REAL AF with Andy Frisella - Lewis Howes' Mask of Masculinity, with Andy Frisella

00:00:00.000 what is up guys you're listening to the MF CEO project I'm Andy I'm your host and I am the

00:00:14.260 motherfucking CEO guys today we have an awesome podcast for you before we get started got to hit

00:00:21.080 you with some housekeeping guys you know we have the testimonial contest going on I've been getting

00:00:26.280 hit up with messages about that you're sending the emails in and they're not going through that's

00:00:31.580 because you haven't followed fucking directions here's the deal one minute video not 103 not 107

00:00:36.680 not 7 not 10 one minute sent to Vaughn what's the address testimonials at the MFCEO.com all right

00:00:47.300 testimonials at the MFCEO.com a lot of you guys have got it some of you guys missed it we got to make

00:00:54.940 it happen the winners will be flown out here for a VIP weekend or VIP day they will be putting up at

00:01:01.680 the four seasons yeah we're gonna hang out we're gonna do a podcast we're gonna do some personal

00:01:05.560 mentorship we're gonna go to dinner we're gonna eat some red meat if you're vegan you can't come

00:01:11.060 uh I'm just kidding you can't come uh maybe but as always with that being said I'm joined by my

00:01:19.880 co-host Vaughn the pastor of disaster what's up dude things are incredible man I spent a couple

00:01:26.940 hours well the downside of it was I was in the emergency room with my wife last night but the

00:01:30.760 upside of it were you working or you were there because she was sick both oh yeah no I'm saying

00:01:35.360 was she working no I'm sorry no yes my wife's a doctor but no she was in there for like because

00:01:40.400 she's your sugar mama wasn't fine Vaughn ain't no dummy well

00:01:46.000 no I'm gainfully employed thanks to the MFCEO no but uh dude I started going through some of

00:01:55.820 those testimonials and it's a it's an interesting experience like I'm glad Lewis is here today

00:02:00.620 because I was getting choked up he just fucked up my intro did I by the way we have an amazing guest

00:02:06.200 here as you guys know my good friend Lewis Howes just wrote an awesome book called the mask of

00:02:13.720 masculinity we're gonna dive into that topic today so thanks for fucking up my intro I appreciate it

00:02:18.380 no no I I'm I'm always happy to oblige but no basically I mean we got some amazing people that

00:02:23.400 that that follow the the project oh dude it's awesome testimonials on the other hand we also have

00:02:29.220 people who in spite of all warnings literally send us hour-long videos hey they won't win

00:02:36.020 yeah but that's okay we appreciate you anyway 60 seconds right we do appreciate it dude you saw

00:02:40.420 my you saw the you just snapped it the thing I'm a huge hilarious I'm huge on following directions

00:02:45.760 amazing so on the front of the door so I can't stand people that can't follow directions it bothers

00:02:50.200 me to my core like if I have an employee and I said this is the way it's done that's the way it's

00:02:55.100 done like I I'm all for like thinking and and doing what you think is right and this and that but

00:03:00.200 there's certain things that just need to be done the right way and one of them is in my book that

00:03:05.160 when I say one minute video I don't mean one-on-one no I mean one and the other thing is no soliciting

00:03:13.540 on the fucking door out front do you get a lot of salesmen that come here we did you did until I

00:03:17.800 changed the message wow everybody puts that message says no soliciting that nobody pays attention to

00:03:22.560 right and then you know so we just changed it to say uh salesman seen by appointment only if you if

00:03:29.600 you walk into this facility without an appointment we won't do business with you out of principle

00:03:33.960 because you can't follow directions and if you think about it is that not true right yeah yeah

00:03:38.340 you can't follow directions make a fucking appointment and we'll be glad to meet with you

00:03:42.380 right yeah but if you can't if you're not willing to make that extra effort how are you going to be

00:03:46.180 willing to make the extra effort to do whatever it is that you do for our company so that being said

00:03:50.760 I had to credit the kid who sent in he followed the directions one minute videos but he was so

00:03:56.400 impacted by the project that he sent 10 one minute videos say you know what that's thinking

00:04:00.780 outside the box yeah I actually kind of respect that it's like multiple votes it's like yeah

00:04:05.160 lottery we didn't say you couldn't do that that's true so hey that's still within the bounds of

00:04:10.620 directions yeah exactly I respect that yeah all right so Lewis it's been I don't know about a year

00:04:17.000 since we've yes been on this podcast we did your podcast which turned out great yeah people loved it

00:04:21.920 uh Gold Coast took a clip of that video and went viral it was pretty cool that's great um so thank you

00:04:27.540 for having me on I love the show if you guys don't listen to Lewis's podcast it's one of the

00:04:32.360 it's probably the only other podcast I listen to consistently well it's the only podcast I listen

00:04:37.700 to consistently because I don't even listen to this one yeah honestly I can't listen to my own though

00:04:42.420 yeah it's hard after you record to like listen back to it if I listen even when I watch my videos

00:04:47.720 I'm like god I sound like such an idiot I know you know but yeah Lewis goes I know

00:04:51.640 it's like the same way no it's like hearing yourself on an answering machine like back when

00:04:57.680 they had answering machines and you had to record the the the voicemail right and then you play it

00:05:02.360 back you're like oh I sound disgusting I sound fat I sound retarded I sound this I sound that and

00:05:07.340 like dude you're you were it's just better just to do it and like never look at it again yeah you

00:05:12.380 know what I mean yeah uh so absolutely that's what I that's what I try to do so within that time

00:05:17.800 you have written and we've talked about this a number of times privately but today we're gonna

00:05:22.580 talk about it and and basically uh embrace and and dig into uh the topic of vulnerability

00:05:32.960 with males and you know it's popular today to be and we see it all the time dude's got a big old beard

00:05:41.300 and he's like got some muscles and he's like be a real man and and we've seen this this has been a

00:05:46.980 societal thing for since the beginning of time right um about men being afraid of letting people

00:05:56.000 know that they have issues too they have things that have bothered them too and you know what

00:06:02.320 before we get into the the details but why did you see a need for this book

00:06:08.880 well it's a little bit outside it's a lot outside it's a lot different than what the other book was

00:06:14.000 it's a lot it's a lot different than pretty much everything I do in terms of like online marketing

00:06:18.260 and business and everything else um it came out of a need for myself when I turned 30 I was going

00:06:24.240 through a lot of pain a lot of stress a lot of pain I I'd moved to LA for a girl and ended up being

00:06:31.000 an up and down relationship for the next eight months where I didn't know how to end the relationship

00:06:35.400 gracefully I don't know if many people know how to end relationships gracefully but it was like

00:06:40.160 eating me alive inside I was terrified to be alone I didn't know how to I didn't think I would

00:06:45.700 have that intimacy again I was just scared right scared so I was clinging on to something that was

00:06:49.940 so toxic and wasn't helping me in any way that was hurting me emotionally spiritually physically

00:06:55.160 everything I was also so I was taking that frustration and taking it out on everyone else in

00:07:02.560 the world I was so angry in the world and resentful that anytime someone would step to me whatever be

00:07:07.600 social media or basketball game or whatever I would want to fight them right like I would want

00:07:13.200 to take it out on them because I didn't take it out of my girlfriend right right and there was a

00:07:18.620 point where I was playing pick a basketball lot just to get the energy out and I was always trying to

00:07:23.840 fight with people like every time it didn't matter if it was like some 16 year old punk no and at the

00:07:28.480 time you're playing in office I'm just ultra competitive yeah exactly I was like I just want to win but

00:07:32.100 it's like zero stakes games right and the mean streets of West Hollywood right and um it was

00:07:38.720 like why am I like always trying to fight these 17 year old kids who just have like you know are

00:07:44.480 talking trash to me right they're like wimps they're like tiny little dudes that I'm like trying to step

00:07:49.780 back to like it's like it's hurting my masculinity my manhood is being like affected by them talking to

00:07:55.840 me right and after months of this I would get into like shoving matches with kids and pretty much just

00:08:01.780 like express my dominance over them because I was so much bigger that they would stop talking right

00:08:06.940 so I was always trying to find a place to dominate right and be like the alpha male and the aggressor

00:08:13.200 and one day I was playing a basketball game and I was guarding a guy who was older than me and much

00:08:19.240 bigger he's about your size and he was older though he's probably like in his mid 40s mid to late 40s

00:08:24.820 big guy so I'm guarding him and he's you know you got to kind of like hold the gut not hold him but

00:08:30.040 like lean into the guy when he's that big when you're playing down low so I'm leaning into him

00:08:34.460 he's leaning into me you know it's it's kind of like a clean physical game right you know we're not

00:08:38.820 like hitting each other but we're hard fouling clean you know and um it gets down to the last point

00:08:45.860 it's a game point both teams so bragging rights is what matters right now right and um I go up for a

00:08:54.160 layup he fouls me hard he goes up for a layup I foul him hard kind of goes back and forth

00:08:59.360 no one's able to score until one time I like grab his arm when he got the ball to score again and

00:09:05.320 then all of a sudden he kind of lost it and headbutts me yeah and this is the moment where I

00:09:09.300 it's like years of frustration come out right where now I have the right to hit someone right

00:09:14.660 right someone hit me right now it's more than just a shove right it's like let me unleash all the

00:09:21.100 pain I felt right over this relationship over the last eight months and bring it out and I

00:09:25.920 literally like went into another mode of like aggression right and alpha male like zero thought

00:09:34.740 process I just UFC you know headlocked punched the guy took him to the ground just like pummeled

00:09:41.020 this guy right and had like my mind took over my body took over I didn't even know what I was doing

00:09:47.460 it was just like oh like everything all my pain just came out of this guy until someone took us

00:09:53.220 off uh and pulled me off and got him up and I remember looking at the guy's face and I couldn't

00:09:59.780 recognize him and I was so terrified at what I'd done this was four years ago yeah and I couldn't

00:10:05.100 I was like I was so so much adrenaline in that moment and I was just like what did I do I was like

00:10:13.200 what the fuck did I just do right and I remember literally running back to my place like a coward

00:10:20.460 like scared like a scared little boy I was like the police department office is like literally across

00:10:25.900 the street right now he hit me and everyone saw that he hit me first and things like that so I

00:10:31.300 realized like I'll probably be fine but my buddy was there he's like you just need to go like this

00:10:35.560 could get bad like whatever and I ran back to my place literally like scared like a scared child

00:10:42.100 ran back to my place was shaking looking in the mirror in my bathroom and all I could say is like

00:10:47.500 what the fuck are you doing like who are you why are you allowing this to happen why are you so angry

00:10:53.220 I just kept saying like why am I so angry and it was kind of the wake-up call for me because

00:10:58.380 I wish I didn't you know get in that fight but stuff happens and uh you know whatever but it was a

00:11:05.440 wake-up call because my life wasn't working my my relationship wasn't working I didn't have the

00:11:09.920 emotional capacity to really tell her what I wanted and to express myself and to to leave

00:11:15.840 I was taking out all this aggression in business when people would comment on anything critical

00:11:22.020 online social media my blog whatever I had to defend myself I had to respond and like make myself look

00:11:28.620 good right and uh same thing in in in this fight it's like I why none of this mattered it wasn't even

00:11:35.640 like a uh there was no money on the line there was nothing on the line except for 10 kids just

00:11:41.620 playing basketball and so I started to get some help I started to ask for feedback I said to my

00:11:48.860 friends like I don't know why I'm doing this or like why I'm so frustrated why are some why I'm so

00:11:52.840 angry but I need some support I went to I'm going to share a story with you that I think you're going

00:11:57.760 to really appreciate I went to a uh a leadership emotional intelligence workshop it's a five-day experience

00:12:03.440 where we talk a lot about mindset talk a lot about it's kind of like therapy with a group of people

00:12:09.560 where they address everything from your life that isn't working and so you address issues you have

00:12:16.640 with your parents you address issues from past relationships you address issues with your own

00:12:20.600 relationship with yourself situations in your life and they put you through different experiences

00:12:25.460 and games to create a mirror to show you how you've been acting your whole life and what works for

00:12:31.700 you and what doesn't work for you and at at the three day mark my ego is like so big I'm like I

00:12:38.940 teach this stuff like I already know all this stuff like I don't need this and at the three day mark

00:12:45.200 a lot of people are crying a lot of people are like opening up about stuff in their past and you know

00:12:50.440 they're very open and vulnerable and the trainer the facilitator of this workshop at the three day mark

00:12:55.340 says okay we've addressed everything from our past and we're moving forward towards our future so we're

00:13:02.800 going to be talking now about the life we want to create for ourselves how we do want to feel how we

00:13:07.320 want to think and the dreams we have for ourselves but in order to do that we have to to let go of

00:13:13.720 everything from our past first so if you haven't addressed anything yet with the group or in any of

00:13:20.420 these situations that we've gone through these games these exercises if you haven't addressed

00:13:23.760 anything now is the time or pretty much forever hold your peace moment and so I in my mind I'm

00:13:30.560 thinking to myself you know my parents getting divorced I've already talked about that being

00:13:35.820 picked on being bullied being picked last when I was a kid I've addressed all these things my brother

00:13:40.500 went to prison when I was eight for four and a half years for selling drugs I addressed that in here

00:13:45.400 you know being in the special needs classes you know feeling stupid my whole life like I addressed all

00:13:51.140 these things and these conversations and these exercises and I was like that time I was raped by

00:13:56.300 another man when I was five went through my mind and I was like why have I never told anyone this for

00:14:04.020 25 years since it happened right like I've always been terrified to let people know that another man

00:14:11.080 sexually abused me right it was like this it was like if anyone ever knew this they want to accept me

00:14:17.620 they want to look at me the same way there's something wrong with you yeah right yeah yeah

00:14:20.920 that was like they want to accept me they want to look at me the right way they would they want to

00:14:23.980 love me I wouldn't have any friends like all these childhood fears always surrounded me from this one

00:14:29.420 this one thing it was a combination of like everything that I think made me more defensive and

00:14:36.740 aggressive it wasn't just that experience but I remember saying like why do I let this one thing have

00:14:43.660 power over me so I was saying to myself you know why have I never shared this thing and why does it

00:14:50.040 have so much power over me and so in that moment I just felt like I have to share this I stood up in

00:14:57.820 front of this room of about 50 people walked to the front of the room I couldn't look anyone in the

00:15:03.300 eyes I stared down the entire time on a carpet and looked just like this and for the first time in 25

00:15:08.960 years walked through every moment of what happened walked through being at the babysitter's the

00:15:15.960 babysitter's son taking me to the bathroom and walking through everything the smell of it the scene

00:15:21.740 the taste every thing of that experience I still had in my memory so strong and I shared it and I

00:15:30.400 couldn't look up on anyone in the face when I completed sharing the story like the room is like

00:15:37.120 almost in shock like dead silent to see this big white jock dude with an ego right come up and start

00:15:43.820 sharing something like this right like that was the most unexpected thing I sit down uh back in my

00:15:50.040 chair and I just start erupting I'm like erupting of tears like howling of just releasing these tears

00:15:58.960 that I've been I guess holding back for so long right and I'm crying I'm shaking I'm like terrified to

00:16:05.800 look anyone in the eyes still I can't look anyone in the eyes luckily there's two women on either side

00:16:10.620 of me who are holding me like crying in my arms and like holding me and thankfully because I felt

00:16:17.580 like so alone in that moment until they like grabbed me and hugged me and were like crying with me

00:16:22.200 and again all this embarrassment all this shame and guilt I was just like I can't be here I ran out of

00:16:28.680 the room it was like in a hotel like conference room I ran outside to get some fresh air went to

00:16:35.080 the uh uh there was like a back alley street and then a wall and I ran across the street and just

00:16:41.040 put my head on the wall like this with my arm and was just like in tears like I couldn't stop crying

00:16:46.540 and one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to me was after this moment all the men

00:16:53.860 from that who were in the workshop came out and one by one looked me in the eyes and they were like

00:16:58.760 you're my hero and I'm getting chills just thinking about it because they were like you're my hero

00:17:03.120 I've thought so much you know I've been judging you this entire time but for you to be able to just

00:17:10.780 talk about that is one of the most incredible things for me to hear right because I was sexually

00:17:16.820 abused and I've never told anyone uh and some people were like you know I didn't go through sexual

00:17:23.120 abuse but I went through this thing everybody has their everyone had something right and they

00:17:28.200 were like and I've been ashamed to talk about this and one guy was like I've been married for 25 years

00:17:33.940 and I have four kids and my wife doesn't know what happened to me when I was a kid and you're not you

00:17:39.940 gave me permission to finally go there right and I've been holding on to this pain my whole life and

00:17:47.260 and I was like what it was like it blew my mind the thing that I was the most afraid of

00:17:52.380 letting people see me for actually who I am or the things I've gone through

00:17:55.980 was the thing that brought me so much closer together to everyone in that room

00:18:00.500 they were like people one guy was like I will follow you anywhere like now I know who you really

00:18:05.960 are I will follow you anywhere you were already like a leader but now you're like the most honest

00:18:11.120 leader there is and I trust you and I was like what I was like really I mean me projecting as this like

00:18:17.320 perfect athlete business guy for so long with no flaws you didn't trust but now you trust me because

00:18:25.400 I talked about like something that I'm you know terrified of right right and it was just blew my mind

00:18:30.960 and it gave me this unbelievable you know for a few hours I'm still feeling like insecure and

00:18:36.900 embarrassed and worried and scared because I'm like is this for real maybe it's just like the context of

00:18:42.440 this environment that people are like supportive but I can't go out and tell my family or friends

00:18:47.500 this right right right right we are all kind of like sharing in this place so are people going to

00:18:51.940 accept me in the real world right and they're you know they were encouraging me to go tell my family

00:18:58.540 go tell my friends and I was like there's no fucking way I'm gonna like let anyone know this right

00:19:02.140 right right I was like I feel safe here it's like a therapy session but I was like there's no way

00:19:05.900 and they were like we challenge you to do it like continue this process so I did it I told each family

00:19:12.160 member one by one and it was terrifying because I didn't want my family to know what had happened

00:19:16.800 right but one by one it was like the most beautiful experience again of my life because my sisters my

00:19:25.400 brother my mom yes there was some like pain and sadness from especially like my mom who felt like

00:19:30.960 responsible but my siblings started opening up to me about stuff they'd never share with me and I'm

00:19:36.240 like I've known these people my whole life and I didn't know these things about them right and it's

00:19:40.100 like I created this bond and connection with my family that is so much stronger because of that

00:19:44.960 moment then I started sharing my friends and this is where I was really scared I was like what if I

00:19:49.380 have no friends you know they think you're fucking weird or something yeah exactly and one by one I

00:19:53.840 started sharing with them and again they started opening up to me they started like listening deeper they

00:19:58.240 started looking at me differently like from a place of like support and love and I was like wow and

00:20:04.740 every time I shared it the less I was shaking like when I talked about the less I was like

00:20:10.620 tearing up the less I was you know embarrassed it was came to the point where I was starting to share it

00:20:17.240 more and more in the right setting and context I wasn't just like blurting it out right you're not

00:20:22.840 posts on Facebook yeah exactly right which is what everybody likes to do yeah exactly and I realized

00:20:28.440 like the more I share the more I'm healing it for myself and the more like and something crazy

00:20:35.120 happened my business started to explode yeah like people trusted me more just because of how I was

00:20:42.540 showing up differently they couldn't really tell what I was doing like people said on my pot who were

00:20:46.780 listening to my podcast they were like I loved your podcast before Lewis but like something in the last

00:20:50.700 few months has changed like something about you is just different I don't know what it is but like

00:20:54.380 keep doing it right you know I wasn't opening up still about it right they're like just whatever

00:20:58.640 you're doing it's working right I was like huh there's something to this and I and to do a long

00:21:04.940 story short or to wrap it up I finally post on my podcast everyone's telling me for months you got

00:21:11.600 to share this I was like no fucking way am I gonna let the public know about this right I was like

