REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 919. Q&AF： Accountability With Team Members, Dealing With Loss & Finding Good Employees

00:00:00.000 what is up guys it's andy for selling this is the show for the realists say goodbye to the lies to

00:00:21.480 fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today we

00:00:25.440 have q and af that's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers now you can submit your

00:00:32.860 questions to be answered on the show a few different ways the first way is guys email these

00:00:37.760 questions into ask andy at andy for seller.com or you go on youtube on the uh q and af episodes and

00:00:44.580 click that link right underneath the uh in the bio there and you can be on the show yourself you call

00:00:51.100 right in and talk to us we'll answer all your problems well we'll try to answer all your

00:00:55.860 problems some of y'all really fucked your shit up all right um we also have real talk throughout

00:01:02.480 the week that's where we give you 5 20 minutes of real talk uh we'll have cti tomorrow that stands

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00:01:23.460 verses 75 hard verses where people who have completed the 75 hard program come on the show

00:01:29.000 they talk about how their life was before 75 hard how their life is now and how they use that program

00:01:35.400 to transform their existence if you're unfamiliar with 75 hard it is the initial phase of the live

00:01:42.780 hard program the live hard program is the world's most popular mental transformation program ever

00:01:49.200 and it is free at episode 208 again that's 208 on the audio feed you can also buy the book it's called

00:01:58.160 the book on mental toughness it's available at andy for stella.com it'll give you the entire live

00:02:04.880 hard program plus a whole bunch of other chapters on mental toughness how to cultivate it how to use it

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00:02:40.680 yeah and guys if you are interested in being a part of the show um you guys can click the link

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00:02:51.280 exclusive though we're not we're not you know we're testing small small groups we're testing you might

00:02:56.900 have a chance the goal is to eventually move into a live broadcast all right so we're testing that over

00:03:03.660 the next 30 days or so uh but you guys should definitely jump in because we will bring people

00:03:09.040 on to cti uh to talk about the topics with us you know you know kind of like a all-american town hall

00:03:15.940 that's right all the time it's live audience but it's what you think not what these dumbasses think

00:03:21.740 that's right because we're smarter than everybody unniable yes and better looking too that's right

00:03:26.600 yeah and you guys can you know see my reading displays on full effect yeah uncut uncircumcised

00:03:33.280 uncircumcised yeah man what's going on with you though man you good yeah always getting to check

00:03:39.580 in yeah man i got like a dry needling done all across my traps and neck i was getting these cramps

00:03:44.680 done in my neck real bad so i had taylor um hit me with the dry needles fuck yeah i feel like i got

00:03:52.280 beat with a baseball bat bro yeah i forgot i haven't had that done since i had my shoulder

00:03:56.580 rehab and i forgot like how that stuff makes you pretty sore i like taylor's mean bro oh she gets

00:04:03.140 in there i i mean sweetest girl ever i don't think she's mean i think she's just she will beat your

00:04:07.480 best at what she does listen i've worked with a lot of people dude a lot of pts a lot of uh if you

00:04:13.940 if you don't if you need pt here in in st louis and you don't consider taylor summers

00:04:19.460 you're not going to get as good service it's real it's the truth it's absolutely i mean i've been an

00:04:25.640 athlete my whole life i've had a hundred fucking different people work on me bro she knows what

00:04:30.280 the fuck she's doing yeah no doubt about that man no doubt about that man but yeah it's uh it's q a so

00:04:35.940 you guys know how this works uh we got some calls we got some write-ins and uh let's make some people

00:04:42.340 better today yeah i got some good ones for you all right i bet you do let's uh we're gonna start off

00:04:47.020 with a call let's get wes wes wes wes on the phone let's give wes a call

00:04:52.360 hello wes what's going on my man hey what's going on what's going on with you brother where

00:05:11.420 where are you at right now uh i'm in arizona oh all right arizona's not bad az yeah not too bad

00:05:20.340 northern arizona it's my uh 28th birthday today too oh dude yeah look at that man happy birthday

00:05:26.020 you want to say like sing happy birthday to you or something happy birthday to wes what's up bro

00:05:32.760 awesome dude how you doing we're doing good man 28 huh 28 yeah 28 big 28 it's awesome i'm so

00:05:41.900 excited to get this call on my birthday too hey dj is uh gonna give you the happy ending too you know

00:05:47.500 all right all right for your birthday he just volunteered sign language it too yeah i got you

00:05:54.520 bro i got you all right what's going on man what's your question how can how can we how can you get

00:05:59.960 helped today uh let's see so i'll give you a little bit of background um i recently became a team leader

00:06:07.320 last november i worked for a well-known grocery retail store um we've been doing great you know

00:06:15.600 we've been hitting kpis you guys carry form energy yeah um i was about to be a problem there

00:06:23.020 an opportunity i've really had is with accountability with team members you know

00:06:30.000 um it's just been it's been kind of a struggle with certain team members some team members

00:06:37.220 do really great um i feel like we have a really good team it's just opportunities as a team leader

00:06:42.660 definitely being a new team leader having those conversations um i tried tried some positive

00:06:49.120 reinforcement um but some some team members are just really hard-headed uh me being 28 a lot of

00:06:56.100 my team members are older in their 40s and 50s um i've had one team team member tell me like you know

00:07:01.680 what i have a personal problem with taking direction from younger guys i'm like dude honestly that's a

00:07:07.280 personal problem i'm doing my best i can as your team leader to look together as a team and get us to

00:07:11.940 this common goal but that's just a big opportunity i've had is just how to hold team members

00:07:17.920 accountable and um guide the team and in the direction that i want us to go cool yeah bro uh

00:07:25.520 first of all leadership of people is the hardest job on the planet management leadership these things

00:07:34.560 are difficult and to become effective at these things is a lifelong journey so you shouldn't be

00:07:41.480 down on yourself that it's a struggle your first time doing it um it's it's it's very hard okay um

00:07:48.780 let's see where do i want to start this because i got a lot to say here i can very much so relate to the

00:07:59.400 older people not wanting to take you seriously and not wanting to listen you know i started my business

00:08:06.600 when i was 19 and by the time you know i was 25 i was leading people that were in their 30s mid late

00:08:14.340 30s uh that didn't you know want to take me seriously because they were 10 years older than me um

00:08:20.940 and unfortunately that is the mentality of lower skill people sometimes they believe that there's some

00:08:32.160 sort of seniority based around other things besides skill set they think that if they've been there a

00:08:38.280 long time that they get some sort of preference or they think that because they're older they know more

00:08:45.380 and these things just simply aren't the ways of the world uh so i wouldn't pay any mind to that bro

00:08:54.560 and if you have the ability to start to work people like that out you will do better and move faster with

00:09:03.420 younger people for a couple reasons one they'll listen to you better two they're probably hungry

00:09:11.360 three they haven't grown to accept the reality of their life meaning a lot of these guys that you're

00:09:19.100 probably dealing with are in a situation where they think man this is as good as it's going to be

00:09:25.180 so i don't really give a fuck i'm not going to listen to west tell me what i can and can't do

00:09:29.060 i'm just going to do my shit and be left alone and so getting rid of those people over the course of time

00:09:35.680 is important if you want to develop an effective team because those people create cancer in the in the

00:09:41.660 group um they will undermine you they will talk shit about you when you walk away uh they will tell the

00:09:48.720 other team members not to listen to you and that you don't know what you're talking about and that

00:09:53.280 stuff will kill your ability to create a an effective offensive front with your team and so i would start

00:10:01.860 making a list of the people that you think can be saved and the people you know cannot be saved

00:10:08.520 and start working to replace those people uh moving forward now with all that being said um

00:10:18.440 let's focus on how do i get the team to execute with a positive attitude um me being an inexperienced

00:10:29.180 leader having these conversations we'll start with the group and then i'll get to the conversations

00:10:35.180 okay with the group this is going to require you to sit down with the group paint a detailed vision

00:10:45.280 of not just what you're trying to accomplish but what will happen if you accomplishment and what that

00:10:52.640 means to them in their career path so at the end of the day most people are pretty selfish which is fine

00:11:00.100 but you have to understand as a leader how to utilize their selfishness and

00:11:06.800 i don't even want to say it's selfishness i just think it's human nature right we have to look after

00:11:13.760 ourselves so you have to be effective at leveraging that want and need for them to the team's benefit

00:11:22.980 and the way that you do that is by understanding that they are only going to work at their best

00:11:30.420 when they are inspired to be their best not motivated to be their best not commanded to be their best

00:11:38.000 inspired to be their best and the difference being is that when they are inspired to be their best

00:11:46.000 that is coming from themselves that is their own idea that is their own conclusion i want to do great

00:11:53.780 because it will lead to this and your job as a leader is to create the path and make the path

00:12:00.880 understood not just once but consistently okay and that would sound something like this hey guys look

00:12:08.200 i know that you think this is just another grocery job but here's the thing it's not here's what we're

00:12:15.040 trying to do long term here's what we have to do now and if we do this now here's where it will lead

00:12:23.000 to you potentially upgrading your life if we win together as a team and so that needs to be a

00:12:32.720 fundamental foundation of the communication that you have between you and your team on a consistent

00:12:37.740 basis when you meet with them every single time that should be communicated in one way or another

00:12:45.060 all right uh and then you know you mix in the other issues that need to be addressed into that talk

00:12:51.600 but everything should be always connected back to what we're trying to accomplish as a team

00:12:58.680 and what that's going to mean for them and if you do that you'll have enough of the team like you

00:13:04.580 already said i've got some great people those people will get super excited and when those people

00:13:10.620 get super excited just like the negative people are a cancer the positive people will spread

00:13:16.640 goodwill and inspiration throughout your team and then you know it's important that you

00:13:21.480 do the first part i said by cutting out the bad people eventually um so that is the gist

00:13:29.620 of how you can lead a team um attitude wise now dude this could be a whole day i could sit with you

00:13:37.820 for a whole week and go through the nuances of this but i'm giving you what i think is the cliff notes

00:13:42.820 that we can answer within the time frame of the show now having those conversations and by the way

00:13:49.960 you're welcome to ask any follow-up questions after this having the conversations is usually

00:13:56.300 difficult because we frame it as difficult okay we as a leader will say man i gotta go you know get on

00:14:05.940 to dj because dj is not doing his job and you need to reframe that in your mind i'm not going to get

00:14:12.880 on to dj because dj is not doing his job i'm going to point out to dj that dj is not doing his job

00:14:19.040 and then i'm going to make him understand what that's going to do to his vision long term

00:14:25.140 okay so it's it's not by force it's by clarity that's correct so and then that way just like with the

00:14:36.720 inspiration the ability to correct the path comes from inside it's all this is on them yeah bro

00:14:43.200 because people respond best to their own ideas okay so our job as leadership is to say hey if you

00:14:51.300 do a great job here's how you do a great job if you do a great job this is what the team will do

00:14:57.620 and if the team does this this is what it'll mean to you and then when they're fucking off you

00:15:02.020 reverse engineer that back to hey uh this is what this is going to mean for you it's going to mean

00:15:07.640 that you don't have a fucking place here bro and you're going to go from thing to thing to thing

00:15:11.480 and you're going to end up bitter like tony over there who's 55 years old and fucking hates it here

00:15:16.500 right um so the conversation that that that's the gist of the framework of the conversation but the

00:15:27.280 conversation to make it easy you have to remember that you're doing them a favor you are doing them

00:15:35.820 a favor by showing them where they're messing up and how they're going to improve and a lot of people

00:15:44.740 that lead assume that people don't want to get better so when they talk to them they're very abrasive

00:15:51.600 about it when in reality most people do want to get better they just don't know how to get better

00:15:57.120 and they're not aware so reframing the hard talk into a talk of i actually really care about dj and

00:16:06.160 his family dude i don't want him to fucking lose so dj let me come here man i need to talk to you dude

00:16:11.040 here's the deal this sucks this sucks and this sucks i appreciate all you do here okay this is

00:16:19.520 fucking amazing you do great here you do great here you do great here but if you can't clean up

00:16:23.940 these things dude we're not going to be able to win as a team and if we can't win as a team all the

00:16:28.340 things that you're trying to do within this organization will not happen they're not going

00:16:32.620 to happen and look at tony over there he's 55 years old it didn't just happen for him you have to make

00:16:39.080 it happen so having a conversation that's framed uh you know you've probably heard of like the

00:16:45.360 positivity sandwich you know where you tell them what they did good then you tell them what they

00:16:50.040 suck at and how to fix it and then you close the meeting with what they did good again and that

00:16:55.280 generally works pretty good um for getting people to hear the information you know everybody likes to

00:17:01.300 be reminded and valued for the things that they do good um but you know you have to be able to

00:17:08.840 critique them and coach them and i think a lot of people that struggle with leadership

00:17:14.060 and management the reason they struggle with it so hard is because they're not realizing

00:17:23.080 that our job as leaders is to develop the people and serve our people not just to get our goal like

00:17:32.940 our team won you know 15 games that's that's okay you know but if your motivation is just for

00:17:43.680 yourself to win the 15 games and you're not pouring into players players aren't going to want to work

00:17:47.680 for you they're not going to want to sweat for you they're not going to want to fight for you

00:17:50.920 and so it's this it's this very synergistic

00:17:55.580 reality you know if you care about them and you help them and you're honest with them

00:18:02.780 they will reciprocate that with giving their best and that's how great teams work you know the

00:18:08.400 hardest coaches that i've ever had in my life uh were actually the ones i'm most thankful for

00:18:13.760 i fucking hated them at the time but when i look back on my life i'm like fuck i'm glad that guy

00:18:18.460 was straight with me because it helped me straighten out a lot faster you know so when you learn too they

00:18:23.000 cared the most that's right and and dude as a leader even if it's if it's of a team uh a sports team

00:18:29.640 a charity organization uh whatever and business it's all the same it's all the same um so yeah bro

00:18:40.480 look just start reframing these conversations as you're actually helping them and you're helping

00:18:46.320 their family and that will help you want to have them more um but that whole i mean i just unloaded a

00:18:53.600 lot of shit but this whole thing that we're talking about here um is an art and it's something

00:19:00.520 that you're not going to master at 28 years old it's you will never master it i will never master

00:19:07.160 it okay we will we will be 70 years old and we will say fuck i still have so much to learn about being

00:19:15.380 a leader and that's that's the reality of leading people but the framework is usually the same

00:19:21.380 so big mission what their role is in the mission what it means for them if you win the mission of

00:19:30.080 the team and then you know having the conversations with the the mindset that you're improving their

00:19:36.860 skill set improving their future improving their family which takes away the edge of confrontation

00:19:42.500 and replaces it with an obligation to tell them the truth uh and then when you execute the

00:19:48.220 conversation positive critique positive and uh you know if it's a hard critique you might have to come

00:19:54.960 back an hour later or the next day and say hey you know you know why i fucking i'm telling you this bro

00:20:00.280 i'm telling you this because i want you to fucking win and dude you know that's that's it that's as

00:20:08.540 about as quickly as i can explain something that will help you immediately

00:20:12.420 yeah that was absolutely great something i'm definitely going to be doing um i'm starting

00:20:18.640 i've been starting to implement more huddles with my team um just make sure we're all on the same page

00:20:23.500 have the same goal yeah um you definitely definitely it's definitely something i'll be doing

00:20:29.400 more going forward i really appreciate that how often do you meet with them

00:20:32.800 so i do a lot more one-on-ones okay with my team members today um i think a lot gets met uh missed

00:20:42.480 when i don't do huddles as well too um we have a lot of small things here and there where we have

00:20:48.680 walks going on um safety briefings we need to do um a lot of it's kind of one-on-one and i'll do those

00:20:54.660 check-ins with one-on-one be like hey how you doing today um this is what this is what our plan is

00:20:59.340 going to be for today but that's good that's good that's good but here's when you got you have to

00:21:05.880 collectively get them together if you want them to function as a team yeah okay right like you got

00:21:12.240 to paint the pick look dude people will execute at like a level fucking six for themselves but

00:21:20.920 they'll execute a level 50 for the person next to them okay so if you build a cohesive team where

00:21:27.980 everybody cares about the person to the left and the person to the right like they should

00:21:32.940 the execution level and the standard level will rise so i would definitely encourage you to do more

00:21:38.660 full team uh breakdowns you call them huddles that's that's yeah yeah i would definitely be doing that

00:21:45.360 okay awesome will do anything else no that'll be that's kind of really it um

00:21:55.320 now yeah it's just it was a stressful week for sure i had two big back-to-back walks but you know

00:22:01.060 what they went they went super super good so i'm super proud of that i think my team's doing a great

00:22:05.100 job that's kind of the only real opportunity i see for myself at the moment it's just the

00:22:10.120 accountability part and having those tough conversations and like you said i'm not going

00:22:14.320 to learn it definitely being a new team leader right away but down the line i'll definitely get it

00:22:17.760 yeah bro you listen if you keep their interests at the top of your mind if you if you always operate

00:22:26.260 as a servant leader meaning i'm going to help improve my team's career path i'm going to help

00:22:34.600 develop my people to be more successful it's really kind of hard to fuck up leadership it really is

00:22:40.780 if you're living the standard and you're doing your job and then they know that you're working to help

00:22:46.620 them get better it kind of works itself out bro but it's got to be real they'll know if you're

00:22:52.640 fucking full of shit see it yeah i can't just hear it you know that's real man yeah it's real so yeah

00:22:58.500 don't get down on yourself dude this is brand new shit and it's really fucking hard i would say out of

00:23:03.380 all the aspects of things that you could do as a human being the most mentally tax taxing and hardest

00:23:10.800 job that you will do it's not you know it's not physically demanding but it is very mentally stressful

00:23:15.400 is leading other people and it's really fucking hard when you care about them bro it's really

00:23:20.980 yeah so yeah sick man well we appreciate you bro thanks for calling in west yeah hey bro happy

00:23:27.700 birthday man yeah happy birthday all right awesome thank you guys all right thanks brother i'll hit you

00:23:32.740 up a little later for that uh the happy ending all right see you bro all right thank you guys

00:23:40.720 thanks bro yeah dude now that's a tough thing like i had to get over that too just in my mental

00:23:46.300 like you know with me leading my group that i lead right it's like bro i've been working on that for

00:23:51.740 fucking six years i still like heavily criticize myself if i'm doing a good job as a quote-unquote

00:23:57.140 leader you should you know best leaders do that but it takes it takes a long the best leaders audit

00:24:01.320 themselves after every motherfucking conversation they have with their team after every meeting after

00:24:06.060 every fuck bro every time i give a talk i walk off the stage what do i say how'd i do yeah what

00:24:11.220 do you think what do you think yeah yeah oh you fucking crushed it what do i say i said i could

00:24:16.300 have done this i could have done that i could have done this i already know where i fucked up when i

00:24:20.060 walked off when i when i walk out of a meeting you know so the best leaders the ones that continue

00:24:26.000 to develop are ones that audit themselves and understand that when it comes to leadership there is no

00:24:32.600 finish line you're not going to like there's always room to grow yeah you know what i mean

00:24:39.820 yeah yeah that's real man it's a balance like you have you can't be a pussy bro you can't just sit

00:24:45.960 there and be like like you have to have that ability to say this is what the fuck we're doing

00:24:51.420 okay like i don't want this to sound very soft this isn't soft this is this is what the fuck we're doing

00:25:00.400 this is what the team's going to do and this is what you need to do to be a part of the team and

00:25:06.880 to progress here but this is happening yeah right like this is the line yes and it can't be like a

00:25:14.080 convincing thing like oh well you know can you guys just do this for me that won't work if you guys

00:25:20.540 want to do it there has to be fucking confident leadership and coaching that happens and the

00:25:26.840 standard of where you're going is non-negotiable oh i love that man i love it guys andy let's get

00:25:33.500 question number two going we got a write-in on this one um guys andy question number two hi andy

00:25:40.200 uh andy i lost my dog one month ago uh i know where your thoughts may have gone time to move on and

00:25:47.720 stop being a fucking pussy uh no one more than i uh want that more but i'm stuck i have no kids

00:25:54.360 my dogs were a big part of my life uh this last dog had a stroke and it's just gone we had no

00:26:00.200 warning not that life uh always gives you that uh but anyway i'm lost every morning i get up saying

00:26:06.100 that i'm gonna get out and get my workout in every morning i sit like a sad sack of shit and my sadness

00:26:11.600 and grief i know grief is a motherfucker we all process it differently um i just don't feel like i am

00:26:17.600 as the day moves on from the morning i get better and by the end of the day i have at least gotten in a

00:26:21.960 five mile walk um all day i get pissed at myself for wasting my morning routine with this grief

00:26:26.800 i carry the anger and the sadness like a rucksack on my back then i listen to your podcast and your

00:26:31.880 ted talk post and social media and i feel like i'm really i really am that sad sack of shit uh that i'm

00:26:39.060 that dumb fuck that you talk about who wishes for shit uh not knowing you can't wish you must achieve

00:26:44.520 how do i move on from this dealing with tough shit man grief specifically well i mean look dude

00:26:49.640 it's a part of life it's unavoidable and whether it comes in the loss of a pet or a loved one or a

00:27:00.260 diagnosis or like you're gonna get fucking hit bro and i think that's the that's the thing that

00:27:07.160 people live not saying this person but a lot of people live in this ignorant state of

00:27:15.960 life it's not gonna happen to me it's not gonna happen to me and it does happen to you and it's

00:27:23.180 a fundamental reality of life there are going to be unexpected very difficult circumstances that you

00:27:30.060 are going to have to deal with which is why it's so important to develop mental fortitude and mental

00:27:37.380 toughness inside of yourself it's not something that people are born with it's something they develop

00:27:44.060 and so when it comes specifically to going through very difficult times the answer to getting through

00:27:53.060 those times is often the opposite answer of what almost everybody else will tell you because what

00:28:00.640 will everybody else tell you they will tell you hey take it easy man you're going through a lot

00:28:06.820 relax relax process it the reality of getting past very difficult things is to take action towards

00:28:16.720 where you would like to be and you've already said that you don't like feeling like a sad sack of shit

00:28:23.880 and you are a sad sack of shit right now and guess what i'm a sad sack of shit sometimes dj is a sad sack

00:28:33.200 of shit sometimes everybody is a sad it's called being fucking human bro it's life there's nothing

00:28:39.180 wrong with what you're going through and to be honest i get it bro i had i had my duck get killed last

00:28:46.420 year and everybody like well it's just a fucking duck well yeah to you not to me like to me i don't have

00:28:54.300 kids i go there every morning i see the duck i go there every night i see the duck the duck gets happy

00:28:59.580 when it sees me you know she follows me around she thinks like that to me that's a big deal and so i

00:29:07.680 was fucked up and when my dog oscar died in 2012 or 2013 he died in my fucking arms he was seven years

00:29:17.220 old it was a day before his eighth birthday dude i was playing guitar i fucking heard him breathing weird

00:29:23.720 i looked at him and i could tell he was scared shitless and he got up and he ran and tried to crawl

00:29:28.720 under the bed and hide which is what dogs do when they're dying they try to hide i pick him up i take

00:29:34.540 him he's fucking dead 10 minutes later bro like everything was fine and then he was dead and bro

00:29:39.420 that i've never gotten over that i still fucking think about that all the time still he's still the

00:29:45.400 screensaver on my fucking phone okay we all go through hard things bro but to get out of the hard

00:29:52.860 cycle we have to bite the bullet and start taking fucking action and this isn't some plug for live

00:29:59.680 hard or 75 hard but this is the time when you need that kind of thing you need a mission you need a

00:30:07.240 purpose you need something to accomplish and recalibrate you into someone who can make the

00:30:13.760 decisions even when they don't feel like doing the thing and that's the power of the program okay we

00:30:20.720 talk about the program not being a fitness program because it isn't it is you get fit as a result of

00:30:27.980 the mental toughness that you have to develop along the way and so bro real talk i would start 75 hard

00:30:36.460 and i would fucking do the program and i would do it perfectly and it will be enough to force you where

00:30:42.260 you cannot complete the program while you're sitting there feeling sorry and you just have to accept the

00:30:47.540 fact that bro you're not going to be the same after losing one of your dogs bro like every time

00:30:53.660 i was talking to uh my father-in-law about this a couple years ago and he was like he's like dude

00:31:02.020 it's got to be hard to to have dogs you know because he's not a dog guy like they have a dog he lives out

00:31:08.520 in the um you know their dogs live outside and shit they're not like a farm dog yeah they're not very

00:31:14.500 warm uh it's different than like what i grew up with about dogs and he we he was we were talking

00:31:21.440 and uh he was like he was like uh you know it's got to be hard to have dogs man because it's like

00:31:27.520 they only last 10 years and it's like losing a kid every time and i'm like yeah that's fucking

00:31:32.840 exactly what people will say oh it's not the same it's not the same for you if you have kids but if you

00:31:38.540 don't have kids you're you're an asshole for saying that yeah right you know like these motherfuckers

00:31:43.040 who do this every year who say oh you fucking it's mother's day being a dog mom doesn't count

00:31:49.480 or being a dog dad doesn't count you know how fucked up you sound saying that shit some people that's all

00:31:54.480 the fuck they have they weren't able to have kids okay and that's all they got and because you're a

00:32:00.780 fucking douchebag you go on the internet and say some fucked up shit anyway we know it's not the same

00:32:07.560 but it's the same for us okay so don't be a fucking fuck yeah but at the end of the day bro

00:32:15.360 you got to step the fuck up and realize that if you continue down this path you're gonna you are

00:32:21.440 gonna be a literal sack of shit you have to get yourself past these hard things and it is very real

00:32:28.380 and very normal and very human to work through these things and um you know you got to take action bro

00:32:36.040 you got to start doing things that you know take your mind off of it you got to start doing things

00:32:40.940 that force you to get up and move otherwise you can't get them done you know one of the most powerful

00:32:46.540 things about 75 hard and live hard is is that there's so much shit to do like if you fucking lay

00:32:53.260 in bed till one o'clock in the afternoon bro you ain't getting it done yeah okay so by default you have

00:32:58.680 to move on and um you know and then the other thing i'll tell you dude like the other thing uh from

00:33:06.560 one animal lover to another like uh i don't think people really realize how animals how important

00:33:14.060 they are to me um but when i lost oscar i didn't know what to do and we ended up getting uh otis

00:33:26.800 our bulldog now is the best thing i ever did was to get another one yeah and we got him like a month

00:33:33.380 later and it was the best thing i ever did dude like it's it didn't make me feel any less about

00:33:40.540 oscar but it made me like feel good you know what i'm saying well put your mind on something else now

00:33:48.240 you got this little puppy you got potty you gotta take care of him and he loves you too you know and

00:33:52.960 like it's i would recommend getting another dog if if if that's um where you're at bro so yeah it's

00:34:00.940 hard bro it's this is hard shit and society doesn't make it any harder because they don't try to

00:34:05.460 understand people that fucking don't have kids they're total fucking fucks about it i think there's

00:34:11.120 something to be said to just see your point of like dude it's life things are gonna happen

00:34:15.240 wouldn't you rather be able to have like come out of that yeah bro that's exactly the point okay

00:34:21.840 we're competing against billions of people on this planet and a lot of people will say oh there's not

00:34:28.260 you're not competing against anybody except your version of yourself yesterday well those people are

00:34:33.760 broke okay here's the reality if you want to win if you want to become create build anything real

00:34:41.520 you have to learn how to operate through the hard times that is the separator between people who win

00:34:51.620 and people who fucking don't okay people who don't win every time they get a hangnail they say oh i need

00:34:59.840 three days off and a fucking year of therapy to get better that's those people lose because anything

00:35:06.120 that happens along the way throws them off track okay if you can become the kind of person that it

00:35:12.880 doesn't matter what gets thrown your way no matter how hard it is no matter how frustrating it is no

00:35:19.060 matter how pissed off you are or any of this shit if you can operate and execute in those times you are

00:35:29.400 executing at at least double the rate of everybody else and if you understand math like i'm sure you do

00:35:38.640 you will know that double the execution puts you twice as far ahead as everybody else if everybody

00:35:47.040 else runs two fucking laps and you're running four who's going to get where they want to go faster

00:35:51.840 okay and the difference between this is being able to execute when you don't fucking feel like it it

00:35:58.000 makes you legitimately unbeatable so it's a very important that when things happen that are hard

00:36:06.380 which we all have to deal with it's very important that you don't let it consume your life to the

00:36:13.500 point where it throws you completely off track because that's what most people do and you're not

00:36:18.760 trying to be most people so this is a tremendous opportunity and as cold-hearted as that may sound

00:36:26.040 because that's what people are going to call it i don't care yeah it's reality bro this isn't called

00:36:30.940 be nice this isn't called idealism this is called real as fuck and the reality is is when bad things

00:36:38.140 happen like they happen to all of us most people get thrown off track very very far off track okay and

00:36:45.420 then to create the momentum again it could take years okay so one fucking tragedy happens and then it

00:36:53.860 costs you five years of your life is that really worth it for something that happens to literally

00:36:59.180 everybody it's not okay so if you can become the kind of person that will execute no matter what's

00:37:09.760 going on around them you can't be fucking beat bro it's it's literally impossible to beat a person

00:37:14.820 like that you can't beat them okay and and what here's what happens when you start to learn that you

00:37:22.000 can do this and you start to learn that you can execute versus the other people that can't you

00:37:28.880 know like when you're out in the middle of you know the 18 inches of snow when it's when it's minus

00:37:34.080 fucking 20 degrees and you're doing shit that no one else can do it instills and builds a level of

00:37:40.420 self-belief and confidence in yourself that cannot be fucked with it cannot be fucked with it doesn't

00:37:47.520 fucking matter what the world throws at you you are still going to win imagine feeling like that

00:37:54.080 imagine knowing no matter what the fuck happens i'm gonna still win and that's the kind of confidence

00:38:00.220 that pushing through the hard times creates that's some powerful right there man yeah absolutely man i

00:38:06.140 love it let's get uh we got one final question another call in vince let's get our boy vince on the

00:38:12.400 phone okay that's a good strong name vince vince let's give uh vince a call

00:38:17.940 hello this is vince vince what's up dude this is dj vince what's up bro it's andy

00:38:38.080 what's up andy how are you dude how are you guys i'm good what you up to today

00:38:43.860 uh i was working on a fence and now i'm working on estimates all right so i assume that you own

00:38:51.700 a construction or fencing company i do i'm a general contractor all right cool cool how long

00:38:57.900 you been doing that uh four years by myself now oh that's awesome bro how old are you but you sound

00:39:04.420 young 37 oh shit he's got a young voice yeah he is he is young 37 still young bro that's true

00:39:10.960 listen at 30 fucking six i was 350 pounds didn't know shit okay i got i got i mean i did do the

00:39:17.980 same thing since i was 19 i was doing okay but i think i evolved yeah some evolution there yeah

00:39:23.800 for sure so what's up bro what can we help you with oh well i am currently booked into the next year

00:39:31.620 and i'm building 580 linear feet of fence by myself right now because i can't get

00:39:38.000 people to show up and wake up to their alarm clocks or whatever excuse they're gonna have

00:39:43.380 and i'm trying to find a way to incentive incentivize and find some good employees

00:39:51.280 well did you have employees before

00:39:56.540 what's that have you had employees before i've had a couple uh longest one lasted about three months

00:40:05.040 okay and what happened in that situation explain to me your general experience with employees thus far

00:40:13.580 um i've had a couple pretty decent ones that would show up and were pretty timely and

00:40:20.880 pretty decent but um the last one i asked him this he was having a bad day already with his wife and i

00:40:29.060 knew that but i asked him to like shovel three shovelfuls worth of dirt out of some holes and

00:40:34.200 he said he wasn't gonna do it and squared up and i told him he needed to go home so he quit quit over

00:40:41.240 that i wasn't trying to get him to quit or anything i was just if you're not gonna listen to me and you're

00:40:46.440 having troubles at home you need to go take care of that yeah uh the other guy just kind of ghosted

00:40:52.760 me okay after a while where where do you live i live in dewey arizona is that a rural place or uh

00:41:01.620 what is i don't know where that is it's a little south of prescott yeah i still don't know where fuck

00:41:08.660 that is it's uh about an hour north of phoenix got it okay there we go all right so somewhat rural-ish

00:41:18.260 area area yes okay yes all right well how are you paying those people were you paying them fair

00:41:30.020 uh i try to start my guys at 20 an hour okay and and what do people get normally in that area for

00:41:38.820 that kind of work other posts that i've seen from other contractors they're starting at about 18 to 20

00:41:46.340 okay and then okay lead guy would run at about 30 okay and i've had a retired guy working for me

00:41:54.580 i was paying him 25 an hour he was pretty good but he's having some health issues so okay um how have

00:42:03.220 you tried to recruit employees so far uh in all honesty i haven't tried really hard too hard usually

00:42:10.000 it's just like a facebook post of basically what we're doing jobs we do and the hourly start okay

00:42:19.160 when you when you have employees

00:42:24.200 are they expected to just show up clock in do the work go home

00:42:31.560 pretty much yeah and then sometimes i'll even depending on where they live i'll try to meet

00:42:38.420 them to pick them up because some of my jobs are an hour away so okay i try to pick them up to take

00:42:45.700 them there okay all right here's the deal bro you're graduating from the calloused hand worker

00:42:57.480 to actually operating a small company which will likely move into a bigger company uh is that your

00:43:06.780 goal is your goal to expand the company or is your goal to kind of just you do the work and have three or

00:43:14.860 four dudes to help you with it that's kind of where i'm looking to be at i do enjoy doing the work i

00:43:22.360 don't want to i'm not looking to get huge i really like one-on-one with my customers and

00:43:28.140 being there to do the work okay so i was thinking that maybe three guys and then ultimately doing some

00:43:35.500 more general contracting subcontractor type work and maybe building some homes eventually okay all right

00:43:42.380 look you any all right for you to get where you're trying to go from where you are you are going to

00:43:55.880 have to treat it as an aggressive building of a company okay here's what i mean by that business is

00:44:03.320 ultra competitive it's the most competitive fucking thing in the world it's more competitive than any

00:44:08.640 sport than any game than anything it's the most competitive thing and when people say

00:44:19.300 in fit so i'm in the fitness industry as you know so people will say shit like this they'll say i want

00:44:26.380 to start working out but i don't want to look like you know arnold schwarzenegger or something like that

00:44:31.720 and it's like bro you could work out every motherfucking day all fucking day for your entire life you could

00:44:36.640 take every steroid you could take every supplement and you'll never fucking look like that okay and when

00:44:42.580 business owners say hey i just kind of want to maintain where i'm at that creates a very comfortable

00:44:51.920 attitude amongst your company which makes it very hard to build an effective team for what you're trying

00:45:01.480 to get to so what i'm saying here is that you have to go at this every single day as if you are trying

00:45:10.600 to build the best construction company ever and that's the effort that it's going to take for you

00:45:17.840 to survive long term that's reality so you have to flip your mindset from i just want to do the work

00:45:24.940 you can do the work you can have three guys but the attitude of what you need to have cannot be hey

00:45:32.360 i'm good where i'm at and the reason is because you can't get anybody inspired to want to work for you

00:45:39.620 with that attitude for you to get where you're trying to go where you're looking to have two or

00:45:46.260 three guys four guys and then eventually maybe a dozen guys that want to build homes all right you're

00:45:52.900 going to have to to frame it and build it as a real company and you're going through a process

00:45:59.260 that is very critical to your future in this business let me explain to you what that is you

00:46:06.900 can either say to yourself right now well i'm good where i'm at i just need a helper all right and you'll

00:46:12.040 continue to have this situation happen over and over again right they're going to show up they're going

00:46:20.060 to get pissed off one day because their wife yelled at them and they're going to say i'll kick

00:46:24.680 your ass if you make me move the dirt and you're going to deal with this shit over and over again

00:46:28.560 you don't want to deal with that shit so you have to say to the guys you have to say when you look to

00:46:36.760 hire someone you've got to be able to say to them look this is what i'm doing this is what i have done

00:46:42.080 i've worked as a gc on my own for the last four years my goal for this is to build a company that

00:46:51.580 does this and this and this we want to build homes we're going to get there i'm booked out all the way

00:46:56.840 till next year with these kind of jobs but once we get through this we're going to start moving towards

00:47:01.740 that and you have to get it's funny because we i just answered a question right before this it's very

00:47:06.800 much uh similar to what you're asking the point here is that you have to inspire these people

00:47:14.060 to work on the big vision that you are creating for the company all right what's going to be the

00:47:21.060 differentiator between someone who shows up for 20 bucks an hour and then eventually tells you to eat

00:47:28.760 shit because they're having a bad day and the person who values their position in your company

00:47:35.240 is going to be what's on the line for them in the future all right so you are going to have to get

00:47:42.240 really good the first thing you're going to have to do is define what exactly do i want to do and it

00:47:49.260 can't be like this you know i think i'd like to have three dudes and you know i'd like to still do

00:47:56.420 that that's not a certain vision people won't believe in that okay you've got to give them certainty

00:48:01.520 i've been doing this four years i love doing this this is what i love about it this is what

00:48:06.680 i'm going to do and i'm looking to build this with people like you but this is what's going to be

00:48:12.880 expected and that allows you to instead to say to them hey man i need you to show up and dig some

00:48:19.340 fucking holes to say hey look bro if you don't dig those holes we're never going to get where the fuck

00:48:25.280 we want to go you're never going to get to this place okay so you are going through a transitionary

00:48:32.560 period of leadership you're leading yourself you're able to get up every day you're able to do the

00:48:38.860 work you're able to build the fences and build the decks and do the repairs and do the additions

00:48:43.780 but i want to do this at a bigger scale and so you know this is less about you attracting people

00:48:53.400 and more about you getting them committed once they're there i don't think it's going to be very

00:48:59.640 hard to find people that want to be a part of a mission like this especially with the emergence of

00:49:08.600 ai and technology where like dude a lot of the jobs are just drying up so if you're able to say to a

00:49:14.860 young man uh or a young woman hey you come here i'm going to teach you this i'm going to teach you that

00:49:21.080 you're going to know how to do these things you're going to have job security we're going to build one

00:49:24.220 of the greatest home builders in arizona and you know that is something to believe in because

00:49:30.580 remember bro there's a big difference between someone showing up for 20 an hour to dig holes and

00:49:38.560 help you and someone who's showing up for 20 an hour to help you build the best company that's ever

00:49:45.060 fucking existed okay and you have to learn how to present that properly so i need you to get clear

00:49:52.420 on your vision very clear no matter what it is it doesn't have to be this huge vision either it can be

00:49:58.260 hey i want to be a small boutique custom home builder that builds amazing shit and here's the opportunity

00:50:05.600 for you in that plan if you help me do this and you're you know and you lay out the expectations of

00:50:13.840 what that is um so go ahead that's what i was thinking the other day is i kind of haven't been

00:50:22.000 i've just been looking at them as employees instead of like the way i look at my customers and trying to

00:50:28.240 help my customers and build what they want and need and meet their or go above their expectations

00:50:34.420 i want to do that now for my employees and their families and if i can do that for two or three of

00:50:42.500 them and we can just crush it i'd be happy with that but yeah but you're saying no you're like

00:50:48.440 go for a hundred brother you're hitting on the fucking you're hitting the nail on the head there

00:50:54.020 bro how how you care about your employees is how they will care about your customers okay if you care

00:51:02.380 about them and their families and by the way that's not letting them have seven days off because they

00:51:08.500 stubbed their fucking toe that's reminding them hey bro we got this to do because we're building this

00:51:15.820 and that's what's going to help your fucking family and it's basically becoming a coach bro for a bunch

00:51:21.900 of young people and there's um i think that the fact that you thought of that on your own shows me

00:51:29.060 that you're on the right track anyway and let me tell you something else dude and this is just

00:51:32.900 this is the truth from someone who's been doing something and become very financially successful

00:51:39.000 personally i fucking love seeing my people grow develop earn more money succeed have families

00:51:52.920 that is the coolest part of my entire existence there's no question and it's if i think it's the

00:52:02.500 most rewarding part of entrepreneurship that kind of gets left in the fucking trash by most leaders

00:52:09.440 and so you sound like you're a pretty good dude bro like it sounds like you you do care about people

00:52:15.480 and uh you know not ever talking to you before i don't want to act like i know you and shit but like

00:52:21.460 you you sound like a good dude and i i think you sound like the kind of person that would get a lot

00:52:27.660 of fulfillment and satisfaction um not just about you know what you built but how you built it and

00:52:34.760 who you built it with and um and dude like that's just a framework shift from you saying you know uh

00:52:44.240 i need you to show like i said i need you to show up and move these boards to i need you to show up and

00:52:48.680 move these boards so that we can build these this amazing company and uh there's a there's a famous

00:52:53.060 analogy and i i can't remember what book it was that i read but i read it very early on and i cannot

00:52:59.520 remember the analogy but exactly but the basically the analogy was this there's a big difference uh

00:53:07.900 in a stonemason who has to build and it's funny because you're building 5 000 feet of fence the the

00:53:15.840 analogy they use is there is a massive difference between a stonemason who is told that they have to

00:53:22.680 build a five mile three foot high wall and the stonemason who's told we're going to build the

00:53:28.480 most beautiful cathedral that's ever existed in human history the person who is inspired by the

00:53:35.660 bigger vision is going to do better work they're going to care more they're going to be more invested

00:53:40.340 you're going to like being around them more they're going to value their career more and they're

00:53:45.320 probably not going to try to square up with you when you told them to do something real simple you

00:53:49.040 know what i'm saying because they value what we're building together you know what i mean

00:53:52.560 so it's tough bro leadership and and where you're at in your business is the toughest part of

00:53:59.860 business when you're going from working and doing the work to uh work you know you're working in the

00:54:06.600 business to then shifting to working on the business meaning handling leads handling your

00:54:13.600 employees handling all the shit that goes with it your marketing all of this shit that's it that's a

00:54:19.500 transition that that is difficult for people it was very difficult for me i've never met someone who

00:54:26.040 was like oh yeah that was fucking so easy to do it's just you have to do it if you're going to go

00:54:30.800 from where you are otherwise you're basically going to be doing what you do forever so you have to look

00:54:36.080 at it like this dude you know lawyers go to law school right that doesn't mean they know how to

00:54:41.900 operate a business this is why so many lawyers switch professions after they graduate law school

00:54:47.000 because they don't know how to run the business this is why so many doctors go broke trying to run

00:54:53.180 businesses they they they go out they get their medical degree they make a little money they start

00:54:59.680 opening these fucking restaurants or all this other shit they don't know about and they lose and the

00:55:06.260 reality of what you've done here dude is you've went to school for construction you i don't know if you

00:55:11.500 actually went to school for it but you did it in the real world you know what you're an expert

00:55:14.660 all right and you have to understand that your expertise now has to be trained and shifted in

00:55:27.260 a different direction towards actually learning how to run a business running a business is its own

00:55:34.280 skill set aside from you know driving nails you know what i'm saying and if you look at it like that

00:55:41.180 you'll be much more successful like my skill set is great over here at doing the actual labor and i

00:55:47.580 can build great staircases and i'm an artist with my fences that doesn't mean shit when it comes to

00:55:53.620 running a business and so you have to start looking at that as a complete different skill set that you're

00:55:58.920 you're a brand new rookie at because up until now you haven't really been running a company and now you

00:56:06.140 have to so i would start consuming everything that you can about how to do this and learning

00:56:11.860 everything that you can about how to structure it getting around other construction guys who are

00:56:16.780 who have done these things you know maybe talking to them getting some mentorship for some guys who

00:56:22.360 are where you want to be in your specific industry these are all things that will help you a lot

00:56:28.040 brother and and uh and and dude you know i have no doubts that you're going to be able to do

00:56:34.020 everything that you want to do here it's just a it's just a little flip of uh perspective switch

00:56:38.920 that you need to make on on where your role is okay yeah so like another kind of question i had

00:56:45.720 is um i want to after i started thinking about more towards the employees and obviously the construction

00:56:53.660 world we end up pretty crippled when we're older is implementing like uh trying to pay or help pay

00:57:01.880 for their supplements or like chiropractor adjustments once a month or massages like every

00:57:08.620 quarter and stuff to try to help with their health like yeah even food gift certificates how soon should

00:57:16.680 i try to implement something like that should i do it right well work into it it depends on what you

00:57:22.880 can afford to do bro but here's what here's what you can afford to do for free and this is the most

00:57:29.840 important thing that you can do i would try to organize group activities that are difficult with

00:57:37.800 you and the three or four other guys like doing an outdoor workout or you know uh meeting up on a

00:57:44.480 saturday and trying to do a run even if some of the dudes are fat you know like the mutual suffering

00:57:50.260 creates teamwork bonds all right and if you think of any great team that's ever existed the reason

00:57:57.640 that they're great is because they've all witnessed each other work sweat bleed and suffer and be bad

00:58:05.020 at shit together and that creates an unbreakable team bond and it costs nothing it's it's one workout a

00:58:11.760 month you know where you go out and you're fucking you get in the park or wherever it is that you guys

00:58:16.460 do and you you run sprints and then you know you do you do some push-ups and shit and um instead of

00:58:22.280 just sitting on a tailgate drinking some beer yeah after that doesn't bond people the way that people

00:58:26.120 think it does that's a different kind of bond like there is a bond to that yeah it's beneficial but a

00:58:31.760 real fucking like i'm gonna pick this motherfucker up if he's on the ground that comes from mutual

00:58:37.060 suffering and so i like all those ideas you have uh i think that's great i think that would help

00:58:42.920 for sure but i don't think that's gonna replace i'm i'm not saying anything i know it won't replace

00:58:49.920 the work that it's going to take to bond people um which you can do for fucking free bro so i think

00:58:58.800 those are good ideas though for sure okay appreciate it love it yeah brother well vince appreciate you

00:59:05.060 calling in brother thank you yeah i appreciate all your guys's insight i've been listening to you

00:59:10.700 guys for a couple years now so it's cool to actually talk to you guys thank you for everything you do

00:59:15.400 uh you're welcome bro thank you for going out there and doing the best that you can do

00:59:19.780 all right see you guys have a good weekend you too man you too bro

00:59:24.000 you know i was thinking stuff i've heard you say this a few times too it's like you know people

00:59:29.300 always come to 1p and they're like man where'd you guys find all these good people yeah like we

00:59:33.960 picked them off the fucking employee tree yeah right right you got to build them yeah you got

00:59:37.300 there has to be some investment into that well and then once the culture starts to once like it

00:59:41.980 starts to materialize and gel the culture becomes the filter okay so like once then those good people

00:59:49.360 do come yeah yeah good people it attracts good people but it also filters out the people that won't

00:59:54.540 make it here yeah you know what i'm saying so in the beginning it's it's a little more difficult

01:00:01.620 and when it gets bigger it becomes like an organism that is self-sustaining for the most part you still

01:00:10.260 have to pour a lot of effort into it but it's just a little bit different way but where vince is

01:00:16.060 you know that's a difficult situation in any small business owners uh career you know they're good at

01:00:22.380 their skill set but they don't quite understand how to operate a team or the business uh i give him a lot

01:00:27.980 of fucking credit for you know the fact that he's like well i was thinking you know i need to look

01:00:31.920 at him like this that's exactly right exactly right and um you know my goal for a long time i ran

01:00:42.320 businesses like he's kind of running them now where i just wanted you to show up do your shit go the fuck

01:00:47.860 home and when i when i started to understand here's what made me understand it you are asking that person

01:01:01.600 to trade a large amount of their life for something it's got to be bigger than money

01:01:09.880 you see what i'm saying and the great thing about this is that

01:01:17.380 people love building big ass shit the bigger the thing the harder the thing the more inspired people

01:01:27.540 are to take it on and um the greatest part of my life a lot of people think like oh it's probably

01:01:35.740 that he gets to drive these cool cars and fly private planes and know all these fucking you know

01:01:41.560 people and shit like yeah that's all cool the coolest fucking part of my life is being able to say

01:01:51.820 that we built something that not only benefited our customers but allowed our team members

01:01:59.600 to have a great life fulfill their goals yeah yeah it's the fucking coolest thing ever dude yeah and

01:02:06.820 it's the thing i'm most proud of you know it's not it's not it's you know all the other shit is cool

01:02:12.000 i'm not gonna lie okay yeah it's fucking cool it's cool it's cool it's cool it's cool but what the

01:02:18.220 coolest thing is is that when you when you see the people who have traded their time for this big vision

01:02:28.480 winning as well that's that's the shit bro yeah bro new house new car yes that's just fucking

01:02:35.540 awesome bro yeah yeah it's the fucking best shit ever yeah that's real man i love it man guys andy

01:02:41.560 that was three well they went hell of a way to start a monday yeah all right let's get out there let's

01:02:46.340 make some shit happen we'll see you guys tomorrow with a little cruise the internet action and uh don't

01:02:52.500 go get home shut the shop went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a bowl

01:02:58.140 fuck a stove counted millions in the cold bad bitch booted swoke got her on bankroll can't fold

01:03:04.820 doesn't know headshot case closed

01:03:07.320 you

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - August 11, 2025

919. Q&AF： Accountability With Team Members, Dealing With Loss & Finding Good Employees

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