Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 1170 ｜ I Used to Be Pro-Choice — a Facebook Comment Changed My Mind ｜ Q&A

00:00:00.560 How to deal with a husband who is deconstructing his faith.

00:00:04.560 What is my favorite part about being a mom?

00:00:07.440 What's in my purse?

00:00:09.400 Why are conservatives always fighting each other?

00:00:12.140 What are we even fighting about?

00:00:13.940 I am answering all of this and more on today's episode of Relatable.

00:00:18.140 It's brought to you by our friends at Good Ranchers.

00:00:20.340 Go to goodranchers.com slash Allie.

00:00:22.260 That's goodranchers.com slash Allie.

00:00:30.000 Hey guys, welcome to Relatable.

00:00:35.780 Hope everyone is having a wonderful week so far.

00:00:38.160 We're going to do something a little bit different today.

00:00:40.480 We are going to do a Q&A episode.

00:00:43.060 If you have stuck around for any of my maternity leaves, you know that we do a lot of these

00:00:48.340 when I'm on maternity leave because it's easy content.

00:00:51.960 But I also like to just make sure that I am addressing the things that you guys are curious

00:00:57.020 about when I can in kind of like a rapid fire way.

00:01:00.680 Now, rapid fire might be I spend 20 minutes on one question, but typically I try to go

00:01:06.900 through as many as I possibly can.

00:01:09.340 Some of them are great questions.

00:01:11.180 They're just maybe too theologically deep for this kind of format.

00:01:15.040 I don't ever want to riff on something that really requires a lot of biblical exegesis.

00:01:21.240 I want to make sure I dedicate like a whole episode or segment to that.

00:01:24.440 So if you don't hear your question here today, it's not because it wasn't good, but it might

00:01:29.740 just take a lengthier response.

00:01:31.340 So we'll just get straight into it.

00:01:34.320 Here's a good one.

00:01:35.560 And this is a theological one, but I do have the verse on hand.

00:01:39.460 This is a tough one.

00:01:40.560 A lot of people have asked me this question before.

00:01:44.100 How do I deal with a husband who is deconstructing his faith?

00:01:48.240 If you don't know what deconstruction is, that usually means that someone is dismantling

00:01:54.540 the tenets of their faith.

00:01:56.540 They are starting to question their beliefs and they are taking it apart.

00:02:00.880 Now, all Christians are called to ask questions because we are to love the Lord, our God with

00:02:05.440 all of our heart, mind, soul, and strength.

00:02:07.380 That is one thing that distinguishes Christianity from cults.

00:02:11.540 The biggest thing being that Christianity is actually true, but cults shut down questions.

00:02:17.180 They don't want to answer questions.

00:02:18.980 They'll tell you to put questions on a shelf or hide them away or even tell you that you

00:02:23.600 are unrighteous for asking questions.

00:02:25.740 But Christianity encourages theological inquiry.

00:02:29.980 We encourage apologetics, but we do believe because God is the source of truth that he created

00:02:37.020 all things that our answers will be best found in scripture, in his revealed word, not somewhere

00:02:44.660 out there.

00:02:45.380 A lot of people who say, who are deconstructing, they say that they are just asking questions.

00:02:50.940 They're asking questions to enemies of the faith.

00:02:53.440 Like they're asking questions to the atheists, to the skeptics, or they are looking for a justification

00:02:59.160 for their own sin.

00:03:00.760 And they are finding that in their non-believing friends, but they're finding conviction when

00:03:05.300 they go to the word.

00:03:06.120 That conviction makes them uncomfortable.

00:03:07.620 And they're looking to ease that tension that they feel without repenting.

00:03:14.180 That is a lot of times how deconstruction starts.

00:03:18.280 And so it's not just about disentangling from false teachings that maybe you grew up with.

00:03:23.560 Deconstruction typically results in destruction of the faith.

00:03:30.320 Not always, but often.

00:03:32.160 And it is usually a person who has decided that they are progressive politically, that they no longer

00:03:38.620 believe that homosexuality is wrong, or they no longer believe that there's only male and female,

00:03:43.020 male, maybe because of their own struggles or because of someone in their life.

00:03:47.180 And so that is often like that opens the floodgates for all kinds of heresy, for questioning the

00:03:54.600 validity of Christianity altogether. 0.95

00:03:56.940 So that is very difficult if you are a believing wife and you are watching your husband not just go

00:04:03.460 through a season of doubt, not just struggle, not just say, huh, that thing that I believed growing up,

00:04:08.000 I don't think that's true because I'm reading this in scripture now, and that contradicts that.

00:04:12.400 That's all well and good, normal part of sanctification.

00:04:15.260 But you're watching your husband, the person that you are one fleshed with, maybe that you

00:04:19.040 are raising kids with, the person who you thought you knew when you first got married.

00:04:25.020 You probably got married because of that shared faith.

00:04:27.660 Now they are questioning Christianity altogether.

00:04:30.780 That is really difficult.

00:04:31.960 So I just want to like sympathize with you and say that I'm sorry that you are going through that.

00:04:37.020 That is really tough, especially if you are parenting children with this person,

00:04:41.740 because marriage is already hard.

00:04:44.160 Even if you have people who are very similar, who have the same shared faith foundation,

00:04:48.520 it is even harder, sometimes maybe seemingly impossible with someone that you don't have

00:04:55.320 the same set of biblical values with, who don't share that with you.

00:04:59.420 So that is tough.

00:05:00.400 What the Bible says about wives winning over their unbelieving husbands is something that

00:05:08.540 is really tough for me, that would be really tough for me.

00:05:11.700 1 Peter 3, 1.

00:05:12.820 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husband, so that even if they do not obey the word, 0.99

00:05:18.740 they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.

00:05:23.520 So you, in being faithful, in being gentle, in being kind, in being gracious, in being loving,

00:05:35.440 in being long-suffering, in being charitable, you are showing an example of Christ to your

00:05:43.420 unbelieving husband that God can use and has used many times to soften your husband's heart

00:05:49.820 and win them over to Christ.

00:05:51.760 That does not mean that you cannot ever use words.

00:05:54.820 It's just saying that husbands can be won over without you using words.

00:05:59.840 Because the reality of male and female and husband and wife still exists.

00:06:04.820 The reality of gender roles still exists, that you can't have two, you can't have two capitans. 1.00

00:06:11.640 You just can't.

00:06:12.840 You can't.

00:06:13.680 You got to have someone who is the head honcho, who is making the ultimate decision.

00:06:18.220 That reality still exists, even if your husband is not a Christian, which is very, very difficult. 0.55

00:06:25.740 Now, of course, you never follow your husband into sin.

00:06:29.920 You never allow sin for yourself or your children, even if your husband says it.

00:06:35.220 You do not remain in an abusive situation.

00:06:38.580 No, ma'am.

00:06:39.340 Don't use this verse to justify that kind of thing,

00:06:42.200 because I do not want you putting yourself or your children in danger.

00:06:45.800 We are simply talking about an unbelieving husband.

00:06:48.980 Maybe he's not going to church with you anymore.

00:06:51.220 Maybe he says he doesn't believe in the Bible.

00:06:52.940 Maybe he's acting in a way, talking in a way that is not Christ-like.

00:06:56.640 Very difficult.

00:06:57.760 Not grounds for divorce, but very difficult.

00:07:00.880 And you remember that God is your Savior.

00:07:04.500 He is your strength.

00:07:06.140 He is your sanctifier.

00:07:07.720 He will never change.

00:07:09.120 Hebrews 13, 8.

00:07:09.920 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

00:07:13.340 He is faithful, even when we are faithless.

00:07:16.400 He's got you.

00:07:17.540 He loves you.

00:07:18.960 He will complete your faith.

00:07:21.420 He will bring you to the end.

00:07:23.160 He will sustain you.

00:07:25.040 And he sees every part of you, has forgiven all of your sins, and cherishes you,

00:07:30.320 even when you feel uncherished and betrayed by the person that you married.

00:07:35.580 So you are relentless in your prayer.

00:07:39.040 You are completely dependent upon the Lord to be your good character, to be your righteousness,

00:07:46.260 to be your strength.

00:07:47.480 You continue to raise your children in the Lord, and you do what you can to share the

00:07:52.340 gospel with your husband.

00:07:53.880 I know women in this position. 1.00

00:07:55.780 Gosh, it is difficult.

00:07:57.220 I also say, like, surround yourself with solid believers.

00:08:01.620 Because, like women, we really don't like relational tension. 0.99

00:08:06.220 Most women, not all, most women don't like confrontation. 0.98

00:08:10.480 Men, in general, handle confrontation better.

00:08:13.580 Because they can just, like, tell a guy, dude, that was not cool.

00:08:19.320 I didn't like that you did that.

00:08:20.540 And they're like, bro, I'm sorry.

00:08:22.880 And then they can give each other a hug and be fine.

00:08:25.800 But, or they can punch each other and then be fine.

00:08:28.760 Women, it's like layers and layers and layers and years of passive aggressiveness 1.00

00:08:33.700 before they might have a confrontation.

00:08:35.820 And even if they do, then they pretend like it didn't happen.

00:08:37.840 Or they just, like, allow the friendship to grow apart.

00:08:40.440 I'm talking in generalities here.

00:08:43.560 And so, like, women will tend to follow their husbands. 0.99

00:08:48.740 If their husband says, yeah, I don't think this is true about Christianity anymore,

00:08:52.480 then a woman hoping for just to ease that relational tension, to reconcile, and to follow 1.00

00:09:00.060 her husband might be like, well, yeah, maybe he's right.

00:09:03.180 And it can be very difficult to push against that.

00:09:06.420 It can be very difficult to live in a worldview that your husband does not occupy anymore.

00:09:10.900 And so, to be strong, to be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might, to put

00:09:16.420 on the whole armor of God, you not only have to be in the word every day, you not only have

00:09:21.060 to pray for your own strength, not just your husband's repentance, you also have to surround

00:09:25.640 yourself with like-minded believers who are so strong, so unwavering, who are praying for

00:09:30.840 you, who are pointing you to the word.

00:09:33.680 Try to get around Christian couples with a strong Christian husband, but make sure you are 1.00

00:09:39.220 plugged in, that your kids are plugged in.

00:09:41.380 If he ever gets to the point of belittling your discipleship of your kids or belittling

00:09:45.800 your faith, you've got to stand so strong and be gracious, okay?

00:09:49.580 God sees you, he hears you, and he cares.

00:09:52.180 So that's what I would say to that.

00:09:54.380 What's something that you've changed your mind about?

00:09:58.260 Well, I have told this story, and I tell this story quite a lot when I am speaking specifically

00:10:05.000 to pregnancy centers, and I'm talking about the moment that we're in with abortion.

00:10:09.300 But there was a comment that was left on one of my Facebook posts, maybe 2017, maybe even

00:10:16.500 2016.

00:10:17.380 So I was giving my conservative political commentary online.

00:10:22.040 I didn't have a podcast yet, so I was really just starting out.

00:10:24.920 And I've always considered myself pro-life.

00:10:27.360 I just have known reflexively, and because I was raised in a Christian household, that abortion 1.00

00:10:31.580 is wrong, that it's killing a human being, and that that is wrong.

00:10:35.140 But I also knew that, you know, there were these rare exceptions that I thought needed

00:10:42.320 to happen sometimes.

00:10:44.240 And I posted something to that effect on Facebook.

00:10:48.980 I guess maybe I just adopted the general Republican position that, yes, abortion is wrong, should 1.00

00:10:55.420 be illegal, but there's rape, there's incest, there's fetal anomalies. 0.84

00:10:59.600 And I thought that was a sophisticated, nuanced, but fully pro-life position.

00:11:04.560 So in the comments of that Facebook post, I said something like that, I don't even remember.

00:11:10.960 Someone commented, what's the difference in a baby that's conceived in rape and a baby

00:11:15.140 not conceived in rape?

00:11:16.260 And that comment stopped me in my tracks.

00:11:20.200 And I don't remember if I changed my mind in that moment.

00:11:23.580 That was a couple years or maybe a year or so before I got pregnant for the first time,

00:11:28.260 and I think that really had a big effect on how I started thinking about abortion.

