996. Q&AF Ft. Tim Grover： Success After Failures, Handling The Pressure Of Winning & ＂Working Hard＂ Vs Results
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Summary
In this episode of the Q&A show, we have Tim Grover on the show to talk about the 75 Hard Program and how it changed his life. Tim is the author of the book, "The Book on Mental Toughness" and is one of the most influential people in the mental toughness community.
Transcript
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what is up guys it's andy for selling this is the show for the real let's say goodbye to the lies
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the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today we
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have q and a f that's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers dj is going to tell you
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how to submit your questions guys you can email these questions in to ask andy at andy for seller
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dot com you can also click the link in the description below to submit them for a chance
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to be read or drop them in the comment section of the q and a f episodes at any for seller motivation
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on youtube now this is your first time listening we have shows within the show uh tonight we're
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going to have cti live at 7 p.m central time on youtube and x formerly known as twitter
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uh sometimes we're going to have real talk real talk is just 5 to 20 minutes of me giving you some
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real talk and then we have 75 hard verses 75 hard verses where someone who's completed the 75 hard
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program comes on the show we talk about how they were before how they are now and how they use the
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75 hard program to transform their lives if you're unfamiliar with 75 hard as the initial phase of the
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live hard program which is the world's most famous mental transformation program in history
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and you get it for free at episode 208 on the audio feed again that's 208 on the audio feed
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there's also a book the book is available at andy for seller.com it's called the book on mental
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toughness uh and i happen to have the guy who wrote the forward for the book sitting directly in
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front of me it wasn't amy yeah it's not dj uh it's mr tim grover what's happening bro everything's
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excellent brother what an honor man to be able to do that forward for you bro you have no idea
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it's not your honor it's mine what's the first thing you said when he asked you
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well i didn't first thing that came to mind of course yeah of course the only thing was the
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background story about that is um my agent sherry got a call saying we listen we need the forward we
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need the forward like right away and she said that and she got in contact with me we wrote the
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forward we sent it to it what came out a year and a half later oh yeah hey it took it took us a minute
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it took us a minute but uh a lot of you guys don't know but um you know tim has been one of the guiding
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i guess mentors in my life for a very long time uh and i was introduced to tim through his book
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relentless uh when i read that book i was pretty sure that uh i was the only person like me on the
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planet i was in a very dark space uh i was like a lot of you guys very ambitious working very hard
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and felt completely out of place and i read that book and and i say this often dude i think it saved my
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life for sure i know it did and um you know to have you write the forward of my book is just
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i mean bro it's one of the coolest things that's ever happened in my life oh so it's an honor man
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you know how we i feel about you and you by the work that you've done your history what you've built
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everything you as a person so it wasn't even uh and we get asked all the time i mean i know how
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often i get asked i don't even know how many times sherry gets emailed about people asking us to do
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forwards and quotes for the book and the answer is no
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it's pretty awesome man it's pretty cool to to have you as a friend and and to to you know
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how we met was pretty cool um you know i i read the book i posted about the book on my instagram
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and you sold a couple books and uh and then we met at cardone's uh 10x yes first one and that was
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like sitting right next to each other yeah yeah it was pretty cool man i was like man there's tim
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grover and you turned around you're like andy and i'm like holy shit tim grover knows who i am
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and andy was wearing a suit yeah no shit that's right that's right but uh but we have him here
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today to go through some uh some q a with you guys so it's a very special day for you guys and i
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guess we'll just get right into it man yeah let's do it man i got some good ones for you
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you do i i usually do all right so here we go guys andy tim question number one uh hey andy
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my name is ty and i'm from nebraska uh since i was 16 i've been listening to you i'm 21 now
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and have successfully failed my first business i started a construction company in 2025 and by 2026
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we are done and now i'm restarting i don't have a great path in mind but i know i need to pay bills
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make money survive for now i was wondering if you had any wise words of mf wisdom for a 21 year old
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who's determined to be a millionaire by 25 well first i'd say uh you're lucky to have that lesson
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in your in your repertoire now as opposed to later um you know right now when you're young a lot of
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people you know they're scared of failing they're scared of looking stupid and you already got that
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part out of the way yeah all right so uh um you know when it comes to losing man you know you can
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hate to lose but also value the lessons that it learned that that it teaches you and um you know
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where you're at in your life this isn't going to be your last loss uh but hopefully it's your most
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important and you have to ask yourself you know instead of worrying about like how silly you look
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or a failed business or any of these things you have to just ask yourself what you learned because
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this path that we're on as entrepreneurs is a lifelong path you know uh tim and i talk about this a lot
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you know when you're a pro athlete you have you know eight to twelve years if you're lucky if you're
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lucky right and entrepreneurship is a unique game where you get to compete at the highest level but
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it goes for as long as you want to play and you know sometimes people opt out sometimes people
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write it all the way to the end but the point of the matter is is that you're very young and to have
