REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 717. Q&AF： The Success Lag, Retaining Customers Vs Handling New Ones & Tackling Crabs In A Bucket Mentality

00:00:00.000 what is up guys it's andy for selling this is the show for the realists say goodbye to the lies to

00:00:21.300 thickness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today we

00:00:25.260 have q and af that's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers now if you want your

00:00:30.460 questions answered on the show you could submit questions a couple different ways the first way

00:00:34.240 is guys email these questions into ask andy at andy for selling.com or you go on youtube on the

00:00:40.180 q and af episodes drop your question in the comments and we'll get some from there as well

00:00:44.640 as the week progresses if this is your first time listening we have shows within the show

00:00:50.700 sometimes we have cti that'll be out tomorrow that stands for cruise the internet and tomorrow we

00:00:56.280 have a attorney general andrew bailey we have lots to talk about tomorrow but yeah cti is cruise the

00:01:04.140 internet that's where we put topics up on the screen we speculate on what we think is true and what we

00:01:09.880 think is not true and then we talk about how we the people have to solve these problems going on in

00:01:13.700 the world other times throughout the week we're going to have real talk real talk is just five

00:01:17.400 to 20 minutes of me giving you a real talk otherwise known as a healthy rant something that

00:01:22.860 will benefit you then we have 75 hard versus 75 hard versus is where a person who has completed the

00:01:29.440 75 hard program comes in talks about how they were before how they are now and how they use the live

00:01:37.840 hard and 75 hard program to transform their life if you're unfamiliar with 75 hard or live hard it is

00:01:43.640 the world's most popular mental transformation program it is for free available at episode 208

00:01:51.040 on the audio feed only there is a book available on my website andyfricella.com called the book on

00:01:57.640 mental toughness that describes the entire live hard program top to bottom it also has 10 chapters

00:02:03.740 on mental toughness how to use it to benefit your life and also some case studies from some very famous

00:02:09.420 people who use mental toughness to become those famous people all right now one thing you're going

00:02:14.860 to notice is that we don't run ads on the show i don't want to uh take direction from people because

00:02:20.960 they're giving me money so i don't do that and in exchange i ask very simply that you help us grow the

00:02:25.960 show all right we're always dealing with censorship and shadow bans and traffic throttling if we want

00:02:31.280 the message to get out we need your help okay so i make a deal with you i don't run ads you share the

00:02:36.260 show all right so don't be a hoe show show all right what's up what's going on man nothing dude

00:02:43.320 notice anything different

00:02:44.440 where if you yeah no

00:02:49.380 did your brain get smaller

00:02:52.320 no man real shit so uh what'd you do trim your beard yeah i got lined up man big boss is that what

00:02:59.100 you're talking about oh yeah i thought you would notice well i noticed because i saw you getting it

00:03:04.420 trimmed in the barber shop when i walked by on the way to the studio yeah yeah how do i look i mean

00:03:10.580 it looks good yeah yeah but it's another one of your tricks that you're trying to pull on the

00:03:14.540 listeners what do you mean notice anything different yeah i just saw you get your beard

00:03:18.800 trimmed five seconds ago it was it was actually this past weekend what oh yeah

00:03:25.220 no no you know what's funny though bro i was thinking about this because i guess i got my

00:03:32.140 haircut ha ha ha i got my beard lined up bro those fucking chairs are heavy and i and i fucking hit

00:03:39.120 the shit out of my shin yeah those like small little fucking like stub your toes type shit bro those are

00:03:45.060 the worst i just bitched out in there completely yeah it still hurts bro you ever seen those dudes

00:03:49.600 that uh like do martial arts that like beat at their shins to try and toughen them up bro is that what

00:03:54.760 they do for kickboxing that shit's crazy fuck that yeah i agree you ever seen the movie the

00:04:00.940 accountant with ben affleck no he does that in that movie he rolls his shins out with a stick bro

00:04:07.260 there's no why it's hard to watch the shins i feel like are the most sensitive part of the body i think

00:04:12.880 that's why they do that outside of the goo so they can kick you in the face and it doesn't hurt

00:04:16.120 yeah no fuck that man i'm hurting right now that's why they make guns bro that's 100 so i don't have

00:04:22.460 to kick you in the face and i don't have to run shit up and down my shit guns equal muay thai

00:04:27.640 the thing is is like all these dudes run around and they're like i'm fucking beat your ass we're

00:04:33.620 not in a beat your ass phase of life anymore now like when you get into your 40s you're gonna shoot

00:04:38.720 people in the face phase of life well i like we're gonna like i want to win you know i like it too but

00:04:43.560 i'm i'm too old for that shit now right like i want to win and not sweat you know what i'm saying

00:04:48.900 man like that's where i'm at so if you try to kick me with one of your tough shins grab me here

00:04:54.660 really i'm just a pussy it is what it is hey man it's all good man we got uh we got a hell of a

00:05:04.540 week man getting close to summer smash yeah summer smash man uh i saw the uh the the drink you got

00:05:11.940 there i have one too i actually finished mine um but that american flag reminded me of something man

00:05:18.140 we got a little special something this weekend don't we they're red white and blue you talking

00:05:23.600 about the secret yeah that's top secret yeah i'm just just reminding me of it of how good we're

