REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 67. The Leadership Paradox

00:00:00.000 what is up guys it's andy priscilla and this is the show for the realists say goodbye to the 0.98

00:00:18.100 lies the fakeness and delusions of modern society and there are a fucking ton of them 0.95

00:00:22.960 welcome to motherfucking reality guys today is a real talk episode and it's going to be short 0.95

00:00:30.600 but it's going to be important it might be one of the most important episodes that you ever listen 0.88

00:00:35.620 to in regards to why it is you aren't getting the response from other people that you are looking

00:00:42.800 for we're going to talk about leadership all right now before i get into leadership i'd like to remind

00:00:49.100 you that we have a fee for this show the fee for this show is is if you learn something if you get

00:00:55.580 a laugh if you get entertainment if it made you think if it made you change your perspective 0.97

00:01:00.580 share it that's all the fee is it's not money i'm not going to sell you a bunch of shit i'm not going 0.97

00:01:07.060 to have a bunch of ads i want you to win and that's why i do this and all i ask in return is that you

00:01:13.120 share it and this is going to be one that you want to share now we've all heard over the course of our

00:01:21.920 lives this is nothing new vince lombardi in my opinion said it best leading by example isn't the

00:01:29.840 best way to lead it's the only way to lead now you've probably heard that quote before and if you

00:01:38.100 listen to my show for the last however many years we've been doing it you've definitely heard me say

00:01:45.100 that before and we've had some of the greatest leaders in entrepreneurship and business on this show

00:01:51.980 before we've had some incredible guests that know everything about leadership we've talked about

00:01:58.980 all different kinds of leadership talk about leadership at home we've talked about leadership

00:02:05.380 and business obviously we've talked about leadership on your sports team or in the military or on your

00:02:13.100 pickup basketball team it doesn't matter there's millions of different places where leadership is

00:02:18.880 required all right maybe you work for a company and you work with a bunch of other people

00:02:24.620 you have to become a leader there all right so the first thing that i want to remind you of

00:02:31.940 is that that little quote that i just said by vince lombardi that's a great quote but it's only half

00:02:39.400 of the leadership recipe that you need to learn all right and a lot of you out there who are young and

00:02:47.300 when i say young i don't mean young in age i mean young into the business game into the success game 0.83

00:02:52.460 into the entrepreneurship game into whatever fucking game it is you're playing all right where it requires 0.97

00:02:57.880 a team effort to win you are probably not even holding yourself to the standard that you actually 0.97

00:03:07.400 want your team to operate at that's just a fact lots of people think they live that lead i lead by example 0.97

00:03:14.600 but you fucking don't because you're the leader by default you don't hold yourself to a higher standard 0.95

00:03:21.100 most of these people who think they're leaders because they hold a title of leadership such as a 0.99

00:03:27.420 ceo or such as national sales director or such as you know captain of the team most people think that

00:03:35.900 when they get that title that means they're a leader and they fail to lead the right way because of that

00:03:43.820 so by getting that title actually weakens their ability to really lead all right so that's the first

00:03:49.960 mistake that most people make so if you're having problems right now there's a 90 chance it has to do

00:03:57.920 with that but i'm not talking about those problems today i'm talking about the 10 of the people who

00:04:04.900 actually do lead by example and actually do what they're supposed to do and actually live the standard

00:04:13.220 that they expect other people to live at wherever it is they're living all right in business

00:04:19.140 in the church on the sports team etc now there's lots of you out there that are doing the best you

00:04:28.060 can i see it every day man every time i go get gas every time i talk to a young business owner somebody

00:04:34.120 who's got something going for two or three years i can see that they're doing the best that they can

00:04:39.520 and the purpose of what i want to talk about today is to help you fast track what it is you're struggling

00:04:45.780 with because i've been down this road okay this year i was ranked the 14th best speaker in the world

00:04:52.580 14 it's pretty fucking good it ain't three which is really all i care about being a top three 0.84

00:04:59.640 um but i didn't come out of the womb the 14th best fucking speaker in the world all right how did i get 0.98

00:05:08.880 there i had to do some speaking and i can remember not too long ago maybe 10 12 years ago of standing 0.95

00:05:17.100 in front of my team my own team people that i'm paying and being scared shitless to speak 0.68

