REAL AF with Andy Frisella - SUNDAY SERMON： How to Become Someone People Would Die For, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO251

00:00:00.280 If you want to make your dream become reality, the people that are running after that dream know they're going to have hard times.

00:00:06.840 They keep on running because they're saying within themselves, I'm the one. I'm the one.

00:00:12.080 No matter how bad it is or how bad it gets, I'm going to make it.

00:00:21.740 What is up, guys? You're listening to the MFCEO Project. I'm Andy. I'm your host.

00:00:26.440 And I can't say the next part because this is a different episode of the MFCEO Project.

00:00:33.680 This is the new Sunday Sermon episode. You might be asking, what are these guys doing?

00:00:42.520 Vaughn and I have been talking, man. We've been talking about how we could bring more value.

00:00:46.460 And while we talk a lot about entrepreneurship and business and success, I feel like, and we both feel like,

00:00:53.640 we could talk a little bit more about positive character traits that can help you with those things.

00:01:00.060 Because the truth of it is, guys, is that without building a solid foundation of morality and character,

00:01:07.620 it's very hard to be successful and it certainly won't be fulfilling in the way that society is built right now.

00:01:16.340 You know, it used to be that everything wasn't transparent.

00:01:19.400 You didn't know the decisions that were being made. You didn't know the kind of people that were running companies.

00:01:25.980 It was all behind closed doors. So these things like character foundation and being a good person

00:01:33.500 and being a moral person and doing that, they weren't as crucial as they are today.

00:01:39.100 So we came up with this idea for the Sunday Sermon episodes of the MFCEO Project.

00:01:46.220 It's not really business. It's not really self-help or motivation.

00:01:50.560 It's basically how to kick ass at being a great person and make a huge positive impact on people.

00:01:57.100 And a lot of times we're going to talk about how doing the right thing isn't just morally good.

00:02:01.820 It actually makes you feel good. And it's how you have a good, fulfilling life.

00:02:06.540 And all of that sets the foundation for the other parts of success.

00:02:11.360 So today we decided that, well, before I say that today, we are on the Sunday Sermon joined by my co-host, DJ DJ God.

00:02:23.980 The pastor of disaster.

00:02:25.880 The pastor of disaster.

00:02:27.280 Boy, I must be exercising more influence than I thought I was.

00:02:30.260 Why is that?

00:02:30.540 For us to have something called the Sunday Sermon.

00:02:32.420 Sunday Sermon.

00:02:33.000 That's pretty impressive.

00:02:33.980 I don't know, man. I just feel like a lot of people are focusing a lot on success.

00:02:41.280 The tools, the mindset, and they're missing the foundational part, which is really building strong character traits

00:02:49.820 that are morally aligned with the things that you need to have to be successful.

00:02:56.000 Absolutely. Dude, everybody today is obsessed with what I would call techniques and formula.

00:03:02.180 You see that everywhere, you know, like in sales.

00:03:04.840 Yeah.

00:03:05.160 And to your point, like when you talk about sales and aligning intent and making sure that really what you want is the best for the customer,

00:03:14.140 well, that's a character issue, right?

00:03:16.040 So, you know.

00:03:18.140 It's like trying to build a house without pouring the foundation.

00:03:21.100 Right. Yeah, exactly.

00:03:22.080 So, you just build up all these sticks and you put the drywall on and you put the roof on and what happens the first time a storm comes?

00:03:28.900 The fucker blows down.

00:03:30.020 Right.

00:03:30.260 You know what I mean?

00:03:30.880 So, that's what we're talking about really.

00:03:33.600 And I think while we've covered a lot of these things indirectly and sometimes a little bit directly,

00:03:40.500 I think it's good to focus on on this aspect of success because I don't think it's one that people really talk about.

00:03:47.420 Absolutely.

00:03:47.840 You hear a lot of buzzwords.

00:03:49.440 You hear a lot of guys talking about, you know, doing the right thing and being kind and all this shit.

00:03:55.880 But it's never explained, right?

00:03:57.320 Right.

00:03:57.540 It's never explained why it's important.

00:03:59.440 And I think we have an opportunity with this new segment.

00:04:02.540 And I don't know if we'll do it every Sunday, but it's going to be something that we do regularly and to really try to help you guys practically build the character that you need to build.

00:04:16.520 Because, dude, not everybody was privileged enough to have people in their life to show them those things.

00:04:24.040 Right.

00:04:24.180 You know what I mean?

00:04:24.780 Absolutely.

00:04:25.120 And I just, I mean, with the people who know, this is kind of cliche, but it is true that what you do flows out of who you are.

00:04:33.280 Absolutely.

00:04:33.860 Like, you know, you can't get, you know, how's that old saying?

00:04:37.760 You can't get blood from a turnip.

00:04:39.440 You know, you just can't get, if you, in your core, if you're a screwed up person, you're not going to, everything's going to be screwed up.

00:04:46.660 Yeah.