00:21:15.620 first it's family then it's friends I was like there's no way I want to share this publicly

00:21:19.640 one like I don't know if any white male jock dude has ever done that right that I was aware of two

00:21:26.220 I don't want anyone to think it's like some marketing thing or anything like that right

00:21:30.580 right three like I don't even know how I would do this without hurting people or it's like a sacred

00:21:36.800 space for men to talk about this thing in my mind and so but people everyone just kept saying you got

00:21:42.320 to do this you got to do this like you're going to help so many men and women so I said okay if it's

00:21:45.980 going to help people I'll do it I finally do it months later and again it was probably the most

00:21:52.120 powerful thing I'd ever done because so many men I got hundreds of emails from men saying again I've

00:21:59.440 never shared with anyone before I never thought I could share I never knew how to share and now

00:22:05.880 you're giving me permission thank you right and I was just like wow this is more meaningful than any

00:22:11.060 type of like business content or you know motivation teaching stuff or marketing stuff like this is

00:22:17.120 actually helping men heal and women heal because now they can have conversations with the men in

00:22:24.180 their life whether it be their husbands their boyfriends their fathers their sons because so

00:22:28.100 many sons are disconnected and I was like huh there's something to this and I needed to do more research

00:22:34.480 on it so for the last four years I've been digging in with all the research you know one in six men have

00:22:40.080 been sexually abused uh men commit more more way more suicide or suicide attempts than women

00:22:45.780 and I believe is because men don't have the outlet to share it's not accepted in society it's not

00:22:53.580 accepted with their guy friends it's not accepted to share with women because women want a strong man

00:22:59.040 exactly and so it's just constantly you know the way I grew up and I think the way you grew up you

00:23:06.060 know in the sports world and just around guys it's like you're more like making fun of people to like

00:23:11.140 fit in you're more like putting other people down I was always the one I was getting made fun of yeah

00:23:15.520 me too always growing up and so I had to make fun of people with other people to like fit into that

00:23:19.800 group right right yeah so for me I was like okay if I really want to make an impact and I want to

00:23:25.300 continue to help myself heal and not be aggressive and and make an impact in my business my health all

00:23:32.460 these things my relationships I've got to continue to open up and I just you know I like results right

00:23:38.820 I was like if you want to make more money here's a way to do it right you want to like have better

00:23:43.580 health you're going to feel at peace inside and accept yourself more when you do these things right

00:23:48.580 and so for me I was just like there are so many men who are suffering so many women who are

00:23:54.000 suffering in relationships with men because the men aren't opening up or they're so connected to

00:23:59.180 I'm glad you brought that up because your book is not just for men I think more women are going to

00:24:04.440 read this because at the end of every chapter we teach women how to connect with the men in their life

00:24:08.800 right and give them actual steps to understanding why the man is wearing that specific mask there's

00:24:15.320 nine different masks that men wear based on psychology research and why men wear it and how to get

00:24:23.360 them to take it off without making them wrong because there's a lot of women that make men wrong

00:24:27.140 for who they are and really what men need more is not telling them they're bad or wrong but

00:24:33.740 acknowledging for the good they are doing so that they'll continue to do more good right um yeah so

00:24:39.300 for me I I you know to wrap it up the reason I wanted to do this was because you know the publisher

00:24:46.380 for my last book was like okay let's do like a business or marketing book and I was just like you know

00:24:50.340 what I'm just not 50 million yeah and I was just like you know what I'm just not feeling it and what

00:24:55.120 I'm feeling is the thing that I talked about once in my podcast and started to open up a little bit

00:25:00.560 about that is actually making the biggest impact to my audience right is this topic and you know I

00:25:06.840 didn't know that these crazy racial marches and gender wars and political dysfunction and challenges

00:25:18.560 that are happening in the country and now with the Vegas shooting it's like I wasn't aware two years

00:25:24.400 ago when I was started writing this book that all this was going to be happening and I feel like so

00:25:29.620 much of the tension and anger and stress it's coming from men it's starting from men who don't feel

00:25:37.600 safe within themselves who feel insecure who are afraid and they lead with I need to win I need to be

00:25:46.120 right I need to kill you took the words out of my mouth like I was just gonna say I was literally I

00:25:53.340 swear this is what I was gonna say people are too worried about winning because they want to look

00:25:58.460 a good way as opposed to solving a problem that's it man and so they they vent that they they use the

00:26:05.340 win as the expression of they're smarter they're better they're stronger the right exact dude and it's

00:26:11.740 killing it's killing it's killing you know with politics when there's not a place of how can we

00:26:17.680 all win together how can we find a solution like you said that's right with uh in marriages are going

00:26:23.760 apart more than ever right now I'm sure you're seeing this in the in religion it's like more

00:26:28.040 tension ever within marriages break falling apart uh it's more tension ever between like gender wars

00:26:34.660 uh there's more tension with our environment dude I have this I I purposely avoid political

00:26:41.520 discussions on social because I don't yeah the reason is is because literally finding someone who

00:26:49.120 is willing to have a discussion about a solution is literally almost impossible without them needing

00:26:54.640 to be right we want that's exactly right it's it's this polarizing argument about race or politics or

00:27:01.800 whatever when in reality we all want the same fucking thing yeah we all want the same thing

00:27:05.920 you can't you can't win the argument you can't it's not an argument you can't win a discussion

00:27:11.560 a discussion is about us coming to a solution right right you know and it's it's I get so far I just had

00:27:18.740 a dm with a really good friend of mine who's a black guy and we were going back and forth about a

00:27:23.880 certain video about a cop and we were talking about you know I I he posted it and you know he used the

00:27:30.780 hashtag black lives matter and it was very like it was he was saying you know if this has been a

00:27:36.360 white if this had been a black dude they would have shot him and I wrote him back I said bro I said

00:27:41.100 you're you're a major influence in in the world I said and this guy's if I say his name you guys know

00:27:47.120 who he was I said you're a major influencer you realize that putting that message out is dividing

00:27:53.560 people not putting people together I want the same thing you want white people want the same shit you

00:27:59.120 want you know you have to quit eating what people are feeding you and start thinking on your own

00:28:05.340 about what you're putting out and what the reason he did that is because he's angry on the inside

00:28:10.860 about the situation you know and we don't have to win these arguments which with each other we have

00:28:16.920 to figure out how to come together and solve the problem and dude what you're saying is so true

00:28:23.840 when it comes to I mean dude we we're going to get into all kinds of business aspects here in a

00:28:28.680 minute but when it comes to online communication there's very few discussions it's a lot of arguing

00:28:35.020 and it's the the reason is is because people feel like they have to assert their their intelligence

00:28:40.120 through comments you know and the truth of it is is most of us want the same shit right you know

00:28:47.040 what I mean we want to be united we want to think the same things and just because you poke a hole

00:28:53.060 in something I said that I took out of context it doesn't make you look smart right you know what

00:28:58.100 I mean like so many people like to do that because that's the only way they get any traction my whole

00:29:03.300 life was built around that where I needed to prove everyone wrong right and I used to be so I used

00:29:08.900 to love these dude I still have that big I still have that in me no I get it right a big chip I it's

00:29:15.100 still there too but it's like I used to love on Instagram would be like prove them wrong that was

00:29:18.960 like my greatest like yeah I used to love seeing that and posting that and then I I realized my

00:29:24.760 whole life has been to prove everyone else wrong right the freaking eight-year-old boys that picked

00:29:30.000 me last the the man that sexually abused me yeah whatever just like teachers coaches just like I

00:29:36.840 always had this mentality I'm gonna prove them wrong and I did yeah I became an all-state exactly okay so

00:29:44.260 such unfulfillment inside well I think it depends and then I had to go after something else to like

00:29:49.160 continue proving wrong I think that and I say this a lot I think negativity is very underrated yes in

00:29:55.080 terms of how much it could propel you in life the most powerful yes but I feel like that when when you

00:30:02.000 go from and and dude I talk about this a lot you have to evolve from that and you have to go through

00:30:09.400 the process and eventually and this is how it was for me and you tell me if you agree or disagree

00:30:14.060 eventually you go from being motivated because I was I still am motivated by this shit I'm not

00:30:19.960 gonna deny it I get it and but I'm more motivated and by purpose yes okay so I've trained I've gone

00:30:28.420 from trying to prove my only motivation in life being to prove everybody wrong yep to where now I'm like

00:30:35.100 so far past all the people that I was like trying to prove wrong now you're lifting others up that's

00:30:40.840 right and so now I found a purpose and yes and a lot of people if you never make that transit so if

00:30:46.300 you tell a guy who's 20 years old that that uh it's wrong to be motivated by negativity they're

00:30:52.680 gonna think there's something wrong with that because I think a lot of people are but if you also

00:30:56.140 tell them hey be motivated by purpose I think that's a natural evolution people have to go through

00:31:01.140 yeah what do you think I think it is I mean I think you have to be fully self-aware and be able

00:31:05.520 to realize it because I probably heard that a million times but it never landed with me dude I

00:31:09.200 never knew what it meant I'm like what does that even mean I heard win win I never knew what win

00:31:13.040 one was until four years ago right I didn't know that I could win and everyone else could win around

00:31:17.160 me right I was like no there's only one winner but that's also your sports background too exactly

00:31:21.240 right but I was like I was like there's always one winner right either win or lose and what you

00:31:26.680 learn and dude you and I we talked about this before when you get in business and success when

00:31:31.760 you everybody can win everyone there's so much abundance how many other dudes do you know that

00:31:35.820 own supplement companies that are killing it a million supplement companies I know like 30 of

00:31:40.080 them and dude I'm friends with all the dudes exactly we're all friends yeah we're like hey bro how's

00:31:43.640 this working for you oh it's working like this for me you know like when you get into that next level

00:31:48.780 of thinking and you go from from wanting to kill everybody which dude is extremely powerful motivation

00:31:54.820 and I'm not knocking it because that's my DNA to because like dude when it comes down to it and

00:32:00.080 we get in a competition I'm gonna fucking win right like or die like it's just the way I am but

00:32:05.320 I I have become so focused on purpose that now it makes sense like what I'm doing makes sense when I

