Real Coffee with Scott Adams - May 06, 2020


Episode 957 Scott Adams: Let Me Tell You About the Psychedelic Mushroom I Accidentally Ingested Called CNN


Episode Stats

Length

53 minutes

Words per Minute

153.76074

Word Count

8,216

Sentence Count

567

Misogynist Sentences

2

Hate Speech Sentences

15


Summary

It's a special evening edition of No Coffee with Scott Adams, featuring a guest appearance by CNN's Anderson Cooper, and a special guest appearance from Scott Adams himself. Scott Adams talks about the coronavirus epidemic, and how we should all pay our respects to the heroes of the healthcare field.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 d
00:00:10.000 well it's a very special evening edition of no coffee with scott adams because it's it's the
00:00:17.720 evening who drinks coffee at night this guy yeah caught you off guard today to have a
00:00:27.780 a beverage, do you? A bong or a joint, it's fine. Whatever. Beer. It's good. It's evening.
00:00:34.620 You can. We're not all working tonight. But I am. I never sleep. But you should. It's
00:00:41.420 good for you. Join me now for the bonus simultaneous sip. It's happening now.
00:00:51.900 Ah. Delightful.
00:00:57.780 So, let's see. You know, one of the things that we do not give enough credit for, and
00:01:08.200 sometimes, every now and then, I think we should pause and show our respect for the healthcare
00:01:15.300 workers. Specifically, not only are the healthcare frontline workers handling the biggest pandemic
00:01:21.840 in 100 years, at great personal risk. But on top of the pandemic, they're also handling an epidemic of
00:01:30.580 people who are ingesting disinfectant. And man, are they doing a good job. Because I don't know about
00:01:39.820 you, but I haven't even heard one problem with that yet. Have you? Because I know there's a lot of it
00:01:46.840 going on, because the press told me it was a pretty big problem. And the fact that you're not hearing
00:01:53.260 much about it, just, well, I'm led to believe that our healthcare workers are handling not only the
00:01:59.720 coronavirus. Wow. But they've, they've reduced this epidemic of disinfectant drinking to, you don't
00:02:09.400 even hear about it anymore. It's like, it's like it's not even in the news. I mean, you can't get
00:02:14.940 better than that. So slow clap for the frontline, healthcare workers who make it seem like the
00:02:24.460 epidemic of drinking disinfectant wasn't even real. I mean, seems like it. But we know it was.
00:02:33.820 So I made the mistake of turning on CNN tonight.
00:02:36.780 Right. And it's really hard to do this next part without stopping to pause every few seconds and
00:02:47.280 saying, I'm not making this up. So if I could maybe just say once in the beginning, that anything I say
00:02:55.100 for a while, until I tell you otherwise, I swear to God, I didn't make it up. It's actual real.
00:03:02.080 So I turned on CNN, just for the laughs. Honest to God, that's why. All right, not a joke. Man,
00:03:15.080 was I not disappointed. The experience was like being on mushrooms. And I've talked about, you know,
00:03:22.780 this one time I'd ever done mushrooms when I was 21, I guess. And the thing I took away from that
00:03:30.240 experience, the mushrooms, was that you could experience a whole different world, but everything
00:03:35.420 still worked. You know, everything looked different and new and wonderful and bizarre. And, you know,
00:03:42.820 you'd never seen anything before. You know, you'd look at a chair and it was like you'd see, you're
00:03:48.040 seeing it for the first time. You'd be like, you'd be amazed by it. But at the same time, you knew what
00:03:53.160 it was. Oh, it's a chair. You sit on it. You knew how to work it. So it was like everything in your
00:03:58.440 world changed. And yet somehow you still knew how to work it. It was the weirdest experience.
00:04:04.480 But turning on CNN and seeing an alternate universe is just absolutely mind-blowing. It
00:04:11.760 was actually, for a while I felt like, and this again, remember I told you, I'm not making this up.
00:04:19.540 So what follows is not an exaggeration. It felt like an almost psychedelic experience
00:04:27.100 because I got to feel a whole different reality and I spent enough time in it that I started to
00:04:35.000 feel like what it must be like to be a full-time inhabitant of that movie. Let me give you a taste
00:04:42.380 taste of what I learned in 10 minutes of CNN. This was an Anderson Cooper show.
00:04:52.780 That the coronavirus is unstoppable, but the president stopped it wrong. I mean, that's a
00:04:58.940 little hyperbole, but there's some version of that, that there's nothing we know how to do
00:05:03.520 in any possible way that could stop this thing. And the president is at fault for not stopping it.
00:05:10.880 And I'm listening to this and I'm saying, do you not know that those don't go together?
00:05:17.960 That if it can't be stopped, it's also got to be true that you couldn't have stopped it wrong
00:05:25.200 because of the can't be stopped part. Have you noticed, I think to myself, that every country is
00:05:33.800 doing something completely different and getting largely the same result? Has anybody brought that up?
00:05:40.860 No matter what any country does, we don't know why some things worked and some don't. There are
00:05:47.600 some that are actually getting a better result, but we can't identify any one thing or a combination
00:05:53.320 of things with any kind of reliability that would tell you why it worked. It could be that none of the
00:06:00.340 things the government is doing makes any difference. It could be entirely social. It could be entirely
00:06:06.840 density. It could be entirely how many foreign travelers there are. It could be entirely where
00:06:12.380 you are on the timeline of getting it or already had it. We don't know anything about this thing.
00:06:18.700 But the thing we do know is we don't know how to stop it, not even a little bit.
00:06:22.220 So in the other universe of CNN, it's an unstoppable problem that the president is a big old dope
00:06:32.800 because he didn't stop it. I guess. You know, of course, I'm putting my own words to it, but that's
00:06:41.040 the sense you get from watching it. He had some woman who was an expert on pandemics and he asked