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started and failed a business at the age of 21 it really honestly is probably the best thing that you
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could have going for you uh when i started in business you know i i started with a lot of little
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things you know even back to when i was a kid i started you know um selling baseball cards selling
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light bulbs door to door uh doing all these different things and you know none of them worked
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but every single time i went through one of these these situations where things didn't work
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i learned a lesson and as i've grown as an entrepreneur over the course of my life
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i've started to change things from wins and losses to um lessons okay what did i learn here what did i
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learn there and that goes for both the wins and the losses and i think to to play the long game
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you know you have to attach less of your identity to the outcomes in terms of wins or losses and more of
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your identity to the process okay what am i doing every single day what lessons have i learned how is that
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going to help me get where i want to go and that goes for both the wins and the losses this is like
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you know you guys saw um indiana win national championship last week you know they interviewed
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signetti right after the game and he said he said what are you going to do he said i'm gonna have a beer
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okay but i guarantee you he probably didn't have to right he probably i bet you the day after that
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he was back in the game working for that next one and that next one and you know you're gonna lose
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games you're gonna lose businesses you're gonna lose relationships you're gonna lose um but if you
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keep going it's not a loss it's just a lesson so i think the main thing that you got to keep in mind
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here as a young man is that you're gonna have these situations repeat over and over and over again and
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most people will identify a big loss like that as a defining moment in their life in a bad way
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when in reality every great person that i've ever met defines their losses as just part of the
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journey they see it as a necessity that led to the outcome that they were after down the road um
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so you know that that's my advice man it's really just as simple as is continuing to work down the
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path and continue to get better i mean what do you think tim well first of all i'm still waiting
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on my light bulbs from you yeah i didn't realize it was you yeah um obviously everything that you
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said is absolutely true the one thing i would say in part of his question is uh one of the reasons i
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think a lot of people fail in their thing is they put a timeline on like you know i have to be like he
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said i have to i want to be a millionaire by the time i'm 25 right all right so you try to you try
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to accelerate everything and you may not be ready to accelerate at the speed that you that you think
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you're prepared for so throw that throw that number or that timeline out and like you said continue with
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the process continue continue to work and because things and you you say this all the time is things
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always take longer than you anticipate they just they just do they just do and your story is not is
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not unique um you know obviously you know you said you've been listening to this to the podcast since
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you've been 16 so then you should be very familiar with first forms history when you guys opened up your
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first store and everybody was sleeping in the store and i think i don't remember your first
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month or something you made like twelve dollars or eight yeah seven bucks our first day yeah yeah
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yeah so you don't you don't have a you don't have a unique you don't have a unique story so a lot of
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people have gone through this so when you're taking a vet when you're taking the lessons from these
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individuals listen don't think you're alone you're alone in this but whatever mistakes you made
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you cannot continue to make those same mistakes it's like you know you have to learn you have to learn
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from this failure like they're saying failure is a learning process so if you're going through it and
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you like you're going to try to do it the exact same way the same method with even the same people
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and the same attitude it's not it's not going to it's not going to work there has to be some
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there has to be some adjustments there and maybe the people that you were doing
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business with or the some people involved in your business you got to look at them
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and see if they're part of the win or part of the loss yeah i also think it's important for
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everybody to understand like dude whether you're playing basketball or baseball or football or
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entrepreneurship or business i mean look dude you know you get in the you get in the hall of
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baseball for batting 300 you know what that means that means you fucking struck out or got out
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seven out of ten times and everybody that you guys look at and see as winning they don't necessarily
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show those parts of their journey you know they should but they don't and that's for a number of
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reasons you know one maybe maybe they've got a massive ego and they're embarrassed of of the things
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that they did wrong it's not cool flashy yeah but but the truth of the matter is is that
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you know in in my experience you know those have been the most valuable things the times when
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things didn't work out the times when things didn't go the way that it's supposed to go because
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it did allow just like tim said for you to audit and say okay i can make this decision this actually
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worked pretty good but this didn't work well um and then over the course of time you start to find
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that recipe where the things that work work and the things that you are weak uh you replace with with
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either people or systems or uh a new skill set and then you go at it again and i think a lot of
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people to your point tim when they put these timelines on them um you know they get to be the 25 and
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they're like well fuck i didn't make it so you know what it's not for me complete failure right and
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that's just not the game the game is very long and these people that you look at and you say i really
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want my life to look like that i mean dude i could guarantee if you get them and you get a couple
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beers in them they'll tell you all the horror stories they had to go through to get to that
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point and here's the thing is just you look at the successful people and you talk to them and you you go
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to them like man you made it the first thing i'll tell you i haven't made anything yeah i haven't made
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anything it's a it's a it's an infinity journey it doesn't it doesn't it doesn't end and that i'm not
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always saying that's a that's the best thing but the true entrepreneurship the journey never the journey
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never stops it just doesn't i think you know it's also important to note dude that you know the people
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who fail the biggest in life are usually the people that won early okay we see this over and over
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again we see this with the nvp of the high school football game oh yeah or we see this with a point
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right you started out and you know you you hit on something and it made you some money right up front
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and what happens is or you know like we see this uh with with people's physical bodies right they were
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in shape uh they were attractive they were and then you see them when they're 40 and you're like who
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the fuck is this right and the the reason for that is is because they never actually had to learn the
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skill set to produce that outcome and a lot of people who lose in life the worst are people who
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won once they won once and then they can't win again because they attach their identity to that
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one win that came because you know what there is some things that you're going to swing and you're
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going to hit real hard and it might work out a little bit but if you don't develop the work ethic
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the skills the habits that come behind that you can't replicate it and so the truth of the matter
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is to this guy who's asked this question bro you're in a much better spot than anybody could be
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over the course of the long term by failing that so early okay if you had won that business so early
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here's what your attitude would be everything i do wins yeah everything i touch turns to gold
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and i know this from being around a lot of uh business people and a lot of people who have lost
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in their entrepreneurship journey they constantly talk about that one time they won and they attach way
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too much to that one win uh as opposed to you know are you winning consistently what's it look like
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five years from now 10 years from now 20 years from now and so i actually think that winning early
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is a very dangerous thing for people um because they never learn the skills or or or develop the
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the lessons that they need to learn to replicate that over the course of their life the one thing i would
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also tell them i was like take a little journey into your upbringing
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all right how you how your parents if you have siblings how how they handled
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winning and losing when you were growing up not only for themselves for you
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because that will that has a lot to do with your identity yeah how much you attach yourself to it
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yeah yeah well bro you know i mean if you grow up around parents that are you know look dude there's
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two there's there's the story of like the two sons right they have an alcoholic father and
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one son never touches alcohol because he saw what his alcoholic father did the other son
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does exactly what his father did and ends up with the exact same life and you have to have the
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awareness and the honesty to be able to look at your environment of where you grew up and say what did
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i pick up from that what did i see right and sometimes that shit ends in fun to look at because
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dude we love our parents and we we're happy that you know they they try their hardest and we care
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about them and you know it's it's hard to look at someone that you truly love and say man they kind of
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fucked me on that you know what i mean right but if you're aware if you if you develop that
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self-awareness to be able to truly dissect things for what they are that's where you want to be you
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want to live in that zone you don't want to attach your emotions to either you want to see things for
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what they are and when you can do that without emotion it makes your chances for success you know
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that much greater love it man i love it uh guys andy tim let's get to question number two
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um andy i feel like once people labeled me capable the expectations never stop i can't fail quietly
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anymore and that pressure makes every decision heavier it's like i am expected to succeed now
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so what do you do when you don't i know every single at bat isn't going to be a home run i get
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that but the people counting on me don't so how do you handle this i say that's a great fucking problem
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most people can't put the expectation of winning on themselves they have to have it put on them
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externally and when you're lucky enough to be in a situation where everybody expects you to fucking win
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that pressure is automatic and by the way nothing good ever comes without pressure so i would consider
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yourself pretty fortunate to have that because the worst thing that could happen were for you to be
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going through your life and be surrounded by people that just expect you to lose there's no pressure
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there's no there's no expectation and ideally you should have that expectation on yourself but
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sometimes it takes external pressure to to to to start embodying that full time because dude like we
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just talked about an hour ago it fucking it's heavy is the fucking head right when you're that dude guess
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what it comes with that dude shit yeah you know what i mean everybody wants to be everyone wants to sit
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in that chair everybody wants to sit in that seat until it's time to sit in that seat until it's time to
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make those decisions listen pressure is a privilege folk stop don't run from it you don't run you don't run
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from pressure you run toward you run towards it all right pressure defines who you are and who you're
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not but also defines who you can become all right so don't you know you sit here and you watch what
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separates the top business people the the ceos of the companies the the pressure when they have to make
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those when they have to make those decisions that affect you know tens and thousands of it of
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individuals when you're watching a baseball when you're watching a baseball player a pitcher or
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batter or basketball or a quarterback or so forth you know it's the it's the wins and losses comes
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from individuals that can handle the pressure that's not only internal but that's all that's also x
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that's also external obviously those people see something in you but make sure you're taking the
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the pressure the the the pressure the individuals that are putting the pressure on you are those
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individuals that does that have the right to do that all right this is this is you know it's just
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not people that are trying to that are looking to bank off of your bank off of your success so if you
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want to alleviate some of that pressure is alleviate those individuals alleviate those individuals then the
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pressure that that's bestowed on you is actually pressure that you want how do you think have
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you ever met anybody like i mean dude you've you've you've coached literally the greatest
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achievers in all different areas sports business etc have you ever met anybody that that that didn't
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want that not at the highest level the pressure yeah not not at that not not at the not at the
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highest level and then you know what you also look at it's your it's your consistent habits over and
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over again that people that people see that allows other individuals to believe you know believe believe
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in you you know you look at um michael in the you know in two of the championship games he gave the
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ball to ste he gave the ball to ste he gave the ball to ste he gave the ball to steve kerr for that shot he
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gave the other one he gave the other one to john paxton all right but it took him years of watching
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those individuals in games their practice habits how they showed up to be able to say okay i trust i
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trust those i trust those individuals to pass them the ball so it doesn't always you don't always have
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to be the a lot of times your best individuals on in the organization and team are the ones that can
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handle the pressure the best but they're also other individuals during certain circumstances you
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have you got to know who to pass the ball who to pass the ball to and let them say hey they're they're
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create that take that pressure sit take that pressure situation have everybody come your way
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and then make the right play how how i feel like a lot of people get stuck in this idea that they're
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the only ones that can operate during pressure which makes the pressure feel even greater well than
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what it is how does someone go about figuring out who's who in regards to who can also handle that
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pressure when the time comes well like i said you have to be around those individuals you it it has
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a lot to do with the dynamics that the dynamics of them growing up who they who they're hanging out
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with what situations they put in i mean now i hate to say this but you know society is the way in our
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system is it's pressure is not a good pressure is not a good thing anymore it's just you know it's
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everything and we got to treat everybody the same we can't make anybody look a certain way i mean
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there's schools now that literally when i went to school you had to make a presentation you got in
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front of the class or you got in front of the whole school and you had to go out there and stand in
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front of the audience and tell them what you had to say and so forth now because they don't want to
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they don't want to create anything different you can literally take your cell phone
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and record your presentation now under your own yeah yeah and the safety of a bedroom
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i got a note for because of my anxiety i can't do the presentation well then guess what bitch you're
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gonna lose you're gonna because that and then when you're exposed to that situation in real life and
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you will be at some point i don't care how protected you are yeah you have you have zero your body is a
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foreign substance your body doesn't even know what what it is you're crumbled yeah you're gonna be
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like what's gonna what's gonna happen well dude and that's why it's so important for you to seek out
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uncomfortable situations yes every single chance you get like if you struggle with speaking you should
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be trying to speak in front of two people three people five people as much as it takes for you to lose
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that that feeling okay and and what happens is over time your skill set becomes so strong and so
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competent bro you don't even notice that there's pressure like you don't even feel it like a lot of people
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think like they look at like high achievers and they think man that guy does really good under pressure
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except that guy doesn't even feel the pressure no that's that's it's not even in his mind there's no there's nobody
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that you watch on tv that is truly great at what they do whether it be ufc or baseball or basketball
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or this or that or this that they don't feel it because they've acclimated to it over and over and
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over and over and once you're acclimated to that level of pressure it seems like it's some sort of
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supernatural power but it's it's very methodical and it's very tactical and as long as you it's no
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different than a cold plunge okay you get in a cold plunge the first day i don't give a shit who
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you are bro you're gonna freak the fuck out okay but if you do it every day for a year okay
00:25:08.440
you're going to be around your buddies that have never been in a cold plunge before and you're going
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to get right in there and they're going to be like oh well that's that's no big deal but then when
00:25:16.040
they get in they they freak out so a lot of this is just acclimation dude it's just looking for
00:25:22.440
situations i mean the first thing is you got to be aware of your lack of skill right and you got
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to be aware that i need to work on this or i need to work on that and let me tell you something about
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speaking because it's a great it's a great thing to talk about right now there is not a better skill
00:25:39.000
than you can have than being able to communicate under pressure it is like the skill so you know when
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i first started public speaking i was speaking to my team and in the in the back of my in the front
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of my retail store and i had a piece of paper with some notes on it and my paper my hand was looking
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like this and there's eight people in the room and i'm freaking the fuck out but dude when you do that
00:26:03.560
like a lot of people will say well how the fuck did you learn how to speak well i had to do it every
00:26:08.280
single week for 10 years before i ever got on a stage and then when i got on the stage the first
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time i was freaking out but then i did that a gazillion times and then now it's like hey you
00:26:21.240
want to go speak in front of 10 000 people i'm like now yeah like you know like yeah like right you
00:26:27.080
need me like what do i need to say like which way you want me to go sure i'll go do it like these
00:26:31.960
this acclimation of pressure and and being in situations that make you uncomfortable is extremely
00:26:41.880
valuable because nobody was willing to do that fucking work bro like i was terrified to talk to
00:26:48.760
people in public terrified okay and even though i worked at a retail counter for 10 years i couldn't
00:26:58.680
go out in public and talk to people i could talk to them very well when they were in my environment
00:27:04.360
but i couldn't do it outside of that and i recognize that so you know what i did i made up a
00:27:09.080
little game a lot of you guys might recognize it from live hard what i did was i went to the
00:27:14.840
fucking grocery store and i said i gotta have three meaningful conversations and then i can go home
00:27:20.600
with strangers and this wasn't a uh you know nice shoes it was a conversation right
00:27:28.680
i had to make it and force it into a conversation and dude i did that for years for years i did that
00:27:35.640
every single day the skills i gained from that exercise are very very very responsible for the
00:27:43.640
outcome that i'm currently living in and you guys have to understand this goes for anything this doesn't
00:27:48.520
just go for speaking this goes for fuck if you're learning how to run or you're learning how to lift
00:27:54.120
weights or whatever dude it's just repetition after repetition after repetition to the point where
00:27:58.520
it just feels natural and most people when it comes to like pressure run from the pressure their
00:28:05.560
whole lives pressure is a bad thing pressure is something to be avoided and because they have
00:28:11.240
that mind frame they never acclimate to it the way that you need to to be effective
00:28:15.480
do you does any of your athletes uh you know like do they ever talk to you like hey tim i'm having
00:28:21.800
trouble with the pressure man i mean they might hit you privately and say hey man i'm getting a little
00:28:26.360
overwhelmed but and i always tell them when they get overwhelmed i was like look outside the game
00:28:34.680
look outside the game what what's it what what's the external thing that's bringing in because when
00:28:39.640
you get overwhelmed it's usually not by the situation it's all the external that's why i said you need to
00:28:43.880
take a look at these the these outside individuals and this goes back to a lot of pressure stuff has to
00:28:51.240
do with rejection so the one thing that was a great story that you just said about going to the grace
00:28:56.520
grocery store how many times did you walk up to somebody they thought i was a weirdo right yeah
00:29:01.720
just to reject just to reject you imagine going into the grocery store walking nice shoes they'd be like
00:29:06.200
oh yeah right yeah but just just being able that once that pressure situation being able just to
00:29:15.240
approach a stranger don't know who they are and that is more than actually striking up the conversation
00:29:22.360
once you get into there you're like i'm good yeah it's a huge huge deal and you can apply that to
00:29:28.280
anything that you want to get better at yeah so don't run from the pressure no no right if you want
00:29:33.400
to win no yeah you gotta you gotta run you got if you keep running from the pressure you're gonna be
00:29:37.560
running you're you're gonna be running your whole life man you just go most people do yeah you're just
00:29:41.400
gonna you're just gonna and eventually you're gonna get tired you know what you want you're gonna
00:29:44.760
you're gonna get you're gonna get tired you got to go deal go deal with that pressure man oh go deal
00:29:49.880
go deal with the internal pressure the external pressure whatever whatever it is go deal you will you
00:29:55.320
will be you will you will benefit so much for it in all aspects of your life and and here's the thing
00:30:03.080
if you don't deal with if you don't deal with the pressure for your fat for your family it's going to be
00:30:08.200
generation they're going to watch how you do it then the next generation is going to run from it
00:30:11.960
the next one's going to run from it somebody's got somebody's got to break the cycle absolutely love
00:30:16.760
it man i love it man guys andy tim we got uh question number three uh andy i've been working
00:30:24.520
hard for years but my results aren't where i thought they would be at by now at what mine either
00:30:32.920
everyone's working hard i hate man just this i i hate oh man i hate that i'm like seriously i've
00:30:41.320
been working i've been working everybody in this building got how many you got what how many employees
00:30:46.040
do you got yeah all right everyone's working working hard does not people think working hard guarantees
00:30:52.120
you results working hard does not guarantee you results it just doesn't are you working hard on the
00:30:59.240
right are you working hard on the right things you maybe think you're working hard all right you
00:31:03.640
may feel like you're working hard but you better look around and see how hard some of the other
00:31:08.360
individuals are working yeah yeah i mean that's that at what point do you do you stop telling yourself
00:31:13.880
to stay the course and instead admit you might need to change how you think work or or even who you
00:31:19.240
are well i think the first thing that tim said is the absolute truth okay everybody works hard dude
00:31:25.240
you're you're not even in the game if you don't work hard okay and it you know that this is a pet
00:31:30.760
peeve of mine too like these motherfuckers that come in bro they come in and they're like i'm a great
00:31:36.680
i'm a great on the team i'm a great team member i show up on time i work hard the
00:31:42.760
fuck you talking about bro that is like the minimum you have to do those things if you don't do those
00:31:49.240
things you don't even have a shot okay and you can work hard your entire life and still lose that's
00:31:58.120
the thing working hard at the wrong thing like you just said guarantees a loss so you have to have the
00:32:06.920
awareness for this person here are you making improvement how many years have you been working
00:32:14.920
have you been addressing your weak skill points have you been learning lessons or are you continuing
00:32:21.320
to just pound your head into that wall hoping that it's going to come down because i'm going to tell
00:32:25.160
you motherfucker it ain't okay the hardest the the most effective highest achieving people in the world
00:32:33.000
understand that working hard is just part of it they don't even talk about how hard they work dude
00:32:39.240
it dude it's they they literally don't because it's just the price but what they do talk about
00:32:47.240
is could i do this a little better could i adjust my swing here could i move two steps this way and
00:32:53.640
make it better am i doing this drill properly am i reading this kind of book am i actually good at
00:33:00.120
this or am i making up for it with just grit effort okay because well people love to say this
00:33:06.280
shit now too they like to say well it's not about working hard it's about working smart no dumb ass
00:33:12.200
it's about doing both for a very long time okay and anybody who says this shit on the internet
00:33:18.280
like this little fucking oh it's about working smart not working hard those motherfuckers are lazy
00:33:24.040
okay and the people who say it's only about hard work it doesn't matter those people are stupid
00:33:28.920
okay so you're either lazy or you're stupid or you're effective effective people work hard and they
00:33:34.360
learn along the way and they do that for as long as it takes to achieve the outcome and that's the
00:33:38.760
way it is so i can't answer your question about whether you're not you're on the right path because i
00:33:45.000
don't have enough data to tell if you know are there are certain paths that you could choose that are
00:33:51.240
not going to produce the right outcome they're just not okay are most of them that way no but there are some
00:33:59.400
okay you're not going to be a multi-billionaire selling butterfly t-shirts right okay if your
00:34:05.080
goal is to become a multi-billionaire it's probably not going to happen on that path all right so you
00:34:10.360
have to be able to align the outcome with the path and then accompany that journey with very hard work
00:34:17.480
for a very long time with the ability to improve along the way but most people want one or the other
00:34:24.760
or something else and it's just not the way it works man listen ask your peers ask the people
00:34:30.680
around you if you're working hard ask you then then then then see you know what is hard work now
00:34:37.480
well well it's hard work is so much simpler now because everything is literally you carry it around
00:34:42.840
with you you can get your research you get your information you get your podcast you get everything
00:34:47.000
in here when you're working hard are you working hard on on the right things do you have the skill set
00:34:53.160
you know i get people that have read the books and so forth and they'd be like man you know
00:34:59.080
this book i'm 30 years old i know i had a dream of uh going to the nba i i only played in elementary
00:35:06.840
school that and they're happening dude what what should i what should i what should i do i was like
00:35:13.560
don't do it yeah oh you're being negative don't do it don't do it you just had to doubt me to give
00:35:20.440
me some fuel right yeah you know what take take that same energy and put it into some into something
00:35:27.800
else now can't can you possibly can you possibly do that that that that's what that's what it is
00:35:33.640
all right well it's just like this working this well we eventually all have to have an honest
00:35:37.800
conversation about what our natural propensity for skill set is yes you had to you play college
00:35:42.280
basketball yes you didn't you didn't you didn't you had to come to a time where tim had to say to
00:35:47.480
himself uh this has a limit for where i'm gonna go but i was a a sophomore or i think i was a sophomore
00:35:57.240
junior in college i played a junior in high school man that dude kicked my ass hey up and down i played
00:36:05.720
him one-on-one man up and down the court up and down the core up and down the court i like i like
00:36:12.520
yeah okay yeah and he eventually ended up going pro had a great had a great career was a client of mine
00:36:21.320
at at some point in his career but i was just like you you gotta be you gotta be realistic about you
00:36:27.880
like you said what your what what your skill set is what your skill set is and what you're capable of
00:36:35.160
doing and here's the one thing now on tv and on social media and everything that's out there
00:36:42.920
you get to see how talented individuals really really are yeah the best you see some of the skill
00:36:50.680
sets of individuals on you know on these america's got talent or whatever the show is or whatever's
00:36:56.040
got here and you look at these individuals the dancers the singers and so forth and these people
00:37:01.320
they're just trying to make it do you get to see the artist some of the you know if you stop looking
00:37:08.280
at all all the bullshit that's on your phone and you look at some of the artistic talent that people
00:37:13.240
have and how creative they are and your level of expertise and competition now is exponentially higher
00:37:23.080
because there's so much exposure out there so what you thought was hard work may not be
00:37:31.480
hard work anymore that's right yeah and also you know when we think about like the outcomes that
00:37:37.320
we're after usually pre people have pretty ambitious outcomes which is great but you have to realize
00:37:43.160
like for every single person you see on america's got talent there's a thousand more just like them that
00:37:47.240
didn't make it yeah okay so you got to be honest with yourself but not not in a pessimistic way in
00:37:54.040
an honest way right there's lots of people i'm one of them that did not have natural skill set for
00:38:00.440
certain things okay i was not naturally good with people i was not naturally good at speaking these are
00:38:06.280
skills i developed over repetition repetition repetition but if i had decided that i wanted to play pro
00:38:14.680
basketball it doesn't matter how hard i worked it doesn't matter how many drills i had it doesn't
00:38:20.760
matter who i hired as my coach guess what it ain't happening so people hide look winners are going to
00:38:30.280
win regardless they're going to figure out a way to win you have to be very honest with yourself
00:38:36.200
are you not winning because you can't win or are you not winning because you haven't been doing it long
00:38:41.960
enough or are you not winning because you haven't learned the skill set yet okay but if the winning
00:38:46.920
that you're after requires you to run a 4 240 and you're 300 pounds it ain't happening yeah so you got
00:38:53.240
to be honest about yourself in your assessment of where you're strong where you're weak where could you
00:38:59.800
be great and then you have to develop an outcome that allows you to get there with what would be
00:39:05.880
considered some of your maybe gifts but they're not everybody's very few people have a quote unquote
00:39:11.880
a gift that doesn't have to be nurtured and developed right like we get caught up in this language of oh
00:39:18.760
that guy's gifted that guy's gifted yes but they also put in thousands upon thousands of hours to
00:39:26.440
developing that gift right it's almost disrespectful to just say yeah yeah it's very
00:39:32.440
disrespectful gifted speaker like what the fuck you talking about it's what we just talked about this
00:39:36.760
on the other show it's one of my most annoying pet peeves of people it's like there because there's
00:39:43.720
nothing casual about winning bro nothing nothing nothing people who win are obsessed with winning
00:39:50.440
and when you come in and you think that you can do half their work or uh learn half their skills or
00:39:59.080
you're going to find a way around that you got to realize that's an ego problem with you you think
00:40:04.520
you're better than you actually are which is keeping you from getting where you want to go and so there's
00:40:10.840
all different kinds of ways to think about this and i think most people are hiding in their assessments of
00:40:18.440
themselves and what i mean by that is this this person here says oh i've been working for years
00:40:25.080
and i'm i'm not i'm not i'm not there so you notice he didn't say how many years
00:40:31.400
yeah was that one is that one and a half years he didn't say he didn't say how many years is that
00:40:37.000
10 years yeah okay new year like bro it took me 10 years to make over a hundred thousand dollars
00:40:49.640
tell yourself the truth are you really after that outcome are you pouring everything that you
00:40:56.360
could into it are you learning every skill along the way and if you still have been doing it for 10
00:41:01.400
years and that's the honest answer you probably should be doing something else something else you
00:41:04.360
don't have the talent for whatever you're doing right but that's super rare yeah unless it's like
00:41:09.000
something like athletically or musically inclined right like i used to have this guitar teacher
00:41:15.080
and dude he he was fucking amazing joe knows him and we would play songs that i wanted to learn that
00:41:23.320
he had never he was a jazz guy he liked jazz so i'd play him songs that he had never heard
00:41:29.080
and he'd fucking play him back like i'd play the song one time he'd play the motherfucker back
00:41:33.320
and i'm like and i remember i was sitting there one time and i was like dude you are so talented
00:41:39.560
and he fucking stopped right there stopped right there and he goes i've been he was 52 years old at
00:41:44.840
the time he goes i've been playing guitar so i was eight years old he goes i have tens of thousands of
00:41:51.880
hours sitting here with this instrument this isn't talent i worked for this and it like he was serious dude
00:41:59.720
oh he was hot and i was like fuck i never said that about anybody ever again yeah because i was
00:42:05.240
discounting the work he had put in yeah and he was upset about it and i i never made a mistake ever
00:42:11.240
again you see some of the greatest bass players guitar players in the bands and the way they be
00:42:15.560
doing you just you're mesmerized by it but they they've been doing it for for decades decades for
00:42:24.280
decades and they still practice it as though it's their first day that's right and they're still trying
00:42:29.480
to get better they're still trying to figure out they know they they've never hit perfection they're
00:42:33.960
always taught they're constantly chasing perfection knowing they're never going to catch it but that's
00:42:39.000
what it is they're always looking for that that that per that perfect song that perfect string that
00:42:44.840
perfect everything and the obsession to constantly get better and get better and get better but what
00:42:49.400
you said it's years and years and they've had a tap they've had the talent they're willing to improve
00:42:54.600
and so forth what do you you know just working hard is not i could sit here all day and i could dedicate
00:43:00.680
the rest of my life to say okay i'm going to whatever it is if i don't have the if i don't
00:43:07.320
have the ability to talent if i'm not good at it doesn't it doesn't matter or the time it doesn't matter
00:43:11.880
yeah yeah i mean dude you could you could create a lot more skill set when you're 20 than you can when
00:43:16.440
you're 60 yeah you just have more time so the fact that this person is young that's a good thing all
00:43:22.600
right thing but we have to be real about this dude this is not greatness is not an accident it really
00:43:30.360
isn't and it's painted as if it is but it's not you just don't see the things that go into it so you
00:43:37.080
assume it's magical like whenever i my buddy matthew the guitar guy that's magical to me i was like
00:43:43.880
like how the fuck could anybody do that like i couldn't believe it
00:43:50.600
but i wasn't there for the the 40 something years that he 42 years or whatever it was that he played
00:43:56.600
so what is magic magic isn't what you see it's what you don't see man there you go it's what you don't
00:44:02.840
see so when that person has that magical skill that magical talent that magic makes that magical shot
00:44:08.120
it's it's what it's all the hours it's what you don't it's what you don't see when a magician isn't
00:44:13.080
everybody it's what the magician doesn't show you what makes things matt matt what makes things
00:44:18.680
magical and i i think too dude you could become pretty good it's shit like if i started today
00:44:25.240
if i started playing guitar today okay i haven't played in a number of years if i started today
00:44:31.000
let's just say i never played before and i played every single day and i did that for five or six
00:44:36.440
years i'd go play in a band oh yeah i could be in a band okay but i'm not going to be
00:44:42.440
the rolling stones yeah you know what i'm saying like yeah yeah right i'm not going to be jimmy
00:44:47.560
fucking hendrix bro like so we have to be real about these things and the internet wants to like
00:44:52.920
make everything seem like it's everything can be done there's actual real constraints to your
00:44:59.160
achievement that if you're not aware of will keep you from achieving anything yeah so
00:45:03.720
to this person okay we don't know how long they've been doing it we don't know you know
00:45:09.800
they say oh i've been working hard but for example like an operator standard we have this we have a
00:45:14.120
powerless system right you could plug in the wrong shit every day on your power list and
00:45:18.440
fucking win your days right but that doesn't mean it's going to produce the outcome you're after you
00:45:22.120
have to have the awareness to know what the critical tasks are that move you towards that goal
00:45:26.200
right right so we could get caught up in this idea of working hard without like tim said working hard on
00:45:32.440
the right things right and that is a huge difference i was going to ask you guys on that
00:45:35.960
note right like from your experience how many of those how many people would you say that you know
00:45:42.600
yes okay let's let's let's let's check the box they're working hard but they're not working hard
00:45:47.000
on the right yeah it's time to upgrade your ring man that thing don't fit no more huh no it's just a
00:45:52.520
little rubber oh that's there i'm just checking dj's down a hundred since he met you yeah oh tip
00:46:01.320
checks in on me man i know checks in over i know uh but no i mean he almost came down here and beat
00:46:07.240
your ass one time bro yeah yeah he did yeah he did yeah he did um i wasn't going to beat his ass i'd
00:46:13.480
bring other people that would help at my age i got pushed by michael jordan i had to pull dj aside
00:46:21.800
i said hey bro let me tell you something let me tell you something there's only a few people that
00:46:26.600
you fucking better fucking text back and he's wonderful that's right um no but let me let me
00:46:34.280
ask you guys this on on the topic of you know let's check the box they're working hard yeah
00:46:39.000
that's not a question okay you're working hard you're just a little off like you're off target yeah
00:46:42.840
maybe not on the right thing how what how would you guys like what would you guys say like is that
00:46:47.320
the majority of people they're just a little off from target or is it like are we assuming that they
00:46:52.360
actually work hard actually working okay so we're assuming they actually work hard i actually and
00:46:57.720
you're you're asking out of the people who don't achieve what they want to achieve but they actually
00:47:02.840
work hard what's the problem right are they just a little off or for most people they're probably
00:47:07.320
really far off i think most people lack self-awareness yeah i think most people don't
00:47:13.000
have the ability to coach themselves yeah i think the greatest people in the world have the ability
00:47:17.880
to coach themselves i don't think they attach emotions to their performance you know like when
00:47:22.200
you talk to someone like okay i'm a bad loser i fucking hate losing and for about 20 minutes after i lose
00:47:30.920
do not fucking talk to me okay but after that 20 minutes i'm able to sit down and i'm able to say
00:47:38.120
okay why did i lose what did i do ready to break it down right what did i do wrong how can i do it
00:47:44.120
better what needs to happen next time so i don't get like this again that's a skill that a lot of people
00:47:49.800
don't have and i i've always been able to i've been very fortunate and i think you know growing up
00:47:55.320
around my dad really helped me with this because i can remember one time i was wrestling and my dad
00:48:02.680
will tell this story but i had to wrestle this dude who like he never he this guy never lost a match in
00:48:09.160
high school ever he played in the nfl and um i had to wrestle this dude and i remember we were at
00:48:16.040
wrestling and i was a heavyweight okay so we could have guessed that yeah no shit
00:48:23.960
so so so back in my day in wrestling when you were a heavyweight you got a lot of forfeits
00:48:29.240
all right which means they didn't have a heavyweight so like i look around
00:48:34.440
and you know you look around the room for the other fat guy all right and you're like all right
00:48:38.120
where's the fat guy all right no fat guy so good so i'm wrestling we're at this wrestling way in
00:48:42.760
and i'm looking around there's no fucking fat guy but you still have to weigh in okay so i get on the
00:48:48.120
scale and dude i used to get like super nervous before wrestling i didn't get nervous for any sport
00:48:54.760
except wrestling because dude there's no fucking hiding it's you and that other dude yeah and
00:48:59.480
everybody's watching yeah all right so i remember i'm like i i get on the scale and i'm all calm and
00:49:05.400
shit my coach looks at me and he's like he's like man what's what's gotten into you and i'm like what
00:49:10.760
do you mean and and i'm like they don't you know what what do you mean and he's like and as he's
00:49:15.320
like telling me this like there's three of their coaches standing there and their coach starts taking
00:49:20.760
off of their clothes and i and he's fucking yoked and i'm like looking at my coach and i'm like why
00:49:27.640
is their coach getting on the scale and it turns out this was their fucking guy okay this guy's like
00:49:33.640
240 i mean dude he played fucking tailback in the nfl so you know what the fuck he yeah he's just one
00:49:39.880
of them guys that was a coach yeah i thought it was a fucking coach and i got fucking terrified bro
00:49:45.400
i was like fuck so i went out there i lost i did okay but i lost and i was so fucking pissed off on
00:49:53.960
the way home when i lost and my dad was like laughing at me he's like first of all let me tell you
00:49:59.080
something nobody expected you to win okay let's just start right there second off why'd you lose
00:50:05.560
and we went through the whole thing right and so my dad was always very good at like breaking down
00:50:12.040
the losses when i it wasn't ever you know we celebrate the wins sure okay but way more valuable
00:50:20.120
when i lost like if we had a football game you know we would break down like not in a film way
00:50:26.360
but he would take all the bad plays he'd say what happened there what happened here what happened
00:50:30.680
there right and that taught me at a very young age how to do that to break down and coach myself
00:50:39.240
and the highest achievers and i i would be interested to see if this is common with i
00:50:43.240
already know what you're gonna say yeah they they do it themselves and then then like like like bro like
00:50:48.680
when i've had problems before and i've called you i already knew the fucking problem you already know
00:50:52.920
i called him and i said hey man uh this what's going on blah blah blah what do you think he's like yeah
00:50:57.800
you're fucking right this so like the the highest achievers have an awareness that's not emotional
00:51:04.680
they might look emotional in the moment yeah they might get pissed off when they lose they might
00:51:09.000
fucking break shit but eventually they calm down they're like all right here's what happens they've
00:51:13.800
had so many conversations with themselves like you said they can they can self i i would have before i
00:51:19.400
could point something wrong they would already say i already know yeah i already got it i think that's a
00:51:25.000
common amongst yeah amongst the highest level winners in anything yeah you know that's why
00:51:29.640
coaches always say they're the easiest to coach you know what the common factor might you talk
00:51:35.560
and people think that because what they think when they say that is that guy's so good i don't have
00:51:40.040
to coach him no that's not what it is no okay and you know tom so um uh there was a thing i just saw on um
00:51:48.840
tom brady and i know we're going a little bit off subject he's just said he could look at a playbook
00:51:54.440
once i know it i know it like an nfl playbook he goes yeah i know everything he goes i know yeah but
00:52:02.840
dude if you look at tom brady and you look at his background and you look where he came from and you
00:52:07.640
look how he was drafted he wasn't a star anywhere dude so what happened to him he had this is my
00:52:13.960
fucking outcome this is where i want to be what do i have to do to get there well i'm not the fastest
00:52:19.160
i don't have the best arm i can play right so i got to be smarter and i got to learn the game and
00:52:25.480
i got to be technically perfect yes and that's this is dude the the guys who win over and over and
00:52:32.280
over they are those guys that's working hard on the right things yeah you see what i'm saying so
00:52:36.920
he's i'm listen i'm not gonna i'm not gonna be the fastest quarterback i'm not gonna be able to do
00:52:41.400
this i don't i got a decent arm i got this but you know what the ability for me to process
00:52:46.200
information recognize situations lead lead a team being able to know no not only my playbook
00:52:53.240
but the opponent's playbook after i see it there you wrote and and dude let's be real about this
00:53:00.680
this is the truth the most talented people rarely fucking win it's the guys with some talent it's the
00:53:07.480
guys with some ability because here's what happens these dudes that have this gift that we all call
00:53:13.000
talent maybe they run a 4 140 or maybe they fucking jump 70 inches whatever the fuck it is
00:53:19.720
they lit they they they what happens is they end up relying on that yeah okay they're not reading the
00:53:24.920
playbook no that's right bro there's a very famous story about jamarcus russell about not reading the
00:53:29.800
playbook jamarcus russell you remember jamarcus russell number one fucking draft pick in nfl he's
00:53:34.760
supposed to be the greatest quarterback ever because physically he was he was fucking six five
00:53:41.640
280 ran fast through beat no one could touch him so he gets drafted number one and and he goes out on
00:53:50.120
the field and and the the raiders are he got drafted by the raiders and they're like this guy's pretty
00:53:56.120
good so he refused to read the playbooks okay and they were pretty sure that he wasn't reading the
00:54:03.160
playbook so they fucking gave him a playbook that didn't have any fucking plays in it oh man and
00:54:09.400
they told him to go home and read it he came back the next day he's like yeah i fucking read it and
00:54:13.240
if you don't know about nfl history jamarcus russell's one of the biggest busts in the history
00:54:17.960
of fucking nfl no offense if he's listening but you were okay but he could have not been if he was
00:54:24.920
slightly less physically gifted he probably would have realized i have to do all of these other things
00:54:32.040
so a lot of the people that you look at and you say oh man that guy's great that guy's great at what
00:54:35.960
he does it's not because they're the most talented it's because they had a little bit of talent but
00:54:40.040
they were willing to do all the shit that goes with it and like dude if we look at like fuck dude michael
00:54:45.800
jordan's the same way is he not talent is a gift it's not a promise and people think it's a people
00:54:51.640
think it's a promise so another story that you want to that um derrick henry so when he got to um
00:54:58.200
when he got to alabama with uh nick saban you know they had all these intricate plays to run
00:55:03.320
and all and he was totally lost and it was like he goes and uh the nick goes up to him he goes what's
00:55:08.840
when he goes in high school he goes they gave me the ball and they said go run that go run to the
00:55:13.320
other end he goes that's all he goes they gave me the ball said go run to the other end because he
00:55:17.960
was just physically yeah just like nobody nobody could stop nobody could stop now he knew at the next
00:55:25.400
level and the coach knew at the next step that wasn't going to be enough so he started to had
00:55:31.240
all that has all the talent to have the speed the power everything you know it's legendary but he was
00:55:36.280
willing to start working on the things that he needed to work on in order to be this dude yeah
00:55:44.280
he just wasn't relying on his so-called gifts and now look at him yeah bro he's one of my favorite
00:55:50.120
players and you know why because he runs and he's physical and he's big and he's faster than
00:55:56.200
everybody but he's gotten better as his career has gone on yeah and that's a testament to what
00:56:01.320
you're talking about to him it is yeah yeah anyway well dude i love it man this was great guys yeah
00:56:07.480
tim dude thank you so much for coming always an honor guys thank you so my it's always a pleasure
00:56:11.960
it's great to sit with you two individuals and just chop it up and like i said i always i come out of
00:56:18.920
the one of the reasons i do this is honestly i i take away so much from this you know i'm just not
00:56:24.840
here just spewing information i'm gathering information on how i can be how i can be better
00:56:29.800
and how i can make other how old are you now i'm 61. look at this guy yeah oh look at him i see you
00:56:35.960
bro well that's a high standard man right there and i'm not ashamed to tell them yeah you know people
00:56:41.480
i when people ask me how old i am i tell them exactly what i don't hide from my age i always say i'm not
00:56:46.600
old i'm seasoned i'm seasoned i'm seasoned like fine wine i'm not i'm not afraid i'm not afraid to
00:56:53.080
tell i'm not i don't hide i i don't i don't hide and there's the thing i am more determined now on
00:56:59.960
certain things listen i may not be able to do things as fast as i as i would as i was but my
00:57:06.120
determination and the things i still want to accomplish and and it starts if i don't
00:57:10.840
there's um old saturday night uh live clip with um i'm trying to think of his uh his
00:57:18.760
the comedian's name oh man but you know it always says back in that black and white days huh huh
00:57:27.320
it's going it's going it's going it's going way it's going way back how you feel about yourself and
00:57:32.680
how you look matters it it it really it really does especially as you get as you get older well
00:57:38.760
you're crushing it dude it it really does it's very important do i do i wake up every single
00:57:44.200
morning say yeah let me go to the gym no you know it's i got to talk myself into it but when i when i
00:57:48.920
get there i'm like i'm not going to waste my time and you know obviously it can turn into a social
00:57:53.320
setting and there's a certain i set a time once i get it i have to be in here and i got to be out of
00:57:58.200
here there's a lot of times i guess i don't have time for conversation the best part about tim is when you
00:58:02.280
say what do you tell them i worked out for two hours the fuck you did when you work out you have
00:58:09.240
the gym to yourself right yeah sometimes it's just youtube but other than that you're in there like
00:58:13.000
this is my time i got it you know i got to finish during this and i got i got to get the hell out
00:58:17.320
i got to get the hell out of there fuck yeah man well thank you very much bro listen it's
00:58:24.520
it's a listen man i hope that sometimes you stop and think about how many people you've actually
00:58:30.600
helped oh thank you because it is it is it's not just the michael jordans it's not just the bryce
00:58:37.320
harpers you're fucking helping real people do real shit thank you and i know we don't always see it
00:58:43.320
but i hear it all the time all the time from people thank you so uh and part hey i want to say thank you
00:58:49.960
to part of we're going back on the physical thing the support from first form whatever i ask for them
00:58:57.400
it's literally it's there with under in less than 24 hours yeah but the rest of you motherfuckers got
00:59:06.120
but there yeah but they're there listen nothing comes for nothing comes nothing comes for free
00:59:12.520
all right i don't because actually i think you are you do pay i am i am blessed to have to get
00:59:18.680
the products that i that that i get but i don't take it i don't take that lightly i give back
00:59:27.800
i give back tim you've been giving back forever man and i'm gonna i'm gonna continue it's the only way
00:59:32.840
it's the only way i know how well it's the only way it's the only way i know how we appreciate you
00:59:37.000
brother i appreciate you guys too man oh yeah man well yeah guys 82 that is all i have all right guys
00:59:43.720
we'll see you tonight seven o'clock today you got plenty more but this is all
00:59:46.680
all right 7 p.m tonight youtube x twitter whatever you want to call it we'll see you there don't be a
00:59:56.040
went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze
00:59:59.640
fuck a pole fuck a stove counted millions in the code bad bitch booted swole got her on bank
01:00:05.960
broke can't fold doesn't know headshot case closed