REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 965. Q&AF： Over-Planning Vs Action, Saying No Without Guilt, and Leading Employees With Bad Attitudes

00:00:00.000 what is up guys it's andy for selling this is the show for the realists say goodbye to the lies

00:00:21.060 the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today we

00:00:25.640 have q and af that's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers the questions can be

00:00:32.560 about anything by the way uh we prefer to keep them about business life personal development but

00:00:38.080 you can ask whatever you want and you can ask those questions a number of different ways dj

00:00:41.860 tell them how guys you can email your questions into us at ask andy at andy for seller.com you

00:00:47.540 can also check the link in the description below and submit your questions for a chance to be on

00:00:52.340 our call ins um you can also drop your questions in the comments of the q and af episodes on the tube

00:00:58.220 all right and if this is your first time listening it's not always q and af we have cti all right and

00:01:05.160 there's a big schedule change on cti coming up we are transitioning to live format we are live we are

00:01:12.360 live which means we will be live tonight tonight oh what time monday monday monday where do people

00:01:19.540 see us live uh you guys can check us on youtube yeah or twitter all right so live shows coming at

00:01:28.320 you starting tonight and we'll let you know the schedule tonight if we figure it out by then

00:01:33.620 all right so we got cti cruise the internet that's we put topics on the screen we talk about it you'll

00:01:42.120 see it tonight um then we got real talk real talk just five to you know 20 minutes of me giving you

00:01:47.280 some real talk and then we have 75 hard verses that's where people who've completed the 75 hard

00:01:52.420 program come on the show they talk about how they were before how they are now and how they use the

00:01:56.580 75 hard program to become who they are today if you're unfamiliar with 75 hard is the initial phase

00:02:03.360 of the live hard program which is available in its entirety at episode 208 on the audio feed again

00:02:10.300 that's 208 on the audio feed only there's also a book available it's called the book on mental

00:02:15.680 toughness you can get it at andy versella.com it includes the entire live hard program plus a whole

00:02:21.740 bunch of other stuff on mental toughness um you don't have to buy the book but if you're someone who

00:02:27.360 enjoys knowing the in-depth knowledge of why how etc etc the book is an amazing option we sell it out

00:02:35.980 all the time so you want the book you get it andy versella.com if you want it for free

00:02:40.100 it's episode 208 on the audio feed makes no difference to me all right now before we get

00:02:46.560 started we do have a fee for the show the fee is very simple we ask you to share the show all right

00:02:52.000 um put a lot of work into the show we don't take ad revenue um it's very simply just on word of mouth

00:03:00.320 so we ask very simply the show makes you laugh makes you think it gives you a new perspective

00:03:04.280 if it's something that makes you better or laugh do us a favor and don't be a hoe share the show

00:03:14.460 all right what's up what'd you wear tonight for the live oh i don't know what i mean i feel like

00:03:21.680 we should dress up or something i don't know for our first live for our first live yeah i don't know

00:03:24.880 man we'll have to figure it out yeah i hadn't thought about it well yeah call me so we can figure

00:03:28.620 all right we'll figure it out might wear a revolution outfit hey man do something it's

00:03:35.220 got to start somewhere that's what i'm saying dude it's gonna be fucking sick at this point

00:03:38.680 i'm excited i'm excited i think the live format's gonna be cool it's gonna be great we got great

00:03:43.380 people um even the people that are not so great they're gonna be in there yeah we're gonna have

00:03:47.200 a great time that's right you guys are stupid yeah yes we never claimed not to be yeah all right

00:03:55.920 no it's gonna be great though man but uh before we get to our live show tonight we have q a so we

00:04:01.220 are here to make some people better yeah got some right ends because we got a lot happening so we

00:04:05.500 gotta uh we gotta get through these but uh we got some we got some good i got three good ones for

00:04:09.580 you do you i got three good all right let's do it let's knock these out guys andy question number

00:04:15.780 one um and you know george st pierre yes the martial artist i don't know him but i know he is yeah

00:04:21.800 one of the greatest right yeah okay so that's what question number one's about it's a question

00:04:25.040 about a quote that he has uh george st pierre has a quote saying that preparation is the antidote

00:04:32.600 to fear but when does preparation become a roadblock to getting started there's some is there such

00:04:41.200 thing as like too much fucking preparation oh yeah i mean look uh both things can be true at once

00:04:47.960 right uh most people have anxiety fear from performing and going uh because they're not

00:04:57.020 prepared but you could definitely get in a position where you prepare prepare prepare prepare prepare

00:05:01.940 and never go as well i call those people success zombies these are the people that consume all of

00:05:08.940 the information they listen to all the podcasts they go to the seminars they have the ideas they have

00:05:14.820 the plans but they think that they have to have some sort of approval to actually start they believe

00:05:23.140 like i believed when i was younger that someone was going to come around and believe in them or

00:05:28.380 signal to them or welcome them into the club before they go and that just never happens right it's a false

00:05:35.420 expectation that we all have right we grow up needing approval we grow up you know going to school

00:05:42.760 uh raising our hand to go to the bathroom asking permission for everything and so it's ingrained

00:05:48.220 in us to get approval before we do things but what you have to understand when it comes to breaking out

00:05:55.220 of the normal life experience that most humans experience which is wake up go to work get a meager

00:06:04.280 paycheck go home try to figure out how to make that work and then repeat that for 60 years you know

00:06:10.500 there's nobody that comes around and says hey come here it's better over here you know that's i'm

00:06:16.040 going to be the closest to that that you're going to ever have and uh because we grow up and we all

00:06:21.740 know that we don't know what we're doing we all think we're unqualified but the secret is guys

00:06:26.000 everybody's unqualified all these people that you look at all these people that you look up to

00:06:31.280 they don't have anything that you don't have they just do things differently than you do

00:06:37.280 and what they do and what unsuccessful do and this comes from my observation many many years

00:06:42.880 um it really comes down to one thing you know people who win make up their minds and then they

00:06:49.460 say i'm going to do this no matter what it takes no matter how long it takes no matter how hard it is

00:06:55.220 no matter what i have to go through to make this happen and they start climbing before people and they

00:07:01.420 keep climbing after other people quit and that's the secret to doing this it has there's no special

00:07:07.260 skill there's no secret knowledge there's no magic in fact the magic that everybody thinks there is is

00:07:13.880 just simply persevering through the hard things that come our way and never stopping and that sounds

00:07:21.660 overly simple and because it sounds simple a lot of people believe that it's bullshit but it's not

00:07:27.540 it really is that simple that's why training yourself to become somebody who can adhere to a

00:07:34.320 plan meaning discipline is the most important skill that you can develop in yourself most people believe

00:07:41.620 that people are either born with discipline or they're not they either have it or they don't and

00:07:47.340 while it can appear to be that way it's just not the truth all right discipline is a skill that has to

00:07:54.560 be nurtured invested in maintained watched forever it's something that you have to to invest in and

00:08:03.880 be aware of forever is diminishing skill set is no different than playing a musical instrument if you

00:08:10.180 play a musical instrument for 10 years and you quit for 10 years it's almost like starting over

00:08:14.460 all right this is on a shorter scale okay like if you eat good for two weeks and then you eat bad for

00:08:20.640 two weeks you got to start over so when we think about discipline we have to stop thinking about

00:08:26.580 it as a trait that we are gifted with and start thinking of it as a skill that we develop and when

00:08:31.840 you develop that skill of adherence through building your discipline by leaning into the things that are

00:08:37.760 uncomfortable intentionally and making sure that your boss voice the voice that tells you what you

00:08:45.140 should do versus your bitch voice the voice that tells you why you shouldn't do it and why it's

00:08:51.060 going to be okay you got to make sure that voice wins all the time and that's what live hard is all

00:08:55.380 about that's what 75 hard is all about it's not a fitness program it's a mental training program

00:09:00.500 for you to learn how to adhere no matter what's going on in your life and if you can develop that skill

00:09:07.180 there is no other skill that you actually need in order to succeed because you're going to go

00:09:13.000 and you're going to make the mistakes and when you make the mistakes you're going to learn the

00:09:17.340 lessons and you're going to put that skill into your little tool belt and then you're going to apply

00:09:21.640 that skill the next time so that same lesson that you learn it's something that you learn forever if

00:09:27.620 you're at least somewhat intelligent okay so if you could develop the ability to not quit and the ability

00:09:35.720 to learn from your mistakes and you're willing to go there's really nothing that can stop you from

00:09:40.520 getting there if you go on a long enough timeline and that's the secret man uh so yeah that that's

00:09:47.340 a really good quote and yes you're going to have way less anxiety when you don't prepare or i'm sorry

00:09:52.760 you're going to have way more anxiety when you don't prepare but there is a time where it's like all right

00:09:58.540 i need to go do this this is what i need to do and we see this too in all different areas it's not

00:10:03.060 just business like we see this with workouts right like people buy a treadmill for their house i'm gonna do

