand you don't owe anybody anything and

00:21:51.020 whatever you decide to help them with is your good heart and if people try to leverage you and make

00:21:56.880 you feel guilty they're the last people you should help all right so learn to say no learn where the

00:22:04.280 line is stick to it even when it's hard because it will be hard you're going to have to say no to

00:22:08.700 people and you're gonna they're gonna walk out of the room they're gonna be upset with you and

00:22:12.680 and you're gonna think man did i do that wrong or you know and then they're gonna guilt trip you and

00:22:16.500 manipulate you and gaslight you and and honestly you start to realize who's really on your team

00:22:22.340 and who's really not right you start to see it a little more clearly oh yeah um and when you're

00:22:27.920 a good person this is a lot what's going on in society right now when you're a good person and

00:22:33.960 you don't want to hurt people and you want to help people it's really hard to see the bad in other

00:22:37.340 people right like all you know is that you have a good heart all you know is how you feel all you

00:22:43.040 know is i want to help people so everybody must be like me but the truth is they're not most people

00:22:49.400 aren't that way and that's why most people are most people and you're working and not become

00:22:53.520 most people and you have to become that before you can actually help at scale kevin o'leary has a

00:22:59.560 really good uh i remember seeing this clip of him on this topic and his rule of thumb is i will help

00:23:06.760 anybody once and like i heard that i'm like damn okay what do you mean by that he guy goes into

00:23:12.420 he's like you know i don't care if it's family if it's friends whoever like i will help you

00:23:16.140 like you come to me you need you need 200 grand yeah i got you i don't want it back i'm not well

00:23:21.860 that's another thing i don't need a loan yeah but don't ever and he tells like don't ever ask that's

00:23:26.060 another thing okay one of my rules is absolutely i do not loan money i give money yeah okay so if

00:23:36.080 i ever give someone some help i don't make it alone i make it a give and the reason is is because

00:23:45.680 99 of the time you're not going to get the money back that's right you're not

00:23:49.920 and it's going to ruin relationships with people that you love and care about and friends

00:23:57.760 and you've got to be able to do it once and say no next time and the other thing to realize here

00:24:02.080 dude is that every time you save someone you're preventing them from learning the lesson it's

00:24:07.340 going to make them better anyway okay so so when you when you when you when someone gets themselves

00:24:14.000 in a bad position let's say um you know uh i don't know they they got a drug problem or they

00:24:21.220 got behind on their bills or whatever and you get in there and save them they're just going to go do

00:24:27.260 that same thing again because you didn't allow them to learn the lesson and when you think about

00:24:31.100 like the damage you're doing to someone long term by saying yes like that it becomes easier to say

00:24:37.540 no right yeah so and when you're young when you're 20 you don't understand this you don't understand

00:24:43.540 that people have to learn their own lessons and you're not the karma police bro you're not the

00:24:51.200 protector of the bad karma yeah and one thing that will happen man and this is true

00:24:57.480 if you step in the way of someone else's karma you're the one that takes the punch of it

00:25:04.780 and that's not good for you so you've got to learn where you can help and where you can't

00:25:10.540 and i would highly suggest that if you do get in a position to help don't make it loans don't make

00:25:14.800 it conditional get make it a gift and i think o'leary's advice is really good just one time

00:25:18.480 one time i hope you want yeah and and if they if they turn that into something then maybe you can

00:25:23.660 help them a little more you know like maybe maybe like there's been guys i've helped um

00:25:28.700 who have taken it and ran with it and become built really good things with it and then they

00:25:34.640 come back and they say hey we need a little cash flow or we need an investment and i'm like well

00:25:38.740 fuck okay you've proven that you're that kind of person let's go yeah right absolutely so i want to

00:25:44.880 hit on this too on the same point because i feel like this could also get missed being selfish

00:25:50.700 to be selfless this also doesn't mean you have to be an asshole no you know what i'm saying there's

00:25:56.080 like how do you how do you that means you got to take care of number one bro yeah number one is you

00:26:01.580 and that's okay that is okay yeah and people will guilt you and they'll make you feel bad and they're

00:26:06.780 you know they'll humility signal and the gaslight you know they'll do all this shit to make it feel

00:26:12.860 like you're a bad person bro every single human on this planet takes care of themselves first

00:26:19.280 every single person on this planet that makes a big difference takes care of themselves first

00:26:23.960 gets them to a point where they can help then they help all right and you can help along the

00:26:28.140 way all right when i didn't have much when i didn't have you know like dude i can remember

00:26:32.800 giving look man people won't believe when i say this but i know it's true and uh i've got people

00:26:38.140 that can validate it like there's times in my life where you know i might have had a thousand

00:26:44.940 dollars total cash and i saw someone really struggling i gave him 100 bucks that's a

00:26:50.960 fucking 10th of my of the money i have yeah right but i also believe that when you do good you get

