Real Coffee with Scott Adams - December 25, 2020


Episode 1230 Scott Adams： Santa's Chief of Staff Updates You on the Toy Factory Lockdown. OK for Kids


Episode Stats


Length

11 minutes

Words per minute

133.3176

Word count

1,506

Sentence count

145

Harmful content

Misogyny

1

sentences flagged

Hate speech

4

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

An update from the North Pole about Santa having Coronavirus and the elves being unable to deliver this year's Christmas Eve and Christmas Day gifts because of the pandemic. Plus, a story about a reindeer with a red nose.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Hey everybody, come on in here. This is an important update. Important update.
00:00:12.020 As you know, we're in the middle of a pandemic. And here's an update from Santa's workshop where
00:00:20.200 there had been threats of a lockdown for quarantine purposes. I'm going to give you
00:00:26.780 an update. I've just heard in from the North Pole. So this is fresh from the North Pole. And
00:00:34.260 if you're wondering what role I have in all this, I do a little seasonal work.
00:00:42.100 And specifically, I work for Santa just during the high season. And I work as his chief of staff.
00:00:50.400 Santa normally would be making this announcement himself. But I'm here to tell you, unfortunately,
00:00:56.640 Santa has been diagnosed with the coronavirus. That's right. Santa does have the coronavirus.
00:01:04.280 He's quarantined. We think he'll be fine. He's getting the best care, all the best therapeutics.
00:01:13.740 But we are worried about him because Santa does have some comorbidities. Santa is, first of all,
00:01:20.920 thousands of years old. And we know that age can be a factor in your outcomes with coronavirus.
00:01:27.180 Santa also has high blood pressure, diabetes. He's mortally obese. And obviously, he's black. 1.00
00:01:35.020 All of those have an extra risk factor. But we feel that Santa will be fine. Unfortunately,
00:01:42.700 Santa will not be able to deliver gifts this year. Don't worry. Don't worry. I'm getting ahead of
00:01:48.880 myself. We do have a substitute. So the toys, such as they are, they will be delivered. I'll tell you
00:01:59.320 about that in a moment. But it's worse than Santa having coronavirus. You know, coronavirus is very,
00:02:08.600 it's very transmissible. And one thing you might not know is that elves are very bad at social 0.99
00:02:16.740 distancing. Have you ever been around an elf? They will not socially distance. You can get them to wear the
00:02:24.380 little masks. Fine. But you get near them, and I tell you, they're all hands. The toy factory, when I walk
00:02:35.320 through the toy factory, I mean, right now I'm working remotely because of the coronavirus. But when I visit
00:02:40.840 a toy factory and I walk through, I'll feel something rubbing on my leg, it's an elf, they cannot socially 1.00
00:02:48.540 distance. It's like they're great at doing their job. You tell them to make a toy, wow, an elf can knock
00:02:57.720 out a toy like you can't even believe. But socially distance, it's like they can't even do it. So most of
00:03:04.300 the elves also got the coronavirus. And they also are socially distancing. We think they'll be fine.
00:03:13.520 Santa will be fine. Don't worry about him. He has the best care. And the elves, we think the elves will
00:03:18.820 also be fine. Everybody will be fine. But they can't do their jobs right now. And timing's kind of
00:03:25.620 critical. But here's the good news. Here's the good news. Your parents aren't going to brag about this.
00:03:32.080 But this really happened, kids. Your parents, all of them, volunteered to help make toys because the
00:03:43.460 elves couldn't because of the coronavirus. So that's the good news. The bad news, have you ever seen your
00:03:53.240 parents try to do stuff? Not so good. Have you seen your father try to assemble furniture?
00:04:04.340 Even when he has the directions? You see where I'm going with this, kids? How about your mom's cooking?
00:04:12.280 Is it great every time? Maybe not. Well, your toys this year, they're going to be a lot like that
00:04:20.800 furniture your dad can't assemble. And the food that your mom makes that you wish maybe she wouldn't.
00:04:28.480 So not all of your toys will be perfect this year. A little bit imperfect. And it's only relative to
00:04:36.920 the elves. Because as I said, the elves have been doing this for how many thousands of years, right?
00:04:43.080 The elves can knock out a toy from beginning, design to end, bam. I once saw an elf, this is true,
00:04:53.760 I once saw an elf make an entire video game, programmed it from scratch, five minutes. It's true. 0.71
00:05:03.360 Now, how about your parents, kids? Do you think they could make an entire video game in five minutes? I
00:05:11.640 don't think so. They are not elf standard, if I can put it that way. So you might want to lower your
00:05:20.260 expectations about the toy quality. But delivery, we've got delivery covered. You've heard the story
00:05:29.340 of Rudolph. He's a red-nosed reindeer. He's a lot like the other reindeer. But if you haven't heard
00:05:36.280 the story, he's got this red nose. And it glows. And because of the glow, at one point, he was sort
00:05:44.680 of ostracized, which is meaning that the other reindeer were kind of mean to him. But they realized,
00:05:52.700 wait a minute, what if it's foggy out? Or we need a little extra light? Wouldn't that? Yeah,
00:05:58.680 you see where I'm going with this? The light from the nose would be like a headlight. And so Rudolph
00:06:05.240 became sort of a star among the reindeer. So kids, if you haven't heard this, this is all true.
00:06:13.860 And when Santa needs a replacement, let's say Santa is sick, like now, we don't know if he's sick,
00:06:20.460 but he's got the coronavirus. The natural person who steps in is obviously, who would it be? Is it
00:06:29.560 going to be Donder and Vixen? No, no leadership. Donder, Vixen, nothing. They're pretty much just
00:06:38.720 workers. But Rudolph? Rudolph stepped up. And Rudolph will be in charge of the delivery this year. So kids,
00:06:46.460 don't worry, don't worry, all the gifts will be delivered. There is a little bit of drama
00:06:52.340 among the reindeer. And I'm not going to lie, it could be a problem. And it comes down to this.
00:07:04.980 Because Rudolph is sitting in for Santa, he wanted to actually sit in the sleigh.
00:07:11.600 Right? And imagine how that went over with the other reindeer. And the other reindeer are like,
00:07:19.420 wait, Rudolph, just because you're sitting in for Santa, I don't think that means you sit in the sleigh,
00:07:27.740 and we have to drag your lard all over the world. Why don't you maybe pitch in? You could use that
00:07:37.580 old red nose right up front. Could come in handy. You could maybe just join the rest of us and be
00:07:44.740 like a regular reindeer, but also in charge. You know, you would still be in charge, but you would
00:07:50.780 just be like helping pull the sleigh instead of sitting in the back. And Rudolph, starting to get
00:08:00.440 ahead about things. Like, you give a reindeer a little bit of attention, you give them a little
00:08:08.660 bit of attention, it goes right to their antlers. And the next thing you know, Rudolph's just, he's got
00:08:13.920 his little arms closed, little hooves. And Rudolph's back there, and he's like, I don't think you heard
00:08:21.200 Santa. Santa put me in charge. In charge. Meaning I'm the boss of all of you reindeer. So let me
00:08:32.800 explain to you, ordinary reindeer with your dull little noses that have no value whatsoever. 0.58
00:08:39.580 Nothing. Let me explain to you what it means to be in charge. Being in charge means I tell you
00:08:47.620 what to do and then you do it. Being in charge is not you reindeer telling me or Rudolph what to do.
00:08:57.180 That's not how it works. No, I've been, I put in the work, a little extra work if I, I don't, I don't
00:09:05.340 want to brag, but I did a little extra work because, you know, this whole lighting the way with my nose,
00:09:12.460 that doesn't happen on its own. That takes a little extra work. And now I got selected as the
00:09:18.640 leader, the replacement for Santa for just this one season. And I don't mind sitting in the back
00:09:26.540 where the leader belongs. So at the moment, they're, they're in some kind of talks about this. And
00:09:35.960 how dare you suggest that I'm drunk? I actually don't drink. Santa's chief of staff does not drink.
00:09:47.460 I'm sorry. So here's the bottom line, kids. Santa got the coronavirus, but don't worry because
00:09:54.820 Rudolph will be doing the delivery. The elves, they, they got wiped out with the coronavirus.
00:10:00.060 They'll be okay, but they have to be quarantined. Your parents will be doing the, the, the toy making.
00:10:06.560 But not very well because you've seen the work your parents do, if you know what I mean.
00:10:11.740 So that's your update for today. I hope that all of you have a great Christmas. I would say there's
00:10:18.260 a strong 50% chance that the gifts will be here on time. And let's all hope that Rudolph
00:10:25.920 pulls it out. Rudolph, Rudolph, Rudolph, Rudolph. Come on, kids, join me. Rudolph, Rudolph, Rudolph.
00:10:33.780 Rudolph, I feel like maybe I'm the only one doing this. Kids, kids. Come on. Rudolph, Rudolph, Rudolph.
00:10:43.100 Okay. I still feel like I'm the only one doing it. I don't know. All right. Well, that's all
00:10:48.380 for this night. And that is your Santa Toy Factory update.
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