SUNDAY SERMON： How to Become Someone People Would Die For, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO251
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
208.41997
Summary
In this episode of the MFCEO Project, we introduce a new segment called the Sunday Sermon, where we talk about the importance of having a solid foundation in your life that sets the foundation for your success.
Transcript
00:00:00.280
If you want to make your dream become reality, the people that are running after that dream know they're going to have hard times.
00:00:06.840
They keep on running because they're saying within themselves, I'm the one. I'm the one.
00:00:12.080
No matter how bad it is or how bad it gets, I'm going to make it.
00:00:21.740
What is up, guys? You're listening to the MFCEO Project. I'm Andy. I'm your host.
00:00:26.440
And I can't say the next part because this is a different episode of the MFCEO Project.
00:00:33.680
This is the new Sunday Sermon episode. You might be asking, what are these guys doing?
00:00:42.520
Vaughn and I have been talking, man. We've been talking about how we could bring more value.
00:00:46.460
And while we talk a lot about entrepreneurship and business and success, I feel like, and we both feel like,
00:00:53.640
we could talk a little bit more about positive character traits that can help you with those things.
00:01:00.060
Because the truth of it is, guys, is that without building a solid foundation of morality and character,
00:01:07.620
it's very hard to be successful and it certainly won't be fulfilling in the way that society is built right now.
00:01:16.340
You know, it used to be that everything wasn't transparent.
00:01:19.400
You didn't know the decisions that were being made. You didn't know the kind of people that were running companies.
00:01:25.980
It was all behind closed doors. So these things like character foundation and being a good person
00:01:33.500
and being a moral person and doing that, they weren't as crucial as they are today.
00:01:39.100
So we came up with this idea for the Sunday Sermon episodes of the MFCEO Project.
00:01:46.220
It's not really business. It's not really self-help or motivation.
00:01:50.560
It's basically how to kick ass at being a great person and make a huge positive impact on people.
00:01:57.100
And a lot of times we're going to talk about how doing the right thing isn't just morally good.
00:02:01.820
It actually makes you feel good. And it's how you have a good, fulfilling life.
00:02:06.540
And all of that sets the foundation for the other parts of success.
00:02:11.360
So today we decided that, well, before I say that today, we are on the Sunday Sermon joined by my co-host, DJ DJ God.
00:02:27.280
Boy, I must be exercising more influence than I thought I was.
00:02:30.540
For us to have something called the Sunday Sermon.
00:02:33.980
I don't know, man. I just feel like a lot of people are focusing a lot on success.
00:02:41.280
The tools, the mindset, and they're missing the foundational part, which is really building strong character traits
00:02:49.820
that are morally aligned with the things that you need to have to be successful.
00:02:56.000
Absolutely. Dude, everybody today is obsessed with what I would call techniques and formula.
00:03:02.180
You see that everywhere, you know, like in sales.
00:03:05.160
And to your point, like when you talk about sales and aligning intent and making sure that really what you want is the best for the customer,
00:03:18.140
It's like trying to build a house without pouring the foundation.
00:03:22.080
So, you just build up all these sticks and you put the drywall on and you put the roof on and what happens the first time a storm comes?
00:03:33.600
And I think while we've covered a lot of these things indirectly and sometimes a little bit directly,
00:03:40.500
I think it's good to focus on on this aspect of success because I don't think it's one that people really talk about.
00:03:49.440
You hear a lot of guys talking about, you know, doing the right thing and being kind and all this shit.
00:03:59.440
And I think we have an opportunity with this new segment.
00:04:02.540
And I don't know if we'll do it every Sunday, but it's going to be something that we do regularly and to really try to help you guys practically build the character that you need to build.
00:04:16.520
Because, dude, not everybody was privileged enough to have people in their life to show them those things.
00:04:25.120
And I just, I mean, with the people who know, this is kind of cliche, but it is true that what you do flows out of who you are.
00:04:33.860
Like, you know, you can't get, you know, how's that old saying?
00:04:39.440
You know, you just can't get, if you, in your core, if you're a screwed up person, you're not going to, everything's going to be screwed up.
00:04:46.960
And so you can't, you got to start with character.
