693. Q&AF： Stepping On Bosses Toes, Going With The Flow & Dealing With Anxiety
Episode Stats
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Summary
In this episode of The Realists, DJ and Andy discuss the importance of mental toughness and how it can be applied in all areas of your life. DJ talks about his experience with mental toughness, and how he uses it to achieve success in life and in business.
Transcript
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What is up guys, it's Andy Purcell and this is the show for the realists, say goodbye
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to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking
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Guys, today we have Q and AF, that's where you submit the Qs and we give you the AFs.
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Now you can submit your questions a few different ways.
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The first way is, guys, you can email those questions into askandy at andyfricella.com
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Or you can go on YouTube and you can drop your question in the comment section and we'll pick
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If you're a regular listener to the show, you know we have shows within the show.
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Tomorrow you're going to get CTI, that stands for Cruise the Internet.
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That's where we put topics up on the screen, we talk about what's happening, we speculate
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on what's true and what's not true, and then we talk about how we, the people, have to solve
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these problems that are created by these dumb motherfuckers.
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Those usually come out on Saturdays, sometimes middle of the week, however we're feeling it.
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75 Hard Verses, where someone who's completed the 75 Hard program, which is the initial phase
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of the Live Hard program, comes on the show, talks about how their life was a shit dumpster
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before, and how they un-shit dumpstered it, and how you can too.
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That's episode 208, you get the program for free.
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There's also a book on my website, andyfrusella.com, called The Book on Mental Toughness, and you
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can get the entire Live Hard program in that book, plus 10 chapters on mental toughness,
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why it's important, how you can use it to build the life that you're looking for.
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It also has some case studies of some very famous people that you will recognize that talk
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about how they use mental toughness to create their legacy as well.
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So like I said, you don't have to buy the book, but you can get the program for free
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And then the last thing is, we have this thing we call the fee.
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I'm probably the only show on the whole fucking internet that finances itself without ads.
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And you're probably asking, well, why would you do that?
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And I ask in exchange just very simply that you support what we got going on.
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You know, if you got to buy some nutritional supplements, buy some First Form.
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Hit that First Form energy drink and share the show.
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We're battling shadow bans and all kinds of ridiculous stuff on the internet.
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And if you guys think the message is valuable, if it makes you think, if it makes you laugh,
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it gives you a new perspective, if it teaches you something, we need you to share the show
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I just, yeah, pumped it down the hill to the common ground and shit, you know?
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You must be competing against some special ones.
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You ever seen those things that were like capsules?
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When you're a kid, you drop them in the water, and like an hour later, you come back, and
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You throw it in the water, and then it turns into like a fucking gorilla or something, right?
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So anyway, sometimes it's a dragon or some shit, too, all right?
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That's like, I'm going to take some of their blood out and put it in me so I can get huge,
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Well, it grows a whole fucking baby in nine months, bro.
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Why do you think these gay dudes are so ripped, bro?
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I'm telling you, it's the fucking growth factors in the fucking jizz.
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But like it only works like if you have testosterone in your body or something?
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We're going to have a bunch of dudes out there fucking...
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Bro, you've seen them dudes on the internet that are fucking drinking their own piss and
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There's like these health dudes out here who are talking about how they inject their own
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I fucking heard it and I just turned the shit off because I don't give a fuck what it does.
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I don't care if it makes me live for fucking ever.
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And if I have fucking being like the world fucking collapses and all I got to do is drink
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And these dudes out here are fucking trying to be health nuts.
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I feel like they're punking a lot of people, bro.
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You know, they got fucking these old dudes out there peeing in a cup.
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If I got stranded like that, and I was gonna...
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I would just run up to the bear and start fighting it.
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I mean, I know it would kill me, but, like, that's some fucking badass shit.
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They'd be like, oh, yeah, bro, he fought a bear and fucking ate him.
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We're not gonna recommend that you drink your piss.
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Like, you know, I can see a survival situation.
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How much would it cost for you to eat a piece of your own poop?
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Like, you gotta give me, like, at least 10 million, bro.
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Bro, I'd need a three-inch piece of poop for 30 million.
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Yeah, hey, this is, we're getting right into the personal development.
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From eating your own poop to talking about how to be better.
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So we're going to make you so wealthy that you don't have to eat your own poop.
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Andy, I'm an entrepreneur at a medium-sized company.
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A few Q&As ago, you talked about how entrepreneurs should be striving to create value and how the
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really great ones take initiative and fix issues on their own.
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My direct leadership has been slacking in a few areas.
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And so I took some initiative and addressed a few things for the team.
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I get called into his office and was told that I stepped on his toes.
