REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 882. Q&AF： Finding Like Minded People, Success Without Shame & Overcoming Paralyzing Fear

00:00:00.000 what is up guys it's andy for selling this is the show for the realists say goodbye to lies

00:00:20.880 the fakeness and delusions of modern society and uh welcome to motherfucking reality

00:00:25.600 that's what we're doing all right it is what it is fuck you madat no we can't add more

00:00:32.240 you're gonna ruin the show sorry all right anyway today

00:00:41.380 we have q and af that's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers all right

00:00:48.580 uh you can submit your questions a couple different ways the first way is guys email

00:00:52.620 these questions into ask andy at andy for seller.com or you go on youtube in the comments

00:00:57.340 section ask your question in the comments or if you want to call in on the show go to the link

00:01:02.220 right underneath the youtube video click that link fill out your question and uh you could talk to us

00:01:06.780 live on the show maybe maybe if you don't ask some dumb all right but that's how we do it now if you're

00:01:12.940 new which we're getting a lot of new people right now welcome uh this isn't the only format of the

00:01:19.500 show we have shows within the show all right we have uh today we have q and af tomorrow we have

00:01:24.540 cti it stands for cruise the internet that means we're going to put topics on the screen we're going

00:01:28.140 to speculate on what's true what's not true and then we're going to talk about how we the people

00:01:31.420 have to solve these problems going on in the world um it's half comedy half real stuff um

00:01:37.820 all smoke all right then we got real talk which is 100 all smoke uh and then we have

00:01:44.220 75 hard versus 75 hard versus where somebody who's completed the 75 hard program comes on the show

00:01:51.340 we talk about how they were a dumpy turd and how they use the 75 hard program to not be so dumpy

00:01:57.980 all right they get their stuff together you get the whole 75 hard live hard program at episode 208

00:02:03.980 if you're unfamiliar with live hard it is the entire year-long mental toughness program

00:02:08.060 it is the most popular mental toughness program ever in history and it's free you can get the whole

00:02:13.020 thing at episode 208 all right there's also a book available the book is called the book on mental

00:02:18.700 toughness you can get that at andy versella.com uh and i also have a big big drop coming on uh i don't

00:02:26.940 know we'll say right around july 4th just right around there so uh if you know you know right now

00:02:37.260 we don't run ads on the show now i know some people on youtube that are not very smart say well

00:02:43.820 youtube runs ads in your show no i can't help that we don't run ads on the show i don't pick up products

00:02:49.100 and say hey 14 times a show okay we finance the show ourselves i don't want to answer to anybody so

00:02:57.660 i ask very simply to help us share the show all right we put a lot of time a lot of effort a lot of

00:03:02.540 money into delivering these messages and we would like your help sharing the show so uh we got a

00:03:07.420 little thing that we say here it goes like this don't be a hoe share the show so let's uh let's do

00:03:13.660 what we got to do here man you know we we make people better on mondays and then today huh i got

00:03:18.620 i got better today i got to drive a uh pretty sweet car yeah like 10 feet yeah that's all i trust you to

00:03:25.260 drive it dude that car you didn't wreck it did you no come on man come on i can drive yeah the

00:03:31.900 fuck that thing is like it was like dj go like that's what it was saying oh yeah like i started

00:03:36.460 it up it was like let's go yeah that's what it says yeah i was a gt black series the amg gt black

00:03:43.020 series it's so sick it's so sick dude i love that car too man yeah it's this dude i was holding a

00:03:48.460 break more i've almost sold it i've almost sold it a couple times and traded in for the new uh three

00:03:53.340 rs but i think it's i don't know man like i like it better dude it's nasty yeah it's not that's a

00:04:00.700 that's a beast yeah that is a beast but yeah man let's get to uh let's get to making some other people

00:04:05.580 to better but today uh we got some good ones for you guys as always we're starting off with a call

00:04:10.060 in or a call first man i got uh got my man jeremy waiting uh so let's let's uh let's give jeremy a call

00:04:18.460 hello jeremy what's up dude hey how's it going what's going on man what's up jeremy how you doing

00:04:38.940 doing good doing good we're uh getting some cars ready for the local car show tonight

00:04:43.980 we're at uh we're in oregon file little tiny town there we go um they shut down the main street

00:04:51.820 and yeah so i ain't got nothing cool like you but i got some uh old and chevy blazer and a c10 that i'm

00:04:59.340 taking down there bro that's that's cool i don't know what you're talking about yeah

00:05:03.500 yeah so what else yeah no uh go ahead oh go ahead i'll just say yeah i just uh yeah i enjoy seeing

00:05:13.740 your cars that's just uh inspiration for me i'm definitely into uh the cars and the motivation

00:05:19.500 that way it definitely helps yeah you know a lot of people don't realize how motivational um

00:05:24.380 and aspirational cars are for people that love them you know yeah yeah sweet man what's cool

00:05:31.260 seeing your stuff um so i guess um my uh my struggles per se would be in the um

00:05:43.660 making relationships with like-minded people on the same same path or even just finding those people um

00:05:51.420 um i grew up and kind of came really uh independent early on um grew up with divorced parents and

00:06:01.820 my dad was not a great role model so um throughout that i had to kind of grow up young and uh

00:06:11.580 got really hard to trust people and to you know give people the chance you know and then

00:06:16.460 getting getting getting kind of burned a few times and it just made it harder and so i guess

00:06:22.700 looking for input that way all right so uh it's real simple that's called fucking life bro like uh

00:06:33.260 you know i grew up the same way dude like my parents been divorced since i was five years old

00:06:37.980 uh i've been fucked over by every single motherfucker i've ever met in my life with

00:06:41.980 the exception of like 10 okay uh the world sucks most of the time that's why it's important that

00:06:48.780 we have to live to a high standard and here's the thing uh you don't need anybody to trust or believe

00:06:55.980 in you or support you to do what it is you're you're wanting you're wanting to do so uh and the quicker

