REAL AF with Andy Frisella - February 11, 2022


232. Q&AF： Apologizing For Firing People, Progressing Ahead & Overcoming The Biggest Test Day


Episode Stats


Length

23 minutes

Words per minute

201.54437

Word count

4,672

Sentence count

2

Harmful content

Misogyny

5

sentences flagged

Hate speech

78

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of the Ask the Realists, Andy Frisella is joined by Q and Af as they answer the question, Should I ever apologize for doing the right thing? and the answer is no.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 what is up guys it's andy frisella and this is the show for the realists say goodbye to the lies
00:00:21.700 the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today
00:00:26.720 we have q and af and this is where you bring the q's and i bring the afs as always i've got my
00:00:34.000 handsome counterpart my dot what's up andy what's up brother how are you oh and then we got dj too
00:00:42.060 what's up dj hey dj your favorite black guy on the show
00:00:47.700 oh man what's going on man what we got hey man we got q and af man all right what's the rules here
00:00:56.720 uh i give you three questions yeah and you give me three answers and that's it that's right
00:01:01.160 if you want to submit the questions where do you submit them submit them by emailing your
00:01:05.100 questions into ask andy at andy for seller.com and before we get started if you're new we have a fee
00:01:09.760 the fee is not of monetary value it's not gold it's not silver it's not green well it could be green
00:01:17.500 but not the green you're thinking different green yeah with some crystals that's right but not
00:01:21.860 crystal meth i like that that's right none of that shit none of that white trash shit yeah i mean bro 0.99
00:01:26.900 people they know we're in missouri you got verified anyhow the fee is very simple if you like the show
00:01:34.200 if it gave you some uh good insight if it taught you something which this one will share the show
00:01:39.480 all right we don't want ads on the show we don't want ads for the show we grow exclusively when you
00:01:44.160 tell people to listen to our stuff and we appreciate it so with that being said let's get
00:01:49.420 started question number one andy uh i'm gonna give you the question in a little backstory but the
00:01:53.840 question is andy should i ever apologize for doing the right thing so the backstory is i had to fire a
00:02:01.240 guy i really liked him he just couldn't cut it time and time again i gave him his his thing he
00:02:05.540 listened to your show the last q a one of the last q a's we did and your row the boat analogy just
00:02:11.260 finally made him make the change yeah all right he lined up another job he gave him recommendations
00:02:15.740 and wrote recommendations and all it is he still feels terrible so should he ever apologize for
00:02:20.140 doing the right no not at all get tougher all right your job is to do the right thing for for
00:02:26.580 everybody it's mission first all right if you have someone in your organization that's not up to snuff
00:02:32.420 you are you are betraying all the people who are doing the right thing all right you have to
00:02:37.600 understand that and that took me a long time to understand i could totally emphasize with feeling
00:02:41.800 bad about some having to get rid of someone it's not fun it's it's probably the hardest thing about
00:02:46.600 business um nobody likes it it's never a good time it's always a it's always a hard conversation
00:02:53.460 but at the end of the day you have to remember that you're the leader and you're responsible for all
00:02:58.580 the lives in your organization their well-being their growth their their advancement and if you have
00:03:04.100 people on your team that are not advancing with them it is your obligation is your duty is your
00:03:09.620 role as the leader to remove those people and put people in who will do that job that is an obligation
00:03:15.960 that you have to all the good hard-working people who come in and and polish their skills and get better
00:03:22.820 and are committed to the long-term function of what you're trying to accomplish okay if you have
00:03:28.300 someone who just can't get it i've done all those things that that that person said i've lined up
00:03:34.400 other jobs i've given referrals i've tried to place some other places i believe personally that's all
00:03:39.900 you you can do and i think that's above and beyond what most places of employment will do yeah i would
00:03:46.260 i would say to you if you were my friend uh which you are if you're listening to the show all of you
