27. Real Talkļ¼ Construction Of A Championship Caliber Mindset
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Summary
In this episode of The Realists, I talk about how we can tactically deal with negativity, especially when things aren't going our way right now and how we need to change our perspective in order to move forward.
Transcript
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What is up guys, this is Andy Frisella and you're listening to the show for the realists
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say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking
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All right, listen, today I've got a real talk episode for you guys and it's very important
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it's going to deal with how we handle negativity and how we literally allow and create a situation
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Very, very important concept because right now we are surrounded by a lot of negativity.
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And it's hard to focus and move forward when we're literally inundated with those types
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of emotions and feelings and actions everywhere we look.
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And unfortunately right now, this is one of those times, you know, through the history
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of earth, there has been tons and tons of global catastrophes.
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All right, except for it's not really a catastrophe if we're looking at it statistically, but the
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reactions of the governments and the societies and the lockdowns and the people losing their
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jobs and all these things that are going along with it are creating a lot of what we're talking
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I'm not discounting the fact that people are dying.
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But this is the first time we've literally shut the globe down and it's causing a lot
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So I'm going to get into how we could tactically address somewhat of a negative mindset when
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we're feeling worn down and frustrated and tired of the energy that's in the world right
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But before I do that, I want to remind you, guys, please pay the fee.
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us a good review if you get something good from the show.
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So if you guys could please do that, I would appreciate it.
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That's all we ask in return is to help for you to help us grow this message.
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So that's that now back to what I was going to talk about perspective is everything, guys.
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And the truth is, I could just stop the show right there and we'd have a whole show, right?
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But instead, I want to get into some simple ways of how we could change our perspective
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and our mindset to become better, especially when things don't seem to be going our way,
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which seems to be the way for a lot of people right now.
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A lot of people are fearful for what the future is going to hold.
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And I'm going to tell you, it's affecting everybody.
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OK, people aren't born with the ability to take negative things and turn them into positive
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Think about what you're taught when you grow up.
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They come home and they stew about it or they cause a big fuss about it or they yell and scream
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And we're not taught to take these situations and reframe them to a positive outcome for ourselves.
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You know, I get to meet a lot, a lot of great people.
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And the truth is, is just by talking to people and hearing what they have to say and listening to their word choice,
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you know, I could get a real good sense of who they are.
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You know, for example, if I talk to someone and they're saying continually terms like I can't or I tried that it's too hard.
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You know, if it wasn't for X, I could have been this.
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X for a lot of people is going to be this coronavirus and COVID-19 situation down the road.
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What I want to do is make it so it's not that for you.
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OK, but I can listen to these people and hear by the words that they use and generally tell how successful they're going to be and how successful they have been.
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And it's a very accurate predictor because the people who always say, I can't.
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If it wasn't for this, I could have been successful.
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They always end up going from idea to idea to idea.
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And then when it doesn't work out and it doesn't pan out, they insert whatever those excuses are and then they start over.
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And what happens to these people is they spend their entire lives going from three year journey to three year journey to three year journey to three year journey.
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Well, guys, it doesn't take a fucking genius to understand that if you every three years you're starting over, you never get anywhere.
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OK, but then there's the other people that I meet and you can listen to their language and their word choices and their phrase choices.
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And you could tell that they're going to make it.
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They say things like this when things go wrong.
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But what else can we try to make sure this gets done?
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You just don't hear those negative phrases that I covered coming from successful, positive people.
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You don't hear successful people or people who are finding success on their journey using the words consistently or really ever like can't or won't or don't or no.
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OK, these words just aren't in their vocabulary.
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And it's me talking to tens of thousands of people over the course of my life that have shown me that this is a stark, definitive indicator of how successful someone's going to be.
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Number one, these successful people don't see things in those perspectives.
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OK, number two, successful people have chosen to live a positive life in terms of overcoming obstacles.
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OK, but they're determined to overcome to produce a better outcome regardless of what happens.
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And the third thing is successful people have found a way to view negative words in a different light.
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OK, and this is what I really want to talk to you about today.
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The first two, right, they don't see those things in perspectives and they've chosen to go, you know, become an overcoming type person.
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The third one probably threw you for a loop a little bit.
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They found you a way to view negativity and negative words and negative phrases in a different light.
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OK, so I call this auto-correcting and auto-correcting is a very, very, very important point when it comes to creating positive out of a negative.
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You take a word that generally and this could be a word, it could be a phrase, it could be anything that generally has a negative connotation.
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And you turn it into something positive that's going to provide the outcome you're looking for.
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OK, and I'm going to give you a few examples so you know what I mean.
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So the first example is a word I love and I use a lot.
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And when I say it, people tend to like give me a weird look like they don't really know what it means.
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OK, it's one of the most hated words because let's think about it, man.
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All right, class, we've got a pop test tomorrow or, you know, we've got a midterm test.
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If you're like me, you've got to read a whole motherfucking book the night before the test.
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So we've been ingrained to look at the word test as a fearful, negative, scary word.