00:07:03.420 that you build yourself into a person who is doing things the the quicker you're going to find other

00:07:11.820 people that are aligned with that right nobody that's actually doing things out there at a high

00:07:16.940 level wants to waste their energy or time with someone who's not so this is a common struggle with

00:07:24.460 uh a lot of people who are trying to level up their their networks and when you're trying to level up

00:07:32.380 your networks it's important that it's very clear you may not have the result but you're doing

00:07:39.980 everything you can to live at that standard you know behave like them act like them be ambitious

00:07:45.500 be somebody who attacks be somebody who's aggressive be somebody who is looking to provide value to the

00:07:51.820 people around them not just take value and those efforts are recognized by friend circles and peer

00:07:59.820 circles that we would say are more down the road of the success journey that you might be right now

00:08:06.540 so i'm not saying you have to go out and produce the result uh that always helps but what i've found

00:08:13.660 and i've had this happen to me many times is that people who were above me uh in the in the success

00:08:20.140 journey were able to recognize that man this guy's hustling he's doing everything he can he's working hard

00:08:26.060 he cares let me see how i can help this kid out and you know i've had a number of those people along

00:08:31.340 the way uh you know come in and then you know out of my life as i outgrew those people so we have to

00:08:38.700 understand dude that like very few friendships are permanent uh many of them serve a point

00:08:46.940 in our lives and then when they no longer serve either party people grow apart uh this happens in

00:08:52.380 and friendships this happens in relationships uh that's a normal part of life a lot of people are

00:08:59.180 wired to think about what they can get not what they can give and those people never win long term

00:09:05.500 and i know that it's difficult and i know it feels lonely but the reason it feels lonely is because it's

00:09:11.100 rare and you have ambition you have drive you have the want and the will to do bigger things and not

00:09:17.660 everybody has that man so when you have that it's going to make you feel like you're alone it's going to

00:09:22.220 make you feel like you're the only one but you're not the only one there's lots of people like that

00:09:28.460 and the quickest way for you to become surrounded by that you know is basically twofold one make sure

00:09:35.340 that you're putting the effort in uh and living the lifestyle of a person that would be at that level

00:09:40.860 and two make an intentional effort to be around those people you know this is one of the reasons that

00:09:48.300 arete is such a successful program uh for entrepreneurs is because people have a hard

00:09:54.380 time connecting with other people that are ambitious have drive have focus don't want to

00:10:00.780 live the average joe life and so they join groups you know and there's other ones too this isn't a

00:10:06.380 pitch for arete it makes no difference to me um but they join these groups intentionally so that they

00:10:13.660 can be surrounded by people like that but i will tell you that even in those groups where people

00:10:18.220 pay to be a part you are still going to have people that want to take you are still going to have people

00:10:23.260 who are there for them not to contribute and so you just have to have you have to develop more of a filter

00:10:30.780 for understanding what someone's real actual motivation is uh very quickly and that will reduce the

00:10:38.700 amount of heartbreak that you have you know because when you're a good person and you give people the benefit of the

00:10:43.420 the doubt and then they end up burning you you know and that happens dozens of times man it does

00:10:48.700 start to wear you out you know and uh i've struggled with this myself because like dude i try to help

00:10:55.100 everybody around me i try to help everybody be successful i tend to take everybody's problems and put them

00:11:01.100 on my fucking back which is very difficult and uh it's why i think i'm a i'm a i've been an effective

00:11:09.180 leader i won't even say a good leader because i'm in i'm in the process of becoming a better leader

00:11:14.300 every single day but uh you know bro it's just a hard thing and you know good comes with the bad so

00:11:22.060 when you have this want and this will and this desire to help people and you put their problems on your back

00:11:31.580 to fix a lot of times those people won't reciprocate and that's just reality so we have to become more

00:11:38.780 finely tuned but here's what i'll say out of all the times that i've been fucked over

00:11:45.420 there's been way more times where i've developed great relationships and done good things and had

00:11:51.420 great times and built uh you know good friendships and it's worth being that way it's worth being that

00:11:58.540 way even with the the times you're gonna get with so um bro i i just you know you gotta understand the

00:12:06.780 nature of the world you know the the world isn't what we want it to be it's what it is and uh we have

00:12:12.620 to we have to realize that being a good person trying to contribute trying to do the right thing

00:12:19.420 is not always reciprocated man and that's just called human nature you know what i'm saying

00:12:24.300 yeah and i think i mean that's i mean i i've been listening to you for five years now buddy of mine

00:12:31.420 turned me on to you and it really validated a lot of honestly how i felt for a long time but you know

00:12:37.100 just feeling kind of like held down you know from people around me in a sense and um since then you

00:12:43.660 know i've had a big change and i you know during covet i left my job that i was at i started getting

00:12:48.460 told to put a mask on and got my construction license and just been doing my own thing and

00:12:53.420 it's been it's been good but it's been very challenging because i feel like it's you know

00:12:56.540 the higher standards you start putting yourself to the more like it seems like you have a target

00:13:00.380 on your back because everyone's like now oh you think you're better than us or this or that and

00:13:03.980 the other and um honestly been doing it mostly in in family and wow well brother you are better

00:13:14.060 just own it like the quickest way to get over that shit is when they say

00:13:18.940 oh you think you're better just be like yeah

00:13:22.620 yeah like that's that's what i do that's pretty quick yeah and then i and then i don't deal with

00:13:27.500 the anymore because they can't say it again and whether i believe it or not they perceive me to

00:13:32.780 think that i'm better and no matter what i say no matter how i argue no matter how i try to convey to

00:13:38.060 them like hey i don't think i'm better than you i've just chosen a different path

00:13:41.980 i will just say yeah because i don't want to waste the time you know yes you're correct because

00:13:48.140 i know from my experience that there is there is no convincing them otherwise and that is not a

00:13:55.180 problem with you bro that's a problem with them their own limitations their own regrets about how

00:14:02.540 they gave up on themselves and we have to accept that and i know it's frustrating but bro that

00:14:08.860 shit is only going to get worse and worse and worse and then once you cross a certain line

00:14:14.540 once you cross over into like undeniable success those same people are going to be saying man dude

00:14:22.780 i knew jeremy when he was just a young buck and he was getting started and i always believed in him

00:14:28.300 right and like you're gonna fucking laugh and roll your eyes and you know it's all gonna come full

00:14:33.020 circle bro like you just can't you can't let that weigh you down dude like like look you know i see

00:14:41.020 this problem all the time man i see all these people who let people who are close to them or

00:14:47.820 even random strangers on the internet who aren't doing shit who are sitting at home with their

00:14:52.140 fucking cheeto fingers you know eating their hot pockets in the basement they've never built anything

00:14:58.620 you know they the fucking only thing they've ever built is a good set of man titties like these

00:15:03.500 motherfuckers are losers dude and they're always gonna be and it's unfortunate and i hate to say it

00:15:08.940 that way but it's just the truth and winners don't like losers and losers don't like winners that's just

00:15:15.980 the nature that's the nature of human beings all right so you're on the path go ahead

00:15:23.020 well i was gonna say like honestly i mean correct i mean we've been having some just ridiculous family

00:15:30.140 stuff going on and and it's like the people nobody will be accountable for the truth like your choices

00:15:36.060 you make the actions you do you know the choices like you literally choose to make your own truth

00:15:40.700 and so many people just won't even won't even accept their own choices and truth and then it's like

00:15:45.740 you're the bad guy yeah no shit but that's because you did and they went they didn't and that's always

00:15:50.140 going to be the case bro if you want to be like them fucking go hang out with them and and and listen

00:15:55.260 to their shit because that's what the fuck they want because then you're not a reminder every single

00:15:59.740 day every single time they got to think about somebody from their family who's actually doing

00:16:04.140 something it reminds them that they haven't done shit with their life bro and you're exactly right

00:16:09.900 the result of one's life is a choice whether it's a voluntary choice or an involuntary choice

00:16:16.780 most people think that the only time that life is a result of their actions is when they do the

00:16:23.340 right things and they fail to recognize that the passive choices they make when they're not engaged

00:16:29.180 in trying to be better they create the opposite result and so you are correct they do choose it

00:16:36.860 but they will never admit that bro and you will spend your entire life trying to get those people to

00:16:42.540 see it and they will never see it so my advice to you brother is to understand you are on a different

00:16:50.300 fucking path they will never get it they will never clap they will never cheer until it's so

00:16:56.780 undeniable that you are winning and then they'll come back around but they'll only come back around

00:17:03.500 because they think they can get something from you okay or they think or or they think they can

00:17:09.100 like get clout by saying oh yeah jeremy's my homie that's my nephew right exactly so like bro listen

00:17:16.620 just because someone's related to you doesn't make them your people and that's the point all

00:17:21.340 right that's right that fucking sucks like i know it sucks bro it hurts it's not fun but it's reality

00:17:30.140 yeah no i got told i was a horrible person and that my kids were gonna hate me and all this stuff

00:17:34.700 literally yesterday i had to kick my mother-in-law and her husband out of my house because they were

00:17:38.220 just completely disrespecting my wife and turning her down and seeing what she was you know what

00:17:44.140 was happening to my wife i was like you need you need to leave like i'm not i'm not gonna sit here

00:17:47.420 and let this happen you know and then of course it's just like you're such a horrible person and hey

00:17:52.860 that's the right fucking thing to do bro you don't want that negative influence around your kids

00:17:57.340 you don't need to hear it your kids are not gonna fucking hate you they're gonna be proud of you for

00:18:01.820 doing what's required as long as you explain to them along the way like hey guys i'm doing this

00:18:07.500 because of this and this and this and yes i might miss yeah i might miss baseball one time i might

00:18:13.980 miss soccer one time but i'm trying to create a life so that you guys can have you know can play soccer

00:18:19.740 and you know like these as long as you explain it along the way they're gonna fucking respect you for

00:18:25.020 it and good for you for being man enough to kick those motherfuckers out of your house bro because most

00:18:30.300 people would just eat it oh man it was yeah i mean between trying not to explode and just

00:18:37.580 become part of the problem and just like nope we're just not doing this you know and

00:18:43.580 but yeah being you know jeremy being a dad it's that's tough yeah well listen that's the toughest

00:18:50.060 path you've ever picked uh taking your life is being an entrepreneur and i'm sure being a dad on top

00:18:55.260 of it makes it even that harder so uh it's gonna be tough that's it no it's tough but it's so rewarding

00:19:02.860 you know i mean i've always told people like you know like for me like we've got friends that you

00:19:07.420 know i've turned them on to listening to you and you know got them going to church and stuff that just

00:19:11.180 you know it's bettering their lives and watching watching things change and it's it's awesome and then

00:19:15.500 it's just like when you get the people to come and they just want to kick you all you know while they

00:19:19.500 can and try to make life hell and it's just like i don't have time for that that's right you know

00:19:24.220 you don't when it's family and trying to explain that you know it's like my kids understand like

00:19:27.820 we're i told my wife the only thing we can do is just give them as much of the truth as as we can

00:19:32.780 really give them without you know making it more than it needs to be to them right but you know they're

00:19:38.860 they're pretty receptive i mean our kids well it's my middle daughter's birthday today she just turned

00:19:43.500 eight today so we're uh celebrating that too but yeah no it's uh a tough one i don't you know i've

00:19:51.500 always told people like not really having the parents you know that i would have hoped when i

00:19:56.940 grew up but trying to be that person now and that's your job your job is to give them the life that you

00:20:01.980 didn't have that you needed okay not there's not a motherfucker in this room that grew up with a

