Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - December 23, 2024


Ep 1116 | Women Preachers, The Roots of Feminism, & Battling Eating Disorders | Guest: Lisa Bevere


Episode Stats

Length

55 minutes

Words per Minute

175.34012

Word Count

9,735

Sentence Count

797

Misogynist Sentences

47

Hate Speech Sentences

34


Summary

Lisa Bevere is a speaker and New York Times bestselling author. Her most recent book, Fight For Female: Reclaiming Our Divine Identity, is a bold and thorough look at the history of feminism, how we got where we did with gender ideology, and why it is so important for us as women to understand both who we are and whose we are.


Transcript

00:00:00.720 Lisa Bevere is a speaker and a New York Times bestselling author.
00:00:05.540 Her most recent book, Fight for Female, Reclaiming Our Divine Identity, is a bold and a thorough
00:00:14.100 look at the history of feminism, how we got where we did with gender ideology, and why
00:00:21.460 it is so important for us as women to understand both who we are and whose we are.
00:00:27.940 Lisa and I come from different theological camps.
00:00:32.300 We will talk about some of our disagreements when it comes to women preaching in church,
00:00:38.980 but I am so grateful for Lisa and her very unique courage when it comes to this issue
00:00:45.360 that unfortunately many in the church consider too controversial to touch.
00:00:50.460 You will love this episode.
00:00:52.740 We talk about so much, and she is so encouraging.
00:00:56.240 It's brought to you by our friends at Good Ranchers.
00:00:59.060 Go to GoodRanchers.com.
00:01:00.540 Use code Allie at checkout.
00:01:01.780 That's GoodRanchers.com, code Allie.
00:01:13.900 Lisa, thanks so much for taking the time to join me.
00:01:17.060 I mostly want to talk to you about your newest book.
00:01:20.640 You are one of the few Christian female teachers I know who will just be outspoken about gender
00:01:28.500 ideology and the reality of male and female, which is sad.
00:01:33.660 So tell me a little bit about it just up front, like what this book is, why you wrote it.
00:01:38.960 Yeah.
00:01:39.140 Well, it's called The Fight for Female and Reclaiming Our Divine Identity.
00:01:42.680 And I'm not saying we're goddesses.
00:01:44.180 I'm saying we're created in God's image.
00:01:46.800 And when God creates us, He creates us male and female to reflect Him.
00:01:53.560 And so when you start to actually mess with male and mess with female, you're undermining
00:01:58.660 the image of God.
00:02:00.460 And you and I both, we've talked about this.
00:02:02.440 There's certain things we can be like, okay, I can be quiet on that.
00:02:04.960 The sanctity of life and the image of God is not, those are not things I can be quiet about.
00:02:12.740 And I started to just read these different things of what is happening.
00:02:17.220 And I thought, what is going on?
00:02:19.360 And why, if I said anything?
00:02:22.340 Allie, Christian women got mad at me.
00:02:25.220 If I just even said something about men don't belong in women's sports, people would just
00:02:30.720 react and say you're being hate.
00:02:32.720 It says on Instagram mostly.
00:02:33.640 Well, yeah, that's about the only one I know how to access, my Facebook.
00:02:37.160 I don't even have the passwords for it.
00:02:38.660 Me too.
00:02:39.600 But people are like, this is so mean.
00:02:42.980 You know, I'm okay with this.
00:02:44.980 And I'm like, no, what is going on?
00:02:47.980 And why are women not using their voice to fight for their daughters?
00:02:52.700 And I started to do a deep dive into, wait, where's the feminists?
00:02:57.560 All these advocates for women being willing to say that men can be women.
00:03:03.100 What is going on?
00:03:04.600 And Allie, the deeper I went into it, the darker it became.
00:03:08.620 And I was like, I, you know what?
00:03:10.580 I'm 64.
00:03:12.560 If everybody gets mad at me and cancels me, that's fine.
00:03:15.440 So I was just like, I don't even care.
00:03:17.600 A few years ago, you posted the picture of your t-shirt.
00:03:20.920 Said the future is male and female, which shouldn't be remotely controversial, but it was considered
00:03:27.120 controversial.
00:03:27.600 Yeah, so I, yeah, I was in Franklin, Tennessee, which is a little Christian bubble.
00:03:32.360 And I went out to this, you know, place with a t-shirt on and the men were like, thank
00:03:36.520 you.
00:03:36.860 Thank you for including us in the future.
00:03:38.520 I'm like, I got you.
00:03:39.920 And then I had women like, I think I need that t-shirt.
00:03:42.340 So Allie, I actually thought everybody liked it.
00:03:44.240 So I take a selfie with it.
00:03:45.760 But 922 comments within the first 24 hours, people, you saw, people are like, you are
00:03:52.020 co-signing with patriarchy.
00:03:53.720 This is coding like all lives matter.
00:03:56.240 You are a transphobe, a homophobe, a bigot.
00:03:59.500 You're a demon of hate.
00:04:01.220 I mean, people just went crazy on this concept of the future is male and female.
00:04:07.940 And what I had put underneath it was the future is male and female because without male and
00:04:12.620 female, there is no future.
00:04:14.040 That's not even deep.
00:04:15.780 That's your parents.
00:04:16.600 I was like, this is biology.
00:04:19.460 And I remember, I was like, what just happened?
00:04:23.340 So I type into my laptop, what is the origin of the quote, the future is female?
00:04:31.020 And I was shocked.
00:04:32.480 A Washington Post article comes up and it was from a lesbian separatist group in 1975 called
00:04:41.560 Labris.
00:04:42.480 I was like, what is Labris?
00:04:45.100 Well, Labris is the two-headed axe carried by Amazons and the Greek and Roman goddesses.
00:04:52.160 And they said the future is female was a call to war, an invocation, and a spell to cast.
00:05:00.240 Wow.
00:05:00.820 I'm like, well, this is crazy.
00:05:04.820 And it had been brought back into popularity during Hillary's campaign.
00:05:08.600 Right.
00:05:09.880 Yeah.
00:05:10.300 And how does this, that idea, that ideology connect to, ironically, like the erasure of
00:05:17.880 women?
00:05:18.160 Because it does seem like there are many feminists, some feminists who don't, but many feminists
00:05:22.940 who are completely on board with boys and girls sports, men and girls restrooms.
00:05:29.660 How do those things tie together?
00:05:31.540 Well, I, you know, and again, going to the deep dive into feminism, I found out that it
00:05:37.400 really isn't so much rooted in the empowerment of women as it is in a Marxist agenda to dismantle
00:05:45.700 family.
00:05:46.060 And so anything that's going to dismantle family, they're going to support.
00:05:51.580 Like, I always thought, okay, you know, feminism started really sweet and then it went sideways.
00:05:56.900 No, it started.
00:05:58.060 That's not the true narrative.
00:05:59.740 No, it is not the true.
00:06:01.000 I wanted it to be the true narrative.
00:06:02.660 It was not.
00:06:03.520 I discovered that the mother of feminist thought was a woman named Mary Wollsingcraft.
00:06:08.460 And she died in childbirth with Mary Shelley, who wrote Frankenstein, who was married to
00:06:14.160 Percy Shelley, who believed that the serpent was the wise counselor and God was prohibitive.
00:06:19.560 And it just, it just kept going from there.
00:06:22.540 And it was always about a self-will, self-ruled, you know, we, you know, women instead of men
00:06:31.380 or women independent of men.
00:06:33.260 And it's very anti-God-woven.
00:06:37.500 Like, you and I believe in women who are strong and women who have a voice, but you and I do
00:06:45.660 not believe in women using their voice to undermine or undercut men.
00:06:51.140 And that whole idea of feminism started to say to women, if you want to be powerful, act
00:06:58.460 like a man.
00:07:03.260 First sponsor for the day is Adele Natural Cosmetics.
