REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 676. Q&AF： Finding Fortitude To Keep Pushing Towards Goals, Managing Friends & Developing The Youth

00:00:00.000 what is up guys it's andy for selling this is the show for the realest sake about it lies

00:00:20.840 the thickness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality as always

00:00:26.420 it's uh andy that's me and dj hello children that's him and uh we're gonna do q and a f today

00:00:31.920 all right that's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers now you can submit

00:00:35.680 your questions they can be about anything they can be about business entrepreneurship how to get

00:00:40.360 better what's going on in the world whatever you want but typically we like to keep this show about

00:00:45.260 personal development how to get better how to make more money how to kick ass in life and business

00:00:49.020 so submit your questions we can do that one of a few different ways the first way is guys you can

00:00:54.400 email those questions into ask andy at andy for seller.com or you can go on youtube in the

00:01:00.140 comments section on the q and a f episode you can drop your question in the comments and we'll choose

00:01:04.100 some from there as well now if you're unfamiliar with the show we have multiple shows within the

00:01:08.860 show uh we have q and a f that's what you're going to hear today which is more personal development

00:01:13.320 and then we have cti which is cruise the internet this is where we talk about what's going on in the

00:01:18.700 world uh it's a little speculation we try to connect the dots for you we make some jokes

00:01:24.180 uh it's society and culture and and you know we try to figure out what's going on um and you might

00:01:30.040 ask why do we have both of those in the same show because the reality is is you have to know what's

00:01:35.420 going on in the world to protect the environment for your ability to make money okay you can't just

00:01:41.320 go out and think i'm going to focus on myself i'm going to make all this money i'm going to build

00:01:44.620 a business i'm going to be successful and ignore what's going on in the world that's why we are in

00:01:49.220 this position so we have to know both it's peanut butter and jelly all right so cti and q and a f

00:01:54.520 are the meat of what we do here and then we have real talk real talk is 5 20 minutes of uh real talk

00:01:59.920 things i think you need to hear and then we have 75 hard verses 75 hard verses where people who have

00:02:05.920 completed the 75 hard program come on the show they talk about how their life was a dumpster fire

00:02:10.160 and how they fixed it using the 75 hard program if you're unfamiliar with 75 hard is the initial phase

00:02:16.320 of the live hard program which is available for free at episode 208 is the world's most popular

00:02:21.840 mental recalibration program again it is free at episode 208 on the audio feed and there is a book

00:02:28.400 on my website called the book on mental toughness uh that's at andyfrusella.com you can get that book

00:02:34.640 it's not required but that book will give you the entire live hard program plus 10 chapters on mental

00:02:39.340 toughness why you need it how to build it how it affects your life plus case studies on uh some very

00:02:45.240 famous people about how they develop mental toughness and what it's done for them so we have

00:02:50.360 this thing called the fee the fee is very simple i don't ask for any money i just ask that you support

00:02:56.140 my companies which a lot of you do and i'm very appreciative for um and i ask very simply that

00:03:01.340 you help us share the show you're going to notice i don't run ads on the show i don't spend 30 minutes

00:03:05.000 talking about shit that i don't use i don't want to answer to any other people and what they think i

00:03:09.040 should and shouldn't say i finance the show myself as far as i know i'm one of the only top

00:03:13.900 podcasts that actually does that and i ask very simply for something in return and that's this

00:03:18.480 uh share the show okay we're constantly battling censorship traffic bans uh throttling and we don't

00:03:27.360 get the message out unless you share it so uh when we say pay the fee that's what we mean don't be a

00:03:33.440 hoe show the show so anyway what do you got well let's deliver some heat we got some uh some great

00:03:39.660 questions here guys andy question number one andy i owe you a huge thanks but i want to preface this

00:03:46.700 with the admission that i have not yet completed 75 hard recently i was on my second attempt of 75

00:03:52.580 hard and it felt totally different that time i woke up every day with purpose and desire to accomplish

00:03:57.660 every task i was kicking ass and was just short of halfway through uh at the 35 day mark when i had a

00:04:04.440 spinal injury flare up uh during a workout that totally froze me and forced me back to the hospital i had

00:04:09.520 surgery on this area before and it's been a pain to get back to normal i've i still made awesome

00:04:14.800 progress before that setback but today i restart the program on day one i've already read the 75 hard

00:04:21.380 book among others and enjoy listening to every podcast my question is how do you find the fortitude

00:04:27.820 to keep pushing and driving forward even when you have significant setbacks either medically or

00:04:34.860 uh in other uh area uh someone that has survived a stabbing and endured some of the uh gastrointestinal

00:04:41.420 issues you've talked about on the show i think your input here is very valuable and i i'm confident

00:04:45.460 that there are other people out there just like me thanks to you and your team and i hope in the

00:04:49.260 future i'll be on the show for one of those 75 hard testimonies fortitude how do we do it

00:04:54.940 what else you gonna do quit what else you gonna do man go back and be a fat fuck sit around and do

00:05:04.660 nothing be nothing contribute to nothing become nothing build nothing is that because that's the

00:05:09.680 other alternative i'm just not willing to accept that as my reality that's it it's that simple i have

00:05:16.600 no choice this is about understanding what zero options mentality means what it means is i don't have

00:05:23.380 a choice and you don't have a choice either you think you do but you don't and what you're going

00:05:28.060 to find out is that when you're 35 40 50 years old you're going to figure out that you didn't have a

00:05:32.860 choice and uh you didn't take the right choice okay and the right choice is uh you can either go out

00:05:39.300 and build your dreams go through all the hard shit get knocked down a million times get punched in

00:05:44.420 the face a million times get told your shit by everybody that you love and everybody that's around you

00:05:49.760 get made fun of get laughed at get picked on become the joke and continue to move forward and then build

00:05:56.260 your dreams and let your life speak for itself that's your one choice or the other choice is you

00:06:00.080 can quit and you could be worse than what you were when you started trying to be better because that's

00:06:06.180 what happens when you quit you don't maintain you get worse and worse and worse so it's a simple

00:06:10.540 question is what are you willing to accept for yourself are you willing to accept not only where you are

00:06:16.360 now but much worse for the rest of your life or are you willing to accept all the hard things that

00:06:21.640 come with pursuing your highest potential and purpose on this planet that's really it okay these

00:06:28.300 last two years two and a half years for me have been the hardest years of my life not because of

00:06:33.620 business but because of things i had going on i had a massive shoulder injury that took uh total

00:06:40.140 reconstruction of my shoulder it took me literally two years to get through an actual workout the right

00:06:45.820 way two years i was in the best shape of my life when i got hurt during that time i got off

00:06:51.220 antidepressants i went through a year worth of withdrawal i got sick twice that required me to

00:06:56.620 like legitimately get uh real medical attention on the second that was and it was january and then the

00:07:04.380 next january in this past january i got so fucking sick that i was shitting massive amounts of blood

00:07:10.340 and they found two bleeding polyps and a massive ulcer in my stomach which i'd been dealing with for

00:07:15.220 four years which had my gut linings totally irritated so i couldn't absorb any of my nutrients

00:07:20.000 and it also had me in a fight or flight 24 hours a day dealing with massive anxiety i thought i was

00:07:25.420 going crazy for the last three fucking years but you know what what did i do during that time i got

00:07:31.360 up every day i stayed in pretty good shape i didn't get fat even though i really couldn't lift

00:07:35.520 i fucking uh did almost a year straight of rucking i got to 348 days you see what i'm saying like

00:07:43.040 it you got to get up you got to get up every day and you got to go hard at it and that's that so

00:07:48.660 uh ask yourself what choice do you have because you really don't have one

00:07:54.940 yeah i think that's such an interesting thing man like you know this this perception of you have all

00:08:01.000 the options or you know this choose now is like i'm gonna choose my heart to choose my easy now man

00:08:05.940 it can really fuck a lot of people up it fucks everybody up yeah that fucks everybody up because

00:08:11.120 everybody believes that at some point in time they're going to turn it on or some point in time

00:08:18.700 they're going to catch momentum or some point in time they're going to become what it is they want

00:08:23.460 to become just by circumstance or by default or by breathing the air that's not what it takes bro

00:08:29.280 people who think that get to the end of their life and they're like fuck i wasted my life okay that's

00:08:36.040 what they end up thinking and there's really nothing worse than that there's nothing worse than getting to

00:08:40.620 the end of your life and saying damn dude i didn't even really try you know and that's where

00:08:45.280 you're headed if you don't go so you know that's how you do it you build it because you don't have

00:08:51.740 a choice you do not have a choice life is never going to be easy it's never going to be quick it's

00:08:56.080 never going to be fast you're always going to have obstacles you're always going to have hardships

00:08:59.960 you're always going to be frustrated in certain things barely you're going to have one great day

00:09:06.000 for every 10 days that are hard that's reality and you're going to have to learn how to operate

00:09:11.900 when things get hard that's it you know most people spend their entire lives wishing shit was easy

00:09:18.280 wishing it was fair it's not fucking fair wishing it was you know it would line up to be perfect for

00:09:25.560 them and because they're waiting for this and because it's never coming they never go and when they

00:09:30.240 never go they never become anything and that's what leads to a wasted life so you have to realize

00:09:35.900 conditions are never going to be perfect things are always going to be hard the only hope that you

00:09:40.940 have is to become someone who can push through that hard regardless of what the fuck is going on

00:09:46.520 and if you can build that level of discipline that level of mental toughness to execute when things are

00:09:53.640 not ideal when things are extremely hard nothing can stop you on your journey to becoming whatever

00:10:01.000 it is you're trying to become nothing absolutely nothing yeah i love that man i love that guys

00:10:06.360 question number two let's keep this moving uh good morning andy uh i've been working for a company for

00:10:12.260 four years now i've gotten really close to all of my co-workers over the years i've recently been

00:10:17.920 promoted to a management um and i've now lost a lot of those close people due to me doing my job

00:10:24.660 what's the best way to go about this to go about what i guess managing your your old friends

00:10:32.120 like i mean yeah i mean yeah how do you how do you handle that well first of all is it a bad thing

00:10:44.080 that they're not there i mean i would ask myself that first is it bad that they're not on the team

00:10:50.140 were they pulling their weight were they carrying the water were they chopping fucking wood with you

00:10:53.880 or were they sitting around waiting to be pulled along down the path so i'd first evaluate is it a good

00:11:00.020 thing or a bad thing that they're not there secondly um how you behave dictates how you manage people

00:11:08.200 that you are quote unquote friends with and it's very easy to manage people i think people

00:11:13.760 make way too much of this in in it's like something they hear you know never go into business with your

00:11:20.420 friends never do never manage your friends never work with your friends never do this it's always

00:11:25.440 gets fucked up yeah sometimes it does but i don't know like my brothers i work my brother i work with

00:11:32.160 chris who's pretty much my brother um we might beat the fuck out of each other sometimes every now and

00:11:37.000 yeah but uh you know it is what it is i think i'm pretty good friends with a lot of the guys that

00:11:42.440 i work with and a lot of the guys that i manage and i think the guys i work with um is the perspective

00:11:49.640 that you should take like you're not their fucking quote unquote boss you're just part of the team

00:11:56.080 and you're part of the team is to lead the team and if you start managing these people like that

00:12:01.240 instead of saying do what i say or else it gets to be a cohesive atmosphere pretty quick

00:12:06.960 and then also um when people manage their friends they tend to get on this power trip

00:12:12.540 and they try to manage those relationships the same way in a social atmosphere you know when they go out

00:12:18.100 to eat or go out to a bar they still like try to posture and make you know make themselves feel like

00:12:24.660 they're more important um over people that are supposed to be their friends and you know you have to

00:12:31.840 understand yeah you might be the leader at work you might be the team captain you might be the manager

00:12:37.720 but like when you go out and social uh you should be friends and it shouldn't be you shouldn't be

00:12:43.040 posturing and you shouldn't be insecure and you shouldn't be trying to flex your leadership muscle

00:12:47.980 on your friends when you're hanging out with them and so having that balance is is important if you're

00:12:53.960 going to like the people you work with and i actually think that when you have that balance and you do that

00:12:59.000 play properly uh it creates a tighter bond on the team anyway you know people know that work is work

00:13:05.140 and friends is friends and when you can identify work is work and friends is friends it usually works

00:13:11.740 pretty good i mean there's a lot of times where i have to get on people that i'm friends with and

00:13:15.480 say what the fuck dude i've had to do that to you a bunch of times right but not a bunch of times

00:13:20.220 i mean well i mean you know it's been four or five years i mean a few times right once yeah okay once

00:13:26.760 but the point is is i don't i don't make it personal no it's not personal yeah it's not

00:13:31.880 you can't make it personal yeah it's not personal it's hey you're not doing your fucking job right

00:13:35.420 yeah it's hey man you got to get better here you got to be better here this is where i need you to be

00:13:39.180 like dude i think people i think this is like internet bullshit i think a lot of this is just people

00:13:46.300 who read shit on the internet or hear shit from people like moms or dads their teachers that people

00:13:53.140 who are not qualified to give advice on this subject you know um if somebody isn't managing

00:13:58.260 a good amount of people and i'm not talking one or two people i'm talking like a good amount of people

00:14:03.240 and they don't have years of experience leading teams and building culture and accomplishing things

00:14:09.620 with those teams a record of winning they really shouldn't be giving advice on who who to work with

00:14:14.720 and who not to work with because they don't know yeah so there's just a lot of that going around

00:14:18.880 you know like dude remember like all your broke friends and your your relatives and they they tell

00:14:24.140 you that money doesn't really matter when money matters a lot right like this is just yeah this

00:14:29.300 is just them voicing bullshit that they really don't know what the fuck they're talking about

00:14:34.180 yeah yeah you know and something else that we talk about a lot is you know there's the difference

00:14:39.660 between you know there's book smarts and then there's practical application yeah and when we talk

00:14:44.620 about leadership or being in some type of management position right uh if we go back to when you know

00:14:50.220 you it was just you and chris right and then you expand to six stores you're actually leading some

00:14:54.840 people now right what were some what were some mistakes that you that you feel like looking back

00:14:59.760 now like being aware of it that you made in that initial move in leadership all that shit i just said

00:15:05.160 not to do i did all that that's how i know not to do it yeah you know i'm saying like i i would

00:15:09.860 i i was insecure i wasn't comfortable in my ability to lead i didn't think anybody would listen to me

00:15:14.740 so i went extra hard on people and then when we were you know hanging out i made it i made it known

00:15:20.100 that i was the leader like dude i was a fucking it was terrible i was terrible so i made all the

00:15:25.180 mistakes that's how i know what not to do you know so all of these things that i'm telling you not

00:15:30.040 to be like i was and uh and i learned over time you know how to do it the right way through experience

00:15:36.260 and by the way i you know that becoming a great leader manager is is a lifelong project if i don't

00:15:45.580 look back 10 years from now and say hey dude uh you were a shitty leader in 2024 i didn't make enough

00:15:52.960 growth i didn't make enough progress you see what i'm saying it's a lifelong project yeah and then so

00:15:59.780 on this you know you mentioned this this you got to be able to to work is work play is play for example

00:16:04.760 right especially when it comes to to your who you're leading is there a point that somebody can

00:16:10.400 get in a management position where it's all play no work or they're trying to be too much of friends

00:16:16.360 like i mean what's the oh yeah what can we talk like just talk about this especially for somebody

00:16:20.500 that's just getting into a management position yeah that happens a lot like you have people that

00:16:24.200 you're friends with who are outside uh you know outside of the office space or the work atmosphere

00:16:29.800 your friends and inside uh they try to use that to to their advantage to take advantage and get away

00:16:35.500 with less work but that comes down to you holding the line and the standard that's what a leader does

00:16:39.920 so when you see that you have to stop that and you have to say hey out there is one thing and here's a

00:16:44.860 different thing yeah okay in here we're on a team we're trying to accomplish a mission we got to do

00:16:49.260 this and i need you to do this this is your part of the mission if you don't do this we're going to

00:16:53.440 have problems yeah okay but this is what needs to happen here out there it's a different story bro

00:16:58.840 and i feel like you're using out there as an excuse to get away with shit in here and that's

00:17:04.260 disrespectful to me and it's disrespectful to the team don't you you understand that and they're

00:17:09.480 going to say yeah bro i get it my bad yeah right exactly or they're going to fucking argue with you

00:17:13.940 and if they argue with you and they're really doing that then it's probably one of those situations

00:17:18.000 where like i said in the beginning it's probably a good idea they're not on the team

00:17:21.780 right yeah i think most times too man it's like people have a hard time understanding what the

00:17:26.680 consequences of not holding that line in those small situations right what implications it has

00:17:32.320 you know on the on the big aspect of things when you talk about culture like what are the other

00:17:37.180 employees seeing that may not be in that little click right like and so because people have a hard

00:17:42.240 time seeing or foreseeing the future consequences of these small decisions today they tend to let that

00:17:48.600 shit slide that's right but they don't they don't think of like you said the other employees seeing

00:17:53.540 it and saying well fuck if he doesn't have to do that i don't have to do that and then in a year

00:17:58.420 you got a big culture problem because there's no standards at all and everybody's just doing

00:18:01.940 whatever they want so it's very important that when you see corrections that you make the corrections

00:18:07.280 on the spot um consistently and hold that line consistently across the team not just for your

00:18:15.300 friends but the people that may not be your friends too the line has to be the same for everybody

00:18:19.800 and and it has to be real and everybody has to know where it is and if you don't have that you're

00:18:24.620 going to have chaos in the workplace and at the very least you're going to be unproductive um

00:18:30.240 and in worst case scenario you're going to have a totally ineffective team you know what i'm saying

00:18:36.620 mutiny yeah right so it's it's yeah it's very very very important to identify when corrections get made

00:18:44.040 um hold them accountable and then basically you know when you have a someone who's supposed to be

00:18:50.440 your friend you know shouldn't they build you up shouldn't they be doing an extra good job shouldn't

00:18:56.820 they be setting an example for you as the leader because then they understand that it makes your job

00:19:01.940 easier for to lead everybody else see if you're if somebody was really your fucking friend that's how

00:19:07.260 they would behave they would do extra they would be the best they would hold the highest standard and then

00:19:12.480 they would say hey man i'm trying to help you out you know by setting this they would understand

00:19:16.880 you and them as friends are working as a team to accomplish this mission and their role is to

00:19:21.640 actually be better than everybody else not not take advantage of it if they take advantage of it bro

00:19:27.300 they're just simply not your friend those people will bail on you the minute shit gets hard in your

00:19:31.900 life it's real shit man well good luck to you uh in your new management position hope all goes well

00:19:37.380 for you uh guys andy our third and final question uh i saw i saw this i had to ask it because of who's

00:19:45.600 like and it's not the same person we're gonna start with that okay hey andy my name is micah

00:19:50.140 and the subject was actually your favorite light skin i thought this was micah at first

00:19:57.200 but it's not um but okay question number three hey andy my name is micah i'm 29 years old

00:20:03.520 and i've been a youth basketball coach and trainer for almost four years i swear i thought this was

00:20:08.440 the same person i swear i don't think mike is that good at basketball though i don't think he's that

00:20:13.300 good no he's not is he not no he's not yeah so definitely not the same person um but i played

00:20:21.100 college basketball until i was 22 and received an opportunity to be an entrepreneur for my current

00:20:27.120 company i currently have three jobs provide for my family all three jobs are under the same umbrella

00:20:32.300 thank god um the shit is hard uh but being able to give my sons a better life uh life that i'd never

00:20:39.020 had is a goal and i'm determined to bring that to pass i am in a tough industry but i feel like it is

00:20:44.500 watered down with a lot of coaches or trainers not being the example for the youth and leading by

00:20:50.580 example aau is so wild and dysfunctional at times and we lack really good development of our youth

00:20:57.260 on and off the floor uh which i feel is a requirement to be a coach for youth um if you

00:21:03.340 are not looking to impact those young boys and girls then what the hell are you doing it for my

00:21:07.200 question for you is how would you go about being the best motherfucker youth development coach in the

00:21:13.540 nation because that's what i want to be known for i currently train eight-year-olds to 22-year-olds

00:21:18.800 and i want to help be a solution uh to our decaying society and help develop amazing men and women

00:21:24.540 thank you for paving the way hashtag real ass fan hashtag your favorite light skin

00:21:29.300 i mean look dude what you're trying to do is the exact same thing i'm trying to do

00:21:39.860 with society okay it's a cultural change cultural change dictates the outcome of the individual as

00:21:51.520 they live through the program or life or whatever okay so you have to decide very simply what are the

00:22:01.520 values you're trying to instill what is the mission that you're trying to accomplish you have to make

00:22:07.660 those values known you have to make that mission known consistently those values should be plastered

00:22:14.520 everywhere they should be every freaking person in your camp every player should understand what they

00:22:21.740 mean should understand that you're serious about operating with those values and they should

00:22:27.520 understand that if they don't operate with those values they're not going to be in the program

00:22:31.380 and if you build the program around an intentional culture like that and what that means for you is

00:22:37.320 that means they're going to have to understand what it is now this could be a 10-hour talk by the way

00:22:41.740 okay this isn't this i'm giving this to you in a few minutes so i'm summarizing everything but what

00:22:47.360 it means for you is that you're going to have to make these values known you're going to have to

00:22:52.400 teach these values you're going to have to coach on these values you're going to have to hold the

00:22:56.160 standard around these values and most importantly you're going to have to communicate corrections with

00:23:00.720 these values which means when these kids do not live or do not do something on the court and they

00:23:07.780 don't live by the value you're going to have to stop them and say something like this hey i know

00:23:13.880 you messed up there but i'm not really upset about the mess up i'm upset about how you reacted to the

00:23:19.100 mess up what core value does that violate and they're going to say well that violates being a

00:23:25.620 positive teammate or whatever it is you decide to put in right and you're going to say yeah now give

00:23:30.360 me fucking five laps okay and and then you're going to bring them back in and say all right look dude i don't

00:23:35.380 want to see that shit no more and that's what i mean by communicating corrections okay in the terms

00:23:40.240 of cultural values and so if you could do all those things especially communicate your corrections

00:23:46.100 in the terms of what the values are eventually the culture will come alive in your program and

00:23:51.720 the other kids will live and breathe the culture so much that any new kids that come in will

00:23:56.640 automatically adapt to it and you'll accomplish what it is you're trying to accomplish but none of

00:24:01.240 this happens overnight none of this happens in a week this takes a long time to instill it takes a

00:24:07.260 lot of consistency from the leader who is installing the culture intentionally and um it's it takes

00:24:15.040 consistency on all of those things making it known communicating holding the line all in terms of what

00:24:21.760 the value system actually is so my question back to you would be what are the values you're trying to

00:24:28.020 instill in these kids and i would pick eight to ten of those values i would write a paragraph definition

00:24:32.940 for each i would make all the kids know them and that would be my fundamental like requirement to even

00:24:39.340 be in the program you have to know what these values are and then when they come in we start to coach you

00:24:44.800 coach on the actual techniques but you also coach on the character through the value system and then

00:24:49.180 you do that over the course of time and eventually you end up with what you're trying to do yeah dude i think

00:24:54.480 coaches are super like super important especially i mean you're coaching young moldable minds you know

00:25:00.460 and so like i mean we we talk about the stuff on cti we know what it happens the other way right

00:25:04.940 um but but being in that position man is super important andy like i mean i remember my favorite

00:25:10.860 coaches right and it's funny because like during that time i always hated them yeah but now looking

00:25:16.000 back i love them i don't know if that's like the right approach i don't know if they were being too

00:25:19.300 hard but like you get older you realize no that's exactly what i needed right yeah can you uh who

00:25:24.440 who was your who's your most memorable coach you've had you played all all the fucking sports

00:25:28.740 growing up yeah you have the most memorable or one that still like makes you you know tremble a

00:25:33.980 little bit when you say your name no not really i i had a lot of pretty i had i had some bad coaches

00:25:39.620 but i had some good coaches too uh my best coach was my dad okay yeah no doubt i mean my dad my dad

00:25:46.600 was very involved in our athletics um he didn't coach the team so to speak when we were in little league

00:25:52.600 he did and shit but uh you know after practice after the games he'd always break it down with us

00:25:59.200 in a real way tell us the truth tell us where we were good where we were bad uh and we didn't always

00:26:04.480 like it but he always held a standard you know he'd tell us if we weren't hustling he'd tell us if we

00:26:08.840 were being lazy he'd tell us if we were being weak uh if we weren't being aggressive or he would tell

00:26:14.460 us the good things hey you did this right you did that right you did this right and he would just give

00:26:18.220 the breakdown and that was what we needed and he would hold that standard you know if we didn't

00:26:21.760 play well you know we knew we didn't play well and like you know nowadays you know parents all cry

00:26:27.360 about that well you're being too hard on the kid well i don't know i turned out pretty decent i might

00:26:32.280 you know like you know i'm i'm just saying if you want your kids to turn out uh you know you got to

00:26:39.020 hold a standard so outside of that though because i know that wasn't the answer you're looking for

00:26:43.220 um i had a coach named mike loyette at viani and he went on to be the president of viani and i think

00:26:52.040 he's retired now but in terms of character building um he was the best coach i had he i don't know that

00:27:00.220 he was the best coach technique wise or anything like that yeah on the fields yeah but in character

00:27:05.880 building he always led with character building and i was kind of a shithead back in high school i was

00:27:10.840 stubborn i wanted to do things my way which is probably why i'm an entrepreneur um and that's

00:27:16.300 just real shit i know i was a handful um but he always treated me fair he always held the line

00:27:22.260 he let me know when i was out of line character wise um you know a couple times i messed up really bad

00:27:28.620 where i could have probably gotten kicked out of school and in those times he believed in me and

00:27:34.200 and cut me a break uh and i'm very very grateful for for having him as a coach um because a lot of

00:27:41.000 the things i learned from him uh even though i didn't like them at the time i have you know started

00:27:46.440 to use in my life today so uh very grateful for that man and um you know i'm sure he probably doesn't

00:27:54.100 appreciate how much i curse uh you know but uh i think he did a really good job yeah and i'm proud

00:28:01.180 i'm proud to uh and grateful to have have known him yeah that's awesome yeah all right a little

00:28:06.680 special sauce andy question before yeah we have we get we have uh we're gonna do a little little

00:28:12.300 extra little special sauce extra smoke yeah all right guys andy question number four hey andy

00:28:18.780 i am 21 years old i was wondering what your take is on relationships and dating i've heard a scary

00:28:27.480 statistic that 50 of men are not even looking for anything casual with the woman from ages 18 to 30

00:28:33.620 which is really quite scary i myself and a lot of my friends all of whom um uh are very popular tall

00:28:41.420 not weird by any means um we're all struggling uh with dating i know this is not directly related

00:28:48.380 to business but i find it important to have a good relationship with the opposite sex for many

00:28:52.540 reasons purpose connection motivation etc i recently went on a few dates uh with uh a few

00:28:59.280 dates with a girl who she considered herself to be a boss bitch she is 22 and in sales and is doing

00:29:06.620 really well while right now i am grinding on growing my income in several ways after a couple of dates i was

00:29:13.120 told she did not think we were compatible enough i told her my situation and my vision and where i wanted

00:29:19.640 to be however i feel it was not taken seriously and i was ghosted i take it as a as i don't make enough

00:29:26.420 money to be taken seriously from her should i not pursue relationships right now and focus on myself

00:29:31.640 and my income i was wondering what your tips are for attracting and retaining attractive women

00:29:36.580 um in the relationship these days is it even worth it in your view

00:29:40.820 look dude i'm not some sort of relationship expert so i don't come on here and pretend like i know shit

00:29:48.480 that i don't really know all right relationships are fucking weird people are weird bitches be crazy

00:29:54.640 all that shit all right here's the reality dudes be crazy too yeah okay but here's the truth all right

00:30:01.800 you need as little distraction as possible when you're building your life okay women when they're

00:30:08.520 young and attractive get attention from older men and older men tend to have more things going on

00:30:12.840 than you have because you're younger and if you take the time and you take the uh the opportunity

00:30:19.940 to improve your life improve your skill set and build a life what will happen is your selection

00:30:25.600 of potential mates will become better okay you will start to increase your ability to attract someone

00:30:34.180 who would fit with the life that you're building you're not going to be able to do that at 21 years

00:30:39.680 old because real talk you don't have the ability to have a life you're not secure you're not

00:30:44.440 financially secure any relationship you have right now is likely purely for sex okay let's be real

00:30:50.320 you sitting here talking about purpose connection you ain't fooling nobody yeah right you're trying to

00:30:56.500 fucking get it wet dude right all right and the more the more you and i'm not saying you can't date

00:31:02.100 yeah that's cool i'm not saying you can't but just know that if you spend your time in bad

00:31:06.020 relationships that take your energy and you know pull you away from what you're trying to accomplish

00:31:11.060 you're just delaying the eventual result you're trying to get to which is by the time you're 30

00:31:16.220 you're in a great spot or the time you're 35 you're in a great spot and then you can have your choice

00:31:22.360 of the available dating pool okay that's the way it works women tend to have beauty and youth

00:31:29.060 and men tend to have money and resources and that's what women look for um not all the time

00:31:37.280 but it's kind of like something that they want to feel secure yes they want the financial security for

00:31:42.360 sure and men you know tend to look for an attractive woman uh who suits and supports them and pushes them

00:31:50.420 to be better and uh you know that's hard to find when you're 21 years old and you don't have the the

00:31:56.200 basic requirements that women are are interested in and so what's going to happen is this is just

00:32:01.160 reality is you're probably going to date a whole bunch of girls through your 20s they're going to

00:32:04.340 treat you like shit you're going to continue to work you're going to continue to build you're going

00:32:08.400 to become successful and then they're going to start treating you different okay because now you're

00:32:12.740 an anomaly now you're standing out amongst the men and you're you're attractive to them at that

00:32:18.660 point and you're going to say well they you know people say well they only like you because

00:32:21.760 of your money no shit bro that's why i did all the fucking work you know i'm saying like i don't

00:32:26.980 know what to tell you you know and um you know there's obviously more than that you want you know

00:32:32.580 compatible connection support of each other you know uh having the same nature you know understanding

00:32:39.520 that each other's lifestyles what they need what they want because dude this is a partnership it's not

00:32:45.060 it's not about it's not all about like the the lovey-dovey feelings that everybody thinks it's about

00:32:51.360 you know the first six months that you're dating someone both people are fucking lying

00:32:56.280 full of shit yeah they're both trying to be the best version of themselves so that they can trick

00:33:01.560 the other person into falling in love with them or being with them or some shit guys and girls do this

00:33:06.360 and then what happens is after six months the truth starts coming out and you start telling yourself well

00:33:11.560 i don't want to break up with them because i've been with them for six months and then you end up

00:33:14.940 sticking with it and you end up wasting two three years of your life because you you fucking liked

00:33:19.620 having sex with this person in the beginning and you thought they were cool you see what i'm saying

00:33:23.700 so like dude we have to look beyond sexual compatibility we have to look beyond looks we have to look

00:33:30.380 beyond you know what's cool now and think about it in the picture of our life and i'm not saying you

00:33:35.820 can't meet someone when you're young i'm not saying you can't fall in love with your young but what

00:33:39.960 i am saying is for men the quality of the woman you meet is likely not in all cases likely to be

00:33:49.400 much higher once you have established yourself in your career and in your life and the more time you

00:33:54.560 spend fucking around with girls the longer that takes to accomplish so i'm not saying you shouldn't

00:34:01.760 date i i dated all through my 20s i had a good time i had fun it was you know but looking back i don't

00:34:08.980 regret any of it okay i'm just gonna say that but looking back i did waste a lot of time that i

00:34:14.440 probably could have gotten ahead faster had i not done that okay so that's my take on it i know not

00:34:20.440 everybody's going to agree but like it's america bro you're free disagree so uh this is a difficult

00:34:26.600 situation for men because men are told their whole lives usually by their mom you know to have manners

00:34:34.360 buy flowers open the door open the door and then like you go do this for girls you know when you're

00:34:40.160 20 22 years old you get fucking walked all over and made fun of and talked shit about and laughed at

00:34:45.580 my advice for this dude is you should take this and you should put it in that chip on your shoulder

00:34:50.760 and you say bro i'm going to become so successful that there's no where that this fucking chick can

00:34:56.620 look and not see my motherfucking face all right and that's the ultimate payback the ultimate payback

00:35:01.400 is becoming so motherfucking successful that they can't even look on the goddamn internet without

00:35:06.000 seeing your motherfucking face and saying damn i fucked up i missed that one that's right yeah

00:35:11.000 anything on this this this you know 22 year old boss bitch i mean have you i mean what's the i don't

00:35:17.880 know what that's like a new culture thing i don't know what that is i know boss bitches definitely exist

00:35:22.420 do they exist at 22 there's no boss anybody at 22 you don't know shit you haven't done shit

00:35:29.060 you know fucking no yeah so he probably actually outside of the outside of the anomaly of the

00:35:38.480 zuckerberg or the kardashian or the pro athlete at 22 uh usually you're shit at 22 you're just

00:35:46.560 getting started and it's very difficult time for men because women are able to go date up they're able

00:35:53.140 to date older men who are 27 30 35 when they're 25 and that's pretty socially acceptable i don't i

00:36:01.620 think it's weird but it's pretty socially acceptable and those dudes have means okay like i had a girl

00:36:08.580 one time tell me right to my fucking face legitimately uh you're never gonna do what you say you're gonna

00:36:14.080 do and she left me to go date a guy who was fucking 20 years older than me 20 years older than me

00:36:21.020 who drove a fucking bmw 3 series and she thought he had fucking money okay so that's i had a girl

00:36:29.340 leave me over that's fucked up yeah but you know what i got fucking pissed off about it and i'm like

00:36:33.920 you know what fuck that and i went out and built shit and now i feel good about myself and i look

00:36:39.680 back at that and i'm like yeah that wasn't a big deal fuck it i don't give a shit you know i'm saying

00:36:43.960 it doesn't bother me it's like it is what it is and i'm actually grateful for it because it lit a fire

00:36:48.220 under my ass and say hey this is what the fuck you got to do man you're gonna get your shit together

00:36:52.140 and i did and and you know that's that's how you do it bro here's the bottom line you're never going

00:36:58.420 to attract your best potential partner unless you are in your best situation that goes for men and

00:37:06.400 women so you if when you're sitting there and you're saying why can't i find anybody who's like

00:37:11.980 this this this this this this this go look in the fucking mirror are you any of those things

00:37:16.620 are you any of those things because if you're not any of those things you're not going to get

00:37:21.200 that in return people tend to match each other okay so what do you have to offer you know i see all

00:37:28.420 these fucking disgusting fucking gross women online talking about i want a man that makes 500 000

00:37:36.760 bitch you look like a fucking troll okay you're five foot and five foot wide talking this shit

00:37:43.100 okay like this is real talk man like i'm just keeping it real like and then you got dudes

00:37:49.280 out here who don't have shit that think they're entitled to every chick it goes both ways the real

00:37:54.640 the real shit is the reason you don't have it is because you ain't that so if you want your best life

00:37:59.500 and you want your best partner you have to become the best that you can be first and then those kind

00:38:05.420 of people will find you that's how it works dude i love it man i love it well guys andy that was four

00:38:12.060 yeah don't be a whore

00:38:13.660 we're from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a pole fuck a stove counted millions

00:38:21.000 in the code bad bitch booted swole got her on bankroll can't fold doesn't know headshot case closed

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - March 28, 2024

676. Q&AF： Finding Fortitude To Keep Pushing Towards Goals, Managing Friends & Developing The Youth

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