REAL AF with Andy Frisella - November 19, 2020


85. Transactional Vs. Intentional


Episode Stats


Length

14 minutes

Words per minute

209.04236

Word count

2,936

Sentence count

169

Harmful content

Misogyny

2

sentences flagged

Hate speech

6

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of Sell For Sell on Real AF, I talk about the lessons I learned in my early 20s and how it helped me become the man I am today. I also talk about how I learned to be a better version of myself.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Hey, what's going on guys? You're listening to Sell for Sell on Real AF and today we're
00:00:17.160 going to get a little bit of real talk for you. As always, I don't know what I did, how
00:00:23.720 it works, but it seems that maybe my failures in life, my experiences are seeming to resonate
00:00:30.760 with some of you guys because the share, the support, the love, the messages, the text
00:00:35.920 messages, quite honestly, I'm just not used to it and I really greatly appreciate it.
00:00:41.960 I love the ability to help people and I think just these little 15, 20 minute segments for
00:00:47.920 me, almost like therapy, honestly. I get to talk to you. I feel like I'm talking to
00:00:53.640 myself. I feel like I'm talking to my kids or maybe leaving something out there in the
00:00:58.200 world that helps somebody become a better version or helps them through a tough time and we were
00:01:04.200 just talking about what we're going to talk about today and Medat, I don't know if he calls
00:01:10.720 himself the producer. I don't know what his job is, the janitor, the producer. He said,
00:01:14.440 I like when I talk to Enzo and I talked to Enzo on my Instagram. I don't know if you follow
00:01:19.940 me at Mr. Fursello on Instagram. I love the lessons. He said he loves the lessons that I
00:01:25.380 talked to Enzo about because I try to share my emotions and I try to share my experiences through
00:01:32.280 talking to my son through Instagram, even though he doesn't have Instagram. It led me to think,
00:01:38.500 what was the transition of life for me? What was the aha moment for me? You have a few of them
00:01:46.720 throughout life and I think that's what you realize. If you're young and you're listening
00:01:52.260 to the podcast and you're 21, you think you have life figured out. I'm here to tell you,
00:01:57.040 you don't have fucking life figured out. You're 25, you think you have an understanding of what
00:02:01.560 life is. I'm here to tell you, you don't have a fucking clue what life is. 30, you start to smell 1.00
00:02:06.480 it a little bit. 35, I think I started to grasp it maybe a little bit, but now at 39, I think I'm
00:02:11.880 starting to kind of understand. They're all little chapters and they're important chapters,
00:02:16.420 but for me, the biggest thing that I learned, and there's two things actually, so I don't want to
00:02:22.560 say the biggest. There's two things that I've done in my life with intention that have led me to
00:02:29.540 what I would call my happiness or my success. I think whether you look at success from a monetary
00:02:35.540 standpoint or success as a personal standpoint, these two things go hand in hand in understanding
00:02:41.140 that it's what got me exactly where I'm at today, which is from a professional sense and a personal
00:02:46.480 sense. And I say personal sense because of my marriage, my wife, and my relationship with my
00:02:51.800 team. The first thing is tell the truth. I learned to tell the truth, not sort of the truth, which is
00:02:58.480 what I did in my early 20s, not kind of the truth, which is what I did in my mid-20s, but the truth,
00:03:04.720 what I decided to make a vow to myself when I was about 30. You know, I learned that
00:03:10.780 lies didn't get you anything. And I learned this through relationships. You know, I would lie to
00:03:16.380 women to manipulate them to get what I wanted. Well, it would work, but it was always short-term 1.00
00:03:22.240 and I never had a good relationship. Imagine that. You know, I was feeding in lies and I was
00:03:27.400 getting bullshit in return. But what happened is that I transacted that into my first business
00:03:31.420 career, which is selling copiers. And I would tell the white lies to kind of get the result that I 0.58
00:03:39.040 wanted. And I had a really bad sales manager at the time. He would teach me these skills. And
00:03:43.420 because I was good on my feet, I learned to exemplify the little white lies to kind of get
00:03:48.540 the job done. But I was never fulfilled. I never did well. And I always, honestly, I felt like a
00:03:53.740 fucking scumbag. And, you know, it took me a little while to figure that out. And it took me
00:03:58.480 a little while to figure out that the little lies always got me in trouble. Little lies always
00:04:04.880 made me feel empty. And I remember very intentionally, you know, about six or eight
00:04:11.620 months before I met my wife, that I'm going to be just dead-ass honest the rest of my life. Like,
00:04:15.360 I'm not going to lie. I feel like a scumbag. I feel, I just, I knew I wasn't doing the right thing,
00:04:22.360 even though I was yielding the result that I quote unquote wanted, which was really kind of money in
00:04:26.240 a sense. You're trying to transact. And when I learned to tell the truth, I saw a side of me
00:04:31.360 that was much more compassionate. I saw a side of my friendships and relationships that were much
00:04:36.660 more genuine because I was able to be completely honest with people. But in return, they were
00:04:40.760 completely honest with me. And in return, you know, when, as soon as I started giving people the
00:04:45.560 truth, I started hearing the truth and receiving the truth. And it was mostly important. And I say this
00:04:50.940 because as I started developing a relationship with my, with my wife or my girlfriend at the time,
00:04:58.060 my wife now, you know, that truth and honesty, you know, and difficult conversations, instead of me
00:05:04.520 lying about things I wanted, I would just tell the truth. And we were able to have good, solid
00:05:08.280 discussions and we were able to get through some tougher times instead of me having to lie and try
00:05:12.860 to work my way through it. I just, we, I was able to, to, to tell her how I felt and I was able to,
00:05:17.660 you know, tell her my, my struggles. And I was able to really just bond with her in that,
00:05:22.480 in that way. And it was important because it spawned into a trusting relationship. And I don't
00:05:27.840 know that I'd ever had that before. And over the last 10 years, my wife and I have developed an
00:05:32.620 unbelievable bond built through truth and built through love and struggle. And it hasn't always
00:05:39.380 been fucking sunshine and rainbows, but she knows. And I know that when we sit down at the end of the day,
00:05:45.100 I know exactly how she feels. I know exactly, she knows exactly how I feel and we can spawn a
00:05:50.120 relationship. And so telling the truth for me was very freeing because for 10 years of my life,
00:05:55.820 I didn't tell the truth. I was lying and it bled over into my sales career and bled into my
00:05:59.560 relationships and it bled into who I was. I was lying about who I was because I wasn't telling the
00:06:04.540 truth. And I think that's an important piece because when you can stop telling lies, you'll stop
00:06:09.760 believing your own lies. The first person that you tell the lie to is yourself. That's how you
00:06:14.860 justify it. And when you can cut that shit out of your life, you'll start to really see who you are
00:06:19.120 and develop into what you're meant to be. And that to me is a piece of personal development that leads
00:06:25.580 to the ultimate success because it's a freeing feeling. It's a freeing feeling to know that I
00:06:30.580 can walk into a room and everybody knows exactly where I stand. They know the exact story and we can get
00:06:35.440 down to fucking doing business versus the old version of me, the 23 year old version of me. 0.94
00:06:40.700 I'd have so many fucking lies going on and I figured I would forget what's going on in what
00:06:45.100 direction. And it was taxing. It was mental struggle. I always forget who, what did I tell?
00:06:49.920 What story did I tell this customer? What story did I tell this girl? And it was like this constant
00:06:53.880 fucking battle, man. And it just got old, just got fucking old. And, you know, I realized the second I
00:07:00.360 started telling the truth, my life started taking a pathway in which I wanted, wanted it to go.
00:07:04.980 And it was that pathway for me was first with my wife and second, secondarily into my career,
00:07:11.240 which leads into my second point, not only my personal success from the standpoint of,
00:07:17.580 you know, how I feel, but this is, this one is very much leads to the financial success.
00:07:23.720 And all too often, um, you know, we, we, we worry about the money first and we think that the
00:07:30.940 happiness will come, but I challenge you to think that the money does not come first.
00:07:35.400 The happiness has to come first and understanding that the money is simply a by-product of how you
00:07:41.940 do that job. So let me unpack that for you. If you are the best at what you do, the money will come.
00:07:49.540 Okay. If you are the best insert, whatever you want here. If you're the best NASCAR driver,
00:07:55.920 you make the most money. If you are the best flooring contractor, you make the most money.
00:08:00.720 If you are the best bricklayer, you make the most money. And I think a lot of all too often,
00:08:05.720 we focus on how do I make the most money in searching something for that. And it's a law,
00:08:11.120 it's a lost way to chase your happiness that way. And I can tell you, you know, I used to chase money
00:08:15.660 and I chased it. The first thing I did when I got released from baseball is I was looking for a job.
00:08:20.560 What'd I do? I found the guy I knew that made the most money. He sold copiers. Well, I realized it
00:08:26.360 was a fucking hustle. It's like a used car hustle. That's what it was. And guess what? I used car
00:08:30.720 hustle and I made a little bit of money. It wasn't fun. And that whole time I was looking for a job,
00:08:35.240 they're like, well, and in my head, I'm like, what job makes the most money? Medical sales. I'm going to go do
00:08:40.260 that. And I did. I went and I made a lot of money. Guess what? I didn't find happiness because it wasn't
00:08:45.140 fulfilling for me because I wasn't learning to be intentional. And this is the lesson.
00:08:50.200 I had to find something that was intentional, not transactional. Meaning I had to focus on what I
00:08:55.880 enjoyed doing, not how to make the most money. And once I learned to focus, to love what I was doing,
00:09:02.440 if I became great at that, the money would come. And the opportunity to take my career to a position
00:09:08.920 where I was able to be intentional with the message versus transactional with the delivery
00:09:13.500 was it allowed me not only to fulfill what I love to do as a human, which is help people.
00:09:18.980 It allowed me to succeed financially towards the goals that I wanted because I was able to do what
00:09:24.600 I love to do every single day, which is help people change their life through physical fitness
00:09:28.700 and education. It allowed me to financially free myself from the burdens of money that I was so
00:09:34.340 often trying to fulfill. All because I took this one little mindset shift and said, you know what?
00:09:39.680 I'm going to stop being transactional and I'm going to start being intentional. I'm going to start
00:09:44.200 actually caring about what it is that I do every single day and I'm going to pour my heart into it.
00:09:48.540 And if I do great at it, I can and will win financially. And it took a while, you know, and
00:09:54.680 trust me, it wasn't like, oh, just because I love doing it in one minute, I'm going to start
00:09:58.820 making a lot of fucking money. No, that's not what happened. But what did happen is I found what I
00:10:03.780 was meant to do far before the money came and I enjoyed doing it. And that's where the happiness
00:10:08.780 comes before the money. And I know that sounds really fucking stupid for somebody who's struggling
00:10:12.460 right now, but the struggle is part of the happiness equation. The story, the bond, the
00:10:18.860 tears, that is all part of why you can celebrate success. And I think all too often, like when you
00:10:23.780 look at the lows in life, the reason the highs feel so high is because you've been able to establish
00:10:29.600 a low. And if you always had high, like if you were always winning, you would never, you would lose
00:10:35.340 the taste of the win because you would never have experienced the low. And I think that's where
00:10:39.360 the struggle of the journey, the struggle of the journey allows you to appreciate the value of the
00:10:45.040 win. And, you know, those two things for me, they really changed my life because man, telling the
00:10:50.800 truth is the most freeing thing that I can tell you that you can, that I can promise you, promise
00:10:54.720 you, promise you. If you can learn to speak the truth, even if your voice shakes, I can promise
00:10:59.400 you that your life will be better. Two, stop looking at people as transactional. Stop looking
00:11:05.920 at somebody if you're in sales or whatever. Stop looking at your customers like they're a fucking
00:11:10.160 ATM machine and start giving a shit about them. Start asking them how their day is. Start caring
00:11:16.440 about why, what is their why? Like we're in the fitness business and when somebody wants to change
00:11:21.160 their life, you got to learn to treat them as a human, not as a system. You got to learn to figure
00:11:26.680 out why they want to lose weight. You want to be a better dad. You want to be a better brother,
00:11:30.800 mother, sister, leader, husband. Like what is your why? What is your decision? Be intentional with that
00:11:36.200 conversation so that when they struggle, you know that human and you know what drives them to get
00:11:41.420 them to the goal line. Because at the end of the day, our job is to deliver results. Our job is to take
00:11:48.840 that person who wants to change their life and do whatever we can possibly do on God's green earth to
00:11:53.780 make sure that we get them across the goal line. That's the goal. And he can't look at it. That's
00:11:58.580 not a monetary exchange. That's an exchange of fucking, of being intentional about who they are
00:12:06.000 as a human and what makes them tick. And I can tell you the combination of learning to tell the truth
00:12:11.080 and learning to be intentional are the two biggest things that I've done in my life to help me be
00:12:17.020 successful. And they go hand in hand because if you just do what it is that I do for a living,
00:12:21.480 which is help people change their life, both physically and financially, if I can help you
00:12:25.980 learn to tell the truth and the truth in our situation is, you know what? You didn't get fat
00:12:31.440 in 21 days. You're not going to get skinny in 21 days. Let's just be honest about that. You know,
00:12:35.540 we don't sell a wrap. I don't sell a fucking 21 day fix. You're not going to, you know, stick
00:12:40.200 something up your ass and you're going to lose 15 pounds. That's not how it works. That's telling the
00:12:44.900 truth. The truth is, it's going to be fucking hard. The truth is you're going to have to weigh your food.
00:12:49.460 You're going to have to track your food. You're going to have to work out. You're going to have
00:12:51.960 to drink water. You're going to have to stop drinking alcohol. These are truths. These are
00:12:55.280 stories that I had to learn to just be dead ass honest with people to help them understand the
00:13:00.780 journey that they're going to go through so that they can change. But I had to be honest with them.
00:13:06.520 I had to set that expectation, but I was intentional with that message because when they were struggling,
00:13:12.460 I want, I want them to know like, Hey, I told you it was going to be this way so that they believe in me
00:13:16.840 so that we can keep going so that I can explain to them, Hey man, when you get through this eight
00:13:22.700 weeks, 16 weeks, 24 weeks, I promise you, we're going to make you a better version of yourself
00:13:27.080 because you're going to have earned confidence and earned respect. And we're going to make you a
00:13:30.820 better father, brother, mother, husband, leader, sister. It doesn't matter because I was intentional
00:13:35.440 with the message of making sure that I helped them get where they wanted to fucking go. And if you can
00:13:40.920 learn to tie the truth to the intention, I promise you that your career, no matter what it is,
00:13:46.240 will be 10 times better off than it is today. Learn to tell the truth and learn to be intentional
00:13:51.520 versus transactional. And I promise you, you can win it live.
00:13:54.120 I told my teacher, dumb bitch. I'm going to get millions in the project living down. Spoke it till 1.00
00:13:59.860 existed. I'm from where you can't trust. So welcome. 0.99