00:10:09.080 this and then it becomes a clothes rack right uh or they buy all the new fitness gear they buy the

00:10:14.720 new shoes the new shorts the new shirt the new the newest watch all the shit and they get it all and

00:10:20.640 they're like when i get it all i'll go and then they still don't go and this is this is just comes

00:10:26.020 from people believing that they don't have what it takes but dude that is a complete lie and you have

00:10:35.020 been conditioned over the course of your life to believe that you are incapable of things because

00:10:40.560 they want you to be small weak and dependent on their systems and the the last thing they want is

00:10:48.500 a population of independent achievers that are willing to go out and build create and become anything

00:10:54.300 that they want to do because it makes them hard to control so when you think about where that doubt

00:10:58.620 comes from you have to remember that it comes from a system that is designed to keep you weak

00:11:03.700 to keep you small to keep you fat to keep you uneducated and to keep you in this place of just

00:11:10.040 getting by for the purpose of control and for me personally that pisses me off okay and i get so pissed

00:11:16.560 that i say i'm not this is not going to fucking be how it goes for me and regardless of what's going on

00:11:21.720 in the world regardless of the economy regardless of the president regardless of the socioeconomic

00:11:27.320 climate there is always going to be room for people that develop this skill and go these are going to be

00:11:32.600 the movers and the shakers the people who lead the people who build the people who do things and

00:11:37.380 guess what those people are tired too those people are are unsure too those people have doubts too

00:11:44.480 but they have committed themselves to a process of perseverance no matter what no matter what

00:11:52.160 and that's the difference man that is the total difference you said something though too you're like

00:11:57.600 you know it's like a rational but irrational fear of of being unqualified and it made me like well

00:12:03.400 okay you're in quality yeah you are right you've never done this before cool but like who's supposed

00:12:08.460 to come and qualify you then you who qualifies yeah right i'm saying right and it's an irrational

00:12:13.920 fear in a way it is but you can also understand why people have it yeah you know i mean like it doesn't

00:12:20.540 mean there's something wrong with somebody because they have doubts bro like i'm telling you right now the

00:12:25.180 biggest entrepreneurs in the world the ones that you see their name on tv every single day these

00:12:30.400 people still have big doubts about what they're doing they're still questioning they're still

00:12:34.500 sitting around with their family and their confidants and saying fuck dude what do you think you think

00:12:39.640 we can actually do this and then in spite of that uncertainty they're willing to go anyway and that's

00:12:45.800 the biggest difference dude um so you can't blame people for feeling that way but that's just another

00:12:51.980 thing that we have to overcome right and overcoming that is really easy dude it's really easy because

00:12:58.240 once you start you're like that was it like that that was all it was like every time i faced a big

00:13:04.520 challenge in my life in in business and then i went and did it i was like dude i should have done that years

00:13:11.760 ago i should have done that years ago you know i i think the first time i learned that lesson

00:13:18.200 was you know we opened our first retail store in 1999 and it took us five years to open our second

00:13:26.560 store we could open that second store probably the second year or the third year even though business

00:13:32.600 was was low um we probably could have done it but we were afraid and we thought that it wouldn't work

00:13:39.700 and we thought that people would steal from us and we thought that it would be you know all these

00:13:44.180 things and and the moral of the story is is that all these things that you think about are probably

00:13:49.060 going to happen so what it's it's normal bro and and i i always come back to that quote that i picked

00:13:56.140 up from that movie the edge um with anthony hopkins he says what one man can do another can do and i just

00:14:03.440 firmly believe that in my soul you know i think there's outliers there's there's definitely people that

00:14:08.360 are born with um maybe a propensity towards a certain skill set but for the most part most of

00:14:16.240 the people that you look at and you admire these are people that are just like you these are people

00:14:20.240 with no special gifts that are just made up their minds that fuck it i'm doing it no matter what

00:14:24.320 and and they do it and you know what there's a big cost to that but there's also a big benefit

00:14:29.820 i love it dude i love it man guys uh andy question number two andy how do you stay true to your word

00:14:38.340 i often say yes too quickly without weighing other commitments i want to be reliable and maintain

00:14:45.040 integrity but how do you balance being helpful and knowing when to say no oh man that's a tough one

00:14:51.980 yeah i think it's a tough one when you care about people um when you're when you're a truly

00:14:57.280 good-hearted person and you have good intentions it's really easy to get in that trap where you

00:15:04.700 make promises that you can't fulfill because you want to say yes to everybody and what ends up

00:15:10.340 happening is is everybody ends up upset with you because you can't keep your commitments when in

