923. Q&AF： Starting Business in Debt, Life Balance Hustle & Toxic Parent Struggles
Episode Stats
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Summary
On this episode of the Q and A F Podcast, the crew talks about the heat index and how to deal with it. We have a special guest on the show this week, a guy who has completed the 75 Hard Program and is ready to take his life to the next level.
Transcript
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what is up guys it's andy for selling this is the show for the real let's say goodbye to the lies
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the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today we
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have q and a f that's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers now you
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can submit your questions a few different ways the first way is guys always you can email these
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questions into ask andy at any for seller.com or you do this part where else can or um you can uh
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write your questions in the comments on the q and a f episodes or oh okay all right or or you guys can
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hit the link in the description below and submit your questions in the form there you go how you'll
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get better with time yeah it's the first time bro you know it's like riding a bike he put me on the
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spot you know it's like paying for groceries you know i'm saying no
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all right guys this is the show q and a f tomorrow we're gonna have cti that stands for cruise the
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internet we're gonna put topics on the screen it's a current event show we're gonna laugh and make fun
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of and uh talk about the problems these tyrants create in society and then we're gonna talk about
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how we the people can solve these problems other times throughout the week we're gonna have a real
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talk real talk just 5 to 20 minutes of me giving you some things that are on my mind real talk
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and then we have 75 hard verses we got a good group of 75 hard verses people coming on
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uh that's where people who have completed the 75 hard program come on the show they talk about how
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their life was before how their life is now and how they use the 75 hard program to get their life
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together all right now if you're unfamiliar with 75 hard it's the initial phase of the live hard
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program which is the world's most famous mental transformation program ever and you can get it for
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free at episode 208 on the audio feed again that's 208 on the audio feed and it's free there is a book
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the book is called the book on mental toughness it's on my website andy for seller.com it is not free
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but it does contain a whole bunch of more information than uh the podcast does in episode 208 but if you
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want to do it for free go get it for free episode 208 um yeah i think that's it uh we do this little
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thing on the on the show here you know we put a lot of time and energy into this show we just ask very
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simply that if you're part of the team if you're part of the crew if you get value if you like what
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we do and you want us to keep doing it do us a favor and help us grow the show all right uh
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don't be a hoe share the show all right what's up hey man man how's it going hey man yeah hey man
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you drink your mountain dew today i'm dragging ass right now bro i am too what is that well i had
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to be up i was up at 6 30. did you get your air conditioning back on they fixed it today oh yeah
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and so it's blowing it's good yeah but it always feels good to get it blowing you know so yeah well i
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mean bro i looked at the heat index today bro it's 105 and it's gonna be like that for like the
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next seven days dude it is it's blazing steamy yeah very very steamy there's nothing worse than
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having your ac go out like dude in august dude in missouri no thank you so i'm happy to report that
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it is a cool 72 degrees in the johnson household there you go man i'm from 85 and yeah now you only got
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like 10 more degrees to go until you're now normal human is that right yeah that's right i like to keep
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my shit cold bro bro well i usually i usually we usually rock it at like 70 71 yeah 69 that's right
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69 is not bad you know i like about 60 that's at nighttime though i helps you sleep easier i like
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about 65 you know what i'm saying all right yeah man what's going on with you dude yeah no that's about
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it bro um that's about it you know heading into a uh good weekend and making a do what it don't all
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right making it do what it don't and don't do what it does and don't do what it does that's right
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and you ain't got to explain what's understood what's understood ain't got to be explained that's
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right that's right all right let's make some people better today man guys i got some good questions here
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um we got some people lined up um let's make some people better today what are we doing we starting
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with a with a write-in or a call-in what we got uh call-in i have a call-in ready all right let's go
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yeah we got our buddy travis uh locked and loaded uh let's give travis a call
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hello hello am i speak to travis please this is travis hey travis i was calling about your car
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insurance and wanted to see if you uh wanted to say 15 by switching over to real af what's going on
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travis hey man how's it going what's up travis i apologize i can't fix i tried to fix them and i
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can't use your employees i get it yeah i can't fix them man this is what it is i'm actually drinking
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a great first form so i actually was falling for it a little bit i think that made me way way too
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happy like way way more happier than it was supposed to yeah that was good i think it did that was good
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yeah so travis where are you calling from man yeah so i'm uh physically right now i'm in southern
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wisconsin but i i live in the northern peninsula of michigan okay the the unclaimed territory
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god's country yeah ah so what can we help you with brother what you got going on
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yeah man well first of all i'm just a huge fan i mean i'm uh i'm 25 but i've been listening to
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your show since i was 19 heard every episode of mf ceo real af all that read the books 75 hard
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four or five times now so um this is awesome um my question spans from i'm i'm in the fitness space
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i've been a personal trainer of a gym for a long time was a manager a regional manager
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um i sell first form products and basically i'm getting to the point now where i want to
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you know eventually own my business a gym and you know i just have a hard time with the whole like
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going into big debt i know like i've listened to you and like you know you couldn't really get the
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funding for certain things so you were using credit cards and you kind of started out small and stuff
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with where i'm at you know i could potentially be looking at you know three four hundred thousand
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dollars in debt at 25 and i'm just trying to think of a good way to look at that well look man um
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i think it's good so here's what i'm going to say you're going to have all these people that are
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going to tell you oh don't worry about it it's no big deal it's part of doing business you can borrow
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this you can borrow that you can build your business i didn't like you said i did not have
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the opportunity to do that and i at the time was very frustrated that i wasn't able to get a loan i
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wasn't able to get any help i wasn't able to have anybody finance me but here's the thing dude
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if i had gotten financed with the amount of experience that i had i can admit now that i
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would have wasted that money away all right i would have thought like most entrepreneurs do
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when they're first getting started man i'm gonna create this i'm gonna go buy a super bowl ad and
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it'll make my company and i would have figured i would have went for the home run swing as opposed
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to actually building a solid foundation which is what not having the financing forced me to do
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uh so i actually got pretty fortunate that i wasn't able to borrow money when i was just starting
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out because dude if i had i wouldn't be sitting here right now and i could just tell you that's
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100 accurate now that's my experience okay now you're in a little bit different space you have all
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this time you have all this experience you have you know what you're doing um and that is a
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different story when it comes to borrowing money to get into your own thing all right
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you yeah yeah you have to understand that like dude debt is generally a part of the equation
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especially when you're in a scaling business or you're just starting out for most people so it's
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very very normal um for you to have to do this but the fact that you're aware of it and the fact
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that you're afraid of it is a good sign okay because it's the people who aren't afraid of borrowing
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money it's the people who want to borrow the most it those are the people who end up burying themselves
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the people who use debt properly to build and scale their business and are very cautious
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are the people who don't like having debt and that's a really good thing when you get experience
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using it and as your business grows it's going to become something that you will have to have most
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likely hopefully because your business will grow so fast that you'll need the cash to do it um
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so for you dude the fact that you are aware and you're you're debt averse you're like i don't know
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i don't like this i actually think that's a really good sign uh i i think that's how you should think
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about it and i think that's going to force you to be very cautious about how you use that debt to
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grow uh and scale your business out man i i think it's a very normal thing and i think
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where you you know where you have hesitation other people are just hungry to get it and um that's what
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ends up screwing them bro they spend it on some big marketing campaign or you know they say like
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well you know i'm going to increase my lifestyle and people will see it and then they'll want to
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dude it's they tell all these bullshit justifications that really you know don't work in business so um
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you know that's how i think about it for you bro the fact of the way you ask the question about not
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really wanting to do it tells me that you're going to be responsible with any debt that you receive
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is there a way to do this without debt um for me right now no how what kind of debt is this
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it's just to like purchase you know a business yeah um but and it's a business you know i'm i'm
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involved with i'm familiar with right so um yeah so and you know another thing you know question was i
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know some people start a business and stuff from scratch but this is an existing business so
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um i don't know if you have any advice with that
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for you here's what you know you know the business does the business cash flow to cover the note
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the debt service absolutely okay well then bro you don't have anything to be afraid of you already
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know the business you're fucking doing what needs to be done you're a young man you have an opportunity
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in front of you i would highly encourage you to go for it if this is something that you believe in
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because um you know we only get so many chances in our life dude and and you know i know you're 25 and
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you know you probably think you're going to get a gazillion chances but dude i'm just telling you
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from a from an older brother perspective we get two or three chances where you got to fucking jump and go
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and one of them i'll tell you what one for me is very similar to the one that you're talking about
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um you know i was i had two stores two retail stores in springfield missouri i got a call one
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day from a guy that i knew that had uh five other stores he called me on a monday and he said hey man
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i'm closing my stores and i said uh he he said do you want to buy my inventory and i said and i i i stopped
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for a second i thought and i said why are you closing the stores and he's like well i'm getting
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out of it i want to go into this new thing and i said well why don't you just let me take the stores
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i'll buy them from you and i'll operate them little did i know the stores were fucking losing money left
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and right he lied to me about like what they did uh or i wouldn't say lie but just exaggerated
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it's the honeymoon phase he's gonna prop it up a little bit correct he sold it he sold it
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yeah and um you know we ended up in a situation where we had to work really hard to fucking make
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the business work but he called me on a monday and by thursday i had moved back to st louis
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to run and i was living in springfield at the time and i fucking said fuck it i'm going we're going
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and that one move that jump led to us scaling out our retail company where you know we're still growing
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opening stores doing very well but also it led to the birth of a bunch of other things considering uh
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you know the one that most people know me by which is first form so that wouldn't have happened if i
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hadn't jumped and this feels like one of those opportunities for you at 25 and i think you should
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feel real strong about it dude there's there's there's nothing that you let me ask you this what
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would make you more certain what information would make you feel better about it you know all the
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relevant information correct yeah i mean i honestly i do feel pretty certain and i'm you know i'm
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this is something i've had a plan for for quite a few years i'm very close with uh the owner right
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like very very very close um and this has always kind of been the plan that's why i've stuck with uh
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this company for so long but now that it's you know getting close to time for this to happen i'm just
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like i you know i just wanted another opinion on it you know what i mean like i've talked to a few
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people um but yeah bro if we if look go do it you'll kick ass you'll be fine you'll this is normal
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i understand you know you get a little nervous and you maybe want some positive reinforcement um
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bro you you very rarely do i say hey go do it you sound like you've got it figured out dude and i
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would just i would encourage you to go and go confidently all right i appreciate that yeah
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brother anything else um no i mean not really here's one thing i will point here's one thing
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i'll point out to you that is a positive about what i think just as someone who's heavily in the
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fitness industry as well you're you're moving into a very good space for what's happening in the
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world right now um with the automation the ai and all the automation all the tech
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there's people are going to have more free time and they're always going to be around people
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they're always going to want to train they're always going to want to consume they're always
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going to want to be fit at least a certain part of the population is and uh i i think you're moving
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into something that that has a lot of good upside considering the timing right now so there's that too
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yeah i feel like for the i think this year for the first time in a few years since covid
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we're kind of bouncing back yep you know covid was tough for gyms you know we were the first one
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shut down last one's open deemed as cesspools it was awful um bullshit but i feel like now people
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are yeah people are like oh that's all bullshit like actually i'm i don't have to be scared of
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anything really if i'm healthy right that's all there is to it that's right we're seeing an increase
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right now and the trends are good um so yeah i feel super confident uh with what i do cool well
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go do it bro and uh hit us back up if you need any more help as you go i appreciate it all right
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brother thank you thanks for all the support heck yeah man thanks all right see you travis see it
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yeah man something you said there that i think is really really important
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is not taking more than you actually need yeah and i feel like like that piece right there for
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some reason just stuck with me because like yeah you can get you know they tell you i'll prove you
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up to you know half a million dollars you only need 200 listen that goes in your personal
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life too yeah you and i have had those discussions a lot oh yeah what happened to you this week no
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i had to cash out baby what happened hold on hold on let's just this is a real life example
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it's real okay do you mind if i know okay so dj wanted to go buy a very very nice house because
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dj is doing very well for himself and he's earned it all right
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but what did i say to you about the house why did i not want you to do it because there's going
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to be a lot of costs that come up yeah you're not going to be aware of or tracking that you know
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and it's not going to be one furnace it'll be fucking three that's right and what happened
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to you this week my furnace went out and how much was it it's 56 08 okay and imagine that times three
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or four you see what i'm saying so we have to think things through and just because the math
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mass on the short term yeah there's a lot of things that happen in a long in a long term that we
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don't account for for sure and so a lot of people especially when they're young and i really like what he
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had to say i mean he he sounded like he had his shit together he does um a lot of young people
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will fucking take as they'll take an extra 100 or 200 or they'll try to get as much as they can
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and then they'll say to themselves well you know i only need 300 so i'm going to spend the extra 100
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on me right you know i deserve it right just stupid shit stupid kid shit and it ends up fucking us
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you know what i mean oh yeah but the fact of the matter is is like when it comes to debt
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i'm very i feel very good about how i've handled debt over the course of business in my life we are
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essentially debt free um the that's not very common no that's also why it took so long that
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was the point i was going to make so like you know if he went out and started something from scratch bro
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he's five six years away from even getting the brand put together you know what i'm saying like to
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where people resonate so by getting this you got to look at it as time too you know as you get older
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you start to value the time as much as you do the money or the opportunity and there's a time value
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to this if he's 25 and he's got to spend four or five years establishing a brand that means by
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by the time he's 30 he'll be where he is basically right now
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but like have less time to do it you know what i'm saying so yeah it's it's um it's a you have to
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you know consider all the variables and as you get you know as you get older time becomes one of
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them and you don't want to spend five years doing something that could be done immediately if it's
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going to cost you a couple you know a couple bucks um to get it going you know what i'm saying
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yeah 100 man i think too and this is something else you've told me too just just on finances and
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and and looking at it there's also something to be said too about just being a little uncomfortable
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yeah because that's what's going to keep you fucking going right it keeps you urgent like
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keep you on your treadmill you know so all right comfort is something everybody should try to avoid
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if you're in business you should never try to get comfortable you should try to be uncomfortable
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yeah because that is the urgency that drives you you know what i'm saying when you start making
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good money and everything's going good it's real easy to stay in bed bro yeah it's real easy to not
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to say oh everything's cool fuck it no blah blah but then before you know it it ain't cool you know
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what i'm saying oh yeah so uh and sometimes when it when it gets not cool it takes years to recover
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that back so yeah i agree with that i think it's important to stay a little bit uncomfortable
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yeah that doesn't mean go out and fucking finance a lambo guys all right you gotta be very clear
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about this for sure no let's get another one in man um uh let's get it hey andy and dj my name is
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caden butts yes that's my real last name it literally is b-u-t-t-s okay i've seen worse
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gonna be buckets yeah you know um i'm 18 and looking to start up a landscaping company within
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the next year and i'm doing everything i can uh can think of to be productive i'm not trying to be
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a billy badass or anything but i have a construction job i've been working uh for so i can grind save and
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reinvest little by little while also simultaneously learning the tricks of the trade i need to be the
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best i can be i work 16 hours a day most days um with maybe two to three off days a month during
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which time i tend to find myself so far behind on personal tasks such as cleaning my house um and
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several half-finished yard projects my friends and family don't see me anymore which understandably
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frustrates them to a degree um it also has gotten to a point where i can confidently say i don't even
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know what day of the week it is half the time i know balance isn't an option in the beginning years
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which isn't a problem for me but i just want to know with your experience and just pure obsession
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over this business is there a point that you you know you need to step back and maybe take it down
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a notch p.s the screaming freedom energy uh has kept me sane this summer looking forward to seeing
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any more stores up here in wisconsin soon what we got on this man bro you already try and take a
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fucking break you ain't built nothing yet you're already you're already talking about balance when
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you ain't done shit yet bro you ain't even fucking started your business yet okay this is the way it
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goes i went fucking six years living in a different town only coming home for literal the day of
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christmas the day of easter the day of thanksgiving and that's it i would drive three hours home for the
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day and then that night i would drive back i did that for six fucking years i didn't have a day off
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the entire time now with that being said it sounds like you might have a little bit of an organization
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problem okay so you need to work on you know being organized with your time making sure that your time
00:22:09.440
is well spent making sure that you know you're not saying oh i work 16 hours so the shit other shit just
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you know doesn't matter are you really working 16 hours every day every day are you really doing
00:22:22.340
that or are we just saying that we're doing that okay here's the thing when you're young and when
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you're getting started this is the level of commitment that it takes and all the things that
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we talk about over and over and over again on the show where your family and your friends and the
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people who know you say all these little comments like oh you're changing you know oh you know you
00:22:49.160
think you're too good for us oh you're working too hard oh you need to take a break you're going
00:22:54.700
through that right now you are dealing with the make or break time in your life right now because i'm
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going to tell you something bro and not many people will tell you this as you get older you will have
00:23:08.520
more obligations you will probably have a girlfriend or a wife and then maybe some kids and then maybe
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some bills and then a mortgage and all of these things that will jail you up from ever being able
00:23:22.680
to do what it is you're trying to do right now so you need to remember one you have an opportunity
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right now as an 18 year old man to make yourself into something special and get way ahead of
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everybody else that you know two you have the least amount of obligations that you'll ever have
00:23:44.180
in your life right now you need to utilize that and if that means that the house is a little fucked up
00:23:50.340
then that's what the fuck it means okay we have these things called priorities and your priority
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right now is to make sure that for the next 80 years you are doing well and you might only have
00:24:05.020
one or two times in your life where you could set that foundation properly and this is one of them
00:24:10.540
so you are going to have to get more organized with your time you're going to have to understand that
00:24:17.900
your parents and your friends and your family and everybody else are not going to understand
00:24:22.960
you could try to explain it to them and you should but they're not going to understand unless they have
00:24:28.580
gone that path then you're going to have to spend time with them when you can and that's reality and
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i don't know how to say it any other way but this is what it fucking takes bro you're going through the
00:24:42.380
beginning phases of what it takes and you're learning why most people can't do it because they face all
00:24:49.240
this external pressure they have their friends they have their family they have their girlfriend or
00:24:54.600
boyfriend telling them that they should do it this way or that way and this way or that way is what
00:24:59.980
the best thing is for them at the time not the best thing that it is for you over the course of time
00:25:07.560
so we have to realize bro this is your opportunity and you need to make the most of it and if you want
00:25:14.940
to build a landscaping company and you want to fucking make it a real thing 15 years down the road
00:25:21.700
where it is legitimately one of the best landscape companies around you're going to have to pay your
00:25:27.560
dues right now and that's it that's the reality and um you know there's no way around it man i don't
00:25:35.660
know what else to tell you yeah i mean to me it sounds like the power list would be perfect here
00:25:39.900
and i think one of the the best things that i've been able to experience from the power list bro
00:25:44.740
is that no matter how crazy of the day or you knock off those things those become like those small wins
00:25:50.820
as small as they may seem yeah are fucking everything bro so maybe it's just making your
00:25:55.540
fucking bed in the morning bro they compound dude you know and um they compound they build your
00:26:01.140
confidence they they set a foundation for you to believe in yourself and by the way if you use it
00:26:07.380
right if you use the power list the right way which you can get for free at episode 16 on real af feed
00:26:13.800
if you use the power list the right way you cannot fail it's the only system i know that literally
00:26:21.020
removes failure from the equation it is the only system that does that if you use it properly you
00:26:28.880
cannot fail and that's the fucking reality of it so yeah i would highly recommend using that yeah yeah
00:26:34.120
i think another thing too you said too it's like because i feel like there has to be some some some
00:26:38.400
really honest reflection on what the actual inputs are here right because like i've heard that i've
00:26:44.560
had friends oh man i'm so fucking busy you know i'm saying like people say that that b word a lot
00:26:49.040
yeah are you though no are you doing they never are busy is a a word that people i'm not saying this
00:26:56.020
guy's not sorry i'm not saying he's not busy is a word that people default to when they want to
00:27:01.120
explain what they've been doing when they don't have an explanation for what they've been doing
00:27:06.000
all right what do you what why were you late oh i was busy why did you why didn't this get done oh
00:27:12.000
i was busy why isn't your why does your life look like shit oh i'm so busy how the fuck can you be so
00:27:16.840
busy when your life looks like shit you know what i'm saying so like it is something people say
00:27:22.340
as a defense when they can't actually explain what they've been doing um busy is for losers
00:27:30.040
effectiveness is for winners and that's it and if you're really good you should be able to be
00:27:34.220
effective without being that fucking busy and that's what the powerless does it gives you your
00:27:38.600
life and it gives you the results that you want and that's the point of it the point of it is y'all
00:27:44.180
waste so much fucking time talking about how busy you are nothing gets done and uh the reality is is
00:27:49.560
if you could get shit done uh in an effective way day after day after day after day after day
00:27:54.980
you'd have a lot of free time to do whatever you want i mean the biggest thing that people say when
00:27:59.120
they do 75 hard dude is i can't believe how much time i was wasting before they're unaware of it
00:28:04.540
yeah so getting organized with your time and utilizing a system like the powerless that helps
00:28:10.200
you guarantee that you're moving forward is a must if you're not using it like real talk
00:28:15.280
okay i've built my entire life on that fucking system if you listen to the show and you don't use
00:28:21.940
that there's something wrong with your fucking brain you shouldn't even listen to the show why would
00:28:26.420
you listen to what i have to say and and and all the advice i have and all the things about winning
00:28:31.300
and all this shit and then not use the system that i tell you will fucking guarantee you to win
00:28:35.720
when it's free you know what i mean so yeah man
00:28:40.420
what no no yeah i mean that's it it's simple man it's real fucking simple these guys you know i find
00:28:49.960
it interesting that this dude's like you know you haven't even started your company bro and you're
00:28:55.380
talking about fucking backing off bro you got to put some motherfucking earplugs in and you can't
00:29:01.780
listen to people that you don't want to be like they're going to tell you all the shit that they
00:29:06.520
want to do not what you want for yourself and you're going to have to do that for the next 20
00:29:12.260
motherfucking years and then after 20 years passed and you've got the you know the biggest most
00:29:17.820
profitable coolest prestigious landscape company and you're you're making amazing money and you have a
00:29:23.800
great house and all this shit everybody's going to tell you oh man you know i'm so glad that you
00:29:29.900
know you did what you did and i'm proud of you and i believed in you the whole time and these are the
00:29:34.140
same motherfuckers are going to be telling you to take a play off or take a break or you know go drink
00:29:39.440
with them or go party with them or whatever it is you guys do they you know they these bro listen
00:29:44.220
most people don't know what the fuck they're doing in their life they have no fucking idea they can't
00:29:49.100
see further than five fucking feet in front of them the longest most people see is to fucking friday
00:29:55.980
night and if you listen to those people you're going to be the same as them you're going to be
00:30:00.900
the motherfucker who spends his whole life going to the same restaurant the same bar drinking with
00:30:06.420
the same people doing the same shit with the same amount of fucking money in your bank account
00:30:10.680
and it's going to be you that pays the regret for that so you cannot fucking listen to these people
00:30:15.400
because the truth is 90 fucking eight percent of people have no fucking clue what they're doing
00:30:20.380
with their life that's it it's real man that's real i love it man uh let's get our final one in let's
00:30:26.860
get another one in here um let's give kiera a call
00:30:33.000
hello kiera what's up yo what's up what's going on
00:30:51.400
dude um i'm just like studying for like a pre-nursing exam so like i'm just lost in on that
00:30:58.720
right now oh hell yeah hell yeah i got andy here what's up kiera how are you
00:31:03.860
dude you don't even uh you don't even know how like surreal this is um you know and and you know
00:31:14.060
obviously you know i don't know if this shit's gonna be aired or not but i'm gonna say something
00:31:17.560
like so for real so like last year i was at the lowest point of my life being basically like you
00:31:23.000
know fuck life fuck all of this but i was like you know i feel like the next approach
00:31:28.320
like the the only approach that i need to do like the the most like insane shit i could have done
00:31:35.620
is like 75 hard that was like for me it was like locking down and doing that and that like
00:31:40.460
i literally saved me um because i was on like antidepressants and i was like really down and really
00:31:47.920
numb and like very confused like super what i felt like sedated and like it really opened up
00:31:54.180
like my life and what i could do so like i'm super blessed man hey you did that man i didn't do that
00:32:00.740
shit you did that that's fucking awesome that's a huge fucking win dude and i appreciate you sharing
00:32:06.320
it but remember that's you that's all you it's fucking awesome man so what's up
00:32:13.640
um okay so like uh i mean there's like a little bit like more to that um so when i was at like the
00:32:24.620
lowest like i've ever been in my life like being hospitalized getting out being like on on meds like
00:32:30.480
just just super just super really rock bottom like i really hit rock bottom and i feel like that
00:32:36.000
was the best thing for me but i had to move back in with um i guess i don't want to talk shit about
00:32:43.340
this particular parent but i had to move back in with like a kind of emotionally abusive parent and
00:32:48.660
it's it's been hard uh because i wanna i wanna get better but for some reason when i um like deviate
00:32:57.980
from like kind of taking care of this person they shit on me um when i'm not doing exactly what
00:33:05.920
i want you know what they want me to do and and it's been really hard because i really i really
00:33:11.600
love i really really love this person and they're very supportive when they're supportive but
00:33:15.900
but i i think they might have like mental issues and where they're like really really up and like
00:33:21.560
really love me and then really really down when they're mad or upset about their own life and they
00:33:25.820
take it out on me and it's been hard because i've been like weaning off my meds and trying to uh
00:33:31.520
like regulate but this person is constantly like uh shitting on me when like things are good but
00:33:38.880
then it comes back really fast and then they shit on me right then and there like it's always like a
00:33:43.560
hot cold hot cold and it's been really hard mentally so i i just want to know like
00:33:48.540
what what would you say i can do about that if i'm kind of chained to them financially
00:33:54.340
well you know the first thing that you should do is try to unchain yourself financially so that if
00:34:01.280
you decide that you don't want to tolerate that you don't have to and you can move away from it
00:34:06.400
um with that being said you know there's a saying right hurt people hurt people and
00:34:13.720
as frustrating as it is to deal with someone like that
00:34:18.280
it's probably coming from a place of hurt and fear and maybe abandonment you know a lot of parents
00:34:29.500
have problems whenever their kids grow up because they have made their entire life
00:34:39.180
raising kids their identity and so when kids start to grow up and become adults it can be very hard for
00:34:47.860
people uh and sometimes when they're afraid of losing you know they overcompensate with
00:34:54.860
you know anger and things that aren't healthy and don't feel good and that's not your problem you
00:35:02.580
didn't do anything wrong it's not you it's it it's it's how someone has a lack of control over their own
00:35:10.680
behavior and um you know fuck man i'm sitting here thinking about this and i have so many people
00:35:20.460
that i've been close to over the years who have you know not my parents but who have mirrored a lot
00:35:31.940
of what you're describing and so i really empathize with it because like dude it when you really care
00:35:38.660
about someone and then someone doesn't approve of you it fucking hurts dude and it causes massive
00:35:44.640
amounts of anxiety and if you're like me i like to solve problems so the minute that someone gets
00:35:51.900
frustrated i feel like i have to solve it and then when i can't solve it it causes like massive fucking
00:35:58.640
amounts of anxiety for me and what's happened to me in my life is that people have learned that
00:36:04.200
about me and then used it against me and one of the things that i have found to be effective
00:36:12.820
in dealing with people like that is to not it's a pause it's like a pause okay when they get pissed
00:36:21.700
or they get frustrated or they get angry or they become disapproval or they say something i just don't
00:36:27.160
engage um immediately and then i'll let some time pass and then i'll engage later to correct the
00:36:36.780
problem in some sort of adult way like hey man uh you having a bad day or what like it's all good but
00:36:43.440
you know i can tell you're frustrated what i know it doesn't have anything to do with me because i didn't
00:36:47.820
do anything yeah right so what you know what can we do there um at the end of the day and i hate saying
00:36:55.460
this because i know that it's really hard for people but if none of that works sometimes you
00:37:01.660
gotta distance yourself from people and move them out of your life and at least for a time where they
00:37:07.500
don't feel as comfortable treating you that way because sometimes when you take a pause from people's
00:37:13.220
lives it creates an unfamiliarity where they don't feel as comfortable laying all of that kind of
00:37:21.420
shit onto you you know what i mean some distance in between so fuck this is a hard thing man and it's
00:37:29.160
so it's so different in every situation but at the end of the day here's the thing you're coming into
00:37:35.860
this world alone you're going to go out of this world alone and if people that are related to you
00:37:42.560
treat you poorly they don't deserve a spot on your roster and that is just the bottom line um there's
00:37:50.240
been a lot of people in my life who have probably unknowingly created feelings inside of me where i
00:37:59.600
felt like they were holding me back or discouraging me or giving me negative energy or judging me in a
00:38:07.600
negative way for the things that i wanted to do in my life that i've had to remove from my life
00:38:13.380
because like i just don't want to fucking hear it and i'm to the point now at my age we're really like
00:38:19.880
the first time someone says some bullshit to me i'm fucking out like we're not gonna have a
00:38:24.860
friendship you're not getting in the circle like it's not gonna happen um but when you're first
00:38:30.440
starting to establish that it can be really difficult because we care about people and
00:38:36.520
especially when it's like our parents or you know a brother or sister or cousin or family members that
00:38:43.600
you grew up with it can be hard but at the end of the day man the truth of the situation always
00:38:51.080
remains the same and it's this you only have so much energy in your day to do the things that you
00:39:00.180
think are best for you and to do the things that are best for you as an individual and be good at them
00:39:06.760
it requires most of your energy a lot when i say most i mean like upper 90s percent 97 98 99 percent
00:39:14.780
to live a good life you know and when i say a good life i mean you know to have enough money to do what
00:39:21.700
you want to do i'm not saying you know you have to be a billionaire or worth a hundred million dollars
00:39:26.060
but you know to be comfortable you have to be able to pay that price of energy and when you have people
00:39:32.360
that are pulling that energy out of you with really useless shit that doesn't mean anything
00:39:37.160
because they're not able to control their ups and downs uh sometimes those people got to be limited
00:39:44.860
or even removed out of your life and there's nuance to it there's there's um you know everything is a
00:39:52.780
different situation everybody has a different story but at the end of the day i like the bottom line
00:39:58.240
things and the bottom line is this if you spend energy there that's energy you're not going to
00:40:04.100
have to build the life that you want and that'll end up making you suffer long term and so that's how
00:40:09.560
you have to think about it so all in all you know there's steps to solving this right one have a direct
00:40:18.180
conversation with the person hey i can't have you doing this shit i can't manage your emotional ups
00:40:24.640
and downs it's not something i can do two if they continue to do it you create space three if they
00:40:34.260
continue to do it more you create more space and four if they still don't get it you cut them out for
00:40:41.120
ever if you have to and uh the first step for you to be able to do that is get yourself in a place
00:40:46.660
financially where you're not dependent on someone else and that's another thing dude when when people
00:40:52.800
are when people know that you're dependent on them um they will weaponize that you know they
00:40:59.440
will say well yeah they will say well what what she can't do anything about it we're gonna go yeah
00:41:05.160
what are you gonna do yeah and yeah that's that's that's what would happen when she would oh i said
00:41:09.860
she but you could probably figure out the mother but she would threaten to kick me out yeah every time
00:41:14.560
yeah and dude the minute you stop and say cool i'm out she'll stop with that bullshit because she
00:41:20.680
don't want to lose you either dude she's just here's what i've learned man most people are insecure
00:41:25.940
even your fucking family even you even me even all of us we all have insecurities we all have
00:41:33.500
situations you know and emotions and things that don't make all the sense all the time and when we act
00:41:41.660
out it's usually because we're scared or because we're you know angry and it usually has nothing to do
00:41:47.680
with the other person it's frustration that gets vented into the other person and um when the
00:41:53.900
person finally says yeah well cool usually that's when people change their behavior so you know listen
00:42:02.320
i know this is a hard thing but at the end of the day you got to choose yourself because your mom
00:42:10.440
isn't going to take care of you for your whole life she's not going to be able to you're going to have
00:42:14.860
to take care of you and you're going to have to eventually take care of her and you know these
00:42:21.640
are things that that are reality so you know man i feel bad that you're going through it but it's not
00:42:27.280
something that is uncommon you know i think most people go through some kind of shit like this in
00:42:34.740
one way or another especially when they have ambition especially when they want to break
00:42:39.720
the generational cycle of the same old shit you know because dude people will feel all kinds of
00:42:47.600
ways they'll think they're going to lose you they'll feel ashamed because they create an environment that
00:42:53.480
you want to escape from there's just all kinds of shit man and all the shit you're doing that they
00:42:59.200
didn't do that's right and sometimes parents and family are the biggest fucking haters dude i hate to say
00:43:04.860
that but it is it is the truth i've seen this so many times in my career um doing you know personal
00:43:14.080
development where parents i'm very lucky because my parents are proud of me but not all parents are
00:43:20.480
like that and and it's sad it makes me sad but you got to pull your shit together you got to get
00:43:27.380
fucking strong and you got to realize that this isn't that they don't love you it's that they're
00:43:31.960
emotionally incapable of managing their own shit and um it's not a you problem no it's not and and
00:43:39.040
when they respect you when you go out on your own you start doing some things they'll start treating
00:43:42.760
you differently so yeah that's fucking hard man yeah i mean uh it's it's it's especially hard because
00:43:56.040
um look and and and i i 100% acknowledge it i mean as a as a dominican it's it's kind of like the
00:44:04.000
stereotype that like you know our parents like beat us like whenever we ask a question they're always
00:44:11.040
quick to temper like it's i and it's funny that i say like you know our parents beat us but like
00:44:16.220
it's it's so it's so common like to the point where they make literal skits about it but like
00:44:23.880
i like i don't think the thing is i'm not that type of person that doesn't take it to heart it
00:44:31.440
almost seems like everything that she says about me is to it's so pointed it's so hard not to um
00:44:38.160
not to internalize by it i've had a you know i hate to throw myself under the brush but i've had to
00:44:44.460
restart 75 hard a bunch of times last year because folks say you know she doesn't burn the house down
00:44:49.720
and give anything to me or so am i crazy shit i've had to too that's normal you're gonna have
00:44:55.380
things that are coming your life and disrupt you the biggest thing you can do is get back into it
00:44:58.780
the next fucking day you know and by the way i got my ass beat growing up i turned out all right
00:45:04.420
you know i'm saying we come from a family yeah not gonna lie yeah sometimes it's deserved yeah well
00:45:10.060
every time i got my ass beat by my parents bro i'm gonna tell you right now i fucking deserved it
00:45:14.960
he earned it yeah but but like i just use chocolates right that's that the the joke you
00:45:21.380
were getting to yeah pretty much like sandals or anything heavy enough to reach you that's that's
00:45:26.800
correct bro oh yeah that's correct dude i get it yeah i mean look i i actually think people should
00:45:32.060
beat more of their kids so we'd have a better society but you know absolutely absolutely i see
00:45:37.600
that you know i still i'm kind of i'm not in that i mean i don't know do y'all know what public's is
00:45:42.840
like public's the store and not like the paint store no it's a grocery store public uh yeah
00:45:49.340
but anyways yeah don't listen don't listen to him his brain his brain is cooked
00:45:55.000
oh yeah i like i like i just one thing i gotta tell you bj before you know before i leave i kind
00:46:01.780
of want to roast you on something but um so like i'm not at that upper echelon of like basically like
00:46:07.620
shopping at whole food so i still shop at walmart and i'd be i still be seeing like kids get
00:46:12.820
their ass beat and i'm like bravo because i see the way they're acting i'm like there's no way
00:46:17.620
i would not like throw you know what i do respectfully you know what i do when i go to walmart
00:46:24.320
i just grab them fucking spank their ass their parent looks at me all crazy and shit i'm like
00:46:32.120
somebody's gotta do it yeah that's right yeah the amount of times i've wanted to like i don't know
00:46:39.100
if you'll get it like pizza pie these kids you know throw them in the air spin them around and you
00:46:42.860
know throw them to infinity and beyond is too many times for walmart
00:47:03.560
the pizza cutter that's right we'd be the tag team mario luigi that's right yeah well hey listen
00:47:13.000
um the thing is is like dude you got to root your identity and approval in yourself
00:47:18.660
that's something you got to work on your pet your your parents shouldn't have at how old are you
00:47:24.500
i'm 25 so yeah my tender old age of 25 absolutely yeah dude you but i i it's the only parent i got
00:47:32.200
so i i love her i understand but you also got to think healthy of yourself and good of yourself and
00:47:37.860
you know realize that you know when people say things that are not nice to you rarely does have
00:47:46.180
anything to do with you it's the truth um have you read the four agreements i know i have not go read
00:47:54.340
that book go buy that book today and read that book it's a good book one of the four agreements is
00:47:59.060
you don't take things personal and it does a good job of explaining why and i think it'll help you
00:48:03.620
um sort of separate your identity from needing the approval of you know anybody else so um
00:48:15.060
there's a lot here okay but here's the deal you got to continue to work on yourself continue to
00:48:21.300
to develop confidence and belief in yourself you've got to have hard conversations with your parent
00:48:27.540
you have to behave appropriately to protect your energy and if that means creating space that's
00:48:35.000
what it means um but you're an adult and your identity and your value and your worth should be
00:48:40.740
based in what you think not what someone else thinks or says and because when we give that
00:48:47.360
responsibility to other people even if we care about them and love them they can hurt us very hard
00:48:52.920
and very bad and and it doesn't even have to be true so you know you got to be able to
00:48:59.700
you have to be able to look at other people have such a strong identity in yourself that you can look
00:49:04.920
at other people when they say things to you and be like that ain't fucking true right like that's the
00:49:10.640
goal the goal is and if it is true you know you say okay well that's fair you know found a hole in my
00:49:15.500
book yeah that's fair and i need to fix that but but you should get to a very balanced point
00:49:20.600
about what the truth is and it shouldn't make you angry like i get a lot of people that say a lot
00:49:27.020
of things about me right but when they say things that are completely untrue i laugh i'm like all right
00:49:33.120
well whatever man you know it's not gonna i don't let it affect me at all i don't let it affect
00:49:38.120
what i think of myself how i see myself i don't dwell on it i just look at it and i say yeah that's
00:49:44.620
not true because i'm very in tune with who i am what i believe i know how i live my life i know
00:49:50.320
what my heart's like and um no one can shake that and that comes from establishing identity
00:49:57.840
in your own actions and results not on what other people think and um you know this is going to be a
00:50:07.660
process for you it really is it's these are tough things so uh somebody that didn't give a fuck would
00:50:13.620
say oh just cut them out but at the end of the day it's it i don't think it's that serious i think
00:50:19.860
it's just uh you know you're you're becoming you are an adult but in her mind you're becoming an adult
00:50:26.400
and she's behaving poorly about that transition that's my take on it what do you think bro yeah
00:50:34.880
no 100 it's one of those things it's unfortunate it's gonna suck there's no it's not gonna be all
00:50:40.480
friendly at night like but it's necessary i mean you've had situations like this i've been in that
00:50:45.080
same i'm just now getting out of that and like i mean that's been my entire life up until 30 so i
00:50:50.020
mean um it's one of those things man it's necessary but but when i first met you you were having a lot
00:50:56.180
of issues a lot of those yeah a lot of issues she's talking about a lot of those and it sucks too
00:51:00.760
because i mean like just like in your situation care like you want better you want to do yeah
00:51:05.420
really awesome things you know you talk you're going through nursing school like that's that's great
00:51:09.740
and that's a hard time to go through on its own in a perfect home yeah you know i'm saying so it's
00:51:15.500
like you can't allow any other unnecessary stress in there you don't have the time for it yeah and
00:51:19.900
like when you say oh i had to quit 75 hard because of this or that or this that tells me that there's
00:51:25.960
a boundary that is being violated or there's a boundary that's not set because replace 75 hard
00:51:32.540
with your nursing program and now she causing a fit that causes you to miss key elements of
00:51:38.740
nursing school and eventually fail nursing school right now you're fucking up your shit for real
00:51:43.300
right so there has to be a boundary as an adult set and that starts with a very simple conversation
00:51:50.500
that happens when that person is in a good mood not when they're in a bad mood right when you need to
00:51:57.640
have a conversation about someone's behavior it's usually better to have it when it's not in the
00:52:03.300
heat of the moment but it's more so like you know everything's cool yeah so i hope that helps man that's
00:52:11.580
that's that's hard but i think everybody goes through this in one way or another especially when they're
00:52:18.560
trying to do things that are outside the realm of what our parents have done so uh i'm sorry you're
00:52:25.080
going through it but dude this is it's part of the price yeah honestly it's i've i've i've come to
00:52:34.580
realize you know all the times that i've and it's poured the very poor excuses whenever i use um any
00:52:41.140
arguments which is which is terrible i hate saying this out loud but saying that i've i got into an
00:52:47.380
argument with my mom or a fight and then i just chose to fuck off the whole day like me doing this like
00:52:54.440
me thinking about my future me taking securing trying to secure my future i realized that those
00:52:59.640
are very i'm not in high school anymore i can't just be like oh fuck my mom i'm just not gonna do
00:53:04.440
homework like that's right for that like i'm way too old for that um so i i definitely know how to
00:53:11.080
delegate my time if she's acting up like oh wow i'm an adult i have a car i get out i study elsewhere
00:53:16.400
and let her be a demon in my home you know you you just got to realize and not let that affect you
00:53:22.600
in the moment um you know being able to deal with things not going our way that's part of what the
00:53:30.060
75 hard program is about it's about being able to deal with the things that come up throughout our
00:53:35.480
day and not get distracted and be able to build enough discipline grit fortitude mental focus
00:53:40.240
mental toughness to push through the events of the day to to get done what we are needing to do for
00:53:48.720
our long-term and short-term future and um you know being able to recognize that where you say
00:53:56.120
well you know i shouldn't be fucking off the whole day when someone gets mad at you yeah dude you got
00:54:00.440
to fix that because real talk um there's going to be something every day if it ain't your mom it's
00:54:06.460
going to be something else and uh you have to learn how to deal with that without letting it
00:54:10.520
totally derail you and i'll be real like i struggle with this same thing that you're talking about like
00:54:18.220
there is times still to this day in my life where i get so angry and so pissed off that i will fucking
00:54:26.500
fuck off my whole day that doesn't happen every day it doesn't happen every week it doesn't happen
00:54:32.200
every month but it still happens and it's because it's a process and you know it's going to be a
00:54:39.880
lifetime commitment for you especially as someone who takes things more personal to understand how to
00:54:46.700
not do that and let it go and the quicker you can do that the more peace you're going to have
00:54:50.860
so you got this here yeah i think so too you got this i sent you some links to that book for you too
00:54:58.040
okay thank you so much i i just i just saw the link but there's there's just so many factors
00:55:04.400
going on in my life that are kind of like shit factors like my car broke down on me i just got
00:55:10.700
a second job so that i can be homeless make more money get out like my test my the really big exam
00:55:16.840
is coming up in one week and i've had so little time to study this is all i feel like you know i think
00:55:23.380
this is all a sign for me to that i need to work my fucking ass off to get the fuck out and you do
00:55:28.020
that's 100 accurate and let me tell you something else there's a lot of motherfucking people that
00:55:34.620
come from a much harder situation that you are that have done everything that you're wanting to
00:55:38.380
do and more so remember that when you think oh man because us as humans as individuals we tend to think
00:55:45.700
we've got it the hardest out of everybody and it's just not true everybody's got hard shit it just
00:55:52.800
appears in different ways and you have to understand that this is part of the price this
00:55:58.740
is part of the test and you are seeing exactly correctly that you need to do these things now
00:56:05.000
when you're young so you don't have to do them at 40 uh saying oh you know i finally get my life
00:56:11.280
together so you got this all right thanks guys thanks so much for answering this has been
00:56:18.780
a sick conversation i'm definitely not gonna let you know i don't know how to say this politely you
00:56:25.420
know the the nicest demon i've ever known you know put me down oh you got it well cool all right man
00:56:32.400
thanks again all right thanks kira bye bye yeah man that's a tough thing man but it is so necessary
00:56:40.680
dude at the end of the day man you got to understand that it doesn't matter who it is it doesn't matter
00:56:47.400
if it's your best friend it doesn't matter if it's your parents it doesn't matter if it's your siblings
00:56:51.420
it doesn't matter who it is if they are pulling away from what you are trying to do with your life
00:56:59.940
and not contributing to it they don't deserve a spot on the roster because the achievement of
00:57:08.860
life goals is one of the hardest things that you can do and it doesn't matter if it's being a nurse
00:57:16.280
or if it's being a ceo or if it's being an athlete or a musician being accomplished in anything takes
00:57:23.200
time and energy and work and we can't have that energy pulled away
00:57:28.800
by people no matter who they are if we're serious about getting where we want to go
00:57:34.060
and for most people that's going to mean you're going to have to cut quite a few people out of
00:57:40.500
your life over the years you know the people that i associate with today are not the people i associated
00:57:47.860
with five years ago or 10 years ago or 20 years ago it's just the truth yeah there's a few but it's
00:57:55.780
not many because we're always growing we're always evolving and we're always moving up the ladder
00:58:00.720
if we're an ambitious person and as we go through this process what ends up happening is all of these
00:58:10.060
people that take away from us get replaced with people that contribute and push us forward and then
00:58:15.000
when you get into that spot it's it's it's a different life man you know you're not having
00:58:20.400
conversations with people at dinner who are questioning what you're trying to do you know you're not
00:58:25.160
having uh family events where people are like oh you're still going to nursing school what are you
00:58:31.020
gonna do fucking you know blah blah blah you know we we get all these smart ass comments and eventually
00:58:36.800
those comments are replaced with people that are like hey man what you got going on oh you got that
00:58:42.380
hey dude i know this person they can help you out with this let's get here the conversations
00:58:46.560
completely change from people pulling you back to people pushing you forward and unfortunately most
00:58:54.880
people never get to that point because they quit before they ever get there they don't realize that you
00:59:00.500
end up being surrounded by people who care about you who want you to win guess what most of those
00:59:05.320
people aren't fucking related to you they're not related to you so you haven't even met him yet
00:59:10.540
look bro exactly exactly and for kiera you know she's 25 dude she's going through a transition period
00:59:19.440
where her mom she sounds her mom sounds like she's bipolar that's what it sounds like but i'm not a
00:59:26.640
fucking you know in a place to diagnose that but at the end of the day she's got somebody who's dragging
00:59:33.880
her down a path that she can't afford to go down at this point in her life and whether that means
00:59:39.560
having a conversation and having a stop or whether that means never talking to her again
00:59:44.200
your life is that important it is that fucking important because you only get one
00:59:50.080
and sometimes people are fucking stuck with shitty ass parents bro and that's just it
00:59:58.020
that is you know it's real man that's real with guys andy dude that was three yep all right guys
01:00:04.860
we'll catch you on cti tomorrow don't be a hoe show the show
01:00:08.860
went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a pole fuck a stole counted millions in
01:00:16.440
the code bad bitch booted slow got her on bankroll can't fold doesn't know headshot case closed