REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 848. Q&AF： Getting Your Fire Back, Handling Anxiety & Managing Ego In Employees

00:00:00.000 what is up guys it's andy for selling this is the show for the realists say goodbye to the lies

00:00:21.120 the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today we

00:00:27.220 have q and af that's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers now you

00:00:35.220 could submit your questions a few different ways the first way is guys email these questions into

00:00:40.880 ask andy andy for selling.com or go on youtube in the q and afs ask your questions in the comment

00:00:47.880 sections and we'll choose some from there as well uh other days we're gonna have shows within the

00:00:53.360 show this is not a single format show we're gonna have cti tomorrow that stands for cruise the

00:00:58.100 internet that's a society culture comedy all mixed together uh try to deliver the news in a different

00:01:04.780 way um we speculate on what's going on what's true what's not true and then we talk about how we the

00:01:09.920 people have to solve these problems going on in the world other times we're going to have real talk

00:01:14.100 real talk is just five to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk and then we have 75 hard verses

00:01:20.540 75 hard verses where people who have completed the 75 hard program come on the show they talk about

00:01:26.500 how their life was before how their life is now and how they used the 75 hard program to transform

00:01:32.400 their mental state which transform the reality all right if you're unfamiliar with 75 hard it is the

00:01:38.120 world's biggest most popular mental transformation program it is the initial phase of the live hard

00:01:44.480 program and you can get both of those programs for free at episode 208 on the audio feed there is

00:01:51.320 also a book available at andy fursella.com called the book on mental toughness it covers the entire

00:01:57.800 live hard program plus a whole bunch of chapters on mental toughness why it's important how to use it

00:02:04.240 and um has some case studies on some famous people as to you know how they got to be famous using these

00:02:10.580 skills so uh go get the book if you want it's for people who i don't know like the ins and outs and

00:02:17.260 the ups and downs and all the details like me i have to know everything before i start things um or you

00:02:22.820 could just go to episode 208 get the whole thing for free it's your choice book is very popular we're

00:02:27.460 always sold out so uh if we're sold out that sucks for you uh i mean it does uh one thing about this show

00:02:37.680 we don't run ads on the show okay we're the biggest show in the world that doesn't run ads

00:02:41.340 i am an actual entrepreneur i run actual companies um and i finance the show myself and the reason for

00:02:49.860 that is because i don't want anybody telling me what i can and can't say in exchange for that i ask

00:02:54.340 very simply that you help us grow the show by sharing a lot of you guys listen you habitually

00:02:59.880 listen and uh you don't help us you don't you don't share the show okay uh so don't be a hoe

00:03:05.740 share the show all right and you know buy our shit you know i'm saying we'll just throw that

00:03:10.120 in there that's that as a reminder uh yeah and by the way if you do want to support us you can

00:03:15.160 buy these first form energy drinks uh at your local convenience store grocery store if they don't

00:03:20.620 have them ask them what the fuck is going on kind of operation are you running here can't be a good

00:03:25.280 one clearly not um let's see mf ceo project's coming back i just want to remind you guys of that

00:03:33.920 uh we'll have some announcements on that very soon if you're unfamiliar with the mf ceo project it is

00:03:38.880 the first podcast before real af that i did it was the number one business podcast in the world not

00:03:45.240 much change there but uh also um it was the number one overall show for a long time so we're bringing

00:03:52.100 that back and the reason i'm bringing it back is because i feel that i'm needed to teach the younger

00:03:58.980 generation the skills of winning and uh we're going to do that so if you're interested in

00:04:03.620 getting the new mf ceo project it will not be available on itunes or youtube it's going to be

00:04:09.200 available on an app um when i launch that app i will announce it through my email list so uh

00:04:16.860 go get on my email list subscribe to the andy graham you get a little motivational writing a little

00:04:22.140 tactical knowledge every day to your inbox plus you'll get notified when the mf ceo project drops so

00:04:27.500 i'm excited about that bro yeah yeah i'm excited about the things we're doing different and you

00:04:33.120 know we're we're lining up testimonials of people who have built seven eight nine figure companies

00:04:38.860 with the skills of the first series yeah uh that's going to be cool um i mean a lot of things are

00:04:45.280 going to be different well i mean i think what the coolest piece of it too man like outside looking

00:04:49.040 in is like i mean you talk about like you know that's going to be the interviews and the guests

00:04:53.140 yeah right like it's going to be cool man because it's going to be you know not just the real

00:04:57.080 entrepreneurs that that i know it's going to be people who have used you know like bro fucking

00:05:02.380 i talked to a guy yesterday who's got a 300 million dollar company that was talking about how

00:05:07.340 he used to listen to mf ceo when he was fucking you know hustling back in in the day so stuff like

00:05:13.800 that you know what i mean well you you talk about what i'm what i like about it most is like you know

00:05:18.120 you've talked about this before like how business has its cycles and its evolutions and like you're

00:05:22.460 in a new phase of business new to you right yeah being able to apply all the shit that you've learned

00:05:27.800 even yeah most recently well i mean look dude building a business to a million is is a set of

00:05:34.500 skills building a business from a million to 10 million that's a set of skills now a lot of those

00:05:38.240 skills overlap but there are skills you need to have building your business from 10 to 50 million

00:05:43.480 that's a different thing building your business from 50 million to 500 million completely different

00:05:50.300 thing um so you know all of these skills overlap but it's going to it is going to be a lot different

00:05:56.240 it's going to be a lot more uh a lot more knowledge to bestow you know i'm excited about it word of the

00:06:02.380 day right there yeah bestow so let's bestow them with a little appetizer of knowledge let's do it uh just

00:06:08.800 to get people through the week well i got some good ones for you i know you do you got three good ones

00:06:12.580 for you as usual um let's do it that's a new one for today too the what usual use a what usual

00:06:20.440 usual usual what does that mean usual okay let's let's bestow let's

00:06:30.320 guys andy question number one man let's get into these dude uh andy i am in college and i'm doing

00:06:41.420 excellent uh especially compared to last year i used to party all week long was able to maintain

00:06:47.340 good grades i changed it up and i am 20 years old and i have completed 75 hard back in november for

00:06:53.080 the first time i haven't had a sip of alcohol since august i'm actively doing 75 hard again

00:06:59.240 and i'm giving it my all i have aspirations to become a firefighter and a tattoo artist on the

00:07:05.440 side to fill in my days off but i often feel like i've been spaced out or that i have little to no

00:07:12.720 interest in doing things um i used to dream of cars houses solid family now i have a hard time

00:07:19.780 focusing on my purpose and my why am i doing the things that i am how do you recommend getting that

00:07:26.300 fire back and is it normal that it will get monotonous right like did you ever lose that that fire of like

00:07:33.000 what you wanted to get and why you wanted to get and how did you get it back of course this is a long

00:07:39.040 hard intense brutal journey you are going to feel like not doing it way more than you're going to feel

00:07:48.820 like doing it once you start to do it the way you feel about doing it is irrelevant and every

00:07:55.960 championship person every successful entrepreneur every person that you've ever looked up to and said

00:08:01.720 fuck dude i want to be like that all of those people have learned a very specific skill they have

00:08:08.980 learned and understand that how they feel about doing the critical tasks that need to be done on a day-by-day

00:08:17.020 basis is irrelevant all that matters is that you do it so how you feel about doing it does not matter

00:08:25.840 there's no trophy for it there's no reward for it there's no uh monetary gain no one cares no one

00:08:33.380 cares how you feel you're the only one that cares no one cares so with that being understood do you want

00:08:41.280 to achieve your goals or do you want to stay where you are and potentially and most likely go backwards

00:08:48.360 from where you are those are your choices so you can choose to understand that you have to execute at

00:08:55.760 a high level especially when you don't feel like it and you will eventually get where you want to go

00:09:01.000 or you could say i just don't feel like it like everybody else does and your life will fucking suck

00:09:07.620 that's it it's going to be hard either way either one of those paths is difficult there's no path in

00:09:13.200 life where you get to skip through the fucking field of daisies with the hummingbirds and the bees

00:09:18.160 and the sun shining on your motherfucking face and everything's going to be great there's no path to that

00:09:24.540 in real life now how many of the people that live this carefree skip through the fucking daisies

00:09:31.060 lifestyle actually remain in that position very few if you pay attention every year they're trying to

00:09:37.420 reinvent themselves you know why because the internet gives people that don't know what the fuck they're

00:09:42.940 talking about a platform to spread things with certainty and so when they're when they are skipping

00:09:50.540 through the field even though they have no money coming in and they have nobody around them and

00:09:54.220 everything is they pretend to know that what they're doing is the right thing for sure okay and

00:10:01.440 that certainty then sucks people in and quite honestly ruins their fucking life because that person will be on

00:10:08.200 the next thing next year and the next thing the year after that and the next thing the year after that

00:10:13.380 and they talk out their ass i don't know what the fuck they're talking about so here's the thing

00:10:18.980 of course you're not going to feel like it most of the time this is why you have to train yourself

00:10:27.400 to execute which is called discipline when you don't feel like it or when you're lacking motivation

00:10:33.220 this is the entire point of the live hard program it's the entire reason that the live hard program

00:10:39.660 exists and why it's the most popular mental toughness discipline training program in the world

00:10:45.160 it's not because it doesn't work it's because it trains you to make the better decision not the

00:10:52.220 harder decision the better decision when you don't feel like making it okay and that's another thing why

00:10:58.900 don't you reframe the decisions that you are making from this is the hardest decision to this is the

00:11:06.620 better decision this is what's going to move me forward this is what's going to get me what i want

00:11:11.660 when you think about it like that it makes it a lot easier to get off your ass and go fucking do it

00:11:16.880 so yes it is absolutely normal to not feel like doing it there is not a single person who has ever

00:11:25.940 achieved anything that you want to achieve that has felt like it every single day it's hard it's frustrating

00:11:33.060 there's things that are going to happen you're going to get punched in the face you're going to

00:11:36.960 get sick you're going to have breakups you're going to have people let you down you're going to

00:11:40.940 have people steal from you you're going to have friends let you down you're going to be embarrassed

00:11:45.480 you're going to make mistakes and everybody's going to see it and laugh at you all of these things are

00:11:49.820 going to happen you have to build yourself into someone who can continue to execute regardless of

00:11:55.980 what's happening around you and if you can do that it doesn't matter what's happening around you

00:12:01.060 doesn't matter if they're laughing it doesn't matter if they're making fun it doesn't matter

00:12:04.900 if the weather's bad it doesn't matter if the economy's bad it doesn't matter if your parents

00:12:09.520 don't approve or your wife or your girlfriend or your husband it doesn't fucking matter if you keep

00:12:15.260 executing because eventually you will find yourself in the place you set out to be okay that's the game

00:12:23.200 and i don't know how to explain it any better like if you are going to to be a slave to your emotion

00:12:30.140 you are going to lack control in all areas of your life forever you cannot be a slave to how you feel

00:12:37.160 decisions made about your life have to be made with the outcome in mind and you have to commit to

00:12:44.760 taking those actions with the outcome in mind understanding that if you don't take them your life is going to

00:12:51.040 be shitty and you're going to be frustrated and you're going to be be fucking disappointed and

00:12:56.920 unfulfilled and and dude it's it's just uh it's the way it is yeah let's let's tie this into materialism

00:13:04.440 because you mentioned like you know he had these dreams of cars and houses and stuff and i know for

00:13:08.020 you it was a lamborghini coontosh right yeah how important was that for you like i mean like can we

00:13:16.060 we talk about motivation right like it's hard to like on those days you don't feel like doing shit i mean

00:13:21.900 is that really what you look towards like is that you know i'm saying like what do you listen

00:13:26.240 this this game is so fucking hard you got to use whatever the fuck you can okay yes material goals

00:13:33.060 are an amazing motivator especially when you don't have anything when you can't go to dinner at the

00:13:37.820 nice restaurants and you're driving a fucking rusted out beater and you're embarrassed to get out of

00:13:43.140 the car and all these things that that sucks okay your life is much better when you're driving a nice

00:13:48.000 car that's reality dude and anybody who tells you different hasn't driven a nice car it's just the

00:13:52.580 facts all right a lot of people like to say that shit doesn't matter it's just transportation

00:13:56.980 a to b well have you ever gone anywhere in a bugatti because it's pretty fucking cool a to b is pretty

00:14:02.460 cool yeah and you get there a lot faster all right so don't listen to motherfuckers that have never

00:14:07.000 experienced the experiences that you want to experience because they have no perspective or standing to

00:14:11.580 comment on it okay so anything that you can do to drive you is a good thing some people it's money

00:14:21.180 some people it's cars some people it's lifestyle some people it's watches and suits and by the way

00:14:26.960 it was all those things for me for a long fucking time okay because i i was young and i lacked the

00:14:33.700 understanding of how to drive myself without those things and once i got all those things in business

00:14:41.520 once i accumulated some cool stuff and i i realized like well fuck dude there's only so

00:14:47.580 much cool shit you can get okay and then i did some searching internally and try to you know

00:14:53.060 like i's probably going through a lot what this young man's going through where he's thinking like

00:14:57.660 well why am i doing this and what i started to realize is that you know i looked around and i'm like

00:15:02.600 well there's there's at that time there was probably probably had 80 guys total 80 people and i looked

00:15:08.640 around i'm like well this guy depends on this this guy depends on this that guy's not driving a nice

00:15:15.520 car yet that guy hasn't bought a house and i started to realize my obligation was not just to myself it

00:15:23.580 was to everybody else and so as i progressed through the process my drive and and purpose changed

00:15:35.120 and it became from a what you probably most people would consider a selfish purpose i want this i want

00:15:42.940 that which is natural when you don't have shit you got to take care of yourself to solve that problem

00:15:49.560 okay but once you have it a lot of this is why you hear a lot of people go broke once they get some

00:15:55.380 success because they lack the ability to redefine what their purpose actually is and so i got to a point

00:16:02.360 where i had all this stuff i started looking around and then i expanded my purpose okay i expanded my

00:16:08.720 purpose i realized well dude you still got a long way to go you got to scale these companies so that

00:16:13.260 the people who helped you get where you are can have opportunities to get what they want okay so that

00:16:18.600 became like a second purpose and a new wind in my sales which pushed me down now by the way still love

00:16:26.220 the cars i really don't care about watches anymore i like suits but the point is none of that shit

00:16:32.580 really gets me that excited okay once in a while it does but that's really not it okay what and and by

00:16:40.600 the way now i have companies built to where really anybody that's in these companies has unlimited

00:16:46.720 opportunity and upward mobility if they want to dedicate themselves to it the proper way right so there's

00:16:52.680 that okay so i did that and i'm continuing to do that so what's my bigger purpose past that once i did

00:16:58.640 so so uh what am i supposed to go home and at 42 years old and fucking sit on the couch and fuck off

00:17:04.160 uh you know that wasn't very fun so then i had to redefine my purpose again and what my purpose became

00:17:10.700 then was all right well what's the what's going on in the world well for the last five years and really

00:17:18.580 now that i've become more aware it's been the last 100 years we have lived in a country uh that isn't

00:17:26.120 what it should be and the reason it isn't what it should be is because the individuals allow it to be

00:17:31.860 that so what's that problem well that that is a problem that i can help solve because if we can make

00:17:39.600 the people great and we can make the people skilled and we can make the people high achievers that makes

00:17:43.700 it harder to control them and they have a better life if they have a better life that means the standard

00:17:48.120 is raised if the standard is raised in the household the standard can be raised with the neighbor if the

00:17:52.480 standard can be raised with the neighbor it can be raised in the community if it can be raised in the

00:17:55.400 community it can be raised at the state if we can raise all the states we can make the country great again

00:18:00.140 by individual success and accomplishment and the holding of standards and so when i say personal excellence

00:18:07.900 is the ultimate rebellion that's what i mean because our country is only as good as its individuals

00:18:12.620 so now my purpose has expanded where i feel the need to teach what i know about business and success

00:18:20.440 more in a more pointed fashion so that we can help solve that problem so these are this is the scaling

00:18:29.120 of of your purpose which is just as important as scaling your business because if you scale into a big

00:18:36.520 business and then you're there and you don't have any purpose you're going to be miserable you're

00:18:40.980 because dude human beings especially men okay no disrespect to the women at all but men and women are

00:18:50.600 different and men inherently have a drive to provide contribute create and build things all right protect

00:19:02.560 things and people okay and when you take that away and you make them ultra comfortable and you give

00:19:10.120 them all the food they want you let them live and they don't have any purpose bro they're fucking

00:19:13.800 miserable which is why we have such a mental health crisis with the men in this country they don't have

00:19:21.660 enough problems to solve and the problems that they're committed to solving are just them chasing

00:19:26.340 the cheese in the fucking hamster wheel bro so we have to acknowledge and become aware of bigger

00:19:34.680 problems that we can solve that will bring us ultimate fulfillment okay so yeah in the beginning

00:19:41.400 when you're 20 years old dude it might just be i want cars and i want a watch and i i want girls to

00:19:47.560 like me then it could be you know when you're 30 it could be you know hey i've i've gotten here uh now i

00:19:54.680 gotta bring people here okay and then when you're 40 you're like well fuck i brought some people here and

00:19:59.540 if if they're not here it's on them because they haven't committed then it's what's a bigger purpose

00:20:04.880 and a bigger purpose and like for me dude you know uh that's just how it's played out and and everybody

00:20:12.020 i know that is ultra successful and doesn't end up losing it or going crazy or having so many mental

00:20:20.620 health issues they need to be committed um the reason that they're able to to function

00:20:27.460 over the course of their life is because they're continuing to redefine what their mission is and

00:20:35.440 what their purpose is i mean is it is it i mean because i look at like you know you talk about that

00:20:40.520 beginning motivation but even just to get you to that point where you can start worrying about other

00:20:43.920 people how much good has come out of having a fucking aspiration of that coontosh bro a lot that's i

00:20:50.000 you know what uh people like oh you just wanted the coontosh bro that's selfish as fuck yeah so you

00:20:56.480 guys know gary v i love gary um gary has been a massively influential person in my life for the

00:21:03.440 last 15 years yeah um awesome dude he's a great dude and he's and he's hyper intelligent and people

00:21:09.520 do not realize how tuned in that dude is one of the things that gary now we've had a couple

00:21:16.460 disagreements over the course of you know the 15 years we've been friends um one of the

00:21:22.320 disagreements was he made a post one time laughing at like people that buy nice cars and i messaged him

00:21:28.620 i said hey you know i understand you're from new york and and you guys don't drive cars and shit up

00:21:33.140 there but like let me tell you about cars and i told him you know that and and dude he he admitted

00:21:40.460 it he was like well that's different you have a passion for cars you're not just trying to keep up with

00:21:44.280 the fucking joneses right okay which is true but the point of the matter is you know you got to be

00:21:50.740 careful not to shit on people's material goals don't take those dreams away from people like when

00:21:56.060 people have dreams of material shit don't shit on us don't don't say oh that's that's stupid or

00:22:02.480 that's bullshit or you're just a clown for wanting that because dude that might be the thing that drives

00:22:08.580 them to the next thing and then that and then drives them to the next thing and then all of a

00:22:13.660 sudden dude like me you've got do thousands of people that are providing for themselves and their

00:22:19.820 families because of the companies that these people have created which started with just a simple want

00:22:25.020 for some cool shit bro so like dude you can't quantify what could actually happen bro elon musk

00:22:34.440 let's talk about elon right now as an entrepreneur okay elon musk as an entrepreneur

00:22:40.840 bought a million dollar mclaren f1 in 1999 okay and to spend a million dollars on a car in 1999

00:22:48.340 huge deal he loves cars huge car guy okay but i don't know that he's into cars anymore you know why

00:22:54.920 because he decided that his purpose was going to be to go to fucking space you like space okay yeah

00:23:00.080 like expand his purpose but the point is now this dude employs i mean hundreds of thousands of people

00:23:06.160 in his different companies because he continued to expand what his purpose was and i believe his he's

00:23:12.980 you know expanded it again uh you know which is similar to in line with what my purpose is um so

00:23:19.220 you know he's looked at the world and he's like well fuck we gotta fix this you know and uh you know

00:23:24.500 that's that's how it goes bro and if you want to actually win long term um you have to redefine

00:23:32.080 what that purpose is going to be over and over and over again and you know if you want to be a

00:23:37.340 responsible role model and leader i don't think you should shit on people's goals because you never

00:23:41.440 know what that's going to lead to i love it man i love it guys andy question number two uh hey andy

00:23:47.360 i've listened to nearly every episode since 2017 and i want to thank you for being the main source

00:23:54.160 of my business growth over the years my question is this andy uh you've talked on the podcast about

00:24:00.000 severe anxiety before uh i'm 24 years old and for the first time in my life i've started to have the

00:24:07.100 exact same problem some days it's to the point where i want to stay in bed take a loss just to be able

00:24:11.500 to function for the rest of the week um with so many depending on me to succeed i don't want to slow

00:24:16.540 down in fact i want to do more how have you built up your resilience to these issues and what do you

00:24:22.760 do when when that stuff happens now uh talking about anxiety specifically all right i got a lot

00:24:28.560 to say here um number one when you consume content on the internet as an entrepreneur as an ambitious

00:24:36.320 person as someone who wants to succeed you have to consume it with the filter of this is not for

00:24:45.380 people who are doing what i want to do this is for everybody else entrepreneurs driven people

00:24:52.500 ambitious people have a different set of rules to the game that apply to them than everybody else

00:24:59.600 and so when you consume all of this shit it's telling you you have to do this and you have to

00:25:05.360 live like that and you better feel like this all of a sudden we start analyzing ourselves and we're

00:25:10.560 like well fuck dude i'm not really any of those things and then you end up in a situation where

00:25:15.460 you feel anxious about it you feel like you're you're fucked up or there's something wrong with you

00:25:20.300 and dude that shit will drive you crazy so that's point number one stop consuming all the data on the

00:25:28.040 internet written by motherfuckers who haven't done anything near what you want to do and let me explain

00:25:35.360 something to you that includes people who have just have a podcast that includes people who just

00:25:41.740 have a coaching business i'm talking about people for entrepreneurship who have built actual companies

00:25:49.540 listen to them read what they say and everybody else can get the fuck out of the way okay that's what

00:25:57.240 you have to understand if you consume the rules of the game written by people who have never played

00:26:03.480 the game and who have never even come close to winning the game you're going to feel crazy and

00:26:09.120 that's most of the information on the internet most of these people writing the the therapy memes and

00:26:14.580 most of the people who are writing the you know these these uh feel good shit yeah there's first of all

00:26:21.560 most of those people are stealing the writing they don't even know what the fuck they're writing

00:26:25.500 and it doesn't it just doesn't apply bro we we live by to be a successful entrepreneur it takes a

00:26:33.060 different path that's it and so if you're on a path and you're reading about all the other paths

00:26:39.500 you're going to be confused and you're going to start analyzing yourself because dude we want to be the

00:26:43.500 best as entrepreneurs as ambitious people as people who want to build and create and become things

00:26:47.600 we want to be the best so when we lack these little things that you know other people say that they

00:26:53.040 should have we start feeling bad and we get anxiety and we judge ourselves and the reality is is those

00:26:58.240 are the rules for everybody else the rules for us are different and once you figure that out you have

00:27:05.640 far less anxiety number two we need to realize that people need people like us they need people that are

00:27:12.940 hungry they need people that want to build they need people that are obsessed they need people that are

00:27:18.100 going to create and become and do the things for the world that the world fucking enjoys okay that's building

00:27:25.740 companies building organizations achievement that creates careers and jobs and innovations and cures these things

00:27:32.420 are needed and guess who they come from they don't come from all those people they come from people like us all

00:27:37.000 right so you are needed and you are a fucking different breed than all of those people and by the way that's okay

00:27:44.760 because without people that thought like us they wouldn't have fucking anything all right so

00:27:51.100 understand your obsession is needed your imbalance is needed your drive is needed your ambition is needed all of

00:28:03.920 it is needed so that's point number two point number three is when ambitious people

00:28:11.020 do not have a detail plan to work they feel they feel anxiety okay so i would ask yourself

00:28:20.840 do you have a detail plan to get up and work every single day and do these things every single day or do

00:28:27.280 you just have some abstract vision that maybe one day you want to create because if you had a fucking

00:28:33.660 day by day detail plan of the execution that you would be too busy to feel anxious for real so

00:28:40.740 those are the three things that i think uh really help me when i start to feel anxious usually

00:28:48.680 the reason that i start to feel anxious uh is because of the first part where i'm consuming

00:28:54.920 information you're supposed to be consuming yeah or or the third part i'm not clear on the steps i need

00:29:01.220 to take whenever i have a problem that needs to be solved i get the most anxiety when i don't know the

00:29:08.560 answer or don't have a plan when i create the plan and i know that the plan will equate to an answer

00:29:14.780 even if it takes a year i don't have the anxiety about it anymore because i know the solution

00:29:19.220 all right so with that being said um you have to realize that warrior mentality builder mentality

00:29:30.020 creator mentality intense mentality is needed it's a fucking need of civilization and society it's always

00:29:37.400 been there and it's a very important role and we have dealt with the condemnation and

00:29:43.320 villainization of these traits for a very long time all right intentionally they why do you think

00:29:50.020 they don't want you to achieve anything right why do they think they want you to be there's multiple

00:29:54.520 reasons but the point is none of them are valid and you are definitely in the right for wanting to go

00:30:01.480 create shit um but other than that dude you know anxiety typically is is a normal ebb and flow of

00:30:11.500 just being a human being and if you learn how to listen to it what it usually tells you is get off your

00:30:17.140 ass and go solve this problem okay so that's it's a flag of like yes it's a signal it's a signal bro back in

00:30:25.440 the day you know when you would have the caveman would get anxiety the reason he would get anxiety

00:30:30.880 is because he had any fucking food right and he's like fuck i don't know where my food's gonna come

00:30:34.840 from so guess what he had to do he had to go get some food okay these are triggers that cause us to

00:30:40.540 understand that there's a problem identify a problem and then go solve it all right but we are now

00:30:46.500 inundated with all of this shit in the world that tells us it's wrong to feel any anxiety okay

00:30:55.360 dude if you start focusing and living your day to feel zero anxiety you are going to feel a multiple

00:31:05.260 effect of anxiety because you were you are ultra sensitive to anxiety when it creeps in all right if

00:31:13.760 you go through your day and you're like fuck dude i'm just gonna try to get through my day

00:31:17.120 i'm gonna get try to get through my day i'm gonna try to get through my day and then something happens

00:31:22.300 okay and then all of a sudden you're like fuck fuck i can't get through my one day without feeling

00:31:28.480 this and it causes an overreaction because you have an unrealistic expectation of a normal human emotion

00:31:37.540 which is anxiety dude so what's it telling you bro yeah it's normal what's it telling you what's

00:31:46.900 it telling you to do if you're if you're if you're not where you're supposed to be you're probably

00:31:51.260 gonna feel it if you're not doing what you're supposed to do you're probably gonna feel it if

00:31:55.320 you're not living how you're supposed to live you're probably gonna feel it it doesn't mean there's

00:31:59.200 something wrong you gotta go fix that shit all right so that's my answer on that dude like it's

00:32:04.700 it's something that everybody goes through it's something that is fairly normal for most

00:32:09.760 entrepreneurs but it typically comes from not understanding what to do not having a plan

00:32:15.500 having unrealistic expectations about anxiety consuming the wrong information and then thinking

00:32:22.340 it's wrong to be a driven ambitious human being letting people convince you that it's wrong it's

00:32:26.600 not fucking wrong it's required in society bro even just thinking about that for a second like the

00:32:31.080 people who tell you like oh you know you're not supposed to have any anxiety they're telling you

00:32:35.720 to ignore all of that fucking warning signs to do it which creates more like bro it's so wild it's

00:32:40.720 listen it's the predatory therapist industry at this point okay they have convinced people that

00:32:48.240 having any kind of anxiety means that there's something wrong with them yeah and that they need

00:32:55.080 and by the way what are they trying to do they're selling you something and i can't think of a more

00:33:02.040 disgusting way to make money than to convince people they have a problem that they don't actually have

00:33:08.220 and then charge them money to solve it okay or convincing someone that they are mentally broken

00:33:15.040 when in reality they're just not doing what a human's supposed to do and then charging money

00:33:20.560 forever to pretend like they're broken like dude i can't think of a more scummy low-life way to make

00:33:27.220 a living it's just my opinion yeah you're not broken bro you're fucking built for it and you need to go

00:33:34.820 do it i love it man i love it guys let's get to our third and final question question number three

00:33:40.480 hi andy i just like how they put their hello

00:33:46.000 yeah greetings um i love the show and i've been listening to it for years and i've taken so many

00:33:53.740 lessons from it my business partner and i opened up our practice in december of 2023 and have been

00:34:00.340 collecting north of a hundred thousand dollars a month uh great growth uh but hungry for more with

00:34:06.500 that we've begun hiring people uh to help with the day-to-day operations and tasks unfortunately

00:34:13.220 one employee brings a lot of personal issues to work through her mood effort with tasks and sometimes

00:34:21.020 messages uh saying she won't be in to work that day out of the blue we rely on her to take stress

00:34:27.060 off of our plate when she is there and on point she's the best worker ever but when she isn't it

00:34:32.740 frustrates both of us and puts more on our plate we do the best to lead by example discuss expectations

00:34:38.300 but these issues do present um she's our first hire so we are new to having someone work with us

00:34:44.280 any help on what to do fire her don't give up on her yet need some advice okay first of all it's

00:34:51.980 it's important to understand why this is happening if that's your first hire and that person as you

00:34:57.740 say is an awesome employee which i would have very strong arguments against this but you because you

00:35:04.780 don't have experience say that this person is awesome right so let's just go with that okay this

00:35:11.240 person is the best employee ever i would bet that you have pointed to that person with the rest of your

00:35:19.560 team and built them up uh many many times and now you have a problem of hubris and ego in that person

00:35:27.620 and they are leveraging you and your goodwill thinking that they are untouchable so you have

00:35:34.100 a big problem here the reason this is a big problem is because if that person is your highest performing

00:35:41.520 person and you have pointed to that person as your highest performing person then your other employees

00:35:48.500 are going to adopt the behavior of this person and in reality you don't want any of your employees

00:35:54.380 to adopt the behavior of this person regardless of how well they do the thing that you hired them

00:36:01.680 for because just like you said now you're dealing with all this other bullshit you created this out of

00:36:08.220 your inexperience and that's no fault of yours you don't know what you're doing most people don't when

00:36:12.960 they make their first hire but let me let you into this person's mind that person thinks this

00:36:18.780 they need me i was their first hire i'm the best at what i do i can get away with not showing up

00:36:25.620 sometimes i can get away with not doing the certain things like everybody else that's what they think

00:36:31.140 so what are your options well your options are you can either get that strained out and you can

00:36:38.340 explain to them why it's important and the reason it's important and the reason it is important is

00:36:42.620 because that person has been made an example for the other employees to follow and if that person

00:36:48.620 isn't doing things the way that you require people to do things nobody else will either and if you can

00:36:53.840 explain that to someone sometimes they will correct their behavior because they're not aware that

00:36:58.320 they're actually a cancer to the culture and the operation of the business but more than likely that

00:37:03.800 person is going to continue to believe they need me and i can do whatever i want and they will

00:37:08.560 eventually go back to their old ways so my recommendation would be to fire them and then

00:37:15.840 get everybody in a room and tell them this i don't give a fuck how much you sell i don't give a fuck how

00:37:21.620 good you think you are i don't care what you how much you think we're going to do things a certain way

00:37:26.380 here and they're going to be done that way and if you don't do do them this way you won't be here and

00:37:31.860 what that does is that shows your team that it doesn't matter who it is if they don't contribute

00:37:38.420 and they aren't a cultural fit and they don't do the basics they're not going to be here okay which

00:37:44.300 what do you think the rest of the team will do now they're going to say and the conversation will go

00:37:48.380 like this well fuck if they're getting ready to get rid of michelle and she's killing everybody

00:37:51.980 i mean fuck dude we better do what we're told we better do it right yeah okay so you're dealing with

00:37:58.880 a lot of conversations and a lot of thoughts and things that you're not actually getting to see

00:38:04.060 uh but if you've been in business long enough you know how it goes so this is a normal thing that

00:38:09.020 you're probably going to deal with over and over again as a business owner you're going to have

00:38:13.100 people that come in they get so much better than everybody else that they think the rules don't

00:38:17.400 apply and the problem with that is is that it destroys your culture because if you let them do

00:38:25.380 that and don't let anybody else do that your team's not going to respect you they're not going

00:38:30.060 to respect the company they're not going to respect the mission they're not going to go to bat

00:38:33.120 for you they're not going to work hard they're going to say well fuck that that's a different

00:38:37.040 standard people like to play by the same set of rules um and and the reality is is if that person's

00:38:44.200 doing that now and you do you want them doing that when your business is 20 times bigger right you see

00:38:50.600 what i'm saying so my advice would be if i was uh you know if you were hiring me to consult your company

00:38:57.060 um i would say remove this person explain to the team why use it as a culture building lesson

00:39:03.740 and uh and the reality is dude you know your other employees probably hate that person

00:39:08.420 because they got to come in and do all this shit and that person's getting away with this other shit

00:39:13.460 they're probably like who fuck michelle yeah fuck her you see what i'm saying right good riddance yeah

00:39:18.360 and then and then what they what if you don't do anything about it they say well fuck michelle and dj that's

00:39:24.700 dj's little pet fuck him he's letting her so they lose respect for her and you and the company and

00:39:29.520 the mission and things don't go well so that's my answer i wouldn't fucking put up with it i have put

00:39:36.460 up with it in the past and every time i've ever put up with it i got fucking burned every single time

00:39:41.320 so from now i don't put up with it anymore it is what it is i was gonna actually that because i feel

00:39:45.660 like that's like that also leads into you know i guess just emotions in business right like as a

00:39:51.680 operator owner right like how like how hard was that to have to get your heart out of these

00:39:58.040 emotional because like bro like yeah you want to care about people right like how hard is that

00:40:02.760 it's harder when you don't have degrees of separation between you and the people in your company

00:40:08.800 because people will pull on your heartstrings and your uh good nature they'll know that you have a

00:40:16.660 good heart and they'll use it against you dude every time yeah bro i i had a person one time

00:40:21.440 uh come to me and i'm just going to give you an example of of the kind of shit that you'll deal with

00:40:28.220 um i had a person come to me one time and tell me that they were sick and they couldn't afford their

00:40:34.520 medical bills uh the medical bills were eight thousand dollars okay and eight thousand dollars

00:40:40.420 from where i'm at in life um can make a big impact on their life not on my for me i don't i don't even

00:40:49.500 notice it yeah okay um i paid the medical bills and a week later the person quits okay and then i call

00:41:02.280 over to the department that they were in and i said what what what happened here and um the person had

00:41:08.780 missed or left early in the last 12 months 60 days 60 days okay which i was infuriated why that was

00:41:18.080 even tolerated in the first place so i walked into my brother's office and i said you're never gonna

00:41:23.760 fucking believe this and i told him the story and he said no fucking way and i said i said why he goes

00:41:31.240 that person came to me and asked me for five grand and i gave it to him two weeks ago oh shit yeah so

00:41:37.520 and because we're good people yeah bro you understand and we care about people that's the

00:41:42.400 kind of shit people will do to you they don't care they don't give a fuck about you they you know

00:41:47.880 now in my case i think that's a very rare uh you know exception to rule from the people that we work

00:41:57.180 with for sure but it happens no these listen i can tell you this shit happens all the time bro

00:42:03.440 you can't allow people to have an inch because they'll take fucking they'll take a fucking mile

00:42:09.320 and um you got to be careful you got to be careful who you let in your dude i was talking to my buddy

00:42:16.540 earlier today um in the car world and he has a guy who won a billion dollar powerball shit okay um

00:42:28.600 and i fucking commented back or i text him back i said well dude i hope he understands how to

00:42:37.560 fucking push the scammers and the crooks and the this and that away because they come bro they come

00:42:43.200 and uh people you know when you're a good person and you want to help people and you want to do right

00:42:50.380 by people and people start to figure out that that's genuine they will line the fuck up to take

00:42:54.740 advantage of it and uh it's disheartening it's frustrating it makes you feel like a fucking

00:43:00.920 idiot but at the end of the day you know when i die i want to be able to say i did the right thing

00:43:07.900 yeah you know and uh that's how i look at it when i look back and i say god you're stupid for doing

00:43:13.540 those things but really dude that's on people like that yeah it's not on you yeah you know what i'm

00:43:18.020 saying like it still pisses you the fuck off especially when these people go out in the real world and

00:43:23.560 pretend like they're such great people you know what i'm saying but um it is what it is and uh

00:43:30.600 you know getting back to the original question i you you can't tolerate bad behavior just because

00:43:36.420 people produce high value uh when they're there um and when you said oh that's a perfect employee

00:43:42.160 that's not a fucking that's a terrible employee fucking terrible you think it's good because they

00:43:46.960 can sell some shit or they can do some shit that's a terrible employee that will ruin your fucking

00:43:51.980 business if you allow employees like that to exist in your company so my advice to you would be to

00:43:58.800 walk in and say thank you for everything that you've done but these things are unacceptable and

00:44:05.340 they're unacceptable for this reason and if these things can't get fixed and by fixed i mean never

00:44:10.820 ever fucking happen again and you can't step up and lead the rest of the team with your actions and

00:44:17.160 how you perform then we are going to have to part ways right now and that person's going to be

00:44:22.940 they're going to they're going to get defensive they're going to be i'm your best blah blah blah

00:44:26.120 and if they do that fucking fire them out right yeah immediately now if they say hey

00:44:32.540 i never thought about it like that man i'm sorry i made you i'm making you look fucking stupid aren't

00:44:38.860 i if they say something like that now they're getting it okay and you could give that person a chance

00:44:44.160 but if they automatically go to well i'm the best fuck you i don't give a fuck i'd rather work with

00:44:50.300 fucking i'd rather work with people that are good people that aren't as skilled and teach them the

00:44:54.860 skill than someone like you who fucking thinks they're the best and acts like a fucking dong bag

00:45:00.420 you know what i'm saying so yeah that was real shit man i love it i love it man well guys

00:45:06.660 andy that was three yeah don't be a hoe

00:45:10.100 share the show

00:45:10.920 went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a pole fuck a stove counted millions in

00:45:18.420 the cold bad bitch booted swole got her on bankroll can't fold doesn't know headshot case closed

00:45:25.640 close

00:45:26.520 close

00:45:26.840 close

00:45:44.700 star

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - March 03, 2025

848. Q&AF： Getting Your Fire Back, Handling Anxiety & Managing Ego In Employees

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript