Holly MidLife - Life Tips For Women
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 7 minutes
Words per Minute
175.21036
Summary
In this episode, Holly Midlife from Canada joins me to talk about life tips for women in their 40s and 50s! Holly is a woman of many talents, and her advice and tips are a must-listen for any woman in her 40s, 50s, or in her 60s.
Transcript
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welcome holly midlife from canada thanks for being here
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hello thank you so much for having me i really appreciate it it's funny because someone
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recommended your channel to me and you definitely have some excellent life tips for women but you're
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also curious about about a lot of various topics and i could also read between the lines and some
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of your videos and i was like yeah this is a good one there was something new though on your channel
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that i had never heard about rando nodding now it sounds like sounds a little woo woo but i think
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there's something to it have you had any rando nodding adventures recently uh so rando nodding
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it is if you go deeply into it there is a lot of woo woo about it um if you're into like the the
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paranormal and all that stuff and um the you know the the basis behind the secret and everything like
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that essentially uh it was just something fun that my daughter had seen on tiktok and she um she said
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let's give it a try and so essentially what it is is it's a random point generator so it gives you
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a location to go visit that's within a certain distance so you can set it as a driving distance
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a walking distance and we chose walking because we were trying to get out of the house during the
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whole lockdown situation and uh we we had a lot of great rando nod adventures and it took us to places
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that we had never seen before and essentially the the theory behind it is it gets you out of your
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reality tunnel and i mean i see it as it gets it gets you out of your daily routines because when you
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go for a walk you tend to always go the same places what this did was just get us to discover different
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places in our city in our neighborhood and i mean we did have some coincidental things happen
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that i thought was really interesting and that's what kept me doing it but uh just it's one of those
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those tiktok trends that uh my kid my youngest uh i like it though it's kind of fun and sometimes yeah
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exactly it's good to switch up your usual routine you know drive a different way go to a different park
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you know it gets other neural pathways firing in your brain so you're just not on like robot mode all
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the time right so that sounds like a lot of fun so you're you're almost 50 so what we're going to
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talk about uh is you know women's issues i think this is a great show for women just things that
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you've learned you know i'm in my 40s as well there's a lot that i've learned and i wish that i
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knew some of these things when i was 25 right there isn't always those women in your life telling you
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these things and uh so let us be those women who are telling some of these younger women things
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and we're going to get into that but also i think some tips for women who are midlife because we can't
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forget about the older gals too your life is not over at 50 or your life is not your life is just
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beginning again in a different way in your 40s but would you say that you're very different uh from
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say 25 has the core of you changed uh you know to who you are has it stayed stayed strong you're
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approaching 50 now it's a it's a two-level answer because the the core of me has not changed
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i'm still the same uh personality still the same person that i was however i just feel closer to my
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my 50s i am a lot more confident in who that person is so it's a yes and no it's i'm a very stubborn
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person but i've learned to use that stubbornness to my advantage and not to my detriment i think that
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would be the major lesson that i've learned from 25 yeah i think for me is yeah i knew who my core
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was but having i didn't quite understand or harness it yet you kind of have to refine your strengths and
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kind of work on your weaknesses and that takes it takes a lifetime there's people still working on
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their weaknesses when they're 80 years old now would you say there were defining moments in your
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life that changed you for the better or made you embrace who you are um i would say yes like it's
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certainly the the birth of my my children 100 that changes you as as as a woman you you are now no
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longer just an individual you are now a person that is eternally tied to another human being and
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responsible for them and i did have my kids fairly young and it did make me grow up very very fast so
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that was a base fundamental change for me um but then also a lot of the the tragedies that i've gone
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through in my life uh they've shaped my resolve in uh who i am and what i need to focus on um but then
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of course there's always you know the death of a thousand cuts there's the the little mistakes that
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you make day to day that lead you down a path that instead of learning the lessons from them i
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didn't and just continue to make the same mistakes over and over again and uh learning from that has
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been a foundation of who i am today but i wouldn't say that that was a definitive moment in my life so
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yeah exactly i would say the definitive moment you're right marriage and kids that definitely did a big
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one for me and they they say that nothing makes a woman uh conservative like having children right
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and i found that that i found that to be true as well you start prioritizing different things right
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away it just changes your world it just kind of something else kicks in maybe that's why the system
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doesn't want women having kids when they're younger so they could just be liberal and just you know
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miss those fertile years and then just become a wine aunt a liberal wine aunt in their old age
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i think too when it comes to finding who you are you have to separate what other people have
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projected onto you you know we listen too much to what we think other people think of us right
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telling us who we are but no one knows you like you or why you behave the way that you do but one
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thing's for sure it's a process and you have to work it's uh developing yourself if you really want
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to because i find that there's some people that they just don't care but for me i find the older i get
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the more i want to be refined and be all that i can be did you did you have that experience as well
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like once you hit i don't know your late 30s you're like oh my god i'm approaching 40 but you're you're
