REAL AF with Andy Frisella


135. Q&AF： Getting Out Of Ruts, Avoiding Destructive Paths & Impacting Your Child's Health


Episode Stats


Harmful content

Misogyny

3

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Hate speech

4

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Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of The Realists, Medat and I talk about how to deal with negative people and how to handle them in a positive environment. We also talk about dealing with negative family and friends and what to do about it.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 What's up guys, it's Andy from Sella and this is the show for the realists, say goodbye
00:00:20.840 to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking
00:00:25.740 reality. Guys, today we have another episode of Q and AF. I kind of like that, dude. I'm
00:00:33.240 digging it. We don't have DJ today. Instead, I got my homie Medat here. One of the most
00:00:39.020 American dudes I know. That's right. What's up, brother? How you doing? I'm doing good.
00:00:43.240 Looking good over there. Thank you. Right back at you. It's like looking in the mirror.
00:00:46.460 All right. All right. So guys, this is how the show is going to work. Medat's going to
00:00:52.620 ask me three questions. I'm going to give three answers and then the show will be over.
00:00:58.200 So that's how the show works. Now, we do have a fee for the show. The fee is if you get some
00:01:02.240 value, if it made you think different, if you learn something, if it made you consider,
00:01:07.100 you know, a perspective change, you know, to help you share the show. We don't run ads
00:01:14.040 on the show. I don't run ads for the show. We've been able to maintain a very, very high
00:01:18.800 ranking on iTunes and all platforms for a long time based off of a very simple concept,
00:01:24.660 which is if we deliver value, you deliver value back. If we don't deliver value, don't
00:01:31.460 deliver value back. A hundred percent. Okay. Operating on those terms. So let's get started.
00:01:38.840 Question number one. All right. How do you deal with negative people in a situation you have
00:01:43.460 to be involved in? Did you give any context for what that would be? Well, look, man, the thing is,
00:01:52.880 is that we're always going to find negativity in all situations. Okay. We can't control our
00:02:00.140 circumstances. We can't control the external circumstances. We can't control somebody else's
00:02:05.440 mood. There is always going to be situations where we have people in situations, whether that
00:02:11.340 be at home, whether that be at work, whether that be, you know, in a team setting that are going to
00:02:18.580 be negative. And a lot of times these people aren't necessarily negative people. They're just
00:02:22.120 having a bad day. So my first thing would be to consider, is this person actually negative or are
00:02:27.820 they just having a bad day? And if they're having a bad day, you know, you can approach that in one
00:02:32.820 of two ways. One, you can have talk with them about what's going on. Hey man, this attitude right now
00:02:37.220 is not real productive. Let's get it. Let's get in line. Let's accomplish this goal. That's how I
00:02:41.020 would handle it. Another way to handle it would be, you know, just to let them have their bad day
00:02:45.540 and to keep moving forward and kind of brush it off. Now, the problem with that is, is if you're
00:02:49.700 in a team environment, when you do that, a lot of times these people that will actually contribute
00:02:53.940 to more negativity because you're moving forward without their input or out there, uh, their value,
00:02:59.520 so to speak, it makes them feel a little bit on the outside. Sometimes that's good for people.
00:03:04.620 Um, they need to know like, Hey, if you're going to be a negative motherfucker, you don't
00:03:09.420 have a voice or a place to move forward here. Um, you know, in family situations, that's
00:03:14.240 a little bit tougher, right? We can't necessarily tell our family to get fucked, but sometimes
00:03:18.180 we have to. So, um, especially if you live in one of those Italian Sicilian families, uh,
00:03:23.780 you know, fuck you is one of the things that is the, the terms of endearment in those families. 0.97
00:03:27.960 Bosian family too. Really? Swear to God. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, Hey, fuck off. What do you 1.00
00:03:31.500 want to eat? So, so guys, you know, sometimes we just got to deal with other people and it comes
00:03:38.000 down to, do you want that to affect you? Or do you want that to get you off track? Or do you want to
00:03:43.020 stay focused? Um, so I think a lot of how we deal with negative people is one understanding that
00:03:48.460 everybody's human. We all have bad days. We all have bad times. Uh, if someone's perpetually negative
00:03:53.800 all the time, that's a situation where you've got to consider like, how much is it worth you being
00:03:58.440 around this person? What kind of mental energy drain does it take on you? Uh, how do you feel
00:04:02.840 after your, and if it's constantly the same where it's always taking from you, you have to keep in
00:04:07.440 mind that we only have so much energy to allocate during the day. And if we're spending on people
00:04:12.500 who are draining us, that means we're going to be less effective in other areas. So, um, that would
00:04:18.080 be my answer on that. You know, sometimes it's just the way it is. And if it's a consistent problem,
00:04:22.780 you need to address it. Nice. Question number two, my business is rocking and we're doing decent.
00:04:29.220 I know there's a lot of potential for me, but I've become really negative and I don't feel like
00:04:33.140 doing anything. Did you ever feel this way? And if you did, how'd you get out of it?
00:04:37.840 Yeah, man. Uh, look, dude, business is a tough road. That's why most, look, there's only seven to
00:04:44.120 eight percent of people who are actual business owner entrepreneurs. Um, and the reason for that
00:04:50.620 is because it's fucking hard. It's difficult. It's frustrating. It's painful. Uh, it's oftentimes
00:04:56.660 thankless. You know, a lot of people think that you, you know, people who are running their own
00:05:01.740 business have this amazing life. And sometimes you do if you make it amazing. But the truth of the
00:05:07.840 matter is, as you being a business owner or an operator, you're going to have to deal with a lot of
00:05:11.640 shit that most people can't deal with. And so it's completely, completely normal to feel negative or
00:05:18.160 frustrated consistently. The trick is that you have to control. And this is why I talk about the
00:05:23.220 bitch voice and the boss voice so much. You have to be in control and be aware enough to recognize 1.00
00:05:28.900 when you're actually spiraling, uh, out of control, because usually what happens for people is one
00:05:36.680 negative thing happens. You know, um, they get a call that they didn't count on, uh, count on coming
00:05:41.260 through today. That wasn't good news or something. And that sets them in motion to spiral themselves
00:05:47.600 down. They start doing things like they look at every single situation and they say, well, this is,
00:05:53.940 this is this, and this is that too. And this is also bullshit. And before you know it, everything sucks.
00:05:59.900 You're completely pissed off and you're in a place where you weren't even 20 minutes ago because you
00:06:05.600 talked yourself into it. So I think becoming aware, and by the way, I'm not perfect at this either,
00:06:11.240 this still happens to me sometimes where I spiral myself into a place that I didn't intend on being.
00:06:17.660 And then I have to work myself out of it. And the way I work myself out of it is by execution.
00:06:22.160 All right. When you are running a business and you are doing things, what I've found, uh, is that
00:06:29.640 when you're frustrated and you're angry and you're super pissed off, the best thing that you can do is
00:06:34.620 something that you know is going to be productive for whatever it is you're working on. So what I used to
00:06:40.580 do in business in the early days, uh, when I was frustrated and I thought no one gave a fuck and,
00:06:46.460 you know, and they didn't because we weren't giving them a reason to give a fuck. Um, what I would do
00:06:51.160 is I would go out in the real world. I would go into a place of business. I would introduce myself.
00:06:56.420 I would have some sort of goody or something to give away and say, Hey, I'm Andy. This is what I do.
00:07:01.380 If I can ever help you, uh, this is where we're at. And I would have a conversation with someone
00:07:06.580 not in a sales way, but more so just like, Hey, introducing myself way. And what I always found
00:07:12.580 was that those things sort of set my mood, uh, back to where they needed to be. Because
