REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 257. Redefining Men Ft. Jason Wilson

00:00:00.000 What is up guys, it's Andy Priscilla and this is the show for the real estate, goodbye to

00:00:21.120 the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality.

00:00:25.300 Guys, today we have an awesome full length episode for you.

00:00:29.040 I'm so excited to get to it.

00:00:31.160 I've got Dr. Sal in the room.

00:00:34.020 What's going on everybody?

00:00:34.840 I actually got a message the other day that their friends started listening and they started

00:00:38.320 They actually thought you were a doctor?

00:00:39.080 I thought I was a doctor.

00:00:39.740 Yeah, well you're not a doctor.

00:00:40.920 Well, I don't know.

00:00:41.820 In today's times, I'm still, I'm still, I identify as a doctor.

00:00:45.100 You identify as a doctor?

00:00:46.140 That's correct.

00:00:46.460 Yeah, all right.

00:00:46.980 Before I am a doctor.

00:00:49.180 And as always, I've got my handsome co-host here.

00:00:52.500 Hell yeah.

00:00:53.280 Not you, Sal.

00:00:54.000 Hell yeah.

00:00:57.400 Hell yeah.

00:00:58.360 Gotcha.

00:00:59.040 Mr. DJ, what's up, dude?

00:01:02.080 White Lightning, Big Reggie, all of that.

00:01:03.880 Yeah.

00:01:04.260 Yeah.

00:01:04.660 Dr. Diversity.

00:01:06.700 Dude.

00:01:07.240 Are you a real doctor?

00:01:08.080 No.

00:01:08.500 Oh.

00:01:09.620 I don't know.

00:01:10.340 I concur.

00:01:11.200 Yeah.

00:01:12.300 Anyway, and we have a very special guest that I am super excited to have on the show.

00:01:18.400 You guys might know him from Instagram.

00:01:20.340 You might know him.

00:01:21.080 You might not ever heard of him before, but he's an amazing man.

00:01:24.320 Mr. Jason Wilson, who is the founder and CEO of Union, which is a nonprofit organization,

00:01:31.980 Detroit, Michigan, that really focuses on developing the young men coming up in the

00:01:37.020 Next Generation Society.

00:01:38.560 Jason has over 14 years of experience and training in developing young men and has effectively

00:01:43.320 reached more than 10,000 youth at the ground level, young adults in the metro Detroit area.

00:01:48.780 The Cave of Adelum Transformational Training Academy, otherwise known as CATA, is a male

00:01:53.520 transformational training academy of the union where boys and young men who are emotionally

00:01:58.800 distressed, mentally disconnected, and spiritually in debt gather here to be taught, trained and

00:02:05.360 transformed into comprehensive men.

00:02:08.300 And Jason is also the author of an incredible book, Cry Like a Man, which explains the dangers

00:02:13.620 men face in our cultural definition of masculinity.

00:02:16.280 Now, dude, welcome to the show.

00:02:20.040 Honored to be here.

00:02:20.780 Thanks for having me.

00:02:21.420 It's a huge honor to have you on the show.

00:02:23.720 You know, like I was telling you earlier when we met, now Jason and I have never met before

00:02:29.000 today, but one of the things that caught my attention and that I wanted to bring him on

00:02:34.540 the show to talk about was I came across an incredible clip.

00:02:39.440 This is maybe a year ago of a young boy who was, they were doing martial arts.

00:02:47.300 It was Jason and this young boy and he was crying.

00:02:50.880 He was frustrated.

00:02:52.440 And the way that you handled that young boy, I shared it on my story because I just thought

00:02:58.140 it was so amazing and such a great example of men leading future men.

00:03:04.860 And that's an obligation that I think has been abandoned by society.

00:03:10.880 It's been forgotten by society.

00:03:13.140 And I just wanted to have you on the show, man, and talk about what we, because we all

00:03:16.680 know the world's crazy right now, right?

00:03:19.180 Yes, it is.

00:03:19.560 We can all agree.

00:03:20.380 We might all have different opinions of how crazy or what crazy or what's going on.

00:03:24.520 And we talk about those things all the time on the show.

00:03:27.540 But today, what I really want to focus on is what do we do about it?

00:03:31.920 Because what we're doing here as men is leaving a world that is completely corrupt, completely

00:03:39.160 disorganized, lacks moral standard, lacks the understanding of how to provide and achieve

00:03:44.980 and become actual men.

00:03:47.180 And so, dude, I just want to say before we even get started, I'm so appreciative of the

00:03:53.520 work that you're doing.

00:03:54.260 And I hope if you guys are listening to this show and you have young people in your house,

00:04:01.100 you start to realize that you guys message me a lot and you say, what's the solution?

00:04:06.260 Well, the solution is those young people that you see in your home every single day.

00:04:10.400 And so we got to get on board with helping these guys get to where we need them to be.

00:04:17.240 Absolutely.

00:04:17.900 Thank you.

00:04:18.260 I'm completely honored to be here, Andy, kicking it with Sal and DJ.

00:04:21.540 First and foremost, I'm just blown away by what you guys are doing here.

00:04:27.200 We just purchased a 15,000 square foot building.

00:04:30.540 And just to learn that, you know, I am on the right path as far as, you know, the principles

00:04:35.500 that we're trying to instill in our community, even with our staff.

00:04:39.620 I mean, I'm just really blown away.

00:04:41.100 So I take my hat off to all of you, what you're doing.

00:04:43.200 This is truly amazing.

00:04:44.540 Amazing.

00:04:45.320 It is amazing.

00:04:47.680 You're right.

00:04:48.380 You know, Frederick Douglass said, it's easier to raise children than it is to repair broken men.

00:04:58.240 I believe there's truth in that.

00:05:00.500 The problem is that we're leaving men broken.

00:05:02.960 And I'm pretty sure Frederick Douglass, if he was living, he says, I didn't mean to leave men broken.

00:05:09.440 I mean, it's literally, it's just easier to raise boys.

00:05:12.420 So we are broken fathers or broken men.

00:05:15.560 I always say a broken man has a broken boy inside.

00:05:19.520 And society doesn't allow us as men to actually operate in the fullness of our humanity.

00:05:24.740 So we're typically confined to masculine attributes with boldness, strength, aggression.

00:05:30.820 But when I saw Sal with his son, I saw a nurturer.

00:05:33.860 I saw someone's compassionate.

00:05:35.540 But we're typically taught to shy away from those attributes because, well, it looks weak.

00:05:40.700 But unfortunately, because of this mentality, we're suffering mentally.

00:05:44.800 We're suffering in silence.

00:05:46.200 I call it emotional incarceration.

00:05:47.840 And unfortunately, even though this door to this jail cell is open, we refuse to walk out because of the way society views men.

00:05:57.660 We've allowed, unlike women, we've allowed one adjective to define us, which is masculinity.

00:06:04.320 Women refuse to allow a culture or femininity to define them.

00:06:07.960 They're anything and everything they have to be at any given moment.

00:06:10.880 And that's what we must be as men as well.

00:06:12.740 And so what I do is I give boys, I start young, I give them the opportunity to be human, to express their fears.

00:06:19.720 When a young boy cried on the mat, he couldn't break the board because it was hurting.

00:06:23.920 But it wasn't pain, it was fear.

00:06:26.420 And I told him, when you get older, we don't typically cry over pain.

00:06:30.760 We cry over hurt, disappointment, or feeling like a failure.

00:06:34.720 And that's what little Bruce was dealing with in that moment.

00:06:37.160 But when I gave him the space to breathe, to process what you're feeling, you know, it's okay to cry.

00:06:42.920 We cry as men.

00:06:44.580 To give him that opportunity to be free in that moment, you saw what happened.

00:06:48.180 He was able to gather himself, push through his fear of failure, and break the board.

00:06:52.960 Dr. William Frey discovered that tears from emotional stress or trauma actually release stress hormones.

00:07:04.940 So when you tell a boy not to cry, you're basically telling him to cut off his humanity.

00:07:10.620 And then we wonder why men, we die by suicide three times as likely as women.

00:07:15.340 I believe in the United States, we commit over 70% of the homicides.

00:07:19.140 Nine out of 10 people who live to be over 100 are women.

00:07:22.860 It's very rare you'll see on Facebook or any platform a man over 100 years old being celebrated for his birthday.

00:07:30.360 Because we identify ourselves by what we do instead of who we are.

00:07:34.240 How hard we can work, working long hours, you know, your accomplishments, this building, my building, what I do for boys.

00:07:41.920 But I learned quickly if I didn't change that, I not only have an early grave, but if I live long, I wouldn't be able to enjoy life.

00:07:49.400 And so when I start allowing myself, first and foremost, stop allowing the world to define me.

00:07:55.400 As soon as the world can define you, your life has been limited.

00:07:58.180 So you can't define me, I'm a comprehensive man, I'm anything and everything, I have to be at any given moment.

00:08:04.340 I'm strong, but I'm sensitive.

00:08:05.800 I'm courageous, but I'm also compassionate.

00:08:08.380 And the key thing is men, we don't live from the good in our hearts.

00:08:11.980 We live from the fear of what we'd be perceived as.

00:08:14.680 So for me, now that I'm free from this performance-based lifestyle, I could cry here if I need to.

00:08:21.860 I could be a nurturer.

00:08:23.240 I could help a homeless person.

00:08:24.760 I can do whatever I need to.

00:08:26.920 It was a cup of, what did the mug say in the coffee?

00:08:29.620 It said alpha female.

00:08:31.580 And so the guy, I wanted some coffee.

00:08:33.680 He said, it was you.

00:08:35.220 DJ said, you mind caring?

00:08:37.080 You know, it says alpha female.

00:08:39.000 I said, I know who I am.

00:08:39.960 And I grabbed a coffee mug, you know, so I know who I am.

00:08:46.660 And unfortunately, you know, Andy, many of us, we don't really know who we are.

00:08:52.200 I mean, until our 50s.

00:08:53.820 Yeah, we really don't know what we were created to do and why we're here.

00:08:58.420 And that's why many of us, our lifestyles are high risk, man.

00:09:02.940 Well, listen, I agree with everything that you're saying.

00:09:08.380 Yeah.

00:09:09.960 You know, I think the way social structure is structured right now, men have a very hard time.

00:09:20.040 I definitely focus my work on toughening men up, right?

00:09:24.880 Because I feel like there's a lot of softness going around in the world, too.

00:09:28.600 And I think there's a good balance.

00:09:30.260 You know, there's a balance of you have to be able to handle what's going on.

00:09:33.820 But you also have to understand that it's okay to struggle.

00:09:37.580 It's okay to, and those are the things that end up making us who we are.

00:09:42.760 I'm interested to hear why you got into this, how you found yourself on this path.

00:09:47.640 Because what you're doing, man, you were meant to do.

00:09:51.180 You know, it's very obvious.

00:09:53.920 To anybody, what's your Instagram?

00:09:56.000 Mr. Jason O. Wilson.

00:09:57.820 That's my handle through all social media.

00:09:59.640 You guys need to follow him because the way he does things is the way it should be done.

00:10:07.020 When I picked you up, I almost said, hey, dad.

00:10:10.360 There's a bond there, man.

00:10:11.680 You watch somebody, I'm like, man, dude's got it.

00:10:14.220 It's amazing you ask that because I had to learn real quickly, man, what my purpose was, why I exist.

00:10:27.420 I caught myself early on responding to everyone's call instead of doing what God had called me to do.

00:10:34.860 And because of the pain, what you see now is a result of much adversity and pain.

00:10:41.880 First, desiring to be loved by my father, who was definitely emotionally incarcerated like so many men of his era.

00:10:50.820 I grew up without having that.

00:10:53.040 And so what you see also is a desire, something I longed for.

00:10:58.040 So I basically am living for what I longed for instead of what I lack.

00:11:02.820 I remember I was training my son in the basement and he asked me, he says, dad, how did you become a great dad when your dad wasn't?

00:11:10.400 And I think it was your son's aide, maybe.

00:11:13.200 And I said, son, I simply gave you what I longed for.

00:11:17.220 And I had never said that before.

00:11:19.500 But literally, that's all I became.

00:11:22.020 And so from that desire, I started remembering what I was doing young.

00:11:26.840 So in my community, there was a lot of gangs, you know, and drug dealers.

00:11:31.660 And I never knew why the big drug dealers, we call them OGs or original gangsters, they would drop their sons off to my house because they felt that it was a safe space for their sons to be.

00:11:44.520 And my mother thought, you know, it's juvenile.

00:11:46.380 Why are you hanging with kids five years younger than you?

00:11:49.160 I didn't know.

00:11:49.700 I was like a big brother to him.

00:11:51.820 But God was preparing me for what I'm doing today.

00:11:54.100 And when I started the Cave of Adelima, it was martial arts, hard, just like you, driving discipline, driving focus.

00:12:00.460 And then I quickly realized when I started seeing the boot camps started falling to the wayside, just crashing and then lawsuits and boys not really transforming, that our boys didn't necessarily need more discipline.

00:12:13.500 They needed more love, especially in the black community because the gold standard was the hyper-masculine black male.

00:12:20.100 And I tried my best to wear that t-shirt, to wear that crown, and it was a suit that couldn't fit me.

00:12:28.580 And so you heard the term thug, you know, you a thug.

00:12:33.940 I made an acronym for that.

00:12:36.160 A thug is a traumatized human unable to grieve.

00:12:39.040 And that's when I look at, when I go talk to gang members or those who call themselves thugs, they break down in front of me because really what's happening is they're stuck in fight or flight.

00:12:51.600 Majority of us is men, regardless of your background, because we're told what?

00:12:55.140 To suppress what we feel.

00:12:56.940 So what does that mean?

00:12:57.720 We stay like this.

00:12:58.900 We stay on guard.

00:13:00.140 We can't even get into a heated discussion with our wives without yelling.

00:13:04.660 You know, and so that was a whole nother game changer for me was that here it is, I'm teaching having emotional stability, but yet my wife was able to drive out something in me that should have never have come out.

00:13:18.700 My wife should never fear threatened with me around.

00:13:25.340 Arguing with me, she should never feel like, man, I wonder if we keep arguing, where would this go?

00:13:30.560 Right.

00:13:31.840 And, but as men, if we don't learn how to release or process what we're feeling, heck, before we get home, now those who deserve our love, our patience and care, they can't get that because we gave that to the world.

00:13:45.600 That's why I respect our conversation, Sal.

00:13:48.100 You let people have it who deserve it.

00:13:50.740 Hey, you want the lion?

00:13:52.400 You'll get the lion.

00:13:53.600 But I'm not going to bring the lion home.

00:13:55.300 The lion protects the pride.

00:13:57.440 It doesn't fight and damage the home.

00:13:59.500 And what people don't understand, we want to be these beast as men.

00:14:02.900 Again, it's promoted in society.

00:14:05.300 The lion sleeps 18 to 20 hours a day.

00:14:07.920 He's in chill mode.

00:14:09.500 So I teach my recruits, I want you to live in the lamb, but when a problem comes, you become the lion.

00:14:15.880 That was something you said in that video that, I think it was in the caption of maybe of that video or another caption where you were writing about, you want to have the lion on call, but that's not, that should never be your default.

00:14:26.600 If you're lying 24-7, you're stuck in fight or flight.

00:14:29.180 And that's a dangerous place to be because even love will look like a threat.

00:14:33.980 And I can't tell you how many times, man, my wife said to me, I was just sharing, I love your son and your relationship, Sal, because I long to get that back.

00:14:43.220 Because when your son gets older, he kind of like, man, I'm grown.

00:14:46.500 Dad, I don't need you.

00:14:47.680 Look at me.

00:14:48.440 You know, I was like, man, I need to spend more time with little Jay.

00:14:53.540 So my wife is sitting across from me in the kitchen and all she said was, man, I wish you would long to spend time with me like that.

00:15:00.660 But what I heard was something else I wasn't doing right.

00:15:04.760 Before I knew it, man, I had put a big dent in our stainless steel refrigerator.

00:15:11.220 And at that moment, we were considering separation because I saw my beautiful wife, literally her confidence, continence, everything just folded.

00:15:20.980 And she just sat down.

00:15:21.980 And I said, I never, ever would treat you like that again.

00:15:26.600 When I learned how to process my emotions, the key thing in the moment, and release them, now she can get the best version of myself.

00:15:35.560 And that's what, man, we really, we want to be free.

00:15:39.060 We know it's a facade trying to be tough 24-7.

00:15:42.040 It's impossible.

00:15:42.820 I tell people, you know, we say to each other, you know, your mom could die, whomever, someone close could pass.

00:15:48.440 And I say, stay strong, Andy.

00:15:50.000 And this isn't a time for you to tell me to stay strong.

00:15:53.760 I should say, grieve, my brother.

00:15:55.760 Cry, get this out of you.

00:15:56.900 This is a heavyweight.

00:15:57.840 She was a pillar in your life.

00:15:59.980 She deserves your tears.

00:16:01.940 Our men be trying to fight their tears at funerals.

00:16:04.160 I'm like, when I hear the eulogy, I linked over to one of my friends who grandmother passed.

00:16:08.920 Actually, no, I text him.

00:16:10.900 I said, you should be crying right now.

00:16:13.720 This woman was a pillar.

00:16:15.060 She deserved your tears.

00:16:17.180 And that freed him up to grieve.

00:16:20.000 And we all hold it in.

00:16:21.960 And that's what we have to do as fathers.

00:16:24.060 But we can't free our sons until we're free.

00:16:27.560 And my goal, my mission is to teach, train, and transform uninitiated boys into comprehensive men.

00:16:33.880 But I also have a desire in my heart to truly reconcile the relationship between fathers and sons, to bring them back together where it can be completely whole.

00:16:46.440 And that's, you know, it is a calling.

00:16:48.500 And, you know, I embrace it.

00:16:50.420 There's nothing else I would want to do.

00:16:54.240 Nothing motivated.

00:16:55.300 Money doesn't motivate me.

00:16:57.320 You know, fame.