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OK, instead of it being a negative word or something that I, you know, fear, I now look
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I look at it as a way to build my grit, my determination, my, you know, my perseverance,
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my skills that I need to be successful in life all come from a test every single time.
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These are the days where everything seems to be going wrong.
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Everything seems to be going against the way you want it to go.
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All the problems that could happen are happening on the same fucking day.
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I look at those as a chance to show myself how strong I can be so that when littler challenges
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and less intense challenges come, I'm able to overcome those very easily.
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When you go in the first day, it's going to be real hard.
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But after 10 years of training or even three months of training, you're going to be stronger.
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So that's just one word that people have an issue with.
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Most people hear obstacle as the definition of obstacle, which is blocking someone's path
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But what you guys should learn to see obstacle as is a chance to grow, a chance to overcome,
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a chance to find a way to get past it and add a new skill set into your tool belt so that
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you can use it to get better the next time something happens.
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Milestones that we look back and we say, you know what?
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That's when I learned this skill when this happened.
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OK, and during the coronavirus epidemic, that's when I learned how to truly pivot my business
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and become effective regardless of what's going on in society.
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You guys have all heard the story of when I got stabbed.
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You know, when I was 23 years old, I got stabbed in the face three times.
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Once in the back, I had 160 stitches in my face.
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I went through severe depression for a couple of years.
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I met someone who changed my perspective instantly.
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And if you haven't heard the story, it's a pretty good story.
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OK, because it changed my life in literally five minutes.
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You know, I was walking down the aisle of a grocery store.
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It looks like someone was doing, you know, cutting bread on my motherfucking face.
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If you ever met me, you know what I'm talking about.
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I was, you know, no girls are looking at me anymore.
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People think I'm a or something wrong with me because I'm the kind of guy that got stabbed
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You know, dude, it drove me into this dark depression.
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You know, every single person that came up to me for a number of years came to me and
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said they either fucking looked at the floor and didn't say anything or they looked at
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me and they said, dude, what the fuck happened to your face?
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OK, and when you meet a lot of people when you're in business, dude, that shit wears you
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And, you know, I was in a deep, dark place, a suicidal place for real.
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And I've talked about this a lot, guys, but I was in a grocery store and I was walking
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Well, I didn't know it was a lady at the time, but the lady who bumped into my cart.
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She she we bumped cars at the end of the aisle and I looked at her and she goes when I when
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I looked at her, I couldn't see a face because her face had been melted off, like literally
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You've seen somebody who's been severely burned.
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And, you know, they don't have little holes in their face where their nose used to be.
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And it was a woman and she had a little a little like a Paddington bear style bucket hat on.
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And I looked up and she looked at me and she goes, dude, what the fuck happened to your
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And I just like immediately like she got it like she knew how people treated us and she
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You know, and now, dude, that was like a pivotal moment in my life because I talked to her for
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a few minutes, about 15 minutes, and she went on to tell me about how she had been in a plane
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She had one of her legs amputated and she was burned beyond beyond belief.
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And it really put me into perspective that what had happened to me wasn't that bad.
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And I left that store that day feeling better and honestly not feeling real depressed or
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But the point of this is, is that it changed my perspective on how I looked at things.
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OK, and I started to think, well, this really isn't that bad.
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Like I could have been way worse, you know, one of the scars that I have was literally not
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even an eighth of an inch underneath my eye could have lost my eye.
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The other scar was like right above my jugular vein.
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When I started to see it as a different thing, you know, Chris and I, this is in 2003 and Chris
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and I, we only had one store and we were, we didn't have any money.
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And so we were doing a lot of the groundwork to grow our business and we would go to these
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trade shows and, you know, nobody would ever remember us.
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We're just another couple of guys selling supplements.
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I started realizing that people remember me and like this, like, you know, hey, you know,
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Hey, you know, those guys from supplement superstore, Andy and Chris, be like, yeah, you know, I don't
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And then it switched and started going like this.
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Hey, you know, those guys at supplement superstores, Andy and Chris, and they'd be like, no, I don't
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You know, Andy, dude, the guy with the scars, the guy with the scars on his face.
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And they'd be like, oh yeah, dude, I know those guys.
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And I started to recognize it as we could be remembered.
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And what happened was this actually turned out to a great thing for our business because
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every time I went out and met people, they remembered me.
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And that still is a huge advantage I have to this day.
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When I meet anyone, they always remember me because of that.
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And dude, this is what I'm talking about, taking things that would be horrible, tragic, life
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ruining things, and then transforming them into positive things that have helped you along
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So there's lots of things out there, guys, that are really bad.
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Even the worst of the worst of the worst things can be turned into great things.
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A lot of people, you know, they, they try to throw things.
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When I talk about this, they throw things at me that are really difficult, right?
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They say, well, what about a five-year-old girl that gets cancer and never lives her life
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Like that's hard to become positive out of that.
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But what if that girl create, the parents of that girl create, uh, you know, a charity
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that helps people like that and starts making a positive impact and then uses this person
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as a, as something that can help people in a positive way.
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Or what if, uh, this person, you know, has cancer and passes away and they're able to donate
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But the point is, is that you can find positives in literally the worst things that happen.
