Real Coffee with Scott Adams - Episode 922 Scott Adams： Feel Better Before Drifting Off to Sleep Later. Learn a New Filter on Reality.

00:00:00.000 Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, 0.99

00:00:08.280 Hey, Chuck's Lady, and Zupa18, first day on Periscope, how about that?

00:00:18.060 Good evening, Aaron, and Carla, and Dan, Dan, good to see you too.

00:00:27.520 Thank you. Well, as you might know, there's not a lot going on in the world of coronavirus.

00:00:36.020 We are not learning much more, and we're not getting better informed.

00:00:41.020 But I'll tell you what I know, and then, if you stick around, hey, Omar, if you stick around,

00:00:47.600 I'm going to give you some relationship tips. Yeah, relationship tips.

00:00:53.540 Because if you want to learn how to have a successful relationship, who do you ask?

00:01:01.100 Well, obviously me. Now, I don't have all the answers in this domain, or even close,

00:01:06.400 but I'll give you a different way to look at things that might be useful to you.

00:01:09.640 We'll do that after we talk about all the things in the news.

00:01:14.980 So I've been waiting to hear this number, and I heard an estimate, and now I don't think it's accurate.

00:01:19.620 But I'll tell you what it is. I've been wondering how many tests we would have to do per day of the coronavirus

00:01:25.460 in order to be able to open up the country. Isn't that a really important number?

00:01:32.360 How many of you can give me the answer before I tell you the answer, which I think is inaccurate?

00:01:37.300 But before I tell you the answer, how many would know how many tests we would need to be able to do per day

00:01:43.420 ongoing in order to – all right.

00:01:51.400 Sorry.

00:01:51.840 I've got to do a sticks and hammer move with my cat, throw her over my shoulder. 0.99

00:02:00.780 Not having it.

00:02:02.940 All right. If you're just listening to this, you do not know that I'm wrestling with a cat on livestream.

00:02:09.180 And she just went suddenly quiet. Okay.

00:02:11.640 All right. What was I saying? Oh, yeah.

00:02:15.300 All right. So I'm waiting for your guesses, how many tests we'd have to do per day.

00:02:20.580 I just read on CNN that we would need to do 500,000 a day and that we're doing a little over 100,000 a day now.

00:02:31.820 Yeah. So somebody says half a million, you are up on your news.

00:02:35.140 Whoever said half a million, that is – that's the number that CNN was reporting and I tweeted.

00:02:42.480 Just before I got on, I saw a tweet from David Pakman who said he's heard numbers up to a million.

00:02:49.120 Now, this is not really the kind of thing that anybody has a way of estimating.

00:02:54.960 So this is the sort of thing where you have to be, let's say, very forgiving about the experts' estimates

00:03:03.220 because there's probably not any real way to know how many you have to test per day.

00:03:08.740 But I think they can sort of put you in the general zip code of the number.

00:03:13.760 And let's say it's half a million to a million and we've got a little over 100,000 now.

00:03:18.640 So we're not really close.

00:03:21.040 And I guess the question I have is how quickly can we ramp up from not doing that many to doing a million a day?

00:03:29.540 Okay. So that should tell you when you're safe to get back to work.

00:03:33.960 But I think the states are going to do their own thing.

00:03:36.360 What do you think about the fact that the president has not only told the states

00:03:41.680 that they can make their own decisions within the guidelines, but they have plenty of flexibility.

00:03:47.880 But then he tweeted, liberate Michigan and then liberate Minnesota and liberate Virginia.

00:03:54.900 And he mentioned the Second Amendment when he was talking about Virginia.

00:03:59.520 And some people said, wait a minute, is he calling for a revolution?

00:04:06.080 Is he calling for an armed revolution?

00:04:09.020 Well, no, because he's in charge.

00:04:12.700 Why would he call it for an armed revolution against the government he's in charge of?

00:04:17.280 Now, I know we're talking about the states, but no.

00:04:20.820 No, the president doesn't want some kind of insurrection, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind a little bit of protesting about the stuff that's maybe over the line.

00:04:31.980 So this is a good example of what I would call creative tension.

00:04:37.400 Nobody knows the right answer.

00:04:40.180 And I'll say that a million times.

00:04:41.580 Anybody who says they know when we should go back to work or how long we should wait or even how we should do it or how many tests we need, nobody really knows.

