REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 1039. Q&AF： Giving Advice Vs Letting Go, Leading Without Micro-Managing & Feeling Behind Despite Success

00:00:00.000 What is up guys, it's Andy Purcell and this is the show for the realists, say goodbye

00:00:20.680 to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking

00:00:24.240 reality.

00:00:24.600 Guys, today we have Q and AF, that's where you submit the questions and we give you the

00:00:29.880 answers you can submit your questions a couple different ways dj's going to tell you how yes my

00:00:34.300 brothers and sisters you guys can submit your questions by email to ask andy at andy frisella.com

00:00:39.380 or you can click the link in the description below and submit them there or just drop them

00:00:44.500 in the comment section of the q and af videos on youtube thank you brother you're welcome yes sir

00:00:50.800 yes let's just get right into it you guys know the deal we're going to go through uh three

00:00:57.520 questions here and uh we need you to share the show out okay so if the show makes you think it

00:01:02.500 makes you laugh it gives you new perspective you learn something which you will do us a favor and

00:01:06.420 don't be a ho share the show greetings greetings what's up salutations what's going on dog another

00:01:12.880 man yeah man all is good man yeah yeah we're good it's a great day to be alive dude it's actually a

00:01:18.120 really beautiful day out tonight and we're in here i know trying to make people better man i know man

00:01:22.920 we're dedicated what are you doing yeah what are we doing 90 of them just listening don't do shit

00:01:29.580 even even sharing the show yeah man yeah you know what show's over fuck you let's just go

00:01:35.120 no man guys you know how this works i got three good ones for you man uh so let's dive into these

00:01:42.280 guys andy question number one andy i'm 33 and one of the hardest things for me lately

00:01:48.280 has been watching people i care about make the same mistakes over and over again same financial

00:01:55.420 problems same relationship issues same excuses at some point i stopped giving advice because it felt

00:02:02.620 like they didn't actually want help how do you know when to keep trying to pull people forward

00:02:07.680 and when to let them figure it out on their own well i would ask you like what are you doing

00:02:14.000 okay like how's your stuff look how's your life going are you in a position to give advice

00:02:20.440 have you done anything that's going to make people listen to your advice you know we see

00:02:24.540 all these people online giving advice about all these things but if we really look at their lives

00:02:30.140 nobody wants it so you got to realize that for people to want to listen to you you have to

00:02:34.580 represent something that is worthy of them achieving okay the the advice has to be qualified

00:02:41.740 And I think with social media, especially, we've come to this time in the world where everybody thinks that their advice is valuable and it's not, you know, not everybody's advice is equal.

00:02:52.800 Not everybody has equal amount of value to provide.

00:02:55.600 And just because you get a microphone and a few followers on social media doesn't mean you're giving good advice.

00:03:01.160 So, you know, the truth of the matter is, is that unless you're achieving something that is worthy of achieving, nobody's going to listen to anything that you say.

00:03:11.140 and this is a big problem why so many people have problems getting traction as a content creator on

00:03:17.560 the internet well because you haven't done anything okay what have you done what qualifies

00:03:23.120 you to give advice okay so that's the first thing the second thing is is um there's like two percent

00:03:30.120 of the population that actually are achievers and winners okay everybody else doesn't give a fuck

00:03:35.120 they live they live by the list they go to school they get married they have some kids they never

00:03:40.940 ask themselves what they actually want and then they go through some sort of midlife crisis you

00:03:45.300 know in their 40s because they're like fuck I never even thought about what I wanted so that's

00:03:51.160 most people so you got to realize that if you're not living something worthy of them to observe

00:03:58.160 and aspire to be they're not going to open their eyes to what's possible for themselves and second

00:04:04.100 of all even if you do a lot of them don't want it okay so like why why are you that worried about

00:04:11.140 it yeah you know what i mean like bro the best thing you can do is worry about yourself go out

00:04:16.580 and win big let the people who were gonna also have the propensity to want to win big observe

00:04:22.540 that winning and then when they reach out and they say hey man this is awesome i want to do this

00:04:28.960 that's when you you know say yeah you can here's what you got to do so stop giving unqualified

00:04:34.420 advice and wasting your energy on people who quite honestly aren't going to do shit with their lives

00:04:38.540 it's almost like a sense of like false loyalty to the wrong people for some reason well i think

00:04:44.420 when people win you know you want everybody else to win especially when you're like a normal person

00:04:49.020 and you haven't come from much and you come from you know regular america and then you realize that

00:04:56.680 you can win and you realize that it's not as hard as people say yes it's very hard but it's not

00:05:02.500 impossible and then you realize it's worth it if you're a good person you're going to want that for

00:05:07.660 other people you know the one of the biggest reasons i do what i do is because i understand

00:05:13.060 how normal i am and how regular i am and i understand that everybody else out there that's

00:05:21.540 normal and regular also has the capacity to win but you got to want to win you got to have those

