Real Coffee with Scott Adams - Episode 1230 Scott Adams： Santa's Chief of Staff Updates You on the Toy Factory Lockdown. OK for Kids

00:00:00.000 Hey everybody, come on in here. This is an important update. Important update.

00:00:12.020 As you know, we're in the middle of a pandemic. And here's an update from Santa's workshop where

00:00:20.200 there had been threats of a lockdown for quarantine purposes. I'm going to give you

00:00:26.780 an update. I've just heard in from the North Pole. So this is fresh from the North Pole. And

00:00:34.260 if you're wondering what role I have in all this, I do a little seasonal work.

00:00:42.100 And specifically, I work for Santa just during the high season. And I work as his chief of staff.

00:00:50.400 Santa normally would be making this announcement himself. But I'm here to tell you, unfortunately,

00:00:56.640 Santa has been diagnosed with the coronavirus. That's right. Santa does have the coronavirus.

00:01:04.280 He's quarantined. We think he'll be fine. He's getting the best care, all the best therapeutics.

00:01:13.740 But we are worried about him because Santa does have some comorbidities. Santa is, first of all,

00:01:20.920 thousands of years old. And we know that age can be a factor in your outcomes with coronavirus.

00:01:27.180 Santa also has high blood pressure, diabetes. He's mortally obese. And obviously, he's black. 1.00

00:01:35.020 All of those have an extra risk factor. But we feel that Santa will be fine. Unfortunately, 0.97

00:01:42.700 Santa will not be able to deliver gifts this year. Don't worry. Don't worry. I'm getting ahead of

00:01:48.880 myself. We do have a substitute. So the toys, such as they are, they will be delivered. I'll tell you

00:01:59.320 about that in a moment. But it's worse than Santa having coronavirus. You know, coronavirus is very,

00:02:08.600 it's very transmissible. And one thing you might not know is that elves are very bad at social 0.99

00:02:16.740 distancing. Have you ever been around an elf? They will not socially distance. You can get them to wear the

00:02:24.380 little masks. Fine. But you get near them, and I tell you, they're all hands. The toy factory, when I walk

00:02:35.320 through the toy factory, I mean, right now I'm working remotely because of the coronavirus. But when I visit

00:02:40.840 a toy factory and I walk through, I'll feel something rubbing on my leg, it's an elf, they cannot socially 1.00

00:02:48.540 distance. It's like they're great at doing their job. You tell them to make a toy, wow, an elf can knock

00:02:57.720 out a toy like you can't even believe. But socially distance, it's like they can't even do it. So most of

00:03:04.300 the elves also got the coronavirus. And they also are socially distancing. We think they'll be fine.

00:03:13.520 Santa will be fine. Don't worry about him. He has the best care. And the elves, we think the elves will

00:03:18.820 also be fine. Everybody will be fine. But they can't do their jobs right now. And timing's kind of

00:03:25.620 critical. But here's the good news. Here's the good news. Your parents aren't going to brag about this.

00:03:32.080 But this really happened, kids. Your parents, all of them, volunteered to help make toys because the

00:03:43.460 elves couldn't because of the coronavirus. So that's the good news. The bad news, have you ever seen your

00:03:53.240 parents try to do stuff? Not so good. Have you seen your father try to assemble furniture?

00:04:04.340 Even when he has the directions? You see where I'm going with this, kids? How about your mom's cooking?

00:04:12.280 Is it great every time? Maybe not. Well, your toys this year, they're going to be a lot like that

00:04:20.800 furniture your dad can't assemble. And the food that your mom makes that you wish maybe she wouldn't.

00:04:28.480 So not all of your toys will be perfect this year. A little bit imperfect. And it's only relative to

00:04:36.920 the elves. Because as I said, the elves have been doing this for how many thousands of years, right?

00:04:43.080 The elves can knock out a toy from beginning, design to end, bam. I once saw an elf, this is true,

00:04:53.760 I once saw an elf make an entire video game, programmed it from scratch, five minutes. It's true. 0.71

00:05:03.360 Now, how about your parents, kids? Do you think they could make an entire video game in five minutes? I

00:05:11.640 don't think so. They are not elf standard, if I can put it that way. So you might want to lower your

00:05:20.260 expectations about the toy quality. But delivery, we've got delivery covered. You've heard the story

00:05:29.340 of Rudolph. He's a red-nosed reindeer. He's a lot like the other reindeer. But if you haven't heard

00:05:36.280 the story, he's got this red nose. And it glows. And because of the glow, at one point, he was sort

00:05:44.680 of ostracized, which is meaning that the other reindeer were kind of mean to him. But they realized,

00:05:52.700 wait a minute, what if it's foggy out? Or we need a little extra light? Wouldn't that? Yeah,

00:05:58.680 you see where I'm going with this? The light from the nose would be like a headlight. And so Rudolph

00:06:05.240 became sort of a star among the reindeer. So kids, if you haven't heard this, this is all true.

00:06:13.860 And when Santa needs a replacement, let's say Santa is sick, like now, we don't know if he's sick,

00:06:20.460 but he's got the coronavirus. The natural person who steps in is obviously, who would it be? Is it

00:06:29.560 going to be Donder and Vixen? No, no leadership. Donder, Vixen, nothing. They're pretty much just

00:06:38.720 workers. But Rudolph? Rudolph stepped up. And Rudolph will be in charge of the delivery this year. So kids,

00:06:46.460 don't worry, don't worry, all the gifts will be delivered. There is a little bit of drama

00:06:52.340 among the reindeer. And I'm not going to lie, it could be a problem. And it comes down to this.

00:07:04.980 Because Rudolph is sitting in for Santa, he wanted to actually sit in the sleigh.

00:07:11.600 Right? And imagine how that went over with the other reindeer. And the other reindeer are like,

00:07:19.420 wait, Rudolph, just because you're sitting in for Santa, I don't think that means you sit in the sleigh,

00:07:27.740 and we have to drag your lard all over the world. Why don't you maybe pitch in? You could use that

00:07:37.580 old red nose right up front. Could come in handy. You could maybe just join the rest of us and be

00:07:44.740 like a regular reindeer, but also in charge. You know, you would still be in charge, but you would

00:07:50.780 just be like helping pull the sleigh instead of sitting in the back. And Rudolph, starting to get

00:08:00.440 ahead about things. Like, you give a reindeer a little bit of attention, you give them a little

00:08:08.660 bit of attention, it goes right to their antlers. And the next thing you know, Rudolph's just, he's got

00:08:13.920 his little arms closed, little hooves. And Rudolph's back there, and he's like, I don't think you heard

00:08:21.200 Santa. Santa put me in charge. In charge. Meaning I'm the boss of all of you reindeer. So let me

00:08:32.800 explain to you, ordinary reindeer with your dull little noses that have no value whatsoever. 0.84

00:08:39.580 Nothing. Let me explain to you what it means to be in charge. Being in charge means I tell you

00:08:47.620 what to do and then you do it. Being in charge is not you reindeer telling me or Rudolph what to do.

00:08:57.180 That's not how it works. No, I've been, I put in the work, a little extra work if I, I don't, I don't

00:09:05.340 want to brag, but I did a little extra work because, you know, this whole lighting the way with my nose,

00:09:12.460 that doesn't happen on its own. That takes a little extra work. And now I got selected as the

00:09:18.640 leader, the replacement for Santa for just this one season. And I don't mind sitting in the back

00:09:26.540 where the leader belongs. So at the moment, they're, they're in some kind of talks about this. And

00:09:35.960 how dare you suggest that I'm drunk? I actually don't drink. Santa's chief of staff does not drink.

00:09:47.460 I'm sorry. So here's the bottom line, kids. Santa got the coronavirus, but don't worry because

00:09:54.820 Rudolph will be doing the delivery. The elves, they, they got wiped out with the coronavirus.

00:10:00.060 They'll be okay, but they have to be quarantined. Your parents will be doing the, the, the toy making.

00:10:06.560 But not very well because you've seen the work your parents do, if you know what I mean.

00:10:11.740 So that's your update for today. I hope that all of you have a great Christmas. I would say there's

00:10:18.260 a strong 50% chance that the gifts will be here on time. And let's all hope that Rudolph

00:10:25.920 pulls it out. Rudolph, Rudolph, Rudolph, Rudolph. Come on, kids, join me. Rudolph, Rudolph, Rudolph.

00:10:33.780 Rudolph, I feel like maybe I'm the only one doing this. Kids, kids. Come on. Rudolph, Rudolph, Rudolph.

00:10:43.100 Okay. I still feel like I'm the only one doing it. I don't know. All right. Well, that's all

00:10:48.380 for this night. And that is your Santa Toy Factory update.

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Real Coffee with Scott Adams - December 25, 2020

Episode 1230 Scott Adams： Santa's Chief of Staff Updates You on the Toy Factory Lockdown. OK for Kids

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