00:20:07.580 fucking perfect family sitting in i'm sitting with five other guys yeah i could tell you a

00:20:12.380 fucking story about every single one of them and myself and probably 98 of the people that work in

00:20:18.460 this building so don't fucking feel sorry for yourself that white picket no no listen to me

00:20:24.460 that white picket fence fucking perfect family shit that's a lie very few people have it so you can't

00:20:31.180 say oh well i had didn't have this or that yeah you and everybody else bro like it's right you know

00:20:38.140 like it's your you have an opportunity to fucking do the right thing you learn your lesson it's like

00:20:43.260 what they say about people who you know are close to like a drug addict like i got a i got a cousin um

00:20:51.020 a distant cousin who his dad is a fucking alcoholic and he's never drank before and you know that it's

00:21:00.140 like they say like when you have an example you choose to be like them or against them that's right and

00:21:05.980 you're choosing the right path man and you should be proud of that yeah no and i you know i think

00:21:12.540 honestly talking to you i'm super thankful to get to talk to you it's a like kind of helps validate

00:21:18.220 your feelings when you feel like you're just fighting against the world that you don't have

00:21:22.060 many people sitting behind you at this time you know because i'm i'm early on into all this and and

00:21:27.100 being that we're obviously on a different path than most of our family and it's just like you said it

00:21:31.820 feels lonely at times and you know getting to talk to like i've looked up to you like as a mentor you

00:21:36.380 know it's like i told my wife i was like yo angie and dj are doing a call-ins now and she's like oh

00:21:42.620 my gosh i don't think i could ever do that and i was like well i sent in a question and so good to

00:21:47.260 talk to you i mean it's just awesome you know like like i said i really appreciate it like it helps

00:21:53.500 helps understand that i'm you know if i'm not just losing my mind you know like why is this

00:21:57.100 why is this so hard you know you're not bro you're not you're on the right path brother for real

00:22:03.660 yeah and that you know that's just one of like you get people and they oh you know you just you

00:22:08.060 think you're better than us or you're this or that and it's like well i have i've put in a lot

00:22:11.820 of work to do what i've got you know i'm 32 and this is our fourth house we've got 43 acres and

00:22:17.100 cows and horses and you know giving our kids everything we can give them you know and it's like

00:22:21.180 like why can't you gotta be happy for us you know well because they're not happy for themselves bro

00:22:26.620 that's all it is right yeah no nothing you know like i said that's kind of a validation thing i've

00:22:31.900 been listening to you and you hear it you know and it's like ah but then you know it's like crazy in

00:22:36.540 the same sense to even just be talking to you it's like i feel like you know we're rolled away there's

00:22:41.020 no way i'm ever gonna talk to indy but like this i mean it's awesome listen man i listen i appreciate

00:22:46.140 you calling in dude uh you know i'm just another dude out here trying to do it too so i'm a little

00:22:52.620 further down the road i'm just trying to help you you younger guys figure it out i've been through all

00:22:57.180 the shit you're talking about and i'm telling you bro i understand and i understand that it sucks but i

00:23:03.180 promise you it's fucking worth it yeah all right and i appreciate you know i appreciate that and you

00:23:09.500 know i hope to keep hopefully i can pass it on to on to the next generation and keep keep bettering

00:23:15.340 others and myself you know you should be everybody's boy i hope you're already doing that you're already

00:23:21.660 doing that okay you got to remember that you're already doing that so keep doing it i appreciate

00:23:29.260 it all right appreciate it all right jeremy we'll see you brother appreciate you yeah thank you guys

00:23:35.020 you're welcome bro thank you uh have a good one you too i love that dude yeah i mean look dude that's

00:23:43.180 a common trait that like it's a common problem that anybody that chooses a different path outside

00:23:49.420 the norm is going to deal with which is most people yeah of course bro like no most people just choose

00:23:56.860 to do like everybody else and anytime you choose differently you're gonna get that

00:24:01.180 shit like that's just normal and the other thing like you guys listening you know i hear this all

00:24:07.660 the time man my parents got divorced or my dad was this or my mom was this or this or that yeah bro like

00:24:13.100 fucking everybody most people yeah like dude everybody's got shit like what are you gonna do

00:24:20.220 to correct so like your kids and other people don't have to deal with the same shit like you know you

00:24:26.060 know what i thought about too bro because like you know i look at it this way too well hold on

00:24:30.540 by the way that shit is the reason that you're on the path you're on like it's nobody i've never met

00:24:38.300 someone who's self-made that comes from a cush situation right the reason that they are

00:24:44.780 fucking doing what they do is because they've had to crawl out of fucking darkness in some way shape or

00:24:49.980 form it might not be the same as yours but there's something there that they had to

00:24:54.220 fucking crawl the fuck out of and they they hated it so fucking much that they were willing to do

00:24:59.900 anything to get as far away from it as possible and that's just so we can't sit here and look at people

00:25:07.420 who have these cush upbringings and all these advantages and all this shit and say oh well they got lucky

00:25:13.980 no motherfucker you got lucky because those motherfuckers never had to learn how to fight

00:25:18.700 they never had to learn how to crawl through the shit they never had to learn how to

00:25:22.060 fucking take blows and get the fuck back up you did and that's an advantage you got lucky they

00:25:27.900 didn't get fucking lucky like dude that's real it is real and it's it is real and dude people

00:25:34.780 think like oh man that guy had everything he got no dude he's handicapped for life now

00:25:40.380 you learned all these skills you learned all these these these character traits you built all this

00:25:46.700 shit inside of you this grit this fortitude all the things that make people successful you had to

00:25:52.220 have they didn't and that's a huge advantage when you meet someone like that in the battlefield bro

00:25:58.380 you fucking destroy them because they don't have those skills they never had to develop them yeah

00:26:03.580 i look at it like this too it's like you know all the negative shit people will say when you're

00:26:08.060 trying to go down that path and do good shit just wait to wait wait to hear what they say when you

00:26:12.780 don't do shit with your life yeah see what they say then yeah that's right you know what i'm saying

00:26:16.540 that's right be 40 years old you ain't did shit yeah that's right bro they're gonna talk shit on

00:26:21.420 that too and more importantly what are you gonna think right at 40 years old right if you don't do

00:26:25.980 shit and you're gonna think god dude i listen to all these fucking losers and now look what i got to

00:26:31.260 show for it it's real shit yeah that's real man guys let's uh let's get our next uh next question

00:26:37.980 this is a write-in question um let's talk about it guys any question number two andy even when i

00:26:44.940 achieve something i instantly look for the next mountain i dismiss compliments downplay success

00:26:52.540 and hold myself to standards i'd never apply to anyone else i don't know if i was raised this way or

00:26:58.620 just became this way but i want to feel pride without shame how do i allow myself to be proud without

00:27:06.300 feeling like i'm being arrogant or weak what do you mean a little gratitude i guess i i don't

00:27:12.620 understand you did the work you built the shit be proud of it what are you talking about it's very

00:27:20.220 fucking simple why the fuck do you give a shit what that person over there thinks about what you did

00:27:25.180 were they there when you were grinding it out were they there when you were you know everybody likes to

00:27:29.420 talk about how lucky someone got you know like i just said a minute ago that's the that's the wrong

00:27:35.260 perspective none of these motherfuckers that ever criticized me spent a day in the store with me

00:27:42.140 my entire life i spent years none of them ever came and helped me do anything none of them were there

00:27:49.740 when i was struggling none of them were there when i wanted to kill myself because was so hard

00:27:55.260 none of them so i don't care what they think about me driving a bugatti to work

00:28:01.340 or my other one to work i don't care i don't care i don't care you weren't there during the hard

00:28:08.380 times you have nothing to say to me that can take me away or or make me feel less proud of what i've

00:28:15.020 done i've changed dude i don't even know how many lives with 75 hard and what we do with our companies

00:28:22.380 and i have things to be proud of and no one can take that from me no one's going to shame me out of it

00:28:28.460 no one's going to make me feel bad about it i did what they chose not to do they could have came and

00:28:34.860 done something similar with me they didn't so i don't give a shit and you're gonna get you need

00:28:39.980 to get a little more of that energy bro were they there to help you do any of this were they there

00:28:44.140 to help you pull through the mud were they there to you know console you when you didn't have anybody

00:28:49.420 clearly not so why do you care what they say now that you're doing better

00:28:53.180 i don't yeah for sure i mean well i mean you also talk about this too it's like because i feel

00:28:59.260 like there's a little nuance in the sense of like i guess just being hard on yourself not allowing

00:29:03.740 yourself to be proud of the shit that you did you know i'm saying when you're always moving that

00:29:07.180 goalpost setting the next fucking that milestone that you're you're reaching when your goals are so

00:29:11.580 fucking big how do you make sure that like to be proud in those moments when you do get those wins

00:29:17.020 well i mean dude you have to acknowledge how far you came yeah i mean you said it it's gratitude you

00:29:24.140 take inventory look man it's you can take inventory and acknowledge how far you've come

00:29:30.940 and still be hungry for much more you know like and that's why you want to take a dedicated amount

00:29:36.620 of time to like every day to say hey man you know this is a tough day didn't do what i want to do but

00:29:42.060 look i've come pretty far so far you know and yeah it's very simple man it's just people get

00:29:48.540 caught up and spending too much time in that reflection the reflection zone you know i'm

00:29:52.620 saying all the shit that they did do you see that yeah man because that's like the victim therapy

00:29:58.300 culture we deal with now you know they got all this shit pumping out in everybody's brain tell

00:30:02.220 them they're broken and they need therapy and they have trauma and they fucking need to journal

00:30:07.100 seven hours a day and have this morning routine and do all this shit and like it makes everybody

00:30:12.380 think they're fucked up you know like when you're an entrepreneur and you're trying to build shit it's

00:30:16.380 just fucking hard yeah and you know what you kind of have to be fucked up to be any good at it

00:30:21.100 you know what i mean you kind of have to have something to prove you kind of have to be a little

00:30:24.780 insecure you kind of have to have those things those are the fuels that drive people okay and the

00:30:31.580 reality is is the world benefits from that so how can you say that's bad you know what i mean

00:30:37.980 like we have to people are eating because of that yes we have to understand that the

00:30:42.940 that's written for everybody else is not written for entrepreneurs all these things you know the

00:30:47.740 mental health and this and that and this bro that's written for people who

00:30:52.940 they don't have the fucking darkness and they don't know how to fucking leverage it to be better

00:31:01.340 you know they they're feeling sorry for themselves they're making excuses they know they haven't done

00:31:06.380 what they're supposed to do but then they make you know uh some sort of justification or philosophy that

00:31:11.820 is really just a you know i didn't do it excuse dressed up in a nice outfit you know in a comfy

00:31:17.500 little bed and some frills and shit like it's it's bullshit okay like motherfucker entrepreneurship

00:31:24.220 and building success is hard as fuck it's hard it's hard it's never gonna be easy you're always

00:31:30.940 gonna feel like you're fucked up you're always gonna feel like you're behind you're always gonna

00:31:34.780 feel like you know maybe i'm not any good at this but dude if you keep showing up and you keep executing

00:31:39.660 you keep doing what you're supposed to do the results will sprout and you will gain a little bit

00:31:43.420 more confidence but dude even when you gain more confidence you'll be in a new level and when you're

00:31:47.180 at a new level guess what happens all the same shit happens again you doubt you question you're

00:31:51.420 insecure you push harder you go to the next just a repetitive cycle dude it's a hard life but many

00:31:57.980 many many people benefit from it so it's something to be proud of it doesn't mean you're fucked up

00:32:04.140 it doesn't mean you have to rid yourself of that when you rid yourself of all that

00:32:08.060 shit you rid yourself of your fuel all right when you rid yourself of your fuel the growth stops when

00:32:12.940 the growth stops people starve what's worse you being a little crazy or motherfuckers starving

00:32:18.860 yeah you know what i'm saying like when you put it like that yeah like man yeah man i do we've

00:32:25.980 like we've grown this culture has changed from you know like when i'm just glad i grew up when i did

00:32:32.140 because the culture is so different like entrepreneurs successful people people would drive hustle grit

00:32:40.300 fortitude tough motherfuckers that refused to quit were celebrated they were you were told this is

00:32:46.860 how you should be noble yeah now we have the opposite those people are up well who's telling

00:32:53.580 you you're up a bunch of nerds with a four-letter degree that haven't done

00:32:59.100 shit and sit in their living room with house slippers on and take notes about what they

00:33:03.100 think is wrong with you get the out of here go build some

00:33:06.220 shit you'll be happy i love it man i love it let's get another call in yeah man let's get

00:33:11.900 another caller we got uh we got josh i like these names josh yeah josh josh sounds like a cool guy

00:33:20.140 yeah i know a few cool joshes yeah i do too yeah just joshing around yeah all right let's go let's go

00:33:26.380 here we go josh let's keep the comedy to the ctis

00:33:35.580 hello hey is this josh yes sir what's up dj oh damn how'd you know it was me because you sound like dj

00:33:44.300 josh what's up bro i'm blessed brother how are you i'm doing great man i'm uh just sitting here

00:33:51.580 with the boys taking some calls trying to help some people you know maybe uh you know listen to

00:33:59.020 a few dj shitty jokes you know and uh what's up with you brother where you at i'm in uh socal okay

00:34:08.460 cool cool what business are you in uh the gym business i own i own two gyms okay cool man how

00:34:15.740 long you been doing it oh i got into the business at 18 years old fresh out of high school um as an

00:34:23.100 employee and quickly became manager and then i took over ownership uh about three years in at 21 i'm 25

00:34:30.060 now that's amazing dude that's awesome so uh what what do you think i can help you with man

00:34:37.660 yeah so honestly brother i gotta i got a lot on my chest but i'll start off by uh reading you the

00:34:43.980 question i submitted in 250 characters and then i guess we'll go from there so um

00:34:51.180 my question says that i typed in and submitted it says 25 years old i own two gyms after three

00:34:57.020 and a half years it's really four but after four years of working for free i am now profitable i need

00:35:03.420 to pass out flyers but i fear rejection outside of my own gym doors how do i overcome this paralyzing fear

00:35:11.820 well look man let me ask you this do you actually make people better at your gym

00:35:22.380 yes yes the growth has been all referral based off of the incredible transformations and service and

00:35:29.740 throughout the years of being unprofitable i had you know in my spurts where i'd have to let a couple

00:35:34.700 people go and be there seven days a week for a year and a half and then bring trainers on and i'm there

00:35:40.780 six to seven days a week and i treat everybody amazing and the transformations and the results

00:35:45.420 are there and that's why i get so many referrals but at the end of the day with my overhead my rent

00:35:49.740 and all my expenses that's not enough and i've known that's not enough since day one to actually

00:35:55.100 profit and live the life that i want to live hold on we're going to get to that in a second but you

00:36:00.780 believe that josh cares enough to actually help people get results yes yes 100 okay if you i'm

00:36:11.020 very passionate about what i do okay so if that's the case then you should have zero discomfort trying

00:36:18.060 to help people out on the street and talking to them and offering them your services or at least making

00:36:24.060 them aware because you actually do care and you're not just trying to sell some bullshit and you actually

00:36:30.380 are going to help them get results and if they do reject you which lots of people will that's okay

00:36:37.420 because the the 20 percent the the two out of ten that are going to talk to you you're going to build

00:36:43.740 relationships with them and you're going to change their motherfucking lives okay so you can't puss out

00:36:50.620 because the eight people are not going to fucking want to hear it you got to show up for the two that

00:36:54.700 are going to change their fucking lives all right so that's the first thing now let's let's get into

00:36:59.580 this other thing about the profitability go ahead and talk about that well on that note when it comes

00:37:06.060 to when it comes to that like i i i agree i agree there's there's something in my brain where where

00:37:13.660 i'm like all right because i have i run both locations all their operations by myself all the

00:37:17.660 employees are the trainers i have eight employees right now but i'm running the operations and i look

00:37:21.420 at myself and i say what would be the best thing to do right now to grow and generate revenue and the

00:37:27.180 answer is walk out because i chose the location next to a big retailer for this purpose and walk

00:37:32.220 out and and bring clients in and sign them up and change their lives so they bring in referrals and

00:37:36.620 we grow but my brain i fucking do other shit i grab the flyers and i walk to the door and then

00:37:43.100 and i end up doing something else i have something deep down that keeps holding me back and i know the

00:37:48.060 answer is because i've listened to you since 2017 you've said this shit a hundred times what's the answer go

00:37:53.180 go fucking do it don't be a pussy go to the grocery store and talk to every go go to the

00:37:57.820 grocery store and talk to every person in there and don't leave till you talk to every person in

00:38:01.020 there and i know these things i've been listening to you since i was 16 years old but my fucking brain

00:38:05.180 i i pussed out and and i know the answer that's the problem is you could have cut off the mfco project

00:38:10.540 six episodes in you already said everything that needed to be said the problem with you don't listen

00:38:15.660 you want me to come out there kick you out the fucking door bro like i will come out

00:38:19.580 out the door and i will not let you back in your own fucking gym until you bring at least two more

00:38:24.780 people like bro listen to me you have to do this and and here's an important thing it's not just

00:38:31.740 about growing your gym it's about growing your skill set okay people are going to reject you up

00:38:38.700 and down the path it's going to happen for the next 25 years until you're so big that everybody's

00:38:44.700 coming to you and you get to pick and choose all right that's where i'm at now there's nobody that

00:38:50.300 brings me anything where i don't pick and choose i'm not asking for anything i'm and it's very it's

00:38:55.420 really fucking nice it's really nice but it didn't get that way until i was willing to go down the path

00:39:02.460 for you know 15 years of getting told to eat shit and learning how to handle people telling you to eat

00:39:10.060 shit is a massive skill set because most people can't do it so i agree yeah bro so like look man

00:39:18.060 you're building this up to be worse than it's going to be all right there's lots of things

00:39:22.860 that can help you if people are going to be rude be nice back you know what i'm saying well i hope

00:39:28.300 you have a great day brother like sorry to bother you you know just be polite back when they're rude and

00:39:33.900 a lot of times you know just like when they walk in your gym or you know you go in somewhere like

00:39:39.020 you've had a bad day your fucking dog died or some shit happy you you there there's a book called

00:39:44.860 the four agreements and one of the main four agreements is don't take anything personally

00:39:48.700 and that really helped me realize like their reactions are not my control i if i go at it with

00:39:55.820 the right intent and my intent is to actually help them then i'm doing what i can do and maybe i present

00:40:02.700 it wrong at first but eventually i learn how to present it better so that it converts higher and it

00:40:08.780 produces a better result but ultimately dude this isn't about you just bringing people in the gym

00:40:15.180 this is more about you building this the the tenacious relentless ability to talk to people

00:40:24.460 because dude i'm going to tell you this and this is very important the more and this is really important

00:40:29.420 for the business that you're in because people are never going to stop working out but the more that

00:40:34.460 technology infiltrates our society the more valuable intercommunication skills are going to be

00:40:43.580 all right and you're 25 years old dude you grew up on a fucking phone you grew up with technology so

00:40:50.220 it is a little bit harder for you because it's abnormal for someone of your age to do what i'm

00:40:56.860 telling you to go do but i'm going to tell you dude and this is real shit that skill is going to become

00:41:02.540 so rare that it becomes extremely valuable and why it's going to be valuable to you is going to be

00:41:09.660 because the way that your gym is going to scale and grow is going to be by you building community

00:41:15.980 around your gym and you could only build community with other human beings if you are great at dealing

00:41:21.900 with other human beings so when you tie all of this together this is practice for you bro this is

00:41:28.540 this is reps this is what you have to do and if you don't do it you're just not going to be as

00:41:34.060 successful as you could be not even close so you know i know you know this but dude you know when

00:41:42.540 you're getting ready to walk out that door and you start to get that fucking you know like that

00:41:47.180 that bitch voice is in your head it's like fuck like bro just walk right through it just keep

00:41:51.660 walking and just go do it and you're going to find out bro after the first time or third time you get

00:41:56.940 rejected it's not even a big deal it's not a big deal yeah and let me tell you something else do you

00:42:02.300 do you are you married brother i've been with my girl since i was 16 i've done a lot of things right

00:42:08.860 in my life this is the only one thing that fucking eats me alive every day okay yeah we're married i'm

00:42:13.820 married i've been my first one for one bro okay since we were 16 okay well i was gonna say

00:42:20.380 for most men in your situation they they usually aren't married and your ability to talk to people

00:42:25.420 is going to dictate the quality of the of the of the mate that you attract so this is this this

00:42:30.380 this translates into in all areas of life so uh while that doesn't apply to you it's important for

00:42:36.060 the other young men and young people to hear so dude you've just got to force your way through it

00:42:43.020 man and once you go through it once or twice it's gonna it's like the first time you walked

00:42:47.500 into a gym bro the first time you walked into a gym you were shitting your pants i know you were

00:42:53.020 because i was too and so was everybody else it's very uncomfortable but once you've done it you're

00:42:58.380 like what the fuck was i worried about what was i nervous about and dude that's this is just a mental

00:43:03.420 block and it's going to take force the first two or three times and you know why it's eating you bro

00:43:10.460 is because you're letting it linger if you go take this action fucking today and you go out there

00:43:18.300 and give out five fucking flyers even if it's just five and they all say fuck off you're gonna realize

00:43:24.460 holy shit i've been letting myself get eat up over over nothing and it's gonna free you i know that yeah

00:43:30.060 then go do it i know i know that's why i fucking trust you brother you've been telling me this for seven

00:43:36.300 ears over my phone listen to me hang up the fucking phone and go fucking do it because it's

00:43:41.180 going to make you feel better i agree i agree and then at the end of the day go ahead um and and the

00:43:50.060 part andy if i can just be extra clear the part that that i've been torturing myself with is the fact

00:43:55.980 that like who the i don't know one person in my fucking life that will work four years for free seven

00:44:00.860 days a weekend and go through the stress and i've done all the other shit that's so much fucking

00:44:06.380 harder than this yeah but this is the one thing i've let eat me alive i worked for free for four years

00:44:12.220 and i had chest pains for six months i thought i was gonna fucking die last year from oh from stress

00:44:16.380 but that one thing that i haven't been doing is the solution to all of my issues which is why it eats

00:44:21.180 me alive because it's the obvious answer that i know all right bro well do you want to feel better

00:44:24.940 today or do you want this to keep going yeah i agree i agree you agree that's why when if you

00:44:30.940 already know what the fuck man go fucking do it yeah well listen dude yeah dude go do it you're

00:44:40.220 you've already like you said you've already done all this shit what's the worst that's gonna happen

00:44:45.740 some fucking nothing nothing gonna tell you to work out today yeah tell him to go eat a

00:44:51.020 fucking hot dog bro i don't like it doesn't matter like dude just do it you're gonna you're gonna go

00:44:56.780 home and you're gonna be like fuck that wasn't that bad what the fuck and you're gonna feel lighter

00:45:00.700 you're gonna feel better and you're gonna be proud of yourself you're gonna and you're probably gonna

00:45:05.020 make fun of yourself you're gonna be like the fuck was i doing yeah you know so dude you got this bro

00:45:09.980 like you got it dude just go do it you you listen just go do it it'll fix all your shit

00:45:15.820 yeah i agree yeah 100 well thank you man it sounds like uh that that's all that you need

00:45:23.340 that that you need to say and there's nothing else for me to say at that point then listen brother

00:45:27.260 this will this will build your courage listen you can't win in business without courage it's impossible

00:45:34.300 you can't win without courage the reason that you know all this stuff happened the last

00:45:39.580 four to six years is because most people don't have it if you want to win

00:45:43.420 in real life in business you got to have courage and what you need to do is you need to understand

00:45:49.820 that this is an investment in your courage that is going to be required for you to level up it just

00:45:55.980 is there's going to be much much much harder things than this down the road i'll give you an example dude

00:46:02.300 like this isn't the same thing but it's it's a similar block that i dealt with when when i had my

00:46:09.580 first retail store i was so scared to open the second store i was so scared to open the second

00:46:16.380 store i thought i knew i thought people were going to cheat me i thought people i thought it wasn't you

00:46:21.820 know uh gonna work i i i had all these things that would go wrong in my head and guess what they all

00:46:31.660 happened every one of them but had i not went ahead and did it even though i was scared i wouldn't have

00:46:38.380 you know i don't know we got like 40 stores now we're opening more like literally all the time

00:46:43.020 first form wouldn't exist none of this would have happened man you wouldn't even be talking to me

00:46:49.020 you need to pull the trigger dude because what it's going to do is it's going to free you up and

00:46:53.740 build your courage and allow you to realize you don't have anything to be scared of dude you don't

00:46:58.620 have anything to be scared of like it's it's a hundred percent mental and if you don't do it bro

00:47:05.500 if you don't do it you're probably going to lose in business that's the truth and you need to

00:47:09.740 understand that yeah yeah and keep in mind when i submitted this question i went in here knowing

00:47:15.900 that i'm going to sound retarded like i already knew that no no no i knew that because i've been

00:47:21.340 listening to you for seven years i sound stupid but i already knew the answer but i wanted you to

00:47:26.060 shit on me bro i'm not shitting on you dude i'm making you understand listen that first of all that's

00:47:33.500 not stupid that's a real concern it's a really good question because a lot of people struggle

00:47:38.300 with it it's stupid ones are the people that don't ask the shit the stupid ones are the people that

00:47:42.300 don't do it and think that they can get around doing that and that they're just going to be able

00:47:45.900 to ignore that part of their life josh understands this is a big deal this isn't about the flyers

00:47:51.740 working this is about overcoming something he's afraid of that's a big deal okay like i know a lot

00:47:57.980 of people are listening they're like well tell them to do this or that or this

00:48:00.860 motherfucker we're not talking about that we're talking about him getting over a mental block

00:48:05.740 and you have to learn how to do this because there's going to be more down the road

00:48:09.980 all right so dude this is not stupid you're not stupid i'm not shitting on you but it's very

00:48:16.140 important because if you don't learn how to overcome the mental blocks bro there's going to be more of

00:48:21.580 them and you won't be able to overcome those and it's going to limit your success for you your girl

00:48:26.380 your future family and everything you got going on bro and i'm not going to allow that to happen

00:48:31.740 yeah i i absolutely yes thank you 100 and the the the part that that makes it that really made me

00:48:39.740 realize that i have to address this now which i have always known is as of january started making

00:48:45.740 a chunk of cash every month both locations are profiting great and i still feel empty and dead and

00:48:52.140 unfulfilled because the profits and being in the green and it doesn't mean anything to me because

00:48:56.620 i'm still ignoring literally what's in front of my fucking face yeah so until this is addressed no

00:49:01.980 matter how much money i make i'm ignoring uh something that's in front of my face is going to

00:49:07.020 fucking keep me up at night like it has for for four years bro the fact that it keeps you up at night

00:49:12.060 is a great thing because it means you're aware that it's something that you need to overcome

00:49:16.300 okay but this is so simple you could overcome it today real talk you could overcome it today

00:49:25.660 yeah and you should and i will all right good yeah all right brother listen man i really you're in a

00:49:31.580 good spot just fucking you know follow through you said you're gonna do it today go fucking do it

00:49:37.980 i'm gonna text you to find out too yeah dj's gonna follow up

00:49:40.780 was that your number you were texting me on dj yeah what's the show all right i'm gonna hit you

00:49:47.340 up i'm gonna text you like 10 times a day bro okay i'm gonna check in and if you don't text me

00:49:53.740 back i'm gonna be pissed bro i thought we're friends sweet man all right josh go get it bro

00:50:00.860 yes sir appreciate you guys thank you for everything thank you bro go do it you got this

00:50:05.660 yes sir all right all right bye bye love it yeah man look dude that's not it's not about the flyers

00:50:12.780 it's not about it's about overcoming the mental block yeah i was thinking about it too because

00:50:17.820 he said he's been with his girls since they were like 16 so the reality of it too he's never had

00:50:22.220 to really face rejection at all well you know what i'm saying like yeah like i mean i mean

00:50:28.140 yeah i mean when you like girls and you know you're young and you don't have the luxury of having

00:50:32.380 one since you're 16 you're gonna get used to being told to off yeah right you know kind of comes to

00:50:37.260 the territory so i love it man yeah well guys andy that was three all right guys hey let's go out

00:50:45.660 let's get it let's make it a good week and uh we'll see you tomorrow

00:50:49.580 went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze

00:50:53.020 fuck a bowl fucker stole counted millions in the coke bad bitch booted swole got her on bank

00:50:59.180 broke can't fold doesn't know headshot case close close

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - May 19, 2025

882. Q&AF： Finding Like Minded People, Success Without Shame & Overcoming Paralyzing Fear

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