00:04:46.960 And so you can't, you got to start with character.

00:04:49.360 But, you know, on a practical level, we've talked about this over the last couple years, but you most recently addressed it in your last episode, which I got to say, dude, was brilliant.

00:05:01.340 Like the one about the two things about being happy.

00:05:03.420 And the thing that you touched on briefly about that was you talked about, like, if you have an unclear conscience, you can't be happy.

00:05:11.620 It's impossible.

00:05:12.140 Like, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're violating and you're violating your conscience, you can't be happy.

00:05:18.080 And what most people do is project that out as it's other people.

00:05:21.380 Right.

00:05:21.760 When it's actually you.

00:05:22.940 Right.

00:05:23.200 You know what I mean?

00:05:23.640 Most people, whenever you, you can never get them to fully be accountable for their own actions to where they understand, like, dude, the reason I'm not happy is because I know I'm not doing the right things.

00:05:34.700 Right.

00:05:34.940 I'm not living the right way.

00:05:36.160 And when you're not living the right way and you're doing things to violate your core beliefs that everybody has in their heart, whether those beliefs are right or wrong, which is what we're going to talk about sort of today.

00:05:46.800 Right.

00:05:47.060 Uh, and going, going onward in this segment, um, when you violate those and your actions aren't aligned, you're going to feel like shit.

00:05:54.820 Yeah.

00:05:55.080 It's just the way it is.

00:05:56.240 Absolutely.

00:05:56.680 And I think so many people are looking and like, dude, we're so filled with this fucking love fluff bunny shit.

00:06:03.140 So true.

00:06:03.880 On the internet, like all these motherfuckers are talking about self love and, you know, love yourself and accept yourself and you're good enough and you're worthy.

00:06:12.500 And dude, none of those people I could tell by the way they're saying, know what the fuck they're talking about.

00:06:16.620 They're just parroting other people's shit.

00:06:18.960 And the truth of it is, is that, dude, if you want to be happy, you got to do a little bit of work and a little bit of work doesn't mean you have to go out and dig a fucking ditch.

00:06:26.200 It just means you have to consciously make decisions that are aligned with what you believe to be right and wrong.

00:06:32.140 Right.

00:06:32.480 Right.

00:06:32.700 Right.

00:06:33.020 And then you have to challenge yourself.

00:06:35.040 You know, if you're bored, if you're sitting at home and you know you are capable of doing much greater things, you're going to constantly think like, man, I'm a real piece of shit.

00:06:43.580 Right.

00:06:43.860 And that's just what the voice is going to say.

00:06:45.840 Right.

00:06:46.140 Well, you've said this a number of times over the last couple of years.

00:06:48.560 And dude, a lot of people, not to cut you off.

00:06:50.020 No, you're good.

00:06:50.340 But a lot of people will be like, I'm not, you know, they're not in tune with their inner voice.

00:06:58.060 Right.

00:06:58.800 They say one thing.

00:07:00.160 They act one way.

00:07:01.140 They put off a projection of who they are.

00:07:06.680 You know, Lewis Howes would say they wear a mask.

00:07:08.720 Right.

00:07:09.360 And on the inside, they're agonizing because they know it's fucking bullshit.

00:07:15.480 Right.

00:07:15.600 And dude, that's why they're not confident.

00:07:17.440 That's why they don't have self-esteem.

00:07:19.080 That's why they're not happy.

00:07:20.620 And dude, all these motherfuckers on the internet that are telling people all this bullshit about self-acceptance.

00:07:25.720 Dude, if you're a shitty person that's not doing the things that align with your core values, you're not doing the right things.

00:07:30.680 You're not challenging yourself.

00:07:32.220 You shouldn't fucking accept that.

00:07:34.080 Absolutely.

00:07:34.400 You shouldn't love that.

00:07:35.900 That's the truth.

00:07:37.260 You know, and society's so fucking soft now.

00:07:40.820 They've just, they start pushing this agenda and they make people, and it's sad, dude, because people who, you know, we deal with people who are extremely overweight a lot of times in our business.

00:07:52.960 And a lot of them, until they're educated on the changes they can make, they've been told their whole lives, well, that's just the way I am.

00:08:01.580 Right.

00:08:02.020 My family's overweight.

00:08:03.240 Right.

00:08:03.540 I'm overweight.

00:08:04.440 That's just the way it is, and there's nothing I can do about it.

00:08:06.340 I'm just a victim of my genes.

00:08:07.700 Yes.

00:08:08.140 Yeah.

00:08:08.500 And dude, it's not that they don't want to change.

00:08:10.480 That's what they've been taught.

00:08:11.640 Right.

00:08:12.020 And so what's happening right now in society is you have this movement that I think has good intentions sometimes.

00:08:19.800 I think a lot of times the movement is actually driven by people's own egos to be a quote-unquote guru when they actually don't know what the fuck they're talking about.