00:07:06.100 They are a family-run, holistic, hand-crafted cosmetic and skincare company.
00:07:11.640 I've been using Adele Natural Cosmetics for years now.
00:07:14.900 And in my old age of 32, I think it's helped the texture of my skin a lot and reduced the
00:07:21.120 appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.
00:07:23.040 And it's totally and completely natural.
00:07:26.000 I love their oil-based cleanser.
00:07:27.820 It takes a little bit to get used to.
00:07:29.380 It's not the sudsy feel that you might be used to with your typical face wash.
00:07:34.780 But I love this because it takes off all of my makeup, even after I've been in the studio
00:07:39.160 all day.
00:07:40.180 And it makes my face not only feel really clean, but also really moisturized.
00:07:45.060 I use their moisturizing spray, their serums, their lotions every day.
00:07:49.500 I love it so much.
00:07:50.480 And I love that it is totally clean.
00:07:52.600 I also love that they're a Christian company, totally unashamed of their values.
00:07:57.240 This is a great company to get your cosmetics and your skincare from.
00:08:01.580 Go to AdeleNaturalCosmetics.com.
00:08:03.800 Use code Allie at checkout.
00:08:05.540 When you do, you will get 25% off your first order.
00:08:09.320 That's AdeleNaturalCosmetics.com.
00:08:11.120 Code Allie.
00:08:11.660 And I think a lot of people don't know what you just said about first-wave feminism, second-wave
00:08:24.760 feminism, third-wave feminism, how they're connected to gender ideology today.
00:08:28.480 Because I've heard that over and over again, that really feminism in its foundations is good.
00:08:34.540 I've even heard some people try to say, well, you know, Jesus was a feminist in some ways.
00:08:41.280 So tell us how—
00:08:42.820 Jesus was pro-female.
00:08:44.100 Yes.
00:08:44.360 He can be pro-female.
00:08:46.720 Yeah.
00:08:47.180 That's what I was going to ask you.
00:08:48.320 Draw the distinction there.
00:08:51.000 Yeah.
00:08:51.240 So, I mean, you and I are pro-female.
00:08:52.980 Yeah.
00:08:53.160 But the feminist agenda is very much a push to go into the man's world and beat him.
00:08:59.420 It actually is really interesting to me because the more you—actually, even when I was reading
00:09:05.080 about Labras, these are lesbian separatists who look like men.
00:09:11.160 I'm like, if you hate men, what are you trying to look like—it didn't even make sense.
00:09:15.520 But I have listened to so much of the anger in the feminism and it's like, go into the
00:09:21.520 man's world, beat him at what he's game, behave sexually like him, divorce, you know,
00:09:27.440 whatever that is.
00:09:28.400 And what I have learned is that I believe feminists are very anti-female because they tell women
00:09:35.640 if they want to be powerful, they need to act like men instead of saying there is something
00:09:40.900 beautiful and powerful about acting like a woman.
00:09:45.520 And so being pro-female is not necessarily equated with being pro-feminist.
00:09:52.720 If anything, I feel like feminists are anti-female and anti-male.
00:09:57.580 I mean, we're watching the lovely 4B movement.
00:10:00.600 Right.
00:10:01.600 I gave an expression right now.
00:10:03.480 I got in a little bit of trouble.
00:10:05.200 I only put it on my story, but I was like, hey, I just want to thank you, 4B women, for
00:10:10.280 your sacrifice.
00:10:11.600 Because of you, there's going to be less STIs.
00:10:14.540 There's because of you, there's going to be less unprimed pregnancies.
00:10:17.940 Thank you.
00:10:18.620 Thank you.
00:10:19.240 I mean, it's just crazy.
00:10:22.520 Yeah.
00:10:22.780 And for those who don't know, the 4B movement, we did an episode on it and it stands for the
00:10:29.460 Korean word for nose that started with a B or the four nose.
00:10:33.940 It started in South Korea.
00:10:35.880 It's kind of moved elsewhere.
00:10:37.640 It's very small in South Korea, but it's kind of become more pervasive because of social
00:10:41.340 media here today.
00:10:43.620 And these women who are shaving their heads, they're warding off men.
00:10:47.260 They're saying no sex, no men, you know, no reproduction, obviously, and all of that.
00:10:51.900 No marriage.
00:10:52.560 Yeah, in response to Trump's election, saying basically the patriarchy got us here and so
00:10:58.620 we are repudiating any connection with men.
00:11:02.520 Okay, does this all go back to the curse after the fall and the curse in which God said, look,
00:11:11.980 you're going to struggle for the usurpation of your husband's authority.
00:11:18.880 Does all of this enmity that we see between men and women and even the disagreement about
00:11:23.520 what a woman is, does it go back to that?
00:11:26.200 I absolutely believe it does.
00:11:28.260 You know, when we see the fall of mankind in the garden, what you see for the very first
00:11:34.720 time is you see order turn into disorder, multiplication turn into division.
00:11:41.020 You see all of a sudden a breach between the husband and the wife, between parents and
00:11:46.580 children, brother to brother.
00:11:48.060 I think all of the things that we see now that are broken in our world started with the
00:11:55.020 fall.
00:11:55.940 But here's the thing I love, Allie.
00:11:57.840 It says that Jesus came to seek and save that which was lost.
00:12:04.160 So I believe that when we follow Jesus, he creates a pathway where we do not fight for
00:12:11.000 the position with our husband, but that we fight to be one with our husbands.
00:12:15.840 That submission means that we are under assignment with our husbands.
00:12:20.420 You know, we're not, as a women, we're not under every man.
00:12:24.460 Submission means that I'm under my husband because together we are building a marriage.
00:12:30.460 We're building a family.
00:12:32.120 We work together in a ministry.
00:12:34.360 So we're building a ministry together.
00:12:36.020 He's ultimately the leader, but a leader is somebody who actually exercises something
00:12:42.380 called dominion.
00:12:43.660 I feel like under the fall, we had domination, but dominion says, I'm going to use my authority
00:12:49.860 on behalf of those under my care.
00:12:52.820 Whereas, you know, and then I get it, the patriarchy, they're like patriarchy, patriarchy.
00:12:57.100 You know, I get really nervous when I hear Christian women denouncing the word patriarchy.
00:13:04.060 I feel like they have forgotten he's the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
00:13:08.140 That is a patriarchal line.
00:13:10.460 It doesn't mean that God doesn't honor and value matriarchal, but God is a father.
00:13:18.680 And so when we start to say, oh no, he might be female and it could be this, and we are
00:13:24.980 really skating on thin ice.
00:13:28.360 And just too many people are running very loose with what God has created.
00:13:34.260 And again, we look in Ephesians and Ephesians says, okay, so there's not going to be a struggle
00:13:38.860 if husbands love their wife as Christ loves the church and the wife honors and respects
00:13:45.100 and obeys her husband.
00:13:48.680 Second sponsor for the day is Seven Weeks Coffee.
00:13:54.000 I love Seven Weeks Coffee, not only because they make great tasting, high quality, completely
00:13:59.640 clean, organic, mold-free, amazing coffee, but also because they donate 10% of every coffee
00:14:07.740 sale to a pro-life pregnancy center.
00:14:10.540 So those dollars are directly supporting pregnant women who are trying to decide if they are going
00:14:16.500 to choose life for their babies.
00:14:18.060 These pregnancy centers do incredible work of giving these women free resources like
00:14:23.260 free sonograms, prenatal vitamins, help with health care, even the adoption process, parenting
00:14:28.800 classes.
00:14:29.380 All of these come together to help this woman choose life.
00:14:32.900 And Seven Weeks Coffee is a part of that.
00:14:36.100 You should subscribe to their Heartbeat Club because then you get that box of coffee every
00:14:40.320 month to your front door and you save 15% when you do that.
00:14:43.840 Plus with my code Allie, you save an extra 10% on your order.
00:14:47.460 Go to sevenweekscoffee.com.
00:14:49.260 Use code Allie for that discount.
00:14:51.220 Sevenweekscoffee.com.
00:14:52.300 Code Allie.
00:14:52.880 I know this is a little maybe of an aside from the topic of your book, but it's on what we're
00:15:03.360 talking about.
00:15:04.040 I saw a post that you put on Instagram a few months ago where you were talking about the
00:15:09.440 struggle that you had, the power struggle at the beginning of your marriage.
00:15:13.080 Yes.
00:15:13.340 Where you were in charge, you were leading, and you felt like, honestly, I can do it better.
00:15:18.540 But there was also this tension inside of you that knew this is not how my marriage is
00:15:22.580 supposed to be.
00:15:23.300 Can you talk about that?
00:15:24.200 Yes.
00:15:24.560 I was very young.
00:15:25.860 I had just had my first baby.
00:15:28.060 I'm working full time.
00:15:29.620 My husband's working part time.
00:15:31.160 And I wanted to do everything perfectly.
00:15:33.880 So I am breastfeeding at home.
00:15:36.120 Then I'm pumping my breasts at work.
00:15:37.840 And then I'm nursing my baby in my lunch hour.
00:15:39.780 And then I'm making organic food.
00:15:41.200 And I would ask my husband, just drop the baby off at this time.
00:15:45.040 Couldn't do it.
00:15:45.920 Take out the garbage.
00:15:46.720 He would forget to do it.
00:15:47.920 I was so stressed out, Allie.
00:15:50.280 I would get in my bathtub, and I would submerge myself where only my nose was above the water.
00:15:55.800 And John would come in.
00:15:56.660 I'm like, what are you doing?
00:15:57.900 And I'm like, I'm trying to relax.
00:15:59.460 And he'd say, maybe you just need to break.
00:16:01.580 I'd be like, you better hope I don't break.
00:16:03.600 Because I am holding all of this together.
00:16:06.180 And he said, why don't you give it to God?
00:16:07.980 I said, I don't want to give it to God.
00:16:09.000 I want to give it to you.
00:16:09.920 And you are not carrying it right.
00:16:11.980 So I keep taking it back.
00:16:13.720 So I'm like, OK, the breasts aren't working.
00:16:15.780 So I get in the shower.
00:16:17.520 And I'm trying to relax.
00:16:18.780 I'm like, relax, relax.
00:16:20.420 And Allie, I had not sensed the spirit of God.
00:16:24.940 I had not.
00:16:25.680 Like, I could read the Bible.
00:16:26.940 But it was like I was reading it.
00:16:28.000 And it just wasn't even going into my head.
00:16:29.600 I don't know if you've ever been in that season where you're just so you and so not yielded.
00:16:34.940 And so I'm in the shower.
00:16:37.740 I'm like, God, I just am so stressed.
00:16:39.820 And I heard.
00:16:41.100 I heard.
00:16:41.860 And I don't know how people feel about this.
00:16:44.800 But it was a moment.
00:16:46.320 I heard the question.
00:16:48.020 You don't think John's a good head of the household, do you?
00:16:50.860 And I thought, I know he's not.
00:16:53.900 You think you can do it better?
00:16:55.900 I thought, I know I can do it better.
00:16:57.580 He said, it's a yoke to you, Lisa, but it's a mantle to John.
00:17:04.180 Throw it off your shoulders.
00:17:06.100 And I thought, if I throw it off my shoulders, nothing is ever going to get done.
00:17:10.700 And all of a sudden, Allie, all the times that I had been disrespectful and dishonoring
00:17:17.320 and I would even say emasculating of my husband came back into my mind.
00:17:23.420 And what I thought was so funny in the moment was heartbreaking.
00:17:27.240 And I started crying in the shower.
00:17:29.580 And I thought, no wonder why we don't feel close anymore.
00:17:33.520 No wonder why when we're praying together, I'm thinking, why is he holding my hand so
00:17:36.960 tight?
00:17:37.540 Like, why does he never pray about this?
00:17:39.540 I was even critical when he was praying.
00:17:42.260 So I come out.
00:17:43.460 I'm like, John, I am so sorry.
00:17:47.680 I will quit my job tomorrow.
00:17:49.900 I just want to be one.
00:17:51.520 And I remember John said, Lisa, you don't have to quit your job.
00:17:54.560 But I do think you need to quit thinking you're the source.
00:17:57.860 And he said, you can work full time and know God is your source and you'll be at peace.
00:18:03.800 Or you can be a stay-home mom and think you're the source and you won't.
00:18:07.840 And Allie, I discovered in that moment that all my husband had ever known, well, and I'm
00:18:12.800 just going to preface this, he was the only son of an Italian mother.
00:18:17.900 And he had five sisters.
00:18:19.720 So it was like, my son, my son.
00:18:21.600 She did everything for him.
00:18:23.100 And so all he'd ever known was a mother.
00:18:25.960 And I treated him like he was a child.
00:18:29.200 And so I had to step back.
00:18:32.780 And I had to say, instead of using my strengths to say, look how smart I am, I'm going to actually
00:18:39.120 speak to the man that I want to see.
00:18:43.080 And I remember he would say, what do you think we should do?
00:18:45.460 I'd be like, you'll do the right thing.
00:18:48.840 And in my head, I was like, he's not going to do the right thing.
00:18:51.160 You better tell him.
00:18:52.220 But I had to rebuild a confidence that I had in him.
00:18:58.000 And when I was like, God, I don't know if I trust John.
00:19:00.800 Because you don't have to trust John.
00:19:02.680 You have to trust me.
00:19:04.160 And that's the beautiful thing.
00:19:05.920 When we are rightly positioned with God, God watches over us.
00:19:11.920 I think it's pretty amazing that God says, if you do not treat your wife right, God won't
00:19:19.420 hear your prayers.
00:19:20.660 I mean, that's what he said.
00:19:21.540 You're joint heirs in Christ.
00:19:23.960 So God watches over not just his sons, but also his daughters.
00:19:29.080 And I watched my whole marriage change.
00:19:31.580 And I watched my husband go from being a boy to a man when I stopped being his mother
00:19:35.820 and I started to be his wife.
00:19:37.640 So did that look like practically holding your tongue when you wanted to criticize, letting
00:19:43.540 go of some expectations you had?
00:19:45.900 Because I imagine that his behavior didn't necessarily change overnight.
00:19:50.040 Maybe he still wasn't dropping off the baby at the right time.
00:19:52.620 Maybe he still wasn't taking out the trash the way that you wanted him to.
00:19:56.460 But I'm guessing the dynamic still changed because of the choices that you were making.
00:20:00.580 Well, he always, this is what he used to say.
00:20:03.540 He said, I feel like I used to supernaturally forget to take out the trash.
00:20:07.920 And he said, as soon as you did that, I started to remember, because I remember we had a baby
00:20:12.640 and we didn't even have a washer and a dryer.
00:20:14.840 So I'm working full time.
00:20:16.220 I'm going down to the laundromat in our apartment complex.
00:20:19.260 And I remember I came home from work and John again was working part time.
00:20:22.860 I have a baby.
00:20:23.980 And John's like, hey, hey, can you get something out of the filing cabinet?
00:20:27.800 And I thought, I just walked in.
00:20:29.400 Are you serious?
00:20:29.860 And so, you know, the old me would have said, you get it.
00:20:33.040 You've been sitting home.
00:20:34.720 But I just felt, shh.
00:20:36.540 And I opened up the louvered doors to where we'd kept our filing cabinet.
00:20:41.460 And he'd gone out and bought a washer and dryer.
00:20:43.820 And it was like he, all of a sudden, his heart turned to me when I turned back to him.
00:20:48.900 And I know that, you know, I have a husband who loves God.
00:20:51.900 And I know that, you know, there's women out there that have a very different situation.