00:16:58.220 You can cut all of this off.

00:17:00.460 It's your work.

00:17:01.480 Yeah.

00:17:01.700 I turned down speaking engagements, Andy.

00:17:04.380 I believe it.

00:17:05.220 Because you got obligations there.

00:17:07.860 Cut the lights off.

00:17:08.600 Yeah.

00:17:08.960 That's it.

00:17:09.300 That's why I love what you guys do.

00:17:10.380 Yeah.

00:17:10.520 You're still here.

00:17:11.540 Yeah.

00:17:11.980 I told a DJ, we're driving.

00:17:14.000 I'm like, they're still in St. Louis.

00:17:17.660 When I saw the facility, man, it just gave me hope because I don't want to abandon my city.

00:17:23.620 Yeah.

00:17:23.960 We don't either.

00:17:25.080 Yeah.

00:17:25.240 We talked about this a little earlier.

00:17:27.200 You know, Detroit and St. Louis are very similar.

00:17:29.640 Yes.

00:17:30.500 We have good places and nice areas.

00:17:33.880 And then we have the areas that seem to be completely forgotten about.

00:17:37.540 And, you know, for us to, when we talk about fixing this country and we talk about the improvements

00:17:44.620 that need to be made and the nonsense that's going on right now, you know, everybody in America

00:17:53.280 has to realize they have a place here and it's hard to bring people who feel like they've

00:17:58.460 been completely forgotten about along for that ride, right?

00:18:03.420 And I'm talking about the black communities.

00:18:04.980 Of course.

00:18:05.440 Yeah.

00:18:05.760 The high crime where you're, you know, it's hard to be motivated about building a business

00:18:11.280 or getting better or moving in the right direction when you're looking over your shoulder

00:18:15.020 to see who's going to shoot you in the back.

00:18:18.000 Yeah.

00:18:18.260 You know, and one of the biggest things that we talk about here is I would love to see

00:18:24.680 our city, you know, sort of like the Phoenix coming from the ashes, you know, and revive

00:18:30.400 and see, you know, some of these wealthy men and some of these wealthy women and business

00:18:35.100 owners here in St. Louis reinvest back into these communities properly.

00:18:39.240 And, and, and then cultivate leadership, like what you're doing up there so that we can

00:18:44.820 get, cause like people, people tend to think they're like, oh, well, we just got to put

00:18:49.020 more money in the schools or we got to put this in that.

00:18:51.400 No, what we need is people that care.

00:18:54.260 We need people that care and understand that what we're working towards and the things we're

00:19:01.420 neglecting now are only going to become bigger problems and harder things to deal with later.

00:19:06.220 Yeah.

00:19:06.920 I mean, you know, um, I have a saying, if you want to experience real love first, get

00:19:13.220 everything together in the mirror.

00:19:15.120 And that's the biggest issue.

00:19:16.400 Even in the community, you had mentioned, you know, walking through wherever you started

00:19:20.060 business.

00:19:20.320 Like, you know, I tell a story in my book, Battle Cry.

00:19:24.120 Uh, we just purchased a 15,000 square foot building.

00:19:26.700 I come out with my son playing basketball.

00:19:29.180 The guy next to me says, someone's trying to kill me.

00:19:32.400 And the suburban was coming, it was three guys.

00:19:34.980 So I didn't know what was going to happen.

00:19:37.740 I say this, I could tell the story, but besides investing in a city, we also have to dismantle

00:19:44.580 what causes that or what caused that mentality.

00:19:47.640 Because wherever there's desperation, I don't care what background, what community we stay

00:19:53.940 in.

00:19:54.220 But as long as there's desperation, there will be crime.

00:19:58.440 And until we really reckon with the why and not necessarily the how, when we get to the

00:20:03.820 why, then we can see some change.

00:20:06.620 You know, the work that you're doing, you know, it's, it's, it's, you're answering the

00:20:10.920 why.

00:20:11.920 And so the reason, uh, another brother would pull a gun on me is way deeper than him needing

00:20:18.000 some food.

00:20:18.600 And that's what we have to get through, get to like when the crack epidemic affected the

00:20:24.520 black communities, it wasn't an alarm like the, uh, opioid opioid epidemic.

00:20:30.460 You see what I'm saying?

00:20:31.480 It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, there's a double standard, double standard major.

00:20:35.960 And so when we can link up as brothers and sisters and can get past what the system has

00:20:43.140 taught us about a skin color.

00:20:44.620 And again, as men, again, when you can live from this, what's inside of the good in it,

00:20:51.340 because there's some bad in it as well.

00:20:52.820 And we all know that when you can live from the good in your heart without fear, because

00:20:58.040 perfect love casts out fear, then we'll see some transformation until then you drop a million

00:21:03.860 dollars anywhere.

00:21:05.160 Yeah.

00:21:05.800 Just be spent.

00:21:06.900 I think that's one of the biggest things.

00:21:08.380 And we talk about this quite a bit, man.

00:21:10.200 It's like they're the, the, the, the problems quote unquote that we have in this society,

00:21:15.400 in this country, they're not black problems.

00:21:18.620 They're not white problems.

00:21:19.880 They're not this community's problems.

00:21:21.400 They're all our problems, you know?

00:21:23.160 And, and, and if you consider yourself an American, yeah, you know what I'm saying?

00:21:26.160 Because at the end of the day, we're all affected by all of it.

00:21:28.600 Right.

00:21:28.900 At some point in some way, shape or form, you know?

00:21:31.520 And I think that's why it's so crucial.

00:21:32.900 Like, you know, like, like for me, like I grew up without a father, right?

00:21:36.380 Like I didn't, I didn't have one.

00:21:37.540 He's still out getting milk somewhere.

00:21:38.600 That's how the joke goes.

00:21:39.620 Right.

00:21:40.460 Um, I didn't, I didn't have that, that role model, you know what I'm saying?

00:21:43.820 But I had access to a few people in my life that showed me what was possible.

00:21:50.180 Right.

00:21:51.100 Um, and I think that's, what's really missing in a lot of communities.

00:21:54.000 I think it definitely goes deeper than, oh, it's just poverty.

00:21:56.720 No, because I mean, there's poverty everywhere in all different types of communities.

00:22:00.040 Um, I think there, that there is a lack of quality, man.

00:22:03.040 I think the problem too is because you were touching on this is that, and we talked about

00:22:07.320 this yesterday too.

00:22:07.980 It's like, there's a lack of exposure.

00:22:09.480 There's a lack of exposure, but then what they tell us that, that, that a man is supposed

00:22:13.040 to be, it's this long beard, right?

00:22:15.580 Killing the man.

00:22:16.780 Yeah.

00:22:17.000 You got to kill a world to be, right?

00:22:18.400 We were making fun of it on yesterday.

00:22:19.840 They make, they kind of make it unrealistic, right?

00:22:22.280 Because there's some people like my dad, he can't grow facial hair.

00:22:24.520 So is he not a man?

00:22:25.740 You know what I'm saying?

00:22:26.580 So it's like, I mean, there's a real struggle.

00:22:28.100 What do you think you can take his trophy away for that, for that bad joke?

00:22:31.680 You know, but, but what, if you had to say that it was okay, there's, there's five characteristics

00:22:37.700 that make a man, a man, what would you say?

00:22:41.680 What, what, what, what would you list those out as?

00:22:43.860 I can't.

00:22:44.700 Once I do that, he's defined.

00:22:46.240 That's right.

00:22:46.640 Mm.

00:22:47.940 Yeah.

00:22:48.880 Yeah.

00:22:49.240 He's done.

00:22:50.380 Yeah.

00:22:50.600 So once you, once you do that, you're back in the box.

00:22:54.760 Hmm.

00:22:57.300 I think that's, I mean, that's a, it's a great answer.

00:23:00.780 I never really thought about it like that.

00:23:02.160 Well, I mean, if you're trying not to be defined, then you define yourself, then you're, you're

00:23:05.620 boxed out right to the point.

00:23:06.740 But I mean, you know, I, I think, you know, humility and ego are a huge growth component

00:23:13.120 that a lot of men never go through.

00:23:14.860 They never, they never get to because of the fear, right?

00:23:17.440 It goes back to the fear.

00:23:18.380 Absolutely.

00:23:18.560 And, and Jason, because you're afraid of, like, we were talking about a couple episodes

00:23:22.440 of what if, like, what happens if I do this and what are they going to think about me?

00:23:25.600 And what is society going to think about it?

00:23:27.340 And what are my friends going to think about me?

00:23:28.760 And that fear factor, you know, in your ego, because of not allowing you to, to cross over

00:23:35.360 into expressing humility, never really lets you get there, you know?

00:23:39.060 And that, that person that looks back at you in the mirror, the truth is, is you know

00:23:42.360 what you're scared of.

00:23:43.380 You know, the difference between right and wrong, you know what you're afraid of, but the,

00:23:47.860 the ability for you to call you, your, call yourself on your own shit, right?

00:23:52.200 And address those problems.

00:23:54.120 And if you're not willing to go through that journey, you're never going to progress.

00:23:57.180 And I think that's the, you know, when you start talking about, you know, defining who

00:24:01.380 you are as humans, as humans, not black, white, pink, purple, gay, straight, we're all God's

00:24:07.620 children that way.

00:24:08.280 And our identity should be making sure that we take care of God's children.

00:24:13.300 And before, in order to take care of anybody else's children, you got to take care of yourself

00:24:16.840 and taking care of yourself is understanding who you are and finding who you are.

00:24:21.940 I don't know that, I don't know that you can figure out who you are with not completely

00:24:26.480 understanding who you're not.

00:24:27.620 What about creating who you are?

00:24:29.380 Well, and I think that's, I think creating who you are is built through figuring out.

00:24:32.700 Cause I feel like I'm just, you know, just keeping it real.

00:24:36.840 I feel like so many people use, I'm going to discover who I am as a complete cop-out

00:24:42.820 to do any work, to develop who they can be.

00:24:45.700 You know, I feel like that's a trendy thing.

00:24:47.840 Like, oh dude, I'm going to take my, I mean, dude, you know what I'm talking about.

00:24:52.100 Yeah, of course.

00:24:52.620 No, I mean, I, I, I agree.

00:24:54.160 Right.

00:24:54.360 But I mean, at the end of the day, if we're going to, you know, get down to spades or spades,

00:24:57.260 like you're going to have to do some work and that works internal.

00:25:00.140 Yeah.

00:25:00.540 That works in the mirror.

00:25:01.380 That works mental.

00:25:02.000 Like those, those struggles, you know, where I've got to a point, I mean, these guys know,

00:25:05.540 like I'll cry on stage, you know, I know like it's one of those things.

00:25:07.880 Like at first I didn't like doing it.

00:25:09.960 It was, it made me feel like I was scared of doing it.

00:25:12.760 Now I understand when it's coming, like, Hey, my fuckers here.

00:25:16.260 Like, I don't, I don't know what to tell you, but here it is.

00:25:19.120 Once you are, once you, once you allow yourself to be seen as human people, it's not even something

00:25:25.500 that's, that's a huge misconception.

00:25:28.280 I think, I think that people, I think that there's a lot of men out there that feel like,

00:25:34.160 like you're saying, Jason, have to, have to be a certain way.

00:25:37.500 And I think when you are a certain way, but you still show these other sides of who you

00:25:43.380 are, it makes you way more credible than someone who just goes up there and, you know,

00:25:48.000 barks, you know what I mean?

00:25:49.900 I mean, I, I don't know, like, you know, like that meet, what was that meeting about?

00:25:55.680 I don't know, a month or two ago where I got a little emotional about, uh, help it,

00:25:59.420 helping these people.

00:26:00.100 Right.

00:26:00.660 We were talking about helping people who were in the middle of transforming and, you know,

00:26:08.280 like these people are out there doing this work to become better and do all these things.

00:26:12.160 And I see them post and, you know, they get one, like our zero comments.

00:26:16.880 And it's like, you know, I was talking, what I was talking about was my team, like,

00:26:20.760 Hey, support these people.

00:26:21.920 These people don't have anybody else supporting them.

00:26:24.440 And, um, you know, I got a little emotional because that's important to me.

00:26:29.000 Uh, you know, I spent a lot of my life being the fat guy and being someone who pretended

00:26:34.080 that it was okay to be that way.

00:26:35.900 And then I was happy with it, which I wasn't.

00:26:38.120 And if you are, that's fine, but I don't think you are.

00:26:40.440 I think you're lying, but, uh, you know, we were talking and, and, and I was talking

00:26:46.500 to Aaron and like a week later and he's like, man, dude, like that meeting really hit everybody.

00:26:50.780 And I'm like, why?

00:26:52.300 And they're like, well, cause you got emotional.

00:26:53.920 I'm like, well, what do they think?

00:26:55.520 They think I don't really care.

00:26:56.780 Like, this is like, like, I really care.

00:26:59.720 Cause I've been there.

00:27:00.780 You know what I mean?

00:27:01.380 And I know how important it is.

00:27:03.220 Cause like, dude, these, these people who are going through these transformations, if you

00:27:07.740 don't support them, and then let's say they have a bad day, that could be the pivotal day

00:27:13.300 that forces them to go the complete opposite direction for the rest of their lives.

00:27:17.920 That might lead to a time where, like you were saying, maybe they get to a point where they're

00:27:22.560 considering suicide because they feel like they can't control any elements in their life.

00:27:26.620 And, um, I take, you know, the, I truly believe, I think the reason that we built this facility

00:27:32.680 and are successful is because we all carry that same amount of care for other people.

00:27:40.120 And, uh, that's what I saw in what you do, man.

00:27:43.600 But I saw it instead of doing it with adults, I saw you're starting at the foundation.

00:27:47.480 And, and I think that's such a huge thing.

00:27:50.020 You know, I don't know if you know this, but I have a set of children's books that I write.

00:27:54.520 Um, no, I didn't know that.

00:27:56.260 Yeah, it's good.

00:27:57.140 Yeah.

00:27:57.340 Yeah.

00:27:57.580 So, so, and I, you know, like I said, I don't have any kids of my own, but about, I don't

00:28:02.980 know, 2015, I was, I, I used to do a lot more public speaking than I do now.

00:28:08.580 And, uh, I got, I got asked to come speak to a group of veterans, um, out in Salt Lake

00:28:14.100 or what was it?

00:28:14.960 Sundance, Sundance Field Festival.

00:28:16.420 And we're flying out there and we were flying private.

00:28:19.740 There's six people on the plane or something.

00:28:21.420 It was me and some of the team and, and dude, I get real crabby.

00:28:24.880 All right.

00:28:25.260 Like I, I, I will complain a lot, but shit will still get done.

00:28:29.460 And so I was, I was complaining on the plane.

00:28:31.900 And I'm like, you know, dude, I'm going to go up there.

00:28:34.740 I'm going to give these guys everything I got.

00:28:36.280 And they're going to walk out and they're going to go do the same shit they were doing

00:28:39.140 before they came in.

00:28:40.120 Like, it's just, and I said, like out of frustration, I said, we need to, we need to

00:28:45.000 write books for teenagers.

00:28:46.220 That's what we need.

00:28:46.820 We need to catch them before.

00:28:47.960 And then I'm like, nah, it's too late.

00:28:49.980 We need to catch them when they're like 12.

00:28:51.980 And I'm like, nah, it's too late.

00:28:53.320 No, we need to write kids books.

00:28:55.000 And I was saying it like, just kind of, just kind of talking shit.

00:28:59.760 And everybody got quiet and looked at me and they're like, oh, and I realized, oh, it's

00:29:06.460 actually a pretty good idea.

00:29:08.080 So we started writing these books that are designed to, uh, as tools for parents to use

00:29:14.940 to teach their kids, the principles of succeeding, um, and success.

00:29:19.920 Because what I hear all the time from parents is, you know, Andy, I love your show, you know,

00:29:26.280 but I can't really let my kids listen to it.

00:29:27.980 And I get that.

00:29:28.660 You probably shouldn't, uh, just being real, you know, maybe I should do a kid's show too

00:29:33.140 or something.

00:29:33.840 Um, you guys, it's Andy for so.

00:29:35.600 Yeah.

00:29:35.760 Right.

00:29:36.720 We'll do a cartoon series.

00:29:38.120 Me and you.

00:29:38.940 Hey man, that's a good idea.

00:29:40.740 So the, um, the whole concept was to build, to, to give parents a tool that they can, cause,

00:29:48.640 cause they don't know what to teach, dude.

00:29:50.460 Like they don't know, like so many parents out there, thousands upon thousands upon thousands

00:29:55.420 reach out to me.

00:29:56.640 And they're like, man, I love, I love what you're talking about, but I don't know how

00:30:01.260 to teach it because I didn't learn that.

00:30:03.700 And I'm learning it now as an adult.

00:30:05.340 So how do I teach it?

00:30:06.460 And that was the purpose of what the books were about.

00:30:09.080 And that's what they continue to be about.

00:30:11.340 But you know, are your books available?

00:30:15.620 Oh yeah.

00:30:15.940 Yeah.

00:30:16.200 Okay.

00:30:16.560 They're available on the website.

00:30:17.740 Okay.

00:30:18.060 Great.

00:30:18.380 Yeah.

00:30:18.680 I'll give you some.

00:30:19.220 Please do that.

00:30:19.900 Please do.

00:30:20.380 Yeah.

00:30:20.620 It's interesting.

00:30:21.240 You brought up children's books because my newest book, Battle Cry is doing really well

00:30:25.100 with men.

00:30:25.700 My publisher reached out and said, Hey, let's do a children's version.

00:30:28.360 Dude, you have to do it.

00:30:29.660 Yeah.

00:30:29.820 Yeah.

00:30:29.920 You have to do it.

00:30:30.760 Like for, for the way you teach these young men.

00:30:35.380 Dude.

00:30:36.080 Okay.

00:30:36.560 Yeah.

00:30:36.760 All right.

00:30:37.380 All right.

00:30:37.480 Yeah.

00:30:37.600 Absolutely.