00:03:51.260 guys are um you did the right thing don't carry that guilt this is part of being a leader it's
00:03:57.900 always hard um it's always difficult and this is also why you will be the most financially rewarded
00:04:05.060 in your organization at some point in time because you have to make these kind of hard calls
00:04:08.520 so remember that it's not that you did something wrong towards that guy you did something right for
00:04:14.560 the team does it ever get easier not you know it depends on what people do right like if someone's
00:04:20.300 just a good person and they just don't have the skills or they're not putting the skills or maybe
00:04:25.500 they've got a whole bunch of shit going on at home and they fucking skate out for three months and they 0.79
00:04:30.420 fuck up and like bro i i could empathize with that we all go through hard times but you still have to 0.88
00:04:34.980 execute when you come into the into the game you know i'm saying like at the highest levels of
00:04:40.280 competition which business is and i think most people make a mistake when it comes to business not
00:04:45.180 thinking that it is that you are playing right now in the nfl or in the mlb or in the nba okay
00:04:52.400 it's a championship game every motherfucking day that's what i love about business i love that about
00:04:58.180 business but people don't understand that that is the reality of business if you don't make those
00:05:03.080 moves i can promise you competitor is making those moves all right a lot of these ceos they get they
00:05:08.560 get they get branded as callous and mean and hard because they have to make these decisions
00:05:13.160 well those decisions not everybody can make right right yeah you're having to go home and sleep
00:05:19.280 good bro it's very difficult it's very difficult it's a you have major responsibility as a leader
00:05:24.000 and it's not you if you're a good leader yeah right there's a lot of shitty leaders out there
00:05:29.120 but like dude when i when i go home my concerns are never ever ever about my personal gain or my this
00:05:39.020 or that or how much i make it's it's like okay i got these three guys who helped build this part of
00:05:44.140 the company they're still doing this i need to get a place for them like i'm always thinking about
00:05:49.520 how to move my people forward um because those are the people that build your shit right and so you 0.79
00:05:57.280 have an obligation i think most ceos would take the position of building the company for the sake of
00:06:05.040 their employees to have careers they would have much more successful companies you know what i'm
00:06:09.240 saying yeah so yeah when i when i when i adjusted my viewpoint on that which was probably 2014 or 15
00:06:15.560 where i really got it like i started getting it like oh fuck um i could tell you when i figured it 0.72
00:06:21.820 out it's the story you guys have heard before where i had pneumonia and i was sitting home every day
00:06:25.400 and uh you know i was i was uh making more money than i ever made and i started to realize like that's
00:06:31.520 not the game the game is to take care of the people that take care of you and once you start
00:06:36.720 thinking like that um your whole culture changes because people understand that you're showing up
00:06:44.520 for them now right and you're you're moving for them different purpose yeah bro and and the culture
00:06:49.320 will change when you adjust that that viewpoint so if you want to change your entire culture the easiest
00:06:54.240 way possible start understanding that you come to work to not only take care of you but more so to
00:07:02.580 take care of the people that work for you and your culture will change people will come to work
00:07:07.260 they will be happy they will be happy to do things um everybody will start to row the same direction but
00:07:12.160 you know those kind of moves are going to be necessary at points in time throughout the journey and
00:07:18.000 they're very difficult they're never easy and uh you know what i found is most of the time when
00:07:24.420 people get fired they know that it's coming and so you have to also understand that very few times
00:07:30.780 i i don't know that i've ever fired anyone that didn't know they were at least close to getting
00:07:36.360 fired right like it's never been a surprise right right it's not a smack in the face yeah and so it's
00:07:41.380 how you approach the conversation and how you treat them afterwards and you know the idea being like
