707. Q&AF： Comparison： The Thief Of Joy, Giving Grace & Passion Vs Aggression
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Summary
On this episode of the Realist Realists podcast, we have a Q&A from a listener and we give the answers to some of the most common questions sent in. We also talk about the recent storms that have been going on in the past few days and how to deal with them.
Transcript
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What is up guys it's Andy Priscilla and this is the show for the realists say goodbye to the lies
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the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today we
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have a mid-week Q&A F that's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers now if you
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want your questions answered on the show you can do so a couple different ways the first way is
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guys email those questions in to askandy at andy for seller.com or you go on youtube in the Q&A F
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episodes drop your question in the comments we'll pick some from there as well other times you tune
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in like tomorrow we're going to have CTI that stands for cruise the internet it's where we put
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topics on the screen we talk about what's going on in the world we speculate on what's true what's
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not true and then we talk about how we the people have to solve these problems going on in the world
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then we have real talk real talks 5 to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk and then we have
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75 hard verses that's where someone who has completed the 75 hard program which is the initial phase of
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the live hard program comes on talks about how their life was a dumpster fire and how they un dumpster
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fired it using the live hard program and how you can do the same if you are interested in live hard
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program which you should be because it'll change your life you can get it for free at episode 208
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on the audio feed it's on the audio feed only it's not on youtube we weren't on youtube at that time
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there is a book on my website called the book on mental toughness uh if you are interested in that
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it will give you the entire live hard program top to bottom in and out gives you all the details
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uh plus 10 chapters on mental toughness why it's important how to use it and then some case studies
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on some very famous people and how they use mental toughness to become the people that you recognize
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them for that book is available at andy versella.com um we have a fee for the show the fee is very simple
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uh share the show all right uh we're constantly getting censored shadow ban traffic throttled and we
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need the message to get out you're going to notice i don't run ads on the show which means i'm not
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going to fill your head with 30 minutes of bs that i don't even use um and so i ask very simply
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a little trade if we bring value to you if we make you laugh we make you think if we help you with your
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perspective we teach you some skills please share the show and that's not just once in a while that's
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the actual show that gives you the value all right so uh don't be a hoe share the show all right hey
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what's up what's going on oh not much yeah is i what's happening with ig oh well they took my page
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down for nothing jesus yeah no strikes no no warning no anything um which i'm sure we'll have
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it back up soon but this is why it's important for you guys to share the show yeah we're constantly
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dealing with shit like this we've had it happen to our youtube we've had it happen to our ig
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um so when we say share the show our show is highly dependent on you guys sharing it out there
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so i'm sure my instagram will be back soon uh and if you want to stay in contact with me in the
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event that they would delete everything you need to subscribe to the andygram you just go on andy
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for seller.com go down to andygram fill in your email we're not going to spam you with a bunch of
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bullshit you're going to get a post for me every day people are like why don't you post well
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i do i probably do more content than anybody on the planet i do five podcasts a week um
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i do andygram every single day which is a post like instagram i do my stories so you know that's
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where the posts are they're on my andygram and if you go on my website andy for seller.com just
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fill out your email you'll get that every day in your inbox so it's a good way to start the day but
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yeah they're fucking with me as usual free my boy yeah bro it's it's it's insane dude they're
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going to get worse and worse and worse and whatever man yeah so yeah other than that man
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it's uh yeah all is good we've been uh i think do we got more storms coming in i don't know man
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raining its ass off yeah storming too like not just like steady rain like it's like when we get
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the rain it's just in a in a huge like storm and i can't remember the last day we've had like a
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steady day of rain nice rain yeah like like rain's cool yeah it's it's not been that it's been
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like just straight up storms yeah and i can't even remember the last day we had a rainy day yeah
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so yeah yeah yeah well let's get into it yeah let's uh let's make some people better yeah guys
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andy uh question number one andy i've been told my whole life that comparison is the thief of joy
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but you teach that we're all in a competition in life whether we realize it or not does that statement
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uh comparison is the thief of joy have any weight at all uh is there any truth to it or has it just
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been interpreted wrong no i think there's a little bit of truth to it i think that when you're doing
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well and you're doing everything you can do and you're kicking ass and you're doing the best that
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you can do and you're on day one or day 20 or day 30 of your journey and you're comparing your and
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you've been doing everything that you can do and you're comparing yourself to someone who's been
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doing it for 10 20 30 years yeah that's gonna take away your joy okay um now if you compare yourself
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to let's say somebody who's been doing it the same amount of time and they're beating your ass and then
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you just look in the mirror and say well it's okay i shouldn't compare myself you're gonna fucking lose
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so there has there's nuance to every saying and you know everybody on the internet likes to hear these
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sayings and then attach a permanent meaning to them and that's just not the way it works dude
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there's nuance there's exceptions and it's a lot like luck right like i don't ever talk about luck
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and the reason i don't talk about luck is because the minute i talk about luck all the fucking weak
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minded pussies say see i'm not lucky and they use it as an excuse the rest of their life what they
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don't understand is that yes there are breaks that you get but those breaks come whenever you're prepared
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okay so when you work hard and you execute and you're doing that day in and day out day in and day out
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day in and day out for a long period of time absolutely there's going to be things that go
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your way and people are going to say oh look at that luck and then they use that as an excuse and
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say well that guy's made it because he got that lucky break not even considering the 20 years or 10
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years or five years that he put in to get to that point all right so this is the same kind of saying
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all these fucking gurus on the internet like to say comparison is the thief of joy just be happy where
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you're at well if that's the case bro be happy with your little fucking mcdonald's cheeseburger
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fucking happy meal and your shitty life living in your fucking basement and never compare yourself
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to anyone and think you're okay if you want to do that and you can live in ignorance and you could
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be happy doing that by all means do it but that's not what we're about here we're about fucking winning
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we're about being the best we're about executing at a high level and to execute at a high level it is a
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very useful thing to look at people who are on the same path as you and compare yourself
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that is reality if that guy's running a 4 5 40 and i'm a wide receiver and i'm running a 4 6 guess
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what i gotta get fucking faster okay this is the reality of competition so there is truth to it
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you don't want to compare yourself to someone who's outside the realm or outside the brackets
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of reasonable comparison right like if i am to compare myself um you know with jeff bezos i'm gonna
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constantly feel like i'm a piece of shit right because bezos has been as successful as he has
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been but if i compare myself to people in my industry who've chosen the path that i've chosen
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i can look at it objectively and say okay well you're doing pretty fucking good okay now eventually when
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you get to the top of that game you have to start comparing yourself to the outside uh people who are
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outside the realm of whatever it is you do because you want to break free of the mold that's been
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created in the space that you're in so like for now like now like when i compare myself i don't
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compare myself to people in my space anymore i compare myself to fucking phil knight and yeah
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that's frustrating for me but frustrating drives ambition which drives big action which drives big
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results so when i look at things and i get frustrated i don't act like a little bitch and say
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fucking i'm so discouraged i say fuck all right well that guy's badass i'm gonna have to get a lot
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better and that's the attitude of a winner winners will compare themselves and look at it and be
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honest with themselves and say i gotta get better here here here here here losers will look at people
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and compare themselves and be like oh fuck i'm just a loser and and dude that's a self-fulfilling
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prophecy because if you think like that you're always going to be a loser yeah i think i think
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most people will struggle with the objective being able to look at shit objectively like this is
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just what it is right now this current situation like that's hard for people to process i think
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it's hard for people to consider the amount of work the amount of dedication the amount of struggle
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the amount of pain the amount of frustration that has occurred to get people where they are
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when they haven't even gone down the path at all right like you look at people when you're on day one
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and you're standing at the bottom of the mountain and you're looking up at mount everest and there's
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some motherfuckers three quarters of the way up there there's even a guy up there on the top
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and you've never climbed a mountain before yeah you're gonna be like fuck right but the way you're
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gonna climb the mountain is the same way they climb the mountain one step at a time okay and
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if you can't do one step at a time then you're gonna have to improve your skill set about moving
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up the mountain so i don't buy into this feel good idealist nonsense about trying to be happy all the
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time and trying to be in zen mode and trying to feel peace all the time bro if you're happy all the
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time and you have peace all the time and you have no frustration no anxiety you're not gonna have
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any drive or ambition either you're not gonna have any reason to change you're gonna be sitting
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on your couch getting the same shit you're getting out and if that's what you want cool but don't
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pretend like you want more don't bitch about why you don't have more just accept your life and say
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this is what i want i'm happy here and you'll be happy stop consuming my content stop consuming
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content that wants you to get better that pushes you to be better that calls you out on your bullshit
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because all that's going to do is piss you off and make you unhappy unsubscribe go away go look at
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the fucking butterfly pages and shut the fuck up that's what needs to happen okay like just accept
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where you are now if you're a driven person i would absolutely be comparing myself to other people
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that's just reality and i don't believe in this fucking shit that all these dudes preach
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you know everybody's in this hurry to feel fucking good you shouldn't feel good all the time bro
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you should feel good when you're doing the things you know you should be doing if you don't fucking feel
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good it's because you're not doing the shit you should be doing you shouldn't just accept it and say
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well it is what it is you know that's his life that's what we deal with in today's society we
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deal with a bunch of pussified opinions about peace and harmony and touching the grass and
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fucking dude it's just it's victim culture to the max and it's like motherfuckers you wonder why you
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can't get anywhere it's because you're soft as fuck you're trying to get something that you can't even
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get you think you can feel peaceful all the time and still achieve things you think you can feel no
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frustration all the time and still improve your situation you can't so let's stop with this
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bullshit if you're an ambitious person you want to change the trajectory of your fucking family tree
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you're gonna have frustrating times you're gonna have uh angering times you're gonna have doubtful
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times you're gonna have big tests in life you're gonna have disruption you're not gonna have peace
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very often these are the realities of pursuing a bigger purpose and a bigger mission in your life
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and if you want to be what you are now and continue to degrade over the course of your life
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from here to the end of it just go fucking do something else stop pretending like you want it
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because you don't you know one last piece i want to hit on man because you mentioned it i feel like
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also too man it's hard for people to kind of comprehend that that climb because they're not
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really able to they didn't see them actually climb they just see the no they think this dude got
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dropped off by a helicopter right see that guy three quarters he only got there because he fucking
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he had to just take a helicopter he jumped yeah right he jumped from the bottom to top because
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he's lucky to have this skill set you know what i'm saying he got lucky right his parents owned a
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helicopter that's what it was you know now he didn't climb the 30 000 steps yeah he was he's
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lebron james's kid he could jump 400 yards he bounded up the mountain like bambi like fuck dude
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yeah i mean but does that does that give you any like like mental clarity though looking at it like
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that like just knowing that people won't really see the input they just see the output i don't care
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what people see why the fuck you care what people see why you care it has nothing to do with them
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most of the people you know right now you're not going to know in five years what difference does
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it fucking make who cares what they fucking think you should be worried about taking that step and
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that next step and that next step and eventually you'll get halfway up the mountain and there'll be a
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whole bunch of other people that are also halfway up the mountain and those people become your friends
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and all the fuckers that fucking didn't get it they'll still be at the bottom of the mountain
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eating fucking hot pockets yeah that's real shit man i love it i love it guys uh any question number
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two uh andy my question is how do you how do you personally decide who and when to give grace to
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is it based on the individual person in your life or the act that was committed i understand people
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relay their own individual struggles through responses but i do believe that you should always
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trust the snake to do what a snake does and that's bite um appreciate all that you do what's your
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thoughts on this man you know that's a that's a nuanced question there's all different circumstances
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and conditions that go to play when you want to give someone grace you know um when you're humble
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enough to admit that you have made a lot of the same mistakes um and a lot of mistakes in your life
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you know i think as you get older you start to have more grace for people because you've made all
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these mistakes uh when i was younger in my 20s i was very judgmental when i was in my 30s i was a
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little less judgmental and now i i'm less judgmental even then um and it's because it's
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it's hypocritical if you have a strong character to judge people for things that you have done yourself
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or mistakes that you've made or even kind of similar so i think you know that plays into it i also
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think what plays into it is the intent did the person intend to do this or was it was it uh just a
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misunderstanding um and i also think the the amount of times the person has done it have they done this
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five different times because if they've done it five different times it's not something that that
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they feel bad about or that's a mistake it's just what they're doing that's a decision yeah that's
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right and and dude you know like that's probably best to like separate yourself from someone like
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that if they're doing something that violates your code of ethics you know what i mean so i think
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there's a lot of things but i think more importantly dude people struggle with forgiving themselves
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i think that's where people really struggle i don't think it's like giving grace with other people i
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think it's with giving grace with yourself and uh i had a good conversation with one of my friends
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about this a few weeks ago but you know the way you look at forgiving yourself is if your friend
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came to you and said hey man i did this and this and this and i feel really bad about it and i don't
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want to do this again how would you handle it most of us if it was a good friend would say well fuck
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dude dj that's pretty fucking stupid you shouldn't have done that shit bro but hey don't do it again
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man it's all right you know we'll figure it out yeah and if you can talk to yourself like that you
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know it's easier to forgive yourself we tend especially high achievers tend to judge themselves
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much harder than they do everybody else because they hold themselves to a higher standard so
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it's very hard for people who are driven ambitious who have high standards to forgive themselves when
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they make mistakes uh because quite honestly they think they're better than everybody else
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all right and and that's that's what it comes down to well that's some evidence-based stuff too though
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right like i mean the scoreboards yeah right no it's not i can understand bro look dude like that's a
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whole nother fucking bullshit topic oh you know better than anybody i don't know man like i'm better at a lot
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of things yeah i might not be more valuable as a human being as a human life i can agree with that
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yeah like you don't rescue turtles on the weekend yeah but i can tell you this i'm better than you in
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pretty much every fucking area you know what i'm saying not you but i'm just saying yeah in these
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situations you know this whole thing of like these losers coming around what do you think you're better
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than me i'm like yeah yeah like yes yeah of course but you're saying that's because you hold
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yourself accountable to that standard right right okay yeah but like dude you know i i think you
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know grace comes down to a couple things you know i i think you know you got to understand that you've
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made mistakes you got to understand you know what the intent was you got to understand you know how
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frequently is the behavior um you know there's there's all kinds of things that play into that man
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and i i think you know it just depends on the situation it just does it sounds so it sounds like
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what you're saying is that you know this this idea of grace is really just a matter of uh perspective
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yeah i think so you know what i'm saying because like it's weird because like i'm thinking about
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this in my like my own self like and how i look at grace right and like for me i'm at a stage where
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it's like i don't give a fuck what the intention was what was the the effect what was the outcome
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also yeah but you're also in your 20s that's how i was i'm saying so i get to be like i don't
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motherfucker when i was in my 20s i was a savage motherfucker someone stepped on my toes bro i
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cracked their fucking skull yeah so like not not literally well sometimes but you know what i'm saying
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but like bro that's a different mentality because you don't have the perspective of a lifetime of
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fuck-ups you know what i mean so i just think there's a lot of nuance there i also think there's
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a case to be made for karma like when you when someone does something you know that's going to
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cause a reaction back to them and you stand in the way of it and absorb that reaction you're keeping
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them from learning a lesson that will be valuable to them for the rest of their life so i think there's
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something to be said there too like you're trying to give them grace when in reality they need to
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learn their lesson they need that yeah you know yeah that's real you know like we see this a lot
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with finances right like like every family's got that fucking weirdo cousin or or irresponsible member
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of the family who always needs money right and because you love them you you you give them you
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know two three five hundred bucks a thousand bucks whenever you know whenever you can but the problem
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with that is is that they never learn how to be responsible with their money and what they actually
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learn is no different than when you feed a stray cat they know where to go when they're in a hard
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situation and so sometimes you have to say hey fuck you man get your fucking ass to work and that's the
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best lesson that you could give them you know what i mean love you but fuck you well that's that's
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that's real love dude like real love is saying hey you need to get shit together bro i'm not
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helping you you know what i'm saying so but i just think there's so much nuance there's not a
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clear-cut answer to that um yeah that's just what i think yeah yeah i like that man i like that uh
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well guys let's get to question number three uh andy andy hey hey andy i know you're a passionate
00:19:17.040
hey hey well people were dying at my story yesterday no they weren't oh no they were
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they were when we got in the truck oh yeah right you mean when i made you wet
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come on they were laughing at that one i had listen i got like one of my buddies he's a hardcore biker
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right he's like i got three unopened messages and i know they're from that i didn't even open it
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jerry i can't i can't even recover out of this um guys let's get to question number three uh andy
00:19:47.140
andy i know you're a passionate man um and i've been told by my colleagues family members and
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girlfriends that plural um that i'm too aggressive uh even though in many of the situations i don't
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feel or think that i'm being aggressive i like to think that i'm a passionate man i like things done
00:20:04.260
right but perhaps i really am an asshole do you have any practical tips uh for coming off as more
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professional or considerate um how can you set standards or provide feedback without coming off
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as an asshole is that part of that necessary to do like how do how do we do this you you need to
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understand that holding a standard and setting the pace and having people held accountable is
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perceived as asshole no matter how you do it okay and you could be the kindest person in the world
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they're gonna be like what a dick okay so so like bro it doesn't matter it's not your delivery that's
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the problem it's the fucking people that's the problem and it's the culture that's the problem
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we live in a culture where people do not like to be held accountable they do not like to live to a
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standard and when you point out that they don't live to a standard they call it abuse or harassment
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or some sort of crazy shit we live in the softest fucking society that's ever existed in the human
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history these people get food whenever they want it they don't have to hunt and kill anything they
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don't have to fight for anything they don't even fucking get dirty dude they got a hot shower they
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got unlimited water they got fucking 5 000 channels of entertainment like bro we live in a total
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weak pussified society that anytime you try to hold someone accountable they they have a problem
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with it okay so it's not your delivery dude and by the way if your delivery is overly aggressive
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fucking people will probably learn not to do that shit you know what i'm saying like i don't i don't
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buy into that bro like people should hear the message not the delivery that's how professionals
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behave that's how people work that's how shit gets done that's how winning teams play you guys
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got to understand dude winning is not for everybody winning is only for people who can understand what
00:21:54.120
it actually takes most people aren't going to understand that so when you try to hold them to
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a standard no matter if you whisper it in their fucking ear they're not going to fucking hear it right
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okay so i was told all those same things you're too aggressive the way you talk i don't like the way you
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talk to me i don't do this dude look where the fuck we are you like that do you like that do you
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like that do you like getting a fuck do you like living in a fucking million dollar house two million
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dollar house do you like that do you like getting paid what the fuck you get paid do you like that
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you like the car you drive you oh i like you like all those things right well then fuck
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how i deliver the message that's what i think it's real shit man it also makes me think too bro
00:22:35.260
like i mean if people would be real honest with themselves and like look back
00:22:38.960
the people that i like have the most respect for in my life we're the hardest on you they've
00:22:45.740
always been the hardest people my best coaches bro like he's a like he takes zero shit yeah you
00:22:51.360
know i'm saying like yeah because he knows that you guys will fucking you give they give you an inch
00:22:56.060
you'll take 10 miles like when you've been around the block of fucking hundred times you know that
00:23:01.180
yeah so you have to be stern you have to be hard now does that mean you got to walk in the room
00:23:05.800
and be like fuck all you lazy motherfuckers no you don't have to do that but you do have to be
00:23:11.200
firm in your ability to hold a line and when people don't fucking toe the line you got to tell them
00:23:17.280
and they're not gonna like that nobody likes being told hey man that's that's bullshit nobody likes
00:23:22.780
that you know i used to have to yell and scream to get that point across but i don't anymore i just
00:23:28.640
say it and people fucking get it you see what i'm saying i think there's something too also bro
00:23:32.920
like the reason that i have so much respect for the you know those people in my life that were
00:23:37.320
hardest on me is because at the same time i also understand that they actually gave a fuck no bro
00:23:43.000
it's the intent right it's the intent that is the key to making your delivery work no matter what it is
00:23:48.700
do you intend to make that person better or are you yelling at them because you want to fucking get
00:23:53.800
something for yourself do you want them to win are you trying to get you to win are you do you really
00:23:58.940
just are you fucking yelling at them because they didn't fucking run hard enough so that you could
00:24:03.360
get your fucking bonus or are you yelling at them because you know they're fucking better and they
00:24:06.940
should be doing way better for themselves the intent matters and people know the intent and when you
00:24:11.680
deliver a message no matter if it's on stage one-on-one no matter what if your intent is correct
00:24:16.980
and that person knows like hey motherfucker i care about you if they know that you can say anything
00:24:22.440
you want however you want whatever you want and if you're a little too hard you come back an hour later
00:24:26.620
you say hey i was heated i didn't mean to deliver it that way but i meant what the fuck i said we
00:24:32.720
got to do better and you know what they'll say every time no bro i got it yeah you see what i'm
00:24:36.660
saying so having that intent be correct is the biggest piece to this working if but i could tell
00:24:44.180
you this even when you're intense right you're going to run into a lot of people that are straight
00:24:49.380
up pussies bro they're just straight up pussies they're not those people are not going to fit on your
00:24:54.000
team they're not worth trying to save they you don't want them in your organization they're going
00:24:58.660
to spread cancer and that's what it is and also i say this you have to be smart with your communication
00:25:06.760
and be understanding of where you are in the fucking hierarchy with how you communicate you
00:25:13.780
walk into your boss's office you start doing that shit you ain't gonna have a job you're about
00:25:17.460
you're fine okay the 48 laws of power go read law number one you never want to outshine your
00:25:22.820
superior okay and that's what that's about you don't want to come in talking that shit you got
00:25:27.240
to have respect you got to deliver it respectfully because i get a feel did that guy say how old he
00:25:31.840
was uh no i get a feeling that that guy is not at the top of the food chain and people are saying
00:25:39.500
you're being an asshole and if that's the case you're probably gonna get fired over and over and
00:25:43.580
over again so it depends on where you are in the hierarchy however if i have someone who's in the
00:25:49.220
mid level or the lower level and they're just they're just respectful but also hold a standard
00:25:54.380
that's extremely valuable extremely valuable i have a guy who who works here in the company who and i'm
00:26:02.100
not gonna say his name we hired him and on his second or third day here we we he was just a new guy
00:26:10.840
and he saw somebody that was his superior this is like seven years ago okay he saw someone who was
00:26:17.700
his superior do something fucked up okay that was not not what we're supposed to do and this guy's
00:26:22.880
so literal he went and got the write-up pad and wrote up his superior brought it into the office
00:26:28.620
okay but he did so in a nice way and we all loved it we're like this guy's awesome yeah you know what
00:26:34.960
i'm saying yeah so there's a difference there yes his intent was right hey man we're not holding
00:26:40.060
the line this is what you told me to do so that's what he did and i loved it i thought it was great
00:26:45.020
he fucking wrote up his yeah it was awesome that's great man it's true story you want those people
00:26:50.200
yeah like you want those people yeah bro people that just care yeah i love it man uh all right
00:26:55.380
we're at 27 yeah we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna wrap it up because i got some shit i gotta do
00:26:59.300
okay well guys andy yeah nice and short to the point today and uh we'll see you tomorrow with some cti
00:27:05.280
yeah went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a pole fuck a stole counted millions
00:27:12.420
in the cold bad bitch booted swole got her on bankroll can't fold doesn't know headshot case close