135. Q&AF： Getting Out Of Ruts, Avoiding Destructive Paths & Impacting Your Child's Health
Episode Stats
Summary
In this episode of The Realists, Medat and I talk about how to deal with negative people and how to handle them in a positive environment. We also talk about dealing with negative family and friends and what to do about it.
Transcript
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What's up guys, it's Andy from Sella and this is the show for the realists, say goodbye
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to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking
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reality. Guys, today we have another episode of Q and AF. I kind of like that, dude. I'm
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digging it. We don't have DJ today. Instead, I got my homie Medat here. One of the most
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American dudes I know. That's right. What's up, brother? How you doing? I'm doing good.
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Looking good over there. Thank you. Right back at you. It's like looking in the mirror.
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All right. All right. So guys, this is how the show is going to work. Medat's going to
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ask me three questions. I'm going to give three answers and then the show will be over.
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So that's how the show works. Now, we do have a fee for the show. The fee is if you get some
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value, if it made you think different, if you learn something, if it made you consider,
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you know, a perspective change, you know, to help you share the show. We don't run ads
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on the show. I don't run ads for the show. We've been able to maintain a very, very high
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ranking on iTunes and all platforms for a long time based off of a very simple concept,
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which is if we deliver value, you deliver value back. If we don't deliver value, don't
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deliver value back. A hundred percent. Okay. Operating on those terms. So let's get started.
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Question number one. All right. How do you deal with negative people in a situation you have
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to be involved in? Did you give any context for what that would be? Well, look, man, the thing is,
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is that we're always going to find negativity in all situations. Okay. We can't control our
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circumstances. We can't control the external circumstances. We can't control somebody else's
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mood. There is always going to be situations where we have people in situations, whether that
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be at home, whether that be at work, whether that be, you know, in a team setting that are going to
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be negative. And a lot of times these people aren't necessarily negative people. They're just
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having a bad day. So my first thing would be to consider, is this person actually negative or are
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they just having a bad day? And if they're having a bad day, you know, you can approach that in one
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of two ways. One, you can have talk with them about what's going on. Hey man, this attitude right now
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is not real productive. Let's get it. Let's get in line. Let's accomplish this goal. That's how I
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would handle it. Another way to handle it would be, you know, just to let them have their bad day
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and to keep moving forward and kind of brush it off. Now, the problem with that is, is if you're
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in a team environment, when you do that, a lot of times these people that will actually contribute
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to more negativity because you're moving forward without their input or out there, uh, their value,
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so to speak, it makes them feel a little bit on the outside. Sometimes that's good for people.
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Um, they need to know like, Hey, if you're going to be a negative motherfucker, you don't
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have a voice or a place to move forward here. Um, you know, in family situations, that's
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a little bit tougher, right? We can't necessarily tell our family to get fucked, but sometimes
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we have to. So, um, especially if you live in one of those Italian Sicilian families, uh,
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you know, fuck you is one of the things that is the, the terms of endearment in those families.
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Bosian family too. Really? Swear to God. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, Hey, fuck off. What do you
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want to eat? So, so guys, you know, sometimes we just got to deal with other people and it comes
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down to, do you want that to affect you? Or do you want that to get you off track? Or do you want to
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stay focused? Um, so I think a lot of how we deal with negative people is one understanding that
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everybody's human. We all have bad days. We all have bad times. Uh, if someone's perpetually negative
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all the time, that's a situation where you've got to consider like, how much is it worth you being
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around this person? What kind of mental energy drain does it take on you? Uh, how do you feel
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after your, and if it's constantly the same where it's always taking from you, you have to keep in
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mind that we only have so much energy to allocate during the day. And if we're spending on people
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who are draining us, that means we're going to be less effective in other areas. So, um, that would
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be my answer on that. You know, sometimes it's just the way it is. And if it's a consistent problem,
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you need to address it. Nice. Question number two, my business is rocking and we're doing decent.
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I know there's a lot of potential for me, but I've become really negative and I don't feel like
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doing anything. Did you ever feel this way? And if you did, how'd you get out of it?
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Yeah, man. Uh, look, dude, business is a tough road. That's why most, look, there's only seven to
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eight percent of people who are actual business owner entrepreneurs. Um, and the reason for that
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is because it's fucking hard. It's difficult. It's frustrating. It's painful. Uh, it's oftentimes
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thankless. You know, a lot of people think that you, you know, people who are running their own
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business have this amazing life. And sometimes you do if you make it amazing. But the truth of the
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matter is, as you being a business owner or an operator, you're going to have to deal with a lot of
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shit that most people can't deal with. And so it's completely, completely normal to feel negative or
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frustrated consistently. The trick is that you have to control. And this is why I talk about the
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bitch voice and the boss voice so much. You have to be in control and be aware enough to recognize
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when you're actually spiraling, uh, out of control, because usually what happens for people is one
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negative thing happens. You know, um, they get a call that they didn't count on, uh, count on coming
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through today. That wasn't good news or something. And that sets them in motion to spiral themselves
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down. They start doing things like they look at every single situation and they say, well, this is,
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this is this, and this is that too. And this is also bullshit. And before you know it, everything sucks.
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You're completely pissed off and you're in a place where you weren't even 20 minutes ago because you
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talked yourself into it. So I think becoming aware, and by the way, I'm not perfect at this either,
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this still happens to me sometimes where I spiral myself into a place that I didn't intend on being.
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And then I have to work myself out of it. And the way I work myself out of it is by execution.
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All right. When you are running a business and you are doing things, what I've found, uh, is that
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when you're frustrated and you're angry and you're super pissed off, the best thing that you can do is
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something that you know is going to be productive for whatever it is you're working on. So what I used to
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do in business in the early days, uh, when I was frustrated and I thought no one gave a fuck and,
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you know, and they didn't because we weren't giving them a reason to give a fuck. Um, what I would do
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is I would go out in the real world. I would go into a place of business. I would introduce myself.
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I would have some sort of goody or something to give away and say, Hey, I'm Andy. This is what I do.
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If I can ever help you, uh, this is where we're at. And I would have a conversation with someone
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not in a sales way, but more so just like, Hey, introducing myself way. And what I always found
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was that those things sort of set my mood, uh, back to where they needed to be. Because
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the reason I was feeling frustrated, angry, mad is because I was having anxiety about
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things not going well. And so what I really needed to do was I needed a reminder of that this can go
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well. So I went out and created opportunities with people I didn't know to have great interactions,
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which made me feel good about what we were doing. So it sort of took me from that negative vibe
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into a more optimistic, positive vibe. So first off, yes, it's completely normal. Second off,
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be aware that you're not spiraling yourself down. And when you stop spiraling yourself down,
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start to practice gratitude. Know that your, your bitch voice is causing this perception that
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actually isn't even true. So, you know, start to think about what you're grateful for. What is
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going well? Cause I promise you there's things going well, even if you think there's not, you're
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just not willing to see them. All right. And thirdly, go out and have some interactions or do
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some things against what your goal is, meaning executing towards that, um, that will make you
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feel better in the moment. All right. Those things help a lot. That's how I handle those things.
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Anything in regards to, uh, avoiding like the social media trap of seeing all these young
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entrepreneurs with their like Lamborghini. Oh yeah. Yeah, dude. I mean, that's a big thing.
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You know, understand that what you see online in terms of business, most of it's bullshit. Uh, uh,
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you know, everybody's wanting to glorify themselves in a way without realizing how demoralizing it is to
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other people who aren't willing to lie and tell half truths about who they are and what they're about.
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Um, I'm very confident that if you check the bank account of most of those people, it's not very
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positive. Okay. So you have to remember that you also have to remember. And I said this on my story
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the other day on Instagram that, you know, when you see someone doing things and it seems easy for
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them or, or, you know, they just always seem like they have it together. You have to remember,
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and I can't stress this enough that they are posting their wins only. They are not talking about
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the struggles. And I'll be, I'll be honest. Most of the times those wins that they post aren't even
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the whole truth. They might've won like 10% of that and then made it into this whole story.
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The truth of the matter is guys, and I've been doing this for a long time is that there isn't
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a day that goes by that doesn't challenge me. There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not frustrated
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at some point in the day. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel like, um, that I'm
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confused or that I might not know what I'm doing. But the thing that overcomes all of those
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things is consistent action, showing up, executing consistently, you know, four years ago, three
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years ago, um, you know, we were in a different headquarters here at first form and, and I didn't
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know how we were going to build the new one. I didn't know what we were going to do or how it
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was going to happen. I just took it one day at a time. And now here we are. And that's how things
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happen. Most of us don't know what the fuck we're doing, including me. All right. The best thing that
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you can understand is that you're not going to know, but as you work, as you improve,
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as you make progress day by day, by day, by day, the path becomes more clear to you.
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And so you, you're not going to know the path on day one, which is what keeps a lot of people
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from even going because they're like, fuck, I can't see the whole path. I don't know how
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I'm going to get there. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know how I'm going to
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create this. And the truth of the matter is you don't need to know that shit. You just need
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to work today. And then again, tomorrow. And then again, the next day in the past starts
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That's it. And yeah, when the day is episode 16. Go listen to that.
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Final question. I have a 14 year old son who is overweight, but no matter what I do or say,
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I cannot get him to care about his health. How can I motivate my son to work out and eat
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and eat healthy without lecturing or forcing him?
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Well, first thing is you can't force anybody to do anything. That's the thing.
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So, look, man, this comes down to a leadership issue. I will bet you that that person who wrote
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that question does not lead with themselves. I bet you they're in mediocre shape. I bet you they
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work out half the time. I bet their diet's half ass and they happen to be indecent. Maybe they're
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Yeah, they're in acceptable shape. And so you're trying to lead someone to conquer something that
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is extremely hard. That's going to require so much more discipline than being in acceptable
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shape. Okay. So what you have to understand is that if you want your son or your daughter to
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follow you, you have to lay down that leadership literally every single day through your actions.
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If your son or your daughter sees you get up every day, do the work, put the healthy food in your
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mouth, drink the water, and they see the results, they're going to start to believe it's possible for
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them too. And not only that, they're going to start to support you. And then they're going to say,
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well, fuck dude, maybe I'll go on a walk with you, or maybe I'll go to the gym with you.
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But yelling at someone and demoralizing someone and saying, hey, you're fucking fat. You need to
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lose weight. When they're not ready to lose weight, that just pushes them further that direction.
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So it's a very delicate issue, but the truth is, and this is why the quote that Vince Lombardi has is
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so good where he says, you know, leading by example, isn't the best way to lead. It's the only way to
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lead. So this is a leadership issue from parent to son or daughter that you have to be living what
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it is you want them to do. It's just the way it is. And I think to that person who wrote that
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question, if you tighten up your life, if you start executing on the things you would want them to do
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and they start, and it starts to become obvious, and this might not happen in a week or a month or
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even two or three months, but eventually it will catch because that person, your son, who you're
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talking about is going to have experiences that make them not really want to be where they are
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in life. Dude, I've been fat. I've been 350 pounds. The shit's not fun. People say shit. You can't try
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on clothes. Clothes don't fit no matter where you do go try on. You can't go to barbecues. You can't
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go to a pool. I mean, you can, but you feel bad. There's all kinds of things that come along with
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being extremely overweight that are no fun. And eventually people usually come to a point where
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they're sick of it and they want to do something about it. And so the key for this man or whoever's
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writing this is to, when that person is fed up with where they want to be, they should be able
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to look right at you and see that you're doing the things they should be doing. That's how this
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is going to get fixed. So, and that goes for any problem that you might be having. So lecturing people
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and saying, do this, do this, do this. When you're not doing it will never fucking work. It will never
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work. So, you know, uh, lead by example. Yeah, dude. Gandhi's quote, right? Like be the change
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you want to see, be the change you want to see. You want to see your son change? Then you fucking
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change. That's what'll change it. They can fix a lot of problems in the world. Dude, it'll fix them
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all. It'll fix them all. So, and as always, if you have a question, you can submit it to ask
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Andy at Andy for seller.com. Look at that. You picking up that is dude. That's so good. So guys,
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that's the show. That's three questions. Uh, we'll hit, we'll have another episode for you next
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week. I appreciate you guys. I love you guys. And, uh, share the show.