REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 142. Creating Loyalty For Success

00:00:00.000 What's up guys, it's Andy Priscilla and this is the show for the realists say goodbye to

00:00:21.040 the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality.

00:00:25.600 Now, before I get into anything about the show, because I know some of these clips are

00:00:30.740 going to get shared around a little bit, I did just come right in from the gym.

00:00:34.480 I've got to catch a plane in literally an hour and so I didn't get to change my shirt.

00:00:39.200 So if you're watching this video and you're like, man, this guy's sweating like a motherfucker,

00:00:43.380 that's why.

00:00:44.140 All right.

00:00:44.740 So usually I change my shirts.

00:00:47.340 I keep some laundry up and some fresh laundry up in my office, but I misjudge my inventory.

00:00:53.340 Common mistake of a rookie business owner, right?

00:00:55.820 Not doing my inventory.

00:00:57.260 So here it is, sweaty and everything.

00:01:00.260 Guys, today I'm going to talk to you about something that I think is super important and

00:01:04.080 it's something that I see a lot of people really struggle with in terms of personal relationships

00:01:10.980 in life and I see a lot of people really struggle because of their misunderstanding of the concept

00:01:18.420 of loyalty, which is what we're going to talk about today.

00:01:20.500 A lot of people think they understand what loyalty is.

00:01:24.800 A lot of people, you know, they brag and they say, oh, dude, you know, I'm so loyal.

00:01:29.020 I'm such a loyal friend.

00:01:31.120 My friends are so loyal to me.

00:01:32.600 And if you ever really look around at the people they're talking about, 99.9% of the time,

00:01:41.240 what they're actually talking about is just people that they've known for a long time.

00:01:46.220 People they grew up with, family members, you know, friends they've had since high school,

00:01:53.220 et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

00:01:55.140 And let me tell you something, and this is probably going to sting a little bit, but it's

00:02:00.320 the truth.

00:02:01.060 All my high level friends, all my friends who are very successful in business and in life,

00:02:08.220 very few of them are still friends with people from their past.

00:02:10.860 Um, you have to understand that's a reality of life.

00:02:14.880 And what I see is people not really understanding the concept of what loyalty is.

00:02:21.620 You know, you think you have loyal friends, uh, but do you really, you know, are these people

00:02:28.460 helping you with your goals?

00:02:29.840 Are they helping you with business?

00:02:31.320 Are they supporting you?

00:02:32.760 Are they putting you on to new ideas or new skill sets?

00:02:36.760 Um, they're usually not.

00:02:40.940 Okay.

00:02:41.720 Usually the people that you are most quote unquote loyal to are the people that are saying

00:02:47.480 critical things to you.

00:02:48.840 These are people saying, Hey, you know what?

00:02:51.060 I don't know if you should really be doing that.

00:02:52.780 Or, Hey, you know what?

00:02:54.580 Uh, you're getting a little too cocky or Hey, you know what, man, you know, you got to remember

00:02:58.900 who you are.

00:02:59.780 You know, motherfucker.

00:03:01.160 I ain't trying to be who I am.

00:03:02.460 I'm trying to be a more progressed, more improved, more skilled version of that.

00:03:09.280 And people who understand that are the people that you should be building relationships with.

00:03:14.860 Okay.

00:03:15.300 Loyalty is not something, uh, that just exists because you've known someone for a long time.

00:03:21.360 It's a state of being.

00:03:22.940 Okay.

00:03:23.280 It's, it's a, it's a, it's a commitment or an allegiance to the future self that you're

00:03:29.400 trying to build.

00:03:30.600 All right.

00:03:31.260 This is why it's important to audit who it is you're taking advice from and who it is

00:03:35.880 you're spending your life with.

00:03:37.320 All right.

00:03:38.160 A lot of people think loyalty is just about knowing someone for a long time.

00:03:43.080 And guys, there's no reason that you can't be friends and support people that you've known

00:03:49.560 for a long time.

00:03:50.520 But the problem that usually happens with this is that as you grow, as you become more,

00:03:56.940 as you work harder, they start to actually hold you back.

00:04:00.960 And this is very dangerous because they put things in your ear, uh, and they put energy

00:04:06.520 on you that isn't productive to who you want to become, right?

00:04:09.720 They judge you for not going out on the weekends.