00:05:26.000 being scared shitless to direct traffic okay and so for those of you right now

00:05:34.900 who are struggling with leadership i want you to understand that it's okay it doesn't mean you're

00:05:40.540 a bad leader it means that you have a lot of development you need to do as a leader and most

00:05:45.940 people don't do the development work on what i'm about to talk about if they get to be a decent leader 0.99

00:05:53.120 it's because they execute on their own they take personal accountability they do the fucking job and 0.98

00:05:58.960 they do it the way it's supposed to be done and you can count on them all the fucking time that's 0.98

00:06:04.100 what most people do and that'll get you somewhere in life that'll get you a decent career that'll get 0.85

00:06:10.460 you a decent house that'll get you a decent income you'll probably be pretty comfortable and pretty

00:06:16.640 happy if you can just master that part but i'm going to tell you right now you ain't going to be 0.92

00:06:22.680 michael fucking jordan i just spent the last couple days watching the last dance with michael jordan 0.91

00:06:29.020 and my friend tim grover who's in it quite a bit and the one part of that entire mini series that

00:06:36.560 really stuck with me and this is the reason that inspired this talk that i'm giving you guys right

00:06:43.060 now he was asked by the person who was interviewing him he said michael you know a lot of people you

00:06:50.760 play with they didn't like you they don't think you're a good person they they say you're mean 1.00

00:06:55.020 they say you're a shit talker they say that you are a jerk and michael sits there and and dude you 1.00

00:07:04.200 could see his face if you watch the documentary you know exactly the part i'm talking about he gets 1.00

00:07:09.140 tears in his eyes and he has to stop the interview and man that fucking hit home with me it hit home 0.97

00:07:16.600 with me so fucking hard because i know exactly what the fuck he's talking about it is a very lonely 0.99

00:07:23.420 feeling to be a leader that holds the motherfucking line and that's what we're talking about today 1.00

00:07:31.780 we're talking about holding the motherfucking line nobody likes you when you hold the line 0.99

00:07:39.240 nobody says nice shit nobody says hey thanks michael jordan for making me fucking great 1.00

00:07:45.100 nobody says that shit when you hold the line and that's most of y'all's problem 0.99

00:07:50.700 see you're more worried about whether or not your team likes you versus what your mission is 0.99

00:07:59.180 and what your mission is is to be the fucking best at whatever it is that you do if your mission isn't 0.98

00:08:05.180 that and your mission is to be okay at whatever it is you do then you've already fucking lost so i'm 0.98

00:08:09.840 assuming that if you're listening to this show you're at least mildly interested in being fucking great 0.99

00:08:16.920 and if you want to be great not everybody's going to fucking like you and that's the problem that you 0.97

00:08:23.120 have and what that does is that causes you to not hold the line it causes you to be flimsy it causes 0.98

00:08:29.320 you to lack a spine and we see this in society we see it everywhere we look right now nobody wants to

00:08:36.400 say anything that upsets anybody nobody wants to say anything that is the right thing nobody wants to 0.99

00:08:43.920 say anything that ruffles anybody's motherfucking feathers and this this mentality of passiveness 0.74

00:08:49.240 has been forced into our society over the last 20 years by the politically correct culture well you 0.99

00:08:56.760 know what fuck the politically correct culture if you want to fucking win and you want to be great 0.99

00:09:04.120 you're going to have to tell the motherfucking truth and that means in leadership you can't just live it 0.99

00:09:11.600 you got to look to your guy on the right and your girl on the left and your peers and the people 0.97

00:09:18.980 around you and you have to demand that they operate at that level that you're living at so you have two

00:09:25.280 things right now that you got to worry about one worry about yourself chances are you're not operating

00:09:31.520 at a standard that is what you want everybody else to operate at and if you are you're probably not

00:09:37.720 enforcing that standard across the board because you're afraid of people not liking you and you're afraid 0.98

00:09:43.820 of people thinking you're mean and you're afraid of people thinking you're a dick and let me tell you 0.99

00:09:47.880 something i'm gonna be real that shit hurts it's a very thankless job to hold other people accountable 0.99

00:09:57.100 but it's necessary and see there's delayed gratification in holding the line 0.94