00:05:27.880 dreams and goals there's a lot of people that don't dude there's a lot of people that don't

00:05:31.980 even think about tomorrow they don't even think about anything past Friday night you're not going

00:05:36.300 to magically say something to those people that's going to make them want to do it even if you want

00:05:42.040 it for them you know the best thing you can do is win and then they can see that and then they

00:05:48.120 could say oh shit and maybe a light bulb will go off but maybe it won't but if it doesn't they

00:05:53.020 don't i mean you're just wasting your breath yeah dude the advice piece is huge too man um i feel

00:05:58.060 like we've talked about this before it's like you know being very careful obviously who you're taking

00:06:03.060 advice from but it's like just because you know somebody can give you good advice in one area

00:06:07.340 of your life doesn't mean that they can give you good advice in all the other i mean how many how

00:06:12.100 many of these people have we seen online you know give business advice and all of a sudden now they're

00:06:17.760 they're giving marriage advice and then their marriage falls apart and look like fucking idiots

00:06:21.200 right right like now i believe in jesus yeah right it's like that's that's what it always

00:06:26.280 comes back to when people are out of options and they've burned their credibility so hard

00:06:30.940 then they become like you know holy rollers that's right you know and i'm not dogging on anybody

00:06:37.180 that's you know found jesus and lives that life but it is awfully convenient for a lot of these

00:06:43.760 people right like they've done all kinds of bad shit now all of a sudden it's jesus time and you

00:06:48.960 know that's how it's supposed to be but not when you're it's your brand yeah you know but uh

00:06:53.580 yeah man i mean look dude you're yeah you're not an expert on everything just because you're

00:07:02.520 winning doesn't mean that you know everything about everything else yeah you know so like

00:07:08.760 i try to stick to my lane in terms of navigating personal development and business and how to win

00:07:15.600 and make money and success because i understand that pretty well i don't give my friends advice

00:07:23.140 on other areas of shit you know like i'm not giving uh my brother parenting advice when i've

00:07:30.300 never had fucking kids yeah you know what i mean yeah that's real let me ask you this i mean this

00:07:34.620 is an interesting topic how diversified is your friend group at this point

00:07:38.760 i don't know you're black

00:07:40.840 you're fucking indian over there

00:07:45.500 you're you're a bosnian i say it's pretty diverse i mean i mean because your circle is small right

00:07:55.680 yeah you know i'm saying but like have you yeah bro my friends are all different kinds of people

00:07:58.980 i'm friend my i have friends that are worth a billion dollars or more i have friends that are

00:08:07.620 fucking just getting going in life man yeah to me you know but here's the one thing they all have

00:08:16.020 in common they all want to be better or whatever it is right so so they're all positive people

00:08:22.220 yeah they all want to win they're all good people they're fun people they usually tell pretty good

00:08:27.840 jokes except you all right working on it yeah you need to work on that right but you know um

00:08:34.600 the the character qualities are the same regardless of where the financial level is

00:08:39.480 you know so and and dude you know that's a good well-rounded friend group because

00:08:44.560 you know there's a lot of value in helping people who might be younger than me who are hungry and

00:08:52.220 they want to win like i i enjoy that just like my friends who are older than me that are more

00:08:57.520 they enjoy helping me and you know that's what friends are supposed to do so um i'd say you know

00:09:04.500 i think people would be surprised yeah for sure you know i i think people probably would be very

00:09:10.100 surprised yeah you know i don't judge my friendship based on their uh their income level and shit like

00:09:15.740 that which is which is kind of weird because it seems like a lot of people do a lot of people do

00:09:19.900 yeah a lot of people do i would say that's not real friendship though yeah but i mean you look

00:09:23.380 at guys like i mean dude like we'll just talk about dana for a second all dana's friends are

00:09:28.640 like that yeah they're all they're all different guys from different walks of life who make

00:09:33.640 different amounts of money but they're all the same character type of person yes yeah that's real

00:09:39.040 that's right and that's what i meant like the just diversity and expertise yeah more more or less

00:09:43.340 like different industries different oh yeah but the character is still yeah man for sure you know

00:09:47.080 they're ambitious they're hungry they're well-rounded good people you know they're they don't take

00:09:51.680 themselves overly serious you know like no i want to hang out with them you know what i mean yeah

00:09:56.320 that's cool you know i don't like hanging around people who get offended at all like because i'm

00:10:00.180 gonna offend you you know what i'm saying like like if you get offended i automatically think

00:10:04.980 you're a total pussy because you allow words to affect your emotional state you know i can't be

00:10:09.940 friends with pussies no it doesn't work what uh i love it um yeah beat them up that's right yeah

00:10:22.740 right yep guys andy crushing number two yeah uh hey andy hey i'm 31 and i'm about to be promoted

00:10:35.300 to my first managerial role within my company i'm very detailed and process oriented but i don't

00:10:44.060 want to be a micromanager in the new role how do you navigate not micromanaging your employees let

00:10:50.480 me ask you first is micromanaging a bad thing it depends it depends on the situation of where

00:10:57.220 the person is i mean i mean dude look like have you taught your girls how to ride a bike yet

00:11:02.980 i've taught them how to steal one for sure no yeah okay well when you're teaching your little

00:11:08.780 girl to ride a bike um do you just throw on the bike and say run down the street or do you like

00:11:13.520 grab the seat behind and like you know run with them right in the beginning when someone doesn't

00:11:19.160 know what they're doing you know you're gonna you're you're gonna what people would call

00:11:24.420 micromanage which is really just coaching them on how to do the job and you know we're micromanage

00:11:30.880 so yes to answer your question or no it's not always a bad thing yes sometimes it's required

00:11:36.500 however micromanaging generally comes from the manager overestimating their own

00:11:45.700 abilities it's an ego problem okay and what i mean by that is a lot of people who are further

00:11:52.360 up the chain they assume that they are the only person that can move up the chain so they're like

00:11:59.420 i'm up the chain and you're not as good as me and you're not going to do things as well as i am

00:12:05.860 and so they refuse to let that person ever show them what they're capable of and what that creates

00:12:12.840 is a circle, a vicious circle of basically your employees never developing and you always having

00:12:20.080 to try and do everything, which is only caused by your own lack of trust and your overestimation

00:12:25.740 and underestimation of their abilities. So, you know, if a lot of people, they will complain,

00:12:31.660 I'm like, where do you find good employees? You don't find them. You got to build them.

00:12:35.800 And part of that building is that you have to allow them to make mistakes. You have to allow

00:12:41.940 them to learn. You have to allow them to display what they can actually do to be great. If you're

00:12:48.580 always up their ass and you're there like you are on day one, on day 100, how are they developing at

00:12:55.400 all? What are they learning? They're not really learning anything. And by the way, you're buffering

00:13:01.020 their, everybody wants to be valuable. Okay. And some people have this assumption that like

00:13:09.740 everybody's lazy but that's that's not the truth people want to feel like they contribute they

00:13:15.700 want to feel like they're part of the team and when you micromanage people past the point of

00:13:20.160 them you know being able to ride the bike on their own and you kind of let them go a little bit

00:13:25.060 you're you're suppressing their ability to feel like they contribute you're also suppressing

00:13:33.520 their ability to actually develop and that creates job dissatisfaction where they end up leaving

00:13:39.500 So then you're in this vicious cycle of people coming in, never developing, and then leaving because they're frustrated.

00:13:45.560 And you think it's because it's the employees when really it's your poor leadership style.

00:13:49.860 So, you know, micromanaging, dude, like the fact that you're aware of this is a good question because a lot of people never become aware.

00:13:56.580 And I think it's a great question because a lot of leaders struggle with it.

00:14:00.780 You know, they think, I know you don't.

00:14:04.360 I'm here.

00:14:05.240 You're not.

00:14:06.400 You're not really able to be here.

00:14:08.060 when that person below you might become even better than you at what you do.

00:14:13.020 And by the way, a lot of people are afraid of that.

00:14:16.120 But as a leader and as a manager,

00:14:18.860 then one of the most valuable things that you can do is develop personnel

00:14:22.520 and replicate your own skill set to your level or even better.

00:14:28.760 Like if I have a person who I know I could put other people with

00:14:33.780 and they will come out the other end of that tunnel in a year

00:14:36.600 and be fucking amazing what's that worth to my company yeah that's worth a lot okay that's worth

00:14:43.480 a lot so you can't be afraid of letting these people develop because you know i'm afraid they're

00:14:49.820 going to take my job that's like loser thinking your job should be i'm going to make this person

00:14:55.200 the best that they possibly can be and hopefully they will not only do as good as me but hopefully

00:15:02.600 even better and then by the way let's say that person does surpass you and eventually because

00:15:08.580 this happens eventually ends up being ahead of you how thankful are they going to be for you

00:15:13.900 helping them think of that relationship okay so it's kind of like you know i said i wouldn't give

00:15:18.980 parenting advice but i'm gonna give some all right it's kind of like when you know if you're a good

00:15:25.300 parent i think you know your job is to is to make your sons and daughters more successful

00:15:33.600 and have a better life than you had yeah right and that's the same thing as being a leader and

00:15:38.600 you can't do that if you're hovering over them and micromanaging the whole time so

00:15:42.120 you know the answer is uh you know yes it's appropriate sometimes it's also appropriate

00:15:48.600 when they when they're off track like let's say you got somebody and you've let them ride the

00:15:53.320 bike and they did pretty good and then all of a sudden they start fucking up well well dude they

00:15:57.920 might not have enough awareness to understand where they're messing up so you got to go back

00:16:03.300 and kind of examine and then show them okay here's why you're off and then you know let them go again