00:08:28.380 But the truth of it is, is that when you push the agenda of self-acceptance when people aren't living, you're teaching them that they can't change, which is going to ultimately keep them unhappy.

00:08:37.920 Absolutely.

00:08:38.240 And that's fucked up.

00:08:39.260 100%.

00:08:39.660 You know what I mean?

00:08:40.300 And dude, I see it, I see it on, like literally 99% of the people out there, this is what they're pushing right now.

00:08:47.760 And it's not, it's not right.

00:08:49.100 It's not okay.

00:08:50.380 You know, because what you're doing is you're just like the overweight person who is being told by everybody else in their family, well, that's just who you are.

00:08:58.140 When in reality, they don't want to be overweight.

00:09:00.400 They want to be able to run with their kids.

00:09:02.360 They want to be healthy.

00:09:03.260 They want to live longer.

00:09:04.460 They want to be able to go to the swimming pool and not be embarrassed.

00:09:07.280 They want to be able to buy clothes.

00:09:08.640 But they're being taught by everybody around them that they can't do that.

00:09:14.140 So they don't believe in it.

00:09:15.320 So they just stay that way and ultimately are miserable.

00:09:18.200 Right.

00:09:18.240 And that's what's happening with the fucking feel good movement in America right now.

00:09:21.640 A hundred percent.

00:09:22.360 You know?

00:09:22.700 A hundred percent, dude.

00:09:23.520 I was actually reading a book about athletic peak performance and what happens when athletes like get in the zone.

00:09:30.320 Yeah.

00:09:30.480 And one of the things they say is that literally there's this forgetfulness of self.

00:09:36.220 Like they're not even thinking about themselves.

00:09:37.600 They're not thinking about what they're doing.

00:09:39.480 They're just completely absorbed in the task of being part of the athletic competition, supporting their teammates.

00:09:46.940 And I thought of that.

00:09:47.740 What hit me is that that's a great analogy for happiness and being a good person is that this self-help, self-love craze that you're talking about is constantly telling people,

00:09:59.160 you know, think about yourself.

00:10:02.180 I'm worthy.

00:10:03.220 I'm enough.

00:10:04.420 I'm this.

00:10:05.080 I'm that.

00:10:05.520 Be self-aware.

00:10:06.700 Well, maybe that's not the answer.

00:10:08.800 Maybe the answer is stop thinking about yourself.

00:10:11.400 And just lose yourself in the task of being a good person and putting other people ahead and then you'll be in the zone.

00:10:17.440 You know what I'm saying?

00:10:18.040 Yeah.

00:10:18.260 And then incorporate that with the two other things.

00:10:21.060 Living congruent to your values and challenging yourself.

00:10:23.720 Right?

00:10:23.980 Absolutely.

00:10:24.320 So, I mean, dude, I totally agree because what it's really telling people is like,

00:10:27.920 because like, dude, let's be real, dude.

00:10:29.840 The fucking internet has turned everybody into a fucking narcissist.

00:10:32.480 Right.

00:10:32.620 You know what I mean?

00:10:33.020 Like, let's fucking push it out to manipulate the response so I get the most likes and everybody looks at me and I'm fucking somebody.

00:10:39.200 And if I don't like it or if I don't get enough likes, pull it off.

00:10:41.800 Yeah.

00:10:42.040 You know, which is crazy.

00:10:42.940 Dude, it's really kind of fucked up society, which actually leads in to what we're going to talk about today.

00:10:48.840 These podcasts aren't going to be real long.

00:10:50.640 They're not going to be an hour long.

00:10:51.660 We're going to try to keep them short so you can get on with your Sunday.

00:10:54.420 But what we're going to talk about today really has a lot to do with what I just said about the internet and how society is being trained.

00:11:02.920 It's talking about one of the most common questions that we get in our company is, dude, how do you get so many good people?

00:11:10.680 How do you have so many great people?

00:11:12.460 And they don't mean when they say that, those people who are saying that are not saying,

00:11:16.440 how do you get people that work so hard or how do you get people that are so smart or how do you get people that, you know, make the business more profitable?

00:11:23.120 That's not what they're saying.

00:11:24.240 What they're saying when they say that is how did you guys find so many great people, good people, good friends, people who are loyal, people who have integrity?

00:11:36.140 How did you create that?

00:11:37.720 We get asked that all the time.

00:11:39.200 And I think most people really struggle with this because the internet has taken away our need to truly connect with people on a personal level and change, you know, a conversation that you and I might have at a picnic table on Sunday after a barbecue to, you know, some likes on the internet.

00:11:59.040 You know, and I think a lot of people, especially younger people, really struggle with how to create good friendships, how to become someone who is surrounded by tremendous people of tremendous character who support you and push you and challenge you and hold you accountable.

00:12:17.340 And they're like, nobody's out there.

00:12:18.860 Nobody's like that.

00:12:19.980 Well, that's not the case.

00:12:21.440 There's lots and lots of people like that.

00:12:23.160 Well, and it's not just that social media has tried to take away that need.

00:12:28.500 I mean, they've obviously not, it's obviously not been successful, but they've warped people's idea of what a friend is.

00:12:35.480 It's really cheapened it.

00:12:36.500 That's right.

00:12:36.820 Like, you follow me, you like my stuff and comment.

00:12:40.220 We're buddies.

00:12:40.860 We're friends.

00:12:41.520 Yeah, even though you might not have ever met the person.

00:12:43.480 Right.

00:12:43.820 And what's sad, and dude, we can sound like old fogeys here, but you're-

00:12:49.760 You sound like old fogey because you used the word old fogey.

00:12:51.920 I know, but like you and I, we're both, I mean, I'm older than you are, but we are from an age where when you were young, even up to a teenager, the stuff you did like with your friends was really, really bonding stuff.

00:13:07.660 It was like you go play army, you know, you, I don't know, ride bikes together.

00:13:12.700 Play sports.

00:13:13.220 You like, you talk to your friends.

00:13:15.120 And so we, I think we maybe have, and it's like you've said, it's not the fault of the younger generation that they came up with screens.

00:13:21.640 We have developed an understanding of what it means.

00:13:23.820 How to connect with people.

00:13:24.820 Yeah, that's right.

00:13:25.060 Yeah.

00:13:25.360 And when we talk about this whole thing, this whole friendship thing, I don't know if I've ever told you this, but one of the things that I always-

00:13:32.920 Well, dude, Vaughn, a problem with this too, dude, is that depression rates are on the rise.

00:13:37.900 Right.

00:13:38.420 Okay, with younger people.

00:13:39.740 You know why?

00:13:40.760 Because they can't fucking connect with people.

00:13:43.060 Right.

00:13:43.260 They don't know how to make real friends.

00:13:45.540 They don't have that hole in their soul filled at all.

00:13:50.740 Right.

00:13:51.060 You know what I mean?

00:13:51.600 And like they say, oh, I don't need a lot of friends.

00:13:53.380 I'm a loner.

00:13:54.320 Everybody needs a couple friends.

00:13:55.560 Right.

00:13:55.980 You know what I mean?

00:13:56.480 And I'm not talking about internet friends.

00:13:57.620 We're definitely social creatures.

00:13:58.920 Right.

00:13:59.120 But something that I haven't told you before that I always think about almost every day is like your guy Scott back here.

00:14:06.320 Yeah.

00:14:07.000 What's his actual title?

00:14:08.520 What is he like the warehouse manager or whatever?

00:14:10.780 He's a head of distribution for everything.

00:14:13.700 Well, like almost every time I see that guy, I think, dude, he's the guy that pulled the guy off the guy that was stabbing you.

00:14:21.360 Yeah.

00:14:21.740 And I was like, I'm still getting chills.

00:14:24.000 Like I'm getting, and I always think to myself, like, that's the kind of friend you want.

00:14:27.600 Yeah.

00:14:27.860 You want somebody who's literally going to go after some big dude with a knife who's going out.

00:14:32.060 So, so that's clearly what we're going to talk about.

00:14:34.540 Right.

00:14:34.820 It's going to, how do you-

00:14:36.000 It doesn't have to be a long podcast because the answer is really simple.

00:14:38.960 Right.

00:14:39.120 It's pretty simple stuff.

00:14:40.260 So, so give me your formula, give me your technique, hashtag sarcasm for-

00:14:46.540 You said it earlier.

00:14:47.360 Yeah.

00:14:47.600 You said, I think you said, I don't remember exactly how you said it, but basically what

00:14:51.120 you said is you get back what you put out.

00:14:53.440 Right.

00:14:53.700 Okay.

00:14:54.100 And if you, whatever it is that you want to attract, and we see this with, we see this

00:14:58.800 a lot with like guys trying to attract girls, you know, or girls saying there's no good

00:15:04.080 guys.

00:15:04.620 We see this a lot.

00:15:05.500 So, so this doesn't just provide for, go for friendships, it goes for relationships

00:15:09.280 too.

00:15:10.320 You know, you have a guy, let's just say, use a guy as an example, who has, doesn't have

00:15:14.740 a shit together. 0.51

00:15:15.840 He's not, doesn't have a job, doesn't have a career, doesn't have ambition, is not, you

00:15:21.200 know, friendly.

00:15:24.040 Okay.

00:15:24.400 Like, uh, he's not a positive influence.

00:15:26.920 He lies, you know, um, but he's still is crying and complaining and whining about why

00:15:36.660 he hasn't attracted this certain female.

00:15:38.600 Right.

00:15:39.340 Well, the reason that you've never attracted that certain females, because you have not

00:15:42.620 become the type of person that would attract a female of the caliber that you want.

00:15:46.940 All right.

00:15:47.600 And that's just reality.

00:15:49.000 And people, your, your mom's probably told you all, all that matters is that you have

00:15:52.880 a good heart.

00:15:53.440 No, it doesn't fucking matter.

00:15:54.720 That's not what fucking matters.

00:15:55.960 And most of you don't have a good heart.

00:15:57.680 Okay.

00:15:58.120 You, you pretend to have a good heart.

00:15:59.600 So you could probably, so maybe you can get laid. 1.00

00:16:02.340 Right.

00:16:02.820 Okay.

00:16:03.140 So let's be real.

00:16:04.740 If you want to attract a good, good quality relationships, you've got to become the kind

00:16:11.820 of person, exactly the kind of person that you're looking for.

00:16:15.180 Okay.

00:16:15.940 So if you're looking for someone who is of positive influence, who's loyal, who's truthful,

00:16:21.180 who holds you accountable, who, you know, adds to your energy and not takes away somebody

00:16:26.460 who you have fun with, who you have great conversations with, who sees the world the way that you see

00:16:32.060 it to attract those people, you have to become that kind of person.

00:16:36.500 All right.

00:16:37.120 And a lot of people don't really understand that.

00:16:39.120 They think that friendships are just something of happen, uh, happenstance or, you know, um, an accident.

00:16:46.180 Oh, I'm, you know, but that's not how it works.

00:16:49.380 Right.

00:16:49.480 What really works is, dude, you attract what you put out and, uh, whatever it is that you're

00:16:55.780 getting back, that you're lacking from people, you probably don't possess yourself.

00:16:59.440 Right.

00:16:59.920 You know what I mean?

00:17:00.540 Absolutely.

00:17:00.920 And it's a mirror of what you're, of what you're putting out.

00:17:03.840 So if you're constantly meeting people who aren't telling you the truth and they're not

00:17:07.400 loyal, it's probably because you don't tell the truth and you're not loyal.

00:17:11.920 And just because you think they don't know that it's still fucking matters.

00:17:15.280 Absolutely.

00:17:15.860 And you know, I'm not condemning people.

00:17:17.700 I don't know people's situations, but a lot of times when you meet somebody, look, this

00:17:21.260 is all project, right?

00:17:22.760 It's a project, but a lot of times when you meet somebody and you find out, you find out

00:17:26.760 that they've been married like five or six times, right?

00:17:28.740 There's a reason.

00:17:29.320 There's a reason.

00:17:29.940 And what's interesting is, is if you look at their, their spouses over those six, they're

00:17:34.340 usually the same make and a different model.

00:17:36.280 Yeah.

00:17:36.520 And the reason that they're the same make is that you're attracting the same kind of person

00:17:40.080 again and again, because that's who you are.

00:17:41.640 That's right.

00:17:42.020 So you could change the model, but the make's not going to change, you know?

00:17:44.800 That's right.

00:17:45.120 It's the same person within a different shell.

00:17:46.980 Right.

00:17:47.580 You know?

00:17:48.000 Basically.

00:17:48.580 Fuck, dude.

00:17:49.740 I mean, dude, I, I have friends even at my, you know, I'm pretty young still for, for,

00:17:54.380 for life, you know?

00:17:56.300 And I have friends who have fucking ruined their lives because of that, that same thing.

00:18:00.000 And like, I know a lot of you guys listening are shaking your head.

00:18:02.020 Yes.

00:18:02.680 Like, yeah, I keep dating the same fucking shit bags over and over.

00:18:05.600 Well, that's because there's something going on with you that you're not aware of and you

00:18:10.300 need to be aware of.

00:18:11.280 Right.

00:18:11.540 And that's a good point because sometimes it's not intentional.

00:18:14.260 Oh fuck.

00:18:14.760 It's never intentional.

00:18:15.700 Dude, people aren't aware.

00:18:16.860 Right.

00:18:17.220 Yeah.

00:18:17.540 And like, dude, they'll say stuff like this.

00:18:19.160 They'll be like, oh, well, you know, I keep finding these same pieces of shit, blah, blah,

00:18:24.580 blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:18:25.120 Nah, there's no good guys.

00:18:26.840 And when they should be saying, what am I doing to continue down the same path over and

00:18:32.560 over again?

00:18:33.080 What am I doing to attract this same sort of relationship?

00:18:36.200 What am I doing to keep having friends that lie to me or, or don't tell me the truth or don't

00:18:41.960 show up when we're supposed to have plans?

00:18:44.100 Well, how many times have you lied to them?

00:18:46.140 How many times have you actually told the truth to them?

00:18:48.800 How many times have you missed plans to other friends?

00:18:51.160 Dude, I'm convinced people can try to convince me all they want, but dude, what goes around

00:18:57.220 comes around and it's just the way it is.

00:18:59.520 Absolutely.

00:19:00.480 And, uh, you know, I don't have the scientific reason.

00:19:04.300 I don't think anybody does of why that is, but dude, I've experienced enough in my life

00:19:08.760 to know that like, dude, when you have certain things, your life is a reflection of what

00:19:13.200 you are.