00:07:18.020 the reason I was feeling frustrated, angry, mad is because I was having anxiety about
00:07:22.300 things not going well. And so what I really needed to do was I needed a reminder of that this can go
00:07:27.580 well. So I went out and created opportunities with people I didn't know to have great interactions,
00:07:32.680 which made me feel good about what we were doing. So it sort of took me from that negative vibe
00:07:37.760 into a more optimistic, positive vibe. So first off, yes, it's completely normal. Second off,
00:07:44.860 be aware that you're not spiraling yourself down. And when you stop spiraling yourself down,
00:07:50.440 start to practice gratitude. Know that your, your bitch voice is causing this perception that 1.00
00:07:56.540 actually isn't even true. So, you know, start to think about what you're grateful for. What is
00:08:01.980 going well? Cause I promise you there's things going well, even if you think there's not, you're
00:08:06.120 just not willing to see them. All right. And thirdly, go out and have some interactions or do
00:08:10.320 some things against what your goal is, meaning executing towards that, um, that will make you
00:08:15.620 feel better in the moment. All right. Those things help a lot. That's how I handle those things.
00:08:19.720 Anything in regards to, uh, avoiding like the social media trap of seeing all these young
00:08:24.460 entrepreneurs with their like Lamborghini. Oh yeah. Yeah, dude. I mean, that's a big thing.
00:08:28.800 You know, understand that what you see online in terms of business, most of it's bullshit. Uh, uh,
00:08:35.220 you know, everybody's wanting to glorify themselves in a way without realizing how demoralizing it is to
00:08:44.300 other people who aren't willing to lie and tell half truths about who they are and what they're about.
00:08:49.460 Um, I'm very confident that if you check the bank account of most of those people, it's not very
00:08:54.400 positive. Okay. So you have to remember that you also have to remember. And I said this on my story
00:08:59.480 the other day on Instagram that, you know, when you see someone doing things and it seems easy for
00:09:06.540 them or, or, you know, they just always seem like they have it together. You have to remember,
00:09:11.520 and I can't stress this enough that they are posting their wins only. They are not talking about
00:09:17.100 the struggles. And I'll be, I'll be honest. Most of the times those wins that they post aren't even
00:09:21.720 the whole truth. They might've won like 10% of that and then made it into this whole story.
00:09:26.420 The truth of the matter is guys, and I've been doing this for a long time is that there isn't
00:09:30.840 a day that goes by that doesn't challenge me. There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not frustrated
00:09:34.980 at some point in the day. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel like, um, that I'm
00:09:40.360 confused or that I might not know what I'm doing. But the thing that overcomes all of those
00:09:44.260 things is consistent action, showing up, executing consistently, you know, four years ago, three
00:09:50.260 years ago, um, you know, we were in a different headquarters here at first form and, and I didn't
00:09:57.340 know how we were going to build the new one. I didn't know what we were going to do or how it
00:10:00.860 was going to happen. I just took it one day at a time. And now here we are. And that's how things
00:10:05.340 happen. Most of us don't know what the fuck we're doing, including me. All right. The best thing that
00:10:10.760 you can understand is that you're not going to know, but as you work, as you improve,
00:10:15.800 as you make progress day by day, by day, by day, the path becomes more clear to you.
00:10:21.080 And so you, you're not going to know the path on day one, which is what keeps a lot of people
00:10:26.280 from even going because they're like, fuck, I can't see the whole path. I don't know how
00:10:30.100 I'm going to get there. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know how I'm going to
00:10:32.540 create this. And the truth of the matter is you don't need to know that shit. You just need
00:10:36.860 to work today. And then again, tomorrow. And then again, the next day in the past starts
00:10:40.600 to become clear after time.
00:10:42.200 When the day.
00:10:42.940 That's it. And yeah, when the day is episode 16. Go listen to that.
00:10:47.420 Final question. I have a 14 year old son who is overweight, but no matter what I do or say,
00:10:53.360 I cannot get him to care about his health. How can I motivate my son to work out and eat
00:10:58.440 and eat healthy without lecturing or forcing him?
00:11:02.600 Well, first thing is you can't force anybody to do anything. That's the thing.
00:11:06.420 So, look, man, this comes down to a leadership issue. I will bet you that that person who wrote
00:11:15.560 that question does not lead with themselves. I bet you they're in mediocre shape. I bet you they
00:11:21.060 work out half the time. I bet their diet's half ass and they happen to be indecent. Maybe they're
00:11:27.780 not obese or overweight. Acceptable shape.
00:11:29.980 Yeah, they're in acceptable shape. And so you're trying to lead someone to conquer something that
00:11:35.480 is extremely hard. That's going to require so much more discipline than being in acceptable
00:11:40.760 shape. Okay. So what you have to understand is that if you want your son or your daughter to
00:11:46.160 follow you, you have to lay down that leadership literally every single day through your actions.
00:11:52.740 If your son or your daughter sees you get up every day, do the work, put the healthy food in your
00:11:57.980 mouth, drink the water, and they see the results, they're going to start to believe it's possible for
00:12:02.080 them too. And not only that, they're going to start to support you. And then they're going to say,
00:12:06.420 well, fuck dude, maybe I'll go on a walk with you, or maybe I'll go to the gym with you.
00:12:09.800 But yelling at someone and demoralizing someone and saying, hey, you're fucking fat. You need to
00:12:14.260 lose weight. When they're not ready to lose weight, that just pushes them further that direction.
00:12:18.860 So it's a very delicate issue, but the truth is, and this is why the quote that Vince Lombardi has is
00:12:25.580 so good where he says, you know, leading by example, isn't the best way to lead. It's the only way to
00:12:30.700 lead. So this is a leadership issue from parent to son or daughter that you have to be living what
00:12:36.480 it is you want them to do. It's just the way it is. And I think to that person who wrote that
00:12:41.240 question, if you tighten up your life, if you start executing on the things you would want them to do
00:12:46.420 and they start, and it starts to become obvious, and this might not happen in a week or a month or
00:12:51.380 even two or three months, but eventually it will catch because that person, your son, who you're
00:12:57.340 talking about is going to have experiences that make them not really want to be where they are
00:13:02.740 in life. Dude, I've been fat. I've been 350 pounds. The shit's not fun. People say shit. You can't try
00:13:09.840 on clothes. Clothes don't fit no matter where you do go try on. You can't go to barbecues. You can't
00:13:14.620 go to a pool. I mean, you can, but you feel bad. There's all kinds of things that come along with
00:13:20.020 being extremely overweight that are no fun. And eventually people usually come to a point where
00:13:25.140 they're sick of it and they want to do something about it. And so the key for this man or whoever's
00:13:30.980 writing this is to, when that person is fed up with where they want to be, they should be able
00:13:36.280 to look right at you and see that you're doing the things they should be doing. That's how this
00:13:40.460 is going to get fixed. So, and that goes for any problem that you might be having. So lecturing people
00:13:46.080 and saying, do this, do this, do this. When you're not doing it will never fucking work. It will never
00:13:50.700 work. So, you know, uh, lead by example. Yeah, dude. Gandhi's quote, right? Like be the change
00:13:57.580 you want to see, be the change you want to see. You want to see your son change? Then you fucking
00:14:01.560 change. That's what'll change it. They can fix a lot of problems in the world. Dude, it'll fix them
00:14:05.240 all. It'll fix them all. So, and as always, if you have a question, you can submit it to ask
00:14:10.180 Andy at Andy for seller.com. Look at that. You picking up that is dude. That's so good. So guys,
00:14:15.780 that's the show. That's three questions. Uh, we'll hit, we'll have another episode for you next
00:14:19.800 week. I appreciate you guys. I love you guys. And, uh, share the show.