00:16:09.660 right and and a lot of people are also afraid to let people make mistakes because it's going to

00:16:14.120 cost the company money you have to transition the way that you think about this if you fire someone

00:16:21.860 every time they cost you money every time they make a mistake

00:16:25.820 you're going to go and you're going to hire a new person and that person's going to come in

00:16:31.040 and you know what they're going to do they're going to make that same mistake

00:16:33.840 and it's going to cost you twice then you're going to fire that person again

00:16:37.320 then you're going to hire a new person that person's going to come in and guess what they're

00:16:40.960 going to do they're going to make that same mistake now you're going to have it three times

00:16:44.760 so the best way is to allow them a little bit of fucking runway and their ability to make mistakes

00:16:50.920 protect them from being able to make you know company sinking mistakes

00:16:56.180 and look at that as an investment in their development as one of your key players right

00:17:03.340 okay you made a mistake you know it costs the company ten thousand dollars or a thousand dollars

00:17:09.300 or a hundred thousand dollars depending on the size hey man um did you fuck that up yeah man i'm

00:17:18.100 so sorry what what did you do wrong well i did this and this and this what'd you learn not to

00:17:24.780 do that that's right okay and that's that's the way that you insulate yourself from having someone

00:17:32.400 and having the company make the same mistake over and over again so just like we talk about like

00:17:37.020 with success right as an individual there's really you know two real things that you got to have you

00:17:43.340 got to have the ability to persevere when things are hard and you got to have the ability to learn

00:17:48.120 from your mistakes. Well, that's also true for a collective company. Okay. Your company won't

00:17:52.440 develop past where it is right now. If you don't allow the people that make up the collective of

00:17:58.320 the company to make their mistakes, learn from their mistakes, and then keep moving down the

00:18:02.520 path with them. Okay. So think of, you know, yourself, right? I'm adding my skillset every

00:18:09.000 time i make a mistake and i discover the solution and then i gotta do skill as a collective it works

00:18:14.720 the same way you see what i'm saying absolutely bro you know it's funny like being being being

00:18:18.980 around here for example just even at 1p one thing that i've noticed too it's like even when a mistake

00:18:24.440 is made not only do they they accept the responsibility of it they take but but how

00:18:29.700 like fired up they are to fucking fix it oh yeah you know what i'm saying i think that's a big

00:18:33.700 piece too that a lot of people don't like they're they're like not only allowing them to make the

00:18:37.620 mistake but there's almost like a chip on their shoulder now yeah to to fix it and make it more

00:18:42.600 than right well especially when it comes to disgruntled customers i mean it actually presents

00:18:47.200 one of the best opportunities in business because when a person is upset with your company for

00:18:52.840 whatever reason maybe it'd be bad service maybe they didn't get their shipment on time maybe

00:18:57.040 you know you shipped them the wrong shit uh you know who knows what it is and they're super pissed

00:19:03.620 off, that gives you an opportunity to not just correct that problem, but go extra for

00:19:09.360 that person in an unexpected way and create tremendous amounts of value to where that

00:19:14.360 person now, instead of thinking, thinking that, you know, all these guys don't care

00:19:18.760 and they're just like every other company.

00:19:20.280 Now they're like, holy shit, man, these guys are special.

00:19:22.680 And you get to leverage all the other companies not giving a fuck about their employees or

00:19:27.880 I mean, I'm sorry, you get to leverage all of the other companies not giving a fuck about

00:19:32.560 their customers and this is why customers like if you guys you know that have real companies and

00:19:38.700 you deal with customers like a lot of times you know you'll make a small mistake and they will

00:19:43.540 come in so hot because that's what they're used to to having to get the problem resolved but when

00:19:52.280 you could say hey dude i get it we fucked up you know and then you fix it and do a little extra

00:19:58.040 now you've you've disrupted that person's expectation in a positive way to where they'll

00:20:04.440 never forget that ever again so the fact that other companies suck is actually a great thing

00:20:09.520 for you so like a lot of people will ask me especially in rt we get this question you know

00:20:13.940 you know what do we do when customers are just like abnormally pissed off well you got to

00:20:19.360 understand where that comes from how many of you guys have dealt with a company you can't even get

00:20:23.540 a fucking response from yeah they don't give a shit and then when you bring it to them they're

00:20:28.320 like well tough shit that's our policy right like dude we've all dealt with that we've dealt with

00:20:32.740 that for years and then when you find a company that actually is like dude you're right we fucked

00:20:39.720 up i'm gonna fix this for you today and not only am i gonna fix it for you today and then you do

00:20:45.720 some extra shit for make you know make them know that you value their business um and by the way

00:20:50.700 notice i didn't say make them think you value their business you make them know you value their

00:20:56.400 business that's a big difference now you've created a lifetime customer so the fact that

00:21:02.360 other customers like our our other companies treat their customers like shit is a is a huge

00:21:07.760 leverage point if you do shit the right way have you seen that that that kind of evolved a little

00:21:11.720 bit because i'm thinking as you're talking about that just the you know how a lot of other companies

00:21:15.800 they just they just suck at that piece but combining that with the instant gratification

00:21:21.560 of the the the customer themselves how we expect everything so fucking quick like

00:21:26.560 has that evolved ridiculously over the last you know 27 years you've been in have you seen that

00:21:32.720 change i would say like is there less grace now than there was oh yeah i i actually think there's

00:21:39.700 two parts to that i would say yes there's less grace because there's look man i'm just gonna

00:21:46.300 toot my own horn here okay we were one of the probably the first company to revolutionize how

00:21:51.660 those things are done the right way yeah okay up until that point barely any companies gave a fuck

00:21:56.860 and if they did they wrote whole books about them okay now i would say that the companies

00:22:03.700 have increased their care because they understand how valuable and how competitive it is and i would

00:22:11.720 also say that what you said was right i would say that customers expectations have gotten better too

00:22:17.460 because there are many more companies out there doing it the right way than there were even five

00:22:21.900 to ten years ago so but i think that's a good thing dude because ultimately what that does

00:22:27.260 is that creates good ethical business okay so the businesses who do things the right way win

00:22:33.400 it's just capitalism dude the business the the market rewards the companies that do the right

00:22:38.020 thing the market does not reward the companies that don't and social media accelerates that so

00:22:43.740 i i i see that as a really great thing um and i've noticed myself like you know a lot of the

00:22:49.840 companies that i've dealt with lately like for example i've had to uh because i got back into

00:22:56.620 riding after taking you know basically like 10 years off of riding i've had to like buy a bunch

00:23:01.300 of new shit bro almost all the company all the companies i've dealt with have been amazing

00:23:06.560 you know i'm saying i've i've ordered shit from west coast choppers outside of jesse's friendship

00:23:12.960 right right perfect fucking service i've ordered things from nbt perfect service i've ordered

00:23:20.300 things from uh you know ariot perfect service uh dixon perfect service you know like that that

00:23:28.520 wasn't the case 10 years ago across the board and i think it's becoming more accepted that

00:23:34.540 people understand they have to do things that way yeah absolutely dude last little piece on this i

00:23:38.760 want to ask you because going back to this question about the micromanaging piece of it

00:23:42.640 you know there's that age-old quote it's like you know if you want it done right just do it yourself

00:23:46.960 right and to your point though that that is the ego problem where did this idea come from though

00:23:53.260 I mean, that's just I mean, look, dude, if you're unwilling to invest, I think the fundamental underlying problem here is the perception of finding good people versus building good people.

00:24:08.040 OK. Most people still think that there's like this pool of amazing talent out there that you can just pick from.

00:24:15.480 And, you know, the companies that have tremendous employees, they they're just good at picking.

00:24:19.860 that's not what it is man it's that those companies are hiring people that fit their

00:24:27.900 culture and then they're training them on the skill set okay so you have to like remove some

00:24:35.940 of these old ways of thinking that you know oh i'm gonna go where do i find good people you can't do

00:24:42.720 that okay so the fundamental reality of what we're talking about is that you have to be willing to

00:24:48.820 invest in other people you have to be willing to coach them you have to be willing to do things

00:24:53.880 that would be outside of what people would think an employment situation would be you know like

00:24:59.520 maybe the dude's having going through a divorce okay you got to be there for man you got to have

00:25:04.680 a little talk with them and you know be their friend like it's it's like your part-time coach

00:25:10.480 part-time general you know part-time fucking therapist you know and and that's what it takes

00:25:17.600 man and and it's huh it's a lot of hats it is but companies that aren't willing to do that and they

00:25:23.500 just expect to pay for for talent you can't pay enough for that kind of talent not as a small

00:25:28.740 business you can't you know so when you get into c-level stuff like where guys have

00:25:34.340 you know like for example you know as our company's grown we've had to hire some c-level

00:25:41.680 guys in from the outside that have experience in certain areas that we don't have

00:25:44.980 those guys are proven they've gone here and they've won they've gone there and they've won

00:25:51.300 they've gone here and they won they come with a skill set and the challenge with those guys is

00:25:56.840 to get them culturally aligned because some of those guys come from different places that do

00:26:02.080 things different and sometimes they think because their skill set is so good the other shit doesn't

00:26:07.080 matter and so they you have the opposite problem yeah they're walking like where's the cake for

00:26:11.380 exactly yeah but but like dude so like there's there's pros and cons and different situations

00:26:17.680 and different timings but ultimately you have to get away from this thought that

00:26:22.000 you're the only one that knows you're the only one that can be good you're the only one that

00:26:27.920 can do this and these young little kids don't know shit like bro some of these young kids run

