496. 5 Steps To Overcoming Rejection & Hardships
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
186.2409
Summary
In this episode of For the Realest Sake, I talk about how to deal with a breakup and how to move through difficult situations in life. I have been through a lot of breakups in my life and I know how difficult it can be to move on from a breakup. This episode is about dealing with difficult situations and how we can move through them.
Transcript
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What is up guys, it's Andy Priscilla and this is the show for the realest sake, goodbye
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to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking
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reality. Guys, today I have a special real talk I want to give you. It's probably going
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to take 10 minutes or so, but before I get into it, for those of you that are new, this
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is a personal development podcast. We do have a number of different segments inside the
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podcast. It's kind of shows within the show. Today you're going to hear real talk, just
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five to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk that I think is relevant. Other times
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when you tune in, we have Q&AF. That is a question and answer show. You can submit your questions
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a couple of different ways. One, you can email them to askandy at andypriscilla.com or we are
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on YouTube. If you drop the comment in the Q&AF episode and as a question, we will pick
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some from there as well. Other times you tune in, we have CTI. That stands for Cruise the
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Internet. That's where we put up topics on the screen. We talk about what's going on in
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the world. We have a little fun. We make some jokes. We speculate on what's going on. We
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talk about how we can all be solution to make the world a better place. And then other times
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we have full length. Full length is what you see on most podcasts. It's where a bunch of
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people sit in a room and have a conversation. And then we have real talk, which is what you're
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going to hear today. It's been a while since I've done some real talk, but I'm excited about
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this one. I think a lot of you guys are going to get some benefit out of it. We do have something
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on the show we call the fee. The fee means if you like the show, if it made you laugh,
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if it made you think, if it gave you some new, you know, information, if you, if you
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learned something, if you thought it wasn't a waste of your time, we ask that you please
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share the show. Now I'm going to get into this real quick. Okay. I'm going to tell a
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little story. So a couple of nights ago, I got a DM from a young man who was very distraught
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and very upset. I don't normally check my DMs. Normally my team is kind of running my page and
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I get in there sometimes to talk with my friends and stuff like that. And sometimes I get these
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little notes that I see. And this was one I couldn't ignore. And this young man was struggling
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because he was going through a breakup and he was talking to me about how hard it was. And he wanted
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to ask me how to get through these difficult situations. And it really touched me because I,
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I haven't had to deal with those things in a long time, but I could totally relate to how hard they can
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be to get through. And I thought that this would be a good real talk topic for us to talk about here
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about how to move through these difficult situations that happened to us in terms of going through a
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breakup situation. Now, let me tell you something, guys. I don't care who you are. I don't care how
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cool you are. I don't care how rich you are. I don't care what kind of cool stuff you got going for
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you. You're going to have to deal with this situation. There's going to be times in your life
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that we are rejected. We are told by another human being that they no longer want us in their life.
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And that's a reality of going through life. It's going to happen over and over and over again.
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You're going to have people break up with you. You're going to have people fire you. You're going
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to have friends that no longer want to be friends with you. You're going to have people unfollow you
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that you thought were your friend. All these situations create this, this feeling on the inside as
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if we're not good enough or, you know, there's something wrong with us. And let me tell you
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something, guys. I'm 43. OK, I've been through a number of these situations. I've been through a
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lot of breakups. I've been broken up with a lot. I've had a lot of people, you know, disagree with
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me on things. You know, I'm an outspoken human being. There's going to be people that disagree with
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me. I have people, you know, decide because I say one or two things that they don't agree with,
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that we can't be friends. That's happened to me over and over and over again in life.
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And I want to address this situation because that feeling of rejection and that feeling of
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loneliness and that feeling of unworthiness is a very, very, very hard feeling to deal with.
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And so I was having this conversation with this young man and he was telling me how he turned to
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alcohol. And he said, it doesn't matter how much alcohol I have. It's still there. First piece of
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advice when you're going through. A situation that is personally disturbing to you, whether it be a
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breakup, whether it be a loss, loss of a loved one, loss of a job, loss of, you know, something that
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mattered to you, loss of a pet, maybe could be a lot of different things.
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Turning to alcohol will only make those things worse. It will only make those things worse.