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Long story short, I vented about what it was causing in the team and how I take responsibility
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Now, there's a few people above him in management.
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This dude's a pussy and I'm just trying to win.
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This is a legitimate question because when you are trying to make a difference in the
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company and you take initiative, especially with leadership, and you have someone that
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you report to, if they're not a strong leader, if they're not a very confident, capable,
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strong leader, there will probably be some defensiveness from that person.
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Because what they'll see it as is this person's trying, exactly like he said, step on my toes,
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When in reality, you're just trying to do your job so that we can win.
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It's, you know, there's just management and certain companies who have the wrong attitude.
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They have the attitude of, I rule over you instead of, we are on a team and we need to win.
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And a good manager, someone who is competent and capable and understands that this doesn't
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take away from them when they win, they're going to celebrate initiative.
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Even if it's wrong, they're going to say, fuck, dude, I appreciate that you took initiative,
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Because they understand that that doesn't make them look bad.
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So you might have an issue here with someone, you know, who is insecure because they know
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they're slacking and they don't necessarily want to own up to that.
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So they take it defensively and they believe that you are trying to undermine them.
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And in that case, there's a couple different options.
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One, you can have a more conversation with him and that's not kiss an ass.
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That's, Hey bro, listen, you pay me to help you win.
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And, and that sort of conversation where you kind of stand up for yourself can go a long
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But say, Hey, I know you're busy with other things.
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And the fear on their point is that you will become so good at what you do that it will
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But in that scenario, it's good that you take the initiative if you're in the right company,
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because it'll progress your career and it'll also make that guy start to move.
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The reason that these managers get complacent and they don't move is because they don't
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have people underneath them, pressing them with the results that they're producing.
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So as someone who's subordinate to an insecure leader, like it sounds like you are, you need
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to push them to improve with their performance by having great performance yourself.
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Now, if you went around the office and you said, well, fucking Joe is not doing his job.
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You're, you are undermining him and he does have a right to be pissed.
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Those conversations need to be happening behind closed doors, not out with other people,
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If that were happening in my company, I would fire that person immediately.
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Or now you can go out and you continue to do what you're doing.
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And if this guy steps in your way again, you can go to someone above him and say, Hey,
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He's all right, dude, but I'm trying hard to win.
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And I'm, I'm being told to not do these things.
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And you know, that's, that's a way you could go, but there's going to be in some situations,
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In reality, I don't think that's a bad thing because if you that, if your initiative and
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your drive and your want and will to win isn't appreciated where you are, then you need to
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be somewhere where it is appreciated so that you have upward mobility for yourself and your
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So this is, this comes down to just doing the right thing, working as hard as you can
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being professional, handling things like an adult.
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And if it's not welcome, bro, it's time to find a place where you would be welcome.
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I can tell you this initiative is one of our core values.
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The three most valuable skills an entrepreneur can have is the ability to sell the ability
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to lead and the ability to take initiative and move a project from a concept to completion
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If you have those three skills and you're good at it, you're going to write your own check
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And this goes for a lot of you guys, a lot of you guys that are entrepreneurs, you need
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to understand that not every company is trying to grow.
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Not every company is trying to be big enough to where you can actually build your career
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You want to get with a company that has huge plans and huge dreams and then backs that up
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Because what that means is that you will have opportunity to build an amazing career underneath
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And dude, a lot of companies just ain't like that.
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So you got to have the acuity to be able to observe and sense, are you with a company
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Are you with a company that's trying to become so big that you can build your entire life within
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And dude, the answer for most companies is no, most companies want to be medium sized
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The owners want to collect a moderate check and they don't really give a fuck about growing
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You know, for me, dude, I could have quit trying to grow first form and S2 and all the
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shit we got going on years and years and years ago.
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But I figured out along the way that that wasn't okay because I have people who have invested
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their whole professional lives since they were 19 years old inside this company that
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deserve to have a chance to build their dreams.
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And that means when they invested up there in the beginning and they believed in me and
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then I just get to the point where I'm good and then I fucking bolt.
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I give everything I got so that the people in this building can build their careers as
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And that's another thing you should look for your leadership and your ownership should
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give a fuck about building careers for their employees.
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And if they don't, you need to find somewhere that does because you'll waste your whole life
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And let me ask you this because I feel like, you know, and I don't know how old this person
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is, but I feel like there's a, there's a lot of people out there that just have a problem
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Just simply handling those hard or tough conversations, right?
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Like, do you have any tips, um, or tricks or things that you've learned, you know, going
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cause I mean, did you started in business when you were 19 where, you know, the world might
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look at you as this young person right now, really take you serious.
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How do you handle those difficult conversations?
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Dude, look, that's a, that's a skill in itself.
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What you have to realize is that you are in charge of your own progress.
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And if you lack the ability to give feedback or have difficult conversations, what usually
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ends up happening with those people is they start to observe a bunch of things they don't
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And because they lack the courage or the understanding of how to address it properly, meaning going to
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your leadership, sitting down saying, Hey, this is, this is, this is a problem.
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You guys aren't seeing this, you know, whether you got HR, whoever your direct leadership
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is, you go to them, you sit down, you tell the truth.
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What usually happens to these people who bottle everything up is they start to get bitter and
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And then they come in one day and they're like, fuck this place.
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And like they leave without ever bringing it to the leadership, thinking that we can
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And so you have to understand that there is no value and just shutting up.
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There is tremendous value in speaking up and telling the truth to HR or your direct leaders,
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because most of the time, the problems that you're having are oversights because everybody
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else is worried about what's going on in the playing field.
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So it's hard to see holes when you're worried about offense and you're worried about putting
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So if you are an entrepreneur and you can bring those issues to your leadership tactfully as
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a team player, not as a bitching high maintenance nag employee, but as a contributor, hey, here's
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I think we need to fix these things so that we don't cause an issue with the culture.
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And, you know, I'm not upset, but I want you guys to know, and I think we do need to
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fix it because it's starting to get a little chattery.
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That kind of feedback is fucking immensely valuable because most of the people that are running
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And you're fucking 30 miles out there on the fucking line, you know, way over here and
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But because you don't want to bother me or you don't want to give me feedback or you
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don't want to report back bad news, you just continue to get killed and we lose the fucking
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So feedback back and forth as a contribution and a team is super important.
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And if you can be an intrapreneur that can have, you know, they're not difficult conversations,
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You got to stop prefacing this thing is like difficult conversations.
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Bring fucking facts and bring a solution to the problem.
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If you can become someone that does that, your value goes way the fuck up because the
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leadership says, hey, that guy's bought in, that guy cares, that guy looks out for the
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And when the time comes for, you know, the conversation about who the next leadership
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is or who can be trusted to do this or that, that person gets talked about.
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And eventually, if their skill set's good enough, they get to move.
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So there's this false idea of being stoic and not complaining that actually holds your
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value back because it's not complaining and it's not a difficult conversation.
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It is a factual conversation and we bring solutions to try to make the team better.
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The first time you're going to be nervous and don't do none of this shit either where
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you go, well, I'm not trying to, you know, like complain and I'm not trying to, you know,
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blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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And, you know, I just want to let you guys know.
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You know, I was thinking too, you know, you're like those people that, you know, bottle it
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up and then they just walk in one day and like, Oh fuck.
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I feel like that's, that's what happens if they're lucky.
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I think what a lot of people happen to is they bottle that shit up and then they just learn
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They start talking to everybody around them, bro.
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They start complaining to everybody around them and they start trying to destroy things in
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the company because they're too fucking pussy to have a conversation.
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So the reality is, is dude, if you can't have difficult conversations, quote unquote, difficult
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conversations that aren't even difficult, you lack the ability to succeed and get paid.
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Number two, Andy, I hear people talk about how important it is to be flexible and to go
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I've been told to be more easygoing and I should try to take it easy, let it go or worry
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Maybe I'm not quite understanding what the message is, but I definitely do have a difficult
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There's been times where being flexible slows down my progress and also times where not being
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I'd love your opinion on when it's time to be flexible in life when pursuing great health
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What's your, what's your, what's your take on that?
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95% of the time it's, that's something that's said by fucking lazy loser people who don't
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want to be held to a standard that you're holding for yourself.
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So you're out here trying to hold a high standard.
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You're doing all this shit and they're saying, Oh, just go with the flow, man.
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If you're going to build anything great in your life, it's going to be through fucking
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It's going to be through complete rigid dedication and discipline to move forward.
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And when the people come and they get in your ear and they say, take it easy.
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You gotta, you gotta learn to go with the flow.
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Just know that if you listen to those people, you will be exactly like those people.
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Do you think fucking Kobe Bryant went with the flow?
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Do you think any fucking person, Elon Musk, any person that you look up to went with the
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They said, I'm going here and anybody who gets in my fucking way, I'm going to run them
00:25:57.940
So that's how I look at those kinds of statements.
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Now, are there times where you're wrong and you do need to go with the other?
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But you have to have the ability to audit yourself and remove your ego.
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You need to be able to discern between, am I stuck to this idea because it's my idea?
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And if you can't evaluate that by removing your ego and honest, you'd lack the ability
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But 90% of the time, these people who say this shit are completely weak.
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They're never going to amount to shit and they're going to fuck your life up if they get in
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I would look at them and I would say, what do they look like?
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And then if they tell me to go with the flow and I don't, I'd be like, fuck, I ain't going
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So are there times when you got to give a little bit?
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Are there times when you got to concede that maybe you didn't have their best idea, but
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You said, oh, being go with the flow, held my progress back.
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Why would you fucking let anything hold your progress back?
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If you know you're not supposed to go with the flow, don't go with the fucking flow.
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Your job is to be able to walk in the room and influence the fucking room because you
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have a consistent track record of willing things and forcing things into reality.
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And when you've done that for a number of years, you won't have to convince anybody anymore
00:27:54.100
because they will look at you and they will say, DJ fucking gets it, bro.
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I wouldn't listen to anybody about fucking anything that you don't want their life.
00:28:13.160
Well, guys, Andy, our third and final question.
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Andy, this may be more of a thought-provoking question for you, but I'm really curious to
00:28:23.840
At this point in your life, 25 years in, all the work, the blood, the tears you've put
00:28:29.060
in, do you still have any anxiety, big or small, that it won't work?
00:28:48.820
And that's the attitude you have to have, okay?
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You're not going to get something given to you.
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That's the thing you guys miss about going out here and building success.
00:29:09.780
You're going to have to earn every fucking bit of it.
00:29:12.800
And bro, quite honestly, you're going to have to go fucking take it.
00:29:15.560
And you can't go take it if you're worried about it not working, okay?
00:29:19.660
Because it takes 100% of your energy to go out and make shit happen.
00:29:24.500
And if you're spending 10% or 20% or 30% of the energy afraid that it's not going to work,
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you can't put the proper amount into moving forward into giving the right amount of offense,
00:29:42.100
The internet has made business and entrepreneurship seem and success seem like it is easy and it's
00:29:59.560
There are limited slots on the fucking playing field for you to get a starting position.
00:30:05.100
Bro, just because I want to be an NFL football player doesn't mean that I can fucking manifest
00:30:12.480
There is a limited number of spots and I've got to compete and be great to be in one of those.
00:30:17.920
And your income bracket and your position in the world is the same exact way.
00:30:22.500
And we have all these fucking knuckleheads out here on the internet talking about how
00:30:38.700
If you want to be in the game, if you want to be on the field, if you want to be an all-star,
00:30:43.140
if you want to be a hall of famer, you are going to have to get aggressive and you are
00:30:48.660
going to have to force your will into existence, into reality.
00:31:01.140
And when you think there is, you're setting yourself up for failure.
00:31:04.420
This is why this idealistic viewpoint of entrepreneurship and business is so damaging, okay?
00:31:12.160
You see all these dumb fuck coaches out here selling programs who've never done a motherfucking
00:31:17.660
thing, who have never built a business, who have never truly become successful outside
00:31:25.480
And they are telling you all this crazy shit that just isn't fucking true.
00:31:30.240
You need to come to terms with the reality and you need to learn how to listen to people
00:31:35.280
who have built real things that are teaching you.
00:31:38.540
You guys need to quit listening to these internet dumb fucks who don't know what they're talking
00:31:43.000
They've never built anything real outside of selling you a program about how to do something
00:31:49.080
And if you don't learn how to vet people and you don't learn how to ask, do they have a
00:32:07.180
Or it was one of these magical things that doesn't exist.
00:32:10.120
Oh, you know, I made a hundred million dollars back in the day.
00:32:18.880
And then on top of it, I don't get anxiety because I have a very comprehensive understanding
00:32:36.960
So when you understand how it works and you remove this idea that it's not competition
00:32:44.520
and, you know, you're going to eventually make it just because you want to and, you know,
00:32:50.260
success is for everybody and you get your ass to work the way that you need to work and
00:32:55.040
you understand that the inputs you get in, the seeds you plant today are going to produce
00:33:03.680
But, but dude, if you understood the formula, you wouldn't have anxiety.
00:33:07.640
I just understand it better than you because I've been down it.
00:33:11.720
A lot of people listen to all this idealistic shit on the internet and they get the wrong
00:33:16.460
And then when they get the wrong idea, they go execute on the wrong idea.
00:33:19.440
And then when they execute on the wrong idea, they don't get any results.
00:33:26.620
No, you, it's not that you don't have what it takes.
00:33:28.820
It's that you're following a bad plan that's told to you by someone who doesn't know what
00:33:33.780
And then you believe that it's you because, you know, apparently everybody else is winning
00:33:39.040
with this when it isn't even true in the first place.
00:33:41.460
You guys got to stop believing the shit on the internet.
00:33:45.200
This is why I've started to like flex my actual companies a little bit because y'all need
00:33:49.540
to know what real motherfuckers look like versus the internet.
00:33:56.240
You better go hard or you're not going to get on the fucking team.
00:33:59.480
You're certainly not going to be an all-star and you're not going to be a hall of famer.
00:34:03.680
That's someone who makes millions and millions and millions of dollars, which is, I assume,
00:34:08.740
If you don't want that, maybe you could be an all-star, but that person's still pretty
00:34:12.900
And if you just want to be on the team, bro, you're not going to do very well.
00:34:17.180
And you got to understand that you're in competition.
00:34:18.920
And you got to understand that what you put in today will produce results tomorrow, 90,
00:34:24.780
126 months, a year from now, which will be reflective and in proportion to the effort
00:34:31.700
that you put in day by day by day by day by day.
00:34:34.300
So whatever seeds you're planting today, whatever seeds you're planting tomorrow, whatever seeds
00:34:39.200
you're planting the next day, those will bear fruit out and over the course of time in proportion
00:35:02.940
And then lastly, you know why I don't have anxiety?
00:35:14.620
So if you take away the options of failure and you take away the options of it not working
00:35:20.820
out, you have to be all in because it's the only option.
00:35:24.720
And dude, when you start a business, when I started my business, it was the only option.
00:35:29.780
If I didn't do it, I would be working construction, bro.
00:35:36.200
But bro, I didn't want to do that hard ass work my whole life.
00:35:41.460
I know what 40 years of construction does to someone.
00:35:55.600
My option was go fucking make it work or do something that was unacceptable for me to do.
00:36:01.800
And dude, as you get down the path, as you become more successful and you do have options,
00:36:07.560
you have to figure out ways to make it feel like and seem like you don't have any more options,
00:36:15.420
So like, bro, I don't deal with anxiety in that regard.
00:36:20.440
The only anxiety that I deal with is when I'm not executing at that pace and I'm not going hard.
00:36:26.260
And my body's telling me, man, you should be doing this because that's what anxiety really is.
00:36:32.640
Anxiety is an indicator, a physical manifestation of an indicator that you need to do something that you aren't doing.
00:36:41.760
And because I am one of those people who is built for the fucking game, I am built for the fight.
00:36:47.200
Anytime I try to go on vacation, anytime I try to take it easy, anytime I try to go find balance, I am fucking miserable.
00:36:55.340
And dude, that might not sound okay to you, but there are people that are different.
00:37:00.360
Not everybody's out here trying to go on picnics and have lemon.
00:37:14.500
And I think you'll feel the same because we as human beings need a purpose.
00:37:20.880
And all these motherfuckers out here who are complaining about their mental health,
00:37:23.960
their biggest problem is they don't have a big enough mission.
00:37:28.020
They're searching for the meaning of life instead of creating the meaning for their own life.
00:37:33.220
Okay, so no, I don't get the anxiety you're describing.
00:37:37.720
I get it because I'm not going hard enough or I'm trying to take a break or I'm trying to put
00:37:41.620
myself in a box that all these other fucking people on the internet do.
00:37:44.600
When we're bombarded by self-care and victimhood culture and all this shit, it creeps into us.
00:37:56.120
And we start thinking like, damn, dude, maybe there's something wrong with me for going hard.
00:38:01.520
Maybe there's something wrong with me for wanting more.
00:38:03.840
But, dude, I'm going to tell you right now that's bullshit because the world fucking needs it.
00:38:06.840
The world needs people to go out there, build companies, provide careers, create success,
00:38:12.280
sponsor Little League teams, take care of the community, inspire other people with the lives
00:38:17.060
that they live, and create a ripple effect that other people want to follow.
00:38:21.820
And without those people, our culture is fucking dead.
00:38:25.180
We need people who are straight up motherfucking killers going out and building amazing shit
00:38:31.100
so that your neighbors and their kids and your kids and everybody sees it.
00:38:45.300
The world needs that shit more than it's ever needed it.
00:38:50.280
Stop listening to these people who cry and complain and bitch about everything in their lives
00:38:55.380
and realize that the happiest you're going to be in your entire life is when you look back on it
00:39:00.540
and you say, goddamn, dude, I fucking did some real shit.
00:39:08.280
I provided this and this and this for my community.
00:39:11.460
Those are the things that are going to make you proud.
00:39:13.500
And you're not going to die with a bunch of regret like 99% of people.