00:11:31.880 But I realized, either in that moment or just over time, that I was thinking about abortion,

00:11:38.060 even as someone who called myself staunchly pro-life, as an abstract issue, as a political

00:11:43.700 issue and not from the perspective of the baby, and not really as murder.

00:11:50.720 I was just thinking about it as, yeah, like a procedure that, of course, is wrong, but I

00:11:55.720 wasn't thinking about it in the realistic, stark terms.

00:11:59.400 And that is that it murders a child.

00:12:02.780 And that humanity of that person that's being killed does not change based on the circumstances

00:12:09.580 surrounding its conception.

00:12:12.280 And so once I started thinking about abortion from the perspective of the baby, and I started

00:12:17.160 asking the question every time someone brought up this exception, this tragic story, this

00:12:23.180 outlier, asking, but what about the baby?

00:12:28.080 But what about the baby?

00:12:29.380 And why should the circumstances surrounding someone's conception justify their killing?

00:12:33.320 And why should the possibility of having a hard life and a difficult future justify killing

00:12:42.120 a person?

00:12:43.920 And why should a diagnosis of special needs or some life-limiting anomaly justify killing

00:12:51.360 a person?

00:12:52.420 And then I started thinking, well, if we used all of those things as justifications for killing

00:12:57.820 someone outside of the womb, say two weeks old or two years old, that they have special

00:13:02.360 needs, that they might be poor, that they have a hard life, that their parents don't

00:13:06.220 want them, that they're smaller than someone else, that they're younger than someone else,

00:13:10.160 that they're in a different location than someone else, that they're not as developed or smart

00:13:14.100 as someone else.

00:13:15.280 Well, none of those seem like really good reasons to kill someone outside of the womb.

00:13:21.300 You see a two-year-old that was conceived in rape or is a product of incest.

00:13:26.420 Do you say that person should die?

00:13:28.600 Well, no, that would be murder.

00:13:30.080 The person would go to jail for doing that.

00:13:32.960 And yet, simply because someone is younger and smaller in a different location inside

00:13:37.520 the womb, we use those reasons to say, yeah, that's fine to abort them. 0.99

00:13:42.240 It doesn't make any sense.

00:13:43.360 It doesn't make any logical sense.

00:13:44.680 It certainly doesn't make any biblical sense.

00:13:47.060 So when people say that arguing on social media is useless, that it doesn't change any

00:13:53.700 minds, that you should never do that, that could be mostly true.

00:13:57.540 But it's not always true.

00:13:59.560 And I don't know who that commenter was, but I'm thankful for them.

00:14:04.060 And you just never know how God is going to use your insistence upon speaking the truth

00:14:10.100 in love.

00:14:11.680 And that person has no idea that they changed my mind.

00:14:15.380 And you may have no idea that you changed someone else's mind.

00:14:19.760 Maybe you talked to someone five years ago in Instagram messages and you told them the truth

00:14:23.920 about the gospel, about abortion, or about something else, about immigration, whatever it is.

00:14:29.660 And they couldn't find those messages.

00:14:32.340 They forgot about them.

00:14:34.100 They never said anything to you.

00:14:35.900 But God used what you said to plant a seed or to push the ball down the field just a little

00:14:42.540 bit farther.

00:14:43.880 And now their mind is totally changed.

00:14:45.540 We will not know how our words, how our actions, how our obedience in what we say has affected.

00:14:55.280 We will not know how it has affected different people, all the people that our words have

00:14:59.760 affected until we get to glory.

00:15:01.640 Then we will see this amazing tapestry, I think, of how all of our testimonies are so intertwined

00:15:07.040 and how this one thing that we said that we didn't even think about or one thing we did

00:15:11.020 that we don't even remember anymore, how God used that to push someone further to him.

00:15:16.980 That's what he does.

00:15:18.260 He doesn't need us, but he chooses to use us, our prayers, our obedience, our evangelism

00:15:23.920 to redeem people.

00:15:25.320 And that's just amazing.

00:15:26.480 So I would say that you can, through God, change people's mind.

00:15:31.500 And once you realize that the result is up to him, it takes a lot of pressure off of you

00:15:37.400 to be perfect or have the perfect argument or have the perfect answer.

00:15:41.020 Read Tactics by Greg Kokel.

00:15:43.180 That's a really good practical guide to changing people's mind.

00:15:46.380 You are one tiny part of someone's testimony, one tiny part of someone's story, one small

00:15:52.640 part of their trajectory, their path to changing their mind.

00:15:57.300 One small part.

00:15:58.340 You play one role in that.

00:15:59.980 You do not have to win every argument.

00:16:01.760 You just have to push the ball further down the field by being faithful and truthful.

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00:17:10.340 Next question, different speed.

00:17:13.340 Should Christians try online dating? 1.00

00:17:17.520 I think they can.

00:17:19.040 I think that there is a way to do it that is honoring to God.

00:17:22.660 I would not say it's completely off the table.

00:17:25.700 I think that there are probably some apps and some websites.

00:17:29.220 Do people even use websites for like online data anymore?

00:17:33.500 I have no idea.

00:17:34.140 Maybe everyone just uses Hinge or Bumble.

00:17:36.340 I don't know.

00:17:37.640 But there are probably some tools that are better than others.

00:17:41.600 I definitely know that Bumble and Tinder are run by progressive people.

00:17:47.480 And I think it's tough out there to have your, to swipe against someone because you don't

00:17:54.240 like their picture.

00:17:56.460 I'm not saying that's wrong necessarily or superficial.

00:17:59.780 I think you should absolutely be physically attracted to the person that you are with.

00:18:05.960 However, you find different people attractive when you meet them in person versus just seeing

00:18:12.500 their picture.

00:18:13.160 Because the confidence or the personality or the humor that a guy has for a girl can be

00:18:21.600 extremely attractive and can take them from like a three to a seven real fast.

00:18:27.120 But you don't know that on your screen.

00:18:29.780 So I think it's tough.

00:18:31.440 I don't think it's always wrong.

00:18:32.820 I know people who are married because they met on a dating app.

00:18:37.600 So obviously God can use it.

00:18:39.360 You have to check your own heart, making sure that you're not becoming, you know, really

00:18:44.320 superficial.

