Episode 1327 Scott Adams: Paying Artists in SF, Kitler the Cat, Vaccination Passports, and Mostly Fun Tonight
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
142.94724
Summary
Scott Adams shares a story about how he prepared for the Suez Crisis, and how it changed his outlook on the possibility of surviving a nuclear holocaust. Scott Adams is the host of the popular morning radio show, "Coffee with Scott Adams," and he's a regular contributor on NPR's Morning Mashup.
Transcript
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Hey everybody, I hope you're as prepared as I am for Coffee with Scott Adams, the best
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part of the day, every single time, and sometimes, not every time, but sometimes it's even better
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It doesn't mean what you think it means, so slow your roll there.
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If you'd like to enjoy Palm Sunday to its ultimate potential, well, with your other hand, what
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you want to do is grab a cup or mug or a glass, a tank or a chalice or a stein, a canteen, a
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jug or a flask, a vessel of any kind, fill it with your favorite liquid.
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And join me now for the unparalleled pleasure, the dopamine hit of the day.
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So I'd like to give you a little flash from the past.
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I was looking in my closet the other day, upstairs, and I was just looking for something, and I
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And I want to take you back to where your heads were one year ago, roughly one year
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ago, when the lockdowns were just beginning, and everybody was buying their secret stores.
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Not only did I buy secret stores of foodstuffs, but, and by the way, why do they call it foodstuffs?
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But I actually hid it, so that when the roving band of armed, I'm sorry, so when the roving
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band of bandits came to rob my house and kill me and steal my food, they wouldn't be able
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Now, do you remember how scared you were a year ago?
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When all the toilet paper was gone, it looked like maybe the entire economy of the world
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Because, you know, we're all, we're all bitching about our vaccinations, right?
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Like, oh, my arm's going to hurt, and, you know, maybe, maybe it's not good for me.
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But compared to what it was a year ago, oh, my God.
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I'm going to tell you a story that would be better if I could tell you the person, but
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So when the pandemic began, and I was telling people, you know, don't worry too much, it
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won't be that bad, I got a call at home one day from somebody who is really, really good
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at understanding the world and predicting what's going to happen next, and I've never
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Now, when I say I've never been so frightened in my life, I mean that literally.
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Last year, at a time when I was telling all of you, it'll be fine, you know, just prepare,
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do everything you can, but don't, don't worry yourself to death, you know, we'll work through
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Wouldn't you largely say that my characterization, that we would get through it, we wouldn't run
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out of food, you know, we wouldn't die, it would just be really, really inconvenient and,
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you know, bad economically for a lot of people, but we would get through it.
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But I'll tell you, at the same time I was hearing that, I was hearing from somebody whose opinion
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I really respect, that we were doomed, that we were in big trouble.
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And I was trying not to tell you that, because I didn't buy it, right?
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So first of all, you know, my optimism was legitimate, I thought we would be fine.
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Fine in the sense that we would come out of it about the way we are, right?
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That's not fine if half a million people are dead.
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But I thought we would come out of it about the way we did.
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I heard a story that was so scary that I've just never been that scared in my life.
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It was just the most frightening thing I've ever heard.
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And I was not going to tell you, I'll tell you, you are not going to hear that story.
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Anyway, I'm glad it didn't go to the worst case scenario.
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So, you know, as we're watching this story about the Suez Canal, and how that little choke
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point in our economy will affect us all, I was starting to see a pattern here.
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If you look at the Suez Canal thing, the story is that it's going to affect the world economy,
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At the same time, we're in the middle of the pandemic, which is sort of a unique problem
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We're also talking about, you know, climate change, which is worldwide.
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And we're talking about the rise of China and what that means to the world, which is,
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I mean, we've had world wars, but they seem like special cases.
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But now it seems that we're such a connected world that you can't do anything without affecting
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So I feel as if it's like the simulation or God, if you prefer, I feel like there's a message
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It feels like, let's take the assumption that there's a God.
