REAL AF with Andy Frisella - May 04, 2018


How to Deal with the Highs and Lows, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO234


Episode Stats


Length

24 minutes

Words per minute

189.28139

Word count

4,642

Sentence count

307

Harmful content

Misogyny

5

sentences flagged

Hate speech

6

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of the MFCEO Project, I talk about the number one thing that holds people back in business and entrepreneurship. And it's not haters. It's you. And the reason you're holding yourself back is because you're afraid of what might happen if you try something new.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.420 I can stack them hundreds to the roof. I ain't stopping till they stack to the moon.
00:00:04.900 Without me, my family wouldn't have food. Anybody go against me gotta lose.
00:00:12.540 What is up, guys? You're listening to the MFCEO Project. I'm Andy. I'm your host.
00:00:17.680 And I am the handsomest motherfucking CEO there is.
00:00:24.140 All right. I've never lied to you guys. That might have been a lie. I don't know.
00:00:27.240 But Tyler's rolling his eyes at me. What? You jealous now?
00:00:32.360 You don't want me telling everybody how handsome I am so it ruins your crush on me?
00:00:36.480 We don't know about Tyler's secret. Anyway, today is Friday.
00:00:45.640 And if you're new to the podcast, you know nothing about it.
00:00:50.640 And what we are is a personal development slash entrepreneurship or entrepreneurship slash personal development.
00:00:57.240 Podcast. We are going to talk about a lot of things on this podcast.
00:01:02.260 And if you want to learn, I suggest that you go back from the very beginning for a couple reasons.
00:01:07.560 One, you need to listen to the podcast to get some perspective about where I come from.
00:01:13.680 And the first one is very good about that.
00:01:15.160 Two, the first podcast will show you how awful I was at podcasting when I started, which is the number one lesson in business.
00:01:26.380 You're going to fucking suck when you start, when you try to learn a new skill, when you try to do anything new.
00:01:31.400 You're going to suck.
00:01:32.500 And it's most people's unwillingness to suck in front of other people that holds them back from becoming great at something.
00:01:40.320 I was just on my buddy Mark Bell's podcast earlier today.
00:01:46.200 Today is actually Thursday, but you're going to hear this on Friday.
00:01:49.200 Today, and he asked me what I thought the number one thing was that held people back in success and entrepreneurship.
00:01:56.380 And I could tell him before he even finished the question, I could tell him what it was.
00:02:01.220 Because I get hired to speak at these huge events.
00:02:05.920 And a lot of these events have Q&A.
00:02:09.720 And I get paid a lot of money to speak at these events.
00:02:13.180 I'm not ashamed to say I get paid $75,000 per event, per hour.
00:02:18.680 And the reason I get paid that is because I share the real skills that it's going to take to become successful.
00:02:26.620 And if I'm speaking to 4,000 or 5,000 people or 10,000 people, you've got to think about the math and multiply that out.
00:02:34.060 And what's that worth?
00:02:34.800 And I'm really almost giving away what I know.
00:02:38.980 The truth of it is, we do these Q&As, man.
00:02:42.540 And these people come up.
00:02:43.380 And some of them are earning six and seven figures.
00:02:45.400 And they come up to the microphone.
00:02:47.280 And I'm always expecting, like, legitimate, practical questions.
00:02:52.420 Like, hey, Andy, how do you do this in business?
00:02:54.840 How do you do that in business?
00:02:55.980 And almost every single question I get, it doesn't matter if it's someone who's new in business or someone who's making six, seven figures.
00:03:05.180 Has to do with dealing with fucking haters.
00:03:09.400 And the number one thing that holds you back isn't haters.
00:03:15.400 You guys don't have real fucking haters.
00:03:17.700 Let's be honest.
00:03:18.740 You don't have people slashing the tires on your car.
00:03:21.280 All right?
00:03:21.600 You don't have people poisoning your animals.
00:03:23.920 You don't have people vandalizing your shit.
00:03:26.940 All right?
00:03:28.180 Here's the deal.
00:03:29.100 The reason most people are held back is because they are afraid of what might happen.
00:03:36.860 They are afraid of what might happen if they make that post on Facebook and their aunt Connie sees it and then she laughs at them at Christmas or makes fun of them or their friends from high school or friends from college or friends from grade school see it and laugh or make fun of them or think something about them.