00:18:45.120 Make sure that you are representing yourself completely accurately, both in the pictures

00:18:49.460 that you're posting and modestly, by the way, if you're a Christian, but, but also like

00:18:54.520 in the information you're given.

00:18:56.240 I've seen so many people and I know this anecdotally of a friend's brother who did this.

00:19:00.280 And I've now seen this talked about a lot online that guys, because women, young women 0.98

00:19:07.260 tend to lean left, especially nowadays, that they are saying that they are moderate on dating

00:19:13.160 apps, even though they're conservative, just to like try to talk to the girl.

00:19:18.140 Oh, there's so much sadness.

00:19:20.120 There are so many layers of sadness within that reality.

00:19:24.620 The reality is, I think that the guy could probably change the girl eventually, but you

00:19:28.860 don't want to start off on that foot, man.

00:19:30.660 You don't.

00:19:31.260 Like I said, marriage is already work just because you're two sinners and life can be

00:19:36.700 hard and you go through so many different changes and seasons.

00:19:39.900 You want the same foundation.

00:19:42.280 And if you're a Christian guy, you don't want to date a liberal girl.

00:19:46.920 You don't, because that means she doesn't have the same theological views as you.

00:19:50.580 Okay.

00:19:51.060 So don't put something that's not true.

00:19:53.060 And plus it's lying and lying to sin and you're starting your relationship based on sin.

00:19:57.260 You don't want any of that.

00:19:58.760 So anyway, I won't say it's always categorically wrong.

00:20:01.680 I will just say that Christians dating online should look and sound and act different than 1.00

00:20:08.660 Christians who are not, or people who are not Christians online dating.

00:20:13.720 And also remember, just because you meet someone via an app does not mean that they

00:20:19.100 don't matter, that you can ghost them.

00:20:21.900 Christians should never be ghosting people ever.

00:20:24.280 Unless it's like you're fleeing some kind of stalker abusive situation and that's the

00:20:29.500 safest thing you can do.

00:20:31.440 Just because you lose interest or you decide you're not attracted to someone, you don't

00:20:35.340 ghost them.

00:20:35.980 That's not treating someone like an image bearer of God.

00:20:38.620 That's not treating someone with respect and dignity.

00:20:41.780 And people that you meet on dating apps are just as valuable as people that you meet in

00:20:46.400 person, people that you meet in church, and you need to treat them like that.

00:20:49.940 That takes more time and more investment, and maybe you get fewer swipes that way, but I

00:20:54.600 think that's what Christians are called to.

00:20:58.280 It seems like, this is the next question, there is currently a lot more infighting with

00:21:04.420 conservatives and Republicans.

00:21:05.880 Is this concerning normal?

00:21:07.600 Okay, here's what I always say, because there's always fighting.

00:21:10.120 I think there's always fighting between conservatives and Republicans.

00:21:13.000 But right now we got a big fight because you got Christless conservatism and you've got

00:21:17.420 actual conservatism who understands at the very least that this country, and therefore

00:21:23.000 the conservatives who want to conserve the principles that this country was founded on,

00:21:27.920 was established by people who believed and wrote into our founding documents that we were

00:21:33.900 made by God and that we were given certain inalienable rights by him.

00:21:38.460 And because he is the creator of the universe, he is authority over the universe, and his power

00:21:42.720 supersedes the power of any man-made government.

00:21:46.540 And so the rights that that superseding authority gives us, that God gives us, cannot be taken

00:21:53.600 away by a power that is less than him by the government.

00:21:57.140 They can't be taken away arbitrarily.

00:21:59.340 Our rights to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, the pursuit of property, those are

00:22:05.340 innate rights because we are human beings.

00:22:07.760 They cannot be arbitrarily taken away by the government.

00:22:12.460 And so you have to, at the very least, believe that in order to be a cohesive, coherent conservative.

00:22:19.680 If you believe that the government is the highest power that we have, then there really is no

00:22:23.740 basis for the argument that we shouldn't be able to make up rights and take away rights

00:22:27.860 as they see fit.

00:22:28.640 There's no basis for you believing that the Constitution should stand.

00:22:31.700 That is all based, again, at the very least, on the idea that there is a God.

00:22:37.080 And I would argue, especially if you look at the charters of the colonies, of the original 0.95

00:22:41.360 colonies, that there was an emphasis not on just this belief in a deistic God, but in Jesus

00:22:48.600 Christ for salvation.

00:22:52.220 And it used to be a requirement that you had to be a Bible-believing, gospel-believing Christian

00:22:58.320 in order to be an elected official, okay?

00:23:02.120 People who say this is not a Christian country, they're just wrong.

00:23:05.760 Ask Grok.

00:23:06.780 Like, ask Grok to write you out, like, what were the requirements to serve in office in

00:23:11.980 the original 13 colonies?

00:23:15.160 And so it is.

00:23:16.340 We are a fundamentally Christian country.

00:23:19.120 And if you abandon the God who created right and wrong, the God who created the truth, the

00:23:27.740 God who gave us our inalienable rights, then everything is arbitrary.

00:23:33.440 Everything is up for debate.

00:23:34.860 Because science can tell us when life begins, but it can't tell us why ending life is wrong.

00:23:43.220 Science can tell us that there is only male and female, but it cannot tell us why external

00:23:50.680 reality trumps someone's inner feelings about who they really are.

00:23:57.500 Science and pragmatism and secular logic can only get us so far, but it's really the Christian 1.00

00:24:04.780 worldview that tells us why.

00:24:06.620 And so that is where, like, a lot of our disagreement really comes from.

00:24:14.200 You've got the pragmatists versus the Christians. 1.00

00:24:16.480 You've got the moderates versus the Christians. 0.93

00:24:18.580 But then, you know, there are people who are presumably on the right who don't believe that

00:24:23.820 women should be a part of the public sphere at all. 1.00

00:24:26.900 You don't believe that women should talk about politics or culture, that they shouldn't have 1.00

00:24:30.580 a podcast at all.

00:24:31.520 So you've got those people in addition to the, like, center-left moderates that are there.

00:24:35.980 There's a lot.

00:24:37.020 There's a lot.

00:24:38.240 So many different factions.

00:24:39.460 In some ways, it's good because we've got a bigger coalition than we've ever really had

00:24:44.200 because of Maha and the moderates and stuff.

00:24:46.900 But it also makes it tough.

00:24:48.940 It makes it tough for us to agree.

00:24:50.840 But here's what I'll say.

00:24:51.780 Here's why the left generally agrees.

00:24:54.860 They have infighting, too.

00:24:56.160 They do.

00:24:57.200 But why, at the end of the day, like, you don't really see them attacking each other quite

00:25:02.680 as much as we do on the right because progressivism destroys.

00:25:07.640 They're destroying institutions, okay?

00:25:10.440 They want to destroy the Constitution.

00:25:12.220 They want to destroy our institutions.

00:25:14.480 They want to destroy our history.

00:25:16.900 They've made that very clear time and time again.

00:25:19.280 And when you're in the business of destroying something, it doesn't really matter what you

00:25:22.580 believe.

00:25:23.140 It doesn't really matter what tools you use.

00:25:24.800 As long as you all have the same goal to tear down the building, one person can have a

00:25:29.600 hammer, one person can have a bulldozer, one person can have a bat.

00:25:33.600 But when you're trying to build something, everyone has to have the same materials.

00:25:39.060 We have to agree.

00:25:40.300 What is the foundation of this building that we are trying to build?

00:25:44.400 What tools are we going to use?

00:25:46.040 Who is going to use what tool?

00:25:47.580 And when are they going to do it?

00:25:49.200 That's much more complicated.

00:25:51.100 And the right is trying to build something.

00:25:53.800 And we can't agree on what the foundation is.

00:25:56.220 We can't agree on what the mortar is.

00:25:57.740 We can't agree on what kinds of bricks we're going to use, if we're going to use bricks

00:26:00.740 at all, who has what tool and when they're going to use it and how.

00:26:05.100 That's a lot more complicated.

00:26:07.060 We have to be a lot more united to build than you have to be to destroy.

00:26:10.640 So that is why we have so much infighting on the right.

00:26:13.940 Part of it is good.

00:26:14.900 It's just the nature of conservatism.

00:26:17.080 But it all stems, I think, from the Christless conservatism versus those who understand what

00:26:22.920 our foundation should be.

00:26:27.140 What are my favorite sources for news?

00:26:30.560 I read all kinds of things.

00:26:32.640 I will read the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal, and I'll read the Washington

00:26:38.040 Post and all of that.

00:26:39.500 If that's who's got the scoop, I do want to read the first article that read it.

00:26:47.940 But I have become extremely discerning in sussing out the language that is used.

00:26:56.700 And toxic empathy, I think, if I do say so myself, is a really good guide to helping you

00:27:06.000 read articles and ask good questions and think, wait, what facts are they leaving out?

00:27:11.380 What are they trying to get me to feel?

00:27:13.000 Because that's modern day journalism.

00:27:14.560 They're not trying to inform you.

00:27:16.620 They're trying to get you to feel.

00:27:18.220 They're trying to evoke a particular emotion so you will support a certain conclusion and

00:27:23.460 a certain policy that they want you to support.

00:27:26.120 And once you realize that, once you start asking yourself, what are they trying to get

00:27:29.060 me to feel?

00:27:30.100 What do they want me to think?

00:27:31.720 And you really have to break down every single little word and every sentence and what's

00:27:37.000 not there in order to deduce that.

00:27:39.860 And then once I realize, OK, this is one side of the story.

00:27:43.140 And of course, it affirms what a progressive would want to believe about Trump or whatever.

00:27:47.880 What is it?

00:27:49.180 Then I dig into it.

00:27:50.640 And I honestly think that X is a really good place for that.

00:27:54.700 I will type in like the headline of a story or the person involved in a story that's going

00:28:00.300 around.

00:28:00.800 And I will look at posts because a lot of creators on X spend time fact checking things

00:28:08.520 and busting myths and they will include their sources.

00:28:12.920 So I think X is like an everything app.

00:28:15.740 And it's a really good way to see what other people are saying about things and suss things

00:28:20.880 out.

00:28:21.200 I'm also not ashamed of using sometimes if I like really want to try to figure out things,

00:28:26.900 like if I really want to try to figure out like what's behind a narrative, you can use

00:28:31.420 Grok.

00:28:32.200 You really have to ask the right questions, though.

00:28:34.440 Nothing's going to replace the human mind or critical thinking.

00:28:37.420 You still have to ask the right questions because Grok and ChatGPT, they're all programmed

00:28:41.800 by people with a bias.

00:28:43.360 So you got to dig deep.

00:28:44.700 You still got to ask questions.

00:28:45.660 You got to ask for sources in everything.

00:28:48.640 What do I carry in my purse?

00:28:51.860 Let's see.

00:28:53.140 I've got my purse.

00:28:53.920 This is from Range Leather.

00:28:55.220 Shout out Range Leather, rangeleather.com slash Allie, I think.

00:28:59.280 They're getting a free ad here.

00:29:01.400 I think that's 15% off.

00:29:02.560 Let's see what I have.

00:29:03.420 Okay, so I have my wallet here.

00:29:05.820 I've got keys.

00:29:08.180 I've got this.

00:29:11.080 We've got this lip booster from O'Shea.

00:29:14.200 I've got this lip tint from Adele Natural Cosmetics.

00:29:20.100 See, I really use the sponsors that I tell you that I use.

00:29:23.080 I love this lip tint.

00:29:24.000 This is the perfect color.

00:29:25.340 This is Ladybug. 1.00

00:29:27.500 See, I can't do like a bright red.

00:29:29.720 I really need like a mauve.

00:29:31.640 And this is a really good mauve.

00:29:33.160 And it's also not super strong.

00:29:34.420 Their lip tints, I would say, are on like the lighter pigmentation.

00:29:38.840 I've got someone's business card that I met over the weekend.

00:29:42.840 I have an AirTag also.

00:29:45.060 So I have, do I have two sets of keys in here?

00:29:49.440 No.

00:29:49.840 Sometimes I have two sets of keys in here.

00:29:52.260 This is, I think Shawna Holman got me this.

00:29:55.240 This is Courage Dear Heart, which is from C.S. Lewis.

00:29:58.160 And it's a little leather tag on my keys and a little quote on there, which is sweet.

00:30:04.200 Um, I have these sunglasses from Amazon.

00:30:09.700 Um, I have this scrunchie, which I like.

00:30:14.980 And I have this little comb.

00:30:19.080 This little dinky comb.

00:30:20.280 This is good for nothing comb.

00:30:21.720 But if I had to tease my hair, I would use that.

00:30:23.820 Oh, I have a hotel key from some speaking engagement trip, I'm sure.

00:30:31.940 And then I have these.

00:30:33.900 These are, my assistant tells me this is what the Broadway people use.

00:30:39.440 Uh, is it greethers?

00:30:41.220 Greethers?

00:30:42.480 Greethers?

00:30:43.240 Greethers.

00:30:43.940 That sounds right.

00:30:45.400 Um, and they're like little cough drops.

00:30:47.500 They're handmade in Switzerland.

00:30:49.400 Um, this is the black currant flavor.

00:30:51.400 And I was also given this at a speaking engagement.

00:30:54.220 So that's all I got in my purse right now.

00:30:57.660 Yep.

00:30:58.500 That's it.

00:30:59.580 Uh, this really holds a lot.

00:31:00.880 And I really like taking this on all of my trips.

00:31:03.200 Easy to clean too.

00:31:05.100 Uh, let's see.

00:31:07.320 Um, what is my family devotional routine?

00:31:10.360 We have a big ESV kids Bible.

00:31:13.760 It's not a different translation.

00:31:16.000 It's just the regular ESV, but it has lots of cool depictions in it.

00:31:19.520 It's a family Bible.

00:31:20.300 And we read that in the mornings.

00:31:22.100 We pray, uh, every night and we do, obviously we go to church and all of that.

00:31:28.960 Um, we try to do that every morning and every night praying, reading our Bible, singing, um,

00:31:36.800 almost every morning I am singing a version of this is the day.

00:31:41.280 This is the day that the Lord has made.

00:31:43.760 And I'm sure the older they get, like when they get into their teenage years, they won't appreciate that.

00:31:49.980 But for now they still laugh and smile.

00:31:52.280 And also, typically doing both.

00:31:55.600 This is the day that the Lord has, this is not counted as a devotional, by the way.

00:31:58.400 This is just a fun fact.

00:31:59.840 And rise and shine and give God the glory, glory.

00:32:03.360 Did anyone else's parents sing that?

00:32:05.720 Um, I do.

00:32:06.900 So, yeah.

00:32:07.900 That's what our morning looks like at the Suggie household. 0.90

00:32:10.980 Let's see.

00:32:12.000 Would I rather listen to Kamala's laugh on repeat for three hours?

00:32:16.360 Or dog sit a pit bull for one hour?

00:32:20.260 Oh my goodness.

00:32:21.380 Okay, this is just happening once?

00:32:26.080 Oh, I think.

00:32:29.200 Okay, the pit bull, because you didn't put any restrictions on this, I would not let him inside.

00:32:36.220 I would be inside.

00:32:37.840 He would be outside.

00:32:40.260 And I, because if I had to listen to Kamala's laugh for three hours, that could cause like PTSD.

00:32:46.360 That could get stuck in my head and not be able to get out of my head.

00:32:51.240 So, no, I think I would babysit the pit bull.

00:32:54.180 Yep.

00:32:54.440 Mm-hmm.

00:32:55.260 And that would be at least be one hour that I would make sure that a pit bull is not eating a toddler. 1.00

00:33:01.800 So, I would see it as a service to the community if I were making sure that the pit bull was behaving.

00:33:09.500 Let's see.

00:33:10.520 What is your take on how Trump is doing so far?

00:33:16.500 Okay, I do have a take on this because I know that there's a lot going on with the market.

00:33:22.940 There are so many disparate thoughts about the tariffs.

00:33:27.580 Okay?

00:33:27.980 So many thoughts from people that I really like and respect and that I agree on a lot.

00:33:33.640 I do not consider myself an expert on tariffs and global trade wars.

00:33:39.960 I've had my dad on to explain it.

00:33:42.180 And my dad, as you know, he was in investments for decades.

00:33:45.540 And he knows a lot about it.

00:33:47.200 And he always calms us down.

00:33:49.540 And he reminds us that the market is not the only indicator or the primary indicator of how the economy is doing.

00:34:00.560 And that Trump has talked about this for a long time.

00:34:03.040 And that it's all going to be okay.

00:34:06.060 Okay?

00:34:07.140 That's, you know, a general take.

00:34:09.400 I don't know.

00:34:11.320 I don't know the answer to all of the tariff questions.

00:34:16.100 And let me tell you, as someone who has been, I think, very fairly critical of Trump when I need to be.

00:34:22.940 When it comes to things like IVF.

00:34:24.500 When it comes to things like abortion.

00:34:25.700 Even just things that he has said and ideas that he has represented over the years.

00:34:32.380 I am kind of in the season of my Trump support of, you know, I think I just trust that he knows what he's doing.

00:34:41.480 Is that, I mean, that's kind of surprising coming from me.

00:34:45.580 Like, I surprise myself saying that.

00:34:48.480 I don't think that's true of all things.

00:34:50.060 Obviously, he's not infallible.

00:34:51.800 He's a human being.

00:34:52.640 And he's surrounded by fallible human beings.

00:34:54.940 But I think of the alternative.

00:34:58.820 And I think of the pain that we have been through with Biden's presidency.

00:35:03.300 The pain that we would be going through with Kamala Harris's presidency.

00:35:07.100 He has every incentive to make sure that the economy does well.

00:35:11.080 And I do think that we're going to come out on the other side of this.

00:35:14.180 I'm not someone who's like, oh, Trump is just doing 40.

00:35:17.520 Trust the plan.

00:35:19.620 But I just think that they know what they're doing.

00:35:22.580 And in general, I'm happy.

00:35:26.260 Now, I think Congress could do more.

00:35:29.260 And I think deportations could accelerate even more.

00:35:33.080 That's huge for me.

