REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 702. Q&AF： Jack Of All Trades, Time Off After High School & Getting Through Dark Times

00:00:00.000 what is up guys it's andy for selling this is the show for the real let's say goodbye to the lies

00:00:21.100 the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today we

00:00:26.040 have q and af that's where you submit the questions and i give you the answers now you can submit your

00:00:32.440 questions a few different ways to be answering the show the first way is guys you can email those

00:00:37.260 questions into ask andy at andy for seller.com second way is you go on youtube in the comment

00:00:43.600 section on the q and af episodes and ask some questions in there we'll pick some from there as

00:00:47.340 well uh i'm gonna skip all the other no i'm not actually tomorrow we're gonna have cti uh that

00:00:54.160 stands for cruise the internet that's where we talk about what's going on in the world we speculate

00:00:58.080 on what's true what's not true uh we make some jokes we have some fun and then we talk about how

00:01:02.900 we the people have to solve the problems going on in the world other times you're gonna have real

00:01:07.060 talk real talk is just five to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk and then we have 75

00:01:11.720 hard verses now 75 hard verses is where we bring people in maybe you to come on the show and talk

00:01:20.540 about how your life was uh before 75 hard and how it is now usually it's pretty sucky and then it gets

00:01:27.500 a lot less sucky and um if you're unfamiliar with the 75 hard program uh it is the initial phase of

00:01:34.660 the live hard program which you can get for free at episode 208 on the audio feed only uh there is a

00:01:41.180 book the book on mental toughness available on my website at andy for seller.com and uh if you're

00:01:47.020 familiar with the 75 hard program it is the world's largest mental transformation program ever

00:01:52.620 uh and it's free so you don't need the book the book is very helpful people enjoy it we sell a ton

00:01:57.900 of them they're usually out of stock uh but if you go on there you can pre-order it but you don't need

00:02:02.000 to you could just get the program for free at episode 208 on the audio feed you're going to notice

00:02:06.680 we don't have ads on the show um that means i don't want to take orders from people who are paying

00:02:12.460 me to represent their products so i don't do ads uh probably one of the only podcasts in the world

00:02:16.900 doesn't do that and uh in exchange for that i just ask very simply that you help us get the word out

00:02:23.300 we're constantly battling shadow bans and censorship and all the stuff going on in the world and so

00:02:28.520 if you think the message is good if you think it's valuable if it makes you think if it makes you

00:02:32.480 laugh it gives you a new perspective if it teaches you some skills which hopefully will teach you

00:02:36.560 some today all i ask is that you please get the word out and share the show so uh don't be a hoe

00:02:43.380 show the show all right what's up dude what's going on with you man nothing man yeah just training

00:02:49.840 fake entrepreneur hey are we gonna play the are we gonna play the conversation before the show

00:02:57.040 we should all right just put that in position right dj call me a fake entrepreneur two

00:03:01.340 hour and 49 minutes all right let's do this

00:03:06.560 what nothing bro i got real job man this is my fucking side gig hey listen

00:03:12.700 what did it well i'm just saying no playing playing entrepreneur man i get it yeah

00:03:18.880 all right ready yes sir i had if i was playing entrepreneur i have a 997 coaching program

00:03:32.980 that's what i'm saying yeah it's normally fifteen thousand dollars but today

00:03:37.400 just for you it's 997 dollars that's right i've only got five spots

00:03:44.980 all right ready all right and he's out here playing entrepreneur and shit oh yeah i was late

00:03:54.500 yeah all right so these guys we're supposed to record an hour and 49 minutes ago yep and uh i was out

00:04:00.860 there having to do stuff for my real job i forgot he had to podcast but i forgot he's a youtuber bro

00:04:06.040 dude i forgot i forgot that this is my main job bro come on you know what i'm saying yeah you're

00:04:11.920 with the program so the guys the guys are giving me a little heat it is what it is yeah that's all

00:04:19.120 good man it happens it happens man what's going on yeah we're training training all good you know what

00:04:23.840 it is what is it it's my cpt what's cpt andy it's colored people time

00:04:30.100 what i am part black i'm 12 percent yeah so there's obviously a part of me that has that

00:04:39.980 is that a real thing or not oh it's a real thing what what's it called yeah it's called

00:04:44.020 color people time okay why can't i say that if i'm 12 you could say it

00:04:47.080 you said it i know i said it how'd it feel a little weird

00:04:51.580 i'm not too comfortable with it yet yeah yeah fuck uh i mean is that against the rules no no no

00:05:01.900 no okay uh but yeah man so it's not against the rules no that's a fair game i mean you are the

00:05:07.540 approval let me call my board real quick call the official board

00:05:11.000 what's up niggas hey quick question

00:05:15.320 oh man wait 12 12 okay the 10 is the cut yeah you're good all right 10 all right i got official

00:05:27.900 approval you're good man all right man that's what's up what else is going on man nothing man

00:05:34.280 yeah you know dude how about these storms bro they're pretty serious today dude they're like

00:05:39.160 i'm sick of it i got an 18 foot circumference hole in my backyard right now and why do you have

00:05:48.180 that the pool yeah the pool is they still didn't throw this thing away it's been raining nobody can

00:05:53.840 fucking come out the fucking it's like a pigsty back there we have gotten a lot of like it's been

00:06:00.440 hard storms yeah they got harp on full blast yeah yeah no shit we say that can we say harp yeah

00:06:06.040 harp's fine yeah okay yeah we mean like musical harp yeah musical they got the musical harp and

00:06:11.900 that makes it rain yeah fuck man it's been it's been bad though man it has been a very stormy

00:06:19.540 spring but and it's weird too because like bro i remember like what was it last year or was it the

00:06:24.240 year before where it was like this time we were having ice storms and shit oh yeah we did it's like

00:06:29.120 yeah well that's the midwest dude it's the midwest you know yeah it's this time of year and then also

00:06:34.640 in fall man you got to like leave the house with different sorts of clothes because you never know

00:06:39.020 what it's going to be no it's real shit but what's going on with you man you training training getting

00:06:43.900 getting too man's getting back in it getting back into it making some quick changes already man

00:06:47.820 yeah yeah you get uh you you've been hitting it this is the second week in a row you you haven't

00:06:52.680 missed you missed on sunday yeah i did miss sunday yeah after you told me you were gonna be here i was

00:06:57.600 here cpt bro shit happened yours must be a lot more severe than mine because you never fucking showed

00:07:03.080 up i'm up here trying i'm like all right dj's gonna be here any minute oh yeah you said you would be

00:07:10.960 here at noon yeah i waited till like no i said it would be afternoon you said it would be about noon

00:07:16.220 afternoon no see that's black people talk so when so you gotta like plus like probably really like

00:07:22.280 a day after anything after yeah just write it off i waited till like two and then i'm like all right

00:07:29.840 i got trade so just know i waited i had to take two servings of pre-workout because i i got i got

00:07:36.660 hyped and then it went down i had to take another one i'm sorry yeah it's all good picture andy

00:07:40.920 imagine you were you were like me waiting for my dad to pick me up from soccer practice

00:07:45.440 like dj forgot about me oh man so what we got today man hey man we're gonna make some people

00:07:52.900 better we're gonna make some people better that that's the plan that's that's uh i say this i

00:07:58.260 know the people are rooting for you to get your shit together in your training yeah yeah a lot of

00:08:01.960 love yeah dude i'm getting dms about it people are pumped yeah a lot of love and uh yeah they want

00:08:07.300 to see the ribs and dick but they don't know that's on your own i can show them one of them

00:08:11.240 it's on your only fans can't show both show you one

00:08:14.600 which ain't the ribs

00:08:18.320 all right let's do something guys andy question number one let's dive into these uh question

00:08:25.980 number one andy uh what's going on andy i'm currently 20 what's up yeah hey

00:08:30.500 i'm currently 24 years old uh and i work at a machine shop i also do side work at a farm for

00:08:40.880 extra cash and other miscellaneous side gigs i can get so he sells drugs on the side that's what

00:08:46.200 he says miscellaneous that means drug dealer straight to jail oh he says i will be attending

00:08:53.540 trade school to become an electrician in the fall for the next two years i have zero debt

00:08:58.580 and i try to diversify and allocate my money into the right spots to not only preserve what i have

00:09:04.300 but to also multiply it and build wealth my question is i feel like i have a lot going on

00:09:09.820 and i constantly have new ideas that i want to pursue just because i'm a curious person

00:09:15.340 and i would like to be the jack of all trades how would you handle the fact that you want to try

00:09:20.180 so many new things and become more valuable and can't tie down to one thing sometimes i feel like

00:09:26.580 i'm wasting my time thinking about so many different ideas um i love all that you guys do

00:09:30.820 i will keep supporting uh and watching the show all right so i really appreciate the hustle i appreciate

00:09:37.480 the willingness to do all these things i think that's a great thing to have that ambition and

00:09:42.080 have that drive and be willing to be curious and learn and if you're going to do those things in

00:09:47.340 your 20s is the right time so i'm not going to sit here and say that that's a bad thing but i want

00:09:52.240 you to keep something in mind the reason most people don't succeed is because they can't pick

00:09:58.740 something all right and because they can't pick something they are unable to invest the time and

00:10:04.600 the energy and the effort to become a master of it right a jack of all trades but a master of none

00:10:11.740 that's the saying and that's true and so you have to consider that you will be competing against

00:10:17.740 people who have chosen one of those things as their main thing and it's a very arrogant thought

00:10:24.460 and a misguided thought to believe that you can beat someone even if they're not as skilled as you

00:10:30.460 with only a percentage of your work ethic and your energy if they're going all in so i think it's okay

00:10:37.800 that you're kind of exploring and i think it's okay that you are curious and you want to know because

00:10:43.520 like dude you don't want to make a decision then hate it right and by the way if that does happen

00:10:48.280 it's not a total waste not a total waste because you're going to learn right you're going to learn

00:10:55.740 skill sets and you can take those skill sets and apply them somewhere else like for example if you're

00:11:01.020 making fucking hamburgers right now or you're making fries right now you should be making the best

00:11:05.840 hamburgers out of everybody else that you work with and you should be making the best fucking fries

00:11:10.600 and why that matters is because you're cultivating the mentality and the habit forming of creating

00:11:17.700 things at a high level and doing whatever task it is at a high level so if you happen to be sweeping

00:11:22.760 the floors right now sweep the fuck out of those floors and make them perfect because that skill of

00:11:29.180 doing things the right way will follow you to whatever it is that you go to but with that being said

00:11:34.780 we want to try and waste as little time as possible into things that aren't going to be our thing and

00:11:41.540 most people at 24 years old don't necessarily know exactly what they're going to do i didn't know at 24

00:11:48.740 years old even though i was already five years into my business that this was going to be the thing that

00:11:53.580 i did forever but as i accumulated more knowledge and more experience it made sense for me to continue

00:12:00.040 and there were things that i really enjoyed for example one of the things that i really love that

00:12:04.720 i get to do every single day is i get to legitimately help people change their bodies change their minds

00:12:10.600 change their lives and that's very rewarding outside of the money made from it so i got sort of lucky in

00:12:17.440 that and i use that term very loosely because when a lot of people hear luck they they start to make

00:12:21.780 excuses well you didn't get he got lucky no i didn't have an option and that was the lucky part of it i had to

00:12:29.460 keep going and that allowed me to become a master of what i do so my advice to you would be to try to

00:12:38.020 figure out what it is you want to do as quickly as possible and then go all in on that and remove the

00:12:44.020 rest of the shit okay because you don't want to be a jack of all trades and a master of none because

00:12:49.860 what that equates to is you not being competitive in the field that you're in and that equates to

00:12:55.760 you not having very much money in your bank account all right so um and if you're older if

00:13:02.140 you're 30 or if you're in your 40s it's very important that you get that solved quickly because

00:13:07.860 you have less time than the 24 year old or the 19 year old to sort of discover right so choosing what

00:13:14.600 we want to do is a hard decision but if we make an educated guess about where we want to be and what

00:13:22.580 we want to do and what we want our life to look like and we consider the fact of what we enjoy and

00:13:27.480 what has the potential to actually become a very profitable lucrative career now we're in a situation

00:13:35.560 to make an educated guess at what we want to do and and so you start down this path and you're able to

00:13:41.140 be competitive because you're putting all your energy in that and you know you're able to maybe beat

00:13:46.280 some of the other people that because you're better you're putting more experience you're putting in

00:13:49.940 more work um or you're learning more if you got a better coach or a better mentor that's actually

00:13:54.980 done what it is that you want to do not one of these fucking dumb fucks out here that lies about

00:13:59.720 everything those people can collapse your time frame on becoming an expert you the point is you

00:14:05.880 want to make your choice as quickly as possible you want to go all in as quickly as possible because

00:14:11.520 it's going to take that all-in effort to be competitive in the marketplace so that would be my advice

00:14:17.200 to a 24 year old now if i were to give this advice to a 34 year old or a 44 year old it would maybe be

00:14:23.220 hey motherfucker you need to stop fucking around and pick the thing you're going to do or you ain't

00:14:26.880 going to have the fucking time to do it you see what i'm saying so there there's as you go and by

00:14:32.400 the way if you're 34 or you're 44 and you're just getting started that's okay too but you better find

00:14:38.260 someone who's done what the fuck it is you're trying to do so that they can collapse your time frame and

00:14:43.060 get you on the path as quick as possible so as you age the pressure to make the decision to go all in

00:14:49.700 becomes more and more crucial because of the lack of time that we have on the back end

00:14:54.140 so that that would be my answer to that young man i love that a couple things on this i thought you

00:14:58.680 know people always say you know that saying of jack of all trades is a master of none but like there's

00:15:03.000 a second part of that that says but a master of one is still better than a master of none

00:15:08.120 right and so like to your point like you're still going to get beat out by somebody who went in who

00:15:12.920 went all in yeah bro look you can't on that one thing look dude it's impossible there's very fucking

00:15:17.840 few people so here's this is the fallacy of the internet right you see all these fucking coaches

00:15:24.160 who've never built a motherfucking thing all these guys wanting to be podcasters and speakers

00:15:30.140 and entrepreneurial authorities and they sell courses on shit they never did they they they're not

00:15:37.440 effective entrepreneurs their whole income stream is to sell other people shit that you know they

00:15:43.520 didn't actually do right so a lot of these sayings go around the internet that are that are highly

00:15:51.000 misleading and one of them is the average entrepreneur has seven screens or the average millionaire has

00:15:56.360 seven streams of income yeah after they've already mastered the one thing that's made them a millionaire

00:16:03.920 then they would do something called diversification and you would apply the skill sets that you know

00:16:10.000 as being an entrepreneur being successful in one thing to parallel things okay so like when you hear

00:16:16.760 the average millionaire has seven streams of income they didn't get to the millionaire by having seven

00:16:23.040 streams at the beginning they got there because they mastered one thing and then they were making money so

00:16:27.780 they diversified into other things and usually when you go and look at these people's multiple income

00:16:34.580 streams they are very parallel to what they did the first time because those skill sets are applicable to

00:16:41.060 each category so for example my skill set is brand building and and fulfillment and selling cpg goods

00:16:51.360 direct to the consumer now i do that with cannabis i do that with tequila i do that with you know i help

00:17:00.220 with all these other things that are all the skill sets all aligned right like you don't ever find these

00:17:06.240 entrepreneurs who are like you know they did one thing and then all this like they didn't just do a cpg brand

00:17:13.920 and then all of a sudden they're a restaurateur right or they're a fucking uh i don't know they own a

00:17:21.700 some sort of concrete company like usually open up a laundromat yeah usually you take the skill sets that

00:17:27.720 you have and you apply them to parallel type situations which allows you to scale very quickly

00:17:34.900 in these other brands but this this whole idea of i'm going to you know have seven streams of income

00:17:42.860 when i'm 19 years old and that's what's no because you're going to lose that way because you're competing

00:17:48.200 against people who are putting all their energy in the one thing and you're not so it's impossible to

00:17:53.740 compete like that does that make sense absolutely so like when i look at businesses like i was talking

00:17:58.280 to her mosey about this just the other day and i was like man i want to fucking start i got the

00:18:02.460 itch to like start something up again like i love the startup phase i love going from zero to like

00:18:07.960 you know eight figures like that's i really love that part of the process and him and i were chatting

00:18:14.400 back and forth and and he was like well what do you think and i'm like i don't know something that

00:18:18.520 fits in my range of skill set right and you have to be aware enough of what that skill set is

00:18:24.060 so as you develop your first thing you're going to figure out what is my strong points and what do i

00:18:30.540 know and what am i good at what am i better than everybody else at and then you take those things

00:18:35.320 and you apply them to this next thing and that next thing that next thing or you vertically integrate

00:18:39.860 off of the things that you're already doing like a lot of the stuff i do is vertical integration

00:18:45.540 offshoots of what we do as our main thing so um but this idea that you're going to read this meme

00:18:52.140 it says average millionaire has seven streams of income but they don't have that until they've

00:18:56.480 already made it in one thing because to make it in one thing the first thing requires everything

00:19:00.980 you have so if you read that the wrong way you know we see a lot of these younger guys on the

00:19:06.000 internet saying i do this i got seven businesses i got 10 businesses yeah but you ain't making it none

00:19:11.040 of them you know what i mean right so having a business having an llc having a you know that's not

00:19:18.280 that's not that that doesn't matter it's how much money are you fucking making you know what i mean

00:19:23.020 so um so yeah dude it's it's very easy for me to see this where i'm at right at 40 i'm 44 years old

00:19:32.660 now 25 years in business since i was 19 in the same business not in fucking business like i started a

00:19:40.000 bunch and they failed right right i haven't had a business fail since i was 19 years old all of them

00:19:44.580 have fucking won so when we when we look at actually that's not true i did have one that's

00:19:51.880 failed we'll talk about that another time but the point is is that it's very easy for me to see how

00:19:57.820 this works and it's very hard for the young person to see how it works so you know go back and listen

00:20:02.760 to this question a few times if you're just getting started but just remember you're not going to be

00:20:07.360 able to get great at the one thing that's going to make you all the money if you're spreading your

00:20:11.240 effort across multiple things where this person's already learned the main things that they need to

00:20:16.980 do so that's like competing against someone who spends all their time playing basketball and you

00:20:22.680 think you're going to be as good as them but you're also bowling and you're playing baseball and you're

00:20:26.100 playing hockey and you're you're wrestling and you're playing football and you're practicing all

00:20:29.900 this shit i mean i think it's pretty safe to say that the guy who practices all of his time in

00:20:33.980 basketball is going to beat your ass and that's the same in business so you need to think about it

00:20:37.660 like that i love it i love it man well guys any question number two

00:20:41.240 andy i graduate high school in two weeks that's a lot of my friends uh are talking about taking a

00:20:50.320 gap year which is basically they take a year off from work or take a year off from going to college

00:20:56.560 and find themselves in other words they live off their parents and party and don't do shit uh i'm

00:21:03.380 good let them yeah that's a year you can get ahead of them now i'm definitely going to college i want

00:21:09.440 to be a lawyer uh these friends do listen to the show not as much as i do uh but can you give them

00:21:15.620 some real advice on why this gap year would be a bad idea um or as bad as i think it would be for

00:21:21.760 them uh appreciate you big dog all right yeah i'll give you a bunch of ideas one you're you're going

00:21:26.940 to be lazy as fuck so you're going to get out of the habits of doing the work every day which most

00:21:31.560 people never get back into two by not paying attention to what's going on business and and the

00:21:37.060 society and everything that's going on in terms of having a career is changing so fast that when

00:21:42.200 you come back and you start paying attention again you're going to be way behind three the people who

00:21:46.820 don't take a gap year automatically you're ahead of you automatically and i know you think well it

00:21:51.020 doesn't matter if they're actually a year ahead of me no it actually does okay um so there's three

00:21:55.620 reasons now are there benefits to taking a gap year i don't know maybe like you could go to europe

00:22:00.940 like i went to europe when i graduated high school i went i went uh but i didn't take a

00:22:06.900 whole year off it was a fucking no i just went for you know a few weeks and yeah it was awesome um

00:22:12.260 but i think the most dangerous thing about this gap year is that it breaks the routine of you having

00:22:17.800 to be productive which is a habit which is very very important especially if you're going to go on

00:22:23.000 to build a career um now a lot of people aren't going to college but clearly you know if you're going

00:22:27.760 to be a lawyer you know some states they let you take the bar without it but it's probably a good

00:22:32.200 idea to go to college right if you're going to be a lawyer uh but if you're not going to be something

00:22:36.700 that requires a professional degree like that you you should automatically go into the workforce

00:22:41.240 because most companies aren't even looking for degrees anymore they're not looking for

00:22:46.220 indoctrinated employees like honestly like when people apply here with their college degree i almost

00:22:50.760 don't want to hire them because i know they've been fed a bunch of fucking bullshit so i'm not saying

00:22:55.560 this because you don't want to take the gap year so that you can go to college right away i'm saying

00:23:00.820 this is that it's that's a valuable year for you to get ahead of all your peers if you choose to go

00:23:06.220 hard right away i started my business at 19 years old all right i went to one year of college and i was

00:23:11.760 like man this ain't for me and then i kept going to college when i first started my business and i got

00:23:16.660 three years in i'm like nah fuck this these people are stupid i learned it for myself but um it just depends

00:23:23.520 on what you want to do if you want to be a doctor you got to go to school if you want to be a lawyer

00:23:26.400 it's a pretty good idea to go to school you want to be an engineer you probably got to go to school

00:23:29.960 but if you're just going to school to go to school yeah don't don't get yourself in that situation

00:23:35.080 well i think there's something too about putting off the reality of the world right like there's

00:23:42.200 something to be said that like i mean i feel like you know people leave in high school you're in the

00:23:46.520 real world now right like your decisions like that's when your decisions start having real

00:23:51.300 consequences in the real world you're viewed as an adult right and to try to put that off and delay

00:23:56.220 that it's like you're slowly ripping the band-aid off it's like no just rip the shit off and get out

00:24:01.400 there i i you know what i'm saying yeah well i mean i know it was that way for you because you didn't

00:24:06.200 have you didn't have a i bet you were right out on your own oh at 17 yeah no not everybody's like

00:24:13.020 that you know people do have parents that take care of them like the guy said in the question

00:24:16.500 if you were my kid i would tell you this i would say hey it's okay to go see the world take a trip

00:24:23.400 for two weeks do whatever you got to do but let's fucking get after it right now because your your

00:24:28.620 peers and the people you're competing against they're going to be not only taking a year off

00:24:33.000 they're going to be fucking off for four more years in college and then they're going to try to figure

00:24:36.720 out what they do i would say hey let's get to work building something right now and and that way

00:24:40.960 we've got a four or five year head start on all these other fuckers and it's a valuable head it's a it's a

00:24:45.520 valuable time because you can't get that head start really any other time in life so that's my

00:24:50.260 take on it if you were my son that's what i would say um but you ain't so yeah yeah i love it all right

00:25:00.440 well guys andy our third and final question uh andy i want to start by saying i hate the victimhood

00:25:08.000 mentality just as much as the next person it's low-hanging fruit in my opinion i feel like people

00:25:13.840 with real struggles and real hardships don't really speak on those things publicly or not i know

00:25:20.740 that life happens to everyone things happen death sicknesses etc my question is when you have found

00:25:27.220 yourself in those dark times in your life what have you found to be the best way to get through them

00:25:33.120 i feel like a lot of people suffer in silence and don't know how to get out of the suffering

00:25:37.820 without feeling like they are a part of the victim mentality bullshit how how do we handle this

00:25:44.260 look man you're gonna have bad times you're gonna have hard times everybody has them okay it's called

00:25:51.660 fucking life here's the thing when hard times come when bad shit happens most people lay down and they

00:25:59.220 stop trying they go and they curl up in a little ball in the shower and they fucking cry and they boo-hoo

00:26:04.640 about their life and a lot of times that's justified all right your your child could die

00:26:11.040 you could lose a sibling you could your parents who knows yeah lots of shit okay and it's okay to be

00:26:17.340 upset that's not what i'm saying but what i am saying is is if you wallow in that for the next

00:26:22.800 fucking five years and you concentrate on just that and you always talk about that and you always focus

00:26:28.560 on that you can't move through it effectively so the way to move through hard times which are gonna

00:26:35.600 happen bro nobody is immune to them and you're correct people who go through really hard shit

00:26:40.880 usually don't bitch about it they just fucking eat it and the way that those people get through it

00:26:46.640 is that they control the things they can control okay what can you control you can control the most

00:26:52.800 important things that affect your daily life every single day you can't control your environment you

00:26:58.560 can't control what's gonna happen you can't control what god's gonna do you can't control these tragedies

00:27:03.200 these are gonna happen you can't control a bad economy you can't control a fire burning down

00:27:08.080 your house you can't control these things but what you can control is that you can control what

00:27:14.480 you eat you control how you move your body you control what you put in your mind you control how

00:27:19.680 you treat people, you control your attitude, you control all of these things. And those things

00:27:25.740 are the most important things to your daily state of mind and your daily state of being,

00:27:33.500 okay? If you're eating well and you're drinking water and you're putting good things in your mind

00:27:38.080 and you're continuing to make progress, you're going to feel much better than the person who's

00:27:42.520 just wallowing in their hardship, all right? And not only that, and this is the most important thing,

00:27:48.200 most people get paralyzed in terms of progress of their life when hard things happen. And if you

00:27:55.660 have developed the ability to control the controllables and move through and continue

00:28:00.500 to progress when everybody else quits, you've got a big gap there. You create a big advantage for

00:28:06.440 yourself because most people can't do that, all right? So, and I know it's hard, but sometimes

00:28:12.380 the best way to get through things is to actually just keep pushing through. And that way, when you

00:28:17.900 do start feeling better, you don't look back and you say, fuck, I let all my progress die. I let

00:28:23.620 my business die. I let my career die. I got fat. I got this. And you don't have this huge mountain

00:28:29.840 that you have to climb now to get back where you were because you were disciplined enough

00:28:33.600 and smart enough to control those things through the hardship, okay? So now, instead of being in this

00:28:40.120 bad mental spot, you've kind of worked your way out of it and you're like, fuck, all right,

00:28:43.220 I'm starting to feel better. And you look back, you're like, well, fuck, I didn't really even get

00:28:46.360 off track because I was controlling the controllables. So I'm in a really good spot,

00:28:50.140 okay? And so not only is it good for you mentally, but it's also good for you in the terms of how much

00:28:57.120 progress you're making against your peers. And a lot of people will say, oh, there's fucking no such

00:29:01.960 thing as competition. I'm just competing with myself. Bullshit, okay? There's very little spots

00:29:08.000 at the top of high earner potential. And that's what we talk about here. We talk about earning potential,

00:29:12.540 making money, kicking ass in business and life. There are very few spots at the top. It is a limited

00:29:19.040 fucking placing, okay? That's why there are so few of them. And then below that, the level of pretty

00:29:25.740 good, there's more of those. And then there's average where by definition, there's the most of

00:29:31.020 those. That's why it's called average, all right? So most people end up in average because A, like we

00:29:37.560 talked about beginning, they don't pick the thing. B, they spread their efforts across multiple

00:29:42.740 things. C, when bad things happen, they have to, they paralyze themselves and they don't make that

00:29:48.280 progress. And all the while, the people who, the people who do all of those things continue to move

00:29:52.860 forward, which creates a huge gap in the results that are produced. And dude, the reality is, is the

00:29:59.140 world rewards results. It doesn't care if you're fucking sad. It doesn't care if you don't feel good.

00:30:05.220 It doesn't care if you're going through bullshit. The world doesn't give a fuck. And you have to

00:30:10.640 understand this and you can argue about it. You could cry about it. You could say it's not fair,

00:30:14.800 but that is the way it is. So if you can build yourself into someone who can move through the

00:30:21.040 hard times effectively, maybe not at top level, but at least effectively so that we're not having

00:30:27.060 to climb this big mountain that you created by pausing and just wallowing, bro, you, you got a

00:30:32.380 really good chance of beating everybody else out. So that's the way to look at it. My opinion.

00:30:38.120 Yeah. Let me ask you that. I'm going to get real quick, real quick. Cause I want to, I want to,

00:30:41.940 I really would like to see your take on this, right? You got stabbed. You were 20, 22, 23,

00:30:49.380 23 years old. And you were stabbed and you said that was about a two year time period in your life,

00:30:55.820 right? Shit was dark. Yeah. Right. Now fast forward to 2021, you tear your shoulder. Yeah.

00:31:03.400 Fucking obliterated. Yeah. It wasn't just terror. It was total reconstruction. It was fucked up. Yeah.

00:31:07.540 You know what I'm saying? That was about a two year. Yeah. What would you say the difference is

00:31:11.880 between that? The difference is when I got stabbed, I fucking sat around, I drank, I didn't do shit.

00:31:18.700 I felt sorry for myself. I didn't go out in public. I was embarrassed. I wallowed and it made me into a

00:31:24.700 suicidal fucking literal nightmare of a human being this time. And by the way, it's a different

00:31:31.780 thing. Okay. There's different levels of severity here. And as bad as my shoulder was, it's still

00:31:36.960 a bad thing, but it wasn't as bad as getting stabbed in the fucking face. Right. That's

00:31:40.460 interesting. Cause I see, I look at him in the same. Well, it's less traumatic. I'll say that.

00:31:46.600 So, but the amount of mental impact that it had was very similar. That's what I'm saying.

00:31:51.420 Right. I mean, because I wasn't able, I was at first of all, I was at the best shape

00:31:54.220 of my life. I had all the momentum and it completely derailed all of that. But what

00:31:59.000 I did instead of wallowing, I did what the fuck I could. I'd come in here. I fucking train

00:32:04.940 with one arm. I, I would do everything I could. I'd eat good. I'd train with one arm. I didn't

00:32:10.500 put on a bunch of weight. I didn't get fucking fat again. I kept my weight off. I kept my

00:32:14.580 fitness close to in check. And I think that made it so like I was able to continue moving

00:32:21.400 forward in all areas of my life. So I didn't miss two years of my life by just sitting around

00:32:25.240 crying and feel sorry for myself. And by the way, it was one of the better, best, like

00:32:31.060 just like getting stabbed, I say it was the best thing that ever happened to me because

00:32:33.880 it changed my perspective. You know, having my shoulder reconstructed when I'm at the peak

00:32:37.980 of my physicality and mental being, um, and then having to go back and then working through

00:32:43.040 that was a huge mental test that I fucking passed. So now I look back and I'm like, yeah,

00:32:49.080 that sucked, but fuck that. I didn't beat me. It didn't break me. And now I have that much

00:32:53.460 more confidence because of that. So, you know, if you keep moving, things are going to work

00:32:59.220 out much better than if you don't. And so, you know, it's just reality, dude. It's not my

00:33:04.200 opinion. It's just reality.

00:33:05.380 Well, I think a lot of people too, they get stuck in those times, like when that storm

00:33:08.760 comes and they wallow in it and before you know it, it's life. Here comes another storm.

00:33:14.380 And so I think there's also like a universal aspect to this too, right? Because the more

00:33:20.000 you wallow in it and you're not doing anything to fix or adjust or change, the universe somehow

00:33:26.920 gives you a little bit more of that, man, because like, that's what you're asking. It's

00:33:29.860 almost like that's what you're asking.

00:33:30.720 Bro, when you focus, this is why I talk about therapy the way I do. Cause when you focus

00:33:35.360 on the same problems day in and day out, day in and day out, day in and day out, poor

00:33:40.060 me, I'm fucked up. I got this wrong with me. I got that wrong with me. I can't do this because

00:33:45.060 of that. You're actually putting all of your focus on all these things that are bad in

00:33:49.980 your life. And when you put your focus on all these things that are bad in your life,

00:33:54.120 do you know what the universe gives you? More bad shit. Okay. And this is why, you know,

00:33:59.220 while I think therapy may be beneficial for some people, I think it's totally overblown.

00:34:04.700 I think it's highly predatory for a lot of these therapists because these therapists have

00:34:09.040 no incentive to actually get you better because you're paying them to continue to be fucked up.

00:34:15.800 All right. So they want you to talk about your shit. They want you to focus on your shit because

00:34:20.240 they know that if you focus on your shit and talk about your shit, you can't get through your shit.

00:34:24.180 All right. Now I'm not saying that you shouldn't talk to someone. That is not what I'm saying.

00:34:28.200 I'm saying that it is way overblown in terms of how appropriate it is. And if you actually want

00:34:33.900 to get better, you need to start focusing on what you're trying to create and who you're trying to

00:34:38.600 become again, just like you did before and not focusing on how bad shit is and how hard you have

00:34:44.120 it. All right. That is a absolutely for sure recipe to stay in that exact same place. If you always

00:34:53.360 focus on what your problems are and you always focus on what's wrong. If you're in a down spot

00:34:57.480 and you're in a spot where you're, you know, you know, you're not want to be, you have to just

00:35:01.820 make the plan like you have never made the plan before, right? You have to start out at ground

00:35:06.680 zero and say, okay, yeah, fucking, I got derailed. All right. I still want to be that motherfucker

00:35:11.920 over there. So what does that guy do? He does this, he does this, he does this, he does this,

00:35:15.940 and then start doing those things right away, controlling the controllables and you push yourself

00:35:21.260 out of that fucking place. So that's why live hard is such a valuable program for people because

00:35:27.160 it forces them to push through. You can't do the program if you're not willing to work through

00:35:31.940 adversity because it's a year long program. Uh, and you know, it takes up 40% of your year.

00:35:39.000 You're bound to have adversity during that program. So if you, if you can learn to work

00:35:43.820 through the adversity and stay on the program, you learn a new skillset, which is very valuable,

00:35:48.440 which is how to move forward when everybody else gets paralyzed. Does that make sense?

00:35:52.580 Absolutely. I actually, I remember, I think it might've been like the second day or third day

00:35:56.880 after your surgery. Um, you were like, well, we're about to see what I'm made of. Yeah.

00:36:03.080 Well, motherfucker, I did cardio fucking 30 minutes after my surgery just to prove a point

00:36:08.120 to myself. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that, I think that that's, uh, that's, that's some real

00:36:12.480 shit, man. Yeah. Um, yeah, man, I love it. Was that three? That was three. We got four. We got another

00:36:17.620 one. We'll do another one. Yeah. Let's, uh, pour some sauce, extra sauce, sauce, sauce. I think

00:36:26.240 that's actually something really nasty. Sauce, sauce, sauce is like fucking like, you know what

00:36:31.160 head cheese is? Hog cheese? No. What? What? It's real. Head cheese is like some stuff you got on your

00:36:40.560 little pee there. No, that's dick cheese. Well, that's, that's head cheese. No, it's

00:36:46.800 sauce. No, sauce is like a real thing. You got a cheesy, you got a cheesy pee? No, I

00:36:50.860 thought you had to be like, you know, not snipped. I don't know what the fuck you are or aren't.

00:36:56.100 I'm snipped. I'm snipped. Okay. So you got the mushroom tip. I thought they did a great

00:37:00.980 job on it actually. Yeah. I feel good about mine too. Yeah. I mean like, yeah. Yeah. Solid.

00:37:05.640 Got one of those mushrooms too. Yep. All right. What'd you say? All right. That's why

00:37:18.100 he likes jujitsu so much. Keep rubbing on everybody. All right. Let's do it. Let God

00:37:23.620 stay focused. Baby portobello. This is very serious. Stop it. This is serious. We're serious

00:37:30.640 here. This is a fucking serious show. All right. Back to making people better. Yeah. Um,

00:37:35.640 question number four guys, Andy, uh, Andy, how do you tame your nervous system in moments

00:37:42.300 of high stress or perceived conflict? Uh, I am 24 years old. I've been in business. Uh,

00:37:48.700 I've been a business owner for four years, tough conversations and perceived conflict sends

00:37:54.260 my body into fight or flight. Uh, even, even though I logically know there's no real imminent

00:38:00.180 danger. Uh, I have been working on addressing these situations head on and talking to myself

00:38:05.480 through them. However, I still feel my heart rate increase. Palms get sweaty and feeling

00:38:09.760 like I can't get my words out or address the situation in the moment. Like I need to often

00:38:14.720 freeze. Uh, do you have any tricks for calming your nervous system or the fight or flight response?

00:38:19.660 Uh, so you can address conversations and situations effectively. Absolutely. First of all, if you're

00:38:25.340 a young entrepreneur, this is not abnormal to feel nervous when you have to have conversations

00:38:31.120 that there may be some contention in them. Okay. Uh, that's a normal thing. And the way that you

00:38:36.360 ultimately get through that is by having them over and over and over again to the point where

00:38:40.960 it's just natural to have them. And I can promise you, if you will just commit to working through this

00:38:46.520 process, you will get to a point where you can have these conversations and your heartbeat will not

00:38:51.500 even change at all. It will just be a conversation. And so the first thing you have to do to get to

00:38:57.600 that point is you have to be willing to do them. You have to be willing to do the reps and that goes

00:39:01.820 for anything, any skillset you're trying to build. And this is a skillset, having conversations that

00:39:05.820 are direct. That's a skillset. So you have to be willing to have them if you ever want to get

00:39:09.780 better. Secondly, you have to frame the conversation the proper way. If you go into it saying this is a

00:39:16.200 conflict conversation, or this is a, this is a hard conversation. It's going to be conflicting and it's

00:39:22.940 going to be hard because you've already decided that. So instead just say, I got to have a

00:39:27.800 conversation. All right. Don't put the burden on yourself. This is going to be hard. And, and,

00:39:33.880 and you start imagining all these unlikely scenarios about what they could say. And usually they don't

00:39:40.540 even say that shit. Usually you sit down and you say, Hey, this is what I need. And they say,

00:39:45.380 okay, cool. Yeah. And so, yeah. So understand that people aren't going to automatically like flip the

00:39:53.200 fuck out because you have to tell them something. A lot of young entrepreneurs, and I don't mean young

00:39:58.300 in age. I just mean young in the game. They really struggle with this because they've never been in

00:40:03.640 a position where they have to like tell someone what they need or direct someone. Right. So they're

00:40:08.520 very uncomfortable with it. And they feel like, fuck, I don't want to tell somebody, uh, what it,

00:40:13.500 what this means, or I don't want to have this conversation. I don't want to be direct because

00:40:17.080 I don't want them to think that I'm better than them. No, dude, it's not that you're better than

00:40:20.980 them. And this is point number three. You have to realize that that's your role. Your role on the

00:40:26.360 team is to direct the boat on the right course. And you can't get the boat on the right course,

00:40:32.120 unless you're talking to the people who are rowing the boat. Right. And you might be rowing the boat

00:40:36.460 too. So you might have to talk while you're rowing and you might have to say to the guys, Hey,

00:40:40.920 you guys over there on the right, you're rowing a little too slow. We got

00:40:43.480 to pick it up so we can go straight and we don't go in a circle. You see what I'm saying?

00:40:47.020 That's not a hard conversation because they want to go straight too. So you have to remember,

00:40:52.320 they have an interest in getting this problem corrected as well. And most people that are

00:40:56.660 reasonable want to correct those things. Um, so all of that aside, you have to remember, dude,

00:41:04.320 you have chosen a path that you have not gone down before. And there's going to be lots of things

00:41:09.340 that are difficult for you. And one of them for most people is to have a direct conversation.

00:41:14.540 But if you can't learn to have a direct conversation, you are not valuable. That is

00:41:19.820 it. And that goes for, you're not effective and you're not valuable. And that doesn't just go for

00:41:24.180 the person who's directing the boat on what direction that goes for the motherfucker. Who's

00:41:28.420 also rowing AKA an employee, right? If an employee, like if you're back on the back of the boat and

00:41:34.360 you're, you're back there and no one can really see you rowing and you're fucking or is fucked up

00:41:38.220 and you don't tell anybody and you're rowing as hard as you can. And you still can't row with the

00:41:42.900 team because your or is fucked up and you don't want to go say something because you're afraid of

00:41:46.720 what they're going to say. You're invaluable and ineffective to the team. And a lot of people

00:41:51.140 who are in like intrapreneurs, they don't understand this concept. They don't understand that

00:41:56.220 they have to give feedback. They have to be willing to say, Hey, here's where I'm having

00:42:01.480 an issue because that's valuable shit to the leadership and leadership will value someone

00:42:06.940 a hundred times more that will come to them and say, Hey, here's a problem. I see

00:42:12.060 without abusing that conversation. Okay. Because there's two kinds of people here. There's people

00:42:19.060 who will come and give you the exact feedback you need. That is valuable. Who is a team player.

00:42:23.380 And they say, Hey, this is what I noticed. I think it needs to get fixed here. What can

00:42:28.640 we do to fix this? And then there's the other kind of person who will disguise their, their

00:42:35.020 feedback as a complaint or as a way to get something more for them. All right. And that

00:42:40.960 always bring you everything that usually sounds like bitching. Okay. So there's a big difference

00:42:45.920 between bitching and giving constructive feedback. If you just go to your leadership and bitch

00:42:51.760 all the time, because you hear Andy say, it's important to give feedback or you're invaluable,

00:42:56.980 you're going to get fired because people don't like that. They don't like getting bitched at.

00:43:00.960 They don't like hearing gossip. They don't there's, there's important shit. And then there's

00:43:05.520 not important shit. And your job in giving feedback is to keep all the non-important shit off the plate

00:43:10.480 of your leader and make their job easier and then bring the important shit to them so that they can fix

00:43:15.560 it and the team can move forward. So this ability to directly communicate is a massive asset, not just

00:43:22.840 for the leadership, but also the people who are on the team that aren't necessarily the main leader.

00:43:28.720 You can be a leader peer to peer too. That's a whole nother thing. Like if you're on a team

00:43:35.000 and you're in the boat and I'm just giving you some free game on how to be more valuable and you're,

00:43:40.920 you're back there and you hear the other guy and he's like, fuck, fuck this. This is stupid.

00:43:45.260 This is blah, blah, blah. That's where you go to the guy. You'd be like, Hey, that motherfucker

00:43:48.520 ain't on the team, bro. We need someone else rowing. Right. And what most people will do is they'll

00:43:54.240 do this fucking pussy shit. Well, some people are upset because who people, well, I don't want to

00:44:01.340 name names. Well then bro, I, you're not valuable to me because I can't fix the problem. If you won't

00:44:06.320 name the fucking name, you got to play. Guess who? It's the most annoying shit in the world.

00:44:10.920 And the reason it happens is because there isn't trust between the leadership and the team.

00:44:16.400 Okay. The leadership has to earn trust of the team to know that they have the team's best interest

00:44:23.320 in mind. And then the team will be more likely to communicate directly to you. And that's what

00:44:28.840 you want. You want direct communication both ways. Hey guys, I need you to roll a little harder.

00:44:33.620 The guy in the back said, Hey, my oar's fucked up. I need to fucking do this. Okay. All right,

00:44:37.320 good. Hey, that guy over there, that guy ain't fucking, he don't want to be here. Let's throw

00:44:41.940 him off the fucking boat. Right. Let's get someone on here that does. That's all valuable

00:44:45.540 shit. But what's not valuable is going to the front of the boat and saying, man, I'm

00:44:50.320 fucking tired. I don't, I don't like this. I don't like the, the way the oars are hurting

00:44:54.700 my hands. You know, like, I don't, I don't like the way I don't like the tone you use when

00:44:59.520 you tell us to row that shit. Get the fuck out. You know what I'm saying? We're here to

00:45:04.000 fucking win. We're here to kick ass. We're here to be productive. We're here to win

00:45:07.940 as a team. And that, that requires open conversation, direct conversation, honest feedback without

00:45:15.880 all the trash. Okay. So hopefully that helps some of you guys. Yeah. 100%, man. I love

00:45:21.020 it. Well, guys, Andy, that was four. Yeah. Try not to be a whore.

00:45:26.020 Yeah. Went from sleeping on the floor. Now my jewelry box froze. Fuck a pole. Fuck a

00:45:31.420 stove. Counted millions in the cold. Bad bitch. Booty swole. Got her on bankroll. Can't

00:45:37.280 fold. Doesn't know. Headshot. Case closed.

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - May 09, 2024

702. Q&AF： Jack Of All Trades, Time Off After High School & Getting Through Dark Times

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