333. Q&AF： Healthy Comparisons For Growth, Taking Care Of Employees During Inflation & Redirecting When Working Towards Your Goals
Episode Stats
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Summary
On this episode of The Realist, we have a Q&A with a very special guest. We talk about a recent police confrontation with a biker and how he handled it. Also, we talk about the recent shooting of a black man in the back of the head by a motorcycle club.
Transcript
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What is up guys, it's Andy Frisella and this is the show for the realist, say goodbye to
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the lies, the fakes and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality.
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Guys, today we have Q and AF, that is where you submit your Q's and I give you the AF's.
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Guys, email those questions in to askandy at andyfrisella.com.
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That's where you email them in, it could be about anything too, like whatever, if it's
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Yeah, I mean, it could be about anything, we just choose not to answer it, right?
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Right, but anyhow, for those of you who this is your first time listening, the show grows
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at a rapid pace, so I always like to give the lay of the land to start the show.
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Unlike many other inferior podcasts that exist out there, we have multiple formats of the
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So you might tune in today and get Q and AF, you might tune in tomorrow and get CTI.
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CTI, CTI is Cruise the Internet, so we sort of blend this personal development with what's
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going on in society, we like to point out these crazy headlines that are going on in
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the world, the division that's going on in the world, the hate that's going on in the
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world, we like to deduce what actual truth there is, and then we talk about the base
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And Q and AF relates right into that, because when we talk about all these problems, when we
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get to the base level of what needs to be solved, it's always the same thing, we need
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to raise our standards, we need to be better people, we need to set better examples, and
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Then sometimes you're going to tune in and we're going to do a real talk, which is a short,
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And sometimes it's something you want to hear, sometimes it's something you may not enjoy
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hearing, but we try to keep it real here so that we can all move forward.
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Then we have full-length episode, which is more like a traditional podcast that most
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of you guys tune into, where my guests who are successful in some sort, who have good
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opinions or views, or maybe even the opposite views of what we have here, just have discussion,
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And most importantly, break down what these incredible people have done so that we can show
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you guys that they're really not that incredible, or at least they weren't when they started, just
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like most of us weren't, and that you could be that great too by just following the kind
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So that's the basis of the show, and we do have a fee for the show.
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If you like the show, if it taught you something, if it made you think, if it made you laugh,
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if it was entertaining, if it was worth your fucking time, we ask that you please share
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We don't do that because I am a believer in traditional value exchange.
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I also don't want to answer to anybody with sponsorships.
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I could make a lot of money doing this show, and I leave a lot on the table so I can keep
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the message pure, and I can keep the show pure.
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So I'd appreciate if you guys would really support the show and help us grow it, because
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We've been able to maintain a very, very, very, very elite high-level podcast ranking for,
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you know, since 2015, and it's all on word of mouth.
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I'm proud of you guys who share the show, and I just want to remind you that that's an
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So did you make it out of that police confrontation that you had yesterday?
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Yeah, black dude, biker dude, got a gun on him, and I'm alive.
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And they didn't, like, accuse you of stealing the bike?
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So you mean, like, you treated the cop with respect.
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I took responsibility, and I held myself accountable for my actions.
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Now, granted, I mean, it did start off a little weird.
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I did leave a little poop stain on the seat, because it was a little weird at first.
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But yeah, no, I was coming on my way back up from-
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Did the cop say anything about your poop stain?
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I didn't get off the bike, so yeah, it wasn't a problem.
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So if when you get up, it would have wafted it out, probably killed the cop, then you
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I was on my way back up from Memphis, just solo riding.
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I'm cruising, listening to some System of a Down, right?
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And you know, like, on two lane highways, right?
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Like, there's always this motherfucker who likes to fucking block the left lane, right?
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And so I'm, like, I'm waiting for this guy to fucking part the Red Sea so I can, you
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I got, like, 20 miles left before I got to stop for gas.
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And get up, get back up to my cruise and speed.
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So we have a black man on a stolen motorcycle driving three digits speed with shit on the
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So as soon as, I mean, when I got going, he was coming the opposite direction, the other
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And we had just passed, you know, the little, like, the medians where you can, like, you
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But I see him fucking slam on his brakes and pulls off to the side of the highway,
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He's already passed a little fucking merger thing.
