REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 993. Q&AF： Building A New Identity, Work Vs ＂Me Time＂ & Progress Paralysis

00:00:00.000 what is up guys it's andy for selling this is the show for the realists say goodbye to the lies

00:00:21.320 the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to another fucking reality guys today we

00:00:28.400 have q and af that's where you submit questions and we give you the answers dj is going to tell you

00:00:33.580 how you could submit those questions hello children guys email these questions into ask

00:00:38.680 andy at andy for seller.com or you guys can click the link in the description below and submit your

00:00:44.780 questions for a chance to be pulled from there or comment on the q and af videos on the new andy

00:00:51.160 for selling motivation youtube page now if you're listening to the show on audio we're going to ask

00:00:55.440 you to please go to the new andy for selling youtube channel andy for selling motivation and

00:01:00.240 click subscribe as you guys know we have separated ctis and q and af some personal development on

00:01:07.000 youtube uh so go over there and hit that subscribe for us uh this is your first time listening we have

00:01:12.920 many different shows we have q and af which is what you're about to hear we have cti which you can catch

00:01:18.540 tonight at uh 7 p.m central live on twitter x whatever you want to call it and youtube uh soon

00:01:28.040 to be coming to all streaming platforms then we have what's called real talk real talk is just me

00:01:34.140 giving you 5 to 20 minutes and some real talk and then we have 75 hard verses 75 hard verses where

00:01:42.100 somebody who's completed the 75 hard program comes on the show they talk about how they were before

00:01:47.420 how they are now and how they use 75 hard to transform their lives if you're unfamiliar with

00:01:52.040 75 hard is the initial phase of the live hard program which is the world's most famous mental

00:01:57.500 transformation program in history and it's free you can get that entire program at episode 208 on the

00:02:04.360 audio feed again that's 208 on the audio feed only there's also a book at andy for seller.com

00:02:11.340 uh called the book on mental toughness uh great book

00:02:17.420 we saw a lot of them if you like the ins and outs and all the nuts and bolts and you know the

00:02:22.460 why behind everything is a great book um huge group of people starting 75 hard today actually

00:02:29.200 uh which i just found out about but uh so if you haven't done it do it and then what do we have

00:02:36.060 oh we have a fee the fee is very simple do us a favor and share the show i think we're the only

00:02:41.000 podcast in the world doesn't run ads nobody's paying me uh you're gonna get the real shit here

00:02:46.360 and uh we just ask very simply to help us share it out help us grow the show so don't be a hoe

00:02:51.440 share the show what's going on over there hopefully we're live tonight on monday we all don't get snowed

00:02:58.360 into oblivion yeah listen we we're like the mail oh yeah yeah it just it's it's happening no matter

00:03:06.400 what it's no stop that's right that's right yeah big group of uh i just found this out but a really

00:03:11.740 big group of people starting 75 hard on monday so no shit i'm excited about that that'd be sick

00:03:16.720 yeah that'd be sick hell yeah man um well yeah let's uh let's make some people better today shall

00:03:24.060 we yes one of you guys put out a cold water for me thank you who did that joe joe gillman yeah

00:03:31.200 ice cream joe all right thank you brother joe yeah joe yes no that's just called being that's just

00:03:38.740 called being courteous bro yeah listen joe's the guy hey i come in here and shit is ready to go it's

00:03:48.540 appreciated i'll take it for granted so these questions are hot too are they

00:03:53.840 oh yeah all right good like that no oh yeah fuck what are you drinking over there huh oh you know

00:04:03.480 a little paradise punch what do you think of that one it's not an ad but if it were one um this is

00:04:08.940 the best fucking flavor that i ever existed dude i ever existed man it's right up there with screaming

00:04:13.700 freedom for me it's like you know i keep thinking like okay like you know dude the the og lineup came

00:04:18.860 out right and i'm like there's no fucking chance yeah like anything could be better and then it got

00:04:23.300 better yeah and then i'm like okay well like the new og flight like there's nothing that could be

00:04:27.400 possible and then this fucking thing comes out yeah all right that thing's awesome and um you know i

00:04:33.040 dude i'm i'm ready yeah i'm ready yeah you know what's crazy we need to get rid of that blue blitz

00:04:38.280 that blue blitz is not my vibe and we need to replace it with that full-time that's my time

00:04:43.440 yeah oh i know this dude i let that orange sit the other day on accident and i wasn't drinking it

00:04:49.060 fast enough and so like the combination loss yeah it was still fucking delicious oh yeah like

00:04:54.960 it tasted like fucking oj you know i'm saying like some nice juice like some tang yeah it's a tang

00:04:59.880 yeah bro yeah i know a little some some that's some poor people shit right there buddy it tasted

00:05:05.360 like orange drink yeah orange drink yeah man well guys let's make some people better today guys you

00:05:12.980 guys know how this goes i got three we're ready to roll you got three what three good ones for you

00:05:18.280 all right with all the meat that's right and potatoes open up guys any question number one

00:05:26.980 andy i'm doing things now that the old version of me wouldn't even attempt better habits harder

00:05:38.080 conversations bigger goals but internally i still feel like the same person how long does it take

00:05:45.320 before your identity actually catches up to the life you're building and is there anything you can do to

00:05:50.640 speed it up huh all right look first of all why okay consider this the reason you're moving so good

00:06:04.580 it's because you remember what it's like to be the old you that's not a bad thing okay when people

00:06:12.220 fail in life whether it's a business or whether it's their personal development or whether it's their

00:06:17.460 fitness they fail because they forget what life was like before all right we see this all the time in

00:06:23.940 business people make money they get in a comfortable spot and then all of a sudden they're broke

00:06:30.200 all right so the reason this happens is because their identity changes from someone who is being a

00:06:39.820 hard worker who is thinking who is solving problems who is innovating who's pushing themselves down the

00:06:46.920 path to this place where they start to take it for granted and they assume that it's always going to

00:06:52.060 be there which it will not and the most common types of people that lose are not actually people

00:07:01.560 that just never try it's actually people who won once and they win once and they attach their identity

00:07:08.360 to that win and then they lose all of the habits and all of the work and all of the discipline and

00:07:15.580 everything over the course of time because they identify with that win people who win long term

00:07:22.200 people who win over the course of their life over and over and over and over again they never forget

00:07:29.680 who the fuck they actually are okay so it's this nuance that you have to learn to master

00:07:36.540 which is being grateful for where you're at being grateful that things are going good but also

00:07:43.140 remembering that things are not going good because you're you or you're gifted things are going good

00:07:50.200 because the old you was willing to do things that produce the current reality that you live in

00:07:56.360 and when you lose sight of this and you lose the perspective that the current reality that you live in was

00:08:04.760 built by someone who used to exist you want to keep the motherfucker that created all this shit moving

00:08:10.960 okay does this make sense all right so a lot of people completely fuck their entire lives up

00:08:19.800 by thinking that their success is the result of them when in reality it's not the result of them

00:08:29.500 it's the result of the actions that the previous version of them have taken which have produced this

00:08:35.420 reality okay so now you're in a reality of comfort you've got some money in the bank you you're you're

00:08:42.300 pretty fit things are going well and then you stop you stop doing the things that hungry person did you

00:08:50.920 stop doing the things that fat person did to get in shape you stop doing the things that broke person

00:08:56.080 did to fix that problem and then what happens the problems start to happen again okay and slowly and

00:09:03.740 surely you go back down to who you used to be in reality not just in your mind so when we think

00:09:11.400 about this what is this problem right this is actually an ego problem okay and we talk about

00:09:17.060 being humble this is where humility is applicable we have to understand and detach our results

00:09:26.460 from our identity and understand that our results come from the actions so what most people do is

00:09:36.060 they go through this situation of life where like if you imagine a bell curve for those of you who are

00:09:41.300 listening on audio and you start on the left hand side of the curve and you don't know shit you don't

00:09:46.680 know anything you are very willing to learn you are hungry you are a sponge you're willing to do things

00:09:54.600 that other people won't do you are willing to work harder you're willing to work smarter you're willing

00:09:59.800 to pour into yourself because dude you're a blank slate and you know you're a blank slate so what

00:10:05.280 happens is you start to move up the curve and things are going good and and you're continuing these

00:10:10.400 habits because they're still fresh for you and you're you're like fuck yeah this is working this is

00:10:14.360 going good and what happens is you get to the to the top which you perceive as a top which is not

00:10:20.160 actually the top you get to the top of this curve and what happens for most people is they start to

00:10:26.500 believe that the reason that they are at that curve is because they are great no you're you're not great

00:10:33.000 none of us are actually great we're the result of great actions over the course of time and so when your

00:10:39.140 identity actually switches from you know you're this hungry individual who does no shit to i'm great

00:10:46.300 because i breathe the air and i walk you know i'm i'm the fucking man what happens is you start

00:10:51.820 losing the perspective of what it took to get where you are and you stop doing those things

00:10:57.480 and then you slide down the back side of the curve okay and you don't notice it at first at first it's

00:11:02.980 just a cut corner at first it's just a you know uh missed workout a missed workout or you know a missed

00:11:09.900 meeting or something like that right and then before you know it your life's falling apart and you can't

00:11:16.020 figure out why and then you find yourself back at ground zero which people at this now what people

00:11:21.200 call this part is it's no longer ground zero it's rock bottom okay so now you're back you're at

00:11:26.820 quote unquote rock bottom and you have to start again so you get you get hammered so hard that you

00:11:33.900 humble yourself and then you're like okay well fuck i gotta i gotta get back to this and then what

00:11:40.480 happens the process repeats and you start to go up the curve and for most people they make the

00:11:45.960 same mistake again when things start getting good they get comfortable and then they go down the

00:11:50.020 curve so most people live in this in this series of curves okay up down up down and the goal is for

00:11:57.660 you when you get to the top of that first curve when everything is going good you're making some

00:12:01.240 money you're fit you're kicking ass you are the fucking man but you have to remember that the reason

00:12:08.740 that you're there is because of the actions that you took and if you continue to take those actions

00:12:12.580 when you're at the top that's where you continue to escalate and the the mountain actually never

00:12:17.380 ends you just keep going up and up and up and up and up and so this is the difference between people

00:12:21.740 who win consistently and continue to level up and people who kind of like live this up and down you

00:12:28.720 know lifestyle whether and this this could apply to any area of your life and it should apply to all

00:12:33.160 areas of your life right because success isn't just money money is very important but it's a bunch of

00:12:38.440 different shit so um it's such an interesting thing man like it's funny like now hindsight i've

00:12:44.380 you've i've heard you say this many times and i never really understood it but you're like

00:12:48.320 dude i'm still a lazy dude i'm still a fucking exactly but like that makes it better and i think

00:12:53.900 the thing too is like dude i can understand why a lot of people get in that because for a lot of

00:13:00.220 people they're probably afraid of that old version of them they want to get so fucking far away

00:13:04.920 be afraid of it yeah that's what should push you down down the road so they forget you should

00:13:08.860 that's right yeah you should like i dude i know like i know that 350 pound fat lazy motherfucker

00:13:15.740 that i used to be is still in there he's still in there man he's just fucking waiting he's waiting

00:13:22.800 for his time he's waiting for his opportunity to come out i'm aware of that because i i'm old enough

00:13:28.720 to have gone up and down that curve okay so at at 36 years old i decided hey i'm fucking not doing

00:13:36.320 this shit no more and i'm just gonna stay on the gas and you know what's happened everything i just

00:13:41.260 told you i continue to go up up up up up and even you know my buddies who are successful they're like

00:13:46.840 fuck dude all you do is win yeah because i behave like a broke person all the fucking time and

00:13:52.680 you know people get around me and they're like why is he so urgent why does he get so fucking

00:13:58.560 intense what is his deal why doesn't he do this or that why doesn't he just relax because bro i know

00:14:04.740 what fucking happens when you do because i know who the fuck i am on the inside and i know my

00:14:11.620 propensity just like most people is to be lazy as fuck to to waste my time to not be productive to not

00:14:19.520 train and i don't want that so i keep it very very close and i let my identity be nuanced okay like

00:14:29.200 if if we're having a real conversation and they say okay you know like how do you feel about things

00:14:33.960 fuck dude i feel good i'm pretty much the fucking dude okay uh i've done a lot of shit built a lot

00:14:39.840 of companies built a bunch of podcasts two number one podcasts fucking biggest mental transformation

00:14:46.160 program i've done a lot of shit okay but when i show up every day i act like it's day one like like

00:14:57.740 all my goal is is to win the fucking day okay so you know i know what i am and i'm okay with that

00:15:06.300 and i'm aware of that and i don't try to hide that and i let that drive me down the path and so when you

00:15:12.080 say like when this person says well when does my identity catch up

00:15:16.300 you really don't want it to if that makes sense okay you want to get to a point where you understand

00:15:23.860 that the actions produce the result and you are you are feeling good and proud and confident and you

00:15:32.360 developed you know the grit and the fortitude and the mental toughness to push through

00:15:36.220 but you also understand that those things have to be applied every single day to maintain

00:15:44.800 or escalate from that point yeah because that old you is still there oh it always is yeah dude it

00:15:49.880 always is yeah oh dude i love it man i love it yeah i love it let's get to uh let's get to question

00:15:56.300 number two this is why people that gain weight and lose weight go back and forth back and forth

00:16:00.820 back and forth because they're not solving the real problem bro this is why 75 hard and live hard

00:16:05.960 such a big deal everybody tries to make it about your your weight and your body fat percentage and

00:16:12.640 your training and all this shit when in reality dude it's training your brain it's getting your

00:16:18.340 brain conditioned to be highly disciplined to be able to adhere to a plan all the time not just when

00:16:26.160 you feel good right and when you switch that when you switch your understanding that everything comes

00:16:32.900 from your mental toughness your ability to succeed in life every fucking area and it becomes a mental

00:16:39.800 game that it's just it's just it changes your life and anybody who's done 75 hard knows this this is

00:16:46.880 why people who do 75 hard and live the live hard lifestyle continue to escalate up if they're doing

00:16:52.480 correctly 100 dude i love it man uh guys andy uh question number two all right andy andy i'm the

00:17:01.100 person everyone counts on at work at home and my family if something needs to get handled it usually

00:17:06.480 falls on me i chose this life and i'm proud of that but some days i'm exhausted and i feel like

00:17:13.340 there's no space left for what i want how do you keep pushing uh to win without resenting the very life

00:17:21.140 you work so hard to build i don't want to be selfish but it's like okay guys you guys are good

00:17:26.220 yes okay it's my turn now how do you balance the i guess getting to that point of you talk about it

00:17:32.820 in selfishness and selflessness right now where does that where does that cross well you know look dude

00:17:40.360 success comes with real responsibility okay and when you start to win and you start to do things

00:17:51.380 other people around you become dependent on you and you become responsible for their outcomes

00:17:56.160 in certain situations and you have to understand that there's no world where anybody's built anything

00:18:05.820 significant especially significant wealth where the responsibility isn't much greater when they

00:18:11.380 have it than it was before so this is a reality of becoming successful like this is just part of it

00:18:17.300 other people are going to depend on you you are going to be responsible for other people and if

00:18:23.020 you're not you won't be able to get where you want to go it's impossible because it takes more than

00:18:27.240 just you so you have to understand that the reason you are in the life that you have is because you've

00:18:37.240 handled shit so well for so long now i can understand what you're saying because i've struggled with this

00:18:44.680 as well and i still struggle with this okay there's a reason that i don't travel all over the place there's

00:18:49.960 a reason that i'm not at every fucking you know big event and yes i like to work and i like to create

00:18:56.100 and i like to build and i prefer that over doing all that other shit but yeah it'd be cool to be

00:19:00.740 able to do some other stuff and i could do those other things and the reality of doing those things

00:19:06.620 is as simple as you understanding that having time for yourself is a matter of being effective

00:19:15.800 or ineffective and if you have a company and you're making money and things are going well

00:19:22.180 and you still don't have time for yourself and you still don't have the ability to

00:19:27.460 uh live a life you're not running your shit right you're running your shit inefficiently yeah okay

00:19:34.780 and this is why the when i talk about the 24-hour game and the power list is so important um

00:19:41.340 because when and by the way you can get the power list podcast uh for free it's called win the day

