Episode 930 Scott Adams: Bedtime Stories of Heroics and Failures. Plus Your Questions.
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
148.14694
Summary
A story about artificial intelligence and the golden egg. by Scott Adams Read by Ian McKellen Book: "The Golden Egg" by Robert Kiyosaki The Golden Egg is a story about a kid who discovers that he can talk to a computer, but it's funnier when he's with someone else.
Transcript
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Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
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Hey everybody, come on in here. It's time for Bedtime Stories with Scott.
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It's one of your favorite times of the day. It's right up there with the morning.
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The morning being your other favorite part of the day.
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Okay, drumming. Well, I'm working on my paradiddles.
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I know that sounds bad, but that's actually a drummer term.
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Well, well, well. I thought I would begin with a demonstration of artificial intelligence.
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Now, the way this is going to work is I have a hypothesis that I could write a program that would pass the Turing test.
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Now, the Turing test, most of you know, is a test that if you were talking to, let's say, a computer that was behind a curtain,
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and you couldn't tell if it was a human or a computer,
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and let's say you were communicating by text so that you can't tell anything by the voice,
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could you tell that you were getting a message from a real person or a computer?
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So, if you can't tell if you're talking to a real person, that is passing the Turing test, named after Turing.
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So, in a moment, I'm going to give you a demonstration in which I will play the part of the computer.
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Now, like a computer, I won't actually know what you're saying,
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but I'm going to have a conversation with you as if you're having an actual conversation with me.
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So, you can play along at home, and here's how it works.
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I'll tell you that I'm going to tell you a story, but I'm going to leave moments when you can talk to me.
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But rather than being some dumb old AI program, even though I won't know what you're saying,
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It's funnier if there's somebody else in the room.
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So, say it out loud as if you're answering me or you're talking to me.
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And I will simply respond, and you'll be amazed how good this is.
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Because that's how a real person would talk to you.
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So, I'm going to tell you a story, but I'm going to pause every now and then, and I'm going to act like you said something to me.
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So, it's funnier if you actually say something, as long as there's somebody else with you.
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It might be funny if it's just you and your dog or something, but it would be way better if there's somebody else in the room.
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Yeah, it's, you probably haven't heard this story.
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By the way, did you do something with your hair?
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But, you know, when the coronavirus stuff is over, I hope we can keep that habit up.
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So, The Golden Egg is my first success story in life.
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And it happened when, I don't know my exact age, but I'm thinking maybe nine years old-ish, give or take a few years.
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And we would have an annual event in my tiny town of Wyndham, New York called the Easter Egg Hunt.
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And, you know, very much like other towns do it traditionally.
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And the eggs would be colored and hidden in a farmer's field that had many, many ups and downs and places to hide things in the field.
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And then the local kids would go there, and we would go to try to find the eggs.
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So, the eggs that were the most plentiful, you know, might be, you know, I don't know, 10 cents or something, whatever it was.
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But the most, I think the most important egg was the golden egg.
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And it was this big farmer's field, and it was filled with kids.
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It was, you know, I don't know how many, maybe a hundred or more.
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It was a small town, but probably a few hundred.
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Yeah, well, it was Wyndham is the name of the town.
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Yeah, it's, well, yeah, it's not near anything.
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So, do you want to hear more of this story, or am I boring you?
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So, I dreamed every year that I was eligible, because you could enter the Easter egg hunt from the age of, I don't know, probably as young as you could walk around and carry a little basket.
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I'm hoping my brother is watching this, and later he'll say, no, you idiot, you got those details wrong.
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I mean, I would visualize winning the golden egg.
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Now, when I say winning, I mean being the lucky one who found it.
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It was just a giant field, and you just had to get lucky.
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And, you know, what were the odds that I would find the one and only golden egg?
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And so, I'd go there, and I'd look hard, and pretty soon somebody else would find the golden egg.
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And, year after year, I'd go there with my heart was set, and somebody else would find the golden egg.
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And the hunt was on, and we were running out of time, and the golden egg had not been found.
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Could this be the time that the universe conforms to my wishes?
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Will this be the time that I, I know, maybe I'm being a little dramatic, okay?
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But would this be the time that I would be the one, the lucky one, out of, I don't know, a hundred kids, maybe more,
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And then one of the organizers said, hold on, hold on.
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So we're going to narrow down the zone and tell you a little bit more specifically where it might be in that general area.
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And so, the whistle sounded, and we kids just, you know, ran into that area and started pouring through all of the grass tufts and whatnot.
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And I got to tell you, there are lots of things I've wanted over my life.
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But there were few things I've ever wanted as much as finding that golden egg.
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And to find it and to realize the thing that I had been visualizing for so long was life-changing.
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Because even then, I was able to calculate the odds.
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And that somehow, I had beaten tremendous odds.
