232. Q&AF： Apologizing For Firing People, Progressing Ahead & Overcoming The Biggest Test Day
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Summary
In this episode of the Ask the Realists, Andy Frisella is joined by Q and Af as they answer the question, Should I ever apologize for doing the right thing? and the answer is no.
Transcript
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what is up guys it's andy frisella and this is the show for the realists say goodbye to the lies
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the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today
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we have q and af and this is where you bring the q's and i bring the afs as always i've got my
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handsome counterpart my dot what's up andy what's up brother how are you oh and then we got dj too
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what's up dj hey dj your favorite black guy on the show
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oh man what's going on man what we got hey man we got q and af man all right what's the rules here
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uh i give you three questions yeah and you give me three answers and that's it that's right
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if you want to submit the questions where do you submit them submit them by emailing your
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questions into ask andy at andy for seller.com and before we get started if you're new we have a fee
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the fee is not of monetary value it's not gold it's not silver it's not green well it could be green
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but not the green you're thinking different green yeah with some crystals that's right but not
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crystal meth i like that that's right none of that shit none of that white trash shit yeah i mean bro
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people they know we're in missouri you got verified anyhow the fee is very simple if you like the show
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if it gave you some uh good insight if it taught you something which this one will share the show
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all right we don't want ads on the show we don't want ads for the show we grow exclusively when you
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tell people to listen to our stuff and we appreciate it so with that being said let's get
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started question number one andy uh i'm gonna give you the question in a little backstory but the
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question is andy should i ever apologize for doing the right thing so the backstory is i had to fire a
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guy i really liked him he just couldn't cut it time and time again i gave him his his thing he
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listened to your show the last q a one of the last q a's we did and your row the boat analogy just
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finally made him make the change yeah all right he lined up another job he gave him recommendations
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and wrote recommendations and all it is he still feels terrible so should he ever apologize for
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doing the right no not at all get tougher all right your job is to do the right thing for for
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everybody it's mission first all right if you have someone in your organization that's not up to snuff
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you are you are betraying all the people who are doing the right thing all right you have to
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understand that and that took me a long time to understand i could totally emphasize with feeling
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bad about some having to get rid of someone it's not fun it's it's probably the hardest thing about
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business um nobody likes it it's never a good time it's always a it's always a hard conversation
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but at the end of the day you have to remember that you're the leader and you're responsible for all
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the lives in your organization their well-being their growth their their advancement and if you have
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people on your team that are not advancing with them it is your obligation is your duty is your
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role as the leader to remove those people and put people in who will do that job that is an obligation
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that you have to all the good hard-working people who come in and and polish their skills and get better
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and are committed to the long-term function of what you're trying to accomplish okay if you have
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someone who just can't get it i've done all those things that that that person said i've lined up
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other jobs i've given referrals i've tried to place some other places i believe personally that's all
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you you can do and i think that's above and beyond what most places of employment will do yeah i would
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i would say to you if you were my friend uh which you are if you're listening to the show all of you
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guys are um you did the right thing don't carry that guilt this is part of being a leader it's
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always hard um it's always difficult and this is also why you will be the most financially rewarded
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in your organization at some point in time because you have to make these kind of hard calls
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so remember that it's not that you did something wrong towards that guy you did something right for
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the team does it ever get easier not you know it depends on what people do right like if someone's
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just a good person and they just don't have the skills or they're not putting the skills or maybe
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they've got a whole bunch of shit going on at home and they fucking skate out for three months and they
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fuck up and like bro i i could empathize with that we all go through hard times but you still have to
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execute when you come into the into the game you know i'm saying like at the highest levels of
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competition which business is and i think most people make a mistake when it comes to business not
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thinking that it is that you are playing right now in the nfl or in the mlb or in the nba okay
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it's a championship game every motherfucking day that's what i love about business i love that about
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business but people don't understand that that is the reality of business if you don't make those
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moves i can promise you competitor is making those moves all right a lot of these ceos they get they
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get they get branded as callous and mean and hard because they have to make these decisions
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well those decisions not everybody can make right right yeah you're having to go home and sleep
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good bro it's very difficult it's very difficult it's a you have major responsibility as a leader
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and it's not you if you're a good leader yeah right there's a lot of shitty leaders out there
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but like dude when i when i go home my concerns are never ever ever about my personal gain or my this
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or that or how much i make it's it's like okay i got these three guys who helped build this part of
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the company they're still doing this i need to get a place for them like i'm always thinking about
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how to move my people forward um because those are the people that build your shit right and so you
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have an obligation i think most ceos would take the position of building the company for the sake of
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their employees to have careers they would have much more successful companies you know what i'm
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saying yeah so yeah when i when i when i adjusted my viewpoint on that which was probably 2014 or 15
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where i really got it like i started getting it like oh fuck um i could tell you when i figured it
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out it's the story you guys have heard before where i had pneumonia and i was sitting home every day
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and uh you know i was i was uh making more money than i ever made and i started to realize like that's
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not the game the game is to take care of the people that take care of you and once you start
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thinking like that um your whole culture changes because people understand that you're showing up
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for them now right and you're you're moving for them different purpose yeah bro and and the culture
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will change when you adjust that that viewpoint so if you want to change your entire culture the easiest
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way possible start understanding that you come to work to not only take care of you but more so to
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take care of the people that work for you and your culture will change people will come to work
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they will be happy they will be happy to do things um everybody will start to row the same direction but
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you know those kind of moves are going to be necessary at points in time throughout the journey and
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they're very difficult they're never easy and uh you know what i found is most of the time when
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people get fired they know that it's coming and so you have to also understand that very few times
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i i don't know that i've ever fired anyone that didn't know they were at least close to getting
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fired right like it's never been a surprise right right it's not a smack in the face yeah and so it's
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how you approach the conversation and how you treat them afterwards and you know the idea being like
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hey man it's just like a relationship like hey just because this didn't work out doesn't matter i hate
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you right and you know i think people as employees need to feel that a little bit from their from
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their people um unless they do something on fucking unmoral and that's yeah yeah like if you're stealing
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or some shit like that like fuck you right right and then make an example out of it publicly so that
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everybody knows not to do that um but you know when it comes to just someone not cutting the mustard
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you know that's that's what you got to do it's just part of the part of the job and if i were
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this person i wouldn't feel bad about it at all you did the right thing yeah awesome andy question
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number two andy i've heard you say before that you almost have to hate where you are so you keep
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going for more does this apply the same as having to hate who you are to keep moving yourself forward
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yeah it sure does um i i not all the time but in the beginning for sure like the uncomfortable
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is what gets people into action when you finally come to terms with how fucked up you are and how
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fucked up your life is and how out of shape you are and how broke you are and you admit it to yourself
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you're going to get fucking mad and when you get mad at yourself that anger at self is actually what
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promotes change for people most people have to get so uncomfortable that they that the pain of
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changing is more comfortable than where they are at this time you see what i'm saying yeah so yeah in
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the beginning for sure but as you begin to to get better and as you begin to move forward and as you
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begin to get better you're going to find other reasons that progress you forward you're going to
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find other causes that progress you forward like for me i'm proud of who i am do i still come in here
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and bust ass every day fuck yeah because i understand that if i don't these motherfuckers
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won't okay and if they don't they're going to shoot themselves in the foot so i understand that i am an
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example that needs to be lived in front of their faces so they understand how to do these things
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every day yeah and it's called being a fucking leader dude yeah and you have to take the responsibility
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serious that comes with your business it comes with your fucking home life it comes with your fitness
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it comes with your fucking money it comes fucking everything if you're not taking care of your shit
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the people around you aren't going to take care of their shit and whether you understand this or not
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right now at this point in your life you are a very very important critical figure in the lives of many
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people whether you understand that now or not you are either showing people around you weakness or
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strength you either showing people around you success or failure you are either showing people around
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you um how to win or how to lose you're the showing people around you how to be a how to live a great
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life or how to live a poor life and everybody's watching you all the time bro like you guys think
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like oh i don't matter i don't this and that the whole reason the country's so fucked up is because
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everybody's been thinking that for a long time mentality right you people think that if they don't
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have two million fucking followers on instagram that they're irrelevant uh what about your kids
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what about their friends what about your fucking cousins what about your aunts what about your uncles
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you never know who the fuck is paying attention to you and we are all all of us and here
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in america you're you are you do still have the freedom to improve yourself and it's an obligation
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for you to do so because you never understand how many lives are going to be changed simply by you
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pursuing your potential right people are going to see what that looks like and honestly i think it's
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the biggest obligation we all have to exercise the freedom to to execute upon that because if we're not
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we're teaching everybody around us by by through inaction what it looks like to lose yeah you know
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and so like dude it's if people would just switch their mindset from oh yeah it would be nice to be
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successful and have my life in order and to be fit and a functional human and intelligent and put good
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shit in my brain and contribute if everybody just understood that that that's an obligation of being
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in america how much better would the country be definitely wouldn't be here that's what i'm saying
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so like dude that's why i say personal excellence is the ultimate rebellion okay because they can't
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censor personal excellence right they can't censor someone who lives in your community who's eating
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right who's training right who's putting in good information who's teaching who's uplifting who's
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bringing around positive change how the fuck do they censor that in real life they can't and what we
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have in this problem in this country is an epidemic of people who think they're irrelevant
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and you're not so recognize that yes you have a lot of people watching you right now regardless
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of where you are in life you have people waiting for you to do shit in the in the universal scheme
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of things that are either going to live or die based off of your fucking actions and nobody fucking
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thinks of it that deep because most people are so programmed by the tv or the news or the this or the
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that that they don't even think about their own shit right bro what if every single person listening
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to this show right now made a commitment to be fucking better in every single way their kids
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would be better their kids friends would come over and they would see that you're different than their
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fucking parents right their parents would notice it all of a sudden you're starting a little ripple
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on your street in your neighborhood you see what i'm saying if we want to be better in this country
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it all comes down to being uncomfortable with where the fuck we are and understanding that it's
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going to call it's going to it's going to be it's good it's going to be more comfortable for us to
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pursue what it is that we were meant to be anyway and i'm telling you the reward there is going to
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make it way more it's way more i just did a blog on this the blog i did like two days ago on enneagram
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was the end i think it was today maybe it was uh the anticipation of the work is where the fucking pain
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is bro it's not the work right we we we agonize and we think how hard it's going to be and we
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tell ourselves all these stories about how we can't fucking do it and it's going to be this huge pain
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in the ass it's going to take so much time so fucking what so what yeah what's the alternative
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you're here for a reason and that reason is to fucking create a ripple with the people that
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fucking know you and if we all created our own little ripples we'd have a much better society
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be a wave yeah fucking so so yeah you have to be uncomfortable with where the fuck you are you
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don't have to hate yourself but i think in the beginning a lot of people start from that place
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because they're so dissatisfied with what they've been given and if you wait around to be given
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anything you're going to fucking be dissatisfied that's reality if you want something great for
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your life you're going to have to make the deposits necessary into those areas of your life
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that produce the fruit it's just reality bro that's why i don't believe in this identity
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politics or this critical race theory where we're telling black children that they can't achieve
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shit in this white supremacy environment or white children that they're inherent bro we should be
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pushing these people to understand how great and powerful they fucking are right and i think it's
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becoming clear to people now after the last two years that our government is there to oppress us
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from understanding how great we fucking are yeah that concept yeah and bro america used to be a place
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of fucking greatness it used to be a place of personal excellence and the pursuit of that and now it's oh if
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you pursue excellence you're propaganding these things to make people feel bad about themselves no
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motherfucker i'm just not a fucking bitch right i know what it takes to actually win i know what it
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takes for you to live a good life i know what it takes for you to fucking do your part and i'm willing
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to fucking say it publicly that's it so if you don't like it don't fucking listen if you do like
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it share the shit yeah andy that's fire our third and final question for you andy andy what can can
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you talk about one of the biggest test days that you ever had and how it served you yeah motherfucker
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uh i could i could think of like three or four of them in the last couple years um but not the
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look man here's the thing before i even answer the question heart is relative okay people it's
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relative to your own acclimation of what you think heart is people have fallen into this pattern in
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society about wanting to win the fight about who has it harder right okay if it's hard hard is fucking
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hard you know what i'm saying like dude remember we talked about this before oh oh uh man it's hot
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outside well no i'm man i'm from fucking texas it's way hotter well i'm from fucking miami it's way hotter
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than that fuck you pussies like that's the way we're trying to top it yes no hot is motherfucking
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hot if you're hot you're fucking hot okay it's painful it's it's it's hard it's hard so stop worrying
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about competing with the what the hardest thing was or what this or that was hard is it's fucking
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hard it just is is how hard is it how hard how hard is it dj it's hard that's it and you're hard
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and my heart they're both they both suck right so let's stop competing over how hard you fucking had
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it versus how i had it versus how hard you had it because it's irrelevant how do we overcome the heart
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that's what we got to understand okay so i can't name you a specific day i can name you many specific
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times that were hard the day after i got fucking stabbed bro and i'm like fuck i'm gonna fucking
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go through my whole life my face all fucked up and i'm never gonna get any fucking chicks and
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everybody's gonna think i'm a fucking disfigured fuck like dude it was hard not to swallow a
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motherfucking bullet that day okay uh but there's other kinds of heart right like the day my fucking
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dog died in my fucking arms that's a hard fucking day right everybody's that has dogs has dealt with
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that it's hard right um us going out in the foot of snow last week that was also very hard that was
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fucking hard okay yeah but like they're not one of those was like harder than any of the it's just
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hard yeah right so so it's irrelevant what my hardest test day was because it was hard it was just the
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way it is so your heart and my heart are now up for competition it's just i get it yeah now let's
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push through right you know what i'm saying but like yeah dude every the thing about test days is
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we're gonna have them all the time and i don't lie i don't try to rank them like that's to me that's
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retrospective and it's energy wasted like think about this like what if i sat here and thought about
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all the time how fucking hard i've had it to build this business and how unfair it was that i never had
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anybody invest in me i never had anybody give me any money i never had anybody really helped me
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that no banks would fucking have meetings with me that everybody told me i was fucking piece of shit
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that all my friends told me i was never going to make it that all all my family told me i was never
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going to make it besides a select few okay uh girlfriends broke up with me like bro i could go on
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and on and on but who fucking cares i'm here now where we're going to go from here that's how i choose
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to see life so what now what yeah like bro and that's it oh i got dude i could have ruined my
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life with self-pity about being stabbed in the face lots of people would have lots of people do
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they make this one setback an identity of their whole entire rest of their existence makes no sense
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so i don't rank my heart so i can't really answer that question here's what i can tell you you're
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gonna have hard motherfucking days and that's why it's important to understand that discipline
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is a perishable skill and if you don't keep it finely tuned you won't pass those hard day tests
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all right discipline is something that you invest in and you you you reap the fruit and make a harvest
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out of when you need all right so like when there's a fucking foot of snow outside and i know i have to do
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my outdoor cardio i gotta fucking make a withdrawal from my discipline there yeah but that discipline
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didn't get there it wasn't there uh without me putting into it magically just yeah no like i'm
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i'm a lazy fuck dude like you don't get to be 350 pounds without being a lazy fuck right all right
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i'm naturally a lazy fuck i'll be the first one to tell you that that's how i know what i'm talking
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about because i went from being a lazy sloth fuck to being someone who could literally fucking do
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anything and if you get my way i'll run you to fuck over that's it yeah so start understanding the
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concept of heart stop competing with your friends about who had it harder no one fucking cares it's
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irrelevant bro i could make the biggest fucking sob story complaint fucking shit about my whole life
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getting here but what does it matter we're here you see i'm saying what really matters is what i learned
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through those things right and who it made me what skills it gave me people spend too much time
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living in the past and reliving their old fucking shit that and it makes them incapable of moving
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forward from where they are you know like i'm sorry that happened to you bro yeah i'm sorry like
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i'm sorry that whatever the fuck you guys went through i'm sorry you had to go through that that
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sucks what are you doing now what are you doing today make sure you don't go through it again i'm
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just saying what are you doing today yeah you ask those people what are you doing today and they're
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doing the same shit they were doing yesterday until you change that nothing's going to change
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so i don't waste energy on ranking my heart lots of shit's hard yeah lots of shit you've gone
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through is hard bro i saw where you fucking grew up i've fucking seen your house yeah you had a lot
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of hard motherfucking days did you not yeah i'm not gonna fucking sit here and bro like really hard
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ones that we've never talked about on the show yeah okay yeah shit that i can't even comprehend
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going through you've dealt with as a young man but i'm not sitting here trying to say oh yeah well
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guess what my shit was just as hard as your shit right like no it's like i'm sorry that happened
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bro sucks right like i broke my leg well i broke both my legs yeah right like that's a whole fucking
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it's a that's a that's a that's a cancerous conversation society that i wish people would
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leave alone because it doesn't make a difference i a lot of people when they come meet me the
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you know on meet and greets and shit the first thing they want to tell me is all the bad shit
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that happened to them and while i can appreciate that i'm really more concerned with how you overcame
00:22:02.320
well first of all you're unloading all this shit like i don't need the negativity that's
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that's one side of it yeah well you've you've heard it right right but like i i like if you
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meet me and we meet i i do want to hear what you went through but i want that to be really short
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and i want to hear your story of overcoming it because that's what fucking matters there's nothing
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noble about being a victim the nobility comes in overcoming being a victim that's fucking fire
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we got an episode episode 46 hot as fuck is hot as fuck for morons oh do we yeah that's why you're
00:22:33.440
the most handsome in here thank you yeah see that see that dj you can learn some shit from this handsome
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guy yeah hopefully all right guys that's the show all right if it taught you something made you think
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you gave me a new perspective share the show for us man we're trying to grow this movement um you know
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when i'm president i remember you i'll do you a little solid and that'll be that all right love you
00:22:55.920
guys talk to you later went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a pole fuck a
00:23:02.140
stove counted millions in the cold bad bitch booted swole got her on bank road can't fold doesn't know