00:05:28.580 going to look at those that's true we are going to look phenomenal now listen i feel like you're

00:05:32.880 listen i'm the one that ordered them i need you to come through on this andy i'm the one that ordered

00:05:37.860 them there's no bagging out on this bro i've been i've been feeling like there's like some

00:05:41.320 some some bagging out of this what do i back out of i'm just saying you have it you haven't let me

00:05:48.600 down yet you're my boy blue i'm just saying you're the one that backs out why would i back out i tell

00:05:53.420 you that we're gonna work out you fucking show up for two days and then where the fuck are you

00:05:57.040 just worked out today yeah that was fucking i don't back out of shit bro that's why i'm jacked and

00:06:03.460 juicy all right i got fat wallet right all right well let's make some people better today um guys

00:06:14.860 andy i got some good ones for you all right let's knock these out uh guys andy question number one

00:06:20.540 andy with the exclamation point he's yelling at me he's yelling at you man andy uh my name is

00:06:27.720 andy my name is nathan i'm 20 years old from south louisiana oh i should put an accent on this

00:06:37.240 one and i listen to real af every motherfucking morning i've always been a hard worker since i

00:06:43.620 was 15 i had my own lawn care business going on i've worked at restaurants i've done side labor

00:06:50.020 and anything else that can make me a dollar still to this day in the past year i've gone through the

00:06:56.280 hardest time of my life with a lot of life-changing events that been in short fucking hard it feels

00:07:02.440 like i'm just fucking up and i'm disappointing everyone trying to make everything work keep

00:07:06.780 everyone happy and maintain balance i work two sales jobs one monday through friday and the other saturday

00:07:13.320 and sunday i also i'm also a full-time college student majoring in architecture i feel like consistency

00:07:20.300 may be the problem because i'm all over the place at times balls to the wall uh and there's other times

00:07:28.080 where i feel like quitting but i keep a smile on my face and keep going with my head up can you give

00:07:33.460 me any advice on how to keep the right mindset when i'm feeling down and maintain the balance that will

00:07:41.020 not only benefit myself but everyone else around me i want to give the best version of myself to the

00:07:46.920 people around me because i believe in hard work and can uh inspire others to be their best as well

00:07:52.500 from a real ass listener keeping it motherfucking real nathan it's andy look man here's the deal

00:08:03.360 first of all that was good yeah you like the accent that was good that was that's almost trophy worthy

00:08:07.380 oh that's close all right i don't know that anybody's got a trophy on q and af oh yeah first black

00:08:13.500 man do it it was close yeah all right so here's the deal man when you're pushing to be better when

00:08:28.080 you're trying to progress your life when you're trying to improve your situation it is always going

00:08:34.760 to feel like a struggle it's always going to feel extra hard and you're always going to feel like

00:08:40.480 you're fucking it up that is the nature of what it feels like to push into new territory to expand

00:08:48.860 your personal boundaries so what's happening to you bro is that you are out here hustling as hard

00:08:56.440 as you can you're doing these multiple jobs you're trying to keep everybody happy and you're not used to

00:09:03.180 it yet you haven't acclimated to it yet so it feels overwhelming and you don't know if you're doing it

00:09:08.340 right and you probably haven't done it long enough for it to really bear fruit so you're like shit i'm

00:09:13.880 doing all this work i'm trying hard this is so hard i'm everybody's this is chaos and nothing's

00:09:19.780 happening so i must be doing it wrong and that's not reality okay you have to understand just like

00:09:27.400 if you were going to get into a cold swimming pool when you first jump in there it's cold and you jump

00:09:34.180 out of the water and you're like oh you can't breathe and then after a few minutes it's normal

00:09:39.860 you can't you don't even notice it all right and so what you're going through is the acclimation

00:09:44.440 process to expanding the boundaries in your life and it's completely normal to feel that way anybody

00:09:51.320 who pushes hard to get better feels that way and the reason that you don't know more people that feel

00:09:57.940 that way is that because the minute that it starts to feel the way that you're feeling

00:10:01.660 most people stop all right so it sounds to me brother like you're doing all the right things

00:10:07.200 you're young you're hustling you have your head on straight you're working hard and i think the

00:10:12.160 most important thing is that you have to understand that it takes time all right there's a very famous

00:10:16.560 story about chinese bamboo tree all right the chinese bamboo tree has to be planted in the ground

00:10:22.800 and after it's planted in the ground it has to get water the soil has to be taken care of and it can't

00:10:28.900 be disturbed and for five years for five years it sits in the ground with no no sign of growth no sign

00:10:38.540 of sprout and then once it starts to sprout it grows 60 to 80 feet in eight weeks all right so this is the

00:10:45.520 same thing that happens with your life when you start to work to improve it when you start to try and

00:10:51.300 improve your career your mental toughness your skill set everything that you're about your life in

00:10:57.180 general it feels very discouraging because you're pushing pushing pushing pushing pushing and nothing

00:11:02.920 is happening but that's because you don't have the right perspective about how things happen and if

00:11:09.940 you think about success and you you should think about it like this think if you took a hockey stick

00:11:16.140 and you laid it on the ground with the handle being the long part and then the the blade pointing up at

00:11:23.460 the sky the handle being the long part is what it takes and how much work you have to do and that is

00:11:31.120 very long and once you get to where you start to see results the results go up very very quick and that

00:11:39.280 is the same way that your success is going to work it's the same way your life is going to work

00:11:42.940 and you just have to understand this is the way it is and you're going to have to bear through it and

00:11:48.080 eventually you'll acclimate to it and all these things to feel like you're uh not in balance or

00:11:53.100 you're not doing it right will go away and it'll just feel normal and you'll actually discover that

00:11:57.760 you're really not even pushing that hard and then if you're ambitious enough you'll even push harder

00:12:03.320 than that so that's what you're dealing with dude I don't think it's abnormal at all I think it's

00:12:08.260 totally normal and you guys just have to keep in mind when you're pushing to be better when you're

00:12:13.060 progressing to be better it is always going to feel like a struggle it's always going to feel like you are

00:12:17.700 not winning when in fact you actually are I love that I want to address something here because I

00:12:22.380 feel like I mean this is something I've been through personally I'm sure a lot of other young

00:12:26.880 people out there have are going through this as well um but this idea you know when you're when

00:12:33.180 you're trying to do good shit in your life right you're young you're ambitious you have that drive

00:12:37.060 you want to fucking win you want to do great things I feel like there's this there's there's this

00:12:42.620 like like cloud over you um like he describes it this need to kind of make everybody else happy

00:12:48.100 right like is I've heard you say before like you have this saying where you have to be selfless to

00:12:53.400 be self or you have to be selfish to be selfless to be selfless right and there I feel like there is a

00:12:57.480 time period that the focus has to kind of be on you has to right before you can you know before you

00:13:04.620 can really appreciate and be valuable to other people how do you how do you how do we navigate that as a

00:13:09.840 young person who's 20 years old how do we navigate that and get that cloud away from us as far as that

00:13:14.660 feeling that we have to well that that's that's is your own insecurities and your own misunderstanding

00:13:21.120 of the process that's making you feel that way coupled with the comments and the outside pressure

00:13:27.680 that you might feel from your friends and your family for changing up the way that you operate

00:13:31.940 and it's usually a combination of both of those but what you have to realize is that there's a reason

00:13:37.080 why when you're on an airplane they say hey put your mask on first and then help people next to

00:13:42.560 you all right because if you're not the best version of yourself if you don't have your mind right if

00:13:48.280 you don't have your body right if you don't have your money right if you don't have your spirituality

00:13:52.080 right if you don't have your character right and you're trying to help other people you're going to

00:13:56.760 be ineffective all right so we have to take care of ourselves we have to build ourselves up into the

00:14:02.500 best possible us and we have to have our shit together in the best possible way in order to

00:14:07.380 actually benefit other people and people will cop out of this you know you'll hear people say

00:14:11.960 well you know i i feed the homeless i go down there on thanksgiving and on christmas and make meals yeah

00:14:18.120 but you know someone who has all that other shit together they're building entire kitchens for people

00:14:22.040 you see what i'm saying so the the scale at which you can cause benefit to other people

00:14:27.340 is in proportion to the scale of which the quality of human and the skilled human that you become

00:14:33.880 so you have to become that before you can effectively help people at scale does that make sense 100% man

00:14:41.220 like i think about like in my life like how many opportunities i missed or things i said no to

00:14:45.540 because i'm trying to do this for for family i'm trying to do this for friends or whatever just to

00:14:50.260 keep everybody else and a lot of shit gets put on the back burner yeah bro and that's not that's not

00:14:55.460 good because and that what happens is people get into a cycle where they can't get out of that you

00:15:01.200 know they end up neglecting themselves and neglecting their career or their fitness or their health or

00:15:06.580 their minds or their sanity or their own dreams because they are worried about like maintaining

00:15:13.380 the balance bro balance is a fake thing it's not real and by the way the last time i checked there's

00:15:18.900 no fucking award for balance no one comes and writes you a check for how balanced you are no one comes and

00:15:23.860 build you a house for how balanced you are no one comes and gives you a nice life for how balanced

00:15:28.380 you are that's not what the fucking game is the game is are you effective are you skilled do you

00:15:33.120 produce results that's the game so we could talk about balance and it sounds nice but the reality is

00:15:39.000 to actually win in real life balance has to be a second or third thought on the plate behind being

00:15:47.620 effective and producing results and building ourselves in the best possible us so yeah your friends

00:15:53.800 who don't do shit they'll talk about balance all day but what do they have you see what i'm saying

00:15:59.420 balance doesn't equal success it just doesn't imbalance equals success and your ability to feel

00:16:05.920 uh peace is going to come down to your ability to be comfortable in chaos all right if you're not

00:16:13.340 comfortable in chaos you're never going to be peaceful if you're an ambitious human that's just

00:16:17.160 reality yeah i love it man i love it uh guys andy question number two i got a little business

00:16:22.540 question for you andy um from a young young gun here uh andy i'm a 22 year old that's been chasing

00:16:28.960 my dreams of real deal entrepreneurship since i was 16 i'm two years in uh my brick and mortar store

00:16:36.300 all right i have a team of five people my business is in tech repair okay so he says think geek squad

00:16:42.920 but mom and pop and we are actually fucking cool um my company's foundation is a subscription service

00:16:49.420 where for a monthly fee any electronics in your home we service it's not cheap but we built a solid

00:16:55.320 base my question to you is how did you handle the balance of servicing new customers and maintaining

00:17:02.600 those relationships with your existing customers uh while building and cultivating new ones uh who gets

00:17:08.280 the attention how did you manage both um i feel like we're about to enter a nice growth phase because

00:17:13.320 best buy just closed down in our town which means a massive pool of people to get i just don't want to

00:17:18.700 forget about those who helped us get here well that's a very valid concern all right because the

00:17:24.100 people that you've already taken care of that you've already invested in that you've already spent

00:17:27.900 money to acquire that you've already serviced those are the people that are going to spread the word

00:17:32.480 about your services so instead of looking at them as customers you already have you should look at

00:17:37.500 them as advocates of your brand okay you have advocates of your brand and then you have people

00:17:41.900 who've never heard of your brand now if you have advocates of your brand and people have never heard

00:17:45.740 of your brand you know the discussion shouldn't be which is more important because they're both

00:17:50.480 they're both important that'd be like saying what's more important on a car your tires or the gas

00:17:54.460 right you need both right all right so what you need to do is you need to culturally with your five team

00:18:01.700 members you need to set a standard where each of those people are respected equally and the attention

00:18:09.540 that you give them is equal and at top level okay there's no sacrifice here like i'm the the way you

00:18:17.200 pose the question is basically where do i take from to give and that's not that's not how business

00:18:23.660 works you have to give a hundred to every area so you can't afford to lose the connection and the

00:18:29.880 brand equity that you've built with your existing customer base in order to get new customers because

00:18:36.160 if you do that those people will just spread the word that you're shit yeah once he gets you he fucks

00:18:40.880 you right yeah so you have to figure out a way to culturally get your team aligned to where they

00:18:46.520 understand that both of these things are important and so a hundred percent attention should be given

00:18:51.540 to the people you already have servicing them making a great experience making sure that they are well

00:18:56.420 taken care of with the idea that you are going to solve their problems and for solving their problems

00:19:01.940 in such an effective way they are likely going to tell their friends hey i'm going over here these

00:19:07.060 guys do this they're awesome they handle it they take care of me i love these guys and they spread the

00:19:12.060 word you get a lot of free marketing there right and then off that free marketing the new people come

00:19:16.340 in and by the way you have to uphold that standard because the standard that those current customers are

00:19:22.060 spreading is very good so if you get the new ones that are in and you don't hold that standard that

00:19:26.640 they're spreading they're ultimate ultimately let down which is the the catch-22 of having a great

00:19:31.760 experience when you do a great experience and your brand is built around great experiences you have to

00:19:37.780 understand that when those people start to tell that story you have to uphold that deal for the

00:19:42.360 people that come in because they've already been prefaced with how great you are right their

00:19:46.320 expectations yes like it's like going to the movies right like if someone tells you oh you got to see

00:19:50.640 this movie it's so awesome your expectation for the movie is very high if you go in and watch the

00:19:54.960 movie and it sucks it's actually like way more sucky than it would have been had you not been

00:19:59.720 prefaced with how great it was going to be so your ability to uphold that standard with a new customer

00:20:04.980 is fucking ridiculously important so it's not either or it's both and you have to figure out how to get

00:20:12.800 your whole team to subscribe to that mentality it's not either or it's both and the way you posed the

00:20:19.800 question was it's either or and you need to be careful because that's probably coming from your team

00:20:24.960 your team is probably saying shit like this well we can't do this because we're doing all this and we

00:20:29.440 can't do that because we're doing all that well hey i got news for you motherfuckers we got to do both

00:20:33.480 otherwise the machine don't work all right so if you want your business to work and you want the word

00:20:38.240 amount to spread which is the most effective way to market you have to do both at the highest level

00:20:43.260 there is no this or that it is both i love that man was that was that uh was that a easy thing for

00:20:48.220 you to put in like you know like building when you were building the first one was that well it's easy

00:20:51.960 in concept to understand it sounds simple yeah it's very simple but it's it's hard to execute until you

00:20:58.580 get all the people aligned with that with that understanding right like yeah i understood it right

00:21:05.060 away but how do i get 20 other people to execute it that when they think oh it's this or that right so

00:21:11.460 that's why i was putting stress on the cultural element here where we have to get the whole team

00:21:15.500 to understand one thing begets another thing which begets more business which ties into your career

00:21:21.340 and how much you earn and how much we're going to grow so you have to tie this all together for

00:21:26.600 everybody to make them understand we gotta we gotta have tires if we want the car to run and not only

00:21:31.980 do we have to have tires we have to have gas right and you have to explain that to them gotta have this

00:21:37.640 gotta have that when we have those two things this is what happens this is what happens to you

00:21:42.440 and you have to tie it back into how it's important to them and then you know all of a sudden things

00:21:48.340 won't be this or that anymore because they'll understand how the dots connect i love it i love

00:21:53.740 it man guys uh andy question number three uh andy andy for most of my life uh i've been surrounded by

00:22:03.080 crabs in a bucket uh anytime i've had an idea it was thrown down and things of course never came

00:22:08.960 into fruition i'm now 22 i moved across the country from pennsylvania to arizona i removed myself from

00:22:16.700 that environment um and now i just don't know what exactly to do how can i develop a growth mindset

00:22:23.680 how do i dream how do i uh how do i get started i feel like i'm starting over when it comes to pursuing

00:22:29.680 my own dreams i just don't know where to start because everything was thrown down before any

00:22:34.480 insight on this well i mean look man it's your life you got to make a decision about what it is

00:22:40.880 you want most people don't get anywhere because they never make a decision about who they want to

00:22:45.020 become they live in the moment and then they think they'll figure it out later and figuring out later

00:22:49.880 comes 5 10 15 20 40 years later and then you don't have any more time so i would encourage you to

00:22:55.700 really think about who you want to be what you want your life to to be like who you want to be

00:23:00.300 surrounded by and then work a plan backwards from that you know how do you dream bro it's very simple

00:23:06.340 if you knew that there weren't any limits for you in your life what the fuck would you do what would

00:23:12.180 your life look like who would you be friends with what kind of spouse would you have what kind of

00:23:16.400 lifestyle would you lead what kind of house would you live in what kind of car would you drive what

00:23:19.760 kind of money would you make like it's it's like going shopping i want a little bit of that i want

00:23:23.640 some of this i want some of that i want some of this no limits okay because there are none and if

00:23:28.920 you make that version of yourself in your head you actually take time to design it then it's as simple

00:23:35.140 as back reverse engineering it backwards to where you're able to execute on a day-by-day basis this

00:23:41.840 isn't magic it's not rocket science it is deciding what you want working backwards from what you want

00:23:49.680 to where you are and then moving forwards with your actions day by day to make this vision a reality

00:23:56.340 five ten fifteen years down the road all right and if people just understood that it was that simple

00:24:02.860 and it's not this magical thing it's not luck it's not mystical you know we have a lot more successful

00:24:09.180 people because the reality is society wants you to believe that you have limits and that you know you

00:24:15.000 can't really do anything and you know you can't really become that because only so many people

00:24:19.980 become that well fuck why not you why why not you why what what excludes you from that you know and we

00:24:27.480 we learn this because when we're young you know our parents if we have decent ones will tell us you know

00:24:34.760 hey you could be whatever you want you could be anything you decide to be and then as we get older we

00:24:39.720 have people that come into our lives people at school teachers aunts uncles quote-unquote friends

00:24:45.520 that tell you things like you know you need to be more realistic you know you need to you need to

00:24:51.500 stop dreaming so much well that's the shit they told me too and here the fuck i am okay i just chose not

00:24:56.880 to listen to them and that's what i would encourage anybody to do i would encourage anybody to decide who

00:25:02.120 they want to be reverse engineer it start moving forward with those actions and fuck what everybody else

00:25:08.420 says about it and even if you don't get to exactly where you want to be you're going to get somewhat

00:25:13.240 there and your life's going to be tremendously better than what it is now and it's very simple

00:25:17.420 there's no magic there's no there's no set of special talents you have to have like it's just

00:25:25.740 deciding what you want figuring out what it's going to take to get it and then running running the

00:25:29.620 play it's so simple dude that people think it's not simple like and and the reason that people want

00:25:36.140 to believe that there's more to it than that because if it was that simple and all they had

00:25:39.820 to do was that that means they would have to work very hard and they don't want to admit that to

00:25:43.560 themselves they don't want to stop and say yeah man you know fuck i really could have become this had

00:25:49.560 i decided to commit to it and and do everything required to do that they're just not willing to do

00:25:54.460 that so people choose to believe in luck and circumstances and happenstance and you know the right place at the

00:26:01.200 right time which yes there are little instances in life where it's going to look like luck or it's

00:26:07.780 going to look like you're in the right place at the right time but how did you get in the right place

00:26:11.240 at the right time did you get in the right place at the right time because you were sitting on your

00:26:14.720 couch for the last 10 years watching fucking netflix because i don't think anybody in the world ever

00:26:20.060 was in the right place at the right time without taking forward action right yeah how about the guy

00:26:25.240 that gets lucky did he get lucky because he's you know fucking playing video games no he got lucky

00:26:32.100 because he was taking forward action he happened to be somewhere somebody saw something in him or

00:26:36.340 something happened and he would just happen to be there and those things do happen but you have to

00:26:40.600 be moving forward for them to happen all right and this idea that you know people like to point at the

00:26:46.000 fucking vast minority of experiences as the excuse as to why they're not doing anything right they like to

00:26:52.580 say oh well that guy's parents were rich or that guy did this or that bro that that circumstance is

00:27:00.740 like point zero zero zero one of the success that you see in the world all right so you're gonna take

00:27:07.400 this extreme circumstance of someone who was happenstance or lucky or in the right place at the right time

00:27:16.140 and you're gonna make that the reason that you can't fucking do anything that's bullshit the truth of

00:27:21.300 matter is it takes a long time it takes a lot of work and most people don't want to do that

00:27:26.180 that's that's the truth so they'll make excuses around everything that they can to avoid them having

00:27:32.540 to address the truth which is i'm just not willing to do the work and here's the cool thing if you were

00:27:38.320 just able to admit to yourself i'm just not willing to do the work you're gonna have a lot more peaceful

00:27:43.260 life because here's where people ruin themselves they fucking think they have all these goals and dreams

00:27:49.520 they think they have this ambition they want all this shit but they don't want to do the work but

00:27:55.140 they continue to show up and like listens to this podcast or go to seminars or buy courses when in

00:28:01.040 reality dude all they're looking for is the secret and the secret is very simple decide what you want

00:28:06.060 reverse engineer it win every single day and move forward until you create it and that's the secret

00:28:11.840 but people don't like that they don't like that because it's hard it takes time it's frustrating

00:28:16.680 but the the reward that you get from it is more than just the thing you're trying to create you

00:28:23.240 become highly skilled highly knowledgeable highly experienced your perspective on the world changes

00:28:29.240 you become a much more fulfilled human being a much richer in knowledge human being a wise human

00:28:35.560 being these are this is the path of a fulfilling existence and because people think of it as money

00:28:41.560 cars and houses and quote unquote success as opposed to what they gain in addition to that

00:28:47.640 which is actually the prize they just ignore it and they say well fuck man you know i you know i got

00:28:54.040 screwed you know i tried that it didn't work you know that guy was rich when he started so you know

00:28:59.140 it is what it is you know you know what i'm saying nice yeah right it must be nice yeah it must be nice

00:29:04.960 bro i've worked every single day of my life for 25 years hard as fuck you're goddamn right it's nice

00:29:10.780 it's fucking really nice it's really nice to go to my nice house it's really nice to fucking go wherever

00:29:16.140 i want on a private jet it's really nice to come here to this amazing company with these amazing people

00:29:20.800 every day it's really nice to drive some of the coolest cars in the fucking world it's nice and it's

00:29:26.020 fucking worth it too so i would highly recommend that you decide what the fuck you want reverse

00:29:30.420 engineer it and start moving towards it because when you get there and you're at that place you're not

00:29:35.080 only going to be living in the life that you want but you're going to have all this knowledge all these

00:29:38.840 skills that's going to allow you to help other people live the life that they want and ultimately

00:29:42.640 that's what creates an awesome society we have high level people who are achieving at a high level

00:29:47.620 who are encouraging people teaching people pulling people along and that's what we're missing in

00:29:51.740 america anyway so you have an obligation to go out and figure out what the fuck it is you want and go

00:29:56.280 achieve it because when people see you achieve it then they understand that it's possible and that's how

00:30:01.620 we change the culture from this bullshit we have to what we need and what this country's supposed to be

00:30:07.740 about so um figure it out man yeah i think i think the good the cool thing here man is like i see these

00:30:15.040 questions all the time that come in it's like people are so they can't get over the negativity that

00:30:20.400 surrounds them and it sounds like you have already made a massive step for sure just getting the fuck

00:30:25.060 out of that environment man like so now you got a blank check you can write yeah but you don't have

00:30:28.800 to get out of the environment like that dude like you don't have to move across the country you just

00:30:33.660 have to stop giving a fuck and you got to look at motherfuckers when they look man this is like

00:30:39.180 high school okay these people are losers they're sitting at the cool kids table right now and they

00:30:47.260 look at you and they say what the fuck are you doing why are you doing that blah blah blah and they

00:30:51.360 think they're really cool but i can promise you when you go out and you build what it is that you say

00:30:58.140 you're going to build and those motherfuckers doing the same thing that they were doing 15 years ago

00:31:03.280 they're not cool anymore and you'll be cool all right cool is doing what the fuck you need to do

00:31:08.760 for you cool is being authentic to you cool is creating the life that you want that's cool cool is not

00:31:15.100 sitting in the old neighborhood at the old pub and trying to put pressure on people be like oh you've

00:31:20.840 changed you're not a loyal friend remember where you came bro those people are fucking losers and

00:31:26.940 they're always going to be fucking sitting there saying the same thing doing the same thing i can

00:31:31.080 promise you if you could zoom ahead 20 years from now you wouldn't give a fuck what they were saying

00:31:36.120 that's the truth you would look at them like you look at the fucking dumbass at the gas station who's

00:31:41.060 buying a 12 pack at 9 a.m to waste this whole fucking day and he's telling you life advice you know

00:31:46.120 what i'm saying like you'd be like yeah okay bro like you have to learn who to listen to and who not to

00:31:51.600 listen to and it's if you want to remove yourself from that environment it's really simple start

00:31:56.940 seeing those people as they're going to be 20 years from now when you talk to them now all right

00:32:02.180 like when i look at people like that i don't i'm not around people like that anymore but like when i

00:32:06.960 used to be around people like that you know what i did i looked at them and i visualized them 20 years

00:32:11.200 from now and then and then i wouldn't listen to them i'd be like what fuck that's that's a fucking

00:32:17.080 clown you know what i'm saying like go to a bar bro and look at the people who are like in their 40s

00:32:22.260 and 50s and 60s that are sitting at the bar fucking drinking would you listen to those guys in my

00:32:28.120 life i wouldn't you know what i'm saying i might listen to how not how to how to not fuck up my life

00:32:34.560 because of listening to their fuck ups but you know and it's funny because those are always the

00:32:39.180 people that think they have the best advice you know it's like all the broke people that try to tell

00:32:43.900 people who are rich how to spend their money and shit how like anytime we ever anytime you know we

00:32:49.600 ever have a clip go viral and we get all these comments and i'm talking about money or making

00:32:53.620 money in this and it's always broke motherfuckers in the comments saying all this you should be

00:32:57.800 doing this this is the right way to do it well if that's the case why the fuck are you broken why

00:33:01.900 am i not right why are you not doing it that's what i'm saying why the fuck are you fucking you

00:33:07.140 and i'm me right you know so like these people lack because they're at in their world they're at the top

00:33:13.280 they're at the center of their universe so they think they know shit but they don't know shit

00:33:17.640 and if they were to objectively look at their reality and look at their bank account look at

00:33:21.700 their house and look at their fitness and look at their spouse and look at their life they would

00:33:25.500 come to an understanding pretty quick that they fucked up the problem is they don't even know a

00:33:29.260 single successful person to compare themselves to they don't know how good it could be so they think

00:33:34.020 they're the shit and they're telling you all this shit when they don't know anything and that's where

00:33:38.580 we get in trouble we listen to people that we shouldn't listen to so like if you don't want i say this all

00:33:42.920 the time if you do not want their life you should not listen to them if you want their life those are

00:33:48.740 the people to listen to and i'm not just talking about part of their life i'm talking about their

00:33:52.940 whole life you just because someone has a nice car doesn't mean you should listen to them just

00:33:57.920 because someone has a decent house doesn't mean you should listen to them take inventory of their

00:34:01.720 entire existence what are they about what's their character like how do they live what are they

00:34:06.940 creating what kind of person are they how do they treat people if you find someone that you

00:34:12.500 want to be like that's the person to emulate not just because they have part of it you see what

00:34:16.900 i'm saying 100 there's a lot of people out there on the internet that fucking you know sell bullshit

00:34:22.800 and they got a couple nice cars and you know they're trying to tell you how to do they don't

00:34:26.720 know shit either because they're scamming their way to fucking this fake show that's not even real

00:34:31.700 like those motherfuckers real talk they couldn't run a snake i they couldn't run one of my retail

00:34:37.620 stores for a fucking day for a single fucking day or they're complete douchebags hold on you

00:34:43.000 couldn't run you mother this motherfucker could not run a single fucking day of one of my retail

00:34:49.720 stores and you're buying their coaching don't make sense no it doesn't make sense don't make sense

00:34:55.920 you guys got to be start being smart dude and look at everything about these people what business

00:35:00.600 they create how they make their money where are their customers where's their headquarters where's

00:35:05.720 their employees what do their people say what do their customers say can you order their product

00:35:09.080 what do they actually do do they actually do this are they lying do they actually build that are

00:35:13.300 they full of shit do they have one of these secret nobody knows about companies or do they

00:35:17.520 have a company everybody knows about you see what i'm saying like how why do all these little

00:35:22.860 entrepreneurs on the internet have all these companies no one's ever fucking heard about

00:35:25.920 where the fuck are is this like you got them in the metaverse and where the fuck are they

00:35:30.520 are they behind the curtain oh you can't disclose to me what companies you own

00:35:35.000 right you see what i'm saying those are red flags bro you guys got to get smarter than that

00:35:39.020 it's real shit man uh you want a little special sauce yeah we can do one more yeah i got i got one

00:35:44.720 more for you uh guys andy question number four uh andy i i find myself often i feel over

00:35:56.480 analyzing myself i feel like i walk through looking at myself through a microscope every day

00:36:02.720 constantly battling whether i did enough if i'm doing enough how i did where i messed up

00:36:08.920 uh how what i did was perceived to other people etc what would you say is the safe insane way to

00:36:16.460 reflect on oneself how do you do it uh what have you found works and doesn't work more importantly

00:36:22.820 how do you remain unemotional about it self-reflection and let's talk about it yeah look

00:36:28.060 dude the greatest people whatever they do are are tremendously particular and critical of their

00:36:36.820 actions and i'm not just talking about on daily basis i'm talking about every action they take

00:36:41.460 and the one thing that they do that that i i have found that all of them do is that they all self-assess

00:36:49.780 the conversations the way they treat people the emails they sent they literally coach themselves to

00:36:56.360 be better around every action they take so let's say they sent an email or they had a phone call

00:37:03.340 right they hang up the phone call and they'll say okay what did i do there did i do this i should

00:37:09.460 have said that did i do this i could have said that all right and they don't beat themselves up over

00:37:13.480 it you don't like say oh fuck i fucked up i'm a piece of shit no because we know we're going to have

00:37:19.040 a gazillion more opportunities so you have to let go of the idea that this is your last opportunity

00:37:25.640 or that you fucked this up okay you fucked it up good what'd you learn don't do that again right

00:37:30.820 so it's your perspective about looking at the analyzation in the right way it's not attacking

00:37:38.800 yourself or tearing yourself down it's just objective coaching as if you were not you and

00:37:44.700 you were standing next to you and you were to coach you what would you say okay you could do this better

00:37:49.500 you could do that better you could do this better but after you figure it out you let it go bro you

00:37:53.360 don't let that shit stick to you because if you let that shit stick to you you get in a place of

00:37:57.560 over analyzation which drives tremendous amounts of anxiety stress and pressure which actually keeps

00:38:04.260 people from ever becoming great at what they do because they feel all this pressure they make it

00:38:08.720 seem like this is the only chance i'm ever going to have and i can't fuck it up and what happens they

00:38:14.340 fuck it up and then they get really emotional about it all right and then that emotion carries into the

00:38:19.600 next chance they get so it becomes this snowball of negativity that they can't break out of all

00:38:25.160 right so you have to look at it very simply what i do right what i do wrong okay this is what i did

00:38:30.600 wrong i need to do this better next time i'm going to do it better next time and you move on and every

00:38:35.200 single person who's ever achieved greatness at anything they know how to self-assess they know how

00:38:39.680 to self-coach and most importantly they know how to let it go and move on pro athletes don't carry the

00:38:45.320 weight of a bad game into the next game they all understand that they are competing at such a high

00:38:50.220 level that if they carry the weight of the last game into the next game they're going to fucking

00:38:54.260 lose because the other guys are that good and that's how you have to look at your life too your life

00:38:59.100 there's too many other people competing for the life that you want to carry the weight of the mistakes

00:39:08.040 that you've made into the future opportunities so you have to learn to let it go dude and and when you

00:39:13.040 learn to let it go and you learn to just accept who it is you are and accept yourself for you know

00:39:18.500 the experience level that's appropriate for you which is probably not very experienced it becomes

00:39:22.900 easy to let it go and you just keep learning keep moving forward you know i think that's another part

00:39:27.480 that we could add to this like the proper amount of humility how many times have you done this how

00:39:33.000 many times have you been doing how long have you been doing what you do you're not a fucking expert

00:39:37.400 you're not the greatest of all time of course you're going to make mistakes that's the process of

00:39:41.940 learning and improving and getting better so to think that you don't have to fuck up or to think

00:39:47.420 that you are too good to fuck up and letting that tear you up that's actually arrogance because you

00:39:53.060 believe that you're much better than you actually are so mix this these two things together make

00:39:59.220 yourself humble all right realize you're going to make a lot of mistakes that's just what's going to

00:40:03.740 happen and then on top of it when you do make mistakes don't make them again and realize that every

00:40:10.180 conversation every interaction every action every reaction all it is is a lesson for the next

00:40:17.060 opportunity and if you look at it like that and you understand that you can't carry the weight of

00:40:23.400 the fuck up into the next opportunity you're not going to have a problem with it dude and i i understand

00:40:27.540 how you can get make this a problem but it comes from not understanding how the game works this isn't

00:40:32.740 your only opportunity these you know this comes also from the the idea like we see this on the

00:40:38.980 internet right like people think they're going to get one person to collab with them or they're going

00:40:43.140 to meet one person and that one interaction is going to make them a billionaire and shit that's

00:40:47.040 not how it works man there's there's no one action that makes anybody there's no one fuck up that

00:40:52.360 destroys everybody like we have to let go we have to give ourselves grace and we have to give

00:40:57.540 ourselves room to learn the lesson because how the fuck are we going to learn if we don't fuck

00:41:01.700 shit up yeah you're saying it's compounding good or bad yeah it compounds over yeah of course i love

00:41:06.940 that man i think that's interesting too bro because like i've been with you for five years and i've

00:41:10.200 i've seen you i see you do this all the time with anything you're doing whether it's a fucking talk

00:41:15.560 you're doing it's always you're always very reflective of it you know i'm saying good or bad and

00:41:20.100 like i think that like that's something i've definitely noticed not just with you i mean other

00:41:23.620 people ed does it too yeah he does it a lot well dude like the cool here's the cool thing when you

00:41:28.800 get in that like the circle of friends is appropriate to the level that you're at where

00:41:32.880 they have the same goals the same dreams uh they're working at the same work ethic like you know like

00:41:37.580 for me it would be like guys like ed or alex right dude we'll coach each other like ed'll say like hey

00:41:43.640 what do you think and i'll be like well here here's what i think blah blah blah what do you think of

00:41:47.000 that and he'll say yeah i think so you know or like you know alex and i do that ed and i do that

00:41:52.920 like you'll you'll you'll you'll start to get around these friends this goes back to the last

00:41:56.640 question about getting away from people right the you you want to build this group of friends that

00:42:01.620 will help you coach yourself without tearing you down right we can't be our own worst critics

00:42:06.600 fucking right bro we usually are if you're a high achiever you definitely are yeah that's a hard

00:42:11.180 thing to battle like do you think kobe bryant got out of bed at 3 a.m because he thought he was

00:42:14.820 the fucking greatest no he got out of bed at 3 a.m because he looked at the shots he missed the

00:42:20.260 game before he's like i'm not fucking missing those shots again yeah yeah that's real shit man

00:42:24.480 that's real i love it i love it man well guys that was a little special sauce yeah four yeah

00:42:29.960 all right guys uh cti tomorrow special one make sure you tune in let's finish the week strong i'll

00:42:37.540 see you later went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a bowl fuck a stove

00:42:43.360 counted millions in the cold bad bitch booted swole got her on bankroll can't fold doesn't know

00:42:50.040 headshot case closed

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - May 30, 2024

717. Q&AF： The Success Lag, Retaining Customers Vs Handling New Ones & Tackling Crabs In A Bucket Mentality

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