00:35:34.220 But I think as far as executive orders, they've been good.

00:35:36.700 I'd like to see some good laws passed.

00:35:39.200 Pro-life laws.

00:35:41.820 Certainly anything immigration related.

00:35:44.040 Protecting women's sports on the congressional level.

00:35:46.820 I mean, Democrats have blocked that every chance they can get.

00:35:50.200 But I'd like to see some congressional action.

00:35:52.580 But I'm happy.

00:35:53.900 I just think about the alternative, which we were so close to and was going to be so bad.

00:36:00.260 And yeah, I'm just I'm I'm very happy that Trump won.

00:36:03.940 That doesn't mean even if you're happy that Trump won, you can still criticize him and you

00:36:07.560 can still not like some policies that he's implementing.

00:36:10.220 That's totally fine.

00:36:11.240 Um, but I am not yet worried.

00:36:17.520 I'm not yet worried about the economy.

00:36:20.660 Um, and that's not because, oh, it won't affect me.

00:36:23.560 That's not true.

00:36:24.380 I will be affected just like everyone else.

00:36:27.180 But I think it's going to be OK.

00:36:30.820 We'll see.

00:36:31.520 We'll see.

00:36:32.100 Maybe I'll eat my words on that.

00:36:33.720 I'm willing to be wrong.

00:36:35.560 Um, let's see.

00:36:38.660 Tips for managing sibling conflict between toddlers.

00:36:43.140 Oh, my goodness.

00:36:45.480 Yes, there is conflict.

00:36:46.700 And I think that the home is a really good time to teach is a really good place to teach

00:36:52.120 conflict resolution.

00:36:53.740 And that's why I think if you can having siblings close together is so important because it's

00:36:58.920 really a training ground for friendships and all kinds of relationships that you have throughout

00:37:03.820 your life.

00:37:04.540 And you have that like backdrop of familial.

00:37:09.160 You have that connection, that familial tie and just the reality that you are stuck together

00:37:14.420 and that you are going to have to share a room or share a house and you're going to

00:37:19.100 have to figure it out at some point.

00:37:21.180 Now, here's something that I'm trying to get better at is not always interjecting to

00:37:27.320 be the referee.

00:37:28.440 That's tough for me because I don't like to hear the whining.

00:37:31.920 I don't like to hear the argument.

00:37:33.940 I don't like to hear that.

00:37:35.260 I just want it to be solved.

00:37:36.800 And so I really want to interfere and help them figure it out.

00:37:41.640 But I also know that the older they get, the more capable they are of figuring it out

00:37:47.320 on their own.

00:37:48.940 Now, here's one thing, though, I can't stand and that I will not tolerate my husband.

00:37:52.720 I will not tolerate is bullying and like just insisting on getting your way every time.

00:38:00.280 That can be difficult is teaching, sticking up for yourself while also being gracious and

00:38:07.780 being generous.

00:38:09.120 But that's the balance that we strike.

00:38:11.420 We don't allow bullying, but we do try to get them to resolve conflict and figure out

00:38:17.660 how to take turns.

00:38:19.580 But know that, know that siblings will have conflicts.

00:38:25.000 My husband and I were basically only children for a period of time because he's got two sisters

00:38:30.460 that are much older than him.

00:38:31.500 I've got two brothers that are much older than him.

00:38:33.140 So we didn't have like we didn't have to deal with that when we were young.

00:38:38.600 So we feel like we are learning what that looks like.

00:38:41.760 All of our kids are two years apart and they get on each other's nerves.

00:38:45.980 They want to play with the same things.

00:38:47.980 And I'm really trying to get better at letting them figure it out.

00:38:52.060 So I wish I could say I've got all the solutions.

00:38:54.240 I've got all the tips and tricks for you.

00:38:56.420 I'm telling you like what I'm trying to do and what I'm trying to learn right now.

00:39:00.740 Now, it's just like what I found in that if you allow them to get bored, they find something

00:39:06.060 to do.

00:39:07.140 Usually, not always, but usually if you let them try to figure out the conflict, they

00:39:11.240 will figure it out.

00:39:13.060 Sometimes you do have to intervene when it gets to the point of them just like getting

00:39:16.620 so mad at each other.

00:39:17.600 But my hope and prayer is that my girls, that they love each other, that they just love each

00:39:23.340 other their whole lives because I meet siblings that are great friends and they rely on each

00:39:29.120 other and their kids are still friends and their husbands are friends or spouses.

00:39:34.320 And I just love that so much.

00:39:36.180 And I just want that for my kids.

00:39:37.920 So I want to create an environment where they are friends, where they work out their differences,

00:39:43.160 where they are each other's best friends before anyone else.

00:39:47.720 That's what I want.

00:39:48.560 And so I'm trying the best that I can to create an environment where they just really

00:39:54.360 love and forgive each other and look out for one another, giving them responsibility, the

00:40:00.180 older one's responsibility to take care of the younger ones.

00:40:03.040 They really love that.

00:40:04.300 And like they love when they get to help with the little ones.

00:40:09.900 Um, and even my youngest one, she like wants to turn around and then like help her babies 1.00

00:40:16.300 and like help other kids that she sees.

00:40:18.800 She calls every one that is her size or smaller a baby.

00:40:22.640 And so, yeah, just trying to also help them be helpful, I think, um, is a good way to do

00:40:28.940 that.

00:40:29.380 I don't, a lot of people have different views on like sharing rooms, but some people would

00:40:34.560 say that having your kids share rooms helps them bond and helps them resolve their conflicts

00:40:40.000 better.

00:40:41.220 Um, I, there's a lot of mini therapy sessions that we have in our home with girls and that's

00:40:48.620 not, not actual therapy.

00:40:50.040 It's just like talking through things.

00:40:51.980 There's a lot of talking through things and external processing in our home that does seem

00:40:57.300 to help, um, in the longterm.

00:40:59.380 Next and last sponsor for the day is my Patriot Supply.

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00:42:01.240 That's preparewithally.com.

00:42:08.640 What are my favorite recipes?

00:42:10.800 We keep it super simple in our house.

00:42:13.140 It's like chicken or beef and different sides, sweet potatoes, vegetables.