00:04:49.360
But, you know, on a practical level, we've talked about this over the last couple years, but you most recently addressed it in your last episode, which I got to say, dude, was brilliant.
00:05:01.340
Like the one about the two things about being happy.
00:05:03.420
And the thing that you touched on briefly about that was you talked about, like, if you have an unclear conscience, you can't be happy.
00:05:12.140
Like, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're violating and you're violating your conscience, you can't be happy.
00:05:18.080
And what most people do is project that out as it's other people.
00:05:23.640
Most people, whenever you, you can never get them to fully be accountable for their own actions to where they understand, like, dude, the reason I'm not happy is because I know I'm not doing the right things.
00:05:36.160
And when you're not living the right way and you're doing things to violate your core beliefs that everybody has in their heart, whether those beliefs are right or wrong, which is what we're going to talk about sort of today.
00:05:47.060
Uh, and going, going onward in this segment, um, when you violate those and your actions aren't aligned, you're going to feel like shit.
00:05:56.680
And I think so many people are looking and like, dude, we're so filled with this fucking love fluff bunny shit.
00:06:03.880
On the internet, like all these motherfuckers are talking about self love and, you know, love yourself and accept yourself and you're good enough and you're worthy.
00:06:12.500
And dude, none of those people I could tell by the way they're saying, know what the fuck they're talking about.
00:06:18.960
And the truth of it is, is that, dude, if you want to be happy, you got to do a little bit of work and a little bit of work doesn't mean you have to go out and dig a fucking ditch.
00:06:26.200
It just means you have to consciously make decisions that are aligned with what you believe to be right and wrong.
00:06:35.040
You know, if you're bored, if you're sitting at home and you know you are capable of doing much greater things, you're going to constantly think like, man, I'm a real piece of shit.
00:06:43.860
And that's just what the voice is going to say.
00:06:46.140
Well, you've said this a number of times over the last couple of years.
00:06:50.340
But a lot of people will be like, I'm not, you know, they're not in tune with their inner voice.
00:07:06.680
You know, Lewis Howes would say they wear a mask.
00:07:09.360
And on the inside, they're agonizing because they know it's fucking bullshit.
00:07:20.620
And dude, all these motherfuckers on the internet that are telling people all this bullshit about self-acceptance.
00:07:25.720
Dude, if you're a shitty person that's not doing the things that align with your core values, you're not doing the right things.
00:07:40.820
They've just, they start pushing this agenda and they make people, and it's sad, dude, because people who, you know, we deal with people who are extremely overweight a lot of times in our business.
00:07:52.960
And a lot of them, until they're educated on the changes they can make, they've been told their whole lives, well, that's just the way I am.
00:08:04.440
That's just the way it is, and there's nothing I can do about it.
00:08:08.500
And dude, it's not that they don't want to change.
00:08:12.020
And so what's happening right now in society is you have this movement that I think has good intentions sometimes.
00:08:19.800
I think a lot of times the movement is actually driven by people's own egos to be a quote-unquote guru when they actually don't know what the fuck they're talking about.
00:08:28.380
But the truth of it is, is that when you push the agenda of self-acceptance when people aren't living, you're teaching them that they can't change, which is going to ultimately keep them unhappy.
00:08:40.300
And dude, I see it, I see it on, like literally 99% of the people out there, this is what they're pushing right now.
00:08:50.380
You know, because what you're doing is you're just like the overweight person who is being told by everybody else in their family, well, that's just who you are.
00:08:58.140
When in reality, they don't want to be overweight.
00:09:04.460
They want to be able to go to the swimming pool and not be embarrassed.
00:09:08.640
But they're being taught by everybody around them that they can't do that.
00:09:15.320
So they just stay that way and ultimately are miserable.
00:09:18.240
And that's what's happening with the fucking feel good movement in America right now.
00:09:23.520
I was actually reading a book about athletic peak performance and what happens when athletes like get in the zone.
00:09:30.480
And one of the things they say is that literally there's this forgetfulness of self.
00:09:36.220
Like they're not even thinking about themselves.
00:09:39.480
They're just completely absorbed in the task of being part of the athletic competition, supporting their teammates.
00:09:47.740
What hit me is that that's a great analogy for happiness and being a good person is that this self-help, self-love craze that you're talking about is constantly telling people,
00:10:08.800
Maybe the answer is stop thinking about yourself.