00:26:33.260 fucking circles around you based upon their hunger and their willingness to learn if you just allow

00:26:39.600 them the rope to run

00:26:41.740 and fucking go learn

00:26:42.920 so you know

00:26:45.060 yeah I mean that's

00:26:47.480 pretty much it I love it dude I love it

00:26:49.520 guys Andy our third

00:26:51.300 and final question man

00:26:52.960 guys Andy question number three

00:26:55.480 Andy

00:26:57.520 I've listened to you

00:26:59.460 since the start of 2020

00:27:00.980 you've changed my life

00:27:02.720 I'm a single 25

00:27:05.260 year old guy earning

00:27:06.880 $176,000

00:27:09.160 per year how old uh 25 okay i'm making 176k a year living with my parents why do i feel behind

00:27:19.600 no wife no kids uh what my friends do and have those things why do i feel behind because you're

00:27:26.600 an idiot you don't have the perspective of knowing okay you don't understand how far dude when i was

00:27:35.480 27 years old i was making 695 a month and i had to move back in with my dad okay um

00:27:44.680 you don't understand how well you're doing because and by the way i would say that's great

00:27:54.980 that you're living at home and maximizing your savings and getting your shit together i i would

00:28:00.120 say i would say honestly like i don't know what you do as long as it's legal i would say that you

00:28:07.580 are fucking doing exactly what you're supposed to do you go out and earn you minimize expenses

00:28:13.220 and that's going to put you so far ahead whenever you are you know in your 30s and the fact that

00:28:19.860 you're single i think is smart too because you're not going to attract the level of mate that you

00:28:28.340 could once you have all your shit in in line and i think a lot of people do all the wrong things

00:28:34.740 they go out and they get attached to some girl that they met in a bar and they're attached to

00:28:39.800 her because she was willing to fuck them and um you know then they go out and try to build a

00:28:45.300 business and they get a nice car and they get out of their they get a house and they get attached

00:28:49.920 to all this debt and then they can't do the things that are required to win you're already doing

00:28:54.780 extremely fucking well and the truth of the matter is like i've said many many times

00:29:00.860 it that what you have is a gift okay most people don't think like oh man i'm i'm behind most people

00:29:10.040 think like oh man everything's good it's all good i'll take care of it later it's no big deal

00:29:15.800 you know like when i was fat you know and i would go drink five six beers i'd go in the bathroom

00:29:22.860 of the restaurant take a piss and i'd look in the mirror and i'd stand sideways and i'd suck

00:29:27.000 my gut in i'd be like man you know i'm looking all right and i'd tell myself this lie right about

00:29:31.800 everything was fine it was all good you know i'd fucking do me you know what i'm saying like like

00:29:36.260 like i'd make up this story about how everything was good and that's how most people do about

00:29:41.700 their lives so when you're ambitious and you're hungry and you're driven you almost always feel

00:29:51.040 behind okay i feel behind i feel like i should be much further down the road than where i'm at

00:29:57.920 and then when i look at the math and i look at the numbers and i look where i'm at

00:30:03.060 that's just factually untrue yeah you know what i mean so don't try to lose that feeling that's a

00:30:12.680 good thing because that's what's going to keep you moving down the path but you should also

00:30:18.680 acknowledge once in a while and talk yourself off the ledge and be like no i'm doing okay i just got

00:30:24.040 to keep going you know what i mean um because that can mentally wear you out bro like when you

00:30:28.680 when you constantly feel behind especially when you're winning this is where a lot of overly

00:30:33.240 ambitious people you know find themselves in a really dark spot because everything's going well

00:30:38.280 everything's you know moving they're doing well and they're always like fuck i'm so behind i'm so

00:30:44.880 behind. I'm so stressed. And they live in this constant state of high stress and anxiety

00:30:48.820 because they refuse to have gratitude for how far they've come. And this is why when we talk

00:30:55.760 about like what happiness is really derived of, you know, gratitude is a massive part of it.

00:31:02.940 Okay. You know, the other parts are discipline and purpose. You know, if you're missing any one

00:31:08.460 of those three ingredients in your life, you're not going to be happy. So you could have a big

00:31:12.320 purpose and high discipline and be out earning everybody, you know, at your age. But if you

00:31:16.740 can't remember where you came from, you're going to feel shitty. Okay. Again, you could be grateful

00:31:22.460 for where you are, uh, be earning all kinds of money and not have a bigger purpose. And you're

00:31:27.660 going to feel shitty. Okay. You, you can be, um, you could have a big purpose and you could be

00:31:34.560 grateful for where you are, but if you're not in control of your life and you lack discipline,

00:31:38.000 you're going to feel shitty. So you have to have all three of those components in order to feel

00:31:43.080 happy. And I would say for you, what's happening is you're refusing to ever have a moment or

00:31:50.080 consciously think about where you've come from and what you've put in. And I think it's important.