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happy and who you are you're a confident woman you like i wish i had that brain when i was 25 but you
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can't force that you know you can't force life experience some things just do happen with age right
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yeah you it's funny because the the lesson the lessons that my parents tried to teach me when i
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was was a young woman was learn from other people's mistakes and you you try to do that but there is no
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greater lesson than than life making the mistakes burning your hand on the hot stove that teaches you
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real quick not to touch it and it was interesting what you said about the as women we tend to want to
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take on what or what we project out to the world as a part of our personality and i find that as you
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get older as a woman as as women get older we we start to develop that um mindset of i don't give an
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f what people think of me and sometimes that power can be used for good and sometimes that power uh tends
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to make them turn into crazy wine moms um but but harnessing harnessing that that letting go of what
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other people think of you because remember when you were in high school and you wore the wrong color
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jeans or you you did your hair with the wrong part or something stupid teenage girl like that
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it was absolutely devastating to you and your identity as a young girl and then as you move into your
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20s your focus turns to what are the boys finding attractive about me and you start to orient yourself
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in that way and then as you get older you start to lose that power of the young woman and now it's
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like okay well who the hell am i and then that's when that break happens well it happened for me
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was you know i really i should really stop caring about what people think of me and how am i going to do
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this constructively and i don't know if it was divine intervention or something but that was when
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uh my love of philosophy started to develop and that's when i discovered you know the teachings of
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all the different great philosophers the socratic method of questioning things um renee descartes uh the
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apple the apple basket experiment taking apart your entire belief structure and then putting back into the
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the basket the things that are serving you and then discarding the things that actually aren't serving
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you and not they're hindering you from becoming the person that you're you truly are meant to be
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um it's it's really interesting when you start to kind of dive into your your beliefs the ones that
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you're carrying over through different parts of your life uh some of the things just just don't work
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anymore but i notice women tend to hold on to a lot of them and it makes them very miserable and very
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unhappy as we age oh yeah definitely no it's true you have to find your way and you also
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you know as you pull away from your parents maybe you have some of their belief system or
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religion like i grew up in religion i'm not a christian anymore but i grew up in a christian
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household you know i went through my journey my process and uh also looking into philosophy i was
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definitely into carl jung learning about him and the whole shadow self side of you which i thought
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was really powerful because there's a saying that your greatest strength can become your greatest
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weakness right and your weaknesses can become your greatest strength i think that you'll probably say
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that that's been true for you i've found that that's true because the thing about weakness is
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really it's just unrealized potential that you haven't learned about yet whereas the things you
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think are your strength can like you're saying maybe being too mouthy or something can limit you
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without realizing it you know there's i think that there's more to tap into that creates a wiser
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balanced you but you have to be conscious of what those are and it takes time to learn who you are and
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it's true in your 20s you kind of don't think about those things more because you're thinking about
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got to get that guy you want to get that guy maybe you want to start a family you have this and that
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i think once you're kind of uh over 30 start thinking about those things and uh you know
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you're more introspective what do you think oh yeah well 100 like thinking about my what i consider
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one of my greatest strengths is absolutely definitely one of my greatest weaknesses i am stubborn and
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patient to a fault and i'm very very slow to anger and i i always perceive that as a very very good
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thing now i still believe that it is however throughout my life it's it's put me in situations
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where i have stubbornly tried to prove people um wrong of what they think of me and
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that stubbornness has kept me in situations that i should have exited a long time ago or i shouldn't
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have wasted that time on that relationship or i shouldn't have wasted that time in that job because
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it just wasn't the right place for me and um if i would have been a little quicker to react and a
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little less stubborn in trying to prove myself i think that uh things would have gone a lot easier
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for me but then questioning that you have to think well was that a life lesson that i needed to learn
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so i can get to the place where i am now where i'm still stubborn i'm still strong-headed but i can now
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recognize okay this is actually starting to damage me or damage my family or damage something and it's
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like okay now it's time to walk away now it's time to to get angry yeah not be so uh agreeable and try
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to get along with everyone sometimes there's a lot of women fall into that i used to be like that too
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almost too nice and a lot of women can become doormats like that or get pushed around or maybe you know they
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need to learn to say no more often to certain people that they shouldn't waste their time with
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you know i see a lot of young girls do that because there are a lot of young girls that
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they're nice but they're just kind of blowing around in the wind they're not really sure you
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know where the grounding is and they get they get taken advantage of you know but then when you're
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older you're like looking at some of those women like just say no walk away he's a slime bag or
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you know like we can see we can see it coming across the street you know yeah whereas something happens in
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your youth it's like you just don't see some of those things i don't know what it is you know
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well with that i think that we should share you had some great tips um in one of your videos for
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younger women later we're going to get into some tips for midlife gals too so in your old wise age
