I went grocery shopping today, and it was the most spittle-free shopping experience I ve ever had, and I can t wait to go back to the grocery store again. I think I m going to have to wear a mask.
00:01:01.480I have not been to anything like a building with a ceiling or anything except my house in quite a while.
00:01:10.440And I got to tell you, I was thinking, you know, I was thinking to myself, you know, how bad is it going to be shopping in the grocery store?
00:01:22.060It's going to be like some kind of dystopian nightmare, water world, end of the world, hellscape kind of situation.
00:01:31.160But I had optimistically been saying, in general, that there might be some things that end up better after the virus crisis.
00:01:43.720There might be some things that we say, hey, let's just rethink this from scratch, because we wouldn't ordinarily, but since everything's broken, let's rethink everything.
00:01:54.780And let me tell you, I just had the best grocery shopping experience of my life, and I just wanted to continue.
00:03:13.520Now, I know most of you have been shopping already, but, you know, I've been hiding for a few months.
00:03:20.660So it's the first time I've been in the store.
00:03:22.400So I go in, and I noticed, first of all, that everybody has a mask on, including me, as they should.
00:03:30.760And I said to myself, will this be the first time I've ever purchased groceries that didn't have a thousand people's human spittle on them?
00:04:02.420I'm pretty anxious to wash my hands soon after shaking hands.
00:04:05.960But I'm not, you know, I'm not too concerned about germs and whatnot.
00:04:12.220I, you know, have a healthy regard for them.
00:04:15.020But I have to tell you, having now shopped in a store where all the employees and the other customers had masks on, I don't want to go back.
00:04:27.460I mean, I really don't want to go back.
00:04:43.340As long as you get all those other yahoos to wear a mask, and all of my food will have, you know, only the pesticides on it that I like so much and not the human spittle.
00:04:52.840So, now I've got this sterilized cart.
00:05:40.580And I thought to myself, oh, my God, I'd never have to be crowded again.
00:05:48.120I'd never have to have the six-year-old who pushes the mom's cart into the back of my ankle while I'm waiting to pay for the groceries.
00:05:56.880I'll never have that feeling again of being just sort of pushed and somebody's breathing down my neck and I'm a little tight and I'm all a little squeezed in there.
00:06:21.500One of my pet peeves is that they'll always ask me if I want a paper bag or plastic.
00:06:29.020I always say plastic because the paper bags, the handles break off.
00:06:34.360And I like to be able to, you know, pick up like two in each hand and you can only do that with the plastic ones.
00:06:39.280Now it turns out that they only have the plastic ones because the paper bags are kind of less, I guess they're, I don't know, less good or something.
00:06:48.800So every time that I would go into Safeway, I would say, I'd like a plastic bag, please.
00:06:55.280What do you think they say when there are two choices and you pick one of them clearly and without even being asked?
00:07:04.020I would like the plastic bags, please.
00:07:06.080Well, 75% of the time, this is what would happen.
00:08:20.960Anyway, that's not what I came here to talk about.
00:08:26.940Let's check your hoax detection equipment.
00:08:32.920How many of you fell for the hoax that was going around the Internet recently that said that the CDC mysteriously and quietly cut the number of people they estimated dying from coronavirus from the 60-some thousand to 30-some thousand?
00:08:51.640How many believed that hoax that was going around for the last couple of days?
00:08:57.980If you believe that one, you sort of need to check your hoax detector.
00:09:06.320Here's what you should have known right away.
00:09:08.660If that had been real, it turns out it was just people were looking at a page that showed, I don't know, partial data or for less than the entire period.
00:09:20.780So it wasn't what people thought it was.
00:09:22.280But if you believed that the CDC quietly cut the number in half, you would have to ask yourself why none of the major news sources are reporting it.
00:09:35.940Because it would be the biggest story in the country immediately.
00:09:40.580So if you waited a few hours, you know, the first few hours, you might say to yourself, hey, they haven't covered it yet.
00:09:49.520But after about a day has gone by, and neither CNN nor Fox News nor Breitbart nor Hoffman Post nor anybody, if nobody's covered it, and it's only on Twitter, it probably didn't happen.
00:10:05.920All right, so if you were one of the people who got taken in by that, the test that you should have put on it is that there's no major news source reporting it.
00:10:17.140If even one of them reported it, then you'd be on at least reasonable grounds because a major news source was agreeing with you.
00:10:25.080That doesn't mean it was true, but at least you'd have a little bit of support.
00:10:28.160All right, I'm going to give a Trump report card on how he's done on this coronavirus business.
00:13:55.180So, I would say that the President, you know, you could argue that he should have had a warehouse, a bunch of warehouse of ventilators, but nobody else did.
00:14:04.540You know, were there other countries that had warehouses full of ventilators?
00:14:07.740The fact that he got private industry to whip up a bunch of ventilators, in fact, so many of them that we have three times more than we'll need.
00:14:17.120I've got to say, pretty good, pretty good.
00:14:20.660I'm going to give him an A for ventilators.
00:14:23.580Because I don't think it was reasonable that he knew we would need so many ventilators.
00:14:28.160That's a hard ask, to think that the President knew that.
00:14:32.800But, we were prepared enough to respond to it.