00:06:49.440 her sort of what the best case scenario was. So here's an expert on pandemics and here's her best
00:06:55.800 case scenario. So remember, the context is that the Trump administration has done bad things. They
00:07:02.440 haven't handled it right, right? That's the permanent context. The Trump administration,
00:07:07.440 totally incompetent. So it would be reasonable to say, well, if everything they've done is wrong,
00:07:15.600 what would it look like to do it all right? And so they have, they give their pandemic expert a chance
00:07:22.200 to give them the best case scenario. If you did everything right, give us the rosy picture. What
00:07:28.560 would it look like to be competent? And she said this, that we'd develop a coronavirus vaccine by
00:07:38.480 year end and it would be the really good kind, the kind that doesn't even need to be refrigerated.
00:07:42.380 And we would get 20 million people signed up to be like an army that would scour the world and
00:07:48.440 we'd produce tons and tons of this vaccine that works and we've got it in record time. And the 20
00:07:55.400 million people would go across the world, they would find every villager in every remote city,
00:08:00.240 they'd give them a vaccine, bam. And then she said, but that's kind of impossible.
00:08:11.480 Because you know why? It's impossible. There's no way that's going to happen by the end of the year.
00:08:18.340 And if it did, by the end of the year, we're going to be pretty close to herd immunity, whether we like
00:08:25.280 it or not. It's not our plan. But by the end of the year, by the time we've scoured the planet with
00:08:31.160 our 20 million people, what year is that? Is that even 2021? 2022? So the best alternative
00:08:39.000 to all these mess ups that this dumb old orange, stupid monster of a science denying
00:08:47.740 orange thing, all of those mistakes are not nearly as good as the alternative, which was
00:08:57.600 clearly explained, which is magic. Magic. Because there's no other solution. That's the best
00:09:06.520 case scenario is literally something that can't happen. Do they even know how to compare things?
00:09:13.320 That's not comparing things. When you compare things, you're supposed to compare it to something
00:09:17.820 that could happen. If you compare it to things that can't happen, you're doing it wrong.
00:09:27.480 For example, if somebody said, hey, Bob, what are your career aspirations? And Bob said, well,
00:09:34.880 I'm going to go to law school, I get good grades, go study art, try to be a lawyer. Not bad.
00:09:41.200 What's your other alternative, Bob? Well, other alternative is I'll sprout wings out of my ass
00:09:48.920 and fly to Mars. Bob, that's not actually an alternative. Because what that has going,
00:09:57.120 working against it is the impossibility of it. Because you're not going to sprout wings out your
00:10:03.880 ass and fly to Mars. So really, you haven't offered me an alternative. You've just told me an impossible
00:10:11.140 thing. So you're doing it wrong. That was a terrible example. But you know what I'm, you know where I'm
00:10:17.600 coming from? Oh, I'm not done yet. Then Anderson Cooper spreads the idea that the president disbanded
00:10:26.280 the crisis task force. Wait for this. You have to hear this. Anderson Cooper speculated because he
00:10:36.800 did say that he can't know what somebody is thinking. And then he went on to tell us what
00:10:42.780 somebody is thinking. But at least he admitted that it can't be done before he did it. That's
00:10:47.640 progress. And he said that, he's speculating anyway, that the president disbanded the coronavirus
00:10:54.440 task force because, wait for it, he was embarrassed for getting called out for suggesting that maybe
00:11:03.200 people should ingest disinfectant to cure the coronavirus. Which, as you know, but apparently
00:11:11.220 the viewers of CNN don't know, never happened. He puts it out there like it happened. That didn't
00:11:20.500 happen. The president was talking about light as a disinfectant. There is a real product in testing
00:11:26.460 right now that injects, literally injects, the disinfectant, the light, into the lungs. They don't
00:11:33.980 know if it works yet, but it's based on solid science. There are real, you know, serious companies
00:11:39.400 doing it. It's not shady people. So, but on CNN, there's still, days after it's been the most widely
00:11:49.840 debunked story in the face of debunked stories, they're still, they're still reporting it like
00:11:54.460 it's fact. And I asked myself, because I really don't know the answer to this, do their viewers
00:12:00.360 really think that happened? I mean, imagine living in the world where you think that the leader of
00:12:08.720 your country may have tossed out the idea of drinking bleach. And just think about that. Think
00:12:15.320 about you wake up in the morning and you're like, oh, oh, oh, you start screaming because you know you
00:12:22.720 woke up into a world in which your leader is an orange monster who's encouraging people to drink
00:12:29.540 poison and die. That's actually what you think you woke up into, an actual world like that. And why
00:12:36.300 would you think that? Because it's on the news. It's actually on the news. But of course, it didn't
00:12:42.680 happen. So, all right, but there's more. There's also the magical thinking that the president should
00:12:51.460 have done something sooner. All right, that's, that's going to be the main attack on the president
00:12:56.960 is he didn't take it seriously sooner. But of course, the reason he didn't take it seriously
00:13:02.040 is that the experts were advising him, and they had not yet turned up the heat. So he was doing
00:13:08.460 everything that his critics asked of him, which is he was, he was very clearly, quickly, and
00:13:16.000 unambiguously following expert advice. It just happened to be wrong. So you'd think they would
00:13:23.600 mention that. You'd think that would be part of the story that, yeah, maybe he was a little slow on
00:13:29.980 this based on our perfect hindsight. But are all of the reviewers so dumb that they don't know that
00:13:38.060 we only know it now? We didn't know it then. If it was so obvious then, tell Tony Fauci because he
00:13:45.680 didn't know. Apparently he didn't know. Now, of course, China is, you know, to blame for giving
00:13:50.880 us bad information. So there are perfectly good reasons for it. But on CNN, those perfectly good
00:13:57.320 reasons, which are China lied, Fauci was fooled, Fauci gave Trump bad advice based on bad data from
00:14:05.480 China. Trump followed the bad advice. That's the story. But over, over on, over on CNN, he just started
00:14:14.340 late. That is so different. That is not even the same universe. Yeah, he was just, yeah, he was dumb.
00:14:22.740 He just started late. And their viewers watch that. They go, yeah, big old dumb orange monster told us
00:14:29.080 to drink bleach and he didn't take a pandemic seriously. My God, I, I'm so afraid of what's
00:14:35.580 going to happen. I need Joe Biden. Stat. They, they also talked about disbanding the task force
00:14:44.060 as if that's crazy. Now, here's where having some experience in different domains really serves you
00:14:52.160 well. And I'm going to guess that there may be some, you know, experience lacking in the people who
00:14:59.040 were on the, on the, that episode. And here's how this works. When the government disbands the task
00:15:07.880 force, that is not the same as not working on the problem. You'd think that they would explain that
00:15:16.100 anybody who's had any experience in a big organization knows that it is very common to,
00:15:21.940 you know, build, build a task force. It does its work. And then, you know, when it gets past the
00:15:27.840 critical period as we, as we have in a sense, because we now have enough supplies, we have enough
00:15:33.760 ventilators, we have a blueprint of a plan, you know, everything that can be done by the federal
00:15:39.500 government sort of been done, which is that they backstop the states to the point where the states
00:15:45.840 really want to do their own thing. The citizens of those states want the state to make the decision.
00:15:51.340 They don't want the federal government to make it. And, and the president said, well, who gets, who's
00:15:57.420 the best? And here's the beautiful part. We can't tell the difference between genius and stupidity.
00:16:05.220 We really can't. You know, we think we can, but we can't. It looks identical because both a genius
00:16:11.640 and a stupid person will do something that doesn't make any sense to you. So if you don't understand
00:16:18.240 why somebody is doing something, just keep in mind, there might be two reasons, not one.
00:16:23.580 One is that they're smarter than you, right? This might, this might be an example of that. So the
00:16:30.620 way CNN is reporting it is that the president's just sort of trying to put the responsibility of
00:16:36.780 who dies on the states so that he can get reelected. Because people are going to die no matter what.
00:16:43.380 But if the president says, all right, it's up to the states, then the responsibility is on the states,
00:16:48.160 and it's a political move. And so the president is cleverly moving responsibility for killing people
00:16:53.920 off to other people. Now, is that what's happening? Yeah. Yeah. That's one of the variables.
00:17:03.540 But of course, it's CNN. So they can only handle one variable at a time. So is there anything that
00:17:09.580 a president does that's not political, you know, a few months before the election? No, come on.
00:17:15.520 Everything has a political dimension. But is that the reason that you turn it to the states
00:17:23.180 around now? I think he said at the end of the month. No. The reason that you turn it over the
00:17:28.660 states is genius. It's genius. Here's why. What have I, and by the way, this won't be the first time
00:17:38.300 I've said this. So if you remember some of my earlier periscopes, I was making a big deal about the
00:17:43.440 fact that the federal government is the wrong instrument for making the decision. Because it
00:17:50.180 is a life and death decision. And you put your president in this position, and he should not make
00:17:56.420 the decision. And the position is this, Mr. President, do you want the poor people to die,
00:18:02.980 the sick people, or the old people? Because whichever way you go is going to move, is move the emphasis.
00:18:10.120 There's a lot of overlap in those groups, obviously. But the emphasis of who dies is going to be largely
00:18:15.940 determined by whether you're favoring the economy or the absolute avoidance and health aspects of the
00:18:23.340 virus. So the president did what the Constitution understands he should do, push responsibility down
00:18:35.300 whenever it's practical. More importantly, if it's a life and death decision, which these are,
00:18:41.380 that also needs to be pushed down to the closest level of authority that's closest to the individual.
00:18:50.780 Because if you're going to make life and death decisions about me,
00:18:54.880 I would much rather have somebody who lives in my house make the decision.
00:18:58.920 And if that's not possible, I want one of my closest neighbors to make the decision.
00:19:03.960 If that's not possible, somebody in my town. If that's not possible, my county. If that's not
00:19:11.000 possible, my state. If that's not possible, all right, last choice is the federal government.
00:19:17.380 But if it's life and death, and it might kill me, or it might kill my grandmother, and somebody's
00:19:23.820 going to decide, do you go? Or is it grandma? I want that decision pushed down to the lowest level.
00:19:29.680 And I've been saying this, right? You know, I know I always get blamed for defending the president,
00:19:34.540 no matter what he does. But you can fact check this, that I've been saying it for a while,
00:19:39.960 the presidency is the wrong place. Let me also tie this to something I've said consistently for a
00:19:45.340 while, too. On the question of abortion, I've said that the only person who shouldn't be in favor of
00:19:53.180 abortion under any circumstances, no matter what party they're in, is whoever is the president.
00:19:59.800 And the reason is that the president should be the only person in the country who will never kill
00:20:05.040 an American, period. Now, maybe, you know, the death sentence for federal offenses and the military