00:10:03.800 what you guys don't understand is there is actually a paradox at play here and it looks like this

00:10:12.940 when you let people coast because you're being nice they don't respect you even if you are a high

00:10:22.540 performer even if you are the best in your office or the best on your team or the best leader that you 0.97

00:10:27.740 can be in your organization even if you're that person right now if you don't hold the motherfucking 0.94

00:10:32.900 line for that person next to you you don't have their respect and what's holding you back 0.96

00:10:39.280 is that you're afraid that they're not going to like you if you hold them accountable

00:10:45.180 which is actually costing you what you really want is their approval you understand what i'm saying

00:10:54.100 here when you hold the line with people and when you look to your left and look to your right 0.92

00:11:00.280 and you make the other people around you fucking better in every single way 0.90

00:11:06.300 they might not like you today they might not like you tomorrow they might not like you next week 0.96

00:11:13.780 but four years from now five years from now ten years from now they're going to look back and say 0.70

00:11:19.160 one of the best things that ever fucking happened to me is i met andy for sell and i fucking worked for 0.99

00:11:24.120 that motherfucker that dude made me better in every single motherfucking way do you know how many 0.99

00:11:29.560 people i know that have said that to me that are no longer around me a lot and at the time they 0.99

00:11:35.620 hated my motherfucking guts so we as a society and we as a as a sub section of society you the listener 0.95

00:11:45.900 of this show have to understand that if we want to win we are going to have to be willing 0.99

00:11:52.540 to be unliked in the short term in order to be loved in the long term this is what holding the

00:12:01.940 standard does for you it produces wins it produces progress it produces greater good for everybody 0.97

00:12:10.140 involved and sometimes that means you're going to have to bring the motherfucking thunder on people's 0.98

00:12:16.000 asses and you're not going to like it i had to do it today i had a group of people who disrespected 0.99

00:12:23.720 my motherfucking gym here at headquarters we had to have a little talk and not one of them fucking liked 0.98

00:12:29.960 it but guess what they're going to be better for it the gym's going to be nicer for it the experience 0.99

00:12:37.320 for the people here are going to be nicer for it and it's for the greater good now a lot of you guys

00:12:44.340 sit there in leadership roles and you wonder what what i'm doing this and they see me doing it why 0.91

00:12:51.180 the fuck can't they just figure it out well i'm gonna tell you right now i'm gonna save you 10 years 0.96

00:12:56.060 of your life they ain't gonna figure it the fuck out you know why because other humans are inherently 1.00

00:13:01.920 lazy and they like to look around and as long as the job's getting done by somebody they're willing 0.99

00:13:08.660 to sit on their fucking ass and let that somebody do it this is why you have to learn to be vocal 1.00

00:13:15.300 this is why you have to learn to address things directly and truthfully every fucking time 1.00

00:13:23.180 you will never win and you will never be great and you will never become the person that it is you see 0.97

00:13:30.920 in your visualization or in your dreams or whatever it is you think you want to be you'll never be that

00:13:37.320 it'll never ever happen until you learn how to hold the line with other people that surround you

00:13:44.740 and that goes for your family it goes for your friends it goes for your company it goes for your

00:13:49.740 community if you want greatness you have to first be great and you have to second hold people to that

00:13:59.040 standard of being great now what does that mean does that mean that we go in and scream at everybody 1.00

00:14:03.860 and tell everybody their pieces of shit every day no it doesn't does that mean that we fucking attack 0.98

00:14:08.500 people for doing a shitty job no it doesn't but what it means is we set expectations and we hold 0.99

00:14:14.940 people accountable to those expectations so let me give you a little a little recipe for how i do this 0.91

00:14:20.180 it's really fucking simple one i set the expectation i tell the team hey this is what the expectation is 0.84

00:14:28.820 two when the expectation is not met to perfection the very first time i call it out in front of the 0.92

00:14:39.400 whole company i let everybody see it and a lot of you guys don't like that you don't like that style 0.97

00:14:44.880 of leadership because it embarrasses people well fuck that some people deserve to be embarrassed 0.97

00:14:49.660 it teaches everybody a lesson okay then 0.99

00:14:56.240 if the problem happens again we have a consequence and the consequence

00:15:02.860 for the problem happening again is a punishment for everybody on the team

00:15:08.080 it's not for the person who did it it's not for the person uh who didn't do it it's for everybody 0.95

00:15:14.780 because we win as a team we lose as a team we get punished as a team that's how we fucking roll 0.79

00:15:20.380 and if you want great culture your workplace or your team or your environment i suggest you do that 0.77

00:15:25.480 and why do i do that because there's people that get punished that are obviously not guilty

00:15:33.260 those people get pissed off but who the fuck do they get pissed at do they get pissed at me for 0.99

00:15:39.200 holding the line no they get pissed at the motherfucker who ruined it for everybody 1.00

00:15:43.820 and what that does is creates a community of accountability 0.99

00:15:49.160 so real short because this is a question that i get all the time

00:15:56.280 and i want to answer it once and for all

00:15:59.820 leadership leading by example vince lombardi it's not the best way to lead it's the only way to lead

00:16:07.520 fucking right 100 if you don't do the job nobody's gonna follow you period 0.92

00:16:12.540 but don't forget about the second part either and the second part is looking to your left and 0.98

00:16:17.980 looking to your right and saying you're not doing it this is how we do it here this is what i expect 0.98

00:16:25.700 and if they don't do it you punish everybody and you'll find out real quick who the fucking 1.00

00:16:32.480 leaders are in your company or your organization or your team because that same shit will never happen 0.99

00:16:37.480 again now when we talk about these things a lot of you guys are probably sitting there thinking well 1.00

00:16:45.520 that's not what fucking so-and-so said and that's not what my business professor said well fuck your 1.00

00:16:49.620 business professor because i built this shit from the ground up i'm not teaching it for fucking fun 1.00

00:16:57.300 when i leave here today i'm going to a fucking nice ass house and i'm going home in a nice ass car 0.99

00:17:02.640 and i'm gonna have a nice ass fucking night the same theory for me this is fucking real this is how 0.99

00:17:09.600 i do it this is how you should probably think about doing it so instead of you sitting there and 0.99

00:17:17.100 antagonizing and uh worrying and you know causing yourself uh anxiety about you saying something to 0.82

00:17:27.200 someone who might have hurt their fucking feelings remember that if you ever want to be great in life 0.93

00:17:33.440 go watch that scene from michael jordan and see what people said about him yeah you're going to have 0.99

00:17:40.220 weak people that are going to fucking blame you and they're going to get mad at you and they're going 0.96

00:17:43.880 to say you're mean and they're going to say things that hurt your feelings but do you want to be great 0.99

00:17:50.440 or do you not want to be because that's what it comes down to i can tell you this the people who

00:17:57.760 do the first part of leadership where they lead by example those people do good but the people who do

00:18:06.220 all of it where they lead by example and they force every single person that they come in contact with 0.99

00:18:12.840 on a daily motherfucking basis to be better those motherfuckers become great so it's a simple decision 0.99

00:18:19.940 do you want to be good because you're likely not doing the shit to be good anyway so that'd be a 0.99

00:18:26.000 good place to start lead by example do the things you know need to be done do the things the best that 0.98

00:18:32.280 you can i'm not talking about little things big thing i'm talking about every motherfucking thing 0.98

00:18:35.420 all of it the success recipe that you guys all think is fucking magic is really fucking simple 0.99

00:18:43.380 i'm gonna give it to you in one sentence solve problems all of them period that's the fucking 0.99

00:18:52.140 secret if you can do that you're gonna be good but if you want to be great you are gonna have to 0.90

00:18:59.740 get over yourself you're gonna have to get over the fear of people not liking you you're gonna have 0.95

00:19:03.940 to get over the fear of hurting motherfuckers feelings and you're gonna have to get over the fear 0.98

00:19:07.560 of being mr motherfucking nice guy all the time and start holding people accountable 0.98

00:19:11.360 that's what's gonna make you great they might dislike you now but they'll love you later 0.99

00:19:18.180 told my teacher dumb bitch i'm gonna get millions watch this in the project living down spoke it till 1.00

00:19:24.540 existed while i i'm from where you can't trust so welcome 0.99

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - September 10, 2020

67. The Leadership Paradox

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