REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 496. 5 Steps To Overcoming Rejection & Hardships

00:00:00.000 What is up guys, it's Andy Priscilla and this is the show for the realest sake, goodbye 0.99

00:00:20.440 to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking 0.98

00:00:24.480 reality. Guys, today I have a special real talk I want to give you. It's probably going 0.98

00:00:30.860 to take 10 minutes or so, but before I get into it, for those of you that are new, this

00:00:34.900 is a personal development podcast. We do have a number of different segments inside the

00:00:42.740 podcast. It's kind of shows within the show. Today you're going to hear real talk, just

00:00:46.100 five to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk that I think is relevant. Other times

00:00:50.180 when you tune in, we have Q&AF. That is a question and answer show. You can submit your questions

00:00:54.980 a couple of different ways. One, you can email them to askandy at andypriscilla.com or we are

00:01:01.220 on YouTube. If you drop the comment in the Q&AF episode and as a question, we will pick

00:01:06.780 some from there as well. Other times you tune in, we have CTI. That stands for Cruise the

00:01:10.880 Internet. That's where we put up topics on the screen. We talk about what's going on in

00:01:14.240 the world. We have a little fun. We make some jokes. We speculate on what's going on. We

00:01:18.140 talk about how we can all be solution to make the world a better place. And then other times

00:01:23.100 we have full length. Full length is what you see on most podcasts. It's where a bunch of

00:01:27.220 people sit in a room and have a conversation. And then we have real talk, which is what you're

00:01:31.320 going to hear today. It's been a while since I've done some real talk, but I'm excited about

00:01:35.720 this one. I think a lot of you guys are going to get some benefit out of it. We do have something

00:01:40.240 on the show we call the fee. The fee means if you like the show, if it made you laugh,

00:01:45.060 if it made you think, if it gave you some new, you know, information, if you, if you

00:01:49.220 learned something, if you thought it wasn't a waste of your time, we ask that you please

00:01:52.700 share the show. Now I'm going to get into this real quick. Okay. I'm going to tell a

00:01:57.520 little story. So a couple of nights ago, I got a DM from a young man who was very distraught

00:02:07.000 and very upset. I don't normally check my DMs. Normally my team is kind of running my page and

00:02:14.380 I get in there sometimes to talk with my friends and stuff like that. And sometimes I get these

00:02:18.960 little notes that I see. And this was one I couldn't ignore. And this young man was struggling

00:02:27.220 because he was going through a breakup and he was talking to me about how hard it was. And he wanted

00:02:36.020 to ask me how to get through these difficult situations. And it really touched me because I,

00:02:43.920 I haven't had to deal with those things in a long time, but I could totally relate to how hard they can

00:02:52.280 be to get through. And I thought that this would be a good real talk topic for us to talk about here

00:02:57.360 about how to move through these difficult situations that happened to us in terms of going through a

00:03:03.360 breakup situation. Now, let me tell you something, guys. I don't care who you are. I don't care how

00:03:11.660 cool you are. I don't care how rich you are. I don't care what kind of cool stuff you got going for

00:03:16.280 you. You're going to have to deal with this situation. There's going to be times in your life

00:03:20.900 that we are rejected. We are told by another human being that they no longer want us in their life.

00:03:28.940 And that's a reality of going through life. It's going to happen over and over and over again.

00:03:34.500 You're going to have people break up with you. You're going to have people fire you. You're going

00:03:38.860 to have friends that no longer want to be friends with you. You're going to have people unfollow you

00:03:43.540 that you thought were your friend. All these situations create this, this feeling on the inside as

00:03:50.380 if we're not good enough or, you know, there's something wrong with us. And let me tell you

00:03:56.960 something, guys. I'm 43. OK, I've been through a number of these situations. I've been through a

00:04:02.480 lot of breakups. I've been broken up with a lot. I've had a lot of people, you know, disagree with

00:04:09.440 me on things. You know, I'm an outspoken human being. There's going to be people that disagree with

00:04:14.020 me. I have people, you know, decide because I say one or two things that they don't agree with,

00:04:18.400 that we can't be friends. That's happened to me over and over and over again in life.