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If you're willing to fucking open your eyes and look for it.
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My bad things are not to be in competition with your bad things.
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They try to get into competition about who's got more bad things and who has the worst bad
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They hear someone who has something bad happen to them and they say, Hey man, that really sucks.
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And then they offer a positive viewpoint to see it as, you know, and this is what I'm talking
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The difference of, of, of adjusting and reframing and taking, uh, the negatives and auto correcting
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them into positive, you know, another word would be failure.
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You know, failure happens only guys, when you stop, it doesn't happen when you get hit in the
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Failure is only when you stop and what you should be thinking of failure as, as an indication
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Most of society is going to use failure as a moment to quit because dude, they're too embarrassed.
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They don't want to go through the process again.
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But the irony of that is, is that by quitting and living the quote unquote safe life that they
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all want to live and avoiding risks because they failed at one time, that's how you become
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You, you choose to become the failure by not persevering.
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And these are all things that are clearly different between the people who don't succeed
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and who always have a hard time and the people who seem to always win.
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It's their ability to auto correct negative situations and negative words and negative
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thinking into productive path that gets them where they want to go.
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So I got one more word and this one is going to throw you off.
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You're going to hear this and you're going to think, man, I thought that was a, I thought
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that was a great word, but it's a word that you'll rarely hear me use.
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And, uh, I get criticism for it a lot, but that word is luck.
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A lot of people think, man, dude, you know, you got so lucky.
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I think there's better word choices and concepts to think about other than luck.
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The reason I don't like luck, I'm not saying it doesn't exist.
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But what I don't like about it is that when you acknowledge that it exists or you say,
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All of a sudden, everybody decides they want to quit because they think they're not lucky.
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So I don't talk about it much because I don't want people to lean on that and to think that's
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how all successful people win because it's very rare.
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There's far more successful people that are just people who grind and persevere and push
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through than there are that just got fucking lucky.
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You don't want to be one of those people who are lucky because if you're lucky, that means
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That means if you fall on your face from being lucky, you don't have the tools to rebuild
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So I choose to use words like productive work, efficiency, perseverance, effort, efficiency.
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A lot of people like to say, Oh, Andy, you're so fucking lucky, dude.
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I take that as an insult because you weren't there though.
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All those years, you weren't there for the first three years when we made $0 and we were
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working two other jobs, at least a piece to keep our fucking store open.
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You weren't there for the next seven years where we made no more than $695 a month and had
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You weren't there for the next 10 years when we worked 18, 19 hours a day and deal with
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You have no fucking idea what the price that has been paid and you saying that someone got
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It downplays everything that they're proud of creating within themselves and discounts it
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Think twice about that because I'm going to tell you every time someone tells me I'm lucky,
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He said, man, I hope you realize how lucky you are.
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And I said, Jay, I said, if you see me for the last 20 years, you'd realize how ignorant
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None of the success that you see from Chris and I came from luck.
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The only thing I was lucky about is I was lucky to be born to fucking parents who taught
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And if that's luck, then I got a lot of luck there.
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It came from fucking pushing and fighting and clawing and learning how to persevere painful
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lesson after painful lesson, after painful lesson, expensive lesson after expensive lesson.
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Fuck dude, getting your soul ripped out 15 times a fucking month.
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And so I want, that's just what I talked about in the last podcast.
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And the concept of luck and what people think of luck is why you think it's not normal and
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I can go on and on about this, but you get the point.
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It's basically the skillset we're talking about is putting a filter on yourself and realizing
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You have to stop and ask yourself, how can this help my progression?
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And that's hard to do when you're in the moment and you're emotional and things aren't going
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well, but you have to learn to catch yourself in these moments because the negativity that
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you can instill into your own brain is a slippery slope.
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Once you pass them, they're going to be the moments that you look back on the milestone and
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It's something to build on because believe it or not, it never stops.
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You're going to face these challenges over and over and over again.
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So you have to create yourself as someone who's built to overcome, who's built to win,
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who's built to push through, who's built to persevere.
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Because the fucking punches are never going to stop guys.
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So I could go on and on about this, but let's wrap this up because it's really a simple concept.
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You might think right now that you are at the lowest of the lows.
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You might think that right now is the worst thing that ever happened to you, but I'm going
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to tell you from experience, guys, this can go one of two ways.
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The first way it can go is you can think of it this way and you can learn nothing.
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You could create nothing and you could be blindsided by the next challenge and destroyed
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again and again and again through life and create this endless cycle of losing.
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Or you can learn and create the tool of being able to change your perspective so that when
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these challenges come and when these negative perceived events happen, you can see them as
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the opportunity to get better, as the opportunity to grow, as the opportunity to learn a new skill.
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And what that does is that creates you a better prepared you for the next time.
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Remember, if you're lucky all the way through life, you don't have the tools.
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And how is this going to benefit me in the future?
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Not only can you stay positive, but you become a higher skilled operator that allows you to overcome
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So guys, before you sit there and drive yourself into this dark hole because things aren't going
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your way, remember the only reason that you end up in that dark hole is because you chose