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We'll just take that model of life for a moment.
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It feels like God is just keeps tapping us on the shoulder and saying, hey, hey, you can't
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really just take care of yourself anymore because we're all connected.
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I'm going to move this tanker sideways and watch what happens.
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And it feels like one thing after another is just trying to tell us the same message.
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Now, poor little Kittler has some markings that look like a Hitler mustache, and so the owners
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quite humorously named their Hitler-looking cat Kittler.
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Everything was fine with that because everybody knew that it was just a joke.
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But there was a local Fox News weather person who made the terrible, terrible mistake of running a cute picture of Kittler on her show where I guess she was showing some cute animal stuff.
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Turns out that a lot of people were offended by Kittler.
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Now, I want to play her apology because remember I told you that the apologies for all the wokeness mistakes, the apologies are becoming hilarious.
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Because the distinction between parody and the real world has just disappeared.
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You can't tell the difference between a joke and somebody literally trying to be sincere.
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I did make a mistake during our Catterday segment.
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I used a submitted photo of a cat with an inappropriate name.
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But I never intended to hurt or offend anyone by using that picture that was actually just given to me.
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And in the future, I will absolutely be more diligent with this content to ensure it never happens again.
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So the punchline, the punchline is I'll be more diligent with this type of material to make sure it never happens again.
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Because, you know, because, you know, because, you know, the big risk here, oh, we, you know, we can accept that it happened once.
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But, man, you don't want this to happen again, do you?
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So I would like to join in in solidarity with this weather person who has now apologized.
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And I would like to say, too, that I'm going to learn from this.
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And my plans of showing a picture of a cat that looks like Hitler, I've changed them.
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I was going to show a picture of a cat that looked like Hitler, but now I know that would be insensitive.
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Well, in New York, and I guess in other places, they're going to have a vaccination passport, it looks like.
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So there'll be some kind of an app that you can show if you're going to certain kinds of events that says, I've been vaccinated.
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I don't really understand the resistance to this.
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Now, I understand there is a lot of resistance, and people really, really care about it.
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And it looks like, I don't know, it looks like we're all going to be branded and tattooed and sent to the concentration camps or something.
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But all of you who said, you know, I knew it was coming, are you really worried about this?
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Of all the things that you have to worry about, this might be the smallest problem in the world.
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What exactly is the argument that this is going to go wrong?
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I'm seeing people are just going nuts in the comments.
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Over on YouTube, they're swearing at me with the F word.
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You know, literally everything you do for your health affects your freedom.
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Everything you do to be polite affects your freedom.
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We don't do anything that doesn't affect your freedom.
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All of our choices are trade-offs of, well, I'll give up a little freedom to get a little bit more of this.
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If you had two choices, there are no mass events, or if you would like to attend, optionally.
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But if you want to attend, you'll show a little thing that says you're safe.
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I get the point that maybe something could get out of control or whatever.
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But if you were going to rank this on your top hundred problems, is this in the top hundred?
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Because I can't even generate a little bit of caring about it.
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Because if you don't have this thing, you'll never be able to have the event.
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Because now you can go to a thing that you couldn't go to before.
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Okay, now maybe you would say, but how about we just have the big events and everybody can go.
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Let me give you a philosophy that might help you a little bit.
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That's some of the best advice you'll ever hear in your life.
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Now, I hear it's slippery slope and they're boiling a frog and they're getting us used to all this control
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and all that, but do you think they don't already know where you are on your phone?
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I mean, they're already tracking you on your phone.
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All of your complaints about this are just sort of like weird conceptual complaints.
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But should I be wrong about that, I know you'll let me know in the future.
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So Saturday Night Live is starting to, let's say, gently mock the Biden administration.
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Michael Che had a really good one on, he did the weekend update.
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And as he was reading the fake news, he said Biden was asked if he plans to run for re-election in 2024,
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which is probably the nicest way to ask if he plans to be alive in three years.
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Now, what's great about this joke is that's exactly what I was thinking when I heard the question.
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I thought, are you really asking if you think you're going to be alive in three years?
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And, of course, Biden had to say, you know, his presumption was that he would run for re-election.
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There isn't the slightest chance that Biden thinks he's running for re-election.
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And let's see if you laugh for the same reason.
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So, journalist Cheryl Atkinson, you probably are all familiar with her.
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She tweeted that she's looking for some story assistance.
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And she tweets, for a story, I'm looking for a fairly large group of Georgians who want to vote but cannot get an ID.
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One of the biggest stories in the country is the Georgia election law changes.
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And the biggest part of that is requiring identification.
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Because if you didn't have it, you wouldn't be able to vote, at least for mail-in stuff.
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And Cheryl Atkinson is the first person to say, maybe we could find one of these people.
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These alleged people who have no ID but want to vote.
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I'll be surprised if you can find three in the whole state.
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Now, that doesn't mean there are fewer than three.
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I'm saying that there are probably so few that if you could find three, it would be a little bit of a miracle.
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But how hard is it to find someone who doesn't have an ID
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and also has the second criteria that they wanted to vote but they couldn't?
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How do you even find people who don't have an ID?
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Why is Cheryl Atkinson the first person to ask this question?
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Hey, can you help me find some of these people?
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The entire, the biggest story in the country is based on the assumption that there are lots of them.
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And nobody asked to find one until Cheryl Atkinson asked.
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What's it tell you that only one journalist even asked the question?
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It tells you there's no interest in knowing if it's even real.
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And I, of course, will be very interested in reading what she comes up with on this.
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Do you remember when after the Charlottesville fine people hoax thing happened?
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Do you remember all the press who went and talked to the people who attended to find out for sure,
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just by talking to the attendees, whether there were people that could be described as fine people?
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Don't you think that the news organization should have done exactly what Cheryl Atkinson did
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and say, hey, does anybody know anybody who meets that description?
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Because the entire story is about whether they exist or not.
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And the entire thing boiled down to were there people there
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who a reasonable person would say, no, you're not a racist.
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As far as I know, only one person in the world did that.
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I tweeted, hey, was anybody there who would describe themselves as a fine person or something like that?
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And I interviewed them and found out that indeed people who, in my opinion,
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did a good job of explaining that they don't have racial biases in this particular way
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and didn't like the racists who were there or did not agree with them at all, disavowed them completely.
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And now Cheryl Atkinson is literally the only person in the world asking the biggest question about the biggest story.
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Speaking of laughs, so San Francisco has decided to start paying $1,000 a month guaranteed income
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to artists in San Francisco, and especially whose artistic practice is rooted in a historically marginalized community.
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So if you're not white, it looks like they really want to give you some money.
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But since I started identifying as black, I like this idea now.
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And also, now that I've identified with, I've self-identified as a member of a historically marginalized community,
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So yes, I think San Francisco should start giving money to my people,
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people, the artists from the historically marginalized communities.
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And doesn't it make you wonder if they're still trying?
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Are they still trying, the government of San Francisco?
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Or is it now just sort of like performance art?
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They're trying to figure out what's the most ridiculous thing you'll go along with.
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We're going to tell people that our artists are essential and see if we can just like give them money.
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And somebody would say, they're not going to buy that.
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Nobody's going to think artists are essential in a pandemic and that you should give them money because they're essential.
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The difference between a government doing what a government should do and a practical joke has completely evaporated.
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The actual government decisions, you can't tell anymore if they're practical jokes.
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Now, there should be some version of, let's say, the Turing test for government.
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Now, if you're familiar with the Turing test, T-U-R-I-N-J, named after Turing.
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And it was the test to see if your artificial intelligence could fool somebody to make them think that they're a real human being.
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And the test, at least conceptually, is that behind a curtain, there's somebody talking.
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You don't know if it's a computer or a person or they're typing either way.
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And you ask them questions, you have a conversation, and if you can't tell, yeah, it's Alan Turing, thank you for the first name.
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If you can't tell that it's a computer on the other side, you think it might be human, then you've passed the Turing test.
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But if you can tell, oh, that's obviously a computer, then you failed.
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But I feel like there's some kind of Turing test going on with our government right now, where you hear a new policy out of San Francisco, and you say to yourself,
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And if you fool me, you've passed the equivalent of the Turing test.
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So the Dilbert test is an updated version of the Turing test.
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And the Dilbert test, I guess you could apply this to a company as well as a government.
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Since it's a Dilbert test, let's apply it to corporations or organizations of any kind, government or not.
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If you can't tell if it's a joke or real, you've passed the Dilbert test.
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Next week, I'm going in to re-record my audio book of how to fail at almost everything and still win big.
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If you don't know the backstory of that, back in 2006, I believe, I lost my ability to speak.
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My vocal cords would clench when I tried to make certain sounds.
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So I could make noise, but it would sound like, you know, basically people couldn't understand sentences.
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And I had just finished my book, how to fail at almost everything and still win big.
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And although it was years after that, after surgery and years of recovery from my voice,
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But I hired a voice artist to do that book for me because I couldn't get through a whole book.
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But if there's one thing you know about me by now is that I am one stubborn motherfucker.
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And I don't know, I will wait forever to get revenge.
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I will wait forever to fix something that wasn't right.
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Like, I will chew through a fucking concrete wall to get something done that just needed to get done.
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If you don't know anything else about me, you should know that.
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And I have never been more bugged by the fact that I couldn't read my own book.
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But, as you've noticed, I have now spent at least one hour a day, every day, for several years now,
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And so, tomorrow I'm going in the studio and I will re-record and then we'll re-release the book,
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How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big.
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Because, if you write a book called How to Fail at Everything and Still Win Big,
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But I have rebuilt my voice to the point where not only can I re-record this book,
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but I think I'll be happy with how it will come out.
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So, that's just a little personal update for you.
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I thought that Vice President Kamala Harris would be assigned to the border control situation,
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but apparently she's being assigned just to the international affairs part,
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where she'll deal with the Central American countries
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to see if we can make them more attractive for staying there.
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And that tells us a little bit more about the future.
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If they had put Kamala Harris in charge of border security,
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It's like, uh, are they trying to get rid of her?
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Nobody's ever going to succeed about the actual border itself.
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Half the country is just going to hate your guts no matter what.
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But you probably could succeed doing something that would maybe help the Central American countries,
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you know, do a little better job of being an attractive place to stay.
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And that's more of a presidential kind of a job, isn't it?
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So, instead of giving her this suicide mission,
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she's really going to have a very high-level job.
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it would put her in a good position for running for president.
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So, I would say at this point, that is helping her future.
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We're all looking for these little signs of life,
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you know, that the world is getting back to normal
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And let me tell you what I saw when we went out to dinner.
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I've never seen so many senior citizens out to dinner, right?
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I'm not counting myself necessarily in this group.
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The restaurants are crushed with vaccinated seniors.
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But you go there, and it's over 70, over 70, over 70.
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Because, you know, obviously, you go out to dinner.
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a good dose of senior citizens anywhere you go out to dinner.
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and as soon as you get into the restaurant areas,
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So, sometime this week, I might get a first shot
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because we handle things wrong in this country,
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and if we had handled it more like, let's say, Germany,
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It was your job to make sure that didn't happen.
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Because your job is not just to tell them what to do.
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It's not just your job to know what they should have done.
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since she says she knows this is what we should have done,
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to see if somebody could win Sidney Powell's case,
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the lawsuit in which Dominion is suing Sidney Powell
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defamation or libel or whatever the proper legal word is.