00:04:51.520 Not only do we not know, we're probably not even in the general ballpark.

00:04:56.340 You know, I don't think anybody's even close to knowing, you know, the big stuff.

00:05:01.600 So let's watch the number of tests and maybe we can get back to work.

00:05:07.540 All right.

00:05:11.960 Tests are not reliable.

00:05:13.280 Anyway, what I was saying about creative tension is that I think it's good that some part of the public and the president are putting pressure on the states to open up as early as they can because it's creative pressure.

00:05:27.780 You know, you would want the president to have the same impulse as the public because he's really good at reading the crowd.

00:05:34.760 And I think he's read the crowd, at least in those important states, you know, swing states, et cetera.

00:05:41.740 Are they all swing states?

00:05:43.120 Let's see.

00:05:43.400 What are they?

00:05:43.900 Virginia, Minnesota, Michigan.

00:05:45.820 Well, they're all pretty important electoral, electorally speaking.

00:05:49.840 So I think it's smart for the president to side with the public as long as all it is is peaceful demonstrating.

00:05:56.240 And if there's one thing that Republicans are good at, it's peaceful demonstrating.

00:06:03.840 Is there any group, any identifiable group in the United States that would do a better job consistently of peaceful demonstration?

00:06:15.000 Now, they might come armed to the teeth, but nobody's taking the safety off.

00:06:20.480 Republicans are just notoriously safe when they protest.

00:06:25.820 You know, I don't know.

00:06:26.460 Maybe there'd be some kind of, you can imagine a situation in which things have gone too far and then they would be the most dangerous people in the galaxy.

00:06:35.060 But we're nowhere near that.

00:06:37.380 You know, we're talking about, you know, negotiating what makes sense in a world where everybody is trying to do the right thing.

00:06:44.600 You know, you don't really have a revolution when you know that everybody involved is actually trying to do the right thing.

00:06:51.780 You know, there's nobody here who's trying to grab Bauer.

00:06:54.960 I mean, you know, they're playing some games in Congress, but that's not the big story.

00:06:59.820 So you don't have a revolution when everybody knows they're on the same team.

00:07:04.300 They just have a disagreement about the way forward.

00:07:07.380 So I would say that that is a much safer situation than maybe the news would like to make it so that you feel a little more frightened by it.

00:07:17.240 You could pour 10 million Trump supporters into a zip code, angry as heck, armed to the teeth, and there would be no trouble.

00:07:26.820 Like that, that's pretty much who they are.

00:07:29.620 It's almost a, it's almost a description of the group is that you could put 10 million of them into the same zip code, angry as hell, armed to the teeth, and nobody would get hurt.

00:07:40.960 That's almost a perfect description of that group.

00:07:45.860 Anyway, I was just watching a clip from Tucker Carlson's show in which he was saying that the intelligence community is now unanimous.

00:07:57.420 You know, the intelligence community is a bunch of different organizations, right?

00:08:01.840 CIA, FBI, blah, blah.

00:08:04.260 And apparently all of the intelligence agencies are unanimous that the virus almost certainly came from the Wuhan lab.

00:08:12.920 Accidentally, nobody thinks, there's no suggestion that it was designed to be a weapon.

00:08:17.780 Now, is there anything that you see wrong with the fact that every one of our intelligence agencies agrees?

00:08:29.240 Does that make you feel pretty comfortable?

00:08:32.380 Because if there's anything that scares me, it's all the intelligence agencies agreeing.

00:08:39.160 Do we live in a world in which the fact that all the intelligence agencies agrees means anything?

00:08:51.860 I wish it did.

00:08:53.560 I wish it meant something.

00:08:55.320 Unfortunately, it doesn't.

00:08:57.140 It doesn't.

00:08:58.240 Now, I'm not saying that they're wrong, because how would I know?

00:09:01.920 Now, I'm just saying that it's, I don't know if it's sad or it's fortunate.

00:09:08.300 I can't even tell if it's good news or bad news.

00:09:10.400 But I can tell you that I personally put no stock in the fact that all of our intelligence agencies,

00:09:18.080 yeah, it's the all 17 agencies again, I put no stock in that.

00:09:22.640 I give no credibility to the fact that our intelligence agencies are unanimous.

00:09:27.820 None.

00:09:28.760 None.

00:09:29.700 Not even a smidge.