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Dude, no, I mean, he had the cable thing, right?
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This motherfucker reverses on the wrong side to flip around.
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And in my mind still, I'm like, there's no fucking way he can get me, right?
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And so I'm watching, you know, the mirrors on the bike are pretty small, right?
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So I'm looking in the fucking mirrors, right, the whole time.
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So, dude, I'm looking, looking at my mirrors, bro, and I'm seeing cars.
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You know all kinds of interesting things for me.
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I mean, it sounds like you got some experience in this.
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But now, as I'm rolling and I see these fucking cars just parting the fucking red sea, I see
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And, you know, he didn't even pull up behind me like they normally do on traffic stops,
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He pulled, no, he pulls right in front of my fucking bike to block me, right?
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Like, he's in the fucking, like, he's blocking traffic.
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And I'm like, well, I don't, the bike doesn't have a key, it has a five.
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I'm like, listen, man, I'm not going to go nowhere.
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I'm like, I'm going to get my key for you, give him a five.
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And then he pulls back behind me like a normal traffic stop.
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He's like, well, how fast do you think you were going?
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Yeah, he's like, how fast do you think you were going?
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And so we got to start going through all of that.
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He told him, I was like, hey, well, there's probably a couple more down the road.
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And I did the speed limit the entire trip home.
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Because there definitely were some more out there, man.
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Well, it's crazy, dude, how when you just say, hey, I was in the wrong.
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I'm actually surprised that you caught me because I didn't think you were going to come.
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I told you this story before, but I've never told the story on the show.
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You know, I have all those back roads to the old house.
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I had a, I was driving Lamborghini and I was driving.
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And I always have my fucking carry on the seat.
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And she said, do you know why I pulled you over?
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And I, my buddies were on the police force there in a, in the municipality I lived in.
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And I'm like, hey man, is this, is this shit cool?
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I actually saved that same lady like two weeks later from a fucking conversation.
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I don't care if I, if you got a ticket for something I did, I'm fucking all right with
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I was fully prepared for him to come back and give me a ticket.
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I'm like, dude, if you, if you fucking got me, you got me.
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I mean, I was hoping like, okay, maybe hopefully it works with me.
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Don't write me fucking, you know, if we're going 40 over, I'm going to lose my license.
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And, uh, and we may or may not have been, uh, extremely hung over.
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And we got pulled over by a Texas state highway patrol.
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Uh, he wrote us for 90, but I was, I appreciated that.
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I'm, you know, I said, I said, Andy, the, the, I took a picture.
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I mean, I was hoping that that didn't fucking get me fucked up, but I took a picture.
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Number one, uh, I've been told my entire life that I should never compare myself to anyone
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be authentic, be genuine, and don't worry about what other people are doing.
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But in your experience, are there any benefits or healthy ways or reasons to compare yourself
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I think it's important to, I don't think that the idea of not compare.
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People say comparison is the thief of joy, right?
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And, and Ed, um, Ed Milet talks about this a lot, like zero comparison.
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I think that whenever you, um, you know, on day-to-day life, like people get caught up
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and looking, especially in business, like you have your, your, you know, other businesses
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that are at the same level you are and you're constantly like looking over there, looking
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over here and looking over there and then looking over here again.
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You always feel like you're losing, uh, because you don't really know the real story of what's
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And I feel like in a lot of those contexts, you know, and even a personal context, like
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when you look at someone's life from the outside, um, you know, you can't really know what's
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Very few people present themselves as they truly are in the moment.
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Like nobody wakes up in the morning in a bad mood and then like dresses like they're in
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a bad mood and then like goes and advertises it.
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Like some, some people, well, some people, yeah, but, but the point is, is that like,
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that's not how we humans operate in the social construct.
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Like how we operate is we fucking try to come to work, contribute, do our thing, live our
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And we try to put on our best front and, and that's just the natural, uh, propensity I think
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And because of that, you know, certain people take that to an extreme to where they pretend like
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They're just a fucking machine of winning and all this shit.
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And they don't, they don't realize that, you know, that's actually pretty harmful to,
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to try and like present yourself that way because the people that look at you as a leader or
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look at you and want to be like you makes them feel more, uh, on, on, makes it seem,
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seem unattainable to get to where you are because it's the goal.
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Because you're setting an unrealistic standard.
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You know, I think when it comes to setting like a big goal, right?
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Like what I want to do with my life or what I want my life to mean or what I want my company
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to be like, or what, you know, comparison's a natural part of that.
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You know, I, when I, when I, when I, I think comparison can be very useful to humble you when
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Um, you know, when I start thinking I'm really awesome, I look at people like Bezos or I look
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Um, I, and I think, well, fuck bro, I'm not even a booger on their fucking nose.
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Um, that can also be harmful if you don't have the right mindset for it.
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So I really think it's important to be aware of proper comparisons versus, uh, just saying
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no comparisons because the truth is, is like, dude, you can't really learn how to be better
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if you're not comparing yourself in some way, shape or form.
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And I think there's a level of comparison that is negative.
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And I think it's important for the person to have an awareness of which is which, you
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You know, if you catch yourself looking at your competitors or looking at people that
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you admire and starting to hate them just because they're doing their daily shit, you
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know, that means it's probably not a good thing for you to be comparing in those ways.
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Um, if you compare yourself to someone, let's say like, uh, you know, um, I don't know,
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Like a lot of people look at the rock and they're like, fuck, I want to, I want to look
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Um, you know, you got to realize that like he's put in his whole life to get where he's
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And so like, while that might be a good long-term comparison for you, um, if you compare yourself
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today to that, you're going to feel like a loser.
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So like there's levels to how, how we compare and stack up against what it is we're trying
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And so I think it's just important to have awareness.
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I think it's important to, um, you know, if you're feeling bad when you compare yourself,
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if you feel bad right now, look at what you're watching, look, pay attention to who you're
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paying attention to and what information are you putting in your brain that's making you
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Um, but I think comparison is very valuable whenever we look at it in a healthy way, you know, like
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when you say, Hey, what kind of life do you want?
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You say, I want a life like this person and this, and this, and this, and this, and this
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Those are fucking great places to, to shoot for.
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Um, when we say it all the time, like you have to see what's fucking for sure.
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And I feel like when people hear no comparison whatsoever, they think that like, they shouldn't
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even try to aspire because they, because they feel like there should be no comparison to be
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So there's, there's, you know, there's different ways to look at this and it's not as simple
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as some fucking internet buzz wine or a meme, right?
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You know, uh, comparison isn't always the thief of joy.
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But it also is very useful in certain other aspects, especially when you're trying to
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How do you even know what an exceptional life looks like if you can't find people that are
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already living the exceptional life and then comparing your life against that and saying,
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And then going and doing that work in that regard, comparison is very constructive.
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So, you know, there's multiple ways to look at that.
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Um, I think the person who's asking this question, I think they're, they have a natural understanding
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of what I just said by the nature of the question they asked.
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If you're a competitor, you're going to fucking compare.
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You know, that's part of the, this whole no comparison.
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Like this all comes from the idea of, oh, we're not competition.
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We are in competition with other fucking humans.
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You can, you can wash it with your fucking, uh, feel good emotions and make it sound sweet,
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But at the end of the motherfucking day, there's winners and there's fucking losers.
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If you don't believe me, go watch national geographic fucking channel.
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Survival of the strongest is a real fucking thing.
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No matter what they try to indoctrinate our culture and society with.
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Have you ever thought about why they try to indoctrinate our culture, our society with fucking
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the idea that there's no winners and losers and that everybody's the same and that nobody
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That's because it makes people fucking nothing and it's easy to control nothing.
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It's easy to win when nobody else is competing.
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It's easy to keep people from taking over when they're not trying to win or be better.
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I question all the social narratives and movements.
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I don't believe in the framework of society is set up for the prosperity of the natural
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And I believe that, you know, there's a lot of things in, in that have been going on for
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a long time that are designed to keep us from becoming who we could actually become.
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And I think this is one of them shying away from competition, not keeping score, giving
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These are things that lead to what we're seeing in society right now.