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And I thought to myself, what if that's the way it always is?
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So you can get a sense of the things that influenced me.
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One day, it was around the same age, maybe a little after that.
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There was a contest on the back of a cereal box.
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And the contest asked you to draw a picture of the, I think it was the old faithful geyser.
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And the top prize was, I think, a color TV, which was a big deal back then.
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But there were a bunch of second prizes, which were cameras.
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And so I showed my mother and said, hey, I'm going to enter this contest.
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And my mother said, you know, I'm glad that you're optimistic.
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And the odds of you winning a contest on the back of a cereal, very low.
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Not the top prize, but I think I'm going to win a camera.
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Now, I don't know what the odds were, but I want a camera, and it wasn't a very good drawing.
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Here's another weird thing that happened to me.
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In college, my first day of, yeah, I think it was my first day of freshman year.
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And there was another freshman who was actually an older guy who was going back to school.
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And he was a big, hulking guy with gigantic arms.
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I remember he had these huge, like, almost simian arms.
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And one thing led to another, and somehow we're just making a conversation.
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It turns out he played tennis, and I also played tennis.
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And so, being the cocky 18-year-old that I was, and he being the cocky 20-something that he was,
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we ended up trash-talking each other about how badly we would beat each other in tennis should we play.
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Now, what I didn't know at the time is that he had actually played, I think, the number one position,
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or at least he was on a major college team before that, because he'd been in college years before.
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And so, he was actually, like, a college-level first-string tennis player.
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So, I wasn't even really in his general category of tennis goodness.
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But do you think that stopped me from trash-talking him that I would beat him in tennis?
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And for the life of me, I do not know what got into me, because I knew at the time that we weren't even close.
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It would be sort of like, you know, challenging Tiger Woods to a golf game and thinking you had a shot.
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But the trash-talk continued, and we finally played.
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Sometimes I'll hit a junk shot that maybe somebody isn't used to seeing,
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And it comes off my racket differently, because I wasn't that good a player.
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Not so much anymore, but, you know, when I was 18, I was deceptively fast.
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And maybe I was way, way more mentally tough than my opponent.
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And maybe, although I was not yet a trained hypnotist, maybe I got in his head.
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And maybe the way I knew that I'd had a good day, against all odds, and he had had a bad day,
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was when he wrapped his tennis racket around the end pole and beat it into a pretzel.
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That's how he expressed his unhappiness at losing a tennis match.
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How many of you tried talking to me when I was talking?
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Now, let me tell you one of my greatest failures.
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So, a number of people have said to me recently, and of course, this was the setup to that.
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They've said to me, Scott, I turn you off because you're too narcissistic.
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To which I say, oh, apparently you are not aware of the full context.
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The full context being that I often teach you that your ego should be a tool.
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Likewise, if I brag about something that went well, it's not who I am.
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It's just the character I'm taking on to tell you the story.
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If I do something that shows I failed miserably or something, which I've got some stories about that, if you want to hear them, it doesn't mean that I'm the person who failed.
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So, I'm neither the person who succeeded, nor am I the person who failed.
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And if you imagine that I'm telling you that I am, then that's a little bit on you because the context is missing for you.
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So, you should always learn to dial up your ego when you're putting on a show, right?
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So, if the audience is looking at you, crank up your ego.
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That's how you get the right energy and the charisma.
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But there are plenty of situations in which that's the very worst thing you could do.
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Would you like to hear a story that didn't go my way?
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So, I'm literally a guy who wrote a book about all of my failures because there were so many of them.
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It's easier to give good advice, but not as easy to follow on your own.
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When I was probably 14, I had the first dance in my little high school, my little town.
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And I wanted to ask the cutest girl in the class to a slow dance.
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Now, if you can remember back to when you were 14, imagine the terror of having to walk across the gym floor to ask the prettiest girl in the class to dance when you're 14 in a slow dance.
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So, you can imagine my state of mind, but I put myself into the moment.
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And time stood still as I was walking across that great distance, which was just the width of a basketball thing, because she was with the mean girls.
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So, there were three of them that sort of were the mean girls.
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I don't think they called themselves that, but if any of them were watching this periscope, that's what I thought you were.
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But, of course, the mean girls often are also the prettiest girls, the way it works.
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The one that is the target of my affections is in the middle.
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But, I've got to do whatever I'm going to do in front of an audience of the three mean girls.
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So, you have to know that there was an audience to know how big the pressure was.
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And so, I walked across the gym as time stood still.
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And I got there, and I said, I won't say her name, but I said, name, would you like to dance?
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Now, what is the worst thing she could have said, because it forced me to say it again,
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but once I had the attention of all three mean girls.
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So, now, the glaring attention of the three mean girls is at me, and I said, would you like to dance?
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And when she said, I'm too hot, did I think I was done?
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So, when she said, you know, I'm too hot, I didn't put my tail between my legs, I didn't turn around, I didn't give up.
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And so, after she said, I'm too hot, I said, well, maybe you could take off your heavy down jacket.
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And she looked at me, and she said, and I'm too tired.
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And I turned around, and I walked all the way back across the tennis court, or that was actually a basketball court.
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And time stood still again, because I knew they were probably laughing at me at that moment in time.
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And I got to the other side, and I said, someday, as God is my witness, I will take this great tragic humiliation,
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and I will turn it into, if nothing will stop me, I will take this bad energy,
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and I will turn it into a little story on Periscope in 2020 during the coronavirus, is what I said to myself.
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And so, I just turned that terrible story into an entertaining little vignette.
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Would you like to hear the most embarrassing story that ever happened to me?
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And if Christine is watching this, she will cringe.
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But if you want to hear it, if you want to hear the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me,
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Well, I'm going to guess that you might want to hear this.
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You know, I don't think I would tell this story,
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I'm at mid-teens, and I'm in a movie theater in Wyndham, New York.
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And I'm next to a girl, and some handsy things happened.
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And it was, I think, the first movie I saw that there was a little nudity.
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So, I'd never really seen a movie where a live human being showed a little bit of something.
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At the same time, I wasn't the only one getting a little handsy.
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And although everybody was fully garbed, I realized, as there was a especially, let's say, provocative point in the movie,
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that, by the worst coincidence, lined up at about the same time as some handsy activity,
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I realized that I was going to have an event, shall we say.
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So, I'm like a teenager, and I realized that I might need to go to the men's room because something's going to happen, and I can't hold back.
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There's something that you could call, let's say, the countdown.
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The countdown is when you start hearing the countdown, and you say to yourself,
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you know, there's nothing I can do to stop the countdown from getting to zero.
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Something's going to happen, and I'm fully clothed.
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But I say to myself, my best chance is if I can get to the men's room before the countdown reaches zero,
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And so, I quickly got up and started to walk up the aisle to see if I could get there before the countdown ended.
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It turns out the walking action does not decrease the amount of your excitement if you're in a certain condition.
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It actually adds, shall we say, a degree of friction you weren't counting on.
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So that when I calculated how long it would take to walk up the theater,
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In my small town, I would know personally everyone in the theater.
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I would personally know everyone in the entire theater because it was a small town.
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And I was sitting up front, and I stand up, and I say to myself,
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I think I can make it to the back in the restrooms.
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And while I was trying to walk up the rest of the aisle
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I'll probably delete this right after we're done.
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Yeah, there was a Bond girl in the movie, and it didn't help at all.
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All right, I'm going to take some questions and see if anybody has any.
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I've been trying to get in on these questions for a long time,
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well, just recently you were talking about the narrative
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because I thought, regardless of whether or not it's true,
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there's a, I thought it was just a powerful belief system
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for, like, the human mind, you know, operating system.
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can you do that, I guess, with any belief system?
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So my experience is that you can change filters.
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because that tells you that you can't really understand
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I've changed my belief system a bunch of times.
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I, like, I can see where simulation theory, you know,
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It just has to be a filter that's useful or not useful.
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but rather I'm the little controller inside my head
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because you know the pinky trick that you talk about?
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in where your mind can control a very small piece of you.
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And then eventually you realize that you're not,
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Your existence in this dimension and in this world is,
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because if you imagine that you were playing a video game
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and let's say the video game was a little character
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if the character in that game had a problem in his world,
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even though you're the one operating the little character.
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well, what if I'm the character in the video game,
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So would it bother the little controller inside your head?
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if there was something bothering your external body
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Let's say your physical body got embarrassed about something.
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There's just something that happened in the external world,
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that he may have been really helping people out
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it was nice that he had a little hope to hold out.
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So I'm not expecting good news from these tests.
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But part of the problem is that they're fake tests
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are the ones where they pair the hydroxychloroquine
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And since that is the presumed way that it works,
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I'm not sure that the new tests are telling you
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I think that the hopefulness might have worked, though.
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I live in New York, and I was on the same page.
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and you just want to look for something positive.
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Well, first of all, I just want to say thank you
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And I got to share a little bit about that empty slate
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with one of my kids who's going through college.
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And I told him your story about how you were leaving college
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and your slate was empty and it was an opportunity to move on.
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And I think a lot of us are going to find a time now
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where our slate's going to be a little bit more empty
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It's too bad because I like where that was going.
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Yeah, you know, I think the number of innovations
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I wanted to comment on something that I used of yours
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or something that can help me prevent getting to the point that I was at.
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and whatnot about the things that I'm not good at, right?
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because I was worried about a meeting that I had to run
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if I don't find this certain thing at my desk tomorrow morning,
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I'm not going to be able to put this meeting on.