00:03:56.140 These people are not actually thinking those things.
00:03:59.820 Number one, you have no proof that they will think those things.
00:04:03.560 Number two, so really what is it?
00:04:06.580 It's you hating on you.
00:04:09.480 It's you being your own worst hater and being scared of what could possibly happen if you decided to do this thing, whatever that thing is.
00:04:20.480 Okay?
00:04:21.780 And that's what's holding you back.
00:04:23.640 And the reason you're afraid is because somewhere along the line you got made fun of.
00:04:28.820 Somewhere along the line you got bullied.
00:04:31.040 Somewhere along the line your friends made fun of you and you're afraid of it happening again.
00:04:36.880 Let me tell you, when you step out to do something great, people are going to laugh.
00:04:42.220 When you step out to do something great, people are going to make fun of you.
00:04:45.500 When you step out to do something great, people are going to doubt you. They're not going to
00:04:50.380 believe in you because you haven't given them anything to actually believe in.
00:04:57.040 These things are going to happen, but they haven't happened yet. You're afraid of them
00:05:03.580 happening and that's what's keeping you from moving forward. And it blows my mind that that's
00:05:10.760 the thing that keeps people from going out and building a better life. It's just really hard
00:05:17.160 for me to swallow because, dude, let me tell you about the life of an entrepreneur. And now we're
00:05:22.780 getting into the meat of what I wanted to talk about. The life of an entrepreneur, the life of
00:05:27.960 a successful person is not glitz and glamour, okay? It's not the glory. It's also not the shit.
00:05:37.100 Some people make it sound like it's shit, like it's horrible and like it's the worst thing ever.
00:05:43.100 It's not. Are you going to have people that make fun of you? Yes. Are you going to have people
00:05:49.320 that talk shit? Yes. Are you going to have uncomfortable situations and high levels of
00:05:57.340 stress and tons of situations that are going to make you feel bad and make you feel like shit and 0.86
00:06:03.820 wear you out and stress you out? Yes, absolutely. But you're also going to have situations where you
00:06:11.560 win in front of everybody. You're going to have situations where all the people who talk that shit
00:06:18.920 are going to see you fucking win. You're going to have situations where all the stress, all the
00:06:25.240 frustration, all the negativity, and all the things that you're afraid of happening blow up in other
00:06:33.240 people's fucking faces because you're winning. So what I wanted to talk to you guys about today was
00:06:40.140 this, managing the highs and lows, okay? And this is not just exclusive to entrepreneurship or success.
00:06:48.420 This is about life, all right? If you listen to the podcast, you know, and I've told you guys on
00:06:54.320 Instagram many of times that I've suffered from depression for a long time, diagnosed real depression.
00:06:59.180 I'm not talking about having a bad fucking day. I'm talking about having a chemical imbalance
00:07:05.220 in my brain. Real shit, okay? Now, people hear depression and they think, you know,
00:07:14.640 they have two people. You have people who think that like these people are, they can't function and
00:07:21.120 they lay in bed all day. And then you have the people who have depression but don't realize they
00:07:25.060 have it. And then you also, I guess, have people that think they have it but don't really have it.
00:07:31.240 Just real quick, and I want to take a minute to address this. How I found out I had it, I don't
00:07:37.000 think I've ever addressed this. When I, as long as I can remember, and you guys have all seen those
00:07:42.420 depression commercials where it says like, hey, if you have visions or thoughts of suicide,
00:07:48.820 you know, see a doctor, this and that. Well, I always had that. And I always had like visions,
00:07:57.400 like actual visions of like shooting myself in the fucking head. All right? I always had those
00:08:04.160 visions. And as long as I can remember. And I would see those commercials. And because I had those
00:08:10.980 visions for as long as I can remember, and those thoughts for as long as I can remember, I would see
00:08:15.520 the commercials and be like, yeah, fucking everybody thinks that. That's what people think.
00:08:20.640 Like these, what are you, a fucking pussy? You can't deal with the shit that everybody thinks 1.00
00:08:24.300 about? Not understanding that not everybody thought like that. Because I didn't have the
00:08:28.700 perspective of not feeling that way. So, you know, because I had had it for so long, I didn't realize
