698. Q&AF： Success Definitions, Kids Dominating Sports & Differences Between Cocky And Confident
Episode Stats
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Summary
In this episode of The Realists, DJ and Andy talk about what it's like going back to training after a long break. DJ talks about his struggles with injuries and how he's trying to get back on track with his training.
Transcript
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What is up guys, it's Andy Purcell and this is the show for the realists, say goodbye
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to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking
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Guys, today we have Q and AF, that's where you submit the questions and we give you the
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Now you can submit your questions a few different ways to be answered on the show.
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Guys, you can email those questions to askandy at andy for cello.com.
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You can also ask some questions in the comment section on the shows and we'll pick some from
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Now, I'm not going to do the whole intro because I usually do that on Mondays.
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So, uh, if you want to know what we do here, go on Monday show.
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Uh, I am going to say though, that we would appreciate you to pay the fee.
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I'm not going to talk for 30 minutes about shit that I don't use.
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I don't want to answer to any of these other companies about what I say.
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So in exchange for that, I ask very simply that you help, uh, spread the word.
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We're constantly battling censorship and shadow bands and all the good stuff they do these
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And, uh, for us to get the word out, it's going to take your help.
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So what I ask very simply is that if the show makes you laugh, it makes you think, if it
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gives you a new perspective, it helps you bring me one person, man, bring me one person, pay
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Make a post, tell somebody, have a conversation, uh, help us grow the show and get it out there.
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If everybody just brought one person, we would double the size of the show and, uh, we would
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I see you're, you've decided to start training again.
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Well, that's what happens when you stop working out for fucking four months.
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It was like, it was like two and a half, three months.
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No, I'm going to, I mean, we had talked about this yesterday.
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I'm going to get down, I think the goal should be like two 40 and then just come back up
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And then that fucking incline, I did the incline a fucking treadmill, man.
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No, I mean, it was just a cool down, but it fucking sucks.
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I'm not sure what that means, but it means fucking something dangerous.
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Like you're going to touch his wiener or something.
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What is the right way and the wrong way to look at success?
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Good and bad definitions, your outlooks, and why do so many people not succeed?
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What are people missing when you think about success, overall success, just life success?
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Some people, they don't care as much about money, and I think that's a mistake because
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it severely handicaps them on their enjoyment of life.
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But some people pretend, I'll say this, pretend like they don't care about money until they
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And, you know, they say things like, oh, I don't give a shit about money.
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I just want to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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Because you'd enjoy your life a lot more if you had some money, all right?
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So we have this, like, two schools of thought, right?
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We have the school of thought that I'm going to float through life.
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I'm going to, you know, I'm going to define my own success.
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And usually, not always, usually, that is some sort of excuse as to why they aren't doing
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It's a justification for them to get out of the hard things that would have been required
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And so what most people do is they have a dream when they're young.
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And as they get older and older and older, they get through high school, college, and
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then just older in life, their dream gets beaten out of them by everybody around them,
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Everybody's telling them that they're not realistic.
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Everybody's telling them that they're immoral for wanting more.
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Everybody's telling them it's a waste of time because they're going to fail.
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And so what ends up happening is they give up on what their original dream was, and then
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they replace it with some sort of shit that resembles what they currently have.
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And then they start talking about how that's what they actually want.
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And so it's a justification for the lack of results, for the lack of actions that
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Most people are just fucking weak, and they fucking quit, and then they pretend their whole
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life they're more virtuous than everybody else because they have some quote-unquote humble
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Then there's this group of people who looks at it and says, you know, I really do want
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And then, you know, after that, I kind of want to enjoy my life.
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And there's a big difference between the first group and the second group because the first
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And the third group are people who are highly ambitious.
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And those people are highly ambitious, and they're usually keeping score by about not
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only the money they make, but the money they make is a big part of the scorecard, what
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So to say what defines success for the individual is hard to define because everybody's different.
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But being authentic with your true desires and then chasing them with all of your potential
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and all of your skill set and all of your effort is what's most important.
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And so what I actually define success is the pursuit of the fulfillment of your ultimate
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And the reason that I say it's the pursuit of the fulfillment of your ultimate potential
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is because you can't ever actually reach your full potential.
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Because where you are today, as you go down the path and learn new skills, the potential
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is going to expand, which means eventually you're going to run out of time, right?
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You fulfill more of your potential because you have the new skills.
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But and then you acquire more skills on top of that.
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So there is no actual fulfillment of your true potential.
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So it's just a pursuit, which lends to the saying, you know, success is a journey, not
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So when I look at success and how I judge success is, am I utilizing all my potential?
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Am I pouring that into the mission that I'm on?
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Am I trying to be the best that I can be at the thing that I want to be?
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And if I am and I'm giving that my all every single day in a real way, not in a bullshit
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way, I consider that to be a successful individual.
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And for some people, it's not about any of that shit and they can still be successful.
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But the truth of the matter is, if we're being real, most people fall into that first
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category, which is why most people can't get anywhere and why most people are so unhappy.
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Why do they hate other people's success so much?
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The reason that they hate other people's success so much is because that was their original
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dream that they got beat out of them that caused them to accept the reality and now lie
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to everybody, including themselves, that this is what I actually wanted the whole time.
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So if you were the second group of person and that was your genuine definition of success,
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why would you be judgmental or hate on anybody else's success?
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The first person is lying to themselves and the second two are actually creating their reality.
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But ultimately, guys, this comes down to deciding what life you want and then giving everything
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And as you go down the path, you make mistakes.
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And as you make mistakes, if you don't have a 30 IQ, you're able to learn lessons.
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Those lessons are tools and they're skills and they help you move forward.
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And as you move forward with those new skills, your potential gets bigger.
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And that means you have longer to go, but you're still in a much better spot as you go down
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So, you know, you're never going to actually get there because eventually you're going
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Like, dude, you have a guy who's 75 years old and lived 75 years of life and has 75 years
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He's going to eventually run out of time, right?
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But he's the most equipped for success because he knows the most shit.
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So this is why it's also important to, you know, not just ignore old people like they're
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Let me ask you this because I feel like there's also, there's a connection there.
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You know, you talk about this, you know, we don't really know when our time is going
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Would you say that that is your fear that also creates the urgency of that pursuit of your
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Yeah, I think, well, and there's actually, uh, I read a study about it.
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There's actually a commonality among very highly successful people and almost all of
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them had a near death experience at one point in their life, which caused them to understand
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that they are mortal and that they are not, they are going to run out of time.
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And so when you have, when you have something happen to you, like when I got stabbed or when
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I thought I had a brain tumor for two weeks that was misdiagnosed and I thought I was going
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to fucking die, you begin to understand things differently and see things differently.
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And it's not enough to see your friend die or your mom die or dad died to light that fire.
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And when you have that experience where you legit almost die, you realize that shit can
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be over like that, which creates a massive sense of urgency.
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I was very fortunate to have that stabbing incident happened to me when I was 23 years
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old and it changed my life because I realized, holy shit, dude, like I could run out of time
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So now I, now I run as fast as I can every single day.
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So that at least, you know, hopefully something matters down the road and maybe it won't, but
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it, but I think it will while I'm here and I'm going to feel like it does when I die.
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So I think that sense of urgency is common amongst people who have had an experience that
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has reminded them of their own mortality and that's why they run so hard.
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And I don't think that people who haven't had that, I don't, I'm not, I don't think they
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Well, I think, I think the evidence shows, cause if they did, they'd probably be, the world
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You know, I think most people, they, they fucking think they have all the time in the
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And then one day they wake up and they're 65, 70 years old.
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And then they got to live the rest of their life being bitter about what they didn't do.
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Like, I can't really imagine anything worse than that, dude.
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Guys, Andy, question number two, uh, Andy, my son is five years old and plays in rec soccer
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Uh, we teach our sons to play hard and be dedicated when you sign up for a sport.
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Currently, my five-year-old is dominating the soccer field, uh, after the first three
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I asked the league if we can move them up in the age bracket, but they said, uh, they
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Uh, they can't at this point today, uh, in the second half, my son already had 15 goals
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Uh, the coach, uh, made my son start back by the goal and then let them cross midfield
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Uh, we tell our son to pass and find teammates, but minimal kids understand the game like he
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Now in the second half, a trainer, uh, of a player on the other team came over to myself,
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my wife, my seven-year-old, along with my son's grandparents and stopped the game to
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He said, our son has had enough goals and not to let him score again.
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When I told him, we already tell him to pass and said, he must be a better parent.
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Uh, and then he said, uh, he must be a better parent because his kids listened to him, uh,
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tells me my son shouldn't be allowed to play in this league and needs to be on the travel
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Uh, then says his son would score 30 goals a game.
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Uh, the guy then challenges me to a one-on-one game.
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Uh, but I keep my composure, uh, which prior to 75 hard, might not, uh, might not have had
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Kill those motherfuckers score 75 fucking goals a game and then run around, take a shirt
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I'm being serious now under normal circumstances.
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I wouldn't do that, but this is just what I think.
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When someone acts like a fucking cocksucker, you fucking jam it down their throat.
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And the other parents are pissed off because they don't go out and spend time with their
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They fucking stick them on an iPad and then they expect them to go out and be competitive
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against kids where their parents play with them.
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You, I'm guarantee you, you're out practicing with your kid.
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I guarantee you, you're, you're, you're teaching them the real shit.
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Otherwise he's not scoring 15 goals in the game.
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This happened to, this happened to me and Sal as kids all the time because we were fucking
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So like we, when we were kids, kids, bro, we'd score seven, eight goals.
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They would go fucking try and start a fight with my dad.
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But you know what they didn't see was that my dad was out in the yard with us every fucking
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day playing baseball, playing soccer, playing, we, we played roller hockey, but that translated
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Six mile runs when we were fucking six to seven years old.
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I still in my whole life ain't run six miles again.
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And if you got kids that suck at sports, maybe you should fucking practice with them instead
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of complaining to the other parents about how it's not fair.
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And that motherfucker should go out and score 35 goals a game and teach all the other kids
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that they better get their fucking asses to work.
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Excuse my profanity on this, but I don't give a shit.
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Like, bro, there's no virtue to taking it easy on someone.
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You're actually hurting them by taking it easy.
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You are hurting those other kids by telling your son to take it easy because they need
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to witness what the result is when you put the time and effort into practicing to be great.
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Those other kids that are getting run all over, they should be having, the parents should
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be having conversations with them and be like, yeah, little Stevie scored 15 goals.
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Because he practices while you're on the fucking computer, dude.
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If you want to score 15 goals, then you got to practice too.
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A lot of you parents shouldn't even have fucking kids in sports because you don't spend any
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You fucking don't even care about your own motherfucking kids.
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Fucking, we went to Sal's game and this fucking fat motherfucker pulled off his shirt at the
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game and started threatening Sal and I'm like, bro, I'm like, this dude, I'm like, Sal will
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Like, you're a fat, drunk, middle-aged Hoosier man.
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Like, get the fuck out of here and go practice with your fucking kid.
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Maybe if you ran around the soccer field with your kid, you wouldn't be such a fat fuck.
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Like, when we see these kids get fucking, these coaches get fired because they score,
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you know, they win the basketball game 100 points to fucking four.
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And it doesn't matter how much people cry about it or how much they complain about it or what
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they think is right or wrong morally, at the end of the day, the real world will and always
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has for the last 10,000 fucking years valued results.
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Whatever the results are is what you get compensated on.
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And if you don't teach your kids that, bro, you're doing them a disservice.
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You buy into all this politically correct nonsense about kids getting celebrated for showing up
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Bro, you're handicapping your kid for life, bro.
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So, yeah, score 15 more goals, run around, rub it in their fucking faces,
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and fucking be good and happy about how much work you did, bro.
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You think I fucking hold back against my competition?
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I might as well slow down so they can catch up.
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You have to keep putting points on the board day in and day out, day in and day out,
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And, yeah, there is scenarios where, you know, we get to a point where, you know,
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you pull your starters from the team and shit, right?
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But now when they come bitching you like that, I can tell you that.
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Bro, at the end of the day, I'd shove it down their throats so fucking hard they fucking choke.
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Well, so, but there is a difference here, right?
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Because I feel like a lot of people will, you know, scream and complain, well, that's
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Bad sportsmanship is crying and pouting about the other team kicking your ass.
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The goal of the game is to put points on the board.
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Now, just because you're inept at stopping them does not mean that the goal of the game
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And bro, if you weak ass motherfucking parents out there will start teaching your kids the
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real shit about competition, maybe we wouldn't have a land of the United States of pussies.
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Now, what I would add, though, is just make sure after your son does score those 30 fucking
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goals that when they do the handshake line, he goes up and shakes everybody's hand and
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And then you teach him to tell the other kids all of the shit he does so they can get
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You know, when they fall down because he broke their ankles, because he's got some
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good jukes, he can pick them up after he scores the goal.
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You should be offended that they even showed up to play.
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I'm offended when somebody thinks they're going to compete with me, bro.
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But if you're going to step to my line, bro, you're going to learn a fucking lesson.
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That's every fucking winner's mentality, by the way.
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You're still fucking snow-coating on the way home.
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It'd be a lot easier than fucking competing against me.
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That's what you should be teaching your kid, bro.
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I'd teach him a little Conor McGregor swag after he scores his goals just to piss off
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I'd give him a jersey and say, what the fuck you going to do?
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Bro, my dad, back in the day, dude, we played soccer.
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If we scored a goal or we hurt another kid, he bought us a fucking toy, bro.
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We would go and he would buy us like a G.I. Joe for like five bucks, right?
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So like, if we, I mean, he taught us how to win.
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He didn't say go out and like beat the other kids up, but he just said like, if you run
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over a kid, like his big thing was just run them over.
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Like when they get in your way, just keep running.
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You know, I think we turned out the way we're supposed to turn out.
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Like, why don't you teach your kids the rules of reality, not the rules of idealism?
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And if someone beats you, it means you're not good enough.
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If you sell a product and no one buys it, it means your product sucks.
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Anything less than that will handicap them for their entire lives.
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You teach them to have, you know, feel sorry for putting points on the board.
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Bro, they're going to get their asses beat in life.
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Well, guys, Andy, our third and final question, question number three.
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Andy, so I've been listening to you for almost a year.
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I did 75 hard two times in the last eight months.
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And I have regained confidence in myself and gained even more than I thought I had.
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With my newfound confidence, I feel I can walk through a brick wall, bro.
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And I've had a few close people, people I trust and value, tell me that I've become, quote, unquote, too cocky.
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How do I know if I'm actually being, quote, unquote, cocky?
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I mean, anybody appears cocky that puts up results and then is happy about it.
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People aren't used to that because most people don't produce any results.
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So they're used to saying, well, I don't produce any results because I'm humble.
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So when you actually produce results, no matter what you say about it, no matter how nice you are, no matter how kind you are, no matter how quiet you are about it, they're going to say you're fucking cocky, dude.
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There's nothing wrong with being cocky either as long as you back it up.
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It's fun to walk around like you've got a 30-foot dick.
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But that is only because you're producing results.
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And so it's okay to feel cocky as long as you can still be humble in the process.
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It's confidence in game time and humble in preparation.
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When I walk out on the field, dude, I know what I've put in.
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And if you do, I'm going to run you the fuck over.
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Humble is studying the film, preparing, learning about your opponent, practicing the skills, doing the drills,
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and doing all that shit with the proper intensity and an intent.
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So, like, you can be cocky in execution and humble in preparation, but most people's minds are too simple to understand that.
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So, all they see is, you know, Conor McGregor walking out with his swag, right?
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Well, the reason he's cocky is because he works his ass off behind closed doors and he knows what he's bringing to the table.
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That just rubs people who don't do shit the wrong way.
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Oh, they love to watch people they don't like because they're cocky because that's something they've never had.
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They wish they could walk in a room with a strut, with a three-piece suit, looking like a fucking pimp,
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knowing that you're going to walk out in the fucking ring and beat some dude's ass and you're going to walk back to your yacht.
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They wish they could have that, but they lack the courage.
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They lack the understanding of what it means to be that kind of a person.
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So, you can't expect a mediocre mind to understand a mind that is wired for greatness.
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You're cocky if you don't think you have anything to learn.
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You're cocky if you think you're great and you're not putting in the work.
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You're cocky if you think you're getting good and it's because you're just good.
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But as long as you're putting in the work, as long as you're putting up the results, as long as you're doing your thing,
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bro, people are going to interpret it cocky, so you might as well enjoy it anyway.
00:29:19.600
You ever see Nick Saban do an interview, Bill Belichick do an interview after they won national championship or Super Bowl?
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They're talking about waking up tomorrow and getting to work on next year.
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That's why they're fucking champions, because they celebrate a very short time.
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You know, they get the MVP of the high school football game.
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So, 24-hour rule on celebrating, 24-hour rule on talking shit, 24-hour rule to feel good about your win, and then it's back to work so that you can keep being cocky.
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And if you're winning every fucking day, then you're celebrating every fucking day.
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Everybody likes people with swag, because it makes you feel like you could have some swag.
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Like, the only people that don't like it are people that are totally weak, totally, they're the first group of people that I described on question one.
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They're the people who have given up on their dreams.
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They turn their nose up at anybody who's doing shit more than them.
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They say all kinds of dumb shit, and it's because they fucking quit on themselves, dude.
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You can't expect those people to ever understand you, and your friends and your family, they're the worst ones.
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They're the ones that have known you your whole life.
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They're going to hate on you the most, because they see you changing.
00:30:48.320
They see you breaking out of the mold, and they're like, oh, well, you're different now.
00:30:58.400
That's why I'm doing this, because when I look at you, and I look at the way you live, and I look at the way you guys are miserable,
00:31:15.920
So, like, your friends and family are the first ones that are going to hate when you first step out.
00:31:26.420
You think that those people are going to celebrate you.
00:31:30.940
They're going to push you down the path, but that's rarely the case, bro,
00:31:34.620
with people that you've known your whole life because they always see you as that old version of you.
00:31:38.760
You know, they don't see you as that new version of you.
00:31:40.920
You know how many people in my life see me as the version of me that existed 5, 10, 15 years ago
00:31:49.040
So your identity in those people's eyes is very small and limited, just like their identity is.
00:31:54.720
And when you start breaking that identity and you start moving forward and you start progressing
00:31:58.300
and you get better and you get in shape and you start making some money
00:32:00.980
and you start having some success, they hate it because they realize,
00:32:05.420
fuck, they could have done the same, but they were too lazy.
00:32:11.740
And they got to live with those decisions for their whole life.
00:32:16.020
They're mad at themselves for giving up on their original dream to accept their reality
00:32:23.200
And you're actually going out and doing something.
00:32:26.880
You're going to get more of it, but you're going to get it the worst from your family and friends.
00:32:30.200
So I wouldn't, as long as you're doing the work and as long as you're putting up results
00:32:34.480
and as long as you realize that you always have a lot to get better on
00:32:37.760
and a lot to improve and you're willing to do that work
00:32:39.860
and you don't think that you're great just because you're you,
00:32:46.780
You know, when you look at how people's ego affects them in a negative way,
00:32:55.300
And on the left side of the bell curve where you're at the low point,
00:32:59.080
you know, you don't know what the fuck you're doing.
00:33:07.760
So you're willing to start to take action, okay?
00:33:19.820
and they start to move up the bell curve and they start to improve.
00:33:22.960
And they improve and keep improving and keep improving and keep improving.
00:33:26.660
And then for most people, what happens is they get to a point
00:33:30.540
where they forget about all this work that they put in
00:33:34.140
and they start believing that the success they are seeing is just because they're special.
00:33:43.400
And that's how you can always identify the people who are about to fall on their fucking face.
00:33:48.400
When they start talking about how they're the best ever or they're the best
00:33:52.120
or they're better than everybody else, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:33:56.940
Because what happens is they start to believe that it's them
00:34:00.120
instead of remembering that it's actually the actions that they've been taking
00:34:03.860
and they are living in the results of those actions.
00:34:06.560
And then what happens is they stop doing the actions
00:34:08.880
because they don't think they have to because they think they're just great.
00:34:11.700
And then they fall down the fucking bell curve real fast the other side, okay?
00:34:15.600
And then they start back to a point where they're like,
00:34:24.060
And then they're like, fuck, I don't know what to do.
00:34:25.640
And then eventually they come to the conclusion of,
00:34:30.080
So they start taking the actions before and they start to see results.
00:34:33.800
And then they get to a point where they're doing real good again
00:34:36.140
and they will either have learned the lesson the first time
00:34:38.780
or they'll repeat what they did the first time.
00:34:42.800
hey, I got here last time and I quit doing the work and I lost everything.
00:34:47.740
which allows them to continue to escalate up the curve without peaking, right?
00:34:56.360
And they stop doing the shit, they're going to lose again.
00:34:58.220
And so most people live their lives in this wave of success and failure,
00:35:05.840
And the reason they live their lives in that wave
00:35:10.260
that it's their own ego getting in their way of their humility,
00:35:13.340
understanding that they have much more to learn
00:35:19.980
is just compare yourself to the best in the world ever.
00:35:31.860
Like, when I start feeling like I'm doing good,
00:35:40.880
This is why I use the language I use day one, right?
00:35:45.640
When people say, oh, congratulations on all the success.
00:35:59.960
Like, dude, when people start calling themselves great
00:36:09.320
because they're losing the ability to understand
00:36:16.000
There are millions of people who have done more than you,
00:36:30.180
Remember, the life that you're currently living
00:36:34.780
that the old you has been taking for a long time.
00:36:37.620
If the new you doesn't continue to take those actions,
00:36:40.300
you won't be living in that state for very much longer.