00:42:17.800 Um, we'll do pasta, we'll do rice.

00:42:21.580 I always love like an easy, like taco bowl.

00:42:26.440 I mean, white rice and chicken.

00:42:30.280 Typically my good ranchers, fajita chicken.

00:42:32.940 I'll make guacamole on my own, which is really simple.

00:42:36.580 Just like a lot of salt, some garlic and lime juice and avocados.

00:42:41.920 Put some pico de gallo on that.

00:42:44.660 You could add black beans to that recipe or pinto beans.

00:42:49.140 Um, you could add some sauteed peppers.

00:42:51.980 You could put tomatoes on it.

00:42:53.140 Really, like really easy.

00:42:55.200 It's so easy.

00:42:56.240 All, every single bit of that, uh, recipe is really easy.

00:43:00.280 So we'll do a lot of that.

00:43:02.200 Um, but one of the most extensive recipes that I've done that I haven't done in a long time

00:43:07.160 because it takes a while, but was so good.

00:43:09.660 I made defined dish.

00:43:11.900 That's a, like an influencer.

00:43:13.560 And she also makes, um, these recipe books, but, uh, cookbooks that her, um, her chicken 0.99

00:43:22.620 nuggets and fries.

00:43:24.020 So good.

00:43:25.140 You have to marinate the chicken.

00:43:27.480 You like cube them up.

00:43:29.060 You marinate the chicken and pickle juice overnight.

00:43:31.600 And then you, in the morning, you, or the next day you bread them and whatever, and then

00:43:40.180 you cut up your potato and fry it in beef tallow.

00:43:44.500 And I did that.

00:43:45.960 It was again, a while ago.

00:43:47.620 It took a long time, but it was really good.

00:43:49.820 Oh my gosh.

00:43:50.360 The best chicken nuggets.

00:43:51.580 So good.

00:43:52.680 So that's one thing I would say.

00:43:54.880 Um, let's see, maybe one more question.

00:44:00.360 Let's see.

00:44:00.960 Let's see.

00:44:03.020 What is my favorite thing about being a mom?

00:44:08.760 Oh my goodness.

00:44:10.140 Uh, gosh, how much my kids make me laugh, how like loving they are.

00:44:16.360 I mean, we just like, we just all love each other so much and love spending time together.

00:44:21.820 That doesn't mean that it's never hard.

00:44:23.660 That doesn't mean that it's never like overwhelming, but we just genuinely have so much like affection

00:44:30.280 for each other.

00:44:31.340 And I just love spending time with my kids.

00:44:35.120 They make me laugh.

00:44:36.620 I love seeing them learn.

00:44:38.360 I love seeing their personalities develop.

00:44:40.460 I love hearing their new thoughts and their new words.

00:44:43.560 They're just like, like fun little people to be with.

00:44:47.780 I love it.

00:44:48.880 Um, there's another question in here about breastfeeding. 0.99

00:44:51.900 I am for the first time in six years.

00:44:54.740 This is my first time in six years not to be breastfeeding or pregnant.

00:44:59.700 That's crazy.

00:45:00.680 It's been a really, no, no, seven almost.

00:45:03.900 Yeah.

00:45:04.180 Cause it's 2018 that I got pregnant.

00:45:07.460 It's so six and a half years because that was fall and it's kind of sad.

00:45:12.660 I'm a little sad.

00:45:13.500 I'm trying not to cry about it all the time, but it's also nice.

00:45:18.460 And moms know what I'm talking about.

00:45:20.740 It's like, okay, you can take a vitamin without thinking about six different layers of things.

00:45:26.220 And if you're able to take it, it kind of feels freeing, but it's also like, oh my gosh,

00:45:31.380 I'm out of that stage, at least, at least for right now.

00:45:35.160 Um, so yeah, different for now, it's a different stage of, of motherhood and everyone just gets

00:45:43.120 so big, so fast.

00:45:44.100 I know everyone tells you that, but it's really true. 1.00

00:45:46.360 It's really true.

00:45:47.360 It goes by so quickly.

00:45:48.360 And I've been seeing those posts lately on Instagram saying, you know, like depicting that

00:45:55.460 hypothetical fictional scenario of like you're an 85 year old.

00:45:58.680 What if you're imagine that you're 85?

00:46:00.320 And you wake up or you dream that you're 35 again, and you wake up without any pain in

00:46:09.900 your body.

00:46:10.720 You're able to think clearly, move quickly.

00:46:13.700 You hear little steps coming into your room to wake you up.

00:46:16.940 Your children are little again.

00:46:18.580 You hear their voices.

00:46:19.740 You hold them.

00:46:21.000 You don't rush at all because you know how quickly it goes.

00:46:24.920 You see your husband.

00:46:26.260 He's young again.

00:46:27.360 Y'all are all in the same house for the first time that you can remember it.

00:46:31.040 You just cherish every moment.

00:46:32.780 I've been thinking about that a lot recently.

00:46:35.600 It's so easy to rush through those little years, but the little moments in the little

00:46:40.720 years that are really hard.

00:46:42.540 And it's okay to just say that they're hard.

00:46:44.200 That's fine.

00:46:45.360 But I'm really trying to remember that because sometimes I think, oh my gosh, where did the

00:46:50.780 past six and a half years go?

00:46:53.160 It's crazy.

00:46:54.340 So I really try to cherish every moment as much as I can.

00:46:58.560 All right.

00:46:59.080 That's all I got time for today.

00:47:00.920 Hope you enjoyed today's episode of our Q&As, and we will be back here soon.

00:47:06.760 That's all I got time for today.

00:47:12.300 Have a great day.

00:47:14.060 Bye-bye.

00:47:15.440 Bye-bye.

00:47:16.220 Bye-bye.

00:47:16.640 Bye-bye.

00:47:18.380 Bye-bye.

00:47:24.740 Bye-bye.

00:47:28.180 Bye-bye.

00:47:28.940 Bye-bye.

00:47:30.020 Bye-bye.

00:47:32.600 Bye-bye.

00:47:35.200 Bye-bye.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - April 10, 2025

Ep 1170 ｜ I Used to Be Pro-Choice — a Facebook Comment Changed My Mind ｜ Q&A

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