00:04:22.300 And I want to address this situation because that feeling of rejection and that feeling of

00:04:30.480 loneliness and that feeling of unworthiness is a very, very, very hard feeling to deal with.

00:04:37.760 And so I was having this conversation with this young man and he was telling me how he turned to

00:04:42.840 alcohol. And he said, it doesn't matter how much alcohol I have. It's still there. First piece of

00:04:48.340 advice when you're going through. A situation that is personally disturbing to you, whether it be a

00:04:56.220 breakup, whether it be a loss, loss of a loved one, loss of a job, loss of, you know, something that

00:05:03.080 mattered to you, loss of a pet, maybe could be a lot of different things.

00:05:07.040 Turning to alcohol will only make those things worse. It will only make those things worse.

00:05:14.840 Alcohol is a depressant. It makes you feel okay in the time, but the two to three days after the

00:05:21.120 alcohol, you're going to be in a bad place. And so you have to understand that the first step of

00:05:28.740 going through these traumatic situations is to avoid numbing the pain with alcohol. It only makes

00:05:35.940 it worse. And then what happens, right? You end up getting too much alcohol. You start texting people,

00:05:41.740 you start saying things, you make a fool of yourself. Then you wake up the next day and you're 0.95

00:05:45.800 like, fuck, why did I do that? And then it makes the situation worse. It compounds it, right? It makes 0.99

00:05:50.840 us feel like, you know, we just made a fool of ourselves in front, you know, and like, bro,

00:05:56.200 we live in this age of social media now where people will take those moments of pain and hardship and

00:06:02.520 vulnerability and struggle and post them for the world to see, which only makes it worse and worse

00:06:08.060 and worse. So my step number one on this is avoid alcohol. Okay. Now, step number two is hard. This is

00:06:16.620 hard to do, but it's very important. When we go through a time of chaos and we go through a time

00:06:23.020 of rejection, we go through a time of feeling like nobody cares about us and everybody hates us.

00:06:29.100 The world is against us. You have to remind yourself that this is just you telling yourself

00:06:36.280 things that are absolutely untrue. Okay. The world doesn't hate you. The world doesn't, it's not the

00:06:43.240 world. It's one situation that you are making into the world. And so this is a very hard thing for us

00:06:49.820 to process and for us to convince ourselves of when the pain is so present. All right. But you have to

00:06:58.060 work on the internal dialogue of telling yourself the truth about the situation, the reality. Okay.

00:07:05.740 We're realists here. We're not idealists. The reality of a situation oftentimes is very hard,

00:07:12.260 but oftentimes the reality of situation is not as bad as it seems. And we don't talk about enough of

00:07:17.900 that on this show. Okay. Most of the time we talk about being a realist in terms of accepting the hard

00:07:23.360 truth about the situations that we're in. However, when you accept the good truth of the situation

00:07:29.500 that you're in, for example, somebody breaks up with you, you're going through a situation,

00:07:34.860 your heart is broke, you're very upset. The real situation at hand is this. It's actually a blessing

00:07:42.160 for you because it allows you to move forward freely to find someone who will love, value, support,

00:07:49.240 and be with you for who you actually are, not who they wish you were, which is normally the reason

00:07:55.760 people break up. Okay. So we have to tell ourselves the truth. And in this situation,

00:08:00.600 the truth actually helps ease our pain. It helps us realize that things aren't as bad as they seem.

00:08:06.580 Now things aren't always as good as they seem either, but in this case, they aren't as bad as

00:08:10.220 they seem. This is not the end of the world. Every single human on this planet goes through this

00:08:15.040 situation over and over and over again through life. And so becoming good at understanding how

00:08:20.580 to handle chaotic hardship and rejection is a master skill to have. All right. Now that's the

00:08:28.920 second thing. Tell yourself the truth. Now, the third thing is also hard, but this is the key to

00:08:33.800 everything. All right. We, we make situations worse, whatever the situations may be. Okay. In this case,

00:08:41.800 we're talking about a breakup. We make situations worse by not controlling any of the things that

00:08:47.980 are available for us to control. All right. So we have to tell ourselves the truth there.