00:08:37.940 that it wasn't normal. And a lot of people are like this. So like, dude, if you really do have those
00:08:42.040 visions, you know, take my advice and go talk to somebody, because there's a lot of things that
00:08:47.220 can be done to help with that. But I want to talk more in depth about how to deal with some of this
00:08:54.640 shit, specifically the highs and lows. But how I found out that I had it was, I actually ended up
00:09:00.880 having like, I guess, a nervous breakdown, if you want to call it that, in like 2012, or 2011-12.
00:09:08.820 And I ended up having to see a doctor, because the physical symptoms had manifested themselves to
00:09:14.260 where I literally couldn't function. And they thought it was actually a tumor in my brain for a
00:09:20.480 couple weeks. And then they found out that it wasn't. And then one of the doctors diagnosed me as
00:09:26.900 having depression. And I was like, well, that makes no sense. They put me on some medicine, and I got
00:09:31.360 fucking better. Like, literally two weeks later, I fucking felt like a totally different person.
00:09:36.200 Um, so my point in this is that, like, dude, if you're having those thoughts, if you're having
00:09:42.640 those, uh, those issues, if you're think, if you're actually like thinking about stuff like that,
00:09:46.880 realize that you've got something wrong going on. It's not nothing to be ashamed of. Uh, it's
00:09:51.660 something that, you know, can be treated. Uh, and there's, there's real answers out there to that
00:09:55.820 stuff. Um, and it's not normal to think like that. I haven't thought like that in a long, long time.
00:10:00.260 Um, but even with the treatment, uh, I still go through it about once a year, maybe twice a year
00:10:08.840 where I don't want to get out of bed, uh, for a couple of days. And I'm really like, just not
00:10:14.320 seeing the point in what the fuck I'm doing in any way. And I went through that last week. Uh, last
00:10:20.000 week I went, had a couple of days where I was just really fucking bad, uh, really low, really, um,
00:10:25.620 not seeing the point to really anything that I was doing. Um, and you know, I, I worked through it.
00:10:33.680 Um, I spent a couple of days at my farm. If you follow me on Instagram, you saw that. And I spent
00:10:38.920 a couple of days mowing some grass, doing some simple shit, just kind of recharging.
00:10:43.540 And, um, you know, now I'm feeling good. I'm back in my routine. I feel fucking great. And,
00:10:47.880 and what I, the point of me telling you this is, is this, like you have to understand
00:10:52.660 that there are going to be times when you like, you see all these people on the internet who pretend
00:11:02.260 to have it all figured out and pretend to, to have, they never go through lows. They're always
00:11:08.840 on, they're always going, they're always this, they're always that. And you see yourself where
00:11:16.200 you're going through like highs, like where you have that same passion, that same energy, that same
00:11:20.620 drive. And, and then, you know, you might do that for three or four months in a row. And then you
00:11:25.660 have like a fucking week where, you know, it's low, it's bad. Everything's going wrong. Everything's 0.90
00:11:31.200 got you stressed. Everything's got you mad. Everything's got you frustrated. And that could
00:11:35.640 go on for a couple of weeks to even longer. It could go on for months. Um, that doesn't necessarily
00:11:40.260 mean you're depressed. That's just the life of a fucking entrepreneur. It's a life of an ambitious
00:11:45.040 person. And you have to understand. And one of the best things that I have learned over the last
00:11:50.580 couple of years is that everything is cyclical. Okay. You're, you're not going to win all the
00:11:55.840 time. You're not going to succeed all the time. You're not going to have good shit happen all the
00:12:00.160 time. Just like you're not going to have bad shit continue to happen all the time. And so many of us
00:12:07.400 will, will focus on the bad shit. Why me? Why is this happening? Why is, why am I always struggling?
00:12:14.520 Why am I this? Because we're looking at people who never show the truth of their life. They show
00:12:21.020 you the fucking highlight reel. So you look at yourself and you say, what the fuck am I doing
00:12:25.700 wrong? Or I don't have what it takes or this or that. And the reason I wanted to talk about this
00:12:29.800 is because I want you to know that what they're showing you is not the truth. Okay. Every single
00:12:37.960 entrepreneur, I know every single person that sat in this, uh, studio that I'm in right now. Um,
00:12:44.100 and every single person I've talked to and met along the way, if we've got on this topic,
00:12:48.420 it's been reality. There's highs that are super high and there's lows that are super low. And that
00:12:55.580 is the life of being in business. That's the life of being ambitious and actually caring about the path
00:13:03.600 that you're on. And so you guys have to understand that when you're going through this process of
00:13:13.780 growth and you're pushing and you're pushing and you're pushing and you're working and you're doing
00:13:17.880 this and doing that and doing this and you feel like it's not moving. All right. And then you get
00:13:25.500 pissed. Then you get frustrated. Then you get angry. Okay. It's important that when you feel low,
00:13:32.720 that you continue to execute, it's important that when you don't feel like it, that you continue to
00:13:37.860 do things that you did when you felt like it. And that's really the difference. And I've talked
00:13:41.760 about this before, guys. Um, it's discipline, right? It's doing the things that you need to do
00:13:47.180 that. You know, you need to do when you don't feel like doing it. And especially when you don't feel
00:13:52.960 like doing it, because the reality is, is most people are very productive on the highs. Most people are
00:13:58.580 very good on the highs, but just being good on the highs, isn't good enough. You know, you have to be
00:14:04.440 good all the time. And so learning how to operate through the lows and learning how to know that the
00:14:10.640 lows are going to end is a huge deal. Okay. I, I personally think, especially with people who have
00:14:17.260 depression, that the reason we see a lot of suicide and the reason that we see people, you know,
00:14:22.300 commit suicide is because a, they don't know that they can help themselves. And B, when they get in
00:14:28.840 these lows, they don't understand that it's cyclical. Okay. And for me, it's a little different.
00:14:33.060 And for people who have depression, it's a little bit different. Okay. It's a, it's a real thing. Um,
00:14:38.520 it's not just a feeling or a mood. All right. And, and there's a difference, um, a big difference,
00:14:45.220 but what I want people to know who, who, whether you're, you have depression, which, you know,
00:14:53.460 most of you don't have, or you're just going through the process. It's normal to have highs
00:14:59.280 and lows and they're always cyclical. You're going to have days that are great. You're going to have
00:15:02.960 weeks that are great. You're going to have days that are bad. You're going to have weeks that are
00:15:06.640 bad. And I just want you to know that that's normal because I see so many people quitting because
00:15:13.720 that's what most people do. They, they, they get something, they get excited, they work hard,
00:15:17.040 they do their thing, they do everything they can. And then they're like, fuck, it isn't working.
00:15:21.440 And they quit. Okay. Or the minute two or three bad things happen, they quit and they change course.
00:15:27.640 And you just have to learn as an entrepreneur or as an intrapreneur, somebody who lives by
00:15:33.040 entrepreneur guidelines, that when things are frustrating, when things are fucking making you 0.94
00:15:38.520 mad, when things are making you feel pissed, when you're getting to the point where you're like
00:15:42.160 saying, fuck it, dude, that's when you've got to stick it through. That's when you've got to push
00:15:46.680 even harder. That's when you've got to make sure that even at a minimum, you're still executing on
00:15:52.360 the same path that you were when you're winning, because that's, what's going to push you through
00:15:56.100 to a breakthrough. That's, what's going to push you through to the next level. You know, oftentimes I've
00:16:01.140 found, and I've heard other people say this too, that when things get really fucking hard, when they,
00:16:07.580 when you're about to like, when you're about to say, fuck it, I quit. I'm done with this shit.
00:16:11.800 It's not for me and change. If you just stick it through a little bit more, that's when the
00:16:16.760 breakthroughs start to happen. You know, that's when the good shit starts to happen. It's just,
00:16:21.420 most people don't have the grit and they don't have the perseverance and they don't have the
00:16:26.060 mental capacity and they don't have the perspective to know that if they keep pushing, if they keep
00:16:32.620 working, if they stick through it at this point, that they are going to make a breakthrough.
00:16:38.100 Okay. And that they're going to come out the other side, more energized, more confident because
00:16:43.760 they went through that negative period with a new skill. Okay. And you have to think about grit
00:16:49.140 and perseverance and your ability to endure, just like you would think of a muscle. The more you
00:16:55.040 exercise those things, the stronger they become, the more, the more able you become to push through
00:17:03.040 hard situations and deal with anxiety and stress. You know, Tony Robbins said something, um, in his
00:17:10.280 personal power CD set that in like, and I remember this back in like literally in like the nineties,
00:17:16.320 dude, it stuck with me. Um, he said, you're in, this might not be the exact quote, but he said,
00:17:22.340 your success is in direct proportion to how much uncertainty you can deal with. And there is no
00:17:28.640 more true quote and life success than that. The more uncertainty that you can deal with,
00:17:36.400 the more pressure that you can deal with, the more anxiety that you can deal with and handle,
00:17:42.500 the more breakthroughs you're going to have. And you're going to come out the other side stronger.
00:17:46.880 Okay. And you have to look at it in phases. Let's say you have a level one low. All right.
00:17:52.680 And you've got a hundred people just like on the last podcast or the one before that,
00:17:55.960 we talked about the pyramid, how people fall off. All right. Look, you got, let's say 10 levels to,
00:18:01.960 to, uh, lows. All right. Cause it's not the highs when people quit. It's the lows.
00:18:07.260 You've got 10 levels to it. All right. On level one, you got a hundred people. It gets a little
00:18:13.040 bit hard. 10 of them quit. All right. 90 people make it through to level two low.
00:18:16.660 So they go up through another high and back through another low. They get to the level
00:18:20.000 two low, 10 more people quit. All right. Now we've got 80 people that made it through to level
00:18:25.300 three and so on and so on and so on. And what happens is, is the people who end up at level
00:18:30.060 10 lows, when they've gone through some massive shit over and over and over again, they understand
00:18:35.220 like myself, that it's cyclical and they know it's coming to an end. People lose hope and they
00:18:40.920 lose, uh, ambition and they lose drive and they lose focus and they quit because they think
00:18:46.280 that the low is permanent and the low is not permanent. It's always cyclical. If you think
00:18:51.660 about everything that we have to do in life, the seasons, all right, uh, our lives, like
00:18:57.920 the way things just naturally work, it's always on a cycle. And so is your emotions. And so is
00:19:03.700 your frustrations. No one out there that you follow on the internet is winning all the fucking
00:19:09.020 time. No one out there that you follow on the internet is just crushing it every fucking day.
00:19:14.220 They might take a snap story and snap with a fucking smile on their face about how great
00:19:19.220 shit is and throw the motherfucking phone in the fucking river five minutes after they 0.98
00:19:24.040 fucking did it. You're seeing what they want you to see. And by you judging yourself against
00:19:28.620 what they're putting out as marketing is very dangerous. I refuse to do that. If you see me
00:19:35.620 not snap for a couple of days, if you see me not post for a couple of days, it's because
00:19:39.340 I don't have anything productive to say, or I'm going through one of these fucking lows
00:19:46.360 where, you know, I'm just not in the mood to give you guys anything. Um, and you know,
00:19:51.360 as I get older and I'm not at level 10 low, by the way, I might be like at level six.
00:19:55.440 I don't know where the fuck I am, but I know this, the more I go through it, the stronger
00:19:58.580 I get. And what I want to encourage you guys to realize about yourselves is that if you're
00:20:03.880 ambitious, if you want to be successful, which we all do, we all want to be fucking wealthy.
00:20:07.940 We all want to fucking be, uh, in the best situations and lives that we can be in. You're
00:20:13.600 going to have to learn how to deal with the shit that is going to be negative too. You're
00:20:17.660 going to have to learn how to take negative energy that people give you and turn it into
00:20:22.300 positive, productive action. You're going to have to learn how to expect that negativity
00:20:28.460 is going to come to an end or the low times are going to come to an end. You know, it would
00:20:32.960 be nice if we could always be high and we could always be happy and we could always be winning.
00:20:36.700 That's the fucking fairy tale that you're fed because it's sexy, right? You're not going
00:20:41.260 to watch lifestyles of the rich and famous and see somebody on there bitching about how 1.00
00:20:45.120 fucking hard it is to be fucking rich. They paint the picture and they smile and they
00:20:49.860 say, Oh, blah, blah, blah. This is awesome. Blah, blah, blah. And you don't ever see them
00:20:55.000 doing the actual work. You don't ever see them doing, uh, you know, what you've got to do
00:21:00.400 or going through the emotional cycles that you have to go through. And I guess the reason I
00:21:05.040 wanted to talk to you guys about this is because a, I just went through one of these lows myself,
00:21:09.760 um, last week. Uh, and B, you know, I was asked about it today on the podcast about, um, you
00:21:18.560 know, the highs and lows of, of entrepreneurship and success. And, and I just want you guys to
00:21:23.880 know, because I like to keep it real with you guys that having those emotional highs and having
00:21:28.440 those emotional lows are fucking normal. All right. Everybody who's out there, that's killing
00:21:32.860 it. Everybody out there, who's making money, everybody out there that you look up to goes
00:21:36.680 through it, whether they want to tell you about it or not. And, and I know all those motherfuckers. 0.96
00:21:40.900 So, you know, even if they're not showing it, they're going through it. So know that it comes
00:21:46.280 and goes, know that you're going to make it through and know that when you make it through,
00:21:51.300 you're going to be stronger. You're going to be more equipped. You're going to have a better
00:21:55.180 understanding of the process as you go. You know, people quit too soon. They, they give up too
00:22:02.200 soon. They hear the quote, like, like, uh, Gary says, you know, just if you don't, if
00:22:06.700 you, if you fucking hate it, you should give up and, and, you know, quit the job that you 0.94
00:22:11.320 hate. And like I said, on the last podcast, that's, and I love Gary, dude, he's my fucking,
00:22:14.960 he's my friend. We talked about this and we've talked about it a lot of times. Some things
00:22:18.760 can be taken out of context. And when you, when you, when you hear that, I know there's
00:22:24.600 a lot of people out there that the minute shit gets hard or the minute they don't like
00:22:27.700 something, they just quit. And guys, that's a sure way to never get anywhere. Because
00:22:32.120 I could tell you right now, if I quit every single time, I didn't like this fucking job,
00:22:35.980 I would quit like three times a fucking week, but I love this. You know what I'm saying?
00:22:40.680 So it's reality. Okay. Um, I know that's not like the typical fire podcast that I give you
00:22:48.080 guys on Friday. And I know it's a little bit different of a message, but, uh, you know,
00:22:52.400 I think it needs to be said, I think it needs to be noted. And I think you guys need to
00:22:55.660 understand that having extreme highs and having extreme lows is part of fucking business. It's, 0.55
00:23:00.780 it's especially part of being an entrepreneur. Now, if you're an entrepreneur, you know, the
00:23:05.320 reason that you, uh, aren't getting paid as much as the entrepreneurs, cause you're not
00:23:09.300 having to deal with those extreme fucking highs and lows, because let me tell you something,
00:23:13.420 you might have highs and lows within your little job and that's fine. But the reason entrepreneurs
00:23:18.800 get to make all the money is because they're having massive fucking highs and massive fucking
00:23:23.540 lows because the responsibility is extreme, especially when you get to like a level where
00:23:29.440 you have, you know, hundreds of employees like I do, like I make decisions on a daily
00:23:34.900 basis that could affect whether or not some of their families fucking eat. So imagine that 0.84
00:23:41.680 times like hundreds and then imagine having to make decisions about those things. It's, it can
00:23:47.240 wear you out. But the good thing is, and I'm not complaining about that. I'm just explaining
00:23:52.980 reality. The good thing is by the time you get to that point, you're going to be equipped
00:23:56.820 to handle it. All right. So if that's not proof that your, your, your ability to endure, your
00:24:02.060 ability to handle stress, your ability to persevere and have grit grows with your experience, I
00:24:07.820 don't know what is, but anyway, guys, that's all I got for you today. Um, think about what
00:24:13.480 I'm saying. And when you go through these rough times, when you go through these hard times,
00:24:16.780 when you go through these times where you want to quit and you feel like the world's coming
00:24:20.460 down and you remember, it's going to come to an end. And when you comes to an end and
00:24:23.520 you make it out, you're going to be stronger, you're going to be better, and you're going
00:24:26.860 to be more equipped for success. I love you guys. I'll talk to you guys next week.
00:24:30.960 Bye.