00:20:13.200 are sort of separate things. But you want your president to say, if that's a gray area, I'm out.
00:20:19.040 But if it's a gray area about who lives and dies in the United States of the innocent citizens,
00:20:26.200 or the arguably innocent citizens, when you're talking about a fetus, different opinions,
00:20:31.620 you don't want the president on that conversation. That's the only person in the whole country who
00:20:37.780 should say, I'm out. I'm out. You know, drive that down to the lowest level, because it's life and
00:20:43.940 death. Now, if you can get away with the Supreme Court handling it, that's cool. But in any case,
00:20:48.800 the president should get out of that decision. And he should get out of the life and death
00:20:52.680 decisions for the coronavirus. And by disbanding the task force, the guidelines are in place.
00:20:59.740 I think the public can very much look at the guidelines from the federal government.
00:21:04.400 They can look at what their state did in variance to those guidelines. And then they can look at the
00:21:09.540 other states. They can make up their own mind. I mean, I'm not sure we'll ever be able to,
00:21:14.660 you know, know for sure who did the good job. There are just too many variables involved.
00:21:18.540 But we'll be able to look at it. And if you ask me, this is really exactly the right time to disband
00:21:25.540 the task force. I believe we have, we got tons of information. How much of it was accurate?
00:21:33.420 Right? The task force gave us probably, you know, more inaccurate information than accurate,
00:21:41.100 if I'm being fair. Now, that's not necessarily their fault, because there was no accurate information
00:21:47.980 to be had. So they were passing along the best they could with the best intentions. But the result was
00:21:53.960 that we were not better informed. You know, were you better informed because they told you that
00:21:59.380 masks don't work? And I mean, I don't have to go through the list, right? You're not really better
00:22:03.800 informed. And so I think we've been, we've all been educated up to the level that we don't need
00:22:11.420 the task force anymore. So I would agree, that's the right time to get rid of it. I'm totally on with
00:22:16.860 that decision. But here's the funniest part of that Anderson Cooper episode. He had a guy who was the,
00:22:25.320 he had been the former CDC emergency preparation person. Okay, this is really important what his job was.
00:22:34.220 In a, I think in a prior administration, he had been in charge of emergency preparation at the CDC.
00:22:42.020 And Anderson Cooper had him on to talk about what the CDC is doing, right or wrong at the moment.
00:22:52.100 And do you know what he did not ask him?
00:22:56.400 You're in charge of the CDC emergency preparation.
00:23:03.040 Why didn't you prepare?
00:23:04.560 Because shouldn't we have been all prepared by now? Because you were the head of emergency
00:23:12.780 preparation? And maybe there's a good reason. There might be actually a good reason why we're
00:23:20.300 not prepared. And Anderson Cooper was interviewing the guy who was in charge of preparing. Now,
00:23:27.460 one of the questions you might ask would be, hey, guy who used to be in charge of preparing,
00:23:32.920 I'm just curious, why didn't you do some preparing? Could you answer that question? That question was not
00:23:43.200 asked. Because, because the narrative of the show is that Trump is, you know, orange man bad. So I guess
00:23:52.000 that didn't come up. All right. So much happened since this morning. It's interesting. Here's a question
00:23:59.700 for you. I was listening to Dr. Carlson's show, and he was talking about going through the whole timeline of all the
00:24:08.400 bad things that China did to conceal how bad the coronavirus was. And then worse than that, they not only
00:24:16.060 concealed it, but they, well, they, they concealed it. And then they bought a bunch of PPE, PPE for
00:24:25.000 themselves, meaning that they got a bunch of masks and they, you know, started buying stuff so they'd
00:24:30.860 have enough. And then by the time the rest of the world found out that it's actually a pandemic,
00:24:36.060 and we would try to buy ventilators and masks, there wouldn't be any, because China would have them
00:24:40.720 all. Now, let me ask you this. This is going to be a real mind effort. All right. You ready for
00:24:50.200 this? I know you can handle it, but only because those of you have been watching my periscopes long
00:24:55.460 enough, you can handle a challenging thought without retreating to your bias. I, I'm trusting you to do
00:25:02.520 this. All right. You're China. You're President Xi. Your experts come to you and say, we got a problem.
00:25:09.820 We let down the coronavirus. It looks like it might destroy much of the world. Could be hundreds of
00:25:17.540 millions dead. We don't even know how bad this thing is, but I'll tell you what, we're going to run out of
00:25:23.100 medical supplies really fast. What do we do? Now, you're President Xi. You have two ways to go. One is
00:25:31.820 complete transparency. You say, immediately tell your peers in the scientific community,
00:25:37.800 immediately alert the UN and the World Health Organization, and tell them that we have created,
00:25:42.880 accidentally, but we've created this massive problem, and you all need to get ready.
00:25:48.440 What would happen? Well, what would happen is China would not have nearly as much access to
00:25:55.420 medical supplies, right? But if they don't tell the world, then they can hoard the supplies.
00:26:03.400 Let me ask you this. Which one did their population want them to do? If the people in China had been a
00:26:12.540 democracy, and they could vote on that question, which of course wasn't possible, but if they could have
00:26:18.700 voted, would they have said, you know, it was an accident, and it's every country for itself.
00:26:27.620 We have the advantage that we found out first, because we created the accident, but it was an
00:26:33.260 accident. And it's every country for themselves. And by the way, this could be so bad that if we take
00:26:42.220 care of ourselves well enough, we will be the leading country in the world when this is done,
00:26:47.720 because this might take out the United States. What would you do if you were President Xi?
00:26:56.440 Moreover, what would you do if you were any resident of China, and your choices were telling the world
00:27:04.140 and your own population, you know, dies on the streets for lack of medical attention, and the right
00:27:10.120 proper, you know, protective gear, your entire country is destroyed, your economy goes to hell,
00:27:15.920 there's cannibalism on the streets, or you make it somebody else's problem. Because after all,
00:27:24.160 what is the motto of the United States? The motto of the United States is not, let's treat everybody
00:27:31.120 equally. Nope. The motto of the United States is, make America great again. America first.
00:27:37.780 What would we do if it was the United States? What would President Trump do in the exact same
00:27:47.580 situation, but in the United States? If somebody came to President Trump and said,
00:27:53.380 we messed up, this virus got out, this is totally our fault. But if you tell the rest of the world,
00:28:00.600 10 million Americans are going to die. If we put it off and make it their problem, there might be 100
00:28:09.380 million people who die in other countries. But we might be able to save 10 million here. And we're
00:28:14.900 not even positive about that. I mean, we're kind of guessing, but it feels like that. And they say that
00:28:20.300 to President Trump, what's he do? Would President Trump stay true to his often stated philosophy of
00:28:30.660 America first? Because if he did, he'd do the same thing China did. Or would he say, this is bigger than
00:28:37.180 all of that? This is just bigger than all of that. Now, I don't think that President Trump would have
00:28:42.740 even had the option, because we don't stop freedom of speech. So if it happened in our country,
00:28:48.040 our scientists would just talk to the other scientists, that would be it. So it wouldn't even be a
00:28:53.200 question of the president being involved in a decision. The information would just flow out like it does
00:28:58.640 from the United States. So I just put that out there to say, nobody is harder on China than I am. As most
00:29:08.700 of you know, they killed my stepson with their fentanyl in 2018. At least I blame them, at least
00:29:15.640 partially, partially. Of course, he's to blame primarily. And I hate them more than anybody hates
00:29:22.760 them. Trust me. When I look at this, and I say, this is a real one off. I don't know if any other
00:29:31.080 country would have acted differently. I don't know. Do you? Do you know if any other country would have
00:29:38.280 acted differently? Because I don't know. Now, I don't think that that matters in terms of how we
00:29:43.680 treat them, because they did make their choice. And part of that choice is that they would have to
00:29:49.600 accept the blowback. In other words, they made a decision with full knowledge, I assume, right?
00:29:56.620 They had to have full knowledge that there was a high likelihood this would all come out,
00:30:00.940 and they would have, you know, possibly devastating long-term effects. But maybe it was just a better
00:30:06.820 bet. Maybe it was. If their economy opens up sooner than ours and does better and faster than ours,
00:30:13.920 it was a good bet. So, I don't know. Those are the things I'm thinking.
00:30:20.560 So, did you see the story about the British scientist expert who recommended quarantine for
00:30:32.220 everybody and lockdown for everybody and then found out that his married mistress was coming
00:30:37.700 to his house during the lockdown and then going back to her family? Like, oh my God. I don't have
00:30:45.940 anything to add to that story. But if you haven't seen it, just go read the story for entertainment
00:30:50.660 purposes, because it's just jaw-droppingly awful. All right, here's the funniest thing that happened,
00:30:56.520 which is that President Trump finally decided to give a nickname to Kellyanne Conway's husband.
00:31:04.160 Now, before we laugh about this, let me explain something about humor for the few people who don't
00:31:12.520 know. Now, I've often said that one-third of the public actually doesn't have a sense of humor.
00:31:17.740 But even the people who do have a sense of humor, they're, you know, varying degrees. And there's
00:31:22.760 a nuance that I don't know if everybody appreciates. And it goes like this. If an ordinary person
00:31:31.000 had made a deep insult about Kellyanne Conway's husband, what's his name? George? George Conway.
00:31:36.780 And had made that comment about his physicality, you know, any part of, you know, what he looks like
00:31:44.900 or whatever, that wouldn't be funny. Even if the actual insult was kind of clever, I don't think I
00:31:51.140 would be amused by that. Because this is random person saying an ugly thing about somebody who,
00:31:57.380 you know, maybe isn't the best looking. That's not fair. Like, I'm not cool with that at all.
00:32:03.380 But, when the most powerful person on the planet calls George Conway, who is, you know, of course,
00:32:13.740 the president's biggest critic, probably. When the president of the United States, the most powerful
00:32:18.680 person in the world, calls George Conway, moon face? Well, that's just funny. I'm sorry. That's just
00:32:29.260 funny. That's just plain funny. Now, I get that not everybody thinks that's funny. But the part of it
00:32:37.140 you have to understand is that it's the president's position that makes it funny. Because that's the
00:32:42.880 thing that makes it out of sync, right? If an ordinary troll says an ordinary insult to even a
00:32:51.260 famous person, you don't even register it. It just doesn't mean anything. Because it's completely
00:32:57.780 within the expected universe. So, remember, I was teaching you the, I think I was teaching you,
00:33:04.840 about humor, and how if you can create a situation that makes sense, but it doesn't make sense,
00:33:11.660 then people's laugh reflex will be triggered. So, you want to create situations that have a humor
00:33:19.300 logic to them, but they don't actually make sense. And then the brain will try to make them make sense,
00:33:24.220 but it can't, because it doesn't make sense. And then you'll laugh. It's sort of like a being
00:33:28.700 tickled. It's like a reflex. Well, if an ordinary person insults another person, there's nothing
00:33:35.280 unordinary about that, and your brain just processes that. Oh, troll, insults, victim, bam, no laugh. But,
00:33:44.140 if the most juvenile and yet super clever, which also doesn't make sense, that it could be juvenile
00:33:52.880 and super clever, because it's both. So, that's the first thing that shouldn't fit together. It's
00:33:59.560 like, wait a minute, that's juvenile, but it's also like ridiculously genius. But it's also juvenile,
00:34:08.420 juvenile, but a juvenile can't be a genius. And so, that's the first thing that hits your humor reflexes.
00:34:16.280 You can't reconcile that it really is kind of genius. It's just juvenile at the same time. And
00:34:22.160 then you can't reconcile why any of those two things would ever come out of a sitting president's
00:34:27.900 thumbs. And then you just go, I can't even understand this. And then you just start laughing,
00:34:33.960 because it's all things that don't belong in the same place. Now, the president, you know,
00:34:39.140 I've often said that he's, he's unable to be uninteresting. I don't know if he even knows how
00:34:45.220 to be uninteresting. His just normal, normal mode is always interesting. And part of the way he does
00:34:53.120 that is that he makes things, he puts things together that your brain doesn't want to put together.
00:35:00.120 Like, you can't quite make sense of it, but you sort of know what he's talking about. And he does
00:35:05.340 it so often that you lose sight of it as a technique, that he's continually putting not quite logical
00:35:13.000 things together, and your brain is trying to keep up, and it's trying to cement them together as he's
00:35:17.460 going. And while you're struggling with the last one, he's already on to the next one. It's like, oh,
00:35:22.880 but how will Mexico pay for the wall? I don't even know how that works. And then he's on to the next
00:35:29.760 topic. And so if you know, it's part of the show, you can really just enjoy it the way many of you do
00:35:38.420 the way I do. I mean, and it's just from an entertainment perspective, it's just amazing.
00:35:45.240 Right? But if you think he's evil, and he's up to up to bad news, you just think he's a double guy
00:35:50.820 rambling. So you missed the show. Did you notice that the idea of closing the streets in front of
00:36:01.300 restaurants actually is catching on? So you probably heard me mention it, you probably heard
00:36:06.340 Greg Duffield mention it on The Five. I think he mentioned it like three different times on The Five.
00:36:11.500 Probably other people have had the idea as well. And the idea is that since you need space,
00:36:15.860 and it's always healthier to be outdoors with this virus situation, that where you have a density of
00:36:21.760 restaurants, you know, if you have several of them on a sort of main street, as long as you have,
00:36:26.720 you know, surrounding streets, so you can go around, just close the street. Now, in my town,
00:36:31.540 we have that exact situation. We've got a tiny little downtown, but it's mostly restaurants,
00:36:37.640 or a lot of restaurants, not mostly, a lot of restaurants. And they fairly frequently close the
00:36:43.300 street for, like, street fairs and events and stuff. So it's sort of built for that. It's just
00:36:47.420 perfect. So I sent that idea. I guess there's a restaurant in Tampa doing it. There's some other
00:36:52.600 people playing with it. And it's just the obvious solution. So I sent that idea to, you know, one of
00:36:59.600 the best restaurant guys in my town to see if he can make that happen. Let's see. What else we got
00:37:08.440 going on here? Oh, speaking of Greg, so the president tweets this, just like out of the blue.
00:37:19.320 You know, I told you the other day that the president tweeted me, like, three times in a row
00:37:24.820 the other day. And you wake up to the president tweeting you, and it just doesn't even feel like
00:37:30.140 reality anymore. You feel like you're in some kind of weird other world again. It's like doing
00:37:36.060 mushrooms again. And so imagine, you know, you're Greg, and he just, you know, he just,
00:37:41.700 he just, you know, wakes up like it's any other day, you know, goes to work, does his thing.
00:37:48.200 And then somebody says, uh, do you see what the president tweeted? What? You didn't see? What?
00:37:56.640 Did you see what the president tweeted about you? What? Now, I don't know if it went down like that,
00:38:02.660 but maybe he did. Anyway, this is what the president tweets. He goes, wow, congratulations
00:38:08.640 to Greg Gutfeld, a one-time Trump hater who has come all the way home, which is hilarious.
00:38:14.860 His ratings easily beat no talent Stephen Colbert, nice guy Jimmy Fallon, which is just a wonderfully
00:38:21.540 dismissive insult, nice guy Jimmy Fallon, and wacko last placer Jimmy Kimmel. Greg built his show
00:38:28.740 from scratch and did a great job in doing so. And I love that last line. Oh, that last line is just
00:38:36.820 that, you know, the dagger, you can feel the dagger going in just because, you know, that Greg beat all
00:38:43.760 of these people. And he's a, you know, he says good things about Trump now and then. So, you know,
00:38:49.780 Trump's just putting the dagger in and the dagger is like, it's an inch in. And then he gets to this
00:38:55.280 last line and, you know, and you can feel like, oh, that hurts quite a bit. That dagger is about
00:39:00.740 an inch in. And then the president says, Greg built his show from scratch.
00:39:07.840 Oh, just stop and think about that. You know, all these other three guys who didn't get as good
00:39:17.080 at ratings as Greg Gutfeld gets on the Gutfeld show, Greg Gutfeld show. Every one of them just
00:39:23.940 inherited a show that had such a long time audience that they couldn't have ruined it if
00:39:29.680 they tried. Think about the difference between just inheriting somebody's chair, which is largely
00:39:36.840 what the other three did, and convincing, wait for this, convincing a conservative news network
00:39:46.400 to run a humor, irreverent show at night. Like, how do you even do that? Even obviously,