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Alcohol is a depressant. It makes you feel okay in the time, but the two to three days after the
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alcohol, you're going to be in a bad place. And so you have to understand that the first step of
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going through these traumatic situations is to avoid numbing the pain with alcohol. It only makes
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it worse. And then what happens, right? You end up getting too much alcohol. You start texting people,
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you start saying things, you make a fool of yourself. Then you wake up the next day and you're
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like, fuck, why did I do that? And then it makes the situation worse. It compounds it, right? It makes
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us feel like, you know, we just made a fool of ourselves in front, you know, and like, bro,
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we live in this age of social media now where people will take those moments of pain and hardship and
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vulnerability and struggle and post them for the world to see, which only makes it worse and worse
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and worse. So my step number one on this is avoid alcohol. Okay. Now, step number two is hard. This is
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hard to do, but it's very important. When we go through a time of chaos and we go through a time
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of rejection, we go through a time of feeling like nobody cares about us and everybody hates us.
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The world is against us. You have to remind yourself that this is just you telling yourself
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things that are absolutely untrue. Okay. The world doesn't hate you. The world doesn't, it's not the
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world. It's one situation that you are making into the world. And so this is a very hard thing for us
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to process and for us to convince ourselves of when the pain is so present. All right. But you have to
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work on the internal dialogue of telling yourself the truth about the situation, the reality. Okay.
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We're realists here. We're not idealists. The reality of a situation oftentimes is very hard,
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but oftentimes the reality of situation is not as bad as it seems. And we don't talk about enough of
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that on this show. Okay. Most of the time we talk about being a realist in terms of accepting the hard
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truth about the situations that we're in. However, when you accept the good truth of the situation
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that you're in, for example, somebody breaks up with you, you're going through a situation,
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your heart is broke, you're very upset. The real situation at hand is this. It's actually a blessing
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for you because it allows you to move forward freely to find someone who will love, value, support,
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and be with you for who you actually are, not who they wish you were, which is normally the reason
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people break up. Okay. So we have to tell ourselves the truth. And in this situation,
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the truth actually helps ease our pain. It helps us realize that things aren't as bad as they seem.
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Now things aren't always as good as they seem either, but in this case, they aren't as bad as
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they seem. This is not the end of the world. Every single human on this planet goes through this
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situation over and over and over again through life. And so becoming good at understanding how
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to handle chaotic hardship and rejection is a master skill to have. All right. Now that's the
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second thing. Tell yourself the truth. Now, the third thing is also hard, but this is the key to
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everything. All right. We, we make situations worse, whatever the situations may be. Okay. In this case,
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we're talking about a breakup. We make situations worse by not controlling any of the things that
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are available for us to control. All right. So we have to tell ourselves the truth there.
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Are you controlling what you eat? Are you controlling what you put in your body? Are you controlling what
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you drink? Are you controlling your movement, your training? Are you controlling the people that you
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surround yourself with? Are you controlling the information that you put in your brain? Are you putting
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productive information in your brain or are you obsessing over the situation and continuing to
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beat yourself into the dirt? All right. These are honest questions that we have to ask ourselves.
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And the truth of the matter is guys, in most scenarios that are very hard like this, we are not even
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actually trying to control the things that we could control. And once we have control of the things we
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control, although it's hard, it gives us some relief because every day that we wake up, we can say,
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I'm in control. I did what I needed to do yesterday. So therefore, when I wake up in the
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morning, I am better today. All right. And when we go through these hard times, we oftentimes tell
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ourselves that we need a break. We need alcohol. We need to like, you know, process our feelings and
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all these things. And there may be some validity to that last point, right? Process our feelings. But
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dude, drinking them away, becoming more destructive, focusing and dwelling, those things only make
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everything worse. So ask yourself, what are you controlling? Okay. And fourth, take the negative
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energy, take the negative energy that you feel and put it into productive action. We all know what it
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feels like to have this kind of pain. We all know what it feels like to feel this sort of rejection.
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And it hurts, man. But that's a lot of useful energy. If we convert that energy into doing what
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I just said in point three, taking control of the controllables. All right. And this doesn't just
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apply for breakups. This applies for any chaotic situation, any kind of loss, any kind of unplanned
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chaos. And guys, I hate to break it to you, but the unplanned chaos in your life never stops. It continues
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to go on and on and on and on over the course of life. And we do ourselves no favors by taking the
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position that we expect it to stop. Okay. That could sit that. What that does is that actually
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creates a situation of constant disappointment, of constant frustration, of constant devaluation of
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self, of constant lowering of self-esteem and self-worth. And so we have to not beat ourselves up
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when we are in these situations and instead take the pain that we are feeling and pour it into
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ourselves. And guys, the long-term goal here is this. When people reject you and they say you're
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not good enough, or they say, I don't want to be with you. It is very personal. It's not, you know,
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don't take it personal. No, it's fucking very personal. They're saying, I don't like you. I don't
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want to be with you. I don't want to be your friend. I don't want you working for me. And
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these things hurt. Okay. But I'm telling you this, the faster that you can control what it is that
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you're capable of controlling, the faster you're going to feel better about your life. All right.
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The faster you're going to get over that situation, the faster you're going to remember who the fuck you
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are and why it is you are you. All right. So I want you to think about these four steps. I know a lot
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of you guys are going through hard times. I know a lot of you guys are struggling with things.
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You know, there's a lot of chaos in the world. There's all kinds of things happening in the job
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market. Money's getting tighter. You know, things are happening that are chaotic. Okay. And the last
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thing, the last thing, and this is the most important thing of the whole message here. The last
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thing is this, the quickest way to make yourself feel better is by helping other people feel better.
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If you can take and put your own feelings aside and figure out a way to pour into someone else
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to help them, whatever it is they're doing, whatever it is they're trying to do, whatever
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it is they're working on, maybe they're working on their fitness. Maybe they're working on
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their career. Maybe they're working on improving just in general, all of these things. When you can
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sit down and you can contribute to someone else's success, it will naturally help you move past
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the scenario that you are currently dealing with. Okay. So when, if you are struggling and you are
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going through a hard time, I want you to think about these five points. I want you to go back
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and listen to this very short podcast that I believe will help you move through these difficult
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situations. And these things take time, right? When you have to control all the things that you
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control, that takes time to accumulate. That's not something that you do for one day and it's going to
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make you feel completely better, but I can promise you, you will feel a little bit better when you
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get to look at yourself in the mirror the next morning and you wake up and you say, all right,
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I'm one day better than I was yesterday. And that's how we have to look at life. That's how we have to
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look at these situations. And eventually you'll stop feeling the way that you feel right now.
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And, and, and because of the actions that you're taking by the time that you stop feeling,
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because here's the thing, if you did nothing, if you just continue to like live and never took any
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of these proactive steps that I'm talking about and you did nothing, all right, you will eventually
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get over this because time cures the painful wounds. All right. Think of every hard thing that
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you've ever been through. When enough time passes, it gets easier to deal with. It may not permanently
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go away, but it gets small. It gets real small in the rear view. And occasionally you'll be upset
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about it, but most of the time you kind of don't even think about it. The point is this,
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when that time comes, when the time comes where this huge event to you right now is very small
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in the rear view mirror, do you want to be in a better place than you are right now? Or do you
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want to be in a worse place than you are right now? Because here's the thing, time is going to pass
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and time will help heal the wound. But if I were you, I would commit to these steps that I'm talking
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about, especially the step of controlling the controllables, all right? Because by the time
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that you get over this situation, you're actually going to end up in a much better spot. You're
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going to be more physically fit. You're going to be more intelligent. Your energy is going to be
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better. You're going to be healthier. You're going to feel better. You're going to look better. And
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you're actually going to be a much better physical and mental version of yourself after this time
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passes. Okay? So to the young man that messaged me and asked me, how do you get through these
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difficult times? I made this show just for you, bro. I'm not going to say your name, but I made
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this show just for you. It's very, very important for people to realize we're all going to go through
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difficult times. The hard times never stop coming. The only way that we can truly, truly move through
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life is by continuing to progress, continuing to get better, continuing to become a better version of
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ourself and continuing to help other people become better versions of themselves. And this will make
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these things much easier to deal with over the course of time. All right? So for those of you
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going through the difficult time, go back to the last 15 minutes or so, give it a listen, take some
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notes and look at this as the recipe for you getting through these difficult times that emotionally hurt
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us, that make us feel small, that make us feel worthless. You are not worthless. You're going through a
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very difficult time and there's a big fucking difference. Okay? I love you guys. I appreciate
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Went from sleeping on the floor. Now my jewelry box froze. Fuck a pole. Fuck a stove. Counted millions
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in the cold. Bad bitch. Booty swole. Got her on bankroll. Can't fold. Doesn't know. Headshot. Case closed.