00:19:14.020 And, um, and a lot of times that's a hard thing for people to swallow, you know, because

00:19:18.300 you as a pastor have dealt with lots of people who have relationships and, you know, I'm sure

00:19:22.400 they've came to you and they said, I keep having these same things happen to me, but I don't

00:19:28.140 know why.

00:19:28.560 Cause I'm perfect.

00:19:29.280 Like I'm a great person.

00:19:30.180 And you've had to be like, well, Joe, you know what I'm saying?

00:19:34.760 Oh, exactly.

00:19:35.320 It makes me think of that, that I don't know if you've ever seen that movie, liar, liar

00:19:38.520 with Jim Carrey, where it's the guy's constantly getting in trouble.

00:19:41.540 He's like, I don't know what to do.

00:19:43.300 And a Jim Carrey says, stop breaking the law.

00:19:46.900 You know, it's like you keep on doing the same thing over and over again, you're going

00:19:50.480 to get the same results.

00:19:52.000 But, uh, no, but you know, to, to transition to the, cause obviously, yeah, you want to

00:19:55.660 like, you want, like attracts like, if you want to have good friends, you got to be a

00:20:00.020 good friend.

00:20:00.440 And you got to work on being a good friend.

00:20:02.000 Right.

00:20:02.220 So, so you just, it's all automatic.

00:20:03.820 No, not, not automatic, but you just touched on something that, that pertains to when people

00:20:08.720 do have things in their life that they're, they're really screwed up on a good friend.

00:20:13.460 What tells them the truth.

00:20:14.880 That's right.

00:20:15.300 Right.

00:20:15.700 And that's talk about that because a lot of people are just, they're incapable, they're incapable

00:20:20.220 and they're incapable because they don't want to hurt feelings.

00:20:22.740 Yeah.

00:20:22.760 But see, you don't want to, you got to understand that a good friend, look, man, everybody's

00:20:28.360 gone through that.

00:20:28.940 Like there's lots of times where I didn't tell people the truth when I was younger, because

00:20:33.220 I was really honestly afraid to hurt their feelings or afraid to tell them the truth,

00:20:37.700 you know, about like, let's say something they were saying to me, they had a problem and

00:20:42.620 they're like, what are you thinking?

00:20:43.660 Me thinking I was being a good friend, be like, oh yeah, fuck that other guy.

00:20:46.360 When in reality, I'm like, dude, it's you bro.

00:20:48.760 You know, and, um, that took me a long time to figure out what changed it for me was that

00:20:55.180 what really changed it for me was, um, when I was in business, I started to realize that

00:21:00.600 like, dude, I couldn't, like, I couldn't make someone feel good for doing a bad job.

00:21:04.940 Right.

00:21:05.380 So, so I would have to tell them like, dude, you, you're fucking terrible.

00:21:09.900 Like you need to do this, this, and this to get good.

00:21:12.120 And the first couple of times, dude, that sucked.

00:21:14.200 I remember the first time I had a fire kid, dude, I fucking cried afterwards.

00:21:17.720 Cause I felt so fucking terrible.

00:21:19.840 I felt fucking horrible.

00:21:21.880 You know what I mean?

00:21:23.020 But dude, the truth is, is that me firing him was the best thing I could have ever done

00:21:27.340 because he could not, he could not have succeeded in our company.

00:21:30.520 Wake up call.

00:21:31.100 That's right.

00:21:31.520 Yeah.

00:21:31.700 And so what I learned through that, through those experiences, you know, for years and

00:21:35.900 years and years is that dude, it's just easier to tell someone the truth because the truth

00:21:40.180 is, is that if you truly care about someone being nice is telling them the truth.

00:21:46.200 Even if it comes off as harsh, people think that when you, a lot of people in society will

00:21:51.060 think, Oh, you're being mean when you tell someone the truth because you disagree with

00:21:54.940 their point of view.

00:21:55.640 But the truth of it is, is that you're actually being a much better friend.

00:21:59.300 So being nice is not telling them what they want to hear.

00:22:02.980 So they continue to make the same mistake over and over and over again.

00:22:06.720 Being nice is telling them the truth up front so that they could change in a positive way

00:22:11.000 later.

00:22:11.420 And that's that, that when I figured that out and it clicked for me, dude, I'd tell everybody

00:22:16.080 the truth now and I don't even think about it.

00:22:17.860 And like, dude, I don't concern myself too much with their reaction because I know their

00:22:21.800 reaction is something that they need to work out on their own.

00:22:25.060 Absolutely.

00:22:25.660 And I think, I think the, the way that you begin to see the value in telling people the

00:22:30.140 truth is that when you've, when you've experienced it yourself from a good friend, like I had,

00:22:34.920 I dated this girl for three years and I like, I thought, I mean, she was a pastor's daughter.

00:22:39.780 I thought we were going to be, you know, match made in heaven.

00:22:42.680 She breaks up with me.

00:22:44.200 Initially, my response is pretty good, but I went, I went down in the dumps for a while.

00:22:47.800 And the truth is, and I'm embarrassed to say this, but it took me a long time to get over

00:22:51.120 her and I let it like degenerate into bitterness.

00:22:55.060 And when I went away to seminary, I had all these guys that were real nice and everything

00:22:58.700 like, Oh, you know, being compassionate and like, well, you'll get over it soon.

00:23:02.880 Well, my roommate at the time finally just had enough.

00:23:05.320 And he's like, dude, let it go.

00:23:08.200 Yeah.

00:23:08.520 Like, I don't know how to tell you this, but you wear this like a weight around your neck

00:23:13.080 and it affects your whole attitude and it just seeps out of you.

00:23:16.780 And he says, if you don't let this go, he's like, you're not broken hearted.

00:23:20.740 You're pissed.

00:23:21.380 You're just pissed that you didn't get what you wanted.

00:23:23.280 Your pride got hurt.

00:23:23.520 Your pride got hurt.

00:23:24.520 And he said, let me tell you something.

00:23:25.960 If you're, if you let this root of bitterness grow into like a redwood tree, 20, 30 years

00:23:30.640 from now, you're just going to be this angry old man, mad at God, mad at the world.

00:23:33.800 And you're not going to be able to stop because it's going to become who you are.

00:23:36.400 And it was like, holy cow, he was right.

00:23:38.880 If you hadn't have gotten over it, you wouldn't be where you are today.

00:23:41.400 Right.

00:23:41.840 Which is much better situation.

00:23:43.200 So, but I needed somebody to like speak the truth and love and say, but, but do it in

00:23:47.560 kind of a straightforward way and just say, dude, you got to get over this.

00:23:50.940 And if we're constantly coddling each other because we don't want to hurt feelings, that's

00:23:55.360 not being a good friend.

00:23:56.340 Yeah.

00:23:56.560 But you don't have to be a dick when you tell the truth.

00:23:58.620 No.

00:23:58.960 Huh.

00:23:59.140 You know, but you have to be stern in your opinion.

00:24:01.820 Like if you say, well, you know, I kind of think that, you know, that you might, I don't

00:24:08.160 know, maybe it's time to get over that Vaughn.

00:24:10.000 Like that ain't going to stick with you.

00:24:11.780 Right.

00:24:11.880 You know what I mean?

00:24:12.180 And you kind of have to slap somebody in the face and say, Hey dude, right.

00:24:15.600 It's fucking over.

00:24:16.580 Right.

00:24:16.900 You know what I'm saying?

00:24:17.380 Like let it go.

00:24:18.160 Yeah.

00:24:18.580 Yeah.

00:24:19.520 And spell out the, like the consequences, you know?

00:24:22.520 So, I mean, the, the, the bottom line here is this, and this doesn't have to be a long

00:24:27.360 podcast because the answer to this question is very simple.

00:24:30.820 If you're having trouble developing true relationships and having good friends, it's because you're lacking

00:24:36.500 in one of the areas that you're looking for.

00:24:38.260 All right.

00:24:38.800 And you might hear this right now and be like, fuck, no, I don't.

00:24:42.220 I'm great.

00:24:42.860 I'm this, I'm that dude.

00:24:44.360 That's part of the problem.

00:24:45.620 You need to pull that ego away and truly look at yourself and say, okay, I want somebody

00:24:51.980 who's a positive influence.

00:24:53.000 I want someone who tells the truth.

00:24:54.280 I want someone who's loyal, who helps me and pushes me and holds me accountable.

00:24:58.700 Um, you know, someone who, who makes my day better and puts energy into my life and who

00:25:04.000 I can have a good time.

00:25:05.040 What, what about me is not like that?

00:25:08.880 You know, am I a crab ass?

00:25:10.460 You know what I'm saying?

00:25:11.220 You know, um, do I not tell the truth all the time?

00:25:14.900 Uh, do I not push people to be better?

00:25:17.800 You know what I'm saying?

00:25:18.480 Right.

00:25:18.780 Do I not follow through on my commitments?

00:25:20.640 Do I, you know, whatever.

00:25:21.420 This doesn't mean you're a bad person.

00:25:22.800 This just means you have some work to do.

00:25:24.720 Right.

00:25:25.220 You know, and we all have work to do.

00:25:26.480 Fuck dude.

00:25:26.980 When I say those things, there's a couple of those things that I need to work on.

00:25:30.220 Oh, absolutely.

00:25:30.440 You know what I mean?

00:25:30.840 Yeah.

00:25:31.240 So like, I don't want people to take it as like, I got it all figured out because,

00:25:34.060 and I have some wonderful people around me and I've learned a lot, but I mean, there's

00:25:37.600 things I could be better to be a better friend.

00:25:39.580 There's no doubt, you know, but I'm aware of what I need to work on.

00:25:42.620 And I think that's the key.