00:04:12.300 Uh, they want you to go party all the time.

00:04:15.000 Um, they want you to go out and do things that aren't conducive to who it is you're trying

00:04:20.200 to become.

00:04:20.800 And guys, I got to tell you, that's not loyalty at all, because if they were actually loyal

00:04:26.980 to you, they would be doing everything they could to contribute to you, not take from you

00:04:32.040 and hold you back.

00:04:32.920 And this is a hard concept for people to understand because they feel like if they move on from

00:04:39.540 these friends, if they move on from this group of people that they're going to be alone.

00:04:44.340 And that's just not the case.

00:04:45.860 Not one of my most successful friends, uh, are alone.

00:04:50.360 They're surrounded by other people who are in support of their goals, of their dreams and

00:04:55.300 what they're trying to accomplish all the time.

00:04:57.400 And you know why they are?

00:04:58.700 Because it's necessary.

00:05:00.520 It's not an optional thing.

00:05:02.480 So if you let these people, and you guys have heard me talk, if you listen to the show for

00:05:06.460 a long time, I talk about anchors and propellers.

00:05:10.760 I did a whole episode on it.

00:05:13.300 You have to get rid of the anchors in your life.

00:05:16.080 All right.

00:05:16.480 If you're, if you're running a boat and you're trying to move forward as fast as possible,

00:05:19.820 you cannot have anchors holding you back.

00:05:22.440 You have to cut those lines.

00:05:24.260 That's the reality, right?

00:05:25.600 And you got to replace those lines and those anchors with propellers, people who are loyal

00:05:30.620 to who it is.

00:05:31.360 You're trying to become people who are going to hold you to a high standard, people who

00:05:35.400 are going to push you to be better.

00:05:37.700 And every single great human surrounds themselves with people like that.

00:05:42.960 Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade, who they surround themselves with other great

00:05:47.620 players.

00:05:48.200 They surrounded themselves with one of the greatest coaches of all time.

00:05:51.480 Tim Grover, personal development, discipline coach who will call you on your shit no matter

00:05:56.860 who the fuck you are. 0.97

00:05:58.860 That's who you want to be around.

00:06:01.100 Those are the people you want to surround yourself with.

00:06:03.500 Not Tommy and Bobby and fucking Susie from the old neighborhood who aren't doing a motherfucking

00:06:08.940 thing except drinking beers at two o'clock on a fucking Saturday, watching football every 0.96

00:06:14.260 fucking week while you're trying to take advantage of the time and the opportunity you have to 0.93

00:06:18.600 become better.

00:06:19.720 All right.

00:06:20.080 And I know not everybody resonates with this message.

00:06:22.780 I'm not saying you got to give up all your friends.

00:06:24.840 That's not what I'm saying at all.

00:06:25.900 But I am saying this, if you want to be great, you have to learn to understand who actually

00:06:32.680 is loyal to you and who you need to be loyal back to.

00:06:37.520 All right.

00:06:38.100 Who do you need to contribute to?

00:06:39.760 I would contribute my energy to the people that are contributing theirs to me.

00:06:43.300 That's just my personal understanding of what I think loyalty is.

00:06:47.300 You help me, I help you.

00:06:48.720 You push me, I push you.

00:06:51.120 You drag me back, I cut you the fuck out.

00:06:53.860 That's how it goes.

00:06:54.900 All right.

00:06:55.700 And a lot of people don't understand how necessary it is because if you misjudge the

00:07:00.660 idea of loyalty, you will actually hold yourself back from everything that you could potentially

00:07:05.900 become because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

00:07:09.300 You don't want to have a conversation with someone that might be uncomfortable.

00:07:13.340 You don't want to hold them accountable to the energy they're putting on you.

00:07:16.940 Right.

00:07:17.580 I have a lot of people in my life who dump on me.

00:07:20.400 They think that I can solve every motherfucking problem there is.

00:07:23.140 You know, if I go in my DMs any given day, I've got hundreds of people putting their fucking

00:07:28.400 problems on me and I'm sorry, I can't respond to those messages.

00:07:32.360 You know why I can't respond to those messages?

00:07:34.460 Because I have to be the best version of myself.

00:07:37.200 I have to go out and contribute to the people here, the hundreds of people in this building

00:07:42.340 and in my immediate life that I need to be working for to make the best product and career that

00:07:49.680 I can build for them.

00:07:50.900 That's where loyalty is, guys.

00:07:53.000 All right.

00:07:54.160 Cut the noise.

00:07:55.400 Cut the anchors.

00:07:56.560 Start paying attention.

00:07:58.160 Who's contributing?

00:07:59.700 Who's making you better?

00:08:01.280 Who's pointing out the holes in your game?

00:08:04.040 And by the way, that's a whole nother topic I could do a whole podcast on.

00:08:07.560 All right.

00:08:07.920 But you have to be able to look at yourself and say, man, you know what?

00:08:11.460 Here are the holes.

00:08:12.740 Here's the things I need to get better at.

00:08:14.820 Here's this.

00:08:15.500 Here's that.

00:08:16.040 Here's that.

00:08:16.880 You know, all too often right now in society, everybody's worried about pointing at everybody

00:08:20.460 else's holes.

00:08:21.320 They're pointing at everybody else's remarks or everybody else is saying they're criticizing

00:08:25.620 everybody else.

00:08:26.460 Motherfucker, all those people that criticize you, all those people that say you should do

00:08:30.300 this and do that.

00:08:31.280 Look at what they're doing.

00:08:32.720 Are they doing anything?

00:08:33.960 Or are they just taking up space and breathing in the fucking air?

00:08:39.180 Because I'm going to tell you right now, if Ed Milet or my brother or my business partner

00:08:43.680 calls me up and says, hey, you got this hole in your game.

00:08:47.160 I think you need to take a look at it.

00:08:48.840 I'm not getting angry at them.

00:08:50.160 I'm going to say, hey, fuck, dude.

00:08:51.360 All right.

00:08:51.680 Thanks.

00:08:52.480 I'm going to work on that.

00:08:53.660 Right.

00:08:54.700 But dude, that's not what we do.

00:08:56.780 OK, what we do is we attack people for the things that we think they need to do.

00:09:01.800 And most of the people that attack us are not doing shit.

00:09:05.320 You know, I said on my Instagram today, you ever notice that the people who are out there

00:09:08.360 screaming the loudest about what you should and shouldn't believe, what you should and

00:09:12.540 shouldn't do, how you should and shouldn't live are the people with total and disgusting

00:09:17.800 dumpster fire of a fucking existence on this planet.

00:09:21.140 They are the loudest ones.

00:09:22.940 They are the loudest ones.

00:09:24.620 The loudest ones are the people that don't have fucking shit going for them.

00:09:28.400 So what should you do?

00:09:30.120 Because we can't eliminate those people from our lives.

00:09:33.060 We got social media.

00:09:34.780 It's real simple.

00:09:35.880 Block the fuck out of them and delete their fucking existence from your brain.

00:09:39.280 You don't have to listen to that shit.

00:09:40.800 You don't owe them anything.

00:09:42.340 You don't owe them a response.

00:09:43.900 You don't owe them anything.

00:09:45.280 But who you do owe things to are the people who contribute to you, the people who show up

00:09:49.840 for you, the people who help you make a better life.

00:09:53.220 Those are the people that deserve your energy.

00:09:55.260 Those are the people that deserve the responses to the comments they make, not these fucking

00:10:01.100 dumb fucks from who knows where that could be a total fucking fake. 0.96

00:10:06.140 It could be your biggest enemy pretending to be a regular person who fucking knows.

00:10:10.060 And more importantly, who fucking cares?

00:10:13.820 OK, we spend so much time and we've been conditioned to believe that, you know, other people out there

00:10:21.800 in the Internet world have some shit figured out, bro, if they had shit figured out, they wouldn't be

00:10:25.820 on your page talking shit. 0.97

00:10:27.800 I don't know one motherfucker, not one, not a single one of my friends.

00:10:32.380 Like, and you guys see who I'm around.

00:10:34.060 You see who I spend my time with.

00:10:35.680 OK, not one of those people have I ever seen go on someone else's page and make a negative

00:10:40.420 comment.

00:10:41.400 Why is that?

00:10:42.200 Because they value their energy and they value their time and they know it's irrelevant and

00:10:47.080 they know that no matter what they say to that person, that person is going to continue to

00:10:50.920 live in their own ignorant little bubble and they're going to stay right where the fuck

00:10:54.640 they are.

00:10:55.480 OK, so like I said a few episodes ago, this is not about pulling those people with you.

00:11:00.980 This is not about getting Tommy and Susie and Bobby from the fucking old hood and dedicating

00:11:06.460 all your time to improving their lives.

00:11:08.380 This is about you running as hard and as fast as you fucking can and becoming the motherfucking

00:11:14.840 example that not just them, but everybody can follow and learn from.

00:11:21.020 And what serves a greater purpose than that?

00:11:23.720 OK, when you live a quality life and you do everything you can to be the best person you

00:11:29.640 can and you do everything you can to to build the best life you can, those people will either

00:11:34.820 run with you or they won't.

00:11:36.300 And I can tell you from experience, this is a mistake I made.

00:11:40.780 You will hold yourself back.

00:11:44.440 A lot of times forever by trying to pull those people along, those people have different plans

00:11:50.640 for themselves, they have a different identity for themselves, they see themselves differently

00:11:54.540 than you do.

00:11:55.140 And you need to understand that so that you're not dedicating a disproportionate amount of energy

00:12:00.160 to them, you know, trying to get them to get it.

00:12:03.120 Like, what is there to get?

00:12:04.860 If you get it, why don't you just go?

00:12:07.500 OK, that's the most noble thing you can do, right?

00:12:11.340 Because it's going to help more people.

00:12:12.920 They may not be these three people, but it's going to be a lot more people.

00:12:17.080 All right.

00:12:17.340 There's people that I know from the past that probably fucking hate the shit out of me.

00:12:21.400 OK, but it is what it is.

00:12:23.380 There's a lot more out there that don't.

00:12:24.800 And there's a lot more motherfuckers that go out there and win or lose 20 pounds or 100 1.00

00:12:28.980 pounds or fucking 600 pounds or build a business or do this or that because of the shit that 0.95

00:12:33.960 I say.

00:12:34.380 And those motherfuckers were saying to me 10 years ago, oh, who do you think you are,

00:12:38.080 Tony Robbins?

00:12:38.900 No, motherfucker.

00:12:40.040 Actually, I don't.

00:12:41.380 I think I'm Andy Frisella.

00:12:43.480 You know, and a lot of you guys missed this point.

00:12:45.480 The person that you need to be most loyal to if you really want to embody the the the

00:12:51.940 idea, OK, the state of being of loyalty is yourself.

00:12:56.760 And that doesn't mean fuck people over.

00:12:59.060 That means do everything that you need to do to take care of yourself, to build yourself

00:13:03.520 into the best version of yourself and eliminate all the shit that doesn't contribute to that. 0.72

00:13:08.360 That is being loyal to self.

00:13:10.240 That is not being disloyal to them.

00:13:12.400 Loyal to self is the first thing that has to happen for you to be loyal to anybody and

00:13:17.580 for anybody else to be loyal back to you, because if you're pretending that you're something

00:13:22.200 else, if you're playing down, if you're trying to soften who the fuck you are for other people's 0.63

00:13:28.760 comfort, they're not actually loyal to you at all.

00:13:31.980 They're loyal to a version of you that isn't even who the fuck you are.

00:13:35.760 You need to really think about that.

00:13:37.520 OK, you have to be loyal to yourself.

00:13:40.420 You have to be committed to yourself.

00:13:41.860 You have to be dedicated to building the best possible you before anyone else can even think

00:13:50.060 about being truly loyal to you in terms of who you're trying to become, in terms of what

00:13:56.080 you're trying to create, in terms of what life you're trying to build.

00:14:00.140 OK, these are important things to consider.

00:14:02.900 You should be looking at your friend circle and looking at your peer circle.

00:14:06.540 Who are you texting with?

00:14:07.940 Who are you DMing with?

00:14:09.140 Who are you spending your time communicating with?

00:14:11.800 Are they contributing or are they creating distraction?

00:14:16.540 Are they holding back?

00:14:17.980 Are these people of like mind or are they interested in different things?

00:14:21.560 Are they trying to be better or are they just trying to exist?

00:14:24.580 And by the way, I'm not judging anybody.

00:14:26.860 Life is really hard right now for everybody.

00:14:28.800 Everybody has a different comfort level.

00:14:30.340 But I know that the people that listen to this show are people who are fucking weapons.

00:14:34.600 OK, these are you guys are weapons in the fucking making.

00:14:37.140 If you're not a weapon already, which a lot of you are, you're going to be one.

00:14:40.500 That's why you listen to me.

00:14:41.980 OK, let them go be fucking spoons. 1.00

00:14:43.920 It's OK.

00:14:44.660 We need spoons, too.

00:14:46.300 Right.

00:14:47.400 You can't just be a fucking switchblade all the time.

00:14:49.680 We need some fucking spoons. 1.00

00:14:51.560 It's all right.

00:14:52.920 It's nothing personal towards them.

00:14:54.280 OK, so think about that and think about these things.

00:14:57.820 Audit your circle, audit your friends, audit your relationships and see who you're spending

00:15:01.060 time with.

00:15:02.020 And if you need to upgrade that circle, this is a very important point.

00:15:06.940 If you need to upgrade that circle, audit people you're trying to learn from.

00:15:12.700 There's so many people out there right now trying to claim to be these experts at fucking

00:15:17.380 everything, guys.

00:15:18.320 And you can look at them and tell they don't have their shit together.

00:15:21.080 You can physically look at them and say, this guy don't have it together.

00:15:24.980 This guy don't have it together.

00:15:26.960 OK, so look for the holes in the people's game they're trying to teach you.

00:15:31.220 Are they improving those holes or are they just letting them be?

00:15:34.920 Because, dude, it's important.

00:15:36.880 It's a big deal.

00:15:38.180 Your whole life depends on your peer group.

00:15:41.040 Whether you realize that now or you're going to realize that 20 years from now, you're going

00:15:44.600 to realize that in 40 years.

00:15:47.020 Your peer group will define who the fuck you are.

00:15:49.420 There's a reason that saying exists. 1.00

00:15:51.620 You know, you are the sum of your five closest friends.

00:15:53.760 That is that is true.

00:15:55.700 That is true.

00:15:57.740 OK, so if you look around and your five closest friends ain't doing shit, guess who's going

00:16:01.200 to be the sixth one ain't doing shit? 0.57

00:16:03.980 Something to think about, guys.

00:16:05.900 So you have to understand.

00:16:08.360 It's not about what you think loyalty is.

00:16:10.960 You have to understand that being loyal is a two way street and it should be an alliance

00:16:15.480 and a commitment to helping each other be better and be the best people that we can.

00:16:21.600 And the sooner you can understand that, the sooner that you are going to start moving forward.

00:16:25.380 You need to let go of these people.

00:16:27.240 You need I'm not saying be mean to them.

00:16:28.820 I'm not saying, hey, fuck you, blah, blah, blah.

00:16:30.820 But if these people are constantly antagonizing you, they're constantly saying negative things

00:16:35.080 to you, they're constantly saying the passive aggressive bullshit that we all hear as people

00:16:39.060 who are on the pursuit of success.

00:16:40.260 Right.

00:16:40.700 You all know what I'm talking about.

00:16:41.940 The little comments that people say and, you know, they try like I used to get the one,

00:16:46.220 you know, like, oh, dude, you're going you're working too hard, you know, motherfucker. 0.98

00:16:50.880 That's your opinion.

00:16:52.440 That's not my that's not what I want.

00:16:54.740 Like, what about what I want?

00:16:55.960 What do I want?

00:16:56.540 What do I want to be?

00:16:57.260 What am I trying to get to?

00:16:59.100 Who am I trying to become?

00:17:01.140 Be loyal to the people that understand those things and your life's going to get a whole

00:17:05.040 lot fucking better.

00:17:05.720 Went from sleeping on the floor.

00:17:08.180 Now my jewelry box froze.

00:17:09.900 Fuck a bowl.

00:17:10.700 Fuck a stove. 0.96

00:17:11.540 Counted millions in the cold.

00:17:13.220 Bad bitch. 1.00

00:17:14.060 Booted swole.

00:17:14.880 Got her on bankroll.

00:17:16.520 Can't fold.

00:17:17.400 Doesn't know.

00:17:18.220 Headshot.

00:17:19.040 Case closed.

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - September 21, 2021

142. Creating Loyalty For Success

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