00:30:38.280 Like, and anything I can do to help with that, I will.

00:30:41.440 You don't need my help, but.

00:30:42.740 I think what, what's interesting though, because, you know, I just, we touched on it briefly

00:30:46.600 earlier, but the correlation, you know, we do a lot of work in Haiti and I was, I was

00:30:51.320 telling Jason earlier, you know, we got, whenever COVID hit, we did a, we were doing

00:30:54.500 a 30 for the kids and we did it for Haiti and we got trouble because we weren't helping

00:30:57.520 kids locally.

00:30:58.880 And so then we, you know, we got involved in North city and, and, um, here in St.

00:31:03.100 Louis.

00:31:03.880 And we made a rule.

00:31:04.660 That was when we made our rule.

00:31:05.700 Whatever we do there, we do here.

00:31:06.900 That's right.

00:31:07.360 Yeah.

00:31:07.620 And, um, you know, we're going to share the dollars.

00:31:09.540 Right.

00:31:10.200 And so invest in our local community.

00:31:11.860 Let's.

00:31:12.420 And whatever we're going to, uh, invest in there, let's invest in here.

00:31:15.720 And we've done that in the last two years.

00:31:17.220 In fact, you know, it's the guy barking in the crowd.

00:31:20.200 Who's never done anything.

00:31:21.120 You know what?

00:31:21.620 We've been able to progress and help, you know, hundreds of children here in our backyard.

00:31:26.340 Yeah.

00:31:26.660 Thank you.

00:31:27.320 Yeah, of course.

00:31:27.900 Thanks for the criticism.

00:31:28.500 That's right.

00:31:28.800 Cause it gave us a good idea.

00:31:30.120 Well, they, they criticize, but the truth is the world's separated by doers, not talkers.

00:31:34.340 Yeah.

00:31:34.620 You know, and we got busy.

00:31:35.620 It's like, you know what?

00:31:36.180 All right.

00:31:36.580 Fair.

00:31:37.300 Touche.

00:31:37.740 But we're going to go do it instead of talking about it.

00:31:39.080 I remember when we had that conversation.

00:31:40.580 Yeah.

00:31:40.860 I was actually, I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing.

00:31:43.880 And I'm like, you know what?

00:31:45.080 That's fine.

00:31:45.960 We'll just do everything that we do there.

00:31:47.460 We'll do it here too.

00:31:48.220 Yeah.

00:31:48.620 And, you know, and I think, you know, you start looking at commonalities of problems

00:31:51.700 as a problem solver by nature.

00:31:53.180 You always find the common denominator is usually when you find the common denominator, you can

00:31:57.360 identify where the problem sits.

00:31:59.300 And, you know, when you compare North city and Haiti, you know, both, you know, poverty stricken,

00:32:04.320 but we started looking at the men, it's the lack of men in the communities in Haiti.

00:32:08.360 It's the same deal.

00:32:09.180 There's no, there's no men in the household.

00:32:11.940 And, um, you know, when you look at the moms who have, you know, three, four or five in

00:32:16.660 particular, where my Haitian son is, Marco, he has nine, nine brothers and sisters, no

00:32:20.520 dad.

00:32:21.520 And you go into the inner city in St. Louis and there's, there's no man in the household.

00:32:25.020 There's no dad.

00:32:25.720 So who raises them, the streets, you know, and, and, you know, we've also invested in,

00:32:31.460 you know, trying to help out a lift for life program to get some of these kids off the

00:32:33.960 streets and start teaching them much like you're doing Jason, some discipline and giving

00:32:38.320 them some team, you know, effort and some sport and lifting weights and a community and starting

00:32:43.280 trying to centralize that, that parenting, right.

00:32:45.780 And some, some type of male leadership and teaching them, you know, Hey, you don't have

00:32:50.160 to go down the gang violence route.

00:32:51.820 You know, you can use, you know, strength and sport and team and community and, and start

00:32:56.420 to build some of these core care characteristic values.

00:32:59.040 But from your experience, like, where do you start?

00:33:05.980 Well, I mean, for one was interesting.

00:33:07.520 I found that you will hear a statistic that talks about how 78% of black families are parented

00:33:14.220 by single females.

00:33:16.300 Uh, unfortunately that stat is really skewed because it implies that there is no man around.

00:33:21.680 Uh, another study came out, um, I believe it's in the New York times maybe, um, or the daily

00:33:29.020 news.

00:33:29.440 It, they did a study that proved that black fathers are the most active in their children

00:33:34.020 lives than any other ethnicity.

00:33:35.960 So what is, where's all these narratives going on?

00:33:40.640 So again, that's what I was saying about dismantling a system.

00:33:45.760 Systemic racism is a system designed to keep a certain group of people in a certain position.

00:33:51.520 And so, uh, let me give you an example.

00:33:53.500 I'm on a plane one day and I'm, I'm going through a presentation.

00:33:56.880 So it's a guy next to me, white brother.

00:33:59.500 Cool.

00:33:59.820 He looks over and I'm talking about, uh, pipeline, the prison school, the pipeline, the prison,

00:34:05.480 basically a system where they filter kids from the educational system into the prison

00:34:11.580 industrial complex.

00:34:13.240 So he says, what are you telling me?

00:34:14.580 Prisons are privatized.

00:34:16.200 I said, you didn't know that.

00:34:17.620 He says, that's impossible.

00:34:19.040 That should be illegal because if prisons are privatized, it means assets are people.

00:34:22.860 So the only way you're going to get assets, you got to create laws.

00:34:25.740 And he just looked at me, he was like, oh, so those are the things I would need like you,

00:34:33.380 my brothers to really hit hard on.

00:34:36.060 Because again, I, I've truly, I community truly values brothers like you with the heart

00:34:41.520 to give back because you don't have to do it.

00:34:44.460 No, we do have to do it.

00:34:45.700 Yeah, but no, this is what I'm saying.

00:34:47.640 No, I hear what you're saying from your own conviction.

00:34:50.240 If we call ourselves Americans.

00:34:52.120 Yeah, but no, I get it.

00:34:52.860 But listen, what I mean is that you don't have to.

00:34:56.340 Yeah, yeah.

00:34:57.400 But you do.

00:34:58.340 Yeah.

00:34:59.020 But what I'm saying is, it's the system.

00:35:01.620 As long as the roots are supplying the tree, the branches will continue to grow.

00:35:06.500 We keep cutting the branches off.

00:35:09.400 But the real problem, like in my academy, people, they think the majority of the boys

00:35:13.660 have their fathers aren't in their lives.

00:35:15.560 I may have one and that's not because he doesn't want to be there again.

00:35:21.860 So when I did a deep dive on like why fathers aren't active in their children lives, it's

00:35:26.440 not that they don't want to be, it's that many of them feel like failures that they can't

00:35:30.920 even provide.

00:35:31.800 I can go down the line, but I've never met a father that didn't want to be in the son's

00:35:37.220 life, daughter's life.

00:35:38.520 And then when I, again, as a black man, I'm told all of these narratives that are lies

00:35:45.160 and that programs a generation of boys not to even believe in themselves.

00:35:50.640 Like another thing, you know, I don't, I don't have an issue with sports, but we are creative

00:35:56.560 beyond playing the game, you know what I'm saying?

00:35:58.880 And so, so we have, so I pushed that as well, but we have to create again, environments where

00:36:05.620 you're celebrated for robotics, where you're celebrated for being, going after being a doctor

00:36:11.100 or architect, architect, or, um, or you want to start a nonprofit or, you know, it's, it's

00:36:17.440 so what about even a plumber?

00:36:19.040 So that's, so in the cave, what we do with our boys as well, once we teach them emotional

00:36:23.180 stability, we actually have a workforce development program where they can go out into these trades

00:36:28.280 to see what they want to do.

00:36:29.640 Like drone, building drones, you know, um, and carpentry and construction, but it's still

00:36:35.160 not celebrated.

00:36:36.620 Yeah.

00:36:36.820 You don't get a trophy for framing a house the fastest.

00:36:40.620 You understand?

00:36:41.300 So boys, we want to go where the affirmation is.

00:36:44.340 Gangs are popular.

00:36:45.300 Why?

00:36:45.640 Because you get affirmation and then, you know, um, belonging.

00:36:50.440 Exactly.

00:36:50.980 And so when I even, I had an opportunity because again, a lot of times if you just listen to

00:36:56.320 the media or the way things are spun, um, in the news, you would think it's just a black

00:37:03.340 issue.

00:37:04.480 Again, like I said, when the crack epidemic hit the black community, it wasn't no alarm

00:37:08.980 sounding, but when opioids did, it was a major issue.

00:37:13.580 So I had an opportunity to work with white kids one day.

00:37:17.160 It was fun.

00:37:18.180 It's really cool to work with white boys for the first time.

00:37:20.520 Cause everyone kept saying, you know, why do you only work with black kids or whatever?

00:37:24.320 You know, and that's, that's offensive in and of itself.

00:37:26.600 They'll see a picture, a school of all of my students.

00:37:29.640 There's no sign on my door that says color zone.

00:37:32.560 Right.

00:37:33.240 You know, but you don't, I bet you don't ask that same question to a white school, martial

00:37:37.440 art school.

00:37:37.960 Why, why don't you have any black kids?

00:37:39.800 Oh dude, I get asked that every time.

00:37:41.380 You do?

00:37:41.780 Every time.

00:37:42.460 Every time.

00:37:42.880 I didn't know that.

00:37:43.800 Bro, listen, every time I take a photo without any black people in it, I get yelled at and

00:37:48.960 called a racist.

00:37:49.900 Every single time.

00:37:50.700 Well, I receive the opposite of that.

00:37:52.000 Yeah.

00:37:52.180 Yeah.

00:37:52.320 But that's interesting, right?

00:37:53.360 It's the same guy in the stands.

00:37:54.580 Yeah.

00:37:55.020 You know what I mean?

00:37:55.660 The guy that's not doing nothing.

00:37:57.000 Yeah.

00:37:57.100 So I say that to say, because martial arts, what I love about martial arts.

00:38:02.580 By the way, it's always white people call me racist.

00:38:06.260 But this is what I love about martial arts.

00:38:10.460 We really don't get caught up in the skin cup.

00:38:13.740 Yeah.

00:38:13.880 Right.

00:38:14.340 We train.

00:38:15.000 We train.

00:38:15.960 We train.

00:38:16.680 It's the ultimate equalizer, man.

00:38:18.220 But this is what I noticed is that, so one of my good friends, I trained with the Aikibu

00:38:24.320 Jutsu for a while, and he had told me, he says, Jay, you could lose your job, right?

00:38:30.500 And you won't, you'll keep it moving.

00:38:33.720 You're fortitude.

00:38:34.440 You would just push through.

00:38:36.140 He says, for me, he says, you will hear stories about a banker lose his job, go home and kill

00:38:41.280 his entire family.

00:38:43.200 He says, that's a psyche that you really need to dive into as well.

00:38:47.520 Because again, this is one of the biggest issues with society at large.

00:38:51.720 As long as we look through it with our lens, we don't have the empathy for any other culture.

00:38:57.520 Because it's just our problem.

00:38:59.000 It's the way we see you.

00:39:00.460 This is who you are.

00:39:01.600 This is how you are.

00:39:03.140 But when we, for me, being a follower of Christ, I had to ask God to give me his eyes.

00:39:09.920 Let me see things through his eyes.

00:39:12.460 When I started having that mindset and that perspective, I was able to deal with things

00:39:18.760 from here, the good.

00:39:21.060 And so when you can, my friend told me another guy who's Irish American, he told me, he says,

00:39:28.980 Jay, don't believe the nice house, the wife and kids, and the dog barking in the backyard.

00:39:35.180 It's not just a black issue.

00:39:37.360 It's a man issue.

00:39:39.000 It's a human issue.

00:39:41.500 And so here we again, we're talking about dealing with the real problem.

00:39:46.260 Of course, resources are needed.

00:39:48.280 Trust me, I know I'm right there.

00:39:49.660 But if you have power and influence, where these laws are being passed, where these systems

00:39:56.480 are being basically erected, you know, if we're really one and we believe that, we need

00:40:05.220 to work together and dismantle those systems.

00:40:07.760 Dude, I agree.

00:40:08.720 And so when you look at a young boy, you know, I'll be clear with you because you believe

00:40:15.320 that everything is white, it's right, that you guys, it's easy, you know?

00:40:21.300 And when I was training those boys, I saw a common denominator.

00:40:27.600 They suppress their emotions, depression, suicidal thoughts, lack composure.

00:40:34.800 One kid was crying so bad just because he left his lunch at home, he didn't know how to

00:40:39.260 navigate through his emotions.

00:40:42.080 Mother didn't know what to do.

00:40:43.800 Father wasn't there.

00:40:45.600 I literally laid on my back in the school floor and looked up to him because he wouldn't

00:40:51.240 look me in the eyes.

00:40:52.260 His name was Barron.

00:40:54.180 And I said, what's wrong, Barron?

00:40:55.700 He just dropped his head, crying, crying.

00:40:57.680 So I laid on the ground and I looked up at him.

00:41:01.340 He smiled.

00:41:02.360 I said, oh, I see you now.

00:41:04.260 I said, what's wrong?

00:41:04.920 He said, I left my lunch at home.

00:41:08.280 Because I gave him an opportunity to really express what's going on, he performed well that

00:41:13.640 day.

00:41:13.860 How many men are trapped in this box to where they're feeling that way, can't express it,

00:41:23.560 then they go grab a gun and go do something they shouldn't do.

00:41:27.380 And so-

00:41:28.220 White or black.

00:41:28.820 Well, I know this.

00:41:29.840 I know a real story like that.

00:41:31.400 BJ Baldwin, who's a buddy of mine, shot a guy who shot a guy.

00:41:35.880 Two guys walked up on him, black guys.

00:41:38.300 He's a white dude.

00:41:39.020 Doesn't matter.

00:41:39.740 This is to the point.

00:41:43.860 The, the, they, they came up and BJ ended up killing the one guy because he, the guy

00:41:49.660 pulled out a gun, shot a couple of times.

00:41:51.160 And BJ is like super like trains.

00:41:53.500 He's a, he's an instructor and he shot this guy and killed him.

00:41:56.720 And now BJ and his, this, this guy who he killed's brother are actually friends.

00:42:03.260 And the reason that he, that that guy had pulled the gun that day was because some bad

00:42:08.020 shit had happened at home.

00:42:09.180 And his, his, uh, what he had told his brother right before he went out and got himself killed

00:42:14.860 was that he just wanted to hurt somebody.

00:42:16.920 It was just, he was so frustrated.

00:42:18.460 He wanted to hurt somebody.

00:42:19.300 And so that's a real life example of exactly what you're talking about.

00:42:22.900 Again, until we're, look at, look at the wars that's going on right now.

00:42:26.760 Oh man.

00:42:27.360 Who leading them?

00:42:28.820 Who are leading these wars?

00:42:29.920 Women or men?

00:42:31.400 Men.

00:42:31.860 Boys.

00:42:32.780 I get what you're saying, but when have you seen a movie with two warriors or men who were

00:42:38.920 strong or martial artists were able to reconcile a conflict without fighting?

00:42:43.620 See, it's a system.

00:42:46.720 That doesn't sell.

00:42:47.540 Yeah.

00:42:47.880 But see, it's a system.

00:42:49.560 Yeah.

00:42:49.780 And then we wonder why our boys can't reconcile conflict.

00:42:54.600 Why are you smoking drugs?

00:42:57.740 Liquids promoted.

00:42:59.760 It's a system.

00:43:01.800 They don't do what we, we say.

00:43:03.480 They, they do what we do.

00:43:05.320 And that's what I'm saying.

00:43:06.520 It's, I'm a principled person, just like you guys are.

00:43:09.520 Clearly.

00:43:10.980 I don't cut branches off.

00:43:12.380 I'm trying to take the tree out.

00:43:13.660 I'm dealing with the roots.

00:43:14.680 I'm going to snatch it up by its roots.

00:43:16.400 I love that.

00:43:17.000 And so that's how we solve this problem.

00:43:19.820 And it's, it's a, there's a documentary coming out of my life.

00:43:27.880 I signed with the actor Lawrence Fishburne's film company, and it should be out hopefully

00:43:32.920 this year.

00:43:34.320 And what's crazy is that it's a beautiful film.

00:43:37.240 It's about me, my work I do with boys in the cave of Adullam.

00:43:39.940 And it deals with the cause and effect of trauma, et cetera, and how to overcome it.

00:43:46.000 But when I watched it with my wife, and I tear it up because the world doesn't show black

00:43:54.900 boys the way this documentary will be showing our children.

00:43:59.120 And this is why I know, so we, people say, well, you know, I'm not prejudiced.

00:44:03.780 Well, how aren't you because your grandfather was lynched because my grandfather was lynched

00:44:07.380 and I saw intergenerational trauma because of it affect my entire family, but I'm not

00:44:12.440 prejudiced because I've been blessed by so many relationships from people of different

00:44:18.060 ethnic backgrounds.

00:44:19.040 However, when I look at this situation with us, our boys, it's like, it's sad to say that

00:44:28.580 they have to be humanized because the first way you can live with doing something evil,

00:44:34.240 you have to dehumanize someone or something.

00:44:37.640 They're less than so I can do this.

00:44:39.760 This is why I have hope.

00:44:44.260 When our video went viral in 2016, tons of comments, 100 million views worldwide.

00:44:51.920 I saw one comment.

00:44:52.880 The guy said, man, this is BS.

00:44:54.280 I know there's other boys like this, but the media won't show us that.

00:44:59.600 And I looked at him.

00:45:00.420 It was a white guy from Germany.

00:45:02.120 There's a system in place designed to keep us separate.

00:45:09.460 A hundred percent.

00:45:10.800 Spiritually.

00:45:11.360 Intentionally.

00:45:11.800 Yeah.

00:45:12.260 Spiritually, you know, the principles divide and conquer.

00:45:17.040 So all it is, if you can't rule your emotions, you can forget about it.

00:45:20.280 Yeah.

00:45:20.560 You're a slave to them.

00:45:21.620 You know, people say, well, uh, well, this made me do it or the devil made me do it or

00:45:26.540 this happened.

00:45:27.460 At the end of the day, it's our desires that lead us astray.

00:45:30.420 We can't check what's not righteous in us.

00:45:34.580 And we continue to live that way.

00:45:36.860 And man, we would never be able to do that, especially with lust, if we don't take time,

00:45:41.540 like you were saying, Sal, and do the introspective work needed to transform our hearts, renew our

00:45:47.320 minds.

00:45:49.120 You can't, like people say, how are you faithful to your wife, man?

00:45:51.940 You just got one, one, one.

00:45:53.240 I'm like, for one, it's much deeper because I fear the most high.

00:45:57.100 I'm on an assignment here.

00:45:58.580 And then two, your perception of peace is not really accurate.

00:46:04.420 So most men look at sex as a way of escape.

00:46:07.660 That's why pornography is so addictive.

00:46:10.880 It's so you can control and make your own world.

00:46:14.380 Problem is peace can't be a place.

00:46:17.040 If that's the case, you can't have it in the midst of conflict.

00:46:19.480 So with me, I've been trained.

00:46:22.740 If I'm in a fist coming at me, I'm still calm as if I'm on a beach in Hawaii.

00:46:27.020 But that only happened when I allowed myself to sit still.

00:46:31.640 And of course, I had to go to psychotherapy because all the trauma I've been through.

00:46:36.340 As men, we'll run through bullets.

00:46:38.040 Like you said, some say you have to have the long beard, muscles, training, jujitsu, whatever.

00:46:42.860 That's why I don't like defining manhood.

00:46:46.000 The hardest thing for us to do is deal with ourselves.

00:46:48.720 Every man in here know that.

00:46:51.200 That's why this world is the way it is.

00:46:53.180 We're not confronting the real enemy.

00:46:55.280 That's because you know the truth.

00:46:56.640 Yeah.

00:46:57.060 But we, so we're talking.

00:47:00.460 And I love this, by the way.

00:47:01.860 I love your picture.

00:47:02.580 It says society.

00:47:03.520 Yeah.

00:47:03.780 Something just hit me.

00:47:04.920 That is a part of the problem.

00:47:06.320 Yeah, we are.

00:47:06.860 But I would love to put me on there.

00:47:09.560 The word M-E.

00:47:10.940 Yeah.

00:47:11.980 Because when I think of who I was and what I still struggle with today, it's not what's around me.

00:47:18.660 It's what's in me.

00:47:20.020 It's the bad in me, the fears, the way I was neglected.

00:47:23.880 I can go on and on, the abuse, the bullying.

00:47:26.300 Those things I have to suppress and actually release so that I can live in the moment.

00:47:30.500 But we don't face that person.

00:47:32.560 That's the greatest fear because that person doesn't lie to us.

00:47:38.560 When we look in the mirror, we know, we see the pain.

00:47:41.320 We see, we hear the words again from our mother, our fathers, from our friends who let us down.

00:47:51.680 And so then we buy things, put on this bravado, trying to be smooth, strong, whatever.

00:47:58.120 It's all a facade.

00:47:59.380 We're just trying to make it.

00:48:01.220 But when we cut the lights off, we feel empty.

00:48:04.880 And that's because, you know, for me, until I accepted Christ, man, I was done.

00:48:09.960 I could go any direction.

00:48:11.880 I was angry this moment, depressed this moment.

00:48:15.940 My wife, a beautiful Saturday afternoon, wanting to go to the park with my daughter.

00:48:20.560 I'm sitting on the couch angry and didn't even know why.

00:48:23.120 What the hell?

00:48:24.840 What's wrong with me?

00:48:26.660 It's because I never took time to release because the culture says, society says, a man who cries is weak.

00:48:34.140 A man who is weak is soft.

00:48:38.420 You can't feel fear.

00:48:40.180 You know how many men are dead today because we weren't allowed to feel fear?

00:48:43.840 There is no courage without fear.

00:48:46.400 You have to have fear to be courageous.

00:48:48.940 That's it.

00:48:50.000 And so, again, if you're only looking through it through one lens, we'll say, why did you go to that party and they were shooting?

00:48:58.940 That's a black problem or something like that, you would say.

00:49:01.620 But then I got white kids on Instagram.

00:49:03.900 When I look at my DMs, my direct messages, it's 75% young white males who reach out to me wanting to break free.

00:49:11.680 So, it may not be a gang violence, a gang shooting.

00:49:18.020 It'd be drugs.

00:49:19.700 It'd be a stabbing, violence, abuse.

00:49:23.140 But, again, we're looking at it through society's lens instead of really what's really happening.

00:49:32.500 And then can we really move on what's right?

00:49:35.160 Because, again, all of us are this way, something that can make us uncomfortable, that compromise our lifestyle.

00:49:42.520 We're like, well, wait, let me really think about this.

00:49:45.720 For me, I don't care anymore, man.

00:49:47.940 It's like, I'm going to do what's right.

00:49:51.580 And that's what we all have to be.

00:49:53.740 And you shared that several times.

00:49:56.280 I'd rather be right, man, than rich.

00:49:58.040 I'd rather be a private success and a public failure.

00:50:04.560 I don't want to go home and I don't have the praise of my wife and children.

00:50:10.720 What good is it to build an academy and save all these boys and can't even save my own son?

00:50:16.460 It's meaningless.

00:50:18.440 What good is it to have the number one book or say the documentary does well and I don't even love my wife right or I hate myself?

00:50:28.040 Being real as AF, I know what that means, but being real.

00:50:34.060 I know you don't.

00:50:34.680 Yeah, I know.

00:50:35.280 I just said, I just said, but being real is hard for us, man, because we believe a lot.

00:50:42.320 So really, we're walking around fake because we've allowed this world to define us.

00:50:49.380 We can't be defined because when you need to be a nurturer, you can't.

00:50:55.260 When you need to be compassionate, you can't.

00:50:58.040 When you need to be sensitive, you can't.

00:51:00.560 When you need to be long-suffering, like I had to with my mother with dementia, combing her hair, doing her nails, fouling them.

00:51:09.460 Trust me, I embrace masculinity.

00:51:11.700 Yeah.

00:51:12.300 My mother didn't need a masculine male.

00:51:14.620 She needed a servant son.

00:51:16.100 And I gave her that because I was comprehensive.

00:51:19.620 Yeah, but isn't real masculinity being comprehensive?

00:51:23.680 No, masculinity.

00:51:24.920 See, I look up things.

00:51:26.080 I'm a principled person.

00:51:27.420 Yeah.

00:51:27.620 Look up the definition.

00:51:29.240 It's just a few attributes, such as strength, boldness, aggression, or masculine attire.

00:51:33.880 That turned the light on for me.

00:51:36.000 So wait a minute.

00:51:37.120 This isn't a comprehensive definition of a man.

00:51:39.820 No.

00:51:40.620 Women have masculine attributes.

00:51:43.640 Look at these women powerlifters.

00:51:45.180 I forgot the one sister named who took the car, lifted it up off her father when the jack collapsed.

00:51:50.400 See, we've been deceived.

00:51:56.100 You can't define us.

00:51:58.360 Why do you think that was?

00:52:02.300 Like, if you could pinpoint a time in history that said, okay, well.

00:52:06.000 It's hard to do that.

00:52:06.620 Because we saw it with women, right?

00:52:08.740 They had this Me Too.

00:52:09.660 Because, I mean, if you think about women, we think about, you know, oh, they're supposed to be raising the children in the house.

00:52:14.200 They're supposed to make sure dinner's done by six, right?

00:52:17.140 But then we had this Me Too movement, right?

00:52:19.540 And the feminine movement that kind of took that box off of them, right?

00:52:24.080 But that was, no, it was way before that.

00:52:25.640 That was due to abuse, sexual abuse.

00:52:28.300 That Me Too movement was completely different than women's liberation.

00:52:31.000 The feminine movement.

00:52:32.000 Yeah, so, but a woman, you would never hear a woman say she's only a feminine woman.

00:52:37.420 They tried to tell women their place is in the kitchen.

00:52:40.060 They didn't buy that.

00:52:41.420 But we would say, we would buy, oh, you got to be rough.

00:52:44.300 You got to have an ax to cut trees down your beard.

00:52:47.320 Calluses on hand.

00:52:47.800 Women do not allow society or anyone to define them.

00:52:53.400 That's why I take my hats off.

00:52:54.680 But we do.

00:52:56.400 You have to be buff.

00:52:57.780 Come on, that's why we lift weights, right?

00:52:59.460 It's a part of being a man.

00:53:02.040 Oh, you got to know how to fight.

00:53:03.500 You got to know how to shoot.

00:53:05.840 You got to be tough.

00:53:06.860 You got to curse.

00:53:07.920 You don't curse.

00:53:08.740 Now you made the brother who don't curse feel like he not a man because you let someone

00:53:14.060 define what a man is.

00:53:17.120 That's the biggest deception, man.

00:53:19.400 Would you say that there's risk, though?

00:53:21.440 Because I hear, and I love everything that is, right?

00:53:24.020 Mm-hmm.

00:53:24.420 And I think, I do feel like there are some things, though, in society that's absolutely

00:53:29.020 needed.

00:53:29.520 We need strong men right now, right?

00:53:32.260 Like, there's a lack of strength.

00:53:33.740 You're missing.

00:53:34.680 I didn't say don't be strong.

00:53:36.260 Right, right, right.

00:53:37.300 You see what I'm saying?

00:53:38.120 See, it's not-

00:53:39.120 He's saying don't be only strong.

00:53:40.740 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:53:41.620 It's not an absence of strength to be comprehensive.

00:53:44.460 Yeah.

00:53:44.840 You just got it in you.

00:53:45.840 It's just another weapon in your toolbox.

00:53:48.820 That's all it is.

00:53:49.500 I'm saying it's okay to be you, but you got to find you.

00:53:52.400 You got a sense of the spirit.

00:53:53.880 Yeah.

00:53:54.920 I felt it when I got in the car.

00:53:56.740 Very kind person.

00:53:57.840 Was it the Luther Vandross playing?

00:53:59.200 I didn't hear no Luther.

00:54:03.560 It wasn't Luther.

00:54:04.580 You better not be playing no Luther.

00:54:05.600 But, you know, and you got an AR in between the scenes.

00:54:11.480 Right, right.

00:54:12.100 Magazine, 30-round magazines in the back.

00:54:14.660 And I'm like, okay, interesting.

00:54:16.280 I love, I got guns, too.

00:54:17.560 I can shoot very well.

00:54:18.500 That's one of the first things we talked about.

00:54:19.660 Yeah, yeah.

00:54:20.120 And we were talking, but I'd rather people know me more as a hiller than a killer.

00:54:25.840 Yeah, 100%.

00:54:26.480 Yeah, so I don't, and that's the fear.

00:54:28.340 I'm a teddy bear.

00:54:29.280 I'm a teddy bear.

00:54:30.100 I'm not saying you're not.

00:54:31.400 I'm saying, but could you imagine freely walking in the teddy bear?

00:54:36.060 No.

00:54:36.820 Not right now.

00:54:37.540 Yeah, because you think what?

00:54:38.660 Someone's going to try to try.

00:54:39.800 Yeah, I don't think it's realistic for the environment I'm in right now.

00:54:43.180 Right?

00:54:43.580 Why?

00:54:44.860 Because that's the reality of the environment we're in.

00:54:46.880 I think everybody thinks DJ's a teddy bear.

00:54:49.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:54:49.660 But they just know he's a grizzly bear, too.

00:54:51.840 So listen, so listen.

00:54:53.240 So that's, to your point, it's funny.

00:54:54.940 I got Lion and Lamb.

00:54:55.920 I believe in that.

00:54:56.320 And that's great.

00:54:57.080 Yeah, so a friend of mine, when I first went home to see his son, he says, hey, Matthew,

00:55:02.140 this is Mr. Jason.

00:55:03.880 He's as cuddly as a bear and as dangerous as a bear.

00:55:07.240 I love that.

00:55:08.220 That's him.

00:55:08.740 And so, but I try to operate, if I could operate 100% of my life in the teddy bear,

00:55:17.880 I'm with it.

00:55:19.720 The center of my mind is clear.

00:55:21.220 I'm cool.

00:55:21.620 I'm not in fight or flight.

00:55:23.120 When that grizzly come out, it's a problem.

00:55:26.880 I'm not just, my claws ain't out because I'm happy.

00:55:30.400 Right, right.

00:55:31.100 I can't stay like this the whole time.

00:55:33.540 No, for sure, for sure.

00:55:35.400 But that's, again, we've allowed masculinity to be our definition.

00:55:40.420 That's why we can't be tender to our wives.

00:55:42.580 Like we would, inside of us.

00:55:44.440 Like for me, man, I'll be honest with you.

00:55:46.400 I grew up where, you know, if a guy was holding a woman's hand, he'd get beat down by five or

00:55:51.260 six guys.

00:55:52.640 Randomly.

00:55:53.280 Really?

00:55:53.820 Oh, yeah.

00:55:55.060 So I saw that.

00:55:55.980 My brothers would tell me, you know, I had two brothers who, but both died, homicide.

00:56:00.700 Um, my second brother who died, he was heavyweight in the drug game.

00:56:07.200 And he would tell me, you know, you can't never let a woman know how you feel.

00:56:11.040 Even your wife should take advantage of it.

00:56:13.480 So I thought that was some sage advice.

00:56:16.540 It almost cost me my marriage.

00:56:18.860 I have to fight today to hold my wife's hand in public because of what I've been ingrained

00:56:24.420 to believe a man is.

00:56:26.880 A man isn't really romantic unless he wants some.

00:56:30.700 That's why we can't really tap into intimacy.

00:56:33.400 We think intimacy means, oh, we about to have sex.

00:56:36.140 No.

00:56:36.820 Intimacy is the touch, looking in our eyes, seeing you love her without saying the words.

00:56:42.180 We can't tap into that because we're only masculine.

00:56:44.980 You really want to be a great lover, become comprehensive.

00:56:49.280 Now you can express the nurturing during sex.

00:56:52.820 You can express the empathy, the compassion.

00:56:55.260 She have a bad day.

00:56:56.040 I've, I've talked and encouraged my wife while making love to her.

00:57:01.020 It's a whole nother ball game.

00:57:03.940 But as men, you know, that's why, you know, I'm, uh, I'm hoping one day I can do a cave

00:57:09.820 of a delim for men because real talk, we all have broken boys inside of us, regardless

00:57:14.980 of our backgrounds, color of our skin.

00:57:17.840 And we're all walking around hurting.

00:57:20.000 And I would love to one day to truly be able to give us that freedom that we, we desire

00:57:25.080 and deserve.

00:57:26.260 I think it's your calling.

00:57:27.860 Yes.

00:57:28.340 A hundred percent.

00:57:29.320 I mean, it would only take five minutes of speaking with you to believe that.

00:57:33.220 Yeah.

00:57:33.540 I almost feel like I'm not good enough to talk.

00:57:36.360 It's kind of funny.

00:57:37.260 I'm listening to Jason.

00:57:38.140 I'm like, man, this guy's fucking dead on.

00:57:40.420 Me and you talked the whole time.

00:57:42.280 He should have had us recording in our conversation.

00:57:43.860 Well, I know.

00:57:44.500 And I think, you know, I find a great deal of comfort in your thinking because I, I'd

00:57:49.520 like to think, I think very linear to that.

00:57:51.540 You know, and I, I really didn't start living.

00:57:54.500 I had an accident.

00:57:55.520 I broke my leg at a collision home plate because I was identifying as a, you know, a male professional

00:58:00.880 athlete.

00:58:01.320 Right.

00:58:01.640 And that was, that was who I was.

00:58:03.120 And, you know, I was going to run, you know, I was out running at night, you know, I was

00:58:07.080 playing.

00:58:08.800 I was never really living.

00:58:10.880 And it was the, it was the term, you know, the societal standard that I had learned from

00:58:15.480 playing.

00:58:15.880 Like I was going to act like a big leaguer.

00:58:17.820 You know, I was going to act like a professional baseball player.

00:58:20.440 And that's kind of how I had to assume the role.

00:58:22.420 Well, really what I was is a dirt bag and an asshole, you know, and I had assumed what

00:58:27.780 they did was incorrect.

00:58:29.080 That's just the truth.

00:58:30.700 And when I broke my leg, I always say, you know, God took that from me because I wasn't

00:58:34.020 treating it correctly.

00:58:35.300 And, you know, it was a conversation that I had to have with myself and understanding

00:58:39.520 like I was given the opportunity.

00:58:41.280 I just, I just didn't take advantage of it.

00:58:44.080 And because I didn't take advantage of it, he took it away from me.

00:58:47.260 And, you know, I, I think through that progression of life, because I really, that was kind of

00:58:51.160 when I started to make some turns, you know, when I started to realize, you know, I need

00:58:55.880 to identify who I was going to be by figuring out who I wanted to be, you know, like, and

00:59:01.120 when I start to see my life progress from that moment, you know, and that's why I was saying

00:59:05.960 earlier, like a lot of times you gotta figure out who you're not, you know, and I wasn't

00:59:08.760 really happy.

00:59:09.720 Right.

00:59:10.040 I was playing a role that I thought was one of the big league base.

00:59:13.500 That's right.

00:59:13.940 I was trying, I was so worried about impressing society that I really wasn't focused on fulfilling

00:59:19.480 what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be.

00:59:22.140 And I, a lot of that was, you know, you think back, you know, and and I growing up from a

00:59:26.160 broken household, you know, I was, I was not the man that I, you know, that I wanted to

00:59:30.180 be.

00:59:30.320 I was playing the man that I saw.

00:59:31.720 And, you know, when you look at how I want to go through life, you know, fixing that

00:59:38.940 emotional connection, um, you know, is there's not defined roles in my household.

00:59:44.400 You know, I will cook and clean and my goal is to do better than she does.

00:59:47.240 Right.

00:59:47.880 And that's just the competitive spirit.

00:59:49.560 She builds, right?

00:59:50.500 What's that?

00:59:50.980 Your wife builds from what you were telling me.

00:59:52.720 Oh yeah.

00:59:53.320 No, yeah, yeah.

00:59:54.040 But that's the competitive side, you know, and it's like, I'm going to do the job and I'm

00:59:57.980 going to do it well.

00:59:58.720 And, you know, I, I have like in my own little, I have a plus one theory now that I have three

01:00:03.580 kids and, you know, and I think this is, you know, you're going to add another plus

01:00:06.800 one.

01:00:07.140 I would, I would, I would probably at this point knowing kind of what I got, I would

01:00:10.940 consider having another one, but you know, Rocky's going to kill me.

01:00:14.120 The, uh, no, but I, I have three children, you know, and you eventually two, two trees

01:00:18.760 are going to go from the forest, Rocky and I.

01:00:20.540 And if we have plus one, we're going to leave one, one more good one than we took, you know,

01:00:23.900 from the earth.

01:00:24.400 And I find it's my internal obligation to, you know, try to develop young humans and

01:00:31.940 specifically my son into being better versions of, of me through showing them how to do it.

01:00:38.180 And things that I'm, things that scare, they scare, dude, being a dad is hard, right?

01:00:41.680 Yes, it is.

01:00:42.220 Being a, being a good dad is even twice as fucking hard.

01:00:44.920 Yes.

01:00:45.100 And, you know, and that comes with a 24 seven time clock, you know, and, and being the person

01:00:51.780 that you're supposed to do or be when no one's watching, you know, and making the right decisions

01:00:58.120 when there are no repercussions, you know, and doing an, an issuing constraint on yourself

01:01:02.580 when you're the only one that's going to know, you know, and those, those parts of life are

01:01:07.220 really tough because, you know, I try to give, I try to give myself the advice, the emotional

01:01:11.960 advice on the 24 seven, three 65, that I would want to give Enzo my son in the environment

01:01:19.100 in which he would cross that same path.

01:01:20.980 And I try to put myself in that, in that place because it's the only place that I can give

01:01:25.580 myself the truth.

01:01:26.440 You know, like the, the, the best advice I think comes from father to son, because you

01:01:31.680 want better for them than you want for yourself.

01:01:35.200 And, you know, when I get in a tough spot, even now, and I was sharing this with, you know,

01:01:39.320 the best part about having our dad, two doors down is he comes down and he'll give me, he'll

01:01:44.060 give me the truth.

01:01:44.960 There's a non-emotional answer there because he wants what's best for us, you know, and

01:01:49.740 he will give me the truth as he sees it.

01:01:52.660 And I try to really, um, I try to do my best emotionally to try to give myself that same

01:01:58.140 truth, you know, 24, seven, three 65, what is the advice that I would point my son to do

01:02:02.760 right now?

01:02:03.140 What is, what would I want him to do?

01:02:04.860 And then I try to replicate that action.

01:02:06.560 And, and through that, I've had to go through a lot of emotional things because, you know,

01:02:11.160 you want to raise a son that's great in sport.

01:02:13.840 But I realized like sports, sports don't identify him as greatness, you know, and not only do

01:02:20.440 they not identify him as greatness, like I want him to be competitive, but I want him

01:02:23.160 to be compassionate.

01:02:24.300 So how do I teach him that?

01:02:25.460 You have to show him that.

01:02:26.720 That piece is hard, man, because as a guy, like who doesn't want, like last night, my

01:02:30.900 son's at bat first baseball practice, you know, I'm a baseball guy.

01:02:33.980 And of course I want him to hit the fucking ball hard, you know, absolutely.

01:02:37.620 He should.

01:02:38.140 That's right.

01:02:38.520 That's right.

01:02:38.960 You know, and I'm like, fuck, Hey, I don't have a ball, you know, and you're sitting here

01:02:41.620 thinking, and it's like, you know, that chapter of life, you know, in developing young men

01:02:48.300 is hard, but the interest that, and the dividend that pays for it is, is, is tenfold.

01:02:54.800 And, you know, going through that emotional battle and that emotional, uh, internalization

01:03:01.840 is, is a necessary evil.

01:03:03.280 And I think you have to face those emotions.

01:03:04.900 You know, you have to learn that it's okay to be frustrated, but we're not designed to

01:03:09.140 be perfect.

01:03:09.760 We're designed to progress.

01:03:10.860 Say that, man.

01:03:11.440 You know, we have a saying, you know, to piggyback off what you're saying, um, uh, emotions are

01:03:17.380 great servants, but poor masters.

01:03:19.080 And so once you allow an emotion to master you, you become its servant.

01:03:23.880 And so, I mean, truthfully, Sal, man, just from talking with you today, um, you weren't

01:03:30.340 created to play baseball.

01:03:32.420 You created to do what you do now.

01:03:35.220 And God, the father is not, uh, one who lacks compassion.

01:03:40.200 He is literally written as that.

01:03:41.780 He is love.

01:03:42.760 He removed, like he removed producing music out of my way so that I can do what I do now.

01:03:47.360 Now, it's clear you weren't created to play baseball.

01:03:52.160 You created to do what you do now.

01:03:53.400 And he got you in a position, a high pressure position to help people because he needs you.

01:03:57.660 He didn't need another baseball player.

01:03:59.940 He didn't need another person to go to the Hall of Fame.

01:04:03.200 He needed Sal to operate in his gift right now and live freely from that.

01:04:08.120 And, uh, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm honored to, you know, to have met you.

01:04:11.020 And I thank you for your transparency because it's clear.

01:04:15.040 And I just want you to believe that.

01:04:16.240 That there's nothing you messed up.

01:04:19.380 He didn't want it for you.

01:04:21.620 Yup.

01:04:22.100 Who you are as a dad.

01:04:23.020 I saw you with your son.

01:04:24.260 Enzo is beautiful.

01:04:25.920 Embrace that and become better at that.

01:04:29.000 Yup.

01:04:29.280 That's what you, you are who you are right now.

01:04:32.160 Yes.

01:04:32.800 Yup.

01:04:34.180 Definitely.

01:04:34.580 What do you think, speaking back to, uh, you know, not defining men, but what are like,

01:04:45.980 cause there's a lot of people listening right now.

01:04:47.680 They're not sure how to direct their, their kids.

01:04:52.200 Right.

01:04:53.460 Do you have some, I mean, what are the, what are the attributes?

01:04:57.520 Uh, I have a good friend, Rich DeVinney, who's a Navy SEAL.

01:05:00.000 He has this book called the attributes and it's really good book, um, about team building.

01:05:05.620 Um, but what I found, man, is like people are really like, like, like almost society has

01:05:12.840 almost regressed so far that people don't even know what the values or the skills or

01:05:18.180 the attributes they should be teaching are because some of the things that are, that are

01:05:23.000 popular right now, uh, in terms of cultural movements, people know in their heart are not

01:05:29.200 right.

01:05:29.660 And they're not healthy.

01:05:31.160 And so in this crazy world that where we have all of these, and by the way, I just want

01:05:37.220 to say this, I agree with everything you said about the systemic problems that we have.

01:05:42.800 Um, we need better leadership in this country that is going to unify Americans as Americans,

01:05:48.820 not as, uh, black Americans, white Americans.

01:05:52.220 You know, we are that leader.

01:05:53.320 We are those leaders.

01:05:54.180 Yeah.

01:05:54.360 I know that.

01:05:54.920 That's what made it clear.

01:05:55.860 Cause yeah.

01:05:56.380 Yeah.

01:05:56.680 We looking at beyond.

01:05:58.320 It's us.

01:05:58.960 The last year, the last year or two have really opened my eyes to that.

01:06:06.620 Nobody's coming.

01:06:07.740 It's our turn.

01:06:08.900 Sound like a friend of mine, Sean Dove says we have to be the Calvary with iconic leaders

01:06:13.560 we've been looking for.

01:06:14.260 The Calvary is not coming.

01:06:15.440 That's it, man.

01:06:16.420 And I've, this last two years, all this crazy stuff has really opened my eyes to that.

01:06:22.320 And you know, if you call yourself a patriotic American and you only care about a certain

01:06:28.240 group of Americans, whether that be black or whether that be white or whether that be

01:06:32.360 some other group, that's not what America is about, man.

01:06:35.880 That's not what it should be.

01:06:36.660 It shouldn't be about.

01:06:37.700 No, it is what it's about now because of the way that we've been culturally groomed by

01:06:43.060 our media and by these leaders that are, that only care about their own self-interest.

01:06:47.760 But see, for us, so just you understand, it's not a hypersensitivity for black America.

01:06:53.580 For us, it's never been for us.

01:06:56.000 Do you understand?

01:06:56.460 Yeah, I get that.

01:06:57.740 So that's why it means a lot when as compassionate as you guys are.

01:07:03.460 Yeah.

01:07:04.080 But you back it up, okay?

01:07:06.220 When you say, I'm off the fence, I'm on this side, then we can build.

01:07:14.120 And that's why, because sometimes people think it's like we're, you know, playing a victim.

01:07:19.560 They minimize, they minimize real issues.

01:07:22.020 Man.

01:07:22.460 Yeah.

01:07:22.900 Dude, look, I get that.

01:07:24.900 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:07:25.780 No, listen, listen.

01:07:27.200 Go ahead.

01:07:27.760 No, I, I'm, you know, it's, it's, it's, there's major differences even from the way we have

01:07:36.640 to pay for insurance, the way we're.

01:07:38.080 Dude, a thousand percent.

01:07:39.920 So, again, we're, we're that next, we're, we're that, we're that change that we want.

01:07:48.380 Yeah, tell the truth, man.

01:07:49.740 No, don't just say, I'm saying, we're that change.

01:07:52.500 And so, this is what, you know, I have a lot of white friends as well, okay?

01:07:57.240 Oh, that's good.

01:07:58.080 And this, this, this, no, listen, you silly.

01:08:01.260 The only reason I say that.

01:08:02.840 Do we have to qualify as we have black friends?

01:08:04.460 Now you do with me, yeah, yeah.

01:08:06.600 So, the reason I, reason I, reason I said that is because, not to justify anything, but

01:08:13.100 to say that this point when all that was happening in 2020 with the George Floyd situation, police

01:08:18.240 brutality throughout, it hurt me to see, well, I didn't hear the voices of my friends of

01:08:26.520 different ethnic backgrounds.

01:08:28.860 I wasn't angry.

01:08:30.440 I was hurt.

01:08:32.280 Because I have their back.

01:08:35.980 That's what I mean by really being, I guess, real as AF.

01:08:39.140 That's when you know.

01:08:42.480 When your problem, my problem becomes yours and yours is mine.

01:08:47.960 Whether it's justice somewhere, it's everywhere.

01:08:51.580 I don't like talking a lot.

01:08:53.540 I don't, you know, I don't debate.

01:08:54.780 I don't do all, I cut the lights off and follow me and I get the stuff done.

01:09:00.040 Yeah.

01:09:00.780 No, I get that.

01:09:01.200 And so, that's all I'm saying.

01:09:02.840 It's, it's, it's, if we're really about that, we'll see it.

01:09:08.120 We, we have to.

01:09:09.100 But I'm just saying, if we're really, we really want to have that type of change in this country,

01:09:16.380 do it.

01:09:18.460 Like, I mean, and it doesn't have to be grandiose.

01:09:21.280 Start, like, what you're doing.

01:09:25.100 But more so than just giving, really try to deconstruct some of these systems in a stealth way.

01:09:33.500 Because, again, you still want to be wise.

01:09:36.500 You know, I came up in the area, you know, I see some of the young guys now.

01:09:40.680 My brother was very dangerous, man.

01:09:44.820 Bags would come through the airport.

01:09:46.280 His bags are open because of the feds.

01:09:48.300 And I'm yelling, like, they don't have the right to open our bags.

01:09:51.380 He wanted to slap me.

01:09:53.660 He says, do you understand who they are and who we are?

01:09:58.700 So, everyone wants to be streetwise and tough and all these other things, but then you lose

01:10:02.600 everything because you're so emotional.

01:10:05.220 You can't let an enemy see you coming.

01:10:08.760 You have to strategize.

01:10:11.320 So, once we get the hearts together and the minds renewed, these people have to come together

01:10:16.420 and strategize in such a way where what we've worked hard for won't be compromised, but

01:10:23.420 we'll see change.

01:10:26.140 You can't be an emotionally led leader.

01:10:28.800 You're done.

01:10:30.100 You'll fall for anything.

01:10:32.520 And that's all I'm saying.

01:10:33.760 It's like, I'm so sick of talking.

01:10:36.800 I'm tired of the games and, you know, put up or shut up.

01:10:43.600 Yeah.

01:10:43.820 I mean, straight up.

01:10:44.520 Because I did it.

01:10:48.560 I'm not even qualified to be a CEO of any nonprofit in this country.

01:10:52.760 Nobody's qualified.

01:10:53.620 Nobody's qualified to do anything.

01:10:55.000 But let's check it out, though.

01:10:56.280 I barely have my high school diploma.

01:10:58.000 Yeah, me too.

01:10:59.100 Yeah.

01:10:59.300 Okay.

01:10:59.600 That's okay.

01:11:00.240 Yeah.

01:11:00.480 Look what's happening here.

01:11:01.980 Yeah.

01:11:02.140 I did it, though.

01:11:06.040 That's all I'm saying.

01:11:07.060 It's like, I'm so tired of the talk.

01:11:10.800 If it really doesn't matter, if it's really not about this, if it's really not about you

01:11:18.100 losing a position or someone gaining it, let's do it.

01:11:23.300 What do you think some of the changes that need to happen?

01:11:26.520 What are some of those roots that got to get pulled up like that?

01:11:29.720 Because I can tell you, from my point of view, how it looks.

01:11:33.480 This is what it looks like to me.

01:11:35.140 It looks like we have, and this is how I see society right now.

01:11:38.700 I see a lot of people who are very, very wealthy or using our political system to gain wealth,

01:11:45.040 creating scenarios that keep all people, all people suppressed in a certain way.

01:11:52.240 Are certain people getting worse of their suppression?

01:11:56.600 Absolutely.

01:11:57.000 I think the black communities have been long forgotten by the people who come to their

01:12:01.160 neighborhoods every single election cycle and say, hey, guess what?

01:12:05.060 We're here to fix your shit.

01:12:06.360 And then they go, and what happens?

01:12:08.840 Nothing.

01:12:09.540 It gets worse.

01:12:10.540 And that's been happening over and over and over and over for 40 years.

01:12:15.480 And so when I look at the big problems that we're having, our inability to connect at a ground level, meaning the actual citizens, not the elite families that run the entire country, talking about us.

01:12:32.320 Because if we can't ever get together to look at these people in unison and say, hey, uh-uh, we're going to do this, we won't ever be able to get where we're going to go.

01:12:42.640 Yeah, I mean, and the sad truth has been more than 40 years for us.

01:12:47.180 And so it's, you know, it's like I said, it feels insurmountable because of the lies that we're being told and then the positions.

01:12:58.840 You know, again, systemic racism, and for me working with young boys, black boys specifically in Detroit, to see privatized prisons not being eradicated.

01:13:13.700 Because in order for that business to survive, you have to get prisoners.

01:13:19.100 And to see some of these statistics that come out about how black men are pulled over more than white men.

01:13:26.440 Michigan State Police just came up, came clean with that.

01:13:33.000 Why?

01:13:34.580 To filter a system.

01:13:36.000 So why are there still privatized prisons?

01:13:40.400 I can go on and on, the school system.

01:13:43.540 Money being spent on stadiums that was really supposed to be spent on schools.

01:13:47.580 Or being $16 billion, which I did the math, by the way.

01:13:53.800 I don't remember it because my memory is not that good when it comes to this.

01:13:58.660 But it was $16 billion sent to Ukraine.

01:14:05.420 Okay.

01:14:05.940 Now, if you take that $16 billion and you divide it.

01:14:11.700 Let's see here.

01:14:13.980 By the top 55 metropolitan areas, you end up with almost $300 million per metro area, the top 55 metro areas that we could be putting into our inner city education.

01:14:28.980 But we can do that same math when we build out the Wall Street.

01:14:35.060 Oh, dude.

01:14:35.900 I'm with you.

01:14:36.580 Okay.

01:14:36.920 So again, so we're cutting off branches now.

01:14:39.120 Yeah.

01:14:39.420 You see what I'm saying?

01:14:40.140 Yeah.

01:14:40.780 That's something that's going to keep happening.

01:14:42.580 Yeah.

01:14:43.160 I'm with you on that.

01:14:43.980 That's what I'm saying.

01:14:44.540 So we have to uproot the tree.

01:14:46.400 Mm-hmm.

01:14:47.380 And that's the biggest issue.

01:14:48.980 And it's so many issues.

01:14:51.620 For me, personally, I know where I'm starting at.

01:14:54.600 It's first for me, I need to-

01:14:56.600 Well, you're doing your part.

01:14:57.320 Yeah, yeah, but this is crucial.

01:15:00.340 I need to help people that, in my influence, release trauma.

01:15:08.840 Stop allowing trauma to time travel so that the seeds that I'm planting can finally take root.

01:15:14.460 And then we can water them and grow.

01:15:16.380 That's one thing that I'm doing.

01:15:17.740 Mm-hmm.

01:15:19.760 So when you have a great evil that's been established,

01:15:25.960 you have to knock its base out.

01:15:31.460 And it takes time, and it's going to take a lot of effort together.

01:15:35.880 But again, just talking about, like, you just did the map.

01:15:38.260 I did that before when they bailed out Wall Street in 2008 when the housing market collapsed.

01:15:43.580 Yeah, but then I quickly realized it's a system.

01:15:49.380 It's a system.

01:15:50.680 How much of that $16 billion you think's even getting to Ukraine?

01:15:54.260 But I don't go there.

01:15:55.500 I know.

01:15:56.560 Yeah.

01:15:57.360 Those are hypotheticals and assumptions.

01:15:59.580 I can't entertain that space.

01:16:01.200 It would drive me crazy.

01:16:02.340 And so I only deal with what I can directly impact and change.

01:16:11.000 That's why I'm effective at what I do.

01:16:14.480 I can't, I'm not a politician.

01:16:16.320 I don't know a lot about what's really going on.

01:16:18.840 I study.

01:16:19.360 I have friends that do.

01:16:21.100 So I ask and I learn.

01:16:22.240 But my specialty is helping boys and men navigate through what's going on.

01:16:26.160 If I can do my part as someone who is in politics, someone who is in the criminal justice field,

01:16:31.740 someone who is in government that's righteous, and you do your part, I don't try to do other

01:16:36.040 people's job or callings.

01:16:38.680 I don't answer no one's call but mine.

01:16:40.540 What God called me to do, I'm doing that.

01:16:43.220 However, if I could have a platform to put the right people who can speak on all these

01:16:48.160 issues in that position, if we really want to get changed, okay, let me bring the right

01:16:53.800 people with me and let's really dialogue and let's leave the table with some concrete

01:16:58.840 strategies to bring forth change.

01:17:02.260 But as far as just, you know, I did, I'm telling you, I did that, man.

01:17:06.640 And I lost focus of what I was called to do.

01:17:10.480 And I made the greatest change when I just said, you know what?

01:17:15.200 Yeshua, Jesus said it the best.

01:17:16.700 He says, the poor will always be with us, but I will not.

01:17:19.280 What was happening was Mary was anointing him with oil, getting ready for his crucifixion.

01:17:25.020 She was anointing him for what he had came to do.

01:17:27.980 The disciples were mad because the oil was very expensive and they could have sold it

01:17:31.400 and gave to the poor.

01:17:32.880 He says, the poor will be with you, but I will not.

01:17:35.240 I will always, the poor will always be with you, but I will not.

01:17:38.400 Basically, they should have been embracing in the moment that he was there, embracing this

01:17:42.540 moment, what they could be doing right now.

01:17:44.220 So for me, I've learned that there will always be evil, period.

01:17:49.980 As long as there's good.

01:17:51.500 Not even that, like, you know, again, spiritually it's written that the ruler of this world is

01:17:55.380 Satan.

01:17:56.620 People don't even know that.

01:17:57.780 It's written.

01:17:59.260 That's why the good always catch it here.

01:18:02.040 You ever notice that?

01:18:02.980 I could build a rocket ship out of wood to sell drugs and I wouldn't have no issues.

01:18:06.800 It would land on the moon, whatever.

01:18:10.160 But let me try to save a family.

01:18:13.820 Pour into kids.

01:18:15.620 Like you're doing.

01:18:16.340 Go to feed children in Haiti.

01:18:18.660 You'll catch more hell trying to do that.

01:18:20.860 Because it's much more than what we see in the natural that's happening as well.

01:18:24.400 I agree with that.

01:18:25.000 Yeah, bro.

01:18:25.760 And so, again, if, you know, conversations are great, I like action.

01:18:32.520 Yeah.

01:18:33.260 And so putting the right people, the right hearts together who are specialists in their

01:18:38.340 field, that's how we can really get to the solution.

01:18:41.460 That's why I don't speak on a lot.

01:18:42.820 I speak on what I do.

01:18:44.680 Yeah.

01:18:44.880 In reference, you said, you know, in a George Floyd situation about get off the fence and

01:18:50.700 speak.

01:18:51.080 You wish your friends would have done that.

01:18:52.660 What do you mean?

01:18:53.760 What do you wish your friends would have done?

01:18:54.800 Basically, well, I don't even say I wished.

01:18:58.280 I just say it hurt that they didn't say a word like, this is unfair or this is evil.

01:19:04.080 This is unright, you know, not right.

01:19:06.820 Even when we protested George Floyd's death, it was beautiful to see all of the cultures

01:19:12.920 gathered together.

01:19:14.880 But, you know, if the shoe was on the other foot and your people, I hate to say, say white

01:19:23.580 people were oppressed, right?

01:19:26.480 Brought to this country, enslaved, raped, killed.

01:19:30.820 Then when you get out of slavery, you try to establish your own city, then it's bombed

01:19:34.180 like Tulsa, Oklahoma.

01:19:36.260 It's constant, always tearing you down.

01:19:38.520 And then you see a man basically die because an officer has his knee on his neck and he can't

01:19:44.660 breathe.

01:19:45.620 And I'm your friend.

01:19:47.280 And this, everyone on social media is talking about it.

01:19:50.580 And I love Sal.

01:19:51.880 I eat dinner with Sal.

01:19:53.220 We talk.

01:19:53.820 We play games.

01:19:54.640 We go to the gun range together.

01:19:55.860 And I don't say a word.

01:19:59.080 That says a lot to you.

01:20:01.240 Silence sometimes is louder than the bomb.

01:20:04.500 And that's what hurts.

01:20:05.640 That's when you say, maybe we really aren't together.

01:20:10.400 I see.

01:20:10.800 I got a problem with that a little bit.

01:20:12.640 Go ahead.

01:20:13.000 Mike Brown happened here in St.

01:20:16.860 Louis.

01:20:17.340 Yes.

01:20:17.840 Okay.

01:20:18.580 And I actually know a lot of police officers that dealt with that guy and he was a career

01:20:23.620 criminal.

01:20:24.380 Okay.

01:20:25.880 Earlier that day, he had robbed a convenience store.

01:20:28.300 Actually, like five minutes before the incident happened.

01:20:31.300 All aside.

01:20:32.480 Shouldn't have been shot.

01:20:33.600 Should have never happened.

01:20:34.700 Okay.

01:20:36.220 Totally agree.

01:20:37.040 Black Lives Matter started here in Ferguson, the organization Black Lives Matter.

01:20:44.060 And it's funded by a guy named George Soros.

01:20:47.040 Okay.

01:20:48.220 They took all these millions of dollars from all these people here in St.

01:20:51.300 Louis and they were gone.

01:20:53.320 That was 2014.

01:20:54.920 So when George Floyd happened and everybody was saying, give money to BLM and Black Square

01:21:00.200 and this and that, I had already observed what Black Lives Matter, the organization, was

01:21:05.720 about.

01:21:06.000 So I said, am I fucking posting that?

01:21:08.280 Because it's not the truth.

01:21:10.160 Now, Black Lives Matter, the cause, the statement, amazing.

01:21:15.120 I agree.

01:21:16.020 March all day for that.

01:21:16.980 I will march all day with that 100%.

01:21:19.340 But I can't be sucked into a propaganda play that is designed to steal money for causes that

01:21:28.100 have nothing to do with this real cause.

01:21:31.100 Okay.

01:21:31.580 You're missing the principle.

01:21:32.660 No, no, no.

01:21:33.020 Okay.

01:21:33.260 Listen.

01:21:33.540 No, no.

01:21:34.000 Okay.

01:21:34.300 Go ahead.

01:21:34.800 Listen.

01:21:35.080 Listen.

01:21:36.000 When I didn't post that Black Square, I had hundreds of people calling my company.

01:21:42.260 I had people call in my DMs, calling me a racist, calling me every name in the book that

01:21:47.280 there could possibly be called because I knew better than to promote an organization that

01:21:53.160 was named creatively BLM, Black Lives Matter.

01:21:57.140 Who doesn't agree that Black Lives Matter?

01:21:59.180 Everybody agrees that Black Lives Matter.

01:22:01.860 What I don't agree with is white, powerful people creating organizations and hashtags that

01:22:08.460 are creatively placed to siphon money to do whatever they want with.

01:22:12.620 And by the way, we're seeing the same thing with staying with Ukraine.

01:22:16.260 Exactly.

01:22:16.540 So now again, Andy, respectfully, you missed the principle.

01:22:21.200 I understand everything you're saying.

01:22:22.760 I've heard that argument, even from Black people.

01:22:24.680 Yeah.

01:22:25.660 I'm talking about a man being murdered.

01:22:28.700 Mm-hmm.

01:22:29.360 I didn't say you post a Black Square.

01:22:31.600 No, no, no.

01:22:32.060 I'm not saying.

01:22:32.480 No, I'm just going to say I'm just saying the principle.

01:22:34.380 I'm just giving you the other side of it.

01:22:35.620 No, no, but that's really not where I'm going.

01:22:38.260 I hear what you're saying.

01:22:40.140 I'm talking about a man being murdered for whatever he, what was he accused of doing?

01:22:47.360 I think the passive fact, fake checks or something.

01:22:49.560 And I've seen my white brothers point guns at police officers and they don't get shot at.

01:22:54.780 So now, so just let me just finish this point.

01:22:56.560 So what I'm saying is this.

01:22:57.720 I'm not, I'm saying that for me not to hear one thing, you're going to post a Black Square

01:23:06.260 and say, this is not right.

01:23:07.760 No, I, it was definitely not right.

01:23:09.400 Okay.

01:23:09.500 But that's all I'm saying.

01:23:11.200 Or let me go a little deeper.

01:23:13.120 You can actually go back to our show.

01:23:14.640 No.

01:23:15.000 I told him.

01:23:15.540 This is fucking murder.

01:23:16.420 Okay.

01:23:16.640 No, I'm not saying you guys are, we just talking hypothetically.

01:23:18.860 No, no, no.

01:23:19.480 I understand.

01:23:19.780 Yeah.

01:23:19.920 I know who you are.

01:23:21.020 I wouldn't be here.

01:23:22.080 But listen, listen, you guys, listen, great.

01:23:24.600 What I'm saying is I didn't get a personal call.

01:23:28.140 Yeah.

01:23:29.300 See, it's.

01:23:29.940 Well, in all fairness, we didn't know you yet.

01:23:32.000 He's tripping.

01:23:32.800 He's tripping.

01:23:33.800 But yeah, but you see what I'm saying?

01:23:35.080 Yeah.

01:23:35.500 I'm talking on a personal level.

01:23:38.320 And so that's why I say again, you got branches and you got the roots and we're cutting off branches

01:23:47.000 and we're complaining about this big old tree and we're just cutting the branches.

01:23:51.780 I think Andrew's point, though, is it's a system and that's, you know, he's identifying.

01:23:57.460 We're being manipulated.

01:23:58.460 Correct.

01:23:58.860 Yeah.

01:23:59.260 Manipulation.

01:23:59.800 And that's a whole.

01:24:00.400 So listen, so again, that's true, right?

01:24:04.940 It's not the principle of what I'm talking about.

01:24:06.960 No, no, no.

01:24:07.440 I don't think any.

01:24:08.620 I don't think.

01:24:09.880 I think every single person listening agrees with exactly what you're saying.

01:24:12.900 That was disgusting.

01:24:13.820 It made everybody upset.

01:24:15.040 It caused so much problems in society that we are still now dealing with divisiveness

01:24:20.720 based upon this exact scenario.

01:24:23.260 But even the principle, Andy, of what I'm talking about, how my friends didn't say anything.

01:24:30.880 Yeah.

01:24:31.800 I'm not even talking about that.

01:24:33.340 I'm still down here at this base level.

01:24:36.140 Well, what should they say?

01:24:37.320 Because, like, that would be, like, I would feel weird, like, I'm just being real.

01:24:42.540 I mean, I'm sorry.

01:24:43.220 Like, let's say this happened and I, let's say this happened and, like, what do I, what

01:24:49.480 do I say?

01:24:51.060 Hey, Jay, man, you know, this, first of all, this is messed up.

01:24:54.740 Identify with what you're going with, your pain.

01:24:56.780 How can I support?

01:24:57.880 Yeah.

01:24:58.580 Same thing we do when there's chaos in other countries.

01:25:01.260 Yeah.

01:25:02.300 No, it's reason.

01:25:03.380 Yeah.

01:25:03.700 Yeah.

01:25:04.020 So that's us.

01:25:04.640 No, I'm asking.

01:25:05.180 It's not even that deep.

01:25:05.900 I was just talking to you as my brother because you asked a question.

01:25:08.460 Oh, no, no, no, no.

01:25:09.760 Bro, look, this is good to talk about.

01:25:11.740 Yeah, yeah.

01:25:11.900 Oh, yeah.

01:25:12.180 No, for it.

01:25:12.540 I think that people have to see this conversation go down or hear it to understand, okay, like,

01:25:16.820 where does, like, because my point being is we're on that side of the fence.

01:25:19.480 So there's no, you know, in my brain.

01:25:21.880 My point, my, my whole point in it is that we, I'm of the opinion and I'm pretty confident

01:25:33.880 in this opinion that we are intentionally manipulated to not like each other and not communicate

01:25:40.660 and not learn from each other and not connect.

01:25:43.380 And we not, not, not only through the media propaganda and the political politicians know,

01:25:49.900 okay.

01:25:50.840 And I'm going to get off of what we could, this is the big picture.

01:25:53.560 Now, these people know that if we never get together on the ground level, they get to keep

01:25:59.200 their job and their position, they get to keep doing this over and over and over and

01:26:02.720 over again.

01:26:03.800 And when I see shady shit going down around things, just like you would, I'm going to

01:26:13.300 say it.

01:26:13.820 I'm going to say it.

01:26:14.380 No, that's not right.

01:26:15.540 Right.

01:26:16.380 And my whole point of bringing up, what do you say is like, I'm being honest.

01:26:20.200 I wouldn't say.

01:26:20.980 And I appreciate that.

01:26:21.720 Honestly.

01:26:22.100 I mean, yeah.

01:26:23.640 You know, and maybe some of my friends didn't.

01:26:25.400 And I, to this, it's not like, um, we're not close.

01:26:28.000 Yeah.

01:26:28.220 It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a coming from a white person.

01:26:31.080 Yes.

01:26:31.480 It's a heart.

01:26:32.660 Like, I wouldn't know what to say to an individual.

01:26:35.300 And I had to say, if that was your brother, if that was a family member.

01:26:38.040 Okay.

01:26:38.180 I can understand.

01:26:38.640 But I consider, but I consider anyone that I'm close with, if you're with me and I

01:26:42.980 will fight or something go down.

01:26:44.200 Yeah.

01:26:44.560 You're like a brother to me.

01:26:45.340 No, no.

01:26:45.540 I was talking about like if George Floyd was your brother.

01:26:48.400 Oh, I got you.

01:26:49.080 You know what I'm saying?

01:26:49.280 And so, and so, and so, and I received that.

01:26:51.380 I do receive that.

01:26:52.300 Yeah.

01:26:52.720 And, but that's why, you know, I'm, I'm okay with saying, Hey, did I take this wrong

01:26:56.720 way?

01:26:56.940 But this is how this bothered me.

01:26:58.380 Yeah.

01:26:58.560 Yeah.

01:26:58.860 And that's why it's important.

01:27:00.020 People are afraid to have dialogue at all, man.

01:27:01.980 Because it's, it's, it's, um.

01:27:04.140 It's emotionally tough.

01:27:05.520 That, but yeah.

01:27:06.260 So if you're not used to being, expressing your emotions and releasing them, you can't deal

01:27:11.440 with feeling hurt.

01:27:13.140 It's going to come off like, man, you done pissed me off.

01:27:15.420 Everything's a conversation.

01:27:16.180 Yeah.

01:27:16.360 I teach the men I work with.

01:27:19.540 Yeah.

01:27:20.280 Tell this brother when we, is some beef going on?

01:27:22.940 Tell him he hurt you.

01:27:23.820 Why?

01:27:24.440 Because you don't trust me.

01:27:25.860 And I've been down with you for 20 years.

01:27:27.820 I took a bullet for you.

01:27:29.000 Yeah.

01:27:29.440 It hurt me that you accused me of stealing or whatever.

01:27:31.760 Yeah.

01:27:32.040 Because that's the root cause of that anger.

01:27:34.220 The anger is a surface emotion.

01:27:35.500 That's a great point.

01:27:36.160 That's why we can't have these conversations.

01:27:38.080 As long as you're slave to your emotions, you can't never really, this whole country is

01:27:43.720 in fight or flight.

01:27:44.520 Yeah.

01:27:45.100 Oh yeah.

01:27:45.620 And reason, wisdom.

01:27:47.440 It's gone.

01:27:47.980 No one is entertaining any of that.

01:27:50.220 No.

01:27:50.660 It's either, it's either this or this.

01:27:52.140 It's high emotional manipulation.

01:27:54.020 And so for me, you know, again, it's, it's, I'm just, I'm 52 this year, which is still

01:28:02.280 young.

01:28:02.740 I just don't have time to waste.

01:28:05.800 And so even, man, I used to be, you're doing an amazing job, bro.

01:28:10.020 But this is what I'm saying though, bro.

01:28:10.880 I used to be heavy in the conspiracy theories.

01:28:13.320 Oh, I mean, like what I've learned is that the things that I've studied maybe 20 years

01:28:20.880 ago.

01:28:20.900 You mean conspiracy realities?

01:28:22.980 I had some, you know, I had some theories though.

01:28:24.780 No, I had some theories.

01:28:25.560 You'd be like, Jay, you tripping.

01:28:26.900 Okay.

01:28:27.360 No, I had some theories.

01:28:28.440 All right.

01:28:28.720 But no, 20 years ago.

01:28:30.740 You might be surprised about that.

01:28:32.040 No, I'm saying, no, no, no, I say, you know, some people say I'm a critical thinker.

01:28:36.800 So I get what you're saying, but there are some stuff out here.

01:28:39.240 Come on, dog.

01:28:40.060 You know, listen, listen to what I'm saying.

01:28:42.400 But 20 years ago.

01:28:43.160 You're giving all those conspiracy theories a bad name.

01:28:45.840 No, listen.

01:28:46.480 So 20 years, some of the same stuff is still talked about.

01:28:53.980 I'm like, there's no wisdom.

01:28:56.060 Something is wrong here.

01:28:57.500 Yeah.