00:10:11.400
And just lose yourself in the task of being a good person and putting other people ahead and then you'll be in the zone.
00:10:18.260
And then incorporate that with the two other things.
00:10:21.060
Living congruent to your values and challenging yourself.
00:10:24.320
So, I mean, dude, I totally agree because what it's really telling people is like,
00:10:29.840
The fucking internet has turned everybody into a fucking narcissist.
00:10:33.020
Like, let's fucking push it out to manipulate the response so I get the most likes and everybody looks at me and I'm fucking somebody.
00:10:39.200
And if I don't like it or if I don't get enough likes, pull it off.
00:10:42.940
Dude, it's really kind of fucked up society, which actually leads in to what we're going to talk about today.
00:10:51.660
We're going to try to keep them short so you can get on with your Sunday.
00:10:54.420
But what we're going to talk about today really has a lot to do with what I just said about the internet and how society is being trained.
00:11:02.920
It's talking about one of the most common questions that we get in our company is, dude, how do you get so many good people?
00:11:12.460
And they don't mean when they say that, those people who are saying that are not saying,
00:11:16.440
how do you get people that work so hard or how do you get people that are so smart or how do you get people that, you know, make the business more profitable?
00:11:24.240
What they're saying when they say that is how did you guys find so many great people, good people, good friends, people who are loyal, people who have integrity?
00:11:39.200
And I think most people really struggle with this because the internet has taken away our need to truly connect with people on a personal level and change, you know, a conversation that you and I might have at a picnic table on Sunday after a barbecue to, you know, some likes on the internet.
00:11:59.040
You know, and I think a lot of people, especially younger people, really struggle with how to create good friendships, how to become someone who is surrounded by tremendous people of tremendous character who support you and push you and challenge you and hold you accountable.
00:12:23.160
Well, and it's not just that social media has tried to take away that need.
00:12:28.500
I mean, they've obviously not, it's obviously not been successful, but they've warped people's idea of what a friend is.
00:12:36.820
Like, you follow me, you like my stuff and comment.
00:12:41.520
Yeah, even though you might not have ever met the person.
00:12:43.820
And what's sad, and dude, we can sound like old fogeys here, but you're-
00:12:49.760
You sound like old fogey because you used the word old fogey.
00:12:51.920
I know, but like you and I, we're both, I mean, I'm older than you are, but we are from an age where when you were young, even up to a teenager, the stuff you did like with your friends was really, really bonding stuff.
00:13:07.660
It was like you go play army, you know, you, I don't know, ride bikes together.
00:13:15.120
And so we, I think we maybe have, and it's like you've said, it's not the fault of the younger generation that they came up with screens.
00:13:21.640
We have developed an understanding of what it means.
00:13:25.360
And when we talk about this whole thing, this whole friendship thing, I don't know if I've ever told you this, but one of the things that I always-
00:13:32.920
Well, dude, Vaughn, a problem with this too, dude, is that depression rates are on the rise.
00:13:40.760
Because they can't fucking connect with people.
00:13:45.540
They don't have that hole in their soul filled at all.
00:13:51.600
And like they say, oh, I don't need a lot of friends.
00:13:59.120
But something that I haven't told you before that I always think about almost every day is like your guy Scott back here.
00:14:08.520
What is he like the warehouse manager or whatever?
00:14:13.700
Well, like almost every time I see that guy, I think, dude, he's the guy that pulled the guy off the guy that was stabbing you.
00:14:24.000
Like I'm getting, and I always think to myself, like, that's the kind of friend you want.
00:14:27.860
You want somebody who's literally going to go after some big dude with a knife who's going out.
00:14:32.060
So, so that's clearly what we're going to talk about.
00:14:36.000
It doesn't have to be a long podcast because the answer is really simple.