00:26:56.700 good and i've always believed that and it's shown to be true in my life and um so i always gave what

00:27:06.000 i could man and i think i think that's a big reason why you know opportunities have happened

00:27:12.400 for me there's not a there's not a logical reason for it i can't explain it yeah but god in the

00:27:17.860 universe and everything that's you know that we can't see rewards that yeah but you can't do it

00:27:25.180 to a point where it's damaging you or holding you back of your own life yeah that's so real bro

00:27:30.040 that's real uh let's get to a third and final question man um we got a leadership question i

00:27:35.900 guess. Guys, Andy, question number three. Andy, as I grow in my career, I find myself leading

00:27:42.960 people who I previously had either had negative experiences with or wrong impressions of. Most

00:27:49.660 of the time, it was the way I handled myself and the way that I led. I've changed the way I not

00:27:55.600 only lead myself, but the people I'm around. Now, I have this burning desire to have one-on-one

00:28:03.060 conversations and air things out for lack of a better phrase is this my insecurities or do you

00:28:09.380 feel it's necessary for me to do to have a new relationship with these individuals i'm also aware

00:28:14.800 that talk is cheap and my actions will have to back these conversations up uh but that's why i

00:28:20.020 question if the chat is even necessary it's not i'll just share with my actions it's not just make

00:28:24.880 the change start doing it they'll notice okay and here's the problem with explaining everything like

00:28:30.020 like you want to do and by the way i did i've done that so i'm not just like i understand where

00:28:35.360 you're coming from because here's what happens you handle something poorly you do something wrong

00:28:40.120 and you're like fuck i feel bad about that and while it might be okay to go back up to them and

00:28:45.180 say hey man you know i could have handled that a little better but you understand what i'm getting

00:28:48.660 at right we gotta do this we gotta do that that's okay but when you start to over explain it and you

00:28:54.200 start to show too much vulnerability in that situation it comes off as insecurity which

00:28:58.940 by the way weakens your ability and your respect to lead these people and also shows them where

00:29:06.480 your vulnerability is and if they're not the right kind of person they'll press that over and over

00:29:11.440 and over again to get you to like even feel worse okay because they feel like it benefits them it

00:29:17.820 doesn't but they feel like it does so my advice is that if you've been a poor leader and you

00:29:25.560 recognize that you've been a poor leader then just change the way that you're leading and the rest of

00:29:32.000 the team will follow suit they will talk amongst themselves they will say man you know what

00:29:36.640 andy's like really changed you know he's doing things a lot different and that will

00:29:41.480 earn the respect as opposed to trying to sell them on having respect through a conversation

00:29:48.460 now like i said if you do handle something poorly there is a proper way to handle that

00:29:54.940 but it's not some long drawn out discussion yeah it's you walk up to him you say hey steve

00:30:02.140 look dude sorry i got a little upset there here's the deal i got upset because of this it's nothing

00:30:07.580 personal but you understand why right i definitely could have handled it better but you understand

00:30:12.140 where i'm getting at right yeah all right man so i love you i appreciate you i lost my cool a little

00:30:17.740 bit there but it doesn't change the message that i was delivering yeah all right for sure and that's

00:30:22.620 those are the kind of ways that you that you kind of do that yeah from this dude it sounds like

00:30:26.680 this might have been like years ago and now you're in like an actual i don't know and like now he's

00:30:30.700 trying to address shit that happened years ago it's like bro they probably forgot that shit right

00:30:34.220 no they probably didn't but the longer that you go behaving the right way they will yeah right

00:30:40.200 they will forget that um and by the way they you shouldn't care if they forget it or not man

00:30:46.080 because if they forget it then they don't recognize the progress you're making as a leader

00:30:49.500 right so that's a them problem yeah but i'm saying like you you don't you want them to

00:30:55.100 recognize that you're making progress yeah okay well if they forgot about how you were before

00:30:59.260 then how can they recognize that you're doing a better job i see what you're saying right that's

00:31:03.240 real so so it's it's irrelevant what they think before what's relevant now is how you behave

00:31:08.160 now and moving forward and it sounds like you've already figured out what the problem is

00:31:11.740 and all you have to do is adjust your behavior okay and one of the most important things that

00:31:15.680 you can do as a leader is to understand this leadership is a lifelong journey you are going

00:31:22.860 there is no finish line for becoming a great leader the leader that you are at 20 the leader

00:31:28.540 you are at 30 the leader you are at 40 at 50 at 60 is always going to be a better version all the

00:31:34.620 way up until you stop leading or die yeah all right so it's a lifelong process and all of us

00:31:41.080 develop at different rates and we're all make mistakes so it's not like all these leaders that

00:31:46.940 you look up to who you see that you want to be like haven't made these same mistakes they all do

00:31:51.960 it you just don't see it all right so it doesn't mean that you're not a good leader it means you're

00:31:55.540 going through the process in fact i would argue the fact that you feel bad says that you really

00:32:00.760 care about being a great leader the worst kind of leaders are the ones that lead don't give a

00:32:04.920 fuck if they feel bad all right so i think the struggle and the question that you're that you're

00:32:11.400 asking is actually a sign of the awareness that you're going to become a great leader dude

00:32:16.580 all right so you just have to understand change the behavior start working forward don't worry

00:32:22.240 about it forgive yourself for what you did in the past realize that is a part of the process

00:32:26.560 just like when you start to learn how to ride a bike dude guess what you're gonna fall over a

00:32:31.180 whole bunch of times you know you don't you don't fall over a whole bunch of times and learn how to

00:32:34.700 ride the bike and then say man i was so stupid i fell over you know that's what everybody does

00:32:39.840 it's just the great leaders that you recognize as great leaders you don't see them becoming great

00:32:44.240 because they don't get recognized until they're great so like you don't see uh you know john

00:32:50.420 wooden you didn't see john wooden the greatest ncaa basketball coach ever you didn't see him

00:32:55.160 when he sucked as a leader all right great leader right now on social media is uh echelon front

00:33:00.220 jaco okay jaco and leif you didn't see them learning how to lead you see them now all right

00:33:06.520 you you don't see these people when they're learning all right so you're learning and you're

00:33:12.360 moving and you keep moving forward and you're going to get better and better and better and

00:33:15.780 and i think you're on the right track dude yeah hell yeah bro it made me think too like dude we're

00:33:19.400 in the we're in missouri bro this is the show b state yeah just show them yeah just fucking show

00:33:23.480 yeah bro i mean he said it talk is cheap yeah no one cares about your talk especially if you

00:33:28.020 already have a negative reputation like if you're if your team doesn't like you right now

00:33:32.560 because they think you're a bad leader and you go up and try to say like oh i'm going to be a

00:33:36.520 better leader it's no different than when they come to you and they've been fucking off for the

00:33:40.860 last two years and they say andy i swear this time i'm really going to change and i'm like

00:33:46.040 okay okay dude right right it's so different than your overweight friend who says oh dude i'm going

00:33:52.560 to lose weight i'm going to lose weight i'm going to lose weight i'm going to lose weight he says

00:33:56.020 it for 10 years and then he gets pissed off that nobody believes him. All right. Like

00:34:00.480 you got to follow through, man. If you want respect as a leader, it's the same thing. If

00:34:06.140 you want respect in any area, it's your actions. It's not your words. So don't worry about these

00:34:10.540 conversations that you feel like you need to have. Maybe that's something you need to have

00:34:14.140 with yourself and forgive yourself or in your prayer or whatever it is that you do, but let

00:34:19.140 it go, dude, and see it as a part of your journey. This is what you are trying to become. And the

00:34:24.420 fact that you are struggling is the evidence that you are working to become it so dude just change

00:34:30.600 yeah get better it's okay everybody fucks up everybody struggles every leadership is hard

00:34:36.700 management is hard i think it's the hardest job that you could ever have and it takes a long time

00:34:42.100 to become great this is why you don't see a lot of great coaches that are under 50 years old man

00:34:46.360 yeah they exist but they're anomalies all right it takes time but you can do it dude and it doesn't

00:34:54.220 matter if you were a leader before bro i was never a leader i was never a leader i wasn't the captains

00:34:59.860 of my teams i was always one of the best players i was never a leader dude i was i was i was never

00:35:05.540 a captain i was never voted cap i never even couldn't i didn't even understand why i'm like

00:35:09.340 i'm like shit dude i'm i'm i'm beating everybody's ass out here i've run their captain over bro but

00:35:14.480 i wasn't leading i was worried about myself i wasn't worried about them my intent was on me

00:35:19.120 not them my intent was on me not the team when i was playing football i wanted to know how many

00:35:23.100 yards i got how many tackles i got i didn't care what the score was on the scoreboard all right

00:35:27.900 that's not leadership that's selfish in a negative way you see what i'm saying absolutely dude so

00:35:34.860 absolutely bro it's the process man and if you find yourself working to become anything

00:35:40.300 and it's very hard that's a sign that you're on the right path that's not a negative thing

00:35:47.200 anything worthwhile is hard don't run from that no that it's a sign that you're on the right path

00:35:51.720 i love it dude fuck man that was a quick hitter bro yeah i fuck i'm with it dog yeah i'm fired up

00:35:58.140 hey man you know it is what it is let's get out there and beat some ass today all right let's do

00:36:03.360 it we will see you tomorrow on cti uh don't be a hoe share the show

00:36:08.160 went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a pole fuck a stove counted millions

00:36:15.280 in the cold, bad bitch, booted swole, got her on bankroll, can't fold, doesn't know,

00:36:21.240 headshot, case closed.

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - April 27, 2026

1020. Q&AF： Pushing Through Hard Times, Being ＂Too Nice＂ & Leadership Struggles

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript