REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 854. Q&AF： How To Not Be Cocky, Chasing Happiness With Ambition & Boundaries In Business

00:00:00.000 what is up guys it's andy priscilla and this is the show for the realists say goodbye to the lies

00:00:21.140 the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today

00:00:26.060 we have qnaf that's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers now you could submit

00:00:33.480 your questions a couple different ways the first way is guys email these questions into ask andy at

00:00:39.200 andy for seller.com or go on youtube in the comment section of the qnaf episodes drop your

00:00:44.660 question in the comments we'll choose some from there as well uh if you're new we don't just do

00:00:50.880 qna okay we've got shows within the show all right tomorrow you're going to hear cti that stands for

00:00:56.820 cruise the internet this is where we uh cruise the internet we put topics up on the screen we talk

00:01:01.660 about what's going on we speculate on what is true and what is not true and then we talk about how we

00:01:06.860 the people have to solve these problems going on in the world sometimes we're going to get a real talk

00:01:11.920 real talk is just five to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk you might call it a rant i call

00:01:17.700 it what you need to hear uh and then we have 75 hard verses okay 75 hard verses is where people

00:01:24.760 who have completed the 75 hard program come on the show they talk about how their life was before

00:01:30.700 how their life is now and how they use the 75 hard program to extinguish the dumpster fire of their

00:01:37.600 life all right if you're unfamiliar with 75 hard it is the world's premier mental toughness program it's

00:01:44.460 the most popular mental toughness program in the history of earth okay and it happens to be just

00:01:50.240 the first phase of the live hard program which you can get for free at episode 208 on the audio feed

00:01:58.000 again that's 208 on the real af audio feed which is available anywhere audio podcasts are okay there's

00:02:06.140 also a book you can get the book at andy for seller.com it's called the book on mental toughness

00:02:11.460 it includes the entire live hard program plus a whole bunch of extra content um on mental toughness

00:02:17.820 why it's important how to utilize it uh to change your life okay and you can get that at andy for

00:02:23.480 seller.com it is not free but it has a ton of useful info that you will not find on episode 208 but if

00:02:29.860 you just want the program you can get it for free at episode 208 on the audio feed now we have

00:02:36.000 something that we do a little different here we don't run ads we're the biggest show in the world

00:02:39.360 that doesn't run ads okay um in exchange for that we do ask something i don't ask for your money i

00:02:45.880 ask very simply that you help us grow the show all right so if it makes you think if it makes you laugh

00:02:50.520 it gives you a new perspective it's something that you think people need to hear do us a solid don't

00:02:55.800 be a hoe share the show all right what's up what's going on uh you know i was thinking we got mfco coming

00:03:02.320 back and like i don't think i've ever asked like where did where did the name come from like how did

00:03:08.080 you come up with mfco uh it's actually a funny story so there was a commercial many many many years

00:03:18.160 ago that you can still find on youtube um that k swiss did with kenny power the shoe brand okay yeah

00:03:25.960 k swiss the shoe brand i had some k swiss back in my day yeah i bet you did and the the uh the

00:03:33.400 gist of the commercial is that kenny powers is the ceo of k swiss okay and uh the opening line of the

00:03:42.940 of the video is uh konnichiwa i'm kenny powers and i am the new motherfucking ceo of k swiss

00:03:50.260 got it all right so back then my employees uh because i like to curse especially when i'm giving

00:04:01.040 passionate speeches to our team started calling me mfceo and they got me a shirt that said mfceo

00:04:09.100 and i started wearing the shirt and when we decided that we were going to create a podcast

00:04:14.440 we just decided to call it that mfceo project and the reason it was called a project was because

00:04:21.220 we were trying to create a whole bunch of other mfceo uh to take control of their lives you know

00:04:29.700 have a little swagger learn how to win make some money be a good person and have fun doing it so

00:04:35.320 that was where the name came i do like it and it stuck i mean like fuck dude i pretty sure

00:04:40.560 more people know me as that than they know of that commercial you're right no no i think that's

00:04:46.540 a yeah that's a fact i do that why'd you say uh you bet i wore k swiss what was what you said you

00:04:51.920 bet i wore k swiss yeah what does that mean well i mean you're you know you're a little bit light

00:04:56.800 in the twinkle toes you know i'm saying you know i'm just saying that's okay no that's cool though

00:05:04.700 um no i actually because like dude like i feel like most people they they're they're at least maybe

00:05:09.940 it's an old level of thinking but like most people look at business and see it as such this

00:05:13.720 like dry thing and i feel like you know when i see you you don't see that at all you see life you see

00:05:19.340 fucking passion you see dry like you don't really see that a lot i guess but business well i think

00:05:23.620 it's a whole different other thing look man nobody wants to come work with some dry turd okay who's

00:05:29.940 been sitting out in the sun and you're gonna go pick it up with a fucking grocery bag and it crumbles

00:05:35.320 in your hand that is the epitome of most leaders in corporate america and nobody wants to work like

00:05:42.560 that so i've just always kept it real bro yeah i say what i think i think what i say uh i communicate

00:05:49.120 the way i communicate and sure there's been some people that didn't like it but guess what it's my

00:05:54.240 fucking business i run it the way i want and if you don't want to work here you don't have to so

00:05:59.280 the people here sort of reflect that mentality now everybody might not be you know the same way i

00:06:05.160 am which they're not but they appreciate the realness and the authenticity and who i am on this show is

00:06:11.060 who i am in real life any of you guys that ask my close friends because i hear this all the time is

00:06:17.440 you really like yes i'm really fucking like that this is how i talk in real life and i just don't know

00:06:23.120 any other way to be bro like every other time i've tried to like clean it up or be a little shit

00:06:29.380 yeah i fucked i fucked up and and um i got some advice one time i don't know this was like five or six

00:06:36.520 years ago from somebody that i respected who told me you know when you go on stage and you do that you

00:06:42.480 know it's just it's not a good look and you know you need to clean it up and then i tried to clean

00:06:47.300 it up dude and like i sucked and like dude i just i just have found that authenticity is the most

00:06:55.860 important ask true authenticity you may not be like me it doesn't like a lot of people hear authenticity

00:07:02.720 and they think you got a curse or you got to talk loud or you got to be this you're trying to

00:07:08.800 manufacture a version of authenticity that someone else is showing you which means it's inauthentic to

00:07:16.380 you and so true authenticity in my opinion is the most important and effective leadership tool

00:07:26.500 that one can have and i also think it's the most important and effective branding tool that one can

00:07:33.460 have and we see this online like i see a lot of you guys trying to create a personal brand you're

00:07:39.760 trying to i mean dude my personal brand is so strong i don't even have to fucking post okay and the

00:07:45.760 reason that is is because it's super authentic to me i'm my own thing and a lot of you guys you see

00:07:53.620 a version of something from someone else and you try to make that you into that version because you

00:08:00.660 admire that person and what ends up happening is you're really just a watered down not as good

00:08:06.460 version of that and it gets no attention and what people have to understand about authenticity which

00:08:12.780 is you know the basis is that we all are built with our true authentic being inside of us and most

00:08:23.720 people are too afraid to ever let anyone see that because it's not in line with who everybody else

00:08:32.000 already thinks they are right all right they would rather risk trying to be like somebody else

00:08:36.240 it's not just that bro you got to understand they come through school they go through grade school

00:08:41.760 they go through junior high they go through high school and what is the natural process through that

00:08:49.860 well the natural process through our schooling system is to fall in line or you're an outcast

00:08:55.780 okay be like everyone else or you're not cool be like these people or you don't have any friends

00:09:01.300 at the lunch table so we start to learn this idea of conformity very early in life and when we're

00:09:08.940 little people say oh you could be anything you want you could do anything you want you can build you

00:09:14.680 could be president you could and as we grow up right you can sort of see this in grade school your

00:09:20.740 teachers might say well yeah you know dj you could be president you get to junior high and they're like

00:09:26.340 well you could be but you know you've got to have this and this and this and then by high school

00:09:30.320 they're like you need to be more realistic you're gonna turn wrenches or whatever they say

00:09:34.680 which by the way some of my best friends and most talented people that i know turn wrenches for a

00:09:40.580 living and and they're so it's not a knock yeah but the point is is that you get talked out of your

00:09:46.260 own belief and your own authenticity and your own dreams for conformity that is forced and that's why

00:09:55.440 people have such a hard time ever developing or even knowing or discovering who they are as a person

00:10:02.920 and for you to develop an authentic brand the best thing i can give you dude the best piece of advice

00:10:10.800 that i can give you is to let it fucking rip dude whatever whatever comes out of your mouth however it

00:10:17.240 comes out of your mouth whatever you're thinking just let it go out and your product

00:10:22.800 will develop over time if you if you if you follow that play but

00:10:29.600 to start it in in the first place to ever have a good authentic product for personal brand it has to

00:10:36.900 start with you knowing who you truly are and we all know who we truly are but we all don't have the

00:10:45.280 courage to allow the world to see that it's this little idea that we have inside of our heart this

00:10:51.240 little version of ourselves that you know we we sort of imagine and fantasize about and think about

00:10:56.860 that we're like man if anybody really knew this i'd be the greatest of all time at this but we don't

00:11:02.500 let it out because we're afraid of what we've been conditioned behaviorally to to understand which

00:11:09.060 is conformity wins and in reality conformity doesn't win it's authenticity so it's counterintuitive to what

00:11:16.100 people grow up with and the cultural conditioning that they deal with through the schooling process

00:11:20.840 and that's why people have such a hard time understanding what authenticity really is and even harder time

00:11:26.120 expressing that so uh you know a lot of you guys building a personal brand or you want to have people

00:11:32.420 want to follow you um you need to develop this truly authentic version of yourself because dude people

00:11:40.700 know when they're getting it and they can feel it it's an energy and whether it's you know got the

00:11:47.620 language that they like or not it doesn't matter because authenticity is the ultimate competitive

00:11:54.540 advantage because no one else can be your authentic self so if you're trying to be like everybody else

00:12:01.180 and you're trying to be a different version of andy or goggins or fucking jocko or whoever you might look

00:12:07.180 up to all you are is a watered down version of that which doesn't get the attention because the

00:12:12.920 real version is that much better so what version of you is actually you lay that out there and then

00:12:20.460 continue to develop upon that and that is how you become successful leader and build a brand that

00:12:26.840 people resonate with yeah i love it man i call that a little extra sauce right there bro well i mean

00:12:31.220 it's it's something that i see a lot of you guys struggling with quite quite honestly like i don't

00:12:37.080 i could come on here and be like yeah you guys all suck but that's not it it's it's not that you suck

00:12:43.000 dude like you look you guys are trying to do little content reels and you're getting no views it's not

00:12:47.880 res because all you're doing is repeating the shit that other people that you look up to have said and

00:12:54.320 the people that follow you have already heard it from that person they know that yes and they might

00:13:00.160 not say that they might not say hey you know so and so says that or so and so does that but they've

00:13:05.860 already seen it dude they've never seen the authentic you so like the biggest piece of advice

00:13:11.380 that i could give someone is just to be who the fuck you are because that version is not copyable

00:13:18.920 by other people when it's authentic there's no one out there that can do me better than me

00:13:23.240 fucking no one tell me someone out there no yeah no you can't do it doesn't exist okay there's nobody

00:13:29.580 out there that can do jocko better than jocko there's nobody out there that can do gary v better

00:13:35.580 than gary v there's no one out there that can do goggins better than goggins there's no one out there

00:13:40.600 that can do anybody better than the original version of that person's authenticity and that applies to you

00:13:46.620 as well so if you want to know why you're struggling ask yourself an honest question am i actually

00:13:53.900 communicating and being and and developing who i really am or am i trying to be a version

00:14:01.800 that i have consumed from someone else at some point in time because if it's the second part you're

00:14:09.820 always going to struggle and if you're authentic and you keep developing your authentic uh personality

00:14:14.760 and delivery and language and who you are that will eventually become your competitive advantage

00:14:21.180 like that it's what it is just how it is yeah i love it man well it is monday dude so let's make

00:14:28.200 some people better let's make some people better let's do it you caught me with a drink in my mouth

00:14:33.100 oh that's fine yeah yeah that's good which by the way i haven't had one of these uh

00:14:37.720 first form energies in a while and he's about to become about an hour since about an hour ago

00:14:44.200 i start punching some holes in drywall baby that green one's dangerous bro

00:14:50.720 it's diet mountain dew dude yeah be careful and i love diet mountain dew but you gotta remember

00:14:57.540 the only the regular full mountain dew is the one that makes you punch holes

00:15:00.760 that's where that's where they cut out that's why it's called diet yeah right they cut out the

00:15:05.540 hole punching so you still want to you just don't yeah yeah i get it that makes sense i like it man

00:15:10.420 well anyway you guys want to uh support the show you guys always ask how can we support you

00:15:15.480 could support by sharing the show which a lot of you do but a lot of you don't do

00:15:19.100 motherfuckers horse hose you can also buy these first form energy drinks

00:15:26.080 meat sticks and protein bars at your local convenience store and if they don't have it

00:15:31.060 at your local convenience store you can say what the fuck are you guys doing that's how you help us

00:15:36.380 out that's it that's the way to do it man well that being said i got three good ones for you guys

00:15:40.420 let's knock these out guys andy question number one it's so good it is good man it's good all right

00:15:47.760 guys question number one hey andy hope you guys and team are doing good and kicking ass my question

00:15:53.960 today is how can i avoid being cocky once i start doing good and on a parallel path to winning because

00:16:03.080 i saw a lot of people fall off once they start winning a little or even win once like 10 grover

00:16:08.760 says i've been doing good lately and been making great progress and i'm gonna start getting paid

00:16:13.500 more in the next coming months and i need your advice on how i can manage that manage my finances

00:16:18.680 in my life on that um i don't want to feel like i'm at the top of the world because of the high

00:16:23.000 testosterone a 20 year old would have just because i'm doing it doing good for a couple of months

00:16:28.360 i started 75 hard um and started being more focused and i regimented as i can be but i

00:16:34.800 fell twice because i didn't hit my mark of drinking a gallon of water your advice and impact is greatly

00:16:40.780 appreciated and i love what you and your team do because you're really shaping the next generation

00:16:45.140 of men in society how not to fuck up the path you're trying to go on andy how do you do it

00:16:50.860 you are 20 years old all right let me tell you something that happens to 20 year old

00:16:59.460 cocky motherfuckers you think you're winning right now you are not winning you couldn't possibly be

00:17:06.880 winning because you're 20 all right you don't know shit you don't know anything about life you don't

00:17:12.620 know anything about business and the fact that you've won a little bit honestly is probably very

00:17:19.120 fortunate and i hate to use the term lucky but i'll just say you're fortunate because i'm gonna be

00:17:24.480 polite you need to understand that if you start to believe that you are winning now this is the best

00:17:32.860 that you will ever get i am 45 years old i have by all standards achieved every single goal

00:17:42.680 that i had set for myself when i was your age all right and most people would look at me i think

00:17:50.680 almost everybody would look at me and say that's a very successful man i do not feel successful at all

00:17:58.660 i feel like a speck of dirt that has been overlooked that is way behind that is hungrier than ever

00:18:08.240 to win so we have to recalibrate how you are thinking and how you are thinking should be

00:18:19.100 dude i don't have any option but to go win and i have to win so big because i have to take care of

00:18:25.740 myself i have to take care of my family i have to take care of my friends because once you become

00:18:31.460 that big of a winner that's the reality of winning you become the epicenter for everybody else around you

00:18:37.140 every single person in your life will probably end up surviving because of what you're doing

00:18:44.200 uh in your business in your professional life so let's break this down

00:18:50.620 how do you compare to me would you say you're winning compared to me okay now i take that and i say

00:19:03.300 well how do i compare to jeff bezos all right do i think i'm winning compared to jeff bezos

00:19:09.560 absolutely not all right and you aren't winning either so to ask how do i

00:19:16.980 keep from getting cocky or stay from getting cocky uh well you have to plant your fucking feet in

00:19:24.700 reality bro because you haven't done shit yet all right so and this is also where you have to

00:19:31.060 understand what the meaning of humility actually means the meaning of humility has nothing to do

00:19:37.400 with the car you drive and the house you live in or all this other shit that broke people tell you

00:19:43.040 the meaning of humility has to do with your understanding that you are a result of your

00:19:49.380 actions and not a result of you just being great you are winning a little bit because you did things

00:19:56.960 that others were not willing to do and if you want to continue to grow and continue to scale and

00:20:01.680 continue to win over the course of your life which you need to because you're not winning right now

00:20:06.600 you think you are but you're not you need to do a couple things one you need to embody the true sense

00:20:13.340 of humility which is this i am the result of my actions and when my actions stop my success will stop

00:20:19.760 and you also have to understand that you are no better than anybody else because if anybody else had

00:20:25.780 executed the actions that you have executed they would also be in your position so how could you

00:20:30.780 think it's you when if anybody else did the same exact things you did you would be where they would

00:20:35.300 be where you are so start to understand the true definition of humility and contrary to what all the

00:20:42.360 fucking losers say on the internet it's very important to find people that compare yourself to

00:20:47.160 to remind you that you have a long way to go all right and we have all these people on the internet

00:20:53.280 who say oh comparison is the thief of joy and never compare yourself to anybody yet bro that's what

00:21:00.500 losers do winners always compare themselves to people they're always competing they're always

00:21:07.340 working to get better they're always working to surpass that person that they look at as the inspiration

00:21:13.880 for their success and guess what the people who do that are the people who do end up surpassing that

00:21:20.120 person and they continue on a path of growth over the long haul and by the way i talked about this a

00:21:27.200 few episodes you need to adopt and i guess this is the third part of it you need to adopt the mentality

00:21:33.660 of raising the bar before you actually hit your goal okay yes i have achieved every goal that i ever set out

00:21:42.460 for myself when i was 20 but right now at mid 40s i have not achieved any of my goals because my goals

00:21:50.280 have been raised all right and what losers do is they hit their goal and then they're like oh i made it

00:21:56.240 i'm the best and they walk around talking about how they're they're the hardest shit in the world when

00:22:01.360 in reality those people will be broken two or three years because all the action that they were executing

00:22:06.320 that produced this stops the point they think they made it so you have to understand how champions think

00:22:13.000 champions will raise the bar over and over and over again and play the game for life okay and when they

00:22:22.180 get close to where they're trying to go and they start to think about man i'm actually going to hit that

00:22:27.280 automatically dude the the goals change and get that much bigger and then they pass their original

00:22:33.620 mark without even really recognizing it all right so it's important to take some time and look back

00:22:38.580 once in a while and say all right i hit that goal but if you want real success and i'm talking about

00:22:44.140 generational wealth for real you have to have the mentality that people who generate that have and

00:22:50.720 yes you're not going to live the conventional life that everybody else gets to live you're not going

00:22:55.680 to have quote unquote the balance everybody talks about having those rules are for them they're not for

00:23:03.140 entrepreneurs they're not for champions they're not for successful people the rules that the people

00:23:09.860 in the stands on sunday and nfl play by and the rules that the players play by in their life are two

00:23:14.980 different sets of fucking rules and you have to decide do you want to be a player or do you want

00:23:20.120 to be a spectator what do their lives look like and i use sports a lot because it's easy for you guys to

00:23:25.320 understand the life of tom brady looks a hell of a lot different than the life of the fan watching tom brady

00:23:32.980 okay and you have to ask yourself which one you want to be and then you have to understand guys

00:23:38.860 like tom brady guys are at the highest they they they don't get everything they get some things and

00:23:44.880 you guys all think man i'd really like to have what tom brady had but then you still want these

00:23:49.720 other things and they're not always possible so you have to really decide and this goes back to the

00:23:54.280 authenticity part you have to and i'm not here to tell you what the fuck you should want for yourself

00:23:58.720 i'm here to offer the information to the people who want to win as big as possible that's what the

00:24:04.300 fuck i'm if you think i'm talking to you and you're vibing you're like yeah i want to win

00:24:08.800 fuck yeah if you're sitting there saying well that doesn't sound then i'm not talking to you bro

00:24:13.640 i'm talking to these guys over here you go over there go listen to somebody that makes you feel

00:24:18.160 good for fucking not doing shit there's plenty of them plenty of it there's plenty of them out there

00:24:22.120 they'll make you feel good for being a fucking loser right okay i'm not one of those guys if you're

00:24:27.600 gonna stand in my camp and you ain't doing shit i'm gonna tell you you're a fucking loser all right

00:24:31.800 so decide what it is you want authentically and it's very important that that is an authentic

00:24:39.280 decision because if you pick the path of entrepreneurship and you're not willing to

00:24:44.140 live that life you will be fucking miserable it will ruin your life because it is just that fucking

00:24:50.040 hard okay if this if you're not willing to deal with that go over there bro no one's judging

00:24:56.980 you you're going to be way happier okay stop consuming shit like my information stop listening

00:25:02.660 to all this success shit if that's not what you actually want to do because all it's going to do

00:25:07.280 is make you feel bad about yourself all right and like i said there are lots of people out there that

00:25:13.000 will make you feel good for just fucking floating through life and that's usually the most popular

00:25:17.640 people okay just go go to the uh self-help version or category on podcasts and go to the top three and

00:25:26.200 they'll all tell you how special you are how great you are and how you need to relax and take a break

00:25:30.600 and take a breather and it's not about making money it's about this and balance and all this other

00:25:34.880 shit that's why they make those shows i'm not that show motherfucker i'm about winning okay so you have

00:25:40.600 to understand that this is very hard it has to be an authentically true choice for you and then you

00:25:46.700 have to understand that you're not going to get everything that those guys want but you're going to get

00:25:49.220 other things that are fucking awesome um but back to the original question um look man you're 20 years

00:25:57.860 old you haven't done shit you're you're fucking legitimately broke i don't give a fuck what your

00:26:02.260 bank account says you're broke and you need to get over the fact that you think you've done anything

00:26:06.200 because you haven't all right so humble yourself understand you still have a lot to learn and then

00:26:12.200 whenever you get to where you want to go right now remember you still ain't shit okay because elon musk

00:26:18.120 fucking could lose some change out of his pocket by my whole fucking life all right so there's

00:26:25.020 always levels to it right there yet they're not and my goal is to build the next fucking iconic

00:26:31.140 american brand aka nike so when i look at people that i look up to who do i look up to i look at

00:26:38.420 people who have done that who's done that phil knight's done that so until i'm fucking beating phil

00:26:43.380 knight i haven't done shit all right which means there's a possibility that i could never beat phil

00:26:48.900 knight which means i'll always but i'm committed to that that's my choice i'm committed to that yeah

00:26:54.760 and by the way i will fucking beat him so that's the answer i love it man yeah i love it off of this

00:27:02.380 this actually leads perfectly into our second question people look back on that clip in 30 years

00:27:06.440 and be like holy fuck yeah it's 30 bro maybe fucking 10 maybe but i'm just saying for sure

00:27:12.300 in 30 yeah i don't care how long that's a whole nother thing that's a whole nother thing let's

00:27:17.340 just address this let's talk about it let's address this there is a drastic difference between

00:27:23.480 people who are definitely going to win and i like when i talk to people i can tell if they're going to

00:27:30.180 win or not and i very simply and you're probably wondering well how are you're probably full of shit

00:27:34.620 psychic andy yeah no i have been alive enough to recognize a massive difference between people

00:27:42.660 who make it and people who don't make it people who make it are committed meaning they do not give

00:27:50.760 a fuck how long it takes i do not fucking care how long it takes me to win this battle i don't care

00:27:57.840 it could take me till i'm 90 it could take me till i'm 55 i don't give a fuck but it's going to happen

00:28:05.160 and that is how people think that win people who do not win or say shit like this i'm going to retire

00:28:13.260 at 35 i'm going to fucking retire motherfucker i will crush you you're playing on an unrealistic time

00:28:22.160 frame okay which means eventually you're going to get burned out and you're going to quit or you're

00:28:27.400 going to lose to someone who doesn't give a fuck how long it takes so unless you're going to invest

00:28:33.920 in entrepreneurship with your life to the point of i don't care how long it fucking takes

00:28:42.500 don't do it don't do it because you'll lose to people who do fuck man i love it man well like i said

00:28:50.160 this this this topic this conversation goes perfectly into our next question uh you know talking about you

00:28:56.120 trying to stay on the path and hey did we get sorry did we get live call-ins going yet yeah we

00:29:02.200 got it all figured out so you heard it from the man right there guys we're having live call-ins real

00:29:07.760 soon for q a so we're gonna have a way for you to call in you're gonna talk to me directly and i'm

00:29:13.680 gonna tell you how fucking stupid you are we'll be flipping the coin yeah flip the coin that's what it

00:29:19.600 is uh but no i mean i don't mean to tell you stupid but i am gonna tell you the truth yeah i'm gonna

00:29:24.540 tell you like this kid here bro if you had called in and said that i would have fucking burned your ass

00:29:29.480 you would have never forgot it yeah but but in 20 years you'd be like thank you i can't wait for the

00:29:35.380 live call-ins bro yeah no but i mean this this kind of this conversation goes perfectly into our next

00:29:40.260 question though right like staying on the path you know understanding you're not there yet right

00:29:44.160 question number two andy i'm an ambitious person i've always had big goals and i'm proud of my work

00:29:50.500 ethic but lately i feel like i'm always chasing the next achievement without enjoying what i already

00:29:57.020 have i reach a goal and instead of celebrating i immediately think what's next good um i don't want

00:30:03.320 to lose my drive but i also don't want to spend my whole life feeling like happiness is always just

00:30:08.080 one step away how can i find balance between striving for more and actually appreciating the

00:30:14.980 present because your your problem is is that you're misjudging where happiness comes from

00:30:20.720 happiness does not come from you getting to a certain place it comes from you enjoying the process

00:30:26.060 of getting to the place and you have to have three elements to become happy as an entrepreneur you have

00:30:31.620 to have purpose you have to have discipline all right and if you have those two things then you have to

00:30:36.600 have gratitude okay so if you have a purpose here's my purpose this is the problem i'm going to solve

00:30:42.300 and not this is how much money i'm going to make this is the problem i'm going to solve all right

00:30:46.960 that's your purpose then you have discipline which you can build that's the whole point of live hard

00:30:51.740 program all right and you can get into a position and build yourself into a version of you that can

00:30:59.960 control the controllables because the controllables that you are in control of will dictate the outcome

00:31:06.020 of your life most people believe that it's up to circumstance or happenstance or the weather's

00:31:13.880 bad or i didn't get this thing yeah you might not get those things that's why the rest of the

00:31:20.100 fucking time you've got to be in control of your decisions you got to be able to control what you

00:31:24.580 drink you got to be able to control what you eat you got to be able to control that you're going to

00:31:30.040 execute when the circumstances are not ideal because you understand that everybody else is stopping

00:31:35.060 and you're continuing to go you you've got to develop these skill sets of grit perseverance

00:31:40.140 discipline all of the things that create what we call mental toughness okay when you become in control

00:31:47.800 of the things that you can control your self-esteem rises your self-worth rises the respect you get from

00:31:53.800 others goes up all right and that combined with a purpose is going to make you feel pretty good you're

00:31:59.780 going to feel like man i'm the fucking man bro i got this big purpose i know i can do it because

00:32:04.420 there's nothing i can't do all right then you add in gratitude which is man i know that i got a long

00:32:12.480 way to go but man let's look at what i did this is a big deal all right and that is the hardest thing

00:32:18.640 for a truly driven and ambitious person to do the gratitude part because we're always focused on the

00:32:25.140 future but you should take some time every day whether it be through prayer or whether it be just

00:32:31.400 through gratitude a minute two minutes five minutes that's all you fucking need okay you don't need

00:32:36.180 to sit there in your morning routine for two fucking hours meditating to be grateful for what

00:32:42.080 the fuck you've done all right so you don't you need to stop looking at happiness as a destination this

00:32:49.260 is where everybody fucks it up okay it is not a destination it is every single day of your life

00:32:55.460 you create happiness by executing against your purpose what am i here to do who am i here to help

00:33:02.020 what problems am i solving and taking action towards that every day then being disciplined okay i'm in

00:33:10.080 control of the controllables i can control what i eat i control what i drink i control how i move

00:33:15.380 i control what information i put in i control who i hang out with i can control the messages i put out

00:33:20.940 and all of those things will dictate your outcome way more than the negative circumstances that

00:33:26.560 happen to literally every single fucking human on the face of the earth all right and then you take

00:33:33.640 a little bit of time every day and you say man you know what i might not be where i want to be

00:33:40.200 but shit dude this is the stuff i used to pray for these are the things i used to want more than

00:33:45.760 anything just take a minute to look around dude and be grateful even when i had no money i always

00:33:53.080 was grateful and part of my prayer process was i always thank god that he made me me all right and

00:34:02.600 i wouldn't trade places with anybody else i wouldn't trade places with michael jordan or fucking

00:34:07.600 whoever i wouldn't do that i'm happy to be me and i'm grateful to be me and when i didn't have

00:34:13.320 anything i was grateful for the opportunity to become what it is i have become now and built what

00:34:19.640 i have built now and create what i have created now but now like you're saying i've raised the bar

00:34:26.400 okay so this is how you get there without over celebrating and still being happy all right it's

00:34:33.260 not a destination it's something you create through execution on your purpose exercising controllable

00:34:39.460 discipline and being grateful every day i love that i feel like another thing here we got to

00:34:45.460 like remove a fallacy and by the way before you ask me that i want to address this the fact that you

00:34:53.200 don't celebrate is not a bad thing because here's what mostly happens we have a 20 year old kid in the

00:34:59.760 first he's asking well how do i not be so cocky you know why he's cocky because he's celebrating and

00:35:05.920 he's like fuck look how great i am i'm so good you ain't shit bro okay so when we start to think

00:35:12.500 about what happens when people celebrate usually progress stops because people celebrate it feels

00:35:18.980 good they continue to do the uh thing that feels good and then you know they end up at 40 years old

00:35:25.300 talking about how they won the mvp of their high school football game right all right so that's how

00:35:30.380 that happens over celebrating attaching your identity to the past not the present or the future

00:35:37.120 all right so over celebrating is the most damaging thing that i've ever seen achievers do and it's sad

00:35:46.280 because those people are capable of achieving far more than what they actually end up achieving because

00:35:53.900 they stick to this thing they did what was great one time guess what man people trip and fall into

00:36:00.580 greatness at least once in their life okay you shouldn't attach your identity to it i don't give

00:36:06.540 a fuck what i did in the past i don't think about it i don't dwell on it i don't think about conversations

00:36:12.480 i had in the past i don't think about i don't think about any of that shit i am always focused on what

00:36:17.940 i'm doing today and what's going to happen in the future and i have not found someone who is

00:36:25.060 continuing to win over and over and over again who talks about their past and if you pay attention

00:36:31.040 you can see this all right watch some of these old nfl guys that do announcing for for their games

00:36:38.840 all they fucking talk about they'll start out with this it's it's annoying as fuck to me this is why i

00:36:45.260 notice it well when i used to play it was this and this and they go on this story of when i used to

00:36:51.720 play but then you look at those guys lives and they're not actually doing anything besides talking

00:36:57.320 about their past for a living all right so they're they're not building companies they're not leveraging

00:37:02.880 their football success they're not you know what i'm saying they get stuck in the past now think

00:37:07.340 about that you probably all have a friend who was an ex-athlete and all they fucking talk about

00:37:13.460 is how many home runs they hit or how fucking many touchdowns they scored in a game or that one

00:37:18.960 that one game i ran for 200 yards or what yes so what what are you doing now yeah what are you doing

00:37:25.480 now what did you do today all right so that's what we need to focus on and uh we need to quit

00:37:32.100 thinking that not celebrating is such a bad thing because it's it actually creates way more good in the

00:37:38.520 world the more you win the more good that you create so i wouldn't feel bad that you're not a

00:37:43.280 big celebrator i am i am probably the worst celebrator of all time and it is what i that's

00:37:52.160 it's i think it's responsible for for the the continual growth path of going more and more and

00:37:57.520 more and more more yeah it's not about what you're doing it's what you're doing that's real i don't put

00:38:01.260 any value in that yeah like bro and by the way i fucking expect to win my expectation is to win

00:38:07.780 i'm not hyped when i celebrate or when i win i'm like okay that's what how it's supposed to go yeah

00:38:12.400 you're not surprised no not at all like that's how it's supposed to go and anything other than that is

00:38:16.860 unacceptable and that's another difference that successful people have from everybody else they

00:38:22.880 expect to win they are not excited when they win because that's what they were supposed to do

00:38:30.060 all right nick saman what bill belichick the best coaches that ever played what do you see them do

00:38:36.560 when they win they go up on the podium they say you know what the guys played a great game

00:38:43.120 uh we we fucked up here what do you mean coach you just won the super bowl right well we could have

00:38:49.240 done better here got some things to go got some things to work yeah right you know uh but you know

00:38:53.860 next year we're gonna make sure that we build on this and they're already thinking they're they're

00:38:59.380 planning for yes bro they they expected that okay great people expect fucking greatness and they

00:39:06.860 don't tolerate anything else and that's something that a lot of people just don't understand you have

00:39:12.280 to have unreasonable expectations of winning and i don't know somebody who wins that doesn't

00:39:18.760 you know and and dude let's be real let's take the occasional coach who wins out of the blue

00:39:26.240 how do they operate we well they get the gatorade shower yeah right and they're partying with their

00:39:30.920 team and then and then they don't win another fucking title ever you don't hear about them no

00:39:35.360 more yeah yeah right so like dude these are all some of my point on saying all of this is the way

00:39:42.920 you think and the way the first person thought needs to be true needs to be dialed into a winner's

00:39:49.640 mindset and winners are not cocky you may think they're cocky because they talk cocky in the moment

00:39:56.760 which is usually necessary for them to do the thing that they want to do you know everybody thinks

00:40:02.340 someone who talks shit before a fight or before a sporting event is cocky dude a lot of times that's

00:40:08.860 them talking themselves into fucking going out there into battle you know i'm saying but dude people

00:40:13.760 who've never done it they don't get that right there's just a lot of things that people don't

00:40:19.120 understand and and they think it's like this polite you know courteous

00:40:25.740 fucking everybody can dude it's not yeah you have to be a fucking animal and i don't know how else to

00:40:35.340 tell you that no that's right i mean to your point because i really i don't want to miss this piece

00:40:39.620 here because i think it's also important man it's like we talk about it you talk about it with anxiety

00:40:44.360 right and like this idea of happiness i want you to dispel this myth like people expect or they have

00:40:50.260 this like expectation that they're supposed to be happy all the fucking time no it's not the case

00:40:57.100 first of all happiness isn't even the goal winning is the goal dude if you ask the fucking most successful

00:41:04.560 people that you look up to if they'd rather win or be happy they're going to tell you they'd rather

00:41:08.620 fucking win rather win and what they're really going to tell you is winning makes me happy

00:41:11.920 so it's not dude that's you know i'm sure there's going to be a lot of people that hear that and

00:41:18.860 they're like well that's not very fun no shit that's why you can't do it it's bank accounts

00:41:23.800 yeah it's not yeah that's right it's fun when i don't have to fucking worry about a goddamn thing

00:41:27.980 yeah right you know financially that's fun yeah it's fun like you know what's fun it's fun when i

00:41:33.240 step on motherfuckers throats to talk shit about me you know in business or said i couldn't do it or

00:41:37.720 you know try to fucking come at me in business and i will quietly keep my mouth shut and then

00:41:42.600 step on their fucking face as hard as i can with a smile that's fun yeah it's fun so you know like

00:41:49.680 there's dude you either get it or you fucking don't and the problem with entrepreneurship is

00:41:54.420 that the internet has convinced everybody that they should be an entrepreneur and that's just not

00:41:59.560 fucking true okay a lot of people most people statistically would be much happier in a regular

00:42:04.480 job because they don't have to take it home they don't have to work 24 hours a day entrepreneurship

00:42:09.660 is different than it was 30 years ago 20 years ago even 10 years ago and i've been running i've been

00:42:15.920 in business almost that whole time and i can tell you it's way different you used to be able to go home

00:42:20.660 and fucking not have to deal with it with the advent of cell phones technology and the internet now it's

00:42:25.780 24 hour gig bro and and and it's unfair but it's what it is so uh it ain't for everybody bro i love

00:42:36.860 it yeah but it can be for you if you're willing to shift your mindset into the things that we're

00:42:41.060 talking about here i don't necessarily i love it man well look guys andy let's get to our third and

00:42:44.780 final question um you know we've been talking about boundaries in the personal uh development space

00:42:50.480 like just personal life um and this question is specifically about boundaries in business

00:42:54.800 uh so let's get into question number three guys uh andy i'm a freelance graphic designer juggling

00:43:01.140 multiple clients and often find myself working late into the night to meet deadlines i know i need

00:43:07.800 better boundaries but i'm worried that saying no will hurt my relationships with clients or impact

00:43:14.300 my income how can i manage my time better without jeopardizing my work boundaries in business

00:43:20.120 you're correct in your assessment if you tell your fucking customers no they're going to go find

00:43:26.300 someone that's going to say yes when you're in the early stages of business which you are i don't care

00:43:32.640 how long you've been doing it you're still in the early stages your customers will find people that

00:43:38.900 will say yes if you say no that's reality now you have to make a decision on what is acceptable for

00:43:45.780 you but the reality is is if you start to try to draw those boundaries the way you're trying to you

00:43:51.080 will make less money you need to understand that you will have different you will have a different

00:43:55.300 class of customers you will not work with the most aggressive most powerful most ass-kicking brands

00:44:00.800 because that's what they expect okay we're dealing we're now on our energy drink we're partners with

00:44:07.500 anheuser-busch one of the biggest companies in the world okay they work 24 hours a fucking day

00:44:13.700 all right and i'm actually grateful for them being around because it's showing a lot of people

00:44:21.140 in my system what it actually takes all right there is no oh i can't do it when it's got to be done

00:44:31.040 tomorrow has to be done okay and if it's not done guess what happens bad things to you you're right

00:44:37.240 all right and people say well that's not really that fair well fuck bro you you okay go do something

00:44:43.720 else go go do what do something else yeah no one's forcing you to do it do something else and if you're

00:44:52.240 a freelance designer i'll be real i've dealt with people like this the minute they say no or the

00:44:59.980 minute they say i'm i'm i'm this is my weekend you're bothering me on the week or some shit fuck you

00:45:04.840 i'm finding someone else because we have to move now i'm responsible for every motherfucker in this

00:45:10.440 building and you're not meeting my needs anymore and and i'm not judging you for setting that

00:45:15.520 boundary okay that might be a very responsible decision and that's your life but this is also

00:45:20.960 my life so i have to find someone that's going to work at my pace i got boundaries too yeah right so

00:45:26.120 the truth of the matter is you aren't going to keep your customers if you draw those boundaries the

00:45:30.920 same way and a lot of people that don't know shit about business will say well you don't need

00:45:34.000 those customers well i don't know they aren't that easy to get like everybody thinks all right

00:45:39.140 so you have to make a decision what's appropriate for you what's appropriate for your life what's

00:45:44.200 appropriate for your family and make that decision but but when you're getting started and you have

00:45:51.140 customers and you start to tell them no they're going to say no back and you're going to have less

00:45:57.840 customers so um i mean is that really even like every graphic designer designer person that i've dealt

00:46:03.640 with which dude is like in the hundreds at this point that did that which by the way creatives

00:46:10.200 are notorious for doing this that what you were talking about right here they are idealistic people

00:46:15.380 and they're very creative and it's a great thing because we need those people but they do things

00:46:21.040 like that they they start to think well i have this skill that's specialized and no one else has it

00:46:27.340 i don't know if you know this bro but you can like type your shit right into ai right now and

00:46:31.900 fucking get it done so it's even more important than ever that you are accommodating and fast

00:46:38.840 and professional and kick ass to be competitive with what's going to happen otherwise you will

00:46:44.640 not be in business yeah so my that's just the truth and a lot of people don't like that they

00:46:51.100 say well that's not fucking right listen man i didn't make the fucking rules i'm just telling you

00:46:55.280 how it is i play by them though well yeah and and and your customers to pay your bills you play by

00:47:00.820 their rules and uh you know i don't get to stop and um you know running my business and say uh you

00:47:09.920 know hey guys it's uh friday night at seven o'clock so uh sorry i can't help you and then show back up

00:47:16.860 on monday and expect the business to be there that's not what the fuck happens those customers go

00:47:21.000 out and gets we live in a convenience economy okay and if you want to point blame at someone

00:47:26.600 you can point blame at amazon and i'll tell you why because amazon has trained the customer

00:47:31.060 to now expect things immediately okay at first their first 12 15 years in business they didn't

00:47:38.180 have to collect sales tax so they had a 10 point advantage on price when the government started making

00:47:44.160 them collect tax now they went to convenience so i mean now they've trained everybody to get things

00:47:51.280 so fucking fast that if you can't do it fast you're you're fucking irrelevant so um yeah man uh and and

00:48:00.040 like i was getting ready to say you know creatives are notorious for like trying to do this and then

00:48:04.440 not understanding why they get fired or why you don't work with them so you know the best creative

00:48:10.140 people that i work with they they they pick up the fucking whatever like if i like if i say hey i

00:48:16.220 gotta have this done it's done like right then and that might not be fair like there's times when i text

00:48:22.720 madat at fucking 11 o'clock at night and i say hey man can you do and i'm always polite about it i'm like

00:48:26.720 hey can you do this i fucking get it right back dude what's it take five minutes 10 minutes like it's

00:48:33.120 immediate but that's also why he's on the team and why he's doing very well i'm going to continue to do

00:48:39.000 better and better and better so yeah i wanted to actually do this too because you you mentioned

00:48:43.380 like it's you know especially in the beginning stages of a business to have that type of attention

00:48:47.540 and you know willingness but like bro i've been with you for five and a half years you're being a bit

00:48:51.460 you've been in business for 26 i see you still fucking going at 11 o'clock at night yeah so it's

00:48:57.080 like it doesn't it's not really like a beginning thing no it's a what i'm saying is it's especially

00:49:03.020 important in the beginning okay and dj i am at the beginning okay it took me 26 years to build the

00:49:10.180 foundation of what i actually want to do and i'm just now getting a seat at the big boy table you

00:49:17.100 know i had to build my own fucking chair and it took that long to build it from nothing now i have a chair

00:49:22.040 now i'm going to go to battle against these motherfuckers which they are not going to like

00:49:25.980 okay because i'm hungry as fuck and when i look at there's a reason why i talk about this all the

00:49:32.800 time what day is it first day day one it's day one motherfucker okay and that's how i look at it

00:49:39.560 every day is day one what happened yesterday what i did last week what we did last year

00:49:43.560 doesn't fucking matter we're here now today is day one where are we going and that's how i look at

00:49:50.460 my life and uh eventually you know i'm gonna run out of time and you know like everybody at the end

00:49:55.340 of my life i'm sure i'll have a few regrets about certain things but there's trade-offs to things

00:50:00.540 and there's cost to things and there's it is what it is you got to decide what the fuck you're willing

00:50:04.680 to give or not give to have what you want and uh neither none of those decisions are wrong by the

00:50:10.060 way i just happen to talk about them wrong because we're in the context of winning at in a financial

00:50:17.460 game business game yeah so uh you know when you say well why do you still have that well because i

00:50:24.620 genuinely believe that i'm at the fucking beginning you know what i mean absolutely man

00:50:30.380 absolutely well guys andy that is a hell of a way to start a monday bro yeah guys let's uh let's get

00:50:36.440 going we'll see you tomorrow on cti don't be a hoe share the show

00:50:40.180 went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a pole fuck a stove counted millions in

00:50:47.180 the code bad bitch booted swole got her on bankroll can't fold doesn't know headshot case closed

00:50:54.360 closed

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - March 17, 2025

854. Q&AF： How To Not Be Cocky, Chasing Happiness With Ambition & Boundaries In Business

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