230. Q&AF： Difference Between Ego & Arrogance, Giving Friends Honest Feedback & Misconception About Failure
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Summary
In this episode of The Realist, we have our first guest on the show, Annie. She is a seasoned professional chef and has been in the business industry for a long time. She has been around the business game for a while now and has had a lot of experience in the food industry. She s been on the Food Network show "The Realist" and is a regular on Food Network's "Top Chef". In this episode, we talk about her journey in the industry, how she got into the business, and what it s like being a chef.
Transcript
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what is up guys it's andy frisella and this is the show for the realist say goodbye to the lies
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the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys
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today we have q and af that's where you give the q's and i give the afs now how do they get the
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q's in guys you can email your q's into ask andy at andy frisella.com yeah do that i like the q you
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bring the q's and i bring the i like that hey you do i made that up a couple shows ago but i know
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i'm just remember that it's fucking sticky though like yeah i know it's provocative it gets people
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going you know why because i've been doing this for a minute yeah hey comes with it that's what i'm
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saying all right what we got today bro wait hold on hold on i forgot oh yeah see yeah even though
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i'm a seasoned professional i did forget that we do have a fee see and the fee is very simple
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if you like the show if it made you think if it taught you something if it gave you a new perspective
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if it made you mad share the show especially if it makes you mad yeah you chose the word seasoned
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is that like a like like why that word because you know you're always saying that white people are
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are no seasoning so i'm saying i'm seasoned bro you're so racist come on man you you took it there i
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didn't even oh come on dude you were gonna already go there true or not true it's true all right
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oh i got some good ones for you though man okay yeah we got some good ones for you man good uh let's
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let's let's lock these out andy question number one i'm still thinking about the seasoning like if i
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was seasoned what kind of seasoning would i be i'll smoke paprika for sure oh really
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that limit are you lemon pepper would it be a sprinkle or a rub oh you're a rub baby all right
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100 go sprinkle you yeah don't forget that just saying smoke paprika bad hey bro i watched your
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chef show last night yeah you fucking need to do a show in it bro there needs to be a dj chef youtube
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channel i'm just telling you where like a video a week of you cooking some shit yeah that shit is
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entertaining man i appreciate it man yeah i just like fucking eating like that honestly that's it
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bro that shit will make anybody want to eat where'd you learn how to cook listen i learned how to
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fucking eat first like that's all it is i just like fucking eating good fucking food man well i'm saying
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we need to launch the the chef reggie show hey man all right i see it back to the reason we're here
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yeah questions man for ruin tyranny forever i mean never mind answer questions that's the other
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show yeah that is the other show that's the other show all right weird how we have like all these
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different shows on one channel hey man it's a different news hour that's all that's it that's
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it yeah that's it i kind of like it right now it's like soap opera you know what's fun dude is i get to
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come in here every day and talk about different shit yeah like it's like today we're going to talk
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about like you know probably how to get better yeah how to win how to make more money how to be more
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fulfilled i'm just guessing that's what we're going to talk about and then you know tomorrow
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or the next day we're going to get to verbally rape every fucking politician out there it's
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fucking great what billy say punch these uh politicians in the face peacefully with my words
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politically yeah politically all right any question number one for you can you you've experienced you've
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seen both of these things over the course of your your business life because i'm seasoned because
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you're seasoned smoke paprika but annie can you go into detail and talk to us about the difference
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between having an ego and being arrogant and what you have seen over you know 24 years of business yeah
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dude look man first of all every single person has a different opinion or different definition of
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those terms right like the minute you get hot on yourself and you say hey i'm doing good shit or
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whatever everybody wants to come at you and say oh your ego is getting the best of you remember where
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you came from well you're too good listen every single person that says that shit to you is losing
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pay attention to that okay they're losing all right the the number one fucking loser comment that i
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can recognize as someone's an actual loser is when they say remember where you came from
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no bro i'm trying to get away as far as i fucking can from that yeah like that's what people don't
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understand that's the point driven people are not worried about where the fuck they came from
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they look where they came from they remind where they came from they realize they're no better than
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they were then and they appreciate that yeah okay but like nobody's better like when you try to connect
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that future version of yourself back to where you came from uh a lot of times there's really no
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connection you know yeah so you're gonna have i just want you guys to understand anytime you set
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out to do something that's relevant or great or outside the norm you're gonna have people attack you
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and say you're egotistical and you're arrogant um first of all let me remind you of something
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there's not a champion out there i don't care how nice they seem tom brady okay that doesn't have a
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fucking healthy strong ego yeah all right because a healthy strong ego is what you need when you're in
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doubt of yourself that's whenever you got to come in you gotta say no motherfucker you're the baddest
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motherfucker on the fucking planet and you can't operate at the highest levels without that sort of
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an ego so a healthy ego and healthy belief in yourself and healthy respect for your own abilities
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is absolutely necessary to get to that level that you're trying to get to yeah okay and regular people
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who do the regular life thing i'm not knocking them they'll never understand that because humility
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is overvalued in society everybody wants to be humble everybody wants to be meek well no actually i
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take that back everybody wants to tell everybody to be humble and everybody wants to tell everybody
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to be meek but on the internal most people want to be a bad motherfucker it's just the truth yeah
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right and there's nothing wrong with being someone who believes in their own abilities when you
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actually have skills now the difference between arrogance and ego is whenever you overestimate those
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skills and you think you're actually better than what you really are okay you follow what i'm saying
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so that's arrogance when you start to think you're the best and you're this and you're that and you're
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this and nobody can fuck with you and really you're just a rookie motherfucker that's arrogant
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you will get smashed for that when you know your skill set and you're comfortable with who you are
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and you believe in yourself and you know that nobody can fuck with you because of your skills and your
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experience and things you've already been through that's ego that's reminding you hey motherfucker
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you're bad as shit you've done all these things you can handle this shit coming down the pipe
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and it's an absolutely necessary part of someone's character who's going to win yeah all right so
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that's how you have to look at it now when it comes to humility humility is overrated all right
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now what i mean by that is everybody wants to fucking push you to be more humble that's the
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fucking narrative in society oh you better calm down like dude you know how many motherfuckers told
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me that all of them you know where they are same place they were when they told me that
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all right so humility's value in the pursuit of success is way overstated where where the humility
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really comes into play is that you have to understand that you are no better than any other
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human just because you're more successful you have to understand there's a whole lot of shit that you
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don't know okay and you have to understand that you can still get better no matter how good you are
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that's humility in the success realm that's how it serves you so when you over humble yourself okay
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and you don't talk about you know you won't toot your own horn because bro nobody's gonna toot your
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fucking horn so you're tooting it yeah you gotta be the first to toot it that's just reality all right
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it will leave you under recognized underpaid undervalued and fucking frustrated that's the truth
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but you have to have a certain element of humility because if you don't you lose the ability to learn
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and if you lose the ability to learn because you think you fucking know everything already then what
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you get beat by someone who is humble enough to continue to learn and get better and improve no matter
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how good they are or how big they're winning so you have to have a healthy balance of ego and humility
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to actually be what it is most of you are trying to be but working into a healthy ego is earned
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okay you have to earn that in the beginning when you haven't fucking done anything you should be
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extremely humble you should be an open book in terms of what you're willing to learn um you don't
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have any skills yet so all you have is humility and where you should what you should understand at
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that point in time is that you are capable of developing skills just like anybody else would be
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you follow what i'm saying right so a healthy ego is developed through through the process
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it's not a bad thing like anybody who says oh the fucking guy's got a big ego you're fucking right
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i do brother you're fucking right and it's earned that's right yeah that's fucking awesome so like
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it you know people it is what it is man i don't really give a fuck what people think about it
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that's real yeah that's real that's awesome andy question number two uh so i'm gonna read the
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read the question that got a little bit of backstory for you so the question is andy what's the best way
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to deliver honest feedback to a close friend so the the backstory is a uh a buddy of mine started a
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new t-shirt business and honestly the shirts are terrible the quality the graphics and the problem is
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he only wants to hear the good feedback so what's the best way to deliver honest feedback to a close
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friend or to anybody for that matter uh show them show them show them what the alternative looks
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like right that that guy's shirt sucks and his logo sucks bring in a shirt that feels right bring
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in a shirt that looks right bring in a logo that looks right and say hey dude look i think we i think
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we could do better with this all right this is where i think you need to go the the nobody likes to be
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told they're fucking wrong but if you do it the right way and present a solution with it people who
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are somewhat intelligent will realize okay let me backtrack this if you are not able and this goes
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into the first question if you are not humble enough to recognize when your answer is wrong
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you're not going to be very successful that's another part of humility okay so some people
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cannot listen to fucking they have to be right there's people like that and and there's a lot of
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them right now there is there is and that will keep you from winning that's another area where
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humility comes in all right so how i would address that is sort of how you and i were talking keith
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yesterday about videos so i i text video a video format to keith yesterday i said hey what do you
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think about this and he's like he's like well we could do this i said no dude i asked you what do
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you think about this and he comes back he's like well i don't really like it i think we could do this
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and we came up with a better solution than what i had suggested yeah you see what i'm saying and
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that's where you want to be as a leader dude you want to be able to accept feedback you have to
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understand there's people on your team that are smarter than you and all kinds of shit so you have
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to listen to what the fuck they say that's why you hired them yeah and if you're arrogant yeah going
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back to the you won't yeah if you have a healthy bro i know i'm good but the reason i know i'm good
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is because i'm smart enough to listen motherfuckers that know better all right so that all ties
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you feel what i'm saying all ties together connected yeah so um you have to be willing to
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to approach it the correct way and sometimes when people are new in business like like it sounds like
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this guy's pretty new they're very defensive personally about their projects right because
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this is like a new thing and everybody's telling them it's a bad idea and everybody's telling them
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that it's not going to work and there's so much resistance that you face when you start a new
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project just from starting a new project that people people get their defenses up right naturally
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yeah right so if this dude is really your friend and you really want to help him i would suggest at
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this point in time um coming to him with better solutions and the problem at the same time does
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that make sense yeah so like give him the problem yes for sure yeah because that doesn't really solve
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anything like that's just an attack yeah so if you want to fucking really help this person
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get an example of what you think is good you know say hey i want to talk to you about some stuff i've
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been looking at this and this and this make the meeting about him moving the company in the right
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direction that you think it should go instead of saying you fucking suck like dude everybody sucks in
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the beginning right everybody makes stupid looking t-shirts in the beginning everybody's t-shirt quality
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sucks in the beginning that's just how t-shirt companies start yeah i know because i fucking
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have one all right right if you go compare what i was doing 10 years ago to what we're doing now
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i would fire a motherfucker for making the shit that i approved 10 years ago no shit you see what i'm
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saying so like dude that's a progression so just have some tact have some understanding that when things
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are new people are usually not supporting it and be the person who supports it by going at them
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with not just complaints but also a direction to fix it because the real frustration comes from
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people just piling on negativity right right like you start to feel alone you start to feel like
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everybody's against you actually my anti-gram was just about this today not everybody's against you
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bro they just don't know how to support you right and that's what you have to remember so be a good
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friend and this goes for everybody not just this person asking the question when you have someone in
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your family or your friend is starting something new don't be one of these people that tells them
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you know that all the bad shit with no solution right you're not helping you're creating stress
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you're creating anxiety you're creating resentment the best way to do it is to go to them and say hey
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i like this i appreciate what you're trying to do i think i think you know let's look at this and
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this and this right right even if you're not in the company you're just a friend dude my friends have
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done that for me over the years where they know like let's say they were using a different
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product or something that i wasn't aware of they bring it to me they say this is fucking amazing
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you should look you should look at that i've looked at it and then we've done it better and
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it's made us tens of millions of dollars right and no and i love those guys now because like now
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they helped me get on to something that worked you see what i'm saying yeah yeah when they could
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have just brought you the problem for sure which that's what most people do bro that's what most
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people do that's why i don't fuck with anybody like dude you know i don't fuck with anybody yeah
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and the reason i don't is because most people are not aware enough to do what i just said
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they're always just piling on bullshit it's fire andy our third and final question for you
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andy what would you say is the biggest misconception that people have about failure
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that they can avoid it like they think they think most people think that well there's two one that
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they can avoid it and then the second one when it happens that it's the end of the world
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all right those two those two misunderstandings cost most people their dreams all right first of
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all if you never fail it means you've never tried anything different or outside the norm you never
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even really tried if you haven't failed look at a kid who walks how many times did ryan fall down
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when she's learned how to walk fuck she's still falling now okay but does she ever look up at you
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and said dad uh i think this isn't for me right right no she fucking picked herself up she fucking did
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two steps instead of fucking one step and then eventually it's three and then eventually it's
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four and then eventually it's 400 right but then eventually you don't even notice you're doing it
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because it's so natural it's the same thing with what we're talking about here okay you have to go
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through the fails you have to go through the test because every single failure that you have
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every single setback that you have is another lesson that you put into your fucking skilled tool belt
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okay because that situation whatever it is to fail will reappear down the road that's the thing you
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have to understand so whatever fucks you up today once you push through it and you recognize not to
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make that same mistake again now when it reappears five years from now you know exactly how to handle
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it whereas the people competing with you who are less experienced at that time down the road they get
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fucked by that same situation where you are skilled enough savvy enough and experienced enough
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to deal with it so a lot of it has to do with how you view failure through the perspective every
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time we fuck up and bro we fuck up a lot every single time i make sure my biggest thing is okay what'd
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you learn right what'd you learn you know this like dude you see me do it what'd you learn and if they
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learn the thing it's okay don't do that again and that's what you and that goes for employees too
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a lot of people uh are not savvy enough leaders to understand that most employees on your team
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they want to win with you okay so when they fuck up a lot of times ceos or bosses or managers will fire
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these people and replace them with someone who still don't know and then they do the same shit over
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again and then it happens a third time and a fourth time because they keep kicking people out instead of
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looking at these failures and mistakes as an investment in their education right you see what
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i'm saying so you have to understand that it's part of the process it's just part of the fucking
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success recipe getting your balls kicked in is part of the deal it just is and the longer you go
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overcoming them and realizing that point number two it's not a fatal thing it's just a temporary thing
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now you're able to see it through the proper lens and the proper lens tells you okay i touched that
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stove today and it burnt my fucking finger guess what tomorrow i'm not gonna touch it okay so now
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you're better than you were yesterday you're smarter than you were yesterday and this is how this is how
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failure should be addressed and how it is addressed amongst people who are hiring successful people
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whether they're entrepreneurs or inside of a company or whatever they understand and this is
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something i say all the time i say this from the stage i say this here i said it for years and years
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years there's only really two things you have to have to win one don't fucking quit and two don't
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make the same mistakes twice if you can if you have the capacity to do those two things there is
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literally fucking nothing that can stop you but time okay like you could run out of time that's right
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but outside of that bro keep it moving try not to repeat the same mistake twice and if you do
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don't do it a third time and that's really the key to success it truly truly is it's just most people
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get hung up on that first or second or third failure and they look at it and say fuck i'm
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really bad at this no bro everybody's bad at it it's just the motherfuckers on the internet lie to
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you about it make it look easy yeah so we all go through it and it's not it's just if i could make
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someone understand something about the process it would be to understand that that is just a normal
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part of the fucking entrepreneur win big win at anything process you are going to have to get
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real comfortable with making mistakes real comfortable with uh things not going your way
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and learning lessons dude it's it's it's so simple to me standing on the other side right like
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like you know a lot of people listening right now you're just at the first step of this mountain
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you're trying to climb where i'm up i've already climbed the motherfucker and i'm climbing the next
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one over it right so like i'm standing on the other side at the bottom of your mountain and you're
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standing on the other on one side of the bottom of the mountain looking up at it i've already climbed
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it's easy for me to fucking say step here step here do this it's so fucking simple for me to
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understand i wish people i wish i could take what's in my brain as understanding this concept and like
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just implant it into people because if you if i could you would not fear failing at all at all
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and a lot of people are like you know you asked me this didn't you like what the other day we're
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doing cardio you asked me we're in the process of growth what are you afraid of yeah he yeah you he
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asked me like just as a friend the other day he's like bro does any of this shit ever scare you i'm
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like no what i tell you remember i told you i said i said bro i don't know what the fuck i'm doing
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anyway right oh yeah yeah i i've gotten this far i don't know what the fuck i'm doing so if i don't
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know what the fuck i'm doing on day one and i continue to move and i don't know what i'm doing
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on day on year 10 and i don't know what i'm doing on year 20 what do i have to be afraid of right
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right you see what i'm saying and that's the attitude you should have hey i don't i never did
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this before i don't know everything i think i know what's best and then move forward with that
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you know that's it dude that's all you can do you know like a lot of people come to me and
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they're like oh bro you're doing this and this and this and this and and and you've never done
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that before and i'm like no i haven't well how do you know you're gonna get it done well the same
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way i got all the rest of the shit done right right like i'm gonna fucking not quit i'm gonna learn my
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lessons and and as long as that takes for the job to get done it's gonna get done it's that simple
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dude it really truly is that simple that's fucking fire guys andy that's three so go pay the fee
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yeah do that went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a pole fuck a stove
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counted millions in the code bad bitch booted swole got her on bankroll can't fold doesn't know