00:25:43.680 Absolutely.

00:25:44.500 No, good stuff, man.

00:25:45.540 I, you know, the final thing I would say is just, and I don't really know how to describe

00:25:49.260 it other than.

00:25:49.840 You should have the final word.

00:25:50.840 You're a fucking pastor.

00:25:51.780 Oh.

00:25:52.320 Yeah.

00:25:53.140 Well.

00:25:53.880 You should belt out some like church shit for us.

00:25:57.200 Well, the, I actually think a couple of the guys have this verse somewhere on, uh, somewhere

00:26:03.720 in the company here, but it's as iron sharpens iron.

00:26:06.580 So one man sharpens another.

00:26:08.060 And that's just to keep in mind, like literally you're, you're influenced by the people you

00:26:12.340 hang out with, you know?

00:26:13.540 I mean, they, they literally shape you.

00:26:15.480 Uh, and so be real careful who, who you let into your sphere of influence and also, but

00:26:20.460 also take seriously that you should be the kind of person that's positively shaping somebody

00:26:24.580 else.

00:26:25.260 And I don't know.

00:26:26.120 It's just, it's just huge.

00:26:27.080 I, I guess the, the, the thing that I would say is that you've said this a billion times.

00:26:33.060 I mean, I've met very, very few people in life who are, who are as strong and as independent

00:26:39.900 as you, but never in a million years would you ever say, well, I can do life alone.

00:26:44.460 You know, I can do it alone.

00:26:46.100 I can do it all myself.

00:26:47.420 So I just think people need to realize like we seriously need friends.

00:26:51.300 And as the old, as the old saying goes, if you want to be friends, if you want to have

00:26:54.960 friends, you got to be friendly.

00:26:55.740 You know, dude, that's it.

00:26:57.060 So, and what people got to understand too, man, and, and, uh, and then I'll let you answer

00:27:00.740 that.

00:27:01.040 But, uh, you know, when you become people like, okay, well I'll become the best of this.

00:27:05.320 Then what, dude, what's going to happen is people are going to be fucking attracted to

00:27:08.260 you.

00:27:08.560 Yeah.

00:27:08.880 You're going to meet people.

00:27:10.200 They're just going to come into your life and you're going to meet them and be like,

00:27:13.920 fuck dude, this guy's a, this is a good friend.

00:27:16.140 Yeah.

00:27:16.540 You know what I mean?

00:27:17.040 And you're going to be able to recognize it because you're consciously working on yourself.

00:27:20.080 Yeah, absolutely.

00:27:21.300 All right.

00:27:21.560 This is the last thing I'm going to say.

00:27:22.840 And then, and then, uh, you can wrap up.

00:27:25.460 So, you know, I'm a nerd.

00:27:27.700 I read everything.

00:27:29.240 Uh, I read a great story about how during the American civil war, uh, Abraham Lincoln

00:27:35.360 was really depressed.

00:27:36.080 So he went to a local church, wanted to hear a, hear a good sermon, kind of pep him up.

00:27:40.160 He goes in, listens to the sermon, walks out and his aide says, well, tell me about the

00:27:44.960 sermon.

00:27:45.260 And he goes, well, it was solidly based on the Bible.

00:27:48.280 It was very eloquent and it was very well illustrated.

00:27:51.700 And, uh, the aide goes, oh, so it was a good sermon.

00:27:55.360 And Lincoln goes, nope, it wasn't a good sermon because the preacher did not ask of us

00:28:00.720 something great.

00:28:01.620 And, uh, I guess I feel like at the end of the day, the best way to be a good friend

00:28:07.840 is to live in such a way that it demands greatness of the people around you.

00:28:12.700 And it, and it inspires greatness and motivates greatness.

00:28:15.320 And to me that there's not, there's no, there's no better way of being a friend than to have

00:28:19.480 such incredible standards that you sort of naturally lift up the people around you and

00:28:23.400 the people closest to you.

00:28:24.840 Totally agree.

00:28:26.400 That's it.

00:28:27.120 That's it.

00:28:27.860 All right.

00:28:28.440 All right.

00:28:31.960 Let's do it.

00:28:34.860 Let's do it.

00:28:37.240 Let's do it.

00:28:37.720 Let's do it.

00:28:42.020 Let's do it.

00:28:42.220 Let's do it.

00:28:42.820 Let's do it.

00:28:44.060 Let's do it д dulce.

00:28:47.740 Let's do it.

00:28:48.180 Let's do it.

00:28:49.100 Let's do it.

00:28:49.680 Let's do it.

00:28:50.160 Let's do it.

00:28:50.560 Let's do it.

00:28:51.740 Let's do it.

00:28:52.540 Let's do it.

00:28:55.920 Let's do it.

00:28:56.980 Let's do it.

00:28:57.980 Let's do it.

00:28:59.320 Let's do it.

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - August 05, 2018

SUNDAY SERMON： How to Become Someone People Would Die For, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO251

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