00:20:56.000 But Allie, it shifted everything for me.
00:21:00.200 And I had parents that were married, divorced, remarried each other, divorced again.
00:21:05.320 I did not know how to love well.
00:21:08.000 And I feel like there's an entire generation of young women who've been sent the message,
00:21:13.220 submission is a doormat.
00:21:15.020 Submission means that you'll be dominated.
00:21:17.880 The patriarchy is going to stomp you into the ground.
00:21:20.740 Submission.
00:21:21.340 But here's the thing.
00:21:22.500 I submit to Jesus.
00:21:23.540 And he doesn't stomp me into the ground.
00:21:27.760 Jesus actually speaks his life and his fulfillment into me.
00:21:33.940 He loves me into a place of wholeness.
00:21:37.020 I love how the message, some people call it paraphrase, some call it translation, but it
00:21:41.800 talks about how the husband is to love the wife.
00:21:43.860 It says, he washes her with the water of the word to evoke her beauty.
00:21:48.320 And I feel like that is such a beautiful picture of what Jesus does for us and what my husband
00:21:55.820 does for me.
00:21:57.220 And I've met your husband.
00:21:58.740 He's precious.
00:21:59.860 And now he's got all these girls to take care of.
00:22:03.080 But yeah, no, I feel like there's been a whole breakdown of, you know, well, we're equal.
00:22:08.860 Yeah, we're equal.
00:22:09.960 We're equal in value.
00:22:11.860 But that doesn't mean that our roles are exactly the same.
00:22:15.620 Speak to that woman who isn't married to a Christian man, because they might be thinking,
00:22:23.000 okay, yeah, maybe you didn't have the perfect husband, but he still loved you and loved God.
00:22:28.320 Maybe they're married to someone, whether he professes to be a Christian or not, who does
00:22:32.720 believe that headship and leadership means micromanaging, means demeaning, you know, doesn't
00:22:39.480 actually mean service, as we read in Ephesians 5, but he thinks that it means, you know, tearing
00:22:46.780 someone down.
00:22:47.820 What does it look like for her?
00:22:50.180 Well, first of all, I mean, I think she has every right to go to him and say, I love you
00:22:56.460 and I want to be the best wife for you.
00:22:59.580 But this is what it feels like when you say and you do those kind of things.
00:23:05.620 And I want to know how we can move beyond that.
00:23:10.940 You know, we just did a marriage retreat.
00:23:14.600 And last night I got a text from one of the couples, and they're pastors.
00:23:18.320 And John and I said, often when a couple has gone through things like what you're describing
00:23:24.700 with his wife, you close your spirit off to the person, you just build these walls and
00:23:30.180 slowly and surely you wall them out.
00:23:33.640 And we just had people pray that, God, if there's anything I've closed off my spirit to
00:23:41.000 my husband or to my wife, you know, can you open that heart back up?
00:23:46.440 Can you bring love back?
00:23:48.540 But what I had to do, and again, my husband was godly, but that doesn't mean he always had
00:23:53.960 his priorities right.
00:23:55.720 And John used to travel a ton.
00:23:58.520 And sometimes, Allie, he'd only be home three days a month.
00:24:02.100 And I remember when he would come home, we got him at his worst.
00:24:06.440 He was tired.
00:24:07.480 It was basically a laundry drop off.
00:24:09.160 And then he left again.
00:24:10.420 And my teenage son was like, Mom, Dad's never here.
00:24:15.840 He's never here.
00:24:16.260 I need someone to talk to.
00:24:18.420 And I was like, wow.
00:24:19.760 And so I tried to say something to John.
00:24:21.620 And John was like, well, I just felt like pressure to him.
00:24:24.420 So I remember I called one of my board members.
00:24:26.380 And I said, I don't, he's not wrong that he wants this.
00:24:30.920 I don't know what to do.
00:24:32.880 And he asked me, this board member was so wise.
00:24:35.640 He's probably 75 now.
00:24:37.160 And he said, does Addison want to get married one day?
00:24:40.440 And I thought, he's 14.
00:24:41.780 Like, what kind of question is that?
00:24:43.420 I said, yeah, I think he does.
00:24:44.740 And he said, tell him he's going to be processing his whole life with a woman.
00:24:51.800 And he can start now with you.
00:24:54.080 And it was like, instead of my son seeing it as a loss.
00:24:58.080 But I remember I was angry with my husband.
00:25:01.080 And I was coming to God.
00:25:02.360 And I'm like, I am so frustrated.
00:25:03.640 He's never here.
00:25:04.500 My boys need him.
00:25:05.360 He doesn't help with this.
00:25:06.880 And all I heard back when I was praying was, tell me I'm enough for you, Lisa.
00:25:11.020 It's like, wait, I don't want to tell you you're enough for me because I know what happens.
00:25:14.980 That means John's not changing.
00:25:16.580 So I just wouldn't say it, Allie.
00:25:18.000 It was like, no, Lord, please tell me he's going to change.
00:25:20.380 Please tell me he's going to turn his heart more to his kids.
00:25:22.900 Please, he's going to turn his heart more towards me.
00:25:25.000 It won't be all about ministry.
00:25:26.580 God, please tell me.
00:25:27.800 Just kept hearing, tell me I'm enough for you.
00:25:29.480 And so I started to surrender and say, God, you are more than enough for me.
00:25:35.340 And that woman at home who feels this void with her husband, who does not know how to
00:25:42.020 love her well, she can have that same prayer.
00:25:45.440 And she can say, Jesus, you're enough for me.
00:25:49.040 And I know it's a scary thing to pray, but there's something that happens in your heart
00:25:52.860 where you're not living in a famine, but you're living in an overflow of God's love and his
00:26:01.080 presence.
00:26:02.420 And in that place, you're going to find out that even though you're not being poured into
00:26:07.440 by your husband, you have more to pour out.
00:26:10.200 Did John end up changing?
00:26:12.500 Yes, he did.
00:26:13.620 But it, I mean, here's the thing.
00:26:16.640 I, you know, I don't know if this is different in your house.
00:26:18.880 I can ask, I can ask John, I can tell God, Hey, I need John to do this.
00:26:24.340 And the only person God talks to me about is me.
00:26:26.120 He's like, how about you do that?
00:26:28.440 Yeah, he did.
00:26:29.560 He did.
00:26:30.460 And my heart was ready when he, I mean, he came home from a trip and he just said, I have
00:26:37.860 been so selfish.
00:26:39.700 I have had the wrong, everything I would have hoped that he would hear from me, he heard
00:26:46.400 from God.
00:26:47.340 Yeah.
00:26:47.780 And he said, I'm so thankful for you.
00:26:49.540 I'm so thankful for the boys.
00:26:50.580 And, you know, Allie, I don't know if you know this, my oldest son, my youngest son,
00:26:53.740 and six of my grandkids live 30 seconds from me.
00:26:56.580 And we work with our oldest son and our youngest son.
00:26:59.000 So I feel like we lost some time there, but God has given us length of days with our children.
00:27:04.400 That's really beautiful.
00:27:10.280 Preborn is a network of clinics that is doing that work that we just talked about in the
00:27:15.740 last ad, helping women choose life, providing free sonograms, all kinds of resources and
00:27:22.320 tools to make sure that women are taken care of both during and after pregnancy.
00:27:28.000 But they need you and your donations to be able to serve these women free of charge.
00:27:33.380 If you can donate to preborn, just $28, that covers the cost of a life-saving ultrasound.
00:27:39.920 Or maybe you can only donate $2.
00:27:42.220 Or maybe you can donate $20,000.
00:27:44.600 Whatever you can donate will help these women and save their babies.
00:27:48.660 Go to preborn.com slash Allie to donate to preborn.
00:27:53.460 If you're looking for a place to donate at the end of the year, this is a great place
00:27:57.160 to go.
00:27:57.740 Go to preborn.com slash Allie.
00:28:03.780 When it comes to the roles of male and female in marriage, you've laid out really beautifully
00:28:10.760 what I think you would describe as complementarianism.
00:28:13.540 Like, it's, I mean, I'm kind of like, I don't, I don't buy into egalitarian all the way.
00:28:19.700 Right.
00:28:20.240 Um, I kind of sometimes feel like a complementarian and an egalitarian got married and had a baby,
00:28:27.400 but I don't know what that title would be.
00:28:29.400 But yes, I would say roles in a marriage for sure, complementarian.
00:28:32.700 Yes.
00:28:33.700 And in church, we've talked about this privately, how we probably land in different places,
00:28:39.900 although we agree on the principle of the authority of scripture.
00:28:42.780 The difference between male and female and the different roles within the church of male
00:28:46.360 and female.
00:28:46.800 I think we actually agree on that.
00:28:48.780 But there will be some people I've got, you know, a big conservative reformed crowd who
00:28:52.760 will say what she is a charismatic.
00:28:56.620 False teacher.
00:28:57.420 Preaches to me.
00:28:58.020 There may be some people who say false teacher.
00:29:00.160 Maybe they, we, cause we talked about this.
00:29:02.460 I haven't seen this, but you said that some people have called you prosperity gospel.
00:29:06.700 Which was shocking.
00:29:07.780 Yes.
00:29:08.240 And we can talk about all of those different things just in case there's someone out there who's
00:29:11.720 like, wait, I might've heard that, but I don't really know.
00:29:13.940 But let's start with, since we're talking about the roles of male and female, what you
00:29:18.240 believe the roles of male and female are when it comes to the church, when it comes to preaching.
00:29:22.340 Yeah.
00:29:22.720 And I feel like it, I feel like the house, the household of the church is reflect, I feel like it reflects.
00:29:31.840 So I feel like the senior pastor, I'm the most comfortable with senior pastors being men.
00:29:37.980 And I don't believe that women have no voice, but I believe they have the voice of a mother in, in the church.
00:29:44.760 And so I am not a pastor.
00:29:47.720 I do not lead a church.
00:29:49.900 I, if I get invited to speak at a church, I don't see that as exercising authority because
00:29:56.320 I'm not doing church discipline.
00:29:57.960 I'm not appointing elders.
00:29:59.820 I'm serving.
00:30:01.140 And I'm under the authority of the pastor who asked me to come and maybe speak on marriage
00:30:06.140 or speak on gender identity or, you know, and so I'm not there going, listen, I'm the
00:30:11.060 boss of your world right now.
00:30:12.100 So it's different.
00:30:13.560 And I guess that to me, there's a big difference between preaching and pastoring.
00:30:19.100 So there's a difference between fivefold ministry and ministering as a believer and making disciples
00:30:28.600 and sharing what God has done in your life.
00:30:31.580 And so that's where I've landed.
00:30:34.260 So I, but I know that reform was a lot more hard line on those things.
00:30:39.240 And I'm not, I respect that.
00:30:43.200 I don't think it's an issue of salvation.
00:30:46.740 Yeah.
00:30:47.140 I would not say it's an issue of salvation either.
00:30:49.300 We did talk about this.
00:30:50.460 I think when we were at dinner, when you look at first Timothy 2, 12, I do not permit a woman
00:30:55.520 to teach or to exercise authority over a man.
00:30:58.160 Rather, she is to remain quiet.
00:30:59.720 Obviously this is in context of the local church.
00:31:02.040 How do you, what do you take that to mean?
00:31:03.620 Well, it's interesting.
00:31:04.380 How did that, how did that start?
00:31:06.400 I do not permit a woman.
00:31:07.780 So he doesn't say God does not permit.
00:31:09.800 Paul said, I do not.
00:31:10.920 And it's interesting to me.
00:31:12.660 I think he was very focused on not just that moment.
00:31:19.740 He was like, here's the culture and the women are uneducated.
00:31:25.040 They were not trained.
00:31:26.840 And he's like, I do not permit this.
00:31:29.620 And, you know, there's the Greek culture.
00:31:31.320 There's the Roman culture and again, teaching and talking.
00:31:35.920 Like if we're going to be legalistic about it, women need to stop talking the second they
00:31:40.240 enter the building.
00:31:41.140 Like they need to be passing notes if they have to remain silent in the church.
00:31:44.580 So it's, to me, the pulpit didn't even start till a thousand years ago.
00:31:50.020 So Paul, it was a very different situation.
00:31:53.140 But again, you know, Allie, I respect other people's sensitivity to the things of the spirit.
00:31:58.800 But, you know, the first time I ever did a Sunday morning service, I was a nervous wreck.
00:32:03.180 I was sweating.
00:32:04.100 I was like, am I sinning?
00:32:05.640 Am I sinning?
00:32:06.700 I don't want to sin.
00:32:07.920 I want to honor God with all of my heart.
00:32:10.220 And I had to really wrestle with that because I always just said no.
00:32:15.160 I would say, no, no, no, no.
00:32:16.460 I'm, you know, thank you for asking me, but I'm going to take my own kids to church on
00:32:19.400 Sunday morning.
00:32:20.320 My husband's not, not there to take them.
00:32:22.440 So, you know, everybody needs to find out.
00:32:25.200 But I also feel like we're at an Acts 2.17 moment.
00:32:28.540 In the last days, God says, I'll pour up my spirit on all flesh and your sons and your
00:32:33.060 daughters will prophesy.
00:32:34.580 And not, I don't believe prophesy is like, get up and, you know, you're going to have a
00:32:38.940 boat or whatever.
00:32:39.920 I believe it's to speak under divine inspiration.
00:32:42.960 And so I believe in the last days, it looks a little different than it does in the first
00:32:48.180 days.
00:32:48.520 And just to clarify where I stand, because there might not, there might be people who
00:32:52.900 don't know.
00:32:53.860 One, of course, I consider Lisa a sister in Christ and I wouldn't have her on if I didn't
00:33:00.140 believe in her wisdom and appreciate her so much.
00:33:04.300 I do not read the scripture as permitting a woman to preach before men in church.
00:33:10.920 Now, there are people who would expand that even more who would say that I should not even
00:33:15.260 have this podcast because it is preaching.
00:33:17.940 And I've seen you speaking to mixed audiences.
00:33:19.960 Yes.
00:33:20.160 And so, but that's what I would say.
00:33:22.440 I would say that it is not just an individual preference from Paul because it is in the word
00:33:29.080 of God.
00:33:30.460 And so I wouldn't see the use of the pronoun I as discounting this as God's authority.
00:33:36.260 But I certainly don't see it as a salvation issue.
00:33:39.080 But I have talked about this before.
00:33:40.900 I don't believe in women preaching, even if I do really agree with that.
00:33:45.240 That appreciate the content of what is being said.
00:33:50.540 And so, do you consider yourself charismatic?
00:33:53.880 Yeah.
00:33:54.240 So here's the thing.
00:33:55.600 John and I are both born again Catholics.
00:33:57.200 We both got born again through Campus Crusade.
00:34:00.220 And I just never heard the gospel, Allie.
00:34:03.620 Former Catholics.
00:34:04.620 You don't consider yourself Catholic.
00:34:05.560 No.
00:34:06.020 Well, like former Catholics.
00:34:08.200 Yes.
00:34:08.880 So we're both practicing Catholics.
00:34:10.720 John practicing me just going to confession before I got on airplanes.
00:34:14.940 Right.
00:34:15.800 So I had never heard the gospel, got born again through Campus Crusade.
00:34:21.720 And then, yes, we believe in the infilling of the Holy Spirit, but we believe that anybody
00:34:27.960 that is born again is filled with the Spirit.
00:34:32.000 Now, it's interesting.
00:34:33.840 We are too evangelical for the Pentecostal world, which would be kind of the charismatic
00:34:39.860 Pentecostal world over here.
00:34:41.500 And what makes you too evangelical for the Pentecostal world?
00:34:44.240 Because we're very much about Scripture and not about experientials.
00:34:47.480 So there's kind of that, like, John has a tendency to preach on the fear of the Lord.
00:34:55.400 He has a tendency to preach on forgiveness.
00:34:58.280 He has a tendency to preach, I would say, the hard truths.
00:35:02.040 And so there's, they'll kind of think, oh, you guys are legalistic.
00:35:06.760 Like, so they'll say we're too legalistic.
00:35:08.800 And then you come over here to reform and they'll say we're, no, you guys are too charismatic.
00:35:14.540 So I, you know, I've always preferred to be non-denominational or say I'm spirit-filled,
00:35:20.160 but that's, I see you as spirit-filled, you know?
00:35:23.360 So I don't feel like whether you speak in tongues or not should be divisive.
00:35:31.260 Yeah, there's like a little bit of a difference in language and maybe even agreement too when
00:35:36.720 it comes to how the Lord speaks to us.
00:35:39.160 Now, I would not say, oh, I heard the Lord say, or I heard the Lord audibly because there's
00:35:47.180 just such an emphasis on Scripture.
00:35:49.560 But that's not, that's not to say that I don't believe that the Lord can convict someone
00:35:54.980 a certain way that they don't explicitly read those words in the Bible, as long as it is
00:35:59.920 in agreement with Scripture.
00:36:02.060 And I have heard you say, and many of my Christian friends say, I heard God say this to me.
00:36:07.380 Yeah.
00:36:07.840 And I just said that about, you know, you don't think John's a good head of the household.
00:36:11.540 So I would actually love you to tell me, how do I position that where it's non-offensive?
00:36:16.760 Oh, I don't think that you should worry about that.
00:36:19.320 I wouldn't worry about positioning it in a way that is not necessarily, that is not offensive.
00:36:24.020 I think that I do always, I'm always going to be a little bit, if someone says, God told
00:36:31.940 me, I'm going to, like, my ears are going to perk up.
00:36:35.180 Well, that's pulling the God card.
00:36:36.100 Yes.
00:36:36.260 Yes.
00:36:36.620 And I'm not saying that this was you, but my ears are always going to perk up to make
00:36:40.960 sure that whatever that person says God told them is in complete alignment with Scripture.
00:36:47.280 Because obviously, if God says, well, God told me to sleep with my boyfriend, or God told
00:36:51.980 me that it was okay for me to do this, even though his Bible says otherwise, then obviously
00:36:56.980 that's going, that's going to be a problem.
00:36:59.660 And so, yeah, there is, there is a difference there, but I've had a lot of charismatics on
00:37:03.380 that have talked about different things like speaking in tongues and deliverance.
00:37:06.200 And I was raised Southern Baptist, not charismatic at all.
00:37:09.760 It was like a big deal.
00:37:10.620 If I saw someone raise their hand in church to worship, my mom would be like, mom, get
00:37:15.820 your hand down.
00:37:16.480 What are you doing?
00:37:17.120 Um, so like very different backgrounds, but I charismatics and I would say reformed people.
00:37:23.460 We do agree on like some really important things.
00:37:31.220 Next sponsor is good ranchers.
00:37:34.380 We love good ranchers in our home.
00:37:36.020 It is all American meat, craft beef, better than organic chicken.
00:37:40.100 We've got their bacon.
00:37:41.400 We've got their seafood.
00:37:42.800 We love it all.
00:37:43.520 We love their seed oil free chicken nuggets.
00:37:45.960 Our kids love them.
00:37:47.560 Impossible to find seed oil free chicken nuggets, even in health food stores, but you can get
00:37:53.060 them from good ranchers.
00:37:54.520 They just make your life easier too.
00:37:56.040 You're getting all American meat to your front door every month.
00:38:00.640 The alley box of good ranchers meat has all of the stuff that is great for moms, the ground
00:38:06.760 beef, the plain chicken.
00:38:09.180 You've got bacon in there.
00:38:10.720 You've got lots of good stuff.
00:38:12.300 It shows up on dry ice at your front door.
00:38:15.140 It'll save you so much time and energy.
00:38:17.120 Go to good ranchers.com.
00:38:18.360 When you use my promo code alley, you get $25 off your order.
00:38:21.840 Good ranchers.com code alley.
00:38:27.400 I would say one criticism that reformed has is that charismatic people are more health and
00:38:31.540 wealth.
00:38:31.840 And you were very surprised that people have labeled you as that.
00:38:34.700 Yeah.
00:38:34.820 I think they just, I think they just put you over there.
00:38:37.320 Whether you, whether they ever heard you say anything that said that, um, matter of fact,
00:38:44.840 I got, and again, going back to like, how do you get into, I, you know, when the whole
00:38:49.760 craziness that we talked about, the tragic baby dying, I had said, Hey, God is always a
00:38:57.580 healer, but you don't get to tell them how.
00:38:59.580 And they said, Oh, you're talking about, in case people don't know, Bethel, Olive, we
00:39:04.620 talked about that a few years ago, like probably five years ago.
00:39:07.560 It was, it was that long.
00:39:08.980 Wow.
00:39:09.460 I knew it was like during 2020.
00:39:11.580 It was during.
00:39:11.980 Oh, okay.
00:39:12.300 Maybe it was last May.
00:39:13.240 Well, 2020 is almost five years ago, which is crazy.
00:39:15.580 Which is, but I remember I, I said, he, he can heal through doctors.
00:39:19.880 He can heal through like lifestyle changes.
00:39:24.540 He can heal through natural stuff and he can heal by taking us home.
00:39:28.400 And people were furious at me.
00:39:30.480 And I said, what, do you think that when we go to heaven, that is the first time we're
00:39:35.880 completely whole.
00:39:36.860 And so they're like, no, he always heals supernaturally.
00:39:40.240 And I'm like, no, he doesn't always heal supernaturally, but he can.
00:39:45.220 But, and, and that's, I think where like John and I would be considered, oh no, you
00:39:49.340 guys aren't like, and I've, and I've had pretty strong conversations with, um, what
00:39:56.740 I would call extra biblical people.
00:39:58.700 I'd tell you guys, you're, you're adding, you're not, there's, I don't believe they're
00:40:02.800 evil Allie, but I believe they can add.
00:40:05.020 And so John and I, if it is not in agreement with the word of God or the spirit of the word
00:40:10.200 of God, cause you know, there's sometimes there's things like it, you know, you can't
00:40:13.500 find in the Bible, uh, certain things, but you can find the spirit of that.
00:40:19.340 And so, and even when I said about Paul saying, I, you know, Paul was like, don't get married.
00:40:24.500 I, Paul said, don't get married.
00:40:26.680 So like, I'm just saying there's things that sometimes you say, now, was this God talking
00:40:32.980 or him saying, I'm very concerned that women are going to be, uh, arrested and beaten, or
00:40:39.000 they don't know what they're talking about, or they're bringing in crazy Greek goddess things
00:40:43.200 into mixing it into the gospel.
00:40:45.100 Like we don't think we, and again, I, I am with you on, I have seen all sorts of abuse
00:40:53.020 and misuse of scripture and experience.
00:40:57.500 I've been in meetings where there's not even been one single scripture shared and it was
00:41:03.120 all an experience.
00:41:03.940 I'm like, what just happened here?
00:41:05.300 And the scripture that talks about, you know, Eve was deceived first and then Adam, like
00:41:12.980 some of the prohibition against women exercising authority, being in that position of shepherd
00:41:20.040 of a flock in a church has to do with what we see in creation, what we see through the
00:41:25.140 fall.
00:41:25.920 Paul goes all the way back there.
00:41:27.840 How do you see that reality manifesting itself today?
00:41:32.440 That it does seem like women in some ways, at least are more susceptible to this kind
00:41:38.780 of deception, even the deception of gender ideology.
00:41:41.580 Well, it even says that these are the foolish, the women that are taken captive.
00:41:45.680 Yeah.
00:41:45.940 Yeah.
00:41:46.140 I mean, I, like I wrote about that.
00:41:47.960 I mean, I am, Ali, I am with you.
00:41:50.540 First of all, if we are not in the word of God, we're going to all be subject to deception,
00:41:57.220 male or female.
00:41:58.600 We have to know the word.
00:42:00.760 And so many Christians have gotten so lazy with reading the word.
00:42:05.560 They read post.
00:42:07.140 They do not read the word.
00:42:08.960 And you and I know that you need to read the word of God and it rightly divides.
00:42:14.020 It comes in and it separates soul from, you know, thought and intent, joint and marrow.
00:42:19.360 It comes in and it rightly divides.
00:42:20.920 And we live in a time period where there's a lot of things that sound right, but feel
00:42:26.780 wrong.
00:42:27.800 And the word of God comes in and tells you, oh, Ali, why you're uncomfortable with that
00:42:31.900 is because of this.
00:42:33.620 And you heard, like, you know, we've seen this.
00:42:36.500 And so if women are led by their emotions, then they are going to be taken captive.
00:42:43.560 But if women are led by the Holy Spirit, and to me, there's this beautiful thing here where
00:42:49.920 you see, yes, Eve was deceived, but Adam knew what he was doing.
00:42:54.760 And so he willingly, he willingly did that.
00:42:58.200 But then we see in the New Testament that God overshadows an old woman, Elizabeth and Mary.
00:43:05.540 And he brings this promise.
00:43:07.960 And you see this older woman and this younger woman, and they're just prophesying to one
00:43:12.680 another about Jesus, about Emmanuel, about the prophet, John the Baptist, and about the
00:43:19.080 promise coming.
00:43:20.100 And there's this beautiful symphony of God's redemption on godly women.
00:43:25.200 And so I feel like God is like, hey, I'm bringing back what was lost in the garden.
00:43:33.780 And it's not that, you know, he's like, oh, we don't need male or female.
00:43:37.980 But I do feel like if women can be led just by their feelings, I also will say this is funny.
00:43:44.060 So I'm 64.
00:43:45.640 But I went through menopause when I was probably 57.
00:43:49.900 And I'm going to tell you, when you were going through menopause, there is a crazy person
00:43:55.160 in your head saying things like, you need to start yelling on this airplane right now
00:43:58.800 and tell him to get the jet bridge out.
00:44:00.360 You need to punch her husband in the face.
00:44:02.300 And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, crazy woman.
00:44:04.460 You may not talk.
00:44:06.540 So it's even worse than like PMS or like when you're a teenager.
00:44:09.840 It's like PMS for two years straight.
00:44:11.680 Oh, my gosh.
00:44:12.540 So I had to read the word.
00:44:15.760 Like I had to be like, you crazy woman, I shut you down.
00:44:18.900 I will read the word of God and I cannot react emotionally.
00:44:23.600 I need to be, I need to have the guardrails of God's word and the Holy Spirit.
00:44:30.500 That's really good.
00:44:32.060 I even notice in myself when I go a period of time without reading the Bible as much,
00:44:37.420 that I find myself more susceptible to lies, not only personal lies, of course,
00:44:44.040 like my own personal temptation towards like anger or jealousy or bitterness or pride or
00:44:49.020 whatever it is.
00:44:49.940 But even like worldly lies that I should definitely know better.
00:44:53.540 I'm like, is that that big of a deal?
00:44:56.340 Does that really matter?
00:44:58.040 And then I kind of have to realize, oh, it's because I have been slacking in this area.
00:45:03.560 It's not like you lose the Holy Spirit or anything.
00:45:06.620 But you do lose your edge.
00:45:07.680 Yeah.
00:45:08.280 Well, your mind is no longer, it's not being renewed day by day by the word of God.
00:45:12.980 And whatever fills you controls you.
00:45:15.440 And so if you're filling your mind with garbage, you're going to be controlled by garbage and
00:45:20.620 it's going to be harder to discern.
00:45:23.700 And that's absolutely true.
00:45:24.440 And people just, they got used to being entertained during COVID.
00:45:27.800 We only have a few more minutes.
00:45:29.300 And one thing I wanted to make sure that we talked about and you've talked about before
00:45:33.480 is body image and your dad and your relationship with your body and how your dad affected that
00:45:42.700 growing up.
00:45:43.080 Because that does have to do with everything we're talking about with being a woman and
00:45:47.240 either embracing or repudiating our identity, all of that.
00:45:50.280 So talk to me about that.
00:45:51.740 So I was 15 years of age and I swam competitively from the time I was 5 to 18.
00:45:57.040 But I tore my Achilles tendon and I had to sit down, sit out one year.
00:46:01.180 And I ate like I was in training.
00:46:03.340 And I guess I chubbed up and didn't even know it.
00:46:05.940 I was just kind of like, oh.
00:46:07.720 So I came in from school one day.
00:46:10.440 My mom and my brother were out and my big, gruff, Sicilian dad sitting there in a chair
00:46:15.960 smoking a cigarette behind his newspaper.
00:46:18.700 And he said, come here.
00:46:20.660 I'm like, oh gosh, I'm in trouble.
00:46:22.560 I just always was scared of him.
00:46:24.120 And he's like, turn around, turn around.
00:46:25.640 And I turn around and he's like, oh my gosh, your butt is huge.
00:46:30.240 How much do you weigh?
00:46:31.140 And I was like, I said, well, at camp I weighed.
00:46:34.160 And I told him what I had weighed at camp that summer.
00:46:36.120 He's like, well, you're not at camp anymore.
00:46:37.280 Go back and weigh yourself right now.
00:46:39.380 And so I was like, I can weigh myself?
00:46:41.380 Like I didn't even know that was a thing.
00:46:43.840 And so I walked the hall of shame back to my parents' bathroom and I climbed up on the
00:46:49.440 scales.
00:46:49.860 And Allie, I was probably like 5'2".
00:46:53.400 And I was 20 pounds heavier than I am now.
00:46:56.680 And so I came back and I told my dad what I weighed and he just sat me down and he said,
00:47:01.020 you're fat.
00:47:02.260 No boys are going to ever like you.
00:47:04.000 You're not going to have a date.
00:47:05.500 You need to take care of this.
00:47:07.500 And I was like, yes, sir.
00:47:09.340 And I just walked back into my bedroom.
00:47:11.240 And I remember I pulled on my blinds.
00:47:13.940 I climbed up on the bed.
00:47:15.520 I stripped off all my clothes, stood in my bra and my underwear.
00:47:19.360 And I didn't have like a full length mirror.
00:47:21.300 So all I could see was like a headless reflection on myself.
00:47:24.480 And I hated my body.
00:47:28.520 It was for the first time I thought, that is my enemy.
00:47:33.220 That needs to be punished.
00:47:35.740 That needs to be shamed.
00:47:38.200 That needs to be taken care of.
00:47:39.900 And so that night, immediately started cutting back on food, started running in the snow
00:47:45.180 drifts in Indiana in my swim team, sweats, trying to lose the weight.
00:47:49.940 And as soon as I lost weight, I started to get positive affirmation.
00:47:56.340 Like my dad was like, good.
00:47:58.020 I'm glad you're losing weight.
00:47:59.420 Boys started paying attention.
00:48:01.500 I started, people started to say, oh, you look good.
00:48:03.240 Did you lose weight?
00:48:03.820 And at 15, I started to think, oh, if I'm thin, I deserve love.
00:48:10.640 If I'm thin, I'm successful.
00:48:13.760 If I'm thin, I'm in control of my life.
00:48:17.060 So what started at 15, though, started to accelerate.
00:48:21.280 Because I was living in Indiana.
00:48:23.440 And there's the corn-fed heifer thin.
00:48:25.200 And then I went out to the University of Arizona.
00:48:28.800 And University of Arizona has California girls.
00:48:31.680 And so now, all of a sudden, I was like, I'm not thin anymore.
00:48:34.760 And in my sorority, we all just would start to throw up after we ate, take diuretics, take
00:48:42.160 laxatives.
00:48:42.880 And I watched myself become captive to my own body.
00:48:51.100 And I know now, looking back at 15, when my father said those things to me, it was like
00:48:58.380 my soul and my body split.
00:49:01.900 And that was one voice, Allie.
00:49:03.800 I didn't have social media coming after me.
00:49:06.920 I've had a beautiful granddaughter.
00:49:08.860 I don't want her to live with the constant comparison of social media that is always saying
00:49:17.520 you're not thin enough, smart enough, pretty enough, filtered enough, whatever that not
00:49:22.740 enough is.
00:49:23.560 And I love that you're like, you're not enough.
00:49:26.240 That's okay.
00:49:27.240 I mean, because God is more than enough.
00:49:29.400 You know, but so yeah, so that became this thing.
00:49:32.420 And then I was hospitalized because I had just so abused my body.
00:49:39.320 And then I met Jesus.
00:49:41.440 And I met Jesus.
00:49:42.860 And I was like, I probably need to stop getting drunk.
00:49:46.400 So I transferred all my excessive drinking into excessive eating.
00:49:50.380 And I went back into overweight.
00:49:52.580 And I got engaged.
00:49:54.720 I bought a, I think it was like a size 10 wedding gown in the hope that I could get down into
00:49:59.300 it.
00:50:00.080 And I went in to get this lip.
00:50:02.380 And they couldn't even zip the dress shut.
00:50:04.300 And I came home.
00:50:05.880 And I remember, I was like mad.
00:50:08.060 Like, I become a Christian.
00:50:09.480 And now I'm fat.
00:50:10.240 Like, I had done God some big favor.
00:50:12.360 And I sensed.
00:50:15.080 And this is so crazy, because I had never heard any of this terminology.
00:50:18.680 And I had, I had only been saved a year.
00:50:20.940 I sensed the spirit saying, your weight and food is an idol to you.
00:50:30.400 It's what you draw your strength from.
00:50:32.540 And it's what you give your strength to.
00:50:34.240 And he said, I want you to go on a three-day fast.
00:50:39.160 He said, I want you to stop dining.
00:50:40.640 He said, wait, you just said to diet.
00:50:42.660 And he's like, no, no.
00:50:44.480 A diet changes the way you look.
00:50:47.460 But a fast changes the way you see.
00:50:49.720 And he said, you need to find out I am your source.
00:50:53.320 Not the refrigerator.
00:50:55.020 Not food.
00:50:56.400 Nothing.
00:50:56.780 But you, when you're sad or happy, you come to me instead of to that.
00:51:02.720 And I remember, I said, I don't even know what's a healthy weight anymore.
00:51:08.000 I was 5'7 at the time.
00:51:10.220 And I wanted to weigh 103 when I was at my worst.
00:51:13.520 And then I now, you know, was, I can't remember what I weighed at that time.
00:51:16.860 And I remember, I've sensed that God is the one who made me.
00:51:21.500 Not shape.
00:51:22.780 Not vogue.
00:51:24.060 Not glamour.
00:51:25.340 And I was like, God, what do you want me to weigh?
00:51:27.740 What do you, I don't know how to be healthy anymore.
00:51:29.820 And I wrote a number on a little piece of paper and I put it in my Bible.
00:51:34.760 And then I just walked and worshipped and I stopped being abusive to my body.
00:51:40.740 Stopped being angry at my body.
00:51:42.540 Started thanking God for my body.
00:51:45.060 You know, Romans 12, 1 and 2 says, present your body a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God.
00:51:52.660 But it's really hard to present something to God if you think it's wholly unacceptable, if you think it's less than.
00:52:02.500 And we worship God.
00:52:04.240 It's how we worship God with our body.
00:52:06.880 I was bought with a price.
00:52:08.540 My life is not my own.
00:52:09.480 My body is not my own.
00:52:11.080 It says glorify God with your body.
00:52:12.860 It's really hard to glorify God with something you hate.
00:52:15.120 And so I just walk and thank God for my body.
00:52:18.200 And, you know, at first it felt really stupid.
00:52:19.980 Like, thank God for my body.
00:52:21.220 Make it thin.
00:52:22.080 I was like, no, God, you wove me in my mother's womb fearfully and wonderfully.
00:52:28.120 First inside, then out.
00:52:30.340 You created me to be a woman.
00:52:33.740 I am thankful that I am a woman.
00:52:36.400 And I just watched God heal me.
00:52:39.360 It was a very short time period.
00:52:40.840 And he just said, you know, I was reading my Bible and I realized, oh, Sarah wasn't beautiful because she ran aerobics in the desert.
00:52:47.980 He said because she refused to give way to fear.
00:52:50.660 And when we yield to fear as women, our whole body metabolism changes.
00:52:56.900 And when we thank God and when we honor God and when we eat until we're satisfied and not until we're in pain.
00:53:03.440 And when we say, why am I eating?
00:53:05.220 Am I hungry?
00:53:06.060 Am I bored?
00:53:06.740 Am I angry?
00:53:07.340 Am I hurting?
00:53:07.800 When we can take those things to God, it just rebalanced everything.
00:53:15.760 Last sponsor for the day is Every Life.
00:53:18.000 Every Life is the only pro-life diaper company.
00:53:22.100 They believe that no matter how a baby is conceived, whether they are planned or unplanned, regardless of their socioeconomic background, that their life matters.
00:53:31.280 That they are made in the image of God.
00:53:33.260 They have dignity.
00:53:34.240 They deserve to be fought for.
00:53:35.560 And that is why they stand on these pro-life values, unlike a lot of other diaper companies that are actually donating to pro-abortion politicians.
00:53:44.880 Instead, with Every Life, you can support a company that is not only personally pro-life, but they're putting that into action.
00:53:51.420 You can buy a buy for a cause bundle.
00:53:53.760 They will donate resources to pregnant moms in need to help them choose life.
00:53:59.340 Plus, these are just awesome, effective diapers.
00:54:01.680 We use them in our home.
00:54:03.020 Their wipes, their diapers are awesome.
00:54:05.140 Totally clean and really work.
00:54:06.880 Go to everylife.com.
00:54:08.700 Use code Allie10 to enjoy a 10% discount on your first order.
00:54:12.600 That's everylife.com.
00:54:13.720 Code Allie10.
00:54:18.880 And this really does go with also the theme of your book.
00:54:22.200 I know that's not what your book is about, but you've said multiple-
00:54:24.640 Oh, I have a whole chapter on it.
00:54:25.640 Yes.
00:54:26.100 Yes.
00:54:27.100 And because this is, you know, it is pretty unique to women.
00:54:30.960 And it is all about realizing who our source is, who our satisfaction is, who the identity giver is.
00:54:38.900 Because just as he made our body in the womb, he designated our sex at the moment of conception.
00:54:45.240 Yeah, which is so beautiful.
00:54:46.060 All of that is so purposeful.
00:54:48.880 And so knowing whose we are changes not only how we eat, how we see our bodies, but also how we see being women.
00:54:55.860 Yeah, absolutely.
00:54:57.380 It's beautiful.
00:54:57.960 Well, thank you so much.
00:54:58.920 And I do, I really encourage people to go out and get your book to really have a theological understanding of what it means to be a woman.
00:55:07.440 Yeah, you do kind of talk about a topic that is political, but for the Christian, this is pre-political.
00:55:14.640 It's pre-civilizational because it goes back to the first chapter of the first book of the Bible.
00:55:19.840 And so thank you for being one of the only Christian women teachers who is willing to take on this subject.
00:55:27.140 Your boldness is an example for us, and I'm just grateful for it.
00:55:30.960 Thank you.