00:15:14.720 reality all you meant to do was to do the right thing i've fallen into that trap many times dude um

00:15:20.320 i still fall into that trap to be honest uh and it's something that i struggle with you know

00:15:26.780 but here i am 27 years into business and i'm just finally learning how to just say no i can't do

00:15:37.620 that right now you know i'm saying i can't there's i got too much going on i can't do it and um and what

00:15:43.300 i've what i've come to find out is that people respect that a lot more than they do when you just

00:15:48.320 like kind of you know give them wishy-washy answers or you know say obviously yes to things that

00:15:54.700 you know you intend to do but can't get done um and just like anything else dude this is this is

00:16:00.520 something that you have to practice yeah um it's something that you have to do over and over and

00:16:04.560 over again uh to feel comfortable doing it and a lot of people have no problem saying no like my

00:16:10.560 brother has never suffered has never had that problem you know what i mean yeah like he's never

00:16:14.600 and i don't think it's i don't think it's anything other than he realizes because he's got such a busy

00:16:19.800 life that he can't he really can't afford to do it because he doesn't have the time um you know

00:16:26.440 he's got the three kids and he's got businesses and and all these things and uh and and i've i've

00:16:33.220 learned a lot watching him kind of set that boundary for myself that's really what it comes down to

00:16:38.140 boundary line yeah for sure um and you know you you have to just understand that in order to be

00:16:46.180 the person that you need to be that's going to benefit the people around you the best it's going

00:16:52.340 to require that you don't do the things that take away from that and that you concentrate very heavily

00:16:56.540 on the things that do and unfortunately that's going to upset some people unfortunately that's

00:17:00.800 going to feel uncomfortable but the reality is the long-term benefit outweighs the the momentary

00:17:06.320 discomfort of saying no so uh it's something that we have to practice it's something that you have

00:17:12.280 to get comfortable with um and once you do it'll save you a lot of time a lot of frustration and

00:17:17.520 what you'll find is that people actually respect you more and you're not disappointing people all

00:17:21.120 the time because they have a clear answer uh and things work out better when you learn to say when

00:17:27.720 you learn to say no effectively i feel like it also too helps when you do end up saying yes because

00:17:31.920 it makes that even more fuck you all right cool yeah for sure for sure it makes your time more

00:17:36.780 valuable bro people respect your um when you have boundaries dude people respect the time that you

00:17:42.920 do give them a lot more and um yeah i mean dude look this is just something i think most people

00:17:49.580 struggle with i think most people struggle with this way more than i do i i think i think people

00:17:53.740 have a really really hard time because they perceive it as confrontation when in reality it's not

00:17:59.000 confrontation dude it doesn't have to be it's just it's just real yeah you know what i mean

00:18:03.600 and uh there's ways to say it without you know having to just be like nope you know what i mean

00:18:09.240 like hell no yeah right uh and sometimes that's appropriate yeah but uh but yeah man you know

00:18:16.460 it's practice it's understanding where the juice is worth the squeeze in terms of what you're trying

00:18:23.740 to accomplish what your obligations are to the people around you and uh if you consistently say yes to

00:18:30.140 everybody you got to understand that everybody else that you're responsible for is going to

00:18:33.260 suffer for that or when you have to say no then it's like well fuck you yeah because they're so

00:18:38.160 used to you saying yeah yeah yeah i want to talk about this i know we have a lot of young listeners

00:18:42.920 who um they're either you know just getting started and you know maybe entrepreneurship or but you know

00:18:48.660 they might be coming into some money right and i know this is a struggle we've talked about this

00:18:52.820 before but saying no in financial situations dude yeah is that tougher than a time commitment

00:18:59.400 um no it depends on what it is uh i have a couple rules that you know because like dude what happens

00:19:07.540 is when you start making money everybody asks you for some yeah um well you got the money tree in the

00:19:12.140 backyard right of course yeah you just go back and pick it you know right it's it doesn't mean nothing

00:19:16.560 to you yeah right you know because you got a lot of it you know they don't take into consideration

00:19:20.660 the fucking decades that you've paid to to be where you are right now you got it and i don't have it

00:19:26.680 so give me some of it yeah right and that's what happens and people come out of the woodwork

00:19:31.320 and um you know some people you know you say no to and they never forgive you man i mean i've lost

00:19:38.320 family members over 500 bucks you know what i mean um not immediate family but you know what i'm saying

00:19:44.960 uh but i mean dude i i have a rule and the rule is very simple if there's a need and if i'm going to

00:19:55.640 accommodate that need financially it's always a gift it's never a loan um and the reason that i do