00:14:40.260
So, so give me your formula, give me your technique, hashtag sarcasm for-
00:14:47.600
You said, I think you said, I don't remember exactly how you said it, but basically what
00:14:54.100
And if you, whatever it is that you want to attract, and we see this with, we see this
00:14:58.800
a lot with like guys trying to attract girls, you know, or girls saying there's no good
00:15:05.500
So, so this doesn't just provide for, go for friendships, it goes for relationships
00:15:10.320
You know, you have a guy, let's just say, use a guy as an example, who has, doesn't have
00:15:15.840
He's not, doesn't have a job, doesn't have a career, doesn't have ambition, is not, you
00:15:26.920
He lies, you know, um, but he's still is crying and complaining and whining about why
00:15:39.340
Well, the reason that you've never attracted that certain females, because you have not
00:15:42.620
become the type of person that would attract a female of the caliber that you want.
00:15:49.000
And people, your, your mom's probably told you all, all that matters is that you have
00:15:59.600
So you could probably, so maybe you can get laid.
00:16:04.740
If you want to attract a good, good quality relationships, you've got to become the kind
00:16:11.820
of person, exactly the kind of person that you're looking for.
00:16:15.940
So if you're looking for someone who is of positive influence, who's loyal, who's truthful,
00:16:21.180
who holds you accountable, who, you know, adds to your energy and not takes away somebody
00:16:26.460
who you have fun with, who you have great conversations with, who sees the world the way that you see
00:16:32.060
it to attract those people, you have to become that kind of person.
00:16:37.120
And a lot of people don't really understand that.
00:16:39.120
They think that friendships are just something of happen, uh, happenstance or, you know, um, an accident.
00:16:46.180
Oh, I'm, you know, but that's not how it works.
00:16:49.480
What really works is, dude, you attract what you put out and, uh, whatever it is that you're
00:16:55.780
getting back, that you're lacking from people, you probably don't possess yourself.
00:17:00.920
And it's a mirror of what you're, of what you're putting out.
00:17:03.840
So if you're constantly meeting people who aren't telling you the truth and they're not
00:17:07.400
loyal, it's probably because you don't tell the truth and you're not loyal.
00:17:11.920
And just because you think they don't know that it's still fucking matters.
00:17:17.700
I don't know people's situations, but a lot of times when you meet somebody, look, this
00:17:22.760
It's a project, but a lot of times when you meet somebody and you find out, you find out
00:17:26.760
that they've been married like five or six times, right?
00:17:29.940
And what's interesting is, is if you look at their, their spouses over those six, they're
00:17:36.520
And the reason that they're the same make is that you're attracting the same kind of person
00:17:42.020
So you could change the model, but the make's not going to change, you know?
00:17:49.740
I mean, dude, I, I have friends even at my, you know, I'm pretty young still for, for,
00:17:56.300
And I have friends who have fucking ruined their lives because of that, that same thing.
00:18:00.000
And like, I know a lot of you guys listening are shaking your head.
00:18:02.680
Like, yeah, I keep dating the same fucking shit bags over and over.
00:18:05.600
Well, that's because there's something going on with you that you're not aware of and you
00:18:11.540
And that's a good point because sometimes it's not intentional.
00:18:19.160
They'll be like, oh, well, you know, I keep finding these same pieces of shit, blah, blah,
00:18:26.840
And when they should be saying, what am I doing to continue down the same path over and
00:18:33.080
What am I doing to attract this same sort of relationship?
00:18:36.200
What am I doing to keep having friends that lie to me or, or don't tell me the truth or don't
00:18:46.140
How many times have you actually told the truth to them?
00:18:48.800
How many times have you missed plans to other friends?
00:18:51.160
Dude, I'm convinced people can try to convince me all they want, but dude, what goes around
00:19:00.480
And, uh, you know, I don't have the scientific reason.
00:19:04.300
I don't think anybody does of why that is, but dude, I've experienced enough in my life
00:19:08.760
to know that like, dude, when you have certain things, your life is a reflection of what
00:19:14.020
And, um, and a lot of times that's a hard thing for people to swallow, you know, because
00:19:18.300
you as a pastor have dealt with lots of people who have relationships and, you know, I'm sure
00:19:22.400
they've came to you and they said, I keep having these same things happen to me, but I don't
00:19:30.180
And you've had to be like, well, Joe, you know what I'm saying?
00:19:35.320
It makes me think of that, that I don't know if you've ever seen that movie, liar, liar
00:19:38.520
with Jim Carrey, where it's the guy's constantly getting in trouble.