00:31:55.460 And I think you probably don't do that because you don't want to get complacent. And that's,

00:32:01.120 that's a big problem with high achievers, high achievers. I fall into this. It is a big problem

00:32:06.340 for me high achievers don't like to take credit or give themselves credit it's it it's the opposite

00:32:12.320 of what people think most people think that high achievers all want all the credit and all the

00:32:17.080 shit true like killer high achievers they try to stay away from that because they are terrified

00:32:23.620 that that's going to like dull their edge and that it's going to keep them from winning and it won't

00:32:29.660 you've just got to make some dedicated time on a daily basis to to be grateful and a lot of that

00:32:34.440 comes from you know i think prayer um you know sitting down and saying man god you're

00:32:40.220 really taking care of me man and you know i really appreciate it you know and just being

00:32:45.920 grateful for where you're at um and i think it'll help you deal with what you're dealing with but

00:32:50.460 dude i don't think having that feeling of being behind is something that uh it makes something

00:32:56.880 it doesn't it doesn't it's not wrong yeah it's not an alarm that you need to go turn on no

00:33:01.420 yeah what would you also say too though i mean you know 25 we have a you know we have a lot of

00:33:07.720 younger listeners to this show too but it's like i mean you're you're only 25 though yeah but like

00:33:13.560 dude when you're only 25 you you don't realize how fast you go from 25 to 45 okay because you've

00:33:19.420 only gotten to 25 so you feel like you've lived this really long life you know what i'm saying

00:33:24.840 it's just perspective dude yeah like you don't understand how early you are that's like when

00:33:30.340 people are like oh man i'm 35 and i feel so old it's like bro i would trade places with you in a

00:33:37.760 fucking second as long as i got to keep what i know you know what i mean and by the way i share

00:33:43.400 with you what i know and you can be 35 and know what i know you see what i'm saying so like um

00:33:50.500 that's just perspective dude when you're you know when you're 25 you think you're old you know when

00:33:55.640 you're you know how many like dude i remember on my 22nd birthday man i was like fuck i remember

00:34:00.920 exactly where i was and i was like fuck 22 man i'm old like you know what i'm saying because like

00:34:11.660 i wasn't 21 anymore yeah you know and i'm like 22 what does that mean like you know i don't get any

00:34:17.420 prize for being 22 and then now i look back i'm like how ridiculous was that and then i felt the

00:34:22.700 same way at 30 and i'm like how ridiculous was that you know and then i felt the same way at 40

00:34:27.120 i'm like fuck dude 40 sounds all right right now you know what i mean so it's all perspective dude

00:34:33.080 and uh you you don't know what you haven't been down so i think that's a normal feeling and i

00:34:37.840 think i think it's a good thing to feel behind because that's what drives you to continue to

00:34:44.180 push down the path so i wouldn't try to like get rid of that yeah i would just try to counterbalance

00:34:49.800 the anxiety and the stress that comes with that with gratitude for how far you've come you know

00:34:56.020 i think another thing that contributes to this obviously is the internet right we have all these

00:34:59.380 22 year old kids talking about how you know throwing these numbers around like it ain't

00:35:03.380 oh i made i saw this dude the other day he's like oh man you know i've had 10 million dollar months

00:35:09.320 get the fuck out of here dude like they're just throwing around these numbers dude you know oh

00:35:16.780 my company does a hundred million a year. Like it, like it ain't shit to do a hundred million

00:35:20.960 dollars a year. Are you fucking serious? Do you know how many companies do a hundred million

00:35:24.800 dollars a year? Very, very, very, very few. Okay. And these kids are running around throwing these

00:35:32.260 numbers around completely lying with no ethics whatsoever. And then you have these other people

00:35:38.220 who are doing $4 million or $2 million who, by the way, that's a really good start who are like,

00:35:45.780 fuck man i'm behind i suck at this no dude you're comparing against yourself against something that

00:35:52.060 doesn't even exist right like if i were to say like if there was some like if iron man was a

00:35:58.780 real thing right and like tony stark was a real dude and like there's really an iron man and he's

00:36:03.060 making all this shit which i guess elon musk is kind of like that but you know outside elon musk

00:36:07.740 like he's you know like let's say you had a guy that like figured out how he could fly with no

00:36:11.920 fucking technology and shit we'd all be like fuck and then find out one day he's made the whole thing

00:36:17.440 up and we're all feel like shit because we couldn't fly you know i'm saying like so it's just

00:36:23.160 an illusion man and i think that contributes to that feeling as well but i don't think that's a

00:36:27.620 bad thing i think it's a good thing to feel behind because that keeps you moving down the path and

00:36:36.220 nothing kills entrepreneurs or businesses more than complacency so what's the opposite of

00:36:41.220 complacency it's drive it's hunger it's ambition it's feeling behind it's being competitive and

00:36:47.060 that's why i always tell people you know when they say oh well comparison is a thief of joy