00:39:55.400 you know, red eye gave him some, some traction on that. But so the guys on, you know, two top rated
00:40:03.360 shows for their time, time range, you know, the, the five and Greg Gutfeld show. But I just love
00:40:09.900 the way the president threw these other guys onto the bus and then backed over them and then ran over
00:40:15.300 them and backed over them again. But when you throw in that last part, it's like, he built
00:40:20.000 it from scratch from nothing. He built it from nothing. That's a whole different level.
00:40:28.800 All right. Ben Shapiro tweeted the, probably the best description of what's going on right
00:40:39.500 now. So you should take a look at that tweet thread. I tweeted it. I tweeted it so you can find
00:40:44.460 in my, toward the top of my Twitter feed. And he makes the following point, which I agree
00:40:52.340 with. I have one small disagreement, which I'll mention. And that is that what Ben Shapiro points
00:40:59.840 out is that we don't have a plan and we sort of didn't notice it. Meaning that our original
00:41:06.540 plan made sense. We were going to try to spare the hospitals from overcapacity by bending the
00:41:13.360 curve. And we were going to do that with social distancing. Mission accomplished, I'd say,
00:41:19.460 wouldn't you? So that plan seems to have been successful. But now we're at the phase where
00:41:28.960 that plan is doing its thing. And as Ben asks, and, and then what? Like, what's, what's the
00:41:38.720 next thing? Now, I, obviously they're going to try to open up businesses slowly and cautiously
00:41:43.520 and all that. But are we, why are we just opening them all? Are we, are we holding out for a
00:41:52.160 therapeutic? Are we holding out for a vaccine that's never going to happen? Are we, what
00:41:59.540 exactly is the long range plan? Because if the plan is that we have to basically just live with
00:42:07.780 it, which means getting it, uh, if there's herd immunity, would that be great if there's not herd
00:42:14.400 immunity? Well, that's what it is, but we don't really have an option anymore. You know, I've said
00:42:20.560 people are already criticizing the president for, um, not starting soon enough and, you know,
00:42:26.100 and maybe being too fast to end it. So he gets, you know, he gets blamed for both sides. Um,
00:42:33.080 but I'm not so sure, uh, anybody knew, you know, what was the right thing to do. All right. So here's
00:42:41.520 the point. We, we have to recognize that there is no plan to get rid of it, right? There's, there's
00:42:49.280 nobody even suggesting that something could happen for it to go away. Certainly not before
00:42:55.460 hundreds of thousands of Americans die from it. But we, there's some reason we're not saying that.
00:43:02.760 Why can't we just say that? And Ben was making this point as well, that we should be able to
00:43:07.760 expressly say, this is what we're going to do. We're just going to live with it because we don't
00:43:13.700 really think there's anything that's going to change within the planning horizon. And if we don't
00:43:19.860 get back to work, it could be too late. So, um, so I, I think his point of view is good. Now,
00:43:28.360 the one thing he said that I'll, I'll, I'll slightly quibble with is that he said, if you don't have a
00:43:33.380 timeline, you know, an estimated time of when you're going to do what, then you don't have a plan.
00:43:39.340 I would disagree with that because I think in the context of a, uh, ever changing situation where
00:43:46.180 your data is different every day, that having a plan almost doesn't make sense. We're really more
00:43:52.720 in a situation where we're responding rapidly, which I would call a plan. So we certainly have
00:43:59.200 a plan of, uh, rapidly responding to what we learn as we learn it. If we developed a therapeutic that
00:44:05.640 works, we would rapidly implement it. If we learn that genetics make a difference, we would rapidly
00:44:10.860 implement it. So, I mean, that is the plan, but it doesn't require a timeline because nobody knows
00:44:17.100 when this vaccine might or might not happen, when some therapeutic will work or not.
00:44:24.960 So I wouldn't worry about the timeline part of it, but it is true that there's something like,
00:44:30.140 uh, a lack of a plan. Now, part of it is people don't want to say that they want to kill old people,
00:44:37.680 unhealthy people, minorities, and poor people. And who does, right? Who wants to say in public,
00:44:46.420 you know, if it's up to me, I'll save this group and kill this group. Well, I'll go first.
00:44:53.700 How about I go first? So here's your choice, Scott. You've got to have a policy that would favor
00:44:59.540 favor or not favor any of these groups, the elderly, the people with comorbidities and the
00:45:10.280 poor. Now there's an overlap, of course, but if you do something that helps people financially,
00:45:17.700 you know, helps the poor, you're probably going to kill a lot of old people. The people with
00:45:23.480 comorbidities, you know, they probably have bad luck no matter what you do. And so, Scott, who do
00:45:30.840 you want to kill? Old people or poor people, many of whom especially are African Americans who have
00:45:39.160 a special risk apparently with the coronavirus. Who are you going to kill? Old people or African
00:45:45.220 Americans? Go ahead, Scott. Say it. Say it in public. Who are you going to kill? Are you willing
00:45:50.980 to say that in public? That you would kill old people or you would kill African Americans and
00:45:56.220 poor people? Go ahead. Say it. Okay. Old people. That's my choice. I choose old people.
00:46:06.820 If you can say that too, or even if you can say the opposite, but if you can say it out loud,
00:46:13.280 you get to sit at the adult table. You could be right. You could be wrong. I would only ask you to
00:46:20.240 have good intentions. You could be selfish. That's totally allowed. You could say, you know,
00:46:25.740 this is good for me. Yeah, I don't care about other people. This is the way I want to go. It's
00:46:31.680 just good for me. If you can do that and say it out loud, you too get to sit at the adult table
00:46:37.140 because you can be selfish as an adult. You're allowed. Our system allows you to vote for who you
00:46:43.020 think is going to help you. That's built into the system perfectly fine. But if you can't say it,
00:46:50.740 you got to stay at the kid's table. And then you just pretend like there's magical solutions and
00:46:56.360 magical vaccines and you don't have to make trade-offs. That's the kid's table. Go sit there.
00:47:04.360 So I said it out loud. I would say if the poor and the African American community first, to the
00:47:12.260 extent that your policies can have an emphasis, I'm not even sure if that's possible. But if it can,
00:47:19.020 that's the way I'd go. So in other words, I would go back to work a little bit faster
00:47:22.900 than maybe some others. Not so fast that it's crazy. And really, I said before, I said this morning,
00:47:30.160 that if it turns out that you had to wait another three weeks in California, that's what it looks
00:47:36.720 like. Another three weeks. Three weeks probably isn't the difference between living and dying. It's
00:47:43.580 probably not the difference between your company failing. Everybody's saying so. But keep in mind,
00:47:49.520 they're all economically ignorant. Let me tell you why things are not as bad as maybe you think in terms
00:47:55.380 of the companies that are going out of business. You're going to hear all these stories from the
00:48:00.020 financially ignorant portion of the press, which is almost everybody, saying that all these
00:48:06.820 restaurants are going out of business and closing, etc. What they won't tell you is what is the
00:48:12.760 landlord going to do? What do they do with a building that used to be rented and now it's still a
00:48:23.060 restaurant, but they own it? What are they going to do? Well, the smartest thing the landlord could do
00:48:29.320 is make a deal with the owner, the restaurant owner, and say, look, you didn't pay me for three
00:48:35.840 weeks. You're totally underwater, but so is everybody. So is everybody. Can you come back?
00:48:44.200 And the best thing for me is you come back, because that's the best thing for the landlord.
00:48:50.760 And that will always be left out by the financially illiterate. That all these companies that are
00:48:56.180 declaring bankruptcy and closing and saying they'll never open up again? That's not exactly true.
00:49:03.280 Quite a few of those that think they're closed for good are going to come back to a world in which
00:49:08.760 people are way more flexible than they imagined. They're going to have banks that say, you know,
00:49:15.040 you're bankrupt. I'll still give you a loan. Imagine that. Imagine a world where you're going
00:49:21.600 to be able to walk into a bank and say, I'm bankrupt last week. Will you give me a business
00:49:28.160 loan? And the bank will look at you and say, were you in business three months ago in a successful
00:49:34.320 restaurant? Yes, I was. And then, you know, restaurants actually are hard to finance. So maybe a restaurant's
00:49:41.700 the worst example, because it's going to be hard for them to get a loan. But it's always hard for
00:49:46.420 restaurants to get funding. But for an ordinary business, the bank is going to say, I'm not sure
00:49:53.060 I care that you're bankrupt. I care that, you know, it's a real business and you can pay the bills.
00:49:59.460 But everybody who came in this week is bankrupt. It's like, it's universal now. So I think that you
00:50:05.300 would hear a lot of fake bad news that people will imagine as if somebody went out of business
00:50:11.780 in a world where everybody else didn't. But in a world where massive numbers of people went out of
00:50:17.940 business, the options are very constrained. And the most obvious best option for almost everybody
00:50:25.400 is to get really flexible and put those people who are out of business back in business as quickly
00:50:31.620 as possible. So I think they could be and a business and then back in business faster than
00:50:36.900 you think, just because it's the easiest way to go for everybody. All right, those are the things I
00:50:42.180 want to talk about. Somebody says another three weeks is ridiculous. Well, it might be ridiculous
00:50:49.700 scientifically, but I don't think it would be ridiculous in terms of death. You know, I don't think
00:50:57.140 anybody will die from poverty in three weeks. And I don't think it will be a measurable difference.
00:51:06.980 All right.
00:51:10.940 Texas woman put in jail for cutting hair. Oh, that's the other thing I want to say. When this
00:51:16.180 is all over, when when all the restrictions are off and everybody can move freely. I want us all to
00:51:23.060 share our stories of massive cheating during the lockdown. I know you got your stories. I know you
00:51:30.820 do. I see you. You're smiling. You're smiling. Because I know that you snuck somewhere. You saw
00:51:39.140 somebody. You know you did. You let some people come over to your house. You know you did. I see
00:51:45.940 you're smiling. You. Yep. You. Yep. Busted. So when this is all over and you don't feel the
00:51:53.860 red, hot, searing pain of other people's judgment upon you, I want to hear your funny stories of the
00:52:02.100 things you got away with. Because somebody says slept with neighbor, which I'm sure is true. Because I
00:52:10.660 think there are going to be a lot of stories about people who maybe, let's just say, did not obey
00:52:18.660 their government if they didn't feel that their government's rules were, let's say, perfectly
00:52:25.060 crafted. People who may have massively cheated on this social isolation thing just because they
00:52:34.500 thought their government didn't have the moral authority, the technical expertise, or the
00:52:40.180 management risk management ability to decide for them. And so they decided for themselves and just
00:52:47.860 figured out how to beat the system. I'm not recommending it. I'm just saying it'll be very
00:52:51.700 funny when we share the stories. Not that I have one. I've been totally good. I know you haven't.
00:52:59.860 I'm not going to read that comment. All right, that's enough for now. Have a great night of sleep.
00:53:05.060 And have a great night. Tomorrow is going to be way better than today. I promise. You just wait and see.