00:09:31.920 Now, do I think it came from the lab?

00:09:34.860 Yeah, probably.

00:09:36.780 I think it probably did.

00:09:38.560 But I don't need the intelligence agencies to tell me that.

00:09:41.760 If it's true that they didn't have bats there, and it's true we've heard these stories about the intern,

00:09:48.020 and it's true they do that work there, you know, two plus two,

00:09:52.160 you don't have to be an intelligence agency to put that together, I don't think.

00:09:57.140 Of course, you can't be 100% sure, but I think it's pretty close to 100.

00:10:01.920 All right.

00:10:03.960 How many of you have taken the opportunity of this forced time out to improve something?

00:10:14.380 You know, I've asked this before, but I like to ask at least once a week.

00:10:18.200 How many of you have done something that was sort of long overdue to build a skill to maybe look into another career to improve something about yourself?

00:10:30.720 You know, in the comments, give me some sense just in a sentence.

00:10:35.960 Did you lose any weight?

00:10:38.280 Did you learn a thing?

00:10:40.380 You know, did you make any improvement in your life because you had time?

00:10:44.900 So there's a little delay in the comments, so it'll take me a while to see those.

00:10:48.180 So I'll tell you that in my case, I think I've lost several pounds.

00:10:53.920 I'm in great shape, eating better than I've ever eaten before.

00:10:59.280 I've, you know, completed two projects business-wise that were really important to me.

00:11:06.480 You'll hear more about those in a little while.

00:11:08.600 And, oh, yes, good, something of learning German, cooking, songwriting skills, started exercising, thumbs up, started biking, built a picnic table, core strength, better throwing tomahawks, learned to weld, moved his tapes to files, computer programming, automating stuff, writing a book, security and certification, good.

00:11:32.940 That's a good, good thing to have.

00:11:34.600 But learning sign language, do a lot of artwork, learn to, oh, this is amazing.

00:11:41.320 I am so proud of all of you.

00:11:43.560 You read my book, Loser Think, thank you.

00:11:47.240 Exercise, exercise, quit smoking, 45-minute walks, good for you.

00:11:52.400 Look at all these people losing weight.

00:11:54.600 I'm very impressed with all of you, really.

00:11:57.060 Learn chess by app, reduce material possessions.

00:12:00.060 Well, okay, that probably wasn't your choice.

00:12:02.620 Building a doghouse for the neighbor, that's nice, too.

00:12:06.020 Improving on-camera skills, better biceps, decluttered, walking, the William Hoth method, bike riding.

00:12:13.860 Wow, quit opiates?

00:12:15.420 I don't know if that's real, but if you did, you have my respect, because I know how hard that is.

00:12:24.620 Gained weight, laundry is piling up.

00:12:26.400 Well, it's not working for everybody.

00:12:27.380 It's like 250 push-ups daily.

00:12:32.140 Wow.

00:12:33.620 Writing a song, building a shotgun house.

00:12:35.840 Oh, wow, I'm so impressed.

00:12:38.040 Well, I thought what I would do today is add a little bit more to your success.

00:12:42.220 So I'm going to teach you some relationship tips and tricks.

00:12:48.900 So this is a new filter to put on life.

00:12:52.180 I always talk about, you know, reality being at least a little subjective in terms of how you experience it,

00:12:57.860 and that you can change your filter and simply have a different subjective experience if you learn to do that.

00:13:04.760 So I'm going to give you another filter, and really learning to do it is just being familiar that the filter exists.

00:13:12.120 You don't have to try too hard.

00:13:13.960 Once you've been introduced to a new way to look at things, well, it's just always there.

00:13:17.940 It's just part of your toolbox.

00:13:19.560 So I'm going to add something to your toolbox, and it starts like this.

00:13:23.540 Let's say you want to impress a mate.

00:13:29.900 I believe that just about everything that we do in this world is somehow related to the mating instinct.

00:13:36.280 Now, of course, this isn't me saying this alone.

00:13:40.440 This is, I think, very similar to what biologists and evolutionary biologists especially would say.

00:13:45.860 They would say that pretty much everything we do is some kind of a signaling or preparing for or because of our mating instinct.

00:14:00.880 Now, that's the filter that I want to give you, so start with that.

00:14:05.380 Let's say you want to build a better relationship or you want to start a relationship with somebody and you haven't.

00:14:10.920 So if you take this filter and say, okay, if everything's about mating, even if we don't think of it that way, how would you act differently?

00:14:22.460 And here's what I would suggest.

00:14:24.780 You should always, in the animal kingdom, the way they would attract a mate would be showing off.

00:14:31.440 And, you know, a peacock can show off, and I don't know if that's really a mating thing, but let's say it is.

00:14:36.220 But animals will sort of display and show off and, you know, try to be dominant and stuff.

00:14:41.880 But most of that stuff doesn't work in human society because if you try to challenge somebody to, you know, a horn-butting contest, that doesn't go well.

00:14:52.560 If you try to, you know, just yell how great you are in public, that doesn't go well.

00:14:57.440 I know I've tried.

00:14:59.060 And so what do you do if you're a human?

00:15:01.420 You still have to signal some kind of reproductive quality. 1.00

00:15:06.840 And here's what I suggest.

00:15:07.940 You should find something, or ideally more than one thing, that you can be unusually good at.

00:15:14.520 And it should either demonstrate that you're smart or strong or talented, athletic, musical, you know, any one of those talents or skills or qualities.

00:15:27.520 If you can figure out how to hone any of those, starting with whatever you're good at, but see if you can become really good at something just by, you know, brute force and practice.

00:15:39.720 And then you have to figure out how to broadcast it.

00:15:44.620 And that's the hard part.

00:15:45.520 So you might need a, you know, a wingman or a wingwoman to say, hey, do you know, you know, she's not just good looking. 0.98

00:15:53.920 She's also, you know, she's one of the best doctors in the world or whatever.

00:15:58.820 So you should have a wing person or some other indirect way to signal that you have qualities that people want to mate with.

00:16:07.920 And if you ask people, hey, why are you attracted?

00:16:13.980 Why?

00:16:14.400 Oh, let me get to humor in a moment.

00:16:16.560 That's a big, that's a mistake.

00:16:20.320 If you ask somebody, hey, you know, make a list of all the things that attract you in a mate, they would make a list, but it would be all wrong because people don't really know why they like what they like.

00:16:31.760 So nowhere on the list would be this person displayed good genetic material, and I think making a baby with this person would cause them to be smart or, you know, athletic or strong or something, whatever that quality is.

00:16:48.060 Nobody would say that.

00:16:49.580 They'd say stuff like, well, somebody who loves his mother, you know, it would be a completely unaware list.

00:16:56.660 So that's the wrong filter.

00:16:58.540 The wrong filter is that people are rational, they make their checklist, they say, yep, I need this and this and this, a little bit.

00:17:07.200 You know, there's certainly some things that people just need, you know, have to talk the same language, you know, some basics.

00:17:16.040 But I think that people are just biologically triggered by being around anybody who has some strong quality, and it almost doesn't matter what it is.

00:17:24.560 Any really strong quality is just, you know, automatically triggers your biological instinct to say, well, I want to mate with that.

00:17:31.800 So that's your first trick.

00:17:33.100 So use the filter that everything that everybody does and says, the way they dress, the way they talk, you know, the jobs they take,

00:17:40.800 is all some kind of expression of the mating instinct, even if they're not trying to mate.

00:17:47.220 But somebody said, sense of humor.

00:17:52.020 Here's my next tip.

00:17:54.680 Nobody likes that.

00:18:00.320 Men especially, men.

00:18:02.400 Men, have you ever been told that, you know, women really like a guy with a sense of humor?

00:18:08.620 You've probably heard it.

00:18:09.860 Probably women have told you that. 1.00

00:18:11.980 I'll bet women have said, you know, one of the things I liked about you is your sense of humor.

00:18:14.800 You've probably heard lots of people say that's a positive quality, talk about their mates, yay, it's really funny.

00:18:22.000 It's all a lie.

00:18:23.940 It's all a lie.

00:18:25.800 If you're a guy and you want to attract a woman, don't do it with the jokes.

00:18:34.460 Now, I'm not, my dog's having a dream and dream barking in the other room, if you hear that.

00:18:40.460 No, I'm not saying that there couldn't be somebody in the world who's just so funny that they really sell themselves with their humor.

00:18:50.180 But I do humor for a living.

00:18:53.180 And I got to tell you, I've never seen it work in any kind of a, you know, dating, romance situation.

00:18:59.100 It's great to have.

00:19:00.820 You know, it's great to add on, you know, if you're attracted anyway.

00:19:04.680 But I think humor, humor sort of pushes you into the friend zone, if you know what I mean.

00:19:11.160 Humor takes away some of the seriousness and power for most people.

00:19:18.580 Again, there could be an exception.

00:19:20.240 Somebody who's just so funny in just the right way it works.

00:19:23.520 But in general, I would hold off on the jokes.

00:19:27.080 A little, you know, gentle humor, fine.

00:19:29.200 Until you're actually in a relationship.

00:19:33.500 Christina and I were literally crying last night.

00:19:37.380 We were laughing so hard.

00:19:39.000 I'll tell you what we were laughing at, just so you can get a sense of that.

00:19:42.140 But in our early days, I was not trying to showcase my sense of humor.

00:19:47.300 Because it's just not a good strategy.

00:19:51.140 Here's what we were laughing about.

00:19:52.440 And I was telling Christina that I would be immortal in the sense that once my physical body went,

00:19:59.300 my mind would be uploaded into the cloud, which I mean seriously.

00:20:04.980 And then eventually, the technology would be such that I could appear as a hologram.

00:20:11.660 And I would just sort of appear wherever she was in the future.

00:20:15.380 Here I'm assuming that she outlives me.

00:20:17.560 Fair assumption.

00:20:18.880 And then I would haunt her.

00:20:20.180 And I was going through all the different ways I would haunt her.

00:20:22.900 Like when she opens the refrigerator, my hologram would just go, hey! 0.99

00:20:26.640 You know, jump out of the refrigerator.

00:20:28.400 And, you know, she goes into the bathroom and she opens the lid.

00:20:31.260 And my hologram would just jump out of the toilet and go, hey!

00:20:35.020 And I would just think it was really funny.

00:20:37.340 And I would be like the funniest ghost hologram of all time.

00:20:40.660 And I would just sort of appear.

00:20:42.800 Or she'd wake up in the middle of the night and I'd be laying on top of her.

00:20:46.380 But it would just be my hologram.

00:20:47.660 You know, I couldn't actually feel it.

00:20:50.180 So anyway, so we started going through all of the humorous things that my hologram would do when it starts haunting her for eternity and just appearing in the house in different places.

00:21:01.720 And we just started like screaming and crying because it was so funny.

00:21:05.180 But, you know, we're in a long-term relationship, in which case humor is great.

00:21:12.220 It's great in a long-term relationship.

00:21:14.240 But it's just not really a quartership thing.

00:21:16.220 So tone that down a little bit.

00:21:18.300 Otherwise, you end up in the friend zone.

00:21:19.760 I think that there's probably one thing that matters more than just about anything except, you know, maybe power and status.

00:21:30.880 Those are always good.

00:21:32.200 But fitness.

00:21:33.920 The one most approachable thing, the one thing you have the most control over is your fitness.

00:21:39.300 And this is something that a suit salesman taught me years ago.

00:21:47.340 It was one of the coolest life lessons.

00:21:49.660 I was buying a suit, and the suit salesman was a real good salesman.

00:21:56.660 And, you know, so you end up spending a lot of time with your salesman if you're buying a suit.

00:22:00.780 And I was making some self-deprecating humor about the fact that it didn't matter what my suit looked like.

00:22:08.020 Because, you know, if you're basically a short, bald guy with glasses, there's just so much you can do.

00:22:15.040 You know, it's not like you can – you can't fix that with a good suit.

00:22:18.380 So I was just making a self-deprecating joke.

00:22:21.680 Killing time was having my suit fitted.

00:22:25.320 And the suit salesman gave me the best – some of the best advice I've ever heard in my life.

00:22:29.920 And he said this, he said that if you work out and get your body in, you know, better than normal shape so that, you know, people would recognize that you're above average and you're just your fitness, he said nobody will notice you're bald.

00:22:46.540 And I laughed because I was like, well, you know, that's a little too far, right?

00:22:52.120 You can't exercise until people don't notice you're bald.

00:22:56.500 And then I noticed he was bald.

00:23:00.620 Hadn't noticed.

00:23:03.340 Hadn't noticed until he told me because he was just ripped.

00:23:08.880 And so when I saw him, even though he was, you know, dressed in a suit himself, you could tell, you know, his chest was just ripped.

00:23:16.380 And so he had to tell me he was bald.

00:23:18.880 I think if I had done an artist sketch, I don't know if I would have drawn him without hair.

00:23:27.620 And you've seen it yourself, right?

00:23:29.120 You go to the gym and you see the person who's out of shape and they're bald and they're just bald.

00:23:36.600 And then you see the person who walked by who's ripped and he's shaved his head.

00:23:41.620 He's not bald, right?

00:23:43.980 He's just got to look.

00:23:45.740 So this was one of these great things that this suit salesman taught me.

00:23:49.740 And I swear, I think it's made me work out harder because, you know, it's not just how you feel and it's not just about your health.

00:23:56.740 It's all of those things, too.

00:23:57.980 But it's also a cool illusion.

00:24:00.740 It's an optical illusion.

00:24:02.520 You can look taller.

00:24:03.800 You can look younger.

00:24:05.300 You can look sexier.

00:24:06.500 You can look smarter.

00:24:07.800 You can look more capable.

00:24:08.860 And you can look like you have hair.

00:24:11.820 And all you have to do is take care of your physical fitness.

00:24:15.860 So if somebody is giving you, you know, dating or relationship advice and it doesn't include work on your fitness, then it's missing a huge part.

00:24:27.400 All right.

00:24:31.340 I've told you before that the definition of charisma that I heard from somebody else, and this is just such a good formula for this.

00:24:40.020 It's empathy plus power.

00:24:41.380 You've heard me talk about this.

00:24:43.060 So the empathy is knowing that you care about somebody.

00:24:45.900 And then the power is, can you make things happen?

00:24:48.560 Because if you're in a relationship, you want somebody who cares about you and also can make things happen.

00:24:55.400 So you're looking for charisma in your partner.

00:24:58.580 So if you're trying to be, you know, look like a good mate, then you should look like you care.

00:25:04.960 Ideally, you should actually care.

00:25:07.380 It's better if you actually care.

00:25:09.940 But the reality is we all have to signal we care.

00:25:13.560 Caring on the inside isn't good enough in the society we live in.

00:25:17.160 You have to care in the way that people see so they get it, you know, silently suffering with your empathy.

00:25:24.500 Nobody wants that.

00:25:25.700 They want to know that you've got empathy.

00:25:28.060 So definitely show your empathy, but also make sure you show your power if you're a guy.

00:25:34.140 So this is more guy advice, but I would say that it would apply to women mostly because you want women, you know, 0.95

00:25:43.120 the woman should be empathetic and have power of her own. 1.00

00:25:47.160 So, yeah, I guess probably works both ways with maybe a little emphasis in one direction.

00:25:53.920 Here's another thing.

00:25:55.580 I find that relationships work best when you've got a good understanding of who's got what responsibility and powers and stuff.

00:26:08.060 So trying to make everything 50-50 is probably the worst relationship system because you're always going to be arguing that one of you didn't do enough.

00:26:22.320 It's like, well, you know, I worked all day today.

00:26:24.920 Did you do the dishes?

00:26:25.920 So I've never been a fan of the let's just split it down the middle.

00:26:32.020 You know, I'll do the dishes this night.

00:26:33.620 You do the dishes the next night.

00:26:35.640 It's hard to organize, et cetera.

00:26:38.120 It's much better if the two of you just sort of agree who does what and you just do your own thing.

00:26:45.640 And they don't overlap that much.

00:26:49.120 So there's that.

00:26:50.500 And I'm going to tell you a little tip that I discovered years ago when I was in one of those relationships.

00:26:58.880 So years ago, I was in a relationship where we were trying to, you know, just share the household duties and stuff.

00:27:04.380 But the problem was that let's say my ex, let's say that she wasn't around and there was something that broke in the house and I would like work all day fixing, I don't know, the plumbing or cleaning up the mess or the cat vomited on the rug or something.

00:27:22.300 So I'll be spending hours cleaning something up.

00:27:25.800 But when it's cleaned up, it's done.

00:27:27.480 There's no sign of it.

00:27:28.400 And then, you know, your partner comes home and does the dishes and then says, well, I did the dishes and what'd you do?

00:27:38.580 So we had this problem that we didn't have visibility of who was doing what because so much of the things that get done, the other one wouldn't notice unless you're in the room.

00:27:49.700 So we developed a credit system and it went like this.

00:27:53.100 You would be responsible for advertising what you did, no matter how minor.

00:28:00.400 So we would just say, yeah, credit for cleaning up that dead bird in the backyard.

00:28:08.460 And then the other one would have to say, you know, credit, you know, just to acknowledge it.

00:28:12.760 And you would be amazed how when you take the onus off of your partner, you take the onus off of your partner to somehow know what you're doing.

00:28:24.040 Because how could they?

00:28:26.700 I'm seeing in the comments, somebody says, that sounds terrible, Scott.

00:28:29.880 It does, doesn't it?

00:28:31.640 It sounds like a bad idea, doesn't it?

00:28:34.380 You have to try it because, and I'm not saying that we're, you know, there's no formula that works for every couple.

00:28:42.520 Everybody's different.

00:28:43.580 But if you simply announced that you did something, then both of you are just announcing what you want credit for and you don't have to worry about not getting credit.

00:28:54.900 Because if you didn't announce that you did it, well, it's your own damn fault.

00:28:57.720 So it just became more of a game to say, yeah, credit for doing this, credit for doing that.

00:29:04.460 And it was, it just added visibility to what we were doing anyway.

00:29:08.180 So we didn't do anything differently.

00:29:10.120 We just increased the visibility and then felt better.

00:29:15.800 Somebody says, keeping score is a bad idea.

00:29:17.860 Yeah, that's why I think you should just, you know, have some understanding about what your domains are.

00:29:23.580 So that there's no keeping score, just people taking care of business.

00:29:28.580 But if you're going to try to cut it down the middle, just be aware that you don't know what you're, what the other one's doing all day.

00:29:35.640 So they might be doing more than you think.

00:29:40.100 Then I would say, look for people who have flaws you can stand.

00:29:45.280 Because you can't really find people who don't have any problems.

00:29:49.220 You don't have a, somebody says, my ex hated that.

00:29:58.200 That's because you didn't agree in advance that that's the system.

00:30:01.740 It's not something that one of you can do.

00:30:04.280 You know, you can't just unilaterally say, give me credit for my stuff if the other one isn't, you know, on the plan.

00:30:09.260 So I can see why that'd be a problem.

00:30:11.720 Anyway, so look for people who have the kind of flaws that you don't mind.

00:30:16.140 Because, you know, everybody's different.

00:30:20.240 There's some things that people can't stand and there's some things that people like.

00:30:24.840 For example, Christine and I both like alone time.

00:30:29.500 As much as we like being with each other, we both are introverts by nature.

00:30:35.240 But since we both have that quality, it's perfect.

00:30:38.860 You know, in a way, if an introvert and an extrovert get together, it's tension.

00:30:46.220 But if two introverts get together, like, hey, problem solved.

00:30:50.500 So you always look for people who have the kind of, I don't even want to call that a flaw.

00:30:54.160 It's just a difference.

00:30:55.500 You want to find people whose differences fit together.

00:30:57.640 And then I would say never get in a relationship with somebody who has a dog.

00:31:03.220 I'll say that again.

00:31:08.240 Never start a relationship with somebody who already owns a dog.

00:31:15.100 And I'm just going to be silent about that for a moment.

00:31:19.240 And I want to see if in the comments, if there's anybody who knows what I'm talking about.

00:31:25.940 I just want to see the comments.

00:31:27.600 I'm saying yes.

00:31:28.840 You know what I'm talking about.

00:31:29.960 So half of you are surprised, and I think it's the women, right? 0.99

00:31:36.240 I think it's the women who are mostly surprised. 0.63

00:31:38.220 They're like, what?

00:31:39.460 Why would you not get in a relationship with somebody who already had a dog?

00:31:44.220 Look at the comments, though.

00:31:45.860 Look how many people are agreeing with me.

00:31:47.940 Don't get in a relationship with somebody who already has a dog.

00:31:54.360 Let me tell you why.

00:31:56.200 You will never be more important than the dog.

00:31:59.960 I'm sorry.

00:32:01.480 You know, those of you who are knowing exactly what I said, you've already experienced it.

00:32:06.420 If you get into a relationship with somebody who already has a dog, every date, you'll start a date.

00:32:13.880 It'll be like, ah, it's 7 p.m.

00:32:16.600 I really have to get back and let my dog out.

00:32:18.940 Like, you know, serious?

00:32:19.640 Like, it's Saturday night, and you have to, you're done.

00:32:24.000 You've got to go back and let your dog out.

00:32:25.580 I mean, I'm just making up that example.

00:32:27.600 But, and then the dog will not let you be together when you're in the house.

00:32:32.400 The dog will take all the attention. 0.75

00:32:35.000 The dog will be all he or she talks about.

00:32:38.640 It just becomes about the dog.

00:32:40.020 You know, so, yeah, if the two of you get together and then you get a dog, well, that could work.

00:32:47.280 That could be fine.

00:32:48.840 But you don't want to compete with somebody's dog.

00:32:53.980 You can't win.

00:32:55.560 Dog came first.

00:32:56.660 You look at the comments.

00:32:59.300 There are so many guys I know who got into a relationship with somebody who had a dog, and they thought, well, okay, on day one, the dog is more important than me, right?

00:33:11.940 We own day two, sure, the dog is more important than me.

00:33:14.660 And maybe the first few weeks, I get it, you know?

00:33:18.900 And maybe even for a few months, I get, you've been with the dog a long time.

00:33:23.300 So, yeah, I get it in the beginning, the dog would be more important than me, but eventually, eventually I'll make up the difference.

00:33:30.800 Eventually, I'll be more important than the dog.

00:33:34.720 Nope.

00:33:37.860 No, that's not going to happen.

00:33:40.020 All right.

00:33:40.640 What about parrots?

00:33:42.140 I don't know.

00:33:42.540 I haven't experienced the parrot situation.

00:33:48.760 What if both have dogs?

00:33:50.240 Well, that could work a lot better.

00:33:53.300 Somebody says, so don't date people with kids.

00:33:57.220 Well, I won't give you advice like that, but I will tell you that if you do date people with kids, you should go into it with a realistic understanding of where priorities lie.

00:34:10.420 If you're not okay with that, then you should know that from, you know, day one.

00:34:16.200 It's not like you're going to, you know, move up in the ranking and become more important than somebody's children.

00:34:21.040 It doesn't work that way.

00:34:23.300 Somebody says, I outlived the dogs.

00:34:27.460 I outlived the dogs.

00:34:31.140 I love your strategy.

00:34:32.960 It's like, well, I'm just going to burrow in.

00:34:35.640 I know what my life expectancy is.

00:34:37.660 I know what this dog's life expectancy is.

00:34:40.380 I'm going to play the long game.

00:34:43.040 I'm going to wait until the dog dies.

00:34:44.620 Oh, somebody just watched Hoaxed.

00:34:48.160 It is amazing, somebody's saying.

00:34:50.020 Yeah, I've told you before, if you watch, and you should, watch the documentary, Hoaxed, Mike Cernwich's documentary.

00:34:59.280 I believe it's still, I think it's still number one documentary on iTunes.

00:35:02.840 It's, of all documentaries, I think it's number one.

00:35:06.940 And I think it, last I checked, it was number two of all time on iTunes, of all time.

00:35:14.060 So, and definitely worth it.

00:35:16.000 But here's my suggestion.

00:35:17.320 If you do watch it, you should set aside some time to make sure you watch the whole thing.

00:35:22.020 So, don't watch part of it and take a break.

00:35:25.160 It's really sort of a masterpiece.

00:35:27.580 And if you don't experience it from beginning to end in its fullness, you're going to miss a really good second half.

00:35:39.600 Outliving the kids is a bad strategy.

00:35:41.380 Yeah, that's probably a bad strategy.

00:35:44.640 If you do move up and outrank the kids, run.

00:35:47.260 Yeah, you don't want to win that contest, right?

00:35:49.740 If you found out that happened.

00:35:54.900 My wife's dog died and she got another.

00:36:00.420 Oh, somebody says, my stepson is the reason I married my wife.

00:36:03.560 Well, I don't know if you should say that in public, but.

00:36:13.480 All right, I don't have much else to teach you today.

00:36:16.180 And I will see you in the morning.

00:36:21.020 And have a good night.

Real Coffee with Scott Adams - April 19, 2020

Episode 922 Scott Adams： Feel Better Before Drifting Off to Sleep Later. Learn a New Filter on Reality.

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