00:07:47.360 hey man it's just like a relationship like hey just because this didn't work out doesn't matter i hate
00:07:51.540 you right and you know i think people as employees need to feel that a little bit from their from
00:07:57.480 their people um unless they do something on fucking unmoral and that's yeah yeah like if you're stealing 0.92
00:08:03.640 or some shit like that like fuck you right right and then make an example out of it publicly so that 0.94
00:08:08.180 everybody knows not to do that um but you know when it comes to just someone not cutting the mustard
00:08:13.180 you know that's that's what you got to do it's just part of the part of the job and if i were
00:08:18.360 this person i wouldn't feel bad about it at all you did the right thing yeah awesome andy question
00:08:24.460 number two andy i've heard you say before that you almost have to hate where you are so you keep
00:08:31.800 going for more does this apply the same as having to hate who you are to keep moving yourself forward
00:08:38.620 yeah it sure does um i i not all the time but in the beginning for sure like the uncomfortable
00:08:46.900 is what gets people into action when you finally come to terms with how fucked up you are and how 0.96
00:08:53.400 fucked up your life is and how out of shape you are and how broke you are and you admit it to yourself 0.90
00:08:58.780 you're going to get fucking mad and when you get mad at yourself that anger at self is actually what 0.80
00:09:05.040 promotes change for people most people have to get so uncomfortable that they that the pain of
00:09:10.540 changing is more comfortable than where they are at this time you see what i'm saying yeah so yeah in
00:09:16.760 the beginning for sure but as you begin to to get better and as you begin to move forward and as you
00:09:22.160 begin to get better you're going to find other reasons that progress you forward you're going to
00:09:27.280 find other causes that progress you forward like for me i'm proud of who i am do i still come in here
00:09:32.820 and bust ass every day fuck yeah because i understand that if i don't these motherfuckers 1.00
00:09:37.600 won't okay and if they don't they're going to shoot themselves in the foot so i understand that i am an
00:09:42.820 example that needs to be lived in front of their faces so they understand how to do these things
00:09:47.500 every day yeah and it's called being a fucking leader dude yeah and you have to take the responsibility 0.85
00:09:51.780 serious that comes with your business it comes with your fucking home life it comes with your fitness 0.96
00:09:56.180 it comes with your fucking money it comes fucking everything if you're not taking care of your shit 0.98
00:10:00.380 the people around you aren't going to take care of their shit and whether you understand this or not 0.84
00:10:04.580 right now at this point in your life you are a very very important critical figure in the lives of many
00:10:11.860 people whether you understand that now or not you are either showing people around you weakness or
00:10:18.660 strength you either showing people around you success or failure you are either showing people around
00:10:24.220 you um how to win or how to lose you're the showing people around you how to be a how to live a great
00:10:30.100 life or how to live a poor life and everybody's watching you all the time bro like you guys think
00:10:36.680 like oh i don't matter i don't this and that the whole reason the country's so fucked up is because 0.95
00:10:41.120 everybody's been thinking that for a long time mentality right you people think that if they don't
00:10:45.060 have two million fucking followers on instagram that they're irrelevant uh what about your kids 0.90
00:10:50.440 what about their friends what about your fucking cousins what about your aunts what about your uncles 0.99
00:10:54.640 you never know who the fuck is paying attention to you and we are all all of us and here
00:10:59.800 in america you're you are you do still have the freedom to improve yourself and it's an obligation
00:11:05.940 for you to do so because you never understand how many lives are going to be changed simply by you
00:11:12.200 pursuing your potential right people are going to see what that looks like and honestly i think it's
00:11:17.840 the biggest obligation we all have to exercise the freedom to to execute upon that because if we're not
00:11:24.120 we're teaching everybody around us by by through inaction what it looks like to lose yeah you know
00:11:30.640 and so like dude it's if people would just switch their mindset from oh yeah it would be nice to be
00:11:37.500 successful and have my life in order and to be fit and a functional human and intelligent and put good
00:11:42.140 shit in my brain and contribute if everybody just understood that that that's an obligation of being 0.65
00:11:48.540 in america how much better would the country be definitely wouldn't be here that's what i'm saying
00:11:52.760 so like dude that's why i say personal excellence is the ultimate rebellion okay because they can't
00:11:59.820 censor personal excellence right they can't censor someone who lives in your community who's eating
00:12:05.200 right who's training right who's putting in good information who's teaching who's uplifting who's
00:12:10.000 bringing around positive change how the fuck do they censor that in real life they can't and what we 0.84
00:12:16.020 have in this problem in this country is an epidemic of people who think they're irrelevant
00:12:19.820 and you're not so recognize that yes you have a lot of people watching you right now regardless
00:12:26.380 of where you are in life you have people waiting for you to do shit in the in the universal scheme 0.58
00:12:32.300 of things that are either going to live or die based off of your fucking actions and nobody fucking 0.99
00:12:39.800 thinks of it that deep because most people are so programmed by the tv or the news or the this or the
00:12:45.240 that that they don't even think about their own shit right bro what if every single person listening 0.61
00:12:51.060 to this show right now made a commitment to be fucking better in every single way their kids 0.86
00:12:56.400 would be better their kids friends would come over and they would see that you're different than their
00:12:59.980 fucking parents right their parents would notice it all of a sudden you're starting a little ripple 0.64
00:13:05.260 on your street in your neighborhood you see what i'm saying if we want to be better in this country
00:13:09.940 it all comes down to being uncomfortable with where the fuck we are and understanding that it's 0.81
00:13:15.820 going to call it's going to it's going to be it's good it's going to be more comfortable for us to
00:13:20.460 pursue what it is that we were meant to be anyway and i'm telling you the reward there is going to
00:13:25.360 make it way more it's way more i just did a blog on this the blog i did like two days ago on enneagram
00:13:30.040 was the end i think it was today maybe it was uh the anticipation of the work is where the fucking pain 0.95
00:13:35.740 is bro it's not the work right we we we agonize and we think how hard it's going to be and we
00:13:41.800 tell ourselves all these stories about how we can't fucking do it and it's going to be this huge pain 0.88
00:13:46.260 in the ass it's going to take so much time so fucking what so what yeah what's the alternative 0.96
00:13:52.380 you're here for a reason and that reason is to fucking create a ripple with the people that 0.92
00:13:58.340 fucking know you and if we all created our own little ripples we'd have a much better society 0.76
00:14:03.420 be a wave yeah fucking so so yeah you have to be uncomfortable with where the fuck you are you 0.97
00:14:09.760 don't have to hate yourself but i think in the beginning a lot of people start from that place
00:14:13.440 because they're so dissatisfied with what they've been given and if you wait around to be given
00:14:19.640 anything you're going to fucking be dissatisfied that's reality if you want something great for 0.91
00:14:25.340 your life you're going to have to make the deposits necessary into those areas of your life
00:14:30.060 that produce the fruit it's just reality bro that's why i don't believe in this identity
00:14:35.200 politics or this critical race theory where we're telling black children that they can't achieve
00:14:40.740 shit in this white supremacy environment or white children that they're inherent bro we should be
00:14:45.580 pushing these people to understand how great and powerful they fucking are right and i think it's 0.89
00:14:50.280 becoming clear to people now after the last two years that our government is there to oppress us
00:14:58.220 from understanding how great we fucking are yeah that concept yeah and bro america used to be a place 0.90
00:15:04.340 of fucking greatness it used to be a place of personal excellence and the pursuit of that and now it's oh if 0.64
00:15:12.300 you pursue excellence you're propaganding these things to make people feel bad about themselves no
00:15:17.560 motherfucker i'm just not a fucking bitch right i know what it takes to actually win i know what it 1.00
00:15:23.220 takes for you to live a good life i know what it takes for you to fucking do your part and i'm willing 0.97
00:15:27.480 to fucking say it publicly that's it so if you don't like it don't fucking listen if you do like 0.91
00:15:33.200 it share the shit yeah andy that's fire our third and final question for you andy andy what can can 0.77
00:15:41.920 you talk about one of the biggest test days that you ever had and how it served you yeah motherfucker 0.76
00:15:47.860 uh i could i could think of like three or four of them in the last couple years um but not the
00:15:54.160 look man here's the thing before i even answer the question heart is relative okay people it's
00:16:03.520 relative to your own acclimation of what you think heart is people have fallen into this pattern in
00:16:09.680 society about wanting to win the fight about who has it harder right okay if it's hard hard is fucking 0.94
00:16:16.700 hard you know what i'm saying like dude remember we talked about this before oh oh uh man it's hot
00:16:23.160 outside well no i'm man i'm from fucking texas it's way hotter well i'm from fucking miami it's way hotter 0.99
00:16:28.740 than that fuck you pussies like that's the way we're trying to top it yes no hot is motherfucking 1.00
00:16:35.000 hot if you're hot you're fucking hot okay it's painful it's it's it's hard it's hard so stop worrying 0.90
00:16:42.400 about competing with the what the hardest thing was or what this or that was hard is it's fucking 0.96
00:16:48.600 hard it just is is how hard is it how hard how hard is it dj it's hard that's it and you're hard
00:16:55.720 and my heart they're both they both suck right so let's stop competing over how hard you fucking had 0.99
00:17:00.900 it versus how i had it versus how hard you had it because it's irrelevant how do we overcome the heart
00:17:06.600 that's what we got to understand okay so i can't name you a specific day i can name you many specific
00:17:12.840 times that were hard the day after i got fucking stabbed bro and i'm like fuck i'm gonna fucking 0.99
00:17:17.620 go through my whole life my face all fucked up and i'm never gonna get any fucking chicks and 0.99
00:17:22.060 everybody's gonna think i'm a fucking disfigured fuck like dude it was hard not to swallow a 0.99
00:17:26.160 motherfucking bullet that day okay uh but there's other kinds of heart right like the day my fucking 0.94
00:17:33.200 dog died in my fucking arms that's a hard fucking day right everybody's that has dogs has dealt with 0.93
00:17:39.380 that it's hard right um us going out in the foot of snow last week that was also very hard that was
00:17:46.880 fucking hard okay yeah but like they're not one of those was like harder than any of the it's just
00:17:52.620 hard yeah right so so it's irrelevant what my hardest test day was because it was hard it was just the
00:18:00.320 way it is so your heart and my heart are now up for competition it's just i get it yeah now let's
00:18:05.760 push through right you know what i'm saying but like yeah dude every the thing about test days is
00:18:10.500 we're gonna have them all the time and i don't lie i don't try to rank them like that's to me that's
00:18:16.360 retrospective and it's energy wasted like think about this like what if i sat here and thought about
00:18:21.380 all the time how fucking hard i've had it to build this business and how unfair it was that i never had 0.94
00:18:27.920 anybody invest in me i never had anybody give me any money i never had anybody really helped me
00:18:32.580 that no banks would fucking have meetings with me that everybody told me i was fucking piece of shit 0.97
00:18:37.180 that all my friends told me i was never going to make it that all all my family told me i was never
00:18:41.900 going to make it besides a select few okay uh girlfriends broke up with me like bro i could go on 0.95
00:18:49.140 and on and on but who fucking cares i'm here now where we're going to go from here that's how i choose 0.95
00:18:52.980 to see life so what now what yeah like bro and that's it oh i got dude i could have ruined my
00:18:58.620 life with self-pity about being stabbed in the face lots of people would have lots of people do
00:19:03.260 they make this one setback an identity of their whole entire rest of their existence makes no sense
00:19:08.600 so i don't rank my heart so i can't really answer that question here's what i can tell you you're
00:19:14.000 gonna have hard motherfucking days and that's why it's important to understand that discipline
00:19:18.460 is a perishable skill and if you don't keep it finely tuned you won't pass those hard day tests
00:19:24.440 all right discipline is something that you invest in and you you you reap the fruit and make a harvest
00:19:30.780 out of when you need all right so like when there's a fucking foot of snow outside and i know i have to do 0.92
00:19:36.400 my outdoor cardio i gotta fucking make a withdrawal from my discipline there yeah but that discipline 0.92
00:19:41.160 didn't get there it wasn't there uh without me putting into it magically just yeah no like i'm
00:19:48.440 i'm a lazy fuck dude like you don't get to be 350 pounds without being a lazy fuck right all right 0.98
00:19:54.940 i'm naturally a lazy fuck i'll be the first one to tell you that that's how i know what i'm talking 0.79
00:19:59.920 about because i went from being a lazy sloth fuck to being someone who could literally fucking do 0.96
00:20:05.780 anything and if you get my way i'll run you to fuck over that's it yeah so start understanding the 0.90
00:20:12.920 concept of heart stop competing with your friends about who had it harder no one fucking cares it's 0.91
00:20:17.220 irrelevant bro i could make the biggest fucking sob story complaint fucking shit about my whole life 0.99
00:20:25.300 getting here but what does it matter we're here you see i'm saying what really matters is what i learned
00:20:30.860 through those things right and who it made me what skills it gave me people spend too much time
00:20:36.600 living in the past and reliving their old fucking shit that and it makes them incapable of moving 0.96
00:20:44.520 forward from where they are you know like i'm sorry that happened to you bro yeah i'm sorry like
00:20:50.660 i'm sorry that whatever the fuck you guys went through i'm sorry you had to go through that that
00:20:54.600 sucks what are you doing now what are you doing today make sure you don't go through it again i'm 0.91
00:20:59.220 just saying what are you doing today yeah you ask those people what are you doing today and they're
00:21:02.800 doing the same shit they were doing yesterday until you change that nothing's going to change 0.88
00:21:08.540 so i don't waste energy on ranking my heart lots of shit's hard yeah lots of shit you've gone 0.94
00:21:15.400 through is hard bro i saw where you fucking grew up i've fucking seen your house yeah you had a lot 0.98
00:21:20.340 of hard motherfucking days did you not yeah i'm not gonna fucking sit here and bro like really hard 0.99
00:21:25.340 ones that we've never talked about on the show yeah okay yeah shit that i can't even comprehend 0.69
00:21:29.920 going through you've dealt with as a young man but i'm not sitting here trying to say oh yeah well
00:21:34.420 guess what my shit was just as hard as your shit right like no it's like i'm sorry that happened 0.85
00:21:39.000 bro sucks right like i broke my leg well i broke both my legs yeah right like that's a whole fucking 0.98
00:21:43.920 it's a that's a that's a that's a cancerous conversation society that i wish people would
00:21:49.520 leave alone because it doesn't make a difference i a lot of people when they come meet me the
00:21:53.940 you know on meet and greets and shit the first thing they want to tell me is all the bad shit 0.77
00:21:58.020 that happened to them and while i can appreciate that i'm really more concerned with how you overcame
00:22:02.320 well first of all you're unloading all this shit like i don't need the negativity that's 0.92
00:22:06.580 that's one side of it yeah well you've you've heard it right right but like i i like if you
00:22:11.600 meet me and we meet i i do want to hear what you went through but i want that to be really short
00:22:16.340 and i want to hear your story of overcoming it because that's what fucking matters there's nothing 0.98
00:22:21.140 noble about being a victim the nobility comes in overcoming being a victim that's fucking fire
00:22:27.460 we got an episode episode 46 hot as fuck is hot as fuck for morons oh do we yeah that's why you're 0.97
00:22:33.440 the most handsome in here thank you yeah see that see that dj you can learn some shit from this handsome
00:22:38.520 guy yeah hopefully all right guys that's the show all right if it taught you something made you think
00:22:46.200 you gave me a new perspective share the show for us man we're trying to grow this movement um you know
00:22:51.300 when i'm president i remember you i'll do you a little solid and that'll be that all right love you
00:22:55.920 guys talk to you later went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a pole fuck a 1.00
00:23:02.140 stove counted millions in the cold bad bitch booted swole got her on bank road can't fold doesn't know 1.00
00:23:09.160 headshot case closed