01:28:58.380 And so that's my whole thing is, again, it's like I sit and look and I watch.

01:29:02.040 I watch and say, that's a waste of my time.

01:29:07.060 It's like a commercial.

01:29:08.080 We got to handle the problems in front of us.

01:29:09.600 I saw a commercial and I don't know what company it was.

01:29:12.600 It was in a women's restroom and the faucet was just running.

01:29:15.740 And all of them just staring at the faucet.

01:29:19.320 And a little girl walks in and look at all the women staring at the faucet.

01:29:22.540 And she just cuts it off and then walks out.

01:29:26.060 That's society.

01:29:26.900 You can fix the problem.

01:29:30.920 But are you willing to do it?

01:29:33.380 And that's the thing.

01:29:34.380 So we can talk because it's safe.

01:29:37.180 We can have dial.

01:29:37.780 That's why there's so many podcasts now.

01:29:40.320 You can find talkers anywhere.

01:29:43.820 Change makers is hard to find.

01:29:45.940 Doers.

01:29:46.720 Yeah.

01:29:47.020 And so I don't, you can keep all of that stuff, man.

01:29:51.080 I'm transforming the lives that God placed in front of me.

01:29:54.400 I think that's how the problem is overcome.

01:29:56.940 So you got, we got the answer.

01:29:58.580 So now the key thing is next steps.

01:30:02.080 Strategically.

01:30:02.480 How do we scale that?

01:30:03.980 You got to start here.

01:30:05.000 Yeah.

01:30:05.740 Strategically meet.

01:30:06.500 We can't resolve it in this one episode, but we can do something.

01:30:10.620 I came down here for more than an episode.

01:30:12.360 So you guys helped me just by me seeing how things are ran here.

01:30:16.280 Well, now we're going to do, we're going to do even more together.

01:30:18.200 We're going to bring your team down.

01:30:19.560 I'm going to bring my boys down here because I want them to see there's more to life than

01:30:23.420 sports.

01:30:24.060 Yeah.

01:30:25.140 Even because I know that gift.

01:30:26.380 I got kids play violin and cello.

01:30:28.160 Yeah.

01:30:28.660 But we don't celebrate.

01:30:29.720 We got to.

01:30:30.020 Dude, look at the, this is a point I make all the time on the show that people, that

01:30:34.100 people forget about.

01:30:35.720 You've been to Europe?

01:30:37.280 No, I haven't.

01:30:38.040 Not yet.

01:30:38.420 Well, if you go to Europe, well, you don't have to go.

01:30:40.760 You can get it on the internet and just look at it.

01:30:42.640 Look at the buildings they built 500 years ago.

01:30:45.760 Look at the shit we're building.

01:30:47.840 You see what I'm saying?

01:30:48.680 And we're saying, oh, it's technology.

01:30:50.240 It's so amazing.

01:30:51.460 That's not, that's nothing to leave our kids.

01:30:53.640 Like this phone.

01:30:54.920 And I tell my wife this often.

01:30:57.080 This was created to make us more efficient, to actually have more time, but it's actually

01:31:02.540 taken our time.

01:31:03.460 It's done the opposite.

01:31:04.040 All of it.

01:31:04.540 Yeah.

01:31:05.060 And it's created a fake identity.

01:31:06.920 Yeah.

01:31:07.400 And that's a whole nother ballgame.

01:31:09.240 Yeah.

01:31:09.560 And so, but I say that to say is that when you cut this off, all the talking, all this

01:31:17.340 other stuff, the showboating, the, you know, you can get some things done.

01:31:23.240 Yeah.

01:31:23.700 Get to living.

01:31:24.420 Yeah.

01:31:24.540 You can get it.

01:31:25.020 You can get it done.

01:31:25.800 That's why, let me go back to the foundation of the conversation, the family.

01:31:29.440 We're not present.

01:31:34.320 Yeah.

01:31:35.080 We come home.

01:31:36.740 You know, I was convicted for the longest, I think it was like 15 minutes a day I was

01:31:40.300 spending with my son.

01:31:42.060 I was at the dinner table and then we would watch a little sports.

01:31:45.780 15 minutes a day.

01:31:48.620 If I, when we as old men, we started, we're sitting on our front porches.

01:31:52.000 You ain't going to care about none of this you built.

01:31:53.580 The only thing we're going to care about is our children and our wife.

01:32:00.560 What am I going to care about?

01:32:02.200 Me?

01:32:02.800 I don't have no children.

01:32:03.420 You going to care about all those 400 children out there?

01:32:05.640 That's a fact.

01:32:06.340 Yeah.

01:32:06.620 Well, there's, there's, there's, there's special relationships too that count.

01:32:10.720 He's messing with us.

01:32:11.780 You know that.

01:32:12.060 I'm teasing you guys.

01:32:13.800 But he's going to be on the porch with us.

01:32:15.900 Yeah.

01:32:16.020 Look, you, you can't not listen to this man.

01:32:18.740 But I feel like we've been sitting here talking to another dad for us, like a brother.

01:32:24.300 Well, literally like the, you know, the connection, you know, you connect with people, right?

01:32:27.400 Connection is real.

01:32:28.040 And that, that, you know, when you talk about, you know, got to get the kids off the street,

01:32:31.760 I, I actually want to kind of challenge the, the sport thing, you know, teach them more

01:32:35.640 than sport.

01:32:36.100 And it's only comes from experience, you know, cause I, I actually, I view myself as colorblind

01:32:40.580 that way.

01:32:41.220 And the reason I view myself as colorblind is because of the locker room, because of sport,

01:32:44.760 you know, I didn't, I didn't play with black kids and white kids and pink kids.

01:32:48.780 And, you know, I play with kids.

01:32:50.220 And then when I graduated and you go to college, those were my guys.

01:32:53.920 And then you play in pro ball.

01:32:55.080 Like, those are my, those are my teammates.

01:32:56.900 Those are my dudes.

01:32:58.640 And sport taught me to be that way, you know?

01:33:01.300 And, you know, I have Anthony Monaghan is one of the, one of the brothers I play with

01:33:04.600 in Chicago.

01:33:04.980 Like when all the shit broke out in Chicago, like the first call, you know, he, he is my

01:33:08.040 first call.

01:33:08.640 Hey, I know you, this is where you, about where you live.

01:33:11.660 You all right.

01:33:12.440 Yeah.

01:33:12.580 Actually, we moved out of this.

01:33:13.560 Thanks for checking in.

01:33:14.760 So, so sport taught me that in that capacity.

01:33:18.060 And, you know, I think there's a lot of good things that happen inside of the locker room

01:33:23.200 and a lot of, you know, necessary things, necessary things and leadership and competitiveness.

01:33:27.580 And, you know, and I'm not saying they don't happen in other environments.

01:33:29.840 I'm just saying they are very prominent inside of it.

01:33:31.840 I agree.

01:33:32.140 So I'm glad you brought this up, bro, because I don't want people to think that I'm anti-sports.

01:33:37.000 No, I, I, no, just, I'm going to be clear because I'm not, you know, I'm, I'm very fallible.

01:33:42.460 Okay.

01:33:42.920 Just too much weight in it.

01:33:44.140 No, not only that, I'm just saying there aren't enough character cultures.

01:33:49.440 I guess that's what I need to place more emphasis on.

01:33:53.420 Sports is very powerful.

01:33:55.760 If you use principles and teach boys really more than just playing a game, tie all of that

01:34:02.220 to life like Vince Lombardi did, man, you, I can, you have a bowling league and I could

01:34:07.340 transform bowlers.

01:34:08.020 That's right.

01:34:08.780 I mean, straight, so, so.

01:34:09.640 Did you notice this is one of our key?

01:34:10.440 Cultures transform, not the sport.

01:34:12.080 Yeah.

01:34:12.280 Okay.

01:34:12.520 Yeah.

01:34:12.700 Good.

01:34:13.040 See, so that was my only, so let me, I'm glad I want to clarify that.

01:34:16.400 And that's something I probably need to be more aware of when I'm talking because I don't

01:34:20.720 have an issue with it.

01:34:21.740 I think you're saying it right, dude.

01:34:23.460 It's just, it's just so much more to it.

01:34:25.900 Like, for instance, your prime example.

01:34:28.620 Look how much time we invest in playing a game or a sport that's typically four to five

01:34:33.900 years.

01:34:34.260 So your entire life, could you imagine going to school your entire life for a four-year

01:34:41.400 job?

01:34:42.240 No, it doesn't make sense at all.

01:34:45.680 The problem is sports aren't extracurricular because you can't miss practice and say, I

01:34:51.300 got to study for this exam coach, but I'll be at the game and expect to play.

01:34:55.740 You see?

01:34:56.640 And that's the confusion.

01:34:57.920 Great point.

01:34:58.420 That's my only thing.

01:34:59.480 Sports is great, man.

01:35:00.520 I love the competition, teaching boys how to deal with anger and disappointment.

01:35:04.220 Wait a minute, you missed that shot.

01:35:06.160 I'm diving right in.

01:35:07.380 How are you feeling?

01:35:08.040 I can tell you this, there's value in both of those.

01:35:10.980 There's value in both the individual sports, like what you teach, and also team sports.

01:35:16.840 But I think, you know, I don't think you say it wrong, bro.

01:35:21.380 I think you say it right.

01:35:22.280 And I think there should be a cultural value on getting recognition for your achievements

01:35:30.880 outside of sports because I grew up playing sports as well.

01:35:34.220 You know, Sal doesn't like to tell people this, but I was actually way better than him.

01:35:38.900 So, you know.

01:35:40.920 Humility.

01:35:41.480 It's humility.

01:35:44.480 But, you know, the thing is, and like this is where I was getting back to with like the

01:35:49.880 traditionalism, so to speak, in terms of architecture, right?

01:35:54.440 I think these things are important, man.

01:35:56.440 Because like, look at all the, look at art then and look at art now.

01:36:01.700 You know, what's considered art now.

01:36:03.260 Like, dude, staples a hot dog to a wall and it sells for two million.

01:36:06.400 It's like, bro, come on.

01:36:07.660 Yeah.

01:36:08.020 A blank white canvas.

01:36:09.720 Yeah, dude, we have, it's like a big troll.

01:36:12.260 Like everything's a troll or a joke.

01:36:14.120 And what the world that we're leaving, because we value a very small amount of things to-

01:36:22.460 I get that.

01:36:23.420 Yeah.

01:36:23.880 You don't have to sell it no more.

01:36:24.840 No, no, no.

01:36:25.360 I'm talking to these guys.

01:36:26.960 But you're real.

01:36:27.640 I mean, because, Sal, I'm thinking about laying ceramic and marble.

01:36:31.200 Yeah.

01:36:31.560 Okay.

01:36:32.500 Do it well.

01:36:33.580 Do it the best.

01:36:34.340 Listen, I've seen guys, I had one employee, because we would beat our tiles in the thin

01:36:39.320 set to make sure there was no voice.

01:36:40.800 Okay.

01:36:41.760 There was a hairline crack in one of the tiles.

01:36:44.660 And he called me over.

01:36:45.860 He says, you think she'll notice it?

01:36:47.960 I said, that's not important.

01:36:49.240 I notice it.

01:36:49.820 That's right.

01:36:50.920 And so I absolutely agree.

01:36:52.980 I had another, we was getting wifi put throughout our building.

01:36:55.520 And the guy's a friend of mine.

01:36:58.100 And it was, I guess the little hotspot, whatever it's called, was in the ceiling.

01:37:02.140 And I looked up at it.

01:37:04.700 He looked up at it.

01:37:05.460 He says, yeah, I know.

01:37:07.000 You know, you're very meticulous.

01:37:08.420 I said, well, it's not called being meticulous.

01:37:10.620 I just want it right.

01:37:12.040 Because it was, he cut the hole out, but it was too big for the device.

01:37:16.740 He said, well, what do you mean?

01:37:17.900 I said, well, with that company, the maker of that device, come in here, hire a professional

01:37:22.500 photographer to take a picture of the way that was installed for their brochure.

01:37:26.520 No.

01:37:26.700 He said, no.

01:37:27.660 I said, that's not meticulous.

01:37:29.140 That's being right.

01:37:31.020 And so to your point, so much stuff is just able to just fly.

01:37:35.740 And so when you just like this principles, you guys teach around here, like pushing the

01:37:40.260 chair up to the desk.

01:37:41.220 Like when you leave your desk, like I started believing something was wrong with me at the

01:37:45.780 office.

01:37:46.000 Like you tripping, you know, I said, no, it's just, it's not right.

01:37:48.700 You're not there.

01:37:49.380 Put the chair back.

01:37:50.120 What was the first thing I'd said to everybody in this building?

01:37:52.420 We moved in here.

01:37:53.220 Chair's going back.

01:37:53.740 I said, if your chair is not backing that thing, you will not, you'll come back and

01:37:56.720 there will be, you will not have a place to sit.

01:37:58.580 You won't have a job.

01:37:59.280 But it's the principle.

01:38:00.300 Yeah, it is.

01:38:01.580 There are no principles because everything is quick fix.

01:38:05.160 Yeah.

01:38:05.660 It's instant.

01:38:06.740 Convenience.

01:38:06.900 Yeah.

01:38:07.600 Principles are built over time.

01:38:09.400 That's right.

01:38:09.820 And so I agree with you, but I'm also careful because some of the most creative things may

01:38:17.100 not look as the way we wanted them or we were used to, but are great.

01:38:21.060 I'm glad they were invented.

01:38:22.380 For sure.

01:38:22.700 But yet to your point, a hot dog on the wall is like, come on, dude.

01:38:26.120 Yeah.

01:38:26.220 But it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a hard line, you know, it's really just like, Hey, either

01:38:32.280 this way or that way.

01:38:33.520 I guess the principle is do it with integrity.

01:38:37.220 Yeah.

01:38:37.680 You know what I mean?

01:38:38.240 If you can, you can do, whether if you're artists paint with integrity, you know, I build,

01:38:43.260 build with integrity.

01:38:44.480 If no one sees it, do you see it?

01:38:47.100 All the years I laid tile, man, I didn't have any customer complaints.

01:38:50.180 I went above and beyond and that's just, you know, that's what, you know, again, we train

01:38:56.300 in martial arts, you know, like we were talking about grappling earlier, you know, I'm not,

01:39:01.580 you know, we don't focus on just jujitsu, but I love the principles in jujitsu.

01:39:05.860 And while most of my friends practice jujitsu, when you teach a boy not to let someone take

01:39:11.160 your back in life, there's so many principles you can tie to that.

01:39:15.880 Always keep your problems in front of you.

01:39:18.220 And we train that way.

01:39:19.520 So now it's downloaded.

01:39:21.100 So when you're grappling, you know, not to give anyone your back and in life, you know,

01:39:24.820 to keep things in front of you.

01:39:26.440 And that's why when you teach principles, it may take you longer in the cave, but you

01:39:30.700 can go in the gym and train and pick up from another teacher.

01:39:33.880 Like, man, how do you learn so fast?

01:39:35.840 Because I know the why to why this works.

01:39:38.460 And that's the key.

01:39:39.480 And as men, we have to teach our kids patience, the long road.

01:39:43.360 Like my son, I didn't know, I didn't know my son, man, I put pressure on him to perform.

01:39:49.520 Because unknowingly, I didn't.

01:39:51.560 But because of all the things I'm able to accomplish, she's like, man, I can't do nothing.

01:39:56.440 You know, dad can do it instantly.

01:39:58.080 It hit me one day.

01:39:59.040 I said, oh, son, I get it.

01:40:01.020 You're looking at the finished product.

01:40:03.400 But my daughter saw the work.

01:40:06.580 So my daughter, hardworking, I mean, she handles her business in California.

01:40:12.340 My son sees the finished product.

01:40:15.640 So now I have to go back as much as my body aching, as tired as I am to show him the process.

01:40:23.220 And so I really don't even blame my children.

01:40:25.260 I blame the adults again.

01:40:27.440 Are we really spending enough time with the children of this generation to show them the process?

01:40:32.500 Or are we too busy on our phones and iPads?

01:40:35.260 You go to the average, go out to eat with your family.

01:40:38.140 Everybody's on their phones.

01:40:39.660 When you get home, you won't need a TV in the bedroom no more.

01:40:43.300 We got iPads.

01:40:44.580 So who's really to blame for the culture being the way it is?

01:40:50.020 And that's why I say, you know, look in that mirror, man.

01:40:53.320 And I love the way you're sure.

01:40:54.880 Jesus said it.

01:40:55.600 He says, don't be a hypocrite.

01:40:57.800 First, take the plank out of your own eye.

01:41:01.020 Then you can see clearly to remove the speck out of your brothers.

01:41:05.320 So I'm in the mirror.

01:41:07.540 Some very specific words.

01:41:09.280 Plank and speck.

01:41:10.140 It's a big difference.

01:41:10.920 I stopped judging people because I kept seeing planks in my own eye.

01:41:16.140 And then it wasn't until I can remove it, am I able to help them remove theirs?

01:41:20.120 When you're dealing with someone's eye, it'll be very sensitive.

01:41:23.760 You can't just say, let me get that out of your eye, man.

01:41:26.380 You know, grab it out, blow it out.

01:41:28.860 Even, you know, you can just, I could just tap on your eyelid and it can hurt you.

01:41:33.340 That's how we're supposed to be with each other when we're struggling.

01:41:35.500 When we got things in our life that for some reason it's just, it's just too much, it's

01:41:40.460 controlling us.

01:41:41.400 It's an addiction.

01:41:43.120 We can't do that.

01:41:44.280 We have to be patient and say, give me a moment.

01:41:46.560 I can get, I can see now.

01:41:47.900 Let me get this out your eye.

01:41:48.940 And then what's sweet, also sweet about that is that we know what it feels like to have

01:41:54.120 something even bigger in our eye.

01:41:56.460 So when we do that, man, you stop judging.

01:41:58.920 You stop complaining about your children.

01:42:00.480 I remember when COVID first happened, the pandemic, the teachers was upset at my son

01:42:06.440 because he didn't have some missing assignments.

01:42:08.840 Great teachers, don't get me wrong.

01:42:10.640 Because it was, I was, it was difficult to transition from in person to virtual.

01:42:14.000 It was very hard if you're a caring teacher.

01:42:16.100 And I told the teacher, I said, listen, I want you to know that there will always be an

01:42:20.480 asterisk by 2020 when there's report card.

01:42:25.280 When you scroll to the bottom, it's going to say pandemic.

01:42:28.360 What I mean by that is that you will not pressure my son into doing school the way he did when

01:42:34.860 he was in person when we're in the midst of a pandemic.

01:42:38.440 That conversation allowed me to speak more with them and they was able to help them teach

01:42:42.980 more because again, we're performance based as a people.

01:42:46.720 When they were saying, wait a minute, let me adapt to this.

01:42:49.460 That's why I hate I found jujitsu so late.

01:42:51.840 You have to adapt.

01:42:53.760 How old were you when you found it?

01:42:54.960 2004.

01:43:00.560 So I was 30, 34, I think.

01:43:03.640 And then I didn't take it serious because again, you're still coming out your tradition,

01:43:06.480 the hands, you know, you want to look sweet with the kicks, but jujitsu nullifies that.

01:43:10.940 So I didn't really get serious, man.

01:43:12.240 I would say until 2000 and Tyrone, I met him, I'll say 2013.

01:43:18.140 You say Woodley?

01:43:19.560 Tyrone.

01:43:19.880 Oh, I text Tyrone.

01:43:21.720 I know.

01:43:22.520 He told you?

01:43:23.340 He text me too.

01:43:23.680 Yeah.

01:43:23.920 Okay.

01:43:24.800 He was pissed off.

01:43:25.900 He's in Hawaii.

01:43:26.560 Listen, well, that's a beautiful brother.

01:43:29.200 Yeah.

01:43:29.520 That's a beautiful brother.

01:43:30.780 Yeah.

01:43:30.960 But I forgot.

01:43:32.680 What was I saying, man?

01:43:33.440 We didn't shift it so much, but what was I saying?

01:43:36.260 You were talking about jujitsu, discovering it, and when you started taking the serious.

01:43:43.440 2004 in Tyrone.

01:43:44.820 Yeah.

01:43:45.020 But then prior to that, because I forgot how I got there.

01:43:47.320 I got you off track, bro.

01:43:48.620 It's okay, man.

01:43:49.600 But yeah, but you know, again, just, I guess the principle of this whole conversation, man,

01:43:54.480 is making sure we as adults and men are modeling what we want to see.

01:43:58.920 And if we can grasp that and, of course, spend time with our children.

01:44:03.300 And then another thing, man, and this is going to be hard.

01:44:05.640 We haven't talked about marriage.

01:44:07.800 You know, a lot of times we worry about Cain and Abel, but not Adam and Eve.

01:44:11.640 And so I share this, and I shared it with you, Sal, I believe, or I think I shared it with you.

01:44:17.480 My wife recently, man, just had a, something just came up in her.

01:44:23.300 And she did some introspective work, and, man, 30 years of words and things I would say to her that was negative started coming out.

01:44:32.640 She hadn't gotten over, but she would suppress it just to keep the marriage going.

01:44:36.900 So we went to our psychotherapist who are our marriage counselors.

01:44:42.520 I'm so thankful I am where I am now because each session was five hours.

01:44:46.480 So imagine sitting across from your wife and hearing the words that you said to her that actually shaped the way she think about herself.

01:44:57.520 As men, we have to get to the place where we don't run from those conversations anymore.

01:45:02.280 That's why so many marriages fail like 25 years, 30 years.

01:45:05.880 Why did you get divorced now?

01:45:07.620 Because now you're tripping over the lump that you hid for so long under the rug.

01:45:11.880 So my wife and I, we never wanted to be that couple.

01:45:14.960 And I was able to say, like, man, I couldn't even remember half the stuff.

01:45:18.860 I just said, I'm sorry.

01:45:20.480 You are not that.

01:45:22.340 You know, and, man, when men can get there, I really believe you not only see our communities change, but the world.

01:45:31.440 So when we can actually live from our hearts instead of our egos, man, it's the sky's the limit, man.

01:45:40.360 Things would drastically change.

01:45:42.660 And that's my mission.

01:45:43.640 And I, you know, I'm going to stay focused on it.

01:45:46.400 How can people support that mission?

01:45:48.720 My nonprofit is called The Union.

01:45:50.660 It's spelled with a Y in front of it.

01:45:52.700 So our website is www.theunion.org.

01:45:56.960 That's T-H-E, the letter Y, then the word union.org.

01:46:00.620 And you can donate there.

01:46:02.840 We're renovating our second floor, creating a computer lab, a multipurpose room, a health and wellness room where we help kids release trauma as well through there, through neurofeedback, counseling, as well as meditation.

01:46:16.840 And we also have a film studio as well there to teach them how to start podcasts and other things where they can generate income that aligns with their passion.

01:46:25.740 And then, of course, the Cave of O'Dellum is the top floor.

01:46:29.820 The entire third floor is the cave.

01:46:31.800 And, you know, you can support a child who can't afford tuition there, you know, because, again, we have to keep our lights on.

01:46:38.560 And so a lot of our donors, who I'm so thankful for, they sponsor a kid.

01:46:42.220 I say, well, right now we're good.

01:46:43.480 They say, I don't care.

01:46:44.480 I'm going to pay this a month and you let me know when they're ready.

01:46:47.600 And so that's how they can support us.

01:46:49.400 And that would be truly a blessing so we can continue to, again, do what we can, what we're called to do.

01:46:54.800 So that's awesome.

01:46:56.060 Thanks, man.

01:46:56.640 Thank you, dude.

01:46:57.620 I've, this has been, uh, you have a gift by the way.

01:47:01.640 I know you probably are aware of this, but you have an amazing gift to open perspectives and make people think about things in a different way.

01:47:11.560 And, uh, this show has been, I mean, probably the show I've said the least about on the 600 episodes I've ever done, uh, for a reason.

01:47:22.500 And I just want to thank you, man, and, and, and commend you for the work that you're doing and say that it's very much appreciated.

01:47:29.540 We talk a lot on this show about handling the problems right in front of you and you're the living embodiment of that.

01:47:35.080 Um, I, I love the focus on it.

01:47:38.740 I love that you're so focused and you understand because dude, that's where I'm coming to.

01:47:43.320 You know, I'm coming to the, I'm coming to the point where the mountain is so big and so overwhelming that I'm realizing that I can only control what's right in front of me.

01:47:51.880 And if I do try to worry about the mountain problem, it'll never get fixed because I'm just looking at the mountain and, uh, that's no difference in building a business or building a physique or building your mentality or building anything.

01:48:05.740 And, um, dude, I just, I, I, this has been a wonderful experience, man.

01:48:11.320 I'm really glad that you came down to be on the show.

01:48:13.000 Thank you.

01:48:13.480 I'm honored.

01:48:14.060 And, um, I'm really humbled, man.

01:48:16.240 When I say it's, it's not me, it's, it's he who was in me.

01:48:19.520 It's all God, man, because I know who I am.

01:48:23.500 Yeah.

01:48:23.800 You know what I mean?

01:48:24.460 And I'm thankful that I can be used in a way to, to give people hope and different perspectives, uh, without everyone staying in fight or flight.

01:48:33.780 Uh, I just won't change, man.

01:48:36.580 I don't want to waste time no more, man.

01:48:38.700 You know?

01:48:39.040 And so thank you.

01:48:40.380 That means a lot.

01:48:41.060 You know, I, uh, affirmation.

01:48:42.860 And I, I've learned to receive it instead of always deflecting, deflecting it and saying, you're doing great.

01:48:47.980 You're doing great.

01:48:49.220 Um, because that's what helps me keep going when things get tough.

01:48:51.820 So thank you.

01:48:52.400 Well, it, it, it, it, it's, it's not, uh, it's not chatter.

01:48:57.880 It's real stuff.

01:48:58.720 And, uh, if you guys follow this man and you watch anything that he does, uh, or read what he's about, um, you are, you are the change that's needed, brother.

01:49:08.400 You are.

01:49:09.080 Uh, and, um, anybody listening right now who is, is understandably confused and upset by what's going on in the world.

01:49:17.420 Like we say all the time, man, it's handling what's in front of you and it's, it's making the people better that are in front of you.

01:49:23.740 And it's pouring into the people that are in front of you.

01:49:26.240 And if we all do that, things collectively will get better.

01:49:29.760 So thank you so much for making the trip to be on the show.

01:49:32.880 We'll, we'll do this again.

01:49:33.860 Definitely.

01:49:34.260 I'll be back.

01:49:34.860 I want to bring the boys down here to see all this great work you're doing.

01:49:38.580 And then the principles, man, I haven't seen a piece of trash anywhere.

01:49:41.840 I thought I had you.

01:49:42.720 I went into the restroom, restroom.

01:49:44.780 I said, I see paper on the ground.

01:49:46.260 But when I look closer, it was the logo on the mat in front of the unit.

01:49:50.780 I said, this is ridiculous.

01:49:52.380 I mean, seriously, man.

01:49:54.340 And I mean, but that stuff is so important, man.

01:49:57.680 Well, we teach that here too, just like you teach the, the, like you were talking about the, the wifi in the ceiling, right?

01:50:04.220 You know, what people have to understand when it comes to these, these skills, skills of discipline, skills of doing things the right way.

01:50:12.140 All of the things that we are confronted with on a daily basis contribute to those skill sets being present inside of us.

01:50:18.820 Right.

01:50:19.400 So I'm a bit like, I'm weird about it.

01:50:21.280 Like you, like you said, oh, we could talk some, like, I'm a weirdo.

01:50:24.920 Like if I see a speck of paper on the floor, I don't think it's a speck of paper.

01:50:29.060 I look at it and I say, if I don't pick that up, man, I'm going backwards.

01:50:34.000 And it's been hard to get here.

01:50:35.640 So I don't want to go backwards.

01:50:37.380 So I still, all those little details, like you said, it's not being meticulous.

01:50:42.680 It's just being the way it should be.

01:50:44.900 Do people don't understand Disney world did this, had the same model.

01:50:47.740 Yeah.

01:50:48.440 I worked at a charter school in Detroit.

01:50:50.100 One of the best when they first opened, I did security there.

01:50:54.440 The kids did not want to leave.

01:50:56.840 He made it like Disney world.

01:50:58.480 And I asked the CEO, I'm like, well, what is it?

01:51:00.800 He was like, you ever seen litter at Disney world?

01:51:05.300 I said, no.

01:51:06.560 He says, you won't see litter here.

01:51:08.180 It makes people feel more valuable.

01:51:10.360 Yeah.

01:51:11.160 And they're in a special place.

01:51:12.700 And so when I walked in here, I told my program director, I said, man, there's no trash anywhere.

01:51:20.220 We're not a piece of paper.

01:51:22.020 Even in the lunchroom where you can expect to see something.

01:51:25.780 You find something, you come get me.

01:51:28.280 If you find something, you better pick it up.

01:51:30.120 Hey, but even that, you know, and I don't want to just keep hammering this point, man,

01:51:35.940 but this is deep.

01:51:36.880 So when I went into your workout area, all the dumbbells were in order and in the right place

01:51:42.980 and then turned the correct way.

01:51:45.640 So when DJ was showing me this, he was like, man, doing this or this being out of order

01:51:49.520 could probably cost you your job.

01:51:52.000 People may not understand what you're really teaching them, but see if they move on from

01:51:56.280 here to somewhere else.

01:51:57.300 See, everybody wants to be an entrepreneur, but they understand that's very hard.

01:52:01.760 When you become one, you realize how important the principles are that you teach.

01:52:05.980 And I just take my hat off, man.

01:52:07.880 That's why I want my boys to come, not only to dream big, but to see the principles.

01:52:13.160 Do you see anything out of order in here?

01:52:16.200 Now I want you to go back to your rooms and tell me, does it line up with the principles

01:52:20.620 you just saw?

01:52:21.460 And then does it even line up with the dream you want to attain?

01:52:25.360 So until we do those things.

01:52:26.840 I look at all those things, dude, as an investment in what we're doing.

01:52:29.780 Like I look at, here's how I look at it, man.

01:52:32.440 If I walk past that piece of paper, I just lowered my standard.

01:52:35.560 So like, just like a video game, it has speed 99.

01:52:39.000 I say discipline 99.

01:52:40.680 Okay.

01:52:41.120 And when I walk by that and I don't do anything about it, I just went to 90.

01:52:45.020 Right.

01:52:45.580 And if I do pick it up, I get to keep my standard up there.

01:52:48.260 Right.

01:52:48.820 That's what Sal said.

01:52:49.640 Remember he said, don't give on your standard.

01:52:51.420 Yeah, man.

01:52:52.120 I see trash blow into our property.

01:52:55.040 Yeah.

01:52:55.240 I grab my orange Home Depot bucket and my little thorns to pick up trash.

01:52:59.780 Because I feel if I walk by it, it's like, God is like, are you being a good steward of

01:53:03.700 what I've given you?

01:53:04.440 Right.

01:53:05.500 I go grab that, clean it up.

01:53:08.000 Yep.

01:53:08.300 I say, today CEO stands for custodian.

01:53:11.100 That's right.

01:53:11.640 C stands for custodian.

01:53:12.920 I don't care, man.

01:53:13.840 You know?

01:53:14.080 And so again, man, like I said, you know, this is, this is amazing, man.

01:53:19.600 And I kind of wish you could like have a model to teach business owners because I haven't

01:53:26.780 walked in a place like this.

01:53:28.000 I don't believe in my life.

01:53:29.740 Thank you.

01:53:30.020 I mean, I'm straight up.

01:53:30.980 I'm serious.

01:53:31.780 And like, it's nothing in here, man.

01:53:34.120 Like the glass.

01:53:35.140 This is what I was waiting on.

01:53:36.300 This is funny.

01:53:37.740 We had lunch together, me, DJ, and Sal.

01:53:40.020 And so, you know, it's glass table.

01:53:41.780 It's beautiful.

01:53:42.360 For those who listen, they got their logo lit up in the glass table and we're eating

01:53:46.080 lunch at this table.

01:53:47.580 So when we finished, I said, I'm like, who cleans the table?

01:53:50.900 Because it's glass.

01:53:53.140 DJ grabs a spray.

01:53:54.360 I'm like, he got it up immediately.

01:53:57.680 That's what it takes.

01:53:59.780 Y'all hold the line, man.

01:54:00.800 Teamwork makes a great work, man.

01:54:02.120 Oh, man.

01:54:02.200 It's just.

01:54:02.800 Well, it means a lot that you value that because that scoots over a lot of people's

01:54:07.200 heads.

01:54:08.740 Well.

01:54:09.100 I know.

01:54:09.800 I know you get it.

01:54:10.580 Yeah, man.

01:54:13.600 We're cutting the same cloth.

01:54:15.040 Yeah, for sure.

01:54:15.900 And that's just it.

01:54:16.880 I went to baseball practice yesterday.

01:54:19.260 And what?

01:54:20.020 There was only one person picking up trash in the field.

01:54:22.800 You?

01:54:23.160 That's right.

01:54:23.640 Yeah.

01:54:23.860 You know what I mean?

01:54:24.420 Yeah.

01:54:24.700 Yeah, man.

01:54:25.080 I just can't stand it.

01:54:25.860 The hope is the next practice, there'll be two or three.

01:54:28.840 That's it.

01:54:29.460 And they see you.

01:54:30.960 They see you.

01:54:31.820 Yeah.

01:54:32.060 Like, you know, I remember they tried to school.

01:54:35.020 If the CEO was picking up trash.

01:54:38.400 Woo.

01:54:39.560 It was a problem, boy.

01:54:41.080 I mean, like, you try to beat him.

01:54:42.520 I got it.

01:54:43.320 I got it.

01:54:44.500 Because he's in these nice suits.

01:54:46.960 Yeah.

01:54:47.700 He's in the grass grabbing and said, no, this is what I said need to be done.

01:54:51.240 Maybe I got the wrong staff.

01:54:53.060 Yeah.

01:54:53.260 You know, and so, man, I commend you.

01:54:55.780 This is, it's just amazing.

01:54:57.520 Thank you, man.

01:54:58.220 And we commend you back.

01:55:00.120 Thank you.

01:55:01.280 I can speak for all of us.

01:55:03.040 We really appreciate what you're doing.

01:55:05.440 Thank you.

01:55:05.680 And it may not get the accolades, the big accolades and the big, you know, all these things.

01:55:11.340 What you're doing is what really matters, man.

01:55:13.500 And thank you for doing it.

01:55:15.400 Thank you, bro.

01:55:15.940 Yeah.

01:55:16.140 Thank you.

01:55:16.620 Appreciate you guys.

01:55:17.480 Yeah.

01:55:17.640 Definitely.

01:55:18.060 Yeah.

01:55:18.160 Definitely.

01:55:18.840 So, guys, that's the show.

01:55:20.220 If it brought you some value, if it made you think, if it made you see a new perspective,

01:55:24.020 if it taught you some things, if you thought it was worth sharing, please share the show.

01:55:27.760 That's how we grow the show.

01:55:29.040 So, I appreciate you guys.

01:55:30.520 I love you guys.

01:55:31.100 We'll talk to you next time.

01:55:31.840 Went from sleeping on the floor.

01:55:34.120 Now my jewelry box froze.

01:55:35.820 Fuck a pole.

01:55:36.620 Fuck a stove.

01:55:37.480 Counted millions in the cold.

01:55:39.160 Bad bitch.

01:55:39.980 Booted swole.

01:55:40.820 Got her on bankroll.

01:55:42.460 Can't fold.

01:55:43.340 Doesn't know.

01:55:44.140 Headshot.

01:55:44.980 Case closed.

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - March 19, 2022

257. Redefining Men Ft. Jason Wilson

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