00:19:48.580 episode 16 on real af you want to go listen to that um it'll give you the the play to run um

00:19:56.120 but the whole thing is is like dude you can only do so much in a day so if once you do your five

00:20:03.520 five critical tasks in a day you the rest of your day is free for you to live your life that's the whole

00:20:11.280 idea of the powerless system which by the way all these other motherfuckers are trying to steal now and

00:20:16.660 pretend like it's there core five or whatever the fuck they call it look dude i've been running this

00:20:22.820 system for damn near 30 years okay it fucking works and the reason i created the system was because i

00:20:29.340 understood very simply that i needed to enjoy the process along the way so the whole point and by the

00:20:35.900 way um if you're in operator standard if you're in the operator standard app you understand you're

00:20:41.260 starting to understand this very well we're playing a 24-hour game and there's only so many

00:20:47.660 things that you can get done in a day and as an entrepreneur there's going to be a list a mile long

00:20:51.800 whenever you choose to address it it's going to be there tomorrow it's going to be there the next day the

00:20:59.140 list never gets shorter so you have to decide what a win is for me a win is very simple five critical

00:21:05.600 tasks a day those do not include my to-dos these are critical tasks that move my business forward

00:21:10.360 my goals forward once those things are done the rest of the day is mine to to do with whatever i

00:21:16.400 want now i choose usually to like continue to work yeah reinvest that time back but when i would yeah

00:21:22.240 because because dude i like being here and i like being around the guys and i like doing the the things

00:21:26.680 right but when i was younger you know um you know i this is even when we were building the business like

00:21:34.660 i i would do the five critical tasks if i got done by noon bro i'd fucking leave i'd go fucking do

00:21:40.900 whatever i want drive my car or you know fucking whatever yeah so you have to come up with a way

00:21:47.900 for you to enjoy your life as you go down the process because here's the thing dude this this

00:21:53.220 place that you're trying to get to where you're like when is it going to be my time if you don't adjust

00:21:58.720 how you see your day it'll never be your time there will always be a list there will always be

00:22:05.220 shit to do there's always going to be problems there's always going to be people and you have to

00:22:10.760 understand that true happiness is not this destination that you're trying to get to

00:22:17.380 enjoying your life is not this destination enjoying your life is something that you do on a daily basis

00:22:23.720 right so this idea and a lot of people have this especially um when it comes to winning and making

00:22:30.760 money and shit or running a business you know once i get here everything will be great but dude you're

00:22:36.620 never going to get there and i'm not saying you won't get to your goals but when you get to your goals

00:22:41.340 you're going to have new goals because that's what fucking winners do so if you're constantly stacking

00:22:46.380 new shit on new shit on new shit on new shit you tell me when you're going to live your life

00:22:51.040 the answer is fucking never yeah and by the way your business should be built in a way where you

00:22:57.600 enjoy it i was about to say you like the people yeah you like the people you work with you like

00:23:03.380 dude i love coming here every day honestly dude like i could be in the worst mood ever in the morning

00:23:10.100 and once i walk in here i fucking love being here this is this is you should build your business

00:23:16.560 understanding that you are going to spend a lot most of your time there so you want to work with

00:23:24.320 people that you like you want to do things that you think are cool you want to build things that

00:23:28.360 you enjoy building you want to create things that you're proud of these are important things to being

00:23:33.680 happy long term and because money is not going to be the only thing that does it now i can promise

00:23:38.540 you this you're never going to be happy with no money right like all your friends are going to say

00:23:42.900 stupid shit like oh you're going to live your life well how are they living their life oh they're

00:23:48.360 living it in the fucking basement playing call of duty or they're living it in a bar stool that's not

00:23:52.460 living a life bro so you know you got to reframe how you think about it and you got to reorganize

00:23:59.100 your effectiveness and make sure that you're looking at your life on a 24-hour basis and just stacking

00:24:06.500 wins win win win win win win and part of those wins every day is being effective enough to have a

00:24:14.560 fucking life okay like dude really um if you're in a place right now where you're like oh this is

00:24:21.440 consuming me and i'm working 17 hours a day like dude yeah that sometimes you have to do that stuff

00:24:27.340 sometimes it lasts for a couple years when they're through two three years especially when you're

00:24:31.380 starting but the reality is is that you have to build a life and a business that you enjoy

00:24:38.700 because that does become your life right yeah absolutely dude i love it yeah i love it dude

00:24:46.280 i thought it was a tough thing it is it's a nuanced thing yeah it is it's a it's a fucking there's nuance

00:24:51.740 to everything in business and life and performance um but it's you know

00:24:57.740 if you're a driven person okay here's the thing if you're a driven person like i said you're gonna

00:25:05.340 you're gonna you're gonna get 90 to where you want to go and then you're gonna be have a new set of

00:25:10.820 goals it's going to be grow the business bigger it's going to be do this thing and that's the only

00:25:15.480 way to win long term is to continue to reset the bar okay because if you become one of these people

00:25:20.860 that just gets to the point and they say oh i got it now you're like we talked about in the first

00:25:25.760 question okay because here's what you don't understand and a lot of people fail to understand

00:25:31.640 this everybody else is continuously moving forward they're innovating they're pushing they're working

00:25:39.800 they're trying so the market is always shifting forward okay advancements are always happening

00:25:46.960 the minute you say oh i'm good man i got i got my you know five hundred thousand dollar house at the

00:25:53.000 lake and i got a bmw and you know i got a bass boat or whatever the fuck you're into that listen

00:25:59.200 you're gonna get killed because you're gonna stop right where you are and everybody else is gonna pass

00:26:05.020 you by and this is how the game works so the only way to win long term is to be like the first guy

00:26:10.920 who's always stacking on top expanding new innovative pushing harder getting bigger scaling out

00:26:20.480 which means more responsibility which means the place you're trying to get to is mythical it doesn't

00:26:26.300 actually exist it exists every single day and you have to be aware of that once you're aware of that

00:26:32.280 your life perspective changes and it becomes you know like because people are always asking me they're

00:26:38.180 like well dude how do you balance work and life it is my life like it's just my life you know like it's

00:26:44.680 that doesn't mean that work is my life or life is my life it means it's all one thing yeah you know

00:26:50.580 what i mean it's also a day-to-day thing like you said man like yeah there's gonna be some days where

00:26:54.100 yeah i did i did i had great balance today yeah there'll be some days where like that fucking scale

00:26:58.860 is chipped to the other side yeah it just is what it is yeah let's try again tomorrow listen dude the

00:27:03.060 balance is a macro balance it's not it's not micro balance you know people people misunderstand

00:27:09.560 like they they think they gotta have a certain amount of time every day like you know uh at

00:27:18.180 four o'clock i gotta walk out the door because that's this time well if that's the life you want

00:27:21.940 you shouldn't be an entrepreneur that's not reality that's never gonna happen and you're never gonna

00:27:26.880 win in that in that situation it's not gonna work you should be an employee that gets a job

00:27:32.640 and comes in and goes home is happy with staying exactly where you are okay because there's three

00:27:39.140 kinds of people there's the people who come in and you know they they do their job and they get paid

00:27:47.860 and then they go home then there's the people that come in and they progress they improve their skill

00:27:54.040 set they do more than to ask they anticipate needs they contribute to the winning those people move up

00:27:59.080 and then there's the people who create from the ground the ground zero which is an entrepreneur okay

00:28:04.920 all three are needed all three of those things are needed and valued you have to decide which you

00:28:11.080 one you want to be but you don't get the benefits of being an employee and the winnings of being an

00:28:16.900 entrepreneur it doesn't fucking work like that so you got to understand dude what you're signing up for

00:28:22.140 you know you're signing up for a different kind of life you're signing up to play a different game

00:28:26.860 and all this shit that you see online and all these posts and all this fucking nonsense that's for other

00:28:33.940 people dude that's not for you you know it's not applicable it's not i love it yeah that's real man

00:28:40.780 that's where we got one more question for you and you got uh guys andy question number three uh

00:28:45.820 andy my question to you is i've been a general manager for a restaurant for three and a half years now

00:28:51.340 i started in the restaurant industry eight years ago and i've worked my way from a line cook to the

00:28:56.780 position i'm in now i'm only 25 years old and i have turned the restaurant i'm running now from a 1.3

00:29:03.140 million operation to a 2.3 million dollar operation in three and a half years uh i mean this with respect

00:29:09.880 to the owner but he is more of an investor i am the uh day in day out running the operation no

00:29:17.100 exaggerations i know i'm young but i have this calling of being great i mean that with 100%

00:29:23.820 confidence i know i can run a restaurant and make it successful my goal is to start my own restaurant

00:29:30.220 due to the fact that my boss does not believe in raises i've not received one in three and a half

00:29:35.160 years even with the growth of the company we're in uh we are about to open up our second location

00:29:40.320 there's still no talks of more compensation i'm in the position where i know i could be successful in

00:29:45.500 doing my own thing but i have paralysis that's keeping me from doing it i'm not scared to fail

00:29:51.620 i'm sure there will be some failures in my future but one thing is i won't quit what advice would you

00:29:57.660 give to a 25 year old who has a wife and a newborn baby to get out of that paralysis and kick open the

00:30:03.920 door and start their own thing and become one of the great business entrepreneurs in this country

00:30:08.520 it's very simple what you're going to life going to look like if you don't do it

00:30:12.540 if you stay right where you are and this dude pays you right what he pays you which you clearly

00:30:18.140 said he was going to and you stay five more years there what's your life going to look like

00:30:22.760 very simple you already know the answer okay and by the way if you are who you say you are

00:30:30.540 and you are one of these people that's called to be great and you are one of these people that has

00:30:36.440 always known like i'm meant for something more i'm supposed to be winning i'm supposed to be doing

00:30:42.520 this and you you feel that on the inside because no one's going to come tell you that like that's

00:30:47.180 a calling how much money would it have for he for him to pay you how much money would he have to pay

00:30:53.580 you for you to give up on that he couldn't even fucking afford it bro okay like if he came and said

00:30:58.920 hey there's a million bucks a year and you truly have what you say you have it wouldn't be enough

00:31:04.340 not enough okay so you're not this isn't even about the money this is about what the fuck you're

00:31:10.140 going to do with your life and yeah clearly you do know how to run a restaurant but running a

00:31:14.340 restaurant isn't the end-all be-all can you create a brand out of the restaurant can you

00:31:18.140 can you create a place where it provides the financial outcome that you actually want to

00:31:25.880 provide are you like managing something and starting something from scratch are two different

00:31:31.720 fucking things okay you have a great perspective because you've grown up you went through the line

00:31:38.300 cook you went you learned all the jobs now you're managing yeah huge deal yeah still not the same

00:31:43.460 thing still not the same thing as putting your balls on the line and and fucking writing checks

00:31:49.120 not knowing if you're going to be able to pay him okay it's still it's it's not the same thing dude

00:31:54.060 at the end of the day that guy who you say is an investor his ass is on the line yours isn't

00:32:00.540 all right and that's why those people get make the most money because they can handle the

00:32:05.500 uncertainty and most people can't what most people don't understand is that they're living in a

00:32:10.560 situation of uncertainty anyway because what if the restaurant fucking tanks yeah what if it get what

00:32:15.940 if something happens what if someone finds a mouse head in the fucking steak and it makes the news

00:32:21.400 yeah right okay like you're like one fucking thing away from being unemployed you just don't understand

00:32:27.000 that so how i would look at this if i were you is what's my life going to look like if i don't do

00:32:35.020 this okay because if you are truly called to become what you say you want to become which is one of the

00:32:42.680 greatest entrepreneurs and i'm assuming uh restaurant doors you can't do that where you're at

00:32:49.180 you know and every day that you fucking stay there is a day that you're not going to get to live

00:32:54.200 that out so you got to be real about what you're trying to trade and i understand

00:32:59.260 yeah it's fucking scary but you know what the game is you know what the game is the game is fucking

00:33:05.820 jump and figure it the fuck out that's the entrepreneur game okay and not everybody's built

00:33:11.320 for it dude there's a lot of great managers there's a lot of great managers that cannot do that part of

00:33:17.720 they cannot fucking do it it is a different i was actually just getting my hair cut and i was

00:33:24.600 thinking about this and dude i was thinking like

00:33:29.880 like i'd just be honest exactly what i thought exactly what i thought was if people actually

00:33:38.120 knew what goes on in my head on a daily basis they would never be an entrepreneur no no they'd be

00:33:44.020 in therapy somewhere yeah yeah for real because like legit i'm sitting here and i'm thinking

00:33:50.320 about the new arcane tech then i'm thinking about first form then i'm thinking about s2 then i'm

00:33:58.060 thinking about cannabis then i'm thinking about tequila then i'm thinking about fucking uh the show

00:34:02.960 then i'm thinking and his thoughts are all fucking like trying to organize themselves in my brain

00:34:07.900 and my fucking head is hurting like legit i'm sitting in the chair i'm like i got a fucking headache

00:34:12.320 and then i thought well fuck i think everybody's head would fucking ache if they had all this shit

00:34:17.140 going on at one time yeah okay and it's just not for most people it's just not because it consumes

00:34:28.260 you dude and then like on top of it try to have a normal relationship it's almost fucking impossible

00:34:35.340 because here's the thing dude i'm always there i'm always there i'm always there i'm all my brain

00:34:42.300 is always it's so hyper vigilant to solving problems that when there aren't problems guess

00:34:48.720 what that's a problem i try to find a fucking problem that's right okay so my so your mind

00:34:54.040 becomes so conditioned to to executing and solving problems that it's almost impossible to be at peace

00:35:02.100 because even when you're everything is calm and everything is going okay you're still in this

00:35:09.900 place of like all right something's going to happen i got to fuck it what's going to happen

00:35:14.040 i'm going to anticipate because true entrepreneurs are anticipating needs they're not reacting they're

00:35:20.060 anticipating so when i'm sitting on the beach somewhere doing normal rich guy shit you know

00:35:26.240 what's going through my head all right this could happen here's how we protect against this this could

00:35:32.280 happen here's how we do this and i'm doing that for fucking all these different things at once

00:35:37.400 and dude it sounds it sounds insane to people like hey guys we're about to start playing on it

00:35:41.000 that's not a problem oh yeah you guys know you guys fucking know these dudes will get these dudes

00:35:46.080 will get texts in the middle of fucking night they have nothing to do with fucking anything that we

00:35:50.180 talked about sounds like hey we got to do this and this and this and you and the you guys here

00:35:55.520 the podcast team will be like i know you're thinking it you don't say it but like what the fuck

00:35:59.460 you know like it sounds insane to the average person it sounds insane to my own fucking team

00:36:05.460 yeah but like bro i'm looking way down the pipe i'm looking way down the pipe i'm looking all right

00:36:10.560 here's where things are going here's where we got to be positioned this is what needs to happen

00:36:16.100 and when that's going on on multiple projects bro your brain doesn't have the capacity to process

00:36:21.060 other kinds of information and luckily god blessed me with a pretty good fucking brain you know what i'm

00:36:26.460 saying like so i think you know for most people like dude that's a miserable life it's miserable

00:36:33.080 but for the people who are built for it that's all they fucking want and that's all they want

00:36:37.900 okay like when i when i sit down and you know dana and i talk right or i talk with fucking her mosey

00:36:43.900 or any of my buddies who are hyper successful uh ed my let we're we're all we're all like that

00:36:50.320 we're like dude when you sit down like you sit down and have a cigar with ed

00:36:54.660 you might sit there in fucking silence

00:36:57.260 and that's the cool that is a cool thing like when you're other around other high achieving people

00:37:03.380 you could sit there in like super fucking silence for an hour just thinking and then you know alex

00:37:09.780 will say something like have you ever thought of this or what about that right and like it's just

00:37:15.440 it's it's a it's just a different kind of dude bro or a woman it's just a different person and for

00:37:21.260 most people they can't fucking handle that dude and that's not me saying beating my chest saying

00:37:26.300 oh i have this no that's just what i'm built to do not everybody's built for it bro and that's one

00:37:31.760 of the biggest problems with entrepreneurship and i don't want to discourage people by saying this

00:37:35.520 but you have you have to be built for fucking war bro you have to be built for it you you know

00:37:43.340 and i hate to use the example because like i don't want to disrespect like actual warriors but your

00:37:49.120 mindset's the same okay i'm thinking of all my people and i'm thinking of like because at this

00:37:54.820 point dude it's really not about me anymore okay it's about my fucking people yeah i'm thinking of

00:38:00.200 all the things and i'm like okay i gotta protect it's just like being it being a battlefield yeah

00:38:06.860 you know i've never been on one but i imagine this is what it's like yeah okay here's what could

00:38:11.460 happen this is what could all right i need you guys to move over here because they're gonna fucking

00:38:15.200 hit here and if you don't move you're gonna get fucking killed and that's the same concept in

00:38:20.880 business you're moving chess pieces to win this game and uh you know most people look at that and

00:38:28.500 they say well that's no way to live your life but like dude you know and you've been there when i've

00:38:33.620 been talking to dana you know what fucking dana said i fucking love it i love it i fucking love this

00:38:37.540 shit with a smile right and and dude they do love it and i love it yeah but like i most of you

00:38:43.500 would be fucking miserable and i don't mean that out of disrespect i just mean that

00:38:48.340 as a fact like you just it's not for you pick one thing be good at it make some money keep moving

00:38:55.660 down the pipe don't do 500 things do the what you know like there's levels to entrepreneurs bro

00:39:01.480 like there's there's like inside okay so it's it's basically eight percent of the population is

00:39:11.460 actual entrepreneurs and less than one percent are actually successful and inside that less than one

00:39:17.140 percent there's like levels in that one percent okay and like the true fucking killers like these

00:39:25.540 mother all they want to do is fucking hunt bro that's all they fucking want to do they they're built

00:39:30.900 for it they're built for conquering they're built for building like bro if i was if i was in the

00:39:35.240 fucking you know uh the the the 1200 year you know if i was living in the year 1200 bro i'd be

00:39:44.620 conquering fucking world you know i'm saying like i'd be i'd be riding in on horses and we'd be killing

00:39:49.880 motherfuckers and it would be straight up uh conquering because that's what i'm fucking built to do

00:39:55.480 i get to do it in business which is great and safe yeah yeah not always not always like people

00:40:01.880 like die you know yeah man not always not always bro you get you get in there and you get into big

00:40:09.160 money shit and you start fucking with people they they don't they don't uh like this is another thing

00:40:15.480 like when you get into big money and there's big money on the line people do all kinds of fucked up

00:40:21.260 shit bro they'll hire people to go get a job at your company and try to corporate espionage

00:40:26.180 they'll try to sabotage you they'll try to fuck with you they'll threaten you like these are like

00:40:31.280 it's a different world bro it's like fucking old school gangster shit and you got to be a real

00:40:36.360 fucking gangster to deal with it that's real so and you know you know that bro listen so i did it

00:40:42.220 you know uh and i don't say that to discourage people because you can condition yourself but it's all

00:40:50.040 about what the fuck you actually want like what the fuck do you want right do you do you do you

00:40:55.780 like you have to be real about what you want and nobody really ever asks themselves what do i really

00:41:00.200 want they see the car they see the house they see the they see the fucking garage they see the

00:41:04.460 the private travel they see the hobnobbing with other people and they say fuck i want that

00:41:09.480 but they want that they don't want the fucking shit that comes with it right because there's 20 years

00:41:16.140 of backstory for these dudes all of them 20 30 years of just eating fucking shit to get to that

00:41:23.460 point and like dude that's not for everybody man yeah it's just not and uh but but it's achievable

00:41:28.940 for everybody that's the thing you can do it do you want to do it is the is the question so like to this

00:41:38.220 guy who's saying i want to be with the greatest ever bro you're going to trade a lot for that there's a

00:41:44.120 lot um the greatest rest restauranteurs in the world they're they're no different than dana white

00:41:52.000 in their world right they run their fucking world dana said something to me dude he when we were

00:41:57.520 talking about trump one time he's like you know how you run you run your world right and i'm like

00:42:03.040 yeah and he goes i run my world he goes donald trump runs the world so but there's levels yeah okay

00:42:10.740 so like like you can criticize trump all you want and that's why like i get a good read on what's

00:42:16.560 going on with the dude because i understand the level of where the fuck he is he that dude's a

00:42:21.820 straight up fucking warrior bro you can't get where he got without being that way it's required

00:42:26.340 it's dude it's a different kind of dude and it's just not something that most people can fucking do

00:42:33.840 because and not because they can't do it they can't survive the process of doing it they'll

00:42:39.960 fucking go crazy so i believe that you could become who you want to become and i believe that

00:42:48.140 you think you want to be great but you have to ask yourself are you willing to pay the price

00:42:53.760 of greatness because that is the most important question i want to do one little final follow-up on

00:43:00.980 this for you uh i know i know we're running out of time but i want to ask you this because the money

00:43:06.500 aspect of not getting the raise aspect that you mentioned right okay cool like and again what if

00:43:10.580 you don't do it you stay there how realistic do we need to be like he's not about to start this

00:43:16.000 entrepreneur path okay it's very simple make some money either very simple you know i'm saying very

00:43:20.340 simple you work in okay i worked two three other jobs the first 10 years i was in business

00:43:28.420 i worked those jobs to support myself so the business could stay open yeah this is the part

00:43:35.640 nobody talks about so if you're going through an adjustment of working for someone else but then

00:43:41.480 starting your own thing you got to minimize your life you got to get rid of that nice car you got

00:43:46.880 to get a piece of shit you got to get rid of that nice condo or that nice house and go live in a

00:43:52.020 shithole okay you got to downsize your life to where you can just function then when you're to that

00:43:57.880 place you're working towards the thing and then when the thing starts to pay a little bit of money

00:44:02.820 and you can survive over there like you start a restaurant things start going well you're able

00:44:07.380 to start making a little bit of money when you're able to replace the income that comes from that you

00:44:13.400 are doing the other jobs of support that's when you make the full jump yeah okay um not a moment

00:44:19.200 before no no but most people aren't willing to take that step backwards because it's a little

00:44:23.560 embarrassing yeah right so that's where the hang-up is for most people most people don't

00:44:28.740 want to go from driving a you know a a fucking tahoe or a denali to driving a fucking 1987 beater

00:44:36.440 yeah ford ranger right exactly that's right people don't want to do that and uh and that ends up

00:44:42.080 costing them their entire lives like that's fucking crazy that's part of that process for sure that's

00:44:47.320 fucking crazy and by the way i just want to hit on this too and this goes for everybody who's an

00:44:52.320 entrepreneur or an employee no one's giving you a fucking raise like that doesn't that's not what

00:44:57.480 happens bro like very few companies will proactively come and say hey here's the fucking raise your job

00:45:03.040 is you understand like you work for you okay now you might be part of a team but you're bringing

00:45:09.620 something unique to the team what's that worth you have to start thinking of it as like the operator

00:45:15.300 thinks of it what is my value here and if your value is not really strong you got to build value

00:45:22.720 if your value is strong and you're not getting the recognition then you have to be very tactful

00:45:27.160 and say okay here's what i do this is what i believe it's worth and you have to go have a conversation

00:45:33.200 and say with the fucking facts by the way not bullshit here's the facts i do this i do this i do this

00:45:40.440 i think it's worth this i'm currently getting paid that i would like to have a talk with you

00:45:46.900 about this that's where the conversation starts and a lot of people right away in what would

00:45:52.940 otherwise be great careers because they're afraid to have a conversation like that you're you know

00:45:59.080 how many people quit their fucking jobs because they're like oh i'm not getting paid enough well

00:46:02.720 did you fucking ask to get paid more maybe we had a meeting did did did you did you display your

00:46:07.500 value right are you being honest with yourself about your value right like dude and then what

00:46:13.300 happens is these people quit and they go somewhere else and they have the same habit they they think

00:46:17.480 that everybody's going to just reward them and part of being successful is like everybody likes to say

00:46:25.960 oh i fucking know my worth the motherfuckers that say that don't have no worth they just don't

00:46:30.940 your job should be to be so fucking good so good so good that the company couldn't operate without

00:46:41.080 you and when you can get to that point you can write your own fucking check and that's the way

00:46:47.260 you should think about it as an entrepreneur or as an employee if you just consistently get frustrated

00:46:53.160 because you're not making enough money and go from thing to thing to thing to thing to thing

00:46:56.600 you're no different than the entrepreneur that quits over after two years and they end up wasting

00:47:01.340 their whole lives in seven different fucking businesses that never work all right so part of

00:47:07.060 maturity and part of like and by the way a lot of people are full of shit okay a lot of people will

00:47:14.480 come in and they'll say i'm so worth this and that doesn't mean anything dude that doesn't just

00:47:19.100 because you feel like you're supposed to make more money doesn't mean you're worth more money

00:47:24.040 okay you have to come with the facts you have to show your worth and it's your job not the employer's

00:47:31.960 job to compile that and display that worth and in an ideal situation you work for a good ethical

00:47:39.880 company they will recognize your value beforehand right but that's not most places no most places

00:47:47.760 you're gonna have to go and you're gonna have to say hey boss here's what i do this is what i've

00:47:53.780 done these are the things that i handle this is how good it gets done do you agree that it gets

00:47:58.060 done well yes i agree well here's what i'd like to be paid and that's a normal conversation that a

00:48:03.740 lot of young people just fucking won't ever have that's a grown-up adult that's it dude you should

00:48:08.540 never be embarrassed to talk about money you should never be embarrassed to talk about money that is

00:48:14.720 a fucking real thing okay and so many young people will ruin their lives because they cannot have

00:48:21.600 a conversation about fucking money it's a normal thing but it's on you and if you aren't willing

00:48:28.420 to put those things together and display it in a way that makes sense or actually be valuable you're

00:48:33.600 gonna fucking rot that's the reality dude so you have you you have to be undeniably great

00:48:39.660 you have to display that you're undeniably great if a good company you work for a good company and

00:48:46.240 say fuck i love that guy we got to fucking keep him but not every place is like that so it's on you

00:48:51.300 to market yourself you see what i'm saying absolutely this guy's situation you got something

00:48:55.480 scratching on the inside of you oh it doesn't matter for that guy if for for this dude particular i was

00:49:00.860 just addressing everybody yeah yeah no for sure for this guy in particular if that's true what you say

00:49:06.560 and it's true you you need to leave that fucking job and figure it the fuck out because you will

00:49:12.760 fucking ruin your life i love it man i love it dude well guys andy that was three all right guys

00:49:19.760 we'll see you tonight 7 p.m central don't be a hoe show the show

00:49:23.800 yeah went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a pole fuck a stove counted millions

00:49:30.780 in the code bad bitch booted swole got her on bankroll can't fold doesn't know headshot case closed

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - January 26, 2026

993. Q&AF： Building A New Identity, Work Vs ＂Me Time＂ & Progress Paralysis

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