00:08:53.400 Are you controlling what you eat? Are you controlling what you put in your body? Are you controlling what

00:08:59.820 you drink? Are you controlling your movement, your training? Are you controlling the people that you

00:09:06.540 surround yourself with? Are you controlling the information that you put in your brain? Are you putting

00:09:11.540 productive information in your brain or are you obsessing over the situation and continuing to

00:09:16.900 beat yourself into the dirt? All right. These are honest questions that we have to ask ourselves.

00:09:22.880 And the truth of the matter is guys, in most scenarios that are very hard like this, we are not even

00:09:29.780 actually trying to control the things that we could control. And once we have control of the things we

00:09:35.180 control, although it's hard, it gives us some relief because every day that we wake up, we can say,

00:09:41.180 I'm in control. I did what I needed to do yesterday. So therefore, when I wake up in the

00:09:46.640 morning, I am better today. All right. And when we go through these hard times, we oftentimes tell

00:09:52.080 ourselves that we need a break. We need alcohol. We need to like, you know, process our feelings and

00:09:58.840 all these things. And there may be some validity to that last point, right? Process our feelings. But

00:10:04.580 dude, drinking them away, becoming more destructive, focusing and dwelling, those things only make

00:10:10.880 everything worse. So ask yourself, what are you controlling? Okay. And fourth, take the negative

00:10:18.580 energy, take the negative energy that you feel and put it into productive action. We all know what it

00:10:25.640 feels like to have this kind of pain. We all know what it feels like to feel this sort of rejection.

00:10:30.780 And it hurts, man. But that's a lot of useful energy. If we convert that energy into doing what

00:10:37.040 I just said in point three, taking control of the controllables. All right. And this doesn't just

00:10:42.100 apply for breakups. This applies for any chaotic situation, any kind of loss, any kind of unplanned

00:10:48.680 chaos. And guys, I hate to break it to you, but the unplanned chaos in your life never stops. It continues

00:10:54.880 to go on and on and on and on over the course of life. And we do ourselves no favors by taking the

00:11:02.960 position that we expect it to stop. Okay. That could sit that. What that does is that actually

00:11:08.480 creates a situation of constant disappointment, of constant frustration, of constant devaluation of

00:11:14.700 self, of constant lowering of self-esteem and self-worth. And so we have to not beat ourselves up

00:11:21.660 when we are in these situations and instead take the pain that we are feeling and pour it into

00:11:29.700 ourselves. And guys, the long-term goal here is this. When people reject you and they say you're

00:11:36.520 not good enough, or they say, I don't want to be with you. It is very personal. It's not, you know,

00:11:42.440 don't take it personal. No, it's fucking very personal. They're saying, I don't like you. I don't 0.98

00:11:48.540 want to be with you. I don't want to be your friend. I don't want you working for me. And

00:11:52.700 these things hurt. Okay. But I'm telling you this, the faster that you can control what it is that

00:11:59.460 you're capable of controlling, the faster you're going to feel better about your life. All right.

00:12:04.800 The faster you're going to get over that situation, the faster you're going to remember who the fuck you 1.00

00:12:09.920 are and why it is you are you. All right. So I want you to think about these four steps. I know a lot 1.00

00:12:16.980 of you guys are going through hard times. I know a lot of you guys are struggling with things.

00:12:20.900 You know, there's a lot of chaos in the world. There's all kinds of things happening in the job

00:12:24.940 market. Money's getting tighter. You know, things are happening that are chaotic. Okay. And the last

00:12:31.860 thing, the last thing, and this is the most important thing of the whole message here. The last

00:12:37.260 thing is this, the quickest way to make yourself feel better is by helping other people feel better.

00:12:43.180 If you can take and put your own feelings aside and figure out a way to pour into someone else

00:12:49.840 to help them, whatever it is they're doing, whatever it is they're trying to do, whatever

00:12:54.400 it is they're working on, maybe they're working on their fitness. Maybe they're working on

00:12:57.800 their career. Maybe they're working on improving just in general, all of these things. When you can

00:13:03.000 sit down and you can contribute to someone else's success, it will naturally help you move past

00:13:09.580 the scenario that you are currently dealing with. Okay. So when, if you are struggling and you are

00:13:15.680 going through a hard time, I want you to think about these five points. I want you to go back

00:13:19.560 and listen to this very short podcast that I believe will help you move through these difficult

00:13:24.700 situations. And these things take time, right? When you have to control all the things that you

00:13:29.680 control, that takes time to accumulate. That's not something that you do for one day and it's going to

00:13:34.780 make you feel completely better, but I can promise you, you will feel a little bit better when you

00:13:39.820 get to look at yourself in the mirror the next morning and you wake up and you say, all right,

00:13:44.160 I'm one day better than I was yesterday. And that's how we have to look at life. That's how we have to

00:13:49.420 look at these situations. And eventually you'll stop feeling the way that you feel right now.

00:13:54.200 And, and, and because of the actions that you're taking by the time that you stop feeling,

00:13:59.680 because here's the thing, if you did nothing, if you just continue to like live and never took any

00:14:05.000 of these proactive steps that I'm talking about and you did nothing, all right, you will eventually

00:14:11.840 get over this because time cures the painful wounds. All right. Think of every hard thing that

00:14:17.300 you've ever been through. When enough time passes, it gets easier to deal with. It may not permanently

00:14:22.140 go away, but it gets small. It gets real small in the rear view. And occasionally you'll be upset

00:14:27.900 about it, but most of the time you kind of don't even think about it. The point is this,

00:14:32.900 when that time comes, when the time comes where this huge event to you right now is very small

00:14:39.400 in the rear view mirror, do you want to be in a better place than you are right now? Or do you

00:14:44.040 want to be in a worse place than you are right now? Because here's the thing, time is going to pass

00:14:49.080 and time will help heal the wound. But if I were you, I would commit to these steps that I'm talking

00:14:55.660 about, especially the step of controlling the controllables, all right? Because by the time

00:15:02.240 that you get over this situation, you're actually going to end up in a much better spot. You're

00:15:07.480 going to be more physically fit. You're going to be more intelligent. Your energy is going to be

00:15:11.980 better. You're going to be healthier. You're going to feel better. You're going to look better. And

00:15:16.260 you're actually going to be a much better physical and mental version of yourself after this time

00:15:21.820 passes. Okay? So to the young man that messaged me and asked me, how do you get through these

00:15:27.480 difficult times? I made this show just for you, bro. I'm not going to say your name, but I made

00:15:32.220 this show just for you. It's very, very important for people to realize we're all going to go through

00:15:37.120 difficult times. The hard times never stop coming. The only way that we can truly, truly move through

00:15:44.480 life is by continuing to progress, continuing to get better, continuing to become a better version of

00:15:50.420 ourself and continuing to help other people become better versions of themselves. And this will make

00:15:56.100 these things much easier to deal with over the course of time. All right? So for those of you

00:16:01.160 going through the difficult time, go back to the last 15 minutes or so, give it a listen, take some

00:16:06.880 notes and look at this as the recipe for you getting through these difficult times that emotionally hurt

00:16:11.900 us, that make us feel small, that make us feel worthless. You are not worthless. You're going through a

00:16:16.800 very difficult time and there's a big fucking difference. Okay? I love you guys. I appreciate 0.99

00:16:21.980 you guys and I'll talk to you next time.

00:16:23.980 Went from sleeping on the floor. Now my jewelry box froze. Fuck a pole. Fuck a stove. Counted millions 1.00

00:16:30.260 in the cold. Bad bitch. Booty swole. Got her on bankroll. Can't fold. Doesn't know. Headshot. Case closed. 1.00

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - April 04, 2023

496. 5 Steps To Overcoming Rejection & Hardships

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REAL AF with Andy Frisella - April 04, 2023

496. 5 Steps To Overcoming Rejection &#x26; Hardships

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

496. 5 Steps To Overcoming Rejection & Hardships