00:19:46.900
You know, it's like you keep on doing the same thing over and over again, you're going
00:19:52.000
But, uh, no, but you know, to, to transition to the, cause obviously, yeah, you want to
00:19:55.660
like, you want, like attracts like, if you want to have good friends, you got to be a
00:20:03.820
No, not, not automatic, but you just touched on something that, that pertains to when people
00:20:08.720
do have things in their life that they're, they're really screwed up on a good friend.
00:20:15.700
And that's talk about that because a lot of people are just, they're incapable, they're incapable
00:20:20.220
and they're incapable because they don't want to hurt feelings.
00:20:22.760
But see, you don't want to, you got to understand that a good friend, look, man, everybody's
00:20:28.940
Like there's lots of times where I didn't tell people the truth when I was younger, because
00:20:33.220
I was really honestly afraid to hurt their feelings or afraid to tell them the truth,
00:20:37.700
you know, about like, let's say something they were saying to me, they had a problem and
00:20:43.660
Me thinking I was being a good friend, be like, oh yeah, fuck that other guy.
00:20:48.760
You know, and, um, that took me a long time to figure out what changed it for me was that
00:20:55.180
what really changed it for me was, um, when I was in business, I started to realize that
00:21:00.600
like, dude, I couldn't, like, I couldn't make someone feel good for doing a bad job.
00:21:05.380
So, so I would have to tell them like, dude, you, you're fucking terrible.
00:21:09.900
Like you need to do this, this, and this to get good.
00:21:12.120
And the first couple of times, dude, that sucked.
00:21:14.200
I remember the first time I had a fire kid, dude, I fucking cried afterwards.
00:21:23.020
But dude, the truth is, is that me firing him was the best thing I could have ever done
00:21:27.340
because he could not, he could not have succeeded in our company.
00:21:31.700
And so what I learned through that, through those experiences, you know, for years and
00:21:35.900
years and years is that dude, it's just easier to tell someone the truth because the truth
00:21:40.180
is, is that if you truly care about someone being nice is telling them the truth.
00:21:46.200
Even if it comes off as harsh, people think that when you, a lot of people in society will
00:21:51.060
think, Oh, you're being mean when you tell someone the truth because you disagree with
00:21:55.640
But the truth of it is, is that you're actually being a much better friend.
00:21:59.300
So being nice is not telling them what they want to hear.
00:22:02.980
So they continue to make the same mistake over and over and over again.
00:22:06.720
Being nice is telling them the truth up front so that they could change in a positive way
00:22:11.420
And that's that, that when I figured that out and it clicked for me, dude, I'd tell everybody
00:22:17.860
And like, dude, I don't concern myself too much with their reaction because I know their
00:22:21.800
reaction is something that they need to work out on their own.
00:22:25.660
And I think, I think the, the way that you begin to see the value in telling people the
00:22:30.140
truth is that when you've, when you've experienced it yourself from a good friend, like I had,
00:22:34.920
I dated this girl for three years and I like, I thought, I mean, she was a pastor's daughter.
00:22:39.780
I thought we were going to be, you know, match made in heaven.
00:22:44.200
Initially, my response is pretty good, but I went, I went down in the dumps for a while.
00:22:47.800
And the truth is, and I'm embarrassed to say this, but it took me a long time to get over
00:22:51.120
her and I let it like degenerate into bitterness.
00:22:55.060
And when I went away to seminary, I had all these guys that were real nice and everything
00:22:58.700
like, Oh, you know, being compassionate and like, well, you'll get over it soon.
00:23:02.880
Well, my roommate at the time finally just had enough.
00:23:08.520
Like, I don't know how to tell you this, but you wear this like a weight around your neck
00:23:13.080
and it affects your whole attitude and it just seeps out of you.
00:23:16.780
And he says, if you don't let this go, he's like, you're not broken hearted.
00:23:21.380
You're just pissed that you didn't get what you wanted.
00:23:25.960
If you're, if you let this root of bitterness grow into like a redwood tree, 20, 30 years
00:23:30.640
from now, you're just going to be this angry old man, mad at God, mad at the world.
00:23:33.800
And you're not going to be able to stop because it's going to become who you are.
00:23:38.880
If you hadn't have gotten over it, you wouldn't be where you are today.
00:23:43.200
So, but I needed somebody to like speak the truth and love and say, but, but do it in
00:23:47.560
kind of a straightforward way and just say, dude, you got to get over this.
00:23:50.940
And if we're constantly coddling each other because we don't want to hurt feelings, that's
00:23:56.560
But you don't have to be a dick when you tell the truth.
00:23:59.140
You know, but you have to be stern in your opinion.
00:24:01.820
Like if you say, well, you know, I kind of think that, you know, that you might, I don't
00:24:12.180
And you kind of have to slap somebody in the face and say, Hey dude, right.
00:24:19.520
And spell out the, like the consequences, you know?
00:24:22.520
So, I mean, the, the, the bottom line here is this, and this doesn't have to be a long
00:24:27.360
podcast because the answer to this question is very simple.
00:24:30.820
If you're having trouble developing true relationships and having good friends, it's because you're lacking
00:24:38.800
And you might hear this right now and be like, fuck, no, I don't.
00:24:45.620
You need to pull that ego away and truly look at yourself and say, okay, I want somebody
00:24:54.280
I want someone who's loyal, who helps me and pushes me and holds me accountable.
00:24:58.700
Um, you know, someone who, who makes my day better and puts energy into my life and who
00:25:11.220
You know, um, do I not tell the truth all the time?
00:25:26.980
When I say those things, there's a couple of those things that I need to work on.
00:25:31.240
So like, I don't want people to take it as like, I got it all figured out because,
00:25:34.060
and I have some wonderful people around me and I've learned a lot, but I mean, there's
00:25:37.600
things I could be better to be a better friend.
00:25:39.580
There's no doubt, you know, but I'm aware of what I need to work on.
00:25:45.540
I, you know, the final thing I would say is just, and I don't really know how to describe
00:25:53.880
You should belt out some like church shit for us.
00:25:57.200
Well, the, I actually think a couple of the guys have this verse somewhere on, uh, somewhere
00:26:03.720
in the company here, but it's as iron sharpens iron.
00:26:08.060
And that's just to keep in mind, like literally you're, you're influenced by the people you
00:26:15.480
Uh, and so be real careful who, who you let into your sphere of influence and also, but
00:26:20.460
also take seriously that you should be the kind of person that's positively shaping somebody
00:26:27.080
I, I guess the, the, the thing that I would say is that you've said this a billion times.
00:26:33.060
I mean, I've met very, very few people in life who are, who are as strong and as independent
00:26:39.900
as you, but never in a million years would you ever say, well, I can do life alone.
00:26:47.420
So I just think people need to realize like we seriously need friends.
00:26:51.300
And as the old, as the old saying goes, if you want to be friends, if you want to have
00:26:57.060
So, and what people got to understand too, man, and, and, uh, and then I'll let you answer
00:27:01.040
But, uh, you know, when you become people like, okay, well I'll become the best of this.
00:27:05.320
Then what, dude, what's going to happen is people are going to be fucking attracted to
00:27:10.200
They're just going to come into your life and you're going to meet them and be like,
00:27:13.920
fuck dude, this guy's a, this is a good friend.
00:27:17.040
And you're going to be able to recognize it because you're consciously working on yourself.
00:27:29.240
Uh, I read a great story about how during the American civil war, uh, Abraham Lincoln
00:27:36.080
So he went to a local church, wanted to hear a, hear a good sermon, kind of pep him up.
00:27:40.160
He goes in, listens to the sermon, walks out and his aide says, well, tell me about the
00:27:45.260
And he goes, well, it was solidly based on the Bible.
00:27:48.280
It was very eloquent and it was very well illustrated.
00:27:51.700
And, uh, the aide goes, oh, so it was a good sermon.
00:27:55.360
And Lincoln goes, nope, it wasn't a good sermon because the preacher did not ask of us
00:28:01.620
And, uh, I guess I feel like at the end of the day, the best way to be a good friend
00:28:07.840
is to live in such a way that it demands greatness of the people around you.
00:28:12.700
And it, and it inspires greatness and motivates greatness.
00:28:15.320
And to me that there's not, there's no, there's no better way of being a friend than to have
00:28:19.480
such incredible standards that you sort of naturally lift up the people around you and