00:32:15.800 was when I was trying to prove everybody wrong and that was exclusively my motivation that was your

00:32:20.160 purpose it it didn't make sense and like you said you're unfulfilled and you're angry

00:32:24.700 but once you start to find a purpose and you start to see the good you're doing and you start to see

00:32:28.860 the results you're producing for other people now you get into a situation where you're fulfilled

00:32:33.900 because it's not just about you yeah everybody around and when you achieve by proving everyone else wrong

00:32:39.620 you still say oh but it doesn't feel good it's not enough I need more right I need to build a bigger

00:32:46.140 empire to continue to prove people wrong right and it's never going to feel fulfilling like we're talking about

00:32:50.920 but when you have the purpose on it and a mission to lift others up you can finally celebrate yeah your

00:32:56.860 victories and celebrate the good that you're doing and be like look at this person's life that's changed

00:33:01.560 because of what we created in our company and dude I don't know how much you believe and I don't think

00:33:05.380 we've ever talked about this and uh but I don't know how much you believe in like the law of attraction

00:33:09.600 I imagine you probably yeah I believe in abundance you know I believe in abundance yeah so I I do believe in

00:33:15.540 abundance and I do believe that like just because I'm successful it doesn't mean that the dudes that

00:33:20.340 on it or the dudes at uh Visalis or the dudes at other companies can't kill it too yeah and I'm happy

00:33:26.980 for them and you know why because I see them doing it and I'm like I can do it too and they see me doing

00:33:31.960 it and they think the same so like it's all a synergistic energy that people put out and it creates

00:33:37.360 positivity yeah and and results does that make sense absolutely yeah like uh Gary just said in one of

00:33:44.320 his posts that he doesn't believe in a law of attraction he thinks it's bullshit I disagree

00:33:48.000 yeah I think it's amazing I I could tell you a million stories I could tell you a million stories

00:33:52.720 I have too much proof to not believe it yeah and uh and they shit that I can't explain and that could

00:33:58.300 be a whole nother episode yeah but and if you're attracting proving people wrong yeah it's gonna

00:34:02.780 attract that negative energy in your life anxiety stress right not good enough needing more and I think

00:34:08.440 I think that you know if I'm being if I'm being honest I'm I'm a little of both yeah you know

00:34:14.380 what I mean like I I understand how to play both I'm far less prove people wrong than I used to be

00:34:20.840 because now I'm confident with who I am and I don't really feel like I I'm like all right well

00:34:25.360 I'm you know I'm doing this this this I can name out the highlight reels whatever right but

00:34:30.360 I don't I feel like I've proved it yeah you know what I mean so there's not who else do you need to

00:34:35.980 prove wrong yeah now it's more about yourself now it's about the mission it's about the purpose

00:34:40.540 and I think the more you lean that way you're gonna see oh yeah you guys just launch into a

00:34:44.960 whole new direction yeah you dude you could see it and you're gonna see the energy shift you're

00:34:49.060 right people are gonna feel better they're gonna feel like the purpose as well right right right

00:34:53.700 as opposed to like Andy's like tension of like needing to prove someone wrong right right right

00:34:58.780 I mean I still you know I mean I don't know that as athletes and guys still be competitive

00:35:03.900 right so that's so that's something I want to address about this so this is a really good tie

00:35:08.180 into to what the book is about is you know some people will read the mask of masculinity and they're

00:35:14.980 going to assume especially manly dudes they're gonna assume the book is like how to be a pussy

00:35:20.860 right you know what I'm saying because like that's how they that's how they see it and yeah that's the

00:35:26.040 whole point the point is is that there is a balance of being a male or an alpha like

00:35:33.820 dude first of all I think people who try to be alpha male you're not alpha right dude the way

00:35:37.860 you become alpha male is by helping other motherfuckers that's it man you know what I'm saying

00:35:41.160 and being the words out of my mouth like you said uh you said about um you said about people trusting

00:35:47.340 you when you show the vulnerability I was just having this discussion with my wife this morning

00:35:51.280 uh we were in a bathroom and I was getting ready she's like what do you got going on I don't

00:35:55.080 really tell her all like when I'm home I'm home yeah you know I'm saying I got Lewis in town we're

00:35:59.300 going to talk about his book you know this and that and uh and she's like oh that's going to be

00:36:04.280 good and I'm like yeah I said you know the thing is that when we got in this like five minute

00:36:09.280 discussion I'm like you know so many people not it's popular now to have these these dudes out

00:36:14.080 there like teach other people how to be men right right you know I'm saying like you got to go chop

00:36:18.640 wood and build a campfire and be fucking and have men yeah be a man and like wear a beard right

00:36:24.160 exactly now hey I'm all about the beards but like it has nothing to do with who I am as a man

00:36:30.340 you know and yeah um it's like I started explaining I said you know one of the reasons because we

00:36:38.860 I'm very fortunate and you are too to have an extremely loyal fan base yes like our fan base at

00:36:46.060 the MFCEO project and my personal me my personal brand is so loyal and so dedicated and I told her I

00:36:52.840 said you know it has to do with the fact like we and I'm not gonna name his name we talked about

00:36:58.160 another guy we both know who likes to be a celebrity okay and uh that that particular person likes to

00:37:06.640 pretend like he's on another level than everybody else you know what I mean yeah and and the reason

00:37:11.900 that people are are loyal to us and our personal brands and in business approachable on the same

00:37:20.540 level dude we're human yeah we show people that we're human we show people that hey look dude

00:37:26.560 I'm not any different than you I have my struggles I have my setbacks I have my little victories too

00:37:32.720 I have my bad days I don't want to do anything I have my good days where I'm on all cylinders

00:37:37.260 and people look at that and they're you know and it's so much more believable because it's true

00:37:43.640 relatable too because it's true because people don't believe anything that's too polished

00:37:47.880 no especially nowadays with social media we're gonna get into like the branding aspect like all

00:37:52.560 you people out there and this goes for women too they try to pretend like you're perfect and you're

00:37:57.080 above and you're this and you're that because there are a few people out there who have managed to build

00:38:01.560 a good following who do that shit you that's the old way the new way to build a true tribe and a true

00:38:09.040 following is to let people know who exactly you are yeah let people know the shit that you've gone

00:38:15.260 through let people know the struggles you have and you know why that creates trust because they

00:38:20.340 know it's the truth the most engaged photo I have on my Instagram except for like a couple that went

00:38:26.000 viral for whatever reason is me opening up about being sexually abused yeah like the fear I had around

00:38:31.860 you know sharing it things like that I just posted it you know like a few weeks ago yeah I saw it and

00:38:36.780 it got like a thousand comments and someone else made the graphic for me for a gold cast made it for a

00:38:41.820 video yeah and I didn't even make it but I was like oh maybe I'll share this yeah and people

00:38:46.700 were like and I've shared this again years ago on my podcast but I have a whole new audience that

00:38:51.240 doesn't know this about me yeah and it's not like I'm talking about it every day dude you know what I

00:38:55.080 mean yeah I do you just on a different subject do you repeat do you repost content repurpose it

00:39:01.100 consistently from like three six months ago yeah that's what I do no one's looking at stuff yeah I get

00:39:05.560 people who are like dude we've seen this four times I'm like bro I got a hundred extra thousand

00:39:09.620 people who haven't yeah exactly yeah so and for me I'm like huh always having the polished stuff

00:39:15.780 sure it's nice to show like the higher highlight reel but again there's so many of those big

00:39:20.040 Instagram followers or brands that just have highlight reel after highlight reel and they're

00:39:23.500 losing engagement and following dude because it's bullshit everybody knows it yeah exactly your life

00:39:27.800 isn't that great you know you know exactly you you know that um or you make me feel bad all the

00:39:34.160 time right by like there's something wrong with me exactly right dude I just talked about this a few

00:39:38.760 podcasts ago uh about some of the other entrepreneurs out there where they act like

00:39:43.220 they're on fucking level 20 every day all day and they're fucking not I know they're not because

00:39:47.800 they motherfucking text me yeah it's like the people who ask Emily if if she gets daily

00:39:51.820 motivational talks from you dude dude people will ask my wife they're like they're like oh what's

00:39:57.260 it like living with him I bet you're always motivated it's like look dude here's the reality

00:40:00.900 stressed out yeah yeah when I go home she's the one picking me up yeah yeah you know what I mean

00:40:05.260 and that's what people don't understand and and then there's even the worst is the $30,000

00:40:10.660 millionaires which are guys or girls that don't have any money well they don't have any money who

00:40:15.660 are wearing $50,000 watches you know driving the cars and they can't afford it bro I got I mean I

00:40:20.180 got targeted I got targeted with a fucking watch ad I don't know two or three days ago that was all

00:40:26.580 fake fucking like APs Rolexes Hublows like all fake shit and I'm and then dude I was I I could

00:40:38.080 talk about that for five fucking hours like it's you know these kids who are like join my mastermind

00:40:45.000 my life mastermind you're 19 I'm like bro you're 19 right you don't know your fucking ass from your

00:40:50.260 elbow right like you think you do that's what being 19 is about you know

00:40:56.560 yeah we I thought that too man I'm not knocking your hustle I appreciate it but how about this go

00:41:00.940 out and build something and then share that story exactly dude I get so frustrated with that yeah

00:41:05.900 the internet's so predatory especially in the entrepreneur space yeah because you have so many

00:41:10.840 people that are talking about shit that they're just watching Gary or they're watching Grant they're

00:41:15.460 watching us and they're just regurgitating that shit in some program right it's like bro you haven't

00:41:20.040 lived it and living it and talking about it is two different things yeah and everybody knows it

00:41:24.340 exactly yeah you know I was gonna say real quick uh you know for the people who don't share things

00:41:28.820 the girls on Instagram the ones who travel no like dude imagine what they're not showing or what

00:41:34.120 they're not telling people dude yeah brought them on the trip so like so like dude so I was gonna say

00:41:40.600 that um so you know and at first form we have uh a number of athletes and influencers that promote

00:41:46.740 the brand all over Instagram right my biggest challenge my biggest and these these are people that

00:41:51.700 have anywhere from a hundred thousand uh to up to 11 million 12 million followers right um my biggest

00:41:59.120 challenge with those people has been to have this discussion with them really like because they're

00:42:03.080 always looking perfect aren't they and but if you read their captions when they post about first form

00:42:08.000 they're talking about the real shit and so like my biggest victory this year has been to like

00:42:13.440 that's funny just get these people to step out because they were so unwilling to do that make them look

00:42:18.000 like you were saying earlier and everything's photoshopped every single one of them that has

00:42:22.340 listened and done it has come back to me and been like dude this is awesome I love this I love being

00:42:27.420 a part of this brand because you're getting real interaction now too you guys allow me to tell the

00:42:31.220 truth nobody else wants to see the truth everybody wants to see the highlight reel and like dude they're

00:42:35.640 all so appreciative of being a part of it because dude they they've been told they've been taught and

00:42:42.360 and we if you've paid attention to instagram for the last three years that's what we've been taught

00:42:47.580 we've been taught perfection we've been taught the highlight reel you follow the high-end entrepreneurs

00:42:52.220 they're always showing their their toys and this and that and very few of them tell their story yeah

00:42:58.180 you know what I mean and and the story of the struggle is where the value is man it is that's

00:43:02.660 where the connection comes from you know if you're if you're an aspiring influencer you're listening to

00:43:07.000 this which I know a lot of them do um whatever whatever space you're in dude it is good business

00:43:12.360 to be vulnerable absolutely and I know Von was been wanting to ask this question about um you know

00:43:18.440 how often do you talk about your struggles or your vulnerabilities because you could go the other

00:43:23.340 spectrum right Von and say every day yeah every day like oh my light you don't want to be a victim

00:43:28.340 dude so that was something I wanted to bring up yes can I insert real quick yeah you guys are

00:43:33.560 hitting everything that that you know that I was so you just feel the need to speak right I do no

00:43:38.400 actually for the sake of the audience I want to drive you to answer this question very specifically

00:43:43.140 so you talked about how well Andy said that there's a lot of guys out there that are going

00:43:48.940 to think this this book is how to be a pussy right but what strikes me about if you steal my

00:43:54.040 question I'm going to cut your fucking head off I won't but what strikes me about you Lewis is that

00:43:59.780 you've dealt with this you've you've embraced this vulnerability and yet nobody in their right

00:44:04.720 mind is going to say that you became less competitive so my question is that was my fear

00:44:09.400 so my question is how has embracing your vulnerability actually liberated you to be

00:44:15.860 more competitive you know it's just it makes me free the word it always comes to me is like freedom

00:44:21.280 I feel freedom even though listen I'm not perfect and I wear these masks still there's still some

00:44:26.720 that are hard to let go of but I'm aware of them when they happen I'll give an example yesterday

00:44:31.920 trying to get here I literally I left my wallet at home which I've never done and so I got to the

00:44:38.860 airport I realized I didn't have my ID and I had to get through security like a whole nother back

00:44:43.360 around way and answer all these questions they pretty much like strip me down naked and like touch

00:44:47.220 you everywhere that makes you don't have anything and I'm I missed my flight they closed the door by two

00:44:51.920 minutes and they're the TSA is taking forever to get me through and I'm like guys I got to get to

00:44:56.540 the gate they're gonna close the door they're like no you're fine like you got enough time

00:45:00.100 and I was like you're wrong but okay I'm just gonna you know go through the process I get there

00:45:06.140 no one's helpful for me with the customer support I see the plane it hasn't left yet I'm like just

00:45:11.620 open the door let me through and no one will help me I wanted to fucking punch a wall because I was

00:45:16.580 like now I got to take an overnight flight ticket to St. Louis you know I'm pissed at myself for

00:45:21.540 forgetting my wallet I'm pissed at TSA I'm like I want to rage right now and I'm literally like

00:45:27.040 how fitting is this that I you know I get to practice what I preach well I get to practice

00:45:32.820 what I'm preaching and not yell at this person that I want to fucking rage at not punch the wall

00:45:39.580 kick a trash can over I was like literally looking at a trash can like I'm gonna break this thing

00:45:43.200 bro you got the same fire I got you know what I mean I was like these people are not helping me

00:45:48.100 yeah and I just had to breathe thinking in your head like dude how fucking stupid is this so dumb

00:45:52.500 and I was like every part of this process I was like yes I get to take responsibility that I didn't

00:45:55.820 have my ID but this could have not happened also through their lack of time management when I was

00:46:00.720 there and I go you know what there's nothing I can do in this situation be getting angrier and making

00:46:07.360 a scene is not going to help me it's only going to hurt me so I just breathe and I said we'll figure it

00:46:12.980 out we'll figure it out and you know again I wear these masks happier does that make you it's so

00:46:18.080 much it's so much better I mean the rage of like punching something to feel good for a moment and

00:46:21.880 then you're like why I feel like we're we might not be in the exact same spot in this way but I feel

00:46:27.360 like we've both gone through this process yes and dude I used to be the exact same way like I would

00:46:32.520 freak the fuck out over shit like pump it up and like scream over stupid shit stupid shit like

00:46:38.180 and now it's like I literally take pride in letting nothing shake me that's good you know

00:46:44.300 what I mean like you were just mentioning this about Martin Luther King what was the quote you

00:46:48.140 said the quote is I will hate no man for I will give no man that power over me that's right yeah

00:46:53.240 that's powerful yes but you have to identify and be aware that you're doing that absolutely because

00:46:57.720 it will test every if you're a competitive fiery dude oh my gosh it will test every fiber

00:47:03.300 everything that's why you need to be aware of what the masks are first now what's the question

00:47:07.260 you're getting to so I can make sure I got well the question specifically was and you answered

00:47:10.820 it to some extent no is how how is embracing vulnerability actually freed you or liberated

00:47:16.520 you to be even more competitive freedom I have a follow-up yes for that it's giving me freedom

00:47:20.880 uh which is inner peace in my mind is the most powerful thing we can have because if we're

00:47:27.000 constantly in anger rage disconnection resentment whatever it is then we are constantly giving our

00:47:35.720 power away to something else and that is going to hold us back from making the most money we want

00:47:41.200 to make making the impact you're spending unnecessary energy on things that don't matter

00:47:45.160 don't matter right it's holding you back from your vision of living the life you want to live by

00:47:48.900 reacting to everything else in the world so for me it's giving me the sense of and listen I was a

00:47:53.620 fun loving guy beforehand like I had a lot of passion joy but when something triggered those masks

00:47:59.240 it took over and it took me days or weeks to like get back to that fun loving guy and I was always

00:48:06.940 conflicted I was like why am I fucking angry like why do I allow this why am I resentful or defensive or

00:48:11.800 why haven't I forgiven that person or myself I just didn't know how to and uh it's been a four-year

00:48:18.660 journey of like learning these things because you don't teach this in school no right your parents

00:48:22.960 don't teach this to you talks about it especially when they tell you to just be a man and don't cry and

00:48:26.700 honestly bro until until you and I had started talking about it I think a lot of people that are

00:48:33.000 very aware like you and I are both I would say at 100 awareness yeah we we go through the evolution

00:48:41.180 naturally um if you hadn't pointed it out to me like a year ago when we talked about it I don't

00:48:47.800 know that I would have identified the actual transition do you get what I'm saying yeah of

00:48:51.800 course like I wouldn't have thought about it and said oh I went through this major transition I used

00:48:54.860 to be this way and now I'm this way yeah I just thought like I grew up but right but the reality

00:49:00.100 there's some men that never grow up exactly and that's what I want to have the awareness so we

00:49:03.560 have two kinds of men we have the guys and I feel like when you have all these coaches out there that

00:49:09.700 are teaching other dudes to be men all right which is to me I you know it's not my cup of tea

00:49:14.880 whatever I'm not gonna knock anybody's hustle you know right I feel like you have a lot of guys who

00:49:19.980 feel all right this is like hard to explain but when we grow up your mom tell like your mom tells

00:49:28.220 you oh you need to be sensitive and you need to have a big heart you needed this and that

00:49:32.300 and then you go to like school and and then you start you're like that and then all of a sudden

00:49:36.520 you're getting made fun of right yeah so then you go back in your shell you become the opposite of that

00:49:41.760 and then most people never evolve from that then you have a girlfriend that tells you to be sensitive

00:49:48.440 as well or open up yeah so emotion but then when you do they're like I need you to be stronger for

00:49:53.400 me right now so you're like right what do you want me to do you want me to be strong you want me to so

00:49:57.460 you know what so that's exactly what I want to talk about I'll treat you like a dick if you want

00:50:01.240 me to exactly it's not if girls don't want to be treated like a dick they want to be challenged yes

00:50:07.160 it's totally different the reason girls date guys who are dicks is because they are a natural

00:50:12.180 challenge to them but most guys can't make that differentiation no they think they you hear it all

00:50:16.780 the time girls never want the nice guy no they want a nice guy they want a guy that respects them

00:50:21.020 but they also want a guy that's going to stand up for himself and not be a bitch

00:50:24.060 and and challenge them when necessary okay and that's what I want actually that's exactly what I

00:50:30.660 wanted to get into because I think looking at you know the the the word masculinity and and

00:50:38.200 insinuating that it's you know a mask that people wear there's a lot of dudes that are going to think

00:50:45.460 well I don't want to read that book because I'm going to turn into a soppy cry baby this that's not

00:50:50.960 what this is about okay it has multiple benefits in business like we said trust engagement you know

00:51:00.580 freedom to make the right choices freedom to have the confidence to not react emotionally but in

00:51:05.900 relationships I there's a fine line between being a man and then being the the fake man right and

00:51:17.760 then so and I know what I would say to this but I'm you wrote the book so I want to hear your take

00:51:24.200 what would you say to somebody who's who's you know struggling with that they don't know where

00:51:30.600 the boundaries are well here's the thing these masks are are things that men wear to to to one

00:51:38.360 fit in and to to create something to develop more self-worth in themselves so for example this would be

00:51:45.140 something to talk about here there's one that's called the material mask there's one that's called

00:51:49.340 the sexual mask there's one that's called the athlete mask there's all these different names for these

00:51:53.420 masks that are backed by psychologists who have backed this with research to support this with

00:51:58.840 me I've done a lot of work with psychologists on this and I'll give an example when I was broke on my

00:52:04.380 sister's couch I said I'm sick and tired of being broke I'm going to do whatever it takes to get rich

00:52:09.580 I'm going to focus on this I'm going to find rich mentors I'm going to read every book I'm going to

00:52:14.840 do anything I can to not be broke anymore so I put on the material mask and I said I need to make as

00:52:21.280 much money as I can so I can have the nice things and get off this couch and it fucking worked I got

00:52:27.900 rich right but here's the thing here's the consequence I gained 60 pounds I didn't have

00:52:34.680 any relationships and I was constantly talking about the money I was making to create self-worth

00:52:41.380 for myself to attract like love from other people as opposed to dude yeah I can go make a ton of money

00:52:48.020 but show it as an inspiration not as a exactly I'm here look at me look at me and all this stuff

00:52:54.480 like and this is a great example for you because I know you have a lot of money and you have nice

00:52:58.960 things and there's nothing wrong with that it's when the guys who are constantly talking about

00:53:03.300 their nice things to make themselves look good and develop self-worth you're never going to have

00:53:08.480 enough self-worth you'll never have enough you'll never have enough right and you constantly need

00:53:12.060 the bigger thing to feel worthy of people's attention literally five minutes exactly and so

00:53:17.360 this is adult again it's a challenge because these things when we wear them they work we get results

00:53:22.160 right but there's also something that's missing right which is this feeling of like what if all these

00:53:26.860 cars and money went away would people still love you exactly or are they there because you have it

00:53:31.860 right so if you have nothing in your heart that shows people like you care you're here to lift

00:53:36.680 others up it's just me me me again the same thing with sexual the sexual mask when I you know was

00:53:43.000 heartbroken when a girl broke up with me I was like I'm never again gonna let a girl hurt me like this

00:53:49.320 so I'm gonna go have every woman desire me I'm gonna learn all the skills I need to so that women

00:53:54.760 want me right I'm gonna sleep with as many women as I can and then never commit to them right and it

00:53:59.760 worked I got women to desire me and want me and want to date me and be in a relationship with me

00:54:04.500 and I continued to be able to sleep with as many as I wanted to essentially became like right easier

00:54:10.200 and easier I was like wow this is amazing right I was getting results right but I felt so empty

00:54:15.320 and from the outside most dudes would be like that guy you're the man you're the man but I was like

00:54:19.680 man why am I so lonely right why am I so why like did none of these girls mean anything why do I feel

00:54:26.220 like so shitty why do I feel like you know you're not doing the right thing exactly and it was never

00:54:31.080 enough right I was never there was not many girls that could bring me self-worth right and that's

00:54:36.320 what this is all about is like how do we discover how to live a purposeful life so that we can make

00:54:42.040 the most money and make the most impact right feel worthy right and guys don't take this as you know

00:54:48.320 out of context right Lewis is not saying it's not a good thing to have a lot of money no I'm not saying

00:54:52.740 or it's not a good thing I want all the money to be attracted to women yeah or know how to attract

00:54:56.540 women yes you know like those are all good things but you have to utilize them for the right reasons

00:55:01.000 exactly exactly you know I I think you know you with guys you have one of two extremes like we have

00:55:08.560 in most situations in life we have extremes if you go to politics we have the right side and we have the

00:55:14.340 left side if you go to you know the country you've got the north and the south right you know everything

00:55:19.840 you're going to be able to find a natural 50 percent divide yep and with men we have it the same way

00:55:26.340 we have dudes that are they that are overly what they think is masculine and then we have dudes

00:55:33.420 who are women and you know what I'm saying and I and I'm not you know for the women that listen

00:55:39.460 I'm saying that with traditional uh stereotypical yes you know sense like women are typically more

00:55:46.140 emotional and more sharing more this or more feminine yeah so we have men who are very quote

00:55:50.620 unquote masculine and then we have women who are or we have men who act like women and think that

00:55:56.200 that's what's going to attract women because that's what their moms told them yeah and you know what's

00:55:59.900 funny is neither one of them work right you know what I mean they're both fake right because you're

00:56:04.000 not being who you truly are exactly and that's what it comes down to is taking off the mask and

00:56:08.020 revealing who you are and being that being comfortable in your own skin well dude just like we talked about

00:56:12.140 creating trust with your followers or your business or your personal brand through through sharing your

00:56:17.460 your humanity how do you create wonderful friendships how do you create amazing relationships with with

00:56:23.700 uh you know romantic relationships you do that by being who the fuck you are this is so true I mean

00:56:31.540 the key to success I'm sure you would agree with this the key to success in your life has been

00:56:35.260 the relationships in your life no question the key to successful relationships at the highest level

00:56:40.040 is vulnerability is being who you are is revealing yourself about that shouldn't be embarrassed

00:56:45.900 right like yeah like I I literally I don't know that there's anything I could truly get embarrassed

00:56:51.560 about because a because you're comfortable in yourself dude and I live I I I know who I am

00:56:57.800 I live what I think is the correct a morally correct life you know what I mean I don't do things that I

00:57:05.240 don't think are right and for that reason when I you know when I think about when I reflect on

00:57:11.240 myself you know that that gives me confidence in and who I am makes me feel good it gives me it gives

00:57:17.940 me the ability to connect with other people and and like do if they were to say you know like I mean

00:57:24.060 even like stupid like hey I shit my pants today it's like hey bro you know what I've done that

00:57:29.040 you know like yeah yeah like stuff that would be totally embarrassing like you just got to learn

00:57:33.900 to laugh at it and and understand that you know everybody's gone through these weird things that

00:57:39.860 you go through as being a human being exactly and when you share those things and you're real with

00:57:45.160 people without feeling like it's going to damage you you become somebody who other people will

00:57:50.800 naturally connect with and follow because they emulate to have that same sort of freedom right right

00:57:56.160 and I wanted to I know you had another question I didn't want to cut you off no you guys are just

00:57:59.760 reading my mind okay you pretty much answered everything okay my follow-up question I mean

00:58:05.080 yes and no I'll just I'll just state it you can add whatever layer you want to it is that

00:58:08.780 you know I'm for I'm in fourth grade I'm in church I'm getting tired my eyes closed my mom

00:58:14.300 you know elbows me and she says quit falling asleep and I say oh I'm praying mom so from the outside

00:58:20.500 two completely different things from the outside two completely different things can look the same

00:58:28.740 and so you talked at the beginning about how you know you were driven by this rage like playing a

00:58:35.520 basketball game and he's talked about how you know we want this competent competitive edge we want

00:58:42.360 right we want that so my question for both of you guys of hurting someone else that's not good

00:58:48.540 right because you know there's going to be asterisk holes that are going wait a minute

00:58:52.660 no so what my question is just flesh it out a little bit more for the audiences how do you

00:58:57.060 know the difference between when you are being driven by the wrong kind of it's like rage yeah

00:59:02.920 it's like when you're being driven by the right kind it's like a UFC fighter who is fighting for his

00:59:07.340 life and is fighting for his mission to be the best and after he pummels the guy in the face and

00:59:12.720 breaks his arm and he taps out he embraces him and he like says I love you respect right he says like I

00:59:18.300 love you you're a champion you're a warrior like I'm so glad we can be you know connect now in

00:59:23.220 another way because dude people as opposed to that's right motherfucker like you suck like that

00:59:28.200 doesn't feel good no and you know what's you'll always regret that yeah you know people I'm on I'm

00:59:33.440 on very in in my business life my actual businesses I'm on very good terms with most people that

00:59:41.940 compete with us because I I believe a in abundance but but B I've learned through experience that that

00:59:49.340 will only drive you insane yeah and people think it's weird like they're like dude how come you're

00:59:53.300 nice to that guy how come you how come you treat that guy cool he's like competitors with you I'm like

00:59:57.060 maybe that guy you know that guy's in a place I was five years ago and I know what that's like or

01:00:02.640 he's in a place that I want to be in five years and there's there's things you can learn from

01:00:08.940 everybody and there's ways to get everybody to play together also competition makes you stronger

01:00:13.340 and you also want to have a good reputation and with your competitors because what if you merge

01:00:17.940 one day what if you want to partner one day what if you want to like refer it happens all the time

01:00:22.080 that's why I get so annoyed with small business owners who think that their marketing strategy

01:00:26.420 revolves around talking shit yeah that's the worth most worthless thing that you could do and it

01:00:30.800 creates total distrust with every one of your customers that's another story but to answer that

01:00:36.080 question I want to answer that question so I think that there is tremendous and I've said this and

01:00:42.840 we've done whole podcasts about this I always say negativity is extremely underrated because dude if

01:00:48.860 you look let's be honest if you look at what how you market yourself and how I market yourself and you

01:00:54.160 didn't people didn't know us didn't listen to anything except go to our Instagram they are literally

01:00:58.380 polar opposites you're all about love you're all about you know being a positive guy and I'm all like

01:01:03.880 dude harness that negative shit and shove it down everybody's fucking throat and dude but I think

01:01:10.360 that and you've said it just here in this podcast you have both sides to you and I have both sides to

01:01:16.000 it's just choosing the direction we want to go and I think that there is like I said tremendous power

01:01:25.560 and negativity and when you're young and when you're hungry and you don't understand or haven't gone

01:01:31.040 through the process of truly finding a purpose those things can be very powerful energy to project

01:01:41.560 you ahead absolutely and there's nothing wrong with that can be those powerful fuel you'll ever have

01:01:46.140 no question but if at the end of the day after years something's hurting you inside still exactly

01:01:50.880 and that's all you have it's time to shift it or learn how to balance it that's right and you

01:01:55.020 my natural progression my short answer is you need both my natural progression has been for most

01:02:01.540 of the time until I was about 33 years old I'm 38 now so about five years ago it was 100% I want

01:02:09.960 fuck everybody I'm gonna destroy everybody yeah yeah and people resonate with that message because they

01:02:14.900 know what that's like they feel it they've been hurt they've been told that there's piece of shit

01:02:19.780 they've been called fat they've been told they're crazy we all go through that and so if you're gonna

01:02:25.340 have that energy in your life you may as well use it that's my point but and we both agree on this

01:02:32.100 there will come a time where you will get to a point of progress and you will look back and say

01:02:37.960 man I've made all this progress it just doesn't I don't feel like I have I feel like it's it doesn't

01:02:44.720 feel like I thought it would feel and that's where the transition will start to happen you said

01:02:49.560 something earlier that is probably the most profound thing of this whole conversation

01:02:54.840 to bring it to to wrap up is that the ultimate alpha man is the man who supports others and it

01:03:01.260 lives in service right and for me that's kind of what I've found throughout this research is that

01:03:05.520 the ultimate man or definition of masculinity is living in service right and you can't be negative

01:03:11.240 and use anger and this like negative fire to fuel living in art to live in service right like it

01:03:18.960 can fuel you to get there but you gotta eventually shift to be like you know what the ultimate alpha

01:03:22.820 man is like not the one who needs to fight it's the one who can diffuse any situation because he can

01:03:26.980 see everything clearly you're setting an example for other men that's what alpha men alpha male is

01:03:31.440 about it's about it's about being the dominant male but the way you become the dominant male which is

01:03:37.040 counterintuitive what everybody says is by being the guy who lets everyone else know that they're

01:03:43.320 just like you yeah you know what I mean and and dude we get uh we we get bombarded by people who

01:03:51.040 think alpha male means beard muscles aggressive yeah like honestly like if you looked at my page

01:03:57.520 like I fit the stereotypical dude yeah big truck if you yeah big truck you know uh you know all guns

01:04:07.160 all the shit I just happen to like that shit yeah but that doesn't make me a man no you know what I

01:04:12.440 mean and I got tattoos like all the stereotypical shit I'm like the embodiment of that and the funny

01:04:17.980 thing is is that people who from the outside that will follow me who have never listened to me talk

01:04:23.380 have never listened to me speak have never read any of the shit I've written they would think

01:04:27.140 that guy is like the guy he's like he's trying to be a tough guy and the truth is is that the reason

01:04:33.060 that most of the people follow me has nothing to do with that yeah it has to do with the fact and

01:04:37.200 this is kind of cool too is that I might set that expectation I can't tell you how many people email

01:04:43.040 me and they say dude you're nothing like I first thought you were yeah yeah and like that's like the

01:04:47.020 ultimate compliment to me because I get what they're saying and what what they're saying is is that

01:04:52.100 they perceive me in that that light and then figured out that there's so much more to it

01:04:56.900 yeah that's the thing I love about you and is you know even over our texts over the years and just

01:05:00.440 every time I see you in person it's like you're so real and you you share like your struggles with

01:05:04.260 me like man to man you're like you know things are great but I'm also like working on this and it's

01:05:08.580 like challenging yeah I don't know what I'm doing yeah exactly and that's what it's like it makes

01:05:12.980 you so much more relatable and I appreciate that about you and our friendship I mean that's that's

01:05:18.500 why I think you and I connect so good yeah you know and people you know I think it comes down to

01:05:24.860 man and I this is going to be an awesome book for anybody to read man or woman because I feel like

01:05:29.940 maybe you and I have gone through this process organically but not everybody does right they

01:05:34.520 get stuck like like I said you know their their parents tell them especially their moms that we're

01:05:39.200 talking about men now you know hey you know do this and have a big heart and care about people and do

01:05:44.080 the right thing and you go to school and you get shoved in a locker because they're like you're

01:05:47.620 a pussy you know what I mean so you got to toughen up and get strong toughen up and then you stay in

01:05:51.900 that state your whole entire life and and that's where a lot of guys get stuck yeah and it's a shame

01:05:56.880 because there I recognize that I know you do too like you recognize it immediately like when I see a

01:06:03.500 dude who's like trying to be that dude and I could see right through it yeah and it sucks because I

01:06:10.580 feel sorry for them because I know that they're never going to be able to truly understand the

01:06:16.700 let me say this the chances of them ever truly understanding how to really be what they want to

01:06:22.500 be is very slim because they're not willing to let people see who unless they get a wake-up call

01:06:27.280 unless they have something in their life where it's a near-death experience where there's a

01:06:31.200 something a breakup a breakdown breakthrough for them to be like a catalyst to be aware right that's

01:06:36.420 what happened to me right I got in this fight I was going through a traumatic breakup and I was like

01:06:39.740 something's not working I need to figure this out so after two years of working with Andy I would if

01:06:44.820 somebody asked me I would say all of the negative energy all of the fire all of the all of the stuff

01:06:50.100 you see Andy putting out is is a competitive spirit ultimately motivated by a commitment to

01:06:57.020 excellence what it seems like in your life you discovered was how to rid yourself of the same

01:07:04.120 negative energy and motivation but one that was not rooted in excellence it was rooted in insecurity

01:07:10.900 yeah it was that's my take definitely that's why you feel sorry for those people too because you

01:07:15.440 know that they're fucking so unhappy on the inside exactly they're angry yeah it's not even it's not

01:07:19.800 even happy it's pure anger something happened to those people they got made fun of they got dumped

01:07:25.720 they got you know they went through a traumatic experience like we talked like you talked about or like

01:07:30.000 yeah and he's like it's never gonna happen again they went through this crazy shit and they're just

01:07:34.720 they're angry and like dude um they're afraid to let people know what it is and the truth of it is is

01:07:41.200 if they let people know and they came out it would inspire people to follow them you know dude share your

01:07:48.340 story share the things that hurt you those are the things that make people relate to you and that's what

01:07:53.660 builds a brand that's it you know and it's not just about business but you know my brand and your brand

01:07:59.880 this is who we are 24 hours a day like it's funny because people like people say to emily they're

01:08:04.280 like well is he like that at home well you know i might not be yelling and screaming and shit but

01:08:09.040 you know i'm i'm pretty like you're passionate yeah i'm a passionate dude i'm just intense by nature

01:08:14.100 and uh but i'm not like hey you know those cookies were nine out of ten you need to fucking do ten out

01:08:19.520 of ten like that's not how it works man like i'm just happy to get some cookies you know but uh but

01:08:26.020 you know i think also to sit to your point vaughn you know for our mission here which has always

01:08:32.120 been to reverse the idea that everybody wins everybody's special everybody's a delicate flower

01:08:39.980 that's been our mission so delivering a tough message that says hey man look we know it's fucking

01:08:46.520 tough i've been through this shit you know what you got to pull your fucking boots back on you got

01:08:50.840 to get back out in the fucking game yeah that's the message here yeah all right it has it has nothing

01:08:56.080 to do with you know being this tough guy right it's about being mentally tough that's it you know and

01:09:02.600 one of the ways that you get the most mentally tough is by being comfortable and confident with

01:09:07.860 who you are and one of the ways you do that is by sharing with other people who you are and most

01:09:13.060 people just never go through that process that's it man they never and dude i'm so glad you wrote

01:09:18.680 this book because there's really nothing like it like there's nothing there's not a manual out

01:09:23.840 there for somebody to read you know like if you if you were to and this is the ironic thing about

01:09:29.480 this book if you were to fucking if anybody else were to write this book it would be called how to be

01:09:35.340 a real man right you know what i'm saying exactly with the same shit on the inside yeah right but it

01:09:41.140 says the mask of masculinity and it's i just dude i love that about what you're doing because

01:09:46.300 it oh you got steve weatherford on here that dude's a fucking stud he is if you had called

01:09:51.760 it that you would not get probably the female readers that you were talking about earlier that's

01:09:56.040 why so many so many women are like right when i show them this or say the title they're like thank

01:10:01.620 you they're like yes they're like oh my god it's so needed right now and you and i and and we dude

01:10:06.820 we're you know a lot of the same girls i know like dude high profile high celebrity type girls and they

01:10:14.060 all you know like i've talked to these girls i'm friends with them and you should hear the shit

01:10:18.720 they say about dudes like guys you're embarrassing yourselves out there by like trying to be this

01:10:23.400 dude like this is something that everybody needs to read you know what i mean and uh i just think

01:10:30.820 it's cool you're bringing awareness to a situation that can bring so many results in different ways to

01:10:39.400 people's lives their business life their relationship how angry you are at the world like these guys are

01:10:43.880 like i fucking hate everybody in the world well dude it's not that it's that you're you're mad

01:10:48.220 about something that's going on inside and what what you're doing with the shit that's given to you

01:10:53.920 and fed to you with the world is just turning that into that and spitting it back out that's it man

01:10:57.740 yeah it's perfect timing for this too oh with all the social unrest for sure there's just so much

01:11:02.960 political stuff there's some i mean these killings that are just like the racial stuff i'm just like

01:11:07.020 what is happening in our world man but dude and people are like people are like why are all these

01:11:11.060 people going fucking crazy well let's be real let's let's be real for a second if you're on

01:11:16.860 social media if you're a specifically facebook and you spend any amount i literally i've cut my

01:11:22.220 facebook time down to zero that's good like i'll post and then i go away that's great because you

01:11:26.720 get depressed if you're on there it's terrible and it makes it it has made a huge difference in my

01:11:31.220 personal happiness as weird as it sounds to give zero time to that negative that's correct yeah yeah

01:11:36.420 and uh but you know instagram's a lot more positive yeah um you can choose who you're

01:11:40.780 following yes it's just way more positive yeah yeah you know and uh i've i've but let's be real

01:11:47.640 dude we're still the media facebook social media peers appears all this shit is being dumped on us

01:11:55.960 and none of it is positive none of it and and when you have internal negative energy that's that's

01:12:02.080 spewing and turning and turning yes to these things yes they're right yeah it's like dude

01:12:06.280 what's going to get more likes on facebook god the world is a beautiful place and i'm so happy

01:12:11.700 today like dude i wrote and i did this as a social experiment i wrote a status two uh i don't know a

01:12:18.580 week ago that said tell me something the best thing that happened to you this week it was on a friday

01:12:23.320 you know it was the lowest like status i've had in like two years i had literally a thousand comments

01:12:28.920 or some shit like 300 likes where i if i were to post am i the only one that gets pissed off

01:12:36.040 when people don't put their fucking shopping carts back what kind of piece of shit doesn't

01:12:41.840 put the shopping carts back i would have 10 000 fucking likes wow on that you know what i'm saying

01:12:46.600 like dude people vibe with the frustrations and they don't vibe nearly enough with the good shit

01:12:53.720 yeah which is why most people are unhappy they're not taking the time to be grateful for what they have

01:12:58.980 they're taking all their time all of it and spending it looking at other people who have

01:13:04.840 this fake fucking image and saying man i wish i was more like that more like what all you got to do

01:13:10.780 is fake it you know what i'm saying you could be that today like they're all lying like the people

01:13:16.100 you look up to the people that you're you're you're saying that and putting yourself in a negative spot

01:13:20.900 they're all full shit i think people are so accustomed to like rallying around yeah the negativity

01:13:26.420 you know that's why if you post something political you'll get a thousand comments but

01:13:32.180 you know if you post something like hey tell me the best thing that happened this week

01:13:34.860 you know nobody cares about that yeah i noticed that which is funny because like dude i read the

01:13:39.540 comments and they were awesome like the comments made me feel fucking good you know right it was

01:13:44.700 it's just i just consciously i'm working on putting my energy into places that i'm gonna get good

01:13:51.960 feedback that's good you know what i mean yeah and not on negative because i preach that right

01:13:56.020 like don't let the negativity bother you but sometimes it bothers you without you being aware

01:14:00.760 that it's bothering you you know what i'm saying absolutely absolutely like dude it's energy it's

01:14:04.980 not something you control like if you're if you have people or situations or habits in your life

01:14:10.440 that are putting negative energy into you don't think that you're going to be able to somehow put up

01:14:14.680 your negative energy shield and still tolerate it like it's still going to affect you you know and

01:14:19.780 that's been a big big thing i don't know how we got on this tangent but uh no it's good i'm glad you

01:14:24.160 actually mentioned the title of the book i feel like we haven't done that as much as we should so

01:14:27.920 i'm going to mention it one more time it's the mask of masculinity and the subtitle is how men can

01:14:32.280 embrace vulnerability create strong relationships and live their fullest lives and lewis this isn't

01:14:36.900 out until halloween right on halloween we take off the mask okay nice it's a come as yourself party

01:14:42.780 right right but you but uh obviously people can go to amazon right now you can pre-order it or

01:14:47.940 whenever this is out yeah sounds good and i you know i don't want to take this for granted

01:14:51.380 some of you may uh be brand new to the to the podcast and not know who lewis is so your social

01:14:56.920 contacts are what at lewis house everywhere you know whatever lewis h-o-w-e-s okay great this is

01:15:04.900 great well you know uh you always ask at the end of one of your uh one of your uh podcasts what's

01:15:11.620 your definition of greatness uh what's your definition of our greatness i'm being stupid of

01:15:18.460 our greatness actually what i was going to ask of my greatness no no actually i did want to ask you

01:15:22.720 because i've i don't know that i've ever heard you summarize it this is a success of motivation

01:15:28.200 podcast yeah what's your definition of success

01:15:30.960 it's i think everyone gets to define success for themselves and that's why for me i talk i use the

01:15:41.480 word greatness because i think it's different for everyone it's not like um success is usually about

01:15:46.200 achievement i think greatness is about more of a feeling it's a feeling of of knowing that you're

01:15:52.500 on the right path so my definition of greatness is discovering the unique gifts and talents within

01:15:57.420 you to pursue your dreams and in that pursuit making the maximum impact you can on people around

01:16:03.400 you and for me that's what i feel like greatness is you've given some thought to this i have people

01:16:09.200 ask me many times yeah yeah i think i think success and greatness can be you know similar it all

01:16:14.080 depends on how you want to define yourself yeah yeah i think it's it's definitely uh it's a it's

01:16:18.960 a touchy subject for people because especially like when you take a stance on it like if you have a

01:16:23.280 podcast you say this is what i think it is realize that what you said is the truth it doesn't matter

01:16:28.800 what i think it is it's what you think it is yeah and uh i had somebody on social last night because

01:16:34.400 i posted a video about that said there's not much nobility and being broke and insignificant and

01:16:40.380 that's not i could have used better words what i really mean when i say that is this

01:16:45.260 there's no nobility and unfulfilling your own potential absolutely and every single person and

01:16:53.520 i say that comment the way i said it because every single person that has a fucking cell phone

01:16:57.360 has the ability to not be broke okay so that's where that's coming from but the point is is that

01:17:03.360 i i personally think that success is greatness and success are two different things and i think

01:17:11.540 success you know as i say is the pursuit of fulfillment of one's true potential and that's

01:17:17.620 how i define it because it's gonna be different for everybody yeah you were born under different

01:17:20.860 circumstances i was born we all started different places so you cannot identify success as money or car

01:17:26.540 this or that and if you do you're you're gonna be very unfulfilled at the end of the day yeah it's

01:17:31.360 about the process and you know that sounds corny when you're 19 years old it's about the journey

01:17:36.480 because you haven't been on a fucking money right now yeah but i wouldn't trade my journey for

01:17:40.840 fucking any amount of money yeah you know what i mean and and greatness you know i think the

01:17:45.820 definition you gave a greatness is perfect like i love that like you know um there's lots of people

01:17:52.460 who are successful that aren't great you know yeah so i think it's a i think it's a it's a good call

01:17:57.440 yeah i like that you know there's lots of people that make lots of money that make zero impact on

01:18:00.720 other people it's true you know i have zero fulfillment that aren't following their dreams

01:18:04.320 that aren't yeah right it's totally possible now i always try to tell people like hey look you know

01:18:08.460 the way you make the most money is by is by creating the most value and i feel like that's true but

01:18:12.960 that's also a new truth because of the way media is now conducted with social media and feedback and

01:18:19.980 all that there's lots of people out there that have billions of dollars that made them 30 40 years ago

01:18:24.220 that didn't do anything to really trading stocks or something like that you know yeah so um you know

01:18:29.600 if you can have both that's that's a pretty good thing yeah yeah there's nothing wrong with both

01:18:34.400 around with it yeah you know you you know when we talk about like when you talk about the mask of

01:18:38.700 of uh material material mask up um you know people people hear that sometimes and they they think well

01:18:46.860 it's not well is it not a good thing for me to have material goals no it's a great i'm all for it

01:18:51.220 yeah yeah it's a great thing but it's a bad thing when you make it the focus of who the fuck you are

01:18:55.800 yeah it's your identity exactly and that's that's something that well a lot of people do you know

01:19:02.920 they like i see this on instagram a lot dude with some pretty wealthy business guys their whole their

01:19:08.120 whole brand is like promoting high-end shit like they're they're fucking you know hundred thousand

01:19:16.860 dollar ap or their their uh rolls royce you know their five rolls royces or this or that

01:19:22.940 and it's like dude we get it we get it we get it we got you got some money and you think you have

01:19:29.000 taste yeah i get it but how about we talk about how the fuck you got there how we talk about the

01:19:34.640 struggles you went through how will we talk about this or that and if they did that their their fan

01:19:39.920 base they're following and their their fulfillment would all go up it's just a hard thing for people

01:19:45.000 to it's a hard thing for people to grasp because it's counterintuitive right society says we have

01:19:49.660 to be this guy you know the big muscle guy the tough guy the the puffy guy with the beard and and

01:19:55.580 wearing a fucking lumberjack coat you know what i'm saying like but the truth of it is is that has

01:20:00.080 nothing to do with it that's just bullshit yeah you know i agree so i think it's really cool that

01:20:05.020 you took the opportunity and that you're using your platform uh you know being a new york times

01:20:10.820 bestseller and and your social platform and all the following that you have because you could

01:20:15.480 have you you literally could have wrote 50 other business books a lot you know i'm saying that's

01:20:20.040 what my agent and my publisher wanted me to do and i was just like i'm not feeling it but this this is

01:20:24.100 a legacy book yeah that's how i see it yeah you know i'm saying this hasn't been written before yeah

01:20:28.080 and i think it's awesome that you did that thank you thank you so uh it's a short read right yeah quick

01:20:35.160 yeah so i mean dude where are they gonna where are you wanting to buy it on amazon you can get

01:20:39.100 amazon mask of masculinity.com you can get it you know all the links are there for barnes and noble

01:20:43.520 and amazon but wherever you know barnes and noble amazon wherever you want to yeah plug it up bro yeah

01:20:48.120 mask of masculinity.com yeah yeah so guys uh first of all lewis thank you man it's always good to see

01:20:56.220 you it's fun conversation it's quite different than i always love our conversations like it's it's

01:21:00.900 you know i'm you're lucky enough and i'm lucky enough to have uh you know amazing contacts and

01:21:09.860 relationships and and guests and things like that and talk to but i will say having you on the show

01:21:14.980 is one of my favorite times because we do have it's real conversation that's it this is the shit we'd

01:21:19.080 be talking about if this these weren't here exactly microphones weren't here we'd be having this

01:21:22.780 discussion for hours right yeah yeah and and and that's what i appreciate about you bro so thank you

01:21:27.760 for stopping by thanks man uh drinking gluten-free beer right yeah huh drinking gluten-free beer yeah

01:21:33.440 well lewis doesn't drink i don't drink oh that's right you don't drink that's right but i'm pretty

01:21:37.620 sure he'd be happy to sit here while we drank and they can make fun of us so i appreciate you guys

01:21:44.240 thank you very much man of course man um guys mask of masculinity mask of masculinity.com go check it

01:21:51.200 out uh we will be back on thursday with thursday thunder uh vaughn any anything housekeeping things

01:21:59.060 just a reminder testimonials at themfco.com we've gotten a lot of really great ones but keep them

01:22:04.660 coming all right cool all right guys thank you for listening we appreciate you and we'll see you next time

01:22:09.060 you

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - October 10, 2017

Lewis Howes' Mask of Masculinity, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO180

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