00:36:52.040 no not really not if you're trying to win it's only a thief of joy if you're sitting on your ass

00:36:56.660 you know what i mean if you're trying to win it's what drives you to win and produce all these other

00:37:01.500 good things in your life so you just got to make sure you're comparing to the right things

00:37:05.480 you know what's crazy about this question so like when i when i was reading and i'm like

00:37:09.180 all right 25 year old you're making that much and you're still living with your parents

00:37:14.240 i think that's a good thing but now looking at it's like shit that actually probably ain't that

00:37:19.200 bad no bro listen listen man you should stack and minimize minimize your fucking liabilities

00:37:26.520 and stack your cash flow and income for as long as you can who gives a fuck what anybody says

00:37:32.120 about it yeah because that's going to ultimately put you in a much better position now if you're

00:37:36.360 living with your parents at 35 and you ain't trying okay now you're a fucking loser all right

00:37:40.160 we got to talk about it yeah that's right but you know if you don't have a wife and you don't have

00:37:44.080 kids and your parents are cool with it and you're able to stack you know that's in line with almost

00:37:50.420 every culture around the world okay like america is the only place where their kids turn 18 years

00:37:55.640 old and they're supposed to go out and start over on their own that's that's not how it works in

00:38:01.460 almost every other place and almost every other culture the kids grow up and the family contributes

00:38:08.440 to put the kids out in a favorable favorable position to do better for the family and then

00:38:14.380 the the younger kids grow up and then they take care of the family and that's that's how that's

00:38:18.880 how almost all and you want to know why like the family structure here is broken well because

00:38:24.100 every time their kids turn 18 it gets it gets broken intentionally you know either kick them

00:38:29.880 out get on your own get out there get a fucking job cool i can get down with that but like how

00:38:35.140 about you know we keep the family together and minimize the financial liability we all get ahead

00:38:41.580 oh fucking overhead that's right yeah bro that's what happens in most cultures so like we're one

00:38:45.840 of the only places that does that it's so taboo here well well but we gotta ask why yeah where's

00:38:51.460 that come from and why is it because it creates more tax revenue it creates more debt it creates

00:38:59.660 more worker bees and they're less successful long term because of that mentality so i personally

00:39:07.760 don't have a problem with people staying at home as long as they can to stack and get their get

00:39:14.180 their mind and their business and their life together i mean if i had kids i'd be like if i

00:39:18.800 had a kid and he was 25 and he was living with me and he's out making fucking couple hundred grand

00:39:23.880 i mean i might make him buy me some fucking dinner once in a while you know what i'm saying

00:39:27.480 but like but like i'd be like all right dude you know and then when you meet a girl or you meet a

00:39:32.740 you know and you want to move out and do your thing like you're going to be in a good position

00:39:36.600 to do that that's real bro that's fucking that's just my personal opinion that's real i wasn't

00:39:41.820 thinking of it like that i know but that's because you've been told your whole life that if you if

00:39:46.000 you're fucking 18 years old and you live with your parents you're a loser bro i was out at 17

00:39:50.080 well it's crazy i mean there's nothing wrong with that either yeah i mean it definitely teaches you

00:39:55.020 how to fucking survive i had but it was like didn't have to be that way well shouldn't be that

00:40:00.500 way well i mean what look there's flip flops to it right like there's also the fucking side of it

00:40:06.800 where it's like okay well then they never learn independence they never learn how to live they

00:40:11.200 never learn how to do the things well if you're a parent and you're allowing your kid to stay

00:40:14.840 in uh you know the house and they're out earning money then wouldn't it make sense to like teach

00:40:21.460 them how to manage the money and teach them how to pay bills and you know like maybe that's what

00:40:25.940 because it's either the complete it's either yeah because it does dude i think i think i just think

00:40:30.900 there's nuance to it yeah i think if you have a loser kid who's sucking you dry who's 25 and who

00:40:38.120 isn't doing shit because it's comfortable at home you should fucking kick him out yeah and you're

00:40:42.020 probably being a crutch okay but if you have a kid who's 25 and he's pulling 200 g's a year and

00:40:47.540 he's working his fucking balls off and he's getting better and better and better i would

00:40:50.940 have more leeway with allowing him to stick around and get his shit stacked up you know what i mean

00:40:57.320 yeah i mean i don't know that's just me maybe i'm wrong but like i said i try not to give advice on

00:41:02.700 things i don't know but hypothetically that's how i think about it no i love it dude i love it

00:41:07.100 i'm 31 dude i don't know my dad well you want to move in we can make something happen

00:41:10.760 make something happen yeah no man i love it dude uh guys that was three all right guys well let's

00:41:18.600 get out there. Let's have a good week. Let's win. Don't be a hoe. Share the show.

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - June 22, 2026

1039. Q&AF： Giving Advice Vs Letting Go, Leading Without Micro-Managing & Feeling Behind Despite Success

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