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please and i don't think you're old what are things that you have learned that you would like
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to share with with younger women what would you like them to know well i think the number one thing
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um that that i've learned in in my life because of course i was an avid feminist and i was all about
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freedom of uh expression and uh the the whole free love movement and how you're you know sex is power
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and and all of that and that that mindset is very very damaging to young women and i have been
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pleasantly surprised seeing the there is a bit of a shift in young women's mentalities with
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moving away from that whole hookup culture thing and starting to realize exactly how damaging it is
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and i've seen it come more to the mainstream where women are starting to throw out that idea of maybe
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this isn't something that a woman should be doing just throwing her her sexuality to the wind and letting
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anybody hop on for a ride essentially putting it nicely and one of my my quotes in my videos is
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garbage in garbage out so if you're if you're offering yourself up to a garbage person to use
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you and treat you like a piece of garbage maybe that's not the right path to take and maybe our
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grandmothers were correct with the the saying why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free
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you know become that that young woman that a young man wants to take home to meet his mother
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to meet his grandmother uh be that become that young woman that a young man would be proud of to have
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in his life uh not just that young woman that he calls up at three in the morning when he's got an itch
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that he needs to scratch right he doesn't care about you he only cares about one very small part of
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you and if you allow him he's going to use that you know the the easy accessibility with the complete
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unyoking of accountability when it comes to free and unfettered availability of sex yeah that's right
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and and you had said too in your video that this is a a new norm right in modern culture i mean
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historically this wasn't a thing we evolved based on sure biological needs the impulse to sustain life
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before things got really comfortable but yes your body is your temple it's not a toilet or a dumpster
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whoever you think is kind of okay at the at the time and i love one of the comments you made about
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these women who think they're smashing the patriarchy by being uh sluts they even write
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slut across their chest it's like okay you're just providing this free and constant flow of uh
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sex without a commitment i don't know how that's empowering but it's it's great for the guys you know
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you're just you're getting exactly you're giving away for free but you you said something important
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there giving away your power maybe talk more about that your um sensuality uh sexuality how that leads
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to women not being happy well it's it's the common trope the the common thread that i see in all of
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these young women or older women coming out and talking about how they they were instructed and told by
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the feminist movement that they can be just like men and they can have sex just like men and they can have
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casual sex just like men well i believe that women are built differently when it comes to intimate
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relationships and it comes down to just the mechanics of having intercourse it's you are essentially
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allowing someone to enter your being for lack of a better term and you are allowing that person to
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leave a piece of them inside you and based on this this whole concept um if you're allowing someone to to do that
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to you it takes away the intimacy it takes away the love and caring it takes away everything that a young
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woman um should hold and cherish and keep um keep close to your your chest right uh it's it's really
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upsetting when you you you read these stories of these young women that have body counts in the hundreds
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and how crazy pleased and happy they are about it but then later you can see in their their timelines
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how absolutely miserable they are and they keep banging on the same drum that's making them miserable
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and they figure okay if we just bang harder it's something it's going to get better we're going to get to
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that place where women are fully empowered and like i'm going back to my ancestors and going back to
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to the roots and i learned the phrase like women control the access to sex men control the access
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to a relationship and what we've done as a society is we've completely taken away the power that women
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have when it comes to the access to sex like there there is nothing more powerful in the world
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that can stop a room or stop a man's thought or a man's thought and it's his tracks is is than a
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beautiful young woman and that power if it's if it's just given away to whoever desires her then she no
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longer has that power um the i do believe also that this whole sexual revolution that's come to fruition to
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the point where it is now is not only damaging to young women it's now becoming very damaging to young
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men and you can see that in the rates of of marriage and young men that are just deciding to walk away
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and live their own lives and focus on themselves and focus on their careers and focus on their you know
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their family their parents um and now we have young women that are asking well where are all the good guys
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where did all the good guys go and it's like well those good guys have uh either gotten married to
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a lovely young lady or those guys just don't want to have anything to do with somebody that
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has given it all away for free exactly it's they viewed as dirty and gross because it is i hate to
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put that label on people that dirty gross used but when it comes down to the the base
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the base level of it like i think back to when i was a kid and i was in high school
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there there was always the that one girl that all the guys knew that would put out yeah and
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all a lot of the girls were jealous because that girl got all of the boys attention
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but that girl was never never taken out on dates that girl never went to prom that girl never got taken
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to or taken bad language that that young lady was never invited home to to meet the young man's uh
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parents the she never got a boyfriend and if she did it was just until she you know put out and then
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she was quickly cast aside i think we're in a situation right now where pretty much every young lady is
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that girl i know i said i was gonna say i noticed that in high school just watching
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man just going out to to events or whatever and you see what you know the the young kids dress like
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now the teenage girls i was just telling some of my friends i was like that's how the the slut when i
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was going to school in high school used to dress now they're all dressing like the slut like with this
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ghetto trash culture now they're all doing that so now what stands out is the woman that's more
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beautiful and wholesome and actually dressed in a classy way it's outrageous yeah you gotta you
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gotta leave some mystery that's why like back in the day there there was burlesque
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and burlesque was very sexy it was very provocative because you never actually got to see anything yeah
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exactly it was always that hint of of what might be behind the the covers right it was very titillating
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but now there's there's the gentleman's clubs where you get to see everything you can basically do a
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gynecological exam on this young lady and there's nothing sexy about that there's nothing titillating about
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that no there isn't yeah and you know that these women are secretly they just they want prince charming
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to come they just want to marry a guy who's going to take care of them so they're screeching loud about
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you know female empowerment and you know i'm i'm free to be a slut and it's my choice and i'm happier
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but you know they're not because on a biological level it's like it's impossible to be happy like that
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where no guy wants to marry you and protect you and you know provide a nice safe cozy house for you
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and like no you're miserable we know it so what do you think the solution is because you know yes sex
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is ultimately to make life but it's also for enjoyment right but the first purpose is making
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babies right and a lot of these women are taking value away from that by constantly giving it up to
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strangers and now they don't even have babies and you know the sex that they're having is probably not
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that great either so what do you think this counter response is to hookup culture what's the
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healthier alternative that people should be telling their girls about because you know they're going
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to want to try it at some point like teenagers right so what is the the healthy approach someone's
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raising a teenage girl like what do you say well then see that's that's the delicate balance that you
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have to you have to do right like our my parents the the boomers right the boomers were raised in the
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60s the summer you know the actual summer of love where it was this great amazing thing that women
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were being unyoked from from the stodgy old ideas of sex and it was free love and all that stuff and
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they did all the crazy drugs and they lived in the 60s and then when they started raising young girls
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they took a look and went oh i saw i see how damaging that is i'm gonna make this all illegal
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i'm gonna ban it all we're not gonna talk about it we're gonna push hard on the no and all that did
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was make it even more enticing and more interesting and oh let's you know let's see what they're talking
00:24:20.000
about because i see pictures of mom and her her hip huggers going to these these crazy parties and my my
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mom used to roller skate at studio 54 whatever the story is um i'm gonna do that but i'm gonna
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do it better i'm gonna do it harder and i'm gonna do it faster um i think now we we are sitting here
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looking at okay well that didn't work twice so how do we talk to young women about this well we need
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to talk to young women about the the value that they they truly do hold and the power that they truly
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do possess and how to um to put it into their terms how to use that power to for it for its good
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right to drive them further in life to get them to where they need to go and to understand that when
00:25:10.800
someone desires you that does not mean that they hold you to a high esteem uh a man can desire any
00:25:19.680
woman but does that mean that he holds her to a high esteem and if you act in a way where you
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demand that respect and you demand that um elevation of your your character then you'll be treated as
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such now what do we do from here uh all we can do is just take care of our daughters and teach our
00:25:40.800
daughters the the lessons of the past and be very open and frank that you know when you have those the
00:25:48.560
sex talks right the the value of what it means to be a little more conservative with your your
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sexuality but sex is to be enjoyed and sex is fun and women enjoy it just as much as men do when
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it's in the confounds of a loving relationship and has that intimate tie to it right so it's it's you get
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to that that point where there's that healthy balance of let's not try to lock all the women
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up and you know put them in chastity bills because yeah they don't know what to do but explain to them
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why sex can be enjoy enjoyed and how it can be enjoyed and the appropriate power use of power i guess
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we can say that's right you have to you have to motivate the reason not just don't do it because
00:26:44.640
i said so right uh or don't do it because our belief says you can't yeah i i feel that that
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approach doesn't work you have to really really educate them really empower them with the truth and
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and the education and i feel like a lot of parents they aren't doing that because maybe they they
00:27:02.560
themselves don't even really fully understand maybe it's just something that they kind of unconsciously
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pick up on like oh yeah it's it's wrong you don't want your teen daughter sleeping around or whatever
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but they can't even really put the words together of why and present that for their children but they
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need to because it's one of the most important things is how we raise our children right that's
00:27:20.880
going to determine the future and especially for especially for women i think women have been
00:27:25.840
a number has been done on women specifically and the more liberal we get just the worse that it's getting
00:27:31.760
for women so something isn't working um what do you think about as far as like female liberation
00:27:39.120
and all that stuff do you think that that was um a subversive agenda or was there some truth there
00:27:47.440
yeah this is like but i've been thinking about this for for about 24 hours now straight like
00:27:54.320
and of course i i have this uh conspiracy theory mind right like so so do i how how would you
00:28:03.440
control a society what's what is what's the thing that what's the thing that holds a society together
00:28:13.280
that makes a society essentially ungovernable and that's the family unit and so how would you
00:28:21.360
break up the family unit to make people more dependent on the the powers that be well you can't go after
00:28:30.240
the men because the men are strong and the men will fight back it's in it's in their nature to protect
00:28:36.880
things um you would go after the women now as a woman i know this 100 uh we are more susceptible to
00:28:46.000
messaging and we are more susceptible to in-group acceptance and that's just just a part of our
00:28:52.880
our biology it's a part of who we are um so to slowly trickle in those ideas that fundamentally would
00:29:00.400
break apart that the family values i guess you can say or the the the structure of the strong family you
00:29:08.560
would go after the women and once you go after the women of course they're going to start changing the
00:29:16.000
tides and they're going to start moving things and in a certain direction that essentially is going to
00:29:21.520
end up being very destructive towards the family unit right so i i do i do believe that the the early
00:29:32.160
feminists that the first wave feminists they they were about equality and they were about making
00:29:42.320
things better for women i think they came from a good place because we were coming out of a phase where
00:29:48.720
women were uh held back and women were controlled and women were treated as property essentially and all
00:29:59.120
that all they did in in that first wave was to say hey we're humans too and treat us like humans we're
00:30:06.480
not property and that's it and but then from that if you've looked into the history of um feminism
00:30:15.600
single wave that's come from that it starts to morph into this evil ugly creature of instead of
00:30:23.200
let's elevate everybody so everyone can benefit from all of the great things that everyone can offer
00:30:28.880
it now has become we need to crush and destroy everything that is not us so that's where the man hate
00:30:38.000
started and that's where the women going on their own started and that's where i don't have children
00:30:44.880
started they're just a burden and taking away everything that fundamentally makes a woman fulfilled
00:30:52.800
yeah and it also would i would say during the the even the first wave uh where it originally started
00:30:59.680
was a lot of upper class women who were just bored like they were bored you know because most other
00:31:07.120
women were too busy just trying to survive just getting done whatever the household needed to get done i
00:31:12.800
don't think those husbands viewed them as property and treated them like crap and all that stuff i feel
00:31:17.920
like it was a lot a lot of these things have been fantasized you know and it's just become mythologized
00:31:24.320
in this way that these men were these great beasts back then and this is how they treated all women and
00:31:29.600
stuff whereas i mean i i always look at it like i want to get into this whole discussion about trad wife
00:31:35.600
versus modern woman but what era of woman are you talking about right because we've been through all
00:31:41.680
kinds of things like are you going to judge a viking woman versus a 1950s or upper middle class 1920s
00:31:49.200
woman like they've been dealing with different things in different decades and i feel like
00:31:53.520
around this time there was a lot of subversive forces in america and in europe and i feel like they
00:32:00.560
were getting their fingers in there because they knew like you said the family units and the the woman is
00:32:06.720
so important in the family like she can create chaos and instability you know and she's the one
00:32:12.720
who has the babies right um so i do feel i have studied and i've looked into it and in the different
00:32:18.880
foundations who have founded these things and some of the the females who were leading some of these
00:32:24.000
movements and i look at their communist background or their uh hatred already towards european uh even like
00:32:32.880
nationalism and things so to me i i definitely feel is more subversive i think there were some women
00:32:38.720
that probably were treated like crap by their by their husbands for sure uh but i think that generally
00:32:44.160
men uh they meant well they were trying to to protect protect their women you know yeah no 100%
00:32:52.400
like i looking into the the anti-suffragette movement the women who uh were not interested in
00:33:03.680
getting the vote it's very it's very interesting when you look into that history because as as a young
00:33:09.840
woman going through school learning all about the the brave women that got us the vote and got those
00:33:16.000
evil awful men to give us a voice etc etc well looking in looking into the suffragette movement um
00:33:25.360
you have to kind of dig a little bit deeper and see that the majority the overwhelming majority of women
00:33:32.080
women were not interested in the um in the dealings of that's right yeah the the direct
00:33:39.040
quote is they they didn't have time to care about what what men were doing because they were dealing
00:33:47.200
with more important things like raising the future generation and to them that was the the single
00:33:54.720
most important thing to be doing yeah absolutely yeah i agree 100 and it's just look look at it
00:34:02.480
today it's the same thing is happening like these movements that are supposedly these big movements
00:34:06.320
and stuff the majority of people don't actually support these things and don't even really give a
00:34:10.640
shit about a lot of these things but they just push it in the media so they make it seem like it's
00:34:14.960
much bigger and more important than it is and that's how i feel like with the the suffragette
00:34:19.600
movement because to me looking back to like as far as the right to vote and stuff they had one vote
00:34:24.480
per household i think that that's a brilliant idea you vote as a family unit i mean i wouldn't want to
00:34:30.320
vote different from my husband and i wouldn't be married to him if we were going to vote differently
00:34:34.080
you know what i mean i think some of those things were structured to protect the family unit in a
00:34:38.880
way and now that has been uh that has been sabotaged oh yeah now i think like people shouldn't even
00:34:44.400
be able to vote under 25 honestly and there should be other requirements too like owning a business
00:34:49.440
do you have a family like you know it's out of control you look at it this way uh if if with looking
00:34:56.240
back at the the suffragette movement and and the vote being one family one household um you can't
00:35:03.120
tell me that women back then weren't exactly the same as we are now when it comes to how our
00:35:11.440
households are run like you can't tell me that they didn't uh see the the school board or something
00:35:17.520
happened with the sewage or the water collection and they didn't go talk to their husband and say
00:35:22.880
hey i noticed that uh this isn't happening in our neighborhood uh which candidate do you think
00:35:29.280
is going to help us with that and then they have that open discussion in their household
00:35:33.600
and then say okay well i think that we should vote for joe instead of fred because joe is saying
00:35:39.360
he's going to help us with this and then the husband goes yeah that's a great idea they come
00:35:42.960
to a consensus and then the man went and voted yeah exactly right exactly you also said another good
00:35:49.520
thing there when it comes to things that are traditional there are certain things i think women
00:35:54.880
just always have cared about all throughout time and we'll get into this with trad wise versus the
00:36:00.080
modern woman and one of those things is running the household and overseeing the children it doesn't
00:36:04.560
matter if it was uh some old mud hut versus a palace like the women are going to be caring about
00:36:11.600
the kids they're gonna look at how things are run in the household like there are certain timeless
00:36:16.640
principles and i think women have mostly been concerned about those things that's their priority all
00:36:21.200
the women i know i mean generally being uh political minded is more like masculine brain
00:36:27.440
and a lot of women just don't care about politics i mean nowadays the only reason why i do is because
00:36:32.000
i'm forced to because i feel like i need to get involved to protect the future of my children
00:36:37.920
because i see what's coming you know i mean that's the only reason why i'm here and i'm out here doing
00:36:42.240
these things i think otherwise i would be just doing girly things in the house with the kids you know
00:36:47.680
but let's discuss this whole thoughts on the trad wife versus the the modern woman sometimes we get
00:36:53.440
the extremes out there i made a video called the truth about trad wives and you touched on a lot of
00:36:59.040
the same things i think we really come from the same place on this a trad wife isn't a new concept it's
00:37:05.920
an old concept i think is being reworked into this new liberal kind of soft era that we're in and i also
00:37:13.040
had mentioned in this video like what era are we talking about like i brought up before trad wife
00:37:18.160
in the viking era of like the women that had to do things that weren't always traditionally feminine
00:37:25.120
they just did what needed to be done right as a family unit versus the 1950s the golden age when the
00:37:30.960
woman can stay home and the guy goes to work and she can wear these sexy high heels when he comes back
00:37:36.000
and everything is good they have martinis together you know i mean we're not in that period now like a lot
00:37:40.560
of women they have to work unfortunately because it's hard and each era has their different struggles
00:37:47.040
i come from a view that a couple they just need to do what needs to get done and you you are going
00:37:52.880
to know who's better suited to do what it's not always going to fit into maybe the traditional category
00:37:58.000
but the obvious big ones they always do so what do you think about this this this whole trad trad wife
00:38:03.840
thing versus the modern woman and is the trad wife thing really the answer answer for to everything
00:38:09.760
for miserable women well that's i i i actually did the same the same sort of video like questioning
00:38:16.640
okay when you say trad wife what are you talking about and and i didn't go back to the vikings but i
00:38:22.880
went back to say the first nations people and the indigenous people and we had the same you know
00:38:31.280
family units we had the the mothers grandmothers staying back at the village the men going out to hunt and
00:38:37.120
fight uh women were sometimes uh had to step up and do some of the hunting and do some of the
00:38:45.840
the fire wood prep and you can't tell me that the women didn't just sit at home uh with a martini
00:38:52.800
and laid back and wait until the the men came home if the men ever came home or if their men ever came
00:38:59.520
home because hunting back then was very dangerous so you can't tell me that that she didn't go out and
00:39:05.040
harvest wood and she didn't go out and hunt small game and she didn't you know kill and strip and prep
00:39:11.680
dinner to keep her babies alive so you have to you have to look at okay well what what's traditional
00:39:19.040
what's trad and when you you hear the the modern modern people talking about the trad right wife they
00:39:27.200
always look at that age the 1950s yeah where life was extremely comfortable and extremely um easy and
00:39:39.200
what happened to those women like they were going to the doctor with the the housewife blues and the
00:39:48.080
melancholy of having to stay home but everything had been stripped from them they dishwashers were invented
00:39:56.240
so that didn't take time the food procurement became super easy and they would just you know go
00:40:03.200
to the grocery store and that would be their exciting thing that they did for the day um to me that that
00:40:09.600
kind of life just sounds completely horrendous and a nightmare like you look at what happened during
00:40:16.960
the lockdowns and how many people went crazy we we had we had income we had mining coming in and we had
00:40:23.920
all this time on our hands well did everyone just suddenly become super blissful and super happy
00:40:30.000
because they could do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted because they didn't have to go to work
00:40:34.640
no people were miserable people started drinking people started self-medicating and the same thing
00:40:39.920
happened to the the housewives in the 50s they started self-medicating they started taking different
00:40:46.000
mothers little helpers that are a lot stronger than just uh you know a box of wine every afternoon
00:40:52.560
and you know i look at that that period of time it's like no i don't want to have
00:40:59.680
a man go out and work and take care of me and then me just sit there and do absolutely nothing
00:41:05.280
yeah you need a purpose that's the thing i feel like us as as a people we started losing a purpose
00:41:10.560
around this time you know materialism really came in as well there was another good point i forgot but uh
00:41:17.360
as far as like the the feminist stuff a lot of women were going in the workforce i think that was
00:41:21.680
a big part of the agenda taxing them getting them to become a slave to another man like that's not a
00:41:27.360
solution either right dropping your kids off in school all day or daycare and the government raising
00:41:32.480
them so you had women doing that but then you also had women sitting home who were just yeah they
00:41:38.480
were bored they needed a purpose they needed something to do something to live for their kids were gone
00:41:43.600
they weren't even homeschooling them right they dropped them off at school and once all the
00:41:49.440
vacuuming was done then what you know it's like they didn't know they didn't know what else to do
00:41:55.200
yeah they like you said like the everything that gives a woman purpose in that time of time period of our
00:42:04.240
history every single thing that gives a woman purpose it was institutionalized it was streamlined
00:42:12.000
it was provided for them so like you said not a homeschooling got that bad rap of that's just
00:42:18.880
what the the the weirdo kids were like they weren't going to be socialized properly and they weren't
00:42:25.120
going to be taught properly because the government knows best for you so take your kids ship them off
00:42:30.800
to the school well okay that takes rearing children out of it it and that that's one of the greatest
00:42:37.840
joys in a woman's life is to take care of of her babies and like just something that you said there
00:42:45.360
when women in in my country they were starting to go back to work a lot of a lot of women had spent
00:42:56.000
that time home with their children taking care of their children kids weren't going to school so they
00:43:00.880
were essentially homeschooling and they saw the the joy and purpose that that brought back into their
00:43:08.480
lives just by being forced to stay at home and there are a lot of women that discovered new ways of
00:43:16.240
bringing in income that kept them at home and they weren't going back to work and there was this huge
00:43:23.440
push this huge advertising push and societal push to get the women back into the workplace and the push
00:43:32.080
was oh well we got we have to have subsidized daycare because these poor women can't afford it
00:43:37.040
but a lot of women discovered hey you know what i'm saving thousands of dollars a year by just staying
00:43:44.080
home with my kids orienting my lifestyle so i can stay home with my kid do something part-time that does
00:43:50.560
bring in a little bit of income to supplement and just be a mom yeah and there's a lot of women that
00:43:57.840
can do that now and have a small little internet business i have lots of friends that do that
00:44:03.040
something that they love a little creative outlet or something because i mean i love
00:44:07.920
children i love being around my children but i also need some kind of creative outlet like there's
00:44:12.160
just going to be those women you know that that need a little something extra on the side but now with
00:44:16.960
the invention of technology and the internet like we can do some of those things and also i think
00:44:23.040
it's very important now like what i said where we are politically i think since the post-world
00:44:28.240
war ii era has just gone downhill in america like crazy but um now we can actually have a voice and and
00:44:34.800
you know get involved and right from the right from our living room right women are recording selfie
00:44:39.920
videos with their kids playing in the background and i think that that can is still you can still be a
00:44:44.800
trad wife and do those things and in fact i think we need women to get involved in this
00:44:49.600
era of just like crazy feminism and stuff to be the the counterweight and also thinking in terms
00:44:55.280
of a future for our children your grandchildren where are things going like i feel that we need
00:45:00.720
to get involved as much as i wish we didn't have to that none of us had to worry about those things
00:45:06.320
i wish all i had to worry about was my hair and my nails and keeping the house clean but
00:45:09.840
you know it's just not the time that we live in unfortunately yeah it's a it's it's funny to see
00:45:15.680
the the government's um the the powers that be panic when they discovered that they were losing 50
00:45:23.760
of the tax paying workforce and there were a lot of women that didn't want to go back
00:45:28.240
to work because they they found their purpose in staying home and so you see the big the big push
00:45:34.400
through the the media and everything like that of oh we need to get women back to work women are
00:45:40.080
being oppressed again and but a lot of i do see a lot of women did see through that and say no you know
00:45:48.000
what i'm just gonna stay home i'm not gonna go back because we sold our second car we've reoriented
00:45:54.080
our lives and we've um we've seen how much money we were pouring into the daycare system
00:46:00.400
and we can actually stay home we can afford it because when we do the budget my job was only
00:46:09.440
barely paying for for the daycare and me being able to work whereas if i don't work we save thousands
00:46:16.560
of dollars a month of me driving me having to buy clothes the extra you know coffee in the morning even
00:46:24.080
the um owning that second car to get to the office like all of that women kind of woke up and that
00:46:31.360
makes me really happy that people are like oh crap we've been lied to we can actually stay home we
00:46:37.360
actually can't afford it we don't need two incomes yeah it's happening i see i see that uh pendulum
00:46:43.440
swinging and i did want to get into a few more tips for young girls i think that we should continue
00:46:48.960
we'll take a little break and continue because i do want to there's some more things i want to ask you
00:46:53.120
because i think it's a great conversation but you had some more tips like limiting the sun
00:46:58.400
little things like that maybe do you remember any more of those tips in your videos i wrote some of
00:47:03.040
them down in case you didn't yeah so like the the thing thing that i was taught when i was in my 20s
00:47:09.760
was treat your skin as you're 10 years older than you actually are and that includes shade sunscreen
00:47:17.040
because shade sunscreen and your diet and water consumption ages you so if you treat yourself like
00:47:24.160
you're 10 years older than you are you're going to take a little bit better care of yourself
00:47:28.640
and sunscreen absolutely is your friend i mean you can go down that rabbit hole of the things that are
00:47:34.240
actually in sunscreen zinc oxide just pure zinc oxide there's good organic products out there i think
00:47:40.400
you're on the same page there's a lot there's a lot of things that you can make yourself with natural
00:47:47.040
products that does that do protect you from the sun however if you are going to be an extreme exposure
00:47:54.800
and you that's not going to offer you the protection from getting burned sometimes the the
00:48:00.960
chemical stuff might be necessary to prevent what the the damage that could be done and sparingly and
00:48:09.040
very very infrequently it can be used but shade big hat stay out of the sun girls because you'll end
00:48:16.720
up with a much nicer complexion absolutely i think i think it's important also eating an organic diet is
00:48:23.360
very important paleo diet for me big advocate of that replacing all those chemical laden products
00:48:28.960
and makeup i know there's a lot of girls that suffer from infertility problems i think all of these
00:48:33.120
things contribute the products that you're putting on um the the crap that you're eating i always
00:48:38.320
recommend people going to a naturopath also birth control pills like i i have a problem with birth
00:48:44.880
control pills what's in it there's a lot of yucky stuff i mean learning your fertility cycle and the
00:48:50.160
window of when you are fertile and just you don't have a kid don't have sex on those days i mean
00:48:56.800
i don't know why they don't teach women these things anymore there's all these women who are
00:48:59.680
screeching about you know wanting to kill their baby and stuff but no one's teaching them about
00:49:03.840
basic fertility and your cycles and when you're most fertile it's like we've totally become out
00:49:10.160
of touch with that it's like this knowledge is just not even being talked about anymore it's crazy
00:49:15.600
yeah it's it's it's interesting because i i remember talking with my mother when i was pregnant with my
00:49:20.960
first child and i made the decision that i was going to nurse my babies i was going to make a go
00:49:26.400
of it i was going to breastfeed and my mom was mortified because she had me in the 70s and in the
00:49:32.240
70s the science like the the scientists they know the better nutrition and they know that it's it's
00:49:39.680
it's it's cleaner mom's got that too yep yeah you know what i mean like it and so she was mortified so
00:49:46.640
i i breastfed my children and it was the absolute best thing i could have ever done for my kids for
00:49:53.040
myself even selfishly um so thinking about that right and then you talked about the the birth control
00:50:00.160
pill i had um gone on it when i was very young because you know i didn't want to get pregnant and
00:50:07.200
i wanted to have unfettered sex without the responsibility of having a baby and it it affected
00:50:15.840
me in such a way that it changed who i was as a person and i wasn't aware of it but going looking
00:50:27.440
back with you know you always have 20 20 vision looking back on how much it did affect me and how
00:50:34.320
much it changed my the way my even my brain worked and the way my hormones hormone balance hormone balance
00:50:41.840
with everything like i i started dealing with severe depression and and all of that horrible stuff
00:50:50.800
the other thing was i started gaining weight so because you know you're back in that time where
00:50:55.920
i was very very vain about my my physicality well no one wants to be bloated and fat either so
00:51:04.560
i i realized it was the pill and i decided no i don't want to take this anymore it's making fat
00:51:10.240
and then i started coming out of the brain fog and out of the um what i was going through and it was
00:51:17.200
oh crap i think that's what was making me ill and when i did talk to my doctor he at least was a really
00:51:23.520
good doctor and said yeah there are some women that do have you know mental issues with it with with
00:51:29.360
birth control and that was my wonder you're screwing with your your home hormonal balance your chemistry
00:51:34.960
like yeah it's not it's not her fault for being acting crazy and erratic like that it's like you're
00:51:40.320
basically putting bad poisons in there you know yeah like the uh when you look at uh when women are
00:51:47.120
getting engaged to their their fiancés their the advice is for them to go off the birth control pill for
00:51:54.080
a year before they get married now why is that so that they can get pregnant well and also and also so they
00:52:01.760
can uh act like a normal woman well the studies that i've read into it it basically it changes
00:52:09.360
your hormones so much that you are as a woman are unable to pick up pheromones from your your
00:52:15.600
pop your partner oh that's right i do remember that research right yeah that's huge a lot of women they
00:52:21.200
they're on the pill on the pill on the pill they get married they decide okay we're going to start
00:52:24.960
having a baby now i'm going to go off of my birth control they go off of the birth control their
00:52:30.160
their body starts to reset become more natural and they cannot stand being around their husband oh
00:52:38.320
my gosh the just and it's it's some of it it's the way he smells just makes her physically sick
00:52:46.000
some cases there are some cases where she just isn't attracted to him anymore doesn't see him in
00:52:52.480
that same light that she did before and there there's that link to it so a lot of doctors are
00:53:00.000
saying hey before you get married maybe go off the pill for a year and use other forms of contraception
00:53:08.640
before you make that decision that this is going to be the man that you're going to be with for the
00:53:12.000
rest of your life that's huge fact how how compatible you actually are with this person wow that's
00:53:20.080
amazing i also remember there was a study just triggered in my brain here uh that women were
00:53:25.120
attracted to softer kind of more feminine men too on the pill i remember that i remember we talked about
00:53:31.600
this years ago so yeah there's something to that you know so that's another tip another pro tip right
00:53:38.160
there i would say another thing that i've learned is surround yourself by like-minded females uh politically
00:53:45.120
socially spiritually that's very important so that she can support each other and have like a true
00:53:50.720
sisterhood you know not not this fake bogus one but a true sisterhood um also i think you had said
00:53:57.520
this but find your talents your passion develop it like your youth is is a time to do this right that is
00:54:04.480
that your 20s are for that right yeah yeah absolutely you're your youth is a time and this is this
00:54:12.160
both for for men and for women but especially women is to enjoy your youth and your your beauty and to
00:54:19.760
enjoy the power of what it is to be a pretty young woman but also in that time don't revel in the fact
00:54:26.320
that you are a beautiful young woman develop other parts of your personality develop your skills develop
00:54:33.120
your talents find what you're good at find what what brings you joy and then start to work on that
00:54:42.080
build that solid foundation so when your you know your face starts to slide a little bit and your butt
00:54:51.520
you still have value and in yourself and you still feel a sense of purpose and a sense of worth because
00:54:59.280
the worst thing is a a pretty young woman that grows up to be a beautiful older woman that then starts to
00:55:07.920
panic because she's losing her her physical her physical prime right it's there are primes for women
00:55:16.080
in every phase of life there isn't just one single prime but when you lose your sexual prime it's for
00:55:23.200
some women it's it's very very devastating and they either desperately try to grasp onto it by
00:55:30.240
augmenting and fixing and doing everything they can and ending up looking like a i have some pictures
00:55:38.160
maria shriver have you seen her face we were my husband just sent this the other day did you see
00:55:43.840
that article holy cow and i was going to bring that out for tips for like midlife women but there's
00:55:50.160
women in their 20s who are doing these fillers and botox and surgery just don't do that that those are
00:55:56.560
poisons like botox is a poison okay these fillers are full of poison and they backfire so you may
00:56:03.360
think that it's going to look great now and i look so fresh but how does does maria shriver look fresh to
00:56:08.880
you oh she looks like stephen tyler stephen tyler or a klingon you know or like beauty and the beast like
00:56:17.440
the beast i hate i hate i hate to horrible laugh at another woman's appearance but when she's she's
00:56:28.400
i'm more like just yeah yeah i know i know makes it hard but yeah like just if you develop your insides
00:56:37.760
just as much as you're taking care of your outsides then you you end up with a strong self a strong
00:56:43.600
holistic sense of self and you there's nothing wrong with being a beautiful young woman there's
00:56:49.520
nothing wrong with taking good care of yourself there's nothing wrong with anti-aging and and
00:56:55.600
trying to stay as as youthful as you possibly can into your older ages there's nothing wrong with that
00:57:02.240
however there are certain aspects of aging that you do have to embrace because nature it's gonna happen
00:57:10.400
whether you want it or not happens to everybody yes it happens to everybody and if you're lucky to
00:57:19.600
get to that age like i i believe that aging is a privilege that is afforded to the very few
00:57:34.640
it's it's a privilege that's it that's offered to to the very few and not a lot of people do get to
00:57:40.000
live to get the the silver hair and the lines and to eventually you know turn into that little old
00:57:46.640
lady in the wheelchair with with a gallon of of experience and stories and incredible things that
00:57:55.360
she's done in her life there's you know why can't why can't we celebrate that anymore um like that's
00:58:01.920
that's the process that i would yeah a lot was i stopped dying my hair partially because the the
00:58:08.640
horrible chemicals like i learned all about the horrible chemicals subjecting myself to constantly
00:58:16.320
but also you know no one was going to see me for a little bit so why dye my hair but then the
00:58:25.440
the empowerment of actually being 100 who i am without the artificial anything you get me this is me
00:58:35.840
right yeah yeah it makes me happier no absolutely and i think that's another important tip you had
00:58:42.720
said learning for younger women it's really important to learn from older women listen to
00:58:47.920
their stories and me in my life i like to surround myself by women of various ages and i like to bring
00:58:54.800
together i i oftentimes host you know women's get-togethers and stuff and i like to have a wide age range i
00:59:02.080
think it's very important to do that i think in our old villages you know we used to have that where
00:59:06.480
the women would come together and tell stories and you're at a different decade in your life and you
00:59:10.720
can share those experiences and all that but i think that that's really important and sometimes
00:59:15.840
a woman needs to learn from someone who an older woman who isn't her mom because sometimes
00:59:20.080
she'll hear it differently from a woman who's outside the family right yeah well traditionally when
00:59:26.000
we're talking about trad wife or anything like that um traditionally in the village there was always the
00:59:32.240
the old silver-haired very wise crone who the new young couples who are getting married would go visit
00:59:42.080
and go meet and she would talk to them about what's to come next and talk to them about their sexuality
00:59:49.840
talk to them about babies in some societies it was to teach them how to do it i don't know if i agree
00:59:56.560
with that but yeah just just having that just having that older older woman in your life as a young woman
01:00:06.320
to steer you right and to show you that aging is not scary you're not done and things things can be
01:00:14.320
awesome as you get older as well don't put all your value into into your youth no it's a great time
01:00:20.400
when you just stop giving a damn the same way it's like it's fun you know turning 40 is actually fun
01:00:28.240
so don't worry about that some other things i want to jot down before we take a break uh listen to your
01:00:32.960
gut feelings i just did i just did a video about that we're going to release that that's one of the big
01:00:37.920
lessons i've learned in life always listen to your gut instinct because it knows so many times when we we
01:00:43.920
we were like darn it i knew it i had that first inclination i didn't listen and then you went down
01:00:49.680
this pathway that you never should have gone and all the drama and all that right i also say today
01:00:54.480
especially ignore whatever the media tv netflix magazines tell you to do just do the complete opposite
01:01:01.280
of what they tell you to do and another one i would say is important is to be proud of your your heritage
01:01:08.000
your ancestors your culture don't let anyone crap all over it like they're trying to do today
01:01:13.760
and i think you alluded to this also but get married younger if possible not everyone finds
01:01:19.840
the true love you know early on but get married younger start a family you did when you were
01:01:25.280
younger everything else can still happen later you can still have other interests and do other things
01:01:30.160
later your life isn't like oh that's it it's all over because i got married and had kids i hate when
01:01:34.800
when people are told that um the other thing is i know you're gonna have input here but the other thing is
01:01:39.520
when it comes to the one you know who the one is that man in your life like you shouldn't second
01:01:44.960
guess it so many women write me and say how do i know he's the one and i would say well when i met
01:01:50.160
my husband the second the second that i saw him i was like this is the guy that i'm gonna marry like
01:01:54.080
i didn't have any doubt about it whereas in the past there were guys who wanted to get married or you
01:01:59.040
i don't know is this right no if you feel that any second guessing like that's not the guy for you
01:02:04.160
right yeah yeah it's it's it's interesting the to if i could sit back and sit down and talk with my
01:02:15.120
younger self and tell her the you know this this way you followed your your gut this this is going to
01:02:23.040
be right and this way you follow your you didn't follow your gut and you ended up in a really bad
01:02:29.120
situation like that that's that's something that that women have that men don't necessarily have
01:02:36.880
is that incredible intuition and i don't know if it's because we can see into the future if it's
01:02:44.640
woo woo if i've heard all kinds of theories about it but i just i think it's because women are so
01:02:50.560
attuned to others behaviors and attuned to uh the social language that we can see potential outcomes
01:03:00.800
a lot easier than than uh our counterparts can and if we really tune into that and we really listen and
01:03:08.160
we really listen to our gut and take note of our our intuition and don't ignore it take heat then i
01:03:15.760
think women's lives would be a lot better and like you said turn off your damn tv and put your phone
01:03:21.360
down and start getting to know yourself as yourself instead of getting to know yourself through a
01:03:28.640
through a screen yep no you're right in in historically and in mythology it's the seer the fortune teller
01:03:35.840
the prophetess there's something there is something about that that women are a creative force were
01:03:40.960
tapped into the unconscious the collective unconscious in a way we we birthed life through
01:03:46.320
us you know we we i think you talked about this in one of your videos about that theory that the
01:03:52.160
feminine represents you know chaos right and the masculine is most likely order right uh women are
01:03:58.240
a creative force men are like the enabler that help bring things into reality i think these are some
01:04:03.840
of the dynamics of the masculine and the feminine and there's a whole spiritual metaphysical
01:04:08.400
uh aspect to that and i find i have always been intuitive i know a lot of my lady friends are
01:04:15.040
intuitive like they'll they'll text me and i'll say i was just literally just thinking about you
01:04:19.920
that happens all the time with the the women in my circle that i'm really close with like we pick up
01:04:24.400
on each other like this crazy telepathic thing and i find the older i get because i've been working
01:04:30.640
on that more that gut feeling and that intuition it's becoming like razor sharp like i can pick up on
01:04:36.000
things i could just sit there like yoda and just feel things all day and be like oh this is going
01:04:39.920
to happen this is going to happen this is going to happen and that's that's one of the things i've
01:04:42.880
loved about getting older actually i don't know if you also have that ability like you've worked
01:04:47.600
kind of fine-tuned some of that a little bit yeah it's it's interesting when you walk into a new
01:04:53.040
situation and you meet a person and they just make you prickle like there's just something not right
01:04:59.040
and then years later you discover that they were really not a good person and you knew it and you
01:05:08.000
told people and you let them know and they're just like oh you're just being crazy but then it had
01:05:14.480
whatever happens happens years later and they're like oh you were right crap yeah like i knew it
01:05:22.080
damn it i knew it you know yeah and it takes it takes uh working on that practice it's like a
01:05:28.240
muscle you know what i mean you have to actually use it to develop it and to keep it otherwise it
01:05:32.880
just kind of goes dormant yeah well if you don't use it you lose it right yeah exactly well i think
01:05:40.320
this is a good place to take a break i want to come back and we talk about some tips for middle-aged
01:05:44.080
women and then maybe pick some of your favorite because you did a series on this
01:05:47.840
12 tips for life based on jordan peterson's 12 tips for life but we can put a little female spin
01:05:54.480
on it so we'll take a break here and then we'll see everyone on the other side
01:06:01.040
wait don't go anywhere unless it's to the red ice members section we'll continue in part two with
01:06:06.160
holly discussing more important words of wisdom for women but it can apply to guys too and pro tips
01:06:11.760
for women at mid life but we'll also put a female spin on jordan peterson's 12 tips for life not yet
01:06:19.600
a member becoming one is super easy head over to red ice members.com and click sign up a special
01:06:25.120
thanks to our executive producers t lothrop stoddard v miller resin revolt good luck lap jake
01:06:32.800
red pill rundown and chalky milk we'll see you in part two