00:20:02.000 that is because the loans never get paid back and i don't want it to ruin the relationship

00:20:07.320 um so that's one of the things that i do and then you know obviously um

00:20:13.480 you know it's got to be a real need it can't be just bullshit and we also have to understand this

00:20:20.000 when you do have financial resources and you're constantly and you have people that you care about

00:20:25.260 and you start to bail them out then you're handicapping them on their ability to actually

00:20:30.480 overcome challenges in their own life and we see this a lot dude right saving them like yeah dude like

00:20:35.800 you see this with people who get on drugs right like people who have a family member that gets on

00:20:39.140 drugs and they try to do all these things for them and then that person becomes dependent on all

00:20:43.740 those things and then then they're ruined so unfortunately you know you do have to say no

00:20:50.620 in most of those situations and when you do say yes um i i i do it the way i said because i i don't

00:20:58.420 want to have i don't want to first of all i can't keep track of loans and shit um but i don't want

00:21:05.100 to ruin ruin the relationship yeah but there's a saying it's like bro you ever got like somebody

00:21:09.060 that you just like they annoy you don't want to see them just loan them 20 bucks yeah that's right

00:21:12.740 that's right that's right never seen him again that's a fact dude that's real man i love it man

00:21:20.480 i love it yeah it's a difficult thing it's a hard it's a hard thing and like dude when you start

00:21:24.700 making a lot of money it's it's really no different because you'll take care of people

00:21:29.480 in big ways and the same thing kind of happens you know what i mean so you got to understand

00:21:36.800 i guess what i'm saying is is you have to understand what you're doing without the

00:21:44.120 expectation of of of that are unrealistic right um i think it's good karma to help people when they

00:21:54.180 really need it that's my personal opinion yeah um when people start to know that you believe that

00:21:59.460 people will start manufacturing situations to squeeze you for it and you've got to be smart

00:22:05.100 enough to identify that and when those people start doing that you know you've got to cut them

00:22:10.060 off because now they've they flip that switch in your mind to say okay this is this is my friend

00:22:15.060 andy who's doing me a huge solid to this is this is a solution to my problems right and and nobody

00:22:21.240 wants to be seen as a solution to problems by people who pretend to be their friends yeah it's

00:22:26.140 like it makes me think too it's like are you really helping them you're not if you're solving

00:22:30.480 their fucking problem you're not like they're not solving nothing that's right you're not

00:22:33.520 helping them you're not really helping them yeah yeah that's so real bro that's real you're you're

00:22:37.580 not helping them you're band-aiding the situation and further handicapping them down the road yeah

00:22:41.480 that's the truth yeah you know bro that's that's some real shit man yeah that's real um let's get

00:22:47.460 a third and final question man we're moving fast moving and grooving dude uh third and final

00:22:52.000 question guys any uh question number three hey andy hey i love your content been listening for seven

00:22:59.980 years do you think attitude or knowledge of the job is more important i'm in a division of construction

00:23:09.200 service and i have an employee who is really good at his job but his attitude is crap i'm nervous about

00:23:17.060 him growing with the company because he would be leading a crew potentially someday i'm afraid that

00:23:22.380 his attitude would completely ruin the country uh the culture of the company any thoughts on it will

00:23:28.820 100 it will especially if he's good oh man yeah because here's what happens the guy that's real

00:23:36.200 good the other guys on the team look up to that guy that guy's got leadership capital because he's

00:23:40.660 good and he has more leadership capital than the guys that are bad this is just the natural the

00:23:45.560 natural progression of things right like if you're going to locker room and you got a guy that rushes

00:23:50.120 for 300 fucking yards a game and is kicking ass he's probably going to be somebody everybody else

00:23:55.060 looks at to hear what he has to say with or without that captain correct yeah correct yeah and and when

00:24:00.600 that person doesn't have the right attitude it's completely uh destructive to your culture so yes

00:24:06.480 your instincts are correct um when it comes to hiring you want to always hire for attitude and culture

00:24:12.640 and then teach skill not the other way around you're never going to hire for skill and then get someone

00:24:18.500 to accept a new culture because usually when they are high skill they are also high ego and when you

00:24:26.140 have a high ego it's hard to get someone to humble themselves enough to realize there might be a better

00:24:33.820 way or a way that helps other people right yeah um you can't teach that no let me go back

00:24:41.840 not usually is high skill high ego but a lot of times okay a lot of times people are high skilled

00:24:52.400 because they are humble you got to be able to tell the difference yeah you know what i mean yeah

00:24:56.820 but yeah dude having somebody on your team who's high skilled bad culture if you already know that like

00:25:03.240 if you already see this i would already be making a plan to get rid of this person and replace them

00:25:07.440 with someone with a good attitude no matter how good he is because eventually no matter what happens

00:25:14.280 if he's got a bad attitude and he's got an abrasive relationship with the leadership he's going to

00:25:19.560 spread that amongst the team and you can't have that in an organization you know that's why you see

00:25:24.300 major league teams or nfl teams you know sometimes they'll be trading a guy who you're like why the

00:25:30.780 did you trade that guy like that's our best guy well usually there's some shit going on in the locker

00:25:35.400 room that you don't know about that they don't want to make public and so bad culture fits have to

00:25:40.400 go and even if you replace them with someone who's maybe a little bit less skilled but great with

00:25:47.060 culture and attitude that makes up the difference uh and you can get somebody to learn better skills

00:25:52.180 so you know it's it's it's an easy it's easy to talk about it's hard to do when your best salesperson

00:26:02.120 or your best builder or your best performer and you think fuck i'm gonna have to get rid of this

00:26:06.540 guy this guy's the whole reason that we're doing this but that's not true okay you gave that person

00:26:11.880 the opportunity you're running shit it's your fucking game not their game and you have to remember that

00:26:18.160 and there's no one person that's going to make or break your company you know how many times i've

00:26:23.380 been told in my life when someone's you know gotten fired or i've had a oh it's all downhill

00:26:29.120 from here you fucked up yeah we're gonna crumble you're gonna crumble without me you know how many

00:26:33.180 times we crumbled fucking zero okay so let's be real about this your job is to build an amazing

00:26:40.780 company that benefits you and the people that you're building with and their families and your

00:26:45.300 family and you can't do that with someone standing in the way because they got a bad attitude because

00:26:49.700 they're telling people oh you know we got to squeeze an extra half an hour out of lunch or

00:26:54.320 we could do this and the boss won't say anything that's bullshit the right person will have high

00:27:00.880 skill and say all right boys let's get back to work let's make sure this happens and if if that's not

00:27:05.460 happening you got the wrong people you know what i mean yeah can't build with the wrong people you

00:27:09.300 just can't do it brother you brought up humility in this sense talking about skill versus attitude i want

00:27:14.780 to dive into that a little bit because i think it's important it's like the psychology of you have a guy

00:27:18.460 that that thinks he's great and is great he's kind of tapped out on that's correct so like let's

00:27:23.560 talk about it well yeah i mean that's the that's the paradox of humility right everybody talks about

00:27:29.900 how success like okay for example let's just use an extreme example let's use conor mcgregor okay

00:27:37.080 conor mcgregor is to most people probably the least humble person that you could think of yeah okay i like

00:27:44.660 that you look up cocky in the dictionary i like picture i love that i like people like that okay

00:27:50.520 but what you have to understand is that he is not cocky when he's learning his craft when he's in the

00:28:00.240 gym and he's learning how to play better learning how to fight better learning how to jiu-jitsu better

00:28:05.120 learning how to strike better he's not cocky okay but when he goes out to perform and do his job

00:28:12.700 he's telling himself i'm the baddest motherfucker on the planet okay so there's a dichotomy here and

00:28:18.380 it is humble in preparation and confident or cocky in execution okay and that's where we have to

00:28:25.880 fucking find that that line where we ride yeah so if you when it's in the paradox is is that when we

00:28:33.400 look at successful people a lot of people will say oh dude that guy's just a cocky fuck but in reality

00:28:40.040 humility is required to even get to the level that they're at so you're misjudging what that actually

00:28:47.320 is okay yeah that's not cockiness bro that's the result of years and years and years of humble

00:28:54.320 preparation you see what i'm saying so you know there's this idea i mean dude it's funny because like

00:29:03.080 the average you know person's idea and viewpoint of a successful person is almost like backwards

00:29:10.380 in the way that they think about it you know they think oh well that person is where they are because

00:29:15.500 they were born into this family or they got this or they got that bro i don't know very many successful

00:29:20.780 people that came from soft circumstances almost every single person that i know that self-made

00:29:27.080 came from shit that they had to fucking claw their way out of which is what equipped them with the

00:29:33.020 grit with the fortitude with the perseverance and the skill set to actually go and be successful in

00:29:39.000 their life and you know people don't think of that they think oh dude that guy was born on third base and

00:29:45.440 he thinks he hit a triple and they tell themselves all these stories but that's just not the fucking truth

00:29:50.340 the truth of the matter is is that becoming a successful human being is so fucking hard that

00:29:56.500 if you dump that on someone who was born with privilege bro they're going to fucking crumble

00:30:00.400 okay so when we think about this that's that's the wrong perception that people have another one is

00:30:07.380 about this this humility thing everybody wants to talk about humble humble humble humble he's not

00:30:13.700 humble bro humble is what fucking losers say to take people out that have done shit more than them

00:30:19.140 that's the truth okay they say this shit without realizing that the person who they're calling

00:30:25.020 not humble humbly put in 10 20 25 years of work learning their craft to become great at it so they

00:30:33.680 have a right to feel good about who they are and the skills they have and in fact when they go out to

00:30:39.160 perform whether it be business or in sports or on a stage for music or whatever you have to believe

00:30:45.900 that you're going to fucking win or you're going to get your ass beat so that's another misconception

00:30:51.000 and there's all kinds of misconceptions that the average person has of the successful person that

00:31:00.280 are just completely fucking false yeah and honestly they're just justifications uh for why that you

00:31:07.980 know the person saying them is where they are and that successful person is where they are yeah so

00:31:13.180 you know humility is a requirement for success and to say to someone you know like when they start to

00:31:21.180 win oh you know don't forget to be humble well i wouldn't be winning if i wasn't humble bitch

00:31:26.900 like i gotta learn right like we're all born with a blank slate can't learn if you're not that's right i'm

00:31:32.480 i don't know what i don't know so how did i learn this shit well i had to be humble enough to accept that i

00:31:38.300 didn't know and i had to learn and the more i learn and the more i practice the better i get

00:31:43.400 and eventually you get to a point where you you know you're pretty skilled but the downfall comes

00:31:51.280 when people think they have no more to learn like they get to connor's level and they say all right

00:31:57.380 well i'm the greatest of all time and what i do and i can't get any better well that's when they start

00:32:01.940 to go down tapped out right and the true champions the people who win from you know the time they start

00:32:07.580 winning through their whole life they might appear to have an extraordinary level of confidence but

00:32:13.380 behind closed doors they're always examining their own skill set they're always auditing where they

00:32:18.500 really are they're telling themselves the truth and if we're being honest most of the people

00:32:23.220 underrate themselves in terms of how good they are versus overrating themselves because behind closed

00:32:31.140 doors you almost have to do that you're like all right well i'm not as good as i think i am so i

00:32:35.740 got to get better right so while the world might see these people as great they don't see themselves

00:32:41.360 as great they see themselves as still that beginning person who doesn't know shit who's trying to figure

00:32:47.480 it out and go dude that's how i look at myself behind closed doors you know people see me yelling

00:32:51.620 into a mic or on stage or doing this or that or riding around and doing cool things in my life

00:32:57.100 and they think oh look that guy thinks he's the shit actually it's the opposite actually i'm still

00:33:02.640 trying to get better and i'm enjoying some of the process along the way 100 you see what i'm saying

00:33:07.500 100 so let's talk on this last question let's talk about attitude adjustment though right because

00:33:11.980 i'm thinking about this and i got so many thoughts and on this but it's like you're saying prepare to

00:33:18.900 prepare to get this guy out right is there is there a chance is there any last ditch effort that this

00:33:24.920 guy can do to try to save quote unquote save this guy sure it might not even be a last ditch effort

00:33:29.740 like how much time is this person put into cultivating this guy's culture yeah like have you tried to

00:33:35.880 cultivate an intentional culture have you worked with your team have you yeah you're saying he got

00:33:40.640 a bad attitude have you even tried to have that's it yeah like you just speak and dude maybe maybe he's

00:33:47.340 unaware that he has a bad attitude maybe he's unaware of his own leadership capital you know sometimes

00:33:53.200 because no one ever comes along in your life at least in very few circumstances you're the leader

00:33:58.420 you're the leader you're the leader right and and and even if you're someone that a lot of people look

00:34:07.020 up to sometimes you still you still you're like why the fuck are these people looking up to me

00:34:13.320 because you're you and you've lived you your whole life so you don't really see that there's anything

00:34:17.320 special there yeah right you're just doing your shit and because of that you don't value your own

00:34:24.080 leadership ability so you're loose with your leadership and what i mean by that is you might

00:34:29.640 say things or do things or things that aren't representative of good leadership because you're

00:34:37.220 thinking like oh we're just one i'm just one of the guys like you know it doesn't matter what i say

00:34:41.900 and they're not aware that they're operating is is really setting the tone for everybody else and

00:34:47.780 sometimes it's just as simple as pulling someone aside and say hey look dude i'm going to tell you

00:34:53.060 something and you need to listen to me all these fucking dudes that you're around listen to you they

00:34:58.600 look at you they they think you're the leader and when you do this and that and this that fucks that

00:35:04.020 fucks up everything we're doing and it fucks them too okay and the second part of that is where you can

00:35:09.920 really get people to start paying attention because when it comes to yourself people are willing to

00:35:16.160 look at things differently but when they know that their bad behavior or their bad attitude or their

00:35:21.820 bad performance is affecting the person to the left or to the right of them that changes the game and so

00:35:27.660 sometimes it's just about making these people aware like hey joe i don't know if you know this dude

00:35:34.340 but like yes you're the best skill guy here but you're also a leader and when you do this and this

00:35:40.180 and this that prevents us from being able to do this which ultimately hurts you because i can't grow

00:35:45.100 the company to pay you more right okay and on top of that your buddies mike tom and josh over here

00:35:53.080 they're not going to make as much money and you know for a fucking fact they're struggling

00:35:56.900 so when you do this this is hurting them and just pointing that out to people

00:36:01.700 usually straightens it out yeah yeah but that's so i made me think you're like like

00:36:07.440 have you ever had these uh conversations with your employees that maybe started just

00:36:11.980 smelling themselves a little too much right and he's like sometimes you gotta have a

00:36:15.400 you know yeah you might be fucking great joe but like you didn't build the fucking ark to try on

00:36:20.400 well well yeah i'm saying like you have to knock them down just a little bit sometimes it depends

00:36:24.720 but if if that's the case if it's the case where you go and have that conversation and then there's

00:36:30.500 like pushback on it like yeah but i'm the best that's a bad sign yeah that's a bad sign okay like

00:36:38.480 being the best with your skill is not being the best teammate self yeah it's just not yeah you know

00:36:46.900 being the best incorporates great performance and great leadership together that makes everybody

00:36:54.720 else around you better and that's typically what companies will pay a lot for you know what the

00:36:59.380 most valuable skill that companies will pay for is the ability to replicate good performance in other

00:37:04.360 people so if you're a good performer and you could figure out how to make the three guys next to you

00:37:09.680 just as good now you're fucking invaluable you cannot be fucking fired you cannot be fired

00:37:15.660 you cannot be you have to be paid more you understand absolutely because you become a linchpin in

00:37:21.720 their company dude a part of the company that cannot be operated without you that's a fucking

00:37:27.040 huge skill so if you take it a step further and let's say joe's listening right now and he says

00:37:32.720 you're right you know i'm kind of a i'm i'm you know what you're right i do have to help these dudes

00:37:37.800 develop and then he starts doing it now he took his his value as a team member or employee through the

00:37:44.280 fucking roof okay so that's the game the game as an employee is to be great at what you do

00:37:50.900 undeniably great okay not a little bit better than everybody else yeah fucking dominating everybody else

00:37:56.240 and i know they're your friends and i know you know this and that but dude at the end of the day

00:38:00.480 the motherfucker that puts the fucking ball in the net the most makes the most motherfucking money

00:38:04.520 okay if he can make the team around him better and that's what the that's the game the most valuable

00:38:12.520 skill you can have is high performance with the ability to replicate it in other people if you can

00:38:16.940 do that bro there's nothing that can fucking stop you dude i love it dude guys if that can't fucking

00:38:24.240 make you better this week i don't know what can yeah yeah that was that was fucking great first four

00:38:28.180 minutes you can that was yeah get yourself a little can of freedom right here you know i'm saying

00:38:32.700 i love it dude i'm on the slim today yeah that's what i'm on a slim can i'm with it dude i'm on an

00:38:37.880 energy diet yeah well guys andy dude that was three yep all right guys we will see you tonight

00:38:45.940 what time 7 p.m central standards 7 p.m central standard time we are going to do a two hour live

00:38:54.040 seven to nine roughly okay uh tune in come see us on youtube and we will see you there all right

00:39:01.340 don't be a hoe share this show yeah went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze

00:39:07.500 fuck a pole fuck a stove counted millions in the code bad bitch booted swoke got her on bank road

00:39:14.120 can't fold doesn't know headshot case closed

00:39:17.520 you

00:39:18.520 you

00:39:27.780 you

00:39:31.680 you

00:39:35.380 you

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - November 17, 2025

965. Q&AF： Over-Planning Vs Action, Saying No Without Guilt, and Leading Employees With Bad Attitudes

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript