REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 719. Q&AF： Navigating No Man's Land, Getting Prepared For The Real World & Networking Without Alcohol

00:00:00.000 what is up guys it's andy for selling this is the show for the realists say goodbye to the lies 0.99

00:00:21.640 the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today we 0.91

00:00:26.300 have q and af we always start the week off with a little personal development how to win how to 0.95

00:00:31.920 kick ass how to be better human beings and this week is no different so uh if you want your questions 0.82

00:00:38.800 answered on the show you could do so a couple different ways you can email your questions in 0.98

00:00:44.720 to ask andy andy for selling.com or you go on youtube in the comment section on the q and af

00:00:50.220 episode ask your questions in there throughout the week we're going to have shows within the show

00:00:55.840 tomorrow you're going to hear cti that stands for cruise the internet this is where we put

00:01:00.180 topics on the screen we talk about what's going on in the world we speculate on what's true and

00:01:05.260 what's not true and then we talk about how we the people have to solve these problems going on in

00:01:09.420 society other times we're going to have real talk real talk is just five to 20 minutes of me giving 0.90

00:01:13.940 you some real talk that's just some shit that i think you need to hear and then we have 75 hard 0.80

00:01:20.200 verses occasionally all right 75 hard verses is where people have completed the 75 hard program 0.97

00:01:26.440 come on they talk about how their life was in disarray before and how they used it to take back

00:01:31.620 control of their life and become a much better person if you're unfamiliar with the 75 hard program

00:01:38.540 you can go to episode 208 and get it for free live hard and the 75 hard program are the world's

00:01:47.540 most popular in history mental transformation programs and they are free audio feed only not

00:01:53.760 on youtube uh there is a book available on my website andy for seller.com that you can get

00:01:59.020 it's called the book on mental toughness we just got some back in stock it's usually out of stock

00:02:04.160 so if you want that book uh you can go get it you don't need to get it it has the entire live

00:02:10.440 hard program plus 10 chapters of mental toughness plus some case studies on some very famous people

00:02:16.520 that have used mental toughness to become the very famous people that you know but you can get the

00:02:21.000 whole program for free on my podcast audio only episode 208 uh we don't do ads on the show all right

00:02:28.880 that's something that we don't do here and in exchange for that we have what we call the fee

00:02:33.360 the fee is very simple it means share the show uh the reason i don't do ads is because i don't want

00:02:38.600 to listen to some company bitch to me about what i'm saying or what i'm not saying i want the 1.00

00:02:43.340 integrity of the show to be what i think what dj thinks what our guests think without you guys

00:02:49.080 having to wonder if we're being told what to say or not to say so uh we don't do that here

00:02:53.420 and in exchange i need you to help us share the messaging we're constantly dealing with censorship

00:02:58.440 shadow bans traffic throttling episode removal account removal for us to get the message out i need

00:03:05.260 you guys's help so uh when we say pay the fee that's what it means so don't be a hoe 1.00

00:03:10.440 show the show all right hey what's up dude what's going on with you man nothing i saw uh

00:03:16.420 i've been seeing some purple cans around here yeah i told you dude my nigga i told you i told you 0.69

00:03:25.600 i got you i haven't even tried i haven't tried the official one yet i told you listen you got me bro

00:03:31.800 i handled that one myself i appreciate that bro no one that are in here is more qualified to handle

00:03:37.000 great flavor than me i would agree with that besides maybe you besides me but yeah like

00:03:41.280 outside of me i don't count yeah yeah i worked real hard on that and sort of the team yeah man

00:03:45.720 people just for you i put a man listen bro hey you a real one bro that's right now you got to go make

00:03:51.220 the cream soda for me that's what we're working on this week i'll make some cream soda for you yeah

00:03:57.560 that sounded a little bit weird i i don't know if i want that kind of cream soda bro 0.97

00:04:04.000 i meant the energy drink not the weird shit you do on the weekends 0.97

00:04:08.200 might make you sleepy yeah let's make it more uh weird 0.97

00:04:16.100 no man all is good man it's uh we got a good weekend looking forward to

00:04:21.760 yeah it should be some good time today tomorrow man and uh by this time monday man uh 0.99

00:04:26.480 we'll be running full steam this is monday don't don't start that shit andy don't you 1.00

00:04:32.560 start that shit 1.00

00:04:33.960 no man but uh look man i got i got three good ones for you all right let's get after 0.99

00:04:42.320 let's get better this week let's make some people better guys andy question number one

00:04:47.100 uh hi andy and team my name is anthony i'm 29 years old and i've transformed my life because

00:04:53.980 of 75 heart in all facets mentally and physically i'm a public servant firefighter in a large city

00:05:00.020 in arizona and i find myself getting let down by people in regular relationships on a day-to-day

00:05:06.600 basis uh and in building new ones i get to a point where i understand uh that they're not about being

00:05:13.560 real as fuck my question is how do you navigate having high expectations for people uh and always 0.78

00:05:20.760 getting let down but keeping a positive mindset for future relationships thanks for the help 0.98

00:05:25.800 every single show i'm not a hoe i appreciate all well hey man uh i think that's a great question 0.96

00:05:31.380 you know here's the thing we have to understand when we go out and we try to get better and we try

00:05:37.260 to improve and we raise our personal standards we are elevating ourselves into a place where there are

00:05:44.980 just less people available that share that standard all right higher standards equal fewer people to

00:05:51.400 connect with so what you're experiencing is you've raised your standards you've decided to be a better

00:05:58.380 person you've decided that you were going to pursue excellence you've decided that you're going to get

00:06:03.060 the most out of your potential and now because you've decided that and you've committed to it

00:06:08.360 you're looking around at everybody else and you're noticing that they don't do that and when you

00:06:14.260 were one of them you didn't notice it because that's just what we did so now that you've committed

00:06:18.940 to being better it stands out and it becomes very obvious all right so that's a challenge because

00:06:25.800 most people are going to continue to live the way that you always live before you became who it is

00:06:32.200 that you are now and that can be very frustrating because we spend time alone but here's the thing

00:06:37.220 people often say things like oh it's lonely at the top or i can't find anybody to relate to

00:06:44.100 that's not the truth the truth of the matter is is that you're in between phases okay when you

00:06:51.800 started out on 75 hard and you said man i want to get more out of my life i want to improve i want to

00:06:57.420 get better everybody else around you was doing the same things that you've been doing and now that

00:07:02.820 you've elevated you have moved on past that group and you have started to progress down the path

00:07:08.320 and you just haven't connected with the next group of people that are going to share your mindset share

00:07:14.080 your drive and goals for yourself you haven't gotten that network of friends built so you're in what we

00:07:21.060 call no man's land all right no man's land is when people start to become successful they start to get

00:07:27.700 better and they find themselves alone because all of their old friends are now

00:07:32.680 kind of out of their life and they haven't developed new friends yet and this is where

00:07:38.840 people come with that saying oh well it's lonely at the top no dude you're not at the top you just got

00:07:44.840 fucking started all right you're just in between phases and you need to settle into this new 0.73

00:07:50.800 lifestyle give it some time start to you know rekindle these relationships and build friendships 0.98

00:07:58.000 with people who are like-minded and once you start to do that you're going to find that that

00:08:02.440 old group of friends was holding you back and you're going to realize they were holding you back

00:08:07.400 a lot more than you realized at the time and you're also going to figure out that this new group of

00:08:12.000 friends is much more rewarding and fulfilling to be friends with because they share the same viewpoints

00:08:17.020 that you have the same desire you have the same drive you have the ambitions the goals the dreams

00:08:22.140 they are connected to you in that same way so you move away from people who are saying stuff like

00:08:27.660 oh man don't forget where you came from oh dude what do you think you're better than everybody

00:08:33.060 oh you're getting a little too big for your britches there and all these people that try to you know

00:08:38.540 pull you back into their circle and you move into a group of people where they're like bro this is

00:08:43.440 awesome that you're doing that you know what let's get together and work on this you know what let's go

00:08:48.720 outside and get a workout in together you know what let's do this that's going to improve both of us

00:08:53.340 let's collab let's build this let's do this and now you're in a whole new group of network that

00:08:58.560 actually pushes you forward which makes progressing that much easier and if you choose to continue to

00:09:04.540 progress beyond that point you will continue into another phase of no man's land because there will

00:09:10.180 be people in the second group who decide this is good enough for me this is where I want to be

00:09:15.320 and that's okay but the longer you go the more times you go through this process of sort of

00:09:23.140 washing away the old and replacing with the new and that's a good thing because we're not supposed 0.99

00:09:30.460 to just stay stagnant our whole lives just because you were born around certain people doesn't mean

00:09:36.880 you have to stay around certain people just because you had friends in high school or friends in college 0.98

00:09:42.740 doesn't mean that you need to be doing the same shit that you were doing in high school or college or 1.00

00:09:47.920 else you're not real anymore you're you you've forgotten us are you too good for us that's bullshit 1.00

00:09:53.200 that's what losers fucking say to make you feel shitty and do you really want that in your life no it's 1.00

00:09:58.900 annoying all right and every time you scale up and every time you push forward you're going to find 1.00

00:10:04.320 yourself connecting with more and more people that not only encourage your success but also

00:10:10.520 contribute to it so you're just going through the normal process dude this is part of it and uh you're in

00:10:17.280 between friend groups and what I would encourage you to do is to stay on the path keep pushing keep getting

00:10:21.920 better and the right people will find you the right people will start to realize that you're this kind of

00:10:27.040 person and you will start to connect with these people one by one by one and soon after some time you'll have

00:10:33.500 a whole new network of friends but there is no quick fix to this there is no uh you know group or

00:10:40.560 whatever that you can join that'll just automatically get people uh to replace your old friends you know

00:10:47.280 like this is a process and it takes time now you know you could go on the internet and you could you know

00:10:54.040 search 75 hard hashtags and you could start to connect and follow and kind of build your relationship with

00:10:59.940 other people who are driven along the same goals you know you could go to certain events like the one

00:11:05.420 we just had this weekend summer smash where everybody's here aligned they're trying to get

00:11:10.140 better you could join communities that are you know there's a lot of run clubs there's all these things

00:11:15.080 around where people are getting together to improve and it's becoming more and more common so that you

00:11:21.120 can accelerate the process by doing things like that but um ultimately dude here's the deal

00:11:27.260 throughout your life you're going to continue to push and not everybody is and that's going to be 0.52

00:11:32.880 weird because you're going to wonder why they're not pushing too and it's going to be fucking annoying 0.98

00:11:36.880 all right but at the end of the day you can't sacrifice your potential and what you're supposed

00:11:41.260 to become because of the inaction uh or unwillingness of other people and you just have to keep going

00:11:46.300 yeah i love that man a couple of things on that you know you mentioned like i feel like you know it's

00:11:50.460 almost like a it's a bad expectation to think that you know this new group of people is just going to

00:11:55.900 magically find you yeah there is some work on your part that you have to do yeah to cultivate those

00:12:01.220 relations for sure i think that's super awesome one thing you always also say to do is you know

00:12:05.580 high tides raises all ships that's right now with that being said like you can like yeah i'm sure

00:12:10.520 you know you might get one of your friends that move up with you that's right but i feel like a lot of

00:12:16.220 people will have a knee-jerk reaction where you know they put themselves at this higher standard

00:12:21.520 they made it up here they know it feels great but then because it's so much pressure from those

00:12:25.800 people they tend to all right well maybe this standard i can drop this one just a little bit

00:12:30.340 it's like a knee-jerk reaction almost right like i'll just lower this one i maybe just once a week

00:12:34.140 yes being along people will cause you to compromise yeah and dude you can't compromise because once you

00:12:39.620 start to compromise you start to compromise everything so there can be no compromise in your

00:12:45.680 standards and if you compromise it when's the next time you're going to compromise the next

00:12:50.280 standard and the next standard it creates a snowball of compromise to where eventually you find

00:12:54.900 yourself back where you were all right and yeah for sure and usually it does get worse because once

00:13:00.260 the once the slippery slope starts it's hard to stop it um but you know this concept is the same

00:13:07.760 in relationships like romantic relationships partner relationships you know it's not just

00:13:12.860 friendships like a lot of people you like a lot of you guys are out there looking for a

00:13:17.380 significant other or you're trying to meet people but you're not considering like what you bring to

00:13:22.000 the table like you you think you're going to go out there and you're going to meet you know some 0.99

00:13:26.300 person who's got all their shit together but you don't have your shit together and what you have to 0.98

00:13:31.440 realize and what i hope you do is that you won't settle until you're in a really good place because when 0.99

00:13:36.680 you get to a really good place you're going to attract people who are also on that level which means

00:13:41.880 your uh your ability to to get the ideal partner is going to be much greater at that point in time

00:13:51.620 so you know we have to consider that too dude like look yeah you got to live your life yeah you got to

00:13:59.840 have fun yeah you got to have friends yeah you got to date all these things but you should realize

00:14:04.960 that you're never going to get the best of those things until you're the best product yourself 0.97

00:14:09.060 and that's going to take you taking six months taking a year and becoming exactly who the fuck 0.90

00:14:16.060 you're supposed to be and you can accelerate the results of your life in a tremendous fashion by 0.99

00:14:22.060 just saying hey you know what i'm not dating i'm not fucking around i'm not going to do this i am going 0.99

00:14:28.260 to put the next year 100 on me i'm going to become the best version of myself and then at the end of

00:14:35.040 that year i'm going to evaluate and i'm going to tell you this dude if you take that mentality

00:14:38.640 all your friends are going to be better the people that want to be friends with you are going to be

00:14:42.900 better you're going to make more money you're going to have a better life the people who want 0.99

00:14:46.280 to fuck you are going to be a lot better options okay so i'd have no other way to say that but that's 0.98

00:14:51.820 the reality like yeah become the best you get the best you're not entitled to anything so yeah i love 1.00

00:15:01.620 it man i love it guys andy question number two uh hey andy i'm 18 years old just graduated high

00:15:07.420 school uh not going to college but i want to go into business and build something looking at your

00:15:12.620 life and seeing that you were in my shoes i know it's possible um you always talk about reality and

00:15:19.200 how the real world works and i feel like i'm unprepared my question is what was going through your

00:15:25.380 mind uh when you were about to leave the nest how did you work through that were your parents

00:15:30.160 supportive i mean you were 19 in the city uh with just you and your best friend just going

00:15:35.280 i need some help and insight well you know i was fortunate that i grew up with parents that sort of

00:15:41.820 let me do what i needed to do they weren't too overbearing you know they let me go out and make

00:15:47.060 mistakes without like you know putting too many rules and restrictions on me and you know i was sort

00:15:52.800 of allowed to do whatever i wanted as long as i didn't get in trouble and um i think that helped me

00:15:59.100 because that way when i was away from home i didn't go crazy i already kind of understood how

00:16:04.040 to handle myself uh so there wasn't any awkwardness there you know when i said hey i'm moving to

00:16:09.620 springfield and i'm going to start a business i mean it wasn't like anybody said no you know so i just

00:16:16.220 did it um and i don't come from a traditional family i wouldn't you know like i didn't grow up with

00:16:22.380 the white picket fence and we sat down for dinner every day it was it was you know it was different

00:16:29.920 and um so i i don't know that wasn't really a factor for me now was i nervous to go out and try

00:16:38.520 to do something did i feel unqualified did i question myself did i doubt myself did i think

00:16:44.360 you know fuck am i going to be one of the people who are chosen for success absolutely i you always 0.93

00:16:51.680 wonder that in the beginning do i have what it takes yep dude that's that's normal all right but 0.98

00:16:57.640 you have to fundamentally if i could like i wish i could like reach into to you guys who are young

00:17:04.440 into your brain and make you realize just this one point and it's this i used to think like you think

00:17:13.360 i used to think there was magic to it or there was luck or you had to be in a special circumstance

00:17:18.880 or you had to know this person or you had to be like invited into the club i used to think like

00:17:25.740 all these things that you guys think like you know am i going to be one of these people that is

00:17:31.860 chosen quote unquote for success and if you've been following me for a while you've heard me talk about

00:17:38.440 the quote unquote success fairy and how i used to think about it was like there's like people and you

00:17:45.000 have a group of people that are like you know there's 10 of us in the room and one of us gets

00:17:48.920 chosen to be successful by some force that we don't understand and i call that force the success 0.99

00:17:54.820 fairy and what you have to understand guys is none of that shit is real none of that shit is true 0.99

00:18:00.440 there is no success fairy there is no special fucking secret club with secret handshakes and there is no 0.99

00:18:08.380 you know you got to know this person or that person you will meet those people as you go out and build 0.81

00:18:14.000 things that will accelerate your career but nobody meets those people on day one um you know you're

00:18:20.760 gonna have doubt you're gonna have frustration you're gonna have anger you're gonna have mistakes

00:18:26.800 but those things are necessary for you to gain the skills all right so when you really look at what it

00:18:34.540 takes to build something like from my perspective i can very confidently say it is very simple it's inputs

00:18:42.500 equal outputs it is what i do and what that creates and if you show up every day and you're effective

00:18:49.760 every single day and you continue that for as long as you can and keep the ratio of wins much higher

00:18:56.480 than you do losses meaning like you win let's say 95 of the days or even 90 of the days bro there's no

00:19:03.660 denying that you'll get where you want to go it just depends on how long it's going to take 0.72

00:19:08.000 some of you guys come from total shit like for real and i'm most of you guys will say you come 0.99

00:19:13.600 from shit but really you come from a middle class upbringing you're doing all right right there's 1.00

00:19:18.080 people who come from fucking literally nothing no parents fucking adopted no money dirt poor wearing 1.00

00:19:27.240 the same clothes every day who have built literally billion dollar businesses okay if those motherfuckers can 1.00

00:19:34.000 do it i'm 100 sure that you can do it so but it might take that person longer because they didn't 0.90

00:19:41.080 grow up with you know parents that taught them about business or parents that you know taught them basic

00:19:47.120 things in life so yeah we all started a different place and that means that it might take you longer

00:19:54.400 but that doesn't mean it's impossible and that's what you have to understand if you were born in a

00:19:59.900 shitty spot and that's the card you got dealt guess what the reality is you got to do more work 0.99

00:20:05.860 that's what it fucking comes down to and you can bitch about it you could cry about it you complain 1.00

00:20:10.960 about it you can write fucking blogs about it you can make videos crying in your car about it it ain't 1.00

00:20:16.040 fucking fair there's no it's not fair but if you just accept the way that it is and you say all right 1.00

00:20:22.260 look i was born with fucking bullshit circumstances i better get to work because it's going to take me five 0.99

00:20:27.080 years longer it's going to take the guy who grew up in upper middle class america you know what i'm 0.99

00:20:31.860 saying so we just have to accept that and we have to understand that it's still possible it doesn't

00:20:37.720 mean it's impossible and there's no magic to it all it is is you try something it fails why did it fail

00:20:45.680 learn a lesson you try something again it works then you try the next thing it fails why did it fail

00:20:53.180 you learn a lesson then you try it again and it works that's the process that's repeated

00:20:58.060 thousands hundreds of thousands of times over the years that makes you a skilled operator and that

00:21:04.160 brings you success fulfillment and the life that you desire and anybody can achieve it so that's that's

00:21:10.680 the that's the way the game works brother man i want to ask you this man because you do know a lot

00:21:15.140 of successful people right like you know these people you you can touch them you feel them right

00:21:20.200 have you noticed that is there any like correlation between you know having you know the the late

00:21:30.140 start behind the starting line right the unfair initial circumstance have you have you seen the

00:21:35.020 correlation between that and the people who are super successful bro i actually think it's a huge

00:21:39.640 advantage that's what i'm saying like are they more successful yes yes yes it is a huge advantage to 0.99

00:21:46.060 come from fucking nothing here is why because you had the biggest motherfucking chip on your shoulder 1.00

00:21:51.680 that you could possibly have you got fucked in every way everybody tells you your shit nobody thinks 1.00

00:21:57.440 you're going to succeed everybody laughs at your shit and if you're smart you could absorb that energy 1.00

00:22:02.760 and use it to move forward and dude every single successful person at a massive level has this crazy 1.00

00:22:09.980 story of how the fuck they did it and where they came from and it's not because they just get there 0.65

00:22:15.600 and start making up stories bro it's because those people have something to prove they have a mission 0.99

00:22:22.380 they have an enemy and those are three things that you have to have to be successful so if you're one of

00:22:28.860 these people and you're moping around but i'm not coming from nothing you're blinding yourself to the

00:22:34.620 reality that it's actually one of the biggest advantages for the massive amounts of success that you could 1.00

00:22:39.120 create do you think that middle class weak ass pussy motherfucker is going to do the shit that you're willing 1.00

00:22:43.860 to do he doesn't even know what hardship is those people are easy as fuck to beat if you come from that 1.00

00:22:50.180 place so like dude don't cry about it use it to your advantage and i guarantee you you'll be much more 0.99

00:22:56.400 successful than the soft motherfuckers that come from the rich family that their mom and dad paid for 0.99

00:23:01.140 everything for them that's real shit yeah i know it's real bro it's funny too man because you know it what you 0.99

00:23:07.380 said there's like you know it seems it just seems so wild and unreal when you can look at somebody's 0.99

00:23:12.860 life and see where they are right but then they take you to a little gravel road and you're like

00:23:17.620 bro this how the like how does this make sense you know but but it makes the first thing i did

00:23:22.180 when i fucking met you that's what we did bro i showed you my place and you showed me your place 0.98

00:23:26.340 bro you know you know why i did that to show you where you came because i didn't want you to think i 1.00

00:23:30.120 was some rich fucking motherfucker didn't know shit yeah first day i worked with dj i said get in the 0.99

00:23:34.600 fucking truck and i took him to where we fucking grew up and i said this is where we come from 1.00

00:23:39.000 yeah the reason for that is i didn't want you to fucking think that i just shit this shit out of 1.00

00:23:44.860 my ass bro this i fucking i have paid in blood for the life that i have and that's how i know it's 1.00

00:23:51.720 possible for all these motherfuckers out there you should be willing to do it yeah yeah i love it man 1.00

00:23:56.920 i fucking love it uh guys andy let's get to our third and final question uh question number three 0.98

00:24:01.880 andy my name is tanner uh and i'm an entrepreneur at a global company my job deals with a lot of 0.97

00:24:09.960 networking and building relationships and because of this alcohol is typically involved and i have

00:24:17.680 realized that drinking alcohol hinders my ability to be great um i'm not saying that people who drink

00:24:23.220 are wrong i have just realized that it's not good for me and the life that i am trying to build

00:24:28.480 how can i still network in my job while not doing uh what the people i am trying to build

00:24:34.140 relationships in the workplace are doing i don't want to seem rude or virtuous uh but any advice would

00:24:39.540 be great now you like you have you're a great person to ask because you haven't really drank

00:24:44.220 alcohol since what 20 was it 2017 2018 2018 right and i'm sure you get all i mean i do it's like twice

00:24:51.260 two three times a year right it was just like before that i drank thursday friday saturday sunday

00:24:56.960 every week for my for 10 years 20 years okay so how do we handle this be who you are bro

00:25:04.320 authenticity wins when people sit down at dinner and everybody's drinking and you just say i don't know

00:25:11.960 i'm good i drink this and just stand on that without making any excuses or apologizing that actually

00:25:17.560 builds credit and respect with other people that shows that you have self-control that shows that

00:25:23.820 you care about what you're doing so i would recommend just being who you are all right there's something

00:25:30.400 very powerful about someone sitting down and saying now i'm just going to get a tonic water or i'm going

00:25:37.280 to get a this or i'm going to get a that a diet coke or whatever right and people saying what you don't

00:25:42.580 drink no i drink i'm just not drinking now they're that that shows people that you're in control that 0.91

00:25:48.540 shows people that you take your shit serious and in fact i have when that happens to me and we're and 0.94

00:25:54.260 we're in a social situation and someone sits down and just says everybody's drinking and says i don't 0.99

00:25:59.840 i'm not drinking that shows that that person is not breakable by peer pressure so it actually

00:26:04.960 fucking says a whole lot about you without saying anything so i wouldn't try to compromise that i 0.95

00:26:09.980 wouldn't try to explain it the key is to not explain it that's my next question yeah do you 1.00

00:26:15.100 owe them a no nation fuck no you don't owe anybody an explanation like you're a grown fucking man i do 0.99

00:26:21.740 what the fuck i want that's the attitude that you need to have people will respect that it's authentic 0.99

00:26:27.080 it's real and if you could sit down and do that it's like look dude if i was at dinner with all of 0.99

00:26:33.120 you guys and we were all drinking and the new guy showed up and he was like you know yeah i don't

00:26:40.700 i'm not drinking what you don't what you got a problem with it no what are you alcoholic

00:26:46.280 no man i sometimes i do but i'm not right now because i'm doing this and this

00:26:51.720 you know all right cool i'm gonna look at that dude i'm gonna be like he's driving no i'm gonna be 0.84

00:26:56.520 like that guy can fucking make decisions that will not be affected by the pressure of everybody else 0.94

00:27:01.380 i'm gonna look at it like that guy's in control of his life i'm gonna look at it like that guy 0.98

00:27:05.940 possesses a certain amount of discipline that most people don't possess and i am gonna look at the

00:27:10.980 other guys and be like man i wonder if these other guys got that okay so there's a lot of credit that 0.99

00:27:16.380 you could build by just owning who the fuck you are and not apologizing for it and you certainly don't 0.99

00:27:22.680 need to apologize to anybody for not fucking putting alcohol on your body like that that's not an 0.99

00:27:27.940 explanation that you need to have now if you have a problem like if you feel awkward about it or 0.66

00:27:33.460 whatever you're not ready to make that stance i would just ask you to recognize that the right

00:27:39.460 people will respect that if they don't respect it and they make funny and they make they peer pressure

00:27:44.240 you and this and that bro that probably not a good group of people to be around yeah that's that was my

00:27:49.180 next question for you because uh i mean this is such a great topic but um you know like and i don't want

00:27:56.320 to foreshadow any like you know like bad things in this guy's life tanner i hope you're doing great

00:28:00.800 hope you love where you work but do you think that i mean is it a possibility is it something to be

00:28:05.260 like like genuinely cautious about that could become a reality because i know for me like i don't drink

00:28:10.200 how i used to drink right yeah and like i'll be honest like drunk people kind of annoy me yeah

00:28:14.900 right and so it's like do you think it's something he should be aware of that there may come a time where

00:28:20.620 you just may not want to be doing that line of work bro because it can get it can get annoying

00:28:26.100 yeah you know what i'm saying like it may not just be good for the environment for you is that a

00:28:29.840 possibility yeah for sure uh you know look man i can't say yes or no to that it just depends on the

00:28:37.620 person it does depend on what profession you're in there are professions like you know honestly a lot

00:28:44.440 of them where alcohol is a major factor it's culture bro and you're yes but the problem with 0.98

00:28:50.040 that is is that most of these motherfuckers can't build culture without it right they can't operate 1.00

00:28:55.000 without it what kind of dude would you think of someone if they were able to have a great time and 0.99

00:28:59.720 you know for a fact they didn't have one fucking drink that makes you like triple cool right so like 0.96

00:29:05.120 you know people drink it's a part of business it's a part of networking i understand that 0.97

00:29:12.640 but i think if you handle it right i i know if you handle it right people actually respect you

00:29:17.000 and and what will end up happening is like some of the other guys will come up and be like you know

00:29:21.180 how do you do that what do you do you know what do you tell me about your training because dude they 0.99

00:29:25.980 don't want to be fat fucking drunks either bro they just are because they don't they lack the ability 0.99

00:29:31.900 to say no because of the social pressures involved right and that's something that works you know once you 1.00

00:29:39.040 do live hard once you do 75 hard it honestly becomes real easy to just tell people to eat shit 0.95

00:29:44.920 you know what i'm saying like because dude you realize that other people just are not living at 0.95

00:29:50.060 a higher standard that goes back to the the first question we had you know um yeah and to your point

00:29:57.740 dj it's really hard for me to be around people that don't hold a high standard you know what i'm saying 0.99

00:30:02.600 like drunk drunk motherfucker we're saying drunk people we're not saying like just a couple of drinks 0.99

00:30:07.120 it's not even drunk people bro i don't mind if like one of my friends gets drunk like i'm like 1.00

00:30:13.320 all right that's cool like fucking i party hard too i get it you know but what i do mind is when 1.00

00:30:19.360 someone's fat as fuck they're fucking got that red drunk face they're clearly a piece of shit and 1.00

00:30:26.000 they're always fucking drunk and they're always talking bro i punch those motherfuckers in the face 1.00

00:30:30.680 i can't fucking stand obnoxiousness i cannot fucking stand them i'm like dude listen to this 1.00

00:30:36.160 guy listen to this guy talk shit about how good his life thinks it is he's fat he's fucking shit's 1.00

00:30:43.280 hanging over his belt he's drinking 500 beers he's not making any money and he's talking shit about 1.00

00:30:49.060 all this stuff like dude like that's just a bullshit human being real talk so that's real man let me let 0.99

00:30:56.820 me follow up on one more thing too here because and i'm not saying that this is this guy's situation 0.97

00:31:00.860 but you know he's like i don't want to seem rude or virtuous how how rude huh it's rude to yourself

00:31:06.740 to not be true to yourself 100 you know what's rude violating your own integrity because of the 0.54

00:31:12.380 pressure that other people put on you that's fucking rude you know what's rude is giving up on your own 0.99

00:31:17.880 hopes and dreams because some fucking losers say you should okay that's rude it you have to be self 0.99

00:31:24.280 you have to be self focused you have to be selfish almost about your dreams and hopes because 0.99

00:31:31.020 everybody else will try to erode them because they don't have those you see what i'm saying

00:31:35.200 100 man i was just saying that to say like i mean how much like self-talk's a real thing man like and

00:31:41.600 how many like do you think this is a thing too where he's just like these conversations and this

00:31:45.720 negative i guess uh reaction to this stuff like it's all in his mind kind of like i mean is it really 0.81

00:31:51.480 a reality that people are that like just complete dicks like that or are these conversations he's

00:31:56.200 making up in his head no i think it's him not being comfortable in that situation yet you know 0.97

00:32:01.540 what i'm saying yeah yeah okay so just be mindful of that i love dude i'll you know real talk dude 1.00

00:32:06.860 like just look at the motherfuckers that pressure you to drink do you want their life do you want what 0.98

00:32:14.320 they got really like because i don't i look at people like that real talk like you know how i 1.00

00:32:20.040 look at them i do like i walk away i'm like look at this fucking loser look at this fucking douche 1.00

00:32:24.980 yeah you know what i'm saying yeah i don't i don't care how much fucking money you got you you can't 1.00

00:32:30.080 control yourself you you're not in control of your own life yeah and then whatever you got you're 0.96

00:32:34.140 definitely missing something on the table bro and i just look at them and i'm like dude honestly

00:32:37.760 like this is gonna sound so fucking wrong i don't care i just look at them and i'm like that guy's a 0.99

00:32:42.140 pussy and i'm not that guy's weak and i'm not that guy's less than me he is and that's that's 0.99

00:32:47.460 reality because he is you know it's it's not that's not arrogance to say somebody with more 0.99

00:32:53.180 self-control more discipline more mental toughness is a higher quality human being than somebody 0.99

00:32:56.880 without it that's just reality dude this is you know people love to say this shit well you think 1.00

00:33:02.820 you're better than everybody yeah that fucking scorecard says so i fucking handle my shit i fucking 1.00

00:33:10.320 have discipline and this goes for you guys too if you have it i got my shit together i'm working 1.00

00:33:14.920 hard i'm doing the right things i'm living a virtuous life i'm doing the best that i can you aren't even

00:33:19.880 trying yes that makes me better than you i'm sorry that you don't get to be the best when you live like 0.98

00:33:25.800 shit and i put in all this work to be who the fuck i am that's like you oh oh so you believe in 0.96

00:33:31.480 participation trophies right right basically yeah right like it's an absurd conversation and people love to 1.00

00:33:37.180 throw that shit out there and it's never rich people or fucking people that have high levels of 0.99

00:33:41.420 success that say that shit they're never out there saying oh that guy that guy that has a little like 1.00

00:33:46.180 you never hear a wealthy person or someone who's got all their shit together say oh that guy that's 1.00

00:33:51.660 got more than me he thinks he's better than me that's not the fuck they think only fucking losers say 1.00

00:33:56.760 that shit and it's to validate themselves for not even trying dude most people legitimately wait their 0.99

00:34:02.980 entire week to go out and drink beer like for real like overpriced beer yeah by thursday by thursday 1.00

00:34:10.400 they're going to fucking happy hour it's friday night they're partying ball saturday some sort of 0.94

00:34:17.160 day drinking and then fucking night drinking sunday i know because i live this i did this for years 0.99

00:34:23.000 okay my life sucked i wasn't happy i wasn't fulfilled i was making far less money i could have made 0.96

00:34:28.640 i wasn't good in terms of friendships or relationships like

00:34:33.760 and that's reality dude it's like there's guys that were better than me and not even where i'm at

00:34:40.820 now there's still dudes better than me now and we have to be able to admit that that guy's got his 0.98

00:34:45.440 shit together more than me that that should that shouldn't be some whiny shit like oh that guy thinks 0.99

00:34:52.060 he's better than me it should be like damn dude i need to get better the guy's better than me yeah 0.99

00:34:56.680 i gotta get up there yeah that's how winners think winners look at people that are further 0.99

00:35:00.540 down the road from them and say fuck all right i got work to do and they get to work they don't 1.00

00:35:05.640 hate the motherfucker because he's doing better they're like fuck that's inspiring yeah 100 man i love 1.00

00:35:10.420 it well guys andy we'll do one more what's the special sauce yeah yeah all right special sauce try 1.00

00:35:16.180 give him a full the full 45 girth the full 4.5 in your case yeah um 0.74

00:35:23.480 that's two trophies i'm giving him a dot god damn he didn't even say that then you don't have to 0.69

00:35:31.460 you did all right uh guys andy question before a little special sauce uh what's good andy i just 0.88

00:35:37.380 wanted to start by saying thank you for changing my life i've been following since mfceo and i've

00:35:42.540 really bossed the fuck up since listening to you um i was homeless without a job straight up lost 0.90

00:35:48.020 by listening to your podcast completing the 75 hard program um i am now a six-figure professional 0.57

00:35:53.500 tattoo artist that works at one of the most famous studios in the country my life has completely

00:35:58.960 changed i owe you bro um now as i mentioned earlier i am not working at a famous tattoo studio with some

00:36:05.000 real heavy hitters i've been here for five months now and to be honest things could not be going any

00:36:11.120 better i am growing in the company tattoos are getting better and building great rapport with

00:36:16.700 the owners of the company i can't help but notice that the attention that i am receiving from ownership

00:36:22.820 on top of maybe my personality is starting to step on some toes of people that i work with

00:36:29.120 especially people who have a much longer tenure than i do at the studio i've heard the saying to

00:36:35.360 never outshine the master i have only been tattooing professionally for about three years so the last

00:36:40.720 thing i want to do is seem arrogant or cocky uh coming from an athletic background i have a team 0.98

00:36:45.620 first mindset but as i'm noticing these co-workers talking shit i'm starting to wonder if i should 0.98

00:36:51.460 even give a fuck um i put in the work and ask the questions whenever i get the opportunity i want to be 0.98

00:36:56.380 a team player but at the same time i don't want to let someone else's insecurity stop me from being 0.65

00:37:01.280 the best version of myself should i try to accommodate these workers to keep a friendly peaceful work 0.98

00:37:06.220 environment or should i just say fuck them we ball and keep moving regardless of how people uh feel 0.99

00:37:11.980 about it all right first of all never let anyone fucking anyone slow you the fuck down bro if people 1.00

00:37:18.420 stand in your way you run them the fuck over okay you don't wait for them to catch up you fucking make 0.99

00:37:24.100 them catch up all right this question is such an important question because so many people struggle 0.99

00:37:31.160 with this they start to get good and then their friends that they made in the workplace start to

00:37:35.940 like notice and then they start to like tone it back down it's no different than what we talked about

00:37:40.660 with low no man's land all right so what you need to realize and how how to handle this would be very

00:37:46.380 very very simple one continue to work your ass off and get better do everything better than everybody

00:37:53.520 else let your work speak for itself to the point where it embarrasses their work all right 0.98

00:37:59.400 when they have a problem with it or they talk shit smile be cool just laugh it off and keep moving 0.66

00:38:07.800 all right treat them with respect if they're disrespectful to you treat them with respect and 0.96

00:38:13.080 what's going to happen is your life is going to speak for itself and their life is going to speak for

00:38:18.120 itself and by you treating them well even if they're being douchebags you're showing the ownership that like

00:38:24.560 it's them not you okay so when you have a situation where you have a bunch of employees and then you

00:38:31.860 have an ownership group then you have you who's new one of the things that can happen is because all 0.62

00:38:37.760 these people have tenured relationships with the owners they can fucking go to the owner and be like 0.96

00:38:42.020 this guy's a problem this guy's a cancer this guy's a you don't see what he does when you're not 0.98

00:38:48.700 around you don't see how he treats people and usually when people come to you the owners with

00:38:53.860 that it's usually because they're high performing people and those people are threatened and they're 0.74

00:38:58.100 trying to hold them back and your ownership will fucking recognize that as long as you continue to 0.96

00:39:03.220 do great work if you continue to put in the work you continue to be humble about it open to getting 0.88

00:39:08.140 better that's what i mean i don't mean humble like oh i'm no good i mean humble like hey what can i

00:39:12.940 learn from this guy how can i get better how can i improve how can you make it known that you're

00:39:17.320 looking to improve all right that's what matters and that's what's going to matter to the ownership

00:39:21.760 and then when those guys go to the ownership and they start chirping about you know oh then the 0.94

00:39:28.880 ownership is going to look at those guys and be like the fuck's wrong with you and they're going 1.00

00:39:32.220 to start telling on themselves so but that will not happen if you treat them like shit back because 0.99

00:39:38.460 remember they have a tenured relationship so if you were if those people were getting rude and you're 1.00

00:39:44.020 like hey fuck you motherfucker i'm better than you blah blah blah blah blah and start doing that 1.00

00:39:47.920 the owner is likely to look at you as the cancer because you're the newest element to the team 1.00

00:39:52.440 so it's very important do better keep on the gas stay humble enough to keep improving work harder than 0.97

00:40:01.060 everybody else produce better than everybody else and then when they fucking have an opinion about it or 0.85

00:40:06.340 you hear them talking keep a positive attitude treat them with respect and you do you the way that you

00:40:12.460 know you're going to do you keep your integrity strong and they will weed themselves out or they

00:40:17.960 will eventually join you and they will say you know what this guy's actually a really good dude i'm

00:40:22.140 going to try to work get on his team so you'll either pull them with you or they will separate

00:40:27.700 themselves because they will show themselves to be cancers so this idea of you know never outshine

00:40:33.400 the master that is that a relevant those guys are not the master those are peers those are peers

00:40:38.880 those are your co-workers those are peers and by the way there is a way to outshine the master in

00:40:44.360 fact if you have the right kind of master they want you to fucking outshine them because they want

00:40:49.460 great people on the team but the problem is is that most of the time when people try to outshine

00:40:54.340 the master they fucking have an ego about it if you have a if you have someone in your organization 0.94

00:40:59.280 that's better than you at something as an owner i am glad about that i want that because i want the 0.99

00:41:04.580 team to fucking win like if we're on a football team and i'm not as fast as the guy that's out 0.95

00:41:09.840 there running a 4 240 on the on the wide receiver you think i just don't want him on the team because 0.99

00:41:14.520 he's faster than me no i want to fucking i want him on the team because he's going to win in that 0.95

00:41:18.660 position so there's a way to do that there's a way to be better than the guys who even own the 0.98

00:41:25.920 company but also recognize that you're better in this area you're not better than and you're just part

00:41:32.500 of the team over here and you know that's the way to do that is to always stay humble um to accept

00:41:39.340 responsibility and give away credit that's a massive thing for peer leadership and leadership

00:41:44.840 like if you're a leader it's not your job to get the credit everybody thinks that as a leader it's

00:41:50.280 their job to get the flowers and the credit and the celebration and the claps that's not your job

00:41:55.240 your job is to take that credit and push it to the team and say hey this is a team effort dude i was

00:42:00.820 walking through hq today and and a guy was like you know you're changing so many lives and i'm like

00:42:06.260 no we are changing so many lives you see what i'm saying and then when things go bad it's not oh my 0.98

00:42:13.640 team fucking sucks it's man you know what i fucked up because i didn't show you guys how to do this the 1.00

00:42:18.400 right way you see what i'm saying so dude accept responsibility give the credit even as a peer leader 1.00

00:42:25.040 and you'll earn the respect of your team and the ownership i love it bro i love it man well that was

00:42:29.960 four yeah what all right guys let's go have a great week i'll see you guys tomorrow 0.99

00:42:39.740 went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a pole fuck a stole counted millions in 1.00

00:42:46.560 the code bad bitch booted swole got her on bankroll can't fold doesn't know headshot case close 1.00

00:42:53.720 cool cool how bucks posted governor sam respawn was gonna be ordainedissant 0.99

00:42:54.560 cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - June 03, 2024

719. Q&AF： Navigating No Man's Land, Getting Prepared For The Real World & Networking Without Alcohol

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - June 03, 2024

719. Q&#x26;AF： Navigating No Man&#x27;s Land, Getting Prepared For The Real World &#x26; Networking Without Alcohol

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

719. Q&AF： Navigating No Man's Land, Getting Prepared For The Real World & Networking Without Alcohol