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And I've been talking about this for fucking years.
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But in general, like a big reason people become great is because they compare themselves
00:20:00.360
Question number two, Andy, as a small business owner, what's the best way to take care of your
00:20:05.280
people when you can't necessarily afford to pay them?
00:20:08.080
Well, due to the inflation, all the shit going on right now in the economy, I have a lot of
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What's the best course of action I can take right now?
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Anything you can do to make their lives easier.
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Um, you know, back in the day when we would, when we were in that position, you know, we
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We would fucking, you know, it's about bringing that family in tight, dude, and doing what
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you can do to help people in times when money's not an object.
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You know, I didn't always have the ability to pay people well.
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Um, about say inflation's every day if you're a small business, right?
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And it's a, it's a, it's a tough dynamic because, you know, um, when you're a small
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business and you're in the beginning, cashflow is always limited.
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So I understand and empathize with that, but you know, I've been through that a couple of
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different times and you've just got to do whatever the fuck you can.
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Um, you know, any, any type of way that you can make their life easier.
00:21:12.620
Uh, I think, you know, and I also think that your employees understand that times are hard.
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And I think sometimes, you know, small gestures that may not make a huge difference, um, make
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I know it's not a lot, but like those little things that you can do here or there make a
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And unfortunately I think it's going to get a lot harder.
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I think things are going to get really bad financially.
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Um, and I think you guys need to prepare for it.
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I think everybody out there with employees needs to really talk to their employees about
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If like emergency situations were to happen, like, what do we do?
00:22:00.060
I think those things are important because, um, I believe that we are truly in danger of
00:22:05.320
having our financial system collapse at some point in the near future, which means there's
00:22:09.780
going to be a time of time, a period of time where like there is no money.
00:22:18.920
I mean, like it's going to be a really weird, different time and we're sliding into it.
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We're already seeing it in other countries across Europe.
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You know, uh, people in Europe right now, the poor people are not being able to survive.
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So, I mean, um, you know, you guys got to stick together.
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That's really what it comes to, that it comes to, you know, you're going to realize that
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if you're the leader of a company, you're also the leader of these people.
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And, you know, it's not just about your company.
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It's about everybody's lives and keeping everybody safe.
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And I could tell you this, the leaders that step up and help their people get through this
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tough time will get in return, massive reward when they get through it, because you'll
00:23:03.680
You know, part of the reason people, people ask like how we develop what we have here
00:23:09.880
Well, a lot of the key people have been through really hard times together.
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And so, you know, I would look at it as a chance to galvanize your team and, and make,
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bring your team closer instead of just trying to pay them more money that you don't have
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So, uh, it's going to, it's going to get weird and it means you're going to have to get
00:23:31.460
So Andy guys, our third and final question, question number three, Andy, how do you correct
00:23:40.320
or redirect course when you're on a path to accomplishing a goal and you see that a change
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How do you redirect if you're in the middle of that fucking play?
00:23:55.720
Anytime you, the minute you recognize that what there's a nuance there, by the way, okay.
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The more experience you have, the quicker you're going to be able to realize the less
00:24:05.120
experience you have, it's going to take you longer to realize, which means you're going
00:24:08.720
to get longer through the play, um, before you realize it's not going to work.
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And here's the thing, this is a big problem with small business because this requires real
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When you, when you are on a plan and you realize that it's not going to work and you know, it's
00:24:30.000
Most people don't have the courage to change it.
00:24:32.740
They will keep fucking writing it down because it was their plan.
00:24:36.720
And they think magically somehow it's going to turn around or it's going to flip or it's
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And then the other thing you have to have is experience because the quicker that you
00:24:49.620
can recognize when something's off course, um, the quicker you could pivot it into being
00:24:55.540
And, you know, it's really something that you have to learn through doing.
00:25:01.020
Uh, but I know the most successful businesses are the most fluid.
00:25:07.060
They're the people who, who can recognize where a pivot needs to be made and make it immediately
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And I think this reflects in society right now.
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We see a lot of people who have made a mental investment and going along with the agenda
00:25:37.340
that's being propagated by our media, which has been clearly a fucking lie.
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And they're still having trouble letting go of it because they bought into it two years
00:25:46.860
Those people will fail in fucking life and business because they can't fucking let their
00:25:53.780
It's a, those things have to happen immediately.
00:25:59.920
There's also a group of people who don't let their idea play out far enough before they
00:26:05.580
And then they spend their whole time pivoting from one to the next, to the next, to the
00:26:11.820
So when I said there was nuance, you have to be able to honestly assess the scenario,
00:26:25.820
Oh, you're fucking people are getting their faces shot.
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Who Steve and Tony and fucking, uh, Teresa got fucking their heads blown off.
00:26:33.880
Well, we probably shouldn't go that way anymore.
00:26:37.120
Like I don't, I don't send in three more and then three more and then three more.
00:26:42.860
So when, you know, but let's say the scenario is, Oh, we sent these three people in and
00:26:50.980
Well then maybe you do send three more people in.
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So there's all kinds of nuance, these scenarios that you have to be aware of.
00:26:59.140
But at the end of the day, this is about being a realist.
00:27:04.480
It's about letting go of the need to be correct.
00:27:06.460
And it's about assessing what is in real life and making decisions quickly.
00:27:11.220
Um, or maybe not as quickly, uh, if you're, if you're a, a chronic pivoter, um, to make
00:27:21.660
And so there's nuance there and you just got to figure it out.
00:27:23.940
But I think most people, um, most people have not mastered the art of nuance when it
00:27:32.480
You know, they, they, they, they have a hard time seeing when the appropriate time is to
00:27:37.360
pivot, um, or they have a hard time seeing that they need to pivot or they have a hard
00:27:46.340
So these are all things that you just need to be aware of because they're all true, um,
00:27:51.320
in different scenarios that could present themselves.
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So how you think through these things and how you, uh, you know, understand these things,
00:28:00.260
Like you should sit down and draw this shit out on a fucking board.
00:28:10.340
And if you have to sit down and draw that out on a board or on a piece of paper to get
00:28:14.440
your mind to think this way, um, it's worth it because you'll develop a skill and you'll
00:28:23.380
And then in the future, you'll be better at making these kinds of decisions.
00:28:30.800
To follow up on the Andy, would you say that when, when, when scaling, right?
00:28:34.920
Like going from the 10 employees and you know, now you got thousands, right?
00:28:39.080
Like making those pivots, what, what's, what's like, what's the trickle down effect?
00:28:44.720
Because like you said, the more experience you have, the easier it is to make those pivots.
00:28:48.380
But like, what's the actual process like of those pivots being actually, you know, installed
00:28:53.360
and actually changed like from up top to, well, for me, you know, what I would do is I walk
00:28:58.720
in the room and I'll say, Hey, this isn't fucking working and there'll be a, and I'll
00:29:03.940
And they'll say, well, actually it's this, this, and this.
00:29:06.160
And sometimes when I get the real data and I look at it, I say, okay, actually it is
00:29:14.420
I need to, I need to bake the cake for a little bit longer.
00:29:17.960
Um, sometimes, you know, I walk in, I said, this isn't fucking working.
00:29:25.120
And then we say, okay, this is what we need to do.
00:29:28.260
We don't sit there and say, Oh, well you said this and this and this would work.
00:29:38.940
And if it's not working, what do we need to do to make it work?
00:29:44.660
There's too much ego involved in most companies.
00:29:46.880
You know, they want their plan to work or they want their play to run.
00:29:51.460
It's amazing what you can accomplish when nobody cares about the credit.
00:29:53.980
And that's, that's the way to think about this.
00:29:56.360
Like, it doesn't matter if you came up with the best idea or the worst idea.
00:30:01.960
Let's figure out how to get us on the best idea, no matter whose it is.
00:30:06.260
So like ego, ego in leadership is usually what fucks all that up.
00:30:12.360
Like, you know, people get a leadership title or a leadership ego or some power or an office
00:30:19.260
and they think like, you know, you guys know what I'm talking about.
00:30:24.780
You know, people who just think that they got to have it their way.
00:30:28.200
And that, that is a, that's a toxic leadership trait that will get you buried by someone
00:30:34.440
You can clearly see the options that are better.