67. The Leadership Paradox
Episode Stats
Summary
In regards to why it is you aren t getting the response from other people that you re looking for, and why you re not getting the results you re asking for, we re going to talk about leadership. In this episode, I ll talk about the 10 people in the world who actually lead by example and actually do what they re supposed to do and actually live the standard that they expect other people to live at wherever it is.
Transcript
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what is up guys it's andy priscilla and this is the show for the realists say goodbye to the
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lies the fakeness and delusions of modern society and there are a fucking ton of them
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welcome to motherfucking reality guys today is a real talk episode and it's going to be short
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but it's going to be important it might be one of the most important episodes that you ever listen
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to in regards to why it is you aren't getting the response from other people that you are looking
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for we're going to talk about leadership all right now before i get into leadership i'd like to remind
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you that we have a fee for this show the fee for this show is is if you learn something if you get
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a laugh if you get entertainment if it made you think if it made you change your perspective
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share it that's all the fee is it's not money i'm not going to sell you a bunch of shit i'm not going
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to have a bunch of ads i want you to win and that's why i do this and all i ask in return is that you
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share it and this is going to be one that you want to share now we've all heard over the course of our
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lives this is nothing new vince lombardi in my opinion said it best leading by example isn't the
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best way to lead it's the only way to lead now you've probably heard that quote before and if you
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listen to my show for the last however many years we've been doing it you've definitely heard me say
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that before and we've had some of the greatest leaders in entrepreneurship and business on this show
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before we've had some incredible guests that know everything about leadership we've talked about
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all different kinds of leadership talk about leadership at home we've talked about leadership
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and business obviously we've talked about leadership on your sports team or in the military or on your
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pickup basketball team it doesn't matter there's millions of different places where leadership is
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required all right maybe you work for a company and you work with a bunch of other people
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you have to become a leader there all right so the first thing that i want to remind you of
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is that that little quote that i just said by vince lombardi that's a great quote but it's only half
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of the leadership recipe that you need to learn all right and a lot of you out there who are young and
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when i say young i don't mean young in age i mean young into the business game into the success game
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into the entrepreneurship game into whatever fucking game it is you're playing all right where it requires
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a team effort to win you are probably not even holding yourself to the standard that you actually
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want your team to operate at that's just a fact lots of people think they live that lead i lead by example
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but you fucking don't because you're the leader by default you don't hold yourself to a higher standard
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most of these people who think they're leaders because they hold a title of leadership such as a
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ceo or such as national sales director or such as you know captain of the team most people think that
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when they get that title that means they're a leader and they fail to lead the right way because of that
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so by getting that title actually weakens their ability to really lead all right so that's the first
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mistake that most people make so if you're having problems right now there's a 90 chance it has to do
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with that but i'm not talking about those problems today i'm talking about the 10 of the people who
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actually do lead by example and actually do what they're supposed to do and actually live the standard
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that they expect other people to live at wherever it is they're living all right in business
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in the church on the sports team etc now there's lots of you out there that are doing the best you
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can i see it every day man every time i go get gas every time i talk to a young business owner somebody
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who's got something going for two or three years i can see that they're doing the best that they can
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and the purpose of what i want to talk about today is to help you fast track what it is you're struggling
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with because i've been down this road okay this year i was ranked the 14th best speaker in the world
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14 it's pretty fucking good it ain't three which is really all i care about being a top three
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um but i didn't come out of the womb the 14th best fucking speaker in the world all right how did i get
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there i had to do some speaking and i can remember not too long ago maybe 10 12 years ago of standing
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in front of my team my own team people that i'm paying and being scared shitless to speak
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being scared shitless to direct traffic okay and so for those of you right now
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who are struggling with leadership i want you to understand that it's okay it doesn't mean you're
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a bad leader it means that you have a lot of development you need to do as a leader and most
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people don't do the development work on what i'm about to talk about if they get to be a decent leader
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it's because they execute on their own they take personal accountability they do the fucking job and
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they do it the way it's supposed to be done and you can count on them all the fucking time that's
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what most people do and that'll get you somewhere in life that'll get you a decent career that'll get
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you a decent house that'll get you a decent income you'll probably be pretty comfortable and pretty
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happy if you can just master that part but i'm going to tell you right now you ain't going to be
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michael fucking jordan i just spent the last couple days watching the last dance with michael jordan
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and my friend tim grover who's in it quite a bit and the one part of that entire mini series that
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really stuck with me and this is the reason that inspired this talk that i'm giving you guys right
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now he was asked by the person who was interviewing him he said michael you know a lot of people you
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play with they didn't like you they don't think you're a good person they they say you're mean
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they say you're a shit talker they say that you are a jerk and michael sits there and and dude you
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could see his face if you watch the documentary you know exactly the part i'm talking about he gets
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tears in his eyes and he has to stop the interview and man that fucking hit home with me it hit home
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with me so fucking hard because i know exactly what the fuck he's talking about it is a very lonely
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feeling to be a leader that holds the motherfucking line and that's what we're talking about today
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we're talking about holding the motherfucking line nobody likes you when you hold the line
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nobody says nice shit nobody says hey thanks michael jordan for making me fucking great
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nobody says that shit when you hold the line and that's most of y'all's problem
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see you're more worried about whether or not your team likes you versus what your mission is
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and what your mission is is to be the fucking best at whatever it is that you do if your mission isn't
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that and your mission is to be okay at whatever it is you do then you've already fucking lost so i'm
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assuming that if you're listening to this show you're at least mildly interested in being fucking great
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and if you want to be great not everybody's going to fucking like you and that's the problem that you
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have and what that does is that causes you to not hold the line it causes you to be flimsy it causes
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you to lack a spine and we see this in society we see it everywhere we look right now nobody wants to
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say anything that upsets anybody nobody wants to say anything that is the right thing nobody wants to
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say anything that ruffles anybody's motherfucking feathers and this this mentality of passiveness
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has been forced into our society over the last 20 years by the politically correct culture well you
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know what fuck the politically correct culture if you want to fucking win and you want to be great
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you're going to have to tell the motherfucking truth and that means in leadership you can't just live it
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you got to look to your guy on the right and your girl on the left and your peers and the people
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around you and you have to demand that they operate at that level that you're living at so you have two
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things right now that you got to worry about one worry about yourself chances are you're not operating
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at a standard that is what you want everybody else to operate at and if you are you're probably not
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enforcing that standard across the board because you're afraid of people not liking you and you're afraid
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of people thinking you're mean and you're afraid of people thinking you're a dick and let me tell you
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something i'm gonna be real that shit hurts it's a very thankless job to hold other people accountable
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but it's necessary and see there's delayed gratification in holding the line
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what you guys don't understand is there is actually a paradox at play here and it looks like this
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when you let people coast because you're being nice they don't respect you even if you are a high
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performer even if you are the best in your office or the best on your team or the best leader that you
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can be in your organization even if you're that person right now if you don't hold the motherfucking
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line for that person next to you you don't have their respect and what's holding you back
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is that you're afraid that they're not going to like you if you hold them accountable
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which is actually costing you what you really want is their approval you understand what i'm saying
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here when you hold the line with people and when you look to your left and look to your right
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and you make the other people around you fucking better in every single way
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they might not like you today they might not like you tomorrow they might not like you next week
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but four years from now five years from now ten years from now they're going to look back and say
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one of the best things that ever fucking happened to me is i met andy for sell and i fucking worked for
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that motherfucker that dude made me better in every single motherfucking way do you know how many
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people i know that have said that to me that are no longer around me a lot and at the time they
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hated my motherfucking guts so we as a society and we as a as a sub section of society you the listener
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of this show have to understand that if we want to win we are going to have to be willing
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to be unliked in the short term in order to be loved in the long term this is what holding the
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standard does for you it produces wins it produces progress it produces greater good for everybody
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involved and sometimes that means you're going to have to bring the motherfucking thunder on people's
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asses and you're not going to like it i had to do it today i had a group of people who disrespected
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my motherfucking gym here at headquarters we had to have a little talk and not one of them fucking liked
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it but guess what they're going to be better for it the gym's going to be nicer for it the experience
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for the people here are going to be nicer for it and it's for the greater good now a lot of you guys
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sit there in leadership roles and you wonder what what i'm doing this and they see me doing it why
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the fuck can't they just figure it out well i'm gonna tell you right now i'm gonna save you 10 years
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of your life they ain't gonna figure it the fuck out you know why because other humans are inherently
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lazy and they like to look around and as long as the job's getting done by somebody they're willing
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to sit on their fucking ass and let that somebody do it this is why you have to learn to be vocal
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this is why you have to learn to address things directly and truthfully every fucking time
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you will never win and you will never be great and you will never become the person that it is you see
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in your visualization or in your dreams or whatever it is you think you want to be you'll never be that
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it'll never ever happen until you learn how to hold the line with other people that surround you
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and that goes for your family it goes for your friends it goes for your company it goes for your
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community if you want greatness you have to first be great and you have to second hold people to that
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standard of being great now what does that mean does that mean that we go in and scream at everybody
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and tell everybody their pieces of shit every day no it doesn't does that mean that we fucking attack
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people for doing a shitty job no it doesn't but what it means is we set expectations and we hold
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people accountable to those expectations so let me give you a little a little recipe for how i do this
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it's really fucking simple one i set the expectation i tell the team hey this is what the expectation is
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two when the expectation is not met to perfection the very first time i call it out in front of the
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whole company i let everybody see it and a lot of you guys don't like that you don't like that style
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of leadership because it embarrasses people well fuck that some people deserve to be embarrassed
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if the problem happens again we have a consequence and the consequence
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for the problem happening again is a punishment for everybody on the team
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it's not for the person who did it it's not for the person uh who didn't do it it's for everybody
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because we win as a team we lose as a team we get punished as a team that's how we fucking roll
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and if you want great culture your workplace or your team or your environment i suggest you do that
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and why do i do that because there's people that get punished that are obviously not guilty
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those people get pissed off but who the fuck do they get pissed at do they get pissed at me for
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holding the line no they get pissed at the motherfucker who ruined it for everybody
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and what that does is creates a community of accountability
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so real short because this is a question that i get all the time
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leadership leading by example vince lombardi it's not the best way to lead it's the only way to lead
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fucking right 100 if you don't do the job nobody's gonna follow you period
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but don't forget about the second part either and the second part is looking to your left and
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looking to your right and saying you're not doing it this is how we do it here this is what i expect
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and if they don't do it you punish everybody and you'll find out real quick who the fucking
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leaders are in your company or your organization or your team because that same shit will never happen
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again now when we talk about these things a lot of you guys are probably sitting there thinking well
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that's not what fucking so-and-so said and that's not what my business professor said well fuck your
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business professor because i built this shit from the ground up i'm not teaching it for fucking fun
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when i leave here today i'm going to a fucking nice ass house and i'm going home in a nice ass car
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and i'm gonna have a nice ass fucking night the same theory for me this is fucking real this is how
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i do it this is how you should probably think about doing it so instead of you sitting there and
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antagonizing and uh worrying and you know causing yourself uh anxiety about you saying something to
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someone who might have hurt their fucking feelings remember that if you ever want to be great in life
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go watch that scene from michael jordan and see what people said about him yeah you're going to have
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weak people that are going to fucking blame you and they're going to get mad at you and they're going
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to say you're mean and they're going to say things that hurt your feelings but do you want to be great
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or do you not want to be because that's what it comes down to i can tell you this the people who
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do the first part of leadership where they lead by example those people do good but the people who do
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all of it where they lead by example and they force every single person that they come in contact with
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on a daily motherfucking basis to be better those motherfuckers become great so it's a simple decision
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do you want to be good because you're likely not doing the shit to be good anyway so that'd be a
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good place to start lead by example do the things you know need to be done do the things the best that
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you can i'm not talking about little things big thing i'm talking about every motherfucking thing
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all of it the success recipe that you guys all think is fucking magic is really fucking simple
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i'm gonna give it to you in one sentence solve problems all of them period that's the fucking
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secret if you can do that you're gonna be good but if you want to be great you are gonna have to
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get over yourself you're gonna have to get over the fear of people not liking you you're gonna have
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to get over the fear of hurting motherfuckers feelings and you're gonna have to get over the fear
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of being mr motherfucking nice guy all the time and start holding people accountable
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that's what's gonna make you great they might dislike you now but they'll love you later
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told my teacher dumb bitch i'm gonna get millions watch this in the project living down spoke it till
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existed while i i'm from where you can't trust so welcome